Cocking/Caulking (Lizfic) ADULT COMPLETE 3/30/06

[DMartinez]

"But I screwed up this morning. I'm sorry. I promised to be able to pick up things where we left them in the Jeep but… I kept thinking that it'll never be over."

"I thought the same thing. It's not the only thing. I can… go so far… but I don't know how far… or when it'll be okay for me…" Liz admitted softly and let him lead her into his house. She nudged him to a chair. "Take off your shirt. I know that furniture didn't break on your face. Ice pack?"

"Freezer." He nodded and did as told. He tugged down his undershirt, hoping she wouldn't see what he'd forced Zan to do to him. Thankfully, she handed him the pack to hold to his bruise. It felt like it was too big for the pack to cover. "Thanks."

"Dish towels?" She asked. He pointed. Soon he had a towel of ice to the side of his head. "You thirsty?"

"Liz. Stop. I should be running around waiting on you. It's my house and I'm the offender."

"We need to talk and I don't want you to get up for anything." Liz cleared her throat and poured him a glass of water. She pulled a chair around the side of the table so she could face him and be close despite his hunched posture. They stared at each other for a good long while before Liz blurted it out while Max sipped his water. "It could be years before we have sex."

Max sputtered and water went down the wrong pipe. He flashed back to the Crashdown when he'd choked on that pie. He still couldn't eat it. Now he was going to have an aversion to water. Liz grabbed a napkin and held it to his mouth and he forced the water back up. She winced, sorry for making him choke. It took him a few minutes to recover. "That was completely out of the blue and something that I hadn't considered thinking about in light of the fact that we're not actually dating."

"That's the thing. We are dating." Liz shrugged at him. "We're not kissing and we obviously have some issues… but those are issues that come up when you're dating. I just wanted to you be aware of the fact that this could drag on for months. The part where we don't date anyone else but don't really… touch each other. It could be years before we have sex."

"Can we get back to the part where we're dating?" Max coughed and reached for another napkin to wipe up what had escaped the first napkin. "I really don't recall asking you out or vice versa this being the 21st century and all."

"It wasn't verbal. Maria's mom has this idea that people who… really connect really, well… connect. Sometime in the last couple of months, we started dating. This unspoken, mutual thing whereby when I need someone to make me feel loved, I go to you. Aside from the last week, we were doing pretty well. We were doing all the ritual courtship actions without… kissing." She took a breath and motioned for him to be quiet. "We know now that you have a fear of some knowledge. That's fine."

"Liz… this… are you insane?"

"No. Just… follow me. In the last four days, I've listened to a lot of women talk about this." She held his ice pack in place so he could move a little more freely as he cleaned himself up. "I'm ahead of the game where you're concerned. We can touch without me flipping out. It's helping me with letting other people touch me as well. We're doing good. I've also had to listen to these women with steady boyfriends or husbands, some of whom are super-understanding, and I realize how this is going to affect the way we continue to interact while we date. While I let you touch me and I want you to kiss me… it is entirely possible that should we progress, I'll freeze up. I don't want you to think it's because of you. I need you to be one of those super-understanding boyfriends who will let me set the pace. I know that you get it. You've proved it to me over the last few months, excluding the past week. I just… really needed to verbalize so that you fully understand."

Max set down the ice packs and pulled her into his arms, leaning his head against hers. "I get it. Sex is not important to me. Not right now. Making sure that you're okay… that's priority. I'm sorry for the last week. We've both been miserable because I'm an idiot. I'm sorry about that. I can wait… I can wait until you're ready. If it takes three years, then it takes three years."

"Three years. Is that my cap?" She teased.

"I'm just saying… a year. Six months. A week. Whatever. I'm yours to abuse or not." She felt so good that he didn't care about his protesting muscles or his bruised face against hers.

"A week huh. You're highly optimistic."

"I just believe you're stronger than your fear." He told her honestly. "You're the strongest person I know. I don't like knowing you have this fear but I'll help. It'll take hours of hard work. Talking, touching… groping." He teased, lightly. "Dirty job but someone's got to do it… and I'd prefer it not be my alien clone."

"Hi kids!" Diane burst into the room. "Liz, are you staying for lunch?"

"I don't know." Liz looked to Max, who nodded that he wanted her to. "I think I might. I'll have to call my dad."

"You know where the phone is…" Diane trailed off as she got a good look at her son. "Max, honey. What happened?"

Max ducked his head in shame, reaching for the abandoned ice pack to apply to his face. He looked to Liz who raised an eyebrow. "He impugned my honor."

"Surely, you didn't do that to him." Diane gasped as she took in all the bruises, noted the wet spot on the back of his shirt from the ice pack.

"Just this one." Liz poked the red spot on his shoulder.

"Liz and I got into a verbal fight." Max confirmed, cowed at the reminder. "Zan swooped in to defend her… with no less words but much more fists. Don't worry. I deserved it… and more." He flexed his sore jaw. "But through my idiocy, Liz has decided to forgive me."

"What did you say?" Diane demanded.

"Nothing that bears repeating." Liz leapt in. "It's all forgiven. I said some horrible things myself. We were both out of line but we're okay now. Better."

"Speak for yourself." Max winced as his mother examined his war wounds. "What?"

"Is that a splinter?" She gently coaxed the sliver out.

"It could be." Max made a bunch of faces but didn't make any noise until the sliver was out. "If you're gonna be mad, be mad at me but I'm not repeating any of the very wrong things I said today."

"Impugned your honor, you say?" Diane straightened and looked over the sorry couple. "I did not raise my son to say anything to a woman that would require a fist-fight to rectify."

"Must be that barn you're always talking about." Max acknowledged her reprimand. "Six years, I don't remember. Some of them could have been in a barn."

"You stood by and let Zan pummel my son?"

"Not exactly. I said some bad stuff. Hurtful stuff and ran from the room. Anything that happened thereafter you'll have to take up with my champion. Don't worry. We've managed to sit like adults and actually talk things through. Rectified certain misconceptions and reconciled our… friendship and have agreed that we are…"

"Non-dating." Max supplied.

"Non-dating. What is that?" Kids. She felt like rolling her eyes.

"What we've been doing for weeks." Max managed a small smile at his non-girlfriend. "All the emotional baggage of a relationship without the constraints of physical demonstration until Liz comfortable enough to attempt more."

"How much more?" Diane arched an eyebrow as she set about making lunch.

"Today we hugged." Liz acknowledged, her eyes on Max. His eyes on her. Diane relaxed a little. She had almost forgotten. She watched as Max lifted Liz's hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. Then wince in pain. "Sore lip?"

"Zan's got more experience in what packs a punch." Max flexed his jaw again. "I think he has granite implanted in his knuckles."

"How are you and Zan getting along these days? When you're not pummeling each other." Diane accepted Liz's help when the girl rose to offer it.

"We're okay. We don't know anything for certain, still… so… we're friends if nothing else." Max didn't turn fully to them as he spoke. "He's a good guy. He's had a hard life and he doesn't make excuses. He just… keeps going. He's not a role model but I can learn a lot from him."

"You're a lot alike." Liz smiled a little. "You think you're Superman but you don't know that you're your own Kryptonite." She paused to meet his eyes. "You know… Superman didn't have friends. He had a mother and a father once. They loved him enough to send him away to another mother and father who loved him very much. He grew up very lonely. Sure he had buddies at work but Jimmy Olsen never really knew Clark Kent. Lois didn't always know he was Superman. He had to learn that she could love Clark Kent as much as she did Superman… but he had to tell her that they were the same person, first." She resumed the assembly line of sandwiches on the counter. "It took him 50 years to trust her."

"In actual time, not comic time." Max cleared his throat.

"Still. Too long. Too much time not to trust the ones you love."

"I never knew comic books could be so profound." Diane cut in, reminding the teens that she was till there.

"Sometimes a look on someone's face says more than words ever could." Max set aside his ice packs and rose to pull glasses from the cabinets.

"I don't know about comic books being art but I can see how they translate and transcend beyond childhood toys." She cut Max's sandwich in half and handed it off to Liz to put on the table. "I suppose the relationships of a superhero could reflect a bit on life."

"Let's not forget, Mom." Max hesitated at the refrigerator as he gained the courage to finish what Liz had started. "Superman wasn't just a superhero. He was an alien. He's afraid to let anyone know who he really was. He wanted to be human… like everyone else. Only two people in the entire world knew who he really was. When his dad died, he didn't want to get attached to anyone else… until he met the love of his life." He grabbed the pitcher of tea and poured his mother a glass, then another for Liz.

"Well, if he didn't tell her the truth as long as Liz says, I'm sure she was a little angry. Relationships are hard enough but when people keep secrets, it gets harder. Talking and compromise and lots and lots of talking." Diane got them all seated at the table. "It's work and sharing. I'm sure once he told Lois, he felt a lot better."

"You don't think he worried that he put her in more danger?"

"Perhaps but if I recall accurately, danger found her enough as it was."

"Lois was a strong woman. A little damsel in distress more often than not but definitely a feminist. She probably resented the implication that she couldn't take care of herself without a man with superpowers around." Liz pointed out. "We're not all defenseless little girls. Some of us, when not blindsided, can actually put up a fight. In my case, I have some very loyal friends… who may go a step too far… sometimes."

"Dad doesn't actually do handiwork so well." Diane leapt in. "I do a little fixing after he's gone to work."

"Chivalry is appreciated, not needed."

"So you can carry your own books to class?" Max arched an eyebrow as he picked up his sandwich.

"Didn't I say it was appreciated? Do I not spend hours staring at you in return?"

"And here I stare all day for free."

"Young love…" Diane started.

"Enough to make you want to vomit, isn't it?" Isabel piped up from the doorway in yet another one of her stunning Christmas ensembles.

"Look who's talking." Max retorted. "How many hours did you spend on the phone with Michael last night?"

"We didn't talk on the phone last night… he forgot to pay his bill." Isabel shrugged and helped herself to the other half of her brother's sandwich. She studied her brother. Liz couldn't help but feel that Isabel was covering something up with her flippant manner. "What happened to you?"

"The official story was he behaved ungentlemanly toward Liz and Zan took it upon himself to beat the sense back into him." Diane watched Max actually wince at her words. "I'm sure there's more to it but those two aren't really talking."

"It's alpha male syndrome." Isabel helped herself to Max's water. "Michael and Max always butt heads but since Max is always with Liz these days, they don't. Zan and Max are always around each other and I don't know if you noticed, Mom, but they look a lot alike and Tess is… with Zan these days. There's a lot of machismo being flung around. It was bound to happen."

"She likes to be called Ava, now." Diane rose to fix Isabel a sandwich. "I think this was more than male egos butting heads."

"What? Did Max get jealous or something?" Max gingerly sat back and Liz reached for his hand. Isabel gasped. "You dork." She pulled a chair up to her brother. There it was, that mood they could feel just under the surface. "What did you do, Max? Tell them not to spend so much time together like you did with Michael? Did you throw a little control fit?"

"Isabel." Max warned, flicking his eyes toward their mother.

"You didn't throw a jealous fit and tell Liz and Zan they couldn't be… friends anymore?" She demanded.

"Not as such." Max shook his head.

"Why do you persist on staying with him?" Isabel turned to Liz. "You know how he is. You remember. He's only gotten worse. 'Oh April, thine eyes glitter like the stars in the sky.'"

"I never said anything like that."

"You were thinking it. You threw a jealous fit and Zan threw you up against a wall. Good for him." She sat back in her chair.

"Are you low on Midol or something?"

"Max Evans!"

Max winced. He had forgotten his mother was there. Again. "Sorry. Feminine distresses aside. Are you trying to make a point?"

"Did you tell Michael to break up with me?" Isabel's eyes flashed pain and anger.

"No." Max sat up, wincing at the pain in his side.

"Liar."

"I didn't." He protested.

"He broke up with you?" Liz jumped in to save all their wits. "But he loves you."

"I guess not cause he broke it off." Isabel bit out.

"He didn't." Liz shook her head. "He's confused but not about you…"

"What? What is he confused about? I only hang on his every word and I cook for him. I clean his bathroom. If that isn't devotion then I don't know what is. What the hell is he confused about?"

"Everything. He's Michael." Max snorted and winced. "I can't believe he broke up with you… Are you sure?"

"'You know, Iz… maybe we shouldn't do this anymore…' Sounded like a break up to me." She stared between the two. "Do not. Do not rub your happy bliss in my face."

"It's not bliss if that makes you feel better." Liz offered weakly and wanted to hide when Isabel glared at her. "I'm sorry. No bliss. Promise. Barely happy. Zan really did beat him up."

"Wonder if he'd beat up Michael." Isabel put half of her fresh sandwich on Max's plate and faced forward. Isabel the Christmas Nazi was distracted from her task by a break up. It could get ugly. "The elves. If I promised them they'd get off an hour early, they might pummel him with the giant candy canes from the park."

"Honey, are you okay?" Diane had seen her daughter in many moods but this was a new and frightening one. Her daughter had dated quite a bit before Michael and had never reacted to any of them this way. Then again, none of them had broken up with her before.

"No. I'm not. We've been together for… a long time. Longer than any other boyfriend I've ever had. He's meant more to me than any other boy on this planet and he broke up with me. God! I'm going to kill him. That's it. If I can't have him, I'll… find the tramp he left me for and ruin that."

"Isabel, I really don't think he left you for someone else." Liz wanted to pull Max in front of her to shield her from that gaze.

"Liz is right. Are you sure he broke up with you? Michael breaking up with you is like him cutting off his… arm.” Max shot her a look that said more than his words. “He’s confused about how he’s feeling but… he really cares about you. I really don’t see him breaking up with you.”

“How am I supposed to take it?” She raged anew.

“Maybe he needs some space?” Liz offered. “He’s really concerned about being with you for the right reasons.”

“The right reasons?” Isabel quieted suddenly.

Liz took a breath. “You’ve always been his best friend. He’s come to you for everything and now… you’re his girlfriend. It happened so fast that you don’t even know how long you’ve been together. He’s… he knows he’s attracted to you. He knows that he wants to love you but he wants to make sure that it’s actually love because… I don’t think he could stand hurting you that way. Michael doesn’t have the benefit of role models to show him what love is. He has to find it on his own. He’s… trying to make sure he’s not just reacting to you and that he really does care about you.”

Diane watched her daughter’s face. “She’s probably right, Isabel. Anyone can see that Michael cares about you. I may not have approved when I found out but… he’s trying to be good to you. I worry. He’s got an apartment of his own. I worry that when you’re not here, you’re there doing… God knows what but… when he’s here, I can see that he’s desperate not to let anything happen to you…”

Max shot Isabel a look and his sister actually looked a little guilty. In part about the sex stuff and in part about Michael. “I’ve been pushing him to say it but he hasn’t been able to.”

“He wants to.” Liz tried to reassure her.

“Did he talk to you?”

“Briefly.”

“You’re a good friend. Thank you.” Isabel nodded and rose from the table. “I’ve got a dog show to get to. Then I have to check on the Santa costume for the park and then we’re doing the can drive tonight. You coming?”

“We have some… talking to do.” Max shook his head at his sister. Liz leaned on him. “We’ll see you later.”

I'm Liz Parker and I had a breakthrough with Max. We're going to stop hiding behind our vices and actually be something. I'm not sure what it is but we'll figure it out together. Today I had to watch Max and Isabel a serious conversation about Michael in front of their mother. I saw Mrs. Evans and she could tell there was more going on but she didn't say anything. She just sat there and… loved her children enough to pretend she didn’t notice. I think I get now how hard it's been for Max. To try to be the son the Evans want and to be himself and to be what his sister and friend need. It's a lot of pretending and a lot of lying and so much pressure. He didn't tell me I was wrong for the position I put him in with his mother today but maybe I was treading on territory that I know nothing about.

TBC

Took me forever to work through this. I'm already started on the next part so next week is probably definite that I'll have a new post. If anyone is reading here was also reading my board. I'm sorry. I didn't post it. The board is still all wacky. Once it's resolved I'll be reposting parts and all that.

[DMartinez]

AN: Thank you for all of your kind words and your continued enjoyment. Those last two parts and this next part took a long time to write, or at least it felt like it. I hope you continue to enjoy. Here's the new part:

I'm Liz Parker and sometimes I hate being right. Sometimes it feels good, like when you're the only one in class who did the reading and can raise your hand with confidence. Or when you know how to put out the small grease fire when everyone else panics. But when you mildly suggest to an alien that he should find the woman who was nice to his pod 50 years ago and you turn out to be right… it doesn't feel so good. Knowing that this glowing thing is done. Feels great. Knowing that the answer is going to tear up a few of my closest friends… not so good.

Liz hung up the phone and turned to her dad. She honestly didn't know if she was relieved or bummed about that phone call. "Maria's going to Santa Fe for Christmas. They're not coming for the festivities this year."

"Who's going to work her shifts?" Jeff Parker. Business as always.

"I don't know. She's leaving tomorrow…" She looked out the walk-up window. "Maybe we can strap a uniform on Ava until Maria gets back."

"Ava, huh. She still on that kick?"

"Her dad named her. He just… up and left. She's working out her anger."

"I'll talk to her tomorrow, then. Your mom can cover until we get details straightened out." He grabbed an order slip and slid it over the counter to Agnes with the tray of food. He flipped the row of eggs on the stove. "What's in Santa Fe?"

"Sean." She shrugged and waited for the eggs to sizzle themselves to over-easiness. "It was hard to understand. Maria was really upset. I think her mom wanted him to have some family around. He's been up there for almost a year already."

"That's right…" He nodded to the stove and began flipping the eggs onto plates. "It's good they're doing that. Your mom wanted to have everyone come down this year but I thought it might be too much for you."

"Probably not a good idea. I tried… hugging a few people. It didn't agree with me. I'll just stick to you and Mom… Ava and Max… It's a start."

"You hugging Max much these days?"

"Dad…" Liz wrinkled her nose at him. "Don't say it like that." She scraped hash browns onto a couple of plates and picked them up for delivery. "All hugging we do is done in public places."

"I'm just wondering if we should be inviting Max to as many lunches and dinners as you seem to be attending at the Evans…" He waited while Liz paused with a platter in each hand. "Diane was in to see me yesterday. Seems you've also been hugging in her kitchen."

"It's hugging, Dad. It's not anything else." She gathered her wits. "If you would like to invite Max to dinner, I'll ask if he's free."

"Tomorrow night, then."

"Then, I'll ask him." She moved out into the dining room and set the plates in front of her friends. "Two specials. You going to drown that in hot sauce?"

"That sounds like a plan." Zan nodded and reached for the bottle on the table.

"Ladies first." Ava grabbed it out of his reach.

"I don't see any ladies." He grumbled but waited his turn.

"Be careful." She warned.

Zan turned to Liz. "I told you, no ladies at this table… maybe a Hellcat, though."

"Damn straight."

"Hey Ava… I kind of volunteered you to take over a few of Maria's shifts… she's taking off for a few weeks…" Liz winced as she spoke. She should have talked to Ava first but the girl was always looking for things to do.

"Could be cool… I could get this horny mess off my ass for a few hours a day." Ava dumped salt on Zan's eggs for him.

"I don't really hear you complainin'… And it ain't like I'm always after you. Sometimes I gotta refuel."

"Enjoy guys." Liz laughed at them and made a round of her tables. Max appeared later for his lunch break. He joined the New Yorkers who seemed to have glued themselves to their booth and had his usual. She waited until he was comfortable before she sprung the news on him. "So… Dad wants to have you for dinner."

