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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:12 am

I Want You Back

Author: Tanya aka Behrsgirl77

- Title comes from Mandy Moore – Album Title: I Wanna Be With You

Category: A/U --M/L POV's Including Maria POV (and may include Michael and Serena's POV's not sure yet).

Summary: Max and Liz dated in the past during their high school years when something Liz does tears them apart. They live their lives separately until a chance meeting throws them back together. But will Max be able to forgive Liz and try again? I will be jumping from Past to Present but you should be able to keep track if not let me know.

Disclaimer: I got the idea for this fic from a movie called, Down To You (with Freddie Prinze Jr. & Julia Stiles) and it stops right about there, the rest is all mine. All of the songs used in this fic do not belong to me nor do any of the characters because we all know who they belong to. I will be using songs before and during some parts so before I use them I will list the title, lyrics and artist.

Feedback: Bring it on the more the better, let me know what you think since this is my first fic I need the feedback good or bad!


Banner by: Lilac Stardust

I Want You Back –
Last night I saw you
The first time since we broke up
I tell you baby
It all came back to me
When I looked into your eyes
There was something more
That I never really noticed before

Could it be that we were wrong
And I was so wrong
When I realized and turned around
And you were gone

If I say I want you back
Would you turn around
And say you want me too
Cuz I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

Got so much I wanna tell you
It've changed the view
But I don't know what to say or do
We grew apart
But I still want you
In my heart
I believe it's time to make a new start

Could it be that we were wrong
And I was so wrong
When I realized and turned around
And you were gone

If I say I want you back
Would you turn around
And say you want me too
Cuz I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

If I say
I want you
Want you back
Will you turn and walk away
From me
If I say
I want you back
With me

If I say I want you back
Would you turn around
And say you want me too
Cuz I say I want you back
This time I really mean it

And if I say
I want you back
And if you say
You want me too
And if I say
I want you back
And if you say
You want me too


"TELL ME WHY! How could you after everything we've gone through? Why would you throw it all away?" Max has been yelling and pacing and to be honest he is terrifying me right now. Not that I'm scared he will do something to me but that he will leave me and I will be alone and that's what scares me the most. Right now I'm staring at the ground in front of me because I can't look at him because I know there is no answer that I can give him that will make this go away.

So when Max fires off the questions and demands that I answer him, the only thing I can say is, "I'm sorry". Bad choice of words because if I thought Max was mad before, pissed off would be more like it, he's in my face now and I look up into his eyes and I see the hurt, the hurt that I put there selfishly.

"Sorry, SORRY, you have got to be kidding me here Liz! Did you even mean it when you told me you loved me?"

"YES!" I yell. "I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't love you Max."

"Well then Liz, let me refresh your memory since it seems you have already forgotten" He says that to me his voice dripping with sarcasm "Last night, that was the time in your life you didn't love me, Liz."

He turns his back to me, I know he's trying to not cry in front of me, he doesn't want me to see him breakdown but I know it’s coming, so I try to make it better, I try to tell him how I feel before it’s too late.

"Max, I made a mistake, and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I need for you to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you and I will do anything to keep you." I tell him through my tears and sobs and then he starts to walk away from me.

I cannot let him go I am really panicking now and I don't know what to do or say but my thoughts were interrupted by Max's whispered voice and turns to look back at me, he has tears streaming down his face.

"You know what hurts me the most?"

"What," I say not really wanting an answer to that question

"That you can look me in the eye and lie."

"Max, I..."

"Don't Liz, just don't. I trusted you with my heart. I would have done anything for you, anything. But at least now I know better, now I know you never even deserved my love or my trust." Now I am crying uncontrollably and I want him to put his arms around me and make it better, but he won't now and maybe never again.

He turns to walk back to his car and I run to him and put my arms around his waist and halt his steps by putting my head against his back and say "Max, I know I hurt you but please just don't hate me, please tell me we can get past this, just...just tell me that you still love me." I really need to hear him say he will try to work things out, try to move past this but the second he turns around and removes my hands from his waist I know it just got worse for me.

"Liz you don't know how much I wish I could but," he raises his head high and he is crying and I wish I could make them go away but then I realize I put them there. He looks down upon me and says the two words I never wanted to hear him say. "I can't."

He slowly backs away from me and then stops when he hears my plea "Please, please Max just think about it, just try for me please!"

"I'm sorry" and with that he turns back around and continues walking away from me, the life we were supposed to have and the dreams we were supposed to share.

I stood there for so long after watching him drive away, I didn't know what to do with myself.

We graduated today and we were supposed to share our lives together but now as I stand here, I realize that he is gone forever and I'm left with nothing but the guilt and the knowledge that I messed up the best thing in my life and that somehow in a few short minutes I managed to ruin an entire relationship and destroy the one person I vowed never to hurt.

I fall to my knees and cry for what seemed like hours because everything has finally hit me this wasn’t just another argument with Max, there would be no make- ups, this is it….. I am alone.
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Thu Jun 17, 2004 6:16 pm, edited 37 times in total.

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I Want You Back (AU M/L) Chap. 1 3/24/04

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Wed Mar 24, 2004 8:47 pm

FYI: I want to point out also that Liz is 24 and Serena is 21

Chapter 1

7 Years Later - Liz’s POV

Well I guess you can say I’ve had a revelation, why it’s taken so long, even I can’t answer. It’s been 2 years since I’ve written a song and I am known to the world as a songwriter.

You are probably wondering why it’s been that long; I guess I just lost my inspiration. I have finally given up the one thing I tried so hard to hold onto. I thought that if I just waited for the right time, the right moment I could get everything back. I was wrong and I am now just realizing that I’m probably too late as well.

I haven’t thought about him for such a long time.

Okay Liz who are you kidding? Just last night you were comparing him to your date.

Anyway, where was I, right, I was trying to convince myself that I haven’t been thinking about him and I really have tried, that’s why I stopped writing so long ago.

I’ve written so many songs for so many people but I have a few that I have yet to share with rest the world, songs about Max and songs reserved only for him.

Every song I’ve ever written was about him in someway, sometimes I never even realized it but now that I look back, they were always about him. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t let go so I tried because I thought I would feel better… but I just felt worse. I guess I thought that if I stopped writing I would stop thinking about him, I guessed wrong.


I started dating again about a year ago, nothing serious a date here and there, mostly they were set up by my best friend, Serena.

She doesn’t know what happened to this day, however I don’t think the secrets going to stay tucked away in my mind for long. She has away of getting me to do or say things that I would normally have so much will power not to.

Like for instance last night, she sets me up on this blind date, again, I mean it’s only been my 6th one in 3 months. Did I mention I hate them! Although, it is a hell of a lot easier to give into Serena’s pleas than to try and explain why I don’t date.

Okay back to the date, now the guy was very good-looking. He was tall, had blond hair and blue eyes and he was really nice. I know, not much of a description but he nor could anyone ever compare to Max.

His breathtaking eyes, his soft subtle lips, his body and his beautiful smile, his heart and sole, okay I think you get the point, there are so many things about Max that I loved..love and it would be a whole lot simpler if I didn’t compare him to every single guy I see.

Okay I know it’s not healthy for me to still think about him after all this time because that was my past and I have to live in the present but that’s a lot harder to do than to say. For instance… ‘Ding Dong’

Oh no! It’s Serena. I know it is. I have been avoiding that girl all day. She’s been calling and calling, I should just ignore it and pretend like I, ‘Ding Dong – Ding Dong’

Great! Just great now I have to answer it because she is yelling through my front door ‘Liz I know your there! Your car is parked in the driveway and we all know you don’t walk anywhere!’ Oh well, suck it up Liz and steel yourself for the wrath of Serena.


I get to the door and put on my best face. I pull open the door and practically get run over by the girl.

“Hi, Serena, how’s it going?” I say in my best sugary voice complete with a big fat fake smile. She turns around while heading to my bedroom, she loves my bedroom I don’t know why. I’ve asked her before and she says she like the ‘feel’ of the room, whatever that means.

