Because of You (MM / Adult) (Complete)

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Winner - Round 9



Title: Because of You
Author: To_Kiss_A_Frog
Rating: Adult
Pairings: M/M
Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize. The song used as the theme of the story is Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
Summary: The day her dad left, Maria's life changed, and not for the better. This is a story about one woman trying to heal and the only man she trusts.

A/N: Warning! There will be a healthy dose of Angst in this, hope you all stick with me anyway. Also, because I'm already actively working on four other fics, this will only be updated once or twice a week but I got the story in my head and couldn't resist!

Wonderful Banner courtesy of Onarek


Prolog

“Mommy, where’s daddy? I need him to double knot my sneakers” a small spry six year old asked her mother and held up a pair of red high-tops. The look she received with filled with pure venom that scared the little girl. Mommies weren’t supposed to give looks like that to their children and the poor child nearly ran back to her room, fearing she was going to be punished because she must have done something wrong. Why else would her mommy be looking at her like that?

“He’s gone Maria” she slurred slightly and dropped herself on kitchen chair. “He’s gone and he’s never coming back” she all but cried and buried her face in her hands, desperately trying to hold in her tears.

Slowly, the little girl trudged forward and with an unsure hand, she softly patted her mommy’s shoulder, hoping to provide her some comfort and all the while wondering why her daddy wasn’t coming back.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked in a small voice and the sound of distress was enough to pull Amy Deluca out of her own stupor and quickly scooped her daughter up into her lap.

“No Maria, you didn’t do anything wrong” she quietly assured. The smell of alcohol on her breath was strong and the little girl turned her head to her mother’s neck to avoid it.

“I should have learned a long time ago that you can’t trust men Maria. All they do is lie and cause you pain. You’ll be better off by yourself. Don’t ever trust your heart to a boy” she advised, laying the ground work for a motto that would later be ingrained in her daughter’s head. “All we need is each other. We’ll get though this” Amy stated and gently rocked Maria back and forth like she would a baby.

The little girl didn’t understand her mommy’s words but she allowed herself to be enveloped in her warmth. The tears would come later but now she needed to be strong for her mommy. Her mommy would need her and she made a silent promise to herself to always be there and to never make her cry.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thanks to all the readers and feedbackers!! Since the last chapter is kind of short, i decided to post this one up to give you a better idea of what the story is about. Please check out the banner made by Onarek!!! Thanks to her!

Chapter 1

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far


~&~&~&~&~&~Twenty Years Later~&~&~&~&~&~


Maria ran a frustrated hand through her hair and turned to face Billy who wore an agitated expression. She thought he understood that their relationship was just harmless fun, she wasn’t looking for some long term boyfriend and obviously he wanted something else.

“I’m sorry, I just… well I just feel like you’re more serious about this than I am and it’s not fair to you” Maria tried to explain but she knew that no matter what words she used, he wouldn’t understand. There was only one person that understood her thinking, she understood because she was the person Maria learned everything from.

“That’s what I don’t understand Maria” Billy adamantly argued. “We’re good together, we like so many of the same things and I can see myself spending my life with you. I know that if you thought about it you would agree that…”

“No” Maria quickly interrupted, shaking her head at his last statement. “When we first started this I told you that it was just a casual fling. I wasn’t looking for forever then and I’m still not looking for it now” she stated in no uncertain terms.

“Sometimes, when you aren’t even looking for it, it finds you” Billy protested and his words were beautiful, it’s what made him such a successful musician but they had no effect on Maria. She made up her mind a long time ago and as perfect as Billy thought they were for each other, Maria knew different. He wouldn’t change her decision because when it came down to it, she couldn’t see herself spending her life with him. She had never seen herself spending her life with anyone and the sooner Billy realized this, the sooner he could move on.

“And if you have to convince someone to be with you, the relationship will obviously be doomed from the start” Maria countered which only seemed to make him angry. “Look, I don’t need you to understand where I’m coming from, I just need you to respect it.”

“You know something Maria, one of these days you’re gonna get off your high horse and take a good look around you and do you know what you’re gonna find?” Billy asked. Maria wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his answer but he finished before she could tell him not to. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing and it’ll be because you drove everyone away.”

With that said, he grabbed his keys and stormed out of the apartment, slamming her door shut behind him. Maria flinched slightly at the sound but expelled a sigh of relief that he was gone.

Tired from it all, she flopped down on her couch and just like did after every break up, she thought back to her mother’s words.

“Hi mom” fourteen year old Maria greeted her mother who walked through the kitchen door. “How was your date?” she asked, looking up briefly before returning to her history homework.

“We broke up” Amy said simply but despite the words, she didn’t look at all bothered by it.

“What happened?” Maria asked, concerned. She watched her mother grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it with some clear liquid she found in the fridge. Maria knew it was liquor, it always was but the last time she commented on it, her mom broke down in hysterics which ended in tears and unfulfilled drunken promises.

“He just wanted more than I was willing to give him so I thought I’d end up before he got too involved” Amy shrugged and took a long swig of the liquid before refilling her glass. She took her time with this one, sipping it as she pulled out a chair and sat down beside her daughter. “I know that you still think there’s such a thing as true love out there but I’m sorry sweetie, that sort of thing just doesn’t exist” she informed when she caught sight of Maria’s disappointed expression.

“But what if there is?” Maria asked.

After all these years, her belief had slowly begun to diminish but in the back of her mind, she secretly wished that some day, some man would come along and prove her mom different.

“All men do is lie and cheat on you. It’s better to stay emotionally unattached so that you won’t get hurt when he does end up doing those things” Amy reiterated. “Trust me Maria, I know what’s best and when you get older and start dating, remember everything I’ve been through and don’t let it happen to you too.”

Despite those words, Maria wanted to believe different but after her first boyfriend, she learned that her mother was right. Boys only wanted one thing and when you didn’t give it to them, they went to someone else who would.

At sixteen she had been heartbroken when her first boyfriend, Tommy Sullivan, had cheated on her with Pam Troy after Maria told him she wasn’t ready to have sex. When her best friend at the time, Tess Harding, told her about it, Maria hadn’t believed her. Tommy was good and sweet, there’s no way he could have cheated… or so she thought but when she confronted him and he admitted it, she realized that everything Amy had been telling her over the years was right.

After that Maria decided to face relationships the way her mother did.

Her first time was with someone she didn’t care about just to get it over with and after that she only casually hung out with guys or slept with them. Dating was fine, sex was good but feelings were something she never let creep into her relationships, then and now.

Some, like Maria’s current best friend, Liz Parker, thought Maria was missing out on living because of her cynicism but all Maria would ever say in response was, ‘You wouldn’t understand unless you’ve lived my life.’

And what a hard life it had been.


~&~&~&~&~&


Early the next morning, Maria was up and dressed for her meeting at the small art gallery she worked in.

Music had been her first choice but in her first year at UNM, she had taken an art appreciation course as an elective and absolutely fell in love with works from artists like Monet and Van Gough. The following semester she switched majors to art history and after graduating, she single handedly renovated the old closed down UFO museum to a real art gallery.

Most thought she was crazy when she agreed to take on the job offered to her by Brody Davis, the gallery owner. Some thought he only gave her the job because he had a crush on her but despite whatever reasons there were, she proved to him and to everyone else how truly talented she was when it came to running the gallery.

“Hello Miss Deluca” Isabel Evans greeted as Maria walked through the door.

Isabel was the lead curators and ironically, was the twin sister of Max Evans, her best friend Liz’s fiancée. The woman had a photographic memory, was incredibly friendly and an absolute dream to work with. She and Maria got along well because both were hard workers and both appreciated that quality in others.

“Morning Isabel” she returned on her way upstairs to her office.

Since Brody’s daughter, Sydney, got sick, he had been spending a lot of time away from the gallery and as a result, Maria took on a lot more responsibility including interviewing all the new artists and outlining and organizing their shows.

“Who’s up first today?” Maria asked her assistant, Jennifer, as the blonde woman followed Maria into her office.

“An artist from Las Cruces, Mr. Michael Guerin” she informed and quickly listed a few details about his art and career before hurrying off to make a pot of coffee. Alone, Maria started looking through his file which she could admit was very impressive. He had various pieces hanging in galleries from Las Cruces to Albuquerque and even a couple in some local Arizona galleries.

Half an hour later, a knock sounded on her door. Jennifer, followed by a very tall, sandy brown haired man walked in. “Hello, Maria Deluca, I’m the gallery director” she greeted and rose from her seat to shake his hand which practically engulfed hers.

“Michael Guerin” he returned in a gruff sounding voice that matched his appearance.

Maria knew that a lot of these artists were very bohemian, either because they felt they needed to be or just wanted to be but this man was different. He had on worn carpenter jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and a black beanie that covered his mop of messy long hair. Maria suspected he hadn’t seen a razor in weeks.

“Well Mr. Guerin, let’s discuss the details of your show” she invited and gestured for him to take a seat.

The next hour was spent going over which pieces he wanted to show and his explanations for each of them. Maria took notes to give to Isabel and the other curators later and was thoroughly surprised to find herself completely fascinated by the descriptions he gave of all his works.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed. Hope you stick with me on this one, Enjoy!!

Chapter 2

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing


~&~&~&~&~&


A couple days later, Maria was surprised to find Michael already in the gallery when she walked in. Looking around, she decided Brody must be back early since none of the curators were in sight. “Morning Mr. Guerin, have you been…”

“Michael” he interrupted off handedly.

“What?” Maria asked, blinking in surprise before settling her gaze down on his hands. They were large and calloused but he handled the small stone sculpture as though it were a delicate kitten.

“We’re gonna be working together for the next few weeks right?” he reminded, drawing her gaze to his which looked amused. Maria flushed noticeably at being caught staring but still managed to meet his stare with a defiant one of her own. “So you should just call me Michael” he added in a quieter voice that didn’t disturb the peaceful atmosphere around them.

Hardly anyone was ever up and about at 7AM and the people that frequented the Crashdown Café across the street were usually elderly men and women who spoke in quiet voices so as to not bother the others who sat around reading the morning paper.

“I suppose I could do that” Maria acknowledged but didn’t wait around for him to say anything. She walked off towards her office, her heels clicking methodically across the hardwood floor and didn’t realize that she had never gotten around to finishing her question.