Max nearly choked on his burger. "Stop doing that." He sipped his coke and cleared his throat. "Are we clear on the semantics of this?"

"It's dinner, Max. It's pretty clear." She focused on him across the table. They were doing really good to make sure there were no further misunderstandings between them.

"But does he want me to dinner or for dinner?"

"What?" Was that a headache forming behind her eyes?

"To Serve Man or to serve Mankind." Zan offered, nudging Liz lightly.

"What?" Liz sat confused while Zan and Max had a good chuckle over that.

"I'll come. When?" Max shook his head to himself and returned to his meal.

"Tomorrow."

"I'll be there… here. Wherever." He reassured her.

Liz nodded and shifted in her seat to reach for the ketchup, her thigh brushing Zan's. She let out a breath suddenly. Then Zan did. Ava and Max scooted back in their seats involuntarily at the harshness of the sounds. The two breathed out together and reached for their glasses to gulp the icy contents. Liz got to her feet in a hurry. "I'm going to the bathroom."

When she left, Zan waited. He waited for Max to look at him. Max finally nodded and halfheartedly went back to his lunch. Zan looked to Ava who seemed more concerned with Liz. He made sure no one watched him when he entered the bathroom where Liz was drinking from the sink. He shut and locked the door. "You okay?"

"I'm burning up." She gasped. "Why? Why? I thought this was done."

"You knew it wasn't." Zan held out his hand. Gingerly, she slid her hand into his. She moaned immediately. Zan clapped a hand over her mouth and then yanked it off. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't mean anything by it." Liz panted as the glowing enveloped their hands and continued to grow. It slid up their arms in intoxicating waves.

"Just… try to be quiet. Okay?" Zan blew out a breath but his blood was boiling. Her face fit into the crook of his neck, her cheek against his neck, and they were on fire. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispered as he pulled open her uniform and slid his arm inside. Cursing, he realized there was an undershirt blocking his access to her skin. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He managed once more and lifted the thin shirt to allow skin to skin contact. The meeting of the skin on her back and his inner arm nearly made him moan aloud. Gritting his teeth against another moan, he let the waves of heat pass through him. Liz arched against him, flattening against him, and had to bite his shoulder to keep from crying out. Her arms slid beneath his shirt, pulling at his flesh, increasing the amount of skin to transmit this growing heat.

With her front pressed against his, Liz couldn't do much except try to follow where the energy was taking her. Right this moment, it wanted inside Zan. She had to get closer, press closer. Their bare bellies touched and she bit down harder as the energy released them. Liz sagged against him, depending on him to keep her from falling to the floor. Zan gasped for air as he registered the texture of the skin against his. It wasn't smooth as he thought it would have been. Maybe it had been four months ago. "Did you see?"

Liz shook her head against his shoulder. "I drew blood. I'm sorry."

"It's okay… can I see?"

"Okay." She lifted her head and let him kiss her. He was gentler than he needed to be. He only used his lips and the rush of images stilled them both.

["Excuse us, nurse… please come with us."

"No. Not until someone listens to me. How do we know what's been done to these babies? Where did they come from? Were they stolen? What is this stuff? What if they die in there?"

"Ma'am. Calm down and come with us."

"Who is going to look after them? No one was monitoring when I came in? What if they open or hatch or whatever it was intended that these things do?"

"Ma'am. We'll need you to stop creating a scene and come quietly with us. You need to be debriefed."

"De-?" Someone grabbed her arm, there was a pinch and a warm sensation and then she was falling. "What are…"

"Helen Montgomery. She's got family in high places. She's got a husband overseas. He was stationed here until last year." The doctor supplied when the men looked at him. He valued his life and his job, he’d give them anything they wanted.

"We'll just have to be firm in our counseling. Thank you. If we could all retire to an interrogation room. We'd like our doctors to come in and examine these specimens tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."]

Liz tried to catch her breath. "They didn't kill her."

Zan let her slip from his arms. He leaned against the wall, letting his shirt fall back into place. "Maybe they did something worse to her."

"Helen Montgomery." She sank down on the lid of the toilet, absently fixing her undershirt and closing her uniform to re-snap later. "They couldn't get rid of her. Too many important people would ask where she was."

"I don't want to see her." Zan bit out.

"Obviously some part of you does or something wants you to. Maybe she knows something that could help. I don't know why you needed to see that. Obviously it's important. I told the Sheriff I was looking for someone… now we have a name."

"Whatever."

"Zan… Do you want me to give him the name?"

"I guess."

"Okay… Zan…" Liz looked over at him. "Your shoulder."

"It's okay. I'll be fine. It's just a bruise." He pushed off from the wall and reached for the doorknob.

"Could you tell Max to come in here?"

He hesitated with his hand on the knob. "We can fix those…" He didn't look at her but he knew she knew what he meant. "It ain't hardly nothin'. Just… surface work."

"Maybe… soon…" Liz held the neck of her uniform closed. She waited while he left, while Max came. She let Max hold her for a few minutes in silence. He didn't say a word, just held her in his lap while she processed. "Do you have to be back soon?"

"It's slow. He let me stay longer. I already asked."

"Is my dad looking for me?"

"We told him you had a flashback. He didn't say anything. It's slowing down out there." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Are you busy tonight?"

"He's got me working late, setting up a new display. Tomorrow?"

"Me and Mom are covering for Maria…"

"Isabel's got me volunteering for something anyway. Day after?"

"I think I can get a moment. I just need to be alone but I don't want to be alone." Liz sighed. "Does that make any sense?"

"No but… if you need me to be somewhere with you, I'll try to be there."

Finally, she lifted her face to his. "Thank you, Max." She kissed him lightly on the lips and he barely moved his lips in response, afraid to scare her. "Thank you. I hate to be this spazz but sometimes… it's hard." She gulped. "I'm fine, really. I just… I don't even really think about it but it's like my mind is off in its own corner dissecting it to death. I feel it even if I don't know I’m doing it."

"What happened?"

"Zan… I… All he did was touch me and I moaned or something and he put his hand over my mouth. Just for a second, because he knew… but I didn't think about it then. It didn't matter then but… then we were touching other places and now I know… and I feel… and I don't like that. I don't like knowing that doing something initially innocent will bring these feelings on reflection." Liz leaned on him. "It's because he's not you. If it were you, I don't think I'd react this way afterward."

"You don't know that and it's okay, Liz. It's really okay." He brushed her hair out of her face. "Maybe you should go upstairs and lay down or something?"

"Maybe. I'll go talk to my dad." Liz got to her feet and buttoned her uniform and glanced at her reflection. "All he did was touch my back, Max."

"I understand, I guess. I'm not thinking you were screwing against the wall or anything." He offered a lame smile. "I'm sorry you have to do this."

"I'm okay." Liz leaned on the sink. "I hate being such a mess. Relying on people like I have to."

"Someone told me that there's not enough time to not trust the ones you love. Trust, rely on, have faith in."

"I didn't say that."

"I paraphrased. Doctor, heal thyself." Max rose and pulled her to stand straight. "If I can work on my control issues, so can you. I'm here. Lean on me. I promise not to crumble no matter how much weight you throw on me."

"That better not be a jab at my weight, mister." Liz squeezed his hands. "Do I look like I just had an emotional fit?"

"No tear tracks. You look… mildly flustered. I think this calls for your dad. He hugs you and you change. You feel better. This isn't boyfriend-hug solvable."

"You could be right… and that's a little annoying." Liz took a deep breath and exited the bathroom and entered the kitchen. Max urged to her father. Mr. Parker looked like he wanted to gripe for a minute but he looked his daughter over and his entire expression changed. "Dad… I… uh."

He put his arms around his daughter and she bit back a sob. "Sh. It’s okay. No one’s here that’s not supposed to be."

"I know… I just…" Liz turned to head to see Max, who was shuffling his feet in the breakroom. "I just needed a hug."

"Are you okay? Should I get Mom down here so you can go lay down or something?"

"No. I’m good." She pulled away and stood up straight. "Max was right. I just needed a hug from you."

"He said that?" Jeff barely glanced at the boy. He gripped his daughter’s shoulder for a moment. "Guess he’s pretty smart."

"Yeah… he’s coming to dinner tomorrow but not for dinner…" She shrugged. "Whatever that means."

Jeff chuckled to himself. "I get it. It just means we’ll have something to talk about tomorrow night. You sure you’re okay?"

"Yeah. I’m fine. I’ll be okay. Love you, Dad."

Having issues and hiding from your issues are two separate and very consuming things. I know I have the issues but I don't always know which ones I'm hiding from myself. Max helps. I know some of this stuff bothers him and he still helps. When Zan touches me, it's different. He doesn't feel the same… it's like, I know his touch but it's not Max's and therefore not as comfortable to me. Like his energy is so different that while I know it, it's not home.

Liz wandered around after her shift. She layered on her clothes the same as she had been all winter even though it wasn't very cold. She took the side streets and window shopped in the non-alien-oriented side of downtown Roswell. She got some of her Christmas shopping done. She saw Alex and Debra when she passed the electronics store but decided not to disrupt their obviously intense conversation. She waved to Ms. DeLuca in passing to the thrift store. Michael was brooding in the park, so she didn't interrupt that. A few kids from one of her classes were ice-skating. She managed a nod to Kelen when she passed him sitting on a bench outside his church. Eventually she attended her meeting and managed to talk a bit about some of her reactions to people and that helped.

She stopped a few more places she never expected to find herself before she went home to get ready for dinner with Max and her family. Her mother had dressed up and her father was dressed… for church. Liz stared at them moving around in the kitchen before putting away her shopping bags. She stared at her closet for a few moments. Max liked the red sweater but it barely hit her belly button and that sweater only looked nice with the jeans she had gotten rid of. Her other option was a skirt that always slipped to her hips, leaving almost two inches of her stomach exposed. She had been layering her clothing for months and she didn’t know how to dress up anymore. Taking a breath, she pulled a dress shirt out and found a pair of slacks. It was a start.

Before she knew it, she was back in the kitchen helping get dinner together. "It’s just Max. It’s not the president."

"He’s obviously very important to you. I just want to get to know him a little better is all." Nancy took a breath and then studied her daughter. "Aren’t you a little hot in that?"

"I’m fine." Liz shook her head. "It’s cool out. I’ve been shopping all day."

"Okay…" She took one last look at her daughter then got back to tending to her pots and pans. Jeff was finishing dessert and putting it away to set. "Honey, the bottom shelf. It’s cooler."

"What time is it?" Jeff glanced at his watch. "Max does know we eat dinner upstairs, doesn’t he?"

"Yes." Liz rolled her eyes. "He knows we have a kitchen of our very own and that we eat dinner in it instead of downstairs. He’s probably terrified of how horrible you’re going to act… and if he’s not, he should be. You’re a sneaky guy, Dad. I don’t know how I allowed this to happen." She wanted to throw her head back, scream and stomp her feet but she didn’t. "Max has been here before. He’s eaten our food. From our kitchen. Many times. You’ve both met him. It’s not like he’s this new person in my life."

"Just so we’re clear." Nancy turned to her daughter. "Diane wasn’t using the word ‘hug’ as a metaphor."

"No. Hugging is just hugging." Liz remembered this feeling. It was oddly good to have it back. To being exasperated with her parents for being her parents. "No metaphors. Just Max and I making up and hugging like… people do."

"People or boyfriends?" Jeff interjected.

"The… latter." Liz cringed as she admitted it. "Don’t worry… it could be years before you become grandparents."

"Christ, Liz, I wasn’t even thinking about that." Jeff let his temper get away with him for a minute but he reigned it back in. She was testing her limits again. It was nice to have that part of his daughter back again. The one who got realistic-looking temporary tattoos to see how close to a heart attack she could get without actually giving him one.

"Don’t worry, Daddy. Max is a safe guy." Liz watched her mother’s brow furrow slightly. "In that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I’m not latching onto him for… other reasons. I promise."

The knock at the door interrupted their talk. "That’s him. Okay. Dinner’s almost ready. Go let him in, Jeff."

"I’ll let him in. You’ll scare him." Liz shoved him away from the door. She pulled it open to find a nervous Max. "Hi."

"Hey… am I too early?"

"Right on time."

I’m Liz Parker and Max and dinner was interesting. It was a little shaky at first but then he and my dad started talking about the Twilight Zone and I thought Max might never go home. My dad’s in love now. I’m sure they’ll have many children together. Blah. I did visit Sheriff Valenti when I was running my errands to give him the name. He stared at me like I had six heads and each one had asked him a different question or something. I’m working through my issues as they arise. One of them is a door I never shut to my satisfaction but through my varied travels today, I may have found a way to do that.

"So… what are we doing?" Max handed her a hot chocolate from the kiosk and they began their walk. "I thought you wanted to be alone today."

"I do but there’s something I have to do first."

"What’s that?"

"Deliver a present."

"Maria?"

"We exchanged gifts yesterday morning before she left. And before you ask, Alex and I did ours before break." She took his hand and walked Max toward the church she had been past two days before. There he was, sitting on the bench. Max gripped her hand tighter. Kelen looked up when they stopped in front of him. "Hi."

"Hey… Liz. Max." He seemed a little lost. "What’s going on?"

"I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and to give you this." Liz pulled a small square box from her pocket. "I… saw it and I thought you might want it. I had it blessed." Kelen took the box and opened it. It was a rosary made from random stones and crystals. He looked like he was going to cry for a second. "It reminded me of Tony."

"Yeah." He finally decided a smile was what he needed to express. "It does." He gestured to the church across the street. "Maybe I’ll go in today… go to confession. The whole thing. Thank you." He fumbled in his pocket for a beat up envelope. "I meant to give this to you sooner but I never really got away from everything to… Merry Christmas, Liz."

Liz took the envelope and opened it. It was a gift certificate for lessons of her choice in self-defense. "Thanks, Kelen. I’m sure everyone I know will make sure I use this."

"I’m glad you’re doing better." He blanched immediately, regretting opening his mouth.

"So am I." Liz looked to Max. "I’ve got a bunch of people helping me out."

"Keep it up, Max." Kelen rose and shook the teen’s hand. "I think I’m gonna go in. It’s been eight months to the day since I’ve been in there. Thanks."

"Thank you. If you hadn’t been in there… I don’t know how I would have gotten through that first week." Liz took a breath and hugged him. He lightly put his arms around her. "Thanks. I really mean it."

"As long as you’re doing okay…" Kelen straightened out. "I’ve got an old friend to get reacquainted with. I’ve been sitting on that bench for weeks, waiting for a sign." He waved the beads at her. "I guess I got it." He pointed to the envelope. "Use it. You’re stronger than you think."

"Someone agrees with me." Max murmured to her and waved to Kelen as he crossed the street. Liz looked up at him, her eyes shining. "You okay?"

"I didn’t mean for it to be this momentous gift. I just… I saw him sitting here, looking lost. Then I saw that rosary and I thought… why not. I didn’t know he hadn’t been to church since Tony died. I didn’t know it would mean so much to him. I’m not a sign, Max." She bit her lip and let out a breath. "I’m not a sign. Not for anyone. Human or alien."

"You’re a sign to me." He smiled at her and nudged her just a bit. "Big one. Neon. Says ‘Max is an ass.’ ‘Max is my friend.’"

"I say that?"

"For a while. Maybe we’ll change what the sign says." Max took her hand and they were walking again. "What now?"

"I just need to lay down and be quiet… for a few hours and think… with you holding me."

"That can be arranged. Though, if we go to my house, my mother won’t leave us alone and we might get roped into doing something for Isabel… be it Christmas related or Michael related."

"He still hasn’t talked to her?"

"He’s waiting for a sign."

"Shut up."

"It wasn’t a dig. I just meant… that’s what he said."

My grandmother used to say that anything worth having is worth working for. I’m going to get my life back… one hug at a time. One foot in front of the other. Signs or no signs. Aliens here or gone. I’ll make it happen because I’ve got a few friends that believe I can as much I want to believe that I can.

TBC

[DMartinez]

I'm Liz Parker and I took a leap of faith when I told the Sheriff everything I did. Telling him about Max and the others without giving him names. Telling him about Helen Montgomery. Trusting him to be discreet in his reports. Trusting him not to pry into this any further than he had to. I did it because he's such a good friend of my dad's. Because I liked him when I was dating Kyle. It paid off.

Liz moved around serving her holiday customers. Three days before Christmas and the Crashdown was the place to be between shopping trips. The people were everywhere. Of course, her regulars knew to be patient but the tourists and the fair-weather diners were irate. She welcomed the sight of Sheriff Valenti and Kyle come to take in one of many of their holiday meals. "Welcome to the Crashdown. I've got a booth or a couple of seats at the counter."

"The counter is fine, Miss Parker." Valenti nodded to her, ignoring Kyle's protesting look. "We're just in for a quick bite."

"Good choice. Agnes is protesting again." Liz gestured to the woman sneaking off for another unauthorized cigarette break. "I've got the counter. Again." She glanced pointedly at her father through the pick up window. "Like I can't handle my own tables. Tables I've waited since I was ten."

"He's just being protective. How are you?" Valenti took a seat and took the menu when it was handed.

"I'm fine." Liz shrugged. "No better, no worse. I consider it progress."

"Busy this year?" He waved his hat at the diner full of hungry customers.

She nodded, feeling more at ease than she had in a long time. "A little."

"You still going to your meetings?"

Liz glanced briefly at Kyle and wondered if he knew what his father was talking about. "Yeah. They help." Then she opted for a subject change. "You guys want anything to drink?"

"Coffee."

"You still got that mint chocolate thing?" Kyle piped up. "Like you did last year?"

"Not officially." Liz shook her head. "But I got all the stuff. I can do it."

"Only if it's no trouble." Valenti interjected, shooting his son a look.

"What good is it to know your waitress if she can't pull strings?" Liz countered before Kyle could say something to his father. "How about it Sheriff? Hot cup of holiday chocolate?"

"Only if it's no trouble." He conceded.

Liz got to work while they perused their menus. "Hey Kyle, you still seeing Mindy?"

"No. She and I parted ways a while back. I've been talking to Sandra Webb." Kyle set down his menu. "So, can I get the inside scoop? Are you and Evans back together?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Don't be sneaky with me. I know you. I've seen the moon eyes. The hand-holding. And I do believe you're blushing." Kyle propped his chin on his hand, resting his elbows on the counter.

"Kyle, watch it." Valenti warned.

"It's okay. My parents have been watching us like hawks." Liz admitted, even as she felt her face continue to warm. "His mom has my dad's number on speed dial. Every time we turn around, she's on the phone with a report. He's got the whole town wired, I swear."

"Jelly Bean… what are you doing?" Jeff called over the walk-through. "We're not making that this year."

"I'm not doing anything." She flashed him a smile and passed the drinks to her customers. "They wouldn't be our regulars if they didn't love coming here. We should treat them. Thank them for their continued business."

"You're lucky you got a boy, Jim." Jeff pointed a spatula at his daughter. "Girls will wrap you around their little finger."

"I think she's just testing her tether." Valenti sipped his hot chocolate.

"I have to amuse myself somehow… being stuck behind the counter." Liz turned back to her customers. "You need more time?"

"I don't know why we bother with menus. We get the same thing every year. Two specials. Mine without the gravy." Kyle handed his menu back.

"Sounds good." Valenti nodded his agreement. "And thank you for this. A break from the coffee might do me some good." He waited until Liz had clipped their orders to the turnstile before he cleared his throat. "Miss Parker… I looked into that thing you asked me about." Liz glanced around and bit her lip. Sensing her nervousness, he pulled the sheet of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. "Your report on the military nurses wouldn't be complete without an interview with one from our fine city."

