Freak Nation (DA,XO,UC,MATURE) p 12, 06/28/07[WIP]

[Hotaru]

Freak Nation

Author: Hotaru
Email: cool.o@interia.pl
Translator: _liz
Email: liz_17@interia.pl

Category: crossover with Dark Angel; X - tremer (Alec/Liz), after TEOTW and Love Among the Runes.
Prequel to 'Toy soldiers', 'To, co najwazniejsze' and 'Milosc czy kochanie aka zabowa opowiesc' (both don't publish and don't translate yet).
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: I don't own it. "Roswell" belongs to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. "Dark Angel" belongs to James Cameron, Charles H. Eglee and Fox.

Summary: after TEOTW. Future Max left. Liz takes a walk to the park in the night and is assaulted. Max G. saves her. After that... you'll just have to read. Oh, and Biggs is still alive.
Time in story - from Roswell. The Pulse happened in 1989. The year now is 2000. Alec is 21 years old, Max G. 20, and Liz 17.
This story is written in the first person.
Ciekawska_osoba, _liz and lyra - thank you for your help, patience and ideas.


Prologue

I wonder what else fate will put on my way. I mean something like: another enemy, someone playing God or another friend, who was going insane just because of the feeling... Why am I thinking about it? Why am I writing, although I haven't done it for a very long time... Hm, I guess it's time to look back at those last months which turned my world upside-down . Not only my life, that of those who live on Earth, including Aliens.

Although the last months of my life haven't been simple or easy, I don't regret any second of it. This time has forced me to grow. I've found my place in this world. And maybe love. I don't know that yet. Why? It's simple, simple as can be. True feeling is only when it's mutual. It took me a really long time to understand it. But now that I'm aware of it, I'm not going to waste time...

Life has taught me that there can be a lot of surprises. Sometimes my mind is haunted just by one question: What would have happened if I hadn't gone for a walk after Max's departure? Usually I reject that kind of consideration. It causes too much pain, too much bitterness. Some part of my life would be at least false. What am I saying! All my life.

Besides... or should I say first of all, I don't want him to think that I regret it... I would go through it all even ten times, just to meet him again. He brought hope to my life. Hope that I can feel. Hope that we make own future. Although I'm scared of what this future will bring, what will bring the year 2014, I'm not scared of the future. There's hope in it. Thanks to him.


1.

Great idea? I think I've lost my mind. Really, only some kind of idiot would go out for a walk in the middle of the night. Alone. To a park.

But I couldn't stay in my room. It was suffocating. Wherever I looked, I saw Max begging me to give him up. Give up all those years of happy marriage... maybe it wasn't life inside a little white house, a garden and a white fence. But when I look at the man who in a now unexisting future was my husband, who belonged to me for all his life, I feel the salty taste of my own tears.

Max, who I know today wouldn't believe neither me nor Future Max. He wouldn't believe that love can destroy the world. Probably I wouldn't have believed it either. My heart still doesn't get it. My mind is trying, it calculates, searching for any blanks in Future Max's theory. A huge part of me is screaming and crying in agony, while outside... I look into a shop window and what do I see? Nothing's changed. Maybe the only trail of what happened are the tears in my eyes. Indeed. No wonder Max preferred to be with Tess.

Tess. Tess Harding. She's everything that I'm not. She's pretty, enticing, she has power and royal origin... She beats me even in my scientific passion. All that I earn with hard work, she gets just with a snap of her fingers. Thanks to her alien origin Tess really uses her brain... she can have everything I've been dreaming about since my childhood, and she doesn't even care about it much. But in this moment, in this dark and cold street, I don't care about dreams, future or anything else. All I want is to see light in Max's eyes. Knowing that I extinguished it... I have caused him pain... I've destroyed everything that was precious to me, his heart... And it just shattered me into pieces.

Maybe someday I will put myself together. I have to. Just because of Max thought I will be happy with a normal human. The urge to make his wish come true is stupid and naive... but now it's the only thing I can think about. Everything that's left. Everything I got.

The hell with it. It can't hurt more than now, right? They say that time heals all wounds. I'm not talking about knowledge that I broke the heart of the only man I loved. I mean, what can hurt more than the man you love coming back from the future and saying that your love, his love was a mistake? That he regrets it? He regrets every moment, every kiss, every smile I gave him... he regrets the love that connected us for all those years?

What have I done in a past life that I have to hurt the people I love? I know I'm just a human... but still... Am I really that different from Max? Maybe it's not about differences but about something deeper? About... destiny. But does this destiny forbid him to feel? What's wrong with humans? What's wrong with me? Why do I have to hurt, and then... then live with the consequences, with the guilt for what I have done? And it doesn't matter that our world will survive. I broke the souls of those who I love! What can be worse? What can be worse than taking away somebody's will to live? Just because of one evening. Just one night is enough to change everything. I mean everything.

My own reflection in a shop window makes me sick. So I turn around and just walk away. What else have I got?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I blink. The light is sharp, so I blink again. Then it comes back to me.

Shop window. Walk. My wonderful mood. And suddenly bang, straight to my head. I think.

"Oh, you woke up..." I hear a young, definately female voice. I tense. No. Not because I'm afraid. Am I even afraid? I don't know. But... it's the first thing, the first situation, which Max hadn't mentioned. Something that hadn't happened then.

Suddenly the light is turned out and I see a girl. She's slim, but something in her profile is telling me not to trust her appearance. Watching her makes everything in me scream: danger.

I don't know where this feeling came from. I choose to ignore it and I ask faintly: "What happened?" My voice is hoarse. I wonder why? Probably because of all the swallowed tears.

The girl makes me calm down just with her smile. Although the strange feeling of danger still bothers me, I let her smile enter my heart.

"You've been attacked. I found you unconcious on the sidewalk two hours ago."

I search my pockets desperately. Wallet and documents... there isn't even any trail of it. Great. I had my monthly allowance there.

"You remember who you are? Where are you from?"

Now indignation fills me. Why wouldn't I know all this?

"Of course. I'm Liz. Why do you ask?"

"You have a really big bruise. You should go to a doctor."

"Oh..." is everything I say. I look away and look around the room. Motel room. Not exactly luxurious, but not too bad. Simple, impersonal, like all the others in Roswell.

Uncertainty comes back. I look at the girl, who still holds her hand on the switch. She's pretty. Smooth skin, sweet, almost childish countenance contrasting with full lips. Her eyes are pure dream. Deep and mysterious.

I guess she noticed my gaze, because she wriggles uncomfortably. So I sit back down on the bed. Surprisingly I'm not feeling differently than two hours ago. Broken, bitter, desperate... oh yes. Besides the shattered heart and crushed dreams I'm fine. Like I hadn't been lying unconsciously for two hours.

"Could you call me a taxi?"

"Sure" the girl shrugs. No wonder. She doesn't want to have some kind of monster with tired eyes like me. "But how are you gonna get money for a taxi?"

"I work as a waitress... more than half of Roswell knows who I am. I'll go straight home. I'm sure my parents aren't sleeping yet, so there won't be any problem paying."

"Good." the girl reaches for the phone and after a few seconds it's over. Then I hear my conscience. The fact that I have changed the future doesn't mean I stopped being little Liz Parker, always nice and helpful.

"Hm... can I thank you somehow? You know, if you hadn't taken me from that street... who knows, what could have happened..."

Hm, it seems my life is build just from 'what would happen if...' situations. How did I lose control over my whole life?

The brunette hesitates for a moment, but whatever she was thinking about, she seems to fight it, because in the next second I hear a question which really shocks me:

"Maybe you know... where Nancy Parker lives?"

I roll my eyes at the ceiling. You're asking her daughter, girl.

"Crashdown. Find the most popular restaurant in Roswell and you'll find the Parkers. Nancy Parker is the owner."

It seems that this fact commonly known in Roswell rattles my savior.

"Really? How long?"

I ponder for a moment. My brain isn't working quite well if I have to think to remember when the Crashdown opened. My father opened it when I was a few months old. I grew up in the Crashdown.

"Seventeen years. The Crashdown is like an institution."

I don't know what amuses her... but she's starting to laugh. I see the lights from the taxi behind the window and there's no time for questions. As a matter of fact it's over.

"I guess it's my ride."

She walks with me to the car. When the taxi moves, I realize that I haven't thanked this girl for her help. I don't even know her name.

[Hotaru]

2.

"God, who is mom shouting at?!" I turn on my bed. Check the clock. Few minutes after ten. I overslept. I think the third period is beginning right now. But who cares? My world ended last evening. There's nothing worth fighting for.

I sigh and turn over in the swirled bedding. My head hurts like never before. I can feel how my blood pulsates in my veins. My heartbeat becomes more irritating, steady, thumping with every minute.

I'm really trying to ignore those shouts, but my mother's voice is piercing my battered head like dagger. I don't get what the fuss is about. The language is strange. It reminds me of English and something weird, melodious. Maybe it's my mom's national language? I don't know, I haven't heard it before. Still, the words I'm hearing are senseless to me.

I sigh and go to the bathroom. My own drawn face is looking at me in the mirror. I'm my own shadow. For a moment, the memory of last evening sinks into my hurting head, the memory of my father's look, when I came back to the Crashdown.

It seemed that all colour vanished from his face. Before I could make two steps he was holding me in his arms. It was an amazing feeling! To know that all the worries are gone, that whatever bad will happen, there will always be a place for me in my dad's arms. I can't stop smiling when I think about it. With this one hug he melted the ice in me. The only thing that hurt me then was that I have secrets I can't tell him about. All the lies, which I've been telling for over a year... they're still there, they still separate me from my parents. How badly I wanted to let out all I have in my heart: Future Max and my own broken feelings. Like a little girl I wanted him to hold me and say that everything will be alright.

But instead I got rid of his arms and with a serious tone I asked if he could pay for the taxi. And after that, as fast as my legs could carry me' or 'with the little energy I had left. I locked myself in the bathroom.

When I walked out of the bathroom I saw that my bed was made and my dad had closed the window. With a key. It seemed so... ironic. No matter how much he wanted to protect me from the evil word, it had happened already.

I laid down. There was no other option, not to listen to the careful and worried voice of my father. As a result I was turning round on my bed almost all night long. I felt asleep in the morning, when shouts woke me, the same which are piercing my into my head like dagger. I guess I really should go to a doctor.

Silently I go down to the Crashdown. Fortunately there's thet usual noise and I can't hear anything else. Dad is standing by the counter and pouring cherry coke for a big order. His look express a silent question 'is everything ok?'. I can only smile. He goes back to his job, but he gives me a concerned look from time to time. I have to control my headache, bad mood and calmly eat a late breakfast.

