More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) 2nd July Complete

Finished stories that feature the characters from the show, but there are no aliens. All fics completed on the main AU without Aliens board will eventually be moved here.

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More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) 2nd July Complete

Post by Rowedog »

Title: More Than A Girl

Author: Alison

Genre: M/L, but I’m usually nice to the other characters as well.

Summary: Max and Liz are best friends who discover that their relationship might not be as platonic as they think.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Roswell, Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, UPN and WB own the rights to them.

Rating: Adult for naughty language.

A/N: I don’t think I’ve ever done a Max and Liz are best friends fic. I feel like I should succumb to the annoying cliché. Thanks to chanks_girl for helping me out with a title. I suck at them. You rule Leila!

This is for Alien_Friend who bought me like a cheap hooker in the Support Stacie Auction. So now I’m her bitch and she wants me to write a M/L fic. I do as I’m told. But in all seriousness, she graciously decided to share her winnings with you, so thank her and stuff. The next parts should be longer, by the way.
More Than A Girl

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Thanks to Chad (RosDude) for this awesome banner! I love it!
Chapter One: Icy Butts and Frozen Chickens
“Max. Max! You’re hogging the blanket you jerkstain! Why don’t you just get your own?” I grumble in exasperation as Max’s large frame once again hogs the blanket.

Max sighs wearily and his face takes on this very condescending look, like he’s talking to a child. “If I had my own blanket then I wouldn’t be able to ‘accidentally’ touch you inappropriately under here. Liz, as your best guy friend, I demand at least a few benefits.”

I arch an eyebrow at him. “Because my stimulating company isn’t enough.”

He nods. “That’s correct.

My eyes narrow at him in anger and then in wicked speculation. “How do you like this inappropriate touching?”

Max yelps as my icicle-like frozen feet make contact with his warm shins and he nearly falls of the couch in his effort to scramble away from my frigid feet. “Frig woman! What are you? Dead?”

“Yes,” I reply bluntly as I wait for the DVD to load.

He shudders and then stares at me with bewilderment. “Seriously, what’s up with that? Your feet are like ice.”

I shrug as the credits begin. “Bad circulation I guess. But it’s not just limited to my feet, it also strikes my hands and the cheeks of my ass.”

Max is silent for a moment, but I can feel the weight of his stare on me. “What?”

“Your ass cheeks are cold?” Max asks quietly in a tone I don’t recognise.

“Well, yeah. See?” I grab his hand, lean forwards and pull his hand towards the back of my pants. Max quickly pulls his hand away as he feels his fingers slide past the waist of my pants.

“Liz!” Max protests, whipping his hand from my grasp and staring at me in horror. “What the hell are you doing?”

“It’s ok Max,” I tell him, loving his horrified stare. I wink at him. “Go on, have a grab.”

Max swallows nervously and looks around for either of my parents. “Liz, I am not touching your...” He pauses and then hisses the next word obviously not wanting to be overheard, “ass!”

“I thought you were into inappropriate touching?” I ask him, bemused by his prudish behaviour.

“I’m into sexy inappropriate touching. Not just whipping my hands down the back of your pants to touch your cold ass. By the way, what’s up with that?”

I bite my lip as I muse on his question. “I don’t think it’s a problem just limited to me, you see, I was watching this stand up comic once and he said that spooning his wife from behind was like being hit in the groin with a frozen chicken. Or something like that. I can’t remember the exact quote, but I’m pretty sure he mentioned a chicken and that she had a cold butt. Is yours cold?”

Max blinks in confusion at the sudden, strange turn in conversation. “Is my what cold?”

“Your butt. Is it cold?”

“I don’t know. It feels alright to me,” he replies uncomfortably, shifting a bit in his seat.

I lean over to him. “What you need is an impartial third party. Which would be me. Lean forward.”

“LIZ!” Max cries as I push my hands swiftly down the back of his jeans and past his boxers. He pushes me off him and quickly leans back against the couch to stop any further exploratory movement from me.

“You’ll be pleased to know that even though I wasn’t able to fully complete my research, your butt appears to be a normal temperature.”

Max stares at me with a tight expression on his face before he exhales loudly. “Well thank god for that,” he grunts.

“You know, you’re all talk. You say you want inappropriate touching and yet the minute it starts you cold-puss and freak out. You’re a total tease.”

Max’s mouth widens in shocked indignation. “You could have made it more sexy! You just stuck your hands down the back of my pants with no warning. And besides, I’m not about the butt, I’m into the frontal area.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I tell him dismissively.

He grunts and lifts up the remote, pressing play. “One of these days Liz, you’re going to go too far.”

“And then what will happen?” I ask him.

He gazes at me for a moment and my pulse quickens. There’s something I really don’t like in his gaze. Something very confronting. We look at each other for a moment and a strange tension hangs between us until we’re both pulled out of it by the sound of the starting credits. I sigh in relief as the odd moment ends.

I shift over slightly from him, as far as the blanket that we’re still sharing will allow and try not to think about what just happened. But try as I may, I can’t.

I risk a quick glance over at Max, and watch him as the light from the television flickers over his face. I quickly look away before he catches me staring, not liking this new strange awareness I have for him.

The movie ends two hours later and I didn’t take any of it in.
***
Last edited by Rowedog on Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:22 am, edited 11 times in total.
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Re: More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) Pt 1, 1st May

Post by Rowedog »

Wow, I love you guys too! Here’s another small instalment. Oh, and I know the whole passing notes and getting caught thing is a little clichéd and overdone, but since I’m in cliché territory, I may as well go the whole hog. Besides, I’m in my third year of uni and I still pass notes. Tess’s notes are in bold and Liz’s are in italics.

Twilight- Woohoo! SuperAlison!
Chad – I hope I can keep the sock rocking up to you satisfaction.
Natalie36
Novy
Eve-
No, she didn’t force me to write a friendship fic, just a M/L fic. I decided to do it for shits and giggles.
LilLoucfer
Neve-
Here’s hoping.
Guel
Yayaliens
Sarammlover-
Thank you!
BB
Leila
Abbs007
Ginger
Keepsmiling7-
why wouldn’t there be more inappropriate touching? :wink:
Destiny
Jessah
Carrie
Kachie-
Ha, it's all part of my evil plan to make everyone's flat as messy as mine.
Steph
Emz
Evelynn
Roswells_angels285
Behr_able
Crazed_earth
behrlyliz

Chapter Two: Shooting Blanks and Love Squares
“I’m hot blooded! Check it and see! Got a fever of a hundred and three!”

I groan loudly as my friend’s voice fills my ears. I’m trying to recover from the Chemistry test from hell and she is most definitely not helping. “Tess, would you kindly shut the fuck up?”

Tess, as usual, takes no offence or notice of my plea. She simply parks herself next to me at our regular lunch table and continues to talk to me animatedly. “I can’t. I’m too excited. Guess what tomorrow is?”

I roll my eyes. I know exactly what tomorrow holds for Tess. She hasn’t shut up about it for the past three days. “First date with Kyle?”

“Yes!”

“Fuck Tess.” I grimace. “I think you just shattered some glass.”

She pats me on the head consolingly. “Sorry, but if you survive my enthusiasm until the actual event, I’ll totally let you be a bridesmaid at our wedding.”

“Gee, like you offered me to be a bridesmaid at yours and Reggie’s wedding?” I remind her. She has the worst track record for guys. She gets all besotted and then they turn out to be jerks and her melancholy lasts until she finds a new guy.

“Shh, I’m repressing that memory.”

I roll my eyes at her. “I think if you’re going to repress every bad relationship you’ll ever have, you’ll end up repressing half of your life, Tess.”

“Hey, you make it sound like I’m a slut. I’m just trying them on for size,” she protests feebly. “None of them fit me.”

“But they certainly fit in you,” I joke, knowing full well that Tess has only slept with two of the guys that she’s dated.

She flips me the bird. “Bitch.”

Her smile returns quickly when she looks over her right shoulder. She winks at me salaciously and points behind us. “Here comes your lover man.”

I turn to see Max heading our way and repress the memory of last night. He’s Max, my best friend, Max. Nothing else. Last night was an aberration. Nothing more. “I thought he was your lover man,” I respond, remembering a time in the not so distant past when Tess had wanted Max.

She sighs despondently. “I’m certain that if Max Evans ever noticed me that we could be the happiest couple in the universe. But sadly, he only has eyes for you.”

My heart flutters at her stupid insinuation, but I quickly clamp down on it. Max and I are friends and nothing more. “You’re on crack. He’s my best friend.”

“Best friend... with benefits.” She sticks up her index and middle finger like two legs and waggles her tongue in between them. I groan and shove her, unable to stop myself from laughing at her.

“Well, well ladies, what were we talking about?” Max grins at me and sits down beside me.

“You going the growl on our dearest Lizzybear.”

Max lets out an embarrassed laugh and his face flushes adorably. We we’re silent for a moment, Tess having killed the conversation with her disturbing remark.

Luckily we’re saved by the arrival of Maria, whom I love more than ever for her impeccable timing.

“Hello lovers,” she calls out as she approaches the table, sinking onto the bench seat opposite us. “What’s the goss?”

I pre-emptively clamp a hand over Tess’ mouth before she repeats herself and tell them my news. “Mrs Montgomery is totally pregnant!”

As Maria gasps, Max asks, “So not just a little bit pregnant then?”

Maria, Tess and I ignore him.

“Eww,” exclaims Maria, looking like she’s just tasted something absolutely disgusting. “Who’d want to stick it to her?”

“Mr Montgomery, I’d assume,” remarks Max dryly as he takes out his sandwich.

“No see, that’s the thing!” I tell them, gesticulating wildly with my hands, repeating what I’d seen from my bedroom window the night before. “He’s been shooting blanks for years, so he went ballistic when he found out. He threw her out of the house and everything! He was chucking shit at her and going absolutely bananas, so the neighbours down the street called the cops! It was awesome!”

“So where’s she staying?” asks Max, concern touching his voice.

Tess lets out a wicked chuckle. “With your dad.”

Max simply rolls his eyes in response and goes back to his sandwich, pretending that Tess never said anything.

“I think her sister came to pick her up. But here’s the thing, apparently – from what I could make out from Mr Montgomery’s mad ramblings – the father of the baby is someone from this school!”

“I’d bet my left nut that it’s Mr Seligman,” exclaims Maria, drawing weird looks from all of us. “He’s always hanging around the front office like a bad smell.”

Tess shakes her head in obvious disagreement. “Nah, too obvious. I put money on Mr Carstein.”

“The woodwork teacher?” I ask.

“Yeah, he’s great with his hands,” she explains, her tone implying that I’m stupid for not getting it.

“I put money on the principal,” I tell them with a grin. “Nothing like sleeping with the boss.”

“I put money on Max Evans,” says Max salaciously with an eyebrow wiggle.

I throw him a disbelieving look. “Max, you did not knock up the school secretary.”

“Jealous?” he drawls out, winking at me.

“How do you see right through me?” I ask him, rolling my eyes at him. “How did you guess that I’m hot for Mrs Montgomery?”

“I think we’re all a little hot for Mrs Montgomery,” muses Tess. “She has a killer rack.”

Maria snorts, obviously unimpressed. “Please, I’d have great boobs if mine all sagged and then I pushed them up with a push up bra.”

“To get saggy boobs, you’d need boobs first,” I tell her, knowing that I’m being a bit hypocritical in my attack. “Gravity can’t work on nothing.”

She stares at me with horror and then reaches over the table to hit me. I hide behind Max and she tries to swipe at me as I cling to him. “Defend my honour, Max!”

Max groans as I use him as a human shield. “What honour? Jesus, where’s Michael? I need some frigging testosterone.”

A loud burp heralds his arrival and causes Maria to shrink back abruptly, a bit of a flush growing on her face.

“I’m here. What’s the matter?” Michael plonks himself down next to Maria, totally oblivious – as always- to Maria’s discomfort around him.

Max gestures to me, Tess and Maria. “It’s the girls, they’re driving me nuts.”

“Grow a dick, Max,” suggests Michael as he unwraps his sandwich, shaking his head sadly.

Max smiles tightly. “Thanks, Michael. Thanks for the help. Really. You’re a good friend.”

“Not a problem.” Michael finishes chewing his bite and turns a bit in his seat so that he can face us all. “Hey, ladies, I need your advice. I have a date with Lisa Singh tomorrow. What should I wear to make sure I have the best possible chance of getting laid?”

I watch Maria wince as Michael casually mentions that he wants to have sex with someone who’s not her. I feel a pang of empathy for her. That has to suck balls.

“Go naked,” suggests Tess. “Show her what you’ve got to offer.”

Michael nods his head as if he’s actually taking her suggestion seriously. “Ok, good. Excellent. Though I don’t know that I want to be arrested for sexual assault and public indecency, but I’ll keep that one open as an option.”

“Don’t wear a Hawaiian shirt,” I suggest. “Or socks with sandals.”

“Dang,” Michael snaps his fingers in mock disappointment. “But that’s my signature style.”

“Hey lady lumps,” exclaims a voice from behind us. Isabel’s head pops between Tess and I and she throws her arms around us giving us a quick squeeze.

“Isabel,” sighs Michael in relief as Isabel takes a seat next to Tess. “You can help me. You’re the resident fashion guru. What should I wear so that I have maximum scoring potential with Lisa Singh tomorrow?”

“Fuck off,” scoffs Isabel. “I’m not helping you take advantage of another girl. Do your own dirty work.”

“Oh you know it’s going to be dirty,” says Michael suggestively, rubbing his nipples as he speaks.

Isabel groans, holding up her hands to block the view of Michael giving his nips a vigorous rubbing. “You know, half the girls in our year level think I’m the devil incarnate for even talking to you. And for what? So that you can sexually assault my eyes? So not worth it.”

“Love you too, Izzy,” replies Michael benignly, blowing her a kiss.

At this point, Alex decides to grace us with his presence. “Ugh, frigging whatshisface the science dude-guy kept me late again just so that he could talk to me about the sciencey thing we’re learning about in that place where we go to learn.”

I lean in to Max and ask quietly, “Is it sad that I completely understood what he just said?”

Max shakes his head. “No, it just means you’re fluent in Alex. Wish I was. I have no idea what he’s trying to say half the time.”

Alex takes a seat next to Maria and tries vainly to engage her in conversation while idly replying to Isabel who’s near the end of her rope trying to get him to notice her. It’s the strangest love triangle, or square I suppose you could call it. Isabel likes Alex, Alex likes Maria, Maria likes Michael and Michael likes... himself. And boobies. Michael really likes the boobies. Of every other girl in the school but the ones situated on this table. Which totally sucks for Maria.

