What Dreams May Come? (AU,M/L, MATURE) Pt 16 - 07/23 [WIP]

[Allie1031]

Title: What Dreams May Come?
Rating: TEEN - MATURE
Category: AU M/L
Summary: Liz gets kidnapped by Khivar off in the future and crazy things go down on Antar and Max has to rescue Liz. Just read it, it's hard to summarize in only a few sentences.
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell. I don't own the Shakespeare quote. So basically I own nothing.
Author's note: Although many of you may recognize the title as a feature film a few years back, it was orginated from the Shakespeare play Hamlet. Feedback is always encouraged and always appreciated.

HI EVERYONE!!!! No, I didn't get lost in the move. Yes, I am still alive. And here's the deal on my fanfiction. I just finished reading and revising this fic. Everyday, I'm going to post a chapter from "What Dreams May Come?" until all the parts are posted. Let's see, we have the prologue, plus, ten chapters, so that is 11 days, today being the first. Here's the really good news, on the 12th day, I'll post the new part for this. I promise. I still have some work to do, but it will be done by then. I'm going to try to work out some schedule to update on. I'm planning to work exclusively on this fic until it is finished. I don't think I will be able to update weekly, but I'm, hoping for every ten days or something like that. I strongly encourage everyone to go back, reread this fic as it is reposted, so you are refreshed on what is going on, because I have been very neglectful about updating, which I apologize for. Also, if you have any questions about what is going on, please ask them, and I will make sure that I address all of them, as long as they don't require me to give the end of story away.

I am not abandoning it, but I don't know when I will be updating again on What's So Great About Normal? I plan to do the same thing with that story that I am doing with this, as soon as I get this one finished. I really want to start moving towards finishing these fics. Hopefully, I can get into a routine schedule.

Anyways, thanks for all your support. Here's the prologue. Look for part 1 tomorrow.




ALSO, I would like to add that even though there is kind of a rocky start to this, IT WILL BE A DREAMER FIC ending happily for Max and Liz.



Everyone, this beautiful banner was done by Elena! Thanks so much!



To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide



PROLOGUE

Part One

There are not a lot of things that I am certain about anymore.

I don’t know what day it is, what year it is, or even what month it is, for that matter, let alone how long I have been here. I don’t know that time actually exists anymore; it all seems to flow together into one big mass of my existence. I am almost positive, though, that I do indeed exist.

I haven't the faintest idea of where I am or how I came to be here, at this exact location in the time-space plane. I have not seen the outside of this enclosure in a very long time. I am fairly sure, however, that here is nowhere on earth. It’s just this internal feeling that I have.

I cannot tell you who my captors are or why they have brought me here. I just know that I am a prisoner.

I carry no memory of ever actually being taken, but I believe that it must have happened at some point because I know that I wasn’t always here. I hold memories of a lifetime that existed before this bleak abyss.

Some days I think that I am crazy, that this is my imagination. Better still, I convince myself that this is a dream and that I will wake up shortly and be at home again.

The only reality I know of is the one that I create for myself.

How, then, can I distinguish between fantasy and reality? From what I know and don’t know?

Confidence fails me often.

One thing I will never doubt, though, that I cannot allow myself to doubt, lest my very existence become lost, is who I am.

I am Liz Parker.

----------------------------------------

PROLOGUE - Part Two

Every morning I wake and find food has been brought to my incarceration site during my slumber. It’s not really morning, though. It’s just a period of time shortly following a period of time that I have spent sleeping. I imagine that sometimes morning happen twice, maybe three times a day, that is, within what a day used to be to me.

The food is never anything special. Just basic nutrients for me to live by. It all tastes the same, becomes the same, is the same to me.

I haven’t the slightest clue as to how it gets here or who brings it. There are no doors to my cell, no windows, nothing. Yet every morning, there is food.

Twice, I have tried to stay awake to see how this enchantment comes to be.

The first time, I simply feel asleep at my watch.

The second time, however, something unexplainable in my terms of the universe happened. I swear that I was awake the whole time, drowsy but distinctly awake, and I had been awake for a very long time. I have no idea how long, just that it was long. One instant there was nothing, and the next instant it was just there. The food was. I suspected I was foolish, that I had slipped into sleep for just the briefest moment, unbeknownst to myself. But there are times when I am sure that I was awake and that it did just appear.

I can make no plans of escape because there is no way to escape and nowhere to escape to.

But I am sickened of being here, nowhere, everywhere, anywhere. I simply cannot take this any longer. I am becoming more and more insane with the progression of time. Sometimes I feel as if I shall burst if I cannot go free, if I am not released, if no one will answer the endless questions of my mind.

It was at a time like that when I decided that it was time to end this madness, to liberate myself from this forlorn confinement, this desolate isolation. A time like that when I chose not to pursue any past I once had into the future. A time like that when I determined that I would exit my existence.

I simply cannot sustain myself any longer. Any morning I could awaken and not know who I am. Any moment I could doubt that I am Liz Parker. Any time now I could cease to exist anyways. When that morning, that day, or that time comes, I do not want to be.

Am I a coward?

Maybe.

A failure?

Perhaps.

Impatient?

Quite likely.

Exhausted?

Most definitely.

I choose to opt out nobly in a time when I can still recall what I was previously living for. I choose to depart with dignity in an era when I can still claim my sanity.

At first I thought that I could simply starve myself to death. But the ever present temptation of food in the unlimitedly renewable resource that it came eluded me all too easily.

I thought I might hang myself on the clothing that I hadn’t worn for a regrettably extensive while. The clothing that was always freshly clean every morning. Disgustingly clean.

I found the problem with this was that I simply had nowhere to hang myself from. Any piece of furniture in my room was invariably bolted to the floor or attached to a wall and the unblemished ceiling loomed far above my head.

I tried to drown myself in the ever flowing fountain, the only source of water in my captivity. Unfortunately, every time I managed to submerse my airways for more than the briefest period of time, the fountain simply ceased flowing. This became a great source of frustration to me.

Shortly after I begin these fanatical escapades and flirtations with death, anything remotely sharp within my constriction magically disappears by some unknown force and becomes replaced with a blunt alternative product or device.

All at once I fly into an unannounced, enraged frenzy, heaving anything mobile, defacing all surfaces, destroying all that I can. Drained, I fall into a sobbing heap in the middle of the floor. For a very long time I lay there in the fetal position, eyes swollen shut, tears staining my dirty face.

For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to become engrossed in my world from before, immersed in the innocent and naive girl I was.

I think of my family, my parents whom I love so much.

I think of my home, in Roswell, New Mexico, of the house I grew up in, of the Crashdown.

I think of Maria, how much I adore her, how much I admire her, how proud I was of the person she was becoming. I think of how influential she was on my life. I think of all that we have been through together, good times and bad.

I think of Alex, how much I miss him, how sad I am that we won’t grow old together, but how I will cherish his memory until the day I die.

I wonder if they will all miss me and grieve my disappearance as I did his. Will they be as devastated? Oh how I long for the sweet, pleasured rest of death that Alex possesses but I cannot.

Finally I think about Max Evans. Max, my soul mate. Max, whom I passionately care for. Max, my other half. Max, my destiny.

Max, who, in being loved by him, has sent you to this prison, my mind screams at me. It does not matter who my jailers are, Max was the judge that handed me this sentence.

When I finally open my eyes to my drab world once again, I find that everything, every minor detail of the room, has been restored exactly to the way it was before, the way it is every time I wake, the way it is was the day I first woke here, minus any pointed objects of course.

The room is perfect. Always orderly, always precise.

The temperature is always just right. One reason behind my lack of effort in dressing myself each morning. Even the water, given my intended use, is exactly at the optimal degree.

The furniture is flawless.

The sleeping quarters unnervingly comfortable.

Everything is clean.

Everything is white.

Everything is perfect.

Since the day I arrived here until the day that I leave, everything will always be exactly perfect. Horribly perfect.

I have never had any hope of being rescued. I will not allow myself such a weakness. For if I don’t even know where I am, how can anyone else? How could they find me in this sealed compartment even if they had a faint idea? I could be millions of miles away in another galaxy or buried directly below the exact spot where they are standing.

Rescue is unachievable, escape is futile.

Life is precious, and for a good portion of mine I remember trying to preserve it. Yet, I have found that now that I wish to obliterate it, it has become simply non-disposable.

Every time I go to sleep I will that I won’t wake up, but I always do.

I sleep often because my dreams are the only place that I can be free. But it’s only false freedom because eventually I have to return to my body, to this nightmare I am living.

Maybe I am not living. Maybe this is hell. Maybe I’m dead.

I could never be so fortunate.

Then, one day, out of the blue, my salvation comes to me in a most unexpected form.

I awaken in an unusually bad mood, as I always do to find that I have awakened. I rise to find the new food that has been left.

I stare at it all for a moment in disbelief before I am overcome with sheer joy.

The end has come.

On the table in the middle of the room lays a vast array of fresh fruits and vegetables, not an uncommon occurrence. But there, between the tomatoes and the oranges, for the first time, lays a small but reasonable helping of mushrooms.

All of my life I have been extremely allergic to any kind of mushroom. My only hope now is that this meager serving of this vulgar fungus is enough to truly finish me off.

I rush quickly to the table and speedily gobble up the horrid cuisine that could be my death.

And I wait.

And nothing happens.

Blast this damned, cursed hell and it’s artificially simulated nourishment!

But it is real.

As the mushrooms ignite, I begin to convulse, and my entire body catches fire.

I burn and the world spins beneath me.

I crawl to my bed and lay there, awaiting my appending death, my sacred salvation.

Fireworks explode before my eyes, in my head, throughout my body.

I catch one last glimpse of the perfect, white ceiling above me before the world turns black.

-----------------------------------------

Part Three

I’ve always wondered what dreams may come, after life has expired, or if in fact death is like a dream.

I’ve heard the stories of near-death experiences of people who were “heading towards the light” or had their entire life flash before their eyes.

I didn’t see a great light, and there were no flashes.

I did however find myself in some sort of dream.

It's that day, that day my life was changed forever, that infamous day at the Crashdown. I know it at once.

I am me, except at the same time I am not me. I am inside myself, watching myself, but I am not myself. Or at least, I can’t make myself do anything. I have to sit inside myself and let things play out the way that fate determined my destiny. It’s like someone else is playing me. Someone else is Liz Parker and I’m just along for the ride.

Then it happens, all of the sudden. Even though it has happened before, I am not expecting it.

The bullet rips through my tender flesh and I try to breathe. Liz Parker tries to breathe.

Darkness falls over me. I try to keep my eyes open, but it is so terribly hard. Liz Parker fights to live.

Then, out of the darkness he comes. My angel, my savior. Max Evans leans over me, the brightness of the world behind him.

Max says something to me, but I cannot hear what he says. He looks worried. I only smile, for I know that the end is near.

Max Evans looks into my eyes and places a hand on my stomach where my life bleeds out of me, soaked into my ridiculous mint dress.

I feel something strange, something foreign, something non-human, begin to coarse through me. My entire being tingles.

I see things, visions of things, indescribable things. Things that I have never seen before, not even in my craziest dreams or wildest imaginings, celestial bodies, space. I see fear. I see frustration. I see hope. I see truth. I see love.

I am alive. Max Evans kneels over me and I am alive. Liz Parker is alive.

I open my eyes with a start. I am in a strange place. It is not my previous prison, but a new different prison.

But there are colors.

The walls are a warm yellow and no longer produce the familiar alive hum, exuding illumination.

Light comes from above, a single globe in the center of the room.

It comes to my attention that I am alive. It seems.

My previous actions rush back to me, and I am filed with hopeless despair.

The nightmare continues.

I sit up.

My body feels strange, foreign. Different.

Movement seems surreal.

How am I alive?

I died.

I felt death.

I died.

Is this a dream? A part of death?

No. It feels too real.

I breathe air in and out.

This cell is different. There are many things here that would have been absurd in the last.

Color.

A door.

Clothing is laid out on top of a storage unit across the room. It is real clothing. Not a white paper gown like there was in the last prison.

I get up and walk over to it.

It is a grayish jumpsuit. But it is not white. And it is real cloth. A thick cottony spandex, except far more durable.

I pull it on and zip it up to slightly above my breasts.

I pick up a belt and thread it through the loops of the suit.

It is not an ordinary belt, I can tell immediately.

There are buttons on it. And little compartments. None of which will engage in my curiosity.

I push a button on the wall and a drawer of the storage unit pops open. Inside I find a flat slab. I press buttons to other drawers but none of them open.

I take my slab, a perfect black square shape, smooth surface, about a centimeter thick.

I take my slab over to the door. Or what I assume is a door. No handle. A passageway perchance.

I take my slab and I pound it into the cracks around the edges, producing a loud, ringing, echoing clang as my slab clashes with the metal door.

“Stop,” an omnipresent booming voice bellows through my cell at me, scaring me nearly out of my wits. “Ms. Parker, please calmly have a seat. A Negotiator will be with you shortly.”

I try to locate the source of this Big Brother of mine but I cannot. I reluctantly take a seat at the table in the center of the room. There are only two chairs, and I take the one opposite from the door, my eyes never leaving it.

I sit, watching the door closely, waiting for this “Negotiator” to make an appearance.

It is not long before, true to the word of the voice, the door opena.

A middle-aged, short, stocky, balding, dark haired man enters the room.

I lean back in my seat, unfazed that this is the first other life form I have seen in God only knows how long. I’ve been through too much to be so easily thrown.

“Ms. Parker,” the Negotiator says with a smile, holding out a hand. “Pleased to finally meet you. I’ve been studying you case for quite a while.”

“I bet,” I mutter, shaking his hand.

“I am your Negotiator. You may call me Tarenk. How are you feeling?” He asks.

“How do you expect me to feel? I was just dead. I’m confident of it. Except now for some reason I’m still alive. Ever heard of resting in peace?” I retort, systematically crossing my arms over my chest.

“Ms. Parker, the Emperor felt it was in the best interest of the Antarian Alliance if you remained living,” Tarenk replies. “We had another body fashioned for you shortly after you died.”

“I suspected that asshole Khivar was somehow behind all this. Wait! What?! You FASHIONED a body? What the hell does that mean?” I shout at the bald man.

“It was imperatively within the Emperor’s wishes that you be kept alive. The failure of the Department to do so was very upsetting. We had to genetically recreate your body shortly after you choose to take your life. A most unfortunate incident,” the Negotiator tells me.

“What’s unfortunate is that I am still here,” I snap. “How does fashioning a new body work these days? I’m afraid I missed that chapter in biology.”

“We took your DNA and tried to produce a clone, however these attempts were unsuccessful because of your incompatibility with Antarian atmosphere. Simulations of the Earth air structure were insufficient. Eventually we had to reconfigure your DNA, added a slight mix of our own to initiate the rebirth process. You now contain some genetic aspects of a hybrid. Regretfully, it was the only way we could complete the project. However, you will find that your new body is far more adaptable to this planet and you no longer have to live in such an enclosed environment. You will also find that your new body is less destructible, and we can and will not hesitate to quickly revive it if it becomes necessary,” Tarenk explains.

I stare at the man in shock. Eventually what he’s said sinks in.

“So I’m like Max now?” I ask quietly.

“Essentially, yes, you are like the former King Zan, Earth alias Max Evans, but not entirely. It was a different process and a differing ends we were trying to achieve. And the technology that was used on you is vastly improved. The insertion of your essence, your soul as you call it, so you will maintain the same memories was far more superiorly done,” He tells me proudly.

Max knows I’m dead. We were connected. He’d have felt it.

“Max knows I’m dead,” I say. “Did you tell him I’m alive?”

“Max was not told of your death. But you are correct in assuming he knew. We are not sure how the intelligence was leaked. It still remains under investigation. He has not been told of your life, though. The Emperor wishes to save this information for an opportune time. His plans for negotiations by taking you hostage were greatly disrupted when you chose to terminate your existence. However, an upper hand has already been regained so you will be saved for a more appropriate use should a new conflict arise,” Tarenk replies.

So essentially no one knows I’m alive and there are no plans to make it known. I’m one of those wait-and –see where it's most useful type deals. What the hell kind of plan is that? Actually not a bad one since no one will be making irritating rescue attempts, what, with there being no one to rescue.

“I see. That’s wonderful. In fact, I’m really excited for myself. Being forced to be a pawn in such a grand, elaborate plan such as this. Exactly how long was I dead before I was brought back?” I question.

“Shortly,” He answers.

“In Earth time, tell me how long I was dead,” I implore, willing him to answer.

“Almost a year. Your new body had to gestate for a period of six months. We compensated for the age difference in the creation process. Your body is exactly tuned to your former self, only with a few minor improvements. Are you enjoying it?” He asks cheerfully, trying to change the subject.

“How long was I in prison before that?” I demand to know.

“A little over four years,” He responds.

“So I’ve been missing from Earth for five years?” I ask.

“Yes. But we don’t want you to think of Earth as your home anymore. Since your stay has been and will be so extended, we think it is in your best interest if you accept this as your home. We would like to bestow you with privileges so that you are happier here. We would very much not like to have to revive you again or have to return you in bad shape to Max Evans should the need arise,” Tarenk tells me.

Since when am I property?

“I’ll leave you to think things over a bit and I will return at a later time. I’m sure you will have questions,” Tarenk says.

Tarenk gets up and walks over to the passage.

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you Liz Parker. I look forward to many meetings in the future,” He smiles.

I don’t hear him. I’m already lost in a world inside my head, contemplating the news that has just been laid before me.

I’m not Liz Parker. Liz Parker is dead.

-----------------------------------------

Part Four

Lizzie, little innocent Lizzie Parker. How in the world did you get yourself into this mess?

I’m dreaming. This isn’t happening. I’m dreaming. I’m dead.

Maybe you are in a coma, Elizabeth, you know, maybe this is just one big dream world that your foolish mind concocted.

Liz! Liz! Wake up! Wake up!

Hahahahahahaha. Silly girl. This isn’t a dream. This is your life. Your Reality.

No, it can’t be. I’m Liz Parker. I’m an honor student. I, I’m a good person. This can’t be my life. It just can’t. I have plans. I’m going to Harvard. I’m going to study biology. This isn’t me! This isn’t ME!

THIS IS. This is you. This is your life. This is your fate. This is what Max Evans brought you. Misery. Death. Life.

Max? Brought this? You’re right, Max Evans did bring this fate. If it weren’t for him, I’d be at Harvard. If I’d never met him, I’d be alive.

No, you fool, you’d be dead if he hadn’t saved you. DEAD.

You are dead. Dead as a doornail. Your body is lying around here somewhere, and Khivar has probably done a million and one things to it. YOUR BODY. This isn’t even you. It’s a fake. A clone. A copy. YOU ARE DEAD! At least if you had never met Max you’d be resting in peace!

NO! It can’t be true. It just can’t.

IT IS. Wake up and smell the coffee, Lizzie, if you that is even your name anymore. You died. You killed yourself. You wussed out on life. You are DEAD. And now this part of you, this you that they brought back to life, this fake, tainted you is forced to live on forever as Khivar’s personal pet, a bargaining chip at best in some war you had nothing to do with and has nothing to do with you. You, Lizzie Parker, are a failure. You’re pathetic.

I’m NOT. This isn’t my fault. If I’d never met Max Evans...

You’d be dead, Elizabeth?

I’d be dead, but I’d actually be dead. I wouldn’t be some ghost of myself in a biologically engineered body serving in hell.

Elizabeth, you’re so ungrateful. You’re ALIVE. Living. What can you do dead? Nothing.

WHAT CAN I DO ALIVE? NOTHING. I might as well be dead. I lived in hell for four years!

Now you will most certainly live in hell for eternity Elizabeth. Max Evans might have rescued you. You should have waited; he could have been coming any day.

Waited? WAITED? You waited four years! Sheesh. Max Evans abandoned you. He left you in no man’s land for FOUR YEARS. How long were you going to give him to pull it together? Cripes. He wasn’t coming.

He loves me! He just didn’t know where I was. Khivar, this is Khivar’s fault. Khivar hid me away so well that Max couldn’t find me. It’s not Max’s fault. He loves me; he’s my soul mate.

Some soul mate he turned out to be. Asshole. He left you Lizzie. LEFT YOU. He abandoned you. He never came to save you, and he never would have. Don't deluded yourself. He’s content to live out his happy little existence on Earth. He’s not a leader, and he never was. He’s a loser. Max Evans is worthless, and so are you if you can’t accept the truth.

But, but, Max? I love him.

Hahahahahahaha. You LOVE him? See Lizzie, look what happens to you when you get so wrapped up in other people that you can’t see yourself. You were far too busy waiting for Max to rescue you, pretending you weren’t waiting for him to rescue you, that you forgot to save yourself. Save yourself, Lizzie. No one else is going to save you so you better just save yourself.

Save yourself, Elizabeth? How? How would you ever escape? Where would you even go? Home? To Earth? Like this? A fake? A fraud? A shadow of your former self? You’re just as much an alien now to that planet, that home, that life as Max is if not more so. And besides, everyone thinks you are dead by now. How would you explain things to your parents? To the authorities?

That is very true my dear Lizzie, very true. So why go home? You have a new life, a new chance. Make something of yourself for once. Maybe you won’t even need to escape. You can’t, really, and hope to survive. The universe is a big place. Power, Lizzie. Power. The universe runs on power. You need to get your hands on some of it. Forget Max Evans. Forget Liz Parker. LIVE and create yourself.

Forget Max Evans? Impossible, Elizabeth. He’s still your soul mate.

Well this is his fault! He deserves to be forgotten. The good-for-nothing asshole couldn’t even rescue me. How could he sleep at night knowing that I’m out there, somewhere, kidnapped. How? He had four years to find me, to strike a deal with Khivar if he had to. I died for him, but now I must live for myself!

How dare you blame him Elizabeth! Khivar could have easily used your life as leverage. The only person here to blame is you! He came back from the future and warned you to stay away. Maybe his fate was to return to Antar with Tess. Maybe they could have overcome the ambush that was supposedly waiting for him.

Tess! That murdering bitch. She has to have had some part in all of this. She probably told Khivar... And to think I would let Max return with her after what she did to Alex!

He would have found out about her treachery soon enough my sweet Lizzie. This is a mess. Your life is a mess. You are a mess. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Power, Lizzie! Power! The only way you can ever really escape is with power. Finally stand up for yourself and take some responsibility. You died, but you don’t have to be dead. LIVE.

LIVE, Elizabeth. Live. Take responsibility for your actions. Stop blaming other people. Max can’t help you now, anyways. Help yourself. Stop living in reminiscence of the past, or you will never have a future.

Yes, I’ll live. I can get through this. I can get out of here. I used to be very smart. I still am. And now I am stronger. My body is. I can feel it. So long as my mind is still strong, I can do this. I can get out of here. I can leave this prison behind. I just have to be clever. I just have to think. Whoever I am, I can do this.

Best of all, I don’t have to worry about being Liz Parker anymore. Liz Parker is dead.

I stand up suddenly.

“I wish to speak to Khivar!” I shout at the ceiling. “I’m ready to negotiate a more reasonable solution to my existence!”

Silence hangs in the air for a few brief seconds before the door to my cell slowly opens. I hesitate, but only for a moment, before I confidently strut out the door, leaving behind my mindless prison forever.

------------------------------------------

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide


(Two Years Later)

CHAPTER ONE

What exactly constitutes a more reasonable solution to my existence?

Two years later I’m still not completely sure. Anything seemed more reasonable than my current circumstances, and so in turn, I was willing to do almost anything. Which, really, if you ask me, is a horrible state to enter into negotiations under. My mind was a jumble of thoughts and ideas. My head spun in its own orbit. The only thing I knew was that I couldn’t be confined to a horrendous cell for the rest of my life. That explains how I was able to take the actions I took that lead me on the path that I am standing on today.

A lot can happen in two years. Seemingly more when you aren’t confined than when you are.

I glance down at the sleeping, raven-haired child whose head is in my lap. I lovingly stroke my dainty nails through his mop of curls. I gently wind one of his locks around my slender finger and release it slowly. He stirs but doesn’t wake.

I sigh and think back again to that fateful day a little over two years ago when I made my first deal with the devil.

Someone came, one of Khivar’s many private servants I later learned, to lead me through an endless maze of hallways before ushering me into a beautiful chamber bustling with more servants.

They bathed me and clothed me in a beautiful velvety pink gown. The neck was low, revealing the extra cleavage I had acquired with my increase in age over the past five years. Three silver circles were delicately sewn onto the skirt. The dress flowed out loosely into beautiful swirls of all different shades of pink around the bottom, the colors lightening down the dress. Silver threads embroidering in the swirls became apparent in the lower half of the gown upon closer inspection. Pink has never been my favorite color but until that day I had never seen a more beautiful dress, and the fabric felt heavenly against my skin.

Like the room I was standing in it was gorgeous. An artistic masterpiece full of fine details masterly crafted. I was wearing a work of art, standing in pure ascetic genius and staring at the same qualities in my surroundings.

For the first time in the five years I had been captive I was given a bra and underwear but it only felt uncomfortable after going for so long with out. I wore it still, liking the idea of returning to civilization. Plus it was a pretty sheer pink to go with the gown and fit me perfectly as the dress did.

A servant cleaned and trimmed my filthy nails and polished them while another set to work on my hair. First she cut it, not too much, only an inch or so. I couldn’t believe how long it had become. It was a waterfall of dark tresses down past my waist. It hadn’t been cut since they had stolen the scissors out of my first confinement when I had blown a fuse and tried to commit suicide. Heh, heh.
Another servant joined the first working on my hair, quickly making tiny tight little braids intertwined with different shades of pink ribbons.

The funny thing about all the servants was that they all had complete undistinguishable faces. They all looked the same even though I knew they were different. They were all very plain, neither beautiful nor ugly, fat nor slim, short nor tall, darkly featured nor lightly, just the average people in a crowd in average clothes. They chatted back and forth to each other in a language that was not English but almost seemed so if I only partial listened. I could not understand a word they were saying yet at the same time I almost did. It was frustrating because it felt like they were just speaking too quickly with poor diction, and at the same time slowly slurring their words.

I was amazed at the short work the two servants made of my long, thick brown hair. The second servant, I think, pulled half my hair up in a tight knot, keeping it out of my face. I stepped into silver slippers and the servant ushered me to a large mirror.

I gasped at the sight of myself. Modesty aside, I was stunningly beautiful. I noticed how slender I had become, with curves in all the right places. Before I had still resembled just a girl, but now, now I was a woman. My face was thinner; I had lost my childish cheeks. I looked closer and noticed a slight shadow under my eyes. The only physical reminder left my life in the cell. Everything else had been polished away to an extreme.

Khivar must be a perfectionist, I remember myself thinking.

I smiled and the servants smiled back and clapped, making joyful, indiscernible gurgles in their accustomed tongue.

Tarenk entered the room and stared shockingly at my altered appearance.

“Good evening, Miss Parker,” He had stated dazed. “You are looking very lovely. Come and I will escort you to dinner. I’ll fill you in on what will happen along the way.”

He took my arm in his and we walked as he gave me only minute details, such as that I would be dining with Khivar and his cronies, not the word he used. He stated that this introduction would be very important in determining my future and that I should choose my words, thoughts even, carefully.

I remember thinking that it might be hard to watch what I think. I remember him glancing at me with knowing eyes.

I thought that Tarenk was kind, that if he hadn’t worked for Khivar, I might have considered him a genuinely nice guy. Tarenk gave me another odd look after that thought.

Finally, after a series of several exquisite hallways, Tarenk led me into a dinning room. I noted first that everyone was already seated, save two spots assumingly for me and Tarenk. Secondly I noticed exactly with whom I would be dining with. I froze dead in my tracks

The company of the table was at that moment the most disturbing sight of my entire existence up until then. I have to call it my existence because I haven't always been alive.

Tess cast an icy blue glace up at me. Cripes, Tess. I shivered.

Next to her sat someone I swore was dead. That swine Nicholas. He had aged some, to about the same age as Tess and I, and was better looking too. Probably a regeneration of the like me, I remember thinking.

Across the table sat Lonnie and Rath. I didn’t even want to know how that scum got there.

At the head of the table sat an extremely good-looking man. I knew at once he had to be Khivar since he was the only person I failed to recognize, yet at the same time I was hesitant to believe that such an attractive man could be such a monster underneath. I remember thinking that couldn’t be Khivar because Khivar was supposed be old, and ugly, and grotesque. Khivar was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen, I have still ever seen. His cool blue eyes captured me at once. His lighter features, his sensuously thick blond hair, beckoned to me. I was instantly drawn to him despite my inner protests. His lavish navy clothing seemed black at first glance, but when I had moved closer, I noticed how the dark, royal blue had served to set off his blue eyes.

Khivar chuckled and stood at once smiling strikingly.

“The renowned Miss Parker I presume,” Khivar had laughed amused. “It’s such a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance after hearing so much about you. I was beginning to wonder if you would ever ask to see me, my dear.”

Funny. He had said that like the whole time I was imprisoned all I had to have done to be freed was ask to see him.

“You must be the infamous Khivar,” I had stated evenly with a calculated smile. “I can say likewise of you. It’s an honor to meet such a well-known tyrant. It’s not every day I get to eat dinner with the Hitler of the universe. Of course, it’s not every day I get to eat dinner these days, what with being so busy being dead and all. Still, quite an honor to be dinning with such… shall we say, prestige, as yourself and your colleagues. I was actually beginning to wonder if you had forgotten me, you being so enveloped in your riches as you are, and dirty, little old me wearing paper gowns, living in luminescent prisons with no windows or doors. You know, the thought just crossed my head once or twice.”

