Parker1947, Thank you for still reading! It's definitely a long story
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I wrote this chapter way back in 2014. It's been my guiding star for so long

This is the chapter I wanted to get to all this time. All of Antar's backstory can be trace back to this idea. I can't
believe I'm actually posting it! I hope you enjoy it!!
Part 38: The other life
1 : Zan
It had been a nightmare.
Breathing fast, sweating cold, Zan sat in his royal bed while his racing heart wanted to leave his chest. The blue curtains of his room moved with a gentle breeze, an assurance that all was well with his kingdom. He'd been dreaming some strange dream, where he wasn't himself, he wasn't a king, and he’d been somewhere that wasn’t Antar…
It was only a dream, he thought, taking a deep, calming breath.
It was a dream and it's over, he told himself as his hands let go of the sticky sheets.
Deciding there was just too little time to go back to sleep before he had to get up, he got out of his bed and went to the balcony. The three moons were a welcome respite, a sign of things placed where they were meant to be placed.
He had a nagging sensation that something was amiss, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Soon, his royal routine would start, Rath would come to overlook the day's activities, and this upsetting night would be over.
Life would go back to normal, and Zan couldn't wait for that to happen.
* * *
Ava was beautiful. Even from this shadowy spot, he could tell that. She was talking with his sister, and the thought of talking to her made his cheeks go red.
I'm so stuck behind a tree, he fleetingly thought, and his heart ached at that, though he couldn't understand why.
"You're the mighty king of Antar, and you're hiding here, speechless while contemplating women?" Larek teased in a strange accent that jarred Zan's ears.
"Hey, I'm not just thinking about me, okay? Whoever I choose, she'll be Antar's queen. I have to be careful…"
Not to mention that he was already terrified. Marriage was one of the very few choices he had in life. It wasn't enhanced in his genes like intelligence and a perfect balance were. It wasn't written into law, there wasn't much his advisers could advise… Simply put, there were no real guidelines for this aspect of his life. And for someone who had always
known what to do, who had been created with the express purpose of ruling, not knowing was paralyzing.
How did my father ever talk to my mother?
* * *
"All I'm saying is that if you were to get a bride, people would get a sense of things being stable," Rath said with patience. "I'm
not saying you
have to get married next time the moons rise, for crying out loud."
Zan glared at him. "This idea that I’m not 'stable' enough without a woman by my side is disturbing," he replied. "Look, I
know I'm young by anyone's standard. The last time Antar had someone my age was so long ago it's laughable. But ruling is not a popularity contest."
Rath eyed him for a moment. "You're wrong," he said with nonchalance. "Ruling
is about popularity. And if you don't start taking that seriously—"
"Oh gosh, there you are!" Vilandra said, entering the room with complete disregard of what state matters were being discussed—or not. "I've been looking for you all over the palace," she went on as Rath immediately stood to attention. "I want to throw a party on your behalf," she started, his heart accelerating at the thought of a social event. He
hated social events. He was shaking his head before she had even said ten words.
"No," he said firmly.
"Yes," she answered with the widest of grins. "You think I wouldn't notice how you were looking at the new girl, Ava? Plus, you have Larek to thank for the heads up."
"No," he said again, this time with less aplomb.
"Dear brother, how are you going to meet women otherwise? You'll wait for a life and dead situation where you'll jump in out of nowhere, wave your hand, and dissolve the problem away?"
The whole world stopped at that.
"What did you say?" he whispered.
"It's no secret you're
the shyest man to ever walk these halls. Don't be ashamed of it. Just outgrow it, okay? Rath, advise my brother he has to outgrow it, please?"
Rath smiled, almost laughed, really. But Zan's mind was somewhere else, trying to piece together this sense of loss that had invaded him so suddenly.
* * *
The moons were silently crossing the sky. It was past midnight, and Zan found himself staring at them. Somewhere, in his mind, he got the feeling that there shouldn't be three of them. What would a planet with just one moon be like?
Boring, he thought dismissively, yet he couldn't unglue his eyes from the gigantic satellites that orbited his world.
Something was wrong, he just didn't know what. It was as if life was passing him by in the blink of an eye. He felt like an outsider in his own life, searching for something he was beginning to think he would never find.
Not in this lifetime.
If he looked carefully, he could see Larek's own planet right on the horizon. One of the only friends he had who knew what the burden of the crown really meant. He'd been such a solid presence to have at his father's funeral and his coronation. Yet Larek was going to disagree with him on matters of state.