I seat in an empty booth. I move everything from platter methodicaly. Even the cutlery I put with mathematical precision. Does it matter? Let them think I'm crazy and lock me in isolation. At least I won't have to go to a doctor - they'll examine me right there.

On second thought, I find that it's a bad idea. They could find out that I'm still a virgin. The whole plan would collapse like my life lately: like a house of cards.

So I eat. Normaly. My body needs it; needs food or they'll lock me up.

I feel someone staring at me. Probably dad, again. But when I look up I see a stare that doesn't belong to my dad. There's no warmth or love. No concern. It expresses hatred and hostility. There's something really scary in this glare. It's like everything that's happened for over a year disappeared. All the understanding disappeared. There's hate bigger than ever.

And suddenly Isabel looks away, as if she was looking at old, used furniture. I suppress the scream that appears in my throat. There's just a silent groan, which nobody hears.

I always accepted every adveristy, every effect of my mistakes. I didn't liked them, I didn't like watching how something bad happens because of my mistakes. But this... it's more painful than ever before. It's not a stupid mistake or word said in anger. I planed it and I pushed Max away in the most painful and cruel way I could imagine... with illustrious help from Michael Stone Wall Guerin and Kyle. Didn't I think that hurting Max makes me stand on the opposite site of the barricade? Isabel, Max... and Michael. They had only each other, untill I came into their little, safe world and I destroyed the walls of their shelter, bringing out their secret...

I wounded them. And it's more painful because I swore not to hurt them, just to protect them. I swore love and loyality.

Is Isabel supposed not to turn against me? How can she not stand by her family, the one and only she got? For a moment jealousy burns me. I envy Max. His sister. Her loyality. Maybe some people call her mean, cold Ice Princess, but in this moment I - the one who Isabel is turning against - I want to scream that I really want someone to stand by my side, support me, love me... no matter what will happen, what I'll do.

But I did this to myself. There's a tiny voice in my head, called conscience. It speaks to me plain, tells me that I'm guilty. And it'll get worse.

I wan't to hide in a dark closet when it comes to me - how everyobody will act. And even Kyle will be paying for my mistakes. Unlike me, it seemed that he didn't mind staying on the other side of the barricade. His dad still reminds him that he owes Max his life... and Kyle ripostes that he wouldn't lost his life if it wasn't for Max. The worst is, that he's right and we all know that. Kyle didn't ask to become a member of the I Know An Alien Club. No. He would willingly opt out... me too. But it's impossible. Membership is for life.

I sigh and eat. Pancakes with whipped-cream and strawberry mousse... Strawberries.

I lose my will to eat. Strawberries remind me of March days.... Max's hungry kisses, passion, unbelievable desire, which I hadn't experienced ever before. Those were two crazy days and one crazy night. When we were at Michael's place laid on the bed, kissing and touching, I didn't want anything more than knowing all of him. Like a fever, desire extinguished my mind. I wasn't able to think rationally, I wasn't able to think about anything else.

And not so long ago I claimed that I'm not ready for this. Now I understand how it came to that future... Max's theory makes sense. It's beginning to reach me.

I sigh again and drink some of my shake. I frown with aversion, feeling the taste on my tongue. It's also strawberry. But I need something that will calm me down. Just the memory of those days makes my body get warmer. It's the last feeling, last feeling I want to experience at the moment. It just torments me more... harder... it convicts me, so painful, what have I given up. And I don't feel up to become a saint martyr.

Isabel looks at me again, sending an absolutely perfect killing glare. So I definitely lose my appetite]. I look around - no sign of my dad. I took my chance, put everything back on the platter - without mathematical precision - and I go back to my room. I'm not running from Isabel. I just don't want to eat.

I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand. A familiar feeling of danger strikes into me with amazing power.

"Hey. How's your head?" I hear behind my back. I turn around and smile to the brunette. This time she's wearing a sexy, black costume, helmet in her hand. She looks even better than last evening. I extinguish my jealousy. I look awful after a night without sleeping, without makeup. Talking about makeups, I need some. They say that a good look helps with facing problems. Now... now I need it all. I feel it. Let the stupid makeup be my mask, behind which I can hide.

"Thanks." I smile "It's not good, but it'll pass. I see you have found the Crashdown..."

"Yeah. It's the last thing I was expecting, but at the same time it's what I've imagined. My name's Max. Max Guevara. "

"All right... Max." I squint my eyes, because it's coming to me, that the girl is really doing smalltalk with me. Probably to get rid of her apparent nervousness. Cause she doesn't seem to me to be the-vent-her-nervousness-chating-with-a-stranger-type of girl, she must be really excited... and scared. I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she came to talk to my mother. "Was my mom shouting at you... or is it just an echo of my nightmares?" I raise my eyebrow in question.

It's commonly known that the best cure for your own problems is taking care of other people's problems. So I catch this topic desperate, hoping it will keep busy my selfbothering thoughts... for about 5 seconds.

"You.. you're her daughter?" the girl whispers in a strange tone. There's hesistation, amazement, and something like relief. I'm not a good psychologist. "Why didn't you say it yesterday?"

"An ordinary caution." I shrug, like it was something big. You wake up after being attacked, in a strange bed without wallet and money... a foresight, however definitely late, is still needed. I could have lost my life or something more. Thinking about it makes me weak.

The girl shakes off her shock. Then she looks at me and studies me carefully, slowly. The strange thing is, it's not a calculative glare. I don't know - don't know how - but I know that she accepted me. As if being Nancy's daughter put me on the list of her favourite friends. An amazing, accounting irrefutable fact that my mother's shouts were piercing into my battered by the thiefs head like a dagger.

"So what you were talking about?" I ask simply.

"You didn't hear?"

I roll my eyes...

"Hearing doesn't mean understanding. Actualy I heard my mother, not you." suddenly something bad comes to my mind "It wasn't bad news, right?" I ask with an instant fear.

"Depends for whom!" the girl laughs. What's funny about that? I mean, she is really amused and also perplexed about something. And it's an amazing feeling in my stomach that refers to my unawareness about this fuss. "I asked her for help, but it seems that it's Mrs. Parker who needs someone to help her fix her past mistakes."

The girl is talking slow, examining my reaction. And I'm still like a little kid in the circus, waiting for a white rabbit to jump out of the magician's hat.

"Well, it would be better for you not to see a doctor. And better for me, if I get out of here before she finds out that we know each other. She's ready to accuse me of that attack on you."

What have I missed? So I go upstairs. What was that girl talking about? Was it about my mom's origins? I know she was an illegal immigrant. She's from Ireland, but that's taboo in our home. Whatever drove her away from her country, it has been buried very deep.

I walk into the living room and stand opposite my mother. While Max was nervous, scared and surprised with my unawareness, my mother's fear is dazzling.

And suddenly, for the first time in the last strange days, I begin to understand that not only the future is important. More important, maybe the most important thing is the past.

~ * ~* ~ * ~

As soon as this thought reaches my brain, anger wakes inside me. What is my mom hiding? What kind of past? Is it something connected with her Irish origin? What made my mom - against her will as I know, cause I oveheard my parents talk - run from her own country and never say any a word about it? What's terryfying her?

"Mom..." I take a few steps. But she just shakes her head, turns and goes into her bedroom. The bang of the slamming door was probably heard at the other end of town. Somehow it doesn't crush my head. No. But it goes straight to other part of me, hurting much more.

I look at my dad who is standing by the door. Hesistantly he reaches out, not knowing if he should knock or not... Finally his effort to reach my mother fail. I see him walking out of the bedroom, his arms drop helpless. Fortunately I can see some kind of flare in his eyes. Flare, which I really want to interpret as a bit of hope.

He hugs me and strokes my head. It seems he forgot about my big bruise... but my headache seems to be nothing in comparison to this simple fact that my life is changing into terrible ruins... and I can't help it.

[Hotaru]

3.

It's really strange to watch your parents, waiting for their next move and glance. It been just a few hours since Max G. visited me, but I feel like the time is sneering at me. One second Madamme Vivien says that I'll have 'everything' and the next the person supposed to give it to me gives it away.

I don't know what's happening to me. The problems with Max, Skins and this whole alien crap seem to fall to the background. The 'Liz' - loving Max and the 'Liz' - daughter of Nancy Parker were two different persons. I feel like I have split personalities. The old Liz, a member of IKAA Club, still suffers and the new Liz desperately tries to gather all the shattered pieces of something that once seemed to be a picture of the Parker family. What's worst, I have no idea, how to do it... I don't know if it's even worth it.

I'm even not in mood to write in my journal. I can't transfer my thoughts to the paper. It's so weird. Everything stays in me, there's no escape, I'm still suffocating. It doesn't let to me breathe. I'm scared that the pressure make me burst from inside and there won't be anything left.

This room, this balcony - especially this balcony - it seems that they are like a cage from which I'll never be free. One sentence is going in my head: Maybe it would be better if you were with a human? Like not being not normal was something bad. Now I think that 'being normal' is worse. Because today being normal means that my parents are at war. My mom's past is coming back to torture her. My dad - my perfect man, always loyal to mom and still loving her despite the ordinariness of life, he can't help her. And seeing his helplessness hurts even more than my mom's crying, which I heard behind a wall.

Now there is silence. And I don't know what I should be more afraid of: tears or silence? But I think I'll know it any second now, my problem will disappear. I hear doors opening, then steps. It's dad. Something between relief and disappointment is fighting in my mind. Dad stops by my bed. But I'm not opening my eyes until I hear my name. Why should he see my crying glance? I don't want to be a burden for him.

"Liz!" he says again and he's sitting on the bed. I still stare at the ceiling. I did saw that he closed the door. He always did that, when he wanted to talk to me.

My lips tremble. No, I won't cry again. I don't want to murder my dad by drowning. They would lock me fast, before my cheeks would be dry.
"Everything is going down..." I purr. Somehow my voice is quiet and calm. There's no sound of tears, there 's just a little hint of sadness. I gather myself and there's not this hint in my voice. I'm my dad's child, right? "Why?" I ask and I know how insensitive it sounds. If there was an answer to this.

"You're not talking about mom, are you?" he asks. Another rhetorical question. Dad always could see through my little lies, little cheating, find that what he needed... God only knows, how many times he knew I was coming late because of Max or alien problems... and he didn't say anything. I don't know if that was parental trust or something else. But in this moment I need to snuggle in his arms and cry all my sorrow... I'll take care of any consequences later, ok?

So I do it. But not everything goes as I would like. I stop crying. Dad made my tears stop. I feel warm, safe. Like in cocoon of parental love. Hm, nice term.