None of us can really figure out why the hell Isabel ever actually started crushing on Alex. I figure it’s because he was the only guy who was unattainable to her. He’s always treated her as just another good buddy whilst lusting after Maria. So she got a little pissed off and attempted to draw his attention her way. Which didn’t work, funnily enough. Max and I would spend our lunchtimes watching her getting really pissed off with Alex’s obtuseness and then laugh about it to ourselves later. Then as time went on her testiness gave way to real despondency. After spending so much time around him trying to get him to notice her, she began to notice him. She saw all the wonderful things about Alex that make him what he is and began to appreciate him for real.

“So, can anyone fill me in as to why Mrs Montgomery looked like she was crying before?” asks Michael, perking up my interest in the conversation once more.

I wave my hand excitedly in the air. “Ooh me! Pick me, I know!”

I begin to retell my story, feeling a glow of warmth as I survey my friends. They truly are the most awesome people in the world.
***
I cover my yawn with my palm as best I can as Mr Harris, our history teacher goes back over stuff that I already know when a note lands squarely in the middle of the desk. I share a glance with Max, who is on my other side before opening the note cautiously. I never know what Tess is going to write to me about in class.

Lesbian
Incestuous
Zylophone fetish


Phew, this one’s ok. Looks like it’s acrostic poem day. I roll my eyes and hastily scribble back a response.

Xylophone is spelt with an X you philistine.

Her response is quick.

Meh. If you want to insult me, at least do it with words that I know.

I smother my snort and quickly write her a quick acrostic poem back in response.

Turgid nipples
Erotic
Slutty
Scottish


She scribbles a quick response, keeping an eye on Mr Harris’s situation in the class room. The last thing we want is to have to deal with him.

Scottish? WTF? What’s goin’ on with you anyway?

I grin, contemplating the best way to respond to this.

Copped a feel of Max’s butt last night...

I watch and laugh quietly as I watch her expression, knowing exactly when she takes in the reply. Her eyes bug out and her mouth falls open, she makes a quick grab for her pen and starts writing furiously.

How did you manage that??!!!!!!

I giggle as I write my response. I amuse myself.

I have teh mad skillz!!!!11111

I’m just about to fold up the note and toss it back before a hand reaches down and pulls it from my grasp.

I burn up in horror when I realise who that hand belongs to. Mr Harris. And he’s brutal when it comes to stuff like this. “Looks like the girls have decided to give us some entertainment. You know, it’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure of reading out a note in class. Hopefully this is a really good one.”

Max shoots me a sympathetic look as I groan in horror, realising what I’d written about him.

“Ooh, we have a nice acrostic poem here of Liz’s name. Let’s see... lesbian, incestuous and xylophone fetish. Would you say that this poem is a fair description of you, Liz?”

I groan in mortification and bury my head in my hands as my classmates laugh and Mr Harris reads on.

“Xylophone is spelt with an X you philistine. Well Liz, I must commend you on your excellent spelling skills. Good to know that you’ve been paying attention in English at least.”

I sneak a look at Tess who’s looking like she wants the floor to eat her up. I couldn’t agree more.

“Then Tess replies, ‘Meh. If you want to insult me, at least use words that I know.’” the class laughs heartily at this and I wish even more fervently that a black hole would swing my way.

“Liz then graces us with her excellent poetry skills. Turgid nipples, Erotic, Slutty and... Scottish?” Mr Harris looks around the class in confusion. “Maybe it’s an inside joke.”

“Scottish? Double-U, tee, eff? What’s goin’ on with you?” Mr Harris smirks as he reads the next line. He’s actually having fun with this, the horrible bastard. “Well now, this is very interesting. Liz replies, “Copped a feel of Max’s butt last night, dot, dot, dot.”

Mr Harris laughs at Tess’s urgent response back. “How did you manage that?! With about five exclamation marks after the question.”

He pauses, a slight frown creasing his brow as he looks at the thankfully last sentence, but then decides to give it a go anyway. “I have teh mad skillz... eleven thousand one hundred and eleven.” Mr Harris seems totally confused by the random ones I put after the exclamation marks, I guess that’s my only consolation. He’s unfamiliar with the concept of noobs.

“Fascinating conversation girls,” says Mr Harris, placing the note in his pocket, all pretences of humour gone. “See me after class.”

I share a horrified glance with Tess, rueing the day I ever decided to take this class. I let my head slump back down and try to block out the snickers that are still bouncing around the room.

Life sucks.
***
Last edited by Rowedog on Fri May 08, 2009 6:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) Pt 2, 9th May

Post by Rowedog »

Yeah, this part is intensely long. It took a long time too so be grateful or whatever. Thanks for all the fb and bumps dudes! For those of you who are noobs to the concepts of well… noobs, please refer yourself to this website.

Oh and check out the smoking hot banner by RosDude on the first page! I love it hardcore. I just wanna marry it.

Novy
Steph-
People think I’m nuts all the time anyway, just embrace it.
Emz
Natalie36
Ginger
Lilloucfer
Abs007
Behr_able
AlysLuv
Destiny-
It’s ok, I forgive you for the note collecting. :wink:
Nitpick23
Eve
Leila
Guel-
All the coolest kids write notes in class :wink:
CandyDreamQueen- Really? Haha! Ask him if he reads notes out in class, that would be supremely ironic.
Evelynn
DaleStateShorty
Tequathisy
Nibbles2-
It’s pretty intense up there in my mind cogs.
Yasmania
Chad-
I have yet to see the nudey Godlike figure of Chad. I feel ripped off.
Keepsmiling7
Sarammlover
Lauren-
Laughing? In the library? Scandalamitous! I know two librarians who would hang you for such a crime.
Spacegirl23
Caro-
I’ll give you an epic fail. Come here and feel my pugilistic rage upon your face.
Ms_BuffyAnneSummers
Crazedearthgirl
Tamashii
Berhlyliz

Chapter Three: Crotchety Old Bums And Head Pummellings
“So what happened?” asks Max as soon as I step through the door out of the classroom.

“We got detention,” I sigh. “For a whole week.”

Tess frowns, perturbed by what just went on as the door closes behind her, joining us out in the hall. “You know, I could deal with the detention, but did he have to read out my poem? I’m a sensitive soul! He just bruised my gentle spirit!”

Max and I share a quick look, but both decide against saying anything.

“Ok, gotta scoot, dudes. I’m meeting Kyle just before last period. Don’t miss me too much.”

I give her a half assed wave before heading out towards Biology with Max. We walk in silence for a minute before Max speaks.

“So...” he begins, apparently lost for words.

“So...” I say, mimicking him.

He scratches his ear, a habit he has when he’s nervous. “Do you always tell Tess about manhandling me?”

“Of course, she likes to live vicariously through me.” I pause for a moment and then frown at him. “What do you mean ‘always’? I hardly ever manhandle you!”

He puts on a very sad, defeated look. “I know. It’s a sad state of affairs that I’ve had to live with for far too long.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask, fully prepared to call his bluff. I sidle in closer to him and let my hand stray down to his butt before giving it a vicious pinch.

Max yelps loudly and his hands go automatically to his ass. “Jesus Christ, Liz! What the fuck?”

“You’re so fickle, Max. You say one thing and mean the other,” I sigh, totally unaffected by his incredulous stare.

“It’s called a joke, you maniac!” he cries. “How would you like it if I went around pinching your ass?”

I shrug. “Dunno, I’ve never had a chance to experience it because you’re such a soft cock.”

“Oh yeah? Well... take this!” In a moment of defiance, Max brings his hand around and cups my ass cheek through the denim of my jeans, before giving it a gentle squeeze. I ignore the butterflies that explode in my stomach at his simple touch and remind myself to get a boyfriend. If I’m getting all flustered from my best friend’s touch, then I’m definitely going through a drought.

He quickly releases my butt and stares at his hand in amazement, as if he can’t quite believe he just did that. He quickly shrugs it off and then stares at me expectantly and awaits my reaction.

“Ooh, I liked it. Do it again,” I purr, rubbing my head against his arm.

“Unbelievable,” he says, stalking off.

“What?” I cry after him. “Aw come on, Max! Don’t leave me hanging!”

I run down the hall and leap onto Max’s back, wrapping my legs around his middle and clinging to his broad shoulders.

“Liz! Get off me!” laughs Max, unable to stay mad at me for too long. I’m much too adorable for people to be mad at me.

“You love it,” I tell him, tightening my hold around his neck. “Tell me you forgive me.”

“Never,” he replies steadfastly as he walks towards the classroom.

“Oh come on, you know you wanna,” I wheedle. When he doesn’t respond, I hatch a plan. “Max, I’m about to take drastic action...”

“Like what?”

“Like this,” I reply, biting him on the neck.

“Liz!” Max cries out, reaching up to wipe at his fresh bite mark. “I don’t want your rabies.”

“Like you didn’t have them before,” I scoff, biting his ear to illustrate my point.

Max laughs and tries to swat me away. “Liz, you know this is sexual harassment.”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love my little love bites, baby,” I growl into his ear, clinging even tighter around his middle as he tries to peel my legs off of him.

“Just friends, my ass,” comes a growl from the behind us. I can feel Max’s groan mirroring mine as we both recognise the owner of said voice. Max turns slowly and we come face to face with none other than Sean DeLuca.

“Hello Sean,” I sigh, knowing exactly what’s coming next. “You’re looking well.”

“Liz. Max. You know, for two supposedly platonic friends, you sure are touchy feely,” he spits, glaring at us both angrily.

“Sean, we didn’t break up because I’m boning Max,” I explain exasperatedly. “We broke up because you’re a possessive dick.”

“What a convenient excuse,” he grinds out. “I don’t buy it.”

“Friends act this way around each other, Sean. Which you would know if you had any friends.”

“I don’t see you acting this way with Michael,” he points out, making me stop to consider his words. I suppose I don’t.

“Yeah, but Michael doesn’t bathe,” I reply simply, earning a laugh from Max. Sean simply glares bitterly at us both.

Sean’s face becomes pleading and I almost groan again, knowing what’s about to come. “Liz, we could get back together, all you have to do is stop talking to Max. You know we were good together.”

“If by good you meant horrendous, then I completely agree. You know what, no matter how hideous you were to Max, he never, not once, asked me to stop seeing you. I can’t stand ultimatums and frankly, I have no real desire to get back with you anyway.”

Sean’s face quickly snaps back to its embittered glare before he spins on his heel and stalks off wordlessly.

“What a dick bag,” I mutter into Max’s shoulder as we watch his retreat.

Max snorts and nods in agreement.
***
“So how was detention yesterday?” queries Maria, Tess and my poetic escapades having made their way around the school’s grapevine. We’ve had two so far and each time is a little more soul destroying than the last.

“Ugh, complete buttfuckery,” I groan. “Tony Nesbitt saw fit to spend his entire time sending notes to Tess and I asking us if we wanted a threeway, if we were wet and if we liked anal and so on and so forth.”

“Charming,” grunts Max.

“A real prince among men,” I reply sarcastically as I stab my straw into my juicebox.

“So what’d you do about him?” asks Alex, sitting next to Maria, completely oblivious to the dashed hopes of Isabel who had a spare seat right beside her.

I smirk a little and try to keep my face straight. “He asked for my phone number at the end of the session. I gave him yours.”

“Thanks Parker. For reals. I love you.”

“Welcome,” I tell him, blowing him a kiss.

It’s then that I notice Maria’s agitation and that there are two spare seats on the table instead of one. Tess has a lunch date with Kyle, which I think is adorable. But Michael had his date with Lisa Singh last night and usually he’d be here telling us all the dirty details about how he dipped his wick. Something must be terribly wrong for him not to be here gloating.

“Where’s Stinky Pants Magee?” I query, looking around hoping to spot him.

Max brings his head up and looks around, searching for his large frame as well. “Who, Michael? I dunno.”

“Maybe he’s looking for a repeat performance from Lisa,” suggests Alex, completely oblivious to the pain he’s causing Maria with such a casual remark. In fact, he’s completely oblivious to most things.

“Nah, that’s not his style,” I mutter.

“Something must have gone terribly wrong last night if he’s not here gloating today,” muses Isabel.

“Maybe he finally contracted herpes,” suggests Alex, much to my amusement.

I chuckle with wicked amusement. “Ahh, herpes... the gift that keeps on giving.”

“Hey Maria,” segues Alex. “You want to come over tonight and watch a movie?”

Max and I exchange worried looks, but Alex and Maria are both completely oblivious to our tenseness.

She sends him a half assed apologetic smile that has Alex slumping. “Sorry Alex, tonight’s Mexican night for me and Mom. But you could probably come over if you want to, Mom always makes way more than she should.”

Alex’s face visibly brightens. Sorry Alex, but this is not the booty call you think it is. “Yeah?”

Maria yawns and pulls out her phone. “Sure, I’ll text her and make sure.”

Alex sits there glowing and Max and I exchange another look, one that speaks of the impending doom to come. This will not be pretty.
***
I yelp in surprise as a hand grabs my wrist and pulls me under the bleachers. I’m about to yell for help when I notice who it is that actually pulled me under here. It’s Kyle and he’s looking a little worse for wear.

“Why Kyle, I had no idea you felt that way about me,” I tell him, my voice laced with amusement.

“I need your help with Tess,” he shoots out hurriedly, apparently skipping any pretence of a greeting.

“Say what?”

He sighs and rubs a hand down his face. “I need you to help me with Tess.”

I stare at him in confusion. “What about her?”

“You know how she’s always hopping from one guy to another? I need to be the guy that sticks.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “You need to?”

He looks around for any listeners before he says, “I really, really like her. Like, a lot.”

I can’t help it. I know is shouldn’t, but I let out a loud, “Awwwwwww!”

Kyle groans and his hopeful expression fades. I think I’ve just killed all hope he ever had of me helping him out. I don’t care, it’s too cute.

“That’s so adorable, I just want to pinch your cheeks!”

“Please refrain,” begs Kyle.

“Sorry, I’m refraining. I swear.” I put my hands behind my back to prove my point. “I’m here for the helping. What do you need to know?”

“I need to know why she ended her previous relationships. What’d those guys do wrong?” he asks as he paces back and forth.

I pause and tilt my head, reflecting on her previous boyfriends. “You mean besides being dickheads?”

“I was hoping for something more specific.”

I run through the more horrible guys that Tess’s dated and start to compile their list of relationship ending actions. “Ok, one dude cheated on her. Don’t do that.”

“Check.”

“Another started calling her a fat bitch about a week into dating. Don’t do that. Ever.”

“Believe me, I would never,” Kyle sputters, looking outraged at the idea that someone had spoken that way to Tess.

I smile at him. “Good. Another didn’t care when his friends treated her like a whore. He also spread rumours that she put out on the first date.”