”Liiiz, come on, you have been avoiding me all day, now follow me and start talking”

I let Serena into the house and she of course starts grilling me about that damn date. No, hello Liz, how are you doing? Nothing just, “start talking”.

“So how did it go last night, I didn’t have a chance to call Chris yet because I wanted to hear what you had to say first, so dish!”

“Well Serena, it was a date, we went to dinner, we talked and then he took me home.”

“Okay-not really what I was looking for but what else happened? I mean do you like him?”

“I don’t know, I mean it was only one date, hard to tell” I say to her hoping that she will let it go. Yeah right!

“Well then you can go out on another and see if you like him.”

“NO!” Oops, I let that out a little stronger than I wanted to.

“No? Why not? I mean come on Liz, every guy I set you up with you find an excuse or something that you just didn’t like. Is there something I should know about you?”

“Know about me?” I say to her confused as hell, what is she even talking about? Know about me..Oh no! She can’t possibly think… no…right?

“I mean Liz, are you…you know…how do I say this in the best possible way? Do you not like guys?” She says and I can see the flushing of her cheeks, not many things make her embarrassed but this one is. And to be honest it’s cracking me up so much so that I fall into a heap on my bed knocking off most of the big fluffy pillows that once adorned it.

“Liz? Are you okay?” She says

“Yes, Sere I’m fine, it’s just that, that has to be one of the funniest things you have ever said to me. I like guys a lot Sere, it’s just I’m not ready for anything serious.” Maybe she’ll finally drop it.

“But Liz, I’m not asking you to marry these guys, just give them a chance.” Good Lord woman will-she-ever-let-it-go!

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry but just drop it.” I tell her, trying to not hurt her feelings because she is so important to me.

“No Liz, I will not ‘drop it’”

“What do you want from me Sere?”

“I want the truth, I know there is something you haven’t told me and I have been waiting, quite patiently I might add, for you to tell me but instead you lie to me, over and over again. I’m your best friend Liz and I tell you everything but you, you keep these secrets from me and how am I supposed to feel?” She looks really hurt and she should, she’s right without Serena I don’t know where I would be right now, probably drinking my sorrows away in some bar.

She deserves the truth, but I’m scared, she looks up to me, she admires me for who I am and what I have accomplished.

She knows that at one point I was involved in a relationship for almost 3 years but has no idea what happened, yes I should tell her but a little part of me doesn’t want to hear or see her reaction to what I did.

I know that this will be another step in letting go but a small part of me can’t help but feel like, I’ve suffered enough and deserve some happiness.

So with a very heavy heart I sit up against the headboard and pat the side to my right, and Serena takes her place beside me.

”I don’t know where to start.” I tell her.

She puts her hand on my lap and says, “start at the beginning.”

“Well I hope you have some time on your hands, because this is going to take awhile.” I tell her looking everywhere but in her direction.

“Liz” she says that so that I can look at her. “For you, I have all the time in the world.”

I look at her and smile, I love her, she has always been there for me wherever I needed her and I have a feeling that after this, I will definitely need her. I just hope that she doesn’t loose her faith in me, so I begin…

“This is really hard.”

“I’m here for you, Liz.”

“His name is Max, Max Evans and he is the love of my life……”

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:16 am

Chapter 2

For the next two hours or so it seems to have been that long, I told Serena the abbreviated version of my relationship with Max. Then it came time to tell her why we weren’t together and I hesitated because I have never told anyone, hell I have been trying to forget why we weren’t together, key word being trying.

I am seriously contemplating not telling her, I mean I could just leave the story like that and she would never know. But Serena, doesn’t give me long to make that decision because she shifts on the bed a little to face me and says,

“What happened? It seemed like you guys were really in love and not just your run of the mill high school crush, boyfriend/girlfriend thing but the real deal?”

I don’t know why but when she said that I couldn’t keep my composure any longer. I was holding it in the whole time I talked to her, I was trying to be strong.

I started crying and she put her arms around me and told me, “it’s okay, just tell me and I’ll be right here.”

I take a deep breath to hold back the tears and tell her what I have been holding in for so long, “I ch..cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend the night before our high school graduation. He couldn’t forgive me, so I did the only thing I could do, I left Roswell and moved here to L.A., to try and start over.”

“Why Liz? You could have tried to explain, maybe work towards getting back what you lost. I don’t know, I know that you messed up really bad but..I don’t know.” She was trying to find the words to comfort me try and make me feel better and not so guilty. Too bad not matter what she says or doesn’t say won’t change the fact that I am ashamed.

“I thought about it but that last night I saw him, after our graduation, when he confronted me, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I lied to him and broke a promise I made to him and I couldn’t take it back no matter how much I wished I could. No matter what excuse I gave it wouldn’t erase the truth.

In addition to that fact, I know Max and when he looked at me that night, I..I knew he hated me.” I was crying now, tears were streaming down my face and my heart hurt so bad. Some days I just wished I could wake up with amnesia just so I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror and remember.

“I never thought he could ever hate me, Sere, never but I know at that moment he did. But you know what? It really doesn’t matter that was 7 years ago and he has probably moved on, hell for all I know he’s married with kids somewhere.”

Which was a lie because I knew exactly what Max was up to, I have followed his career since day one. Serena didn’t need to know this, I just needed something to keep for myself.. for now.

“Liz, I’m so sorry you had to go through that but, you were young and confused..have you ever tried to look him up? You know see if something is still there you know between you guys?”

“No!” I yelled “Sorry, it’s just that I don’t think I would survive seeing him again and know he’s not mine. But even more than that, I don’t want to see what I know I will see in his eyes if he saw me.”

“What would you see Liz? What are you so afraid of?”

I close my eyes and lean back against the headboard and take a really deep breath and try as hard as I can to stop the tears before I answer her.

“Hate, Serena, the hate and pain in his eyes..that..I..put there.”

After that we were both silent for a long time, she probably didn’t know what to say to that, I don’t blame her what can you say?


Serena stayed with me last night until I fell asleep, we didn’t talk after I told her the story but just having her here with me was such a relief. She wasn’t disappointed in me and for that I was greatful.

This morning she’s coming over to use the studio. It’s funny because before I met Serena, I had this extra room in the house that was empty complete with white walls and bare wood floors. The first day I invited her over she took one look at the room and said,

“This would be a great room for a studio.”

“A studio?” I said to her questioning, why the hell would I need a studio in my house?

“Yeah a studio, you know you write the songs and I sing them, we’d make a great team.”

Her face always lights up when she talks about singing, she absolutely loves it.

Anyway, she’s on her way over, I still don’t know why she hasn’t taken up my offer to move in. It’s not like I lack the space. I’m working on it and one day I will crack her.

I live in a two-story Spanish style home, complete with a wrap around balcony on the second floor. 3 Bedrooms, 3 and ½ bathrooms, office, huge kitchen, formal and informal dining rooms, home theater and of course the mini recording studio. In addition to which I have a huge backyard complete with swimming pool, waterfall and Jacuzzi.

‘Ding – Dong’ Oh well that’s her.. did I tell you that she has her own key, but refuses to use that too, says something about me needing my privacy.. whatever.

She’ll probably be here all day, I love to sit and listen to her sing, she has one of the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard.

We make a great team.

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Fri Mar 26, 2004 6:50 pm

Chapter 3


Okay, I know you are all probably wondering how I became a songwriter. Well after graduation, well all know how that went, I moved to LA as you know and decided to attend UCLA. That didn’t last very long at all, I only attended for two semesters I tried to get into it but my heart wasn’t in it. My parents of course wanted me to have a degree in something ‘they’ approved of, like science or math, but how could they think that would make me happy?

I have always loved music, granted I’m not the best singer in the world but I can hold my own, nothing like Serena though. But that’s not what I love to do. I love to write songs that the whole world can listen and relate to.

