Disclaimer: Alas, Max and Liz are not mine, nor the rest of the Roswell story. Props to Melinda Metz and Jason Katims for the brilliance that is Roswell
Pairings: M/L
Rating: Mature
Summary: Liz is all alone, the love of her life dead just a few months ago. She's never let go. How can she?
Setting: Somewhere along the East Coast
Time: Present
Author’s Note: This doesnot necessarily have a happy ending, there is some suggest of destructive behavior and minor drug use. I wrote this with different characters for a class assignment. I would love to hear what you all think in the form of constructive criticism. I hope you enjoy
Sunset, Sunrise
The ocean waves swept over 22-year-old Elizabeth Parker’s self-manicured toes, burying them in the soft sand. She looked past the breaking waves, into the distance, as the sun melted into the sea in a medley of reds and purples and oranges. Clouds surrounded the July sunset like a mist of steam. A cool wind was blowing in from the Northwest, from the heavy, gray clouds she could see over the tall dunes. Her chocolate hair whipped around her face while she stood still and silent, waiting for the heavens to unleash their fury. She was alone on the desolate beach, the other patrons finding comfort in their homes with family, friends, and the gentle hum of a television or radio. Her only solace lay there on that stretch of beach; and soon the rain.
The wind was more violent now, the gray clouds closing in. Liz, as she was known to her family and friends, didn’t move. Instead she stood, unyielding to its force, secretly hoping it would send her flying out into the ocean’s cerulean depths, never to be heard of again. The waves grew in intensity, now crashing into her calves, covering the rest of her with their sea spray. And still, she didn’t move. The rain began to fall, slowly at first, and then it poured down. Thunder crashed in the distance, the air buzzing with electricity.
And that’s when the tears fell from her brown eyes, their light burnt out months before.
* * *
He was gone. Max was really gone.
Liz gazed down into the deep, dark hole of cold earth as his coffin was lowered in. Tears filled her eyes; but she quickly blinked them away. The sorrow in her heart could wait. She couldn’t cry.
Around her, hiccups and sobs softly echoed in the late afternoon air.
“May God guide you home, son,” she heard Max’s father whisper to her left. His voice was raw with emotion. His wife, Max’s mother, curled herself into his chest, tears streaming down her cheeks and sobs wreaking havoc through her body. He held her tightly, his own tears falling onto the top of her blonde head from his light brown eyes.
Brown like Max’s, warm pools of light brown with specks of amber. Eyes that always made her feel alive. That sparked a light inside of her. A light whose flame had burnt out the moment she’d heard he was gone.
Liz looked away and back to her Max. His coffin was almost all the way down. The bottom seemed so far away from the sun. Max had always loved the sun; they had spent so many spring and summer afternoons lying on their backs in the quad with their fingers entwined, bathing in the warm sunlight. They would talk about everything and nothing all at once; while sharing sweet kisses sheltered by the low limbs of the surrounding willow trees.
The tears were back again. Liz had to look away, down at her feet. She shook her head, wishing she could fall into the grave with him, hug some warmth into his cold body. She wrapped her arms around her belly as her heart fluttered with a shock similar to that of ice cold water being thrown upon her body after a hot bath.
Those damned tears! They were breaking free now, splashing onto the top of her black heels. She wiped them away. She didn’t want Max to see her crying. He would always kiss her tears away, wanting to protect her from any sadness. She could not, would not cry here. Not in front of his parents.
Her father, who was standing to her right, put his arm around her shoulders at the same moment Max’s coffin hit the bottom of the grave.
“It’s time to say goodbye Liz.” He told her gently. She nodded, raised her head high, and stepped up to the grave. She knelt down beside it, taking a mound of dirt in her palm.
She’d thought about this moment for days now and still, she did not know what to say. There were only three words that seemed to matter anymore.
“I love you.”
* * *
“Miss?”
Liz looked up from her toes, the rain washing away the remnants of her thoughts. A pair of warm, brown eyes met hers. She hadn’t noticed the man approach. Yet there he stood, his eyes gazing upon her with a familiar intensity. He was tall, her head only reaching his chin. His hair was as light as the sand had been earlier in the afternoon, glittering in the sun’s rays. He was young, a few years older then her maybe, with a strong chin and build.
“I can’t believe you’re still out here.” His voice sounded so far away with the wind. “Do you live nearby?” He asked. Liz didn’t answer. Her curiosity was piqued as she tried to recall his face. Why did she feel as though she’d met him before?
“I’m staying a mile down the beach; do you think I could stay with you until this blows over?” His voice sounded so calm compared to the wind frantically whipping between them. Liz could only muster a nod. Perhaps she’d seen him before on the beach. He took her hand and pulled her from where she’d been rooted in the sand. She pointed to the small white cottage just above the closest dune.