“What an asshole,” mutters Kyle, his fists clenching by his sides. Ah, don’t we love a bit of macho male posturing.

“Look Kyle, I don’t think you need to be told not to do these things, so I’m going to give you ideas of things to do as opposed to what not to do. Look, Tess is a huge romantic at heart and really simple things make her feel giddy. Like... offer to carry her books for her or walk her to her next class. Pick her a flower. Brush her hair back behind her ear. Hold her hand. Just make her feel special, Kyle, and she won’t ever have any reason to leave you.”

I can see Kyle mentally storing this information away and I smile at his eagerness. I personally don’t think he has anything to worry about. If he sticks to the plan, Tess should be eating out of his hand in no time.

“Ok, I think I’ve got it,” he tells me.

“Woohoo!” I cheer. “Go team!”

“Thanks Liz. I really appreciate your help,” Kyle tells me sincerely.

I shrug and head towards the sunlight. “No biggie. But if you should let me down, you’ll be wearing an imprint of my sneakers in your ass.”

“Duly noted,” he chuckles.
***
“Have fun in free,” Max tells me as he wanders off to Chemistry.

“Shall do,” I reply with a wink and a salute, before heading off in the opposite direction. I pause as I come across Michael who is gesticulating wildly to me from an empty classroom. What the hump is he doing?

I wander over closer to him, wondering what the hell is wrong with him. However, I’m completely unprepared for him to grab my wrist and pull me through the doorway.

“What is it with people grabbing me today?” I ask as he closes the door behind me.

Michael gives me a harried look. “Ok, so I have a major issue.”

“Yes, I know,” I sigh. “But I want you to know that being transgender isn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

“Liz, I’m serious.”

That one statement kills any amusement in me. Because Michael is never, ever serious.

“Ok, just tell me what the problem is.”

He wrings his hands nervously and I can tell that this is something he’s having trouble discussing. “Ok, so I was out on a date with Lisa Singh the other night. I had just parked the car out on Buckley’s point. So anyway, things were getting a little hot and heavy and she started giving me head. Seriously, it was one of the best hummers I’ve ever had, she was just going to town, she even-”

“Michael,” I interrupt him sharply, my gross out meter at eleven. “Is this really relevant to the issue at hand?”

“Sorry,” he says abashedly. “Anyway, the point is... in the middle of it, I moan out, “Maria,” instead of Lisa.”

I pause for a moment, unable to take in what I’ve just heard. “You moaned out Maria’s name instead of Lisa’s? What’d Lisa do?”

“Nothing, she didn’t notice. They’re similar, right? I mean, it’d be easy to make that mistake, wouldn’t it?” he asks, his voice almost pleading.

I shake my head and send him an apologetic shrug. “They’re not that similar.”

“What am I going to do?” he asks, slumping down on a chair in defeat.

“Do you like Maria?” I ask softly, not wanting to upset him further.

“I mean, she’s attractive... but...”

“But what?”

He runs his hands through his hair and groans irritably. “But ever since, I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s like she’s moved into my head and she shouldn’t be in there.”

“Why not?”

He looks at me like I’ve gone insane. “Because she’s my friend! I’m not supposed to have romantic feelings towards my friend!”

“I find it very interesting that you just said romantic feelings instead of sexual attraction.”

He rolls his eyes at me. “I know lust, and this... thing... whatever it is isn’t lust.”

“Michael... have you considered that maybe you’re falling in love with Maria?”

“Don’t be daft,” he scoffs. “There’s a huge difference between liking someone more than a friend and falling in love with them.”

I’m still sceptical. “So you’re in like?”

“Yes,” he says urgently, as if he’s desperate for it to be true. “I can fight feeling more for her than a friend should, but I can’t fight being in love with her.”

Michael looks about ready to flee. This is so not good for Maria that he’s fighting his feelings so much. Hopefully I can take advantage of his worked up state. An evil plan formulates in my mind.

“You know what you need to do to get rid of this inconvenient little crush?” I enquire as innocently as I can.

“What?” he asks hurriedly, desperately. Like a drowning man floundering for a life preserver, I’ve got him anxious for my help. Oh man, I really hope this works.

“Ask her out.”

Michael frowns and looks at me like I’ve gone mad. Clearly this was not the advice that he was expecting. “Say what?”

I hold my hands up in defence and begin to explain my somewhat strange advice. “Ask her out. If you don’t go on a date with her then you’ll just be sitting around stagnating while your crush gets bigger.” Michael shudders at this prospect. Clearly he likes to be emotionally unattached. I’m going to have to play on this fear to make my plan work. Forgive me Michael, but you’re about to get played. “But... if you take her out on a date then you can realise why it is that you two are incompatible. There’ll be no sparks and you can put your troubled mind to rest that you aren’t meant to be.”

He mulls it over in his head for a moment, before asking cautiously, “What if she says no?”

I smile, knowing that I’m swaying him over with my twisted advice. “Even quicker. There’s nothing like crushing rejection to make you fall out of like with someone. It’ll be awkward for a while, sure, but way more convenient for you to handle than if you let your crush grow into love.”

“What if I don’t get over her? What if the date goes really well?” he challenges, obviously seeing through the obvious flaw in my plan.

Shit Liz, think. Aha! “Repeat the process. Keep dating her. There’s nothing like prolonged dating to kill any romantic spark between two people. Take me and Sean for example.”

Michael nods as if I’ve said something really wise and I muffle my snigger. I can’t believe he’s actually buying this shit.

“Ok, thanks Liz.” He lays a hand on my shoulder just before he goes to leave. “You’re a real pal.”

He shuts the door and I burst into wicked laughter. I, Liz Parker, am an evil genius.
***
“My life sucks,” says Alex, flopping himself onto my bed.

“What a cheery greeting,” I mutter from my desk chair, which until Alex’s arrival, I’d been using to do some much needed homework.

“I knew that this would happen. I told myself, “Don’t go there, Alex, this isn’t going to work. You’re just setting yourself up for a fall.” But do I listen to myself? Nooooooooooooo, I just throw myself out there all bloodied and in pain to be eaten by wolves. Metaphorically speaking of course.” Alex finishes this little rant with a huff, letting his head fall back against the bed, before rolling over to fix me with an accusing glare. “Well? Are you going to tend to my emotional pain or what?”

I flick back through his speech, trying to find something that will clue me in to what he’s talking about. In the end, I admit defeat. “I’m not sure I follow...”

He groans and palms his eye sockets. “She just flat out refused, Liz. Do you know how damaging this is to my self esteem?”

“I take it you asked Maria out?” I venture a guess.

Alex nods his head as best he can with his head pretty much swallowed by my oversized pillows.

I grimace. “Yeesh, what were you thinking, Alex?”

“Oh I dunno, I was thinking that I like her and I want to date her,” he grumbles, looking very sorry for himself.

“And you didn’t stop to run this by me first? Alex, I repeat, what were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I couldn’t take a dump without your say so. Next time I’ll check in first.”

I roll my eyes at his testy tone. “No need to get all sandy on me, Alex. I’m just saying, I’m her best friend, I know exactly how she feels about you and I’m more than willing to share that information with you to stop this sort of soul crushing rejection. I’m your greatest resource and you didn’t even think to use me. Christ, boy, use your noggin. I raised you better than that.”

He sends me a dejected stare. “You knew she would say no?”

All joking tones are completely gone from my voice as I say, “Sorry, Alex.”

He’s silent for a moment and I hope that this is the beginning of Alex’s moving on. He sits up suddenly and turns to me. “Liz, I need your help.”

I’m taken aback by his sudden turn around in demeanour. He’s gone from crushed to energised in a matter of seconds. “In reference to...?”

“My love life.”

I shake my head in bemusement. “Do I have a sign on my head that says, ask me to help you with your love life?”

“What?”

“Never mind,” I tell him, my hopes running wild that he’s decided to move on from Maria now that he knows she doesn’t want him like that. “Which girl?”

Please be Isabel. Please be Isabel. Please be Isabel...

He gives me a look that crushes my hopes and tells me that I’m stupid all in one. “Maria. You need to help me get her. Work your mojo and make her like me.”

I snort and shake my head and return to my homework. “Absolutely no way am I going anywhere near that.”

He sits up and stares at me. “Why not?”

I sigh and place my pen down before swivelling in my chair to face him. “Because, there is no way I’m hurting my friend like that.”

“Being with me would hurt Maria?” asks Alex, puzzlement and hurt etched across his face.

“Not Maria. Someone else.”

“Someone else likes Maria?” Alex asks, apparently truly disturbed and worried by the news. Ah nertz, his inconvenient crush is going to throw a spanner in the works.

“No! I mean, yeah... recently... but that wasn’t what I was talking about.” I seem to have turned into Sally the stuttering tard. “You’re impossibly dense, you know that?”

“Wait, you mean... someone likes me?” Alex says that so incredulously one would think that he’s a toothless, flea infested, crotchety old bum covered in bodily sores and reeking of shit and piss. Like your mom. Ha ha! Zing.

“Bingo.” I tell him, impatiently watching the amazement cross over his face.

“Who?” he asks, genuine puzzlement written across his face.

“Frigging hell, Alex! Open your eyes!” Clearly due to the spike in demand for my mad girlie skillz, I have run out of patience and compassion.

“Is she a close friend of yours?” he asks, obviously unable to see the blatantly obvious.

“Yep. Close friend of yours as well, actually.” Now usually I wouldn’t go around spilling on my friends and their crushes, but really, drastic times call for drastic measures. And if Alex doesn’t clue in to the completely obvious, then I’ll do as much as I can to help him along, even if it means betraying Isabel’s confidence. Besides, I need to give her some payback for the time she wedgied me in gym and I had to claw my underwear from out of my ass in front of everyone. Seriously, she almost lifted me off my feet. It caned like a motherbitch, so I had to get the panties to do a quick exodus from my butt.

“It’s not you... is it?” he enquires seriously.

I take a deep breath in and then try to calm the frustration in me. “Alex, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Well, if it’s not you, then who is it?” he asks defensively. “You’ve said it’s not Maria, Tess is hot for Kyle and so...” Alex’s eyes widen and I begin to sing the hallelujah chorus in my head. I think he’s finally got it. “Isabel?”

I smile enigmatically at him. If I don’t voice it, then I can’t be held accountable for spilling the beans. New rule, I made it up just then.

“Isabel... likes me?” Alex seems to be talking more to himself now. He looks so dazed. It’s so amusing. Totally makes up for the annoyance factor of ten billion from before.

“That’s not possible,” he finally concludes, looking up at me, prepared to defend his stance.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because she’s... gorgeous! What could she possibly see in someone like me?”

“It’s not like you’re some hideous chud from the planet Barf, Alex.” I exclaim, feeling the need to defend him from himself. “Besides, Isabel’s hot for your huge... mind. Hearing you talk about rams and hard drives makes her all moist.”

Alex pauses, reflecting on what I’ve just said and then shakes his head. “Why the hell did I come to you about this?”

“Because Tess would be even worse than me?” I say, hazarding a guess.

“Oh God,” he groans. “Could you imagine Tess trying to give love life advice?”

“Crime against nature,” I shudder.

Alex shakes off the thought and returns to the topic at hand. “But seriously, why?”

“Alex, if you can’t see what a great guy you are, then there’s not much I can do about that. But Isabel’s noticed it, clearly and she likes you.” Aw crud, there goes my not spilling the beans rule. Whatever, she’ll totally thank me when she and Alex are off doing the rumpy pumpy. I’ll tell her after she’s been all sexed up, she’ll hopefully be in a more thankful mood.

“But she’s so beautiful... it shouldn’t be possible that she’d like me.”

“What are you saying? That it was ok for you to pursue Maria because she’s not beautiful?”

“What?” Alex cries out in outrage. “No! Don’t put words in my mouth. Maria’s beautiful, you know that.”

“I know, I’m just messing with you.” I lean over and punch him on the arm, celebrating my own humour. He is not as amused.

“You suck, you know that?” he asks.

“You want a demonstration?” I enquire saucily, licking my lips.

He laughs, despite himself. “I’ll pass. Besides, I have no desire to get my head pummelled in.”

I pause, confused by his last statement. “Why would you get bashed?”

Alex pauses uncomfortably then swiftly changes the subject. “So, you think I stand a chance with Isabel?”

Weird. But hey, I’m not going to dwell.

“Oh, I see how it is,” I tease him. “Isabel comes on the scene and now Maria’s chopped liver?”

“No... I... I don’t know. I guess now that I think about it, it’s appealing to me more. But I’ve spent so long pursuing Maria... I mean, to give up now? What will I have accomplished?”

“You’ll have learnt to recognise a hopeless case, for starters,” I deadpan. “Give it up Al, she’s just not into you that way.”

“Is she into someone else? Honestly.” he asks me, looking me right in the eye.

Aw fucksticks. Now I can’t lie. “Yeah, she is.”

Alex grimaces. “Ow. That hurt more than I thought it would.”

“Sorry, Alex.”

“S’ok. I asked for the truth. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“You are most welcome my dearest poppet,” I tell him brightly, hoping to god that all my friends love lives get sorted out after this. They seriously owe me their first borns after all the shit I’ve gone through today for them.

Thank God my dear, sweet, loveless Max doesn’t make me go through this crap. I frown as I think about the idea of Max with a girlfriend. It’s strangely a prospect I don’t like. I’ve always been his number one girl. I don’t want to share him.

I can’t even imagine him with another girl. In my head it’s always just him and I talking shit and hanging out.

I shrug out of it and try to focus on Alex, but the thought of Max and some faceless tramp remains. Why can’t I shake it out of my head?
***
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Re: More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) Pt 3, 3rd June

Post by Rowedog »

This goes out to Alien_Friend who not only shared her winnings with you guys, but also needed a pick me up. Hope this makes you smile, Novy.

Thank you all so much for your fb, hopefully I don’t miss anyone in this list. I’m prone to doing that because I’m silly. I’m hoping to get this over and done, which is why the parts are so long, because I had all this stuff planned out in the chapters that I wanted to have happen, and then I had to put in some of my super special banter and the recent chapters have ended up being about 14-16 pages long. So hopefully the next part will be the last, but there might be an epilogue. Dunno yet. I’ll let you know next update.

Hope you like!