"You nerd. No school work on Christmas vacation." Kyle mock-lectured her.

"Thank you, Sheriff. I didn't realize there were any in town after all this time." Liz ignored Kyle's comment.

"Sometimes they move back. That base has been vacated for years but sometimes they come back because they like to remember their glory days… or to not forget them." He waited until Liz took the paper and looked it over. "She's got family in town for Christmas but she likes to talk about most everything from her stint in '46."

"But not '47?"

"She was transferred out mid-'47. Nice woman."

"Order up, Jelly Bean." Jeff interrupted their conversation, beckoning his daughter closer. "As pretty as the Valenti men are, don't forget that you've got other customers."

"Don't worry, we won't monopolize her time." Valenti stared at the young Parker. "I got the feeling she'd like to talk to someone about her job description during her four-year tour. The more the merrier."

"I'll see if I can get someone to go with me." Liz nodded and tucked the paper into her apron and turned to collect their lunch.

These leaps of faith could be habit-forming. The Sheriff comes through, so I take another to see this Nurse Montgomery. I take Zan with me and things work out, more or less. Who knows what I can do when I know I can trust the people around me.

Zan stared at the house. It was quite large and really nice. Nicer even than the house they had 'inherited' from Tess and Mr. Harding and that was saying a lot. He felt dirty and inadequate and like he should turn around and run away. Liz took a breath and took his hand in hers. No warmth. No glowing. Just a friend's hand in another's. Maybe that was a good sign "Are you sure?"

"I… why didn't you bring Max instead of me?" He felt like he had cotton balls stuck in his throat. Why didn't Roswell have snow? He could use a snowball around now.

"Max isn't the one who needs to see her."

"She prolly ain't even 'member what happened… How old's she? 80?" That was a big, fancy house and he didn't need to be inside dirtying it up.

"74. The Sheriff said she was pretty lucid. She likes company. Her family's all out for the afternoon. She told me we could stop by." Liz winced when his hand tightened on hers too hard. "Are you sure?"

"We here." Zan breathed out in a loud rush of air. "Guess we could knock." He let Liz lead the way to the door. Zan began to have a panic attack. His hair was stupid. His clothes were gross. He shouldn't have come. He was breathing so fast.

"Zan. Zan." Liz tried to get his attention. "Calm down. She's just an old lady."

"No, she ain't." He took a deep breath when Liz motioned him to. He held it and let it out when she did the same. "Okay. I'm good."

"Is someone out there?" A surprisingly strong, feminine voice called out to them.

"Mrs. Montgomery?" Liz turned. "I'm Liz Parker. We talked on the phone."

"Yes. Sheriff Valenti said you were doing a report for school." The woman opened the screen door. "I can't believe they make you do schoolwork on a holiday."

"It's extra credit." Liz turned to Zan. "This is… Zan… He's helping me."

"Is this a juvenile out-reach program?" Mrs. Montgomery stepped aside to let them in.

"No." Liz shook her head. That had hit Zan pretty hard. He looked like he was ready to bolt. "We're friends. He's interested in this as well."

"Helen Montgomery." She held out her hand to Zan, who hesitantly took it. "What was your last name? Maybe I know your family. You look familiar."

"Just Zan. Don't have much family to speak of. We're not from here." He managed to get out. Her eyes. Those were the ones that haunted his dreams. Such dark brown eyes. Her hair was all silver but hung over her shoulders in a great sheet.

She caught him staring. "Forgive the mess on my head. My daughter hasn't been by today. I can't seem to handle much more than a brush when my arthritis acts up. Please. Come in. Sit." She guided them to her living room, which was brilliantly decorated in holiday style. "My grandchildren do this for me every year. Reminds me of when I was a child. My father was a senator. We had huge Christmas parties with lavish decorations. They like to put all this out for me every year. My great-grandchildren will be by later to finish it."

"It's great." Liz nodded. "My family doesn't have a lot of time to put up decorations."

"Parker. Your family owns the Crashdown. I remember when your great-grandfather owned it. It was a respite for the soldiers. I never went there but I heard enough from the unmarried ladies about what went on there. Drinking and the like." Mrs. Montgomery took her seat. "I don't suppose you're thirsty."

"I'm fine." Liz shook her head and Zan seemed barely able to sit on the couch with her. She doubted he'd be able to handle a glass. "My dad used to tell me about Papa Parker's bar-owning days. He said there was a lot of fuss when that weather balloon went down in '47. My grandma was a little girl when it happened. She didn't remember much but she loved to retell Papa Parker's stories. She used to joke that it was why she married my grandfather… to hear the stories."

"That was a lot of nonsense. That '47 business." Mrs. Montgomery shifted uneasily, wringing her hands together nervously. "It wasn't all the papers led it on to be. I missed much of the aftermath. I was transferred to another base that July."

Liz didn't know to broach the subject in a more direct manner. She looked to Zan but he looked as nervous as Mrs. Montgomery. "Why did you move back to Roswell?"

"Oh." She gave a little shrug of her shoulders. "After my husband died… I just wanted to be someplace where I could remember him the way he was. We were both young here in Roswell before he was shipped overseas. My parents didn't like that I had enlisted but it was relatively quiet. I learned a trade and I could be near him. I didn't like being alone. It made sense when I did it. My father thought he'd have trouble getting his seat in the Senate with a daughter working on a base. I worked to his advantage. I was patriotic. This was even before the major smear campaigns you see now. I was barely a footnote. I was married and patriotic. Who wouldn't want to elect a man who instilled those traits in his children? My brother was enlisted. My father had been as well. My sisters were college bound. I made my mark the way I wanted." There was a slight lull that Mrs. Montgomery tried to fill. "Are you two dating?"

"No." Liz shook her head. "We're just friends."

"Are you sure I don't know your family? You do seem very familiar to me, Zan, was it? That's an unusual name. I'd probably remember if someone I knew had that name."

"I had some… family here in '47… for a little bit." Zan took that little leap. "I don't have more than a… cousin now." He shifted uneasily when she didn't take her eyes off of him. "So, you weren't here for all that crash stuff?"

"I didn't say that." She shook her head lightly. "I was transferred in the middle of that hoopla." She pointed to a picture on the end table. "That's from the good old days. A few of the nurses in '46."

Liz motioned to pick up the frame and Mrs. Montgomery nodded. There were four women all in service caps, smiling and posing for the camera. Two of them were wearing wedding rings. She could pick out Helen Montgomery immediately. Dark hair and dark eyes. "This is you."

"Yes. It is." Helen smiled broadly. "I was the shortest of the bunch. I guess that was the giveaway."

"Actually, it was your eyes." Liz handed the picture to Zan, who took it with a deep breath. His eyes shined a little at the proof. This was the same woman.

Suddenly, Helen Montgomery sat up straight. "You know… one of those girls, the other one there with dark hair… Her name was Yvonne White. They said she'd transferred out at the same time I did but… I wrote to London and all my mail came back. They told me I was misinformed. I thought maybe she had gone AWOL, gotten herself in trouble with one of the soldiers. Even the good girls back then got into trouble. It couldn’t be helped, I suppose. I never heard from her again."

"Was she stationed at the base when you were? I mean, the summer of '47." Liz prompted her but the older woman's eyes were fixed on Zan.

"Some of the boys were from good families but ones that didn't like scandal. Girls were shipped away, to towns where no one would question a woman raising a child without a husband around. Some changed their names." Those eyes were fixed on the handsome young face across from her. "Does she look familiar to you?"

"No. Not her." Zan handed the picture back.

"Oh."

Liz decided to try another tack. She took a deep breath. "Did you ever tell anyone what really happened that summer?"

"Pardon?"

"I know what really happened and I know you know what really happened… and it wasn't a weather balloon." Liz shrugged her shoulders. Helen's dark eyes swept back to the girl but her face didn't reveal anything. "You wandered into a room and saw something that disturbed you. You maybe don't remember what happened just after that. Maybe they told you that you dreamt it. That it didn't happen and that you shouldn't talk about it to anyone." The woman stayed silent. "You didn't ever wonder what happened to the babies?"

Helen Montgomery's eyes went wide. "What do you know about the babies?"

"A lot."

The woman laughed to herself. "What could you possibly know about the babies? You're sixteen?"

"Eighteen." Liz corrected and looked at Zan, who was playing with the rings on his hands, his eyes anywhere but in their direction. "I know more than you think. I know what happened when you tried to tell a doctor. I know they took you for debriefing and you never got to see them before they disappeared."

"Who have you been talking to?"

"No one who was there."

"Let me tell you something. When they don't want anyone to know what you saw, they can make sure no one believes you. You don't live to be 74 if you talk about it." Helen's eyes took on a hard gaze. "I like my life. They don't bother me if I don't talk."

"They don't know about me."

"Are you sure?"

"Other people have died mysteriously."

"Maybe other people talked to reporters when they should have kept their mouths shut."

"That could be true."

"The Sheriff said this was about a report but I doubt you're a reporter."

"Did you ever tell your husband?"

"No need. You have to see it to believe it." Helen Montgomery wrung her hands together. "It's been years since I've been checked up on, Miss Parker. I don't appreciate the implication that I can't keep my mouth shut."

"We're not checking up on you. I'm saying you're the only one who knew there were babies in that crash. You were the only one who was concerned about them." Liz swallowed thickly. They were moving around and around the subject and they weren't making any progress. The woman wasn't going to let her have an inch.

"Miss Parker, you have no idea what crashed that night. You have no idea the lengths they would go to keep silence on the subject. It's all a big joke now. Places like your father's restaurant. The UFO center. The Crash Festival every year. It's all a big joke. No one would be laughing so hard if they knew the truth."

"I stopped laughing four months ago." Liz bit her lip and looked to Zan. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

"Men died. People were disappeared. This is not a joke."

"I know that. I really do. You don't know how much I really do." Liz was about to give up and apologize, try to make an exit but Zan stood up, he took the picture from its table and walked toward a window.

"You ain't know what to think when you saw 'em. They was pretty gross and they was glowin' like they had light inside 'em. You wasn't supposed to be in there but the glowin' caught your attention. Didn't want to touch 'em… but somethin' caught your eye. There was somethin' movin' in one of 'em." Zan cleared his throat. "You reached out and you touched it. You just knew. You could barely see it but you knew what it was. They caught you. You panicked. You checked another one. Same thing. You put both your hands on one and somethin' moved to the surface. It felt warm. They was pullin' you away. They injected you wit somethin'." When he looked up, Helen Montgomery had tears in her eyes. "When you came to, they was probably already gone and they probably thought you told."

"I couldn't have told. I was in the infirmary when the break happened. They had me drugged until I had been transferred back to Georgia. I never breathed a word of that outside the debriefing room. How could you know?" Those dark eyes shone bright with tears. "They thought I had said something but I hadn't. They couldn't find a soul who knew besides me. I was told I had to keep quiet if my father were going to keep his career. So I never told." She took a breath when the boy sat next to her. "After what they put me through, I was glad the babies vanished."

Zan reached out and took her hands in his. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, a warm glow encased their joined hands. Helen seemed startled for a few moments but when he released her hands, she held them out, flexing her fingers. "How?"

Liz tilted her head at Zan. "What did you do, you softy?"

"The cold won't hurt your hands so much now." Zan seemed hesitant to meet the woman's eyes. "I remember you… before I knew who you was. You tried to help and I wanted to go wit you but you left. I didn't know they took you away." He sniffed a little. "I heard you bought us some time. My people got us before it was too late and they opened us up."

"But the babies… you're too young." Her eyes were riveted to the young man's face. "But you're not like us. You're like them, aren't you. That's why you were in those things… was it to possess you or…"

"More like… they took some alien and some human and put it together inside and I'm what came out. We're not hurtin' nothin'. Some of us wasn't so good but they ain't here now. Just us that can be good if we try." He pulled away and clasped his hands together. "I was lookin' and you was here all this time…"

He looked like he was going to cry and Liz wanted to comfort him but it was clear that he didn't want it. She knew what he was thinking. That maybe if he looked as clean cut and put together as Max, this lady might be happy to see him. He almost flinched when Helen moved closer and tipped his head up. "Where are you from?"

"Most recently New York. Before that, it's probably better you don't know. I just had to see if you was as nice as I remember."

Mrs. Montgomery was resistant to the idea that Zan was one of the babies she'd found, even after he healed her arthritis. She came around though and we left to let her absorb the information… after she made Zan promise to stop by again. I was two for two with the leaps of faith. I took one more.

Liz stared out Max's window. The lights were off inside the house but Christmas lights shone through the frosted windows. No snow but it was pretty cold outside. It was mid-afternoon but it was overcast, lending a light glow to the room. Max watched her in his chair from where he lay on the bed. "Isabel insists that every bedroom needs it's own string of lights to encourage us into the Christmas spirit. She has this theory that if we wake up with the lights on, we'll carry the 'light of the holiday' all day. Or maybe it was falling asleep with the glow… I don't know."

"She does love her Christmas, doesn't she."

"She's especially bad this year. It's our last Christmas as teenagers. Next year, we'll be in college. Then of course, there's the whole Michael thing."

"I like it though. It creates… atmosphere." She let her fingers brush the cool glass. "Makes me think of hot chocolate and candy canes. Bright red bows. The angel on the tree."

"I guess her efforts work on you. I'll pass it on."

"You don't believe in the magic of Christmas?" Liz turned to look at him where he was sprawled on his back, three pillows under his head. "Religious figures aside, you don't feel the hope that Christmas brings? The light moods that settle on us?"

"I guess. I just get a little bummed out, I guess. There's a lot of pressure in this house to get into the spirit and I'm not always in the mood for it."

"You feel bad for not feeling the spirit, which makes you feel worse." She shook her head at him and rose to cross to the bed where she laid out next to him on her stomach. "Then you feel bad because you know your mom and your sister know you don't fully believe in the season and make allowances for your moods. Eeyore."

"I'm not Eeyore." Max shook his head at her. "Michael is Eeyore. He admits it."

"Oh really?"

"'Of course I like Eeyore. He was the only pragmatic realist in the entire Hundred Acre Wood.' It was a thing one day. He and Isabel got into it about Pooh-Bear." He readjusted himself when she leaned against his chest. "Isabel is Piglet but don't tell her I said that. Ava is Tigger."

"I can see that. Zan is Pooh. He's got that one-track mind. Always after the pizza." She laughed when Max made a face that said he agreed with her assessment. "So, Owl. You just gonna lay here all day?"

"I'm not Owl. You're Owl. I'm Roo."

"I don't think so, Mister. Whose pocket are you always hiding in? Hmm?"

"Enough Pooh analogies." Max pleaded, his eyes roaming over her face.

Liz pecked his lips softly. "You going to be a bum today?"

"Maybe. I was kind of planning on it. I'm done shopping. I'm done jumping through Isabel's holiday hoops… I was thinking a lack of Christmas music and some cuddling with a hot waitress to while away the hours until Mom gets home." He let his fingers lightly run up her back, watching her carefully for signs of retreat.

"Should I leave before she gets here?"

"Ha. Ha." He was pleasantly surprised when she brushed his lips again. And again. He lifted his head to meet her lips, opened his mouth for her when she deepened their kisses. She tasted so good. "I thought you said your dad took the Minty Martian Mocha off the menu."

"Max… focus." Liz tried not to groan. His lips grazed her throat.

"On this?" He lifted his head to kiss her chin. "Or this?" Kissed her ear. "Or this?"

"How about this?" Her lips grazed his once more.

"You're in a playful mood." He laughed a little against her lips.

"I'm nervous." She admitted, hating to pull down his light mood.

There, the furrowed brows and concerned eyes. "What about?"

"I need you to see something but I don't know how to show you."

"So you were buttering me up with kisses." He let his head fall back on the pillows. "Smart girl." He stared at her for a few minutes. "Liz, what is it?"

"Don’t get the wrong idea." She said as she sat up and pulled her sweater over her head. Then she pulled her undershirt up and over her head and just sat there for a moment, exposed save for her bra. "I needed you to see so… you're not surprised later, when they're better. I've got this stuff that I put on to minimize scarring but I think it's still going to leave some behind. It's all healed and everything but..."

Max stopped her speech when he sat up. The lines were thin and pink and crossed over each other, slightly raised against the rest of her skin. "They cleaned them out?"

"It took forever. I remember that. They had to stop twice to anesthetize me again." His eyes stayed on the marks, making her feel a little self-conscious. "I just needed you to know they were there." She reached for her undershirt to slip it back on.

Max didn't move to stop her but he lifted his gaze to her face. "I can make them go away… it would be like they were never there."

"No, it wouldn't. I'd remember. Even if they weren't there anymore, I'd still see them." She reached for her sweater but Max stopped her.

"Let me do this? Please." Max pulled her onto his lap and lifted her shirt until he could see where they started on her sternum. Gently, he slid his hand under her bra and raised it so he could see the extent of the scarring. Taking a breath, he dropped his eyes to see what he was doing. He watched the spider-web scars fade and vanish, leaving smooth skin behind. His hand moved down her stomach, erasing and smoothing along the way. His eyes fell on her jeans and he had to take a deep breath to get the courage to inquire how far they went. "Do… you want… me to…"

Liz rested her head against his, her shirt falling down, and unbuttoned her jeans, pulling open the flaps and held her underwear out of the way. Max made a noise in his throat but a few moments later he was done. He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her against him. She felt his shoulders hitch and almost started crying herself. "I didn't know you'd see that… I didn't even feel you connect…" Her shirt grew warm with his tears. His arms tightened around her middle and his face pressed against her chest. "Max? What did you see?"

He picked up his head to look her in the eye and Liz almost wished she could back away. "Kivar better kill them. If I ever see them again, I'll make them pay for what they did to you."

"Max…" Liz wiped the tears off his face. She dropped a kiss on his lips. "Thank you for what you did. I don't expect you to exact revenge on my behalf on the off chance one of them survived." She could feel all the anger and tension in his body. "Max… calm down, please." He was almost shaking. "I need to breathe."

His arms relaxed just a little but he still held her on his lap. His lips pressed against her collarbone. It felt so good, Liz let her eyes fall closed. He kissed his way to her lips. She had to wrap her arms around his shoulders to steady herself. He was gentle but hungry and she wasn't a bit scared of him. His hands steadied her waist, slipping beneath the thin shirt and sliding upward, taking the soft cotton with them. She gasped into his mouth when his warm palms touched her breasts, still free of her bra.

While she took in some much needed air, Max's mouth slid down her throat and his hands moved around to her back, gently holding her to him. His lips barely grazed the skin of one small mound and then the other. A moan escaped her mouth when his tongue joined the firm lips exploring her chest. Her chest heaved against his mouth. If the door hadn't slammed shut, Liz didn't know where this would have led. They leapt apart, Liz struggling to put everything back in place and to get her sweater back on.

"Anybody home? Max? Isabel?"

Max checked his reflection, rubbing at his lips and trying to spit-comb his hair back down. "Coming!" He called out the door. "Liz, lay down. Pretend to be asleep or something."

Liz winced when the bed creaked as she scrambled across it. Max reached for the door. "Max." He turned. "Thank you."

I hadn't planned on progressing so far with Max but it did me some good. After showing him part of what made me feel ugly and him seeing the rest of it through alien radio, he still wants me that way… and that makes me feel desirable despite everything that's happened. A little part of me hopes that Max just knew what I needed and that he understands that I'm not really ready to need that again soon… but I know I have a silly grin on my face when I think about Max in his room today.

