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Title: Silent Whispers
Authors: Luzser1800 and Lissalou72
Couples: M/L and Some of M/M
Catagory : AU Without Aliens
Rating: ADULT
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, please don't sue me....Roswell belongs to UPN and the WB. We are just borrowing them for a little while.
Summary: What happens when you lose someone you love? What happens when they never go away? And What happens when someone can help you bridge the gap between two different planes of existence?
AN: I just want to thank Luzser for putting up with me because I can be the biggest pain when it comes to writing. Thank you for putting up with me you are the best.
We are planning on posting this Fic every Friday we have written 6 Chapters so far so we hope you all love it as much as we have fun writing it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
PROLOGUE
Liz giggled at Max’s breath tickling her bare midriff. His lips traced an invisible circle around her belly button and felt her suck in her breath. He rested his chin on her belly button and smiled wistfully up at her. "I love you so much, you know that?"
Her eyes danced when she replied, "Well, you only tell me every few hours, so..."
"Oh my goodness!" He put a hand to his heart while his face registered shock. "I really need to say it more often." She laughed at his antics and he smiled brightly, coming up her body to give her a kiss.
When he pulled back, Liz smiled at him. "Tell me we’re gonna be together forever."
"Forever," he shot at her happily.
"And ever?" She was playing with him and he loved it.
"Forever and ever and ever...." he continued to whisper his love in her ear. He came up, his fingers lingering on the gold chain that held the gold crucifix that hung from her neck. The crucifix was speckled with diamonds, a present from her late grandmother when she was a small child. He moved his hands around, getting them underneath the chain to touch her warm, soft skin.
He pulled her to his lips for another taste. "I can’t believe we’re going to be married in two days!"
Liz was so excited. Everything had been happening so fast. Liz and Max had been high school sweethearts, sure, but as far as the wedding and everything, all of that was coming pretty fast. Max and Liz had just graduated college together, having been engaged since their high school graduation four years ago. They had decided not to rush into anything right after getting engaged, knowing that they both wanted to complete college and settle somewhere before having any children. And they both wanted to be married before getting Liz pregnant, so it was all just suddenly coming together now.
They were living together in their expensive two-story New York City apartment, where they had finally decided to settle. Their parents had been nervous about them living in the city. They weren’t sure it was the best place to raise a family, but once they had seen the salaries their children would be making, they were all for it.
Maria DeLuca and Michael Guerin, Max and Liz’s best friends, married right out of high school. They both claimed that they were in love and there was no reason for them to wait. They graduated high school and went straight to the Justice of the Peace to get married. It was a tiny ceremony in the courtroom where Max and Liz were there as their support. Maria had decided to keep her maiden name though, saying it would be her stage name one day. When Max and Liz decided to move to New York City, Maria jumped at the opportunity to leap right into her singing career. Michael decided on the same career as his best friend.
Max would be working as a New York City Fire Fighter while Liz was going to be a chef at the 21 Club. She was really looking forward to succeeding and one day becoming the Head Chef. While her thoughts drifted to how Max and her were finally getting ready to start their perfect life together, she didn’t notice Max’s hand creeping between her thighs.
Liz moaned loudly when she did feel his hand cup her flesh. "Max..."she breathed into the cool night air.
"I want to start trying, Liz." He laid above her, ready and willing to make her his again for the first time tonight.
His words shocked her a bit, though not at all in a bad way. "You do?" she asked affectionately.
"Yeah," he smiled at her. "I can’t wait for you to have our first child."
"Neither can I." Her smile faded slightly. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, right now, while we’re still trying to get settled?"
"Baby, I honestly don’t think we’ll ever be ready. I think if we keep putting it off we’ll keep finding reasons. I want this now. I want to start my life with you and our first child. Tonight seems perfect." He leaned down to kiss her and she allowed his tongue to slip past her lips. She knew that he was right, and that now was as good a time as any to start trying.
Max smiled when he saw her welcome the idea. He bent his head to kiss her throat and travel lower to place a chaste kiss over the crucifix laying between her breasts. He was glad she was so open to them having children. He understood that she was just starting out in the prestigious restaurant, and he felt a little ashamed that she might have to put that on hold if she would be giving birth, but seeing her this way, ready and waiting for him to spray his seed inside her body and plant the most beautiful creature in the world to them, made nothing else matter.
Liz ran her fingernails up his strong back, allowing him to take her to those pleasurable heights only he managed to take her to. She threw her head back, wishing he would take her a little faster, but knowing deep down that he wanted their child to be created not only from love, but during a loving embrace. He took his time, kissing every inch he could reach, slow, sloppy kisses.
Liz relished in the feelings he stirred within her whenever he would get so soft and loving, like he wanted every single moment to be just perfect. She gave him ample time to pepper kisses on her spine, down to her calves, and all the way down to the soles of her little feet, getting a little chuckle when it tickled.
Max grinned as he went back up her body, savoring the evening. When he finally slid inside her, Liz arched slowly to help bury him. He was gritting his teeth in order to not move too quickly. Their first child should come from a warm night, filled with love and not horniness. He wanted it to last the whole night.
His thrusts were slow and long and creating a raging fire inside them, begging to be released upon their bedroom. Max tried his best to control that fire, and Liz did the same. She knew how important this was for Max and didn’t want to betray that by going on every instinct inside her to violate him wildly.
When Max finally came, he was so spent, but in such a beautiful way. He immediately put a hand on his fiancées stomach, trying to see if he could somehow tell if she was already pregnant.
"I doubt it, Casanova," she smiled at him.
"Hey, it’s possible," he said, now putting his ear to her belly. "Oh Honeypot," he whispered to her stomach. She just smiled and played with his hair. Honeypot was a nickname he planned to use for their children. It was derived from Honeybear, which was a name Liz’s grandmother used to call her as a child and Max still called her to this day. Max always said their little angels would be his little honeypots.
"I’ll go get some ovulation tests tomorrow," she said as she rolled over to sleep.
"Ova-what-tion?"
"They’re kinda like pregnancy tests, only instead of telling you that you are pregnant, they tell you whether you’re ovulating so we’ll know all the days we need to have sex in order to make a baby."
"Could you please not use the words ‘sex’ and ‘baby’ in the same sentence? I think I would have liked better had you said, ‘It will tell us dates we need to make love that will expand our chances at having a beautiful angel float into our lives."
Liz giggled and Max glared at her. "You are such a girl, Max Evans."
She tweaked his nipple and he jumped in surprise and began to chase her around the apartment. "Oh, I don’t think so, I think you’re going to have to pay for what you just said to me!"
TBC...
Last edited by mmcherron on Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:26 am, edited 14 times in total.
AN: Hi everyone I'm just dropping by a note to thank my wonderful Co-Author that rocks and I forgot to put up another Disclaimer. Luzser1800 you are the best..
Today is Friday so I am here like I promised. Thank you everyone that left feedback we love to hear from you all.
Disclaimer: The song and lyrics are not ours we are just using them for this chapter its by Anna Nalick all credit goes to her. Thank you
CHAPTER 1
Max and Liz woke up the next morning in perfect sync with each other, the way they always do. They went straight for the bathroom where they brushed their teeth and took a shower together. No point in wasting water. Max would always take the extra few minutes to wash her hair for her. It took a little longer just because he loved the way it felt in his fingers. They stepped out of the shower to adorn their bodies with their scents. Max’s soap of Lever 2000 mixed with a shot of Firestorm cologne made for a heady mixture. It always made Liz’s mouth water. Her strawberry shampoo mixed with that vanilla perfume drove Max crazy every time.
Max ran a single finger over the mirror which was now fogged over from the heat of their shower. He smirked as he drew out :I LOVE YOU with a heart around the words. Liz just rolled her eyes and continued to brush her teeth. He was always trying to be sweet like that. She remembered when they had been dating, and their breathing would fog the car windows on occasion, Max would put a little message on one of the windows so that everyone outside the car knew that he was in there with the love of his life.
Max would run a fine-toothed comb through his short, dark hair while Liz would brush out her long chocolate tresses. Max always finished his hair first, so he would love to run his fingers through Liz’s hair, messing it up and making her have to brush it again. He claimed he could spend hours just playing with her silky locks.
Liz went downstairs to make breakfast while Max ironed and laid out their clothes for the day on the bed. He would wear a regular outfit of jeans and a blue NYFD t-shirt while Liz would wear her white smock and black and white pants. Her black shoes would be on the floor next to the bed.
When Liz called that breakfast was ready, Max made his way downstairs in a white wife beater and white boxers. The third step down was always getting him. It made a loud creak and he cringed as he passed over it. He hated that step.
"I keep telling you to just skip that one," Liz said in reference to the step.
"It’s just habit to get every step on your way down," he chuckled. Liz was wearing one of his long t-shirts when she sat down at the table. Max sat down and had to adjust. One of the legs on his chair was just shorter than the others, causing his chair to wobble slightly. He sat trying to adjust himself for a few minutes before starting in on his breakfast. Liz had always told him to just put some cardboard under the short leg, but he claimed it gave his chair character.
It was a simple breakfast of ham and egg omelettes and coffee. Max had a thing for his Columbian coffee. It was so strong, the smell would drift throughout the entire apartment. Max always knew just by the smell, that he had a strong cup of coffee waiting for him. Liz’s coffee was always a lighter de-café. She claimed that her job was so hectic, she needed a cup of coffee that would keep her calm in the morning.
After breakfast, they got dressed, and stopped to give each other a sweet kiss at the door. Max would pull her to him, his fingers coming underneath that chain to dance around her neck. Liz’s fingers always tickled the back of Max’s head while she ran them through his hair. Max would normally work a full 24-hour day, and then get the next day off, so today worked out. This would be his last day until after their honeymoon. They had planned to go to Maui for a three-day escapade. They would relax on the beach during the day, and take in the culture and parties at night. Liz was excited about spending a romantic weekend with her new husband.
***************
Work for Liz was hectic as usual. She was working on their signature dish of Pan Seared Halibut with Curried Lentils. Orders were being called from all sides of her and she had no idea how she planned to get them all done. This was way more than she had been used to in her other jobs. She briefly wondered what Max was doing right now. She assumed he was hanging out and playing Spades with his fire buddies. If they weren’t playing cards, they were playing basketball, Max’s favorite sport.
She still couldn’t sit and watch the game with him, but she enjoyed the way it would rile him up when he would sit on the couch with Michael and his seven and seven and yell at Kobe Bryant or Shaquille O’Neal. Normally, she would come over and switch the channel to the latest episode of CSI, just to drive him crazy. She smiled when she thought about how she would bribe him with kisses to let her watch whatever she wanted, and he would grumble that he played plenty of basketball at work anyway. Michael didn’t mind, since he was a hockey kind of guy anyway. His job could be so laid back when he wasn’t fighting a fire. The 21 Club’s music changed and Liz realized she was now listening to the song her and Max had chosen for their wedding. She had to strain her ears to hear it over the bustling sounds of a busy kitchen.
Two AM and she calls me cuz I’m still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don’t love him, winter just wasn’t my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason
The sirens blared from the rooftops of the fire house. Max and his teammates, including Michael, ran to get their gear. Coats and helmets were thrown on haphazardly as other firefighters prepared the truck for a fast take-off. The radio squelched with the voice explaining that there was an oil fire in one of the nearby factories. Max hopped onto the truck, buttoning up his jacket while they sped away to get there as fast as they could.
Cuz you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe
Liz floated around the kitchen, her masterpiece created with food becoming just that, a work of art. She dabbled spices and flavors here and there to make it just right. She was well aware of how to make this dish, it had been a test for her when she had gotten the job. The song put a warm smile on her face.
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down the flask in his fist
Ain’t been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he’s been down for a while
But my God, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him, maybe I’ll just sing about it
Max and his company held the hoses and lifted ladders to rescue some of the workers. When they felt that everyone was out of the building, they focused on putting the fire out. That was until Max heard the shriek. He looked up and saw a young man still trapped in the building. He let go of the hose and turned to Michael. Michael gave him a serious nod, telling Max that he had his back. Trusting Michael to hold the hose up, he ran for the ladder. The next few minutes seemed to be in slow motion for both Max and Michael.
Cuz you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe
Liz served up the meal and was pleasantly regarded with a simple nod by the waiter who planned to take it out to the restaurant. She went back in to work on the next dish for another patron and slowly danced to the music as it filled her ears and her heart. She glanced at the clock. 9:45 PM .
There’s a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
Cuz you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
These mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you only try turning around
Max climbed the ladder, feeling his skin burn with the heat he was passing through. He saw the young man come into plain view. A large metal beam dropped right in front of the window, knocking the boy back to the floor and unconscious. Max was able to crawl into a small space left open through the window.
Two AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper it’s no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cuz these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
Max was able to get the young man out the small space in the window. He only slightly noticed that the boy was just around the same age as he was. When the boy stirred slightly, his eyes opening to just slits, Max wondered if he had his own Liz waiting for him. The guy was saved by the trampoline the firemen had placed below for Max to drop him on. The firefighters and civilians below were blown back by the sudden impact of a loud boom and a cloud of fire burst out from the same window from which Max had thrown the young man to safety. Michael screamed Max’s name as he continued to hold the hose. Max’s vision was shadowed over by an onslaught of images. He saw every expression Liz had ever made. He heard every laugh and cry fall from her lips. Every ‘I love you’ she had ever said to him reverberated loud in his ears. His fingertips did their best to curl around that dark hair of hers. Two full minutes went by, and Max Evans didn’t come down.
Cuz you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe
When Liz came through the kitchen with a piping hot plate in her hand, she saw two men waiting for her. Their faces were masked in a somber expression. She recognized one of the men as the Fire Chief of Max’s unit. She had met him just the other day. The other man was, she would soon find out, the district Captain of Police. But when she saw Michael Guerin step out from behind them, she knew. Max and Michael had made a pact when they first starting fighting fires that if anything ever happened to either one of them, the other would be present to break the news to either Liz or Maria. All three men had their hats in their hands with frowns marring their features. She stopped breathing and the hot plate fell at her feet, shattering into pieces, echoing the sound of her heart. Her entire body pled with her to just breathe.