Novy- feel happy!
Neve- I think this part should be the kick in the arse that she really needs.
Abbs007
LilLoucfer
Steph-
Thanks Steph, but I think Liz talking herself through her feelings is beyond even my powers. :lol:
Destiny- Who said it’s Max that needs to take a hint? Maybe he’s all hinted up... :wink:
Leila- I should really stop putting in things that I say or do in my fics, huh? It’s a tad mary-sueish. But hey, it’s fun.
Ashley
Ginger
BB
Tamashii
Chad-
Spanks Chad. Funny you should mention it, because fucksticks is a staple for me. I say it at least three times a week if not more.
Ms_BuffyAnneSummers
Keepsmiling7
Natalie36
Emz
Eve
Nitpick23

Guel- Lol, it’s funny that everyone picks on Max for being blind... I don’t know. I think (well I know, I’m the author) that Max has a bit more vision than everyone’s giving him credit for.
Jessah
Crazedearthgirl

Caro-
This is what I call a failure to update everyday
This is what I call a failure to understand reality, you insaneo. How’s things?
Raychel- Thank you, I’m really glad you’re enjoying it! I’m not a big follower of the “Tess must be evil in every fic” belief. I’ve made her evil once and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that that fic was completely forgettable :lol:. Making her awesome or misunderstood is way more fun and challenging. I love her in this fic and I love writing her and Liz as good friends.
Chapter Four: Frencherisation and Pokemon
“Michael just asked me out!” squeals Maria, grabbing my arms and swinging me in a joyous circle. Which would be fine if I wasn’t carrying about ten tonne worth of books. I feel like I’m going to fall onto my face and impale myself on the corner of my hardback bio textbook.

Once she stops swinging me around, I put on my surprised face and act like this isn’t news to me.

“He did? Well gee, isn’t that wonderful?” I cringe at my bad acting and my overly excited tone, but luckily Maria doesn’t notice. She’s too excited to see anything right now. “So you said yes?”

“Yeah I did,” her voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper and she hooks her arm through mine and pulls me in closer to whisper to me. “But I don’t know if I should’ve said yes or not... I mean, there’s someone here that might be hurt by the fact that I’m dating someone else.”

“Don’t worry about Alex, I’m all over that situation like poo on toast,” I tell her grandly, dismissing her worries offhand.

Luckily for me, Maria’s too entrenched in Liz-talk that my last statement doesn’t even draw a raised eyebrow. “You know?”

I nod as we skirt around other people in the hall on their way to class, all the while huddling together and talking in low tones like the co-conspirators we are. “He told me. Apparently I’m the go to gal for shit like this.”

“Since when?”

“I’m a little hurt by your scepticism,” I tell her. “It’s not like I’m a completely backwards tard. Besides, I totally got Alex to look Isabel’s way and told Kyle how to hook Tess. Not bad for a day’s work.”

Maria shoots me a disapproving glance, and I yearn to tell her about my success with her and Michael, if only to wipe that morally superior look off her face. But, I resist. “You know, you shouldn’t meddle in other people’s affairs. How would you like it if I messed with your love life?”

I laugh disbelievingly. “I don’t have a love life to mess with.”

“Sure you don’t,” she snorts,

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You could have a love life, if you wanted one...” she says suggestively, causing me to groan.

“If you’re referring to the situation with your cousin, can I just say that I’d need a lobotomy to go back there again? He’s-”

“I wasn’t talking about him,” Maria cuts in with a superior smirk

That pulls me up short. “Well... who are you talking about then?”

“You’re such a love guru, you figure it out,” she teases, just as we reach her History class’s door. “Buh-bye now.”

I scowl at the closing door and then surlily make my way to French. Her cryptic message is going to have me preoccupied all day. Fecking Maria.
***
“Hey guys,” chirps Tess brightly as she reaches the table, Kyle in tow. “You know Kyle, right?”

“Oh yeah, me and Kyle go way back. We’ve gone through some really tough times together and come out stronger as a result. I’ve never felt as close to another guy as I do to him. I love you man.” Michael finishes his heartfelt speech by clasping Kyle in a hug. Kyle, having never said more than five words to Michael before this day looks suitably freaked out.

Tess groans as our entire table cracks up laughing. “Michael, do you think you could possibly contain yourself, please?”

Michael sits back down and leans back, appraising Kyle. “I’m sure Kyle doesn’t mind, do you Kyle?”

I hold my breath as I await Kyle’s answer, knowing that this is a test to see how he reacts. If he doesn’t pass, then Michael’s going to make his entire relationship with Tess very difficult.

Luckily, Kyle seems to see the challenge in Michael’s gaze just as I do. He merely shrugs and replies flippantly, “No, it’s cool. It’s an off day when I don’t have some guy telling me that he loves me.”

Michael’s smile grows and I can tell that Kyle’s passed the test, which is a relief considering I did all that ground work for him.

“So Kyle, you play football?” enquires Michael with a wicked gleam in his eye. “Don’t you think it’s kinda gay to play with balls, slap other dudes on the butt then go shower with them?”

“I don’t know Michael,” replies Kyle calmly. “Don’t you think it’s kinda gay to go around hugging dudes and telling them that you love them?”

“Touche,” replies Michael, leaning forward, his eyes bright as he anticipates an energetic sparring match.

“Alright homophobes, can we stop this now?” asks Isabel, exasperated by Michael’s treatment of our guest.

Michael shrugs, showing a complete lack of concern. “I’m just looking out for Tess’s welfare. How do we know that Kyle’s not here to get closer to me?”

“He hasn’t had a lobotomy recently,” snipes Tess, annoyed with Michael and his attitude.

“He also bathes regularly, so I’m assuming he enjoys the company of people who do the same,” suggests Alex, drawing a giggle from Isabel, which he looks very proud of. Man, my matchmaking skills are on fire.

“Hey!” protests Michael. “I shower every day!”

“Notice he didn’t deny the lobotomy?” Max points out as he opens his bag of chips and places it between us on the table so that we can share. It’s our tradition to share our food. Especially chips. Max knows I’m a total slut for chips.

Michael twists his lip as he muses upon the question. “Might explain why I’m doing so badly in Spanish, actually.”

“You need help?” Maria offers

“Aah, my Spanish princess, teach me your language of love,” Michael replies in what I can only assume is meant to be a Spanish accent.

Maria laughs as Michael sweeps up her hand in his and begins peppering kisses all over her exposed skin. “Michael! That was the most horrendous Spanish accent ever. It was like... French or something.”

“I can only do one accent,” explains Michael, who has stopped kissing her hand and is now simply holding it on the lunch table. “Every accent gets the same Frencherisation from me.”

I laugh at their interaction and then look across to Alex to see him watching them closely with far less amusement than me. Uh oh, methinks I see a problem coming along.

I reach my leg out and kick blindly, hoping to connect with his shins, so that he’ll take the hint. Unfortunately I connect with Isabel’s instead.

“Ow! Motherfucker! Who did that?” she screeches, reaching down to clutch at her battered leg.

“Sorry,” I cringe, knowing that whatever excuse I give will be extremely lame. “There was... a bee?”

“There was a bee under the table so you decided to... kick it?” she manages to get out through gritted teeth. “You decided to kick a flying insect?”

“Clearly it wasn’t the most well thought out plan,” I protest while Max sniggers into his hand. I shoot him an evil look, silently telling him to shut up.

It’s then that I notice that Alex has commandeered Isabel’s leg so that he can check on it and has his full attention on Isabel. I had only hoped to remind him to pay more attention to Isabel, but now he’s completely forgotten about Michael and Maria and is solely focussed on Isabel. I’m so fucking awesome, even when I make a mistake it turns out great.

“Hey Liz,” says Michael, grabbing my attention.

“Yes Michael?” I sigh, knowing what’s to come.

“Tard.”

I shake my head sadly as all my friends laugh, excluding Isabel and Alex who are still engrossed playing doctor. “Fuck you Michael.”

Tess smirks at me and pats me on the head condescendingly. “It’s ok, Liz. You’re pretty.”

“Whatever,” I reply airily, turning my attention back to Max’s bag of chips. “I don’t need you guys, I have chips. Chippies, chippies, chippies. Chippies will never talk down to me.”

“I hope you and chippies are very happy together,” Max tells me. “Hopefully that nasty Mr Bee won’t come around again, because then you’d have to kick him again and you know-”

I slap my hand over Max’s mouth, cutting him off. “Shut up before I kick you in the wing wang.”

“I’m on a boat, motherfucker,” sings Michael suddenly, bopping his head along time with the music he can hear in his head.

“Michael!” snaps Isabel, obviously still cranky from getting kicked in the leg. Whatever woman, you totally got some sweet Alex lovin’ from that injury, so why are you bitching? “Would you stop singing that fucking song?”

Isabel just had a double period of Art with Michael, so clearly this random outburst into song isn’t just a one off occurrence.

“It’s stuck in my head!” protests Michael, narrowing his eyes at Isabel who seems a little flushed from her leg rub from Alex.

“So you decided to get it stuck in all our heads too?” asks Kyle, piping up for the first time in a long while.

“Yep.”

Kyle shrugs at Michael’s blunt reply. “Well, sharing is caring.”

“And I just care so much,” simpers Michael before bursting into song once more. “I’m on a dolphin doing flips and shit, blah, blah, blah, blah, getting everybody all wet!”

“Shut up before I hand you out some bee treatment,” threatens Isabel. I groan in not so silent mortification. I wish I’d thought of a better excuse. Now I seem to be the butt of every joke.

“Better do what she says, Michael,” recommends Maria, with a glib smile. “She sounds serious.”

Michael weighs up his opponent and a wicked gleam enters his eye.

“I fucked a mermaaaaaaaaaaaaid!” he wails, horrendously out of tune and far too loudly.

“Ran through the human female population so quickly that he had to resort to other species?” enquires Max, with a grin.

I pin him with a death glare when I watch Maria’s face fall at the reminder of Michael’s whoring ways.

“Shut up you knob sniffer!” I hiss into his ear. “Maria and he are kinda getting together and you’re ruining it!”

I expect Max to be wowed by this knowledge, to be amazed by my revelation of our two friends hooking up, but he merely looks bemused for a moment before bursting into hysterics.

“Knob sniffer?”

“Never mind,” I groan, laying my head on the table next to the empty packet of chips.

“You know I could handle it better if you actually knew the words and could sing more than three lines,” Isabel grunts, obviously admitting defeat against the unstoppable tide that is Michael.

“Now Isabel, that’s an unreasonable demand,” Alex tells her gently. “You know Michael’s had a lobotomy.”

Michael nods his head vehemently. “Yeah! Be nice to the tards or Parker and I will come at you like a buzzard.”

“What? How did I get lumped in with Michael?” I protest.

Tess stares at me incredulously. “You kicked a bee, Liz. That’s pretty tard-worthy behaviour.”

I’m just about to rebut their claims when a completely unwelcome voice once again interrupts what had been a perfectly fine conversation.

“Liz.”

I don’t even bother turning to look at him, I can tell from his tone that he’s here, all geared up for a fight.

“I’ve been thinking recently,” Sean begins, a menacing underlying tone to his voice that really pisses me off.

“Did it hurt?” asks Maria, earning her laughter from everyone seated at the table and an admiring stare from Michael, which she blushes under.

Sean merely fumes for a minute and then dismisses her with a witty retort of, “Whatever.”

He then turns back to me and I groan in frustration knowing that he won’t leave till he’s said what he wants to say. I can’t believe I ever liked him. He must have slipped me some crack while I wasn’t looking or something.

“You know what your problem is?”

I sigh in resignation. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

His nostrils flare just before he begins and throughout his entire speech I’m only half listening as the other half of my brain is watching his nose in fascination, wondering if they’ll flare again. “You think you’re a nice person. But you’re not. You walk around here, looking down on everyone as if their problems were made for your enjoyment. You think you’re better than everyone else.”

“Not everyone,” I correct him with an amused wink. “Just you.”

“And that’s another thing, you’re-”

“Sean, no one cares!” I huff in exasperation. “Least of all me. You can try to palm off all the responsibility of our break up onto me if it makes you feel better, but it doesn’t make you right. You’re possessive, rude and frankly I’m done trying to explain all this to you. It’s been months, you should be over this by now.”

Sean’s face goes a nice red and he looks like he’s about to explode. He finally manages to choke out, “You’re nothing but a heartless tease.”

“Well, you’re a...” I huff for a moment, not knowing what insult to use because I’m so riled up. “Ball gargler!”

Sean’s so taken aback by this insult that he completely loses his anger. “A ball gargler?”

“That’s right. You gargle balls, ball gargler.” I pause, turning to Max, the word sounding funny in my own head. “Gargle, gargle, gargle. Gargle. Hey, I’ve said it so much that that word has lost all meaning to me. Gargle.”

“I did that once with lemon,” replies Max. “Said it so much that it didn’t even sound like a word anymore.”

“Uh, excuse me? We’re in the middle of something” says Sean rudely, probably wanting to continue this pointless argument.

“Are you still here?” I snipe back, so sick of the way he talks to my best friend. “This conversation is over. Be elsewhere.”

Sean debates on that for a moment before spinning on his heel and stalking off. Seems like that’s a habit for him.

“Christ, I so did not need that right now,” I groan. “Why’s he gotta be such a dick?”

“You were kinda rude, Liz,” says Isabel hesitantly, as if expecting backlash from me.

I sigh and lay my head down on the table again. “I know, but he pissed me off. I’m always portrayed as the bad guy in that relationship, when he was the one telling what to do, who to talk to and what to wear. He was an ass. He deserves to be hurt.”

“Okey doke then,” chirps Michael, having previously stated that he didn’t care whether Sean lived or died, just so long as he stayed out of my life.

“I don’t know,” says Alex tentatively. “I think I’d turn into a bit of a jealous pig if my girlfriend was so close to another guy as you are to Max. I’d wonder what he was giving her that I couldn’t.”

“Multiple orgasms?” Tess suggests sweetly.

Despite my bad mood, I laugh at that. “It’s not like I was dicking Max in the eraser room. He’s my friend, it’s platonic. If he can’t accept that then it’s not my problem.”

“Dicking?” asks Kyle with a laugh. “I thought that was the guy’s job.”

“It’s not a gender specific term,” I protest. “Tess said so.”

“Oh well... if Tess said so then it must be true,” Michael says with a tone of fake awe and amazement.

“You’re damn right, Michael,” agrees Tess just as the bell rings. She stands up and stretches and then gestures to Kyle. “Come along you, we have Spanish next.”

Kyle stands up and Tess smiles at his obedience. She’s totally digging him and I have to admit, I’m digging them together.

“Ok, catch you dudes later,” says Tess as she picks up her stuff preparing to head off with Kyle. “I got my swim trunks... and my flippy floppies...” Tess pulls up short, a look of outrage on her face as she realises that Michael managed to get the song stuck in her head as well.

“MICHAEL GUERIN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” She screeches as Michael pelts off into the distance, for once in his life managing to get to class early.
***
“Goddamn effing Michael,” curses Isabel as we walk towards our next class. “He’s got that song stuck in my head. I can’t stand having a song stuck in my head.”