Dad looks straight into my eyes. I'm not afraid of showing them to him. He knows what's behind them. The day when I'm able to trick him, would be probably the day of the second coming. That doesn't mean that sometimes we're not pretending that my little lies are the truth. The difference is that dad knows that I know this.

Hm, my thoughts are confused. Bad sign. I need to stay conscious. Whatever dad will say now, it will be from his heart. Maybe he'll even quote some dead guy?

But the day of miracles and disasters is not over and dad suprises me completely. As a matter of fact, he corners me and puts a gun to my head. It's a metaphor of course.

"I heard you and Kyle last evening. You were pretending that you were making love." His words are like... I don't know to what I could compare it. My mind is clouded by a fog of surprise and shock. I still can't get out of it, when my dad continues calmly. There's no anger, madness or pique in his voice. "Why didn't my little girl come to me? I would've used' Claudia's shotgun and hunt Max Evans."

I laugh for a moment. Seeing it in my imagination is almost... nice. And even more hurting than that last dance with Max. Why those who I love are turning against each other so easily?

After a while my face is serious again. Even though I believe in my dad, I don't think that his threat would bring any effect for longer than one night. Max is stubborn. He always was. Denial is his motto. Wanting me back he put in danger the whole planet and the lives of those who sent him here with his sister and the best soldier... and a young wife. A wife who still loves him. And what do I in this story? I'm playing the third one, although my hearts says something different... Not long ago Max's heart was saying the same.

"You always were stubborn and very responsible. More than any other child I know. You clung desperately to your love and you have blamed yourself for all the mistakes. Speaking of love... " I feel his gaze become gently for a moment "... I always wondered at how fast you fell in love with Max, still being together with Kyle."

A big lump forms in my throat. Oh Blue Lady, not this. I can't lie now to my dad... please, not this. A lie now... it could form a precipice between us. And I don't want to lose him, his trust and care. Not now, when I need him so much.

"But I haven't asked. Do you know why?"

I shake my head.

"I believed that you decide with your heart. My mom told me that you always have to listen to your heart and sometimes our choices are difficult. It doesn't mean of course that they're wrong. They may be painful, crushing... hard, and even a big howler. That's why last evening you went for a walk. Alone, in the middle of the night."

I really don't know what to say. Words... I can't put in words what I feel right now. How did it happen that my dad knows my heart so well?

"You pushed Max away. I'm not asking why. If your heart says so... then I can just stand by your side. But I'm going to ask about something else, Liz."

Something in his voice alerts me. I hide my head in his chest. Some part of me doesn't want to hear it. The other part wants to get trough it. Hard to reconcile, don't you think?

"Why did you risk everything? You're not thinking that it will remain a secret, do you? You risked your reputation and your future here, in Roswell."

"I'll go to Harvard." I mutter into his shirt. I feel him smile.

"An intelligent answer." This is something more than an approval for my mind. It sounds almost like a compliment. "So why wasn't my little girl capable to cope it? You're smart, Liz. Really, and I don't mean your grades. So how has it happened? You couldn't daunt him in other way? And why haven't you come to me with this, Lizzie?" my heart crumbles into little pieces when I hear the last sentence. It's not disappointment. It's pain.

However I know that it will break The Great Secret, I don't have any doubts. I trampled Max's heart, I threw his feelings into the mud. Saying the truth to my dad couldn't hurt Max more than my betrayal. Tears are running down my face, when I start to talk.

"He... he just wasn't listening. I tried, really tried to push him far away. I wasn't there for him, when he needed my help. I rejected all attempts of contact, I went far away... but he didn't stop loving me. He didn't want to stop. After I came back... a few things had happened. I was a part of the group, once again I was helping. Max thought that all was for him. He was right in some sense. I wanted to help him, but also Michael... Michael... he was really a good friend. But honestly everything in our group is about me and Max. I wanted to push him away. I tried... in many ways. But it just made him do his best next time. And at last... I really tried dad... he just..." I break. My voice subsides. Tears stop falling down, replaced by some amazing emptiness, a wound which no one has ever seen before in me. But i want to lock it in me once again... just for this one moment I let someone see it. Then I'll lock it. I don't want to remember Max kissing Tess in the rain. I don't want to remember that when he persuaded me to Gomez's concert I saw flashes of him making love with Tess... and even knowing it was just a dream, his fantasies... it hurt like it was real. Now, after the last events, it will happen for sure. Max belonged to Tess already. I just borrow him for some time.
"He just... he didn't want to accept it. He didn't understand that I don't want him to love me. That I don't want to love him. He didn't accept it... so I did it."

~ * ~* ~ * ~

I thought that observing how my parents' life is falling apart is weird when my own life is a ruin. It was recently. It was.

A roundabout of fate is circling again. So I sit here in the Crashdown with Kyle, while my parents went somewhere an hour ago. I have no idea where. They just left. Together, fortunately. Or not. Maybe they didn't want me to hear them arguing?

They know I hate that.

And now I'm sitting nervous opposite to Kyle who tries to make me laugh. It's a work of Sisyf. But I must say that Kyle has a great sense of humour. Maybe a little sick, sometimes with too much testosterone... If I wasn't so upset with my parents, I would cry from laughing so much. I think Kyle is missing his calling wanting to be a football player.

The doors to the Crashdown open and Courtney comes in. I frown. It's not her shift. And Michael is in the kitchen and Maria... well she has turned into 'DeLuca hurricane - go around'. If I were her, I wouldn't get into this conflict.

I look in disbelief when Courtney comes shyly to the counter and says "Hi." I don't know why, but Michael looks like he he just had a heart attack. This girl has been flirting with him for weeks, she just managed to get into his bathroom and and he's in shock? Hm, let's think. I think Kyle's jokes brought this mood.

"That is nothing!" he says suddenly with a strange look on his face. He leans over the table, so do I. I can feel that something will come up. And I'm not disappointed. It must be good news. I think so. Probably...

"Dad told me yesterday evening, after I caught them in the kitchen..." for a moment his face is gloomy. His next words clear it up. "... that he and Amy want to get married."

I stare at him for at least one minute. He starts to wriggle. Apparently my flabbergasted glare isn't so nice. But maybe it's todays events? Who knows?


------

AN: In Polish - version this story, I had to replace "Blue Lady" to "God". Readers which we (I and _liz) call 'little vultures' were inquiring and inventive from FN's beginning (maybe some day we will translate their questions... they have a great imagination). I didn't want give the alarm. They don't know everything yet, hehe. This is one of Nancy's big secret which will break in the last part - 60.
Some people may say that Liz wouldn't have any way to know about her. She isn't in my story one of those urchins from '09. So Liz don't know Ben.
As always I live for feedback. _liz too.

[Hotaru]

Today I have something like a present for everyone who love Alec. First meet Alec and Liz

4.

I'm cleaning after dinner. Since my boss is on holiday I spend less time at work. There's nothing nice in sitting in a cold office and looking at walls, which never say a thing. Every time the phone rings I need to gather myself. I say nicely that congreswoman is on holidays. No, I don't know when she'll be back. At that moment I see burned pieces of clothes and slices of skin whirling around Isabel that night. That's all she had left.

I know what the others think about her. For them she's an enemy, someone who ill-treated Tess, killed Nasedo and threatened Isabel. But I saw the other side too. Maybe it was a contingency, maybe not. I don't know if seeing the "human side" of the enemy is good. I think not. I remember that day, when she was drunk because of Pierce. Or Nasedo... Who cares? Nevermind... at that moment she was the same person. I can't even imagine what she must have felt, when he disappeared. Used, humiliated before the Congres. And though Isabel said that Whitaker killed Nasedo... I can't imagine that.

So I sit in my house, not knowing what to do with myself. My parents are still gone. And once again I don't know if it's a good thing. Eh, I'm confused. The memory of my mother crying and the strange disappointment and shock in her eyes makes me dread something really bad. On the other hand, the little girl in me wants it all to be just a nightmare.

I turn on TV. Discovery, of course. Some things never change. I watch how after a fire they saved some of the priceless volumes of Hofburgs Library. When I get to the end, time goes back to normal. Parents are still gone. Tomorrow is Saturday, so I don't have to prepare myself for school or work.

So I go downstairs to the Crashdown. Today it's Agnes and Jose?s turn to close the cafeteria, so I can help them. Agnes is the worst waitress in town. But she's the only provider of her family, so dad won't fire her.

When I'm on the stairs, I feel danger. It's quite indefinite. So I look through the window and eye the cafeteria. No sign of the tempting brunette. But someone else attracts me.

He's got dark blond hair, a bit messed. I bet it's because of frustration, our menu gets in the tourist?s hair. Often we have to explain them what the name of every dish means. I'm sure that it?s the first time he's in the Crashdown. It's simple and obvious ? he looks really good. He's cute, handsome and he's got amazing green eyes. I'm sure I haven't seen him before.

Suddenly those eyes look up and meet mine. He looks at me with a silent question.

And then I notice two extremaly important things.

By the table next to him sits Pam Troy and she's chatting with her friends. I can just presume that she's talking about me. Eventhough there's no way that Papaya knew about my night with Kyle, my stomach tightens with pain. Kyle couldn't say anything. I know it. But I still remember, what my dad said earlier.

"Why did you risk everything? You're not thinking that it will remain a secret, do you? You risked your reputation and your future here, in Roswell."

I want to believe he was wrong but seeing Papaya's face, the triumphal smile, I know dad was right. The machine started to move. I don't know how it happened that it escaped our triangle. Square. Tomorrow the whole Roswell will know that miss Parker is not the innocent Lizzie anymore. But there?s something worse. The gossip won?t hit only me. There will be also rumours about Max and Kyle. Kyle will handle it, but Max... Max didn't deserve it.

I turn my gaze again at the man, who could surely be a hybrid. I mean that he looks really great. Such guys doesn't exist. Even in Hollywood they have to work their appearance. But he... he just sits there with an innocent smile on his face and he reads the menu. And everything would be just fine, if not for the second important thing I've noticed.

The feeling of danger comes from him. The same strange, irrational, straining all brawns feeling which I've felt when Max was near. Add a few little things ? I never saw him in Roswell, in the morning I heard two motorcycles not one, Max G. is not supposed to show up ? there's one logical conclusion. He's here with her.

Which gives me an unexpected possibility to find out something about the row. This hunk knows something. I'm sure of it when I go into thecafeteria and head to his table. Green eyes look straight at me and I can't turn my gaze. I'm trapped.

I sit opposite to him with a little smile. He puts aside the menu. His gaze changes. I could swear that it's full of care and compassion.

"Your head still hurts?"