AN: I would like to thank Luzser1800 its fic was all her doing. She has the best ideas. Thank you for all the help and editing of my maddness of a chapter you are the best co-author and friend. Smooches you are the best.
I'm posting this chapter a day early because I won't be here tomorrow I hope you all like it.
Chapter 2
Liz POV
I could feel the plate slowly fall from my hands. It was like I was being pulled in, I never noticed me walking up to them, but before I knew it I’m standing right in front of Michael. I look up trying to find Max. Maybe he was standing in the back of the guys trying to play a cruel joke on me my first day at work.
I know Michael and his chief are saying something, but I just can’t make out what they are trying to tell me. I’m not even sure if I told them hi or not. As soon as I locked eyes with Michael I knew something was wrong….Really wrong. Why can’t I see Max? What are they doing here at my job? As soon as I felt Michael’s hand on my shoulder I just knew I lost him.
“No!!!”
I could feel my whole world turning around in circles. You know like those rides you go on when you are younger that spin you round and round until you get sick….just like that. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I could smell the smoke coming off Michael’s blue shirt, and that is when I knew……My worst nightmare was coming true.
I can feel Michael’s big, strong hand leading me out of the restaurant by the small of my back. I don't know how I will be able to go back to work. How can I face that place knowing that I lost the love of my life there? I know that every time I go to work I’m going to remember seeing Michael standing there with that look. That look of what am I supposed to say…How am I going to tell her?
I’m so numb. I can’t feel anything. The worst of it is, I’m just not knowing, it’s like a feeling of helplessness. Is he hurt? Maybe Max fell and he is ok and Michael was just bringing me to him. I can’t think of the worst because if anything else happens to him I won’t make it. I want to see him. I want to touch him, feel his skin again mine once again like this morning. I want Michael to tell me this was a joke to get back at me for not letting him get Max a stripper for his bachelor party…I would do anything for Michael to tell me that right now.
As I press my forehead on the cold window I can see my breath fogging it up. As I look out I see the hospital coming up. I can feel the hot tears running down my face. I know I haven’t heard one of them tell me exactly what happened. I just know deep down that tonight will never be the same for me.
“Liz, come on.”
Michael grabs my hand and leads me into the hospital. I never noticed before just how white the walls are and how the lights seem to blind just about anyone who steps in there.
“Michael…I want to see him.”
“No, Liz you don’t. I will not let you do that to yourself. Please don’t make me do that to you. I saw him and that is all you need to know. Max made me promise I wouldn’t let you do this.”
I saw this short bald doctor in a white coat come up to us. He looked like he didn’t want to be here.
“I need to have someone sign these papers for Max Evan’s death cer…”
After I heard Michael and the doctor, I couldn’t breathe I felt the walls closing in on me. I didn’t want to be in there. I had to get away. Max left me. He didn’t even get to marry me. I was made a widow before I was made a wife. I hate the fact that we only tried one time to make our family. Now I will never get a chance to create a family with him.
I turn away from Michael I’m not sure what is happening, but all I know is I can feel my legs running. I run out those automatic hospital doors, and I just keep on running until my legs start to burn. I drop to the ground, I can feel the pain rip through my knees and hands but I don’t care. I can hear Michael screaming my name…But I can’t…I can’t be in this place thinking that I can’t look at him ever again. Never will I be able to look into his eyes. I love his amber eyes. Sometimes we would be sitting there for hours just looking into each others eyes…
I remember Maria always giving me trouble about that. Liz and Max fog she called it. But that didn’t bother me because we knew. We knew that we were each others other half. We would always understand what the other one was feeling. We never had to say anything sometimes it was just great to be near him…My heart will now never have that, that love that seems to overflow throughout your heart and soul. I will never have that feeling again.
I could feel the wetness of the ground going through my work pants. I didn’t care. I wanted to just sit here in the cold and disappear. Could I just please die right now? I want to be with Max. I don’t want to be sitting here on the ground in front of the hospital park. I want to be in his arms telling me he will take all the pain away.
“Liz, come on, let’s go home. I took care of everything.”
“Michael I have no home without Max. I don’t want to be there. Can’t you just let me die? Right now…PLEASE. Make the pain stop… Can you do that? Can you bring him back to me…Please… Because I have no life without him, do you know that? I can’t go on. I can’t even move from this spot because I can’t even feel my legs. Michael…Max left me and I feel like I can’t go on ever.”
“Come on, Liz, Maria is right there. We won’t leave you. I promise you that I will take care of everything. Max was my brother. I know you are hurting but you have to realize that Max was just doing what he loved. I feel like I let him down, Liz. I should have had his back, and I should have gone in there with him. If I had, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. But, now my duty is to be here for you.”
I can't stop the tears. Even if I tried, I couldn't. I'm not strong without him. I just can’t believe that he is gone, just like that. He will never get to see that sexy outfit I got for our wedding night. My mind is going in so many different directions, it’s scary. I don’t want to think.
I feel Michael’s strong arm wrap around me, picking me up, because I just don’t have the energy or will to walk anymore. I see Maria’s car and I finally start breaking down. I’ve lost it. I couldn’t stop crying even if I tried. I knew that Maria had Michael and I now had no one left…
We drove the whole way to my lonely house. The drive was so silent. All you could hear was my soft voice crying in the background.
I couldn’t look at neither Michael nor Maria. I just knew that they had that look of sadness. I had to be as strong as I could because we were all that we had here in New York. We have moved here together and pretty much grew up together. How am I supposed to deal with all of this? I can’t lean on them because I know they are in pain just as much as me.
I slowly make it upstairs. Stepping on that creaking stair makes me think of this morning when Max stepped on it and his face do that cringe. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were getting ready to get married. He was going to come home later this morning and we were finally going be able to walk down that aisle. I was going to have my dream wedding. I have my dress and his tux hanging up in the closet. I will never get to put on that dress again. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to look in our room again.
Maria is taking me into the bathroom. I still haven’t said one word to her. I’m not sure if my voice is really working or not. I know deep down that Maria is itching to talk to me. I see her turn on the water, rinse out the tub, and plug it. Maria reaches in her purse and pulls out all this different stuff adding it to the bath water. I close my eyes as I feel the warm tears flowing down my face.
“Chica, I’m getting you in this bath to relax you. You have to let me help you get undressed. I know you wouldn’t want Michael to help you.”
I look into her eyes for the first time and I can see her pain. I reach out and grab her and just start crying harder…I can’t let her feel like I don’t know she is here. She is my best friend. We have been through everything together and now I need her more than ever. I’m just not sure I will be able to recover.
“He is gone? Right Maria, this isn’t a nightmare, right? I won’t wake up screaming with Max sleeping right next to me?”
I see her shake her head with a sad look.
“No, this can’t be right. I’m not ready. Maria, I never got to see him to tell him that I love him. Do you know we just agreed to start a family? Last night was the first night we tried? Now he will never know if it really did happen. What if it didn’t? I won’t have a piece of him to remember him. At first I really was scared to get pregnant and now I’m even more scared not to be pregnant. I’m not sure what I will do without him here in this house. All these memories of him here, but him not really being here.”
“Ohhh, Liz everything will work out ok.”
“Right, I just don’t believe that right now. My life is over now and I have to drag you and Michael down with me. I don’t want to do that to you.”
“Liz, you are family, so just take off your clothes before I have to do it for you, ok? You know I will too. After you are done, please just relax in the bath that I made for you. I’m going to check on Michael too and make him cook up something, ok?”
“Ok.”
I slowly start to take off my clothes, remembering all the times that Max insisted he do it for me. Now I will never have him help me like that again. I have to stop thinking like that because it’s going to slowly rip my heart out every time I think of Max not being able to do something. I have to just push all those empty feelings down and I can’t change what happened no matter what…I’m going to be forever alone.
I get a rush of cold chills going down my back as I walk to the tub and get into the hot tub full of bubbles. I slowly sit down and lean back and feel the hot water starting to relax me. I close my eyes thinking that I only need to rest them for a bit….
~*~*~*~*~
Have you ever been in a dream land and knew it? Well that is what I feel like right now. I can feel the hot sun rays beating down on my golden skin as I hear the soft rolling of the waves in the background. I can feel the warm sand between my toes. I know I must be in a dream, but this feels so real.
I can hear Max playing in the water with a child…What…. I quickly sit up and I see this splitting image of Max, just smaller. He has Max’s big ears that stick out from his hair. And those eyes, I would know them anywhere. Amber sparkling brown eyes with the same hair style as his father. We must have done it. Max is always right. Here we have our baby and we are on vacation. I can hear their laughs and giggles and my heart starts to swell with pride in knowing that my family is one of the most important things in my life.
“Mommy, you promised that you would take me down to the water with Daddy and Conner after you got warm by the sun. I think you did enough warming, come on. Mommy, why are you looking at me like that?”
I quickly look over to the sweet, little voice, and I see this cute little girl that looks a little like me. She has straight, long, brown hair and of course Max’s ears sticking out through her hair. She has these big brown eyes that can suck you into them. They look a lot like mine when I was about her age. She has the cutest smile.
“What is your name, sweetie?”
“Mommy, you are funny, you know my name. You gave it to me, remember? You are so silly.”
“Help Mommy remember. I want to know if you can tell me, and then we will go and play with Daddy and Conner.”
“Mommy, my name is Leilani Juniper. You gave me Auntie Maria’s middle name, remember?”
“Right, come here and give your Mommy a hug.”
I wrap my arms around her, and for some reason something is a bit off. Like something is going to happen, you know like those scary movies that you watch? I carefully grab her hand and hold her really tight. We walk to the edge of the water. I can feel the cool water running up to my feet as the ocean water goes up and down from the waves.
I watch Max and Conner playing in the shallow water with the small waves pushing them around, Leilani lets go of my hand and runs to them. I’m sitting here right at the edge of the water watching them play. I slowly close my eyes listening to the waves with Max and the kids playing. I wanted to burn that memory into my brain because this is one of the happiest moments for us.
I jerk up feeling cold water surrounding me. I can’t hear Max or the kids anywhere. I quickly run to the towels, where we were, but there is nothing there. I run down the beach screaming for Max, but I can’t see them anywhere. I can feel the fear shooting through me. Something happened to my family and I’m left behind. I turn around and see them getting into the car. Max waves me over and I start to go over there. As soon as I step up to the parking lot the car bursts into flames….
“NOOOO!”
~*~*~*~*~*~
I jump up and quickly look around for the car. I notice that I’m in my bathroom. What the hell is going on with me? I must have had a dream. Is that Max’s coffee I smell? So everything was a dream. He is ok. I jump up and grab my robe. I don’t even bother drying off because I’m going to drag Max to the bedroom and start again trying to make those wonderful children.
I run down the stairs jumping over that stair that creaks and bugs Max so much. I run into the kitchen and I see Michael sitting there with Maria.
“Where’s Max? What time is it?”
I notice it’s still dark out.
“I want to know where Max is. What are you doing here so late, Maria?
“Liz you are dripping wet, lets take you up stairs and I will tell you.”
“No, you tell me right now.” I stomp my foot hard. I know that is really childish but I have a bad feeling that everything is real and Max is gone. But I smelled his special coffee it has to be him. No one else drinks that stuff.
I see Maria and Michael give each other that look. This really can’t be happening to me. I can’t be here without him.
“Honeybear, come on,” I hear Michael call out. It’s like I’m in a fog again. I can’t feel anything.
“Maria, get her dressed and put her in bed. If she stays out here wet like that she will get sick. Let me finish getting the arrangements done for the funeral.”
“So, this is all real Michael?” I slowly ask him almost begging him not to answer me.
“Yes.” I see the pain in his eyes like he wished he could take it back.
I don’t remember when I started to cry again, but I could feel the warm tears start to run down my face again as Maria brings me upstairs into my room. I swear I could feel him. I could even still smell him in here like I did in the morning. I was fighting with myself because in a way I knew Max was dead, but in my heart and mind I knew he wasn’t. Max wouldn’t just leave me like that. Our souls are together. My heart and soul will never be complete without his.
I could feel Maria get me dressed in one of Max’s shirts. I sit down on this bed that we made love in so many times before. But now that will never happen again. It’s like another little piece of my heart is breaking because it’s all becoming way too real. I can’t hide from it. Because it is all around me. All these places around the house are going to hold different memories for me about Max. About what I can’t have anymore.
“Maria, please don’t leave me here in this bed all alone.”
“Ok, I will sleep with you. But don’t blame me if Michael sneaks up in here in this Huge Cal King Bed.”
I can tell that Maria is only trying to get me to think of something else, because when she gets nervous she starts to think she is funny. I can’t blame her she is trying. Like that would ever happen…Michael in bed with me.
“It’s really over, huh? How am I supposed to do all of this? I don’t even know where to start, Maria. I’m scared that I’m going to lose it. I haven’t even called his family yet. What kind of person am I? I wasn’t the only person that loved him in his life.”
“Liz, stop it. We all know how much you and Max were in love. Don’t worry we took care of it. Michael is going to take care of all of it. You don’t have to think about it.”
I could feel Maria lay down next to me. I was starting to get tired and I felt safe with Michael and Maria by my side.
~*~*~*~*~*
Two days has passed and I’m not sure if I remember even one of them. Actually I know I haven’t. I feel really bad because the morning after I never even got out of bed. I refused too. Maria was great though, she stood by her word and never left me.
Michael was great. He planned everything. I really don’t think I was in the right mind to do anything. I didn’t even eat, I hardly drank anything too, but Maria and Michael told me that if I didn’t that they would stick me in a hospital.