TBC

Thanks for all you guys reading. The next part is coming slower... I hardly wrote at all over the weekend. Maybe by next week the next part will be done. '-)

[DMartinez]

AN: I was thinking I was going to get to post a part this week because I've been busy catching up my board and fixing that mess which would have been done faster if some little Texan who offered to help would have logged me out so I could get in later. AHEM. '-) I'm not mad. And I have a part. I just finished it not ten minutes ago. This final version has not been Beta'd... but it's fun. Little to no anst. I'm proud of me. '-)

I'm Liz Parker and things are going more smoothly than before.

Ava stood with her arms crossed over her chest. She wore green tights and a red dress trimmed with tinsel. "I look so fuckin' cornball in this shit."

"You look adorable. Like a teeny tiny Mrs. Claus." Isabel insisted, looking the girl over again with some pride. "My parents will love it and Mrs. Montgomery will think it's cute."

"It's kinda hot." Zan bit his lip and looked over his bedmate. "If Mrs. Claus looks like this… I wanna be a very, very bad boy."

"Only good boys get presents." Isabel whacked him on the ear. "Stop thinking with that thing or I'll cut it off… or maybe it'll just fall off from overuse." She tried to regain control of everyone. Glancing at her watch, she tsked. They were off schedule. "Where is the shirt I bought you? The jeans can stay if you fix the hole in the knee but the shirt has to go." She stepped in front of him where he was sprawled across a chair. He stared up at her, glaring because she was now blocking his view of Ava. When he opened his mouth to speak, she beat him to it. "If you make one more remark about how your departed sister wasn't this crazy… I will personally see to it that your favorite piece of anatomy has a frosty night in Frasier woods while you're crying like a baby in Roswell Memorial."

"Just sayin' she's hot. Gettin' her mind off all this mess you makin' us do. You gonna give her an ulcer. You make her crazy just like La--"

"Zan, you want to be careful how you compare me to your sister. I may not want to steal the throne but if you push me, I will kill you. Now. Let's get dressed and on the road people." Her eyes flashed. "And be happy about it! It's freaking Christmas, people!"

"You're psychotic." Zan called after her, on his way to find the shirt and fix his jeans.

"Get a move on!" Isabel threw open the kitchen door. "How do you people not get the joy of the season?"

"I'll go… get his ass in gear." Ava escaped to the sanctuary of the stairs.

"Iz. Lay off? Please?" Max pleaded from the couch where he and Liz had been waiting through this scene for an hour.

"Come here. Now." Isabel pointed to the spot in front of her. Liz sighed but did as told. "I don't mean to cause any unpleasant flashbacks but this outfit you’re wearing isn't working for me." Isabel placed her hand on Liz's head. "You need help." Colored foil appeared in her hair, shredded to ribbons. Her make up was changed after a swift movement of Isabel's hand. Her earrings were spruced up. Then her sweater suddenly bore several snowmen. "Better." She glanced back at the stairs. "What is taking so long?"

Max rolled his eyes when she disappeared up the stairs. Liz looked slightly dazed. "She's crazy, I know."

"She's… enthusiastic." Liz turned to look in the mirror. "She really loves Christmas."

"Yep."

"Oh my god!" Came the exclamation from upstairs. After a succession of stomps on the stairs, Isabel appeared with a hand over her eyes. "I'm blind."

Both Max and Liz had to suppress a laugh. Max recovered first. "Um… they were busy?"

"Defiling the spirit of Christmas." She clutched her chest and leaned on the railing.

"You never heard of knockin'?" Zan appeared, buttoning his shirt. Ava followed a few steps behind, tugging her skirt down her legs.

"Zan… um… barn door is still open." Max called up. Zan didn't even look down when he reached down to zip up.

“Let’s just go.” Isabel grabbed her purse and flung open the front door only to run smack into Michael. “Get out of my way.”

“We really have to talk.” He kept his eyes fixed on hers.

“About how you just broke up with me? Out of the blue? And right before Christmas? Not now.”

“What?”

“We’re late for our own Christmas party. We’re going. Get out of my way.” She stomped on his foot with her stilettos and kept moving to the car. Michael yelped and clung to the stucco wall for balance. Max and Liz crept passed him, trying not to step on his abused foot. “She thinks I broke up with her?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to tell you to talk to her. She’s… really, really mad.” Max led Liz to the car Isabel was occupying just as she lay on the horn. "And she's taking it out on us."

“Dude… she’s in a rare mood.” Zan smacked the former war commander across the chest. “And I blame you.”

“Me too. No one’s havin’ any fun.” Ava griped and joined the car full of Christmas party-goers.

“Isabel!” Michael called out to her. Her response came in sign language.

Or, less bumpy. No more visions. Zan and I let together once a day to shake hands. Nothing. We’re hoping it stays that way. I looked in the mirror today and even though Max healed my scars, I still see them. I knew I would. When I touch my skin, I feel them. I don’t, however, have a nasty flashback unless I linger too long.

I can have fun. I can go places and not be bogged down by this. Max helps with that. We’re beginning to bug each other though, so we’re spending less time alone. The time we do spend alone is quiet time. We cuddle under the blankets watching movies in my living room because his mother is on a rampage with Isabel’s moods and Max’s Christmas crankiness. We’re doing more group things. I’m getting back in touch with some of my old friends.

"Liz, my love, you just missed it." Alex draped his arm over her shoulders and steered her over to the scene of the crime. "It was right here."

"Alex, have you been drinking?" Liz stared up at him.

"Just a little… but that's not the story." He snickered and took a breath. "The mayor stopped in to make his official appearance. Old What’s-his-face waving his Santa hat, shaking hands with his constituents and kissing the babies. He had his wife with him of course. But his mistress was here and didn't see Mrs. Mayor. There was more kissing but no babies in sight. There were shouts and curses and Mr. Mayor got slapped by both Mrs. Mayor and Mistress Mayor. I almost died laughing."

"How did his mistress get invited to this party?"

Alex snickered and clutched his stomach. "You remember that teacher who got fired because she was supposedly having an affair with the tennis coach? People actually thought she was framed and felt sorry for her."

"Oh you're kidding." Liz gasped and scanned the throng in the recreation center. "Are they still here?"

"Right. The teacher woman left in a huff. Mrs. Mayor beat the Mayor all the way to the car. No one's seen them since." Alex shook his head and suddenly his hand shot out. "Liz, my love, meet Debra, my love."

"We've met." Debra nodded to her boyfriend. "You can't have any more eggnog."

"Oh!" Alex clapped his hands together. "Freddy is here… he's… drunker than I am. He misses Maria… who hasn't stopped calling me and running up her cousin's phone bill."

"She's calling me too." Liz reassured him. "Maybe you should sit down."

"He's like the freaking energizer bunny. Just when I think he's coming down, he leaps back up again." Debra steered him over to the corner where the rest of the teenagers had been banished.

"Find the fruitcake." Liz suggested.

"More alcohol?" Debra shook her head. "No."

"Well, sugar cookies will just give him a sugar high, that's worse, trust me." Liz grabbed a plate and motioned them on. "I'll meet you when I figure something out." She was careful putting together Alex's plate when Zan appeared beside her to do the same for himself. "Having fun?"

"Gotta eat…" Zan shrugged.

"What were you and Ava really doing when Isabel walked in?" She nudged him, lightly. "She said you were half naked but… I don't buy it."

"We was busy." Zan evaded and piled his little plate with as much as it would hold. He felt Liz's eyes on his face and had the nerve to blush. "We was screwin', okay? I mean…" He glanced back at their little group. "Look at her. You'd'a gone for it, too."

"You know, you live in the same house. You often share a bed." Liz shook her head. "You could have waited until after."

"Little man dictates my life. He didn't want to wait."

"Can we not talk about your penis as if he's separate entity?"

"Too late." He pointed a finger at her. "Gotcha."

"I'm gonna… kick you." Liz bit out and rapped his shin sharply with her foot.

"Come on. Your boy looks like he's about to take flight." Zan nodded her to where Debra was struggling to keep Alex seated. When they made it over, Alex was hugging Max. "New boyfriend, Max?"

"This guy is so great." Alex sniffed and took a breath. "He is the best friend a guy could want. This guy… saves damsels in distress and he watches out for the girls and he always has time for the guys."

Liz bit her lip to hide a smile. Max was just enduring all the praise with a slightly guilty expression on his face. "Want some chips, Alex?"

"Chips! She's got chips." Alex almost hugged Liz but pulled back. "Promise no evil touching." Then he hugged her and Liz couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay. Let's sit so you can enjoy your chips."

"Where are the cheesey poofs?"

"They didn't have any." Liz apologized as Alex continued his study of his plate.

"Hey!" He sat up. "Debra, my love, where did you go?" When she appeared at his side, he seemed satisfied and munched in silence for a minute. "Hey Liz, my love."

"Yeah, Alex?"

"I'm gonna ask her to prom but I don't know what she's gonna say." He cleared his throat. "Because there was some rumor that I did things… weird things with that… girl that time but… like… most of that isn't even true."

"Oh god…" Debra pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Isabel, my love!" Alex stood to greet the blonde. "This is Debra, my love."

"That's nice. Um… So, you guys are good right? You're just gonna sit here. I have things to do. Okay." Isabel clicked away just as Michael got there. He set his jaw, held his hands out to the group and followed her through the crowd of holiday Roswellians.

"Hey Zan… is it true you got your doorknocker pierced?" Alex blinked at the New Yorker who raised an eyebrow at the question.

"My doorknocker?"

"I heard some girl telling Debra, my love, that you got your doorknocker pierced."

"Alex! Please… eat faster." Debra pleaded, covering her flaming face with her hands.

"What the hell is he talkin' 'bout?" Zan looked to them, shaking his head. "Your boy's lost it. What'd they put in that eggnog?"

Liz snorted all of a sudden, covering her mouth as she figured it out. She lay her head on Max's shoulder and whispered what Alex was talking about and Max burst out laughing. Ava stared at the two of them, looked at Alex, at Debra, then at her man and let out a guffaw. "Right… it's probably the only thing he wouldn't pierce."

"What?"

Liz just smiled and turned her head so she could see the dance floor. Her parents were out there looking lighter than she had seen them in months… because they didn't have to worry about her. She could feel Max's heartbeat against the inside of her arm and that was comforting. She ignored Zan's constant imploring for a definition of 'doorknocker' and let her eyes wander the crowd. Mrs. Montgomery sat across the way with her children. She didn't even know when Zan had gotten up to say hi but she watched him introduce Ava to the old woman. Saw Kyle dancing with Sandra Webb. She didn't even notice she was swaying with the music until Max kissed her head. "You want to dance?"

"No. Just watching." She pressed her lips to his shoulder blade and kept people-watching. The figures on the other side caught her attention. Michael and Isabel, fighting. The way Isabel kept looking around, Liz knew she must be trying to keep from attracting attention. Then he did something Liz never thought he would do. He held out his hand and waited. And waited… but eventually Isabel put her hand in his and he pulled her onto the dance floor. He let her teach him the dance in progress. "Michael's dancing."

"No, he's not." Max carefully turned so Liz wouldn't lose her balance. "Huh. Michael's dancing."

"That's what I said."

"I guess he really loves her." He turned her so she was leaning against his chest and they could both watch Michael's progress. "When we were ten or eleven, my mom tried to teach him to dance and he ran away. I couldn't escape quiet so far away."

"He just needed a reason to learn." Liz made herself comfortable and sighed happily at the sight of Isabel smiling for the first time since school had let out. A real smile. Turning her head, Liz gave Debra a smile. "How's our drunk?"

"Sobering up." She turned her eyes to her boyfriend. "Now I know. Alex can't handle his nog. And drunk Alex likes to gossip."

"That he does." Liz tilted her head back. "And least yours doesn't get kissy in public when he's had some."

"Max is a kissy drunk?"

"And handsy."

"Hey, it was just the one time." Max leapt in to defend himself. "It was all over school, thank you. We don't need to rehash it."

"That's right… seeing as you don't remember it." Liz leaned back and kissed his chin. "But it's okay. I forgive you now."

"Oh… yeah… I heard about that." Debra sat back in her chair.

"It didn't happen quite like they say." Liz shook her head. "Base rounding but no homerun."

"Liz, shut up." Max pinched her side.

"Aw, you got a whiner." Debra stared at her boyfriend. "I think he's sober now. Sweetie… you still want to know about Zan's privates?"

"Hmm?" Alex's eyebrow shot up but his eyes were slits. He munched quietly on potato chips and carrot sticks. "Good dip."

Keeping up this kind of momentum is too much to hope for but remembering a Christmas like this won't be hard. Drunk friends, horny friends, feuding friends, new friends. Seeing my parents in an actual state of relaxation for the first time in five months. Not worrying that something in the shadows is going to leap out and get me. Knowing that everyone I care about is having a good time. This is the kind of happy you carry with you… even if you don't remember. It's ingrained and when you have another good time, you have this previous impression to let you know if you're happy again.

Liz stared up at her boyfriend as they swayed together in the shuffling mass of Christmas partiers. She thought she might be staring too intensely but she wasn't sure until his eyes started darting around and his shoulders rolled under her hands. "Do I have something on my face?"

"A nose."

"A nose, huh." Max shook his head at her but smiled.

"Strong one."

"Is that another way of saying my nose is too big?"

"No." She laughed at him. "It's Max-size. Perfect."

"Max, honey?" The couple turned at Mrs. Evans voice. She and Mr. Evans were dancing next to the teenaged couple. "Have you seen your sister?"

"She was out here a minute ago." Max strained to see over all the dancers for his sister's elaborate Christmas 'do. Then he found her. "Oh."

"Do you see her?" Mr. Evans peered over the moving crowd but he couldn't see without his glasses.

"She's uh… under the mistletoe." Max danced Liz away before his parents could react to that. He didn't want to be present when his father saw the way Michael had Isabel pressed against the entryway. "That's gonna be a fun ride home."

“I wish you could take me home tonight.” She sighed heavily, laying her head on his chest.

“Promised I'd ride home with the family. Ava and Zan are going to make their own way home. Your parents have got you… something wrong?"

"Just don't want tonight to be over. My parents are going to be all over the place."

"It's Christmas. It's what parents do. Yours, mine… Alex's." He nodded to where Alex was saying goodnight to Debra. His parents were waiting and they didn't look happy. Alex at least looked a little ashamed of himself, proving he must have sobered up. “You sure you don’t want to do gifts tonight?”

“I’m sure. We’ll see each other in two days… or tomorrow evening?”

“That will depend on how much joy Isabel is going to foist on us. I’m thinking it’s possible to get away if she’s got to cover up for what she’s doing right now.”

“I’m glad they made up. Michael gets so lonely.” Listening to Max’s heart, she relaxed completely. “Isabel gets so riled up. Together they kind of…”

“Level each other out. Yeah.”

“New Years at the Crashdown?”

“Absolutely.” Max rested his head on hers. “I’m all yours in between as well.”

“I hope so. No glowing. No visions. No flashbacks. That’s all I want for Christmas.”

It’s almost midnight. I think I’ve got what I asked for.

TBC

[DMartinez]

AN: Music rights I do not own. Haunting Me and Save Yourself belong to Stabbing Westward. Save Yourself belongs to Sense Field. Bleed American belongs to Jimmy Eat World.

I'm Liz Parker and tonight I broke tradition. I've always worked New Year's with my dad. It was our thing but parts of who I am died and withered away. New parts have sprung up to replace them… or are starting to. I asked Dad if we could do something else instead, he seemed upset until I told him what I wanted to do instead. We haven't been on a family camping trip in a few years. I wanted a group expedition so I planned it before I got the courage to ask for it.

Zan and Ava huddled together and glared at everyone else. Sleeping in the woods. Insanity. How could they all enjoy this? "They's all fuckin' nuts."

"I told you that you didn't have to come." Liz shook her head at them. "If you move around some, it'll get less cold."

"They's a reason that people cleared the forests and built cities, you know." Zan called over, rubbing his arms through a borrowed jacket. How could they be so happy when it was so cold?

"Zan. Try it this way." Phillip Evans straightened and rubbed his chest with his fists. "Once you get your heart warm, your body will take care of itself… and she's right. If the two of you move around a little more, you'll get the blood pumping."

"I didn't know you were king of the forest, Dad." Isabel cut in and handed him a cup of coffee fresh off the fire.

"I used to do this with my dad. I always tried to get the two of you out here." He nodded, taking a deep cool breath of forest air.

"We used to do this every year, didn't we, Jelly Bean." Jeff flipped bacon in the pan over the fire.

"Every year." Liz nodded and looked to Max where he was busy setting up the boys tent. "We used to go with the school. Us and the Valentis… every year. Them telling alien stories and us not believing them."

"I find alien stories speciesist." Isabel announced and sat on a log.

"Speciesist, honey?" Diane pulled her hair out of her face.

"I think there are aliens and we scared them off. Who would want to go to a planet that can't get along with its own people? Where they make movies that turn aliens into the bad guys for kicks? I think they're up there and they're pretending we don't exist. Like… distant red-neck cousins." The blonde ignored the looks from her brethren. "They're embarrassed by us and for us. That's why they don't come back."

"That's an interesting theory, sweetie." Mr. Evans nodded into his coffee. "Should we be offended to be the redneck cousins of the universe?"

"We're so ignorant, we don't know better. We think we're alone. Hello." She eyed her brother's face. "Collectively alone, I meant. I wouldn't want to visit us either."

"She's on that political correctness kick, Dad. I see law school in her future." Max warned them and seemed surprised by the look Isabel shot him. They stared at each other for a few moments. "Lobbyist at the very least. A movement for the ethical treatment of Space Invaders."

"I could do it."

"That's the scary part. I think you could."

"Speaking of. Where are those applications going, kids?" Phillip took a seat next to his daughter. "Harvard? Stanford? Do I have to take out a mortgage?"

"Phillip." Diane chided as she helped Jeff get their lunch together.

"I was uh…" Max sent the last spike into the ground and looked to Liz and then to his father. "Thinking of sticking around town for awhile. Community college while I figure out exactly what I want to do."

"Any ideas strike you?"

"Anything but politics." Max shrugged.

"Right on." Zan nodded to him. He wrapped his arms around Ava, rubbing her back to warm her.

"It's hard to avoid, Max." Phillip stared at his son, who oddly looked a little afraid. Was it the subject of college or the idea of politics pervading his every possible path of choice? "Every career path has its own politics to deal with. Law, medicine, teaching, government, business. You have to deal with people in everything you do. You can't hide from people."

"Don't scare him, Dad." Isabel leapt in. "Max is better at it than he thinks he is. You got Zan here."

"Liz asked me to come." Zan denied her claim.

"To get Ava to come. Max's brilliant idea." Liz smiled broadly at the boys.

"Whateva. I don't like that house empty like that." Ava muttered.

"Tess, sweetie, are you sure you're okay there by yourself?" Diane stared at the girl. She had changed so much since breaking up with Max. Still, she adored the girl. "He hasn't called at all?"

"I don't think he's gonna." Ava hated that. Having to lie to Max's parents and Liz's parents. They were nice. The kinds of parents she wished she'd had. "Max helped me go through the stuff. I'll be okay. The house kind of takes care of itself."

"If you need anything, let us know. If you need to know about your legal options, talk to me." Phillip told her and looked to her boyfriend. "I assume you've been staying there as well?"

"I've got my own room." Zan rushed out. He hated the looks he was always getting for being himself. Small towns bit. Hard. "Max was showing me what needed to be done. Me and Ava will be on top of everything soon enough."