I started writing songs right around the time I met Max. I remember the first day I saw him. He blew me away he was drop dead gorgeous, I don’t think I have ever seen a guy in my life that could compare to this day.

He was smart and funny but his best trait was his shyness. He was as popular as they come but so sweet, the complete opposite of what you think about when I say ‘popular’.

When he smiled it took my breath away. Now I don’t know if I believe in love at first site but I do know the second I laid eyes on Max Evans my world turned upside down..


10 Years Ago

Well another year at the infamous West Roswell High, at least I’m not a freshman. This year, now maybe can get a real date with someone who isn’t Kyle. Seriously what did I see in that boy?

Anyway, today I feel different, like something is going to happen, something big. Let’s just hope it’s not me tripping in the cafeteria and dropping my lunch tray all over my clothes. Yeah laugh now, but that really happened to me, damn freshman jitters!

‘Ring Ring’ Who the hell is calling me this early in the morning, I don’t have to wait to long to get an answer to my question.

“Hello..oh hey Kyle..yeah okay I’m all ready, see you in a few.”

Yeah right I’m ready, I still have my bathrobe on and he’ll be here in 10 minutes beeping the horn. Sometimes I wonder if the boy is house trained.

I know your probably thinking what am I still doing with Kyle, thinking things like that, and for that I have one word, transportation.

Hey it beats taking the bus besides it won’t hurt a girls reputation to be seen with a senior right? Yeah right!

Okay where was I? Oh right getting together my outfit. I am putting the final touches together. I run the brush through my hair one last time. I don’t know why I bother my hair is long and straight and barely requires any maintenance.

I’m in the middle of dabbing on some lip gloss when I hear 'HONK HONK’, would it kill the boy to ring the damn door bell UGH!


As soon as I walk through the halls, I’m getting that nervous feeling but I’m sure it’s nothing.

Everything was exactly the same, not that I should think it would be different, but a girl can hope.

I didn’t have any friends really, because I was a freshman and was dating a junior. That was something that earned me a reputation among the group of guys and well when the star wrestler dates, plain jane Liz Parker, the girls don’t exactly line up to be my friend either.

It was okay though I had Kyle, who despite the fact that I dumped him was there when I needed someone even though I was sworn to secrecy about that fact, after all he had his reputation to worry about.

My classes were okay I guess, I mean it’s high school, it’s not like I’m expected to jump for joy. In fact I cannot wait until this day is finally over.

I just got out of Spanish class and I’m heading for the library for lunch but first I need to make a quick stop at my locker.

Are you wondering why I’m not going to the cafeteria? No, it’s not because of the lunch tray incident, but nice try. Like I said in case you missed the point – I have no friends.

As I made my way to my locker trying not to get trampled by everyone, did I forget to mention that I’m 5’1”? Yeah I know I’m short.

Anyway I finally reached the locker, thank god I didn’t forget the combination, did I tell you to the story about that one..oh well no time for that I need to find what I’m looking for.

I had started writing a song last night and brought it with me in case I had some inspiration, Max Evans, during my classes.

For the life of me I cannot find it and am now cursing under my breath ‘damn it!’ I am really starting panic. What if someone found it and read it?

Oh God! What if he found it and read it? No, Liz just calm down and look again, it has to be in this damn locker.

In my panicked stated I didn’t hear my name being called that is until I felt this very warm sensation on my shoulder. I turned around startled and looked up. Oh My God!

He was there, which under normal circumstances would keep me happy and writing for at least a month.

The whole world seemed to stop, okay it’s not like he’s never talked to me before, but he has never touched me….never.

But when I realize that his beautiful lips are moving and that he’s obviously talking to me. I pray to God I’m not drooling because I know my mouth is hanging open.

I’m trying to now figure out what the hell he is saying. I break out of the trance long enough to catch him saying something about a book….?

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sat Mar 27, 2004 3:38 pm

The song I use in this is – I Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson – Album Thankful

Chapter 4

Oh My God..not the Pink book, please tell me he has not read it. Yeah right Liz, he had to open the cover to find out who it belonged to.

I never really wished for too much in my life but right now I really wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. You probably think it’s because of the songs right?

Wrong! On the inside of the notebook, the notebook that now resides in Max Evan’s grasps, there is a lovely doodling that I have done on the inside cover..do you want to know what it says…this is so horrible…

MAX AND LIZ FOREVER’, complete with big red hearts I colored in. Yup, busted big time! I need to remain calm act like whatever he says or doesn’t say is okay with me.

But what he says almost knocks me off my feet honestly I don’t know how I’m still standing.

“Forever, that’s a really long time Liz, but I’ll see what I can do.” The moment those words leave his mouth, I look down and I am blushing bright red.

What do you say to something like that… thanks? Right, I didn’t think so.

I can’t even look him in the eyes, but he puts his fingers to my chin so that he can tilt my head to look him in the eyes and then…he smiles. He could warm up the coldest winters with that smile.

I know you don’t believe he just said that because if I wasn’t standing here I wouldn’t either, quite and shy Max, but he did really. Even I couldn’t come up with something that good in a lie.

I’m standing there speechless for what seems like an eternity, when in all honesty it was about 5 seconds, still he probably thinks there’s something wrong with me. I open my mouth to say something but Maria DeLuca, Max’s best friend comes up to us and says,

“Hey Max, you going to lunch?” She turns and looks at me and smiles at me,

“Hi Liz, how’s it going?”

“Fine” I say, I mean I’m speechless, not only did Max Evans talk to me but he flirted with me….ME…Liz Parker.

Oh please don’t let this be a dream, I get the sudden urge to pinch myself but instead I realize I need to get a grip. I need to get out of here before I make an even bigger ass of myself.

So I look up at Max and smile and say, “Thanks Max, I thought I lost it.”

“No problem” he says with another smile. It should be a damn crime to look that sexy.

“I better get going, bye Maria it was good seeing you again.”

I turn to leave when I feel a soft hand, smaller than last time and not as warm, it was Maria.

“We were just going to lunch, do you want to join us?”

Okay this must be dream, Maria DeLuca, Miss Popular and Max Evans, Mr. Popular have just invited me, not Popular Liz Parker to sit with them in a very public cafeteria.

‘Do I want to go?’

Is she serious?


Of course I didn’t say that out loud so instead I say,

“Sure that would be nice.” Ugh, 'nice' does anyone even say that anymore?


I turn over on my bed, god I’m tired I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Oh yeah that’s because I haven’t but I need to get my ass out of this bed.

Serena was here all day yesterday in the studio and she asked me to help her out with one of the songs today. I don’t know why she tries so hard, which is exactly what I asked her when she comes over.

“I want to do your songs justice, you work so hard on them and I want to make sure they are recorded and sung the way you envisioned them to be.” She is so sweet really but I don’t envision my songs being sung. I write what I feel and hope that someone likes them enough to buy them.

So I tell her that I write the songs but she can make them her own. To which she has another protest.

“Why would I when they are perfect just the way you write them?” She smiles at me right before she pushes me into the chair closest to me and tells me to listen to the song she just recorded.

When the music starts I know exactly what song it is and it brings all the memories back.

I hear her start singing. This is the song I wrote right after our first date…

What if I told you it was all meant to be
Would you believe me
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
We've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come here now


I am going on a date with Max Evans! I don’t think I could be happier but I am a wreck, I don’t know what to wear. I mean it’s not like I have an outfit in my closet that screams ‘wear this if you want to make the love of your life fall in love with you’.

I can’t do this, maybe it was a joke I mean he probably wasn’t serious. What would he want with me – oh god it was a joke!

I fall to the bed with a loud ‘thump’. How did I get here?

It was two days ago, we were having lunch, same routine for the past month, Maria gets abruptly gets up and leaves the table rambling about something having to do with her finally getting ‘her man’. I can only assume she means the elusive Michael Guerin, he just transferred here and was on Maria’s radar ever since.

After she leaves I look back at Max and he looks really serious. I wonder why so I ask,

“Is everything okay?” He smiles and takes a deep breath and says,

“Yeah everything is good. Look Liz, I was wondering if maybe on Friday you might like to go out?”