He speaks quietly, the words almost rolling off his tongue. Four words in this soft and flirting tone and I'm sure that girls are melting. I'm not religious but I thank God and all guardian angels that on some day in September I fell in love with an alien with amber eyes. That protects me from his magic.

At last I look away. I roll my eyes at the ceiling.

"I guess that's the answer," he sighs. He leans over and whispers "How did you know?"

I can't stop a devlish smile. Whoever he was he had a really huge ego. So I lean forward and mutter in a low voice.

"When I saw you I had this amazing feeling..." I purr. Wow, I did'n even know I can do this. "...danger! Run as fast as you can!" I end soflty. But he doesn?t react the way I expected. He reacts totaly different. For a second he looks at me. Then something like understanding appears in his eyes ? which is really weird - and approval. He nods. Now I'm really scared.

"A useful skill."

A skill? Why do I have the feeling that everyone around me knows what's going on and I'm still unaware? And did he just admit that he's dangerous?

He really scares me. And he fits into a hybrid model. But what would aliens have to do with my family? Nothing. Even the idea is ridiculous. The Parkers have lived in Roswell for ages!

"The skill of finding a certain brunette would be more useful." I decide to come to the point. That's why I started this conversation. But he's still self-assured.

"What for?" he asks soft "You have me."

Once again I lean forward. Oh no. You won't run so easily. Maybe I'll let you keep your smile... untill I get what I want.

"You... were waiting outside when she was talking with mom."

He raises his brows. I guess I suprised him. I don't know why. The sound of the engine is loud enough to hear it in the Crashdown.

"I won't say 'yes' and I won't say 'no'."

"Come on." I smile "What were they talking about? If you won't tell me..."

"Hmm?"

"I will have to ask her. And if mom finds out that she has been talking with me behind her back, you can buy a wreath."

But whitey is stubborn. Who would have thought looking at this cute face?

"I'm afraid that's imposible."

"Why?"

I see the challenge in his eyes.

"Max had to do something. She'll be back when your mom calms down."

"Which will hapen in the next ice age..." I mutter. It's hard to flurry or scare my mother. But if it happens... it hadn?t even happened before, I'm not able to know the consequences. My brain doesn't want to co-operate. No data.

"I don't think so. She has to tell you someday."

Did I heard in his voice a little bit of cheer? I look at him... yes, I didn't mishear. He really wants to calm me down. Why would a stranger do that? I relax for a moment.

"All right." I shrug. I hope he's right. "So... what's your designation?" I lower my voice. I don't want Papaya to hear us.

"494," he whispers so quietly that even my hearbeat is louder.

Hm, is it me or is he joking again?

"I asked about a name." I'm really trying not to be irritated. With my swinging mood today... well, I don't want to blow up because of a stranger. I think he understands my mood because finally I get the right answer.

"Alec McDowell."

A few seconds later a loud noise fills the air, piercing needles into my head. And I thought that pills would help.

I don't need to turn back to know what happened. I'm sure Agnes put too many glasses on the platter... and the platter fell out. I know it, because it happens at least once every month. That's why dad always sends Agnes back home before closing up. But today he's not here and I forgot about it.

I sigh when Agnes runs crying.

"Another set of glasses." I stand up. My head is hurting, which is a bad sign. I was never really sick, I never broke or sprained any bone. The perfect model of health. Probably the mother nature wants to get even with me.

I take the broom. I hear Alec follow me. I wouldn't mind him helping me, but I know that his gaze is traveling over my thighs. Why I'm wearing a skirt?

The fact that I did it on purpose doesn't help. A few hours ago I was sure that appearance helps in solving problems. Now I think it makes problems.

Alec takes the broom. I don't mind, but I have to argue ? that's the old rule.

"I don't need a babysitter," I protest after five minutes of malice. Whoever named him, was very foreseeing. He's a real wiseass with fast, witty answers. And a sense of humour just like Kyle...

"After what happened last night, you need a babysitter. Four words: ?aching head? and ?cold pavement?, ring a bell?"

Now I'm defeated. He knows I can't argue with that. After a while...

"After what happened last night..." I mutter "...I proved I definitely don't need a babysitter. But a cleaner!"

I let him get the broom and sit on the couch. Alec laughs. He wasn't expecting me to speak about what Papaya had said. I can see that my worries were right.

I put my arms around my knees when he closes the door behind him. I ignore Agnes, wrap my hands around my head and I try to make pain go away.

[Hotaru]

5.

I don't know what wakes me up. Maybe the cold that suddenly fills me, maybe nasty feeling of loss when strong arms lay me on the bed. I growl unsatisfied and again I curl up.

Then I hear steps and something that sounds like a window closing. And that brings me to life. I open my eyes and I see that I'm laying on my own bed and Alec is staring at me.

"How are you feeling?" he asks and sits flippantly on the bed.

"Beyond hope." I frown. Not only my head aches, my neck is stiff, probably because I've been laying on the couch. "I'm going to sleep and everything will be good. You don't have to take care of me."

Alec smiles with his traditional smirk. Did I say something funny?

"But I'm here just at your beck and call..."

Christ, why am I feeling like the temperature in this room increased by the moment?

"Lay on your stomach."

And I can't resist his request. Something with my head must be really bad if I'm letting some strange man into my bedroom and he is flirting with me in a very suggestive way. Maybe... maybe it's my revenge on Future Max? Go with some guy to bed?

Well, Alec isn't some guy. He's connected to my mom's past... maybe they are family? That thought sobers me like closing the window. I sit.

"Calm down, Parker. I'm not going to crunch you for supper..." he squints his green eyes. Damn, I blush. It's really bad. "Max would chop me for pieces, not to mention your dad with a shotgun!"

"Dangerous Alec scared of a little girl?" I laugh. All the tension disappears.

"Believe me, she can be really dangerous..." He looks at me and suddenly I don't know if he's talking about Max.

"Whatever." I sigh. I lay on my stomach. I learned an important lesson - don't oppose Alec. He knows perfectly how to use his charm. He's capable of using it on me!

I feel his fingers on my neck. I groan. It hurts, really hurts. But there's something that stops me before turning back.

His hands are warm. I mean really warm. Most people have cold or lukewarm hands. Maybe that's why I avoid shaking hands. And now... it's suprising how fast Alec permeated through those walls I use to separate myself from others. You can't know aliens, keep their secrets and live normaly. You jump on the other side of danger and you can't go back. I've known Alec for just - I look at the clock - two hours and I'm letting him give me a massage!

If someone had told me two days ago that I was going to allow some strange handsome guy such intimacy, I would say that Tess midwarped them. But now Alec's warm hands and skilful fingers make my pain go away. There's just warmth and pure pleasure. I'm almost melting on the bed.

Oh heavens, Alec is great with his hands.

And then he ends his massage. I want to moan in disappointment but I know it's not a good idea so I just sit on the bed.

"Thanks!" I say smiling.

Five minutes later Alec is gone. My personal, private babysitter, after giving me a glass of milk and saying "good night" in a very special way, drove away on his green motorcycle. I close the door smiling. Whatever this future is going to bring me it won't be so bad after all.

~ * ~* ~ * ~


I wake early in the morning. I jump off the bed, not even trying to find my pyjamas. Quietly I go to the hall. I lay my hand on the doorknob and open the door to my parents' bedroom.

A smile appears on my face when I see them nestling on the bed. I sigh. My parents reconciled. Now the world can fall apart.

I go back to my bedroom. I close the door. Humming under my breath I head to bathroom. A moment later I stand near the sink, washing, when my gaze falls on my collection of oils and lotions. My hand freezes. Max always said that I smell like strawberries... or vanilla. I swallow.

Bleeh… Toothpaste is an awful dish.

I brush my teeth but my gaze keeps going back to the elegant phials. They were gifts from grandma Claudia. She always said that a woman needs a bit of luxury in her life. I started refilling them with my favourite oils when the original lotions ran out.

Now these remind me of Max. But I don't want to throw away mementos of my grandma. She was too dear to me. And she was responsible in some way for my bond with dad. Don't get me wrong, I get along well with my mom. But I always felt that there were some limits... that she didn't want me to pass them. So about my problems and other secrets I talked with Maria or grandma Claudia, and dad was watching over me. Dad always knew when I had problems... and he he did his best to be by my side. Maria, really a teflon baby and always full of life, was the perfect friend. And our conversations while eating ice-creams... A friendship with Maria has some advantages. I can always talk to her, tell her about my experiences. And she can tell me about hers.

My fingers lose their grip and the toothbrush falls to the sink.

"How could I be so stupid?" I mutter in disbelief. I talk to Maria about everything. And when I say "everything" I mean everything, especially things about boys. Since the Czechoslovakians entered our lives, Maria has always known exactly how to bring everything out of me. I couldn't hide anything. She went like a hurricane through my secrets and... desires. And Papaya last evening tattled, so there is gossip. Probably the telephone lines were collapsed. Which means that I can expect a hurricane wanting some details.

When I came back from Florida, Maria was the one who found out and didn't say anything (and took me away) because Max was always at my balcony. The job at Whittaker's office was also her idea. She couldn't of course know how it would end. Maria was really a good friend.

And she still is. I left her in Roswell alone with Michael leaving her, Max hounding her and Alex mooning after Isabel. She didn't complain. She still isn't. If I were her, I would feel hurt, but Maria is so... her. You always can see what she feels, what she thinks. If she's hurt or angry, she's a hurricane. If she's happy, she can sing and dance all day long. If she's suspicious, Hercules Poirot is a saint beside her.

Oh heavens, and what I should do now?

After a while I realise that i have two choices. First, I can tell her the whole story. But it's not really an option. Michael could get flashes and then tell Max everything. Although Michael and Maria are not together now but they'll get back. As soon as Maria beats Courtney... it'll take just a few days.

The second one isn't an option either telling the truth. But considering all the "alien things" that can happen… I have to say that I had to do everything to make Max stop loving me. I hope that Maria believes in me enough to understand this.

I sigh. It will be another nice day of my life. Confrontations with my parents, with Maria and the whole crowd of curious people. Life in a little town can be frustrating.

[Hotaru]

Tomorrow I have my oral German exam, it's a extreme mix of conversation, phonetics, grammar, lexics and mooore other stuff. And this is only the one! So, I hope you appreciate today's update and you're leaving some nice feedback.


6.

I sit in my bathroom for about an hour. I'm not putting on any make-up - although I want to. Oh no, I'm sitting here trying to change my smell.