"Thinking about becoming a banker?" Phillip turned back to his son who had taken it upon himself to help Nancy bring the sleeping bags in from the cars. They still had six hours of daylight but no one wanted to waste time and have to rush setting up camp fighting the daylight.

"It's numbers. Math. Algebra. Some statistics. It's nothing." Max shook his head. Liz, Isabel and Ava were set for one tent. He and Zan in another. A tent for his parents and for Liz's parents. Michael had flat out refused to join them after the Christmas Party fiasco. Liz couldn't pull Alex away from his girlfriend. It was a small party but sufficient and everyone had agreed readily enough. The Evans and the Parkers were eager to keep everyone where they could see them.

"He's good." Ava took the cup of coffee when Zan got one for her. "I got a college fund that's set to keep building after I start using it."

"It's all in your bank's options. All you had to do was read up and put it in motion." Max shrugged off the comments. His parents were staring at him like he was some star mathlete or something.

"Financial advisor."

"Dad."

"I didn't know my son was finance savvy. How much of your paycheck have you been setting aside?"

Max shrugged. "Most of it, I guess. I mean the Jeep eats gas. Dates and eating out… I haven't checked the balance in awhile." That was a lie. He got monthly statements. His parents knew that. He didn't want to mention that lately he hadn't saved so much. Zan and Ava needing some support before Ava could get her hands on Tess's money.

"In addition to your allowance?" The elder Evans nodded to himself. "Most teenage boys would blow money like nothing but I'm willing to bet you've gotten yourself quite a little nest egg."

"Dad." Max gave his father a look.

"It's smart." Jeff nodded to them both. "Liz has been doing this… tithing thing since she started getting a paycheck. Right?"

"Half goes directly into my savings, a quarter into my checking and the rest I keep on hand in case I need something for school in a fix or want to have fun." Liz nodded with a shrug. "Tips go directly to the savings… unless…"

"She wants shoes. I refuse to buy her anything but tennis shoes for work or dress shoes for special occasions." Jeff bopped his daughter on the head with his napkin.

"That's interesting." Phillip turned to his wife. "Why didn't we do that?"

"We spoiled her to begin with." Diane shook her head and handed him a plate. "By the time the shoes became an issue, it was too late."

"Hey!" Isabel gasped. "I'm sitting right here."

"If I sold your shoes at retail. We could sponsor five of those children on TV to adulthood." Phillip nudged her and kissed her forehead at the guilty expression on her face.

It was an experience. The parents took advantage of the time to impart some wisdom on us immature offspring. To needle information out of us about our plans for the future. To get to know the other people in our lives. It wasn't my intention but we actually had fun doing it. Eventually the parents let us go off on our own for a while. I think they wanted to talk about us. I guess I hadn't planned on that.

Nancy shrugged at Diane. "I… have always been a little overprotective of her. She's the only one we had. After all this… mess… I was really surprised how she took to Max again. I remember she was so upset when they broke up. Then she was out every other weekend with a different boy. After Tony and especially after what happened, I didn't think she'd even consider dating again and there she was…"

"With my son. I know. These kids. Max practically lived in his room for months after they broke up. He was seeing that girl whose brother… you know what happened. Um… they were like… I don't know. He was really upset by that whole thing. Tony dying and April moving away so soon. Then all of a sudden there's Tess. Overnight they went from dating to friends and… I never knew a teenage boy could be so… mature about things. They told me they were non-dating. How adorable is that?"

"Non-dating?" Nancy tilted her head at the woman.

"Precisely. Apparently it's all the… emotional entanglements of being in a relationship without anything else." Diane nodded to the other woman's slight confusion. "The uh, more… physical aspects of a relationship, the kissing and making out in dark corners."

"I was afraid she was latching onto him because he was familiar… safe. She's always been such a passionate girl that… that frightened me even more than when she was out with so many different boys I couldn't keep count and that girl… Doesn't talk to me. She used to talk to her grandmother, God bless her soul, but never to me."

"They never do. I was… actually afraid of the same thing. I sat him down to talk to him about how serious they seemed to be and he looked at me like I was speaking a different language. He told me 'Liz doesn't do anything she doesn't want to and she doesn't date anyone she doesn't want to. If she didn't feel the same way I do, she'd tell me. We've got new rules this time. Every step together and not before we're both ready.' My son said that. Just like that. Dead serious. If I had any doubts about this before. They're gone."

"I've always loved Max. He's been my favorite so far, given that he and only one other boyfriend were introduced to me as such. My mother-in-law adored him but she told Jeff that Max was a master secret-keeper and to keep an eye on them. I had no clue what she was talking about. The difference in them now and then is astounding. I don't know what it is that's different now but when they smile at each other… I get shivers." Nancy sighed and gave Diane a look. "I broke the mom-threshold and I asked if they were… sleeping together."

"They're not." Diane shook her head. "It's not that. I don't know what it is either. I had thought the same thing but… of all that Max is… master secret-keeper or master evader of the truth… he's not a liar. He can't lie to save his life. The whole Tess thing. His heart wasn't in it and I think they could both tell and now I know why but…" At the look of confusion, Diane motioned for her to look at the kids. "Max and Liz dated. They broke up. They see other people. Then Max meets Tess, Liz set them up. Right after they started actually dating, Zan shows up. I don't know how exactly he's related to my son but the resemblance is uncanny. They've decided they're cousins. Right after… that horrible thing… Tess starts calling herself Ava and dating Zan. Look at them. They didn't just meet a few months ago. I got the story out of Isabel… Tess and her father traveled all over. Her mother died when she was young. She met Zan in New York. I think she was rooted there for quite a while before they moved here. He followed her here. She had met Max and figured he would make a good substitute for the one she left behind. I'm guessing she found she was wrong."

"What are the odds of that?"

"He knows everything about her, anticipates her moves. It's like they've been married for 40 years. They fight like an old married couple. I think this is not the first time her father has run off and left her to fend for herself. I think she's used to doing for herself… or letting Zan take care of her. But look at them. They all get along like family. Like they've never known life without each other…"

"What does that have to do with Max and Liz?"

"Look." Diane nodded her head at the kids. Their backs turned to the parents and the campfire.

Nancy stared. Then she saw it. Zan had his arm around Ava, stroking her back in broad, easy strokes. So familiar and possessive. On the other side of the log, Max and Liz were the mirror image only Max's hand didn't cover so broad an area. They relaxed against each other and it was clear they cared for each other but seeing how Zan touched Ava, it was obvious the teens were sleeping together even if Zan 'had his own room.' Max and Liz just weren't that familiar with each other. There was still an uncertainty, an innocence in how they looked at each other. "What are the rules they have?"

"He lets her set the pace. When last I checked, they had progressed to kissing… American style he said."

"What?"

"It was his polite way of saying no tongue." Diane managed a blush. Her son talking about kisses.

"I hope there's a lot more talking between those two before they go any further." Nancy sighed heavily. "Liz has had some experiences… aside from what happened. I don't want her to get hurt if Max… doesn't…"

"I think they've talked it all out." Diane lowered her voice. "My son is very good at keeping things to himself. I always knew they'd blow up in his face if he wasn't careful. I still don't know what happened but I walked into my kitchen to find them talking. Both had red eyes, tear tracks. My son was black and blue all over. Apparently things were said, accusations made and it all got laid out. I have no details but it came down to fists between Zan and Max over whatever was said."

"Oh."

"I can only imagine. He impugned her honor was all I got."

"I see… so they did have it out…" Nancy took a deep breath. "They're just kids, I think. But I remember when I was their age… I thought I was grown up. Liz… had a… relationship with an older person that practically no one knew about and when I think back… there were signs I missed. She blurted it out when I needled her about Max. I… keep wanting to talk to her about it but I know she has a hard time talking to me, her mom, about that stuff. On this one level… I'm horrified to learn she allowed herself into that kind of relationship so young but… given what happened… I'm relieved that she knows that… what happened isn't the way it's supposed to be. That she knows and can remember what it's supposed to be."

"Sometimes you just can't stop them from growing up. Isabel thinks I don't know her code. She and Michael have… progressed in their relationship. When she and Max fight about it… they talk about her cleaning his apartment. It's absurd but voices in that house seem to carry. They have the stupidest arguments but if you sit and listen, you start to catch on." They clinked their mugs together. "I try not to hold on too tight but I've spend so much energy trying to keep them that I'll never be ready to let them go."

"Happens when you give birth to them too."

--

"I've tried to teach him to be responsible." Phillip stood on the hill next to Jeff. "I gave him that talk we have to give and I gave him… his tools. He doesn't know that I check on his tools."

"What are you saying?"

"He hasn't touched them since I gave them to him. They're in his nightstand… gathering dust."

"That's a relief. I think he's a nice boy and he's proved to me a few times that I can trust him with my daughter but… I was his age. I know what kids do… fortunately my daughter hasn't tried to pay me back for the nightmare I put my mother through." Jeff sipped his scotch. Phillip refilled both their cups from his flask. "If I had known then what I know now…"

"You would have locked her in a round tower's keep and thrown away the key the second she was born."

"Exactly."

"That… Michael is a good kid but… sometimes I want to strangle him. I know how you feel Jeff and I do have concern for my son sometimes when I think about just how good it might feel to scare that little punk… but… he makes her smile and laugh and all that stuff that makes me feel like my presence in that house is just to say I'm the father and not actually do anything about it."

"To daughters." Jeff clicked his cup against Phillips. "And their boyfriends."

"Here."

--

"That's disgusting." Isabel scrunched up her nose. Zan and Max each shot a wad of spit into the fire. "If you're bored, when we'll find something to do. S'mores. Campfire stories. There's always sing-a-longs."

"I got it. Hauntin' Me. Why are you hauntin' me…" Zan stared at them when they just blinked at him. "Save Yourself?"

"Could you save yourself for someone who—" Liz and Isabel started to sing together.

"No. No. No." Zan cut them off. "Save Yourself. I know your life is empty and you hate to face this world alone…" He looked to Ava who nodded and joined in. "So you're seachin' for an angel. Someone who can make you whole… I cannot save you. I can't even save myself…"

Still blank looks. Zan snorted. "You guys suck."

"How do you know we suck? What if it's you guys that suck?" Isabel countered, leaning on her brother to help fight the cold.

"I'm not alone cause the TV's on. Yeah." Max cleared his throat.

"I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills every day." Zan nodded his approval.

"Soft swear. Sugar on the asphalt. Our hearts littering the topsoil." The girls chimed in.

"And Pop-Punk strikes again." Isabel laughed, throwing her head back.

"You got the words wrong." Zan told them. "Salt. Sweat. Sugar on the asphalt."

"It is not." She shook her head at him.

"I didn't write the song, princess. Those are the words. Salt. Sweat. Sugar on the asphalt. Our hearts, littering the topsoil. Tune in and we can get the last call. Our lives. Our coal."

"Are you sure?"

"When we was in Arizona, I saw 'em play. I talked to 'em. Saw the notebook. Them's the words."

Liz looked over her shoulder and her father lifted his cup in her direction before turning back to Mr. Evans to continue their talk. On the other side, her mother and Mrs. Evans were laughing together, giggling like teenagers. Isabel and Zan kept at it.

"You did not meet them. How?"

"Hey, my ex-crew, tight in the entertainment. Big fans."

"The… bad guys are tight with that band. You're lying."

"Don't need to lie. That's what happened. Those are the words. You been singin' the wrong ones."

"Ava."

"I wasn't there then. I don't know. I wasn't in Arizona long."

"No, you wasn't." Zan brushed her hair out of her face. "Wish I had gone wit you."

"Me too."

"You kids know Free Bird?" Jeff Parker called over.

"Dad!" Liz's jaw dropped open.

"If there's gonna be music, I'd rather it not come from the MTV generation."

"What's MTV?" Zan furrowed his brow.

"Oh! You are not serious." Isabel turned to him. "How do you hear music?"

"Go to concerts. Steal the CD. Seriously, what's MTV?"

"You lived in New York and you don't know what MTV is?"

"Yo, is that that building wit all them screamin' girls? Dude, that guy from that group with the sucky music is in wit the guys from Arizona."

"Shut up."

We had so much fun that we missed midnight. By then we were all gathered around the fire chatting… like we were all adults instead of some parents and their kids and their kids’ friends. It had just been an idea and I only wish that more people could have come but then… I don't know if it would have been the same. I don't know what time it was when the three of us finally climbed into the tent but it was still another hour before we fell asleep… talking about everything. Boys, aliens, sex, school… It's only now that I realize that Maria and I can't have these talks anymore. I miss her but that chasm I felt the year before last… it's grown when I wasn't looking. I'm not sure if it's possible to connect the way we used to.

"Happy New Year." Mr. Evans announced to the boys as they crawled out of their tent. Max stared at his father with the spatula in his hand. He rubbed his eyes and looked again and then pointed. His father didn't appreciate the implication. "I can cook."

"Yes, he can. The pancakes are great, Mr. Evans." Liz nodded from her log where she sat with her parents. "You guys almost missed everything. He was about to stop."

"How you can be so chipper when I fell asleep listening to all that whispering and giggling…" Max held his hands up to her.

"I got the funny shaped one." Isabel taunted her brother. She wondered if he even remembered that. Dad used to make breakfast on Saturday mornings before he got really busy.

"Dad…" Max scoffed.

"You were asleep. You snooze you lose."

"The funny shaped one?" Zan could barely open his eyes.

"There's always a pancake that doesn't conform to the rules of the skillet and comes out all funky." Isabel explained. "First one to the table gets the funny shaped one. It always tastes better."

"Are you 18 or eight?" Max glared at her.

"Who's the one whining they didn't get it?" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Let's eat up people. Jeff's got a restaurant to see to." Phillip served the boys and took a seat to finish his breakfast.

"God only knows what Jose and Agnes did to the place." Jeff rolled his eyes.

"There could still be residents there… waiting for their food." Liz snickered and finished her meal so she could help pull the tents down. "Hey! We didn't make any resolutions last night."

"I think bringing in the New Year in high spirits… is just the way to begin." Jeff told his daughter. "Carry all the fun you had last night with you and you can't go wrong."

"Sounds like a resolution to me."

"Someone's phone is ringin'." Ava spoke up from her spot next to the fire.

"Oh! Lizzie! Could be the Crashdown." Jeff snapped his fingers for her to find the phone.

Liz leapt for her bag and had to dig deep to find it. "Hello?"

"Where the hell are you? We showed up for breakfast and the Crash is just opening because Jose says you went camping? Camping? It's freezing and hello! The woods? Have you completely lost your mind? What was your dad thinking? Agnes is bitching and they put me to work and I tried calling like eight times last night but you were out in the woods! The woods!"

"Hi Maria." Liz shook her head at her father. "You didn't even tell me you were coming back so soon."

"I tried calling. Were you not listening?"

"Maria." Liz had to speak up to get her attention. "We're packing up camp now. We'll be back in time for lunch. Okay?"

"Fine."

"And Maria?"

"What?"

"Happy New Year."

"Right. Happy freakin' New Year." Click.

"Everything okay?" Nancy yanked out the stakes and began folding her tent.

"Just Maria. Agnes staged a protest this morning and Maria had to pitch in." Liz shook her head with a smile. "If Agnes weren't 57 years old…."

"I know. I know." Jeff nodded to his daughter. "If she were 16, I'd've fired her already."

--

The ride back was full of giggles and chuckles. Ava and Liz had their heads bent together, whispering about the ways their respective boyfriends kissed. Isabel placed her hands firmly over her ears. "I can't hear you."

"Come on, Izzy." Ava leaned forward. "We can share. Michael's never kissed anyone else…" She bit her lip and her eyes shot to Liz with an apology.

"What are you talking about?" Isabel turned to them. "Who did he kiss?" Max winced and turned his face to a window. Zan watched on in amusement. "He didn't tell me he'd kissed anyone. Why do you keep looking at her?"

"It was just… once, twice… no big deal. It was like… two years ago." Liz sputtered. "It didn't mean anything."

"Besides. You the one he's… servicin'." Ava smirked at Isabel's blush. When she caught Liz's eye, the two dissolved into giggles and tried to compose themselves but they couldn't do it.

"What?"

"Nothing… is he getting' better at that?" Ava bit her lip. "You are gettin' yours, right?"

"Ava!" Liz hissed but had difficulty hiding her own smile. The boys were both facing forward trying to keep their composure.

"You got any weird bruises? Door knob shaped ones?" Ava had trouble containing her laughter at the look of horror on Isabel's face.

"He told you?"

"No." the blonde snorted. "Liz was there."

"What? Why didn't you say something?" Isabel turned on Liz.

"I was asleep and when I woke up… things were already happening. It's not like I walked into a room without knocking."

"They weren't supposed to be doing that. They were supposed to be getting ready. I didn't want to walk in on… that." Isabel defended herself. They were quiet for a moment. "Is that comfortable?"

"You don't do any of the work that way." Ava admitted, her lip between her teeth and her eyes on the back of Zan's head. "But Liz knows a fun way."

"Ava." Liz hissed at her.

"Doin' it like crabs." The blonde winked.

"Conversation over." Liz demanded and never felt so relieved to see the Crashdown.

"What?" Isabel leaned over Liz so Ava could describe it to her. "Is it really?"

"We done it." Ava nodded and reached forward to touch Zan's shoulder.

"I can't believe I let you kiss me." Liz groaned and got herself out of the Jeep as their parents pulled up next to them. She grabbed her bag from Ava and moved to Max's window. "I'll call you later."

"Like crabs, huh?" He smirked at her, little bit of annoyance in his eyes though his voice was playful.

"Don't start." Liz groaned again, certain her face was flaming red. "It was for balance. Okay? I'll tell you all about it someday…"

"No, don't." Max shook his head and leaned out to kiss her cheek and whisper into her ear. "Show me someday."

"It's a date. New Year's… 2015." She pecked his cheek and raced off, leaving him stunned into silence until someone got his attention back on the task at hand.

Liz followed her parents into the restaurant and dropped her stuff on the couch. They were all suddenly tired and enjoying the heated air. "That was fun."

"It was." Her father nodded and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Max is a nice boy. He's got a nice family."

"You're here!" Maria exclaimed and threw her arms around Liz. "Oh My God! Do you know what year it is? 2002, babe. We graduate in five months. We have plans to make. Roadtripping after graduation."

"Maria. Slow down. Happy New Year. Let me put my stuff away." The girls sank down on the couch. "Did Freddy find you yet?"

"No. Let's not talk about him." The excited blonde waved off the subject but missed the annoyed look on her friend's face.

"Maria, he's been pining ever since you left. He spent the whole night of the Christmas party sneaking drinks and moping at his parents' table. He was no fun at all and we did invite him to sit with us."

"Oh whatever. You went on a joint camping trip with the Evans. What's that about? It's like… a prelude to marriage and you are way too young to be tied to one man, missy, no matter how handsome or charming Max is."

"Whoa. Maria, slow down. You're like… years ahead of me."

"Yes. She is." Jeff gave them a stern look as he handed his bag to his wife. "I take it the place is okay?"

"Fine. Agnes went home. Jenny came in. It's a little slow now." Maria waved him off.

Liz nodded to her father's look and gesture to the stairs. "How was Sean? Did he have a nice little apartment and all that?"

"Sean? Who cares?"

"Maria, tell me about your Christmas."

"Like you care."

"Maria." Liz blinked at her. What was wrong with her? "You told me you were going to be gone until right before school started. I didn't know you'd be in last night. We had just packed up and gone early yesterday. We hiked and had some fun… it was great."

"Sleeping arrangements?"

"Hot threesome." Liz fixed Maria with a steamy look. "I was in the middle."

"Liz!"