“Sure Max, what does Maria have planned?” I asked only because Maria likes to control things.

Granted she is usually all over the place, jumping from one thing to the next not fully focused on anything but for some reason when it comes to Max and I and our plans with her, she yearns to be in control of what we do.

Sometimes it gets very irritating but Max is so used to it, he’s been friends with that girl since they were like 5 years old or something.

So I just smile and go with the flow when it comes to Maria.

“No, Liz I meant just me and you.” He presses his lips together and adverts his eyes elsewhere and the corners of his mouth turn up. He’s so cute.

“Oh you mean like a date?”

“Exactly.” He laughs

Keep calm Liz. “Yeah that would be nice.” I groan inwardly, what the hell is wrong with me ‘nice’, I need to open a thesaurus and find some new words. Seriously.


A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can't explain
Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share

God I can remember that day so clearly, after he asked me out we sat there in a very awkward silence until Maria came back and saved the day.

I remember trying to get ready for our date, which was a disaster, until Maria came in and took over the disaster that was me…


So here I am my face buried in my pillows when I hear a knock on my door, I yell,

“Come in” and who I see there surprises me to say the least.

“Maria, what are you doing here?”

“Girlfriend,” I have to smile she reserves that word for Max and I.

“I know you are nervous as hell, so I figured I’d swing by and see if you needed some help. And by the looks of things you are damn lucky I did.” She looks at me in my strawberry shortcake boxers and tank top and rolls her eyes.

“Sure Maria, but I don’t even think that you could help me.” I say honestly

“Nonsense Liz, you are beautiful already all we have to do spruce you up a bit so that you blow Max’s socks off…literally.” She winks at me with her big green eyes.

“Maria!” I say not really yelling but much more in an embarrassed sigh.

“Oh chica, I’m only messing with you, but I did bring a little something for you to wear if you want.” She opens up the bag she brought and had placed on the edge of my bed when she came in.

“Wow Maria, it’s beautiful.” It was a knee length spaghetti strapped dress. I was light pink and so soft, it felt smooth and delicate like the feel of rose petals on under your fingertips.

“I’m glad you like it, but what outfit would be complete without…”

She bends down to retrieve another bag, funny I didn’t see that before, anyway..

“Shoes to match.” She says with a big bright smile.


I feel bad I’m not even paying attention to the song Serena asked me to listen to, I can’t help it, the memories won’t stop flooding my mind.

Up until that moment when I finally finished dressing and took a look in the mirror, I never felt so beautiful in my life.

Oh but the best was yet to come that night….

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:10 pm

Chapter 5

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Maria just left and Max should be here any minute. I really wish my parents were not home but just my luck they decided to wait to go out to dinner tonight.

Why you ask? Let’s see if I can quote them properly…

“Because sweetheart this is your first date and we want to be here, it’s only right.” What the hell are they talking about?

My parents already know Max, hell ever since the beginning of this school year, Maria and Max have practically moved it.

Oh, you are probably wondering why they think this is my first date, well you know Kyle and I dated but we never actually went out on a date, we hung out at school and talked on the phone but that was about all the action I saw.

The doorbell breaks my concentration and I start to feel sick all over again. Calm down Liz it’s only a date. Here goes nothing.

I head out of my room into the hallway leading to the family room when I hear my mother yell…

“Liz, Max is here!” Like I couldn’t hear the doorbell.

I make my way into the room and make my presence known, “I’m here mom.”

He currently has his back towards me and turns around when he hears my voice, in that moment it feels as though everything is moving in slow motion and I can actually hear my heart beating in my ears.

God, he takes my breath away. He’s wearing a pair of black dress pants and a dark green collard shirt with the top two buttons undone. The shirt hugs his upper body just right. It should be a crime to have a body like that at his age.

Okay I think I’m staring now and I chance a look around at my parents… Yup I’m staring and they all know it. Smooth Liz real smooth.

He gives me his million dollar smile and says,

“Hi Liz” then proceeds to hand me a dozen white roses. My favorite.

“Hi Max, they are so beautiful, thank you.” I say blushing and my mom comes over quickly to save me from my misery and takes them from my hands.

“I’ll just go put them in some water for you Liz and then I’ll bring them to your room later.”

“Thanks mom.”

“So are we ready to go?” He asks me, I nod and after saying goodbye to my parents we’re off.


We went to dinner at this great Spanish restaurant the next town over, since there wasn’t too much to choose from in Roswell. Max was lucky he just turned 16 so his parents bought him a brand new Jeep Wrangler for his birthday.

We exchanged very casual conversation during dinner. We talked about trivial things like school, work and of course Maria and her craziness.

After dinner we were heading back to Roswell when Max says, “Liz, would you mind not heading home just yet?”

‘Would I mind? He must be kidding…’

“No Max, that’s fine with me, where did you have in mind?” Not that I really care, hell I would go anywhere with him right now. If he asked me to drive to Vegas with him and get married, I’d have only one answer to that...YES!

“Just out to the desert, somewhere I love to go and just watch the stars.”

I nodded and we continued down the highway towards our destination.

We got to this clearing and there were these two rock formation and right in between them was this landing of sorts. Max stopped the Jeep, gets out and walks around to the back and pulls out this blanket.

He then proceeded to walk to my side to help me get out. How sweet!

It is such a beautiful night, he took my hand and lead me to the landing.

“Do you want to take off your shoes?”


“It’s better if you lay down…I mean the view is much better if you lay down.” He says that with a little laugh and cute half smile.


We lie in silence for a few minutes then he turns over to his side and I mimic his actions. We are now facing on another we are a little more than a breath away from each other.

He looks so beautiful, I know you’re not supposed to say that about a guy, but he really is.

“Liz, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah Max, you can ask me anything, you know that.”

He clears his throat, he looks I don’t know what’s the word…embarrassed, but for what?

“Why did you date Kyle, I mean I like him and all but he doesn’t seem to be your type?”

I have to laugh he’s so cute. “Well Max.”

“When my parents moved here last year I didn’t know anyone and well I ran into Kyle over that summer and we got along…sort of.” He chuckles at the last part.

“But, I mean I guess when school started I figured it would be easy. That was of course because I didn’t know he was this icon at school and had a reputation. Hell what did I know I was a freshman in a new school in a new town?

However, I learned early on that it was a bad move being seen with him all the time. The guys thought I was easy and the girls well I guess they were jealous of me. I mean how did I think it would look, a freshman dating a junior?”

He looks a little uncomfortable…so I ask him what’s wrong.


“Come on Max you can tell me.”

“Well I’m ashamed to admit this to you because I don’t want you to get mad or upset with me.”

“Don’t worry Max I won’t.”

He takes in a very deep breath and lets it out heavily.

“I believed it all Liz…all the rumors. And believe me I heard them all, after all my best friend is Maria ‘Gossip Queen’ DeLuca.”

He looks at me seriously and I can do nothing but fall back laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asks me

“Nothing it’s just that if Maria heard you refer to her as a ‘Gossip Queen’ she would have some choice words to share with you.”

“You’re right.” And he falls to his back and joins my laughter.

After our laughter has died down I say to Max,

“And what do you think of me now?” He rolls back over to face me and is leaning over me, with his one hand propped up on his elbow supporting his head and says,

“Well Miss Parker, I know none of that is true, well except maybe for the fact that you are that beautiful up close.”

No he didn’t just call me beautiful, no one and I mean no one other than my parents have ever said that to me...well okay Maria said it but it doesn’t count! I never thought that I could be beautiful to someone like him…never.

I can’t look him in the eye, I know my face is red and I’m trying to hold back the tears that are waiting to be released. I then feel his warm hand reach out and caress my cheek, slowing making me turn my head to face him.

“You are Liz, you are the most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen and I’m sorry.”

What? What the hell is he sorry for?

“For what Max?”