I sneaked into my parents' bathroom and I took some of my mom's cosmetics. Well, honestly, I took everything that didn't remind me of Max. So I took a long bath. I rubbed some baby's oil over my wet body, there was no other choice. Most of my cosmetics smell of vanilla and strawberries and mom's keeping the balm in her bedroom. I don't want to know why... So even if I sneak there, there's a chance that the bottle is not on place... Thank God.

So I'm doing my make-up also with my mom's cosmetics. Different colours but it doesn't matter. I hesitate when I have to choose a lipstick. There's no innocent pink in this set. But I find soft coral lipstick. I could use it.

Time for my hair. Max loves when I have loose hair so I won't do it today. I just pin it up. It's not sophisticated, but it's much better than before. I'm not used to look like [a] princess, like on a blind date. I don't want to. I want to look anything but divine! Max put me on a pedestal. No, it's not that I didn't want to be there... but it was Max who begged me to put Tess in my place.

I like to think that a change of look would is another way to make Max stop loving me. But let's be honest. It has happened already, right? I swallow. Who am I trying to fool? My new look is my mask. I can't let the others see my pain. Not even dad. He broke down yesterday... but yesterday was yesterday. Now my parents have their own troubles. If my change can make them stop worrying about me, I can handle that.

I take the cosmetics back. When I get back to my room, there's Maria. She looks like she woke up just five minutes ago! As soon as I go through the door her sleepy eyes notice me. She stands up and I'm in her arms.

"Oh, Liz... I'm so sorry..." she whispers. I can see tears in her eyes. "If I can do anything just say it, ok?"

I look at her. What is she talking about? Does Maria know something about my parents?

"Maria..." I start but this hurriacane blows up.

"God... I will kill that son of a bitch. How could he? How? I know that he was a king in his previous life, but here he's not a king and for sure not my king! And I thought he was my friend! I was there for him, I was helping him with his broken heart, I told him you would be together again. And I should hit him with something heavy and send him off to space with his blonde bitch...!"

"Maria!" I shake her in disbelief "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?" she shouts. I frown. Not because of my head - the pain went away yesterday with the amazing Alec. I frown because of my parents. I don't want them to wake up. I'm not ready for a confrontation with them. I know that whatever I will learn today will be as bad as yesterday's pain. It will, if it changed my mom into a jittery shadow of Nancy Parker.

"That jerk walks around town like a puppy and he dares..." she's furious "... he dares to say, that you cheated on him. And with whom? With Kyle!"

I shriek. So that was Max. The last person I think would do that. But a few days ago I didn't thought that he would ask me to resign. So why does it hurt?

"Liz..." Maria's voice is so quiet. I look at her. I know she suspects something now. She sees the guilt in my eyes. So I say it, not even caring that I wasn't going to tell the whole truth.

"Last night I set everything up, so that Max would think I was sleeping with Kyle."

Maria stares at me for a minute. First time in my life I see her speechless. Worse, I don't know what she's thinking right now. I don't know if she's going to turn back and leave. So I sit on my bed to soothe the pain.

But then Maria amazes me. She's sitting next to me and hugging me. We hold each other for a moment and then hot tears drip on my pajamas. Not my tears. Maria's.

~ * ~* ~ * ~

After a few minutes Maria calms down. In some way it's comforting that one of us can cry. I can't. Thinking about what I've done everything in me turns into ice. And those cold crystals hurt so much.

"But I don't understand why. Madame Vivien said..." Maria stutters. I don't know for sure, but I think it's not about me. And Max. Maria is [a] great friend and she just showed it, but it was always her who wiped my tears , not me.

"Maybe because of that." I say. Somehow I find serenity in me to think rationally. The cold in me helps. Helps to hold my feelings locked in my heart. I didn't say more than I wanted to. I saved the world. I hope this mistake won't distroy everything.

"I don't understand." She's so scared.

"I make him feel like a human," I say it out loud. "Human! Don't you get it? As long as Max wants me, he wants to be like me. But he's not. None of them are. They have work to do. And I was on his way."

"So it's about destiny again?!" Maria groans.

"Screw destiny!" I say sharply, because I know now what bothers Maria: she's worried that Michael and Isabel will be together. "Besides how could that happen? Michael and Isabel were like siblings for too long. It would be... sick! But Maria, they are here because they have a mission! Learn to use their power so they can fight their enemy. Their whole planet is waiting for them. "

I stand up and walk in frustration. Yes, I said everything and now it's time for summary.

"And Max, a leader in whom they believe and who they're waiting for, is serenading his grilfriend, which makes him feel like a human. That's just sick!"

I subside. My voice was quiet, but Maria heard it. I look at her. And she glares at me.

"Love is not sick, Liz."

There's something in her voice that makes me slow down. Some kind of tenderness and pity.

"Liz, you lost it. I know that this situation outgrows you..." she tries to persuade me. For a second I'm thankful, but just for a second. Then I feel resignation and I let it show.

"Sometimes love is not enough, Maria. It's sad, but it's the truth." I'm sitting next to her.

"Sometimes it's the only cure." She smiles softly.

"Plus so much more patience" I add. We look at each other and laugh. I know that Maria doesn't understand my decision, but she accepts it in her own crazy way.

"So you're still...?" she's asking.

I roll my eyes. Heavens, help me!

"You know that Valenti is the last person I would invite into my bed..."

She hits me with a pillow. And we start fighting.

~ * ~* ~ * ~

Maria is flabbergasted when I give her a bag full of my old cosmetics.

"Here. I don't want them!"

She looks inside the bag.

"Liz, I know that I look awful but you could find another way to tell me that!"

"Take it. Really. It smells, tastes... like vanilla and strawberries."

"Everything in your bathroom smells like that!" she comments.

"Exactly. Max always said that I smell like strawberries and vanilla, so..." I beg her with my eyes. Message received.

"Ok." she sighs. After a few seconds there is a huge smile on her face. Oh no. What is she thinking about now?

She runs into my bathroom. My stomach clenches. Maria's ideas are as crazy and insane like as my last evening when I allowed Alec to give me a massage. The only difference is that the massage ended good and innocently. With Maria... her ideas are the opposite.

"Do you know what this means, Liz?" Maria comes out of the bathroom. There's this big smile on her face, which scares me. Plus the sparkle in her eyes and make up which she had done so fast... Oh God, what does she want to do?

"No," my voice is really insecure.

"Shopping!" Maria laughs. She grabs me by the arm and dances around my room. "If you are throwing all your cosmetics away we have to buy new ones. Think about all those shops... "

Maria is impossible!

"...but first we have to take a credit card from your dad."

I groan. Oh no. Talk to my parents? No way!

"Eee... it could be difficult," I rub my nose. Ha, in body language that means a lie.

How do I know this?

"Come on, you have your dad wrapped around your little finger."

I shook my head.

"No, Maria. There's something strange. Yesterday they were arguing, my mother was crying... Someone came to her, from her past. I don't know what's going on but I have a bad feeling."

She stares at me, as if in one second I had lost all my hair and there was a big gnarl on my nose.

"Your par- were arguing?" she ask in disbelief, so I just nod. "Since when do pigs fly?!?" she shouts.

"Darling, is that Maria?" I hear my mother. Oh damn. I didn't know it was so late. On Saturdays we open the Crashdown at seven, but mom always wakes up at five.

Maria saves the situation... temporarily.

"And who else would need solace for a broken heart at this time?" she wails dramatically. My mom looks at me questioning. Damn!

"Liz!" she asks suspiciously and then she calls in her strickt parental tone "Is that my lipstick on your lips?"

I blush and look at Maria. Fortunately she doesn't falter...

"Exactly, Mrs Parker!" she clasp her hands "The old Liz wouldn't have done something like that... but the new Liz is brave. And she needs resources!" she adds. I moan. She's impossible. There's no way to avoid shopping.

"New Liz?" something in my mom alarms me. She looks like she's scared. Good! - I want to scream. Don't leave me with this hurricane!

"Liz broke up with Max."

I blush again. I hate my complexion.

"I thought you two broke up in May." Mom looks at me and I know that she wants to know everything. And here goes Maria again.

"Yesss. But this time he won't be serenading her by her balcony. "

"And what does that have to do with shopping?" My mom is almost amused with the famous DeLuca's thinking.

"Liz does not want to look like Max's girl. This..." she shows the bag"...are things that reminded her of what Max likes. Now it's time for what Liz likes!"

"Not a bad idea, but not before six a.m. On a Saturday!" Mom smiles but I know that this smile is as truthful as saying that Aborygens are Vikings' cousins "And not before breakfast. You need to have strength for shopping."

Yes, especially if you're shopping with Maria.

"The mall opens at ten. So now I can look through all the stuff in this bag..." Maria laughs and goes to my window "... and tyrannize Michael. I call you later. Bye!"

And there she goes. She's gone. So is mom. Strange.

"Liz..." I hear my dad. And then he's standing in my door. "Put some clothes on, sweetheart. We will have a guest for breakfast."

He hesitates.

"Nice hair. I like it."

I can help but smile.

[Hotaru]

Feb 06, 2005... It is a date of last update. And I wrote 'Calinia is a bad woman' . Thanks for your patience!

7.

I'm not going to compete with a pretty brunette. I open my closet and I choose trousers made of really soft fabric and a blouse. It's purple - a gift form aunt Mandy. I‘ve never worn it before, because I prefer calm stuff. I prefered. If I don't want people to think I have a broken heart... eh, who am I kidding? Another element of my mask. This blouse can't be any more different than the pastel sweaters I had always worn.

"Head still hurts?" Alec asks. Does he know any different questions? Maybe he has a problem with a normal chat? Yesterday's row proved that he's more nimble than handsome.

"It stopped hurting yesterday." I answer and than I see that pleased smile on his face, there's no doubt whose merit it is. Max glares at Alec with a warning, then at me.

"Liz, I can't find glass for coctail." My dad comes into the kitchen, saving the situation. I really, really want to kick Alec. Instead, I answer like a good girl.

"Agnes."

"She broke another set??"

"I don't know. Alec was cleaning up." I mutter innocently.

Max looks like a fish taken out from water, and dad stares at Alec suspiciously.

"What?!?"

Now he's in trouble and I can't help the revengeful sparkle in my eyes.

"I think..." Alec once again rolls the words on his tongue "...you should ask Liz. She sat next to me and asked what was Max talking about with your wife. I don't know how she knows."

I glance at him – wanting to kill him.

"She was so sure. I was defending myself when the other waitress made a mess. Liz was only able to sit on the couch, so I played a charwoman."

"A nanny, a porter, a doctor..." I add. Really short version of what had happened last evening. Alec looks innocently, while Max is giggling.

"Charwoman! I wonder what Normal will say about that... his golden boy..."

"Hey!" he says and I see danger in his eyes. Uf, he looked strange with this innocence. "At least my shoes were spared. Last time I was helping you..."