“There.” She spoke, her voice sounding unnatural. He began pulling her up the tall, mountain-like dunes, pulling them to the safety of her cottage. Liz took one last look as the remnants of the setting sun disappeared behind the charcoal clouds of the storm, feverously wishing she, too, could disappear.
* * *
Liz’s eyes stayed focus on the road ahead. Thick sheets of rain poured down on the windshield and the wipers flew back and forth in a frantic pace. Her fingers clenched the steering wheel, knuckles white. She refused to glance over at Max. She knew he was watching her, analyzing her every move, preparing himself for the white-hot anger boiling inside her.
“Just say it.” His voice was soft. Calm. It irritated her to no end.
Liz didn’t reply. She refused to give him that satisfaction. What his family had done was inexcusable.
“Please, Liz. Just get it out. Yell at me. Slap me. Just don’t hold it in like this. I know you’re upset.”
“Upset? Upset! You’re damn right I’m upset. I can’t believe you put me through that! You didn’t even warn me!” She finally exclaimed, never looking up.
Liz had never been more offended in her life. She’d been so excited about meeting Max’s parents for the first time. Everything had been going well until his mother had asked what denomination she belonged to. The revelation that she did not believe in God had not sat well with Mr. and Mrs. Evans. The rest of the night had been full of judgment and conversion tactics. And now his parents hated the “agnostic tramp” he’d brought home.
Liz let out a growl of irritation.
“I didn’t think Mom would bring it up. I should have known better. I’m so sorry Liz.” Max spoke, his tone contrite.
“They’ll never let you date me. They’ll never like me. Everything’s ruined!” She shrieked, tears finally unleashed, streaking down her crimson cheeks.
“That’s not true. This will blow over. I should have introduced you sooner. I just thought that if they saw that we’d been together so long, then it wouldn’t matter what you believed.”
In that moment, she looked at him, her eyes red and raw with emotion. His brown and beautiful, as always, gazing at her with an intensity that made her limbs feel like Jell-O. She knew he was sorry.
The wheel jerked from her hand, the car gliding as if on air across the sodden road. The tree was unforgiving as the car’s metal wrapped around its trunk.
And the world went white.
* * *
Liz had never noticed how messy her home was. She’d never had a visitor in the few months she’d been living there and now, suddenly felt very aware of the clutter. Newspaper clippings and empty sleeping pill and wine bottles were strewn around the living room.
Her guest didn’t seem to notice. In fact, he seemed to only have eyes for her.
“Do you want some coffee?” She found herself asking, wanting something warm. She’d felt so cold for so long.
Her guest smiled. A very beautiful smile.
It suddenly occurred to Liz how unusual this was. What woman, living alone, would let a man she did not know into her home? No woman in her right mind, that was for sure.
Liz smiled ironically at this. She wasn’t in her right mind. The moment Max had been taken from her by God or whatever the hell controlled fate (if anything); she’d lost a
piece of herself. The piece that made rational decisions. At least, that was the only way she could explain the scars on her wrists, made by the dull steak knife sitting on the edge of her bathtub. She thought of the blood trickling down the drain just a day earlier as she laid limp, drunk from the combination of cheap wine and Lunesta. It felt like she was floating; like the waves were pulling her out to sea, never to be seen again. Liz tugged self consciously at the long-sleeved t-shirt covering her arms.
“I’d love some coffee.” For the second time that day, the man’s voice imbedded itself in her thoughts, pulling her away from the deep and inconsolable pain they induced. She let her eyes meet his again. They seemed to fill her emptiness with a warmth she’d forgotten about in the past few months.
“Who are you?” She found herself asking, the coffee forgotten. He didn’t reply. Instead, he sat down on the arm of a recliner by the kitchen. His fingers reached for the closest newspaper clipping, tracing over the picture on the front.
“Max.” He whispered. She felt very exposed suddenly, as though she stood naked before this stranger.
“Put that down! Tell me who you are!” She demanded, her voice trembling. He looked up at her.
“Max Evans. Faithful son, taken before his time, loved by all.” His voice was quiet as he quoted the heading, placing the clipping down. “And special to you.” The statement was simple, but it spoke volumes. He sat silent for a moment, watching her with eyes that seemed as though they could bore holes inside of her mind. “Tell me Liz, what do you believe?”
* * *
“What do you mean ‘what do I believe’?” Liz grinned up at Max, teasingly slapping his arm. “That is such a loaded question!” She exclaimed playfully.