“Because I thought all of those bad things about you and even though I talked to you once in a while in class and stuff and you seemed really sweet and nice…I still believed you were all of those things people had said.”

He still facing me but not looking at me he looks like he’s ashamed and that’s all I need to get past that and forgive him. God I love him.

“It’s okay Max, I forgive you.” He looks at me surprised as hell from the looks of it.

”You do?” He gives me an incredulous look

“Absolutely” I say looking into his honey colored eyes and smile, I want him to understand that I would never hold that against him.

He lifts his hand back again to caress my cheek then slowly moves his hand and touches my chin and tells me,

“Your skin is so soft.”

Okay I’m trying to come up with something to say to that, but the only thing that pops into my head at that moment is…

“Wow, I’m so happy I shaved today.”

In that moment all seriousness left his face and he fell back again in a fit of laughter, which I joined in on. Okay I know it was stupid…but it was still funny, I just hope he knows it was a joke.

I guess he does because the next thing I know he is doing the most unexpected thing…he leans in closer and kisses me. His lips are so soft, softer than I could have ever imagined they would be.

It was a warm soft kiss at first. He pulled away and looked at me under hooded eyes, silently asking for my permission, which I gave willingly.

He kissed me again this time it was more demanding, he presses his lips to mine once more and ran his hands through my hair, down my back and I have never felt anything like this before and I knew no one else would or could ever make me feel this way.

His kisses made me feel like I was special.

I lift my hands to run them up the back of his head, to play with the hair at the base of his neck, I always wanted to do that.

He’s dragging his lips over mine and sliding his tongue in and out of my mouth…if I die right now I will die a happy girl!
We were like that a few minutes until the need for air became greater than our need to kiss. We pulled away from each other taking in heavy ragged breaths. We laid there caressing each other in silence just staring into each others eyes until we heard Max’s cell phone going off.

“Sorry.” He says as he reaches into his pocket to answer his phone.

“It’s okay.” I tell him and he smiles back at me right before he answers.

“Hello? Yes Maria, I’m still with Liz, yes Maria, okay, okay…YES…okay…bye Maria…what?…okay, OKAY…bye.”

“Maria says hi.” We both smile and laugh, I don’t know how Max managed to stay friends with her so long. Yes she is really great but she has the worst timing in the world.

“Well I guess it’s getting late and I should get you back home before your parents question my intentions.”

I’m now standing and he is gathering the blanket, after he is finished he takes my hand in his and we walk back to the car. Once we get inside I address his last comment,

“And what are your intentions towards me Mr. Evans?” I say in a teasingly manner

He turns in his seat and looks at me and says, “To keep you forever Miss Parker.”

He leans into me and brushes a feather light kiss on my lips and then turns back to face the steering wheel to start driving.

I reach my hand over and wrap it around his and we both smile at one another.

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this

Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Wed Mar 31, 2004 6:51 pm

Chapter 6

I am brought out of my thoughts by the sound of the Serena’s voice.

“Liz, what did you think?”

“Oh, it was great Sere, I loved it!” I tell her but she is not convinced because right now she is giving me one of her classic ‘LIAR’ looks. She has so many it’s hard to keep track but I know for sure this is what she is saying.

“Right Liz, so why don’t you tell me what you were really thinking about?”


“Nothing? Okay Liz you need to stop already.”

“Stop what?” As if I have no idea what she is talking about.

“Look Liz, I thought we were past the whole lying to each other?”

“We are, it’s just personal and I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” Here we go again.

“Liz, tell me was it the song? Did it bring up bad memories or something?”

‘Or something’

“No Serena, it brought up good memories, really good ones, but like I said I don’t want to talk about it. I have moved on and there is no use in rehashing everything.” Please let her drop this… I don’t stand a chance once she starts pushing.

“Okay, I will drop it.”

Thank god!

“Under one condition.” I knew it was too good to be true.

“What?” I sigh and sink further into my chair.

“Tell me why you did it Liz? If you were so happy with him, so in love, why did you cheat on him? Please tell me.”

I DO NOT want to talk about this subject at all. I am getting seriously pissed off now and I cannot control the anger that is boiling at the surface.

“Why do you want to know? What does it even matter? I haven’t seen him since that night and I probably never will!” I am shouting at her but she is not backing down, have I not suffered enough torture just living with the memories?

“It matters because I saw the way you looked when you heard that song.

Liz, you came to life, whatever you were remembering was good, really good like you said. I have never seen that sparkle in your eyes, the happiness on your face before and obviously that’s because I didn’t know you when you were with him. So if a song can make you light up like that, then I can only imagine what it was like for you to be with him, so I would like to know why you would give up all of that happiness to be with someone you didn’t even love?”

I realize she’s not going to drop this and so I have to give her something. I love the girl but talk about beating a dead horse, so with much reluctance I give in, as usual. I told you I was weak against her.

“Sere, there really is no good reason to cheat…none. So no matter what I say it won’t make it right, but there are times in your life that will come and you are faced with a decision and if you choose the wrong one it could mean the end. And even though you know that, you still choose it.

I cannot make an excuse or even try to argue the point. I slept with Kyle because I was selfish, I was trying to hold onto something that I already lost. I was upset with Max, we had an argument and I just needed to get away from him, I was trying to run away from my fears instead of facing them head on…facing them with him.

We had an argument and I was so mean and cold to him, I didn’t know what to do so I went to this party we were both supposed to be going to that night, without him. That was my mistake, I started to drink and I couldn’t stop, I thought it would take away the pain that I could drink the words away.

Anyway, Kyle ended up being there and well one thing led to another and before I knew it, it was too late and I couldn’t take it back.

But being drunk is not an excuse either because I knew I was being selfish I knew that doing that would hurt Max if he found out. I just wanted to feel something other than the way I felt when I left his room that night. I guess I got my wish huh?

Serena, I was at a point where I felt like my life was out of control and I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. I knew that I loved Max, that was never a question, but that night his words they hurt me more than I will ever admit and I wanted him to feel like I felt. I know that people say things when they are pissed off that they don’t mean and in the back of my mind I knew it too, but I didn’t care. But that’s not an excuse either because even if I didn’t care I still knew exactly what I was doing.

And afterwards I swore Kyle to secrecy. I felt so dirty and even more confused. I was never going to tell Max because I knew I would loose him and I couldn’t loose him, he was my everything, we were going to move out together after graduation, we made all these plans and I just…I…fucked it all up.

I realized too late that the one thing I was running from was the exactly what I wanted and needed…him.

But in the end none of it mattered because he found out and that was the day my world came crashing down on me and I just stopped living because he was my other half and when he left me I literally felt a part of me die inside.

It was my fault. I didn’t care enough to tell him. I would have lived my life with him keeping that secret. I would have been living a lie but I was willing to do that because I didn’t want to loose him.

I don’t feel sorry for myself or expect anyone else to either its just…have you ever wished you could erase a few hours of your life…not a whole day just a few hours?”

“Yeah all the time…who doesn’t?”

“Well I wish everyday that I could go back and erase those last couple of hours…but it doesn’t matter what I want because I’ll never get it back…never.” Now I am crying uncontrollably and Serena comes and kneels down in front of me and brings her arms around me to try and comfort me. It won’t help I live with this everyday, there isn’t an hour of everyday that I don’t think about it or him.

“Liz, calm down, please…I’m sorry I pushed you.”

“It’s okay.” I wipe the tears from my face and I’m trying to regain a normal breathing pattern, with no such luck.



“Really I don’t want to push you but I mean people cheat all the time, not that I’m saying it’s right but it happens…I mean couldn’t you guys have tried to work it out try to build back what you had…it’s seems drastic to just walk away from everything?”

“I know what you mean Sere, but Max is a very honest person good or bad he gave it to you straight, but I looked him in the eye and lied, I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway.

He was so angry, I have never seen him that way, I mean I expected it but there was something more to it than that like…ugh…I just don’t know anymore.”

“Did you ever ask him?”