I nod in complete agreement. “I know. I once had a song stuck in my head for three days and I nearly killed myself.”

“What song was that?” she asks as we dodge people going the other way.

I take a deep breath and begin to sing it for her. “There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Eliza, dear Eliza.”

Isabel’s face is a comical mixture of horror and revulsion. “Liz, that songs is so lame that even old people think it’s lame.”

I laugh at her horrifically ageist remark. “And old people are clearly the height of lameness.”

Isabel huffs a little and rolls her eyes. “Yeah well, I know you have that whole bonding-grandmotherly-grandaughterly love fest happening with Grandma Claudia, but the only grandma/old person I’ve ever known was a crotchety old bitch who smelt like cat food and urine, so my perspective on old people isn’t exactly unbiased.”

“Cat food and urine?” I query, unable to stop the laughter from creeping into my voice.

“Yeah, Mom always made me hug her when we went to visit her in the nursing home,” recalls Isabel with a shudder. “Scarred for life. And one time she even made Max rub at her-”

“-corns with a pumice stone,” I finish off for her with a shrug. “I know, he told me.”

Isabel flicks her eyebrows up and smirks. “Should have guessed.”

I don’t like the look on her face, like she knows something I don’t. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She shakes her head and snorts, avoiding my gaze. “Nothing, just that you and Max are very close, that’s all.”

“Well yeah... he’s my best friend,” I reply in confusion, not knowing what she’s getting at.

Isabel just gives a non-committal, “Hmm,” in response before falling silent again.

And completely unbidden, the image of Max with a some faceless girl pops into my head a disturbs me once again. I grimace and try to push it out of my mind, but there the image remains. Christ, I need to do something about this. Max and I don’t really ever talk about his love life or lack thereof, but he might tell his twin sister some things.

I clear my throat and gather my courage to ask. I can’t believe the effort this question is taking and why it’s so nerve racking I have no idea. “Hey Isabel, does Max... like anyone? Like a girl?”

Isabel’s expression is one of pure shock which swiftly changes to confusion. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

I shrug and try to put into words why it’s so much of a no go zone between us. I don’t even know why it’s like that. It just always has been ever since we hit puberty. “I don’t know... it’s weird. We don’t talk about stuff like that. It’s probably the only thing we don’t talk about.”

“Why are you so interested?” Isabel asks casually, clutching her books a little closer to her chest and watching me carefully from the corner of her eye.

I shrug it off and shake my head with a casual laugh. “No reason. I just thought I could help him out if he was interested in hooking up with someone.”

Actually, the thought is not appealing to me, but I’d do it if he asked. So long as the girl met my standards. I’m not having some cheap slut sink her claws into him. Time to change the subject before Isabel continues this line of conversation that I’m not even sure why I’m having.

“So anyway, Alex was totally attentive to you at lunch today...” I say suggestively, loving that her entire demeanour instantly brightens.

“Oh my god, you saw it too? I thought I was just overreacting or seeing things that weren’t there. But the fact that you saw it... oh my god I could just girly squeal or pee my pants or something. I feel like I’m about to explode!”

I smile widely at her infectious excitement. “Explode elsewhere. I like this top, I don’t need gooey Isabel bits all over it.”

Isabel begins to bounce a bit as we walk, no doubt trying to expend some nervous energy. “I’m so glad I wasn’t just overreacting again.”

I grin, loving the success I’m having. I should be hired for shit like this. “I think it’s safe to say that Alex is finally pulling his head out of his ass and taking a look around.”

“You really think so?” she asks hopefully, looking happier than she has in a while.

“I really think so.”
***

I slowly make my way to my locker to deposit my crap after the last period. I have detention right now, but apparently Mr Hart never gets there until about twenty minutes later, so I have some time to kill. I am not going to detention early again. Tony Nesbitt goes to detention early and he’s a sexual predator. I’d rather not suffer through another twenty minute period with him hitting on me and Tess and listening to him boast of sexual prowess he clearly does not have. Tess and I are meeting outside detention about five minutes before. She has to clear some stuff up with the guidance counsellor, so I’ll have to entertain myself.

I wince as I see Alex coming my way, looking very serious. This isn’t going to be good. Alex is never without a smile unless he’s distressed about something.

“Is it Michael?” Alex asks me urgently as she leans against the locker next to mine, completely bypassing any sort of formal greeting. “Is he the one that Maria...”

I get the point of his unfinished question and simply wince in anticipatory pain as I tell him what he clearly doesn’t want to hear. “Yeah. It is. I’m sorry.”

Alex inhales and exhales slowly before throwing his hands up in agitation and running them through his hair. “What the fuck?” he hisses angrily. “What the fuck do women see in that oversexed, diseased ape?”

Before I can stop myself, an amused snort slips out. I quickly push back the rest of my amusement and pretend to be serious. “Come on, Alex. He’s your friend and he didn’t know that you had a thing for her. He’s pretty unperceptive.”

“I know, it just sucks. Of all the people she had to go for him...” Alex stiffens in realisation, his face going absolutely livid. “He’s going to fuck her then leave her, isn’t he? I’ve got to put a stop to this.”

Alex goes to charge off, but my hand to his chest halts him. “Hold it sunshine. You know how loyal Michael is to his friends. Do you really think he’d start something up with her just because he wanted to dick her? Think, Alex, that’s not the Michael you know. Friendships are really important to him. It’d have to be something big for him to jeopardise that.”

“Is he in love with her?” Alex asks incredulously, as if the thought of Michael with something more than shallow feelings is a miracle.

I nod, though I’ll never be 100 percent sure till Michael actually voices it aloud to either me or Maria. If he tells Maria then I’ll definitely find out because she is incapable of keeping things like that to herself. “I think so. He’s fighting it though. He’s hoping like hell that this date fizzles out and they both realise that they have no chemistry together. He’ll be wrong though.”

Alex sighs in what seems to be both relief and saddened acceptance. “As sucky as this situation is, the fact that he feels something for her actually does make me feel better.”

“It’ll be ok, Alex. Besides, who’s the hot stud that has the hottest girl in the school moist for him? Who’s the hot stud?” I asks him, poking him in his man titties.

Alex groans and swats my hand away, before replying with a long suffering sigh, “I am.”

“That’s my boy,” I croon, giving him a hug.

“Hey, do you think Jesse knows that Isabel likes me?” muses Alex once I release him.

“What, so you’re accepting that she does like you now?”

“Well... once you pointed it out I began to see things that I could no longer ignore. Anyway, it began to seem a bit more likely. But if Jesse thinks that Isabel likes me then it could explain why he hates me so much.”

I think back to when Jesse’s pointed attacks on Alex began. Right around the time Isabel broke up with him and began zoning in on Alex. “Yeah, I think that is the reason.”

“Oh good, because I was seriously baffled as to why he was getting all up in my grill all of a sudden. He like, out of nowhere started targeting me. And while I’m not exactly a cool kid, Michael’s my friend and he’s terrifying enough to put most people off, so I’d never experienced it before. I thought it might have been because I was friends with Isabel, but then again, no one else from our group had to put up with it. Seriously, that makes me feel so much better knowing that that mystery is solved.” He pauses for a moment before sending me a grateful smile. “Thanks Liz. For telling me the truth about... this whole thing. You didn’t have to and you should know that I appreciate it.”

I shrug it off, but inwardly I’m totally gloating. I am the love guru. “I’m here to help. Hey, speaking of the whole Isabel issue, what’re you going to do about that? Gonna make a move?”

“I don’t know,” Alex tells me, an anxious look crossing his face. “Now that I actually see her as more than a friend... she’s really intimidating.”

“What? Oh come on, she wants you so bad! What’s there to intimidate?”

“She’s way too hot for me, for starters.”

“Alex,” I begin, but he holds up his hands and cuts me off.

“No, seriously. She’s gorgeous. I’m not hideous, but I’m no Nathan or Lucas. I’m more of a Mouth, really.”

It takes me a while to get the reference. “Why are you comparing your life to One Tree Hill?”

“Well, I remember Isabel told me that I should watch One Tree Hill, and I couldn’t sleep last night, so I downloaded the first season. I’m about halfway through. It’s stuck on my brain.”

“You downloaded and watched a show just for Isabel? Aww Alex, you just made me go all gooey inside!”

Alex looks completely bewildered and horrified by my revelation. “Eww.”

I shoot him a withering look. “I meant that you made me melt, not that you lubed up my squishmitten, you dirty perv.”

“Good to know,” says Alex, taking a glance at his watch. “Ah poos, I gotta be at the dork’s meeting for complete nerds.”

“Computers and technology club?” I hazard a guess.

He winks at me. “Right on the money. If only I could do other extracurriculars, but I have neither the skill or the motivation. Check you later, ho.”

“Bye bro,” I call out to his retreating back. “And do something would you? Be a man and ask her out or just... hump her in a phone booth. I don’t know, but do something. And soon.”

Alex waves back at me as he walks and I turn to head off wondering just when Alex will summon the courage to do something. Man, he must have some serious blue balls.

“Liz.”

I turn to find my other charity case smiling at me. “Kyle. How goes Operation ‘Don’t Fuck It Up’?”

“Pretty well. I think I made a good impression with her friends?” he looks to me for confirmation and I reward him with an emphatic nod. We begin to walk towards detention, talking as we go.

“You did well. The real problem you were going to encounter was Michael. He’s hella protective of us girls and Tess in particular, so dealing with him was always going to be your main worry. But you passed the test, so well done.”

Kyle digests that for a moment before asking another question. I like that he’s so intrigued by her and her life. “Why’s he so protective of Tess? I thought he was better friends with Isabel.”

I acknowledge that point with a nod. “Oh he is, but seriously, do you think the ice bitch can’t take care of herself? Girl’s got mad skills and is awesome to the tenth power when it comes to that shit. She can freeze a dude’s balls from ten feet away with one icy glare. Tess is more like everyone’s kid sister. She’s unlucky in love, dating loser after loser and getting more and more hurt. So, whenever Tess brings a new potential over to sit with us, Michael always puts out the strong vibe that he’ll rip off the dude’s head take a dump down his oesophagus if he tries to hurt our girl. Max does it occasionally too if he thinks the dude is really bad news and even Alex has been known to get all macho.”

“Wow, you guys are really great friends to look out for her that way,” says Kyle sincerely and I can’t help but think that Tess has finally hooked herself a winner. Kyle Valenti may actually turn out to be a nice guy.

“Well, we like to think so,” I joke, before turning the corner to find Tess looking bored while she leans against the door jam at detention. She brightens when she sees us coming her way.

“Aww, if it isn’t two of my favourite people, my detention buddy and my boy.”

“Your detention buddy and your detention boy,” counters Kyle, pulling out a pink slip from his letterman jacket pocket.

“What?” asks Tess looking at him strangely. “You have detention? But you never get detention.”

Kyle gives her sly smile. “Well, seeing as this is the only night I don’t have anything on after school and you’re busy, I figured if the mountain can’t come to Mohammed... then I’d have to pants Joey MacMahon in the school library in front of Mrs Henshaw.”

“You got detention just to hang out with me?” asks Tess, looking overjoyed and so completely besotted it kinda hurts to watch.

Kyle merely shrugs and sends her a lopsided grin.

I squeal a little at the cuteness of them both and marvel at how much Kyle likes her. And the fact that he targeted one of Tess’s douchebag exes doesn’t lose him any points either. “Aww, Kyle, you’re so cute that I want to lock you in my closet and feed you dog food.”

There’s this heavy moment of silence after my declaration and they’re both staring at me like I’m completely insane. I smile at them both, before asking sheepishly, “Did I just ruin the mood?”

“It’s ok,” shrugs Tess. “Just so long as you let him out occasionally so that I can play with him.”

“If Mom ever discovers him, I’ll tell her that he followed me home.”

“Well, that sounds like a plan, Liz. A disturbing plan, but a plan nonetheless,” says Kyle warily, as if he’s wondering whether I’m serious or not. After a moment he just shrugs it off. “You know what was really funny? Joey had on these holey, satin boxer shorts that had pokemon on them. Paulie’s been calling him Pikachu for the past three hours.”

I laugh uproariously for a moment, then groan as the regular crowd of detentionees start to shuffle down the hall. “Time to feel my soul slowly die again.”

Tess interlaces her fingers with Kyle and sends him a bright smile as they walk through the doorway. “I don’t think this time will be so bad.”

I roll my eyes at their retreating backs and mutter, “of course you don’t,” as I follow them in.

Time to spend some quality time with Tony Nesbitt. Shudder.
***
“Did you know that Alex has actually started to take notice of Isabel? He just called her up to invite her over for what used to be his and Maria’s movie night. Did you know anything about this?” demands Max as soon as I trudge through the doorway of his room. He makes me come back to his place after detention so that I can unwind and he can get all the gossip. He’s such a girl.

“Yes I knew. Alex came to the conclusion the other day that Maria was never going to be attainable for him so he changed course.”

His fast questions keep coming. “And do you know what’s actually happening with Maria and Michael? Are they on a real date tonight?”

“Yeah,” I yawn, making my way slowly towards his inviting bed. “Michael asked her out sometime this morning after he realised that he had feelings for her during his date with Lisa Singh.”

“How do you know so much about these things?” he asks as I throw myself onto his bed and snuggle into his pillow.

“I see all, I know all,” is my muffled reply.

“Is that so?” Max asks me, his tone somewhat strange.

“You’re damn right it’s so. I am the love guru. I got Michael to ask out Maria, I got Alex to look Isabel’s way and I helped Kyle on his quest to capture Tess’s heart. Not that Kyle needed much help, the kid’s pretty solid as far as I can tell.”

“So if you’re the love guru who sees all and knows all... tell me...”

“What?” I ask rolling over onto my back so that I can stare up at him.

“Who am I interested in?”

My heart thuds in my chest and for some reason the knowledge that he’s interested in someone is actually painful to me. I suppose it’s because I’m so used to being the main girl in his life, taking the back seat to someone else would be a very hard thing to endure.

“I don’t know. My love guru powers do not extend to my bestest of friends. You’re like my kryptonite or something.”

Max raises his eyebrows, looking at me intently. “Your kryptonite?”

I roll my eyes at him. “Stop avoiding the question.”

“I didn’t know there was a question,” he replies.

“Just tell me what I’m dying to know,” I reply, having to swallow before I can physically say the next part. “Who am I going to have to use my awesome skills on to hook you up with them?”

Max is silent for a moment before smiling a little too brightly and falsely at me. “No one.”

I whip the pillow out from under my head and send it crashing into his face. “You’re such a liar.”

Max grabs the pillow and glares at me. “Don’t worry. There’s nothing you can help me with.”