Max smiled over at her. They were lying on their sides in the middle of the quad on a particularly sunny Sunday afternoon. The breeze was gliding quietly through the trees as the sun winked down at them between clouds.
“Nothing loaded about it.” He replied. “I just want to know.”
Liz lay quiet for a moment. She’d never thought about what she believed in. She didn’t believe in a god, that was for certain. But did that mean she didn’t believe in an afterlife? Or ghosts? Or even reincarnation of the spirit? Honestly, she had no idea.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think a god exists. But maybe there is something else. I don’t think this is the end. We don’t just live and die. There has got to be more.” She declared philosophically. “What about you?”
“I don’t know myself. I’ve spent all my life being told that the only answer is that ‘I believe in God the Father and his son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save me from my sins’. But does that mean that’s what right? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think there’s a right answer.” He paused. “But there’s gotta be something, right? Life is too short for death to mean the end.”
Liz watched as a lone squirrel ran up the trunk of a nearby tree with an acorn in its teeth. As he scurried along, he frightened a brilliantly red cardinal from its post and into the air. She turned back to Max to find him watching her intently.
“What? Do I have something in my teeth?” She joked.
Max didn’t answer. Instead he wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Neither of them said a word as his lips drifted towards hers. They felt soft, meshing perfectly with hers, caressing them, warming them. She felt something like a tickle begin in her abdomen. It travelled throughout her body, from the tips of her toes to the edge of her ears. Something about this kiss felt different then all the others she’d ever experienced. Something about Max felt different. It was like he was the missing piece of the puzzle that was her life.
Perhaps it was just young, college lust.
But when Max pulled away and his eyes bore into hers with a light she’d never seen before, she knew. This was the real deal.
* * *
A brilliant flash of lightning tore through the dark skies, illuminating the small, white cottage. Liz stood dumbfounded, regarding the stranger with guarded eyes. Who was this man? How did he know her name? What did he know about Max? Why had she let him in!
And then it hit her. It hit her like hammer to nail, like a metal bat hits a fly ball, like the rain hitting the roof above, like the lightning hitting her brain.
“Max?!” His name escaped her lips for the first time in months. She hurdled towards the man. Towards Max. His arms wrapped around her, filling her with a comfort she’d only been able to ever find in him. She nestled herself into his chest, letting his presence wash over her. She felt his breath on her hair, in her ear, on her skin. So real.
So surreal.
For a long while, all that could be heard was their soft breathing and the pitter patter of rain drops on the windows outside. For Liz, her world felt oddly at peace despite the storm roaring beyond the margins of her home. Max was here.
“I can’t stay here, Liz. You know that.”
His words brought her out of her pleasant haze. Max was dead. He couldn’t stay. But how was he here?
“I’ve always been here Liz. I’ve watched you at every sunset while your tears bathed the sand. I’ve watched you every night while your blood wept from your veins. Every nightmare, I’ve been there. Every moment. I never left.” His hands cupped her face. They were glowing. “But I can’t watch you suffer anymore, Liz. You’ve been mourning so long that I fear you’ve given up on life. You watch the sun set wanting to take its place. You bleed to feel alive. You even dream of death. Let me go.”
Liz clutched the soft fleece jacket covering his torso.
“I can’t.” She thought back to the day of his funeral, to her words of love. She’d never said goodbye, even then, when she’d watched them bury his coffin beneath the cold soil.
Max’s lips gently grazed her cheek, warming her body.
“You can.” He kissed her again, this time his lips meeting hers. She felt as though they were beneath the willow trees again, the squirrel playing with his acorn and the sun warming their bodies. But now Max was the sun. Max’s lips sent a fire throughout her body, starting with her lips and ending with her heart.
She was suddenly aware that they were both glowing. Brilliant white light radiated from their limbs and faces. Max was healing her. She felt his hands subtly grip her wrists as more warmth travelled up her arms.
“I love you.” His voice faded into but a whisper in the confines of the four walls.
Liz didn’t know how many hours she’d stood in the middle of her living room. Outside was quiet now, the thunder and rain disappearing with Max.
Slipping on her shoes, Liz headed down onto the beach. The first lights of morning were peaking over the steep dunes. Liz watched silently, her heart feeling much lighter than usual. The pinks and oranges grazed the edge of the dull blue morning sky.
Liz could remember the last sunrise she’d seen. She and Max had been lying in the back of his pick-up, entangled together after making love for the first time. The sun had never been as beautiful to her as it had then.
One lone tear descended down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She’d find him again. When it was her time to go, she’d meet him once more among the rays of light that heated the earth and her spirit.
As the sun rose above the dunes that morning, Liz smiled and whispered the word she’d been so fearful of believing.
“Goodbye.”