“No, I never got the chance because I…”

‘Ring Ring’

Thank god for small favors, that was Serena’s cell phone.

“Liz are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for listening.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s one of the producers, they want to meet with me.”

“It’s okay, I have to take a shower anyway.”

I get up from the chair and make my way towards the door, Serena is already wrapped up in her telephone conversation, so I gently close the door behind me and head for my bedroom.

I know I should have told her the whole story but telling her will not erase the past I’ve been hiding from.

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sat Apr 03, 2004 11:40 am

Chapter 7

After I took my shower last night I headed straight to bed. I didn’t even say goodbye to Serena, I couldn’t, I just needed to sleep. Going through all of those feeling again made me exhausted.

I am paying for it though because this morning I realize I didn’t eat anything since lunch yesterday.

I head straight for the fridge and I see a note in Serena’s handwriting stuck to it;

‘Liz, I figured you needed some time alone.
I have an audition tomorrow morning so I will stop by after that.
I hope you feel better and again I’m sorry.

Love S-‘

She shouldn’t feel bad because I know I owed her an explanation because I get so defensive over things that I consider private. I know she only means well.

After I’m done making my turkey and swiss sandwich, I head over to the dining room. After I finish I just stare out the windows and try and reevaluate my life as it stands…

I am a songwriter that currently writes under a different name, so no one will know who I am. You are probably wondering why, well I am terrified of putting myself out there for the world to see.

Serena always says I should sing my own songs, not the ones I sell to people but the ones that I keep private and have only ever allowed Serena to sing, but even still I have to select them.

I guess I don’t sing because I don’t want to be a failure again. I have failed at love, friendship and basically life in general because I’m hiding out now, but the one thing I have not yet failed in was my writing.

So I can’t put myself out there…I just can’t.

So now that you know why I don’t sing you are probably wondering why I write my songs under the fictitious name of ‘Honey’. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, I came up with the name from Max’s beautiful eyes, I know pathetic but cut me some slack.

Anyway, the reason why I now write under that name is easy to answer…can you guess??

Right again, Max Evans. However the songs I write now are for Serena only, she is trying to get an album together and I want her to succeed because she is really talented, so when she asked, I couldn’t say no to her.

Years ago when I first started out in this business I wrote under my own name. I would do television and magazine interviews. My picture was everywhere because it seems like once I sold a few songs everyone wanted me to write for them. Which was great after all that’s how I made my money, lord knows when I moved here after graduation I had nothing.

I worked here and there just to pay rent in a very tiny apartment. I didn’t want to rely on my parents help, not that they were offering. They thought I ruined my life because of what I did to Max and they were right in a way I guess. I wanted to prove that I could do it myself for me and no one else.

I was so naive back then I actually convinced myself that if I kept doing interviews and allowed people to photograph me, Max would see it one day and come looking for me. Then I had to wake up and face reality because why would he want to see me again. I broke his heart and shattered his dreams. So around that time I decided to stop writing under my own name and any and all songs I sold from that point on were under my alias.

You probably think it’s so he won’t know that the songs I sell are mine…well you’re right! But what you don’t know is that Max is now a music producer. He owns one half of Evans & Guerin Alien Music Productions, with…yup you guessed it Michael, Maria’s Michael, by the way she did get her man after all.

I only found out about this about two and a half years ago. I didn’t even know Max moved to LA until one day I was sitting in my doctors office and opened and magazine and saw a picture of Max and Michael. So since then I’ve done a good job avoiding Max, mainly because I never attend any shows or album release parties basically I stay away from any and all that has to do with the music industry. .

Now I am well aware that Max knows I am…was a songwriter, a quite good one if I say so myself, but back to the subject at hand.

A fact like that would be impossible to hide especially since we are in the same industry. As I said before all my songs have an underlying commonality…Max.

That’s why I decided to stop writing two years ago because I realized that it didn’t matter how many songs I wrote or how much money I made because I lost forever the only thing I ever wanted and even though I always held onto the dream that one day I could get it back, the years rolled past and I was faced with the ugly truth that my dreams were and will always remain…exactly that…dreams.

Max had not tried to contact me and probably never would.

Although I stopped writing I had enough material to keep my clients happy – under one condition, all credit for the songs would now go to ‘Honey’.

From that point on Liz Parker the writer became a ghost. I have to admit it was a good plan a very good plan but I cannot take credit for it. Serena came up with that idea only couple of months after I met her.

I remember the day we met, I had just left this coffee shop and was walking around a corner and this girl carrying a backpack runs right into me, spilling the coffee all over my clothes. It wasn’t funny then to me but as I look back, it really was…


“Watch where the hell you are going!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Says this tall and I have to admit beautiful girl. She has long curly hair that stops around the middle of her back and these crystal blue eyes. I have never seen blue eyes like that before. I don’t know her name but she knows mine.

“Oh My God…you’re…Liz Parker, it is such an honor to meet you.” Now I’m blushing, you would think I would be used to this – but I’m not it’s been awhile so sue me. I’m surprised she even recognizes me, years ago maybe but not now.

Since she had spilt my original cup of coffee she offered to buy me another and we headed back to the coffee shop and talked awhile. During our conversation she told me she was just left home to come to LA to pursue her singing career.

‘Oh great, I thought, another singer.’

People used to always stopping on the street to sing for me because they wanted me to write them songs so they could become famous. That is usually around the time I’d have to burst their dream bubble and tell them that I could write them songs all day long but if they can’t sing it will still suck!

Besides that my songs are special and although I write for all types of artists, I have a collection of songs no one gets to see or sing for that matter. In addition to which I am done with the music business anyway…what?…I am… really…oh all right I give in.

After she finishes her speech begging me to write her a song, I avoid her questions altogether and ask one of my own,

“Where are you staying?” She looks down and in a small voice says,

“No where in particular.” I sigh, I can’t help it I’m a sucker, I know what it’s like to not have anyone or anything. I can identify with her…hell I was her.

“You can stay with me until you get on your feet.” Wow, did I just say that…what the hell is wrong with you Liz, you don’t even know the girl. Despite my better judgment I left the offer on the table.

“Really?” She sounded so excited.

“Yes really.”


After that day Serena and I were joined at the hip. The closest I’ve come to having a girlfriend was Maria – but that was a long time ago.

One thing I learned about Serena long ago is that she is a pushy person and will get her way no matter what, which is good sometimes for her but in most cases bad for me.

I remember the day, I was having another bad day, as usual. I got home and I heard Serena singing in the studio, so I proceeded to walk back there but when I reached the door her words became clearer.

My heart stopped literally, the song she was singing, was one of my songs. I opened the door abruptly and yelled at her. I don’t think I have ever yelled at anyone in my entire life the way I yelled at her that day…ever.


“Who the hell do you think you are, those were private – get out!” The nerve of that girl what the hell is she thinking? I storm up to her and snatch my notebook from her hands and ran to my bedroom. I threw myself on the bed and cried like I haven’t in years.

“How could she?”

After a few minutes there was a knock at my door, I knew who it was, Serena.

“Come in.” I say sniffling

“What do you want? Was I not clear in saying GET OUT!”

“Liz, Liz please let me explain.”


“Well you are going to hear me out anyway.”

She sat at the edge of my bed and I wiped the tears away with the back of my hands. She looked me in the eyes and I could tell how bad she felt, but she wasn’t going to apologize and leave, no not Serena, she was going to say whatever was on her mind.

“Liz, I know I shouldn’t have taken your notebook.” That’s right the ‘pink’ notebook, I still have it by the way.

“But I hear you cry at night, every night after I’m done in the studio and headed home. I pass by your door to say goodnight but I stop because I can hear you. I know you read from it and cry.”

“How do you know that?”

“Before I leave like I said I pass by your door and I go in and check on you while you are sleeping and you always have that,”

She points to the notebook that I’m currently holding.

“in your hands. I am not going to assume I know what it means but I’m not stupid and I know they are all about someone…my guess would be someone named Max. Someone you cared…care a lot about.”