Khivar continued to grin deviously through out my careful insults.

“Miss Parker, please, have a seat,” Khivar had responded, pulling out the chair of the empty spot on his left.

I sat down and he smoothly scooted in my chair for me. Tarenk nodded to Khivar and took the empty seat next to Nicholas, while shooting me a warning look to bite my tongue.

I realized I was about to dine with Max Evans’s arch nemesis, not to mention a good number of his other most malicious enemies. The gathering of them all together around one table was very unnerving for me that first time, I remember, but I tried my best not to show it.

Directly across from me was Tess, in an exotic bright yellow-orange gown. I remember I forced myself to meet her stare.

“Tess,” I nodded defiantly.

“Liz,” Tess had responded flatly.

“Liz, so good to see you again,” Nicholas had piped in smirking. “How have you been?”

“Dead,” I said nonchalantly. “You?”

“Oh, I've been pretty dead myself,” He replied.

It’s funny how people Antarians somehow deem important for one reason or another just don’t seem to stay dead for very long.

“Sos, Liz,” Rath had sneered at me. “Been busy, huh? What with tryin to kill yous self alls the times yous musta worked up some appetite. For mushrooms, huh?”

“Eh,” I’d shrugged. “I had a craving.”

“Stupid, crazy bitch,” Rath had laughed at me. “Yous can’t die. Khivar programmed you and yous wasn't even a-”

“RATH,” Khivar scolded, then quickly masked his anger.

Lonnie had elbowed Rath.

“Sorrys boss,” Rath had apologized.

“My dear Miss Parker, what the imbecile next to you was trying to communicate is simply that any future attempts at ending your life are wasteful. You are so valued to us that we have established precautionary means for reviving you at once. In the future, Rath, you will address Miss Parker with the utmost polite courtesy, and you will refrain from using such poor, vulgar speech as I know I have instructed you to many time before,” Khivar dictated.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rath responded resentfully.

Khivar had shot him a look.

“Yes, sir,” Rath saluted, still jesting to some degree.

Khivar shook his head disgusted at Rath’s incompetence and sighed.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” I had interrupted, “what exactly am I doing here?”

“I thought Tarenk filled you in?” Khivar had asked concerned.

“Vaguely, but that’s not really what I mean. I mean, why am I here at dinner and not in some prison cell?” I had clarified.

“Miss Parker, you said you wish to make a deal and so do we,” Khivar replied smiling.

I made the big mistake of gazing into his intoxicating eyes.

“Well what-what kind of deal do you have-have in mind for m-m-me?” I had stuttered.

“We want you to be our ally,” Tess had stated, straightforwardly.

I shifted my gaze to her quickly.

“Let’s face it Liz. It does no one any good for you to be withering away in some compartment, driving yourself crazy. We don’t necessarily need you, always keep this fact in mind, but you could be a very useful asset,” Tess asserted.

“You expect me to betray Max?” I had questioned cautiously.

“I know you will Liz. I’ve read your mind. I’ve seen your thoughts. Max Evans abandoned you as he abandoned me. He’s already engaged to someone else,” Tess told me.

“NO,” I had spit in disbelief.

I remember thinking that she was lying, a lying rat. Max was supposed to have been my soul mate; he was supposed to have loved me.

“YES, Liz. It’s awful. I know it is. But it’s true. I’m so sorry,” Tess said with genuine sympathy, reaching out and grasping my hand with hers.

“I know you feel like you have no where you can go and no one you can trust because we have taken your life away from you. That was truly never our intention. If it had been, we would have killed you long before on earth. We thought Max Evans would make a deal or that he would at least attempt to rescue you. It was so inhumane of us to keep you cooped up alone so long, driving yourself insane. It just wasn’t right. Even though you couldn’t breathe our atmosphere, we should have at least explained things to you and not left you so entirely secluded. We will never be able to repair the damage we have done but we can try,” Khivar had seriously stated, his face a masterpiece of all the exact, perfect emotions.

“How?” I wondered, fighting back the urge to cry.

“By giving you your life back,” Nicholas answered. “We want to set you up as an equal ally with us. You have nothing to go back to on Earth. You family and friends have mourned your loss and already forgotten you. But here, here there is so much to do and see, Liz. Earth is a shithole compared with Antar. Just try it and see, at the very least.”

“He’s right,” Rath agreed. “Everythin here be's better.”

“Pleasure,” added Lonnie with a knowing smile, “be's a way much greatah priority.”

I knew the implications of that and it’s many levels.

“Max is a bastard, Liz,” Tess professed to me. “Forget him and go on with your life as I have.”

“Miss Parker,” Khivar surmised dramatically. “We want to help you, to save you from your hell. Max Evans is not the person he led you to believe he was. Join us, Liz. Join our alliance and we will see to it that you are taken care of forever. The universe will be at your fingertips.”

That evening they fed me lies on a silver platter for dinner and I gobbled them up hungrily. What did I care, anyways, what the truth was? I was finally free of that cell, and that was all that mattered. I moved from that obvious prison for my body to a trap for my mind. I thought I moved from hell, but I only entered a real hell, a more subtle, enticing one. But you've heard how the saying goes; it’s better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven.

I glance once again at Max’s son in my lap. So young, so pure, so innocent. He doesn’t belong here, with them. He’s so beautiful, like remember Max was. I shower him with the love I used to have for Max, love Tess never shows him.

I breathe in the scent of the garden around me and relax against the tree behind me. Eagan yawns and stretches his little body. He’ll be seven soon. Seven in earth years. He opens his amber eyes and looks around. When he recognizes me he smiles his toothless grin. He’s far more human than alien. In fact, he barely has any alien in him, not having any powers and such. He’s nothing like Tess, looks nothing of her. He resembles Max more than I allow myself to admit. His face is so familiar, not exactly like Max's though. A different kind of familiar that I have yet to place.

“Auntie Liz,” Eagan says sheepishly, “I fell asleep when you told me stories of your home again. I’m sorry.”

“It’s no problem, silly,” I grin, brushing a leaf off his shirt. “I’m sorry I make you listen to my stories that bore you to sleep.”

“You’re silly Auntie Liz. I love your stories. Especially the ones with my daddy,” He smiles.

I don’t tell many stories with Max in them. In fact, I avoid the subject of him whenever possible, and not just because Tess asked me too. I don’t like to talk about Max. It’s a deep wound that never quite healed. Still smarts every once and a while so I try not to think about him. Ever.

“Did you know my daddy real good?” Eagan asks.

“Yes, very well,” I respond with a faint smile.

“Then how come you don’t tell more stories with him in them?” Eagan wonders.

“I don’t know. I don’t have any very interesting stories with your daddy,” I tell him, not liking the interrogations direction.

“Auntie Liz, don’t you like my daddy?” Eagan questions.

“I do. Very much,” I reply honestly.

“I heared you and mommy talking about him once when you didn’t think I was listening. Mommy doesn’t like Daddy. She said so and called him meanie names. You said you didn’t like Daddy either,” Eagan accuses.

“It’s not that simple, Eagan. I like your daddy a whole lot, and deep down I think your mommy does too. But you and I can never tell anyone I like your daddy or I could get in trouble, especially with Uncle Khivar,” I try to explain. “You are right. Some people here don’t like your daddy very much, but that’s not because he isn’t a good person. They are just very jealous of him. They want to be strong and powerful, but your daddy is stronger and more powerful than them so they are afraid.”

“Even Uncle Khivar?” Eagan asks wide eyed.

“Even Uncle Khivar, but don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s our secret,” I respond. “And don’t ask anyone else about your daddy. They might get angry and turn into meanies. People don’t like to talk about your daddy to you because they don’t want anyone to see that they are really jealous and afraid.”

“I won’t talk to anyone about Daddy but you, Auntie Liz. I cross my heart,” Eagan promises.

I smile.

“Come here, you,” I say pulling him into a hug. “I love you, Eagan. I loved your daddy too.”

“I love you too, Auntie Liz, a lot” Eagan proclaims, cuddling close to me. “My daddy must have loved you too. You are really nice. The nicest person I know. And you are really pretty. Even prettier than Mommy.”

“Don’t tell your mommy that,” I chuckle.

Eagan plays with my long brown hair in his small hands.

“Sometimes I wish you were my mommy, Auntie Liz,” Eagan admits.

My heart breaks.

“Oh, Eagan, your mommy loves you. It’s just very hard for her to show love. Her life hasn’t been very easy,” I tell him, rubbing circles on his back.

He pulls out of our embrace.

“Yeah,” Eagan says. “I guess so. Sometimes I don’t think she likes me very much though.”

“Well I always like you,” I smile. “And you are such a good boy that your mommy must too.”

I tickle him and he squirms away giggling.

“Let’s go inside and get washed up for supper,” I tell him. “It’ll be ready soon.”

“Okay,” Eagan agrees.

We walk hand and hand through the luscious flora of the royal palace garden. Some of the plants are wildly exotic, acquired from planets that Khivar has assimilated.

Eagan leaves me inside the palace door to go wash up. I hesitate to go clean up myself, and instead find myself wandering across the terrace overlooking the garden. A gentle breeze blows across the land. The sun, or the star equivalent there of, setting on the horizon paints the sky ablaze in pinks. The triple moons hang above me in the dusking sky. I think of the dress I wore to my first Antarian dinner outside a cell. I hadn’t known then that it was a depiction of an Antarian sunset. A beautiful dress that still could never do the real thing justice.

Another day spent, wasted. The prison I live in now is still a prison. I am still confined. This time by my own greed. By power. True, I could never leave even if I wanted to with Khivar’s miniscule tracking device implanted somewhere in my body, but still. I have nowhere I would go anyways. Besides that, I would never leave Eagan.

A ship roars across the sky into the horizon and I watch it disappear. I know nothing about ships, flying them. Well, very little. I have been trying to learn, coaxing lessons out of Khivar’s pilots, pretending it’s a cheap thrill for me. Flying lessons for me makes Khivar uneasy. I can tell. But I work my magic on him and he consents.

They think I have no powers. They think that they died with my body. They tell me that even though I have alien DNA, I don’t have any powers. I believed them for a quite a while. Until I realized they were wrong. I never told them though. I practice them only when I am sure I am alone. I can stop them from reading my mind now and can tell when they are doing it. It comes in very handy, actually. I make a video tape of boring neutral thoughts and program it to play over and over on top of the stonewall hiding my thoughts so that they think they can still read my mind and that I am very fickle. This conveniently frees me up to think whatever I please without their knowledge. Quite nifty.

An arm snakes around my waist from behind, startling me.

“Sorry, my pet, I thought you heard me,” He says.

“No, I didn’t. I was lost in my thoughts,” I explain.

“Of beautiful sunsets, I know. And that sexy pink dress I just love you in,” He murmurs into my ear.

I lean back into him, closing my eyes, inhaling his unmistakable, musky scent. He nibbles on my ear, his arms pulling me closer. I feel his hardness against me.

“My pet, you are soooo delicious. I can’t get enough of you. You’re simply intoxicating. I’ve never met a female who made me feel like this before, that I have been so addicted to,” He tells me, his voice growing husky.

“Isn’t that why you are marrying me?” I smile.

“Yessss,” he hisses licking my neck. “That, and you will make one hell of a queen.”

“Tess makes one hell of a queen as it is. Don’t you think she will be angry at being dethroned when we tell her?” I ask.

I slide my hand behind my back and into my lover's pants, softly grasping his manhood. He groans.

“Tess most certainly will be a bit pissed, but she knew there would come a day when I would take a true queen as my bride. She needn’t worry, the little rat will still reign. Not like that gives her any power anyways, just claim to it. When we have a child, I’ll see to it that it’s a daughter and we can arrange one glorious wedding establishing power once and for all in our family,” He grunts.

I will never have his child. I will never bring a child into this hellish struggle of power for his political purposes. He doesn’t know that I can control my body so well that I stopped myself from releasing eggs as soon as he became my lover.

“That sounds a little incestuous if you ask me,” I purr, stroking him harder.

“I’m fine with it. They’d only be cousins, my dear. I suspect Tess is my half-sister at that. And she’s a hybrid. So is Max Evans,” He moans.

My eyes burst open and I freeze at the mention of Max. I quickly shield my thoughts but he catches a flash. He laughs.

“I saw that. Max Evans holding your hand. How very quaint. Max has never been a man of action, my pet, and he never will be. If I had been him, I would have ravished you at any chance, the fool,” he chuckles. “Now you belong to me, and he’ll never get the chance.”

“We were still very young,” I try to explain.

“He has that Sanathian princess of his to ravish now,” He goes on. “She’s a real beauty. But not as beautiful as you, and not as good in bed either. I’m still skeptical as to when he’s actually going to marry her. They’ve been engaged for years. He needs the power behind her throne, that much is clear, so why doesn’t he just get it over with? He’s a fool, I tell you.”

“Maybe he isn’t in love with her,” I mumble.

“Why? Because he’s still in love with you?” He snorts. “I'm counting on it, my pet. When he handed over his claim to this kingdom for possession of your dead body, I knew he was a fool, better yet, a fool in love.”

I withdraw my hand from his manhood, pulling away from him, gazing out onto the landscape once more.

“You never told me that,” I say quietly. “The deal you made to get him to forfeit the throne."

“What, that he felt guilty for abandoning you and wanted to give you a proper burial, and in order to do so I made him relinquish his contention as king? Only a minor, insignificant detail, my dear. Not worth mentioning. Happened so long ago. What’s the problem, anyways? I know you don’t still have feelings for him,” He responds.

“No, I don’t have feelings for him,” I agree. “But I don’t think we should persecute him either, mess with his mind.”

“My dear pet, he most certainly will find out you are alive after we are wed. I don’t want to hide you away forever, anyways. I want to show the universe that you are mine, that you belong to me. I’d especially like Isabel to see just exactly what she gave up, as well as Max, of course. Anyways, no matter how many treaties he signs, Max Evans will never cede over Antar, and he will never give up his son. He wants to take that snot away badly. The only reason he hasn’t attempted yet is because I convinced him that the brat can’t breathe other atmospheres, not that that kind of thing can’t easily be fixed, but what Max Evans doesn’t know can’t hurt him,” He grins deviously.

I pull farther away thinking of the years I spent locked away because, “Antar’s atmosphere wasn’t suitable for me to breathe.”

I sigh.

“Don’t worry, love. I know how you are fond of him, I’ll make sure he stays safe,” He assures me, running a hand through my long dark hair.

At first I think he means Max, and then I realize he is talking about Eagan.

“Thank you,” I say smiling as sincerely as I can.

I meet his embrace and he kisses me deeply, passionately, hungrily. At last I pull away.

“I have to go change for dinner,” I tell him smiling seductively.

“Yes,” He agrees, before giving me one last, quick kiss.

I stumble off towards the palace door. Only once I reach it do I dare glance back at my future husband, at Khivar.

****************


Look for Chapter 2 tomorrow!!!

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide



CHAPTER TWO

The first few weeks of my liberation I had wondered how they could be so careless, so reckless, so imprudent, leaving me so unsupervised, so unguarded, so unchained. How could they be so sure I wouldn’t try to escape, so sure that I would take their deal and choose to stay? I had laughed at their arrogance, but now I laugh at my own ignorance.

There was never any choice for me, of whether I would try to escape or not, of whether I would take their deal. Never. I was the fool, not them. They knew me better than I knew my self. They knew my every intention, motivation, thought, every hope, every desire, and every dream. I was theirs. They owned me and they knew it. All too soon did this realization come to me.

Free will. Free will is a relative term to me. Free will to choose their will. There was never free will, only the illusion of it. They knew my reaction for their every action before they made it. They knew and I hated them for it.

My prison now was of the mind. My own mind. I was my own jailor, my own prisoner. I resented them, but most of all I resented myself.

They told me that I had a homing device implanted deep within my body somewhere. I only half believed them. I had never felt it when I should have. The funny thing about the statement they made, though, is that true or false it would serve their purpose meaningfully. If there was no such device there might as well be.

How could I ever risk the chance that it might exist and attempt escape? I can’t afford such a blatant offense against the Alliance. I need their trust; it is vital to me. Through it only will come any freedom I might obtain.

I cannot submit. I will not. It simply is not in me. I am too stubborn, too tenaciously spirited. I will fight back, fight until the day they allow me to die. I will never give up, never surrender. Never again.

Every time their back is turned, I ever so slightly stretch the bars of my prison. They do not notice such minute divergences between the bars but someday, someday I know that even the smallest actions that I take now will catch up with me. My Judgment Day, a day of reckoning. Someday they will notice. This I am sure of and still I labor on. I only hope that it will not be in vain, that the bars will be far enough apart when they do take notice that I might slip through and out of their grasp.

They were sure I had no abilities, that I was only human after all. At this I can laugh; I am allowed. I wasn’t even aware of them for quite a while after my liberation. After some time though, it became apparent to me that there were times when I would think things that would be seen as unacceptable, that these thought police would disapprove of, yet they did not notice, not if I really didn’t want them to, if I feed them something else I was thinking.

I began to be more daring in my thoughts and became, in turn, more masterful of them and myself. Then I made the bold move of playing with their minds. For a long time I had been able to feel when they tried to mess with my mind and diverted their endeavor. I wondered if I myself had this ability, to touch other's minds, but was terrified to try if I did not, terrified they might become aware of my capabilities, that they could feel me as I could feel them. Then, once I mustered up enough courage to try.

It was on Rath; his mind is the weakest. I was able to reach into his mind and at the same time shield the fact that I was doing so. It was a great victory for me. I only made him see something that was not there, only a flower, but it was a start. Soon everyone was seeing daisies. It was quite amusing for me to give a bouquet to Tess and have it wilt soon after she touched it. Mostly though, I made things disappear, watched people go crazy looking for them, and then made them reappear right after they had given up looking. It drove everyone nuts. Khivar had security tightened on the palace fearing there were thieves who stole odd trinkets and flowers.

Quickly though, I had to stop my childish antics lest I be caught in my own incautiousness. I set to work on greater projects with more intricate tasks. I begin to read their thoughts, see their plans, their motives, their intentions. I enjoyed the challenge of expanding my mind to combat theirs, of playing the game.

For, that’s all this is. A game. A silly board game in our minds. Monopoly of the soul. The rules are made by the players as the game progress. How does one beat this eternal game? No one will know what it takes to win except, of course, the winner himself. I fear though that the price may be forfeiting my soul and I’m not completely sure that is something I am prepared to offer. Someday I will have to decide, though.

One night last month, after dinner, after Khivar and I had been together, I was lying awake with him sleeping next to me. I probed his mind cautiously with mine and stumbled onto something that made me sick to my stomach. I saw them, buried deep with in, his plans for my home planet. I had always wondered why everyone of importance came in human form, why everyone was so fluent in earth languages.

It was a question that I didn’t ask more than once like so many are, a question I simply accepted the answer to even if it didn’t make complete sense. They told me that Earth culture was adopted because so many important members of the alliance such as Tess, Eagan, Lonnie and Rath were from there and comfortable in that form. Lonnie had made a comment about how the pleasure of alien customs in human bodies was ten times greater as well. I’ll have to take her word for it. Antarians seem to be very into pleasure, not just Lonnie.

Tonight, after dinner, after Khivar fell asleep, I planned to see if it was still there, if what I had seen is indeed still true. To my discontent it is.

I carefully navigate to find the blueprints in his mind for the systematic take over of Earth. Khivar plans to replace leaders, draw the entire earth into one large state over time, and then take power of it himself. He wants the resources and to use Earth as an important docking point in expanding the boundaries of the empire of the space he controls. It seems as though he has thought of everything, planned everything out. He needs to lose Max Evans though, and the rest of the pod squad. They could produce unwanted hurdles for him. That’s why he is uptight about Max marrying this princess. He needs him to in order to get him off Earth.

I lay awake restless for most of the night, finally falling asleep shortly before dawn. I awaken to a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“Wake up, my pet, I have a surprise for you,” Khivar smiles down at me.

I yawn and rub my eyes, forcing myself to wake up despite my lack of sleep. I see a gift wrapped at the end of our lavish bed.

“What’s this for?” I wonder as I begin to unwrap it.

“Do I need a reason to give you a gift, my pet? This is a special occasion, though; you are correct. And not just that I wish to see you wear this tonight at our engagement party,” Khivar states still smiling as I pull out the most gorgeous dress I have ever seen in my entire life.

It’s a beautiful scarlet color, with black lacing overtop. It’s completely strapless. I look closer and see that the lacing is beaded and that small intricately woven flowers and birds dance across the lace. The dress I had picked from my closet for tonight’s gala is so plain in comparison.

“Thank you,” I graciously tell him, throwing my arms around his neck and planting a quick kiss on his lips.

“That particular bird and flower has been symbolic of marriage in Antarian culture for ages and as you know, red is the color that the bride to be customarily wears to the engagement party, but my pet, do you still not know the occasion for such a gift?” Khivar asks.

I search my mind, eventually giving up and shaking my head.

“My dear, it’s your twenty-fifth birthday today on Earth. My how you have lost track of time. It does get confusing with the days and nights on Antar being so much longer,” Khivar respond.

I quickly compute the time in my head.

“Good heavens, you’re right! That’s completely crazy. Twenty-five? I’m practically an old lady,” I reply in disbelief.

Where does time go? Seems like yesterday I had my seventeenth birthday party. That was the best party I’d ever had with Maria and Alex and Michael and Isabel and....

“This one will be even better,” Khivar breaks in. “I didn’t chose this night for our engagement party for no particular reason. Tonight will be very special, I promise.”

Actually, I’m pretty sure he chose tonight so that our engagement part could kick off the summit he’s having but whatever works. I think he just got lucky when he calculated that my birthday happened to be the same date, especially since we didn't celebrated my last birthday and it passed without recognition. But who am I to complain? I like being pampered.

I get up, bathe, and go off in search of breakfast. Eagan joins me along the way.

“Happy Birthday Auntie Liz!” He grins. “I made you something really neat, but it’s a surprise.”

“Oh really,” I smile taking his small hand in mine.

“Yes, I’m going to give it to you later, before your big party,” Eagan pronounces.

“Okay,” I laugh.

“Auntie Liz, how come I don’t get to come to your party?” Eagan frowns.

Good question. I have wondered that myself.

“It’s past your bed time sweetie,” I tell him.

“I’ve stayed up later before," Eagan protests.

“I know, but this is more of a grown up party,” I respond.

He furrows his brow further.

“Not fair,” Eagan pouts.

“I know. I’ll tell you what, how about me and you have our own party in my room before the big party tonight?”

“Yes!” Eagan agrees eagerly. “That’s even better because then I get you all to myself!”

“Definitely,” I chuckle, touched by his enthusiasm.

It’s nice to know someone loves me. We make our way into the dining room, finding Tess and Lonnie still lingering in there after their breakfast.

“Morning Liz,” Tess greets me cheerfully with her usual fake smile. “Happy birthday.”

“Yeah, Happy birthday,” Lonnie adds smirking. “Wait 'til yous sees what Khivar got ya.”

“I already did. I love the dress!” I exclaim as I sit down.

“Uh, yeah...da dress...,” Lonnie trails off.

Tess kicks her under the table.

“Oww! Great dress, kid. It’ll look fabuloso on ya,” Lonnie winks.

“Mommy, Auntie Liz said we can have our own party in her room before the big one because I don’t get to go!” Eagan tells her excitedly as he takes his usual seat next to me.

“Wonderful,” Tess replies unenthusiastically. “Don’t you be making a mess in her room and bothering her though. Servants are busy enough as it is and Liz has a lot to do to get ready for tonight.”

“Don’t worry, Mommy. I’m neat. I’m neat, Mommy,” Eagan claims.

“It’s okay, Tess. Let him have a little fun for once. I can clean my room, if I have to. I don't have much else to do, really, and it doesn’t take me that long to get ready,” I state.

“As long as he doesn’t inconvenience you,” Tess responds politely.

I can tell she doesn’t like the idea. I don’t think she likes Eagan hanging on me all the time. If she wouldn't be so cruel to him though, then he wouldn’t feel the need to. It seems like I’m the only one who protects him.

“Oh it's fine,” I smile, flashing her a fake smile of my own.

Tess doesn’t know Khivar asked me to marry him. She knows I’m sharing his bed, but many females do. She thinks the marriage he is going to announce will be to some Emperor's daughter in the next galaxy that he has been meeting with a lot recently. It’s supposed to be this big surprise who he is engaged to. Really though, everyone in the Alliance knows but her, Lonnie included. I’m almost surprised Lonnie hasn’t told her since she and Lonnie used to be so chummy, although things have been shifting lately.

Khivar was afraid Tess would overact and try some big mind warp or go crazy. He wanted to wait and tell her in a big public place with lots of important people so it was made public before she could do anything. Tess can’t mind warp that many people. I don’t think she could have mind warped Khivar either, but when it comes down to it, I wouldn’t want to take the chance myself. Tess’s mind has grown a lot stronger since she has been on Antar. Khivar supposedly has the strongest mind on the planet, that’s why he’s in power, but Tess is close behind. They are related after all. I suppose I wouldn’t want to cross her either.

Heh heh. The look on Tess’s face tonight when Khivar gives the announcement is going to be priceless. I hope someone gets a good picture. We all eat breakfast for a while in silence, except for Eagan who tends to slurp.

“Man oh man, I can’t wait fer tonight,” Lonnie laughs, finally breaking the silence. “Dis is gonna be one kickin bash full of surprises.”

Tess and I both shoot her a warning glance. Why is Tess shooting her a warning glance?

“I’s just sayin' it’s gonna be good times. Rath and me been lookin forward to it fer some time now,” Lonnie smirks.

I’m really not liking the sound of that. I get the feeling Tess isn’t the only person who is going to be surprised tonight. I’ve been walking through Khivar’s mind, though; I think would have seen something.

“I have a surprise for Auntie Liz,” Eagan announces proudly.

“I bet it’s not a surprisin as Khivar’s,” Lonnie grins.

“Eagan, we’ve talked about this,” Tess ignores Lonnie’s comment. “Liz is not your Aunt.”

“Not yet,” Lonnie mumbles.

I give her a good kick.

“Owwww!” Tess wails.

“Sorry. Problems adjusting my chair,” I respond.

“Lonnie can I talk to you after breakfast in private please. I have some things I’d like to discuss,” I tell her.

“No prob, Lizzie. Anythin fer you, kid,” Lonnie replies amused.

We finish breakfast and Lonnie follows me out. Eagan tries to come too, but Tess calls him back. We go into a study.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I question her after I close the doors. “What is this other surprise?”

“Lizzie, it ain't gonna be a surprise if I tells ya, now is it? ‘Sides, I’s been sworn to secrecy,” Lonnie grins.

I narrow my eyes.

“Look, Liz, all I can say’s that yous better look damn good tonight. ‘Dis gonna be one party you gonna rememba da rest of yer life, however unnatural that turns out to be. Tess ain’t the only person who's gonna be surprised. Hell, who knows, with Khivar, we's all might be, but with the entertainment I seen he got planned....Watch yer back , kid. Watch your back. And watch how’s you reacts. Important peeps gonna be watchin. All’s I can say,” Lonnie tells me opening the door.

Now I’m more confused than ever.

“You’s a good kid, Liz. I’s enjoyed havin ya around, so don’t blow it,” Lonnie adds seriously. “Ya spice things up, and I was so looking forward to a weddin’. Who knows. Just be's careful.”

Lonnie leaves and I’m left to interpret and try to make sense of what she just said. I don’t like it one bit. Lonnie is never sincere. Genuinely sincere anyways. I can tell when she’s faking it by the twitch her eyebrow does and today there was no twitch. Scary. I look out a window and see Rath and Eagan out on the terrace. Eagan’s playing with one of his trucks but Rath takes it away and holds it just out of his reach. Eagan jumps for it and Rath laughs. I don’t. Instead, I head outside to settle this.

“Rath, don’t be a jerk,” I say walking onto the terrace.

“Here comes yer Auntie Liz ta save ya’s again, brat,” Rath taunts Eagan, who is crying by now.

Asshole.

“Give him back his toy. It’s disgusting how big of a kick you get from pouncing on those so clearly weaker than you. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size for once, unless you’re afraid,” I assert making a grab for the truck.

“Someone’s like you, Liz? Naw. You’s still clearly weaka,” He snorts pulling the truck away from me and holding it high above my head.

I make a jump for it but he’s too much taller than me. Rath reaches out with his free hand to grope me and I slap his arm away. I think about screwing with his head when a better thought comes to mind.

“What’s da matter, Liz? Only Khivar getta sample da goods 'round here?” Rath asks laughing.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I say clamping down on his balls as hard as I can with my hand. “Release his toy.”

He looks shocked. His face contorts in pain but he still holds strong to the truck. I squeeze harder and he drops it. I release.

“I’s just messin’ with ‘im, Liz. Geez. What’s he needa truck for anyways? He ain’t never gonna ride in one,” Rath responds, protectively stepping away and adjusting himself.

“Just leave him alone, will you? Someday he’s going get bigger, and then you’ll be sorry,” I tell Rath picking up Eagan’s truck and handing it to him.

"Dat's gonna be da day," Rath grunts and walks away.

“Thank you, Auntie Liz. Rath’s a meanie,” Eagan says with a tear stained face.

“A big meanie,” I agree tousling Eagan’s hair and wiping the tears off his cheeks.

I play with Eagan for a while until lunch. Afterwards, we plan our party. By then I’m feeling a little tired, and both Eagan and I take naps. With the days being so much longer on Antar, I often find myself taking naps so that I can stay up with everyone else at night. After I awaken from my nap I start getting ready, both for Eagan’s party and Khivar’s.