Maria and Michael helped me get ready for the funeral. I can't believe that at my age, I am going to the funeral for the love of my life. I was supposed to be older than dirt when this situation came. I had to think of something else.
I saw the long, black limo stop in front of my house. I take a deep breath as I stepped outside. I know that my parents and Max’s parents are in there and this is going to be the first time I’m going to see them face to face. I can feel knots in my stomach, thinking that they are going to tell me that it's my fault because I wanted to move out here to start a life and a family in New York, instead of Roswell, our hometown. Could they ever forgive me for taking away their only son? I can’t forgive myself. Not ever.
I reach out to the door of the car. I can feel the weight of the world sitting on my shoulders just waiting for the yelling and the blaming to start, because in a way I feel like I deserve everything they give me. I can hear Maria right behind me yelling at Michael. I wonder how they stayed married as long as they have.
Michael and Maria both told me this morning that I had nothing to worry about, that we all agreed to move to New York, not just me. But, in my mind it was all me.
As soon as the door opened I felt strong arms around me and hear crying. I almost fell to the ground, but luckily Michael was right behind me to catch me. I could hear Phillip. He was hugging me telling me everything was going to be alright. Right then I felt a bit better as we all got into the car. I sat right next to my mother and father. I just wanted to crawl under a rock I didn’t want to go to the funeral to have everyone look at me and feel sorry for me. I hate it when you get those “awwww look at the poor girl” looks.
I took a deep breath as we pulled up to the church. I could feel my heart pounding so hard, I could swear that it was going to come straight out of my chest. I had Maria and Michael at either side of me, while we walked up through the church aisle. This is the first time that I saw Max since the accident. His coffin had the American Flag over it. The whole church was full of fireman dressed in the best Fireman dress wear. I could feel my heart skip a few beats as the screen dropped down and started to play a DVD about Max’s life. It had baby pictures and school pictures. We were all in there. I should stop crying my throat was already hurting and the funeral has just started. I think what hurt the most was seeing the pictures of us at dress rehearsal where I was in my wedding dress and Max was in his tux. I was never going to get that. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to get up and run away but I had Maria and Michael holding on to me tight.
The whole church ceremony was a blur. I remember seeing friends and family go up there and tell their special moments with Max. I never knew that Max has touched this many people. I think the worst of it was hearing Michael and Maria up there. I almost had to walk out because I was crying so hard. I couldn’t get over the fact that I was alone and the love of my life wasn’t by my side. He was in that box in front of me cold and alone. I have this empty cold void in my heart.
After everyone was done talking, the priest let everyone come up to pay their last respects. I think that was one of the hardest things for me to do. This is going to be my final goodbye and I never got to tell him that there is never going to be a day that I don’t wish to feel his touch again just once. I never got to tell him that I love him with every inch of my soul. I don’t think I would have been strong enough to stand there looking at his coffin. I could feel my legs start to shake once it was my turn to stand there. I could feel my arm slowly reach out to touch the top of the coffin my heart just knew that Max needed me in there. How could I leave him in there so alone? Does he know that I miss him? Does he know that my heart wants to be with him? I want to open it and hug him and tell him sorry I let them shut him up in there.
Maria helps me move along knowing some how that I won’t move from my spot. After everyone has had their turn. Michael and a bunch of the firemen from their team all carried Max out of the church. Once I reached outside it was a cold gloomy day. I watched as they all raised Max and his coffin up into the Fire Truck as we all march behind the truck up to the cemetery. Every step I took a little piece of me was slowly breaking down. I just wanted my pain to stop. It was like I was leaving a piece of my heart right there like a trail of broken pieces. Why did it have to hurt this much? Why did I feel so alone right this moment? I knew I had people around me but at the same time I was alone.
I slowly walked up to the place where Max was going to be laid to rest.
We all took our seats to watch the gun salute. Each gun shot went straight to my heart. My tears were not going to stop now. I couldn’t even if I tried. I was sitting right there in front with his parents and mine. Right along the side were Michael and Maria. I sat there and watched these men that worked right along the side of Max everyday at every fire and I saw them hurting just as much as me.
I watch them slowly fold up the flag and talk about something. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a guy that looked like he was talking to someone that wasn’t there. I wonder who he is talking to. What is he doing here? I don’t know him. I try to lean over to see if there is some one a bit over that he is talking to. No one is there. I don’t need any crazy people here talking to themselves.
Michael whispered in my ear that he was the guy that Max had saved that night. He looks young, I want to hate him but I can’t. Max wouldn’t want me to hate him. Max died saving someone, it was his job.
Max’s Captain handed me the flag and told me that Max thought the world of me and never to forget it. Love like that never dies. I know that in my heart, but will my mind and body be ok without him?
I watch the guys slowly lower Max into the ground and my tears are flowing so fast down my face. I’m holding that flag too tight. Its like if I hold the flag tight enough this would all go away. I can’t watch anymore as I hear them say the last respects. We all get up and throw red roses into the ground on top of the casket. What will happen now? How will I get the energy to get up every morning when all I want to do right now is jump down there with Max and be buried with him, because that is where my heart is…
Hi Everyone I'm back today with a chapter. I'm sorry about the other chapter I didn't mean to make all of you cry...Sorry
I know you are all think"What are you doing???" But I hope you all keep on reading This fic will take you for a ride but remember it will be a fun ride that will have you all guessing what is going to be happening next.
Thank you for all the feedback and I hope some of you Lurkers will come out and let us know what you think.
Thank you so much to my wonderful Co-Author Luzser1800 without her this would have never happen.
Smooches to you all!!!
Chapter 3
Max Evans had been sitting against a nearby tombstone with his arms loosely around his knees, which were pulled up, leaving room for his head to hang between his knees. He couldn’t bear to see Liz’s face any longer, her tears falling like acid drops right onto his heart. She was so upset, so lost, he just wished so badly he could reach out and touch her one more time. He wished so badly he could let her know that he was still with her.
He had been with her since she had left the hospital. He had watched her throughout the entire ceremony, hating that she was hurting because of him. He wanted to take that look off her face. That look of devastation. The same look that told the world that her world was gone. He wanted so badly to put a smile there once again.
When he finally chanced a look up, he found himself staring right into a set of familiar brown eyes. He swiftly turned his head, checking behind him to see if the guy was staring right through him, but there was no one else there. He got up quickly, headed straight for the young man who’s life he had saved just a week before. As he got closer, he saw the young man nervously look over at anything but Max.
“Hey, you can see me?!” Max began to circle the guy. “You can see me?” The boy continued to swivel his head around to avoid direct contact with Max’s eyes. “Answer me, you little shit! Can you see me or not?!”
“Go away,” the guy mumbled through his teeth as best he could trying not to move his lips.
“You can see me!” Max shouted in revelation. “Listen, I need you to help me. I need you to...”
Liz Parker looked over at the man she had never seen before. He was wearing a black suit and carrying a single red rose, but he seemed distracted.
Michael, who was standing next to her, leaned down to whisper. “Max saved his life in the fire. He’s probably just here to pay his respects.” Liz nodded slowly, sniffling back some more tears. Maria was on the other side of her and she clutched her best friend’s hand tightly. She tried to focus on the priest, but was easily distracted as her gaze went back to the man. She watched as he shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flittering around. She nearly gasped out loud when she saw him mumble something. She was no lip-reader, but it was clear what he had said to seemingly nothing. “Go away.”
“Hell no! I’m not going anywhere until you help me!”
“Not now,” Xan mumbled again, scanning the area to make sure no one had seen him. His eyes fell on Liz Parker, who was looking at him strangely. “Shit,” he mumbled again.
“What?” Max looked in the same direction. “That’s Liz,” he said when he tore his eyes away. “She’s my fiancee and the love of my life. She’s the one I want you to talk to for me.” When Xan kept his eyes trained on Liz, Max grew angry, his energy building enough for him to give Xan a shot to the ribs.
“Ow,” Xan said as the energy pushed him a bit. He looked back over at Liz, who was now really concerned, and tried to act as though nothing had happened. He darted his eyes to Max, who seemed to be on fire.
“She’s mine,” Max growled through gritted teeth.
Xan tried to speak as best he could manage without drawing anymore attention to himself. “Meet me in my car.” Max nodded eagerly and waited with Xan for the funeral to end. After Xan had thrown his rose into the open hole, on top of the casket, he tried to get back to his car, a black Spider Eclipse, while he carefully avoided Liz Parker, and everyone else, on his way away from the funeral. But Liz had other plans and stepped in his way before he had a chance to disappear completely.
“I just wanted to say thank you to him,” Xan told her sadly, and she smiled slightly. It didn’t reach her eyes, but Xan hadn’t expected it to.
“At least something good came from this.” Liz was way past angry. She was now mourning, the same as everyone else, even though her heart still clogged at every possible moment.
“I’m truly sorry this happened.” Max stood next to Xan, reaching his hand out to touch Liz’s cheek, but as far as she was concerned, it was nothing more than a light breeze from the summer day. Xan’s eyes shifted to Max, feeling even more pain at how much he was still in love with her, and knew that he had to help.
“I just wish I could tell her that I’m still here.” Tears filled Max’s eyes and he nodded at Xan, ready to have this discussion.
“I should be going,” Xan said and Liz nodded sadly. She would have asked him about his strange behavior, but decided against it, knowing that he felt bad enough for Max. She watched him walk away and hop into his car. She also watched him wait for something. She saw him look over at the empty passenger seat, nod, and drive off.
“What the hell?” Liz whispered, but no one was around to hear her.
************
“Ya know, you can’t talk to me like that in front of people,” Xan scolded the ghost as he drove the back streets of New York City. “Nobody else can see you and then they all think I’m insane.”
“I’m sorry, I just needed to get your attention.”
“Well, now you have it so what do you want? Why haven’t you crossed over?”
“I can’t,” Max whispered brokenly. “I can’t leave her.”
“I hate to break it to you, Max, but you’re not exactly with her right now.”
“But I am! She just doesn’t know it.” He looked over at Xan, who was smirking. “Don’t get any ideas, I already told you she’s mine!”
Xan laughed openly then. “You’re dead, Max! She’ll never be yours again!” A burst of energy flew from Max’s body and elbowed Xan in the side, making the car swerve.
“Shit!” Xan pulled over and turned to the spirit. “Would you cut it out?! How do have so much energy, anyway?”
“You’re making me angry,” Max said in explanation.
Xan stopped to really look at Max. He had to admit that the man next to him was handsome. He was all cleaned up and nothing at all like the same dirty, soot soaked guy who had rescued him from the fire. “I’m sorry,” Xan said. “I apologize. But there has to be some real reason you’re hanging on to her. There has to be something else.”
“I don’t know,” Max said in frustration. “I just know that I can’t leave her.”
Xan nodded. “Okay,” he said, getting right down to business. “What was going on before you died? What were you and Liz planning? Maybe there’s something that needs to be finished for you to move on.”
Max smiled wistfully. “We were supposed to get married. We were getting ready to start a family.”
“Considering that’s not gonna happen now...” Xan said sarcastically.
“I’m about ready to knock you out,” Max threw at him.
“Alright!” Xan held up his hands in defense. “I don’t know, Max. I don’t know what I can do for you to help you.”
“I just want you to talk to her. Tell her I’m still with her and that I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going anywhere.”
“Max, there’s a better place for you on the other side.”
“There is no better place if it doesn’t include Liz.”
“She’s gonna think I’m crazy,” Xan conceded.
“No, she won’t,” Max assured him. “Liz is special. She’ll believe you. And I’ll be right there to help you out.”
Xan turned away to look out the window of his car, hoping Max was right and that if he could just talk to Liz that she would believe him.
“I gotta get back to her now.”
“Wait a minute,” Xan turned on him. “How am I supposed to find her for you?”
“She’s a cook at the 21 Club. I hope you took a good enough look.”
“The 21 Club?! I’ll never get into that joint!”
“I’ll find you again,” Max said before disappearing. He had to get back to Liz and be with her right now. She needed him.
“Fuck!” Xan yelled. “I hate it when they do that!” He pulled the car out of it’s position on the side of the road and went home, wondering how the hell he was supposed to get into one of the most elite restaurants in New York City.
I'm sorry I almost forgot it was Friday...Bad Me!!
Thank you everyone for all the Feedback. I hope you all like it.
A HUGE Thanks goes to my Co-Author Luzser1800 you are the best!!!
CHAPTER 4
The day after Max’s funeral, Liz was sleeping in late. She had been given the day off, and after crying most of the night before, it had caught up to her. Michael and Maria were downstairs in the kitchen, preparing a breakfast of eggs, toast, and bacon. Hey, they were no chefs. That was all Liz. But she wasn’t in any position to be cooking, so they decided to do their best for her right now. They were careful this time to brew the coffee that was not Max’s. The last thing they needed was Liz flipping out again.
They heard some bumping around upstairs and assumed Liz had finally gotten up. It was only ten in the morning, but they were glad she had gotten a little extra sleep. “Do you think she’ll be okay?” Michael asked Maria cautiously while he stood in front of a hot stove with a spatula in his hand.
Maria sighed and faced her husband with a somber expression. “I don’t know if she’ll ever be okay again, Michael.”
**************
Upstairs, Liz had awoken from yet another dream of Max. She couldn’t help it. Even in her subconscious, she knew he would not come back, but she treasured the moments she had with him in her dreams. She tried not to open her eyes for as long as she could muster, but the bright sunlight pushed through the pane of her window and would not allow her to sleep a moment longer.
She sat up slowly, rubbing her face with her hands. She could feel the crust on her cheeks left from the tears she had not wiped away the night before. Her hand stopped moving over her eyes. The glint of diamond on her engagement ring mocked her. It told her that she would never move on. It told her that she was now truly alone. She glanced to her left and saw the photo of her and Max on her nightstand. It, too, told her that she was truly alone now.
Max could feel the sorrow come off her in waves. It was tearing his heart into pieces. He sat against the dresser with his knees pulled up, wanting to help her, but not knowing how it was possible.