“There you are, I’m glad you’re early” Brody said as a greeting the moment she walked through the door. Maria couldn’t help but quirk an eyebrow as a silent way of inquiring what he was doing in her office, sitting behind her desk. “Unfortunately, Sydney needs to go in for another treatment in Arizona so I have some loose ends to tie up before I hand over the reigns to you for the next couple weeks.”

Maria’s features softened at the mention of Brody’s daughter. She was such a sweet little girl and didn’t deserve the hardships she had been through at such an early age. No one ever did.

“I’m sorry to hear that” Maria said sincerely. “You will send her my love, won’t you?” she asked and this time it was Brody’s features that softened in response. Despite her lack of romantic interest towards her boss, she could acknowledge that he was a very loving and caring father to Sydney. It was just too bad that the one girl who got a decent father was also a sick little girl who rarely had time to enjoy her father’s care.

“Of course Maria” Brody replied but before things could get any more personal, she changed the subject and asked him what exactly he would need her to do and when.

Their makeshift meeting lasted long enough that by the time Brody had to leave, the museum had been open for nearly three hours. “Miss Deluca, your mother called and left you these messages” Jennifer informed the moment Brody walked out.

Sighing, Maria took the post it notes and offered only a small smile to Jennifer before retreating back into her office to look them over.

John and I broke up, I need to talk to you
-Mom-

Maria racked her brain, trying to remember which one John had been. Frankly, she was surprised that her mother hadn’t run out of men to date yet. While Maria didn’t stay in relationships for long, they were at least longer than her mother’s and there were considerably less men in Maria’s past as well.

Why haven’t you called me yet? I need my daughter
-Mom-

Deciding that she might as well get it over with, Maria picked up the phone and quickly dialed her mom’s cell phone number. One ring, two rings, three… “Maria” the voice on the other end immediately asked. She sounded near hysterical and slurred which meant she was most likely already drunk and would not be easy to talk to.

“Hi mom” Maria greeted as pleasantly as she could but after so many hundred phone calls with similar messages over the years, Maria wasn’t nearly as patient as she once was.

Vaguely, she recalled a time during her first year at UNM. She had just walked into her dorm room when Liz rushed up to her with a half dozen or so phone messages.

“I think something’s really wrong Maria” Liz stated, biting her lip nervously as she Maria looked through the torn sheet of notebook paper Liz had used as a notepad. “She sounded really upset and I think she may have been… drunk” she said, whispering the last word as though she had done something wrong just by mentioning it.

Maria knew that Liz had come from a good family and a good home where they all loved each other. No one yelled, no one got falling down drunk and no one put their life pressure on Liz’s shoulders. Maria had always envied her for that.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure she’s fine” Maria quickly assured and grabbed her cell phone from her messy desk. Sheet music littered the entire surface but she found the small object with relative ease and offered only a small reassuring smile before walking back out the door she’d just walked through moments before.

Once she was outside and out of hearing distance from anyone around, she dialed her childhood home and waited for the customary three rings before her mother answered the phone. “What took you so long?” she asked, rather than greeted the moment she realized it was her daughter on the other end.

“I had class” Maria said vaguely and internally groaned when she heard her mother’s scratchy voice. She had obviously been drinking something harder that the usual and Maria was almost afraid to ask why.

“Jim and I broke up this morning” Amy Deluca all but cried and Maria got comfortable on the hard earth, knowing she was in for a long discussion.

“It was horrible, John was so angry and… and he said… said horrible things” she hiccupped. Maria unconsciously flashed back to a few nights ago when she had her own bad break up with Billy Darden, performer and owner of UFOnics, the only decent club in town. “I just don’t understand why… why he… he break would up with me?” she said and Maria could imagine the heavy stream of tears falling from her eyes.

At one point, Amy Deluca had called the shots in her relationship but after awhile she didn’t have to end things with them because they eventually ended things with her. Maria assumed she was a fun woman to date since she liked to party but she also understood that no one wanted to date a 43 year old party girl. Amy spent more time drunk then sober which probably irritated the men she went out with after a while.

“I don’t know mom” Maria lied. She learned a long time ago that Amy didn’t want the truth, she just wanted to tell her she was right and you saved a lot of time and energy if you just went with whatever it was she was saying at the time. “Just forget about it and I’m sure you’ll find someone else soon” she encouraged.

Another thing she learned the hard way was that it was nearly a sin to advise her mother to take a break and stay single for a little while.

A knock at the door was like a savior and Maria held the phone away from her ear long enough to call out a quick “Come in.” Maria was surprised to find it was Michael at the door but any distraction at this point was welcome. “My appointment just walked in” she said and ignored the look Michael shot her at the title. “I’ll talk to you later… yes I love you too, bye.”

“Boyfriend?” Michael queried as soon as the phone was back on the cradle.

“Mother” Maria corrected and straightened the pages in front of her in an unconscious gesture of nervousness. She had always preferred to keep her personal and professional lives separate but her mother made it very hard for her to do that at times.

“I just came to tell you that I won’t be around for a couple days” Michael stated when he realized she was uncomfortable. “The second half of my sculptures are still in my studio so I’ll have to go back to Las Cruces” he explained and watched as Maria seemed to only half listen to what he said. She was nodding at everything he said so taking advantage of lack in interest, he smirked and asked, “Would you go out with me.”

Again, Maria nodded and only realized she had agreed when she heard Michael say ‘good’ before he rose from his seat. “I’m leaving tomorrow so how about tonight?” he asked.

“Wait… I’m sorry, I wasn’t…”

“Paying attention” Michael finished for her. “I know, but you still said yes” he added, smirking when she glared back. “So tonight…”

Maria opened her mouth to tell him exactly what he could do tonight but stopped herself. She looked him over, dressed again in another pair of dusty carpenter pants and a t-shirt. He was unkempt, scraggly and completely not her type… at least not anymore, but still, she decided that was probably better. She couldn’t feel something for someone who wasn’t her type and the chance of him forming an attachment to her were probably slim to none as well. “Seven” Maria said simply and looked back down at her desk top. “Jennifer will give you my address” she added.

This time it was Michael who opened his mouth to give her some sort of retort but he held his tongue, deciding he’d show her later just how much she underestimated him. “Seven” he agreed and walked out, leaving the door open behind him which completely annoyed Maria. She couldn’t help but smirk.


~&~&~&~&~&


At promptly seven o’clock that night, a knock sounded on her front door and Maria was greeted by Michael who looked cleaner but definitely still scruffy. His jeans were dark and the black button down shirt he wore was rolled up to his elbows and a stark contrast from his sandy colored hair. He had still yet to shave but Maria never minded a little facial hair.

“You ready?” he asked, receiving an agreeing nod from Maria. She left him standing in the door way while she grabbed her purse and dropped her keys inside.

She hadn’t known where they were going but figured it would be casual and dressed in a short black skirt and simple green tank top. She had to rethink that decision when Michael led her to his mode of transportation, a black and silver Ducati motorcycle. “Here you go” he said, handing her a helmet, oblivious to her surprise.

He was already sitting astride the machine and gunning the engine when Maria came back to herself. She couldn’t really argue with him about it if this was what he drove so with more than a little reluctance and a twinge of excitement, she climbed on behind him and held tightly to his waist.

Her scream was drowned out by the sound of the motor as they shot out onto the street. Maria held on for dear life and was so occupied with staying on the bike, she didn’t pay attention to where Michael was taking her until minutes later when he pulled into the parking lot of UFOnics. “Well isn’t this ironic?” she muttered to herself and removed the helmet which Michael easily stowed away.

“Come on” he encouraged and took Maria’s hand to lead her to the small line before she had any chance to protest.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thanks to all for reading and leaving feedback!!!! Excerpt used is from Evanescence 'Bring me to Life' and the second song is 'Plush' by Stone Temple Pilots. Thanks also to my wonderful beta, linliz68!!

Chapter 3

Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become


~&~&~&~&~&


The bouncer at the door gave Maria an almost imperceptible glare which she easily returned though she expected no less from Daniel Pierce, Billy’s best friend since childhood. Michael didn’t seem to notice the exchange and with his hand still firmly around hers, led Maria inside the loud, bustling club.

It didn’t take long for Courtney’s hawk eye to spot Maria from behind the bar and start whispering something in her friend’s ear. Maria was positive that Billy would be showing his face soon enough and only hoped he had the sense to either quietly make them leave or to keep his distance. Hopefully his flare for dramatics wouldn’t make an appearance since the last thing she needed was a jealous ex to start questioning her about Michael.

At least with the loud music Michael wouldn’t want to talk which was fine with Maria who wasn’t all that interested in conversation just then. “You wanna dance?” he whispered in her ear and Maria felt a small shiver travel up her spine as his cool breath tickled her skin.

“Sure” she agreed and allowed him to place his hand on the small of her back, guiding her through the couples to a small, bare spot.

Billy had theme nights at the club and tonight was 90’s grunge/rock. As an old song began, Michael placed both hands on Maria’s hips and together, they slowly began to sway.

Maria wouldn’t have guessed he was a dancer but he moved easily and his hands held her just as delicately as he had the various art pieces he sculpted. She wasn’t used to that.

And I feel that time's a wasted go
Where ya going 'till tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And I feel it

For a few minutes, as they danced, Maria was able to put her week behind her. The phone calls from Amy, the breakup with Billy, the piles of work, all of it. This was why she had originally chosen music for a career, it seeped inside and then slowly consumed her so that she was a part of it. It was one of the few times she felt truly free from all the pressures of her life and she relished it.

Art would always be her love but music would forever be her passion.

Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin' with the mask I found?
And I feel, And I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

And I feel, so much depends on
the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the
eyes of disarray
So would you even care?

As the music wore on, Maria found herself relaxing in their embrace and leaned in closer towards Michael. She didn’t even realize she had done it until she felt his hands tighten around her but yet he still held her carefully.

And I feel it
And she feels it

Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin' with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for
tomorrow

As the song drew to a close, the spell was broken when someone tapped Maria roughly on the shoulder. A sense of dread welled up in the pit of her stomach and she knew who it was before she even turned. “Billy” she acknowledged, showing politeness rather than the irritation she felt towards him. She realized this was his club, but that didn’t mean he needed to personally come up to her since Maria sincerely doubted he just wanted to say hello.