I take another bath, only because they are so much fun in the big bathing fountain, especially with bubbles. Servants come to fix my hair. The use scarlet ribbons and black beads. They pull it all up into a big extravagant looking ponytail, wrapping a few braided strands around the base. The majority of my hair still hangs down my back because it is so long. One thing I love about Antarians is their ability to turn people into works of art. Tarenk comes to talk to me, and I greet him in my robe.

“What brings you today?” I smile at my familiar friend.

“I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give you a briefing about tonight,” He tells me. “Your hair is stunning, by the way.”

“I was just thinking how much I love the artistic ability of Antarians,” I respond.

“Oh that’s not by accident,” Tarenk laughs. “Emperor Khivar breeds talent. He is a huge patron of the arts. Antarians have always been know for their craftiness, but Khivar takes it to another level. He seeks out ability and nutures it accordingly. People do what they are good at.”

Kind of reminds me of the old Soviet Union. Neat. Not really. No, not at all. I gaze out the window. The skyline is cluttered with ships. I’ve never seen so many in my life.

“What is that?” I ask pointing at the ships. “What happen to the sky?”

“Those are your party guests, Miss Parker,” Tarenk chuckles.

“When I went to sleep there were but twenty ships and now there are thousands. Why on earth do I need so many guests?” I wonder.

“That’s partially what I came to talk to you about. This is a very important summit that Khivar is having. We will be discussing trade routes for through out this galaxy and the surrounding galaxies as well. Everyone whom the discussion would be relative to was invited. Ambassadors, consulates, leaders, rulers from all over this side of the universe will be in attendance,” Tarenk clarifies. “As a part of the Alliance you will get to sit in on most of the summit talks if you so choose, although I’m not sure you’ll get much from them since you are not very informed of what’s happening.”

“That’s alright. I’d actually like to listen anyways. I think it’ll be interesting,” I respond.

“I thought you might say that,” Tarenk smiles. “I’ll try to give you an overview of things before hand, but for now I best brief you on what’s going on tonight.”

Khivar’s the kind of person who waits till the last possible moment to let you know what exactly is going to happen. He likes people to know as little as possible, only what’s necessary. I think he does it so one arm has no idea what the other is up to and thus has to abide by only what the head, Khivar, tells it. I’ve grown accustomed to Khivar’s vagueness.

“Here’s what’s happening. When everyone first arrives for the party they will be directed to the great hall. Many people are staying here with in the palace, the friends of the Alliance, but other’s who are not so friendly have chosen to remain aboard their ships when the summit is not in session. Everyone, regardless of being friend or foe, will be at the first dinner tonight. It’s to open the summit under convivial circumstances before everyone wants to rip each other apart at the assembly; it’s supposed to be a pleasant experience and establish good feelings while everyone is being polite. Normally that is the case, but there have been times in history where the less fortunate was more prominent. I am still not positive which occasion this will be. There is much tension in this side of the universe right now, too much for my comfort,” Tarenk scowls.

Someone really needs to educate me in Antarian politics. Soon. It might be nice to know exactly who and what I am representing.

“Anyhow, the engagement announcement is going to happen very informally. Everyone will be in the great hall mingling, but Khivar wants you to be the last to arrive. He wants you to be in the crowd of guests as little as possible. I am told Lonnie will come fetch you when it’s time for you to come down. At that point, Khivar will stand up on the landing, you know, the big one between the great hall and dining hall.” Tarenk tells me.

I give him a blank look. Hell, like I have the blueprints of this gigantic place memorized. I’ve been here two years and there are still entire wings I haven’t seen. It’s like Versailles, times ten.

“Well there’s a landing there. It’s only maybe two or three steps up; it almost looks kind of like a stage and on the wall in the middle of it are big double doors that lead to the dining hall. You can’t miss it, don’t worry,” Tarenk assures me. “So Khivar will get up there, thank everyone for coming, announce his engagement, and invite everyone to dine. Now when he starts to announce the engagement you’ll make your way up on to the landing, give a little smile and wave-”

“Oh, oh! Can I do the Princess Di wave?” I ask excitedly.

He laughs. I’ve been practicing the Princess Di wave since I was first engaged.

“I don’t care. Anyways, you smile and wave and stand beside him while he welcomes everyone to dinner. Then he’ll open the big doors and the two of you will stand in the doorway and everyone will greet and congratulate the two of you as they enter the dinning hall. Traditionally, first of kin, Tess, is supposed to be the first to congratulate the two of you on your engagement, but there are any number of bets to what she’s going to do. Lonnie and Rath are prepared to start the procession if Tess fails to. Pending Tess’s reaction or any other major outbursts, the guests will enter the dining hall, take their seats, and wait for you and Khivar to finish up. When everyone is seated, you and Khivar will enter. Everyone will stand when you are before your seats. Khivar will help you with your chair, you sit, he’ll tell everyone else to sit, he’ll sit. Not so bad, huh?” Tarenk wonders.

“Sounds easy enough to me. But what other outburst might there be?” I question.

“Outbursts?” He repeats, confused.

“You said ‘pending Tess or any other major outbursts.’ I know you said that,” I respond suspicious.

“Ahh. Yes. I suppose I did say that. I’m not counting on any other outbursts, but you never can be to sure at an event like this. Right now we’re all just hoping Tess doesn’t burn the place down or something crazy like that.” Tarenk smirks. “Speaking of Tess, I thought I should let you know that Tess will keep her title as Queen of Antar, and Khivar will bestow upon you the title of Empress, so that you will ruling beside him, as Khivar so adamantly wishes. There was heavy deliberation on the part of the Alliance as to if you should be entrusted with the title of Empress. Initially, Khivar wanted to give you the title of Queen, but after further thought, we don't think it would be wise to shuffle Tess into the shadows. This solution should moderately appease Tess, because she won’t lose any of the power of her title, anyways. It also creates less confusion since Khivar is not technically 'King of Antar'. That title could only belong to Zan or Eagan and since Zan has renounced it, it will officially go to Eagan when he is old enough to accept it. Right now, Tess is just ruling as a regent to Eagan in her brother’s empire. When Eagan comes to power, Zan will no longer even have a ghost of a claim to the throne, and Khivar will rule in absolutism. It would be a foolish move to appoint you queen, as Khivar may have been promising, if there are no heirs produced, and would be a messy business besides.”

“I suppose that’s all fine with me, the title mean nothing to me anyways . We all know that the only people who do any ruling around here are Khivar and Tess. I’m just a pretty arm piece for Khivar to parade around with. But how is the absolutism Khivar will have different from what he has now? I don’t understand,” I furrow my brow.

“Right now, with Tess ruling alone, Khivar has absolutism, but it is conditional. If Zan ever reasserted his claim at the throne and it was recognized by the Antarian senate, he could be reinstated. If he was reinstated, he could potentially rebel against the Empire. The Empire can only rule with the consent of the planet’s ruler because of recent interplanetary treatises, much to Khivar's great displeasure,” Tarenk explains. "However, we both know Khivar has his ways of persuading around such mundane obstacles."

“Antar has a senate?” I ask in disbelief, still stuck on that bit of news.

Damn. I’ve been in the dark.

Tarenk chuckles.

“A facade of one. The senate is occupied primarily by loyalists of the Alliance. Senators are elected to lifetime servitude by the people but are subject to approval of the ruling Queen or King. Tess rejects the non-loyalists. When the King and Queen disappeared from Antar, Khivar had already secretly been installing his loyalists into the Senate for a long time and they were in the majority, especially after a series of mysterious senatorial deaths that called for re-elections. The senate was put into power with the absence of the Royal Party and the senate voted Khivar Emperor. That’s how a dictator democratically takes office around these parts,” Tarenk reports. “Tess certainly didn’t revoke Khivar when she came back and was content with her power under him. Zan, on the other hand, would not have been. Fortunately, he never made it back to Antar to claim what was his birthright, and now even if he does, the Senate will never recognize his claim and reinstate him. He may be a thorn in our side, but the Empire will retain power.”

“So Antar is just part of a bigger Empire ruled by Khivar, right?” I ask to make sure I am understanding correctly.

“Yes. Antar is like the Rome of your Roman Empire that once existed on Earth. Only, conquering is not as easy now as it was way back then. Too many intergalactic treaties, trade agreements, and safety pacts. Some of that is what Khivar hopes to sort through with this summit,” Tarenk updates me.

Hell, I’ve been in the pitch black. Here I’d been walking around the past two years barely aware there was life outside this palace and the influence these inhabitants have on it. And I thought everything around here was all about pleasure and everyone loafed about, when secretly, they all have been hiding the political skeleton of things from me. Granted, I haven’t been especially inquisitive, but they gave me no reason to be. I assumed the Alliance ruled, end of story.

“Wait so what’s the Alliance?” I wonder. “And how come you never told me any of this earlier?”

“The Alliance is like a political party kind of. The Alliance has no real claim to power in itself, yet we have power because our members are so influential and many do hold office. More importantly, we help each other gain power to further the Empire. The Alliance is not simply limited to the members you are in contact with each day, myself, Khivar, Tess, Nicholas, Rath, and Lonnie. There are eight members ruling on other planets as Nicholas does. With you included we number fifteen. It should be interesting to see the difference in impact we have on decisions in this summit with the addition of you. You will already be acting in the position of High Empress even though you are not married yet because you can claim that title in a summit as long as you are engaged with intentions to marry within a certain period of time and have had such intentions for a certain period of time. It will give your vote more sway than if you were only an Alliance member. This way, you get sort of a double vote. Which is another reason we aren’t taking the Queen title from Tess, we need her sway. Originally we had worried the title of Empress would not so easily be recognized upon you, but as of this morning, it looks like the majority of influential parties present and universally alike are willing to grant you it, and there will be no need for you to supercede Tess.”

Funny how they can create a title for me to further their political power and people will legally accept it. Funny in a crazy, yet completely amusing way.

“So after this big dinner, I heard something about dancing...?” I wonder.

“A customary part of an engagement party. So there will be dancing for entertainment tonight, and theater tomorrow. After dinner Khivar will lead everyone back to the great hall, and the two of you will start everyone with the first dance and then Khivar will most likely spend the rest of night lending his ear to various influential groups and people. The dancing is not required summit curriculum so many guests will give Khivar their regards, as he is their host, and retire for the evening as soon as they get a chance. It’s only polite for them, however, to wait until the first dance is over to do, after which you may lose sight of Khivar for the rest of the evening unless you adhere yourself tightly,” He states and I grimace at the suggestion. “In any case I would encourage you to mingle and not so much talk to the guests as listen to them so you can report back to us anything which could instrumental, as well as get a feel for the politics of the summit. I must warn you that though guests have been required to appear in a humanoid form, some of their appearances may be some what alarming to you.”

Note to self: do not stare in horror. I hope it’s not like it is with that bearded lady I at the post office where I try to look away but I just can’t.

“What would you say if I told you I can’t dance Antarian style?” I smile sheepishly.

“Not to worry, Miss Parker. It’s, what is that expression you say? A piece of cake. Very easy, the dance you will be doing is called the Pongorda and it is very similar to what on Earth you call the Waltz if I am not mistaken,” Tarenk assures me.

“Oh, please show me!” I beg.

He obliges and in no time we are spinning around my bedroom laughing. Soon we have and audience.

“Me next, me next!” Eagan begs.

“Alright, Eagan, here you go,” Tarenk grins, handing me over. “I’ll be leaving now Miss Parker, is there anything else before I go?”

"Actually,” I say, taking Eagan up into my arms, “I was just kind of curious how you ended up getting involved in the Alliance.”

"Khivar and I were childhood friends," Tarenk smiles faintly. "I was quite a bit older than he, but he was always bigger and stronger. He took me up under his wing, and I ended up along for the ride, and here I am today as his Prime Minister. There are not many people a man like him can trust and I think that I am one of the few people he does. I don't always agree with him, but I will always stand beside him."

I smile. His loyalty is actually very touching. Too bad it’s to Khivar. Someday I truly will be free, and I can honestly say that I will miss Tarenk.

“Any further questions?” Tarenk asks, breaking my thoughts.

“Not right now, thank you,” I tell him, giving him a genuine smile as he leaves.

Eagan and I dance around for a bit before a servant brings us an authentic, not to mention gorgeous, birthday cake. Crazy. I haven’t had birthday cake in years. Eagan makes the servants light twenty five candles despite my protests. He insists that I have to make my birthday wish. That’ll teach me to tell him so many stories of Earth customs from my childhood. I debate on my wish for a while before finally settling on the one thing I have really wanted most for a long time. It’s a frivolous wish, but it’s my birthday so I make it anyways.

Eagan and I dance some more but end up jumping on my bed. I haven't had so much fun in years.

Until Tess shows up, decked out in her elaborate blue (her usual color) attire for the evening, and spoils our fun by asserting that it is time for Eagan to go eat his dinner in his room and head to bed. I tell her that I’ll take him there shortly after Eagan says he still has yet to give me my surprise, and Tess says she’ll wait outside my room. What, she doesn’t trust that I can deliver her child to his room? It’s not like I’m going to hide him in my closet or anything.

“Close your eyes, Auntie Liz,” Eagan instructs me as he digs in his pockets. “And hold out your hands.”

I follow his orders. I feel him place something tiny and cold in my hands. I open my eyes and see a necklace.

“It’s your locket, the one you told me about,” Eagan tells me pleased with himself.

I look closer. It’s mine, the heart-shaped locket my grandmother gave me for my tenth birthday. It had been hers with she was a child. It used to be my most prized possession, and I had always worn it. Now it’s a bit tarnished but not too badly.

“Where did you find this?” I wonder, amazed.

“I told Lonnie how sad you were about losing your grandmom’s necklace and she made Rath get it so I could give it back to you for your birthday,” He smiles.

Lonnie helped?

“Oh Eagan, this is the best gift ever,” I respond, getting teary eyed.

“I tried to open it but it’s stuck,” He furrows his brow. “I’m sorry.”

I try to open it myself and find his statement true. It’s probably for the best; I’m not sure I want to see the picture that I know would be inside. Grandmother had told me that when I found that special someone who I would hold in my heart forever that I should put his picture inside, as she had done with my grandfather. For years I had worn the locket empty, then things had changed.

“That’s alright. It’s still a wonderful gift,” I reply smiling and giving Eagan a big hug. “I’ll even wear it tonight. Thank you so much.”

I wonder if Khivar knows that Rath lifted this. I’ll wear it anyways because I know that Khivar will hardly notice it, and even if he does won’t place it. I wonder where exactly Rath lifted this from. I decide to pick his brain later. Eagan helps me put the necklace on. I take Eagan’s hand and walk with him and Tess to his room. I give him one last hug and the two disappear inside. As Tess closes the door to his room behind her I hear the deadbolts clink and the familiar hum of the palace security system. Walking away I recognize that it is Khivar’s own specially trained guards are standing watch instead of the usual ones. I suppose Khivar really has to up security with so many strangers in the palace.

I head back to my room and finish getting ready and put on my dress. The time passes quickly and before I know it Lonnie comes and tells me that It is time for me to come down now. She looks very nice in an elegant dark violet gown. Secretly I think she likes to dress up even though she always complains. She leads the way and I follow. We walk most of the way in silence, but she pauses outside the great hall doors.

“Well, Lizzie, I gotta hand it to ya. You’s looks stunning. There’s gonna be one helluva show tonight and I want yous ta go on out there an break a leg,” Lonnie grins. “I’ll be rooting for ya. Good luck.”

I think she is talking about Tess. No matter. I’m about to find out. I smile and nod.

“Thank you,” I tell her softly as we slip into the great hall and the crowd gathered there, but I don’t think she hears me above the noise of the room.

I’m not nervous. Why should I be? None of this means anything to me. Not really. And yet there is a strange humming in my ears and my heart is racing. I glance at my fingers and I realize they are trembling. What's wrong with me? I order myself to stop.

The vastly spacious room is crammed with bodies of all shapes forms and sizes in ornate costuming of all kinds. It’s like something out of my childhood imagination. I spot Tess in the crowd a little ways off. Funny. She must have changed. She was wearing blue earlier and now her dress is bright pink. Lonnie grabs my hand and drags me through the crowd, not bothering to excuse herself as she plows through guests and leaving me to do it for her.

I harshly bump someone on my right under Lonnie’s aggressive pull and look back to apologize. I turn to see Rath. He looks unusually nice. His hair has been cut and tamed, and he’s taken his body piercings out. It’s a nice look for him; he should go with it more often. When he sees me he tenses and his eyes go wide. I know I look good, but why does he seem like he’s seen a ghost? He gives me the oddest look as Lonnie tugs me along harder, and his face is once again engulfed in the crowd. Lonnie weaves her way to the front of the mass with me in tow.

Khivar stands up, as I was told he would, and welcomes everyone. He motions for me and to come stand next to him and I do. When I fall in line with him, he clasps my hand in his and brings it to his lips, kissing it. I smile at him as lovingly as I can.

“Now, as promised, I’d like to announce my engagement and introduce you all to the most intriguing women that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, a critical and immeasurably valuable member of the Antarian Alliance, the future Empress of my empire, my bride to be, Miss Elizabeth Parker, of the planet Earth,” Khivar tells the crowd of gathered summit guests.

Oh, I’m an arm ornament alright, I think doing the best Diana I can muster to the cheering crowd. The bastard hasn’t looked at me once since I’ve been up here next to him and has been focused entirely on his attention from the crowd. He’ll always be too in love with himself to ever be in love with me, no matter what he claims. And in what way exactly am I critical and valuable to the Alliance? I don’t even attend the meetings. Many questions and suspicions float into my mind for the first time. It’s as if I am at last waking from long, indifferent nap of uncaring ignorance. Too many thoughts and ideas swarm at me all at once. I push them out of the way to observe the commotion.

“He’s marrying HER?! He CAN’T marry her!” Tess shrieks shrilly above the clapping.

Guests around her stare.

“Umm...I mean, WOW, he’s marrying her. But, uhh... he can’t marry her UNTIL I give my most joyous congratulations at such a good choice,” Tess corrects, grinding her teeth.

She comes forward with the fakest smile I’ve seen yet. I give her a wicked grin. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers in my ear.

“I don’t know how you managed this, but you’ll never get away with it,” She hisses.

She pulls away but I grasp her tightly.

“I already have,” I respond in a low tone.

The look of pure hatred she gives me after she pulls away is deadly. Khivar smiles and hugs her, telling her through clenched teeth that they will discuss it later. I giggle at the sound of Tess’s whiny voice protesting that echoes through my head. Have fun Khivar.

“Now I’d like to invite you all in the traditional dinner that will open the summit,” Khivar speaks loudly.

He opens the dining room doors, and Tess slinks though them haughtily. I know I’m grinning wildly, but I can't help it. I enjoy her discomfort all too much. Lonnie and Rath congratulate Khivar and I who stand by the doors.

“Well, you’s a knockout in round one kid,” Lonnie whispers. “I suspects round two ain’t gonna be as easily won.”

Slowly but steadily the Alliance congradulates us and enters the dining room, followed by a parade of guests, none of whom I have ever seen before. Scaly, hairy, slimy, you name it; it was there. All were bipeds, but not necessarily limited to four appendages. The majority, though, if caught at a glance, could have been mistaken for humans. The procession seemed endless until finally I was presented with the last group of guests.

I was so busy with greeting that I didn’t even notice the end was nearing, so busy that I didn’t even focus on the identity of the last party until we were face to face. I immediately knew then what Lonnie had been alluding to all that time, warning me about.

SURPRISE! Happy birthday, Liz; you got your wish.

I stiffen as my gaze settles on those familiar, unmistakable eyes, those eyes that haunt my dreams at night, that I haven’t gazed into for seven long years, an eternity. The past floods upon me in tidal waves. Every hope, every dream, every fantasy I have given up on hits me at full force and I am overcome. My knees weaken and I collapse at the impact of the realization. I faint, the dark world fading away into light; Max Evan’s face shining brightly in my mind.

-------------------------------------

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide




CHAPTER THREE

The blow sends me sailing back through space, through time. I float back to earth, to me.

Max smiles, Max runs his fingers through my hair, Max kisses me. Max.

Everything is good. Everything is whole. Everything is complete. I am complete. I lay in Max’s arms, living, breathing, being, alive.

Max. Only Max. Completely Max.

Voices stir me.

I flutter my eyes open against the harsh lights. Slowly objects begin to come back into focus. The voices continue.

“Max?” I stammer.

I blink slowly and reality rushes back to my side. The events of earlier unfold in my head, replaying like a silent movie in fast motion, nauseating me. Max. I saw Max. He was here.

Was he here? Was I dreaming? How could Max be here? I was dreaming of Max. Dreaming.

“Miss Parker, dear girl, how are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare,” A male voice utters.

Two shadows hover over me. I squint and rub my eyes. Tarenk. I try to sit up but a wave of dizziness passes through me. Tarenk grabs my arm to help steady me. I notice that I’m lying on a couch in one of the many studies, quite a ways from the great hall. I also notice that I am under very heavy guard.

“I think I’m okay,” I tell him, rubbing the back of my head which is throbbing.

“You hit your head on the back of the door when you passed out. The doctor said you should be okay though, just a headache. No concussion. We can give you something for the pain as soon as you wake he said," Tarenk informs me.

The doors of the study fly open and Lonnie rushes in.

“Lizzie, you’s so disappointin’. Ya went down after the first punch thrown. Sheesh, kid. I thought you’s be puttin up a great fight, too. Liz ya done got you’s ass kicked,” Lonnie smirks. “Ya better toughen up though, cuz there gonna be many a rematch.”

I groan. Max. It wasn’t a dream. He really is here.

“Lonnie, what the hell is HE doing here?! Why didn’t Khivar tell me?!” I demand angrily.

“He’s here for da summit. He’d be stupid not ta come. Lizzie, you shoulda seen the look on his face when you’s was standing next ta Khivar. I’s thought he was gonna kill 'im right then and there, but his groupies some how kept Maxie unda control. It was classic, Lizzie, classic,” Lonnie tells me.

“Oh, well, I’m glad that you can find so much amusement in the pain and misfortunes of others. I think the word for that is sadism. You might want to get someone to look into the problem for you; I don’t think it’s all that healthy,” I snap.

“Simma down, Lizzie. I’s takin you’s side. You’s a fighter, and you’s gonna come outta this on top. I can tell. I’s not gonna be supporting no losin' side,” Lonnie replies.

Great. I sounds like she thinks I’m going to be staging an uprising or something. Worst of all, I think she expects me to be taking Khivar and Tess down. Ha. HAHAHA. Ha.

“Yeah, well don’t count your eggs before they have hatched. Apparently the world is full of surprises,” I say coming to my feet.

“Miss Parker, it might be wise for you to lie back down for a while. The doctor said that would be best. You took quite a tumble earlier,” Tarenk reminds me.

I ignore him and look directly at Lonnie.

“Where’s Max?” I question.

“Dinner just got finished. He glared at Khivar da whole figgin' time. Too funny. I's thinks he know you’s ain’t the same. After you fainted Max asked Khivar real quiet an cold what gave him da right ta play God. He didn’t even look at ya. It was kinda creepy cause Max was so pissed an hateful like. Gave me da chills an shit. Then he and his looker princess an the resta his posse just walked away. I woulda thought he woulda done something. He just left ya there, an I couldn’t believe it. Khivar looked at im real scary when Max turned his back, too. Everyone was starin as soon as ya passed out so Khivar told em all how ya’d had too much excitement cause it was ya birthday an that human bodies are way fragile an Max snorted. Then them servants hauled ya away an dinner went on like nothin happened,” Lonnie reports.

“So where is everyone now?” I ask frowning.

“Great hall dancin’. Whatcha gonna do?” Lonnie asks excited.

“Well I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss my own engagement party,” I retort, adjusting my dress and fixing my hair as best as I can.

“Atta girl,” Lonnie cheers, giving me a hearty slap on the back.

“Miss Parker, I don’t think that’s such a good idea with your health,” Tarenk interjects.

“Well why the hell not? What’s the worst that’s going to happen? I die, and I’m sure you’ll have me back up on my feet in no time,” I remark bitterly.

Lonnie chuckles. I storm out of the room with the two of them in tow, along with an entourage of guards. I have a tendency get irrational when I’m angry. So very rarely do I get angry though. I usually bottle things up. But there isn’t a big enough bottle in the entire universe for this. I feel mad, crazy mad. I almost scare myself. The shit has definitely hit the fan. I march down to the great hall and pause outside the door to compose myself.

“Miss Parker...” Tarenk starts.

“Save it. I’m going in there regardless. I am sick and tired of being toyed with,” I tell him.

I don’t wait to hear a remark from Lonnie; I slip into the spacious great hall one again, leaving Lonnie, Tarenk, and the guards behind. Guests surround the outside of the floor, and cluster more toward the door to the dining hall side of the room. A good number of guests are enjoying themselves in dance out on the immense dance floor. I can’t say that I actually have much of a plan in mind other than to follow my whims as they come. I glide through the crowd, my eyes searching. Finally I get a lock on my target and gracefully make my way over.

I come to my fiancé's side, beaming brightly. His eyes widen, and then he ever so briefly frowns. He pulls me to the side.

“Liz dear,” says Khivar carefully. “What are doing, my pet? You should be resting. You have obviously overextended yourself in preparation for this joyous occasion. You should get some rest, love.”

“I’m feeling much better, thank you,” I respond beaming at him brightly. “I’d really like to dance. Come dance with me, please?”

I give my sweet innocent face and hope it doesn’t look as if I’m sucking on a lemon like it usually does.

“My pet, I would love more than anything to do just that, but I’m extremely busy talking with the guests,” he replies making a gesture to the circle of people awaiting his return. "And I'm not completely positive that it would be very good for your health."

“But Khivar, DEAR, I feel fine now, and I would really, really like to have a dance. It’s imperative,” I tell him, jaw clenched.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, love, but it’ll have to wait for the time being. We are in the middle of discussing something quite important right now. I’ll tell you what though, why don’t you go find something to drink and have a seat somewhere, you look a little peaked, and I will come find you in just a bit or so and we can discuss that dance further,” Khivar dismisses me.

I can tell he’s entertained by my plinth. I, on the other hand, am not. At all. I scowl as he turns his back on me. I pout down at the floor trying to think.

“The most enchanting Miss Parker, I couldn’t help but overhear your sorry predicament. I would be more than happy to offer my services in a dance with a beauty such as your self. In fact, I’ll be insulted if you decline my offer,” an amused voice extends a strong hand into my line of vision.

I whip my head up to meet those familiar amber eyes once again. I recoil.

“Perhaps my beloved is correct. I am feeling a bit peaked,” I state carefully, averting my eyes. “I should go sit down.”

“Why Miss Parker, I hardly believe that after you were just begging for a dance a moment ago. What’s the matter, Liz? Aren’t you happy to see me, baby?” Max smirks, his gaze intent on meeting mine.

“I-” I begin to try to answer him, but he whisks me out onto the dance floor.

I look back over Max’s shoulder and catch Khivar’s measuring gaze. He continues to chat with his colleagues, but his concentration has moved onto me and Max. He meets my eyes and furrows his brow. Max, however, quickly ushers us out of Khivar’s sight.

“I never said yes,” I angrily growl at Max when he lets me catch my breath, and we’ve settled into a steady rhythm.

“You didn’t say no either,” He states, squeezing me to him as I try to push away.

“You didn’t give me the chance,” I frown trying to subtly wriggle out of his grasp.

“I didn’t want to. Stop struggling or people will begin to take notice,” Max orders, gripping me tighter.

“If you don’t let me go, I’ll scream for Khivar,” I threaten.

Max draws back and looks into my face.

“No, you won’t,” He states evenly. “You won’t want to cause a scene and draw attention to yourself, Elizabeth Parker. You won’t want to have to explain to everyone here why you won’t engage in a simple dance with such an important guest, not even for old time's sake. Most importantly, Liz, you won’t want to pull away from me because at the very least I know that you are extremely curious. So quite whining and enjoy the music.”

I narrow my eyes him but don’t say anything because I know he right. I begin to relax, and he pulls me in closer to him. I’m all too conscious of his powerful hands on me.

I breathe in the scent of liquor on him. He’s been drinking some of that strong Antarian stuff Rath loves and is always trying to get me to try. He’s a little too collected, though, to be drunk. I don’t think Antarian liquor has the same effect as alcohol from Earth. The Earth kind just makes sloppy drunks of aliens while the Antarian stuff works slower and is much richer tasting and robustly biting, or so I hear. How it can be stronger and seemingly weaker at the same time is beyond me. Lonnie says I just have to try it because it’s a “wicked buzz.” I’ll pass. I have to stay on top of my game.

Max sighs deeply and I wonder what is going on in his head; what he’s thinking. It feels different being in his arms. It’s Max, and yet it’s not.

Visions, distant memories of the long forgotten past, wander through my mind as we whirl around the dance floor. Events, far away times in my lost history, creep into my consciousness with our every step. Vague impressions of my former life, my former self, ambiguously imprint themselves on the sandy abyss in my head.

Max is not the same. He’s stronger, tougher; I can feel it, his power coursing through me. His hair is longer, shaggy. His face is older, worn with worry and hardships, but still as handsome as ever. It hits me that he looks more like the future Max I once met than the Max I knew. Max, my Max.

Words fail me at the moment, but words somehow seem insufficient. A lifetime has passed, gone by, and here we are. Max and Liz. A lifetime has passed, and we speak nothing, yet everything is spoken.

Max and I continue to dance until the musicians end their piece. Max guides me off the dance floor, his arm linked with mine.