She had to get in the shower. She knew it would not help her to feel better, but she needed some sense of her normal routine. Before she could get off the bed though, she took a look around the bedroom. She could swear that he was with her, staring at her. For the moment, she allowed herself to believe he was still there.
She had never given a second thought to ghosts or spirits before. She had never believed such things existed. She had always assumed there was a perfectly logical explanation for everything. And yet, she could still feel his presence. She closed her eyes, giving herself to the belief. She fingered the gold cross on her neck, thinking it might give her an opening into that world.
She thought of her grandmother, silently praying that she was there with Max, helping him through the transition to some kind of afterlife. She wondered if they were both in heaven, looking down on her. She wondered if there was no heaven, and if they were both still here with her.
With her hands around the necklace and her eyes clamped tightly shut, she spoke to him in a whisper. “Max, are you still here?” There was nothing but silence. “Show me, Max. Show me why I can still feel you all around me.”
“I’m here, Liz.” Max kneeled down in front of her, trying to take her hands in his. “I’m right here, baby. Oh, how I wish you could just see me.” He wanted to shout at her, but he knew it would not help her hear him any better.
A tear escaped her closed eyelid when nothing happened. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She shook her head, chiding herself for being stupid. She got up to get into the shower.
*************
Michael put down three plates on the small kitchen table. Bacon, eggs, and toast. A cup of fresh coffee sat beside each plate. Michael gave his breakfast a funny look.
“What’s wrong?” Maria asked as she gingerly picked up a piece of her toast.
“It doesn’t look right.”
“What do you mean?” she mumbled around her bite of toast.
“It looks so...blah.”
“Blah?” Maria gave him a strange look.
“Think I should put some flowers down? Or parsley? That always makes things look nice, right?”
“Parsley and flowers, Michael?”
“I don’t know! Maybe I should make some pancakes, too.” He went back to the stove while Maria continued to gape at him.
*****************
Liz let the warm water drench her tired body. She turned in the shower and put her back to the spray. She leaned her head backwards to let the water finish rinsing her hair free of the strawberry shampoo. She arched her neck and pushed her fingers through her locks, wishing Max were still there to do it for her. Her lip quivered and she wanted to start crying all over again. She might have, too, if she hadn’t felt it.
His hands were there. They were in her hair. Helping her rinse every inch of it clean. For a moment, she wanted to close her eyes and revel in the dream. She swore she could smell his cologne drift over her nostrils. She swore she could hear his voice whisper in her mind. I’ve always loved your hair. Her eyes snapped open at his voice in her head and his scent in her nose, and she spun around in fear.
“No, no, no, no, no....” she repeated over and over. She hopped out of the shower and escaped the haunted bathroom as fast as she could. “Max!” She screamed as she began to run down the stairs.
When Maria heard her scream, she threw a glare at Michael. “Hey, I used her coffee this time!”
Maria turned back towards the stairs, ready to take Liz in her arms when she saw Liz come flying down the steps...completely naked. Michael screamed in horror and embarrassment. “Holy shit! She’s wet and naked! Maria!”
Maria ran to Liz, throwing a comment to Michael over her shoulder. “Michael, chill, you act like you’ve never seen a boob before!” She gathered a shaking Liz into her arms.
“Max,” Liz whispered loudly. “I felt him. He was there in the shower with me. He told me...he was there...I felt him...Max...” She kept going on and on and Maria looked over in puzzlement at her husband, but he was shielding his eyes and so she turned back to her friend.
“Aww, sweety,” Maria cooed into Liz’s ear. “Come on, chica,” she said as she lifted Liz off the living room floor. “Let’s get you dressed before you give poor Michael a small heart attack, okay?”
Liz was so out of it that she could do nothing but nod. She was completely detached from everything happening around her. Had she been sane, she would have never let Michael see her naked. She may have even laughed at her friends trying to lighten the situation. But she couldn’t even bring herself to think about it as Maria led her back upstairs, bare breasted and all.
“Wet, naked Liz runs down the stairs. What the hell are you doing to her, Max? And to me?” Michael mumbled under his breath when they left him. “You had to leave me to deal with this? Man, I wish you were still here.”
**************
Max paced the bedroom after Liz ran downstairs. He hadn’t meant to be so forward with her. But as he watched her shower, he could smell the scent of her shampoo and he so badly wanted to touch just a few strands of her hair. His energy had been peaked with how badly he had wanted her and it had allowed her to feel his hands in her hair. When she had called to him in the bedroom, he had felt her mind open just slightly and he had assumed she was ready to be faced with him. “I’m such an idiot!” he yelled at himself.
He ran down the stairs, brushing past Maria, who was cradling Liz, and Maria had to stop abruptly, looking around her. “Wh-What?” Liz asked when Maria stopped.
Maria shook her head. “Nothing.” She continued to bring Liz up the stairs to her room. Maria had thought she had felt something push past her just then, but the last thing she could do was admit that to Liz. She chalked it up to her imagination and focused on her friend.
Michael let out a breath when Maria and Liz were out of sight and he tried to get his emotions under control. He couldn’t believe he had just seen his best friend’s woman naked. It was enough to make any guy scream out. He heard the door to Liz’s bedroom slam shut just as a strong wind blew open the front door to the apartment. He rushed to the door, looking outside it to see no one and shook his head. “Weird,” he whispered, closing the door quietly.
**************
Max had opened the front door when he had run outside. He had known he could walk through it, but his frustration had made him forget he was no longer in this world. He hadn’t even thought about it as he had pushed the door open to the outside. He had to find Xan. He had to get him to talk to Liz and make her understand. It had only been a day, but it had been way to long for him. He was tired of waiting.
Max tried to calm himself. He tried to think of the fire, the only thing that connected him to Xan. He used his otherworldly sense to allow him to find Xan. The link that would help him talk to Liz. He used Liz. He turned in a complete circle, opened his eyes, and suddenly knew exactly where he was going.
He found that he all but floated to the apartment. Once inside, he looked around. It was clean, neat, and orderly. Everything seemed to have a place. There was a couch, a 42 inch television set, and a large bookcase in the living room. He might have stayed to give himself the grand tour, but he had no time for that. He searched frantically throughout the apartment. “Where the hell are you?!”
No sooner had the words come out of his mouth, did the bathroom door open and Xan came out rubbing his damp, dark head with a towel. “Max! Didn’t expect you to find me so soon.”
“I need you now,” he said.
“What, now?” Xan asked casually. “I was just about to have some breakfast.”
“Breakfast? It’s almost lunch time!” Max needed Xan now and he hadn’t planned to wait.
“Well, I am in between jobs. Ya know, since mine kind of...burned down.” Xan gave him a half smile.
“How could I forget?” Max asked sardonically.
“What do you need, Max?” Xan took a seat and looked up at the spirit.
“I need you to get your ass dressed and come with me! I need you to talk to her now!”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Xan stood up and faced Max. “What happened?”
“I...might have...”
“You might have what, Max?” Xan grew impatient.
“I might have...touched her...” Max trailed off.
“Copping feels already, Max? She hasn’t even had a chance to meet your ghost yet.” Xan chuckled and turned toward his bedroom. “And are you trying to make her think she’s insane?!” he asked as he walked away.
“Do you find it necessary to piss me off every single time I come in contact with you? Where’s the scared little boy from the fire?”
“He went away when the fire did. Let’s not talk about him, okay?”
“Just get dressed!” Max cursed under his breath and watched Xan disappear from his sight.
****************
Knock! Knock!
“I can’t believe I’m doing this so soon. You just died for Christ’s sake!”
“I told you, she’ll believe you. I know it. I can feel it, she wants to believe.”
The door opened to a tall, young man. “Yeah?” he asked with all the enamour of a warthog. “Who are you?”
“Don’t worry, that’s just Michael,” Max told Xan when he saw him tense at the door. “He’s a great guy once you get past his charm.”
“I’m looking for Liz Parker,” Xan said.
Michael gave him a look over and recognition dawned. “You’re the kid Max saved from the fire.” Xan nodded. “Didn’t you already talk to Liz at the funeral?”
“Uh...” Xan was at a loss. He wasn’t sure what he could say that would get him past the brute at the door.
Authors Note: Hi everyone thank you all for the feedback I have to give props to my great C0-author and friend I had lost my part what I have written for this chapter and I was pretty freaked out and she calmed me down.
Ok the stuff in italics and bold is Liz POV
PS: I know this is one of our shorter chapter but we promise to have the other out on time and longer.
CHAPTER 5
Liz and Maria were at the kitchen table while Xan was at the door. Maria had been trying to get Liz to eat some eggs for the past twenty minutes, and the task was proving quite difficult. Liz was still pretty out of it.
“Who’s at the door, Michael?” Maria called out.
“It’s that guy Max saved from the fire,” he called back. He turned back to Xan. “What do you want with Liz?”
“Uh, I just...”
“Michael, don’t be rude!” Maria said as she walked over to him with Liz behind her. She smacked the back of his head. “Where did your manners go? I swear, sometimes I am not sure why I married you.” She pushed past Michael. “Would you like to come in?” she asked sweetly and Xan smiled, coming inside at her request.
“That’s Maria,” Max whispered to Xan. “She’s a firecracker, but she’s got a good heart.” Xan couldn’t help the small smile at how affectionate Max was about these people.
When Liz came over to them, her eyes wide with interest, Max nearly stopped breathing, not like it mattered. He was already dead, after all. Xan looked her over, not wanting to tell her what he knew he had to say. He wasn’t sure how she would take the news, no matter what Max kept telling him.
Xan, isn’t that the guy I saw talking to himself at the funeral? I wonder what he is doing at my house. What else could he possibly want?
“Stop looking at her and just tell her already,” Max goaded him.
Xan’s eyes shifted, wishing he could at least give Max a dirty look. “Look, what I’m about to tell you is going to sound really strange.” He kept his focus on Liz, not wanting to see the big guy scowling at him. “I know it’s really soon and my timing is completely off, but I have a message from Max.”
Liz gasped audibly. “Did...did he say something to you before he died? What kind of message? Why didn’t you tell me at the funeral?” Her mind was reeling. If Max had said something to Xan before he had died, she desperately needed to know what it was.
I swear right now I want to grab him and shake it out of him. He seems so nervous like I’m going to bite his head off, but that could be Michael he is scared of. I wonder what Max would have told him in that fire. What if he had something to tell me that was important, and now this is my only chance to hear it. Is it good news? What if he changed his mind and didn’t want to marry me? Oh no, I hope that is not it.
“What are you talking about?” Michael asked in an accusatory way.
“I got a message from Max...” he checked their expressions, knowing for sure that Michael wouldn’t believe, but having faith in the girls. “The message came...after...he died.”
Did I just hear him correctly? Did he just say “after he died?” You are kidding me right? Because Max is dead, he can’t talk, because if he could, he would see me first and not Xan. Max had a message for me alright. It was that this guy needs to get checked into a Looney ward. How crazy does he think I am?
The room was silent for all of thirty seconds. “Who the hell do you think you are?!” Michael yelled at him.
I can’t believe this is happening. My grandmother believed in the spiritual world, she would go out into the desert for days searching just for a sign of something. I use to go with her when I was younger. I always had a lot of fun out there camping with her. She used to tell me to close my eyes, and just feel everything with your soul. You will feel it and see it. Who knew I would be standing here today with a guy claiming to have spoken to my dead fiancé. What am I supposed feel, and do? I wish I had my grandma here to help me.
Liz’s eyes ran all over the room, not knowing what to do. “Maria...” she whispered and her friend came right to her side.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Maria smoothed Liz’s hair back, comforting her.
“I know it’s hard to believe, but you have to trust me,” Xan said quickly. “He’s here with us right now!”
When I heard him say “He is here with us right now” I want to see him and reach out and touch him. I can feel him, deep down I know he is here. Does that make me crazy? I know this morning in the shower I felt him there, I could smell him. I know I did.
“No, look, just get the hell outta here!” Michael pounced on Xan, grabbing him by the collar.
“Liz, listen to me!” Xan tried to tell her. “He’s right here!” Michael pushed him out the door, but couldn’t slam it in his face before he yelled, “He wants to tell he’s not going away, Liz!”
The door slammed shut just then and Michael went to Liz’s other side. “It’s okay, Liz. If he comes back, I’ll kick his ass.”
Hearing him say that is like cutting through me like a hot knife through butter. I just want to run up into my room, and crawl into bed, and never come out. Because I’m STILL here, and Max isn’t, no matter how much I want to think he is.
“He’s not going away”
“He’s not going away!!”
“He’s not going AWAY!!!”
That’s why it’s so easy to believe that maybe, just maybe there is a chance that Max is on the other side of that door with Xan. It’s because if I really think about it, I want it, more then anything in this life time to be true.
I know that I’m lost without Max, so maybe he is just as lost without me. I really wonder what he wants. Do you think he just wants to tell me goodbye. What if I don’t want it to be goodbye yet? I’m not ready for Max to be gone out of my life.
“He’s not going away.”
“He’s not going away.”
“He’s not going away”
I keep on hearing that one sentence over and over in my head like a broken record. Like one of those crappy songs that you hear right before you have to work, or when you are trying to sleep, and you can never get that stupid ass verse out.
So, please tell me what the hell I should do now? I’m still alone. Now, I have someone telling me that I have the dead searching me out. I swear, I should be checking myself into the hospital. Because I have a feeling that it’s not going to be the last time I see Xan. To tell you the truth, I’m almost ready to go chase him down, and get all the information from him. I know there is an easy way to see if he is really real or not.
I want to thank everyone who left feedback we love to hear what you all are thinking about this Fic.
To my wonderful Co-Author Luzser1800 thank you for all your hard work I know I can be a major pain.
Just to let you all know that everything in the Bold and Italics is Liz's POV.