For five minutes I'm listening to their scuffle. It's even funny. They remind me of Maria and Michael, but really “not censored”. Their sense of humour is wicked, like my new friends.

I eat my breakfast in silence. Well, I try to eat. Although Alec and Max do what they can, to lighten me up, I just can't swallow. So I move my food on the plate, trying to ignore my parents glances. With every minute is even worse. Enough!

"Dad, mom..." I put my fork on the plate. I really can't swallow, although my stomach demands some kind of food. "Maybe you will finally tell me what is going on?"

Mom looks nervously at dad. Alec and Max glance at me. Something's wrong.

"Is it about your past?" I ask irritated after few minutes of silence. Apparently no one knows how to start.

"Not quite." I hate when mom sounds so hesitantly. "It's about yours."

"I don't have any mysterious past." I know how stupid it sounds from someone who for the last year has been helping aliens hide from the FBI, and few days ago saved the world... well, I think. My parents don't know this about me. And help me heavens, they won't.

"Have you been watching the news lately?" Mom shifts on her chair.

"Sometimes." I hate beating about the bush. Nothing will prepare me for pain. I hate it when someone delays giving bad news. Saying it is as hard as listening to it.

"You heard about Manticore?"

Of course I did. It was everywhere. Seattle is not so far away.

"Manticore was a secret agency. They played God there."

They look at me with shock and I feel I need to give some kind of explanation.

"Roswell lives from government lies. We live from it. But Manticore... it's sick. I haven't heard much in the news, just that some monsters escaped, wanting to take over the country and kill innocent people. But, no one will ask where the hell have they come from. They should catch those people first, the ones who are responsible for building Manticore. And those who have worked for them... "

The little scientist in me was fascinated with the fact that science has developed so much. But aliens and Pierce made me think that. When Max kissed me after escaping from the White Room and in flashes I saw, I felt, what they had done to him for hours... Sometimes I have nightmares about it. Worse, I can't wake up from it. Aunt Mandy had serious problems with me. Fortunately, after coming back to Roswell, the nightmares are really seldom.

The White Room is still in me, however I wasn't the one tortured. What they say in TV, I see it different. Just those from Manticore, all those scientists talking about the inhumanity of those creatures, which they have created... it reminds me of Pierce. He was also playing God, but in a different way.

"What?" now the others are looking at me and I feel really scared. Maybe I shouldn't have said it out loud. I guess I was too anti-government.

"Nothing. You just surprised us a little." Max says in disbelief.

"Manticore... it's a place you can describe with one word: sick. I know it, because I experienced it. Before you were born."

I look at my mom and suddenly I see an enemy.

"Did... did... " I stammer "...were you one... of them? You worked on mutants?"

"No!" her shout almost blows up the kitchen. I breathe with relief and smile. How could I ever think that my mom is one of those madmenn. I can blame only my nervousness, hesistance... and nightmares.

"Ok." I smile "Whatever this whole secret is, maybe you could start from the beginning? Now I'm just lost in speculations."

But it’s not mom who answers my question.

"Manticore was build to create perfect soldiers through manipulations with human DNA and animal DNA. At first there were people opposed to it. But then, around 1953 something happened, and then there were no more scruples. We don't know what happened. Probably some kind of danger. First experiments confounded the scientists. But finally they mixed dog and human DNA. It was simple. The problem was that Joshua looks exactly like who he is. They made other thousands of experiments, all kinds of knowledge were needed. Even nazi experiments from Second World War... "

I can't stop the shiver. No wonder my mom was terrified.

"And finally they got the right DNA coctail... it makes you look like a human. But you are not."

"Whoa... wait. So the transgenics who escaped are earlier experiments?"

"Not really. Well, Manticore has been burned... " Alec grins a spiteful smile "Transgenics would have died inside, if it wasn't for a certain brunette. That way..."

"...they found freedom." I finish.

"Exactly. When they got the perfect DNA, Manticore started working on the X series. Mutants looking like humans. Well, there are some, who does'nt look like... but we'll come back to them later.

“The first and second series didn't work. They kept four of them alive, to observe. The X3 was the first succesfull set, but compared to humans they weren't really ameliorated. The X4s are different. Better hearing thanks to dog DNA, and they're faster. Every new set had something added to their DNA, so they were better than earlier series. X5s have cat sight, unbelievable speed and nimbleness. Human DNA was also regenerated, they removed many weaknesses. The majority of X5s have also shark DNA, so they don't need much sleep and can stay long under water. X6 series have mostly shark DNA. They can live without sleep for two weeks. "

Two weeks without sleep? Like a dream... if I have had something like that when I was in Florida... But then I remember how the transgenics received those abilities and I forget my dreams. There really is nothing to be jelous of.

"Next series is X7. Mostly they are clones of X5s, plus DNA of a hippo or bat. There are two groups. They have something like common consciousness. Like hive. Manticore added it, because a few years ago some of the X5s escaped. The eight series probably has DNA of spider. I don't know much about them. There was also set nine, but I think they weren't too good. Aside from X-series Manticore created many other types of soldiers, for different types of missions. Underwater, in the desert or in arctic frost. Kaleidoscope of creatures. Then there are... those who were created with ability for psychological coercion, hypnosis... Everything you need to brainwash. And believe me, they used it not only on captives, but to control other mutants. There are also other Xs... hmm, special. Made to predict probability of process some military action. Unearthy efficiency."

There is a slight tone of sadness in Max's voice. There was nonchalance when she was talking. But when she mentioned those kids who escaped and the special Xs, I feel some kind of hint. Maybe she met someone of them.

Wait a minute...

I look at Alec.

I look at Max.

"You're from an X series." I say. Max stares at me in shock, and Alec... he just grins, remembering last evening.

"Which one?"

"X5" he answers calmly.

I move my hair from my face. I really need to learn how to comb. After one hour my hair turns into a mess.

"So... X5 - 494. And you?" I look at Max, who is still in state of shock. I guess she is used to a different reaction on her non-human state. But I'm not mad and I'm not going to turn them in. I know too well what it means to get into the government agents‘ hands.

"X5 - 452." she says finally "How do you know?"

"I just have this strange feeling when one of you is near me. That's why I tried to ask Alec what was going on. I was sure that you came here together. Moreover, you have higher body temperature, right? Alec's hands are warmer than anyone I know. Secondly, you are stronger, more intelligent. No tourist would win an encounter with a local waitress.”

Dad laughs. I look at him resentful.

"Finally, when Max was talking about those kids who escaped and those special Xs. Her knowledge about Manticore... it was logical."

I turn my gaze to my mug. Now I see that I filled it with coffe not with tea. I was really nervous. Tension still rotates in my blood, but it’s worse than before. Now I will probably hear that my mom helped one of those kids X5 and she became a fugitive.

Exactly how I predicted, mom is going to explain everything else.

"You remember what Max said about genetically empowered especially for some missions?"

I nod my head, noticing that my parents' hands are braided togother. Not good. The fear is coming back.

"So... In Manticore there was a man, Sandman. Without his knowledge the X series would never exist... So..." I look at Max. There is some nervous flicker on her face "...but he created not only X series. And this Sandman... he created a mutant with a special immunological system, who looks like a human."

I ask Max with my gaze, but she just shook her head. There is an unbearable tension. I feel fear in my parents. No, I really don't know what is going on. Maybe that's why my dad's next words are suprising me.

"He created you, Liz."

I blink.

You, Liz.

Am I a mutant? A member of freak nation?

In my head there is anger. The whole previous day and night I was freaking out, why didn’t they want to tell me? The whole quarrel was because of something that is in my blood and is known as immunology?

For a moment there is a question in my mind, did Future Max know about that? I don't know. In some wicked way I feel that he could have] known. But I don't know if it is just the stupid hope of a girl in love. He would tell me, right?

"I don't understand." I look at my parents "What in... what does this have to do with your row? For years you were scared of saying this to me, and now when you have no choice..." I trail off. Before I ended my question, the answer comes into my mind. It's so simple. And it hurts so much. "Stings of remorse. You didn't want to admit that you let some madman interfere in the life and health of your yet unborn child? You were scared that I'll ask you about the reason?"

My voice shakes. Oh heavens. They... they are like Pierce...

They played God.

With me.

Their only child. Before my birth.

With me.

Disgust gathers in my throat and it won't go away. I sit like stuck with glue to the chair and I can't say a thing.

"I think you don't understand..." Max says gently. What I don't understand? It's clear! "Manticore does not interfere in the life of an embryo. They creat it, planning a coctail of features they want. When the embryo is grown enough, they implant it in a young woman’s womb. When after nine months a child is borne, the mother is killed. Sometimes they keep her alive, if the embryo gains during the pregnacy. The woman is prepared for another pregnancy. "

Disgust turns into nausea.

"I don't know how your carrier... Nancy... found herself in Manticore. I know that someone helped her escape from there, when she was pregnat. She met your dad, they fell in love. They got married, you were born, you looked like their biological child. Till yesterday Nancy knew, you're not her child. Even Jeff, who thought you were the child of other man..."

I stand up, although my knees are like a jello. Slowly I circle the table and stand face to face with a man, about who I was thinking... Christ, I told him about the whole history with Max, thinking I could trust him in everything? I've put the whole world in the hands of someone who was lying to me all my life, without a reason? He didn't know about my origin... Manticore... so he had no reason to hide that he's not really my father.

"I bet you had quite fun, playin the loving daddy... right, Jeff?" I put whole pain and dissappointment in my voice. I close them inside me, I choke, not wanting to scream about them. And they increase. At some point they'll blow up... I'll blow up... but not right now.

I turn to Nancy, the woman who saved me from those madmans in Manticore.

"Thank you. Manticore is probably not a nice home, where I would like to grow up."

Nancy frowns with sadness. I see guilt in her eyes. It softens my anger on the Parkers, but the disappointment and pain are still here. I understand now, what Jeff was talking about when he said: I believed that you decide with your heart. My mom told me that you always have to listen to your heart and sometimes our choices are difficult. It doesn't mean of course that they're wrong. They may be painful, crushing... Nancy must have decided that I shouldn't know, till this day. Fear of oppressors... oh yes, I understand that. How many nights I woke up sweating, while I was in Florida, wishing that Pierce was never born?

But understanding does not wipe those emotions. Mind is not heart. If in a rational way I can understand what guided them... my heart doesn't want to understand that.

"I was protetcing myself too, Liz."

"I know. But you could have gotten rid of the pregnancy after you escaped. You never knew if I would be born with a human appearance." I say. I'm really proud of my voice. There was nothing else beside gratitude and thanks.