“Let’s go somewhere to talk,” Max commands, placing a hand on the small of my back to direct me in front of him.

He steers me through the crowded room and stealthily out a side door to the terrace. I catch a glimpse of Khivar watching as we slide out, but he doesn’t seem all that concerned. Why not? Max could be kidnapping me, and he wouldn’t have a clue. There aren’t even any special guards out here, just the regular ones at their usual posts. The unit that had been guarding me earlier has disappeared where I left them. Still, they could very likely be watching over me inconspicuously. Khivar’s private guard has a tendency to do that.

A few stragglers from the party meander out on the terrace and through the gardens. Max takes my hand and leads me through a maze of shrubbery. We move rather swiftly. Max doesn’t hesitate once. His every step is intent and deliberate. Before long I’m disoriented and find myself looking at completely unfamiliar surroundings. But Max treks on and I follow. His pace quickens even more, and I stumble to keep up.

Finally he comes to an abrupt halt. He stares into the darkness of the garden, lit only by the triple moons overhead. I follow his gaze and cast my eyes on the object of his fixation.

Cast in the moonlight I see a picturesque fountain. In the middle of it is an obscure, almost spherical sculpture, tribute to some abstract inspiration. I saunter closer and the rock of statue appears to be glowing, not only that but the metallic surface appears to have a sort of rippling movement. The luminescent monument begins to take shape the more and more I look at it. The definition changes and suddenly I am confronted with my own image looking back at me. I jerk away from it and accidentally back into Max who has been frozen since he first gazed upon the strange figure.

“Max?” I question, a little worried.

“I’ve never seen it before, not in this life, Liz, but I’ve seen it at thousand times before that. I knew it was here, and I knew exactly how to get here. Somehow I just knew. I’m drawn to it. It’s like it was pulling me here, to this place,” Max answer solemnly.

“What is it?” I ask, standing next to him and gazing thoughtfully upon it.

“The Anima. It’s sort of an Antarian legend that it’s the life force, the soul, of the planet and the Antarian people. It has an extreme amount of energy, but it’s never been figured out how to harness it. They have managed to contain only tiny amounts of it at a time, but that alone it more than enough to raise the dead. It’s what they use to create hybrids. It is impenetrable and unmovable; no one is sure how our ancestors got it here to the palace grounds. They were more in touch with the Gods, though, and some believe it came to rest here by an act of divine intervention. Most likely, my ancestors built the palace around the Anima. The fountain was built up around it ages ago. I’ve heard that the Anima seems to like to stay in contact with the elements,” Max replies.

“It’s so beautiful,” I tell him breathlessly.

“Yes. It is,” Max agrees. “It’s a shame that no one really cares about all the romantic myths associated with it anymore. Most people now believe that it’s simply a random meteor that crashed here and want to use up of all the energy with in it which will virtually destroy it.”

“That’s awful. It’s such a magnificent part of Antarian history. No one should try to demolish it. I won‘t let them,” I declare frowning.

“Why Liz,” Max looks somewhat taken aback, “don’t you know that the Alliance is the leading contributor in the research that will lead to its demise? You have become your own enemy.”

His last comment makes me uncomfortable. I turn from him and take a few steps back toward the way we came.

“I should be getting back before they miss me,” I state, not looking at him. “Thank you, though. For showing me this. And for the dance.”

I start to head back into the maze of vegetation, hoping I can find my way back when Max grabs my arm and spins me around.

“Don’t go,” Max asserts.

I meet his eyes with mine and a thousand thoughts, feelings, float back and forth between us. He releases

“Who are you Elizabeth Parker?" He asks me quietly. "This isn’t you.”

“Maybe you don’t know me anymore, or maybe you never knew me as well as you thought,” I state.

“What have they done to you Liz?” Max asks me, gently reaching out to cup my face.

He pulls me into an embrace.

“They saved me,” I reply, limp in his arms. “They saved me after you didn’t.”

“God, Liz. I would have saved you. I would have saved you in a heartbeat if I had known you were alive,” Max answers back.

“But you didn’t save me,” I retort, pulling away.

“Liz, I thought you were dead. They buried your body. Your dead body. I watched them put it back into the Earth. I never in a million years would have thought that Khivar did this to you, that he brought you back, that you were alive,” Max cries.

“Well I am alive, and even before that you didn’t save me,” I grimace. “You just left me.”

I attempt to walk away again, but Max yanks me back to him.

“I love you, Liz. I always have, and I always will. Nothing will ever come between us. Not time, not space not Khivar. You are mine and mine alone,” Max informs me, his voice cracking. “I will never give you up and I never have.”

His face is all to close to mine. He’s breathing erratically, and I notice that my heart is pumping as well.

“You already gave me up,” I spew back. “You forgot me and engaged yourself to some gorgeous, hussy princess. Don’t fuck with me, Max. I’m not in the mood.”

“Damnit Liz,” Max curses. “Don’t believe every rumor you hear to be the entire truth. It’s not what you think. I’m not going to marry her. I could never marry her. I could never marry anyone but you.”

“Well that’s funny, because it sure looks like you are engaged. It sure looks like you forgot about me completely,” I spit, narrowing my eyes. “Get your hands off me and leave me alone.”

Max reluctantly releases his hold.

“I’m not going to let you marry him, Liz. Not because I want you for myself, but because I know that you don’t love him,” Max tells me.

“What the hell has love got to do with anything, Max? It’s bio-chemically no different from consuming large amounts of chocolate,” I snap.

“Liz, you don’t believe that,” Max responds.

“How do you know? You don’t even know me,” I yell, getting angry.

“I do. I know you maybe better than you know yourself. I love you, Liz,” Max shouts back at me, grasping my forearms desperately.

I read the pained emotions on his face. Quite unexpectedly, Max kisses me, his lips seizing mine and asserting their claim. The kiss is fiery and passionate, exploding, unlike any kiss that ever came before. My insides sizzle as his lips wrestle mine, his tongue coercing them open. I am unable to stop myself, and my mouth parts for him. My hands wander over his chest, feeling the outline of the hard muscles beneath his clothes. I tremble in his arms as his tongue tickles mine, sending shock waves down my spine.

I feel everything he feels for me. It rolls over me in waves. I feel his love, his devotion. And I feel the reflection of my own lost love, devotion, surface to haunt me.

I shove Max away with all the strength I can muster, every last bit of reserve I have. I push past him, plunging into a sea of darkness, diving into the shadows. I flee as fast as I can, in any direction, all directions. I just have to get away.

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide





Chapter Four

I run, my mind jumbled. I run to escape. From Max, from life, from myself. I just run, terrified of what might catch up with me if I don’t.

Who are you, Elizabeth Parker? I ask myself that and a thousand voices inside my head shout back at me. The ruckus in my brain inhibits my ability to reason rationally, if at all.

The world becomes distorted, twisted.

Swirling visions dangle within my mind’s eye and further blur my path. Flashes of unfamiliar images charge at me, but make no rational sense. The pictures become longer and stretch into clips of movement, people taking indistinguishable actions. My mind replays the many different visions over and over like a broken record player. I fight these flashes and shove them all away.

I run.

I run until tears obscure my vision so much that I trip and tumble, crashing to the ground. I lie in a heap on the ground, deep within the palace garden, weeping, not bothering to pull myself up.

The images flash faster now, force my attention. Clips become warped movies, distorted, incomplete. There are many of them, these strange visions; they seem to interrupt each other. Pieces of this or that break in at any moment. I try to put the puzzle together, to make it make sense. But it’s not just one puzzle; it’s many puzzles with their pieces all thrown together in a giant heap. I try to sort them with no luck. Time seems to have no value. Old. Young. People. Places. The flashes throw images, clips, movies in such random order that I can’t tell what goes with what other than by gut feeling in most cases.

I concentrate and slow the flashes down, stretch the duration of the movies playing in my mind. I strain my brain to gain a little clarity, to zoom in on one single picture, one set of flashes.

Flash.

Tess hovers over my broken body, fuzzy. She is talking to someone over her shoulder while staring greedily down at me. Tess is barely audible and I can’t make out what she is saying. Tarenk comes into view next to her, staring at me in my crumpled state worriedly. I can move. My mind is clouded. I can barely think. I feel myself slipping away, nearing the end.

I try to tune in to the sounds around me. Mostly I just hear a flat, ringing tone in my ears. Every sound beyond it seems distant, far off. I focus harder and begin to catch random words from their conversation as they discuss back and forth.

Max. Khivar. Baby. King. Son. Liz Parker. Die. Transport. Hostage. Ransom. Zan. Die. Liz. Save. Baby. Liz. Max Evans. Khivar. Die. Liz Parker. Secret. Mindwarp. Khivar. Max. Mindwarp. Steal. Liz. Now. Time. Live. Liz. Die. Liz Parker. Die.

The vision sharpens away from the noise. My breathing becomes labored. I heave and cough. My eyesight runs crimson. My own hand swipes over my face coming away red. Blood. Everywhere is blood. I sputter and spit up blood. Tess reaches toward me hurriedly, throwing indiscernible orders at Tarenk. They begin to work on something over me but I cannot see what it is. It’s so hard to keep my eyes open; they feel so heavy. My vision slowly fades out into waiting darkness.

Flash.

Little Maria laughing in front of me on the playground at recess. We run and jump on the swings. I pump my legs hard and bring my small body soaring high. I feel as if I can fly into outer space if I don’t hang on.

I spot tiny Max on the ground below me. He’s alone, watching me intensely as I defy the laws of gravity. I smile and wave to him, and he darts away, face flushed, adorably embarrassed.

I continue to ride the sky, sailing higher, higher, higher. The heavens are calling to me. At last I let go. I float through the air, into the blue above, but only for a moment until the Earth regains it’s claim on me and I fall.

I land on my back, eyes still on the sky. The wind rushes out of my body. Max hurries over to me. My eyesight winces a bit and my head seems slightly rattled. Max anxiously checks me over, feels for broken bones. He asks me if I am okay but I have no breath to speak.

Maria appears next to Max, looking just as concerned. Suddenly I catch my voice again, and I begin to laugh. Maria responds immediately with laughter. Max frowns and gets up and leaves us, satisfied I’m not hurt. Maria helps me up. I stop my laughter to watch young Max’s back as he walks away. I feel a startling urge to run after him.

Flash.

At first there is only a warm darkness. I blink my eyes open. The world is hazy. Light flickers and dances across the ceiling. Candles. Across the room on my dresser.

Kisses. Warm, soft, butterfly kisses trailing gently down my body, tingling me to my core. I become aware that I am naked, lying on my back. My hands search out the source of my pleasure. I rake my fingers through his dark hair and I bring his head up to meet mine. I run a hand across his bare chest before my arms lovingly encircle around his warm body.

In the dim light I gaze into Max’s face. Love. All I see is love. Understanding. Respect. Admiration. Love.

His soft amber eyes meet mine, searching, questioning. I feel my head nod.

He draws in a sharp breath, and his eyes come alive. He kisses me, deeply, passionately, projecting all his love into me, filling me, making me whole.

He pulls back to whisper in my ear. I love you.

I whisper back. I love you.

He tenderly kisses me again, his tongue enticing mine, sending tingles through my insides to my core. My body aches for him.

I nibble on his lower lip and wrap my legs around his waist as he positions himself above me. I feel my body grow tense in anticipation. I feel Max begin to carefully press at my entrance. I feel myself begin to slowly give way, stretch to accommodate him. Pain. Stabbing pain. I grimace and bite down on Max’s lip. A tear rolls down my cheek.

Max stops his movements and tears his head back to look into my eyes. Max cups my face with one hand. He wipes a salty tear away with his thumb and lightly brushes the rest away with his lips. I draw his thumb into my mouth, sucking on it, caressing it with my tongue. He groans, aroused.

I plead with him to continue but he hesitates. I tighten my legs around him. I heave my hips up together with his in one sharp movement, impaling myself on his swollen member. I feel regret a moment later when the pain knocks into me.

Max looks shocked at first by my brazen actions, but quickly moves to soothe me, smothering my teary face in kisses, assuring me that he loves me. I cling to him and begin to relax as the pain starts to subside.

I hear my voice urge Max on, telling him that I’m okay. Slowly he begins to pump in and out of me. At first I feel myself thinking it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. However, eventually I begin to loosen up and warm to the friction of our two bodies coming together. The heat begins to build inside me, pulling me further and further into bliss.

I watch Max’s face above me, striving in ecstasy closer and closer to his goal. He notices my gaze upon him and smiles down at me, then captures my lips in his. I claw my nails down his back as he drives into me faster and faster. I feel myself slipping, beginning to topple over the edge.

Max reaches between my legs to give me the extra jolt I need to send me soaring. And the connection, the sheer electricity, between us sends me traveling to unknown universes, distant times and space. Max makes one final strenuous thrust to launch him self rocketing along side me into ecstasy.

Max and I become one, one in body, one in mind, one in soul. Breathing as one, feeling as one, existing as one. Everything I am is he, and he is everything of me.

Max and I lay entangled together like that for a very long time, lost inside one another, drowning in one another. Gradually, we begin to float back down from our heights, finding ourselves in ultimate comfort just being in each other’s arms.

End flash.

What. The. Fuck. Where the HELL did those come from? There are even more lurking around somewhere that I haven’t even seen in entirety. What the fuck was that shit? The past? The future? My imagination? A fantasy? Damn.

The past. The scene of the playground is so vaguely familiar. Well they all seem vaguely familiar, but the playground, I know that is the past, that it really happened. It is an early memory of elementary school the likes of which I had almost entirely forgotten about.

But the rest? The REST?! Hell, I don’t which of the two other visions scares me more. What were they and what do all of these mean? What do they have in common? Do they have anything in common? Why am I getting the visions? What’s wrong with me?

I was dying. In the first I was dying. But that’s not how I died. I don’t think. I died alone in that cell. There was no blood. That is not how I died. I know. It’s a vision of what then? The future? Even aliens don’t have the power to see the future. It’s impossible. The future is an open book, yours for the writing. It can’t be the future. What then? A dream?

And the whole sex with Max bit. I’ve never had sex with Max. I’ve never even had sex like THAT. That was...wow... well I don’t know what that was but it was something, not what I do with Satan. So it’s a fantasy then. A fantasy of Max. EXACTLY what I need right now.

The playground, on the playground, I had wanted to run after Max. I want to run after Max. Max.

Fuck Max. Fuck everyone. Fuck life. Fuck it all.

What the hell happened to me? This isn’t how it was supposed to go. This isn’t how I thought my life would be. This isn’t who I wanted to become.

I was going to be somebody, go somewhere, do something, make a difference in this world. I was destined to accomplish great things. I had potential, an amazing aptitude for life.

How did I end up a prisoner then? How did I end up in these chains? When did I learn to sell out? When did I betray even myself?

The universe is a bitter place. It does not recognize dreams and is no audience to selfless ambition. Fate is cruel in her indifferent ways. She heeds no promises and scorns integrity.

Who am I but a lowly victim of fortune? A leaf blowing in the winds of chance. Who the fuck am I?

I was never free. I was always bound to the laws of the universe, subject to a higher power out of my control. I never asked for any of this. I did nothing to deserve this. Yet here I am just the same.

I gaze around at my strange surroundings. The moons are lost in the canopy of the trees above. I am alone in an utter, cold, darkness that chills me to my bones. I shiver.

I used to be a fighter. I didn’t used to surrender. I used to stand up for myself and what I believed in. I didn’t used to get walked on.

Stepping back and looking at the big picture of my life, I don’t even recognize myself. Someone else is calling herself Liz Parker. Someone else. Someone who looks at great deal like me, but she isn’t me.

Max doesn’t know me. He can’t. Too much has happened, too much has passed.

Sobs rack my body. I cry for my lost innocence. I cry for my empty dreams. I cry for all the years that were stolen from me. I cry for my captured soul. I cry for my abandoned ideals. I cry for the life I once had. I cry for Max. I cry with all the emotion I have concealed all this time.

Max. What a disaster.

Max. He didn’t see anything. I’m almost sure. I’m sure. Almost. I’ve learned to control my mind, my flashes, what people see in my head just as Khivar and the Alliance members do. I’ve learned to hide my thoughts and suppress my feelings. I’ve learned to restructure my innermost self to fit my environment and to serve my secret motives.

I’m a master of disguise. Max couldn’t have seen anything through my flawless mask. Could he?

No. No way. I almost always had my attention focused. Maybe I relaxed a little too much when we were dancing, but it’s improbable. Max was never very strong with his mind, never even came close to grasping it’s full potential. Granted, with time he must have improved, but only crudely so for he has had no instruction. Chances are slime he got a flash; nothing was passed during the kiss for sure because I was especially braced.

But while we were dancing... Were those his thoughts in my head or mine? Did he flash me? Or was my mind just already a bleary mess?

It’s hard to tell. Around Khivar it is easy to concentrate on my calculated control, but with Max, seeing him for the first time in so long and being so close to him, I could feel myself slipping.

Flashing is tricky business. Minds are complex elements, dangerous to mess with if you are not sure what you are doing. Usually you can form barriers to keep others out, but emotions make it slippery and tend to seep out through the cracks.

I can bury myself from Khivar, prevent his probing and forge a false front so he thinks he can see into me. Khivar himself lays a sturdy concrete wall of his thoughts most of the time and doesn’t bother to hide the fact.

However, when the forces of two minds collide, it gets hazy as to who is manipulating who. Most of the time one can indefinitely protect their own mind from intruders, but failure comes when burglarizing others minds. It’s tricky territory because one can usually fortify their own mind because they know it best, and for others it’s a foreign network of confusion. More often than not when one is blundering around in another’s mind covertly, they trip an internal security system that alarms the unwitting target of the assailant; even if one manages to make it in and out undetected, sometimes fingerprints are carelessly left. The whole infringement is just an extremely complicated operation to perform.

What is wrong with me? Why did all this happen? In what kind of world does one have to guard their own thoughts? It’s no life to live!

Who are you Elizabeth Parker? What has become of you? Look at yourself, you are disgusting. Consorting with villains, abetting the enemy, traitor to your own heart. You’ve become greedy, hungry for power, in order to subsist. Your very existence eats you alive as you gain this life by your own death.

You sacrificed your soul to the devil to survive and NOW you want it back?

It’s not fair, damnit! My life wasn’t supposed to be like this! IT’S NOT FAIR!

Anger overrides my self-pity and I force myself to stand up. My blood boils and my veins course with power. The fury escalates until I my inflating temper explodes. I begin to shake, and a frustrated, flailing arm slices the air in one sweeping, spastic gesture. With a burst of brilliant light a nearby bush erupts into flames.

I shriek in surprise. The bush continues to quickly burn to a crispy skeleton of once blooming foliage. My tears dry with the heat as I observe in shock.

Wow. Did I do that?

The fire isolates itself to the bush alone and quickly burns out.

I did that.

HOLY HELL, I DID THAT.

I stare at my hand in horror. It has become alarmingly apparent that hybrid bodies should come with instructional manuals. Cripes, that could have been a person! And that would be the least of my worries if Khivar found out I can do that! And I wonder what other hidden powers I have which might pop up at any second that I don’t even know about!

Control yourself, Liz. Calm down. You can’t let the current circumstances get to you so much. It could mean your downfall. Breathe in. Cool, calm, collected. Breathe out.

I once again ponder my predicament in my now relaxed state. Max. Max is over. It’s too bad and too late. Affection is too long overdue, and too little at that. There is nothing that could be done even if I had the mindset too.

Khivar. Khivar owns me, deed and all. I am his for all eternity. He possesses my body, has acquired my soul, and will surely win over my mind. I am destined to lose. Not only that, I am defeating myself.

It is simply too late in general. This is the eleventh hour and the positions have previously been aligned. Fate is a vindictive charlatan, luring me into entrapment. Fate uses my human faults against me. And Fate is manipulated by the wishes of Khivar.

My future is hopeless. Max is hopeless. He will inevitably fail at whatever mission has brought him here. He will never be able to take away Eagan. Not even if I help. Khivar is the ultimate fortress, ever omnificent. Resistance is futile.

How could I even be so stupid, so arrogant, that I could think I might outwit him with my simple powers? I am lucky as it is that he hasn’t discovered my ulterior motives already! What a fool I am! Tonight, Max and I completely alone. Khivar had something to do with that, he had to have. What the hell is he up to now and why didn’t I notice earlier?!

Because I was too damn distracted with Max! If I don’t stay away from him, I’ll lose everything, the little freedom of mind I have. I want to preserve and enjoy it as long as I can.

How can I win? How can I ever escape? I know it can’t come through Max. Max is too obvious. Khivar has to be all over him to even let him on the planet.

Why did Khivar let him on the planet? He needs him off Earth but it’s extremely risky to invite him to Antar.

Liz you idiot! Where the hell have you been? How could you miss all this! One man should not affect your judgment THAT much! Why don’t you have any answers? You should have been gathering information instead of kissing Max in the garden! Stupid, stupid, stupid. You can’t afford to be a step behind!

How could I ever believe that someday I would escape when it’s so obvious how out of touch I am. So many secrets, so many lies. How will I ever wade through this fabricated swamp of them?

What is truth and does it even exist? Reality is of my own invention, but truth? Truth should be pure of tainted minds. Does it even exist?

I had believed myself to be a dark horse. Am I? Do I mean anything? Do I really have any power at all?

Max is no one to me! NO ONE! He means nothing! He’s just another player in this fruitless game. I don’t love him! I DON’T. I can’t. I won’t. Even if I did what difference would that make? What help would it be? It’d only be a weakness to me.

Besides, Max is engaged. He was trying to use me to get to Eagan! He was! Always the pawn in another man’s game I am!

Well I’m sick of it. No one controls me but me, damnit. Don’t give up now Liz; you’ve come so far! Just get your head back in the game and you’ll be alright. It’s not too late. If you don’t even try you can only fail. You can do this Liz. You can make it. Stay strong.

I have to try. Even if I fail. I have to try. I can’t just give in. Not again.

Sometimes it seems a dream, nay a nightmare, that I took my life. So unusual of me to do so, even in such total despair. I’ve have always thought living to be better even when I have had my doubts, because nothing can be achieved from the grave. The dead have no sway in life. The dead accomplish nothing. Alive you always have a chance, however slim. And I’ve always considered myself to simply be too stubborn to have given up. How I derived at the end as a means of solution is still mystery to me.

I begin to walk back through the gardens in the direction that I hope the palace is in. A long time has passed, I can tell. Surely I am missed by now, but still I walk slowly, taking time to think along the way, reevaluating the current standings of the game.

Lonnie. Lonnie believes I’m going to take Khivar down. Why? She has never seen me as anything but a puppet. Has she? Have I given myself away? Has she seen something in my mind? Does she know? Have I been careless? Does anyone else know? And what does she stand to gain in deceiving me?

Rath usually just follows Lonnie, no questions asked. He would have to actually agree with her on something this big though, he can’t afford not to. He has to believe that I will overtake Khivar. He has to have seen what Lonnie has. Or those dumb tricks I played? Did he see through those?

Khivar is testing me, playing with me. Many facts just don’t add up, events don’t add up. I need to find out the truth, if it even exists. There are experiences preceding, surrounding, following, my capture, my death, my incarceration, that I just don’t clearly remember. Too much is too vague. Too many of my memories are falsified, have been reconstructed and too many more are voids.

Tarenk doesn’t like some of Khivar’s orders but follows them anyways. Why does he really stand so unquestioningly obedient beside him? What keeps him here when I can tell that so many things disgust him? Is it just because he has nowhere else to go?

And where the hell has Nicholas even been for the last few months? Why did he go off to rule on some other planet so suddenly? He hangs around here, giving orders to this planet of his nonchalantly from afar, enjoying his secret rendezvous with Lonnie, sex, alcohol, loafing, loafing, and then one morning he’s just goes off to rule on his planet. What is that about?

Tess. Where is Tess in all this? Next to Khivar, but not truly because he deceives even her. Why has she allowed Max to come? Allowed him to get so close to Eagan? Why isn’t she worried? Max won’t believe that Eagan can’t breathe atmosphere off Antar forever. Max isn’t that naive and she should know it. What is Tess up to? I suspect she has her secrets from Khivar and the Alliance as well.

How the hell DID Khivar convince the Alliance to allow Max and the rest of his company on Antar? Some of the Alliance had to of disagreed. But why do the majority of them want him here? Why does Khivar want him here? What the hell does he stand to gain?

Khivar has his own agenda, but so does everyone else it seems. Does anyone really have any loyalty to anything or anyone?

How strong is the Alliance? How strong is the Empire? How strong is Khivar? How strong am I?

I come to a clearing and am able to find my bearings when I locate the magnificent tower looming in the night sky. The tower is the largest, tallest man-made structure quite possibly to exist in this side of the universe. Its infinite multitude continues to astound me each time I lay eyes upon it. It’s adjacent to the palace just outside the southern palace walls. The uppermost floors stretch beyond the Antarian atmosphere and into space, serving as docking ports for space ships.

How the hell it doesn’t just topple the entire planet into a weird rotation and is even physically possible is unbeknownst to me. Tarenk tells me there are more of them at key coordinates on the planet to keep rotation steady and that it is rooted deep into the planets core. It’s also built out of the strongest elements in the galaxy.

I’ve only ever been to the uppermost floors of it for my flight lessons. I can’t imagine what could possibly be on any of the other million floors, mainly because I’m not sure I want to know what demented escapades go on there. I just ride the hydroblast elevator up and down from my flight lessons. Which is probably one of the reasons why I’m so clueless. I never really even bother to snoop very much. Eh, I hear the summit hall was built somewhere within it, so I suppose I’ll see a little more of the tower than I am used to and have a chance to nose around a bit. It’s normally off limits to me, being outside palace grounds, which is another reason I haven’t really checked it out.

I begin to bring myself closer and closer to the palace and enter familiar territory in the garden. Suddenly I hear hushed voices approaching off to my right. I freeze and crouch in the shadows, cloaking myself, a skill I have mastered to perfection.

“This is ridiculous; we are never going to find her,” A female voice states irritated. “She’s long gone by now.”

“Maxwell, we have to give this up. We aren’t going find her out here,” I recognize Michael’s voice say.

“Don’t say that Michael. We’ll find her,” Max asserts.

“Listen Max, she’s probably asleep right now in that big palace up there next to Khivar. Come on. You can’t do this to yourself. You’ll have other chances to get her, if that’s really what you decide you want to do. But now is not the time. You have to have a plan, Max. You can’t just take her back in a snap expect Khivar not to do anything,” the female voice adds.

“Yeah, yeah. I suppose you are right,” Max replies distantly. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. It's just, I saw her pain, her hurt. .I saw what they did to her and it's hard for me to just let her go back to them.”

“Maxwell, are you sure that is really Liz? It could easily be some robot clone or something Khivar made to get to you. How can you be so sure that’s really Liz?” Michael asks.

“It’s Liz. I know it’s Liz. I’d recognize her soul anywhere,” Max tells him triumphantly.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” Michael grumbles.

“This time it really is Liz, Michael. No vision, no dream, the real thing. It’s not her same body but it’s Liz, I swear to you on everything holy. She’s just confused, which is understandable given the state she is in. She’s hybrid like us, not human anymore, but she remembers a large amount of the past. I know it’s Liz because I saw things from the past, from before her capture,” Max responds.

“Don’t you think that Khivar could have stolen those memories from the real Liz when she died? And this Liz, she’s hybrid, does she have powers? Can you even see inside her?” Michael questions him.

“That’s the real Liz. It’s not just the few flashes I got off her. I can feel her Michael. I know it’s her. I can’t see inside of her; I suspect that’s because she does have some powers. There is nothing Khivar could have done to recreate her like that if the real soul of Liz Parker wasn’t in her. That’s Liz, Micheal, whether you choose to believe it or not,” Max states confidently.

“Alright, alright. I believe you but there is nothing more we can do tonight anyways. If it is Liz then we have to come up with a better plan than your initial one of grab her and run. Let’s go get some sleep Max. She’s not going anywhere. We know where to find her, we know who to ask. Obviously Khivar recreated her with some reason in mind and if we want to beat him at his own game we can’t be tired when morning comes,” Michael points out.

“Come on, Max,” The female voice purrs soothingly. “You’ve had a long day. Let’s go get some rest, hmmm? You’ll be able to think better and see things more clearly once your mind is refreshed.”

I can sense that Max is resistant but he goes along with them anyways.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s go back to the ship, then,” Max finally agrees reluctantly.

I hear the crunch of the ground beneath them as they begin to walk away. Cautiously I creep out of my hiding spot, dropping my cloak. I take several sure steps before I realize my fatal mistake. Now I run.

The palace is maybe still 400 meters away at most. I sprint. I don’t even bother to look back. I make it about 50 paces before I even feel anyone coming up on me. It’s an all out race. At 100 meters, still at least 300 meters from the finish, the gap is closing. It’s hard to sprint in this damn dress, and I lost my shoes in the first couple steps. The dress finally rips up the side giving me more freedom and I feel myself pulling away from them again. I’m up on my toes and using every last bit I have in me with only about 200 to go.

That’s when I feel the jolt of electricity reach out and knock me down.

“MICHAEL!” Max scolds sternly, out of breath.

“What?” Michael pants. “You didn’t want her to get away, did you? Besides, I’m tired of running.”

I lie motionless on the ground, eyes closed. I feel Max kneeling close to me. He feels for my pulse.

“Did he kill her?” The female voice asks a little too lightly upon rejoining them.

“You idiot!” Max curses. “She’s knocked out cold.”

“We’ll it’s a hell of a lot easier to transport her if she isn’t struggling now isn’t it,?” Michael retorts.

“He does have a point,” the female voice agrees.