“Is this the reason you broke up with me?” he asked without preamble, pausing only to glare at Michael like one would look at something foul they stepped in. “If you think you’re gonna get a happy ending with this one, you’re sadly mistaken” he told him. “She can’t commit and even if she is a hellcat in bed, it isn’t worth it.”

As the last word fell from his mouth, he fell back on the floor. So busy bashing Maria, Billy hadn’t seen Michael’s fist coming and paid for the mistake with a fat lip.

Maria looked between the two with wide eyes, surprised that Billy degraded himself in front of all his club patrons by saying something entirely bitter and catty while she was absolutely stunned by Michael’s reaction to the words. “Come on” Michael said simply and led Maria away just as the bouncers tried to push past everyone to get to the center of the floor where Billy still laid.

Maria didn’t stop to ask questions, she just followed Michael out, holding onto his hand until they made it out the door. She half expected him to just stop and ask her what the whole scene had been about but he didn’t. When he kept walking to where he’d parked the bike, Maria then assumed he was angry and the night was over.

“Are you hungry?” he asked as though nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

“A little” Maria warily replied.

“How about the Crashdown? The food there’s already grown on me?” he suggested

Nodding once, Maria accepted the helmet he handed her and climbed up behind him. This time she was more prepared and only screamed for the first few seconds and actually managed to enjoy the rest of the drive to the cafe. They couldn’t talk which gave Maria the perfect opportunity to think about what had just happened.

Some ex-boyfriends had been upset after Maria broke up with them but Billy’s reaction tonight had been similar to something her mother usually experienced and that scared Maria more than she cared to admit. As much as she loved Amy, she had no desire to become her and it was frightening to think it was too late to stop that transformation.

There were only a few cars parked in the lot when they pulled to a stop. Through the glass windows, Maria saw several teenagers joking around and blowing straw wrappers at each others. Unconsciously, she smiled at their innocence, knowing that hers had been gone since long before their impressionable 16 years.

Behind the counter stood Liz Parker, Maria’s best friend since college. The Parkers had owned the café for some time but because of the private school she attended, Liz had never met Maria until she got assigned the same residence hall during freshman year. Their roommates had not minded switching with one another and Maria and Liz spent the next four years living together, first in the dorms and then in a small apartment just outside the campus.

Afterwards, Liz had been all set to move to Boston where she had been offer a cozy job with an impressive title and an even more impressive salary but her father had fallen sick and with all Nancy Parker’s responsibilities, she was up to her neck in problems so Liz gave it all up to return to Roswell.

Maria admitted that while it wasn’t as great of a job, Liz did enjoy the work she did at Meta-Chem Pharmaceutical.

“Can I ask you something?” Michael requested, drawing Maria’s attention away from the window. She noticed with a small amount of surprise that he had turned himself around on the bike without her notice. Silently, she nodded her consent and gave him her full attention, figuring he at least deserved that after he technically defended her honor. “How long ago did you and that guy break up?” he asked.

“Three days” Maria shrugged evasively.

“Is there anything you wanna tell me about it?” he questioned and when Maria shook her head, telling him no, he didn’t push it. “Okay, come on, I’m starved” he stated and helped her off the bike.

The small bell above the door announced their arrival and Liz looked over at her friend, surprised at first which was quickly replaced with a smile. “Hey Ria” she greeted.

“Hey Liz” Maria returned with a matching smile but didn’t stop to chat and instead led the way to a booth in the back.

Once they were settled and had given their orders to Shelley, a bubbly teenage waitress, Michael leaned back against the vinyl seat, stretching his arms along the top and settled his gaze, appraisingly, on Maria. “How long have you lived here?” he asked with a little curiosity and genuine interest.

“All my life with the exception of college” Maria replied and smiled her thanks when Shelley brought their drinks. From his file, Maria knew where Michael had been born and raised so she opted for a different question, one that she had wondered about since she first looked at his work. “What’s your favorite form of art as far as creation goes?”

“Sculpting” Michael replied instantly. “No contest.”

“How long have you been doing it… the sculpting, not art in general?”

“Since I was ten so about… eighteen years now” he answered, pausing to take a sip of his cherry coke. “What about you, what got you interested in art?” he queried and listened with an expression of complete attentiveness as she told the story about her one art appreciation class. In return, she learned that he had only gone to college for a year and half before he found success and quit going. “It just wasn’t for me” he shrugged. “I never liked sitting there learning about science and history when I knew I would literally never need it for what I wanted to become” he explained and while his view was different than Maria’s she respected the choices he made and the success he had been given.

They talked only about art for the rest of the meal though neither minded since it was a subject they both loved. Their opinions on several famous pieces were so different but each was interested in the other’s explanation because as they both knew, art was subjective. You see what you want to see when you look at a painting and right or wrong, it’s still your opinion and you still have your reason for that interpretation.

“What is the one piece you have never seen but would want to some day see in person?” Maria inquired as they were getting ready to leave.

“Michelangelo’s David” he replied. “You?”

“Mona Lisa” she answered and watched Michael smirk in response.

“An intriguing piece” he acknowledged. “She smiles but what is she smiling at? Or is she simply gazing, reprimanding, curious or bored? Is she happy or sad and will anyone ever have that answer?”

Maria smiled in response. She agreed, the Mona Lisa was one of the most intriguing and surprisingly, controversial subjects because each viewer saw what they wanted to see. A hundred responses yet no one would ever really know the right one.

Liz had long since left for the night by the time Michael went up to the cashier and paid the check. Maria could hardly believe it was near closing time, it felt as though they had only been talking a few minutes rather than a few hours. Despite their obvious differences, Maria enjoyed talking to Michael, he was well versed in all things art despite not having a formal education on the subject and his views were so similar and yet completely different from hers.

The drive back to the small house she owned felt like a short one but when he parked his bike and walked her to the door, Maria felt a nervousness she had yet to feel at any point prior to this moment.

Deciding that she’d like to have him as a friend, Maria decided not to kiss him goodnight. Friends didn’t kiss but the invisible line she drew for herself seemed to fade away when he leaned down and kissed her lips, softly at first and then more insistently.

Despite her inner protests, Maria allowed herself to be kissed by him, sure that she had never been kissed this thoroughly by anyone before. The small hairs from his goatee and slightly patchy beard tickled her skin. The sensation was new… interesting, but all too soon it was over and he was pulling away.

“I’d like to see you again when I get back” he told her before straightening up. “So try not to talk yourself out of it before then” he added and with one final, short kiss, he left her standing in her doorway, surprised by his words and curious how he had known she would have done that exact thing.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback and of course, linliz68, my wonderful beta!!!

Chapter 4

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with


~&~&~&~&~&


Thankfully, Maria was so tied up with gallery business that she didn’t give herself the opportunity to rationalize what had happened between her and Michael a couple days before. It was in the back of her mind but she kept it there because thinking about it would remind her of everything else that happened that night and she was still seething over the things Billy had dared to say.

Had she not been so surprised by everything, Maria would have given him an earful and a swift kick in the balls. She was actually hoping he would come up to her again somewhere, anywhere so that she could get even but regretfully, that hadn’t happened.

Tired and beyond sleepy, Maria turned her key in the lock, only to find that someone had already done it. Carefully, she pushed the door open and blindly reached for the umbrella hanging on the tall, metal coat rack. Quietly, she tiptoed towards the kitchen where she could hear someone making a lot of noise. “Don’t they know how to be discrete?” she wondered aloud, thinking how crappy a burglar this guy obviously was.

His boots scraped across the black and white checkered tile, they were old and dusty but whoever he was, he was digging around in her refrigerator which not only infuriated Maria but also prevented her from seeing his face.

“Put your hands up! I have a gun and I how to use it” she threatened from the doorway, hoping she could just whack the guy over the head before he noticed the difference.

“Do you have a permit for that gun?” the voice asked back and Maria instantly dropped the umbrella and ran into outstretched arms. “I guess next time I should ask before I start making myself a sandwich” he stated with an amused laugh and gently patted Maria’s hair as she hugged him.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were visiting, I would have come home earlier?” she rushed out and pulled back to see Jim Valenti smile down at her in response.

“Well I didn’t want to bother you, I know how busy you are down at that gallery” he replied and cuffed her chin playfully before he released her completely to finish grabbing the loaf of bread and a couple slices of bologna. Maria watched as he added them to the small pile of ingredients already sitting on the counter.

“You know you’re not a bother” Maria scolded and pulled out a chair to sit and watch him work.

Out of all the men her mother had dated over the years, Jim was the first and only one Maria had ever liked. As the town sheriff, she had known him her entire life. He was the one that always stopped teenagers whenever he spotted them and warned them not to speed, reminding them to always buckle up. ‘Arrive alive’ is what he always said though Maria always figured his stickler tendencies when it came to traffic were a result of the car accident that killed his younger brother more than twenty years before.

Surprisingly, Amy had been smitten with the older man and had dated him for months until she realized it herself and ended things between them. Maria was disappointed when their relationship ended, more so when shortly after he announced his retirement and decision to move to Albuquerque.

While the move meant he was now closer to his son Kyle and new grandson James, Maria also knew that her mother had played a role in the decision. Amy Deluca broke his heart along with her own and Maria suspected that despite the years and protests from both, neither had ever gotten over it.

“So how’s your dad doing?” Maria wondered, smiling her thanks when Jim set a sandwich down in front of her. He always believed it was rude to eat in front of someone and not offer them something also.

“The same as always” Jim answered vaguely. Maria knew it was hard for Jim to see his father so old and forgetful but still, he continued to visit once every three or four months. “And before I forget, Kyle and Tess wanted me to say hello for them” he added and reached into his wallet to pull out a small photograph of two year old James Edward Valenti. “That’s for you.”

Maria took the picture from his outstretched hand and couldn’t help but smile at her adorable godson. With sapphire eyes as blue as his mother’s and a head of thick brown hair like his father, Maria knew he was gonna be a very popular boy when he grew up.

Maria was reminded of the summer after graduation when Tess and Kyle went missing. The Hardings had been beside themselves with worry but suspiciously, Valenti had been as cool as a cucumber. When the two showed up days later wearing wide smiles on their faces and holding a marriage certificate in their hands, the old town gossips had immediately assumed Tess was pregnant.

Little did anyone know, Ed Harding was extremely portentous and convinced that Kyle was not good enough for his daughter. Thankfully, Tess had never agreed and the two had been happily married for the last eight years.