I stare at him for a short while trying to figure out if he’s kidding or not. He adopts a very innocent expression, complete with fluttering eyelashes and a pout. I decide to let it go. “Well that’s a relief,” I sigh.

“It is?” Max asks quickly and eagerly. He’s been acting so odd.

“Yeah, I’m all love guru’ed out. Having to help three couples, of which at least two thirds were totally clueless was painful to the extreme.”

“Yeah, I’d imagine Alex and Michael would have been pretty clueless. By the way, how did Michael realise he had feelings that were a little more than friendly for Maria?”

I snicker as I remember why. “Apparently whilst Lisa was giving him a blowjob he moaned out Maria’s name.”

Max’s eyes just about bug out of his head. “No. Way. That’s fucked up. No way did he do that.”

“He did. Luckily she didn’t hear him otherwise who knows how much corrective surgery he’d need.”

Max sniggers and he shakes his head in disbelief. “Jesus Christ. Way to go, Michael. So he just decided from there onwards that Maria was the girl for him?”

I bite my lip and decide to hit him with the truth. “Not exactly... he kinda asked me for advice on how to stop these unwanted feelings. I told him to date her.”

“What?” Max looks suitably confused.

I sit up, my energy levels coming back up as I get excited about my evil plan. “I told him that if he didn’t do anything the feelings would only get stronger, but if he went out on a date with her that they’d realise that they had no chemistry and they could end it there. If that didn’t work, he’d repeat the process until it worked.”

“And he believed you?” Max asks, the disbelief clear in his voice.

“Well, he was a bit desperate. I didn’t want him to fight his feelings anymore so I played him. Besides, Maria had waited long enough. She deserves to get what she wants. Michael’ll totally thank me when they get married.”

Max loses his composure after that statement and lets out the laughter’s he’s been keeping in. “You’re such an evil bitch.”

“I know. Fuck I’m awesome.”

Max and I both crack up at the strange situation Michael’s suddenly found himself in before tapering off. We sit together side by side on his bed in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. I don’t know what this weird thing is, but god I hope it goes away. It’s totally getting in the way of our friendship.

“I love you,” he tells me after a moment.

“Shut up, baby. I know it,” I tell him with a laugh. His tone is weird, but I don’t think much of it. He’s Max. He doesn’t mean anything by it. “Who wouldn’t love me?”

I expect him to laugh. I expect him to shove me and call me an arrogant asshole. What I don’t expect him to do is to frame my face with his hands and swiftly kiss me.

I’m stunned, motionless as his lips move against mine before pulling back and staring at me. As I gaze into his eyes, realisation hits me like a tonne of bricks. Max just kissed me. My best friend since kindergarten just kissed me. And he’s looking at me expectantly, waiting for my reaction. I have to get out of here. I rip myself from his grasp and try to forget everything that just happened in the last ten seconds.

“Liz,” Max calls as I tumble off the bed in an ungraceful attempt to flee. I spring to my feet and practically run towards the door. “Liz! Wait! Liz, please, I...”

His voice trails off as I dodge my way through the narrow hallways of his house before flinging open the front door. My mind is a total jumble right now. Max kissed me. Max. My Max. My best friend, Max. This was not supposed to happen. He was never supposed to like me. He was always meant to be my maid of honour when I got married and I was meant to be his best man. He was not ever meant to kiss me like that.

He’s screwed everything up. Absolutely everything.

I race out onto the street and sprint the three blocks back to my house. I burst into the house and slam the door and practically collapse against it trying to catch my breath. I can’t believe that he would ever do that. I thought I knew everything when clearly I didn’t know anything. I thought I was so solid on where Max and I stood. I thought we were going to be best friends forever. I thought he was going to be bald and fat and I was going to be frumpy and have grey hair and we’d go out walking from our nursing home and shove sticks in bike spokes or under skateboard wheels and laugh as the people connected with the pavement. But I can’t ignore this. Max told me he loves me and then kissed me. Where the hell do we go from here? Can I ignore it and pretend that nothing happened, assuming that’s what he wants? Why did he do it? What does he want from me? He’s thrown my entire equilibrium out.

Oh god... this is too confusing.

I need to talk to someone about this monumental occurrence, so that I don’t go insane.

Maria’s out with Michael, Isabel’s with Alex and clearly a frank discussion with Max about the situation is off the cards, so I’m forced to do something I’d never have anticipated.

I’m going to have to talk to Tess about it.

The world really has tilted on its axis.
***
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Re: More Than A Girl (A/U, M/L, ADULT) Pt 4, 27th June

Post by Rowedog »

Well, this is it... the last part. Thank you all for reading, I’ve really enjoyed writing this fic, but I’m glad that this one is over. I have some other fics I’ve been seriously neglecting. I hope you like the new part!

Leila
Keepsmiling7
Natalie36
Novy-
Hope you’ve enjoyed it Novy and thought it was worth the money you spent.
NotYourChick
Destiny
Behr_able
Ms_BuffyAnneSummers
Emz
Neve
Eve
BehrlyLiz–
I knew I’d forgotten something. :roll: The song’s name is I’m On A Boat by The Lonely Island. Check it out, it’s fairly silly. Glad you’re liking it!
BB
AlysLuv
Steph
Abs007
Nitpick23
Crazedearthgirl
Tamashii
Caro

Chapter Five: Sluts, Pornos and ET
“He kissed you?” Tess asks, looking both perturbed and confused.

I let out a sigh of relief that Tess is feeling something similar to what I’m feeling. That feeling quickly gives way to the anxiety I’d been feeling before and I begin to pace across her bedroom floor again.

“I am not kidding. Max kissed me. My best friend wanted to kiss me. How fucking nuts is that?”

Tess shakes her head. “No, I just can’t believe he actually had the balls to go through with it. Way to go, Max.”

That stops me dead in my tracks. “What?”

She shrugs nonchalantly. “Well... he’s liked you for ages. I never actually thought he’d make a move.”

“He has not,” I object, though now questioning that claim. How much do I really know about my supposed best friend if I didn’t know that he was harbouring desires to kiss me? Or was it just a spur of the moment thing, an impulsive gesture?

Tess laughs condescendingly at me and I wonder why I bothered coming over. “Yeah, whatever you reckon, Liz.”

“I would know if he had any sort of non-friendly feelings for me,” I rebut.

“Yeah, how would you know?”

I pause again, not quite knowing how to answer that. “I just would, ok?”

“Ooh, you make such a strong argument Liz,” Tess mocks, a smug smile on her face.

“Whatever,” I huff. “This isn’t helping me. I need to figure out what to do.”

“Well, I’d suggest going to talk to him,” Tess replies offhandedly, taking a sip of coke from a nearby can on her desk.

“But what would I even say?” I cry, shuddering at the prospect.

“How about, ‘you sexy motherfucker, take me on the desk. Make me your bride and we’ll live happily ever after’?”

“What? You know, you’re really unhelpful.”

She takes another mouthful and then smiles at me. “That’s because you think I’m joking. I’m being serious. You and Max equals true love forevs.”

“What? No! I... no!” I protest. “He’s my best friend. He’s not somebody I could ever be with.”

“What if he wanted to be with you? Would you at least think about it?”

“He’s my best friend, Tess,” I protest feebly. “I’ve never thought about him that way.”

Tess exhales in frustration, her eyes narrowed at me. “You’re being a snotty little brat, Liz. You care about him. You at least owe it to him to see if you do feel that way about him.”

“I don’t feel that way about him!” I protest, unable to understand why she’s not helping me figure out what to say to Max.

“You haven’t even entertained the idea! Before you go storming over there, how about you stop and have a think?”

“I don’t need to think, I know already! He’s my best friend. That’s it. Besides, he probably regrets it now. Think about it, I’m the girl he’s closest to and he’s not interested in the girls that he knows. Of course he’s going to think he’s got feelings for me. It probably took kissing me to make him realise that he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

Tess stares at me blankly. “That is some fucked up logic right there.”

“It’s the truth.”

Tess sends me a look that tells me that she adamantly disagrees with me before we both lapse into silence, both stewing on what the other has said.

“So...”

I look at her blankly. “So... what?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “How was it? Did you enjoy it? How did you feel when he kissed you?”

I go to reply, then pause sharply. I haven’t even processed it yet. “I haven’t thought of it, Tess.”

Tess sighs in exasperation. “Well, you may as well now. Take your time.”

I sigh and let my mind drift back to the kiss, the one event I’d been pleasantly avoiding thinking of. I think back to that precise moment his lips met mine. I recall them being surprisingly soft. And smooth. Definitely soft and smooth. His lips pressed insistently upon mine. His firm lips that weren’t too forceful or too passive.

I blink rapidly as the realisation hits me. “Upon reflection, I’m disturbed to find that I actually enjoyed it.”

She raises one eyebrow and smiles suggestively at me. “So it was good?”

I shrug. “Yeah, I mean, not that I’ve got much to compare it to. Sean sucked balls at kissing.”

“At least he didn’t suck balls while kissing you.”

I laugh, relieved at the semi-normalcy of this conversation. “Thanks Tess.”

She smiles brightly at me. “Meh, it’s what I’m here for. I’m the comic relief.”

I smile at her, but the smile quickly slides off my face

“But it’s too weird. He’s my best friend.”

Tess groans in frustration and slaps her hand against her head. “He’s the best guy you know! How are you ever going to find someone that knows you better, loves and worships you more and who you share a deeper bond with? Max is... he’s the one for you, Liz. Open your eyes.”

“You’ll totally feel stupid later when I text you that Max regrets his impulsive act and wants us to go back to the way things were before.”

“Oh, that is one bet you are going to lose,” Tess mutters darkly. “You are so on.”

“I know Max way better than you,” I remind her snootily. “You are so going down.”

“We’ll see,” she says lightly, convinced that she’s right.

She takes another sip before a thought pops up into her mind that has her practically bouncing of the walls with excitement.

“You know, I don’t think anyone’s ever come to me for love life advice before,” muses Tess, before emitting a squeal. “This is so awesome! I’m like... a love guru now.”

Before I can stop myself, a snort escapes. Tess frowns and stares me down.

“What? Why’d you snort at that?”

“Tess, one successful relationship does not make you any sort of an expert, especially considering you have a long history of truly terrible relationships behind you.”

She pouts at me and I instantly feel bad. She’s so good at doing that wounded puppy look. Too good.

“But I’ve learnt from them and now look at me. For the first time in forever I think I’m actually dating someone without sociopathic tendencies.”

I clasp her hands in mine and smile sadly at her. “Darling, I say this with the most affectionate of hearts... you lucked out. You went digging for shit and accidentally struck gold.”

She shoves my hands away from her and narrows her eyes at me crossly. “You’re such a bitch.”

“I better be your favourite bitch,” I warn her, pointing my finger at her accusingly.

“You’re my only bitch,” she tells me as she hugs me tightly before releasing me and spinning me towards the door. “Now go out there and make whoopee with Max. Go forth, be free. Seriously, get out. I have a test to study for.”

I laugh incredulously as she marches me out her bedroom door. “And you called me a bitch! Ok, ok, I get the message! I’ll go.”

“I’m only doing this for your own good,” she replies, patting my head condescendingly as I pause on her front door step. “Now go talk to Max. I’m sure he’s just about killing himself or... kicking himself... or touching himself. I dunno, but he’s definitely doing something to himself over that kiss. Go put a stop to it. Ease his mind. Fuck his brains out. Do whatever. But make sure you clear the air, ok?”

My mind is still stuck on Tess’s disturbing suggestion that he might be touching himself over the kiss we shared. “If I catch him mid-wank you are so going to die for suggesting this...”

She seems unperturbed by my casual death threat. “Text me the details tonight, ok?”

I promise to give her the details and walk slowly back to my car, knowing that I’ll be pretty much going ten miles under the speed limit the entire way there. I really don’t want to do this. I don’t even know what I want... I guess if I had my choice I’d want everything to go back the way it was before the kiss but it’s far too late for that. It happened. I will forever have the feel of my best friend’s lips imprinted in my memory.
***
I make my way through Max’s house, having opened the house with my spare key. Apparently I’m here so much that Diane thought it was only fair that I have a key so that she doesn’t have to open the door whenever I knock. Usually it’s fine, but right now I’m considering going back outside and knocking. I feel like an intruder after what’s happened.

Max looks up, clearly startled and surprised to see me as I slowly make my way into his room.

“Hey,” he says, clearing his throat a little.

I look anywhere but at him. “Hey.”

There is a moment of excruciating silence that kills me. Max and I weren’t ever supposed to be like this together. We’re Max and Liz, we’ve always had something to talk about. I suppose part of the problem is that there’s too much to talk about and I don’t know that either of us want to go there.

“Where are your parents?” I ask, not being able to broach the subject that I really need to.

“They’re out, they’ll be home late.”

“Ok.” I wander over to his book shelf and idly pick up a book and pretend to read the blurb. I’m so nervous and I have no idea where to start. I place the book back down and take deep, calming breath in an effort to relax. It doesn’t work.

I decide to just lay my cards out on the table, let him know what I’m hoping and praying for. “Max, I’m willing to just forget that that ever happened. I’ll put it all behind me and we can be just like we were before. Just tell that you didn’t mean it and we’ll forget it. You and I can-”

“Liz,” Max cuts in abruptly. “I meant it.”

“Oh...” I breathe, not being prepared for that answer. I knew it was possible that Max could have meant it, but I’d always dismissed the idea as improbable.

Max sighs at the stricken look on my face. “Look, I know that this is weird for you. But if you’d just stop and consider the possibility for a second, you might see what I see. That we’d be really great together.”

My heart is thumping so loudly in my chest that it’s nearly drowning out the thoughts in my head. This enormous fear washes over me and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. I’m pretty sure I’m close to having an anxiety attack.

Max waits for me to speak, the hope in his eyes killing me as I know that I’m going to dash them with what I’m about to say next. “I don’t want to do anything that’ll jeopardise our friendship, Max.”

Max winces and closes his eyes slowly, the look of pain etched on his face is like a dagger to my heart. I’ve never felt as guilty as I do right in this moment. “Our friendship’s never going to be the same ever again, Liz. If you don’t want me, then I...” He pauses and sucks in a shaky breath. “I’ll need a lot of time to get over you. A lot of time... and a lot of space.”

Our eyes connect and from that one glance I know that this is going to be our last conversation for a very long time. The knowledge hits me in the chest like an anvil, knocking my breath out of me and very nearly knocking me to the ground. I grab the doorway as my knees nearly buckle under me.

“You can’t be serious,” I demand, my eyes stinging as I try to hold back the tears welling in them. “Max, we haven’t spent a full day apart since we met that day in kindergarten. I can’t imagine my life without you. What am I going to do?”