Silence.

“Well, he does!” She protests.

“Contact Isabel. Let her know the merchandise has been found. Commence transport operations. See if the boys above can get a fix on our location through their shields. It’s time to find out if that scrambler really works,” Max orders.

“Maxwell,” Michael breaks in. “If you take her now, we might have to make a run for it. You won’t be able to grab your son. In fact, in all likelihood, even if the scrambler works and we transport her through the shields, they will be able to readjust them to prevent us from doing it again. Not to mention that we’ll have everyone on our backs because I think kidnapping the future Empress qualifies as an act of war.”

“All risks I am willing to take,” Max replies evenly.

“Your son, Max?” The female voice asks. “What about your son?”

Max falls quiet. I can tell he’s lost in thought. I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to that so I take this chance to spring back into action.

My kick connects with the crouching Max before he knows what has hit him. A second later I have sprawled Michael out next to the collapsed Max with an intense blow. I’m on my feet in an instant, thankful for the minor combat training I have had.

My eyes lock with the owner of the female voice. Moonlight bathes her body. She’s beautiful, one of the most striking creatures I have ever seen. High cheek bones and, deep set, almond shaped eyes give her the look of royalty. She appears almost human, but her violet eyes, her strange, flowing blue tinted hair and her pale but slightly periwinkle pigmented skin give her away. Even in just the moonlight I can see the difference.

We stare, sizing each other up, for what seems like forever, but could only have been a second. I turn and run off, leaving her standing there with Max and Michael dazed before her feet. She makes no move to stop me, but I knew she wouldn't. By the time Max and Michael can recover their senses and be ready for action I'm already too far gone. Michael makes another attempt to stop me with a shock of energy but I have already learned my lesson and dodge it easily. I win the race, making it to a small side door of the palace, typing in the key code to gain entry.

As the impregnable glass door panel lowers itself back into place, I can see the three of them off in the distance watching me. Her blue hair billows softly in the night breeze as she places a hand on Max's shoulder. Deep within the pit of my stomach I feel an awful twinge rising, but I force it back down. I have other matters to attend to at this current point in time. I have an appointment with the devil that I must keep.

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide


CHAPTER FIVE

I take the back stairs and secret hallways. The ones I don't think I am supposed to know about. I arrive at Khivar's rooms to find them dark and empty so I head for my own chambers. A light is on in my bedroom and I can hear voices arguing just inside as I slip quietly into my front chamber from a secret door in the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Tess snaps, pacing. "Do you even realize what you have done?"

"Calm down. It's nothing I can't handle," Khivar responds, pouring himself a drink.

Through the open doorway to my bedroom the light falls onto the elaborate tiling, illuminating only a slight, misshapen rectangle on the floor I stand on. The rest of the room is enveloped in a secure darkness. I watch them but they cannot see me.

"You are a fool, Khivar. Liz Parker is not as naive as she seems, and Max Evans most certainly is not," Tess tells him coldly. "He'll not leave her here, you know. And he will never let her marry you. Why must you insist on provoking him? You know he'll just kidnap her and take her away even if she won't want to go as you claim. How can you even be so sure about our control over her anymore? She's getting stronger; I can feel it. I'm beginning to think it was an extremely poor move for us to allow her to retain most of her memories and to give her free will."

"Tess, Tess, Tess. You worry far too much, dear sister. I told you, I have everything under control. I aware that he will try to kidnap her. In fact, I'm counting on it or at least hoping, although I'm sure it won't be easy because my precious pet certainly can take care of herself. If he manages to remove her from my custody, I'll eagerly assume it an act of war and Sanathia will fully experience the wrath of the Empire. That'll save us years of trade negotiations in itself, if we have the freedom to attack Sanathia. After all, no one will question our right to utterly annihilate the Sanathian population after their would-be prince has stolen my empress, assuredly against her will," Khivar responds.

"How can you be so sure it will be against her will?" Tess inquires. "Max Evans and Liz Parker used to believe that they were 'soul mates' and were 'meant to be together.' It was quite disgusting. And don't you think it is dangerous to let her get so close to him? There are certain things I think it would be best if she does not find out. What if they discuss the terms of her capture?"

"So what if they do? She's bound to find out sooner or later anyways. She might not even believe the truth if it is coming from him. She despises him. It still qualifies as abandonment and she is far enough along our track in her thinking that it'll hardly do us any harm at this point. She's mine. I am sure of it. She's trapped herself here with her own mind for us. Even if she ever overcomes her feelings of ill will and resentment of abandonment on the part of Max, she'll still not be able to leave. She'll never believe that she even deserves to. She doesn't think she deserves to be happy. Granted, we haven't been able to really see into her mind for a long time since she has started developing and mastering these powers that she seems to possess, but we can be sure that deep down she still has the same personality traits, the same tragic flaws. She is very simple-minded. We saw a map of her mind and we know how she operates. That's enough," Khivar guarantees Tess.

"But we can't be sure what she is capable of! I think it was a stupid idea to begin with to let her even be able to think for herself, " Tess declares.

"Not in the least. What fun is it if she is just our puppet? That's too easy. I want her to choose me over Max Evans. I want her to know that is her decision, and most importantly, I want him to know it. I want to watch him writher and squirm when he realizes that the woman he desperately loves, his 'soul mate' per say, doesn't choose him. I want to see his eyes burn when he realizes that I took her first, after she had saved herself so devoutly for him. I want to observe his heart being ripped apart; I want it to tear to shreads before my very eyes!" Khivar proclaims vehemently.

"You and your sport," Tess shakes her head sighing. "Someday it will be your end. Your toys will play with you. It's not wise to take such risks."

"What risks? There are no risks. It's a done deal. Here's to my pure genius," Khivar toasts himself.

"The boy. Max Evans will want the boy. He won't leave without him. He'd rather die trying to free him than leave without him," Tess states solemnly.

"Let's hope so. He's been a thorn in my side for far too long. He'll never get close enough to take the boy and even if he does, I'm betting Liz will never let him take him away. It's odd, her attachment to Eagan. I would have thought she would be less tolerant of the child conceived of her hated rival and her once beloved. But no, I'd even go so far as to say that Liz values that child more than her own life. That might become complicated in the future but for now it is to our advantage. She is selfish. Liz will protect him from Max and do anything not to lose him," Khivar responds.

"That's what I am most afraid of. Her loyalty lies with the child, not with us," Tess points out.

"The child is us. He's our future king. He is the rightful heir born of the king and queen of the old order that will bring the Antarian Empire into a new era, a golden age. He's your son," Khivar asserts.

Tess says nothing but moves to gaze silently out a window.

"Don't worry, my sister. I have taken care of everything. There is not a thing that I have missed, not a variable I haven't computed. I know you are anxious having your former lover so close to home, but you must force yourself to relax and enjoy his final downfall. We've been planning this far too long for you not to. Together we will lead Antar in a glorious revolution, and we will once and for all establish the true power of the Empire. We will have the entire galaxy at our feet," Khivar insists, coming to her side and putting an arm around her shoulder.

"What will become of Liz Parker should she live through your revolution and the coming times if all goes according to plan? Will you really make her your Empress?" Tess asks in an unusually weak voice, letting him hold her as she turns to face him.

"No one will ever be able to replace you, if that's what you are afraid of," Khivar promises, pulling her tightly against him and planting a kiss on her forehead. "I imagine that Liz will stay around. She does make the best pet. And I'll love to have her around to serve as a living tribute to the final demise of Zan. But she will never come close to being to me what you are. She's a rag doll and you will always be my little princess, who grew up to be my fine queen."

He kisses her. Khivar kisses Tess. Full on the lips. With tongue.

I gag. I heave. I wretch.

I've seen and heard more than enough. I slide over to my chamber door and open it up to slam it shut. I hear them jump apart.

I make a dramatic entrance, hardly having to play up my anger and disgust.

"Good heavens. What happened to you?" Khivar asks taking in my disheveled appearance.

"How could you?" I shout at Khivar as I try to scrub my brain of my last image of him and Tess. "How could you let Max Evans on this planet without even telling me first?! Do you know that he just attacked me out in the garden?! Lucky for us all that I managed to master some self-defense tactics from those stupid instructors you made me meet with. Can you imagine? Max Evans just tried to kidnap me! That bastard! And where the hell were you?!"

"Well, do you want a babysitter? You were the one who was stupid enough to go out into the garden alone with him!" Tess retorts.

"Since when am I ever alone? Your people always watch me like a hawk. I don't know what it means to be alone," I spit back, taking a seat on my bed.

"Calm down, my pet, calm down. I can see that you are really upset by this," Khivar soothes, coming over and sitting next to me.

He tries to rub my back reassuringly.

"Damn right I am!" I flinch at his touch. "You used me! As bait!"

"Look, my pet, would it help if I told you we never would have allowed him to get off the planet with you? We were just curious as to what he would do, given the chance. I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure you would go along with it. But the whole time you were entirely safe, I swear. There was a team assembled and waiting off to the side to burst onto the scene and bust you out if need be," Khivar tells me, massaging my shoulders.

"Liar!" I roar, pulling away from him. "There was no one out there!"

"He kissed you," Khivar states simply, his hands finding their way to my back once again.

I freeze.

Damn. So they were out there. How'd I miss them? I should have been able to feel them.

"Don't worry. I don't blame you. I know it was all him and that he means nothing to you. I trust you, my pet," Khivar assures me.

I sigh and close my eyes, letting his hands magically work all the stress out of me.

"Alright. I believe you that I was protected. I just wish you would let me know things like this before they happen from now on. I wonder how much you do trust me if you can't even tell me something like Max Evans has come back to Antar. I'm a part of the Alliance, too. I deserve to know what's going on. You never tell me anything about anything," I complain.

"I'm sorry, my love. I didn't think you really cared all that much about the Alliance, found the politics boring. But you are more than welcome to sit in on all the meetings if you'd like. Tarenk tells me you have decided to attend the summit," Khivar responds.

"Yes," I say somewhat cautiously, opening my eyes.

"Well I'm glad to hear it. It's important for an Empress to have a good grasp and feel on the way of things," Khivar replies.

His rubbing becomes more intense and somehow his hands travel to my front. I moan, unable to stop myself. Tess, who has been sitting in a chair in the corner of the room for some time, looks away disturbed.

"I'm going to bed," She states uneasily, getting up. "Goodnight."

"I'll be right back. Don't move," Khivar whispers in my ear, kissing the nape of my neck.

He follows Tess out of my rooms into the hall, and I move to my chamber door to hear them.

"I didn't think that you had her under guard?" Tess questions.

"I didn't," Khivar informs.

"Then how...?" Tess wonders.

"Of course he'd kiss her. Did you see the way she looked? She was stunningly beautiful," Khivar reports "He'd have to be dead not to."

"Well, I suppose so," Tess remarks bitterly.

"Don't be jealous, Tess. It doesn't become you. That's just the way of things. And besides, you were equally gorgeous tonight as well," Khivar assuages her. "Now go get some rest. We have lots to do tomorrow. And try not to worry so much, my dear."

"One last thing, is she really going to be allowed at our Alliance meetings?" Tess inquires.

"What do you think?" Khivar responds.

"That's what I thought. All right. Goodnight then. Don't stay up too late fucking the bitch. I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself," Tess comments cynically.

"I thought you said you were okay with that?" Khivar asks.

"Oh, I am," Tess replies sulkily, as her voice dissipates down the hall. "If you decide you want real satisfaction, you know where to find me."

I run and jump into a position on the bed just as Khivar opens the door. I close my eyes and pretend to be resting as Khivar returns to my bedroom.

I feel the bed sink as Khivar crawls on next to me. He nuzzles my neck and I flutter my eyes open.

"You are so yummy. All night I have wanted to come up here, rip your clothes off, and stick it to you. Unfortunately there were other matters to take care of. But now... now I'm free and I have you all to myself," Khivar licks his lips.

The look in his cold blue eyes scares me. I roll out from underneath him.

"I'm going to take a bath. I'm filthy from being chased through the gardens all night by your enemy," I state flatly.

"Oh come on, Liz, pet," Khivar groans. "You can't still be sore about that can you?"

"Oh I'm sore all right. My entire body aches from being jolted to the ground by Rath's double, not to mention the stinging scratches and scrapes I have from hurdling and hiding in bushes," I respond removing my ruined dress.

Khivar's eyes grow even hungrier.

"Come here and I'll try to heal you," He orders patting the space on the bed next to him.

"No way," I frown. "The last time you tried to heal me you only made it hurt more and for days afterwards."

"So healings not my thing. Just come here and I promise I will make you feel better. You'll forget all about the pain," Khivar swears.

"I'm going to go take a bath," I repeat throwing on a robe. "And when I get back I'm going to sleep. I've had a long day, and I'm exhausted. I'm sure you understand."

Khivar's handsome, perfect face pouts like I've never seen it do before. Then again, I've never turned him down before.

"Please Liz," Khivar calls after me as I walk out. "Come back! This isn't amusing anymore. You made your point. I'm sorry, okay? Pet? Don't leave me here like this! I'm not going to wait here for you!"

He voice trails off as I leave him there and head for the baths. I take a nice, long, hot soak and scrub off all the coated dirt and crusted blood. I assess the cuts and scrapes and none of them are really that bad. I remove a sliver from my palm and a few thorns from my feet. I have a reasonably deep gash on my right thigh that I should probably have looked at. Eh. This body rejuvenates itself quickly.

I return to my chambers to find them empty. No surprise. He probably went to get his rocks off with Tess. Gross. He has been kissing me with the same incestuous mouth he has been kissing her with. EWWWWWW! It's going to be hard not to puke every time his mouth gets near me from now on.

And they know about my powers. Or at least know of them. Why the hell didn't they say anything earlier? Are they just going to allow me to have them? I'll ask Lonnie about it tomorrow.

I can't believe Khivar. He's so disgustingly full of it. Everything that comes out of his mouth is crap. I wonder what he's talking about, about my capture? What is the truth even? It's all been so distorted, more so than I suspected.

Tomorrow I will find some answers. Tomorrow I will be smarter. Tomorrow I won't allow myself to be so used. Tomorrow.

I drift off into sleep.

White. Bright white light everywhere.

"You ain't supposed ta be's here," A voice says behind me.

I turn around. Lonnie. And Isabel.

Isabel's long, brown locks provide quite a contrast to Lonnie's shorter, purple spikes, but otherwise they are identical.

"It's too risky for ya," Lonnie continues. "They's might catch ya."

"I know, but I must talk to Liz. I'll be quick," Isabel insists.

"Aight, aight. I's 'ill keep watch for ya then. But don't be long," Lonnie disappears.

"Liz," Isabel turns to me. "My God, I can't believe you are alive."

She hugs me with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah," I respond uncomfortably.

"You have no idea what it means to us, to Max, just to know that you are alive," She continues. "You have no idea what it was like for us, when you died."

"Must have been rough," I state quietly.

"Rough? It was awful! Hell! We felt so horrible knowing that your being close to us had brought it. Max beat himself up inside. He wouldn't talk to anyone for two weeks and then he just disappeared for a few months. When he came back he told us that he had made some deals, one of which was in regard to your remains. We had no idea you were still out there alive somewhere. We all thought that seeing your dead body meant you were gone for good. I'm so sorry, Liz! We had no idea they would do this. I'm so sorry you were out here all alone all this time. I promise we had no idea," Isabel tells me, shaking.

"It's alright. I survived," I respond.

"No it's not alright! You must hate us!" She sobs. "I'm so sorry!"

My heart softens. I've never seen her appear so weak before. She always seemed so strong and tough and composed.

"Isabel, I don't hate any of you. But you must understand that things have changed. I'm not the same person I used to be," I declare.

"I know. I know," She wipes her tears. "Max refuses to believe it, but I understand if you feel like you can't come back. But you will help us get his son, right?"

Khivar was right.

"No," I reply evenly.

"What?" Isabel stares at me in disbelief with tear streaked cheeks.

"I'm sorry but I can't. He's all I have. And he doesn't belong with you. What kind of life can he possibly have? Always being hunted? They'll kill him if he falls to Max's side, and I won't let you put him at risk like that. This is the only place he will ever be allowed to live, even if it is under the supervision of the Alliance. I'm very sorry," I tell her looking away.

I am selfish. Khivar is absolutely right.

"You can't mean that, Liz," Isabel responds still shocked.

"But I do. If you take him and manage to hide him while he grows, he'll only be in even greater danger because you will have turned him away from them. They'd kill him before letting him live with you. Don't you understand? The last thing they want to do is create another martyr like King Zan; still, to them he is better dead than living and fighting against them. But here, now, they can use him, they need him. Here he will live," I explain.

"But at what expense? What kind of life will it be? It's the wrong life. Evil, corruption, destruction. You say we can't give him life but what kind of life will he have here? Have you no hope?" Isabel questions forcibly.

"I'm sorry. But that's my position. You will give him a life of running, a life of pain. But I protect him here, as best I can. I save him from all I can. It's not as bad of life as you think it is, and at least it is life," I testify.

"I'm sorry, too, Liz. You have changed. Max would protect him, and you know it. And you don't have to stay here. You can come, too, and bring him," Isabel pleads.

"I can't Isabel. I can't," I begin to feel tears in my eyes. "It's not that simple."

"To hell it isn't. There is nothing keeping you here. Max loves you. He loves you, Liz. How can you do this to him?" Isabel asks angrily.

"I don't want to get into it," I tell her irritated.

"Fine. If this is how you feel, I guess there isn't much we can do. But know this, Elizabeth Parker. Max will get his son, and if you stand in the way we can't be responsible for what happens," Isabel states coolly.

"I know, and I'm sorry it has to be like this," I apologize.

"I'm sorry, too, because it doesn't have to," Isabel answers and then vanishes.

I sit up with a start.

I'm back in my bed. I groggily notice Khivar is snoring sprawled out next to me. So he didn't go to Tess after all. This knowledge does little to comfort my conscience.

What a nightmare.

I lie back down but sleep returns slowly. Most of the night I toss and turn, haunted by horrible dreams of what may come.

-------------------------------------

[Allie1031]

To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

- Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide


Chapter Six

Yesterday all the suns and the moons and the stars came crashing down from the sky. Yesterday everything in my world changed in a matter of hours. I feel like everything in my entire life has been leading up to now, up to this time, up to what lies right in front of me. Yesterday melded and became one with today and now I'm so very unsure of tomorrow.

In the morning, I ask about the summit over breakfast, I am informed that it is not going to commence until the following day. Nice that everyone informs me of such minor details. There are a lot of meeting that have to take place prior to the summit assembling, and apparently the rest of the galaxy is in observation of some galactic Chiarrian holiday today. It's the 50th anniversary of the whole home planet of Chiarri exploding, or so I've been told. The funny thing is that there was quite a bit of initial suspicion that it was the doing of the Empire but of course some thing like that is hard to prove, what with all the evidence being incinerated. But it was quite a tragedy, especially for the Chiarrian race that survived to become nomadic navigators through out space, most of them manning trade routes, depending upon the business of the Empire to make a living.

So Khivar is forced to pause his plans for one day. For some reason, he couldn't have postponed the whole opening ceremony until tomorrow night to get started. I guess he really wanted me to have my birthday surprise. Alright, that's cool. Not really. Kind of sadistic in its own way. But then, that's just Khivar.

Lonnie makes curious eyes at me all morning and after breakfast whispers in my ear that she is busy all day but will come find me before dinner.

I remember the awful dreamwalk the night before I had with Isabel, and that Lonnie was there at the start of it. What was Lonnie doing there? Her and Isabel were talking before I came, almost waiting around for me. There are quite a few things I have to ask Lonnie about like how long has everyone know I have powers, and why didn't anyone mention it. I also want to ask her about Khivar and Tess, but I'm not sure even how to broach that one. I know she used to have a thing going with Khivar when she first came back to Antar but that it died out quickly.

A lot of things were different when Lonnie and Rath first came back, or so I've heard. After the summit they held on Earth when Lonnie and Rath kidnapped Tess, and then Tess supposedly made them disappear, that was all staged. Tess had been in contact with Khivar ever since Nasedo made her "deal" with him. After Max ended the summit with out complying, Tess had orders from Khivar to make Lonnie and Rath an offer they couldn't refuse that happened to include one way tickets back to Antar. They only pretended to take her against her will so they could finalize the deal. When Tess showed up to join them on Antar, some time later, Rath and Lonnie had tried to order her around as they had done Ava, but Tess wouldn't stand for that and showed them who was boss. I believe it was about that time that Lonnie broke off her affair with Khivar and confined herself to dividing her time exclusively between Rath and Nicholas. Lonnie and Tess became good friends fast after that and were very chummy when I first was brought into the Alliance, but over the past year have drifted apart.

Lonnie is a strange one. I'm just not sure about her, where she stands, what she's up to. Why the hell was she conversing so freely with Isabel. It warrants me to believe that they have had previous contact. But if she had had previous association with them then she should have told them about me. She probably just established communication last night then. They are desperate; they need some one on the inside with me being against them, and Lonnie can be very persuasive when she wants to. So is Lonnie a double agent? Will she report back to Khivar what Max's plans are? Who knows? I'm not sure she knows. I suspect she'll play both sides and go with whoever is winning.

The only thing decent that came out of that horrendous party last night is the mountains of engagement gifts that have been passed on to Khivar and myself. After eating breakfast, Eagan and I wade through them all, unwrapping them, examining them, enjoying them.

"Auntie Liz!" Eagan calls. "This one has part of your name on it!"

I have been teaching him to read and write English. Eagan brings a beautifully bound , old, antique book to me. It's from Earth, I can tell it's my native alphabet from here. As he brings it closer I read the words on the cover. It's an ancient copy of Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Lewis Carrol, in mint condition. It has a date inside cover of 1897. "For Miss Elizabeth Parker" is also inscribed inside the front cover. That's quite peculiar. No one was supposed to know who Khivar was betrothed to before the party when most of the gifts arrived, of course some have since come. But what an odd choice of literature as an engagement present. And it is addressed to me.

"What does E-li-ZA-bet-th mean?" Eagan questions reading my name.

"It's my name silly," I respond.

"No, it's not!" Eagan asserts giggling.

"Yes, it is," I laugh. "Elizabeth was the name I was given by my parents when I was born. Everyone just calls me Liz because it's shorter."

"Elizabeth sounds prettier," Eagan declares. "I'm going to call you Elizabeth sometimes instead."

"Okay," I smile warmly. "I'd like that."

"Will you read this to me, Elizabeth?" Eagan asks hopefully opening the book. "Please?"

"I will, kiddo, but not right now, okay? And I won't be able to read it to you all at once. It's a long book, see? And there aren't very many pictures," I show him.

"That's okay. It's got a real pretty cover," Eagan state running his hand over the gold embossment. "Will you read me just a little now? Please? Just a little?"

"Alright, alright," I give in, sitting down cross-legged.

Eagan is my definitely weakness. A soft spot. My humanity. He's the only thing keeping me human.

"Yeah!" Eagan smiles.

"Come here, you," I pull Eagan into my lap and put my arms around him to hold the book.

He's so small. So beautiful. I just want to hold him and protect him forever from all the evil. I kiss the top of his head lightly.

Eagan opens to the first page, and I begin to read to him the familiar story from my youth.

"'Down, down, down! Would the fall never come to an end?'" I read aloud of Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

I continue reading, checking every so often to make sure Eagan is still attentive. He's completely engrossed in the story so I keep reading.

"'There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked, and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again. Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it but a tiny golden key. Alice's first idea was that this might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but alas! either the locks were too large or the key was too small; at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it there was a little door about fifteen inches high; she tried the little golden key in the lock and to her great delight, it fitted!'" I read on. "'Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage not much larger than a rat hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the doorway.' That's enough for now, Eagan. My legs are sore and starting to fall asleep, but I promise I will read you more again later. Maybe before bed? Hmmm?"

"Okay," Eagan sighs disappointedly closing the book.

Eagan pauses.

"Do you think Alice was scared, Auntie Liz?" Eagan wonders.

"Yes, I would think so, falling into a dark pit, leaving behind the world she knows for a strange new one, not knowing if she will ever see all the people se loves ever again. I believe she must have been very much afraid," I answer.

"She doesn't really seem that afraid though," Eagan points out thoughtfully.

"No, you're right, she doesn't. But it doesn't really do her much good to act afraid. She's already left her world behind and letting her fears rule her won't really help her at all," I tell him. "She has to have courage and keep going."

"How can Alice have courage and be scared?" Eagan scowls.

"Courage doesn't mean that you aren't scared Eagan. It just means that you don't let being scared stop you from doing what you have to do. Do you understand?" I ask.

"Kinda," Eagan replies. "You have courage Auntie Liz."

"Me?" I question.

"Yes. When Rath is mean to me, you make him stop even though he's scary," Eagan states.

"Something like that," I smile wearily.

I don't really like Eagan to see me fight with Rath. I don't like him to see fighting at all. I rarely fight with them, and when I do, it's concerning the treatment of Eagan. I try to wait until he's not around though. I try to shelter him from that.

"You're just like Alice, Auntie Liz! You left your home, too, like Alice, Elizabeth," Eagan goes on.

"I suppose in a way I am like Alice," I agree.

I glace at my utility belt. The timekeeper on it alerts me that I am going to be late for my flight lessons if I don't hurry.

"Eagan I have to go to my flight lesson now. I'm supposed to walk you back to your room first, though. You aren't to be alone with all the strange people around. They aren't allowed in this part of the palace, it's completely locked down, but Khivar won't take any chances," I tell Eagan.

"Oh can't I come with you, Elizabeth, please?" Eagan begs. "You always let me come with you, and you promised I could come again last time."

"Sorry, sweetie. Khivar has very strict rules about you not leaving the palace during the summit. I had to bend over backwards just so you could come here with me. They'd never let me take you to the tower. Next time, though, I promise," I say.

"You promised this time," Eagan pouts. "I don't want to stay here with all the guards. They aren't fun at all."

"I wish I could take you with me, but it's Khivar's orders," I respond.

"We snuck out before," Eagan reminds me.

"Yeah, but that was different. There are a lot more guards watching us now," I argue. "It's not so easy. And it really it is dangerous for you to leave."

"Why?" Eagan asks.

"Because," I answer.

"Because why?" Eagan wants to know.

"Just because," I sigh.

"My daddy's here, isn't he, Auntie Liz? I heard Mommy talking about my daddy being here. Why can't I see my daddy, Auntie Elizabeth?" Eagan questions.

Eagan's a smart kid. I always knew he was bright.

"Yes, he's here," I reply, "for the summit."

"Do I get to see my daddy?" Eagan wonders.

I never thought about how Eagan might feel about Max being here before. Of course he is curious about his father. But it just isn't safe for Eagan to see Max.

"I don't know," I lie.

"Did you see my daddy?" Eagan interrogates.

"Yes," I look away.

"Was he happy to see you Auntie Liz?" Eagan asks.

"He was surprised," I state.

"Why was he surprised?" Eagan wants to know.

"We haven't seen each other for a very long time, and your daddy wasn't expecting to see me here," I remark.

"My daddy didn't know you were here Auntie Liz? How come? Didn't you tell him you were here?" Eagan questions.

"It's hard to explain Eagan. Your daddy knew I was here at one time, but he didn't think I was still here. He thought I went somewhere else, so he was surprised to find me here," I respond.

"Didn't you want my daddy to know where you are, Auntie Liz? You should have told him you were here so he could visit," Eagan tells me.

"It isn't so easy. I thought he knew I was here. But Khivar didn't want him to know I was here and told him I went somewhere else," I reply.

"Why did Uncle Khivar do that?" Eagan asks.

"I'm not completely sure," I answer.

"Auntie Liz, I want to see my daddy," Eagan declares.

"Eagan-" I start.

"Doesn't he want to see me?" Eagan wonders.

"He does very much," I respond.

"Why can't I see him? You got to see him. It isn't fair," Eagan huffs.

"It isn't safe," I have to tell him.

"Why not? My daddy won't hurt me. Why won't Khivar let me see my daddy?" Eagan wants to know.

"Your daddy wants to take you away with him, Eagan. He wants to take you away from here, away from Tess, away from Khivar, away from me," I look him in the eye.

"I don't want to go away Auntie Liz, I just want to see my daddy," Eagan starts to cry.

"I know, I know," I hug him into me.

Eagan sniffles into my shoulder as I rub his back.

"Please let me come with you?" Eagan implores. "I'll be good. Real good. I won't talk while you try to learn. I won't jump up and down in the lift. I'll do exactly liked you say. Please, Elizabeth, please?"

I sigh and wipe the tears from his eyes. I suppose if we take the secret passages from my room to the lift and I overwrite the system. No one will bother us in my room; Khivar and everyone else are busy with meetings all day. My flight lessons are on a private deck, no one but Khivar's men, and very few of them at that, are ever on that deck. Most of the deck is used for weapons storage, and the well used ships dock in other bays on other decks. Plausibly, I could sneak Eagan past. Conceivably , no one would notice.

I can't believe I'm even considering this. It's asking for trouble. Like when I was back on Earth and I used to borrow my dad's car when without his permission and hope he wouldn't notice. Heh. Earth.

I know I'm going to be sorry about this, and it's going to fly back in my face when we get caught and Khivar skin's me alive, but these days it seems I'm always ready to press my luck. I mean what's the worse that could happen? And just how likely is that? I'll be fine. I hope.

"Alright, you can come, but this is the only time I'm going to do this, you hear? And you have to be really good, and you can't mention this to anyone," I tell Eagan.

"Oh, I'll be good, Elizabeth. I'll be really good. And I won't tell anyone. I kept our other secrets and I'll keep this one too," Eagan grins.