Relationships like theirs and the one Max had with Liz sometimes made Maria wish she could have one of her own but she learned a long time ago that when it came to guys, there were only a rare few that were trustworthy and a fairy tale ending was just not in the cards for her. While some women were meant to be wives and mothers the others were meant to be alone. Maria was one of the ones that was meant to be alone.

For the rest of the evening, the two caught up on life in Albuquerque and in Roswell. Jim promised to come back in a month to see the new exhibit and after a lot of arguing, Jim agreed to stay in her guest bedroom as opposed to the old motel over on 285 south. While he went to get his one suitcase from inside the old SUV he drove, Maria put clean linen on the bed.

Briefly, she realized he’d parked out in the back alley to avoid being spotted by anyone since he usually liked to just breeze in and out of town without any fuss. Maria understood this also meant her mother would never know the difference though she assumed Jim had done that more for her benefit than his own.

A few minutes later he said thank you and gave Maria one more hug before she closed the door behind her.


~&~&~&~&~&


Just as Maria was getting ready to go to lunch, she heard a commotion outside her door moments before it burst open. Amy Deluca looked angry enough to spit nails and behind her, Jennifer stood wearing an apologetic expression. “It’s okay” Maria said, waving it off. “Go ahead and take your lunch now” she encouraged with a smile to show she wasn’t upset.

No sooner had the door closed that Amy pounced. “How could you let him spend the night?!” she cried out. “How could you do that and not even pick up the phone to let me know he was in town?” she demanded with wild eyes and a mile long scowl on her face.

Maria dropped back down in her seat and tiredly rubbed her eyes. “How did you know?” she asked rather than answered and watched the anger slowly fall away from her mother’s expression.

“I stopped by to drop off a sweater I bought for you” Amy replied and sat down across from Maria. “Imagine my surprise when I walk into the living room and see him asleep while that damn game show was blasting around him.” If the situation wasn’t such a recipe for disaster, Maria would have laughed. Her mother never could stand Jeopardy and for whatever reason, it had always been Jim’s favorite. “So why didn’t you tell me?” she repeated in a much calmer voice.

“What could I say?” Maria asked with a shrug. “Or for that matter, would you have wanted me to say anything?” she queried, making a valid point even if Amy didn’t or couldn’t acknowledge it.

“How long is he in town for?” Amy then wondered and thankfully or regretfully, whichever way you looked at it, Jim would be leaving later that day after his trip to the nursing home to visit his dad. While Maria would be sad to see him leave so soon, she also understood that the longer he stayed, the more opportunities there were for his path to cross with Amy’s. Maria knew that couldn’t happen if either wanted to get through this in one piece.

“A few hours more at most” Maria answered and carefully watched her mother’s expression for some sign or hint as to what she was thinking.

“I see” Amy said with a forced air of nonchalance. “Well I should get to the store” she added, referring to the small novelty shop she owned and managed for the last 18 years.

Maria knew that Amy was most likely waiting for some sort of apology but this visit was enough to drain Maria of her strength where Amy was concerned and only offered a small smile and a polite “Take care mom.”

Once she was gone, Maria leaned back against the soft cushioned chair and tried t calm her nerves. She had actually been looking forward to a night alone in front of the television with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s but that idea was probably out of the question now. She could practically hear the phone call she would receive around mid-evening and couldn’t stop the small groan that escaped past her lips.

“Psst… you’re never gonna guess what I heard!” Maria looked up from the copy of Rolling Stone she had been reading and shot Tess an annoyed look for the interruption. In front of them, their study hall teacher, Mrs. Peterson, cleared her throat pointedly and offered her own glare at the disturbance but Tess was so obviously excited about something that she didn’t even bat an eyelash at either look.

Maria waited until the older woman had turned away before leaning over, “What is it?” she asked and watched the excited grin turn into a sly smirk in a matter of seconds.

“Kyle told me that Jim asked your mom out last night and she said yes” Tess informed happily. Maria, however, couldn’t muster up more than a small amused smile for her friend while inside, she was groaning and dreading the upcoming weeks.

She knew as well as anyone else in town that Jim Valenti had always had a thing for her mom but she had also been secure in the knowledge that he was too shy to ever ask her out… or so she thought. While Maria had never liked any of the men Amy dated, she knew that the sheriff was different. For starters, he actually had a decent job and she was positive he wouldn’t take her mother out drinking just to get her into bed later which the thin walls in her house proved to be a regular occurrence with the other men.

Maria also knew that Amy’s fear of loneliness kicked in at the worst times and often prevented her mom from breaking up with men before they got too attached and she could only hope that didn’t happen this time around.

‘Isn’t it great?” Tess whispered and just as Maria opened her mouth to reply, the bell rang, signally the end of class.

Thinking back to the years before, on some levels, Maria actually felt sadness for her mother but then she looked at the mess that had become her own life and couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever get things together. Was she doomed to repeat her mother’s mistakes? Maria hoped not, she hoped she could get in and out of relationships and through life unscathed but she supposed only time would tell.


~&~&~&~&~&


Michael stayed away longer than he had mentioned which was why it was a surprise when he showed up at Maria’s office almost a week after their date. “Can I come in?” he asked, poking his head in through the doorway.

“Yeah, sure” Maria replied indifferently and continued going over the new curator notes. She half expected him to feed her some excuse about getting preoccupied with something, followed by an apology but when he remained silent, seemingly waiting for her to speak, Maria became annoyed and tossed her pen aside. “Why are you just staring at me?” she questioned and watched as he smirked at her in amusement.

“Haven’t you ever just sat in silence and looked at something” Michael queried.

While Maria was inclined to remind him that she wasn’t just another of his paintings, she decided to humor him a little. “Well I do work in a gallery, that sort of thing does happen from time to time” she said sardonically but if she thought it would offend him, she was wrong since the amused grin he wore only seemed to widen.

“But do you ever look at paintings for pleasure?” he wondered aloud. “Or has it always been because of class and because of work?”

“I hardly see where that would matter” Maria retorted, all the while wondering as well when the last time she’d gone to a gallery for simple enjoyment had been.

“Have dinner with me tonight” he requested and leaned forward in his chair so that his eyes bore into hers. “Then I’ll show you some art purely for pleasure sake.

“I’m busy tonight” Maria replied, remembering the dinner she agreed to have with Max and Liz. Apparently they had some news and while Maria’s first thought had been that one was getting a promotion, something told her it was bigger than that. Even Isabel and Alex, her longtime boyfriend, had been invited so Maria was loathsome to cancel.

“Then tomorrow night” Michael amended. “I’ll pick you up at eight.” When Maria didn’t immediately protest, he took it as a yes and with no more than a quick grin, he walked out, leaving Maria to contemplate how he managed to take her comment about staring and turn it into another date.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thanks everyone still reading!

Chapter 5

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt


~&~&~&~&~&


Maria tossed her keys down on the contemporary style table resting beside her front door and hung her favorite, red jacket on the only available hook of the metal, deco coat rack. She didn’t bother with any of the lamps in the room, choosing to sit in dark silence as she recalled the events of the group gathering she had just come from.

“Okay, I know that you’re all wondering why we asked you here” Liz began and Maria suspected that nothing short of an alien invasion could have wiped the grin off her friend’s face. “And the truth is…” she trailed off, sharing a secret smile with Max before she faced the small group of friends again. “We eloped!” she announced.

The reaction was instantaneous as Maria, Alex and Isabel all began talking at once.

“That’s great, congratulations” Alex offered and stood up to pull Liz in a hug before shaking Max’s hand. Isabel, however, wasn’t as excited, at least not at first. “What about all the wedding plans?” she asked and again, another smile was shared but this time Max was the one to make the announcement.

“Liz is pregnant”

Maria literally felt her jaw drop at this news but the nervous expression Liz wore was enough to snap her out of her stupor. “That’s amazing sweetie, congratulations” she said and embraced her friend, mustering up the brightest smile she could while inside, her mind was reeling and her heart was hurting.

Maria often wondered what her life could have or would have been like if her father had never left. Would she trust more, would she love easier or would she be worse off than she already was?

Her memories of him were vague at best, indistinct recollections… a small series of memories that added up to form one big memory.

She had his eyes.

Two hazel pools that cried clear, crystalline tears each night for a year after he left. Late, when the sky was dark and the town was quiet, she would place her hands together, steepling her fingers and she would ask god to bring him back. She wished and prayed for something to make her mother’s tears stop, to lessen the hurt they both felt.

She had his hair.

Long, soft strands of strawberry blonde that were the polar opposite of her mother’s short, dark brown locks. He liked it when she wore her hair down rather than the customary braid her mother preferred. He always said that little girls should wear their hair down because they were little princesses, he said that she was his little princess.

Her mother hated her eyes and her hair.

Ten year old Maria hadn’t even realized her mother was gone until she saw the headlights light up the driveway, illuminating her entire room through the glass window panes and thin lavender curtains. There were two car doors slammed and quickly, she hurried to her bedroom door to peak through the slight opening.

“Come on now Amy, let’s get you some coffee” Jim suggested and carefully sat her down on the old floral couch. It was obvious that he had practically carried her in and Maria was sure it was because of the alcohol again.

“No…wait” Amy said and grabbed his arm to keep him from walking away. “I just… do you have any idea how hard it is to look at her?” she all but cried. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to love someone so much when all they do is remind you of someone you hate?”

Heaving a deep sigh, he gently pried her fingers from his wrist but didn’t make a move to leave again.

“You can’t think that way” Jim stated and took a seat on the couch beside her. “Maria’s your daughter, you love her so concentrate on that and forget about Victor and the pain he caused you” he wisely advised but Amy was still drunk and fell asleep against the cushions before he finished the end of his short speech.

The things her mother said that night haunted Maria for years after. She had been confused at first but as time went by and she started to understand the meaning behind those words, she felt a small part of herself die.

It had never occurred to her that in all the time she was praying for something to help her mother, she was the one causing the problem. It wasn’t something that had been easy to acknowledge but once she had, the time she spent at home started to dwindle. She joined clubs, went to sleepovers and spent a lot of hours with a set of headphones attached to her ears. Amy never mentioned anything about her absences except when she needed Maria and then it didn’t matter where she was or what she was doing, she wanted Maria home.

Maria was always there when she was needed but sometimes she truly wished someone could be there for her when she needed.