A/N: The songs we used were not ours we have no claim on them. The songs were from
Anna Nalick and Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey they own all the rights to the songs.
CHAPTER 6
“I gotta tell you, Max, I can’t get thrown out of apartments enough,” Xan said, rubbing the back of his neck. Max just shook his head, following Xan to his own place. “Man, I told you!” Xan shouted once he was safely inside his apartment with Max.
“It’s not her fault,” Max argued. “My best friend is a jack ass!” He screamed in frustration.
“It wasn’t just him, Max! Did you see the look on her face? She was terrified of me!”
“No,” Max disagreed. “You can’t feel her the way I can. She wants it to be true more than she knows.”
“Well, I’m not going back there,” Xan said.
“You have to!” Max shouted at him. “You just have to get her alone!”
“Forget it, Max. I’m not going back.” Xan shook his head. “No way.” That said, Xan retreated to his bedroom, leaving Max alone. Max shook his head also, trying to figure out what he could do to get Liz that much closer to believing. The idea seemed to hit him like a bolt of lightning. “I got it!” he shouted before fleeing the apartment.
*****************
The Next Morning...
Liz had not slept at all the night before. The same words rung in her mind over and over. He’s not going away! She couldn’t seem to stop hearing those words no matter how hard she tried. A part of her wanted to believe Xan, wanted to take comfort in knowing that Max truly was with her. Another part of herself, a bigger part, told her to stop thinking like a crazy person.
Luckily, Liz had today off from work again. Her boss had been more than compassionate about her loss, and wanted to accommodate her, the best he could. He gave her a little extra time, but she would have to be back to work the next day. She was still a brand new chef and paid leave would not pay the rent for long.
Michael and Maria finally looked like they were going to go home this morning. Liz was in the kitchen, lightly arguing with Maria about it at the very moment.
Max rolled his eyes and lightly banged his head against the solid refrigerator. “God, Maria, she said she’ll be fine! Be gone, already!” Max was eager to get them out of the house, though it would ultimately have to be Liz’s doing, since he was no longer “of this earth.” He needed Liz all to himself for at least a few hours. He knew that his plan may seem harsh or even a bit cruel, but it had to be done. He knew that today was the day he would make her believe once and for all.
“Are you absolutely sure, Liz?” Maria asked for the third time.
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” Liz said with the best smile she could muster. “Besides, I need some me-time without you guys smothering.”
You would think that they think I would crack into a billion pieces without them here. I just need a little time to myself without Maria right behind me thinking that I might break. I know I have had a few bumpy moments, but I need time to think. I love her to death but I’m going nutty here.
Maria leaned forward, giving her friend a good squeeze of a hug before releasing her.
Michael stood up from his chair, placing a strong hand on Liz’s shoulder. “If that asshole shows up again, you call me. I can be here in ten minutes.”
“I think you scared him off the first time. Thanks, Michael.”
Geez, Michael I think you gave the poor guy a heart attack. Your looks would scare off the meanest psycho killer.
“Still,” Michael pressed.
“If he comes back, I’ll call you,” Liz conceded.
“Don’t hesitate,” he smiled.
“She won’t, now go the fuck away,” Max snapped, feeling his pent up energy ready to explode upon his love.
He had done his best the entire night to work himself up into a ball of energy. He needed to be fully prepared for what he was planning, and he needed every bit of energy he had because he was sure to use it all up very soon.
Finally, Liz was closing the door behind her friends. She turned around and leaned heavily against the door, wondering what to do with herself now that her friends were not there. She wanted to cry out for her loss. She wanted to curl up in bed and die if she could. But she held her head up, knowing she would have to start moving on with her life. Max wouldn’t have wanted her to be so sad. As hard as it seemed, she knew she would have to try. The first step, a normal day.
Max smirked devilishly, rubbing his hands together. “Show time,” he said.
Liz decided that the first thing she could do was watch a little television. It was something normal, so she used the remote to flip through the channels. CSI came on the screen, a rerun, she knew, but it would do for now. She watched for a few minutes when suddenly, the television flickered, and the channel changed to the latest basketball game on ESPN.
What the??? Crazy TV I can’t stand ESPN.
Liz’s forehead wrinkled, wondering how the hell that had happened. She snatched up the remote, and flipped it back to CSI. What she couldn’t see, was Max smirking and with another snap of his fingers, the television was back on basketball. With another confused look, Liz grabbed the remote and changed it back again. Another snap of Max’s fingers, and there was basketball again. “What the hell?!” Liz turned the television off. She looked around the apartment, which was eerily empty. She shook her head and turned the television back on to CSI, this time with no interruption.
That is way too creepy. I remember Max and I used to always fight about me wanting to watch CSI. Is it cool in here? “Hello, is someone here?” I have this weird feeling like someone is watching me.
Max had decided he would start off easy. He didn’t want to drive her mad just yet. He planned to easily work his way up through this haunting. By the end of it, Liz would have no doubt that he was still with her.
Liz had fallen asleep on the couch after a few reruns of CSI. When she awoke, it was almost two in the afternoon, and she heard tapping coming from the hallway. She padded through the living room to see what the tapping noise had been, and found Max’s basketball had somehow rolled out of the hallway closet, lightly bouncing on the floor. It rolled right up to her, stopping abruptly at her feet. She looked around again, noticing nothing else unusual, and placed the basketball back into the closet, making sure it would not roll out again by closing the door nice and tight this time.
All those times I would spend hours watching him play basketball with Michael. I never knew how much I would miss sitting on those hard bleachers. He loved this ball…It was his favorite. I wonder how it got out of the closet.
Max snickered, knowing she would see it soon. With a snap of his fingers, the distinct beep of the coffee pot sounded, signaling it had finished brewing. Liz walked into the kitchen, and indeed, it had brewed a cup of strong coffee. Max’s coffee! Liz assumed that Michael or Maria had put the timer on it, and they had once again forgotten not to use Max’s coffee. She turned it off, picked up the pot, and dumped the hot coffee down the sink drain. Luckily, the smell of his coffee did not disturb her as much as it had just after Max’s death.
Weird, I know I didn’t set this up…I used to think Max was crazy for loving this strong coffee. This smell…I can close my eyes and see Max standing right here just like every morning. How am I supposed to get up every morning without him and this smell?
Liz’s breath got a little labored, looking around her apartment yet again, but again seeing nothing out of the ordinary. There was nobody else with her. What the hell was going on? She cracked it up to just being stupid, and in turn, spun around to head back into the living room when the stereo came on, loudly blasting music from the speakers.
It was so loud that Liz had to cover her ears. She ran into the living room, flipping the music down to low. But then she started to listen to the song, and it made her begin to question everything that had happened so far.
There are times
I swear I know you’re hear
When I forget about my fears
Feeling you, my dear
“No,” she whispered. “No...”
Watching over me
My hope sees
What the future will bring
When you wrap me in your wings
And take me where you are
“No!” Liz switched the radio off quickly, not wanting to hear anymore. “No, it can’t be...” Her head was spinning. She ran up the stairs, trying to get away from the living room, a voice in the back of her head telling her that there was nowhere to go. When she got to her bedroom, she noticed a glint on top of her dresser. She walked over slowly, terrified of what she might find. Upon closer inspection, she noticed the glint had come from rings. Not just any rings. Her engagement rings and Max’s wedding band stared up at her. She was certain that she had locked them away tightly in her jewelry box. She had been so heartbroken that she would never marry that she had to lock them away. So, what were they doing on her dresser?
I remember the day we went out looking for these “perfect rings” I can feel them in my fingers but it’s just a reminder of what I now can never have. I lost out in the most important day of my life. I was supposed to be on my honeymoon making love to my handsome husband all day and night. Is it so wrong to want to be with the man I love? This is so not fair. I have sacrificed everything for this dream only to get slapped in the face with having to live a loveless life filled with complete emptiness.
She whipped around when she heard the song burst out of the speakers of the stereo again.
And I can see your face
Your kiss I still can taste
Not a memory erased
She quickly took the rings and placed them back in her jewelry box before running back down the stairs. “This is not happening,” she told herself.
Where you and I will be together
Once again
We’ll be dancing in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
And you’ll be smiling back at me
Only then will I be free
When I can be
Where you are
Liz hit the button on the stereo but it wouldn’t turn off this time. She hit the button again and again, growing frustrated and scared. Max held his hand over the stereo, not allowing her to turn it off.
Please don’t do this to me….
Now, baby, there are times when selfishly
I’m wishing that you were here with me
So I can wipe the tears from your eyes and make you see
That every night while you are dreaming
I’m here to guard you from afar
And anytime I feel alone
I close my eyes and dream of where you are
“Turn off!” she screamed and used her whole fist to pound the button one more time, this time, effectively silencing the blare from the speakers.
I can’t take this anymore, why is this happening?
Max breathed heavily beside her, his forehead glazed with sweat from using so much energy in such a short period of time. He could feel her fear. He didn’t intend to scare her, even though he knew that he would. She had to be scared in order to believe. He would make it happen tonight.
Liz backed up to the stairs again, tears welling in her eyes. She skipped the stair that squeaked unconsciously. At least, she had thought that she did, but it squeaked all the same, making her bolt up the stairs in record time. “I’m dreaming,” she told herself as she went to her bedroom. “That’s what it is. This is all a big, fucked up dream, that’s all,” she said as she got under the covers of her bed. “I’ll just go to sleep, and when I wake up, everything will be normal. That’s it. I just have to sleep.” She pulled the covers over her head, feeling somewhat safe inside her big bed, closing her eyes tightly.
I know I’m just having a bad day I haven’t slept enough, that is what it is. I need to sleep. There is nothing to fear. I know there has to be a reason for that stupid radio to go off. I must have a short circuit in there. I will have to have Michael take a look at it when he gets back. There has to be a logical explanation.
When Liz finally stirred from slumber, the alarm clock at her bedside read 9:30 PM. She shook her head, sitting up slowly, and taking a long look around the bedroom. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. The stereo was no longer blasting music, and her and Max’s rings were no longer on the top of the dresser. “It was only a dream,” she whispered into the darkness of her room. “It’s all over.”
I must have been hallucinating earlier about everything. I have to remember to sleep more.
“No, my love,” Max whispered back, though she could not hear him. “It is not over yet.”
Liz got up from the bed, intending to take a long, hot shower. Her shower lasted almost ten minutes when she heard her alarm clock begin to loudly serenade her. She couldn’t hear the song until she got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her to turn it off. It was 9:45.
Two AM and she calls me cuz I’m still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don’t love him, winter just wasn’t my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason
Liz’s eyes widened in absolute fear. It was her and Max’s song, and it was the exact time of his death. “No!” She ran to the clock, beating on it furiously, but just as with the stereo from earlier, it would not become silent.
Please stop this…I can’t…I can’t listen to this song. This was my wedding song. You would think that if there is a God or someone higher up they wouldn’t be putting me through this. Why would they be this cruel to me?
Cuz you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe
“It wasn’t a dream!” she screamed and slammed her fist down on the radio, taking a strong hold of it and ripping the cord from the wall. Finally, with the silence becoming deafening, she backed into the bathroom, looking around the bedroom wide-eyed and fearful. “Max...” Her shaky voice displayed all that she was feeling in the moment.
Once she had backed into the bathroom, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. Slowly turning her head to the mirror, which was fogged up from the heat of her shower, her eyes widened even further when she listened to the mirror screech as she watched the words appear.
IT’S ME
She let out a shrill scream, so loud it might have put a small crack in the mirror, and ran as fast as her legs could carry her down the stairs to the living room. She fell down on the hard wood floor, crying loudly. “Max! Stop it, Max! Please!! Please, stop! I believe you! I believe! Stop!!”
I can feel Max. I knew I wasn’t crazy. That must have been him in the shower. I wonder what he is doing here? I have to find out a way to talk to him.
In a wet, naked heap of flesh, Liz Parker broke down, crying and shaking from the emotion. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt him. His hand in her hair, gently pushing it back from her face, as if to comfort her.
“I’m here, Liz. I’m here. I love you so much.” Max continued to whisper to her, trying to comfort her. Though she could not hear him, he was certain she felt his touch. He cried with her on that floor, knowing that now he would finally be able to get through to her.
TBC...
Last edited by mmcherron on Sat Jun 24, 2006 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hi Everyone I'm posting this now because tomorrow I have to go down to the camp site and make sure all is ready for the Huge camping trip with all the girl scouts and I didn't want to miss posting this on Friday.
First off I want to thank everyone that has left feedback Luzser1800 and I love hearing what you all think.
I'm posting a warning here for all of you to have an open mind about this chapter I know this chapter is going to make some of you upset. Please remember that we are Dreamers. If you have problems with what you did read tonight please PM me about it and don't lash out in feedback. You have been warned that this chapter is a hard one to maybe swallow.
Max’s POV is in Blue
Liz’s POV is in Red
CHAPTER 7 - The Meeting
I hope that Liz forgives me for making her cry. I just needed her to believe and come and see Xan. I have to let her see that I’m not ready to let her go and she isn’t the only one hurting here. I hope I did the right thing. I know she just needed a push to see that I was really there in the house.
I can’t believe that I’m here. What am I really going to tell him? Maybe I should have waited until morning. What if he had a hot date and I just interrupted them….. That would be so embarrassing. I would really look like a fool coming in and talking about my dead husband haunting me in my house.
“I’m coming!” Xan called from his living room as he came to his front door. He checked the clock on the wall, noticing that it was almost eleven at night. He had been off job-hunting all day, and had come home to a nice, long shower before settling in front of the television. He was mentally exhausted, and on top of searching for more employment, he had even gone to a hospital, as much as he hated them, to fill out an application, when he had been approached by three different ghosts, all wanting him to leave messages for their families.
He hadn’t spoken to Max all day and he wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it. He was pretty sure Max hadn’t crossed over, though he really would have no way of telling unless he had been there to see it first hand. He was grateful at the same time, though, for an evening filled with peace and quiet. When he opened the door, however, he knew this evening would not turn out that way.