She’s right so all I can do is nod in agreement.

“Liz, I’m here for you but I have to tell you that, those songs are your best work. It’s a shame that the world will not get to hear them.”

I tell her they can’t because he will know they are about him and I wasn’t ready for that.

Then she says to me, “Liz you are my best friend, my only friend, and I care about you and when you are ready to share this with me, I’m here. But…”

There’s the Serena I know.

“I think it would be therapeutic for you to let them go, holding onto them obviously is painful. Let me sing them, let me be your voice and so that if ‘he’, should hear it and read about it he won’t know. And if it makes you feel better you can use a different name to have your songs credited.”

“Serena, I don’t know if I am ready.”

“Okay, but when you are, you know where I’ll be.”

Then she smiles at me and walks out of my room.


Needless to say I took her advice, she even tried to convince me to sing the songs, which was not happening, I didn’t want Max to hear the songs and know that they were about him. I didn’t want to throw myself out there – not yet, not now and maybe not ever.

So she became my voice, I let her into my world but there are still songs even I cannot let her sing.

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Tue Apr 06, 2004 10:50 pm

Chapter 8


Serena has an audition today, I really hope she gets it, the business is so hard and I try to help with my contacts but she doesn’t have an agent or a manager so it’s difficult to meet the big wigs at the record companies.

It’s only two in the afternoon and Serena is already home. I am prepared to comfort her but to my surprise she walks threw the door with a huge smile on her face, by the way she finally started using that damn key.

“I take it everything went well.” I say and the smile falls from her face.

“No, it sucked they didn’t even let me past the receptionist. They said I could come back another day because everyone was busy in meetings and that I should have my manager contact them to set up another appointment.” She says to me but she’s smiling, what the hell is up with her?

“But.” She says.

“I met someone today who said they could get me a meeting next week with another producer that she knows personally.”

“Wait this stranger out of the goodness of her heart decides to get you a meeting?” That doesn’t sound right at all so I have to question her.

“No, she actually made me audition for her outside on the sidewalk and she liked what she heard. She told me ‘same time, same place’ next week and that a limo would pick me up.”

“Wow that’s great Sere, I’m so happy for you.” Finally I hope this works out for her…oh no, she now has the ‘I need to ask a favor look.’


“Well she said to make sure I brought my manager with me.” I’m about to tell Serena that she doesn’t have a manager…oh great…

“Oh no Serena, I love you but I am not posing as your manager.”

“Please Liz, I need you besides they are your songs.”

“Wait, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well I gave her my demo and if they use the songs you will have to be there anyway eventually, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Why does she over simplify everything especially when it involves her getting me to do something I don’t want to do?

“Serena.” I sigh

“Liizzz.” She whines.

“Fine, but this is the last time.” Yeah right Liz, if you keep saying that enough maybe you’ll believe it.

“Oh thank you, thank you Liz, you won’t regret it.”

“I better not, now how about some dinner, your treat of course?” I say with a huge grin on my face. Hey at least I get something out of the deal.


Serena has been preparing all week, practicing all the songs. She’s now standing in my bedroom roaming through my closet and she turns to address me.

“Liz, I know that you really don’t want to do this but I just want you to know how lucky I know I am to have you in my life.”

“I love you too Serena.” I say

“I just hope they like me, I feel like if this doesn’t work I might have to start thinking of another career.”

“Oh stop it Sere, you say that everyday.” I jokingly say to her.

“Well Liz, some of us have to put ourselves out there and to get rejected, unlike you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ouch! That hurt.

“Well, I just mean you get to sell your songs over the phone or a quick meeting with an artist or record company, you know you’re lucky.”

“Yeah, I do, but I do it that way for several reasons Serena.”

“Okay Liz, cut the bullshit, one reason…Max.” I cannot deny it, she already knows.

“Right as usual Sere.”

“So what are you going to wear?” I ask her trying to change the subject.

“I don’t know probably a suit.”

“A suit?” I say falling onto my bed in a fit of giggles.

“What’s wrong with that?” She gives me her sad puppy dog eyes.

“Nothing, if you were interviewing for a desk job. Sere, you need to be yourself wear a pair of jeans, boots and a tank top if you want. Trust me, they won’t be impressed with your suit.” Okay I can’t help it I’m still giggling, I know it’s important to her but it’s just funny.

“Your sure?”

“Yes!” I tell her

Now me on the other hand have to wear a damn suit, the things I do for her.


The morning of the meeting Serena was a wreak and if I’m honest so am I, I don’t know why but I am.




Why does the girl insist on yelling before 10 A.M.? She comes into the house and no hello just starts yelling for me.

“Yeah Sere, I’m in here.” I yell from the kitchen.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” She says and she does look sick.

“No, you’re not, just breathe and you will be fine.”

“I know Liz but I just feel like this is it.” Her whole face is lit up now. I know she is excited…nervous but excited all the same.

I turn to her and frame her face with my hands and tell her,

“Me too. Now get ready we only have an hour to leave and it will take us at least another hour or so to get there.”


I drive us to the ‘meeting’ spot, which is in all irony in front of another production company. We pull up and park as we get out of the car I ask Serena,

“What was the name of the woman that auditioned you?” I don’t know why I never asked or for that matter why I was asking now but…

”Mrs. Gwen.” She says and I question her again.

“Mrs. Gwen?”

“Yeah, Liz I really was so nervous that I really wasn’t paying any attention but that’s what it sounded like.”

I just nodded and we waited outside until we saw a white stretched limo pull up. Serena looks at me and says, “This is it Liz!”

‘It definitely is’ I thought to myself.

Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sat Apr 10, 2004 10:10 am

Chapter 9

What's happened to you?
It's obvious you've changed
Something deep inside you is probably to blame
Must be lonely up there with your head up in the clouds
Even though you got there what does your conscience tell you know?

It's never the same on the way down
How does it feel when your feet finally hit the ground?
When all of your bridges aren't around
And the sandcastles you built are falling down

You had us all sitting right there in your hand
But you had to fall because that's how life is
Got your fingers burned by burning candles at both ends
Now the table's turned and now your demons are your friends

It's never the same on the way down
How does it feel when your feet finally hit the ground?
When all of your bridges aren't around
And the sandcastles you built are falling down

So now I question what you're gonna do
Now that everythings gone up with you
You believe the shit you say is true
But everybody's on to you
Life remembers everything you do
Your karma has caught up with you

It's never the same on the way down
How does it feel when your feet finally hit the ground?
When all of your bridges aren't around
And the sandcastles you built are falling down

Staind – Falling Down – Album 14 Shades of Grey


We are in the limo for only about twenty minutes and I finally take a real good look out one of the windows and realize where we are and I ask Serena…

“What is the name of the company?”

“I don’t remember, something to do with aliens, who knows? I told you already that I wasn’t really paying attention.” I nod…wait…no…aliens? It can’t be…can it?!?

“Serena are you sure she said Mrs. Gwen and not let’s say…Mrs. Guerin?”

“Well I guess it could have been. Yeah, you know what I think that was it.”

“Serena does the name not sound familiar at all?” I ask her and my patience has now worn thin, I’m starting to sweat and my heart starts racing. I’m going to kill her.

“Liz, what’s wrong? I told you everything will be fine.”

Well I have now just figured out the answer to my own question, she doesn’t pay attention to me when I talk…obviously.

“Serena, Mrs. Guerin is Maria Guerin, Maria Guerin as in Max’s best friend!” I speak through gritted teeth and what I can only assume is a very flushed face.

Eureka! She gets it finally, I can tell because her eyes are wide open now.

“Oh Liz, I’m so sorry I had no idea. I should have paid better attention when she was talking.” Wow this was a close call at least we can head back home and avoid the whole situation.

“Stop the car please.” I say to the driver and almost instantaneously I feel Serena’s hands grabbing my arm.

“What are you doing?” Serena says to me.

“I’m going to have him bring us back to the car.”



“No, Liz you can’t this is my last hope…I need this please.”