~&~&~&~&~&


She didn’t know what she had expected but Maria was surprised when Michael pulled up to an old apartment complex on Roswell Ave. “What are we doing here?” she asked once she had removed her helmet.

“My agent rented one of the apartments for me to stay in” he replied and took Maria’s hand in his. “I guess he was hoping I’d also get some more work done while I was here” he explained with a shrug and pulled out a set of keys. Maria was a bit hesitant about spending the evening in his apartment, but then he was leading her inside before she had the opportunity to protest.

It was almost like daytime in the room as lamps illuminated every inch of space. Drawing tablets, along with chalk and graphite pencils were strewn over the coffee table and two easels were set up in one corner. The scent of clay was in the air mixed with a delicious wafting aroma of something Italian and surprisingly, the two were a heady combination.

“You cook?” Maria asked, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

“It takes my mind off work whenever I’m blocked” Michael replied and walked over to the stove to check the contents of a large, old fashioned, cast iron pot. Curious, Maria sat down on one of the two bar stools and watched add several spices to the mixture before replacing the lid. “Would you like some wine?” he offered, already reaching for a glass.

Maria nodded and accepted the flute of red wine. “What’s that you’re drinking?” she queried, noticing that his looked different than hers.

“It’s Chianti but it’s stronger than wine and I didn’t want you to think I was trying to get you drunk” Michael stated and allowed her to pluck the glass from his hand. She sniffed it at first, deciding it definitely smelled stronger and took a deep breath before tossing back the entire contents.

Michael quickly filled a cup with water and gave it to Maria to calm her burning throat. “I didn’t think it was that strong” he muttered as she coughed a few more times.

“It probably isn’t” Maria replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’m just a very cheap drunk since I hardly ever drink at all” she explained and took another sip of water to cover the awkwardness she now felt.

Thankfully, one thing Maria had never picked up from her mother was Amy’s ability to drink anyone under the table.

For the next few minutes, the two discussed the upcoming show and a little about some pieces Michael was currently working on. All the while, Maria was slightly amazed at the easy way he handled himself in the kitchen, stirring sauce, draining the pasta and cutting up the garlic bread.

“I’m not gonna need to make a trip to the hospital for a case of food poisoning, am I?” she asked before taking her first bite.

“Even if you did, it’d be worth it” Michael stated confidentially and chewed a forkful of pasta. When he didn’t choke or immediately spit it out, Maria rolled several noodles around her fork and experimentally tasted the aromatic sauce. “Well?” he asked while Maria licked her lips and moaned softly.

“Not that you should, but if you did quit your day job you definitely have a shot at making it as a chef” Maria complimented, ignoring the smirk that made its way across his lips. “So now tell me where you learned to cool like this?” she requested and was surprised when the smirk fell away.

“Just picked it up” he shrugged and took a long sip from his glass.

It was strange to see him close up since up until now he had been easy going and confident. “Did you also pick up the ability to wash dishes because then I’d just have to marry you” she joked, trying to lighten the mood but when Michael still didn’t smile, she felt stupid for saying something not only ridiculous, but something she didn’t mean.

“You strike me as the type of person that needs a little more work than that” he stated nonchalantly, ignoring the way Maria’s jaw dropped indignantly. “But…” he added just as she opened her mouth to tell him off. “I’ve never been the type that’s afraid of a little work.”

His words stunned her into silence, not an easy feat to accomplish. When a moment past and she still didn’t have a retort to his comment, she opted to take a large forkful of pasta instead. This time she was the one ignoring looks when Michael’s grin made an appearance again.

Afterwards, Michael loaded the dishwasher, picked up his keys, his helmet and one of the littered sketchpads and shot Maria an expectant gaze. “I thought you were gonna show me your art?” she reminded quizzically.

“I said I was gonna show you art for pleasure, I never said it would be my art” Michael corrected and nodded towards the door. “Come on” he added and while Maria was confused about where they were going or what, exactly, they were gonna do, she grabbed her purse and walked out, closely followed by Michael.

Less than a few minutes later, Maria was even more puzzled when they pulled up to the Children’s Rec Center. “What are we doing here?” she asked the moment she got her helmet off.

“Stop asking questions” Michael replied and took her hand in his. Maria was getting used to the gesture and was only mildly irritated this time he did it. As requested, she kept her mouth shut and together, the two quietly crept around to the side entrance of the building which was blocked off by a tall chain link fence.

“What now genius?” Maria questioned, breaking her vow of silence to gloat.

“Didn’t I ask you to stop asking questions?” Michael asked back and then ignored her as he pulled out the magic set of keys again. Maria watched, amazed that he actually had the key to unlock the fence.

Opening her mouth to ask why he had a key, she was immediately silenced by his lips on hers though she wasn’t complaining. “Save your questions for later, I’ll answer them then” he stated and pulled her through the gate. Wordlessly nodding, Maria allowed him to lead her around to a small alcove where more than two dozen pictures, posters and paintings hung on the wall. Starting from the one end to the other, Michael asked her opinion on each piece and refused to move on to the next until she gave it.

“This is incredible” she gasped quietly at one in the middle, a beautiful replica of Starry Night. Granted it was done with water colors so the blending wasn’t perfect and the shades were a little off but anyone who looked at it would know which painting the artist had been trying to mimic.

“Twelve years old” Michael read from the little white name card beside it. “I’ve never even attempted Van Gogh before” he added and gave Maria a couple minutes longer to stare at it before leading her to the next… and then the next.

“So what did you think?”

“I think… I enjoyed art purely for pleasure tonight. Thank you” Maria replied and leaned up to kiss him.

At first touch, Maria moaned quietly and snaked her tongue out to duel with his but she quickly became frustrated when she tried to deepen it and he continued to slowly move his mouth against hers. With soft, lingering kisses, he slowly pulled away. “There’s no rush” he told her and tucked a wayward strand of her behind her ear. “If you want it, we have the whole night” he said and placed one more kiss to her lips.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

I'd like to say thanks to everyone sticking with this story, readers and lurkers. I figured it was time I actually named names so I'd also like to say thanks to all these people who left feedback:

ABuller, gnrkrystle, LovinGuerin2Much, Gretita, Earth2Mama, Aura Guerin, tequathisy, imnotlc, Lady_vixen and anyone else who posted feedback on the previous chapters. Thank You!

Chapter 6

Maria held tightly to Michael’s waist as he drove through the sleeping town. It was late and the only light visible from the street came from traffic posts and various porch lanterns. Vaguely, Maria noticed a lawn gnome on Mr. Seligman’s yard, the flourishing blooms in Ms. Hardy’s garden and a swaying tire swing hanging from a large elm near Mr. Delgado’s driveway.

None of these things were important though, they were just distractions… ways for Maria to take her mind off where she was going and what she was about to do.

Maria could only remember being nervous once before… on the night she lost her virginity. So much time had past since then and there was no reason for her to be nervous now… but she was. There was something about Michael, something about the way he talked to her, the way he looked at her. He had this way of making her forget everything else and while that terrified Maria more than she cared to admit, it was also incredible.

Before long he was pulling into a space back at the complex and all too soon, Maria was faced with a decision. They could spend the rest of the evening drinking wine and talking or they could take things to the next level.

“You okay?” he asked when Maria still hadn’t removed her arms from around him.

“Yeah… sorry, I was just thinking about something” she apologized and released her hold. With her helmet in hand, Maria walked alongside him and leaned against the wall, calming her nerves, as he unlocked the door.

Maybe he picked up on something or maybe he just had something to say but the look Michael gave her was… reassuring.

“Come here” he gently demanded and led her to his bedroom. “Would you sit?”

“Michael, I just…”

“Wait” he interrupted with a finger to her lips. “I don’t know what it is but I know there’s something going on in your head. Now if you want to tell me about it, I’ll listen and if you don’t, that’s okay… for now, but this thing here… us… tonight doesn’t have to be anything more than sitting around in here talking. There’s no pressure to do anything.”

Maria listened to his words and maybe it was the voice he said them in, or the way his eyes held hers the entire time, but she believed him.

“Maybe I don’t want to just sit here and talk” Maria replied confidently and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips, effectively stopping him from saying anything else.

Gently, he raised his hands to cup her face, holding her steady as he softly caressed her lips. The gesture alone was more intimate than anything else Maria had ever experienced and when his tongue melded and danced with hers, she simply melted into his embrace.

Lazily, they leaned back on the soft mattress, only breaking apart long enough to pull her shirt up and off her petite frame.

Michael trailed his lips down, pressing small open mouth kisses along the smooth column of her neck. She was pliant, his to do whatever he wished and he wanted to provide her with pleasure, to make her feel beautiful and desired. He was doing an incredible job of that.

Together, they worked to divest each other of every article of clothing each wore until every inch of bare skin touched.

Feather light fingers danced over her skin, reverently touching, memorizing and Maria cried out in sheer pleasure when Michael’s hand cupped her breast, gently squeezing and rolling her nipple between his fingers before he lowered his mouth to replace his hand. “Michael…” she sighed as he laved until it was a was a stiffened peak and moved his attention to the other side.

His kisses continued downward, stopping to dip his tongue inside her navel before continuing further until he reached the apex of her thighs.

Maria’s breath hitched in her throat at the first touch of his tongue to her wet center. Instinctively, her hips bucked up, causing Michael to spear his large hands wide across her stomach, holding her in place. “Hmm… ah… Michael” Maria moaned and buried her fingers in his shaggy brown locks.

His mouth wreaked havoc on her senses until she was writhing restlessly. “Ah… yes, yes, yes… Michael” she called out in bliss as she came violently and shook with pleasure.

Slowly, he kissed his way up again until their mouths met. Maria could taste herself on his lips and thrust her tongue roughly against his, wanting to get closer. “You are so beautiful” he murmured as the two laid there, simply kissing for what felt like hours before they both seemed to get impatient. “Do I need something?” he asked, all the while placing small kisses on every inch of smooth skin he could reach.

“No” Maria said breathlessly. “Hmm…” she cried out as he slipped the head of his erection inside her. He was teasing her but Maria was beyond frustrated and thrust her hips up, causing him to sink fully inside her wet depths. “Oh god” she moaned as he slowly started to move.

“You feel incredible…” Michael panted but remained at a steady pace, never moving any faster despite Maria’s encouragements.