"Of Ava and Isabel. We had fun. Chatting and giggling all night in our tent. Max said we kept him and Zan up in their tent."

"Oh, so it was a segregated thing."

"Hello, we were with our parents and besides… I wouldn't be ready for something like that." Liz shook her head. "It was nice. My parents and his parents and Isabel and Ava and Zan all there. I had invited Alex but he was doing something with Debra."

"Her. I hate her."

"No you don't. She's nice." Liz stared at Maria. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Not nothing. You've been growly ever since I walked in. I tried to tell you that I had a good time and I asked about yours and you won't say anything. Come on, Maria."

"This Freddy thing is just out of control. He's making plans, Liz. Like Life Plans. We're not ready for that. He's putting too much pressure on me." Maria exclaimed and sat back, fiddling with the zipper on Liz's bag.

"That's what you do when you care about someone. You make plans to keep them in your life. He was really miserable this whole time you've been gone."

"We're too young for these kinds of commitments."

"Then why did you sleep with him?" Liz asked her coldly. This hostility sprung out of nowhere. "From all you've told me, he put a lot of emphasis on the physical relationship and what it means. He never approached you lightly, Maria. From the moment you let him in, he's been constantly asking about you and making sure he's there for you when he can be and you're just not that serious about him?"

"Whose friend are you?"

"Maria DeLuca's. When she gets back, tell her I went upstairs to take a shower." Liz grabbed her bag and ran up the stairs to get showered and changed for her evening shift.

I just keep thinking about the way I blew up at her and how whiny she was. I don't like feeling this way about my best friend. It's like… I'm getting better and I like not being so scared and not being so removed from life and when I talk to Maria these days… It's like we're in two different rooms trying to describe to the other the things we see and not getting through to each other what we mean… and to top it off, we're looking at the same thing.

"Liz?"

Liz looked up from her journal to find Maria standing in the doorway. She picked up her pen and twirled it around her fingers.

"I don't understand why you don't like me anymore. It hurts and I don't understand why and I don't know what's going on." There she stood, arms wrapped around herself, eyes red. "I was just trying to make some plans and you blew up at me."

"Plans I'm not interested in making, Maria. Not right this moment because it seems like you want to avoid talking to me about things that are real. What makes you think I want to go roadtripping after graduation? I could have asked my father if I could go camping with everyone except him. I didn't. I asked to go with him. Leaving Roswell just now… not high on my list of things to do." Liz capped her pen and closed her journal. She sat on the edge of her bed and looked at her childhood friend. "You're right though, you don't understand and that's what's killing me."

"What are you talking about?"

Liz turned her face to the window. "I haven't been out there. It's right outside my room and I used to spend all my time out there."

"Well, it's cold out."

"That's not why, Maria. I can't go out there. Ever again." Liz felt the tears filling her eyes and she wanted nothing more than to stop talking and to go to Max's and hide in his room for the rest of her life. "I look at that window and I see that my old stickers are gone, thrown out. The bricks around the window are new. The panes are new. I can't even touch them. The only reason the curtains are even open is because my mom did that. I keep them closed. I can't… even look half the time. That is the reason I will not be roadtripping after graduation. Don't you understand? I can't. I can't even entertain the idea."

"But you went camping."

"With my father and Mr. Evans and Max and Zan. People who could protect me. I never went off alone. We all went hiking together, with ropes between to keep contact. When we went to the pit toilets, I always took both Ava and Isabel. I can't do this stuff alone. The idea gives me a panic attack." Liz looked to Maria. "I'm sorry I can't be the person you need me to be. I can only be me. Who I am now. I've never done anything reckless and I am less apt to do anything reckless now."

"I can't deal with you like this, Liz. Not when you act like this."

"Act like what? Like me?"

"Like I'm some enemy of yours."

"I don't."

"I didn't do anything."

"Except get upset at something you should have known not to do. I'm not even going away to college, Maria. I'm not going on a trip with no protection across however many states you think will keep Freddy from considering you marriage material." Liz rolled her shoulders to fight off a stress knot. "That's what all this is about and you won't admit it. What's wrong with him now, Maria? It's not him. I can see that. I hear your stories and I side with him."

"I can't marry the first guy I sleep with."

"Do you love him?"

"Liz, it's not even that."

"Do you even care about him? If you don't, tell him and end it because you're killing him. He is so in love with you that he can't think straight when he thinks you're mad at him. What possesses him to stay with you when you act like… I don't know. I wouldn’t put up with it."

"He expects too much from me."

"He expects what you've led him to expect. Last spring you were pushing and pushing and pushing him to make some kind of gesture and when he did, you got scared and you ran away. You let Alex punch him and you let him feel bad and then all of a sudden… you go to him and you lead him on. You push and you push and he caves and he gives you what you want and he's so far under he doesn’t know which way is up and you don't even know what you want anymore."

"It's not like that."

"Isn't it? I've had some experience with torture, Maria. Someone expects you to react a certain way and if you don't, they kept coming and coming and coming. Until you have no choice but to cave." Liz shook her head at her childhood friend. "What was it you wanted from him? Did you get it? Was it fun for you? Did you like stripping him of who he thought he was?"

"Who are you yelling at?" Maria stepped back.

"You tell me. I find out from Max that you've got these weird sex pacts with Alex but I didn't say anything. You jump all over me for doing something you feel is out of character but I don't say a word when you make no sense to me. I am not perfect and I don't expect you to be but what you're doing to Freddy makes me hurt for him." Liz took a deep breath and stood up. "Think, Maria. Think about that stuff that I yell at you about and then think about the stuff you yell at me about. I have to get to work."

TBC

[DMartinez]

I'm Liz Parker and I am frustrated beyond belief. I've got alien shenanigans and best friend crises and possibly the FBI on top of all that. What keeps me from screaming at the top of my lungs, I don't know.

"Look…" Liz paused with a cup of sugar in one hand and the bowl of dough in the other. "It's like they did the worst possible thing they could and then didn't kill me. It's bad enough that I know what happened. There are other people who know because I had to talk about it when I was absolutely not ready. I'm not ready now and I'm going to my group and we're talking about the aftermath in our lives but it is not the same. There just… comes a point when talking about it does more harm than good. Okay?"

"Why are you taking it out on me?"

"I've taken it out on everyone else… it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"You're not. I don't see you yelling at Max for doing things that remind you of something he couldn't possibly know if you're not talking about it."

Liz turned and wiped her hands on her apron. "But I did. I yelled and I screamed and I said some unfair things to him. You didn't see it but it happened. But you're kind of right… I… Max and I have had many, many long and involved talks. I completely flipped out on Michael. Zan and I have some issues… it's not like… I hate it when you act like this."

"Like what?" Maria blinked at her, eyes going wide.

"Like the universe is conspiring against you. You do it to yourself. No one hangs out and talks about you behind your back… least of all me. Let me tell you, the universe doesn't care. We… are lucky if we're footnotes in history." Liz beat her ingredients together. "I have enough problems making it through the day to worry if I inadvertently hurt someone's feelings because of their own insecurities. I cannot help how you feel when you do the things that you do."

"You have some nerve yelling at me for the way I treat Freddy when you and Kelen were the exact same way."

"No we weren't." Liz shook her head. "With me and Kelen, it wasn't about love or how we felt about each other… it was about everything else. My impotence about my life was channeled into a non-relationship with him. It's not the same."

"How is it not the same?"

"Freddy loves you… and you pursued him relentlessly even after he pushed too hard last spring."

"He does not."

"He does. He was miserable the whole time you were gone. He was just sitting in the Crashdown pouting in your section. Whether or not you love him, he loves you." Liz reached for the spoon and began spooning out her little dollops like clock work.

"Liz, what are you doing?" Maria stared at her. "Are you seriously baking cookies while we're trying to have a serious conversation?"

"Um… yeah… nervous energy and…" Liz blushed. "These are Max's favorites."

"Nervous energy?"

"I… made a joke and I don't know whether or not he took it as a joke and so… if he didn't, the cookies are consolation and if he did, the cookies are a reward."

"Liz…" Maria gasped. "What kind of joke did you make?"

"A sex implication… I may have set a date… sometime in the next decade." Liz paused to wince as she began pushing red hots into the cookie mounds.

"Next decade? Next week, honey."

"Maria." Liz sighed as she spelled Max across three cookies with the red hots. "I was in a good mood and I was embarrassed and I was trying to explain to Max and he told me not to tell him but to show him and I said sure… and I made a vague promise to do so in the future."

"That made no sense to me."

"Isabel got us talking about… positions… and it slipped about that time in the car and the broken seat… and we couldn't stop cause we were already too far…"

"Liz!" Maria clapped a hand over her mouth. "What was Isabel doing talking about sex?"

Liz tilted her head at the blonde. "She's dating Michael Guerin… pretty seriously."

"No, they aren't. He's a smoke screen. I heard she's a lesbian."

"She's very much not."

"No, seriously. Pauley was telling Kyle about it."

"Pauley didn't get to first base with Isabel. Michael and Isabel are like… so serious her dad is freaking out. Mr. Evans caught them making out at the Christmas party. I thought his head was going to explode." Liz giggled as she set her cookies to bake.

"So, you and Max are…"

"What?"

"Not… doing anything?"

"No…" Liz shook her head, blushing when she remembered the day he healed her scars. "Nothing much. Second base like… once in a long… long while. Most of the time when we kiss there's no tongue…"

"Liz, please. Max is way too hot to waste that way."

"I'm not ready for more." Liz kept shaking her head as she set a timer. She had made a mess out of the kitchen. "That's what you're not getting about me. I'm all for moving on and all that but I have to do it when it's comfortable for me. When it feels right. I can't force myself to be better… that will just make me worse. I get these panic attacks for virtually no reason and hardly anyone realizes what's going on."

"Like what?"

"Like… the other day, Ava and Zan were making out on the couch in her living room. Max and I went to the kitchen to make popcorn and to get sodas. Zan came in and had to squeeze between us to get through and when he brushed against me… I could feel him and I panicked. He's touched me lots of times before but that made me want to run out the door and keep running." Liz felt the tears spring to her eyes at the memory of how helpless she had felt. "If I can't handle that, I won't be able to handle sleeping with my boyfriend. It wasn't so much the fact that he was aroused and brushed against me accidentally… it was that he brushed against me there."

Maria paled. "God, Lizzie… I…"

"You don't have to say anything. There's nothing to say. I've been traumatized, Maria. I have these aversions and these things that make me sick to my stomach and I'm trying to deal but part of what helps is if people understand that I have to do this for myself. I'm going to have mood swings and you can't be offended. Know I don't mean to be a bitch." Liz stopped what she was doing at looked to her childhood friend. "You have to understand, Maria. You just have to. If you can't, you have to leave me alone. I try so hard, everyday not to act different than I did before but sometimes I can't. Sometimes normal things trigger awful feelings inside of me. Do you know why I asked my dad to stop calling me Lizzie?"

Maria shook her head and took a seat.

"That's what they called me." Liz turned back to the sink to rinse out her dishes. "When they addressed me at all. You don't know what it's like to be tortured into reacting a certain way when certain things are done to you. To not know if it was going to end but to know they were waiting for some unknown sign to end your life. You don't know what it's like to be scared of your own shadow." She grabbed a sponge and the dish soap and set to work. "I'm not going away to college, Maria. I'm staying in Roswell."

"But you wanted to go to Harvard."

"There are a lot of reasons why… maybe I will go… eventually but not this year."

"Can I take my turn now?"

Liz nodded but didn't turn from her task of washing her dishes.

"Do you know what it's like to be your friend? When we were little, it was cool. We had the same teachers even if we weren't in the same classes. Then we hit junior high and you went into the smart classes and I stayed where I was. I know we had that little tiff after me and Doug Sahn went behind the bleachers… but this is different. We hit high school and it was like okay because you were smart and I was kooky. But then… you're all set to graduate with honors and I'm in remedial biology. You're dating the quarterback and I'm… with these jerks who… ugh."

"Kyle wasn't exactly a picnic."

"Then it was okay because we were both dating like every guy in school and dismissing them like… straw wrappers in the wind… Then you go and like… Jeremy Oaks is after you and then I had Freddy and it was nice. We were in the same place at the same time… then Tony…" Maria took a breath. "I'm sorry about what I said about him. I know you took it harder than you let on… and that's the thing. You didn't let us take care of you. You were trying to hold yourself up and you needed someone to lean on."

"At the time, I was too angry to lean on anyone. Then it turned out that while I was not trusting him, he was not trusting me. He had been clean for months and he thought I wouldn't believe him if he told me." She shrugged slightly. "I seem to attract guys with the same control and trust issues that I have."

Maria let out a mirthless laugh. "Right. You know… I depend on you to be you, Liz. I really do and if you don't know who you are, how am I supposed to know who I am?" She moved so Liz could set the sheet of cookies on the rack on the table. "This whole Max and Liz thing scares me. He was like obsessed with you and now all of a sudden you tell Kyle Valenti that you're dating. You're going on camping trips with his family? Isn't it a little much? Too serious."

"I love Max." Liz nodded to herself. "Max and I are… just as serious as we need to be. It wasn't sudden, Maria. We'd been working toward this since we broke up. The things that were missing before aren't now. We get each other… You say he was obsessed… he had a crush for a long time. So did I. Remember? Seventh grade in art? We kept passing that note and I was horrified when the teacher took it up. I was afraid she was going to read it and everyone would know I had a crush on him." Carefully, she pried up the cookies from the sheet. "Do you know that I start every journal entry as an introduction? "I'm Liz Parker and today my life sucked." Everyday. If anyone ever read my journal, they'd think I was a schizophrenic. I read it sometimes and can't recall who I was on a certain day that I wrote those things.

"Maria… maybe I used to think I knew who I was… but now I know, I never did. I'm just finding out, now." Liz gave Maria a small smile. "I'd like to think I'm a loyal friend if I'm not always physically there. So… what happened in Santa Fe?"

"Nothing." Maria bit out but picked at a warm cookie for a few minutes. "I got jealous. Sean was this big nothing our whole lives, you know? Then we go with him to Albuquerque for his last appointment in court. Mom got him set up with a place to stay and we left him there. His choice. He moved to Santa Fe… I don't know… six months ago. He's got a decent job, he's got friends popping out of the wood work and his girlfriend… I actually did not want to kill her. She was nice… like… too nice.

"I did mean to call Freddy. I picked up the phone to call him and I'd call someone else instead. I like him… a lot but uh… Freddy's going to stay in Roswell forever. He doesn't want to leave. I can't stay here. How can I leave if everyone is staying here?"

"You won't know if you don't try." Liz sat down. "I can't do this, Maria. I can't be this stressed over your freak outs. It makes me physically ill because there's nothing I can do about it. I'm Liz Parker and I love Max Evans and I'm going to college in Roswell next fall. I'm not going on a road trip after graduation. I'm not going to rush into anything physical with anyone until I am ready. That's who I am. Who are you?"

I was about five minutes from tearing out my hair. Maria doesn't mean anything by it. She's frustrated and she's not the only one. I am walking a fine line with myself.

Ava motioned Liz closer. "He likes this." She pressed her palms to Zan's bare back, putting pressure at the base and kneading upward. "Try."

"Like this?" Liz swallowed a lump in her throat and placed her palms at the base of Zan's spine. His skin was hot as she gently kneaded his flesh. Zan stretched and his muscles rippled beneath her fingers. "Do you always feel this warm?"

"He's a human electric blanket." Ava answered for him. "I think it's because he always keeps his… motor runnin'."

"Do not." Zan muttered, his face buried in his arms.

"Do too. See right here." Ava pointed out. "He always knots up right there. Curl up your thumb and just… dig in."

"Ow!"

"Sorry." Liz winced and glanced at Ava.

"He's knotted up. He always gets stressed out and it turns into an angry knot." Ava reached over to demonstrate how to work it out. Both girls worked on relaxing the alien. Suddenly, he tensed up. "Zan? You okay?"

"Um… yeah. I'm good." Zan shifted uncomfortably. "You can stop now… both of you."

Liz pulled her hands off as Ava leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Told you. Motor's always runnin'."

"You think Max will like it?"

"He'll love it. Just remember that the tension is always in the shoulders and neck." Ava ran a finger around the problem areas. "There are tricky parts right here." She pointed to the outer area of the shoulder blades over the ribs. "He's ticklish. You go too light and he'll curl up in a ball and ruin the whole thing."

"Did you know that when you pull here." Liz slipped her hand under Zan's arm to touch the top of his chest. "His arms automatically wrap around you."

"Didn't I say to stop with the touchin'?" Zan shrugged off her hands. The girls snickered and got up to leave him alone on the floor. "That's right. Git."

"He's embarrassed." Ava whispered as they scooted into the kitchen where Max was inhaling a carton of leftover Chinese food. "Didn't know you was here."

"Just got here. Sorry. I'm just starving. Milton forgot to give me a break and it was busy… Everyone in Roswell must be bored out of their minds." Max watched them exchange glances. "What?"

"Finish eating." Liz shook her head at him. "I uh… made you cookies."

"Really?" He turned when she reached for the tin. When the lid came off, the three on top spelled out his name. The corners of his mouth tipped up at that. "Wow. What did I do to deserve cookies?"

"I'm gonna go… help Zan readjust himself. You two have fun." Ava winked at Liz.

"What's going on?" Max took a seat at the table. "Why did you want to meet here?"

"Neutral territory." Liz shrugged slightly. "Do you remember what I said the other day?" He paused in chewing to look her in the eye. He motioned with his head and made a face that he knew what she was talking about. "Okay… Um… I was being playful because I was in a good mood and I just… wanted to be sure that you knew… Even if I did set the date 13 years from now that…"

"Liz." His eyes fixed on her flushing face. "I know you're not ready. You will tell me and I will wait." He set down his fork and reached for her hand. "I can dream about what this… crab thing is until then. Why'd you make me cookies?"

"Sad reward for being understanding… or… sad consolation for not." She gave him a weak smile. "I'm a little sick of being a scared girl. I want to kiss you and not worry that I'll get scared. I know you won't hurt me but…" Handing him a cookie, she shrugged. "I don't want to be the girl who is dependent on her boyfriend for everything. I want to take care of you as much as you take care of me… and I think I found a way to work two problems at the same time."

"How's that?"

"You'll have to lie down and take off your shirt."

"I can deal with that." Max pulled her close, chair and all. "I like taking care of you. If you want to take care of me, that's good too. Don't rush yourself. I'll keep. I'll do whatever you want me to."

"You have be frustrated with me. I'm frustrated with me."

"Do I want to kiss you like I did on our first date? Yeah." His lips brushed hers lightly. "Will I get mad because you're not ready? No. When we kiss like that again, I want you to feel it… not be afraid of it."

"Me too."

Max opened his mouth to say something when a curse from Zan stilled them both. They waited a moment until they were sure there would be no other interruptions from the couple in the living room. "I think that Zan is getting enough for everyone in the city. I'm not worried about it."

"That's kind of my fault… and you'll understand in a little while." Liz giggled in his ear. "Come on." She let him shove a mouthful of noodles into his mouth and lead the way to the bedroom she and Ava had been working on all day. Max shed his vest with a raised eyebrow. She pulled at her lip with her teeth when she pulled his shirt over his head. Why did he have to smell so good? She reached for the button on his jeans. "This isn't a mixed signal I swear." Guiding the zipper down halfway, she tugged his jeans down low on his hips. "Lay down on your stomach."

"As you wish."