Changes too fast… you wouldn't listen. The future echoed in his mind like it had been doing for the past nights. He knew things to come and then he didn't. He didn't want to go to sleep, he didn't want to
know. Because something terrible was going to happen… he just couldn't remember what.
* * *
"Am I boring you?" Rath pointedly asked. When it was only the two of them, he didn't address him as Your Majesty, which suited Zan just fine.
"Of course not…" he said, half through his breakfast.
"Because I'm not the one who's getting married. I'm just the one who is organizing the entire security protocol, but that's small business."
Zan rolled his eyes. It felt like just yesterday he was waking up in his room, haunted by a terrible dream. Now it all seemed so ridiculous in broad daylight. Ava had said yes, and he couldn't be more elated. He was going to get married to the most beautiful girl.
So why can't I concentrate on anything lately?
"Sorry," he apologized, "It's just… It feels surreal, sometimes."
"I bet. Being the leader of an entire planet, waiting to fight the evil within, sure, it's bound to get messy. But you have to pay attention."
Zan's heart leaped as it always did when something out of place happened. It dragged him back to those dreams he couldn't remember, to that certainty that a dark cloud was whirling over their heads.
"Evil within?" he slowly asked, frowning.
"What?" Rath absently asked, looking over his latest notes.
"You just said…"
"That we have to go over the security detail? Good. Finish your breakfast and meet me at the Grand Hall. There are some things I need to show you."
Out his best friend went, leaving Zan feeling lost.
* * *
"Have you ever… had this feeling that things are… I don't know… surreal?" Zan quietly asked as he shared his moons and the sunrise with Ava. She was not an early riser, but she was smiling as they shared their first sunrise together.
"Every single day," she answered, her long hair cascading on her back. He looked at her, expectantly. Maybe this hollow feeling he was experiencing was not unique to him. "I get to wake up and be the Queen. How more surreal can that get?"
His hopes dropped.
"Sometimes…" he confessed, "I feel like I'm not really awake… That I'm dreaming someone else's life. That I should wake up."
"Zan, you
are awake," she reassured him with a bright smile.
I wish I could believe you…
* * *
The man who looked back at him in the mirror was not himself.
Zan couldn't breathe, much less blink, as his eyes were deceiving him with the image of a man who was not himself, but who had the same startled expression Zan knew was on his face.
Fear turned to anger.
You're the one who is making this all wrong! He thought at his non-reflection. The hazel eyes turned to anger as well.
Everything you represent is wrong, he thought with cold resentment. From the short hair to the weird clothing, the being on the other side of the mirror was the embodiment of his hollow feeling that things were getting closer to an inevitable ending.
For someone like Zan, who had his whole life planned out in front of him, this unknown phantom in the mirror had no place in his world. Or his mind.
"What do you
want?" he whispered.
"I want to wake up," his reflection whispered back.
* * *
"…but genetic manipulation is just…
wrong," Khivar was saying animatedly. The man had charisma and a convincing act. It just so happened that Zan had been trained to not fall for the show.
"So basically, you're telling me my existence is for the worse," Zan said with a smile, as his wife, sister, and second-in-command shared an informal meeting with the Northern Colonies ambassador, Ava's home region as well. She'd gotten this meeting on behalf of her countryman, but that was as far as Ava's reach went. She'd known of Khivar by reputation, but thankfully, that was all. Spending more than a couple of hours with the man was torture.
Khivar looked Zan straight in the eye, and something inside Zan's stomach felt like a rock.
This man is dangerous, his gut instinct told him.
This man will take away everything you love, his
other voice informed him.
"Kings… have been playing with genetics for far too many generations," Khivar said with caution, ready to strike at the slightest opening. "So, I don't think you, your Majesty, are 'for the worse'. But I think, that left to nature, we would have gotten a set of unforeseen talents that bioengineering has robbed you."
"So, you're saying he could be better," Vilandra said with a genuine smile. She was having too much fun with this, and Zan didn't like it. His sister was no fool, but men like Khivar were not men who should be around Antar's princess.
"I say we'll never know," he said with a smile of his own.
"That's stupid," Rath said in an uncharacteristically display of ill manners. He was certainly finding Khivar's presence less than charming. "Bioengineering gives you the best of all your genetic traits. Who would want a leader who's a wild card? Especially when your other option is a well-tailored individual who has both the intelligence and the temperament to guide an entire world."
"Ah, but there lies the problem," Khivar said triumphally. "Who chooses what those traits are? Surely, one can be intelligent but have no common sense. Or be too shy to confront problems face to face?"