She wasn’t used to this, she wasn’t used to a guy taking his time. Most often they laid back and let her do the work, let her set the pace and let her call the shots. Michael refused to succumb to her demands, opting to take the control but in the process he was providing her with an incredible pleasure as he slowly built her up.

He was making love to her.

Soft moans, quiet groans and breathless pants were the only sounds occupying the room. They moved fluidly and the closer they got to complete fulfillment, the faster they moved. “Ah… Michael” Maria whimpered as her walls clenched around him, holding him tightly to her as she came and screamed out her pleasure.

Michael soon followed, groaning in her mouth as he emptied himself inside her.

After pulling out, Michael rolled over, bringing Maria with him. Neither said anything as they tried to calm their breathing and eventually, they both fell asleep.

Maria was gone by the time Michael woke up the next morning.


~&~&~&~&~&


The little red light on Maria’s answering machine was flashing when she walked into her living room. “Jeremy Garret pulled his pieces due to a scheduling conflict so now I need you to go into Santa Fe and try to talk Lonnie Mitchell into doing the show otherwise we’ll be one artist short. Call my cell when you have something.”

‘End of messages’

Maria groaned and tossed her purse onto the couch. She wasn’t in the mood to spend more than four hours of her day traveling back and forth but then she really had no choice in the matter either.

Tiredly, she walked into the bathroom and turned the cold water on full blast. “God, what am I gonna do” she asked out loud after stripping and stepping under the cool spray.

She literally felt torn in two. One half of her mind was saying that she had her fun with Michael, he showed her a good time and now she needed to move on. The other half felt like holding on for just a little bit longer. Was it really so wrong to allow herself to enjoy being around him? Would it really be so bad if she decided to see him again?

Maria didn’t have any answers but she would have a very long drive to figure it out.


~&~&~&~&~&


“I realize that this is very short notice but I can assure you that I’ll work around the clock if necessary to help get you set up in time for the show” Maria implored. She knew that this was a long shot, Lonnie was rumored to be very fickle and since she came from rich parents, she could afford to be picky about which galleries she displayed her work in.

“Who else is a definite for the show?” she asked after taking a long drag of her cigarette. Maria shook her head when Lonnie offered her one and rattled off a list of four other names, though it was Michael’s that seemed to ring a bell. “You got Guerin to agree to the show?” she questioned in surprise topped with a hint of disbelief.

“You know Mr. Guerin?” Maria queried and found herself hoping Lonnie wasn’t some ex-girlfriend or past fling. It shouldn’t matter but Maria would just feel really strange about it.

“Met him a couple years ago down in Las Cruces” Lonnie replied. “He’s incredibly talented but very tight lipped when it comes to the inspiration behind his pieces. His sculptures alone would be a good enough reason to let you include me in the same show.”

“Actually, Mr. Guerin has several works aside from his sculptures, currently on display at the gallery” Maria added with a smile, hoping that that little tidbit would be enough to close the deal. Her smile widened to a pleased grin when Lonnie nodded once and agreed to do the show. “Wonderful, I’ll just need to get a few bits of information for our curators and then we can set up a date to have your paintings shipped down to the gallery” she suggested.

The next half hour was spent getting small articles of personal information about Lonnie and then about her work. Maria was actually fascinated as she listened to various tales about time spent in Venice, Rome and Paris, studying art and architecture. Apparently she frequented foreign museums and had a penchant for all things abstract despite the fact that she only ever painted Realistic.

“That should be all we need for now” Maria stated as she closed her small writing notebook. “Here’s my card, please call me if you have any questions or need anything from now until the show” she offered and shook Lonnie’s hand one last time before seeing herself out.

A grumbling stomach reminded Maria that she had yet to eat all day. Deciding to take advantage of her time away from the gallery, Maria stopped by a local sandwich shop, picked up a sub, a bag of chips and took them to a children’s park.

The air was cool, preparing for winter, but Maria enjoyed the weather having always been a fan of the cold season. Sitting on one of the many empty benches, Maria enjoyed the peace provided by the green grass, large, shade providing trees and the sounds of the small children, still too young for school, as they laughed and giggled playfully.

Vaguely, she recalled a time when she had been one of those children. Happy… fun loving… oblivious to the problems of those around her.

“Okay sweetheart, you can make it across, just don’t look down.”

“She isn’t a little boy Victor” Amy scolded though she wore a smile on her face. “It’s okay baby, you don’t have to play on the monkey bars if you don’t want to” she assured in that sweet motherly voice she used whenever Maria was sick or scared after a bad dream.

“Its okay mommy” Maria replied and took a deep breath. With a sense of fearlessness she only felt when her daddy was around, Maria reached out and grasped the first bar. Dangling, she almost changed her mind but the voice of Victor Deluca cheering her on pushed Maria to work harder… to not be afraid.

“That’s it sweetie… just a little further” he coached.

One bar after another, Maria swung until she reached the very last one and dropped down into her father’s waiting arms. “You did it baby. Daddy’s so proud of you” he gushed and held her close for several moments before planting a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek.

Maria giggled and buried her face against his warm jacket, content in the idea that she could do anything as long as her daddy was there to tell her so.

The sounds of giggles drifted to her ears and Maria was brought back to the present. She smiled when she saw a little girl, no more than four of five years old, wrestle her golden retriever for a Frisbee while her parents looked on, laughing along.

She didn’t even realize she had been crying until she looked down at her sandwich and found the bread soggy.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thank you everybody !!! Broken song lyrics by Seether.

Chapter 7

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain


~&~&~&~&~&


When Maria heard the knock on her door later that night, she grabbed her purse and pulled out a twenty to pay the delivery man. “How much is… Michael. What are you doing here?” she asked and reluctantly stepped aside to let him enter. He had been on her mind for the better part of the day and while she knew they had things to talk about, she still wasn’t sure whether or not she was ready for that conversation.

“I called your office earlier and Jennifer told me you had to go out of town” Michael stated. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans and while he looked relaxed, Maria sensed he was anything but that.

“Santa Fe, actually” Maria volunteered but didn’t say anything else before the doorbell rang again, this time revealing the pizza guy.

“One large pizza, an order of cheese sticks and a small garden salad” he rattled off. “$16.50 Miss Deluca”

“Here you go Danny, keep the change” she offered and accepted the three boxes he handed her.

“See ya next week” he called out just as Michael reached forward to grab the boxes from her outstretched arms. Maria blushed slightly when he looked down at all the food and then up at her with his eyebrow quirked curiously.

“Were you expecting company” Michael asked, and for a moment, Maria forgot why he was there and why she had been so nervous. A laugh bubbled forth as she watched him examine everything and just shook her head when he gazed up at her as though she were crazy.

“No, I just… like a little bit of everything and don’t mind leftovers” Maria shrugged and led him to the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” she asked, partly hoping he’d say yes and partly hoping he’d say no so that she could postpone whatever it was he came by to say. When he nodded his head yes, she pulled out two plates and resigned herself to the fact that this wouldn’t wait.

“You know… I should be surprised that you were gone when I woke up this morning but I can’t honestly say I am.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maria questioned, not yet sure if she should be offended by his declaration.

“It means that from the first moment I met you, I knew that you weren’t like other women” Michael stated and accepted the plate she handed him. “There is… something going on with you, something in your head in… your life, that you’re dealing with and I knew that whatever it was would be like this big wall between us if I ever asked you out” he explained and something in his words struck a chord in Maria. He was so scarily close to the truth that she lashed out instead.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and… and I think you should leave” Maria stated but she wouldn’t look him in the eye.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here, anymore

“Do you want me to go because I’m wrong?” Michael asked. “Or because I’m right?”

Maria felt pressure build up in her chest as she stared up at him.

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

How could he be right about her, how could see what she had always tried so hard to hide? True, the other men who had walked in and out of her life knew that she cared little for commitment and had little tolerance for romantic feelings but they had all assumed she was just angry or… who knew what? But right now, Michael was looking at her and she almost felt like he was staring straight into her heart.

Something told Maria that he didn’t share the opinions of those before him and that scared her too. She could really fall for him and that was the last thing she needed. It would just end in heartbreak and she had enough of that in her life to last a lifetime.

“What does it matter whether you’re right or wrong?” she asked but didn’t wait for his answer before barreling forward. “This… you and me… it can’t work. We’re just too… different” she stated, valiantly trying to defend her actions but it didn’t help that even she knew they were flimsy excuses.

“You don’t even see it do you?” Michael asked and the knowledgeable way he stared at her quickly pissed Maria off.

“See what?” she questioned with no small amount of irritation.

“How incredible you are” Michael stated, thoroughly shocking Maria to her core. He said it with such conviction that this time she seriously did think he was staring into her eyes and straight down to her heart. “I’ve only known you for days and already… god, already you’ve gotten so far under my skin.”

He actually seemed bothered by that but Maria didn’t have time to ponder it before he continued. “I just… I just want you to talk to me” he said in a much calmer voice. “Talk to me, trust me or… at least try to.”

Maria wanted to give in to his request but what would happen if she did? They would talk, get to know one another and when the show was over he would go back to Las Cruces. In the end she decided that the loss just wasn’t worth the gain.

“Why? Why do you want to get close to me when you already know how much work I am? Why?” Maria had to ask. She needed to know why he was trying so hard. She wanted to know what he wanted in return because she learned a long time ago that everything came at a price, it was just the way the world worked and she wasn’t sure if she could afford whatever it was Michael wanted.

Rather than answer, Michael took the plate Maria still held and placed it down on the table. “Come on” he encouraged and didn’t give her much of a choice but to follow along.

“Where are we going?” she asked and dug her heels into the floor, trying to at least slow him down if she couldn’t stop him.

“I wanna show you something and then maybe afterwards, you won’t have so many questions” Michael stated but still offered no clue as to where he was taking her. One look at his face told Maria that she wasn’t going to change his mind so she decided not to bother trying. Patiently, Michael waited for Maria to lock up, ignoring the longing looks she sent towards the kitchen and her rapidly cooling pizza.

Wordlessly, Maria climbed onto the bike behind him and tightly wrapped her arms around his waist when he sped off into the street.

It didn’t take Maria long to notice they were heading west out of the city limits. She wanted to ask again where they were going, but she also knew that Michael wouldn’t be able to hear her question over the sound of his roaring engine and whipping wind.

Almost an hour later, Maria was tired, irritated and ready to smack Michael upside the head. She couldn’t believe he brought her to Las Cruces. If she expected him to take her to his apartment or his studio or even some random place he liked, she would be wrong as he continued driving until they reached the gates of Saint Joseph Cemetery.