“I don’t know,” he whispers, his voice sounding rough and hoarse as if he’s fighting back tears as well.

My breath comes in short pants as I desperately try to talk over the lump in my throat. “So... that’s it? That’s your ultimatum? Be with me or get out of my life?”

“You know it’s not like that,” he replies forcefully. “Liz, you have no idea what it’s like to...” Max stops and looks up, his eyes red with unshed tears as he reigns himself in. After a moment he clears his throat and tries again. “You have no idea what it’s like to love someone as much as I love you and to watch them date fucking jackasses and suffer through them treating you like you’re just another one of their girlfriends. You never saw me the way I wanted you to see me. The way I needed you to.”

“Can’t you just... I don’t know... get over it?” I ask desperately, the mere thought of my life minus Max subjecting me to the most intense desperation I’ve ever felt. The idea of not having Max in my life is heartbreaking to me. I need him. He’s my Max.

He snaps his head up and looks at me with fury in his eyes. “I’m so sorry if my annoying feelings are an inconvenience to you.”

“No, Max, I’m sorry. I just... I can’t...” the tears that I’ve been holding back finally break free and a few teardrops tumble down my cheek while my throat closes over, rendering me completely unable to speak. Not that I would have been able to verbalise my feelings at that point anyway. It’s all too raw. Too painful.

“I know,” he whispers, staring at the floor.

“Is this seriously it?” I whisper, the tears now rolling unchecked down my cheeks. A sob wrenches itself from my throat when I see Max wipe his eyes, his breathing laboured as he fights back more tears. I take a moment to try and compose myself. “Is this the last time we...”

I can’t even finish the question. I cover my mouth with my hand and try not to look at him. I begin to shake with silent sobs and Max sighs and holds out his arms in an open invitation for a hug. I take the opportunity greedily and selfishly, not knowing when we’ll ever be this close again.

As I put my arms around Max for what may be the last time, I feel the pain intensify till it’s so much I can barely breathe. I need Max. I need him to be here. I need him more than I’d ever thought possible. I bury my face into his chest and inhale, needing to remember everything about him. I never thought there would ever come a day when I’d run out of time with him. We were supposed to be friends for life and losing him is like losing a limb.

I feel his hot breath hit my hair as I cling to him and I shudder when he kisses the top of my head. This can’t be the end of us. It just can’t be.

Before I know what I’m doing, I raise my head from my chest to look at him, hoping to maybe change his mind on his decision. I have no idea what I want to say, but I know that it has to be now. I open my mouth say something when our eyes connect. A deep heat unfurls inside my abdomen as our gazes lock onto each other. This strange sensation coupled with the intense desperation I’m feeling has me doing the unthinkable.

Without knowing why or what for, I raise up on the balls of my feet and swiftly press my lips to his. After a stunned moment from Max, he kisses me back, like he’s a suffocating man and I’m oxygen. He cups the back of my head with his hand and kisses me deeply, his fingers entangling in my hair and anchoring me to him while his other arm wraps around me and tries to hold me even closer. I don’t know if it’s from the emotional jumble I’ve just been drowning in or if it’s something else entirely, but the wave of pure electricity washing over me feels so unbelievable. It’s like I can’t get close enough to him. I need to feel all of him.

I jump up and wrap my legs around him, groaning at the feeling of pure lust that runs through me when I feel his hands cup my ass and hold me there. I feel my back connect with the wall of Max’s bedroom as he begins to bite and kiss his way down my neck. I try to relieve the throbbing ache by rolling my hips against the rapidly growing bulge in his pants. He buries his head into my neck with a groan as I do so and then cups one of my breasts with his hands, gently massaging it. The only thing that I know right now is that we can’t stop. Nothing has ever felt this right before in my entire life.

Max somehow manages to stumble over to the bed, laying me down as I attempt to rid him of his shirt. I manage to tug it over his head and marvel at the sculpted abdomen the action reveals. Lust washes over me and I clasp the back of his neck and pull him back down to me, my hands exploring the new smooth flesh that’s been exposed and delighting in the shudder that runs through him when I splay my fingers over his pecs and run them down his ridged stomach all the way to his belt buckle. His tongue flicks over mine and I feel his large, cool hands place themselves on my abdomen, slowly sliding my shirt up. Just the mental image of Max’s hands on my bare skin creates a sharp spike of arousal and I wrap my legs even tighter around his waist trying to ease the ache in the junction between my thighs. He pushes the shirt up higher and then curses when he realises that he has to undo the buttons. He starts at the top and begins to undo them with shaking hands. I love the look of intense concentration on his face, it’d be comical under any other circumstance.

As he opens back the sides of the shirt to reveal my fairly basic blue bra his eyes widen. I hear him swallow loudly before his hands reach out greedily, trying to touch as much of my skin as possible. I take the opportunity sit up and undo his belt buckle, pushing his pants down, smiling as he dutifully steps out of them and then goes to work on my bra. It only takes a few fumbling moments for him to achieve success and the bra soon disappears onto his messy floor. We soon become a messy jumble of limbs and bare flesh as Max rids me of my skirt and panties. I don’t even stop to think as I slide my hand down his chest and stroke his erection through his boxers. I can’t think right now. I can only feel.

I mange to push the last remaining barrier between us off of him, leaving him completely naked. He positions himself between my legs, the head of his cock brushing against my entrance. He brushes some wayward hair back from my face and looks at me intently, waiting for a sign to continue. I nod. It’s all he needs.

Max pushes into me and my back arches wildly in response. He’s big. And he feels so good. He withdraws after a moment, only to plunge back in causing me to cry out from the intense pleasure. The emotional turmoil I just experienced coupled with the close connection I have with Max has me so wound up that it only takes a few more thrusts for me to go over the edge. My fingers claw into his back, but he doesn’t seem to notice as he lets out a long moan and collapses on me, his hot, short breaths hitting my neck.

After the last throb of my orgasm dissipates, my mind slowly returns and the realisation sinks in. I just had sex with Max. I made love with my best friend. I just had Max’s penis inside me. Max and I just did it.

And I liked it.

The terrified part inside of me tells me that it was just the fear of losing Max as a friend that caused me to react like that, but my heart is telling me differently. I didn’t have sex with Max because I needed him as a friend. I need him for so much more than that. Friends do not feel the intense sexual desire for each other that I just felt for Max.

I’ve had sex before. After a drunken party with an equally drunk Sean, I had the most unfulfilling sex anyone could possibly imagine. Not exactly the first time dreams are made of, but I thought that the sex would improve so I just brushed it off. Sean’s stamina certainly improved, but the only thing that improved for me was my acting ability. So after about the fifth trial I decided that Sean and I weren’t meant to be. Plus he was acting like possessive douche and getting really jealous of Max. I suppose that after what Max and I just shared his suspicions did have some basis, but I didn’t know that at the time.

I had no idea that Max and I would have such explosive chemistry. I had no idea that all those times when I hated the thought of Max with a girlfriend that the feelings I had were jealousy. I had no idea that when we were hanging out and getting close that we were building so much more than a close friendship.

“Max,” I whisper, not wanting to break the silence, but feeling the need to.

Max holds up one hand as he buries his face into my collar bone. “If the words “this was a mistake,” come out of your mouth while I’m still inside you, I will throw myself off of a bridge.”

I slap the side of his head just above his ear and scowl at him. “Don’t joke about that. I wasn’t going to say that. I just thought that we should talk about what this means.”

Max brings his head up to stare at me, a flicker of cautious hope in his eyes. “You know what this means, Liz. It means that you feel something for me. Something more than friendship.” Max stops being serious for a moment and smiles lightly. “Unless Alex and Michael are on your to do list today.”

“I know that. I just meant...” I sigh, not quite knowing how to say what I feel. “What are we? Are we together? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?”

Max smiles at me. “Liz, I’m in love with you. I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I’m fine with being together so long as we can work towards something more. I’d love to be your boyfriend as well. Whatever you need, just so long as I can have you.”

“So greedy, you already had me once today,” I reprimand him lightly.

“Not what I meant, but I wouldn’t object to that either.”

“I bet you wouldn’t.” I stiffen as a horrifying realisation hits me. “Max, we didn’t use a condom.”

Max immediately freezes, a look of horror on his face as he lifts himself off me so that he can lay on his side and face me. “Oh shit... wait, aren’t you on the pill?”

I shrug uneasily. “Well... yeah, but it doesn’t work for some people. I really don’t want to rely on it.”

“Sooo... condoms from now on and for the next month we wait anxiously?”

“Sounds about right. Actually, my period’s in about a week and a half so we won’t have to wait that long. Well, it should be a week and a half. I’m making a doctor’s appointment anyway.”

“That’s my girl. Always has to have a plan.”

We lapse into silence, this new area in our relationship so new and so completely unchartered that neither of us really know what to say.

“Am I a slut?” I ask him quietly, needing to know that his opinion of me hasn’t changed.

“If you’re a slut, I’m a slut,” Max replies, dismissing my fears. “Actually I was pretty easy, wasn’t I? Next time I’m going to have to make you work for it.”

I snort and raise a sceptical eyebrow, grateful for the lighter subject matter. “You really think you can resist me?”

Max looks amused by my question. “Cocky much?”

“Ok, so at school I come up you and say, “Hey Max, I think the eraser room’s free and I brought condoms.” And you look at me, the girl you’ve apparently been secretly pining for ages and thought you would never have and say, “No, you have to work for it. See you in trig!” Is that seriously what you’re telling me?”

Max purses his lips and then sighs, admitting defeat. “Ok, so it was a bit ambitious to think that I would turn down sex.”

“You can’t resist me,” I tell him sweetly, reaching for my clothes which are all over the floor.

As I manage to wrestle my panties over my hips, my phone vibrates, informing me that I have a message. Max passes it to me and I open it warily wondering if it’ll be one from my parents wondering where the hell I am.

I sit on the bed to read it and nearly die laughing when I read it. I can’t help it, sitting here in nothing but my panties searching for my skirt, Tess’s message is too fitting.

“What?” Max asks, smiling as I just about bust a gut.

I hand him the phone and lie down on the bed, nursing my aching stomach muscles as my laughter builds.

“Hey slut,” Max reads aloud from the screen, amusement lacing his voice. “What’s up with you and Max, did you fuck his brains out?”

“She has no idea how right she is,” I gasp over the top of my laughter.
***
I walk into school, looking around for Max nervously. I’m so engrossed in looking for Max that I nearly collide with Alex who suddenly appears right in front of me.

“Ok, so I kissed Isabel last night,” begins Alex, completely forgoing any sort of greeting.

Yeah?” I ask excitedly, forgetting my worries about Max for a moment. “How was it?”

“Fucking fireworks, baby. We’re going out on a date on Friday and I have you to thank for that.”

“Me?” I enquire.

“Yeah, if you hadn’t steered me in the right direction I might still be pining over a certain someone, so thank you. You’re such a love guru.”

I laugh weakly as we arrive at our groups usual hangout spot before school starts. For some reason its always been Maria’s locker. We just gravitate towards it.

I decide not to let Alex know that his love guru is completely blind and a fraud. All my success must have been luck if I couldn’t even see my own situation that was staring me right in the face.

“Who are you looking for, Liz?” enquires Maria as we wait for school to start.

“No one.”

“Bull,” whispers Tess into my ear. “You’re looking for Max. What happened with you guys last night?”

I go to respond, but the words stick in my throat as I catch sight of Max making his way towards me.

Butterflies. Butterflies in my stomach, just from looking at him. I swear, I am never going to get used to these new feelings I have for Max. How did I not notice how hot he was before this? Maybe I had to see him naked to fully appreciate what was there.

“Hey,” he breathes as he comes to a halt in front of me.

“Hey,” I reply, my nerves getting the better of my voice box, making my delivery a little squeakier than usual.

“Hey guys,” says Isabel as she joins the group, almost unnoticed by me. The rest of the group greet her, but I‘m barely aware of anything beyond Max.

Max takes the opportunity to cup the back of my head and tilt my face up before bringing his lips down to mine. It’s then that I completely forget the issues and worries I’d been obsessing about the night before and this morning. His kisses feel incredible. So much so that they manage to knock all the bad thoughts out of my head with the force of a battering ram. If only we could stay this way forever. I’d never have to think and Max would never have to worry about the fact that his girlfriend is still completely unsure about whether or not she’s doing the right thing by being with him.

We eventually come up for air, only to find ourselves under the amazed stares of our friends.

“What?” I demand, hoping that they’ll get over their bewilderment quickly.

“Since when do you two dudes make out?” asks Alex looking at us both as if we’ve gone insane.

“Since last night,” blushes Max adorably.

“How did that happen?” laughs Maria, clearly enjoying our discomfort. Frigging bitch. I’m so never helping her out with Michael again.

“Had to be something pretty monumental to inspire that sort of tongue action. What gives?”

“Alex, would you let it go?” Max pleads, understandably not wanting to go into the details of our sordid little hook up.

“No way. You’re so hiding something. So you dudes just talked and then started making out? What’s the chain of events that lead to this monumental occurrence?”

“Yeah,” chimes in Michael, clearly needing a distraction from Maria who he’s been watching with a look of besotted confusion for the entire time we’ve been standing here, like he can’t quite believe that he feels this way about someone. “Fill us in. You were over at Max’s house and then what?”

“And then stuff happened,” I tell him, really not liking where this is going.

“Stuff happened?” probes Tess, who didn’t get a response from me the night before when she sent me her text message. “Come on, Liz. You can do better than that.”

“Well it’s personal,” objects Max weakly, not liking the scrutiny that we’re under any more than I do.

Maria scoffs, clearly not giving up either. “Too personal for us? We’re your friends, we’re meant to know the personal stuff. So spill.”

We’re subjected to a chorus of agreement and prodding until I can’t take it anymore.

“Max and I had sex last night,” I blurt out to the entire gang, effectively silencing them as they all stare, their eyes sliding from me to Max and then back again. After a moment, I can’t take the silence anymore. “We’re uh... we’re together now. So yeah.... how was your night, Alex?”

Alex doesn’t answer. His eyes are still bugging out of his head. This is so uncomfortable. I relax a little as I feel Max’s hand clasp mine. I huddle in closer to him, needing the feeling of safety he’s bringing me.

“Joey’s nickname progressed from Pikachu, to pikapoo, to dickapoo. Man, I love high school,” chuckles Kyle as he reaches our now silent group. He looks around at us, his eyes lingering on Max and I as we seem to be the main focus of attention.

“What? What I miss?” he asks.

“Max and Liz had sex last night,” Tess says quietly, still staring in amazement at Max and I.

“Don’t they usually?” Kyle asks, looking completely nonplussed.