“Xan, right?”
Instead of standing there with his mouth wide open, Xan opted for shaking her outstretched hand. “Liz...”
“Can I come in?” Her voice was meek and Xan noticed that she looked like hell. Her hair was wet and messy. Her clothes were wrinkled and baggy. Her eyes were a dull void of brown. Yeah, she looked like hell.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently as he quietly closed the door behind her.
“No, I’m not,” she said quickly, spinning around to face him. It was then that he noticed Max standing beside her. When his eyes shifted from her face, Liz asked, “He’s here, isn’t he?”
Xan nodded slightly. “Yeah. He is.”
“How can you...”
“I have a gift,” Xan cut her off. “I can see the dead if they haven’t crossed to the other side. The first time I saw Max was at the funeral. I hadn’t expected it, but when he asked for my help...” He sighed loudly. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
Can you imagine growing up seeing dead people all around you. I hope he understands just how special he is, but I would have totally freaked out if I had the sight like he does.
“No, Max was the one who scared me,” she admitted. When Xan looked confused, she clarified, “Tonight, in my...our...apartment.” She ran her fingers through her hair, messing it up even more. “I couldn’t deny it anymore.”
When Xan turned to Max with a condescending look, Max shouted, “I had to do something!”
I had to get her to come here and I would do it again if I had to…I need for her to understand that I’m not going to give up on us. She looked so sad and I just wanted to touch her. I never got to get that last touch before I died.
“Once again, Max...are you trying to give her a heart attack?”
Liz stood by, still, in some ways, unable to believe what was happening right in front of her. Xan and Max were having a conversation. And even though she couldn’t see or hear Max, she could now feel him all around her. “What’s he saying?”
“He was just telling me what he had done to you tonight and wants you to know that he’s sorry for scaring you so badly.”
Liz nodded, new tears springing to her eyes.
“Why don’t you sit down?” He sat her down on the couch, and didn’t miss Max’s glare as he gently helped her. He ignored it though, and focused on Liz. “Ya know, if you have any questions for him or anything...he can hear you, and I can translate.”
How am I supposed to put all these feelings into words? I want my heart back. I want my chance to have kids with him. But most of all I just want his strong arms around me and his voice in my ear telling me that everything is going to be ok…Can I have that? I have so many questions I don’t even know where to start.
Liz’s eyes met his. “All this time, all I’ve wanted was to have him back for even a moment, and now that he’s here, I don’t know what to say to him.” Max sat next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Liz closed her eyes at the feel of his touch. She was so open, yet she could hardly believe she was actually feeling him. She turned toward the feel of his hand. “Why are you still here, Max?”
That’s my Liz always starting off with the hard questions. I’m surprised she doesn’t have a list with her. But I really wished I knew all of the reasons I didn’t follow the light. I wish I could just tell you but I can’t, not like this.
“I don’t know.” The words caught in his throat and when Liz turned to Xan, he reiterated for her.
“He doesn’t know why he’s here, Liz. We haven’t been able to figure that part out yet.” Xan turned back to Max, and this time, he narrowed his eyes at the expression on Max’s face. “Do you know why you’re still here, Max?”
When their eyes finally meet, Xan knows there’s something Max is not saying. Max holds a finger up. “Xan, before you start your shit...”
“All you had to do was tell me why you were still here. I would have fixed it and you would have moved on!”
Well maybe I didn’t want to leave. I never asked to be here I would have wanted to stay alive and been here for her, the love of my life, but NOOO, no one asked me and bam, I’m here and I can’t even tell my love that I love her.
Max shot up from his seat next to Liz. “Can I talk to you privately for a moment?”
“It’s not like she can hear you, Max,” Xan said with a cocky grin.”Ow!!” Xan lurched when Max’s energy shot him in the ribs, and kept zapping him as Max led him into the bedroom. “I told you to stop that!” Xan yelled once they were behind the closed door.
“And I told you to shut up for a minute!”
Xan looked around, as if just noticing where he was. “Very romantic, Max.”
Max’s eyes blazed in furious indignation. “I swear to you...”
“Alright, alright, just don’t zap me anymore!” Xan held his hands up. He lowered his voice. “Now, what did you want to talk about?”
“I want to talk to Liz.”
“I told you that I will repeat everything you say to her.”
“No!” Max shook his head crazily. “I want to talk to Liz.”
“How do you expect to do that?” Xan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Max stood before Xan, staring at him, not having to say what he wanted.
“No way!” Xan started for the door when Max zapped him again. “Max, I said ‘no!’”
“Why not?”
“Nobody jumps in my body, Max! Nobody! I’ve never let anyone else do it, and I won’t let you do it either!”
“Why not?!” Max had to zap Xan one more time to keep him from running.
“You could fuck something up permanently, that’s why!”
“I’ve talked to others. They all told me it’s harmless.”
“Well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about!” Xan sighed loudly and sat down on the edge of his bed. He really wanted to help Max and Liz. But he had heard horror stories about spirits jumping in human bodies. He wouldn’t want it to happen to him.
“Xan, please.” Max got on his knees in front of his only option. “I just need to talk to her for just a few minutes.” When Xan met Max’s eyes again, Max begged one more time, a single tear drop falling onto the stubble of his trembling jaw. “Please.”
***************
Liz sat in the living room for almost fifteen minutes, wondering what was going on behind those doors. She was getting anxious, now. She wanted to talk to Max. She still wasn’t sure what she would say, but she wanted to talk to him all the same.
I wonder what the hell is happening in there. You would think Max is hurting him. I guess Max really wants to make his point across. I really wonder why he is still here. I know he must have had his chance to cross over to that better place. I hope there is that better place. I would like to think there is a better place for Grandma and him to be in.
She had heard Xan yelling and even yelping in pain, so she had found herself snickering, wondering what Max had been putting the poor guy through in there. She found that it was so much easier to believe when all she could do was hear them. Finally, Xan came out of the bedroom, a stoic expression on his face.
Liz stood, licking her suddenly dry lips. “What happened? What did he say?”
Xan had to close his eyes for a minute. He couldn’t believe what he was about to do. Ever since he had known of his gift, and heard of the phenomenon where spirits take over a host’s body, he had promised himself to never allow it to happen to him. He still wasn’t exactly sure why he was giving Max that very opportunity. He assumed that it had something to do with the man saving his life, and as much as it sucked, he felt deep down that he owed it to him.
“Xan, what?” Liz wrung her hands nervously, awaiting a response.
Xan took a deep breath and looked at Max before turning back to Liz. “I’m going to let Max talk to you through me.”
“I thought that’s what we were doing,” Liz said, confused.
“No. I’m going to let Max use my body.”
“Use...” Liz’s eyes darted around rapidly. “Like in Ghost?”
Xan and Max’s faces both contorted into small smiles. “Exactly like in Ghost,” Xan said.
Liz seemed to be nervously reluctant. “What exactly does that mean in real life?”
“It means that you’ll be sitting and talking to Max, only in my body.”
“And will you be able to...”
“No,” Xan shook his head, already knowing her question. “Max will take over my body. I won’t even be here.”
Both Max and Xan watched as several different emotions raced across her face and through her eyes. Her eyes suddenly hardened. “I need confirmation that it’s really Max.”
“And I’ll be happy to give it to you,” Max said softly.
“You’ll get it,” Xan translated for her. He looked at Max. “You ready?”
“Are you?” Max asked as nicely as he could.
“No, but I’m willing. Let’s do it.” He sat down on the couch while Liz stood in front of him.
Max waited another moment, trying to gather the strength inside himself and took a deep breath before sitting down right in Xan’s spot.
Xan sucked in a breath just as a strong wind blew up the window curtains. His eyes rolled back into his head before the lids closed down tightly. When Xan’s eyes finally opened, Liz had to suck in a gulp of air at the sight. Max’s eyes had somehow become Xan’s. They were no longer brown. They were the sharp amber she knew so well.
Holy Shit, that is just weird… Those are Max’s eyes I know them anywhere. It’s so weird to see them in a body that isn’t his. I want to grab him and kiss him to death and never let go but then this really isn’t Max. But, at this point I don’t really care.
“Max?!” She whispered with excitement. She dropped to the couch, sitting down right in his lap. Her hands roamed his face and body. Xan’s face and body, but she knew it was Max in there.
“I thought I’d have to convince you a little more,” he chuckled.
“Convince me a little more, then,” she whispered against his lips.
I really shouldn’t be doing this but she feels so great. I just can’t hold out on her. I need to feel her and remember what its like to have her lips on mine.
He took them eagerly, suckling gently and roughly at the same time. It had been too long since he had tasted her, and he wanted more. His fingers wound up on the inside of the necklace chain, knowing it would help her to know it was really him. Just before he gave into the desire to pepper her neck with kisses, she stopped him. “Why are you still here, Max?” Her eyes held a gentle curiosity.
His eyes seemed heavy as he answered her. “I couldn’t tell Xan the truth.”
“Why not?” she asked as she stroked his hair.
“I guess it’s a little embarrassing?”
“Oh my God, am I pregnant?” Liz asked with wide-eyed innocence.
Oh my, that would be great!! A little Max running around me reminding me just how precious life is, I think I could really be a great mom.
“I wish I could tell you that I had a little honeypot in there,” he said as he stroked her belly, watching as Liz was once again confirmed that it was really Max she was with. “But I honestly don’t know that.”
I wish I could see in her and tell her that we made a baby. I would know that she would be the best mother and I know that I couldn’t leave her EVER. I would go into the Light and DEMAND that I get sent back right NOW!!!
“Then why?”
“I couldn’t go, Liz.” His eyes became sad. “I couldn’t leave you alone. I know it was selfish to put you through so much, but I just couldn’t let you go.”
Is it so wrong to say me too?? I don’t want him to leave me. I want to have him close at all times. I never got to have my time with him. I wanted to marry the love of my life and grow old together but, that got cut short and I somehow feel cheated out of the life we could have had. Is that wrong?? I know my grandmother would be so mad at me right now. I should be pushing Max to the other side telling him there is no place here to someone that has no body. I just wished I was stronger to tell him that I didn’t need him when my heart screams for him.
“Max, if you were selfish then so was I because I couldn’t let you go either.” She hugged him tightly to her, not wanting to let him go now. “How much time do you have in there?” she asked against his throat.
He swallowed loudly. “I don’t know. But I already know that it’s not enough.”
Oh, Liz, it will never be enough time with you. You should know that by now. I can’t and won’t let you live here in this world without me here to protect you and love you. I can’t cross over without you. I wouldn’t want to be in any life time without the other half of my soul.
“It’ll never be enough,” she added as she took his lips in a torrid kiss. When her hands began to wander, no matter how much he was enjoying it again, he had to stop her.
What will happen if I just kiss him for a bit? I need to feel Max I need to remember what its like to kiss him. To be able to touch him and make me melt into his arms as we make love….
“Liz, this isn’t me,” he told her regretfully.
Please make her stop this because if she continues I wouldn't be able to begin to explain to Xan what I did to his body. I won’t be held accountable for my actions because when I’m around Liz I seem to lose all thought process.
“But it is you,” she said desperately. “It’s you inside and that’s all that matters.” Max began to shake his head, not sure how he felt about this, even though he knew he wanted it more than anything else. “Max, please...I want the chance to at least have one thing of yours to hold on to in the future. Just one last thing that you can give me, please.” She began to kiss and touch every patch of skin she could reach.
Oh Liz, you don’t know how much I wanted to hear you say that, but how do we know if it works? I mean can Xan control me in here? Will he be able to remember that I’m using his body like this? Liz, if you keep this up I won’t be able to say no. But to tell you the truth I was never able to tell you no ever.
Max was slowly, but surely, beginning to lose his cool. If she kept this up he would not be able to deny her. Hell, he didn’t even want to deny her. All he wanted was to feel her surround him in every possible way once again. When he finally caved entirely, he held her tightly as he rose from the couch and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He headed for the bedroom, and gently laid her down on the bed.
Is this really happening or is this a cruel and evil dream. Will I wake up and be alone once again? I can feel him. I know it’s him, it’s like my heart can see through it all. I look into those eyes and I know that it’s Max.
Her eyes bore into his from below and he began to undress her with his gaze before beginning to touch her at all. He wanted to remember her for the rest of eternity. He would need it to cling to if he was expected to leave this Earth without her.
When his hands finally began to touch, he took his time, his fingers dancing dangerously all over her body. When he had pulled the shirt she wore above her navel, his fingers stopped their dance. “You’re not eating, love.” He was saddened by this.
What have I done to you?? I want to hold you and tell you it's all ok. I see you wasting away in front of me all of those days, and not being able to do anything about it was killing me. You should know that I never wanted you to be so unhappy that you wouldn’t be taking care of yourself.
“You’d think you would know that since you have been with me all this time.” She curled her lips but had to stop when she noticed that her fiancee was not amused.
“Liz,” he began to lightly scold her.
“Max, do you really want to give me tips on nutrition right now?”
Please stop..I want you and nothing else so please shut up, and just kiss me. Make me remember what we had together for all those years I want to remember what it was like to have you in me.
Max lowered his head. She was right, he would much rather be making love to her again, for the last time. All that aside, he had no idea how much time he could remain in this body.
Liz couldn’t bring herself to care. She had be with Max at least one more time. It was the only thing she would have left of him and she wanted it more than anything else in this whole wide world. She quickly snatched the buttons on his shirt, tearing the flaps out and to the sides of his ribs. It was hard not to notice that “Xan’s” body was different. He was chiseled and well sculpted, not at all bad, just different.
Not that bad for a sub-body for Max, just a little different, but somehow the same. I wonder if I can ask Xan if I can rent out his body for Max every once in a while?