Liz took a deep breath and straddled his legs. Her hands didn't even shake when she laid her palms on the small of his back. His muscles were only slightly less defined than Zan's, who she had been afraid she'd pressed too hard. She steadily worked her way up and just like on Zan, Max had a knot and his shoulders were very tense. "How does that feel?"

"Very, very good." He moaned very deep in his throat.

"Why are you so tense, Max?" He shrugged, pulling a pillow beneath his face. "Milton working you too hard?" He shook his head, his eyes falling closed. "Are you worried about something?"

"I've got a bad feeling is all. Zan keeps saying he's going to take off but Ava is getting more and more invested in this life she's made here. Isabel is getting attached."

"Maybe you don't want him to go either."

"Maybe."

"He's making a life for himself, too, Max. Whether he realizes it or not, us and Ava and Mrs. Montgomery. I don't think he wants to lose all that again… but then, he has a hard time dealing with his past and all those things he did." Liz slid her hands over his back, kneading out all the tension. "The more I get to know him, the harder a time I have thinking that he did those things. He's changed a lot and even more so since coming to Roswell. He doesn't want to be that person anymore."

Max didn't respond.

"If he wanted to, he could go to school and find something to do with his life. There haven't been any alien threats and Lannie and Rath are probably dead. To my knowledge there aren't any of Nicholas's followers around. It'll be nice and quiet… Max?" She leaned forward to look at his face. "Max?" His eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell under her hands. Reaching for the blanket, she covered him up. "Night, Max."

tbc next post

[DMartinez]

I wanted to do more than just give Max a massage but I'm a little afraid to try. He says he understands but I know what Zan's reaction to the massage was and I wonder if Max thinks that I'm leading him on. I mean, it's good that I could do the massage… to show Max that I like touching him and to get used to touching other parts of him than just his hand. It gave me a sense of power that I could make him feel good just by doing something so simple. It was probably a good thing he fell asleep before I could act on any of the urges I was contemplating.

Alex felt Liz's arms around his middle and let out a breath of relief that he hadn't known he'd been holding for four months. "How's my best gal pal?"

"Loathing the thought of school." Liz groaned and sank into her seat at the picnic table. "I think I was too hard on Maria the other day."

"Maybe." Alex handed her a cup and poured her some tea from his thermos. "I barely understood any of what she told me but I get the point. She's very frustrating sometimes. I, too, felt sorry for Freddy but you, uh, kind of implied that she didn't care about him at all."

"I know."

"Maria doesn't trust men, Liz. Not the way you do."

"I know."

"What you don't know is while Maria was trying to convince her mom that she wanted to stay in Roswell for Christmas, she was dealing with something else." Alex offered weakly. "Sean's girlfriend is pregnant."

"She didn’t say anything."

"I know. She kind of just blurted it out to me. They're gonna get married and all that. He's gonna work so she can finish school and all that. Maria probably didn't say anything to you because she didn't want to disappoint you." Alex took a sip of his tea and waved to Debra where she was involved in a game of powder puff. "The morning that she took off for Santa Fe… Maria realized that she hadn't had a period… and as much as I loathe to hear about your feminine things, when Maria told me, my heart stopped." He nodded to Liz's shocked expression. "She had told him right before she left that she might be… which makes his depressed antics so much more clear to me."

"She didn't even say anything. Does she know?"

"She's afraid to find out. She hasn’t told her mother and the one time she's spoken to Freddy since she left, he told her that he'd take care of her. That he'd let go of his scholarship and get a job. He's got apartments lined up. He's waiting on her word."

"When does she find out?"

"She's got to take a test but she's freaking out and she got into a fight with you. She's been hiding in her room for days." His blue eyes darted from his galfriend to his girlfriend. "I've been scared to death since I found out. Her mom is going to freak if she is… and if she is, Freddy isn't going to be there because Mrs. DeLuca won't let him. She's going to lock Maria in the house until the day she dies."

"I wish she would have told me… though I didn't exactly give her a chance." Liz hesitated to bring her eyes to her best friend's. "She came at me in full denial mode and I reacted… pretty badly. Talking about road trips and how Max was suffocating me as if she could magically know what I'm feeling when I rarely know myself."

"She didn't think you'd understand even though I know you do."

Liz didn't meet his eyes for a second. "Who told you?"

Alex shrugged and leaned on the table for a few moments. "I'm a pretty smart guy. I watch a lot of crime dramas and medical dramas… while not the best source, I still pay attention. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have gone through all that and then to have to think about that."

"My parents disagreed about what to do in the event of… something." Liz admitted softly. "I remember just sitting there on that bed, not wanting to feel anything while my parents argued and argued. Kelen came in and sat with me, told them to let me get some rest. When they left, he gave me the run down. What the risks were, what my options were and I made the decision myself." She let Alex have her eyes again. "I haven't talked to anyone about it. Not my group, not Max, not Ava… my parents and I haven't spoken about it since they found out I signed the consent form. Maria's beyond emergency contraception at this point."

"Yeah."

"You think she'd mind if I rounded up the cavalry and showed up?"

"The cavalry?"

"Dad and his westerns." Liz shrugged. "The girls. I know she doesn't like Ava but… Ava knows more about this situation than I do."

"Tess still going by Ava, I see. She's a little nuts but I like her." Alex wrapped his arm around Liz's shoulders. "Maria would appreciate it… even if she acts all offended when you get there. What's your plan?"

"I take Ava and Isabel with me. They distract her mom while we talk and then Ava can tell Maria what to do." For the first time in months, Liz did not want to shrug off the arm around her shoulder and that was an empowering feeling.

"Good plan."

"I've missed you, Alex."

"I've been right here."

"You know what I mean." Liz leaned into him and sighed heavily. "I haven't been myself in a long time."

"Funny, I thought Liz was here the whole time. I understand, even if I get ornery about it. I swear. I'll always be here… spiritually though my body may wander across the country."

"You're going away next fall, aren't you?"

"Thinking heavily on it. I really think I might."

"I'm proud."

The more I seem to be falling back into who I'm most comfortable being, the more uneasy I feel. Not because I'm not the same person but because that comfort isn't as comforting as it should be… because Max has a bad feeling and I feel it, too.

Maria stared at Liz with tears in her eyes. They could hear Ava and Isabel chatting up Mrs. DeLuca. "I don't know how I could be so stupid. I've been over it and over it and I think maybe one time we didn't use a condom because we hadn't been planning to do anything… I think."

"You're not sure."

"I don't know. I kind of think we did but I can't be sure. Freddy's preparing for the worst… in case both of our parents kick us out and disown us but… I'm so scared, Liz." Maria wiped at her eyes. "I promised my mother that I wouldn't do this…"

"It's going to be okay. Alright? I bought a pregnancy test and you'll take it and we'll find out."

"We can't do it here." Maria shook her head. "My mom checks the trash."

"Okay. We'll meet at Ava's house. Okay?"

"Liz?" The blonde took a breath. "I do… kind of love Freddy. It was this… whole… mess that I was trying to escape. I get… kind of wrapped up in my drama with him and I don't… you are more like you than I think sometimes you should be because if it had happened to me… I wouldn't be taking it so well. I forget because you're a good actress because that's what it is, right? You're putting on a show for all of us so we don't ask you anything."

"At Ava's, then."

"Did you… tell them?"

"Not exactly."

"Okay."

--

Liz frowned at her rearview mirror. "Is that Sheriff Valenti?"

Isabel turned around. "No lights but… yeah… he's following us."

"He probably needs to talk to me." Liz sighed and pulled over at Ava's. The girls rushed into the house and Liz lingered to wait for him to roll down his window. "Hi Sheriff."

"Just checking in, Miss Parker. I've uh, been worried that you've been approached by strangers claiming to be federal agents." He leaned over the passenger seat to look at her.

"No, sir." She shook her head slowly. "Are they not if they do?"

"If anyone does, don't talk to them. You call your parents and then you call me. Do not talk to them. Do not go anywhere with them." He pulled his sunglasses off his face and tilted his hat back. "Do you understand?"

Liz nodded, her eyes wide. "Sheriff, what's going on?"

"Tell your… friends from out of town to be careful." He hesitated a moment, as if he didn't want to give her a clue. "They don't buy the story I gave. They don't buy your statement. They want to catch you in a web of lies."

"Everything I said they did to me, they did to me." Liz felt her anger growing in leaps and bounds. "I didn't lie. They couldn't know anything like that. They weren't here."

"I know that. They're looking for a way to back you into a corner and say what really happened out there. We both know you can't… and you won't. Don't tell me anymore. I want to be convincing when I tell them only what you told me. I want to keep it that way. Remember what I said. If they want to meet with you, they have to set it up with your parents and me. It doesn't matter that you're 18. You are still in high school and until you graduate, your parents can decide for you."

"I'll call them then I'll you."

"That's a good girl. Go on. Try not to worry about it. I just wanted you to be prepared."

"We'll be careful."

The thought of the FBI coming wouldn't be so daunting if the Sheriff hadn't said they didn't believe the story. He can't close the case without an arrest but he can't arrest people who aren't on this planet. I can't tell them I was a pawn in an interstellar war.

Max ate with great fervor on his break because if he had time left over, he could spend that with Liz. "How's Maria?"

"Calming down." Liz nodded and wiped a drop of ketchup from his chin. "She'll be okay now. I think Freddy was a little disappointed."

"Why do you say that?"

"We called him over when she was doing the test. He got there when the timer went off. He just kind of… sank into a chair. He didn't look like a relieved teenager. He's afraid Maria's going to leave him… and she might. One of her options after graduation is to move up and live with Sean to help take care of the baby. Or she can stay here and take some classes." Liz shrugged wearily and watched him wolf down the remainder of his meal. "You know… I think if he knew what she was going to do, he'd plan to do it with her… but she won't tell him."

"She always told me she wouldn't marry the first guy she slept with."

"Yeah, me too… but I don't think she realized she could fall in love with the aforementioned guy. I think she's just… afraid that he'll leave her the way her dad did." She bit back a laugh when he chugged his soda to wash down his lunch. "I don't have to worry about that, right?"

Max swallowed and leaned forward to press his lips to hers. "Never."

"The sheriff is worried." She whispered.

"We'll all help. Everyone can give their statements again. It'll be okay."

"I don't think they're just coming to investigate me. If any of the photos leaked from my balcony or if the sheriff couldn’t stop my labs…"

"Hey." Max cupped her face and made her look at him. "Hey… it'll be okay. Let me worry about my secret. You know what to say and not to say and I trust you completely. With me, with my sister… with Michael and Zan and Ava. All of us trust you."

"I don't want to tell it again, Max." She whispered, fighting tears.

"Then we'll work around them. I promise."

"Girl, you ready to go?" Ava cleared her throat. "Zan's waitin' outside to walk us home."

"Did you make him?" Liz sat up and poked Max in the chest.

"I asked, he agreed." Max got the both of them to their feet. "Thank you for lunch. Don’t worry. Go hang out."

"I'm not a baby."

"No, you're very much not." He kissed her head and pushed her toward the steps. "I'll call you when I get off of work."

"We'll take care of your girl." Ava pulled Liz up the steps. As soon as they were out the doors, Zan's arms dropped over their shoulders. "He ain't got nothin' better to do anyways."

"If I get a job, who gonna walk you fine ladies to and from and up and down." Zan picked each girl up around the ribs and carried them across the street.

"We can walk you know." Liz scoffed at him.

"But you got short legs, it takes too long."

"As much as I enjoy being man-handled. I'm home now. You can go." Liz pushed open the doors and froze. A man and a woman sat in the back booth in dark suits and serious expressions. So soon? She turned to the door and Ava met her panicked eyes. The couple were inside in an instant. Zan recognized the agents immediately and guided Liz through the restaurant with her on the far side of his body at all times. Ava trailed after them, studying the agents. One blonde, one brunette. Blonde's hair was pulled tight and clean into a ponytail. The man was balding with a beard, kind of scruffy. They almost made it through when the man recognized Liz. Ava wanted so much to reach out and warp them but that would be playing into their hands and no one was touching the first real best friend she'd ever had.

I'm trying so hard to hold it together. They were waiting for me. Unless something goes wrong, they'll always be waiting and watching and following and studying.

TBC

[DMartinez]

I'm Liz Parker and I'm afraid. These people tried to get me downstairs without my parents, who were running errands. So we called the Sheriff. He instructed them to leave… that my parents would decide to meet with them or not.

Nancy held onto her daughter's hand as the agents spoke. The woman was nice enough. Her voice was soothing and she seemed very sweet. "As we explained to Sheriff Valenti, this is just a follow up interview as the alleged culprit or culprits were not apprehended."

"Our daughter hasn’t been approached by strangers since it happened. She gets agitated and stays away from crowds." Jeff tried to explain Liz's reaction to their appearance at their home… near as he could figure. Jim tried to soothe his nerves that his daughter didn't call him for every little thing that happened. "I hope you'll try to understand that."

"We'll keep it in mind, Mr. Parker." Agent Stevens grunted with his pen poised over his notebook. "What were you doing out on the balcony on the night in question?"

"Writing in my journal." Liz responded with a stronger voice than she felt. "I always used to do that."

"So you admit that you routinely sat alone and half-dressed in plain sight?"

"I was dressed for bed. In pajamas." She corrected, fear being replaced by irritation. Had he read the statements at all? "None of the buildings around us have windows facing my balcony. The only way to see onto the balcony is to be on the roof of one of them."

"I see." Agent Stevens made a noise in his throat.

Agent Topolsky took a small breath and gave the Parkers an apologetic but sweet smile. "Liz, I don't mean to pry but I have to ask. Are you sexually active?"

Jeff started to answer but his wife shot him a look. Liz released her mother's hand. "Not currently."

"But you have been in the past?" The blonde agent gently coaxed.

"Yes."

"Prior to the incident?"

"Yes."

"Did you know your attackers?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"So this previous lover or lovers had nothing to do with this?"

"No."

"We'll see. Names?"

"No."

"Liz." Nancy sighed. She hated to think that nice intern had anything to do with this but the agents had a point.

"No. I won't give his name and before you ask, no, there was no one else. He had nothing to do with this. I gave descriptions as well as I was able to."

"No need to get defensive, Miss Parker." Agent Stevens cut in.

Liz took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The Sheriff had warned her about letting them get to her. "What does it matter?"

"If we can rule him out as a suspect, then we can begin to move in another direction. You maybe have been followed. Maybe someone saw you with him and decided you were fair game. Maybe you could tell us a few of the places you were when you met with your boyfriend."

"Dad… could you…?" Liz hated to disappoint him further but he just nodded and left the room to check on the diner. Her mother stayed right beside her. "Buckley Point a few times… but that was the only visible spot we went to."

"Honestly, Liz… Buckley Point?" Nancy sighed heavily and when the agents turned their eyes to her, she just shook her head. "It's where the kids go to make out. It overlooks the city, there are trees all around."

"Right, like I'm really the only honor student who ever went up there with a boy."

"Miss Parker." Agent Topolsky cut in with that apologetically sweet smile. "Have you ever been to a gynecologist?"

"No one's looked at me since it happened." Liz subconsciously pressed her legs together at the memory of her exam at the hospital. Her mother had to hold her hands to give her the strength not to resist the doctor. "They said I'd be okay. That I'd be scarred but that I could expect to function normally after I fully healed."

"I understand that you're not seeing a therapist."

"I don't like strangers… not now." Liz fought to keep calm. "Sheriff Valenti told me about a support group. I go… three or four times a week. I got to know everyone pretty quickly. I'm comfortable there. Just there."

"Do you go alone?"

"No." Nancy shook her head. "She always has a friend walk her there and walk her home. Sometimes… if schedules conflict, one will walk there with her and wait until the next can get there who will walk her home. So that there's always someone there."

"May I see your knee? Can you lift your pant leg that high?" The female agent pulled out a small pen light.

Liz nodded stiffly and pulled up her pant leg to reveal the flawless skin. "I did everything they told me. I washed it out and let it dry and covered it up until the skin closed together. Then I used everything they let me use to prevent scarring."

"You'll have to publish your secret, Miss Parker." Agent Topolsky examined the skin, covering her hand with a glove to peer closer. "I can't even tell your knee cap was 'nearly torn through' as the report stated."

"Everyone at the hospital took pictures." Liz pressed, now wishing they had somehow stopped Zan from healing her knee.

"I'm sure they did." She returned to her seat and pulled a manila folder from her briefcase, running her eyes over it briefly. "I am amazed at how little of your face was damaged… perhaps you are right and they didn't know you or you them. Usually damage to the face is an attempt to remove the identity."

"Do you… profile… rapists?" Liz tentatively asked her question. "Criminals, I mean."

"Agent Topolsky is qualified to do such." Agent Stevens offered.

"The damage done to your knee is indicative of torture. For information." Topolsky interjected. "Which is inconsistent with a simple rape."

"There was nothing simple about what was done to me."

"I'm very certain of that. I've examined the photographs, read all the reports and this was not a simple rape. You were selected and I'm curious as to why. Did they talk to you?"

Liz didn't answer. They had talked a lot about alien business.

"From what they did to you, it's pretty obvious they had fun while not sparing your body at all. All the of the damage to areas of the body that men generally find attractive… almost as if they were trying to ruin you… which is curious that your face was spared so much. Still, the direct damage to the knee, with their own hands suggests torture for some knowledge. What is it that you know, Miss Parker?"

"I don't know."

"In your medical chart, you signed for the emergency contraceptive yourself. Your parents signatures were on absolutely everything except that form."

"Her father and I disagreed on how to handle the situation if Liz became pregnant from what happened. The doctor circumvented us and asked Liz directly."

"The thought of carrying that monster's child… even for a week…" Liz gripped her mother's hand once more. "I can't do this."

"Just a few more questions, Miss Parker." Agent Stevens tapped his pen on his notebook, though he never wrote anything down.

"Three more. That's it."

"In the report, your father is quoted as saying 'they went straight over the edge' and what I would like to know is… did you jump? Was there a rope or a ladder? Your father seemed adamant that as soon as he made it to the ledge, you were in a car and driving down the street."

"I don't know how long it took him. I couldn't move. I just… remember falling but I never touched the ground. Then he shoved me into the backseat."

"I'll assume this was the little person your father claimed to have seen." Agent Stevens motioned to Agent Topolsky for the file. "Your windows were 'blown in by a great force'. How do you explain that?"

"I can't."

"Alright. Last question. The report often identifies your attackers as 'they' and we've concluded that 'they' are two separate individuals. One the small person who abducted you. Two the person who drove the car and raped you. Are these the only two who had contact with you throughout your ordeal?"

"Yes."

Agent Stevens procured a sheet of paper with four charts on it. "This is your DNA. We've separated it from your attackers. A fingerprint was lifted from one of your bruises, swabbed and DNA collected. It does not match the DNA in the semen that was collected in your rape kit. A second bruise yielded yet another fingerprint, DNA swabbed did not match either of the previous attackers… in fact… this other DNA was deemed female in three tests. Tell me, Miss Parker… can you account for this?" Liz didn't say anything so the agent pressed forward. "Another fact is that foreign debris removed from your knee cap turned up a piece of fingernail and a few pieces of fingernail polish… which leads us to believe that a woman was involved in your abduction."

"Leave." Liz told him.

"Answer the question or we'll have to put the whole case under review. There are many inconsistencies and perjury would answer a lot. Was there a woman involved in your abduction? If so… what role did she play?"

Agent Topolsky offered that smile again. "Take your time, Liz. This is important. Did you leave anything out? Even if it embarrasses you, we need to know… to catch the people who did this to you."