“Serena, Max is going to be there and I cannot do this, hell we will probably be thrown out of the building once one of them sees me.”

Serena is not looking at me, her head is lowered in defeat and I say,

“Serena?” She looks up at me and she is crying the tears are falling steadily from her eyes.

I want to say yes, I’m a big girl I can handle it. Who the hell am I trying to kid…no I can’t. I can’t see Max. I can’t see that look again, but maybe he has moved past it, maybe he has forgiven me? Yeah right! Liz come back down from the clouds, if he forgave you he would have already tried to contact you right? He’s probably moved past loving me. Serena’s plea breaks me from my thoughts.

“Liz, I know this is hard on you but this means everything to me, please do this for me.”

One day I will grow a backbone against this girl.

“Okay Serena but I wait outside.”

“Liz, you can’t wait outside. You’re supposed to be my manager.” Sometimes this girl infuriates me.

“Sere, once they see me they will know who I am which means they will know I’m not your manager.” She thinks about that for a minute.

“Okay Liz, you’re right you can wait outside.”

We continue the rest of the way in silence both left dealing with our own internal battles. I just want to get this day over with.


I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still I miss you most of all

And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep
Most Septembers now
I break down somehow
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never got to see

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still I miss you most of all

Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are you as alone as I
Did you ever make it home

Fuel - Most Of All - Album Natural Selection


Of course I’m running late as usual and I just know that Maria will be calling me shortly to nag about how I’m always late. I don’t try to be but I think it’s all psychological because I know that if I am late she will call me. Who knows?

We have this meeting that is in about 45 minutes but Michael wanted to have a brief meeting before we meet with this mysterious girl Maria auditioned on the side of the street. Now yes that seems odd, but this is Maria we are talking about. I expect nothing less than her spontaneity. I love her for it.

I finally arrive but not before my cell phone goes off, what did I tell you, it was Maria nagging about the fact that Michael wanted me to be there early for our meeting.

They make such a great couple. They got married almost two years ago and I was Michael’s best man and Maria’s maid of honor – please don’t ask.

“Finally!” That’s comes from Michael along with a long drawn out sigh. To which I roll my eyes and say,

“I know, I know but hey I made it right?”

We are all seated in our conference room, which Maria wonderfully decorated. She makes me say that to everyone that comes in, she likes to take credit for everything, so even if she just decided where a picture should hang on the wall she will take full credit for the entire room.

As usual Michael and I start our conversation the same way we have for the past 2 months…

“Maxwell, we need new talent, we are going to sink if we don’t keep things fresh.” To which I answer,

“Michael, don’t you think I know that? I mean isn’t that why we are here today auditioning…Maria what’s her name again?”

“Serena.” Maria tells me with a loud sigh and rolling of her big green eyes. She probably thinks that I don’t pay attention to her, but I like to include her in the conversation otherwise she would just sit here and listen to Michael and I go back and forth with the same banter.

“Right, Serena. Maria thought she was good enough so all we have to do is see for ourselves and make her an offer.” How hard can that be we have been doing this for 3 years and have put a lot of people on the map but Michael worries. I guess that’s why I don’t because he does enough for everyone.


Maria POV

Okay why does Max always make every decision seem like it’s cut and dry, black and white? It can never be gray with Max, he has been my best friend since first grade and I love him to death but sometimes I want to slap him in the back of the head.

So here we are having a very meaningless conversation or should I say Michael and Max are having a conversation, I usually end up being the referee.

They are both so stubborn it amazes me that they are actually great friends. Well I shouldn’t talk because when Michael and I argue Max is usually the referee, so I guess that makes us even.

“Maxwell, do you not hear yourself, do you realize that we have not signed one new person for at least a month and it’s not for the lack of trying but all of these people that come across our doorstep are amateurs looking to make a quick fortune, if we rely on that kind of talent we will be out on our asses in no time.”

“Michael, I know that, you give me the same speech each and every time we audition someone new, but this time it will be different, I trust Maria’s opinion and it has never let me down.”

Did I tell you that I love Max? He still to this day is my best friend he is the one I have shared every secret with, things that my own husband doesn’t even know. He has always been there for me for every breakup, every argument, every nightmare and every happy moment. Now not to toot my own horn, I have always been there for him. I have never let him down, well I guess I should never say never.

Did I forget to mention that sometimes, not all the time I stick my nose in everyone else’s business?

Well I do and I feel like the one time in my life I should have taken the advise to mind my own business, I changed peoples lives forever. Not that I regret it, but sometimes I Maria DeLuca Guerin lack….what’s the word?….tact.

See the problem is that I am very over protective of Max, as he is with me, but I realize that I can hurt people with my words and have done so in the past where Max was concerned, especially when Max was concerned.

You are probably wondering how…well…let me tell you….

About a year ago Max brought home this trollop of a girl and well you remember how I said I lack tact?


1 Year Ago

“Max who the hell is that girl sitting in my living room?”

“First of all Maria, it’s our living room and that girl has a name, so please just calm down before you say something you’ll regret.” Okay I was out of line with the ‘my’ because Max lives with Michael and I but still!

“You bring this, this whatever she is and make out with her on our couch and I’m supposed to say what? Go Max! Go score one for the home team?!?”

“Maria, that’s not what I’m saying.” He sighs in defeat, he will not win this one but the question is does he ever? No.

“Then what are you asking me? To be okay with you having sex on our couch with some girl you care nothing about!?”


“Well Max, I’m sorry I can’t do that, she doesn’t deserve you, besides what kind of girl gives it up on the second date?”

“Maria, could you please keep your voice down?”

“Keep my voice down, why so the hussy doesn’t hear me!?”

Max walks out of the kitchen, when we hear the front door slam shut, to see his date has already left.

“Thanks again Maria.” He turns to head back to his room and shuts the door. A few minutes later I head back to his room as well.

“Come in Maria.”

“Max I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“It’s just that she wasn’t good enough for you.”

“Maybe but who is Maria? I’m so tired of being alone, being afraid of letting someone in. I feel like I am destined to be alone.”

“Max we have been over this and you are a great guy and one day you will find the girl of your dreams and she will love you with everything that she is.”

“I know Maria, I know.” He looks down to the foot of his bed, which he is currently lying across.

“Max, what’s really wrong? I know you didn’t give a shit about that girl so tell me.” He wouldn’t look up so I sat down beside him and turned his face to meet mine.

“Oh God Max, tell me you are not still thinking about her?”

“I can’t help it Maria, she was the one, I know it.”

“Max if she was the one she wouldn’t have cheated on you.”

“Yeah but maybe if I was there for her and didn’t leave her that night, if I went to her house sooner maybe…it wouldn’t have happened.” Tears were running down his cheeks and I lay down next to him and wrap my arms around him.

He has not been with another girl seriously since Liz, he took it really hard, you would think he would have moved past it already but there is something else he’s not telling me. I could be wrong though.

“Max you cannot blame yourself, she chose to do it, but Max if you wanted to forgive her then you could have before she left.”

“No, I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was too mad to listen to her to hear why she did it, I didn’t want to hear it and I let her go, she begged me to forgive her, Maria, you know that, and I walked away.

I just wanted it to stop hurting, I wanted to have her back but I couldn’t erase the memory. I knew that I could not move past it to forgive her at that time and because of that I lost her forever. I just have to move past her already, it’s been long enough.” He says more to convince himself than me.

“Max, obviously you are not past her! Did you ever try to contact her, you know maybe talk it over with her after all you know where she is living?”

“No, I tried so many times but Maria she knew where I was too and she didn’t come after all this time she didn’t come to me and it…it hurts so much.” Max couldn’t hold back any longer he was crying for the love he had, lost and would never have again.

I stayed in his room that night, when he finally fell asleep there was a light knock at his door, it was Michael. After explaining to Michael, I went back to lay with Max for a little while longer in case he woke up before retiring to my own room.

TBC on next post!
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sat May 08, 2004 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.