"Yeah, yeah. I just know I'm going to regret this. Let's get moving before I change my mind," I smile back at Eagan.

Eagan picks up the Alice book and tags along close behind as we quickly walk to my room. I tell the guards to wait outside the room as always and fuse the doors shut with my powers. I suit up quickly in my flight gear, the same kind of thick, almost leather, yet cotton-like soft, jumpsuit I wore when I first woke up again in black with an alliance logo over the breast and my utility belt. I place an illusion of Eagan an I sleeping over the bed, unsure of its holding power. Flowers never lasted very long. Eagan leaves the book on my bed stand, and we exit through the secret passage ways. We stealthily make our way through the maze under the palace over to the tower.

I type in the computer code for entry to the lift. We step inside and the doors close. The computer immediately informs me that individual EE292 has entered a restricted area. The lift locks down and the computer threatens to send out a security breech alert unless and authorization code is presented within thirty seconds. I place my hade on the control panel and navigate my mind through the computer as fast as I can. I overwrite the entire system in twenty-two seconds. A new record time.

I discovered the loop hole to the entire computer system only four months ago. I suppose I should have informed the Khivar immediately, but you know it never really came up. It's not at all an obvious loop hole, and I stumbled onto it be default. I was trying to change the wall panel coverings in my chambers with my powers instead of the endless key codes needed to reset it, and I stumbled onto the main frame of the security surveillance. Yellow seashells. Just the yellow seashells. I tested out the other 2,238,495 wall coverings as well and they did not contain the glitch. It works fine if you use the key codes but if you use your powers to try to set yellow seashell wallpaper, you suddenly have access to the main database for all operations on Antar. Thankfully, yellow seashell wallpaper is not in high demand.

I order the computer not to record or recognize individual EE292's presence on the lift or in the towers and insure the warning stricken from the security logs. I inform the computer to cite EE292 under the status of sleeping in my room. I give codes to take us up to flight deck 92041. It's a short ride and the lift doors open to the deserted docking bay. Off in the far corner of the expansive, dimly lit deck, a mechanic is working on a beat-up ship.

I look off into the immense open window into the abyss if space. The atmosphere on the deck is maintained by two separate force fields, but essentially here I am touching the edge of the unknown. I could stand forever looking out there, pondering the possibilities, but I can't today. I have things to do.

I pick out my holographic instructor program disk from the long rack on the wall. The square, flat, black slab that on my first day back with the living I had tried to use to crack open the door to my cell. Heh heh. Hologram. Like I was supposed to know what it was and how to use it.

Holograms are confined to disks because of their immense memory. That, and after an artificial intelligence revolt and take over of the planet Nesbon, most everyone using artificial intelligence moved to take extra precautionary measures against their computer programs. The holograms can't leave the disk and can only move information from the main computer to their program and not send any directions back. This way if their program short circuits and goes beserk the disk just needs to be destroyed. Not that it is even likely there will ever even be any problems. The computer programming holds up on its own, but you can never be too careful. Nesbon was traced to a virus implanted in the system years before the revolt and sabotage is a very real possibility for the Empire.

The omnipresent familiar hum of the vastly networked computer running through the entire length of the tower is slightly soothing in the overwhelmingly otherwise dead silence of the tower. Every so often the clink of the mechanics tools sounds, but soon after we appear he is finished and dissipates into the cold tower interior. Eagan and I make our way down the endless stretch of parked ships. These ships are all the smaller, personal, leisure ships belonging to Khivar's higher officers. Most of them rarely get used because Khivar allows little time for the leisure of his officers. I spot my ship at the end of a long row, the Whittman1. I named it for Alex. Tess won't mention my ship by name and gets annoyed when I talk about it.

I open the hatch on the side and lift Eagan up into the ship. I climb up in after him and latch the door. Tiny ships like this have a maximum capacity of ten or so persons and very little cargo space. This is not the kind of ship to cross the galaxy in. It's the kind you use to travel across the planet or maybe visit nearby planets with. Not an adequate escape vessel. Besides that, my ship has a mandatory tractor beam locked on it as soon as it leaves the tower just for precautionary measures.

Eagan and I climb into the cockpit and I strap him into on of the seats behind my pilot's chair. I power up the ship and insert the holographic disk. His name is TIM, or at least I call him that because he informed me he is the Trans-flight Instructor Model. He's not a very lively guy. Kind of dry. Very dry. No sense of humor. The hologram appears in the co-pilot chair next to me. You get to program the appearance of your holograms. TIM is slender, fairly young looking, dark hair, dark eyes....

"Good day Miss Parker. Good day prince Eagan. Today Miss Parker, we should work on your landing skills. Last time there was too much unnecessary turbulence." TIM informs me.

"It was way fun!" Eagan exclaims.

"Fun is not the objective of flying," TIM states.

"Hey, we landed safely, and that's what's important," I say defensively.

"Barely," TIM mutters.

I ease the ship out of the long line of ships and pull it around to take it through the atmospheric force field into the tunneled take off area. I monitor the ship logs. Everything is in order. I line up for take off. I check the tower logs. Everything is clear for take off but something catches my eye.

Security logs show a lag. Only briefly though, like when the computer has to sort too much incoming data. I check the time. I trace the log back to when I breeched security and spot my own lag. I tense up. The computer has never shown more than the initial lag when I first alter the program. Perhaps someone has discovered Eagan missing and tried to send out a location lock. I flip to the location log. No such search has been sent out. I zoom in on data for my room. No disturbances. Shows us still sleeping. Last entry through key coded outer doors was mine.

I search through the deck logs again. It shows an altering of the wallpaper in pilot break room 4C to yellow seashells. I turn the ship around.

"Where are we going?" Eagan asks.

"Miss Parker, open space is the opposite direction of the direction we are currently in motion," TIM informs me. "Take off in this direction could really prove fatal. I would advise against it."

"TIM, does your program to scan the computer logs?" I ask.

"Constantly from my time of activation," TIM informs me.

"Who is on this deck right now, excluding us?" I ask.

"Three persons, excluding us," TIM replies.

"What are their designations?" I wonder.

"Designations are three unknowns," TIM states.

"Scan back to see if anyone has left the deck since I arrived on the deck," I order.

"No one has left the deck," TIM tells me. "Two persons have arrived, though."

"Compare arrival time of the two to the time of the wallpaper change in the pilot break room 4C and the last security log lag," I direct.

"Times are identical," TIM responds.

"Check for a lag at the arrival time of the other unknown presence on deck," I continue.

"Lag is present at time of arrival," TIM says.

"How many people were on deck when I arrived on deck?" I want to know.

"One unknown," TIM answers.

The mechanic. Could have been called in especially for repair, giving him an unknown designation, in which case the security log lag would have to be really coincidental. But the yellow seashell wallpaper? And the other unknowns and lags? There are a lot of unknowns in the tower always with this being a space port, and especially at this time with the summit. But this is too much coincidence for me.

"Do we have any weapons on board?" I ask as I park my ship in its initial starting position.

"All fire arms have been removed," TIM informs me. "There should be one baton in the left overhead compartment."

I reach above and find the too flimsy metal rod, hoping it will be enough, better yet, not needed.

"Auntie Elizabeth? What going on?" Eagan wonders worriedly as I unhook him. "I thought we were flying?"

I power down the ship and take out TIM's holographic disk. We're just getting out of the tower period. This was a bad idea. It's making me nervous.

"Stick close to me, and be ready to run if we have to. If something happens to me, DON'T stop. RUN. Get in the lift, and go back to my room and wait. You know the lift codes right?" I tell him.

"Yes," Eagan nods his head.

I take a deep breath. We just need to get to the lift. It's really not that far. This is probably nothing. Just get to the lift, and everything will be okay. I open the hatch and climb out. I look around. No one. Silence except for the hum of the computer. Eerie. I help Eagan down. I hold the baton in one hand and Eagan's hand in the other. I give him a reassuring squeeze, and we start down past the long line of ships to the lift.

I can't help but think of those awful horror movies from when I was a kid, where the people are stupid enough to get out of their cars or go investigate. You know the bad guy is out there, you know he is stalking them, you see him creep up on them. You want to yell at them not to go that way, to run.

I'm walking very fast now, tugging Eagan along behind me. I break into a run and he trips. I scoop him up into my arms and he buries his teary face in my hair. I move as fast I can with the awkward load, ditching the baton in a noisy clatter.

I hear Eagan gasp.

"Excuse me, Miss," I hear voice call out behind me.

I freeze. The echo rings through the large bay. I turn around. The mechanic from earlier. Down a ways at the end of the line standing near my ship.

"You forgot your holographic disk, Miss," The mechanic informs me holding out TIM.

"Could you put it away for me?" I manage to ask, my heart thumping.

"I really wouldn't know where it goes," The mechanic responds.

I set Eagan down.

"Stay here," I whisper. "And remember what I told you. If anything happens, don't try to help me. Just run. I'll be alright."

I smile weakly and Eagan snuffs and nods.

I turn and walk back to where the mechanic is standing cautiously, eyeing my abandoned baton. As I get closer I notice the mechanic has the same undistinguished face of the other Antarian civilians.

"Thank you," I say extending my hand for the disk once I reach him.

The disk slips from his hands and he drops it.

"Oh, my, I'm so sorry," He apologizes picking it up. "We should check to make sure this didn't get damaged."

I look back at Eagan waiting helplessly.

"Quickly," I respond irritated. "The boy is not feeling well."

"Yes," the mechanic responds moving into the shadows to plug the disk into hologram outlet outside of my ship. "The boy's not well? Nothing serious I hope?"

"No. Nothing serious," I respond.

I glance at Eagan whose eyes are pleading me to hurry.

"TIM is your program okay?" I ask my holographic friend.

He's standing next to the mechanic quietly. He doesn't answer at first. He steps out of the shadows of my ship. I know instantly that he can read the fear in my eyes.

"Who's Tim?" Max asks.

The mechanic turns around and his face relaxes into Michael's. I'm an idiot. An unidentified mechanic that speaks perfect English and looks Antarian. FUCK.

I turn to run, knowing I won't get far.

"RUN, EAGAN, RUN," I holler running towards him.

He takes off. Max and Michael are after me in and instant. I'm fast, but so are they. We start to close in on little Eagan. Not fast enough though, even if they overtake me, he will make it to the lift if he keeps moving.

I start shouting voice activation codes at the computer. It takes quite a few authorization codes to give vocal commands, but I breeze through them. The lift is only a few decks up and it isn't long before the doors open. I direct them to close immediately upon the first complete entrance. Eagan is running. I am running. Max is running. Michael is running. Our feet pound the floor. Another race. Always a race.

Then SHE appears out of nowhere. That purple bitch. Eagan dodges her, but she is hot on his tail. She makes a grab for him. He bites her arm and kicks her shin to knock past her stickly self. Go Eagan. She stumbles to the ground, and by the time she has scrambled up, she is even with me. I knock into her but she pulls me down with her, and we trip up Michael and Max who fall on top of us.

Eagan gets to the lift, but he stops in the doorway and turns to look for me.

Max and Micheal move towards him slowly.

"Don't stop-" The bitch is surprisingly strong and wrestles her hand over my mouth.

I bite her as hard as I can, and she curses but doesn't let go. I pull her hair. She punches my jaw. HARD. I hear a crack. Eagan cries out, and Max and Michael turn back alarmed. Max gives her possibly the nastiest look I have ever seen from him, and she releases me. My body hits the floor with a disturbing thud. I choke and spit blood along with a couple teeth. My face is pounding on one side, and the salty taste of blood spills into my mouth. A warm trail trickles out of my mouth, and I try to wipe it but I am suddenly feeling too weak.

Max rushes to my side to help me up. He reaches for me, and I push him away with all the strength I have left. I struggle and force myself to stand despite my dizziness. Max steadies me by grabbing my elbow to hold me up. This time I don't fight him. I turn my attention to Eagan, only 25 feet away. He is watching horrified. I try to open my mouth to speak, to tell him to go, but I just can't. It hurts too much, and I can't make my mouth work.

"Eagan," Max says, his sons name rolling off his tongue with bittersweet ease.

Eagan stares at Max, really seeing him for the first time. Recognition flashes through in his eyes.

"Y-y-you're my daddy, aren't you?" Eagan stutters.

Max nods.

"My Auntie Liz," Eagan whimpers turning his attention back to me. "Why are you hurting Elizabeth?"

STEP IN THE LIFT, I will Eagan. GO.

"I-I'm not trying to," Max stammers. "I never wanted her to get hurt."

Max turns to me, his eyes full of concern. He lovingly, ever so softly, runs his hand over my already swollen face. He gently cups my cheek. The soothing tingling begins to flow into me through his hand. I jerk my head away.

"Let her go!" Eagan wails stepping out of the doorway to the lift towards me.

NO, GET BACK IN, I pray to him.

Eagan slowly backs toward the lift and Michael raises his hand. I shove away from Max and throw out a blast at Michael just as he sends one out towards Eagan. Before I even know what I am doing I fling a protective green force field in front of Eagan that Michael's shot dissolves into. Michael slumps to the ground. Max starts toward me and I erect a protective bubble around myself. Max curses. He tries to reach through but I repel him.

GET IN THE LIFT, EAGAN. GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE; THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT ME. THEY JUST WANT TO TALK TO ME. JUST GET OUT OF HERE. PLEASE. PLEASE, my mind screams.

Michael gets up again and starts towards Eagan. The purple bitch heaves some kind of blast at my protective field that causes it to waver. I can't hold this up for too much longer. She blasts at Eagan. The force field barely holds. Eagan looks to me, terrified, through the glowing green net before him. I cast a powerful blast to knock her out, letting down my own bubble to do so.

GO EAGAN, GO. I LOVE YOU.

"I love you, too, Auntie Liz," Eagan cries to me as he jumps back into the lift.

The doors close on Eagan as my force field falls, and Michael rushes in after him too late. Michael pounds the hard metal doors to the lift once in frustration. The tower spins hazily and I collapse back into Max's waiting arms.

******************************

[Allie1031]

Laides and gentlemen, boys and girls, readers of all ages, I have at last returned from the real world. No for real, yes, I know I suck for disappearing, but I would definitely have to say the last few months were harder than any that came before and that I took quite an intense beating from the real world. However, I am recovering and am back at work on a super long new part which I'm writing in kind of a weird way so I'm not sure when exactly that will be done except soon. Thank you to all of you who have stayed faithful in my absence....

This next part that I am posting right now, Chapter Seven, is my favorite chapter in the whole story as of what has been written thus far. I'm not sure why except that it has a lot of raw emotions and desperation and confusion it. That said, enjoy! I'll be back in the next few days posting the rest of the old parts to bring the story up to date.




To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

-Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide





-Previously-

Eagan gets to the lift, but he stops in the doorway and turns to look for me.

Max and Micheal move towards him slowly.

"Don't stop-" The bitch is surprisingly strong and wrestles her hand over my mouth.

I bite her as hard as I can, and she curses but doesn't let go. I pull her hair. She punches my jaw. HARD. I hear a crack. Eagan cries out, and Max and Michael turn back alarmed. Max gives her possibly the nastiest look I have ever seen from him, and she releases me. My body hits the floor with a disturbing thud. I choke and spit blood along with a couple teeth. My face is pounding on one side, and the salty taste of blood spills into my mouth. A warm trail trickles out of my mouth, and I try to wipe it but I am suddenly feeling too weak.

Max rushes to my side to help me up. He reaches for me, and I push him away with all the strength I have left. I struggle and force myself to stand despite my dizziness. Max steadies me by grabbing my elbow to hold me up. This time I don't fight him. I turn my attention to Eagan, only 25 feet away. He is watching horrified. I try to open my mouth to speak, to tell him to go, but I just can't. It hurts too much, and I can't make my mouth work.

"Eagan," Max says, his sons name rolling off his tongue with bittersweet ease.

Eagan stares at Max, really seeing him for the first time. Recognition flashes through in his eyes.

"Y-y-you're my daddy, aren't you?" Eagan stutters.

Max nods.

"My Auntie Liz," Eagan whimpers turning his attention back to me. "Why are you hurting Elizabeth?"

STEP IN THE LIFT, I will Eagan. GO.

"I-I'm not trying to," Max stammers. "I never wanted her to get hurt."

Max turns to me, his eyes full of concern. He lovingly, ever so softly, runs his hand over my already swollen face. He gently cups my cheek. The soothing tingling begins to flow into me through his hand. I jerk my head away.

"Let her go!" Eagan wails stepping out of the doorway to the lift towards me.

NO, GET BACK IN, I pray to him.

Eagan slowly backs toward the lift and Michael raises his hand. I shove away from Max and throw out a blast at Michael just as he sends one out towards Eagan. Before I even know what I am doing I fling a protective green force field in front of Eagan that Michael's shot dissolves into. Michael slumps to the ground. Max starts toward me and I erect a protective bubble around myself. Max curses. He tries to reach through but I repel him.

GET IN THE LIFT, EAGAN. GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE; THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT ME. THEY JUST WANT TO TALK TO ME. JUST GET OUT OF HERE. PLEASE. PLEASE, my mind screams.

Michael gets up again and starts towards Eagan. The purple bitch heaves some kind of blast at my protective field that causes it to waver. I can't hold this up for too much longer. She blasts at Eagan. The force field barely holds. Eagan looks to me, terrified, through the glowing green net before him. I cast a powerful blast to knock her out, letting down my own bubble to do so.

GO EAGAN, GO. I LOVE YOU.

"I love you, too, Auntie Liz," Eagan cries to me as he jumps back into the lift.

The doors close on Eagan as my force field falls, and Michael rushes in after him too late. Michael pounds the hard metal doors to the lift once in frustration. The tower spins hazily and I collapse back into Max's waiting arms.

******************************

Chapter Seven

"Liz," I hear a distant voice call to me. "Liz, wake up. Liz, can you hear me?"

I groan. My entire body aches. I open my eyes and blink at the sudden brightness. I try to sit up but dizziness overtakes me and I lay back down. My mind is a blur. My head is throbbing. It hurts to open my eyes so I leave them closed. I try to open my mouth to say something, anything, but I can't get my mouth to move.

"Don't try to get up. Just lay there for a while, okay?" A voice instructs me softly, brushing the hair out of my face.

A warm hand tenderly strokes my cheek. It's so hot in here. SOOO HOT. I feel the sweat pooling on my clammy skin. I'm burning inside. My whole body is burning up from the inside out.

"I'm so sorry, Liz. I'm so sorry. Just hang on. I'll try to fix this," The voice cracks with emotion.

Max? Is, is that Max? Is Max here? What's Max doing here? Max isn't supposed to be here. Is he? I try to think, but thinking is hard and I can't remember anything.

"Is she gonna be's okay? Looks likes somebodys took a frickin' baseball bat an' introduced it ta hers face. Wat da hell happen ta her?" A female voice demands. "I thoughts you says nobodies wuz gonna get hurt."

Tess? Tess is angry about something. Why is Tess angry? Why isn't Tess angry? Tess is always angry.

"Aunkana felt the need to bring out her left hook. Gave her a nice, fat, broken jaw, too," A different male voice answers.

Michael? Hehehe. Why is Michael here? Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael. I always liked Michael. Deep down, he was really a nice guy.

"Well, will you look at my hand? She bit a chunk out of it!" another female voice pipes up. "And my hair! You know how sensitive it is! And she ripped me a bald spot right behind my ear! She was being terribly difficult! She had it coming! Isabel warned her that if she got in the way-"

"Enough!" Max's voice asserts.

Max. He places his hand on my forehead. The connection comes immediately, without effort. I feel him invading my mind, my body. I'm too weak to move, to resist him. Why should I resist him? Max will fix me. Max will make me better. Max always makes everything better, and right now I have such a terrible headache.

Max, make it go away, Max. It all hurts so much!

Liz, please Liz, I'm trying. Hold on just a little longer and I'll make it all better. I promise Liz. Just hold on, and I'll take all the hurt away.

Hurry, Max it hurts so much. I'm so tired. So sleepy. I can't open my eyes. Max? Are you still there?

I'm here, Liz. But you have to listen to me carefully. DO NOT fall asleep. You have to stick with me here okay? Stick with me. Hold on, baby, hold on.

I'll try. I love you Max. You make everything better.

I love you too. Just try to hold on for me, baby. Stick with me so I can make the hurt all go away.

"She has a concussion. And she's completely overextended herself through her powers. I don't think she's all that well nourished either. She hasn't been taking very good care of herself at all. And she's been trying to use her powers to control her bodily functions, and it's screwed up a lot of her internal body systems," Max reports somewhere above me. "Her jaw is broken in two places. Her leg. She has scrapes all over from last night and a large gash on her thigh. She lost a lot of blood from the gash last night and even more from her mouth. Too much blood. Help me get her clothes off will you? So I can heal the cuts."

The warm hand leaves my forehead.

Max? I can't feel Max anymore. Cold hands drift over my body, unzipping my suit, pulling it off.

"Damn. Will you look at this? It's pretty gruesome," Michael's voice drifts to me ears.

Someone jabs the cut on my thigh and I flinch.

"EWWWW. It's oozing," The unfamiliar female voice shrieks.

Someone pokes the gash again and I whimper. My head is pounding. My eyes water. I'm so cold. So cold. I shiver.

"DON'T TOUCH HER," Max orders frantically. "NO ONE TOUCH HER! She's, she's in so much pain. Just, just don't touch her, okay."

"Are you a saddist Aunkana, because I swear..." Michael trails off.

"No, but you can't leave that gooey stuff in there, or it will get infected," the female voice protests.

"Yo, I knows yous supposeda be heala an all too, but whys don't cha jest let Maxie handle dis one, k?" Tess's voice asserts.

Why is she talking funny? What's wrong with her? Who's Maxine? Do I know a Maxine?

Two warm hands travel the length of my body. I arch into them, and into the tingling sensation drifting over me from them. I feel an intense attraction to the warm hands seizing my body. The pain begins to drift away as one hand comes to rest over my pulsing cheek and the other on my smarting thigh. The tingling grows until it overtakes me in a bright flash of white light.

I see myself as Max saw me when he saw me for the first time, getting off a big yellow school bus year ago, and sense the joy he felt, warming his heart, when I smile my first smile meant just for him.

I see me in middle school, seventh grade, wearing gawky glasses, when Max wanted so much to approach me to ask me to the Valentine's dance but never could get up the guts.

I see me working at the Crashdown, my hair all a sloppy mess, me all sweaty and greasy and gross, and perceive Max thinking that I am the most beautiful angel he has ever seen.

I see the man with the gun, the struggle, the bullet fly through the air in almost slow motion into my stomach, and me falling, and the panicked rush to get to me, and me looking up into his face, with sad eyes, knowing I will die young, and the hands on me, those same warm hands, those hands that save me.

I see me lying, sleeping, in a bed, naked under the sheets, and feel extreme love Max has for me watching me sleep, watching me breathe, and believing him self to be the luckiest man alive.

I see my human body being lowered into the Earth from which it came, my parents, friends, and family, watching with tear streaked faces, and I experience the hurt, the fury, the emptiness, the helplessness, the loneliness, Max feels looking on my human body for the last time.

I see myself when Max sees me again for the first time. For a moment his heart stops. When it picks back up again, I am aware of the happiness and relief and confusion and anger and love and hope, most of all the hope.

Then I see Max standing before me.

"Liz," Max says.

"Max," I say back.

"Where are we?" I ask looking at out tropical surroundings.

"The Antarian Jungle," Max tells me solemnly, glancing around. "I used to come here with my family on vacation as a boy in my other life, before the war started. This place doesn't exist anymore though. Khivar tore it all up years ago. I used to love to come here and run and jump and play and hide with Isabel, Vilandra, before she met Khivar, before he stole her from us like he stole you. He's stolen the three women in my life that I have loved most. He killed my mother and stole her life, he seduced my sister and stole her life, he kidnapped my soul mate and stole her life. But He didn't have to steal my wife, she went to him gladly. I shouldn't have been so surprised that they are so alike, but I was."

I watch him; I let him continue to talk.

"She wasn't always like this, like that, Tess wasn't. When I married her she was young, and innocent, and carefree, and happy, just like everyone else was at one point in their lives. I married her, and I was content with her, and I loved her to a certain extent, but I never, ever, loved her like I love you. I felt more of a companion love for Tess, respect for my life partner, my designated mate. But you, Liz, when I met you I learned what it even means to love. You were… you were….you were there in my every breath, you completed my entire existence. You were passion, you were heat, you were the answer to my every desire, but you were also absolute purity, you were raw warmth, you were my best friend. You were everything inside of me I never knew existed. In you I found myself because you completed me," Max explains, looking me straight in the eye now. "Liz there could never be anyone but you for me. I could never love anyone like I love you. I could never feel for anyone what I feel for you. Aunkana, my fiance, she's a good friend and I care a great deal about her, but she could never hold a candle to you. After loving you, I could never marry anyone else. We didn't get engaged so we could get married, we got engaged so I could have some power again, so I could come to the summit, so my voice could be heard. I was against an engagement entirely for my political gain at first, but it was a gift that Aunkana wanted desperately to give me. She knew that our engagement would never be more than a façade, but she wanted to help me in the only way she knew how."

"Did you have sex with her?" I ask quietly.

Max hesitates.

"Yes," He answers truthfully, looking me in the eye and then down at his feet in shame.

I say nothing.

"You slept with Khivar," Max states, looking me in the eye again.

"I did," I reply evenly.

I pause.

"I assume you saw that then? In the connection?" I wonder.

"No," Max responds. "I didn't. But I saw what you were doing to the inside of your body so you would not get pregnant. You can't do that to yourself Liz, even if it is because you don't want to have his child. You can't mess with the inner working of your body. They aren't meant to be messed with like that. Drugs are one thing, they trick or confuse the body into functioning otherwise, but do so by natural means and natural process. It's unnatural for you to go in and control autonomic, involuntary systems with your powers. It creates confusion that the body doesn't know how to respond to and can have some serious repercussions. I know Khivar doesn't know about your powers because he never would have let you do that to yourself and would have told you how dangerous it is."

"Khivar knows," I inform him.

Max raises and eyebrow.

"He knows I have powers, but he doesn't know I know he knows," I clarify. "I wasn't really supposed to have them, but here they are. I was afraid that if I told Khivar he would imprison me, but he knows and hasn't done a thing."

"He needs you. He's using you. If he locked you away it wouldn't serve his purposes," Max remarks.

"Aren't we all just using each other?" I scoff.

Max looks at me with unbearable sadness in his eyes.

"I want my son, Liz," He tells me.

"Well I want him too, here," I retort. "I need him, and he needs me. I'm all he's ever known and he's all I have left. You can't take him."

"Liz, please, be practical about this," Max says scornfully. "What kind of life do you really think you can give him here?"

"I am being practical," I argue. "What kind of life do YOU think you can give him? One where he has to watch his back with every move? One where he can't afford to breathe too loudly for fear of being caught? One with that purple bitch as his mother?"

"DON'T talk down about her Liz. She's done a lot for me, for him, for Antar," Max asserts.

"She crushed my face into a pulp," I point out.

"You were hurting her. Sanathians have very sensitive hair. She wasn't thinking clearly," Max reports.

"Oh, well, in that case," I roll my eyes. "Seriously, Max do you want someone who occasionally doesn't think clearly to be the mother of your child?"

"I want you to be the mother of my child," Max states solemnly. "I want you, Liz. All I want is you."

I don't have a snappy line, or much of anything for that matter, to say to him. My mouth is dry, my tongue sticky.

"Liz, come away with me. Be with me," Max pleads, moving towards me for the first time.

"I can't," I take a panicked step back.

"You can," Max insists.

"Khivar would never let me," I look away.

"He doesn't have to," Max says softly, cupping my cheek.

"It's, it's not that simple!" I protest.

"Why not?" Max wants to know.

"It just isn't. And Khivar would hunt me down and kill the both of us. Then there would be no one to protect Eagan," I sigh.

"He wouldn't have to find us," Max states dreamily. "We could go far, far away, just the three of us, and live and be happy."

"You know it could never be like that. Khivar would find us," I pull him back to reality. "He is everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide. He would find us. He would come for us. He knew where you were the whole time when you were on Earth, but he never bothered with the trouble of making sure you were killed because on Earth you were helpless, insignificant, not worth the effort then. But now it would be worth the effort. You're stronger Max. I can sense it, and I'm sure he can too."

"I learned a lot about my powers. Ava has taught me as much as she knows, and I have learned all that I can on my own. She came back to Roswell for your funeral Liz, Ava did. Ava came when she heard you died because she wanted to know how, why. When I told her, she made the decision to stay with us permanently and help us fight Khivar. She's been invaluable. She's a good friend to you and to me. She's a different person than Tess is, a different person all together," Max tells me.

"I see," I respond, not sure what to say.

"You have very strong powers, Liz. I'm amazed at how strong you are. Ava could help you learn to control them. She could show you how to use them," Max goes on.

"Why? So I can just use them against you?" I retort.

"No, to protect Eagan," Max says.

"What if I am protecting Eagan from you?" I wonder.

"You know you don't need to do that anymore than I need to protect him from you. If you feel it is necessary to use your powers against me again, then that is your decision. I'd rather have you even stronger though, in any case, so that I know you could protect yourself and my son from Khivar. But Liz, make no mistake, however strong you think you are, how ever strong you become, I'm just as strong if not stronger. It would not be wise for you to use your powers against me again with such intended harm. I really, really don't want to hurt you, but I can't let you seriously harm me or my friends again."

"I understand," I answer. "I really don't want to hurt you either, but I can't just let you take Eagan from me."