Then I turn around and leave the kitchen, followed by a deaf silence. And then I run. I hurry upstairs, I fall. But somehow I land on my feet. I push a suprised Michael and fall out outside.

[Hotaru]

I want to thank lyra for betaing this story, as always. Thanks for all the feedback, it's very much appreciated. Even a pm about my videos

Oh, and another author's note about sequels to this story. I posted a third story of whole series at my forum.


8.


I can't even cry. I cried all my tears not so long ago. I guess that we transgenics have a limited stock of tears, and when we use it, we can't cry anymore. Anyway, who knows what's in my DNA? Probably only Sandman knows it.

I sit in the park. I don't know why I came here. Last night I sat on this bench for hours, maybe more, trying to get my broken heart into one piece.

Now I'm once again here, not knowing what to do. Not just my heart, but all my world shattered into little pieces. Everything I thought was true and invariable is now an ilusion. Worse, I risked the future of this planet because of this... whole war. Everything depends on if the Royal Four will be together. I made a horrible mistake telling my 'dad' the truth.

I trusted someone who lied to me for all those years. Everything I've made could fall apart because I wasn't strong enough. On the other hand, it may be totally different – if Jeff could hide this secret for years probably he can hide any secret. I just have to convince him.

I look at the kids playing in the sand and I have strange feelings. I know now that I'm different. But I don't feel it. Maybe it's because Max, Michael and Isabel have always been different and I was on the other side of the precipice.

Now this precipice is even deeper. Manticore is a collectivity of different people but I know what aim they had. To create perfect soldiers to defend our country. Sending just a few soldiers instead of thousends of Americans and knowing that the mission will be a success – great idea if you're not this perfect soldier. I can't even imagine how life in Manticore was like. I can't imagine it even knowing Pierce.

It's hard for me to understand that I was supposed to be some kind of soldier versus biological weapon. I look ordinary, I don't have any improvements – I would know about it sooner or later. Maybe they wanted to keep me in a laboratory, give me some abomination and wait till my body produced an antidote...

I shiver.

Now I know what it’s like to be an experiment. A thing, without any rights... a piece of meat, which is tested under the microscope. I feel another wave of gratitude for Nancy. However she did it, her escape saved my life.

Suddenly somebody's arms embrace me. A blond head rests on my shoulder. I feel the hot skin of his cheek on my neck. It can be just one person.

"I didn't feel you," I mutter. Then he laughs straight into my neck. "Give me just one reason why you shouldn’t be slapped by a hysterical brunette?"

I'm not in the mood for jokes. However Alec is funny, smart and in flirting mood, I really don't want to see his empowered persona. I need to get myself together.

"Some Pam, twenty meters to the right."

I freeze. Oh, heavens!

"She’s been looking at you for fifteen minutes. And since I'm your personal guard and nanny I have to uphold the gossip."

"What?" I ask in disbelief. Alec sits next to me. I think he’s too close, but I see in his eyes a challenge and a warning.

"First. I hope you don't think that we would let someone know about your identity, someone who we don't know? Don't you watch the news? They hunt for us and if they catch us – you'll be lucky if you die immediately."

His green eyes capture my gaze, not letting me run away. He wants to know that I understood every word.

"Second. We found you just because of Sandman's son, who's dead. Not thanks to the data from Manticore. We thought and still think that there's a third side in this war. It could be a trap. Knowledge means living."

I wet my lips. Alec talks slowly in this flirting and sexy tone. His entwines with my arm. The whole world thinks we're a couple, who has a date in [the] park. But we're not. Alec just informs me how my life will be like from now on. And his warm voice makes his words sound more remorseless.

"Third. We had a reason to find you. Everyone of us is immune to illness, bad conditions, chemical and biological weapon and everything else. But no one has the kind of immune range you have. You know how many people will pay everything they have to recover you? You know how many deaths are caused not by body damage, but because of damage to the immunological system? You're more valuable than any other X5 and you put yourself out for gossip and observation of the whole town! Think, what will happen if one of those gossipers realises that little Liz Parker was never sick and tells it to the wrong person?!"

"Great!" I say slowly and quietly "So every minute of my life I should look round, should be careful what I'm saying and lie to my friends? Look at me. I'm Liz Parker, a shy girl from a little town! I can't turn myself into a machine just like that, what I'm supposed to be!"

I want to say more. A lot more. But I bite my tongue. What would it bring? Maybe I would estrange the only people who could tell me who I am. Is momentary pain, anger and disappointment worth all that? Is temper worth it?

Alec takes my head into his warm hands. My gaze once again sinks in his green eyes. He’s not mad at my outburst. He’s sad and sympathetic in some way.

"I didn't say that. But you'll learn. Lying will be your second nature, it will come as easy as breathing. We're on enemy's land, you don't have a choice."

I shiver. His words say about him much more than I should know.

"A week ago, a member of my unit, 532, was recognised. He was talking with me on the phone when some guys attacked him... and I came too late, although it was just a moment! They tormented him after his death. His dead body... he was hanging on a pile, head down. There was an X symbol burning next to it."

"How... did they know?" my voice trembles. My stomach ties in knot. My nightmares come to life. But at this moment, in this place, I'm almost happy that I’m a transgenic. It sounds... good. Knowing that people torment each other for the sick idea of an alien attack made terrible things to me.

"They didn't" Alec says simply, cold fury shows in his eyes for a second. Like a chameleon, he can change masks and let me look at real him, so I can understand what's going on. Painful lesson for someone who was hiding news about aliens. I saw little in my life, I expierienced little. Thank God and Nancy. "They were just suspicious. And it was enough for them."

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to understand what I've heard. But I can't. I don't want to.

"So let me take care of the gossip, ok?" he says after a few seconds. I nod my head, so Alec continues. "Pam said yesterday that Max found you in bed with some guy. Jeff said that you tried to free yourself from Max so much that you tried everything."

"I'm sorry." I don't know why I even try to apologise. I have stings of remorse. I never thought that Max would tell everyone that I slept with Kyle. He always was shy and secretive about our relationship. Everyone saw us together, but Max never answered those personal questions. Even Michael's questions, who was for Max like Maria for me. With the difference that they don't eat ice-cream but play basketball.

"You don't have to. You didn't know then," he whispers. His voice is soft once again and his eyes are full of amusement. Alec changes so fast, I'm not following him. "We better go back to the Crashdown."

He senses my hesistance.

"The Parkers have looked for you everywhere. Relax."

But that makes me tense. Not that it reminds of someone who I thought was my father. My thoughts drift to our conversation last evening... I can only hope that he won’t tell my secrets. And that means I have to ask him for that, no matter how hard it will be for me. The feeling of betrayal still hurts.

I wonder once again if Future Max knew about my non-human state. Did he know? Is that why he wanted to change the future? Did my non-human origin bring them trouble? Is that why Kivar attacked the Earth – because he was affraid of transgenics? Did Tess leave Roswell because she couldn't stand that she – queen of better beings – lost to some goverment experiment?

I'm going with Alec. He leads me to a parking space where a beautiful green machine stands. But even a handsome and dangerous blond with a fast motorcycle can't stop my thoughts. So many questions and no answers…

---

Remember - Biggs is still alive! It was another transgenic, I changed that because Biggs - X5 593 will be one of the most important people in Liz's life.

[Hotaru]

Does anybody remember what about is this fiction? I hope there are some people, even if we have some great new x-tremer's stories here. My beta, lyra, says you can blame her because she had this part for months… and because you 'most used to hating me already because I don't update my own story so'. I know you'll read this so I say especially for you: and what you think we feel about WTRBTF or DTD?! We still read, we still wait and still pray to your muse...

9.

When we reach the Crashdown, the sky is heavy and dark. Clouds are near ground and a cold wind is blowing. So I let Alec drive his motorbike to our garage. He does the same with Max's bike, muttering something about praying that she won't kill him for touching her baby. It seems they both love to ride fast.

Half an hour later we are sitting in the kitchen: me, Alec and Max. So far I have a good notion about Alec but zero about Max. I just know that she has a good heart. She took me from the street, not knowing who I was. It was a wierd coincidence, because my walk was totally unplanned and Max couldn't have planned to save me. I think. Helping me last night gives her some credit. Plus, she's a transgenic. I can't not be curious why they looked for me. I understand that it's connected to my super immunology. The option that they've found me to help me is out. First, they couldn't know that I don't know my origin. Secondly, they're not gratuitous. Yes, they are loyal to other X5, but I'm not X5. They came here for a reason. And I suspect that it's about Max, not Alec.

"So... are you terrified of being a member of Freak Nation, wanting to get the power over the world?” Alec says, with his well known smile on his lips. After only a few hours of knowing him I can imagine that this is his way of living. Plus, he watches too much TV. Maybe in Manticore he didn't have it, so now he's catching up on it? So I'm just going to leave it.

"It's comfortable for me, isn't it?” I raise my eyebrow in challenge. Alec and Max are remind me of the old Liz, who fob turists off with alien 'pictures'. "Belonging to FN, when you're going to do it?”

Max looks dangerous - by the way, she's always so gloomy and looks like she wants to yell - so I just sigh. End of jokes. Message received.

"No, it's not terrifying me,” I say calmly. For the last hours it was a carousel of feelings and thoughts. I don't want to make one wrong move that would cause another. It's enough that Max and I have broken hearts. And I’m not my parents’ daughter. It still hasn't gotten to me. "I don't know... maybe it's because I have no idea about transgenics. Everything I know, it's from you or from mo... Nancy.” I stare at my own hands, feeling that all the questions I wanted to ask are disappearing. So I just sit silently, feeling stupid.

"You don't have any doubts? Not everyone would accept it like... I don't know. You didn't even seem to be scared. You just believed.”

Now I realise they are right. Even before mom told about all those things... I just accepted they're FN. It didn't have to be logical. My reaction must have surprised them. Specialy after what was done to X5-532. Worse, I don't even know why.

"I don't know."

"Maybe... you are scared? Maybe there's something you don't want to say?"

My heart slows down. I swear. Do they know about aliens? Fear grabs my throat. I can't help it. I know they're fugitives and they're hiding from the government, just like the hybrids. But they're soldiers, they were trained to find and kill the enemy. I feel sick.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Maybe you noticed something by yourself? We know from Nancy, that she hid all your explorations, doctor's opinions... maybe not all went good?"

I shake my head with indignation and relief. They don't know anything. It's just my paranoia.

"There's nothing to hide. On biology I saw my cells under the microscope. They look normal."

"Ok," Max says mildly "We're not accusing you of anything. We know more about Manticore. It's hard to believe, that they bothered about your appearance! Your immunological system is so precious, that there's no option they would let you leave the area of the lab."