The second he cut the engine, the sound of silence engulfed them. It was almost deafening and Maria found herself shivering as she sat perfectly still and observed the lightly swaying trees, the high risen half moon and illuminating stars that shed a soft glow over the entire area around them.

“What are we doing here?” she asked quietly and slowly, her anger started to slip away.

“Come on” Michael said in response and gently took her hand in his.

Fallen leaves were crushed beneath their shoes as they walked a short path towards a double gravestone. “Here lays James Michael Guerin and Sara Faye Guerin” Maria quietly murmured as she looked down at the etchings in the smooth gray marble. “Two souls whose imprints will forever walk the Earth.”

Maria wanted to ask how but even more than that, she wanted to ask why. Why did he want her to see this?

“Two years later I met this old woman, Clara” Michael began. It was almost as if he had read her mind and saw the questions that resided there, or maybe he just wanted to explain. “To make a long story short, she told me something that always stayed with me, no matter how old I got or where I went or what I did.”

“What was it?” Maria asked in the same soft tone he was using.

“The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before”

“And why did that stay with you?” she questioned, still unsure of where this was going.

“Because it’s the truth” Michael stated as though the answer should have been obvious. “Something terrible happened in my life and nearly tore me apart but it didn’t. Afterwards I was… angry, upset and whole lot of other things. I didn’t have a good life but I learned to appreciate everything twice as much as I would have. I learned that… no one has an ideal life. Everyone gets happy, everyone gets sad, we win, we lose, and we… live.”

“I’m sorry that you lost your parents at such a young age” Maria said sincerely but she had to admit that she still didn’t understand his reason for bringing her here.

“Something happened to you, something you hold inside” Michael stated knowingly. Suddenly very self conscious, Maria wrapped her arms around herself and took a small step back.

“Do you always make a habit of bringing dates out here whenever you realize they have a secret or something they just don’t want to share with you?” Maria snipped though it was more of a defense mechanism than actual anger. She still couldn’t understand why he was trying so hard with her and despite her question, she doubted there was any truth to it.

“No, I’ve never shown anyone this place before” Michael answered quietly.

“Then why me?!” Maria yelled, finally disrupting the peaceful air around them. She wanted the truth and now she was tired of waiting for it.

“I don’t know!” he yelled back. “Don’t you think I know this is crazy? We hardly know one another but… but when I look in your eyes and see all the pain you hide inside them, I just… want to make it all go away.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

“Maybe you can’t” Maria said and trembled from the intensity he held in his eyes. “I know that I’m broken but maybe… maybe I’m just not worth fixing.”

“No” Michael shook his head and tugged at her hands until she let him hold them. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t shut me out.”

“Why?” Maria asked and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “Why should I try to let you in when… you’re just gonna leave eventually? This can’t go anywhere Michael so just let go now before the both of us get in too deep.” She was pleading with him now but there was something more in her eyes. Hope. She wanted to trust him, she was just scared.

Gently, he framed her face and wiped the single tear that feel from her beautiful hazel eyes. “I promise I won’t hurt you” he said simply.

“Everybody hurts everybody” Maria retorted matter of factly.

“Everybody makes mistakes” Michael corrected. “Life isn’t perfect Maria, but you’ll never even come close to perfect if you’re always pushing everyone away. Give yourself a chance. Give me a chance.” This time he was the one pleading with her and as they stood in the center of an old cemetery with nothing but silence to keep them company, she actually opened her mind to the possibility of putting her trust in Michael Guerin.

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thank You everybody!!! Hope you enjoy this next one!

Chapter 8

How can I believe
That my heart would find someone like you
You see me, the real me
No in betweens, I had nowhere to hide
You took away the walls around me
Made me feel safe to share my truth


~&~&~&~&~&


“I do want to trust you Michael” Maria admitted quietly. It wasn’t something that was easy for her to say, she hardly trusted herself most times much less someone she hardly knew. “I’m just scared. I don’t have a great track record and while that’s probably more of my fault than anything, it’s just really difficult for me to let someone in.”

She watched him as he stood there, seemingly thinking about something. His eyes were focused somewhere in the distance but she didn’t turn, unwilling to break the calm around them by making noise. It was almost as if he was trying to figure out or decide on something but she couldn’t ask what it was. She didn’t think it was fair when she, herself, was holding so much back from him.

“There’s something else I wanna show you and afterwards… well, afterwards, the ball will be in your court” Michael stated and waited for Maria’s silent acceptance before leading her back out to the parking area.

Wordlessly, the drove further into the city though Maria didn’t stop to enjoy the sight of lit up buildings and people littered streets. Her mind was on the conversation she had just had with Michael and all the things he made her feel, made her want to feel.

The men Maria dated usually had one or two things in common with her, just enough of something so that she could actually have a decent conversation with them. She never chose men who she might feel something for later and that had been why she agreed to date Michael, she had truly believed that beyond finding him interesting, she would never feel anything more for him. She was wrong.

The building he pulled up to looked so out of place compared to the ones around it. It didn’t have gleaming windows or clean adobe bricks, it was old and dirty yet Maria thought it held a certain charm. “This is where I do my work” Michael stated before she had to ask. “Are you ready?” he asked and she knew it was because this last stop would change things.

He said it himself, after this, the decision was hers to make. Now she wondered what he possibly had inside that studio that might, in some way, influence her choice.

“I’m ready” she replied.

The elevator was more of a scary, shaky, rusted cage that rattled all the way up to the fifth and top floor. Maria thought to comment on it but the moment the doors opened, revealing to her the space Michael called a studio, the words died in her mouth and she was left in awe at the sight.

One entire wall was made up of floor to ceiling windows which Maria guessed were an excellent source of light during the day. Easels holding half completed paintings were sporadically placed around the room and finished works hung haphazardly on the wall, cluttering and covering the dark bricks.

There more than a dozen statues of all shapes and sizes lining the floor, tables littered with tubes of paint and jars of dirty water where brushes previously soaked.

It was a mess and Maria loved it.

“How long have you worked in this space?” she asked but never turned, opting instead to silently pursue the incredible art Michael had created. She didn’t have words to describe his talent.

“A few years” he replied vaguely and waited for Maria to finish her observations.

“What did you want to show me?” she asked eventually and finally turned her curious eyes to his serious ones.

“This way” Michael directed and pulled at a large white cloth that covered a series of paintings in one corner. They were all different but all of the same subject. “That’s Clara” he stated and Maria returned her gaze to the face of an older woman with sterling silver hair, sapphires for eyes and a beauty that defied her obvious age.

“You never mentioned who she was” Maria commented but her eyes remained fixated on the eyes in the painting.

They were beautiful, a deep blue, but Michael had conveyed so much more than the color. She held sadness and possibly a hint of regret but there also kindness. Briefly, Maria was reminded of Liz’s grandmother, Claudia Parker, who was probably the coolest older lady she had ever met. Her own grandmother was often hard on Amy for getting pregnant so young and eventually the woman died young and bitter. Maria couldn’t ever remember feeling sadness for that.

When he still didn’t answer, Maria turned completely around and allowed Michael to pull her down on the floor. The two sat Indian style across from each other, much like two young children who were about to share the secrets of the world.

“After my parents died, I was sent into the foster care system where I was eventually placed with a man named Hank Whitmore” Michael began though his expression conveyed what a bitter taste that name left in his mouth. “It the risk of being too blunt, he was an asshole. He yelled and ordered me around most days then he yelled and pushed me around on other days.”

Instinctively, Maria’s hand drifted to his and intertwined their fingers.

“I met Clara when I was ten” he continued. “She lived next door and spent a couple months offering me cookies before she finally got me to go inside her house. After that she started… taking care of me, I guess you could say. She used to make pottery and taught me how to make little things like bowls and mugs. Eventually I got into sculpting and when I started painting, she was my first subject.”

Maria let his words sink in and felt a pang in her chest at the thought of someone actually abusing Michael. She didn’t know him, but she hated this Hank guy and while she wanted to ask what happened afterwards, she didn’t want to inadvertently dredge up any more bad memories. He had already shared so much with her, he was trusting her and she didn’t want to push him.

I see the heavens open, a heart that once was broken
Is holding nothing back
Now that I found you
You hold me like a prayer, you touch me everywhere
A lifetime just ain’t enough to love you true
Now that I found you
Now that I found you

“My dad left us when I was six and my mom sort of drilled it in my head from that point on that men couldn’t be trusted” Maria blurted out and closed her eyes, waiting for him to laugh or ridicule her. He never did.

“Tell me about her” he requested. “What’s your mom like?” he asked and genuinely seemed interested in her answer.

“Well she’s… a bit flaky, I guess” Maria shrugged noncommittally. “She dates a lot and she…’

“She…” Michael encouraged.

“She’s kind of like a big kid sometimes” Maria admitted and immediately felt bad for it. She loved her mom, she truly did, but sometimes she was a bit overwhelmed by the level of maturity she had to have in order to compensate Amy’s lack of it. “And kind of hard to deal with sometimes” she quietly added and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

I do believe we’re meant to be
Our chemistry will last forever
And through the years
We’ll see some tears
We’ll conquer fears
And together we will grow
Look through your eyes
They tell me
I no longer have to be alone

“Do you remember anything about your dad?” Michael wondered and while it was Maria’s first instinct to say no, she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him and slowly nodded her head.

“Not much, little things mostly” Maria sated vaguely. “I stopped trying to search my mind for memories of him a long time ago” she confessed and turned to look at the glass windows. The moon was so bright that she decided it could have lit up the entire room if the lights were out.

“When you were a kid, did you ever have this fantasy… an idea, of what you wanted your life to be like?” Maria queried and returned her gaze to Michael.

“Yeah… of course” he replied but didn’t offer more than that, waiting for Maria to continue with whatever point she was trying to make.

“Would you say that you fulfilled that idea?” she wondered. “Are you satisfied with the choices you made or are there certain things you wish you could do differently if you had the chance? Things that you could completely erase?” she questioned.

I see the heavens open, a heart that once was broken
Is holding nothing back
Now that I found you
You hold me like a prayer, you touch me everywhere
A lifetime just ain’t enough to love you true
Now that I found you
Now that I found you

“Everyone has regrets” Michael acknowledged thoughtfully. “But I wouldn’t take anything in past back.”