Max knew she was inspecting the changes, and he didn’t want her to do that. In order for this to work, she would have to see him, at least, that’s what he wanted her to see. He quickly fused his lips with hers, knowing she would close her eyes, and dragged his tongue in and out of her mouth. He lifted the shirt entirely, pushing it off her body and exposing a simple white bra. He dove for the snap of her jeans before pulling them off her to reveal simple, white, cotton panties.
Oh how I wished I had my body back and that I had all the time in the world to be with her. I think the fates of the world are against true love. Maybe this is a test for me…How much am I willing to give up.
Liz wasted no time in getting him undressed as soon as she was. She wanted to feel his bare skin against hers again. It was all she had wanted since the fire. She rolled them over, taking the top, to get his jeans and boxers off. Once again, things were different.
“Liz, I need you to see me.”
“I do see you, Max.” He let out a sigh of relief. “I always see you.”
They smiled at each other warmly and Max began to run his hands over every part of her. He wanted to be quick, but at the same time, he wanted to take his time. He didn’t think there was a happy medium. He used his fingers first, stroking her open for him.
Can I freeze this moment right now and bottle it up? I don’t think I ever want to leave here or these feelings. His hands, he always could use his hands while in everything he does. Just thinking about him and having him in me again is almost too much for my senses. I just want him so bad I can taste it.
Liz didn’t even need the help, she was ready for him as it was, and she didn’t think she could wait much longer for him to fill her up. “Max, I know you want our baby to born out of love, but I really don’t think we can take our time right now.”
Thank goodness she told me because I don’t really think I can go for the soft and romantic love making right now because if I don’t have her right this minute I just might explode.
“I agree,” Max said before taking her mouth against his again. He positioned his tip at her entrance, ready to become a part of her again.
Liz immediately raised her hips, needing him more than she ever thought she could. The head of his erection buried itself halfway inside her and the moan that rose from her throat was unintentional as her body finally felt the man she loved inside her once again.
I knew this was my Max because No one and I mean NO one can ever make me feel this way.
Max’s grunt of approval was also unintentional, but unavoidable all the same. He finally sank down even further, burying himself to the hilt inside her. Max had to close his eyes against the onslaught of feelings that came with their joining. Tears began to slip from his closed lids before he even knew they were verging.
I hope and pray that Xan doesn’t try and pop up right now because that would totally suck ass. This is my girl and I might have to hurt him if he tried to take this one precious moment away from me. I would have to beat him.
Liz was exactly the same, crying her big eyes out at the feel of his body merged with hers. She was crying for a couple of reasons, though. Happiness at being with him, and sadness at the impending separation. She tried her hardest not to focus on the latter for the moment.
He is in me, and somehow I know that in the end he won’t be able to do this to me ever again. It scares me to know that this is going to be my final time with the man that owns my heart and soul all at once. How am I supposed to let him leave after this? Am I strong enough to make him see past my love for him and that I will be ok? How can I be so sure? When my heart is screaming at me to never let him go? Please let me be that person.
Max began to move inside her, still feeling the need to take his time. He held himself above her, using his forearms as leverage, but unable to remain so far away. He pushed himself down further, careful not to crush her, but wanting to feel her chest pressed against his.
I never knew that being with Liz again, my one and only, would be this hard. I’m not sure I can give her up. How could I? I look into her eyes and I can see into her soul. I know what she is going to say before she even begins to say it. I will never be able to see her smiling face or that face she makes when she is about to come. I love to see her do that. How can I just let her go and live the life she should have had with me? I just don’t think I can. There has to be something I can do.
Liz felt deliciously full and warm with the weight of his body above hers. She knew the closeness he wanted, and so, she threw her arms around his strong back, pulling him even closer until their beads of sweat on their upper and lower bodies mixed together, creating the scent of love all around them and throughout the entire apartment.
Liz rolled them over again, taking the top, but instead of arching back in bliss, still needing to be as close as possible, she laid her upper body on top of his, her breasts rubbing frantically against his nipples in a sweet heat of friction.
"Liz, I don't think we have much more time," Max said, the thought terrifying.
"I know, Max, I'm there, too."
"That's not what I mean, Liz..." The words came out strained as his hips rose off the bed, spilling his essence, more of his essence than he even knew he had, inside of her.
Liz's howl of pleasure followed Max's and she fell against him, crushing his body beneath hers, not daring to leave. She feared that getting up would insure that he disappeared and she couldn't bear to lose him again.
Please, not yet. I’m not ready to have him leave me in this moment. Xan please give him a little more time. I have to figure out how to let my heart break because I have to do one of the hardest things I think I'll ever have to do. How can I be the one to make him understand that he has to go? No matter how much I want him here with me forever he just can’t. Please give me the strength I need to get myself through this because I think I’m going to kill my soul doing this. I love him too much.
Max rolled them over finally, and held her close to his chest. “I love you, Liz.” He just realized he hadn’t told her that yet.
Liz smiled sweetly at him. “I’ll always love you, Max.” They stared deep into each other’s eyes for what seemed an eternity before they both found themselves crying again. “Max, I want you to have peace.”
Max wanted to shake his head, even started to. “I don’t know if I can, Liz.”
Please Liz don’t ask me to do this. You know that I can’t stand to see you cry. I can’t just leave you no matter how much you tell me it’s the right thing to do.
“You can,” whispered. “As much as it kills me...you don’t belong here anymore, and I can’t bear to have you suffering when there’s no reason for it.”
Please Max, please don’t make me beg you to do this. Don’t make this harder for me then it already is. Can’t you see this is killing me? How do you think it is for me to tell my love, my heart, my soul to go to the other side? Please believe me…and just go.
Max’s face scrunched up in agony. He closed his eyes, licking a tear off his upper lip. “If that’s what you want...”
“I don’t want you to leave me.” He opened his eyes to examine her. “But you have to.”
“I can stay,” he told her. “I would stay.”
I would stay for you. I would change the color of the heavens for you if I had the power, you know that.
“I can’t let you.” She leaned over to kiss him again, one last time, trying to give him everything she had so that they would both have that kiss to cherish for the rest of time. “I’ll be with you one day.”
Max, when my time comes I will find you. I promise that I will find you and then we can be in the heavens together. Just go into that place and wait for me and be happy.
Liz, please never forget me. I will be on that side waiting for my love to come back to me.
“And I’ll be waiting,” he promised her. When she closed her eyes again, Max could feel Xan trying to gain control of the body again, and while he didn’t want to overstay his welcome, he couldn’t bring himself to leave her just yet.
It would be another half hour or so before he would watch her breathing even out and know that she slept peacefully. It was the first peaceful sleep she had been given since his death, and it tore out his heart to leave her there, alone and without him. But he knew that she was right, and he had to let go.
This has to be the hardest thing I think I have ever done in my life. As I sit here watching the love of my life sleep, I have to at the same time remember what it's going to be like because I will never get to have these moments like this again. If I did create a child for her I hope that she will remember all those times we talked about having a family. I hope that she will be able to live the life she deserves. I will be watching her.
As he dressed quietly, careful not to wake her, he prayed with everything inside of him that they had been successful. That they had been able to create a life. He wanted to give that to Liz. She deserved it so much. He looked at her for a long moment, one last time, before walking out of the bedroom and laying down on the couch. He closed his eyes, and allowed Xan to take his body back.
*******************
When Xan finally woke up, it was almost four in the morning. His body felt used and beat down. He wasn’t even sure how long Max had been inside of him. He reached out with his mind, but couldn’t find Max at all. He tried to imagine what Liz may have said to Max to get him to cross over. He just hoped that the two of them would be okay now that his job was done.
He stumbled into the bathroom as if his legs were a blob of jelly, stopping in front of the mirror when something caught his eye. A blotch of red on the side of his neck. That’s right, a big, fat, hickey.
He would have chuckled if he wasn't so confused. He wasn't sure what they had done, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to know either. Just as he reached his fingers up, touching the mark, his mind threw off a bright light, and his head began to throb incessantly. He held his thumbs over his temples and his palms over his eyes in an attempt to quell the pain. With his eyes closed tightly, he watched as an image began to take shape and form until he saw Liz. Her long hair spilled over onto a pillow. Words began to form and the speech entered his mind when he heard what she was saying. “As much as it kills me...you don’t belong here anymore, and I can’t bear to have you suffering when there’s no reason for it.”
When he came out of the flash with the pain inside his head dulling sufficiently, he realized that it had just happened. That’s what Liz had said to get Max to leave. He wanted to praise her for helping. Xan knew that the other side was the best place for Max, and he was glad that Max was there now.
Just as he was assuming that Liz had already left, and approached the door to his bedroom, he could smell something in the air. He knew the scent of sex well, and just as he was wondering if it was in his imagination, he creaked his door open to find Liz, with her naked back to him, in his bed. His anguished whisper fell on deaf ears. “Dear God, Max, what have you done?”
First off I would like to tahnk all our readers for understand our lack of updates my Co-Author was away on vacation and my family got the summer flu!! Smooches Thank you for all your bumps.
Luzser you know I wouldn't have been able to get this Chapter out today if it wasn't for you..Smooches you are the best.
Please remember that Liz POV is in the red bold italics
CHAPTER 8
Liz was stirred from a restful slumber when she heard her name being called. As she slowly regained consciousness, she realized that Xan’s face had been the one to wake her. “Liz,” he whispered again as he shook her carefully.
“Max?” She began to stretch up like a cat when she saw Xan shake his head. She slowly sat up and a horrible thought entered her brain. “Oh my God, was it a dream?” She put her hands over her mouth and was just about to start crying all over again when Xan snickered and gestured to her upper body, which was slowly getting unwrapped from the sheets, and beginning to show off way too much skin. She pulled the sheet tight against her body. “I keep finding myself naked in front of men lately.” The moment turned serious. “Is he gone?” It hammered at her heart just to ask the question.
Why is it that I feel so sad about him being gone? I wanted that right? I told him to go and yet I feel so lonely. How can it be the right thing when I know deep down that I want to be selfish and have him to myself even if it is in a spirit form?
“Yeah, I think so.”
A sudden, horrible thought entered her brain. “It was really Max, right?”
Xan managed a serious expression as he looked into her eyes. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, Liz.” She nodded slowly. “You’re not exactly my type.”
“Well, thanks, I think.” She pulled the sheet tighter against her and began to get up when Xan grabbed her arm.
He shook his head empathetically. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
As she gazed at him, the expression on his face suddenly became clear. “You mean that you’re...”
Ohh Max what have we done? Xan doesn’t even like girls. At least I won’t be breaking any of his relationships up for him.
“Yeah,” he nodded with a bashful smile. “If that had been me last night, I probably wouldn’t have been able to perform at all up to par.”
“Well, that’s great!” Liz said before she caught his smirk. “I mean...it’s not...” She shook her head at the awkwardness of the situation then. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I knew what you meant,” he smiled, not at all offended.
“Well, I better get out of here. I have to go to work this morning.”
“You’re looking much better this morning if I do say so myself, Liz.”
“Well...” A smile began to light up her face, and she seemed to positively glow this morning. Xan’s eyes went wide when he realized just what he was starting to think of her. “I had a good night.” Just as she was about to leave the room to get dressed, Xan shook his head of the strange thoughts and reached for her arm before she could leave.
She turned her curious eyes to him. “Liz, I just want you to know that this isn’t over for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ll be here for you. For whatever you need.”
“Xan, you really don’t need the burden that is me in your life right now. You’ve done so much for me already.” She beamed at him.
He smiled sinfully at her. “Well, let’s chock it up to your boyfriend saving my life. I still feel like I owe him everything.”
“Xan, I don’t think you’ll ever know just how much I owe you.” When she could see that he really wanted to help, she said. “You already know where I live, and if you’re ever in the mood for Pan Seared Halibut with Curried Lentils, you’ve got a spot on the guest list.” That being said, she made her way out of the bedroom, knowing that Xan would be a great friend to have.
********************
Three Weeks Later
“Liz, are you sure you’re feeling alright? You look awfully pale, sweetie.” Liz and Maria were sitting in the kitchen over a cup of coffee while Michael sat in the living room engaged in the game on television.
Liz smoothed a hand over her forehead, feeling small beads of sweat begin to form there. “I think I’m just tired, Maria.”
“Are you sure that’s all...” She wasn’t even able to finish the sentence when Liz jumped out of her seat and bolted for the bathroom with a clapped hand over her mouth. Being Maria DeLuca, she followed her best friend. When she made it to the bathroom, she had the opportunity to witness Liz spewing her guts out into the toilet bowl. Maria immediately scooped up a pile of her friend’s hair and held it up for her.
When Liz had finished getting sick, and Maria had gotten a damp towel to run over Liz’s face and neck, Liz leaned back heavily against the toilet, her breathing beginning to return to normal as she sipped the water Maria had gotten for her.
“Liz, what’s wrong? How long have you been sick?”
“Long enough to know what my symptoms mean,” Liz finally admitted.
“And...”
“I’m pregnant, Maria.”
“It’s Max’s?” Liz shot her best friend a death glare in answer. “I’m sorry! It’s just...Max died two months ago, Liz. How far along are you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been to the doctor yet.”
“Well, it would have to be from the last time, right?”
Maria’s question had been perfectly logical, and Liz really wanted to answer it truthfully. Michael had yet to realize anything was even wrong, so she used the privacy to finally confide in Maria. “It could be.”
“What exactly do you mean that it could be?” Maria eyes searched for an explanation inside the silence.
How do I exactly explain this to her? Max, the love of my live took over Xan so he could say goodbye and I made passionate love to him….Oh by the way did I tell you he is really gay?
“I mean that it could be from later.”
“What?!” She immediately began to look around, hoping she hadn’t disturbed Michael. Liz took a long, deep breath and began to speak. She told Maria everything. About Xan, about Max, and exactly what had transpired between Xan/Max on the night that Max had crossed over. Liz had also informed Maria that she had not gotten a period since before Max’s death, but it could have easily been all the stress she had endured, and not pregnancy.
