Title: Lost Without You
Author: mmcherron AKA Lissalou72
Rating: Child
Couple: Alex and Isabel
Summary: Isabel has to learn to say goodbye to Alex….Can she do it. Can she leave everything she loves behind? This fic is one of the sequels/tag that I have written for the fic called Too Little Too Late. This take place about Departure time, just my take on it.
Here the link to Too Little Too Late
viewtopic.php?t=9075
Disclaimer: Roswell and the Characters in this story are not mine. Just borrowing them for the time being. I borrowed a few quotes here and there from Cry your name and Departure.
Author Notes: This is my very first attempt to writing any type of Stargazer so if it sucks I apologize now ahead of time. I thought that I should try and write an Isabel POV, I took the time to research it and I hope I did her justice,
I would like to dedicate this Fic to Pooh….She was my inspiration for this, One of her videos helped me too. If you haven’t seen it I think you should she is awesome. Pooh also Beta-ed this for me and made my Banner…..Big Thank you’s for her…Pooh you rock… You helped me the whole time and answered all my questions.
I also wanted to say a big Thank you to Ed he was the one to start me in the stargazing for this is all yours too. I would haven’t even tried to read stargazer if it wasn’t for him.
Cam you are the best being there for me all the time and always making me believe last night that I could do this, Mary you are a great friend too…. I would like to thank everyone that believed that I could do this.
I really love feedback so it’s always welcomed. I hope everyone like it…..
So on with the show…..
Isabel POV
Dear Alex,
Since you have left me my life has been spinning out of control. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can still see and feel you in my dreams haunting me. It’s like I see something that I want but can’t have. I should have opened my eyes sooner and told you the way that I felt for you. I have this sort of emptiness to me now.
Remember that night that you agreed to go to Prom with me. I told you about me being able to graduate early because I took that one class... well I’m going to leave now because I just can’t face this part of my life anymore without you.
That special night that we had, I will never forget the way we danced through the night and all the amazing things that we did after. That is something that no one can ever take away from me. I can still feel you touching my skin. And whispering I love you in my ear. I miss your touch and kisses.
Everything has fallen apart no one is even as close as we all use to be. Prom was the last time we all where friendly to each other. That is why I’m writing you this to let you know that I have to leave. But you will always have me and my heart. I hope wherever you are that you can see that I will never stop loving you.
Max did something really stupid and now we all are paying for it. Alex, it’s so hard not having you here to show everyone the right way. Liz just isn’t herself. She was always the strong one of the group now when I look at her she looks like a part of her died that night that you did.
Max got Tess pregnant and now we all have to go back because the baby is dying. I don’t understand why this is happening. I know that everything this past year has been a mess, but I have always loved you.
I have to leave tonight and I don’t want to leave you here. I have a connection here with you. I still see you and talk to you. I hope that you can hear me. Just remember that I love you more then anything and I will never have that with anyone else.
We had that one perfect night together. I will never forget it. I have to leave this planet but I left my heart with you that night you died. So, until we meet again please keep it safe.
Please watch over my parents and Liz and Maria they are all alone here. We are all going back home to Antar and I just hope one day I can be back here with you, Because I’m lost without you.
I think we both know I loved you too,
Isabel
I’m sitting here with my heart in a million pieces. I keep thinking that I’m the one that is to blame for this. If I would have just let him rest at home instead of wanting to see him, he just might be still alive.
I remember that one perfect moment that we shared on that dance floor where nothing could touch us. It was like we were flying. We were in our own little universe. Now that is all I have left of him.
A part of me wants to die right here along with him. I feel responsible for not being able to keep him safe. I am an Alien, even if it was only half but still I should have been there to protect him.
I remember back when before he even knew that I was an Alien. I dream walked him just to make sure that he wasn’t going to turn us in. I saw something that really surprised me.
He noticed me and still liked me even though I was called “Ice Queen” no one ever took the time to see the real me, I had hidden it so far deep in myself.
Everything was ok growing up, we blended in just fine until my stupid brother saved Liz. I was so angry with him! I wasn’t sure why I was so angry with him. He risked everything saving his precious little Liz. He never thought about Michael and I. What would happen if we would have been caught?
Now, I see what Max was talking about. Alex…..He was the one for me. I finally told him that I was ready for him, that I wasn’t going to play around, he was the one for me because he never once judged me. Alex was always there for me, know matter what.
When I was getting those really weird dreams with Michael and everything was going crazy, Alex was still there. He told me that if I was pregnant with Michael’s baby that he would still be there. See only a real man would say that.
Even when I was on my lowest he was there no questions asked. Max was taken by the secret service and he was right there holding my hand when I was trying to dream walk Max to find him. He told me that he would be there so I could always find my way back. He held me all-night long making sure I was ok. He was always there, I took advantage of that and now I’m paying dearly for it.
I remember standing at his funeral looking down at his coffin knowing that I could have done more to show him how much I really loved him. I was in a haze, very lost. I feel like I want my life to stop right here. I feel this emptiness without him here with me.
The worse of it is, after the funeral over at his house Liz was in Alex’s room talking about him. Do you know what, I didn’t want to hear it? I wouldn’t listen to her tell us that Alex was murdered. When I heard her say that it might be Alien related I closed off even more. There is no way I would fess up to being apart of something that would be evil enough to take Alex away.