Are you challenging
me? Zan thought, his blood starting to get warm. As Rath had said, Zan's temperament was also part of his carefully designed genetic make-up, and it took a
lot to get him angry. Yet Khivar seemed to bypass every scientist's prediction about how much and for how long Zan's perfect patience could endure.
"I'm sure those traits have been carefully selected," Ava interceded, sensing Zan's limit to this nonsense getting dangerously close. "After all, we know they work. Peace has endured for more than a century. We are at the greatest time to be alive," she smiled at him, her hand reaching for his.
"I think the brightness of our times might be blinding us a little," Khivar answered in a low tone. "Take for example the shifters, those—"
"You will not speak ill of them," Zan cut him down, serious enough that Rath tensed by his side, ready for a threat. "The people who guard me the closest are shifters, and I have the highest respect for their commitment to me, the Royal House, and our Arm Forces."
The mood in the room had changed. It was no secret that Khivar did not think well about their bioengineered race, to put it mildly, but such bigotry had no room in his palace.
"They sure are practical," Khivar said with more than a little sarcasm.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Zan asked.
"Zan…" Ava tried to rein him in.
"All I'm saying is that it must be so comfortable to you, having that Seal, being able to order every single one of
them into submission. While the rest of us have to live in fear of those creatures, never knowing if your neighbor is really your neighbor, if you know what I mean."
Silence.
"Let me get this straight," Zan said after a whole uncomfortable minute had gone by. "You asked for a private meeting with the king, to point out that Antar's greatest achievements in biology are one, giving you less than appropriate leaders; two, instigating fears and paranoia against a group of people—
not creatures—who have better things to do any given minute than give you a second thought—"
"You cannot—"
"
And," Zan continued, not even blinking, "three, who have died serving this crown and this world, even defending those who wish they had never been born. Am I missing something?"
It was obvious that Khivar wanted to argue. It was equally obvious that Zan was daring him.
"You don't have to say it like that," Vilandra said, embarrassed at the words being exchanged.
"I don't know, Lonnie. Some people might think I'm too shy to speak my mind," he answered, his eyes still on Khivar.
"Very well," Khivar said after a pause. "It's certainly disappointing that one cannot bring this subject to his king without being slapped—"
"Careful there," Rath warned, "that might be taken out of context, and though I wish it weren't so, our king is a pacifist to his last chromosome."
Khivar glared at him. Zan
almost laughed.
"I can talk about this subject for days, Khivar. Do come back to discuss it when your plan does not include exterminating an entire race just because you don't feel comfortable around them. Shutting down genetic research would mean going back centuries in Antarian exploration and limits. I will not have the progress that thousands of men and women have accomplished be erased by a subjective notion of right and wrong."
"Subjective? I don't think—"
"This meeting is over."
Vilandra gasped. Rath immediately stood up, while Khivar looked as if he had, indeed, been slapped.
Not used to being told to shut up, uh? Zan thought with satisfaction. This was not the first time the issue of genetics had been brought to him, but hardly anyone would have dared to talk about genetic manipulation with such contempt when the king himself was a product of it.
And a damn proud product I am, he thought as he excused himself and went in search of fresh air. Ava knew his heart well enough to let him be.
I'm going to change this, he thought fiercely, knowing his Invisible Guard was already here, out of sight but not out of reach.
I'm going to put an end to this absurd idea that one thing is better than the other. No matter how unpopular Rath says this is.
* * *
The man in the mirror was back, but this time, Zan was not afraid.
"I think I know what you mean by waking up," Zan quietly said, afraid someone might hear him, even in the close quarters of his bathroom. "Wake up this world, wake up these people who think Khivar is right. I'm gonna wipe out their fears with facts, and show them that the monsters they fear are only in their heads. How does that sound for a plan?"
There was no answer.
* * *
"You're kidding me, they really think that's possible?" Ava excitedly asked as they were eating a quiet dinner. These days, it was a miracle that they could both sit down and eat in peace.
"Yeah, I went by the genetic labs today. They are quite surprised with these new findings on the aliens' brains."
"It's so weird to think that somewhere, out there, there's a whole other world that looks like us…"
"But not really us," Zan pointed out as he cut his food. "You know, my Father always wanted to make first contact, though my Mother said it involved too much time and resources and it just wasn't worth it."
"What about you? Would you like to be this little planet's first contact?"
Zan smiled.
"If I can pull my own planet into order… sure."
"You would be a wonderful first contact," she said, teasing him.
You're not an a—alien, I mean… are you?
He stopped eating, his eyes lost in a vision out of his reach.