"So what if she was there? She didn't help. She encouraged it. You're right… she's the one who tore open my knee. I didn't know her either. Can you leave now?" Liz's hands shook in between her mother's.

"Did she participate?"

"Well that depends on how you define participate." Liz bit out. "I asked you to leave."

"I suppose that's enough for today." Agent Stevens handed his notebook and the file to Agent Topolsky, who packed them away. "We'll be in touch."

"Agent Stevens." Liz stood, her hand still in her mother's. "You asked me a lot of questions but I'd like to ask one."

"All right."

"What's the FBI doing in Roswell investigating a rape case? Am I part of a serial crime? Is that why you're here?"

"Good day, Miss Parker, Mrs. Parker." Agent Topolsky nodded to them.

Nancy watched in fascination as they agents just left without acknowledging her daughter's question. It was a damn good question. "Liz, sweetie… are you okay?"

"I'm angry." Liz stared after the federal agents. "This has nothing to do with me."

[DMartinez]

I had a hell of a time explaining to my mom what I meant. I didn't even know I had been talking out loud. They know something that we don't and I am afraid of that. I confirmed something for them that they needed but I don’t know what it is. They brought up Lannie and that's interesting to me.

Max watched in shock as Liz strode into the room and straddled Zan's lap and began kissing him furiously. The startled alien kissed her back but his hands hovered over her body, not ever settling on her. Just when Max was about to get up and start a fight, Ava put her hand on his arm. "This ain't kissin', Max. She's scared."

Liz pulled away, breathing heavily. "How do you do that thing with your tongue?"

"That's talent, sweetheart." Zan reached up and pushed her hair out of her face. "You okay, now?"

"You saw?"

"I saw."

"Okay." Liz nodded and climbed off his lap, marveling she actually had done that without apprehension. Turning, she spotted an annoyed Max. "Sorry. Didn't want you see that our first real kiss since the last one."

"You're forgiven… this time." Max rose and pulled her with him into the kitchen. "What happened, Liz?"

"FBI… they… knew that there was a girl involved… tried to get me to say more but I didn't…"

"Hey, it's okay. Zan will tell us all later. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, they just… they know something."

"Okay. Sh." Max tried to calm her down.

"Why the hell aren't you worried?" Liz almost stomped on his foot.

"Because you're freaking out and I can't be worried until you calm down."

"Okay. Okay. I'm calming down." Liz nodded and took a seat. "They just… pissed me off. They know my knee isn't as scarred as it should be. They knew there was a third person. They have DNA on all three of them."

"DNA?" Max nearly fell into a seat. "You mean… DNA… I thought Valenti destroyed it all."

"You think they were bluffing?"

"Maybe or… they really do… maybe they got to it before he could get rid of it."

"She profiled them."

"Who?"

"This… Agent Topolsky. She… I don't know learned stuff from the photos and evidence. My face wasn't marked up because Lannie healed it before… so I only had one scrape and the rest of me… but from what… that they were trying to mess me up so… no one would want me… my knee… was torture so I must have known something. They know I didn't tell the whole truth. He mentioned perjury… but when I asked why they were here, they ignored me. I asked if it was a serial case and they just walked out of the house."

"But we know it's not."

"That's right. We know. If it really happened the way I said and I asked a question like that… they should have answered. I mean… really… isn't that the only way the FBI would get involved? I wasn't taken out of the state. I was back in Roswell within 24 hours. Why are they here unless they know something? Something big."

"Okay. They know something but we knew that. Now we know they claim to have DNA." Max breathed out harshly. "We just need to act normal. You are not to be alone. How did you get here?"

"Borrowed the car."

"Okay, good. Keep that up. Try to get someone to go with you if you can."

"Okay."

"Max, they know what they're doing. They had this good cop, bad cop thing. Agent… Stevens acted like the whole thing was no big deal. He was a real asshole… and Agent Topolsky was very nice and very understanding and I wanted to tell her more… but then she was the one who knew things." Liz sighed and sagged in her chair. Max pulled her into his lap. "I don't want to think about this anymore."

"I know."

"Max… I can't handle this. Not this and acting normal and going to school and…"

"You can…" Max turned her face to his. "You amaze me. You have no idea how much. If I didn't have to deal with this… I'm not sure I would let myself get involved this deep… and you're still here…" When Liz let her eye lift to his, she wanted to cry because he was inside. This upset him more than he was willing to let her see. "But if it was you… I'd take them all on. One by one…"

Liz cupped his cheek, stroking his bottom lip with her thumb. "When you talk to me like that… my heart swells. I know… that… how you feel and when you look at me… I feel… like… melting. I'm scared, Max… for you. If they never do anything to me again… but they take you… I'll never forgive myself."

"Same here." Suddenly Max shifted and set Liz back in her chair, leaping to the refrigerator and throwing it open. "You're thirsty, right? Coke… lemonade."

"Max?" They had almost had a moment and then he leapt across the room. "What happened?"

"Um…" Max leaned on the door, facing her but not looking at her. "Um… Maria… told Ava about last week and she told Zan… Zan told me… and I… didn't want to… scare you or make you… um…"

"So you decided to stick your crotch in the refrigerator?" Liz laughed harshly almost to herself. "Well… is it working?"

"Not as well as I thought it would."

"You got… from… that? I was barely touching you."

"The thing is…" Max shifted his weight. "That… I don't actually have to be touching you to have this happen." His face turned red. "Sometimes I don't even need to see you…"

"You just… see a hot girl and… things rise?"

"Not… well… sometimes… this is a trap." Max declared and shut the refrigerator door. "My point is… most of the time. 97 percent of the instances where this happens, it's about you… whether you're in the room or not."

"97 percent, huh." Liz cleared her throat. "That's a high amount." She lowered her eyes to her hands. "So… you're just… walking down the street and what? A random thought makes things happen?"

"Well, I think about you a lot." His eyes tried to stay away from her but that's usually what got him in trouble. "Like… that day when… we were in my room. I think about it… somewhat randomly and things happen. I don't always have control of this. Even if I'm not really thinking at all and maybe there are cues somewhere… things happen."

"You're really funny when you're flustered." Liz bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Maybe you're right. We shouldn't be that close until… we're ready. Maybe I should… like… train myself on Zan. Do you think he'd do that?"

Max's eyes snapped to her face and then he set his jaw. "You're evil. Evil. I just… and you… You're gonna get it."

Liz leapt out of her seat, laughing all the way to the room that she had taken over. She almost got the door shut when Max burst in and shut it behind him. His mouth came crashing down on hers. Their tongues met and melded together, hands grasping. All the images that flashed into Max's mind were of him and times they had shared together. Not one thought about her interview with the FBI. Not a scared thought of her attackers. Just Liz.

Max had to break for air even though his body told him it could hold out just a little longer. "Wow… that…"

"Was put off for way too long…" Liz breathed out. "You don't scare me, Max. Not any part of you. When you touch me… I feel like… I can feel your intentions. Like… you're telling me when you touch me that you're not ever going to hurt me."

"That's because I'm trying to…"

"I won't hurt you either."

"I'm not worried about that… though I'm sure your father has taught you ways to deal with me should I become… overzealous."

"What?"

"Well, we all know you're taking lessons and all but my father sat me down to tell me that your father has taught you the correct response to unrequited moves by me."

"He has not." Liz let out a huge guffaw. "He asked me what I learned and I showed him on the cook. He never… ugh… they're conspiring to keep us apart."

"Not apart… just off of… available beds." Max flicked his gaze to the bed not two feet from where they stood.

"I like… touching you, Max. I like kissing you… and maybe it's time we did a little more of that."

"Of which?"

"Of both… not… too much but if you want to kiss me when you see me… go with it."

"Can I kiss you like this?" Max pecked her lips softly. She nodded. "Like this?" This time he let his lips linger. She let out a breath and nodded. "Or this?" Gently, he nudged her lips open, teasing her without letting his tongue slide into her mouth. She let out a nervous laugh but didn't pull away. "Or can I just do this?" Pulling her tight against his body, he let her have the kiss he'd been dying to give her for months.

Liz clamped onto his shoulders to keep herself upright. "Okay… um… wow… um… I like that… a lot but… my father might kill you if you greet me that way… So… the other three… are good."

"Yeah?"

"Hmm-mmm."

"Are you two okay in there?" Ava called in.

"Yes." Max called out.

"I didn't ask you."

"We're fine." Liz laughed and never let go of her boyfriend.

"Are you just saying that?"

"What answer will make you go away?" Liz called out.

"That's a good one. Have fun."

I probably should have calmed down some before barging into the house to let someone know what was going on but it's turning out okay. Zan seems to think I confirmed something very significant for the FBI but I don't know what. We went over and over it until my head was ready to explode.

"Sir." Agent Topolsky paced as she made the call. "We have confirmed that one female was involved. We had to wheedle her first but she admitted it finally."

"But she held firm on the identities." Came the voice. Not a question but an astute observation from a very highly respected agent.

"She claimed not to know who they were."

"But she confirmed the female and the female didn't lie to us… so the girl lied about so much more than the gender of one of her attackers. Let's assume the female did talk about the sensitive matters as she said. It means our girl lied about their race. Why would she do that? She was brutally raped and tortured by three aliens… and she never mentioned the alien part. Why, Agent Topolsky? She's smart. Either she doesn't know there are branches of the government for this and didn't think she'd be believed by the local yokel in charge or… she does know we exist and she knew she would be believed. She's protecting someone… like the female's brother. Put a tail on her."

"Already did, sir. She's on Crenshaw at a friend's house. Tess Harding. She went straight there. They ordered enough food for eight but we've only got glimpses of two or three other people in the house but assuming one or more is male and a teenager, it's not surprising."

"See anyone?"

"One boy we saw clearly. A boy who walked her home the day we approached her. Six foot, approximately 175. Lean but strong… and not from around here. He looked like he stepped out of a New York rave and into the desert sands of New Mexico."

"Ah. 'My dear brother' then."

"Looks like. How do you want to do this?"

"Yo." The voice called and traveled over the line to Topolsky's ears. It was difficult to hear but she hadn't been allowed into the room with the female yet. Agent Pierce turned his eyes back to the one-way mirror. It had taken her twenty minutes, since waking, to get her limbs to cooperate and turn the microphone around and get it near enough to her mouth while pushing the button. Her voice was weak and strained. "Take me off the drugs. I gotta heal. You're killin' me, here. Did you find my dear brother? I miss him somethin' fierce. I wanna give him a kiss. Yo? Anyone out there?"

"She doesn't know the others are dead but she doesn't ask about any of them either." Pierce mused into the phone. "Do you think she doesn't think we have them?"

"From what I've seen of her handiwork…" Topolsky knew this was her chance to impress Pierce and get into that room to study the female first hand. "I think… that either knows they're dead through some kind of extra sensory perception and can't be bothered with the thought… or…"

"Yes, Agent Topolsky, go on."

"Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other. She's a sociopath."

"I'm banking on your latter theory. Keep a tail on the girl and a watch on the house."

"The house, sir?"

"Tess Harding's father… one… Edward Harding, worked for the government and though not reported missing by his daughter, has not shown up for work in months… Since the day before Miss Parker was abducted to be exact."

"Surely you don’t mean…"

"Neither has his body been recovered. Get pictures, Agent Topolsky. Lots of them. Have Agent Stevens send his report directly to me."

tbc

[DMartinez]

I'm Liz Parker and I have a secret. It's not about anything alien… well, not really. It's nice to have something normal to take my mind off the heavier stuff that's been going on and wreaking havoc in my life.

Liz stumbled her way into the library and dumped her winter reading onto the counter. The librarian's mouth turned up on one side but she worked in silence, checking the books in. They went through this every winter.

The teen fished through her bag for her ID. "I've got a fine. How much?"

"You honor students." Mrs. Lyons shook her head. "You've probably already got it calculated." She let her fingers fly over the keyboard. "Total of thirty cents."

"Only?"

"I never charge for Christmas Day, Miss Parker." She took the quarter and nickel and glanced down the stacks. "I saw your name on the tutor list but I noticed no one has snatched you up."

"I… meant to take my name off the list. I didn't really have time." Liz evaded the real reason she hadn't taken on any underclassmen.

"If you've got time… there's… I've got a young man. He's been sneaking in here everyday since school's been in session. He's been taking books from the store room but he always puts them back. He's not a student that I can tell but I think he should be."

"I don't understand how I can help."

"I tried to talk to him but he started hiding from me. I've been watching as close as I can. It looks like he's studying for the GED. I'd help him but he seems to shy away from authority. He looks a little rough but he's not rude." She peered down the aisle and the young man moved just out of sight. "Maybe you go take a peek over his shoulder. Encourage him to ask me for help. I don't want to kick him out but if I don't know what he's doing…"

"I'll have a look. Down there?" Liz pointed and grabbed her bag. She snuck down the aisle and spied a little movement but he wasn't making much noise. Sticking her head around the corner, she almost fell in surprise. "Zan?"

Zan lifted his head and then colored a light red. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. What are you doing?" All she got was a shrug. "The librarian ratted you out. Been taking books and using them. Putting them back, even."

"She's a nosy bitch."

"She's a nice lady who is worried about some young man who's not enrolled in school though he clearly should be." Liz teased lightly and sat next to him. "What are you doing?"

"Readin'. I get bored."

"There's a public library where they won't follow you around."

Zan sighed and set down the book in his hand. "Helen said that she'd help me figure out what to do with myself if I get my GED."

"You're calling her Helen, now? I didn't even know you had gone back to see her."

"She's an old lady. Her kids ain't around. I help. Take out the garbage, boil water for tea. No big."

"Zan? Why didn't you just tell someone?"

He sat there, quiet for a long time. "I get bad feelings sometimes and I don't think I'll finish all this stuff. I don't like disappointing people… I done enough of that… I forgot you was smart because you like this stuff… you come in here… Sometimes I forget you're not one of us."

"Ava scans and never needs to come in here." Liz nodded that she got it. "The librarian will help you. She wants to. Ask her. She might even find a way to let you take some of the books home so you can work when you're up late pretending to sleep."

"I got this checklist." Zan pulled the sheet from his pocket. "I know most of this stuff but not… all the way… just pieces here and there."

"I know. You're a smart guy."

"Don't tell no one. Please."

"I won't… if you ask Mrs. Lyons for help."

"Okay. I'll ask."

My problems are bad enough without the FBI… but they make the existing ones worse.

"I guess what it is… is when I'm doing fine, I've managed to somehow put it from my mind because my parents are great, my friends are starting to really get it and my boyfriend is so supporting that he astounds me. Then someone will bring it up. Like… a follow up interview with new detectives. Maybe I'm in a state of denial and they're popping my security bubble but… I hate the feelings of helplessness and fear. Maybe I don't go places alone so much anymore but I don't always think about it except maybe subconsciously, like when you order a hamburger and remember for just a second that video you watched in science about how they slaughter the cows." She gave a little shiver and pressed on. "Maybe I'm just learning to live with it. It's been five months and I think my progress is very good, considering."

"Your support system is important for the healing process but so too is learning to do things on your own. You can't rush it but you have to make the effort to leave the house alone. You can't let your home become a prison."

"I do. I go for walks on the weekends. I go to the park and I sit. I go there alone but there are always other people there. I watch the kids play. I feel like a guardian. Like the world has to go through me to get to them."

"It's a good feeling, isn't it. The feeling of power you get when you protect someone else. Hold on to that. It will get you through the toughest of times. Power is what was taken from you. You have to find it again."

Max and Zan are working overtime. Max is being obvious about it. Lounging around the Crashdown at all hours. Zan is sneaking around in the shadows. Ava has gotten so bored, she's working with me just to have something to do. She thinks she's finally taken care of Zan's itch. I guess she doesn't see him in the alley when she takes out the trash.

Max stared out the window, seemingly introspective as he sipped his cherry coke, but he had his eyes on the car that hadn't budged since Liz had gotten home from school. He had books open in front of him but the notes he scribbled in the margins were the license plate and the description of the car. He could barely make out a figure in the car but he knew if he waited, he'd see something. He always flashed Liz a smile when she refilled his cup or brought him more Tabasco for whatever excuse for a snack he ordered. It was always a struggle to pull his eyes off of her when she walked away but he did. He was on a mission.

Michael and Isabel were tense about the whole situation but it only seemed to bring them closer together. They were sitting in the booth behind him and he hadn't heard them say a word in an hour but they weren't making out and they weren't awkward, they were just… sitting, enjoying each other's company and working on homework. Zan and Ava were better than they had been when they had first arrived in Roswell. Zan had almost started to relax before the FBI showed up.

Max blinked. Then it happened again. It was a flash… a reflection off of something shiny in the car. A camera. They were taking pictures. If they hadn't tilted the camera that way, probably to reload, Max would have never noticed.

We’re all waiting for the end of the world. We’re tense and looking over our shoulders all the time. We’re gonna snap if we’re not careful.

When Liz got home, there were men working on her balcony. The waist high ledge was extended three feet by a wrought iron fence. She felt cold and scared and fenced in by that thing. Why hadn't her father told her he was going to do that? When she sat on her bed, there was a long box. A present from Dad. A tripod for her telescope, one she had asked for a long time ago… and now that she didn't have a ledge for her telescope, she had the tripod. Reaching over, she grabbed the phone and dialed. "Isabel? Is Max downstairs with you? Can you ask him to come upstairs? Thanks."

A few minutes later, Max appeared in her doorway. "You sent for me, milady?"

Liz nodded and gestured to her balcony. "Guess the FBI got to Dad, too."

"You okay?"

"With the men? Sure. Fine. With what they're building… not so much."

"You're really okay with five middle-aged men standing on your balcony?" Max sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Well, no… but they don’t bother me so much as the fence."

“He’s just worried. We all are. Have they talked to you again? Or tried to?”

“No. It’s eerie the way they just backed off. I don’t know what I said that got to them.”

I feel the eyes on the back of my head but when I turn, there’s no one there.

Lannie laughed at the agent at the foot of the bed. “Take over the Earth. Right. What the hell would we want with this rat hole?”

“Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“I’m in the witness protection program.” She snorted, causing a slight pain in her side. “Se-iously. Some painkillers or let me heal. I’m dyin’ here.”

“Just... answer the question.”

“You know how in the movies the lady sees somethin' she’s not supposed to and then the bad guys chase after her to keep her mouth shut or else their big bad scheme will fall apart? She tells the cops and the lawyers and she cuts a deal; her word for theirs that they’ll send her where the bad guys can’t touch her. They always send her to some small ass town in the middle of nowhere so they know immediately if someone knows where they sent her. Always some Podunk little speck of dirt far away from the big bad.”

“What’s your point?”

“Earth is Podunk.”

“I’ll need more than that.”

“Harrison hides out with Amish folk cause they’d never think to look for him there. Earth is ass end of nowhere, Amish country compared to the rest of the fuckin’ galaxy.” She spat out.

“So there’s no invasion.”

“Like you could stop one. They don’t care enough to invade. They’re only here because they’re lookin' for Harrison.”

“Your brother.”

“The dude’s catchin’ on. Knew you wasn’t completely stupid.”

“They don’t care about you?”

“Not They, He. The big bad is hot for yours truly… but uh… I gotta get big bro to take me home… I thought I had him but he screwed me royal and now my broke ass is being annoyed to death by a bunch of freakin’ monkeys who think that a leash is gonna hold me.”

“Is that what happened out there? You were going home?”

“Big bro’s got some brains, sometimes. He don’t wanna go home. He likes it in Podunk. Don’t care why but he’s keepin' the rest of us from goin' home.” Lannie smiled at the agent. “I just hate it when I don’t get my way.”

tbc