"Liz," Max sighs. "If only you could see. If only you weren't so stubborn. If only you hadn't felt so much pain."

"You gave me that pain, Max, so just shut up! Quit acting like this is all my fault! Quit acting like I'm doing this, all of this! I didn't do this, Max, YOU DID!" I shout at him.

"I didn't do this anymore than you did Liz! Stop trying to blame me for everything that has gone wrong! Do you think I wanted it to end like this? Of course I didn't! I love you! I want to be with you, but I can't make you want to be with me! I'm hurting just as much as you are. I hurt just as much as you. It kills me to know how much you are hurting!" Max yells back. "You can't do this? You can't leave Khivar? It's because you are afraid Liz! You're a coward."

"I'M not the COWARD, Max Evans. I'M NOT! You are! You are the one who never came to rescue me. You just left me here. You just left me to rot away in Khivar's dungeon. So I killed myself! Did he tell you that, Max? DID HE? He didn't kill me, I killed myself!" I scream. "It was too much for me, too much to take, all the years being locked away. All the years of being toyed with. It was all too much for me. So I did what I thought I had to. I just couldn't stand it anymore, Max. You never came. You were never coming. I can't believe you just left me there like that. I didn't want to live like that any longer, I, I, I-"

I'm crying. Tears are flowing. Max is frozen.

"L-l-liz? What are you talking about ?" Max stammers.

"I'm talking about you never coming to rescue me! I'm talking about me being locked away in a prison for years! I'm talking about me killing myself!" I bawl openly.

"Liz, you didn't kill yourself. You died right after they kidnapped you," Max states solemnly. "They tried to transport your body through space, but it was human, it was too weak, and it couldn't take it. The transporters were designed for alien bodies, not humans. You went into cardiac arrest. They even tried to save you before you died but it was too late. We took your body to the hospital and the doctors confirmed that your cause of death was a heart attack."

"NO! YOU LIE!" I screech. "You're lying! I was locked away for years! I killed myself!"

"God, Liz, can't you see they are messing with your mind?" Max hollers.

"YOU'RE messing with my mind!" I cry. "You're confusing me about the only things I know are true! I know I was held in prison for years Max! I know I killed myself!"

I'm shaking so hard I can hardly stand. Max rushes to me and takes me in his arms and I let him. It just feels so right, so safe.

"Shhhhhh. Liz, it's okay. It's okay, baby, it's okay," Max rubs gentle circles on my back. "I could kill him for what he's done to you, for how he's messed with you and manipulated you."

"You messed with me, and you manipulated me," I sob.

"If I did, I never meant to. You have to believe me, Liz," Max looks me in the eyes, tears swelling in them.

"I don't know what to believe anymore," I pull away.

"It's okay Liz, I understand. I'm not going to force you anymore until you are ready. The truth will come out, Liz, it has to. And when it does, I know you will make the right decision. You are confused, but your heart is still pure," Max informs me. "I will wait for you Elizabeth Parker, because you will be well worth the wait, and I'm not leaving here without you, so you better not take too long. Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you. I will save you Liz Parker, I will always save you."

Max begins to back away into a cloudy mist that has formed around us.

"You didn't save me from being kidnapped," I whisper softly as I, too, disappear into the mist.

I awaken to find myself bound, lying with my back pressed against cold metal. I'm blindfolded and I can't move.

"Max!" I roar angrily.

"Calm down. We only tied you up so you wouldn't try to hurt us," A female voice answers.

"Where's Max?" I demand.

"He had to go to a meeting," The voice answers. "Max and Michael had to join Isabel in a meeting."

"Where am I?" I want to know.

"On our ship, docked in the tower," The voice responds.

"You tell him that if he doesn't release the future Empress this instant Khivar is going to attack Sanathia," I order.

The voice laughs.

"I'm not kidding," I retort resentfully.

"I'm sure you are not. But I have orders to leave you as is for the time being," The voice muses.

When I get out of this... I try to melt my restraints with my powers, but have no such luck. They are protected by some sort of power stronger than my own.

"Listen, seriously, if Khivar finds me missing, there is going to be hell to pay and I'm not thinking Max is going to want to deal with that so you better..." I hear a portal open and close. "Come back! I'm not through with you yet!"

"Feisty, isn't she?" The female voice laughs again.

"Yeah," Another female voice agrees. "But probly rightly so. Help me's ta untie 'er."

Tess's voice. Ava.

"All right, but are you still sure you are going to do this? I mean it seems really risky?" The other female asks.

"Yeahs. I's can handle it," Ava answers with confidence.

She pulls off my blindfold and I am face to face with the short blonde. Her hair is long, much longer with pink stripes in it, and it's straight, but otherwise she looks almost identical to Tess. She has really blossomed since I last saw her. Only the wrinkles of worry lines across her forehead tell a different story.

"Liz! Long time an' no see! Been worried bout ya kid! How ya feelin'?" Ava asks, untying me and checking my nearly naked body over.

"I'm feeling better, no thanks to her," I cast a glare at our violet companion who is gazes at me wearily. "I need to get back before Khivar finds me missing."

"I knows," Ava assures me. "I's going back wit cha."

"You are?" I question surprised.

"Yeah. Ya need me. Khivar's been contactin me wit dreams tryin ta persuade me ta join him fer months now so's it don't even look suspicious," Ava informs me as she and Purple finish untying me.

"I'm not going to help you bring them down," I tell her. "And I'm not going to let you use me like that."

Purple hands me some clothes.

"Your suit was ruined, too much blood," She reports.

I nod.

"I ain't usin you. I's jest gonna come be with ya. Take care of ya and teach ya sum things. I ain't gonna be there ta bring Khivar down. I's gonna be there for yous. I jest wanna come wit yous," Ava explains.

"Why?" I wonder.

"'Cause you's was so kind ta me. You's was da first person who was ever kind ta me, jest ta be kind, without wantin anything in return. Ya got me off da street. I talked wit Max, and I done all I can for 'im. Da rest he gotta do by himself," Ava responds. "Let me come wit ya Liz, I's don't want anythin from ya. Jest let me come wit ya. You's need a friend. I's can be yer friend Liz, no questions asked. I's don't want anything in return an' I's ain't gonna be working fer Max anymore. I's jest wanna be there fer you."

I think about what she is saying. I realize want her to come with me. I want her to come badly, but only if the conditions she has offered are real.

"Max is okay with this?" I ask.

"Yeah. He says he knowed I was only wit him for you ta begin wit. Please let me come wit ya and help ya likes you helped me, Liz," Ava pleads.

"Alright. You can come with me," I agree. "But you can't be contacting Max. You can't be reporting back to him anymore."

"I's won't. My loyalty's wit you," Ava assures me.

I smile at her. For some reason I believe her. I believe she truly means what she says. Is she warping my mind? Probably. But it doesn't feel like it and at this point I'm eager to accept some false security.

"Okay, then let's go. I need to get back," I tell Ava.

I want to get back to Eagan. I have to see if he got okay. I need to make sure he is alright. I push past the violet-eyed beauty, the one who has shared Max's bed. I try to not to think about it but I can't help it. It haunts my mind. Ava leads me out of the ship and back into the tower. We come to a main lift and I am able to get my bearing to lead us back to the palace. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to explain showing up with her just now, but I'll think of something.

I wonder if she is going to lecture me about Max. Max. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. Why doesn't anyone understand?

"This place is so different, so different from home, from anything I ever imagined. On Earth, they feed us fairy tales, false, fictional ideas of real life when we were children. Real life is not a fairy tale. This is not a fairytale. Not every little girl gets rescued by her prince charming. Everyone does not live happily ever after. Life is not like that, but they nourish children with these obscurities anyways. And when they grow up, they are only hopelessly doomed to be disappointed when they inevitably realize their ignorance," I say softly as we ride down the lift.

Ava looks at me and nods, but doesn't say anything. I sigh.

"Life ain't easy, Liz," Ava tells me, finally speaking. "Life's hard. And it ain't fair. You's can't be expect it ta be otherwise. But da strong still survive. Da strong always survive. An' sometimes they is so used ta bein strong, they don't know when it becomes okay ta be's weak."

I think about what she just said. I think about everything. I think about what has just happened. I think about my conversation with Max. I think about the flashes he gave me. I wonder what he saw in me? It almost scares me to think what he could have seen. From him though, from him I only saw his love for me. Of all the things I could have seen I only saw me.

I never asked for this, to have my life turned inside out and upside down. I never asked for any of this. There are those days when I wish Max Evan's hadn't been in the Crashdown that infamous day. Or that he had been too selfish to save my life, too worried for his own, too afraid to reveal his incredible secret. But the fact of the matter is Max Evans acted entirely selfless. He saved my life even though he knew what it could mean. And he trusted me. Totally, completely trusted me. Trusted that I wouldn't tell, that I wouldn't freak, that I wouldn't expose him. He had faith and he saved me even with the entirely possible chance that I would tell, I would freak, I would expose him.

Many times, many, many times since, I often wondered how he knew, how he could have that faith in me. How he could be so selfless. And the closer I got to Max, the more I came to realize that it wasn't just because "it was me," as he claimed; it was because it was him. That's just who Max is. Selfless like that. Trusting like that. Faithful like that.

But that was years ago. Many years ago. Years before the pain. Years before the heartache. Years before the death. We were all different then. We are all different now.

There are times in your life, many times, when you are stuck between who you once were and who you are now becoming. You can't go back, you just can't. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to, you just can't go back. Things aren't the same, people aren't the same, circumstances aren't the same. There isn't even anywhere to go back to.

Too much has changed to go back, but too much is the same to move forward. You feel like the ground has moved out from underneath you when you dared to blink. You feel helpless, trying to make it stay the same even as it all is changing. You want to hang on to it all, the past, the good times, you cling to it with your very being. You want so much to go back, to feel how it was to be care-free, young and innocent, living and loving; I want so much to go back.

But I can't go back; it's impossible, and dreaming of going back only makes it all seem so sad. I have to accept that that chapter of my life is closed. I have to move forward, I have to look to what the future holds, look to all the possibilities.

You think that you are the same. You think that it is only the world that has changed. How poorly you perceive yourself. I am not the same, not the same at all. It was not my choice to leave that life, not my choice at all, but I had to leave it all the same. I came here scared, helpless, a Liz Parker from a world that no longer exists. Nothing in my entire life prepared me for what I had to face then. But the human spirit is strong, it endures, and I have adapted. I have adapted because I know the future is full of possibilities.

A world without hope doesn't exist, and a life without hope will never survive. I have hope. But hope for what? Hope for whom? I have hope for Eagan; that at least I know. Hope that he will grow up strong and good and proud, hope for what he could bring to Antar, hope that he will not fall to Khivar. I have hope for myself as well, hope that I will do something significant with my life, hope that I will make a difference, hope that I will escape, hope that I will live not merely survive, hope that someday, there will come a day when things will be different. But what else do I hope for? Who else do I hope for? Do I hope for Max? Is that what I want?

I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even know who I am. I don't even know where I am going.

But I have to go somewhere. I can't sit still. I can't even begin to try to. If there is one thing I have learned it is that life is always moving, life is always changing. You can try to fight it, but it won't do a bit of good because you can't fight the future. It's coming whether you like it or not. It's coming for you. And sooner or later you'll dare to blink and the ground will rush out from underneath you. The future is coming for me. I only hope that I am ready.

[Allie1031]

This chapter always makes me chuckle. If I had to write it again, I'm not sure I would write it quite like this, but it does have some pretty classic lines in it. Sometimes this chapter really seems like too big of a cliche to me though. So far, it seems like Tess has no control over her emotions. Really, I think that Tess is in complete control of her emotions and in fact doesn't really have many. Tess is so dead to her own emotions that over acts out the emotions that are imposed on her to prove that she has emotions. She's better at negative emotions that positive ones. Positive ones are too awkward for her. And by acting out her expected emotions sometimes in an extreme manner Tess covers any true emotions she has and keeps her true motives and agenda hidden. I don't really think she is as stupid as she sometimes looks. Well that's just one theory of mine. It's not all that complete. I just kind of thought it up when I was reflecting on this part. Most of the time I just type without thinking too much. I'm not always sure who is doing the writing and a lot of the time I am amazed at what appears on my computer. The new part I'm working on is blowing me away. Crazy stuff is coming out of nowhere and I'm not quite sure how it's going to fall together yet but I'm really excited to see.





To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them?
To die... To sleep... no more...
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..
Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

To die... To sleep...
To sleep? Perchance to dream!
Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

-Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide


SHAKESPEARE ROCKS!!!!




-Previously-

I never asked for this, to have my life turned inside out and upside down. I never asked for any of this. There are those days when I wish Max Evan's hadn't been in the Crashdown that infamous day. Or that he had been too selfish to save my life, too worried for his own, too afraid to reveal his incredible secret. But the fact of the matter is Max Evans acted entirely selfless. He saved my life even though he knew what it could mean. And he trusted me. Totally, completely trusted me. Trusted that I wouldn't tell, that I wouldn't freak, that I wouldn't expose him. He had faith and he saved me even with the entirely possible chance that I would tell, I would freak, I would expose him.

Many times, many, many times since, I often wondered how he knew, how he could have that faith in me. How he could be so selfless. And the closer I got to Max, the more I came to realize that it wasn't just because "it was me," as he claimed; it was because it was him. That's just who Max is. Selfless like that. Trusting like that. Faithful like that.

But that was years ago. Many years ago. Years before the pain. Years before the heartache. Years before the death. We were all different then. We are all different now.

There are times in your life, many times, when you are stuck between who you once were and who you are now becoming. You can't go back, you just can't. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to, you just can't go back. Things aren't the same, people aren't the same, circumstances aren't the same. There isn't even anywhere to go back to.

Too much has changed to go back, but too much is the same to move forward. You feel like the ground has moved out from underneath you when you dared to blink. You feel helpless, trying to make it stay the same even as it all is changing. You want to hang on to it all, the past, the good times, you cling to it with your very being. You want so much to go back, to feel how it was to be care-free, young and innocent, living and loving; I want so much to go back.

But I can't go back; it's impossible, and dreaming of going back only makes it all seem so sad. I have to accept that that chapter of my life is closed. I have to move forward, I have to look to what the future holds, look to all the possibilities.

You think that you are the same. You think that it is only the world that has changed. How poorly you perceive yourself. I am not the same, not the same at all. It was not my choice to leave that life, not my choice at all, but I had to leave it all the same. I came here scared, helpless, a Liz Parker from a world that no longer exists. Nothing in my entire life prepared me for what I had to face then. But the human spirit is strong, it endures, and I have adapted. I have adapted because I know the future is full of possibilities.

A world without hope doesn't exist, and a life without hope will never survive. I have hope. But hope for what? Hope for whom? I have hope for Eagan; that at least I know. Hope that he will grow up strong and good and proud, hope for what he could bring to Antar, hope that he will not fall to Khivar. I have hope for myself as well, hope that I will do something significant with my life, hope that I will make a difference, hope that I will escape, hope that I will live not merely survive, hope that someday, there will come a day when things will be different. But what else do I hope for? Who else do I hope for? Do I hope for Max? Is that what I want?

I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even know who I am. I don't even know where I am going.

But I have to go somewhere. I can't sit still. I can't even begin to try to. If there is one thing I have learned it is that life is always moving, life is always changing. You can try to fight it, but it won't do a bit of good because you can't fight the future. It's coming whether you like it or not. It's coming for you. And sooner or later you'll dare to blink and the ground will rush out from underneath you. The future is coming for me. I only hope that I am ready.


Chapter Eight


I find Lonnie waiting in my room when I return. She doesn't seem surprised to find that Ava is with me. In fact she almost looks as if she expected her.

"Hiya, Ava," Lonnie greets her casually. "Long time, no sees."

"Yeah," Ava agrees meeting Lonnie's gaze evenly.

"Lonnie, what are you doing here?" I ask cautiously. "And where's Eagan?"

"I sent 'em along ta sees Tess. She's been looking fer em," Lonnie responds. "Dat was a long time ago, though. I been waitin here awhile."

"I see," I furrow my brow. "Lonnie what kind of association do you have with Max? Don't bull shit me. I'm not stupid."

"Chill Liz. Me's and Maxie, we worked us out a small agreement," Lonnie replies.

"I'm sure," I roll my eyes.

At this point I hardly care who plays the devil that Lonnie advocates for.

"We will discuss this further later. I have to check on Eagan and get ready for dinner," I sigh. "Ava, you can wear anything in my closet. I trust her appearance will be expected by Khivar?"

"He thinks she's a dirty, snitch traitor to Max just 'cause Tess is. I tell 'im I'd bring 'er back to our side 'cause she one of us 'dupes' an' shit," Lonnie proclaims.

"Wonderful," I state dryly. "I'm glad you have it so well worked out already, but from now on could you PLEASE LET ME IN ON THE PLANS before you execute them."

"Yeah," Lonnie shrugs nonchalantly. "Sure can. But da problem wit dat Liz, is dat I gotta know which side you on before I can let you in on da action. See Liz, da thing is, you ain't got a side, so nobody gonna tell you what shit be going down before it does. Max is sure you's gonna stand by him, Khivar is sure he's got you in da palm of his hand, but I's pretty sure you is only working fer yerself. Ava is here for ya, no questions asked, but you gotta know dat she be pullin' for Max's side deep down. An just 'cause she ain't reportin' back to him directly all the goings on don't mean dat she ain't gonna do what she can when she sees a chance. See Liz, I know you ain't gonna choose Khivar. If you choose anyone, it gonna be Max. But I kinda been thinking dat you just gonna do your thing and go with dat, which is cool wit me. But You jest gotta know dat since you ain't standin' on a shore makin any waves, you gonna be stuck in da middle of da ocean in da storm."

I meet Lonnie's even stare with a tired gaze.

"Lonnie, you know nothing about me," I turn away.

"Da hell I don't, Lizzie. Da hell I don't. I been watchin you closer dan you thinks. I know more 'bout ya than you do. Cause da way I see it, dis war brewing here can be pretty much decided by you. What it all gonna come down to in da end is where you fall. Lizzie, don't be naïve. It ain't becoming, and you an I both know you's smarter than that," Lonnie asserts.

"Lonnie, I really have to get moving," I tell her as I start to leave the room, trying to run from the truth again. "I want to check on Eagan and I have to dine with Khivar and the ambassadors soon."

"He ain't that dum, Lizzie. Khivar's smarter dan you'd ever imagine. Smarter an stronger. He knows 'bout you. He knows you got dem powers by some default. But it ain't no accident dat you still got 'em. If you be thinkin he don't know what I's know, how important you be, you's got another thing comin. You can't hide a damn thing from Khivar. He knows, Lizzie, he knows," Lonnie insists. "Da only thing he ain't sure of is how strong you is. None of us know dat. He think you despise Max enough fer forgettin you dat you could neva go back to him. He think too much happened. He think he can manipulate you inta following his way. He be wantin' you ta think you is free ta make up yer own mind so he let's ya have yer freedom now. But he thinks he got you trapped. I think he got you trapped, too. But I also think he underestimates you, an you can get out of Khivar's traps if ya really wanna."

"Lonnie," I say my tone warning.

"Liz!" Lonnie retorts sharply. "Wake the fuck up. Or dat nasty bastard is gonna decide yer life for ya. There is a lot you don't know. Many things you question. You better find da answers ta all dat shit before it be too late. I suspect many things but you gotta be da one to find out if they be true or not. You wonder why all this happened all da sudden an came as a surprise. Da truth is if ya ain't been dreamin' dis whole time you woulda seen it comin' miles away. An' if you had yer act together you would see which shots be flyin from which directions long before anyone be pullin' any triggers."

I storm out, childishly angry at Lonnie, knowing that she is completely right but hating to be told how foolish I am, especially by her.

"I guess I'll get ready fer dinner then…" I hear Ava say as I walk away.

"Yeah, I guess we's both will," I hear Lonnie agree.

I feel bad about storming out on Ava, but I'm sure Lonnie and her have some conspiring to do, since they apparently are such good buddies now and collaborate all the time. I should have known better than to believe Ava is entirely at my disposal, but then, at the same time I did know, and I let her come a long anyways. I just need some one there for me and to take care of me, and deep down I know that's why Max sent her. I know that Ava will never try to influence me one way or another. I also know that deep down I really want her to.

At a time like this I'm afraid to take responsibility for my actions. I'm afraid to make decisions because I don't know which ones to make. I don't know who which side to trust. My heart whispers one thing, my head shouts another, and all the while I am being lured away from either of those.

I coast past several security check points and into Eagan's room to find him asleep in his bed. I smile and pull the cover up around him. I kiss his forehead and slip out quietly.

Eagan. Max. Eagan. Max could never keep him safe. I have to be realistic. Where Eagan is concerned I cannot take a single chance. Eagan would never be safe with Max so long as Khivar and any of his followers live. Max couldn't protect me. How could he possibly protect Eagan? If Khivar ever even suspected Eagan had fallen under his father's influence, he would never let him live. He would never let Eagan live to ascend onto the Antarian throne in the interest of the old regime of Antarian royals.

I head back to my room to get ready through the back hallways. I am already running late. I was missing far too long this afternoon.

However, I have noticed how much stronger I am since I have been back. In fact I can't remember a time when my body ever felt this strong before. I feel so much more alive since Max healed me.

Perhaps Max Evans' healing touch jolted life back into my weary soul.

Fat chance.

It's anticipation. Anticipation that big things are about to happen. Huge events determining the lives of billions of people. The feeling that life is about to change drastically one way or another.

It's almost like the anticipation I used to get when I was a young girl and would see a storm rising on the horizon. You could smell the rain on the desert air, you could feel it coming. Because it was so rare that there was a real thunderstorm, you could feel it coming, sense it long before.

A storm is coming. One hell of a storm that will sweep through the lives of all those I am close to. For better or for worse, things will change.

It's a struggle for power. A struggle for wealth. A struggle for life. A struggle for love. A struggle for all the things valued most. It is a struggle composed of infinite variables.

Why then do I feel like it is I whom all the weight has been placed upon? Why did Lonnie make it sound as if everything was to be determined by me?

I walk slowly contemplating.

A strong hand clamps over my mouth from behind. I kick and twist my body as I am pulled into a dim, narrow, secluded hallway. The grip of my captor strengthens.

"Liz," A familiar voice hisses. "Stop struggling and keep quiet, and I'll let go of you."

I go limp and the force of my captor wanes. I relax back into him, letting him support me, his sturdy arms still holding me. I don't need to turn around. I know who it is. I know it with every fiber of my being just from his touch.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you," His hot breath falls on my cheek. "I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you were okay, and I didn't want to startle you into yelling for help."

I nod my head.

"It's okay," I answer, trying to shrug off his close proximity. "How long have you been following me?"

"Since Eagan's room. You went to see him. I was there visiting him as well," Max tells me.

"You were there the whole time? How did you-" I begin to ask only to be interrupted.

"Shhhh. It's okay Liz. I wasn't going to take him. I just had to see him. He's so beautiful, Liz," He tells me shakily. "Just watching him there, sleeping, breathing, he's so beautiful. It hardly seemed real, that I was gazing at my own son. That he came from part of me. That I could create life like that, Liz. I've hardly even spoken with him before but I love him so much."

Slowly I turn my body around. Tears swell in Max's eyes. My heart breaks. In slow motion I watch my own hand reach out to caress Max's face. Max's beautiful face that Eagan's so closely resembles. Max intakes a sharp breath at the first touch of my cool fingers. He closes his eyes as I brush away his hot tears.

"I'm so sorry, Max," I start, my voice cracking, failing me, as I avert my eyes.

"Shhhhhhh, Liz. I know you are only doing what you think is best. I know you love Eagan, too. It's not your fault, Liz. None of this is your fault. Don't be sorry. We both do what we have to do," Max responds, his hand moving to tip my chin up and bring my eyes up to look into his.

"Yeah," I agree airily, my eyes lost in his.

"Liz," Max says breathing heavy.

"Max," I respond my heart thumping.

He picks up a strand of hair that has fallen onto my face and moves it to the side.

And then…..

Then I'm not really sure what happened.

Except that ever so slowly his lips begin to drift down and descend on to mine.

And I don't stop him.

Very softly at first his lips brush against mine, testing me. His tongue timidly reaches out to gently gloss over my lips, urging them to part, to open, to rouse.

And then out of nowhere, someone somewhere deep inside of me awakens, and suddenly I am vigorously attacking his lips with my own.

I squash my body against his as closely as I can, and Max's strong arms pull me flat against him, my breasts crushed into his chest. I feel his member stir; I feel him swell and grow against my firmly pressed body.

Max's tongue battles with mine for control.

Memories of a thousand kisses in another lifetime flash back at me, but I quickly send them away.

His hands move to grab my ass hard and lift me up closer to him as I straddle my legs to wrap them tightly around his waste as we fully immerse ourselves in raw passion.

Our intense kiss finally breaks and we both gasp for air.

"L-l-liz," Max stutters, between breaths.

"Max," I breathe as my lips find his again.

I'm hardly aware of my back slamming into the wall behind me. My hands roam over his body frantically, stroking his muscled chest, running through his hair. His hands explore me, kneading my buttocks, squeezing my breasts, pinching my nipples hard.

My mind is overcome with a blindingly powerful flash of Max and I making love that quickly dissipates into brilliant white light.

I have this insatiable need, this hunger to make myself one with Max, to merge my being with his.

I bite playfully on his lower lip, taking it between mine

He pulls his mouth from mine, and his eyes gaze through me.

"Liz," Max pants, his eyes full of lust.

"Max," I respond firmly.

I shade myself from his intense stare and begin to kiss his neck, teasing him. I can feel his rigid hardness against me. I know what he wants. I know he wants it as much as me.

His grip on me loosens and I begin to drop back down to the ground, sliding against the rough surface of the wall behind me.

Max catches my eyes once more.

"This can't happen, Liz. Not like this. You don't know what you are doing," Max backs away from me flustered, releasing his grip on me completely.

"Don't be ridiculous, Max. I know you want me. I know you want this," I respond frowning.

I reach for his belt, and he bats my hands away.

"Liz," Max states, his voice pleading.

I glare at him for a second before stomping off, completely confused, horribly sour at being rejected by Max Evans of all people.

Who does he think he is anyways? How dare he reject me and turn me down? How dare he? After all he put me through, after all he tried to say to me, after he claimed that he still "loves" me! He'll be sorry. I'll make him regret this encounter ever happened and teach him not to mess with Elizabeth Parker.

I hear Max's frustrated sigh follow me down the hall.

"Liz, don't be angry. Come back! I'm sorry!" Max calls after me but I ignore him and take off before he can come after me.

I'm going to be so late for dinner now that it's not even mildly amusing. I sigh and hurry to my wardrobe.

What just happened back there with Max? I don't have a clue. How I could have so much passion, after all that asshole put me through, after all the years I served here on Antar, a small part of me dying every day, how I could have so much passion for that man is beyond me.

I was confused and horny. Horny because I've been turning Khivar away as of late. It was all about sex. Nothing more, I tell myself, nothing more.

There was attraction, but the kind of attraction that Khivar holds, attraction to power, intrigue.

There are limits, there are rules, there are laws. Some have been written down for hundreds of thousands of years, and others are only the unwritten norms that every functional member of a society is aware of.

These limits, these laws, these rules, I will defy them. They cage me in ways I can barely comprehend, but I will not be confined! I will fight for my freedom!

There are two things that I am certain about wanting.

First, I know that I want to come out of all of this free, free to live my life without any of these traps, cages, boundaries, free to be myself, free to live.

Second, and by far a more important objective to me, I want Eagan to be free. I love Eagan more than anyone in this entire universe, more than myself. I would die for him. I would give up the freedom that I desperately seek. Only for Eagan. He is my main cause. If I can't be free, I will make sure that he is. I can't explain it but he means everything to me. He is the child I will never have.

And so I conclude that whatever just happened with Max was only a cheap act of rebellion against all those awful rules and in reminiscence of my long forgotten past that was so easily erased.

Nice, keep telling yourself that Liz. Maybe it won't sound so weak after a while.

Regardless of any hidden feelings I might harbor for Max, it is Eagan who I act in the interest of, it is Eagan who I will protect.

When I get to my wardrobe I quickly sift through it to find the perfect dress, one that will know the socks off Max Evans, and one that will heartily ignite a spark in Khivar.

Those bastards. They don't know who the hell they are messing with and it's long past time I turn a trick or two of my own. I'm Liz Parker, and I'll be damned if I don't let them know that the only person here in charge of me is me.

After combing through everything I own with frustrated curses, I finally find the perfect dress hidden in the very back of my closet.

I've never worn it before, but it's one of the very first dresses that I had made.

Gold, a shimmering cascade of beautiful gold speckles that sparkles in the light as I move. Low cut, accenting my best features, giving my skin tone a healthy glow.

Oh, this is the dress alright.

I will look absolutely fabulous in it. I know because I have tried it on many times before.

I have always loved it but have never had a real occasion for it, never found it appropriate.

It was always too racy, too assertive, to attention seeking, too bold.

Until tonight.

Tonight it will be spectacular.

I take a quick bath and my servants help me into my gold dress. My hair is pulled up into a stunning up-do.

I know I look amazing. I don't need anyone to tell me. I know that I haven't looked this amazing in my entire life.

I also know that tonight will be unlike any other night in my entire life. Tonight is one night in an endless string of, many, many nights, but tonight is the first night that I will determine my fate, that I am in charge.

Tonight I will play the game better than I ever have before in my entire life. Tonight I will be the one making the rules.

I take a deep breath in and out to gather myself. I close my eyes as I let the air in.

Now completely composed, I march down to the dinning hall, late but ready to make an unforgettable entrance.