“Why?”

“Because we learn from my mistakes” Michael shrugged. “Because a lot of things would be different if there were certain things we did or didn’t know and… and even if it’s difficult to deal with, I would still want to carry my experiences with for those reasons.”

“What about your past with Hank?” Maria wondered and quickly covered her mouth with her hand. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud but one look at Michael clearly showed that he wasn’t offended or angry by the question.

“It wasn’t one of the good experiences, but if I hadn’t gone through it, I never would have met Clara and I might never have found myself in art” he said with more optimism than Maria could have had in the same situation.

You see me, the real me
You believe you in me

“I’m sorry that I just left this morning without a note or… anything” Maria quietly apologized.

Michael didn’t say anything at first and when he did, his voice was gentle and soothing. “If you’re willing to try this, I’m willing to take my time. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you into anything, I just want you to give me a chance.”

I see the heavens open, a heart that once was broken
Is holding nothing back
Now that I found you
You hold me like a prayer, you touch me everywhere
A lifetime just ain’t enough to love you true
Now that I found you
Now that I found you

“I wish I understood why” Maria admitted candidly.

“Some things can’t be explained” Michael replied. “Sometimes you just feel something and you’re helpless to stop it.”

“Is that how you feel right now?” Maria wondered curiously. “Helpless?”

“A little” Michael admitted. “But I’m okay with that.”

[To_Kiss_A_Frog]

Thank you everyone!!! Glad you're still enjoyin and sticking with me! Song is Numb by Linkin Park

Chapter 9

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you


~&~&~&~&~&


“Maria… what are you still doing up?” Amy questioned as she sleepily stumbled into the room. She was still weaning the clothes she had gone out in the night before, her hair was disheveled, her makeup smudged and there was a faint tinge of alcohol on her breath.

Maria had been horrified when her mom’s date knocked on the door and she found a guy only three years older than herself on the other side. He had been a senior when she was a freshman and Maria recalled that he had once spent a week relentlessly asking her out before Kyle and a couple of his friends got together and told him to back off.

“Its morning” Maria answered and watched the puzzled way Amy looked out the window into the still dark, early morning air. “I’m working the opening shift at the Crashdown this morning” she added in explanation and lifted the set of antennas that sat on the table beside her bowl of Rice Krispies. “How was your date?”

“Fine” Amy replied and didn’t elaborate any further. Maria was thankful for that and quickly finished up her breakfast while Amy rooted around in the refrigerator for something or other.

“I’ll be home early” Maria said and pecked her mom on the cheek before slipping out the back door

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm become in this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you


~&~&~&~&~&


“Hey… where’d you go?” Michael asked as Maria’s eyes focused and she slowly came back to herself.

“Nowhere, I was just… remembering something” she stated and averted her gaze from the guy who was paying for his bag of Funyuns and six pack of beer. “It was nothing” she added with an unconvincing smile but thankfully, Michael didn’t push the issue.

“So what do you think, Chocolate Fudge Brownie or Vanilla Caramel Fudge?” Michael asked, holding out two cartons of Ben & Jerry’s.

Maria placed her hand on her chin and gave him a look that expressed just how hard she was thinking over the decision.

After talking some more in Michael’s studio, he drove them back to Roswell and spent the rest of the night with Maria. They sat on her couch, watching an old black and white movie and eating cold pizza. It was something that was mundane… common and the sort of thing Maria would have done with Tess, Liz or Kyle but it was different with Michael.

She wasn’t sure what it was about him or how he managed to do it, but he made her feel safe and he made her feel like she really could trust someone. Maybe it was because he had his own past or because he was so understanding of hers but it was definitely something and Maria was really starting to like it… she was really starting to like him too.

“Vanilla Caramel Fudge” she finally decided with a pleased smile. Smirking down at her in acknowledgement, Michael replaced the first carton and held her hand as he walked up to the cashier.

With Michael occupied, Maria briefly allowed her mind to wander back to two night before.

“Sleepy?” Michael asked after the fourth time Maria yawned in five minutes.

After only getting a few hours of rest the night before, her long day of traveling first to Santa Fe and then to Las Cruces, Maria was fatigued and valiantly trying to fight off sleep. “A little” she replied and couldn’t hold in her next yawn.

Michael laughed, causing Maria to pout teasingly. “Come on sleeping beauty” he said and lifted a protesting Maria up into his arms.

Like he would with a five year old, Michael gently placed her down on the bed and tucked her in loosely beneath the comforter. “I’ll see you later” he said and placed a soft kiss to her lips. “Goodnight.”

“No” Maria said and held tight to his wrist. “I want you to stay” she quietly admitted and watched at least a half dozen emotions flicker in his eyes. “Just to sleep” she added and used her own eyes to convey her sincerity. She understood that after everything they had just shared, he most likely would feel like he was rushing her but he really wasn’t and Maria actually wanted to wake up beside him and have him wake up beside her.

“Okay” Michael agreed and walked around to the opposite side.

Maria leaned up on her elbow and watched the methodic way his fingers pulled at his laces. She found it slightly amusing that she always looked at his hands whenever he did anything. They weren’t perfect, slightly calloused and more often than not, with small splatters of paint staining his skin but they were strong and moved fluidly… languidly and she couldn’t help but watch them.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Maria asked once Michael had climbed beneath the blankets beside her.

He looked at her, observing her before finally opening his mouth to answer her. “I’ll be here” he promised.

He kept his promise and was still deeply sleeping beside her when Maria’s alarm clock went off the next morning. He stayed long enough to have a quick breakfast together before Maria had to hurry off to the gallery and he went back to his place to take a shower and get changed for the day.

“I’ll take that” Maria offered and held onto the bag while Michael held the door open for her.

Earlier, they decided they would spend more time trying to get to know one another and came up with a way that was both interesting and appealing to both… truth poker. The object of the game was to play for secrets, every hand you lost was a fact or detail about your life that you had to give up. The fun part was that both were card sharks.

After spending the greater part of high school around Kyle and all his football buddies, Maria had a knack for the game and was confident enough in her abilities while Michael had also picked up a trick or two over the years.

“Are you ready to lose?” Michael taunted teasingly as they climbed onto his bike.

“We’ll see who’s talking back at the end of the…”

“Maria!”

Both turned towards the voice and Maria found herself looking at her mom who had her own eyes focused on Michael. “Mom… hi” she greeted and handed Michael the bag of ice cream before climbing off.

“I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days” Amy commented while Maria tried to remember when the last time she checked her answering machine was. “Is everything alright with you?” she questioned but turned her gaze to a spot behind Maria who realized Michael had followed and now stood a few inches away.

“Everything is fine” Maria replied and held her hand out, inviting Michael to step forward and join them. Taking a deep breath, she introduced the two. “Amy Deluca, meet Michael Guerin.”

“Pleased to meet you ma’am” Michael greeted politely though it took Amy a little longer to say anything in response.

“How do you two know one another?” she queried and wore an expression of motherly concern mixed with fierce protectiveness.

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

“Michael is one of the artists in our upcoming show” Maria explained and felt like a teenager again as her mother inspected and interrogated her new boyfriend. It had always been like this which was Maria’s reason for always keeping her private life, private. “And we were just on our way out so take care and I’ll call you tomorrow” she assured and pecked her mom’s cheek.

“It was nice to meet you” Michael added and intertwined his fingers with Maria’s as they walked away.


~&~&~&~&~&


Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste is more than I can take

Amy Deluca didn’t wait for Maria to call, she took matters into her own hands and stopped by the gallery early the next day. “Is everything aright?” Maria questioned as soon as Jennifer closed the door behind her.

“I’m fine Maria” Amy stated and refused a seat, opting instead to pace back and forth across the room. This was something she usually did when she had something on her mind, causing Maria to instantly put up her guard. She had her suspicions about the reason for the visit but she decided to just wait it out until Amy confirmed or denied those suspicions.

“Would you like some coffee?” Maria offered and received a dirty look for the suggestion.

“No, I don’t want a damn cup of coffee, I want to know what the hell you’re thinking by getting involved with a man like that” Amy retorted angrily and finally stood still, waiting for some sort of explanation from her daughter.

“My personal life is none of your business and not open for discussion or debate” Maria stated in no uncertain terms.

“He’s going to break your heart Maria, I’d say that’s my business” Amy replied harshly. “I thought you had learned over the years but some things never change, do they? You still think you’re cut out for happily ever after when the truth is that neither of us is meant to have a fairy tale ending.”

“Maybe I’m not” Maria acknowledged. “But I’ll also never know that unless I give it a shot” she added with more confidence than she actually felt in that moment.

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm become in this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

“Men aren’t for relationships, they’re for flings… good times. Involving feelings is only a recipe for disaster, nothing more than that.”

“Maybe it’s that way for you but it doesn’t have to be that way for me” Maria defended. She could feel anger welling up inside of her and for the first time, she realized just how screwed up she was and how much of it was Amy’s fault as well as her own.

“No doubt this Michael person is the one who told you that” Amy retorted scathingly. “You’re being stupid Maria and you’re just opening yourself up to pain and heartache. Take my advice, get out while you still can. Go to a bar, meet a guy and have a one night stand or something to get Michael out of you system. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it later” she assured.

“No, mom… I’m not like you, I don’t want to be like you” Maria stated and watched several emotions pass across Amy’s face though the last and most prominent one was anger.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded callously.

“It means… it means that grandma resented the choices you made and made you pay for that everyday until the day she died so now you’re doing the same thing to me.

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

Amy looked as though she had been slapped but Maria couldn’t stop. She had to get it all out now or she would never be able to.

“I’m sorry that your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted but you also played a big part in destroying it. Drinking and sleeping with random men didn’t help anything but your biggest mistake was turning Jim away when he was the one decent man who truly cared for you.”

“You don’t know anything” Amy lashed out with a harsh intensity Maria had never seen before. “Go… trust this man you chose over me and see how well that works out for you but I promise you this, once he’s broken you and you feel alone and angry, don’t come to me, because I won’t be there” she declared and turned to walk out.

“Mom…” Maria called out.

“Go to hell” Amy spat and walked out, never once looking back at the destroyed daughter she left in her wake.

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm become in this
All i want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

A waterfall of tears fell from her eyes as she heavily dropped down into her chair, buried her face in her hands and simply just… cried.