Maria’s mind was reeling with all the new information. When Xan had started calling and showing up, even though Michael had wanted to kick his ass for all the bullshit he pulled when he had first tried to tell Liz about Max, Liz had insisted that he was a good guy and that she was comfortable with him. They had somehow all managed to fall into a common purpose together, that purpose being Liz. And even though Michael still didn’t trust Xan completely, he did trust Liz’s judgement, and he respected her decision to keep Xan around.
Maria had been as cautious about Xan as her husband had been, but she was finding it easier to accept Xan. It was obvious that he was looking out for her best friend, and she appreciated that Liz had someone else, besides her and Michael, who could even begin to understand her pain. Liz had also told Maria and Michael about Xan’s sexual preference, and even though Michael had a hard time ‘swallowing that line’, as he had put it, he was dealing with it and making sure to keep an eye on things, just in case. Maria had wanted to believe it instantly, but there was no denying some of the looks Xan would throw Liz’s way. They were looks of longing, and passion, and the strangest ones of all were the curiosity and weirdness she seemed to find in his eyes at the same time his gaze would devour her.
*******************
Liz walked into the doctor’s office the next morning. Maria had told her that she needed to go as soon as possible, and since it was her day off anyway, she figured that she may as well go while she had the chance.
As Liz waited for the doctor to come into the room, she began to think about all that had led her to this moment. She was still in her own hell where Max was concerned. She still woke up every morning wishing that it had all been a dream. She still showered every day hoping to feel his hands in her hair again. And every once in a while, she prayed for another haunting. A part of her had wanted to contact Sylvia Browne and find out how Max was doing on the other side, the $300 she’d lose be damned! It was laughable, even to her, but she couldn’t help the feelings.
“Good afternoon, Liz,” Doctor Pierce said when he walked in, looking at his clipboard the whole time.
“Good afternoon, Doctor,” Liz replied.
“So, we have no idea how far along we are, right?”
“Right,” Liz admitted. “Not sure.”
“Well, that’s quite alright.” He scanned his clipboard. “According to this, your last period was over two months ago.”
“Right,” she said, not wanting to elaborate any further.
“Okay,” he said, cheerily, placing the clipboard down. “Let’s get you checked out.”
During her examination, Liz's mind began to wander. Her thoughts stayed on the pregnancy, and she wondered what this would mean for her and everyone else. A smile lit her features as she thought about Max. This was exactly what they had been striving for, and it was hard not to feel giddy about it. It didn't matter to Liz when this child was conceived, it was still Max's. It would always be Max's.
I can’t believe that I’m pregnant. I’m so happy, but yet I really don't know when I did actually get pregnant. I know that the baby will always be Max’s no matter what, but what will happen after I tell Xan that I’m pregnant?
Since that morning at Xan's house he has been true to his word. He has been nothing but a true friend. He has been there listening to me cry over just about anything and always seemed to understand. Sometimes I would get a feeling that he knew me better than I did. Sometimes you never notice what a good friend you have in someone.
Doctor Pierce set Liz up with prenatal pills and said that she should come in next month for the ultrasound. Liz went home, wondering what she was going to do now, and just how she was going to explain it to Xan.
Hi there everyone sorry this was almost late Luzser and I was working out the last of the chapter today.
Once again I have to give my Co-Author HUGE thank you because she is the BEST.
Thank you all for your feedback we love to hear what you think of the Fic.
Remember Liz's POV is Red, Bold and Italics
CHAPTER 9
“Say what?!” Michael exclaimed from the front seat of Maria’s car. She had just explained that she was going to pick up Liz from the doctor and why.
“Michael, keep your mouth shut! I swear, if you say one mean word to Liz about this, there will be no nookie for a month!”
Michael was almost stunned into silence. “No nookie?” He pouted, then remembered what they had been talking about. “No! You’re not gonna hang that over my head, woman! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with her?! What was she thinking?!”
“She was thinking about being with the man she loved one last time, Michael, can’t you understand that?!”
“No! I can’t understand how she could be so stupid as to believe that bullshit! I swear to God, as soon as I see that mother fucker again, I’m gonna knock his crooked teeth down his fucking throat!”
Maria pulled up to the doctor's office just then. “Michael, shut up!” Liz got in the car just as Michael’s mouth had closed.
Dammit, Maria can’t you just have kept it to yourself, and not tell your husband. He is looking at me with that disappointing look. I hate that he is judging me before he knows shit. He will never accept my excuse.
When Liz got into the back seat and closed the door she met Michael's gaze and she knew that he knew everything. "Well, now you know."
Ok, give it to me Michael! Go ahead and be a complete pig and tell me what you really think of me.
Michael really wanted to keep quiet, but he knew it was hopeless. It just wasn't in his nature. "What the hell is wrong with you, Liz?!"
I should have known that he would be mad. To think that maybe he might believe in me and my love with Max. I know in my heart that it was Max that night but try and explain that to Mister I don’t want to believe in anything I can’t see Guerin.
"Michael!" Maria shouted.
"No, Maria, it's okay, let him say what he has to say," Liz said.
Yeah Michael, Please tell me what you really think of me….I want to know what my husband's best friend really feels about this wife…ohhhh, scratch that I’m not even that because I never got that far.
Michael took that as his cue to be perfectly honest with her. "How could you be so stupid, Liz? What the hell were you thinking?!"
I was thinking about him. I wanted to have my last moment with the man I love. Why is that so hard for you to see? Michael, sometimes there are things in life that get thrown at you and sometimes you have to take a chance. I took a chance on my love.
"Michael, you weren't there! You didn't see what I saw!"
I know it was Max. I know it was him because of all the little things. You should know that I would never hurt Max in that way.
"Liz, you saw what you wanted to see! How could you possibly believe such bullshit?! I thought you were smarter than that, really, Liz shit you have no idea what you have done.”
"Michael, you don't know..."
He cut her off. "I know that the bastard has been scamming you since the moment he showed up on your doorstep!"
"How could he be scamming me? I've never given him anything!"
"Except for a good fuck!" Liz reared back in her seat with a gasp and Maria yelled his name in horror.
I can’t believe you Michael, I would never do that!!! What the hell do you think? That you can judge me like I’m some complete idiot. I know it was Max and I would never just sleep around just to FUCK anyone.
"How dare you? You really think that little of me?" she whispered painfully.
Michael wished that he could have stopped now, but there was so much anger, he knew he would have to get it out. "And you're even more stupid because you're not on birth control any more and you obviously didn't use any protection! How the hell do you think Max would feel right now?!" Liz was so surprised by his outburst that she had no idea what to say. "As far as I'm concerned you're a slut and you've disgraced Max's good name! Maybe it was a good idea that you don’t have his last name to run into the ground with the disgrace of another man’s baby."
You asshole…I can’t even stand to be around you how could you say that to me? Max was my everything and you have the balls to tell me that he is better off not to marry me. You know, you fuck head, there is still a HUGE chance that this baby was from my last time with Max. And just because I “slept” with Xan it was never him…it really wasn’t Xan it was Max. I have to leave. I can’t breathe right now and I’m feeling really light headed. I need air. Let me out. Move, you lug head before I throw up on your legs.
Michael's head suddenly snapped to the side when he was met with her open hand slap on his cheek. Maria shouted his name again and Michael instantly wished he could take the words back. "Liz, I..." His expression was remorseful, but it was too late.
Leave me alone I have nothing else I want to say to you. You already stomped on my heart and my memory of the only man I ever loved. You get your dream Michael. You get to see her everyday and morning. I get nothing but a memory…That memory you just broke for me. I just hope that maybe one day I can find the rest of the pieces of my heart that you just broke into a zillion pieces.
"No, forget it, Maria, I'll walk." She got out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk.
"Liz, no!" Maria called and got out of the car to go after her, giving Michael a death glare as she did. "Liz, no, get back in the car," she said gently when she got to the other side of the car where Liz now stood.
"It's okay, Maria, I don't need the judgement right now. Remember, I’m the slut."
"No! Michael!" she screamed. He poked his head out. "You asshole. Get out!"
"What?!" he shouted.
"You're walking! I said get out!"
"Maria, it's thirty blocks," he argued.
"Well, it looks like you'll have plenty of time to think, then! Get out!" He complied and Liz took his seat. For a minute, he didn't actually believe that they would leave him, but sure enough, Maria drove off without another word to him, and he certainly had plenty of time to think now.
**************
"Liz, you know Michael didn't mean it," Maria said when they got back to Liz's apartment.
"Yeah, except that he did."
"No, Liz, you know how he is. He doesn't think before he opens his big mouth."
That is still no excuse for what he said to me and I’m really not sure I can just forgive him yet.
"Do you think I was scammed, Maria? Do you think I'm stupid for sleeping with him?"
Maria could see the look in Liz's eyes. She knew her best friend very well, and right now, Liz wanted someone to believe that she had not been completely naive. But Maria could not and would never lie to Liz. So, she remained quiet, a sad look on her face.
I can’t believe that my only best friend, that knew me my whole life thinks I’m a slut right along with her lug head of a husband. I would have never turned my back on her if she was in my situation. I thought that maybe Maria might have believed in the higher power because she has always had an open mind about stuff like that. I guess in the long run I was wrong.
"You do!" Liz threw up her hands. "You agree with everything Michael said."
"No! Liz, I don't agree with everything he said, and a big part of what he had said could have been said better, but..." She sighed. "Liz, you have to admit it's a possibility..."
NO! I won’t admit to anything wrong or bad about what I did. I know that was Max. Why can’t anyone believe me. I will not be told that I’m a slut or someone that never loved Max because that was Max. I have had enough. I need to get away. I can’t believe that I have no one to listen to me and hear my side without judging me.
Liz spoke before Maria could finish her sentence. "Ya know what? I can't do this again right now. I just need some air." She walked out, leaving Maria to lower her head in defeat.
***********************
Funny how your hearts knows exactly where it needs to be, even when you don’t. It feels like hours that I have been wandering around out here. I watch the sun disappear into darkness. I have no idea where I am going or how long I have been walking around. I was starting to get cold because I was still wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I didn’t even have my purse on me.
I left in such a rush. I just had to get away from everyone that just didn’t believe in me. I needed to think about everything. You would have thought that I would have at least had my support from my closest friends but I was so wrong.
How am I supposed to tell anyone else? What are my parents going to think? Even worse, what are Max’s parents going to think of me? I never knew I would have ever felt so alone with no one to turn to. Having a baby is supposed to be happy and the best feeling.
I will love this baby and do this myself if I have to. Forget everyone else. As I aimlessly walk around I soon find myself standing in front of the cemetery. It’s so cold here. I hate this place. Here lies the love of my life and I haven’t even been able to come here. I just couldn’t bring myself down here. I’m so lost without you, Max. You always promised me that you would be there for me. Well, I need you now.
Liz stared at the ugly gray headstone. She could remember visiting grave sites with her grandmother, and thinking that the marble was beautiful, and the best way to signify that a life had been lived well. But, now, it was so ugly to her that it made her heart bleed. She laid a hand on the stone. Cold, just like her insides.
Why does everyone that I care deeply for leave me to come to a place like this. I hate that I have to face this and you alone. I hope you have Grandma with you Max.
"I'm not sure what I'm doing here," Liz said to the ground. "I just know that I need you now more than ever." She knelt down on the grass that was still growing over her fiancee. "I wish I could call you back or something. I wish that you hadn't have left when you did. I hate to be selfish, but it's true. Everything's just one big mess. And nobody, not even our best friends seem to understand." She sighed. "Was I with you or was I with Xan? How could I possibly explain what I already know to be true? I didn't need any proof then and I don't need it now. My heart knew that it was you, Max. It didn't matter whose body you were using, I know it was you. Why can't my best friend see that?" Her tears fell onto the grass.
I need you now Max. I need you more than ever. Can you please come back to me and help me through all of this? Make Michael and Maria see that it was really you that was around me every time so that they will stop thinking that I’m totally NUTS.
How can I raise this baby knowing that I can’t have you at the same time? What am I supposed to do Max? How am I going to do this? You shouldn’t have left me. What am I supposed to do? You would have the answer, please tell me. Please!!
She traced the outline of words on his headstone. Max Evans, Beloved Son, Husband, And Friend
As she traced Husband, the tears fell in hiccups. "God, I need you Max. Why did you have to leave me, Max?! How could you do that to me, when you knew damn well what we could have been together?!" She pounded on his tombstone pathetically. "How could you?" she whispered as she slunk to the dirt in distress.
Please…Please ,come back to me. I was wrong to tell you I would be ok without you…PLEASE, I need you so bad.
She cried into the dirt, before lifting her head with a thought. "At least there's still one person who knows that I'm not a whore."
***************************
Xan opened his door with a smile. “Liz! How are ya?”
“Hey, Xan,” she smiled nervously.
Now, how am I going to do this? I should do it quick and painless like pulling off a Band-Aid.
“What’s up?” He let her in, and quickly began picking clothes up off the floor. “Sorry, my maid’s on vacation,” he laughed.
Liz smiled at the old joke. Her smile wasn’t exactly lighting up the room, and Xan grew concerned.
“What’s the matter?” Liz’s eyes rolled up and Xan could see her trying to contain tears. “Liz, what is it?” He found himself struggling to breathe at her crying. He wasn’t sure why he felt that way. He took her hand and led her to sit down on the couch.
I feel so alone. How am I supposed to do this? What are you going to think of me afterwards? Will you think that I’m just as big of a slut as my best friends do?
“Xan, I need to tell you...” He watched her in expectation. Liz blew out a breath and just blurted, “I’m pregnant.”
Xan’s eyes opened wide, and then he put his head down, as if finding the floor very interesting suddenly. “Is it from that night?”
“I’m not...positive,” Liz confessed.
Xan only seemed shocked for a moment before a smile slowly spread over him. He looked into her eyes. “You mean we might finally have a little honeypot in there?”