I burst through the swinging dinning room doors myself instead of waiting for the servants to stand up and open them for me. I don't intend to slip in quietly.

The elongated table before me holds numerous important ambassadors from many of the nearby star systems Khivar is hoping to influence. Dinner hasn't been served yet, but everyone is already seated. Everyone stands at my entrance. All talking ceases and all eyes fall on me.

"Elizabeth, dear," Khivar stands grinning. "My pet, you're feeling better I see? Decided to come to dinner afterall?"

"Obviously, my lord, else I would not be here would I?" I sass back boldly.

Khivar forces a nervous sounding laugh.

"My sweet, you are looking quite lovely tonight," Khivar compliments me.

Several ambassadors offer remarks of agreement about the beauty of the soon to be Empress. I don't particularly enjoy the ass-kissing.

"Much healthier than last night," Khivar adds, eyeing my amply exposed cleavage.

Max and his posse are here. Figures.

I catch Max's eye, and he nods his head, acknowledging my presence. That damn purple bitch is seated next to him with an older man of the same complexion. Michael and Isabel are on the other side of Max.

They are all in surprisingly close proximity to Khivar.

I am reminded of the old saying to "keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer."

Isabel glares at me, and Michael's face is unreadable.

"Elizabeth, love, come and take your seat," Khivar states gesturing to the open chair between he and Ava.

Tess of course is seated on the other side of Khivar. She rolls her eyes at me.

I say nothing, but begin the ascension to my rightful spot.

Khivar raises an eyebrow at me as I stroll to my seat at his right side. He of course is at the head of the table, as always. I smile innocently at him as I seat myself, shoving a servant out of the way.

Everyone else sits following my example.

As soon as I get situated, I grab for the glass of Antarian wine in front of me and gulp it down in one big swish.

Khivar coughs into his napkin next to me.

He places a hand on my forearm and leans over to whisper in my ear.

"Where the hell were you?" Khivar demands in a hushed voice.

"Indisposed," I reply simply.

"I see," Khivar answers not sure what else to say. "Well go easy on the alcohol, my pet. You don't know your limits."

"I'll take that into consideration," I respond as I down another glass of wine that the servant has just refilled.

Khivar shots me a warning look and places his hand over the top of my glass when the servant goes to refill it again.

"No more for her for a while," Khivar orders and the servant nods and disappears.

Khivar goes back to his conversation with the elderly purple gentleman about some trade embargo and the dinner resumes.

I sigh. Why is it always about economics around here? I guess I'm just going to have to bring the attention back to my politics.

Under the table my foot finds Khivar's. I slip off my shoe easily. My toes slowly travel up Khivar's pant leg until I reach my target. Khivar jumps, shocked at first contact.

I grin at him wickedly. His eyes widen, but then quickly grow dark with lust.

He licks his lips.

I lick mine.

Khivar continues in conversation but slowly lowers his right hand under the table and begins to stroke my inner thigh with it.

Tess wrinkles her nose in disgust and excuses herself to use a restroom. Khivar just nods and doesn't even get up to help her with her chair.

I begin a conversation with Ava, about the palace gardens, and other features to see, all the while stimulating Khivar under the table.

His grip on my thigh tightens.

I cease my ministrations and bring a hand up to lovingly stroke the side of Khivar's face. He takes my hand into his and kisses the back of it.

Ava looks away, her eyes sad.

"Oh, how I do love you, my pet," Khivar says sincerely.

I believe that he might actually mean it.

"And I love you," I lie smiling perfectly, looking into his charming blue eyes.

He kisses my forehead lightly and then sweeps his lips quickly across mine.

"Such a happy couple," remarks the aged, purple gentleman sitting next to the purple bitch carefully.

"Indeed," agrees Khivar squeezing my hand in his. "My life didn't have meaning until I meet my pet, here. I don't know what I ever did without her."

Max's face is tight and Michael places a hand on his forearm. Max relaxes somewhat at Michael's touch. Max entwines the hand of the purple bitch with his and kisses the back of her hand easily, his eyes smoldering at me.

I glare right back and pull Khivar into a deep, sloppy kiss which he heartily dives into.

Max's face is menacing.

The purple bitch looks unhappy.

Khivar grins giddily like an idiot.

Tess finally returns.

I yawn.

"Goodness," I sigh. "Where is dinner and what is taking so long?"

"I shall go see, my dear," Khivar tells me, kissing me quickly as he gets up to go to the kitchen.

Tess shakes her head at me, staring angrily.

"Something the matter, Tess?" I question. "Feeling ill? You were in the bathroom an awfully long time. There must be a bug going around."

"Whore," she insults me under her breath.

"I beg your pardon, what did you say?" I ask, daring her to repeat the insult.

"You heard me," Tess replies, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm afraid I didn't. You'll have to say it louder," I challenge her.

"I called you a whore, Liz. A revolting, dirty, manipulative whore," Tess states.

The talking around us dies down as the guests look on curiously. The purple bitch smirks. Max closes his eyes. Ava holds her breath.

"Excuse me? I'm the whore? How the hell do you figure that? I mean look at your self, you disgusting hypocrite. Come now, let's be sensible," I implore her. "You can't marry your own brother anyways, Tess, although that doesn't seem to stop the repulsive incest going on, does it?"

"Shut the hell up, Liz," Tess orders.

"Make me, bitch," I shoot back.

What am I, back in junior high again? It begins to occur to me how pathetically childish I'm acting just as Tess launches onto the huge dinning room table and grabs a hold of me.

And the battle for the Alpha female is on.

Tess easily pulls me onto the table and slams me down on my back, rattling the fine, expensive, not to mention antique, Antarian china, startling all the fancy guests who jump back away from the table in surprise, many fleeing out the nearest exit.

I see Ava and Lonnie exchange a glance. Lonnie shrugs and Ava frowns. Quietly Max and Michael slip out of the room all alone without even glancing back.

"Say that again, Liz, and see what happens," Tess barks in my face. "It's damn fucking time you see who holds the power around here. You've been strutting around like you own everything. I should have put you in your place long ago."

"No, Tess," I disagree. "I should have put you in your place."

I shove her off me, sending her stumbling back a few paces, and attempt to regain some ground of my own. Tess lunges at me again, and we wrestle fiercely, each of us trying desperately to gain the upper hand.

I hear laughter resound through the dining hall and notice that purple bitch seems to find me and Tess fighting particularly amusing.

Tess and I back off each other as her laughter continues.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Tess demands of the purple bitch.

"You," She responds smoothly. "I mean look at your selves."

"Listen bitch, I don't know who you think you are-" Tess starts.

"That's Max's latest ho," I interrupt.

"HER?" Tess erupts into malicious laughter.

"Yeah, I know. That's what I thought too," I shrug.

"Stay out of this bitch," Tess addresses the purple bitch again. "This has nothing to do with you or your little Max, so mind your own damn business."

"You can't talk to her like that," Isabel pipes in.

"Oh geez," I roll my eyes. "Can't a couple girls duke it out without you meddling morons interrupting all the time?"

"No kidding," Tess agrees with me, scowling.

"This may not be Aunkana's business, but you can't talk to either of us like that. I'm still the Princess of this planet!" Isabel asserts.

I sigh. I do not want to listen to this shit.

"Yeah, yeah, 'Princess Vilandra,' NO ONE CARES," I shout. "Get out of here Isabel and take HER with you. You don't want to be a part of this. This is between me and Tess."

"Liz-" Isabel insists.

I've lost my patience.

The door at the very end of the hall flies open. With a single wave of my hand Isabel and Max's whore fly out. They tumble to the ground as the door slams shut. Everyone else left in the room quickly scrambles out the remaining open exits. All the doors slam shut.

I turn back to Tess. Her face is unreadable.

"Well Liz, dear, I guess that answers once and for all the question in everyone's mind, whether or not you have powers," Tess says and then smiles wickedly.

"I guess so," I nod, watching her carefully.

This is a whole new game now that our powers are in play.

"Would you like to see a trick, Liz?" Tess asks.

"No," I answer furrowing my brow.

"Oh, well, I'll show it to you anyways," Tess laughs.

A blue, glowing fireball appears in her hand and she throws it at my face. I throw up a shield and Tess's fireball dissolves in a bright light.

"Well, Liz, I see you have learned one of the most important combat skills already," Tess muses, pacing, watching me.

"Which is?" I dare to wonder, standing still, holding my ground.

"Your enemy may be quick, but you have to be quicker," Tess states.

Tess, all at once, shoots several blasts at me. I manage toss up a shield to block the first few, but Tess is a lot stronger than I expected, and I can't hold the shield for very long. I end up dodging her advances before I figure out that I can stop her blasts by meeting them with blasts of my own. Also, moving around turns out to be a good thing.

I collect all the energy I can muster and throw up a strong force field around myself. Tess batters and beats on it with no avail for a while, getting extremely frustrated.

Finally she stops, closes her eyes, and stands perfectly still. The room falls deadly silent.

Cautiously, I let down my shield to prepare for Tess' next move.

But for a long, uncomfortable moment she just stands there.

And then, suddenly, entire room erupts into flames. A huge blast of fire billows towards me.

I try to throw up a shield, but I hardly have time to brace myself. Tess's power is overwhelming.

I hold out on my shield as long as I can, but Tess just keeps coming at me. I start to feel so very weak, lightheaded, drained.

Good heavens, I think, Tess might actually kill me, right here, right now. She might actually kill me.

From the eerie look in her eyes I know that is exactly what she intends to do.

I can feel the intense heat of the fire all around as the flames threaten to engulf me.

I can't hang on much longer.

Luckily I don't have to.

I'm become aware of another presence in the room. Suddenly my dimming shield grows full of bright green light.

Max steps up from behind me, feeding me power.

A dazzlingly strong, vibrant, green light surrounds us, protecting us.

I turn slowly, in awe of his appearance, to gaze at Max's face, and we exchange a long, knowing glance.

The fire and anguish of the world surrounds us but touches us not.

Almost as expected, yet still entirely unannounced, the doors to the room all fly open, in one mighty gust that clears the room of flames.

Tess is blown to the ground. Max and I barely manage to stand as the shield dissipates.

Extremely angry, Khivar makes his entrance.

[Allie1031]

Hello everyone! It's 3:36 in the a.m. right now. I have few general thoughts but my mind is a little mushy. So enjoy your day, enjoy the parts. I have to be honest, I found it a little on the depressing side. The new part is coming alongand a plan to have a new part out at least this week. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tie all that I have been working on into the next part but the parts gonna go out anyways and at least that way you can look forward to fast turnaround on the next part. I know, you'll believe it when you see it...




-Previously-


And then, suddenly, entire room erupts into flames. A huge blast of fire billows towards me.

I try to throw up a shield, but I hardly have time to brace myself. Tess's power is overwhelming.

I hold out on my shield as long as I can, but Tess just keeps coming at me. I start to feel so very weak, lightheaded, drained.

Good heavens, I think, Tess might actually kill me, right here, right now. She might actually kill me.

From the eerie look in her eyes I know that is exactly what she intends to do.

I can feel the intense heat of the fire all around as the flames threaten to engulf me.

I can't hang on much longer.

Luckily I don't have to.

I'm become aware of another presence in the room. Suddenly my dimming shield grows full of bright green light.

Max steps up from behind me, feeding me power.

A dazzlingly strong, vibrant, green light surrounds us, protecting us.

I turn slowly, in awe of his appearance, to gaze at Max's face, and we exchange a long, knowing glance.

The fire and anguish of the world surrounds us but touches us not.

Almost as expected, yet still entirely unannounced, the doors to the room all fly open, in one mighty gust that clears the room of flames.

Tess is blown to the ground. Max and I barely manage to stand as the shield dissipates.

Extremely angry, Khivar makes his entrance.




Chapter Nine



All three of us freeze.

"TESS!" Khivar bellows. "MY STUDY, NOW!"

Tess scrambles to her feet uneasily. However, she manages to steady herself quickly. She brushes herself off, once again composed. Tess marches out the door, her head held high, without a single protest. She casts a nasty glance in my direction on her way out.

Khivar frowns at Max but says nothing.

"Liz, go up and wait for me in my room, please. I will be up after I finish with Tess," Khivar states.

I nod, my eyes wide. I silently make my way to the door, wondering what will happen to Max, but too chicken to disobey Khivar and find out.

"Mr. Evans, your assistance is no longer required. I trust you can see yourself to your ship," I hear Khivar address Max's presence.

I turn back, shocked by Khivar and his sudden leniency, mercy, if you will.

From the hallway, I watch Max and Khivar exchange a long, intent stare. Max's glare is defiant, and Khivar's stare is assessing.

Max says nothing and exits as silently as he came in. Our eyes meet just before he passes me, and my heart skips.

A heart I didn't know I had. A heart I can't afford to have.

I study Max's back as he walks away from me down a long, seemingly endless hallway and force my heart to grow cold.

When I turn to once again to face Khivar, I realize I have fallen under his intent gaze.

I look away, down at my feet.

Suddenly I feel entirely foolish for this whole thing.

Like a child about to be scolded for doing something known to be forbidden, I feel ashamed of myself.

"My dear, there is no sense denying the fact that you and I both have known you have powers for quite some time now," Khivar states coming towards me. "I knew that in your own due time, you would make them officially known to me, however I did not so much expect that it would be in such a frivolous, disrespectful manner. I will cut you some slack, pet, because I know you are under a great deal of stress, but in the future, as the Empress, you must try much harder to maintain your composure."

"I'm sorry," I apologize, truly meaning it.

I shouldn't have been so careless. I shouldn't have gotten so carried away. I shouldn't have let my powers come out into the open.

"Do not be sorry, my dear. I trust this is a mistake that you have learned greatly from and that will serve to curb your recent arrogance," Khivar replies. "You mustn't play with fire, my pet, else you might get burned. If our heroic Max Evan's hadn't rushed to your rescue I fear I might have had one very charred to-be Empress on my hands. Tess is not someone to be taken lightly. If you are smart, you will never challenge her authority like that again. Her intentions weren't merely to embarrass you, my sweet, but to do severe harm to you."

"Thank you for being so understanding, my lord," I answer bowing my head. "I will try to stay out of Tess's way in the future and try not to displease her so."

"Don't look so solemn, love. I'm not angry with you. I will cut you an allowance this time since I know that this was the best and only way to truly teach you your place and the limits on your power. So please, don't be glum. There was no real harm done," Khivar smiles at me, tipping my chin up. "We'll have the servants retouch the limited damage in no time."

I manage to plaster a weak smile on my face.

Khivar brushes some stray hairs that came free of my updo out of my face. His lips touch mine tenderly.

I search for a feeling, any feeling. I search for a passion, any passion. But I have neither for Khivar.

Khivar pulls back slowly to gaze at my face. His eyes meet mine.

I look into his cold blue eyes and for the first time I notice a small flicker of warmth in them. And it is then that I realize. Then, only then, that I fully grasp it.

Despite all his faults, his evil and malicious nature, Khivar truly has emotional feelings for me.

Is he in love with me? Is he even capable of that? I do not know. But he feels something for me.

Something besides just lust. Fondness, perhaps? He has grown to favor my company? I do not know.

But whatever that flicker is, whatever it turns out to be, it belongs to me. It is mine and I will not hesitate to exploit it, use that spark to burn him down.

Should I feel bad? I almost feel like I should.

But then, how do you offer mercy to the devil after he has sentenced you to an eternity in hell? How do you take pity on the one who owns you, who cages you, who made you a possession, made you his slave? How do you feel sorry for he who has denied you any happiness you ever remotely possessed? How can you forgive your killer, your kidnapper, your imprisoner, your torturer, your corruptor? How can one have compassion for a man who murders so many, who first murdered the one person in the entire universe you loved most, stole his kingdom, tortured him, tortured his family, hunted him, hurt him by any means possible, and that wasn't enough so then he stole you, stole your life, used you to get to him? How can anyone feel anything for such a man? Anything but hate.

I do hate him. I hate him with every fiber of my being, with every artificially recreated cell in my body. I hate him for what he did to me, I hate him for what he did to Max, and I hate him for what he will do to Eagan. I hate him.

I cannot give back what he has stolen from so many, but I swear to any gods of any universe, that I will bring his end. I will not rest; I will not stop until Khivar has been utterly destroyed.

"Wait for me in my room, pet, I shall not be long," Khivar kisses my forehead.

"I am exhausted. Perchance I might just go back to my room and rest, my lord? You do not need me for anything else, do you?" I wonder.

"I was only desiring your company my dear," Khivar responds disappointed. "But you are weak from having wasted you energy so fruitlessly against Tess, so I know you need sleep. Do as you wish."

"Thank you," I kiss him. "Thank you for being so understanding."

He nods and says nothing. I feel his blue eyes studying me as I walk away.

"I will come check on you, pet," Khivar states.

"It's not necessary," I say. "I do not want you to trouble yourself."

"No, no, I insist. It's no trouble. I want to make sure you are okay," He replies.

"Alright," I nod, forcing my lips into a tight smile.

He smiles back at me, and I turn back around and exit the dining room, my face becoming a blank slate.

Messing with Tess is one thing, but Khivar, an entirely different matter.

I glance back, and Khivar is gone. I can't help but survey the large dinning hall that was only moments ago bursting with flames. Now you can't even tell. It's almost as if the entire incident never happened, except for a few spots where intended blasts missed.

Such is the case on Antar. Blemishes, flaws, imperfections, scars, they don't exist.

It wasn't natural fire. Most things on Antar are not natural.

The fire was an illusion, a projection from Tess's mind, yet at the same time it was real enough to have the physical capacity to harm me. I felt its overbearing heat.

Tess's advances on me, they were real, yet none of them had physical impact on anything but me. I look around the room and pick out several dents, charred holes in the wall and notice that they are only from my lame attempts at injuring Tess. How does Tess maintain so much more control over her artillery? I know she missed me more than once. This I must ask Ava about this.

It's quite obvious that there are many things that I have to learn before taking on Khivar, or Tess again, for that matter.

I tired much faster than Tess. It seemed as if the whole time I was on the offense while she was free to attack me.

I decide I want to check in on Eagan on my way back to my room. I quietly creep into his room. His sleeping figure is still resting almost exactly as it was before.

I climb on to the large bed and sit down next to him, my dress pooling around me, shimmering slightly in the moonlight cast through a nearby window. I sit there, silently, watching him sleep for a long time, contemplating my life.

Why do I love him so much? Eagan, Tess and Max's child, why do I feel such a strong attachment to him? Just because he is Max's? Because he represents Max at an age of innocence? Is that why I love him so?

He's entirely adorable. So sweet, so young, so pure. I will not let the world rise against him like it did me. I will not let him fall in harm's way. I will protect him till my dying breath.

How can Tess be so cruel to him? Her own child? How can she not love him with all her heart as I, who am not even his mother, do.

Is it because he so much resembles his father? Does she have that much hate for Max? Does she hold so much against him that she cannot love her own child?

I will never be blessed with a child of my own. This I know. This I sadly know.

But there are some sacrifices I know I have to make for the greater good. There are a lot of sacrifices I know I am going to have to make; the greatest of all may be my life.

I know taking down Khivar will not be easy. I know it will take every ounce of me. And still, that might not be enough.

And I realize now that if I want to win I am going to have to suck it up and work together with Max. I realize that I cannot let Khivar win. I realize what I should have known a long time ago; that the Empire and the Antarian Alliance it has bred cannot be allowed to survive.

If I want any kind of good, decent future for Eagan, I must bring them all down.

I was kidding myself to think that he would be safe under my wing, growing in my guidance. There will come a day when he will be too old for me to protect, when Khivar and his corruption will find a way to overpower my love.

I sigh and lay my head down on the pillow next to Eagan.

I hate this. I hate that I am going to have to go humble myself before Max. Admit that I do need his help. Ehhhhh.

How did things get so damn messed up?

For years I waited for Max to find me, waited for him to return. Even when I would no longer admit it to myself, I was still waiting. Even though I didn't want him to come because I knew it was too dangerous, too much of a risk for him, I always thought he would come. Even though I would have gladly sacrificed myself for him, even though I knew I shouldn't want to be rescued, I always thought he would come. And in a way he did. Just a little later than I initially expected.

Over the years my hope and conviction in Max was slowly soiled by my resentfulness at being in captivity. I drove myself mad waiting. Sometimes I wonder if I ever recovered from that madness.

And now that Max has returned? Things are very different from what they were on Earth. I am not innocent little Lizzie Parker anymore. I am no longer young and naïve. I no longer have the same hopes and dreams I once did. I lack the same sense of duty. I lack much of what I once was.

But Max, Max is still the hero. He always was a hero and I believe he always will be. Max saved the day rescuing me from the wrath of Tess. Max always saved the day back on Earth. Except for that one day.

But before that, Max was always such a superhero and I was, well I was just Liz Parker, the pathetic earthling Max was "in love" with.

I was that air-headed girl that the superhero always has some strange attraction to for years and years and years, until he, by some crazy mishap of fate, is forced to make a move and come to her rescue, thereby finally getting his chance with her.

She can never appreciate him though, or who he is, or what he does. She doesn't understand because she's not like him. She's not like him at all. He risks his life everyday to save lives, to save entire planets; she just goes about her normal boring life, occasionally stumbling into the path of danger and needing him to rescue her.

But still, the superhero is in love with her, even though she is petty and shallow and cannot possibly satisfy someone of his status. He's in love with her because he has always been in love with her, since the moment he saw her and she's all he will allow himself to want. It's his one true tragic flaw. She is forever destined to be his greatest weakness.

Max is a real life fucking superhero. It's just who he is.

I could never have been good enough for him. I couldn't have understood him or treated him like he should have been treated, because I, Liz parker, was no superhero. I was just ignorant, and naïve, and human. I wanted conventional things like to go out on dates with Max, eat dinner with his family, pass notes in school, steal a few kisses in the eraser room every now and then, but fuck, Max was a king, a king who had to save the world on a day's notice. A king who had his people, his planet, to worry about.

What was I ever thinking? I never could have had a normal life with Max. I could have never been his wife.

He planned to marry me though. I remember that much, despite my efforts to forget. He asked me to marry him, and like a fool I said yes.

I remember. I vaguely remember. He gave me a ring. A sapphire ring. A beautiful sapphire ring.

I wonder whatever happened to it?

We hadn't told our parents yet, or even our friends, of our engagement. It had just happened. Only a few days before that day. That awful, awful day.

I search my memory. I stretch it as far as I can. It was a Wednesday, no Thursday. Yes, it was a Thursday. In September. The first Thursday in September.

I smile, proud of myself for being able to remember after so long, after trying so hard not to remember.

It was the first Thursday in September, I had just started school at the University of New Mexico. Just started two weeks before.

I had gone there so that I could be with Max. I had gone to the University of New Mexico instead of Harvard so that I could be with Max.

I loved him very much, so I followed my heart, which of course led me to him.

In hindsight, I should have gone to Harvard.

I was at the University of New Mexico, but I had plans to do my graduate studies at Harvard. Max was going to come with me to Boston after we graduated, as long as there were no threatening enemies lurking around. But there always were. There always would have been.

It was foolish of me to believe Max would ever make it to Harvard.

And then it all comes back to me.

No, that wasn't the plan. The plan had changed. Max had made a new suggestion, just a few weeks before. A new plan.

Max wanted to complete a year in New Mexico and see how things went, him and Michael and Isabel being apart, but not too far. But then next year he wanted to transfer to the University of Massachusetts in Boston so I could go to Harvard.

It was a new plan, I remember. We were very excited about it. He had talked it over with Isabel and Michael, and they had thought it would work too.

Isabel wanted to go to San Francisco for school the next year, and Jesse had already been offered a job at a practice there. Michael was going to go to New York with Maria.

I remember it all now.

It was a good plan. One that made everyone happy. It was a really good plan. Everyone was excited. I was excited. This year they had to stay together to make sure the threat of Khivar was gone, but next year, next year they would allow themselves go their own ways.

The night Max made the announcement that they had decided to go on their own separate paths the next year, and we all went out and celebrated. All of us, Maria, it was before she left for New York, Isabel, Jesse, Max, Michael, and I. All of us. We all went out.

It was so fun. I remember it was very fun.

And then we went home.

And then….

I can't remember. But there was something. Something happened later that night. But I can't remember what it was.

I strain to think of it. But I can't. I hit a brick wall.

We left the next day for the University of New Mexico, Max and I did. We had been there for well over three weeks before that day.

I was walking that day.

From Class? No. Not class. Somewhere else.

Max's Dorm? No.

Hmmmmmm.

It wasn't the store or the library.

Where was it?

The doctor! I was walking home from the doctor. The student health clinic, actually.

Why?

I had a bug. A stomach flu bug. I was throwing up all over the place. It was awful.

I went to get some medicine, but I don't remember them giving me any.

Why the hell not?

I was really sick. Nauseous, especially in the morning. I remember feeling sick.

Max had been really worried about me. He thought it was some alien disease or another at first. He even tried to heal me but couldn't find anything wrong with me. So I went to the doctor.

And then when I was walking home… no, I wasn't going home. I was going to see Max. I was walking on a path. A path through a wooded area. To Max's dorm. A shortcut.

But I never got to Max's dorm.

It was dusk. The end of the day. It was getting dark. It was dark in the woods.

I couldn't see where I was going very well.

And somehow the way I was going began to look like the way I had just come.

I remember beginning to get scared.

The path was never that long before.

I looked at my watch.

But it had stopped.

It had stopped all together.

And then I began to be even more afraid, so I walked faster, but I only came to the same place I had just been, and that scared me even more, and I walked even faster, and again, I only came to the same place.

So I turned around. And walked the other direction, and it got darker, and I only came to what looked like the same place, so I picked up a tree branch and stuck it upright in the ground in the middle of the path, and I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Until I ran into a tree branch standing upright in the middle of the path.

At that point I started to cry.

I saw Blair Witch Project.

I had never been so scared in my life.

It was like being in a horror movie.

So, very like the weakling that I was, I cried.

And then I realized this was probably some really shitty alien thing.

Then I got angry. I was still scared but now I was angry too.

I ran off the path into the woods only to come back to the same spot again, and again, and again, and again.

"STOP FUCKING WITH ME!" I had shouted.

And then I heard it.

Laughter.

Someone was laughing at me. It was a familiar laugh that I dimly recognized.

And that's when every thing went white.

It was the single scariest event of my entire life.

I don't like to relive it. I tried to forget it. I tried very hard to forget, but it seems that the more you try to forget things the more they stand out in your mind. And yet, for a very long time I was able to put that lifetime out of my mind.

It was horrifying, that day, to be so frustrated, so lost, so trapped, so out of control, but it was only a preview of what nightmares were to come.

What happened after everything went white?

I don't know. I don't remember. I'm not sure I want to know. I'm not sure I want to remember.

I stroke a hand through Eagan's hair.

I realize that I am crying.

I'm crying.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why have I been crying so much lately?

I'm scared.

Because I don't know what is going to happen next, but I know that I am going to have to do something, to make my move, to take a stand. Any stand. Some kind of stand.

I'm scared that I won't be able to protect Eagan. That scares me most of all.

I'm not afraid to die.

I already have.

In fact I've pretty much been dead this whole time.

But afraid to live?

I might be. I just might be.

Oh God, Max, why did he have to be here? Why did he have to come?

I feel him. I can't not feel him. I feel him, his presence, his life force, I feel him.

It's like a sixth sense I never knew I had.

I felt it the night Khivar and I announced our engagement. But I didn't know what it was then. Now I know.

It is Max. I feel him.

And it haunts me to no end.

I can't get him out of my mind, can't stop thinking about him, and heavens, our kiss in the hall…

Oh hell, that kiss.

That kiss rocked my world, turned it inside out. It was surreal. Kissing Khivar after that is like kissing a dead fish.

AHHHHHHHHHH! What is he doing to me? This is ridiculous.

I look at Eagan. He looks so much like Max.

He's so beautiful. Such a beautiful child.

I hold him close. Cradling him in my arms.

I love Eagan so much. I have so much love for him.

And I know, I know, that despite all my efforts, deep down I still love Max.

I still love him, but I can't be a fool.

But I think that I am really going to need his help sometime. I will need his help to protect Eagan from Khivar.

But I don't know if I can do that. Ask Max for help. I don't know that I could physically make myself do that.

But somehow, someway we will have to come to some sort of compromise, and soon.

Lonnie. I have Lonnie on my side. And Ava. I have Lonnie and Ava.

But can Lonnie be trusted?

Who knows?

I sigh.

I can trust Ava.

I'll go to Ava.

I can't afford to show my cards yet, at least not to the wrong person. But I can go to Ava. I can trust her.

I yawn.

I snuggle my body against Eagan's.

I yawn again.

Yes, Ava. Ava can be trusted. I'll talk to her as soon as I can just get out of this bed.

Right now it's too much effort.

But I'll get up soon.

Soon.

I wonder where Max went when Tess and I started to fight?

Hmmmmmm.

And where Tess went when she got up for that matter.

Where does everyone disappear to?

Nowhere.

They go nowhere.

Just into thin air.

Like the servants.

They go into thin air too.

I like the servants.

They do stuff for me.

They are always so sad though.

I should do stuff for them.

I like Lonnie.

She's not so bad.

I like Ava too…

She's nice.

I like Max.

Mmmmmmmm.

I love Max.

I'm in love with Max.

I am a complete idiot and I am still in love with Max.

Hehe. That's so stupid.

But Max is so….amazing….

And he's such a damn good kisser….

I wonder what it would be like to make love….

And on that thought I drift off to sleep, fantasizing of you know who….

Shhhhhh. Don't tell…..

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