Tess shakes her head vigorously. “No, they were best friends, they weren’t together.”

“Oh.” Kyle looks shocked by this piece of news. “I’d just always assumed they were together.”

I clear my throat, reminding them both that we’re both still standing here. “Alex, once more, how was your night?”

“Not as eventful as yours,” he croaks out, finally breaking the stupor of the rest of the group who begin to crack up laughing.

“TMI, Liz,” Isabel tells me, looking positively disgusted.

I wince. “Sorry, I only meant to tell you guys that we were seeing each other and I just kinda... blurted it out.”

Maria beams at us both beatifically. “Well I think it’s great. Congratulations you two, it’s about time.”

“You guys seriously did it?” Michael asks incredulously. “But... how?”

“You seriously want me to give a blow by blow description, Michael?” I ask him sharply, embarrassed and stressed by my stupid decision to tell them that we had sex. I should have just told them that we were together.

Michael pauses for a moment, musing over the question then shakes his head. “No, it’s cool. I’ll just wait for it to come out on dvd.”

“What?” I ask, demanding to know what he’s talking about.

Michael shrugs nonchalantly. “You know... the porno you’re in. Lizzy does Roswell.”

“More like Lizzy does Maxwell,” Alex quips.

“Sexy science sluts,” jests Michael, clearly making fun of the fact that Max and I are both on the honour role.

“Dorks gone wild,” giggles Maria, getting in on the fun as well.

“Anal probing in Roswell,” suggest Tess wickedly, causing me to gasp in horror.

“Nothing goes near my butt, I’ll have you know,” I huff indignantly.

My mouth hangs open as even Isabel decides to get in on the action. “Close encounters of the naked kind.”

“The curious case of Benjamin’s butthole,” Kyle suggests, causing us all to laugh uproariously for a moment.

“What?” Michael asks one he calms down. “That has nothing to do with anything.”

“Well, Liz was getting all embarrassed. I owe her one so I thought I’d change the subject.”

I smile gratefully at him. “You’re too good for these Neanderthals, Kyle.”

“I still can’t grasp it,” says Michael, shaking his head. “You went from friends to popping Max’s cherry. Seriously, that’s too bizarre. Where’s the dating in between?”

My eyes widen with realisation and my heart just about stops in my chest at Michael’s words. “Oh my god...” I mutter, nearly hyperventilating. “Oh my god.”

“Liz,” Max says, trying to get me to look at him. “Liz, it’s ok. I promise.”

“No, it’s not ok!” I screech, wondering how I hadn’t come to this conclusion before. “I took your virginity! I didn’t even think! Oh my god, I’m an awful person. I’m an awful, awful person. Your first time is meant to be special with like... candlelight and... and satin sheets and... soft music and shit.”

“Liz, my first time was with you, the girl that I loved, I really don’t care about soft music, satin sheets and candlelight. That’s girl shit. All I needed was you.”

“WHAT?” hisses a furious voice from the other behind me. I groan at the sudden interruption. This is so not what I needed.

“Sean, could you please-”

I’m cut off as Sean gives a murderous yell then charges Max, his fist smashing into Max’s face sending Max reeling back into the lockers and onto the floor.

There’s this moment of absolute stillness after Sean’s completely insane attack, as if no one can really quite believe what they’ve just witnessed. Least of all me.

Then all of a sudden, like a switch, everybody races into action. From down the hall I can hear the principal yelling at Sean that he needs to see him in his office and that he’s in huge trouble, while Kyle, Alex and Michael move in and restrain a struggling Sean who looks like he wants to have another crack at Max’s face.

I squeal with horror and drop to my knees next to Max, Isabel copying my move on the other side of him. “Oh my god... are you ok? I’m so sorry. Oh god... tell me you’re ok.”

Max nods dazedly and wipes at his lip which is now split and bleeding. He grimaces at the red blood staining his fingers. “Yeah I think so. My head fucking kills though. Who knew your ex had such a vicious swing in him?”

“He’s a psychopath, that’s pretty much all they’re good for,” I remark, sending the most scathing, furious look over my shoulder at my ex boyfriend who looks pretty repentant now that the principal has reached him. He’s hauled away and I can’t help but be thrilled about the huge amount of trouble Sean’s going to be in for attacking someone without any provocation. Sucks to be him.

“Stay down,” I order when Max tries to get up. “You hit your head pretty hard against the lockers.”

“Where does he even come from?” asks Alex, perplexed at how he didn’t even see Sean coming. “He just pops up randomly, all like, “Hello! I’m here to ruin your day!” The dude’s like herpes.”

Max laughs and then pushes himself up into standing position, despite both mine and Isabel’s protestations.

“I’m fine. A bit embarrassed about being knocked down with one punch, but otherwise, I’m fine. Now let’s talk about something else. Alex, tell us something completely disgusting that’ll make us forget about Sean.”

Alex ponders that request for a moment and I take the opportunity to duck under Max’s arm and wrap my arms around his waist, hating that his injury was my fault. I press my face into his side as he arm swings down to gently rub my back in a reassuring manner. Violence freaks me out and to have it happen to someone I care about is really distressing to me.

“You know I once saw ET porn,” Alex tells us eventually. “This dude and this chick wore like ET masks and wrinkly green rubber suit with holes cut out for their naughty bits and put green paint down there. I don’t think I’ll ever get the image of ET receiving a blow job out of my head, no matter how much therapy I receive.”

I stare at him in absolute horror while Kyle and Michael piss themselves laughing. “Alex, where the FUCK do you find these things?”

“I don’t know...” Alex says, looking very horrified at himself. “I just... do.”

Luckily before Michael can question him further on the matter the bell rings. Hopefully the rest of the day won’t be quite as eventful.
***
“Let’s forgo joining our friends for lunch,” Max suggests, taking my hand and leading me in the opposite direction. “There’s only so many porno titles I can take in a day.”

I laugh nervously and try to squash the ball of nerves in my stomach as we walk through the school. He’s still Max, my best friend. There’s no reason to be nervous around him. I’ve seen him naked for god’s sake.

We park our butts under the bleachers sitting cross legged across from one another.

“You know, when I dreamt of this happening, I really thought it would be less awkward for us,” Max admits, scratching his eyebrow sheepishly.

I send him an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I think it’d be easier for you if I had clued in a little bit earlier.”

“Clued into what, exactly? Your feelings or mine?”

“Both, but more so mine. If I knew how you felt before I knew how I felt... well I probably would have freaked like I did last night. And it really took us...” I wave my hands in the air, trying to come up with something better and less blunt than “fucking” or “doing it”.

“Being intimate?” Max says, relieving me from my stressful task.

I smile at him, grateful for his assistance. “Yes, being intimate. It really took us being intimate for me to really know that I felt more for you than a friend does. I think I was quite happy to live in ignorant bliss.”

“Well,” laughs Max. “I suppose it was a fairly enormous clue.”

“I like to think of it as a clue-by-four to the head.”

Max laughs at my play on words, but then his face becomes serious again. “Why were you so against the idea of us being together?”

I suck in a deep breath and prepare to open myself up to him. “Honestly? I was terrified. I rely on you so much, Max and I felt that our relationship was perfect as is. The idea that you wanted to change it just scared the crap out of me. What if it didn’t work out? Where would I be then? We were – in fact, still are – risking so much by being together. But it’s too late to turn back now, I guess.”

“You guessed right,” Max smiles at me. “No way I’m letting you get away now. You’re stuck with me.”

“How can you be so sure that everything’s going to work out?” I ask, trying not to let myself get seduced into carefree joy by his careless grin.

“Haven’t you heard?” he asks, pulling me forward onto my knees and then drawing me forward so that I’m pulled up against his chest and straddling his thighs. “We’re made for each other.”

“Is that so?” I ask him as his arms snake themselves around my waist and hold me close.

“Oh, it’s definitely so. Tess told me, so it has to be true.”

I laugh, relieved at the sense of ease in this conversation. I’m glad some things are transferring over from our friendship, because I was seriously sick of the awkwardness and uncertainty.

“You know, we’re wasting valuable time,” he informs me.

“We are?” I ask him uncertainly.

“We’re alone right now. Do you know how many opportunities like these are going to present themselves now that we’re dating? Not many, I can assure you. Family, school and friends are all going to interfere with our alone time.”

“Well, how do you suppose we should spend this valuable time?” I ask innocently, feigning ignorance.

Max doesn’t reply, he merely runs his hand up from my shoulder up until he reaches the back of my head and then kisses me softly. I groan and shift in his lap trying to get closer, my hands working their way up from his shoulders into his hair, entwining my fingers into his soft strands. I’m so happy I finally have a boyfriend who shampoos regularly.

“Ow,” he groans as my lips press a little too hard against his split lip.

“I’m sorry,” I say sheepishly, brushing a thumb lightly over the cut.

“S’ok,” he mutters as my fingers gently trace down his face, committing it to memory. It’s like I’m seeing him for the very first time. It’s all so new to me, seeing Max as something more than a friend.

Eventually my questing fingers find their way back to his puffy lip. “I still can’t believe he hit you.”

“I can. He’s a dick.”

I laugh half-heartedly, still saddened by my ex’s actions.

“I think if I’d been in his position I’d probably have punched him in the snout too,” Max admits.

“What? His snout? Wanna stomp on his cloven hooves while you’re at it?”

Max looks entirely unrepentant. “Well, if we were dating and then broke up with me and then hooked up with Sean, I’d probably have punched him in the snout too.”

“Ohhh... so it’s ok that he punched you in the snout because that’s what guys do. Is that right?” I ask, completely unimpressed by his machismo bullshit.

“I don’t have the snout, he does,” Max pouts, putting paid to my irritation. He always did know how to make me laugh, no matter what the situation. Thought it might be highly annoying having a boyfriend who knows me so well. I really don’t want our first fight to end with him winning by default because he said something stupid and made me laugh.

“I’m so sorry little piggy, come here,” I laugh, preparing to swoop down and kiss his busted lip better.

Max merely smiles at me enigmatically. “Hope you like swine flu.”

“That’s what I get for sleeping with pigs,” I joke, enjoying the look of outrage on his face.

“I’ll give you sleeping with pigs,” he mutters darkly before kissing me hotly.

I hook one arm around his shoulders to steady myself as the other slides down his chest, allowing me to cop a feel of his pecs.

I gasp into his mouth as one of his hands cups my ass. I pull back and stare at him in mock horror and anger. “You know, for someone who was so prudish before, you’ve really taken to grabbing my ass.”

He grins boyishly at me. “Well I can now, because we’re getting all sexy together.”

I snort. “You could before, I remember giving you permission.”

He simply shrugs and rips up a handful of grass, roots and all, embarrassed by his next admission. “I wasn’t going to do it while you still saw me as a friend. If I was going to grab your ass, I wanted it to make you all hot. I needed you to see me as more than a girl.”

“So you passed on all the wonderful opportunities to cop a feel because you wanted it to mean something? And you call yourself a guy,” I scoff.

“I did what I had to do.” He shrugs carelessly. “And besides, look at the end result. I got what I wanted.”

“True.” I pause as I reassess what he just said and then slap him on the chest. “Hey. I never saw you as a girl.”

“You may as well have,” he mutters in response. “I was about as sexually attractive to you as Tess was.”

“I dunno,” I prevaricate. “Tess is pretty fuckin’ hot...”

Max glares at me before quickly sinking his teeth into my neck.

I clamp a hand to my bite mark and stare at Max in outrage, who is looking rather pleased with himself. “Ow, you leech! You bit my neck! Who do you think you are? Edward Cullen?”

“I’m no sparkly, personality-devoid douche.”

“Hey now! That was uncalled for,” I protest, if only for Tess’s sake. She loves twilight more than she loves her own parents. Me? I’m kind of ambivalent on the subject.

“I’m just saying, you’d have to be a pretty pansy assed vampire to become a walking glitter ball in the sun. LeStat and Angelus? Now they were friggin’ hardcore gangstas. They knew what it was like to be a real vampire; all burning up in the sun and shit.”

I shake my head in dismay. “Max, you should seek therapy, immediately.”

“Meh, I’d rather do this,” he tells me, capturing my lips with his again. Man, I hope this feeling never goes away. Kissing him is incredible.

After we come up for air, I ask him a question that’s been plaguing my mind ever since I found out about his true feelings for me. “Max, how long have you had not-so-friendly feelings for me?”

Max considers the question for a moment. “Umm, since I was 13, so a couple of years now.”

“A couple of years? Aw man! Now I feel bad! I should have switched on years ago, then we both could have had the awful torment of wanting someone you can’t have. I feel like I’ve got on board the train just as it’s leaving the station while you’ve been waiting patiently for ages inside. You know, I hate those people that come just as the train’s taking off. I always want the train to take off without them just to teach them to be early for once. How hard is it to-”

“Liz,” laughs Max, grabbing my chin with his hand to force me to look him in the eyes. “You’re rambling.”

“Yeah, I know. But this is weird you know. You’ve had ages to assimilate to this feeling. I’m all assimilate-less.”

“Would you like to take it slower?” he asks, putting some space between us even though I can see his eyes are begging me not to.

“No, I’m cool. Soon it’ll be less like, “Oh my god, my boyfriend is my best friend. This is too weird,” and it’ll be more like, “Yeah, it’s cool. He’s my boyfriend and my best friend.” It’ll just take some time.”

“You sure you’re ok with this?” he asks, looking at me with uncertainty. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I mean-”

“Max,” I cut him off, placing my arms around his neck and drawing myself closer. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Yes ma’am” He complies with alacrity and I begin to forget whatever it was that was freaking me out. Goddamn, he is such a great kisser.

We both groan as the bell to go to class rings. I reluctantly rise up from his lap, where’d I been happily sitting and give him a hand up.

“Man, you’re such a fatass,” I complain as he nearly pulls me over in his attempt to get up.

“That better be with spelt a ‘ph’,” he warns, giving my own derriere a solid pinch.

“Oh man, I’ve turned you into such a perv,” I groan.

He nods, agreeing wholeheartedly with me. “You only have yourself to blame.”

He slings an arm around my shoulder and I wrap my arm around his waist, enjoying the feeling of being tucked protectively under his arm as we stroll into the main building. I feel so content. And that feeling grows as I watch Michael tuck a piece of hair behind Maria’s ear whilst Kyle kisses Tess against her locker and Alex tickles Isabel. I survey my six friends with satisfaction knowing that I had a hand in them looking so happy. Every single one of them deserves happiness and I think they’re well on their way to achieving that.

Max and I, we’re going to be ok. Scratch that, we’re going to be more than ok. We’re going to be epic. And how do I know this?

Because I’m the love guru and I said so, that’s why.
The End

***
Alison’s Fics

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