Go away! He thought, mesmerized at what he was seeing, unable to blink it away.
"Zan? You okay? You got silent all of a sudden…"
He looked at her then, a feeling of foreboding freezing his heart.
"I love you," was all he could say to keep the feeling at bay.
* * *
"Do you think… I don't know… hallucinations seem a bit strong to what I have…" Zan said, frustrated at his lack of understanding of what was happening to his mind.
Sitting across from him, Jake expectantly looked at him.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked with a smile, "That you might be going crazy
might sound good, but it's not really objective."
Zan glared at him.
"I don't know what I know. Things just seemed messed up…
mixed up. Like a dream that follows you to your waking life, I guess, until you don't know which one is the dream and which is reality."
"Do you think this is a dream?" Jake asked, thoughtful.
Yes.
No.
"I know this
can't be a dream. But something terrible is coming, Jake. And if I don't
do something, it's going to take away my own life."
"Then you have to wake up…" Jake said.
"Yeah, I'm trying… I
think I'm trying, anyway…"
"You have to wake up," a woman said, making Zan looked up. Jake was gone. The whole room was gone.
"Max, wake
up!"
With his heart in his throat, Zan turned around and ran as fast as he could. He ran to his life, to his kingdom, to his world.
* * *
"You've become so quiet," Ava said, coming to his side as he contemplated the moons setting over the horizon, the sun about to come up.
"I think I have to do something…" he said, eyes in the sky, "but if I do it, I might lose more than I'm willing to."
"Hey, if this is about Khivar and his absurd views…"
He smiled at that. Oh, the irony that his world was at the brink of greatness if only he could pull himself together.
"I have the feeling he's going to surprise us," he said, letting go of his doubts about waking up. About what was real and what was not.
"You know he's not even serious about what he says, right?" Ava declared. "He's just looking for a weakness, something to use against you. And shifters are an easy target…"
"Do you think I shouldn't have been bioengineered?" he asked. "That it represents everything that goes against nature itself?"
"Yes. I only married you because I love tiaras," she said in all seriousness.
He kissed her as if there was no tomorrow.
Because he loved her.
And because there might not be a tomorrow.
* * *
"The interesting thing is, we think we can make a hybrid," the scientist was telling him as Zan watched an enhanced DNA sequence.
"A hybrid of what?" Zan asked, his mind lost on the protests that Khivar had staged against any kind of genetic manipulation.
So many diseases cured… so many advantages… All this can be gone if someone like him were ever
to gain control. And for what? So he can make ignorant out of our generations?
"Well, an alien and an Antarian."
Zan stopped his thoughts dead in their tracks.
"What?"
"It's just an interesting project. Two completely alien species… No other species has been a real candidate till now."
Khivar would have a field trip with this one.
"Interesting as it would be just for theoretical fun, or interesting as it having practical uses?" Zan asked cautiously.
Interesting in that it will save your life, his other self said, amused. It was the first time it had
ever sounded amused.
"Right now, the potential is there. But Earthlings… they are deliciously complex."
"Work on it but keep it theoretical for now. Things are a bit shaky to be announcing great discoveries."
The scientist looked surprised for a moment, and then understanding dawned in his eyes. "It's a dark time when great discoveries cannot be announced, Your Majesty."
* * *
He was going to die.
He never saw his assassin. At least he was glad it hadn't been Khivar. There were not enough stars in the sky to count how annoying it would have been to have Khivar
talking while he died.
He'd tried. He'd really,
really tried to bring change. To make people understand that it was never about being popular, but about being truthful. Yet the truth seemed to have too many facets, too many shades. Larek had told him so. Rath had tried to find a middle ground. He'd failed to listen to either of them.
He was going to die, and that would be the end of all things.
Through his window, he could see the moons setting, the sun still a few minutes away from rising. This day would rise without him. This day would see the birth of an Antar that he would never recognize as his.
The only real regret now was that he'd never understood what
waking up meant.
We're going to die, the other voice said.
If you don't wake up, we're going to die.
"I'm sorry," Zan said. "I tried to wake up… I tried so hard."
Wake up! The same woman from before yelled somewhere in the darkness that wanted to consume him.
We're going to die, his other self repeated.
"Yes, I'm quite sure of it," Zan agreed.
I'm not you… but I promise I'll carry your memories. I promise I'll help Antar get a true leader. But I can only do that if you don't let me die.
Zan was listening, unsure what this was all about.
Let me go, Zan… believe
this is the dream and let me go back.
He exhaled one more time… and finally let go.