"Maybe it's just a coincidence?" I mutter terrified. Locked up for my the whole life in some lab. I wouldn't have met Max...

"In Manticore they don't know that word.” Max is sceptical. Alec comes with help.

"Stop... stop... Liz turned to jelly from fear."

"Thanks!" I mutter. But his comment made me feel better. Maybe because I don't want to think, just lay on my bed and wake up in the morning and it would all be just a nightmare.

"Maybe she just knows that something isn’t normal."

In Max's gaze there's disbelief, but it disappears. I supose that Alec's glare made that.

"Ok. I just warn you that some of the questions may be personal."

I sigh. Anyway I would prefer to know what I can expect. So I agree and turn the coffee express on, since I know it'll be a long talk.

~ * ~* ~ * ~

Max and I are sitting on the couch, and Alec on the armchair. Both X5 look at me. I feel like I have three heads and fangs. A little sample of how people are treating transgenics. I sip some of my hot coffee, I try to be calm and logical.

"Where will we start?" I ask, taking my hair from shoulders. Since my bun was a mess and Max isn't here, I went back to my old hair. But now, my self-confidence disappeared.

"Maybe before you go all wicked, I'll tell you why are we here."

They surprise me once again. If the scaffold is going to be put away for some time, I don't mind.

"You're here because of my immunology."

"Correct. You see... When I was 9, I run from Manticore with other 11 X5s."

So that's why she said all those things.

"Last year, they captured me. After a few months Alec and Joshua helped me get out. I went to the only man that I trusted. I love Logan and he knows all about me. But when we kissed it appeared that Manticore implanted some kind of modified virus, so I would kill him... "

"That's sick," I mutter. And they... and I was made there.

"That's Manticore," Alec says like it was all common to him. And now I know that Alec wasn't one of the fugitives. He didn't have so much luck, like Max.

"We found the antidote, that cured him. And then Manticore was burned and a formula for the cure was also burned. Every contact between us ends... "

"...like Manticore wanted," I end "Why didn’t you go to a scientist with that?"

"We went. I still have some of their notes. But the problem is that it was made in Manticore, where the most inteligent and brilliant minds worked. If anyone from outside was close to their scientists they made him work for them or killed him. Going to those who worked for Manticore and are alive... hm, it's a death penalty. I almost resigned when someone came to Terminal City - which you probably heard about - CJ, son of Sandman. Now he's dead and all he left was a couple of numbers and letters. We followed this clue, cause we knew that CJ lwas looking for someone with great immunology. He only said that when he knew he wouldn't live any longer. Apparently Nancy contacted with somebody after your birth, he helped her escape and he knew she didn't leave her child. Nancy of course doesn't want to tell who helped her and I don't blame her. It's her way of... saying thanks.

Those numbers and letters were the numbers of Jeff and Nancy Parker’s marriage licence and birth certificate of Elizabeth Amy Parker. But we didn't know what that meant. We found you a week ago. Not wanting to be captured, we started checking any information about you. After we discovered that Jeff Parker met Nancy four months before their marriage and six months before your birth, we knew we should start to act. But Nancy... she was more scared of us than we were scared of her."

"If that's the short version I don't want to hear the long one." I put the mug with coffee on the table. I don't want to crash it with my own hands. Max answered a lot more questions than I wanted to ask, but still there were some other things to know. "Last night you talked to my... parents?"

"Yes."

"What did they said?"

"Their first reaction you know. But when after hours an army hadn’t atacked, that convinced Nancy to talk with us. Your parents were terrified that we'll bring some troubles on you, which we still can't exclude. After all, it’s their life, and yours."

"What convinced them? There’s a long way from accepting to help to saying the truth…"

Alec smiles and intrudes our talk. I almost missed his humour. And probably he also couldn't wait to sweep me off my feet with something. It's seems he loves to do this.

"Max is the leader of Freak Nation."

"Oh," it is all I say.

[Hotaru]

Hi people. It's your lucky day, I have part 10. Lyra is very accurate and fast lately We just have holiday with _liz last weekend and of course I don't check emails. Sorry for that.

Here we go with nice part with... heat. Yeah. And it isn't rated 'mature'. Not yet. Enjoy!
Hotaru


10.

What is with me that I'm like a magnet to refugees bosses? Hm, let me guess. I'm a seventeen year old girl, created in a government lab with the best immunological system on this planet.

Aside from the Pod Squad. I guess.

I toss and turn on the bed.

"Can't sleep?" Alec asks. Without any noise, he comes closer through the dark room. I know, with cat DNA he can see in the dark, but it doesn't make it any bit less surprising for me.

"Yeah," I moan. After hearing 'the short version', I called Maria and moved shopping to tomorrow. Then my parents came back... First, Max wanted to take me to Seattle to make some tests on me and and see if they can make a cure from me. Nancy objected, probably worried that they'll kidnap me and I'll never come back. So Max will bring some doctors here. But I know that Nancy Parker is still terrified, although Max agreed on all her terms. The girl must be desperate.

Max left about two hours ago… to handle everything, but Alec stayed. My very own private nanny... and a walking book about Manticore. He really knows a lot and he doesn't hesistate to answer my worst questions.

And unfortunately he knows things about me.

"Too many questions circling in your head?" He sits on my bed. Someone should really teach him how to live in society.

"I think I found something..." I frown, trying to see his face. Not a chance for that. I spent the whole afternoon analysing my own abilities and comparing them with all those stories about the genetically empowered. After a few hours I came to one conclusion.

"Really?" Alec comes closer. Christ, he's fast. Does he has to jump into bed with everything that wears a skirt?

"I think they added cat DNA to my cocktail." Now I'm the one moving, but away. I don't want him so close. I'm not used to talking about those sides of my life with strangers, especially handsome strangers. I feel uncomfortable. And who cares if it's in the name of science? And when Alec for sure is green in this topic. "Uh... I'm not that flexible as you and I can't see in the dark. Completly." I laugh nervously. "Although I don't understand why they didn't put that in me when they were adding cat? I wouldn't mind." But who knows? Maybe night vision' was somewhat opposite for my immunity? I can just speculate.

"So how you managed to to keep the reputation of Lizzie P. till last week? Every time we are in... heat... " Alec's voice is full of surprise and I have the satisfaction of making his innocent smile disappear. But then I get what he meant.

"Every time? What do you mean? It's regular?" I ask. That would explain some of his behaviour. He acts like he's always in heat. By the way, it's a stupid word. Couldn't anyone call it anything better? I have to ask Max when she comes back.

"At least with the X5s, no exeption. I think we've got more of the cat in our DNA... Will you tell me, or do I have to use strenght to hear all those stories about little, innocent Lizzie? "

I stare in the darkness and then sigh. My fault. But talking with Alec makes me forget about Max and all the cosmical abbys, so I take a deep breath and I start talking.

"Two times. Every time there was a logical reason, or maybe I didn't want to see anything strange in this."

For this lie I have already assured reservation in hell, in the luxurious flat with the view on waterfalls of lava...

"First time there was a heat wave and everyone was acting the same. I felt strange, like in heat, but I didn't feel weak" I brush my hair aside. I know I'm blushing, but I can't stop it. They made me like this… with my damn complexion. "I felt, like I was crossing the line, something inside me was growing, changing me. I thought it was all hormones. And everyone around was crazy. It ended with the heat wave."

I'm pathetic. I'm sharing my deepest thoughts with a man I've just met.

What a strange coinsidence," he says softly. "And if it wasn't the heat waves in the atmosphere, it would sound exactly like the first... well, except for one thing… we don't think then, it's all instincts. Most X5s are go crazy in the first heat. And they don't think what they're doing. They just act."

All right. Now my cheeks are like peony. So I decide to continue.

"Second time it was shorter. Just two days. Ok, two days and one wicked night..." I stop immediately. Is Alec choking? Or is my mind getting insane?

I turn the light on. Alec is choking.

"Shorter?" He's close to breaking from what I think is a mix of shock, amusement and jelousy.

"Hm, yes," I say with hesistation. I don't know what made him react like that, but I will know. Alec will say something brilliant and I'll be embarrassed like never before.

"How long did it last the first time?" he asks, looking straight at my lips, like he was waiting for me to say that the end of the war between mutants and government is coming.

"About a week... maybe longer."

He's giggling into my pillow. His whole body is shaking with laughter. And the problem is that I am between the bed and Alec. In the thin, funny pyjamas with the pattern into napkins. From Florida. Aunt Mandy's idea. But now I'm not so amused, like when I bought them.

"Could you get off of me?!" I almost scream. I don't care if my parents hear it. I really am not used to this mutant acting. And one of those created in a lab, like me, is crossing all the lines. I don't give a damn that he's handsome, cute and he's here for my safety. Enough. I'm just a normal girl with normal morals.

But suddenly I feel weak and all colour leaves my cheeks. Maybe... maybe he thinks I'm one of those easy girls? Especialy, when he heard Papaya in action. When she opens her mouth, you're cursed for the rest of your life in Roswell.

"Liz?" Alec asks. He's sitting next to me. "Is everything allright?"

"Now… yes!" I hiss. I assume that right now I found my new abillities, thanks to cat's DNA. I never hissed before.

Then Alec sighs, takes my hand and pulls me off the bed. I have to stand up.

"Better put something on. I'm just a man."

I blink. Did he just admit that he made a mistake? I take my clothes from earlier and go to the bathroom, just to make my new record in changing clothes.

Then I sit on the chair by the desk. Do I have to tell you that Alec is laying on my bed, like he's been doing it all his life?

Really, his charm is killer, but not always...

"The heat for X5s lasts for 48 hours," he says suddenly and I can't believe, but I really hear seriousness in his voice. "It took two days for the second time, yes?"

I nod. Maybe this situation is akward, but his question reminds me that he's here because of one reason. And I'm the one who brought the cat DNA into our conversation.

"Yes."

"And why didn't it alarm you? What was the 'logical reason'?"

"You mean who. Max Evans." I grimace, because it brings too many memories that hurt me. "It was in march. We'd been dancing around each other for weeks, god, for months... We ended as a couple. And then came back this feeling, like a border. But this time I felt like I was the one who crossed it. Something in me needed to grow up." I end with sadness. I always thought that those crazy days were connected with something else and I never looked for a reason for it in my emotions. Till today.

And that just brings another terryfing question, and this answer scaring me. I don't want to think that Future Max knew about my origin. I couldn't hide that from him, even without flashes. Did he want to push me away before it would be too late, because I'm a government experiment? I'm like his enemy?

I don't want to know the answer.