But, in a sense she was right and I know that. Seeing Max shooting death ray eyes at Liz just broke my heart more because I knew that Alex wouldn’t stand for all this fighting. But, I was with Liz on the fact that I knew that you would never kill yourself.
I knew that Liz was somewhat right but I didn’t want a part of it. I wanted to just get away from everything and everyone. I was in my own little dreamworld where I saw Alex all time. I never wanted to leave that world. I want to hear him, feel him again. Does that make me selfish?
I know that back on Antar I wasn’t the best sister or friend. I turned on my family and I knew that I couldn’t tell a soul about it. What would Max think if he knew that I had apart into his death? How could I live with myself knowing that I hurt him and everyone else?
Right now I’m here at his grave and it’s like I have a broken heart all over again. I just have a feeling that I should stay here with Alex and everyone else. It doesn’t feel right to leave here. This is the only home that I ever know.
I know that it must be ripping Max apart have to leave here. He has a hard choice to make and it must be hard not to follow his heart. I see him hurting and I know that I can’t hurt him more by staying here on earth.
This is my final goodbye to Alex. I can’t stop the tears from falling. I can feel him standing right next to me its kind of calming. I can feel him on my skin….Everywhere…..I close my eyes searching for the feeling and the smell….Of him….
I feel my heart constrict as I feel him getting closer. Since, that one night together I can feel him everywhere. I think that it has something to do with the Alien bonding connection thing. What I can’t understand is why do I always feel him?
If he is dead and gone why does my heart, mind and body call out to him. Why can I swear that I can hear and see him at times? I must be going crazy. This is a secret that I have to carry with me now and forever.
I sit down next to his gravestone and start to just feel for him. Searching deep down where I know I have him…My Heart. I remember back to that night, the night I will never forget….
We just left Prom and decided to go for a drive. We went to our spot. The one in the woods, when we went stargazing that is our special spot.
Alex had everything ready. In the trunk he already had a blanket and some snacks. He even had clothes that we could change into so we could be comfortable watching the stars. How could I not love him more for that? He just melted my heart even more.
We didn’t even know what to expect, we weren’t looking to go to the next level of our relationship but I didn’t care anymore…I wanted him. I wanted to be with Alex and no one else. I asked him to kiss me…..To let myself open up to him….
It was magical, there are no words that could describe what happen to us that night. I didn’t get home until early that next morning. Lucky my parents were asleep. I had this glow about me. I could feel Alex everywhere on me it was the most wonderful feeling.
That same night is the night that my life stopped. We where all at the CrashDown Café, looking at Prom pictures, hangout together again, like old times. I was having so much fun just waiting for you. Little did I know that it would ripe me up and spit me back out to this empty body that I am now.
It was like I was in slow motion watching Max go into that van to heal him. I was telling myself exactly what I wanted to happen. It didn’t hit me until Max came out of the van without him….With Alex’s blood on his hand.
I wanted to die…….I was so cold….I started to build my walls back up that Alex spent many hours breaking down. I was scared to feel again. I didn’t want too. I wanted him back….That was it..just Alex. I would ask for nothing else if I could just get that one wish.
I know that I can’t have everything in my life it wouldn’t be fair, but I would have done anything for just you. Instead I’m here with my brother and Michael and Tess leaving this place forever to save Max’s mistake. You know the weird part is that Max seems more broken up about leaving now. I know that Liz was over last night. I hope that he knows what he is doing.
I still don’t trust Tess. The only reason I’m here is for him. Max is my only home now. I lost my heart with Alex and this is all I have left. I hope I can be there for him. I think that Liz and Max went beyond and it’s ripping him apart leaving. You want to know a little secret. I saw her in his room when I went in there to get him up.
I saw them together sleeping and I couldn’t wake him up. I thought that is was too personal for me to do that to him. I know me as a girl would have been mortified if my brother saw Alex and me together the night of prom.
I hope that Liz will be ok. I know that Maria will be here for her. I hope that they will be safe. Because there is no turning back now as I watch Max places his hand on the Granolith. I hear 3 little words that make my heart drop coming from Michael.
“I can’t go.”
I look up to Max and Michael and I see Max’s pain. Max wants to stay too but he has to stay with Tess because of getting her pregnant. I know he is trying to be a good father for his son, but I can tell that it’s killing him.
I watch Michael leave out the chamber and I stand there looking at both of them as we place our hands on the Granolith and I feel this pull from inside as we get pulled into the cone.
I feel this amazing pressure as we leave the earth’s atmosphere. I look over to Max and see the horror in his eyes as he grabs Tess by the arm and screams…”What have you done”
Tess has screwed us all. Now we are flying straight into the enemy’s hands. Come to find out that we were all set up. Max and I are going to be arrested when we get there. I just hope that she will die of some evil alien weird disease or something. It felt like for ever being in that closed area with her.
As soon as we land we find out that Tess isn’t even pregnant and that is was just a way to get Max and all of us here. She laughs at Max when she told him that it was all a mind warp.
As soon as the guard reaches over to us to takes us way I can feel Alex again. I know that feeling. I know Alex. He touches me and somehow I know that Max and I will be alright.
Somehow now we just need to make it home and back to the others. But not until I get some answers and revenge on…..Tess
The End
