Category: A/U, no aliens. POV; Max, Michael, Alex, Liz, Maria & Isabel. (I will label accordingly)
Rating: ADULT
Disclaimer:I do not own any rights to Roswell or it’s characters. Although I do wish I did own just a little piece of Jason *sigh*. Anyway, the other characters in this story are all fictional and have been created in my own twisted mind.
Summary: Life is a struggle everyone says so, but for Liz life has been more than she could have ever bargained for. The story will follow Max and Liz / Michael and Maria, their broken relationships, and the struggle to find again what they lost. Alex and Isabel, they have learned to live with the consequences of their actions but is love enough to keep them going? Liz is the link between them all but will she be able to help mend broken hearts and broken friendships the second time around?
I will tell you that there will be some U/C with my own made up characters. It will be C/C when I’m all done though. You will have several questions and although I may not answer them right way just know that they will all be answered, however I’m far from perfect so if I should leave something out, please let me know and I’ll fix that! I will be going from the present to the past but anything that is the past or dream will be italicized.
Feedback: Well this is my second stab at writing a fic so feedback is essential and very much appreciated. I enjoy reading what you think!
Thanks to babylisou AKA Faithlee (Ann) for the banner!
Prologue
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
God, I have waited to hear those words from her for years. But right now none of that matters. She is here in my arms and I would go through it all again to have this moment.
Why was she here? Where has she been all this time? My mind wanted answers but my heart screamed who cares.
I have loved her for so long and I’m just mad that it took me so long to realize it. By the time I had, she had already fallen in love with someone else. I had lost my chance, but right now it looks like I've received a second one. I will not let it pass me by.
I was usually the one to pursue her but this time it was different. She came over tonight and professed her love to me. That was my undoing. I grabbed her, wrapped my arms around her, and kissed her like I had wanted to for so long.
I picked her up and brought her to my bedroom, where we removed each other’s clothing, and began caressing and kissing anywhere we wanted on each other.
She isn’t the only woman I have been with but no one could ever compare to her. She felt so good in my arms and beneath my body. I want her so bad.
And now that I have the opportunity to be with her again there is nothing that can stop me.
Our bodies rock together gently yet quickly, and soon become needy. I look into her eyes and silently ask for her permission, to which she grants.
When my body joins with hers I feel complete, whole like this is what I have been missing my entire life...Her.
She repeats my name over and over again, until we both have reached our peaks and our bodies are spent.
I loved her more now and tell her as much. To which she replies, “I love you, Max. I always have and I should have told you sooner, but we’re together now and nothing will take me away from you again.” And with those few words, I feel my heart swell with even more love for this woman I am finally able to have and love freely.
I look at her once more before I close my eyes and kiss her. I can feel her response to my kisses with her lips and her entire body is heating up once again. We are so close right now that I know she really wants to…
‘Ring Ring’
‘Ring Ring’
“Damn it! Why is it when you are having the best damn dream of your life, the phone always rings to wake you up to the cruel reality that it was just a dream? But what a damn good dream it was.” I am a terrible person, I should not be dreaming about Liz when I have Dariana.
At first, I try to ignore the irritating ringing and recapture my dream right where I left it, but that never happens so I give up. I quickly rollover and fumble for the telephone in the dark. Who the hell is bothering me at this time? I just fell asleep not more than two hours ago and I’m not in the mood to deal with some bullshit phone call.
“Hello?” I rub my eyes to remove some of the sleepiness, and that’s when I quickly glance at the alarm clock and I see that it reads 3:30 a.m.
"Yes, may I speak with Mr. Max Evans, please?" I'm to tired to even try and figure out who or what this person wants so I simply answer,
“This is Max.”
"Yes, this is Nurse Madden at Roswell Memorial, and we have a young lady that was brought in to the ER this morning. She wasn’t carrying any identification but one of the doctors recognized her. We looked up her emergency contact information but there was none on file. When we searched her clothing though we found shoved into one of her back pockets a slip of paper with your name and this telephone number."
Young lady? Who the hell could that be? The only people that know I’m back in town are my parents and Isabel, so maybe it was Maria? But why would she have my number?
I get up from the bed and quickly change into a pair of jeans and then try to slip a T-shirt over my head, which turned out to be more difficult than I originally thought. So, while holding the receiver to my ear as to not miss what the nurse was telling me, I shoved one arm through one sleeve and then wrapped my free arm around my head and grabbed the phone. I then shove my other arm through the other sleeve and in one quick sweep pull the shirt over my head.
“Who is it?”
I reach over for my sneakers as I ask the question, but never in a million years did I expect to hear her answer.
"Elizabeth Parker.”
TBC… Let me know what you think...P.S. the parts get longer
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:57 am, edited 63 times in total.
After that very disturbing phone call I left my room and I headed to Michael’s room to let him know what was going on. He told me to head over to the hospital and that he we meet me there as soon as he was dressed.
I arrive at the hospital fifteen minutes later. I don’t know what to expect, the nurse didn’t give me any information over the phone so I can only think the worst.
I approach the nurse’s station and they tell me what room I can find Liz in. I turn down the hallway that leads to where her room is in the ICU.
I hesitantly reach her room and gently ease the door open. There are so many emotions running through me right now; anxiousness, sadness, apprehension, but at the forefront is fear. Fear of what I might see behind this door, after all I haven’t seen her in a year and now she’s in the hospital, but why? What happened?
It’s now or never. I fully push open the door and step into the room. There is a soft glow coming off the lamp beside her bed, but it doesn’t provide me with the ability to see her clearly. Right now, I don’t know if she’s sleeping or awake. I tentatively step towards her relaxed form and that’s when I see her, I mean really see her. My body washes over with trepidation and anger.
She laid there in a pale blue, hospital gown. She looks like a small child in the enormous bed. But that is not what warrants my feelings, it’s the fact that as I slowly reach her side, I can see the injuries she has sustained. This was obviously not an accident.
The first thing I notice are the bruises that mar her face and arms. I grimace at the long gash that disfigures the right side of her forehead. It has already been stitched closed and I can only imagine what it looked like prior to that. She has a black eye and scrapes everywhere flesh could be seen.
What the fuck happened? How could someone do this to her, she is so small and fragile. I can’t even describe what it’s like to see her like this, my heart constricts just looking at her.
I slowly reach my hand out to touch her, to let her know I’m here. I don’t want to disturb her, after all I have been here for at least ten minutes and she hasn’t stirred once. She looks so different from when I last saw her. She’s much thinner if that’s even possible, she is so tiny as it is, and her eyes are sunken in like she hasn’t slept in days. Beneath all that though she’s still beautiful, but it pains me to see her like this.
I take her tiny hand in mine and gently caress and squeeze it for reassurance. I am immediately hit with a wave of remorse and regret, anger but also love. After all this time I still can’t believe I love her as if nothing happened between us, like we’re still friends.
I start to cry.
“Liz?” I whisper her name. “Liz?” I repeat it again a little louder but she’s not moving at all, she just looks peaceful but why is she not answering me? Just then, I hear her room door open.
“Mr. Evans?” I quickly wipe the tears on my face with the back of my hand and try to push back the emotion that is fighting to seep into my voice.
“Yes.” I answer without looking away from her. My voice is low and huskier than I would have liked it to be.
“Liz is in a coma; she lost consciousness after she called the police.” Liz is in a coma…coma…Oh God! I feel the bile rise to my throat and I swallow it back. This cannot be, he’s wrong, I know he is! She will wake up and be okay…She has to be. I cannot deal with this…no…It’s too much. I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and all I want to do is wake up. The doctor clears his throat, he obviously noticed I was fighting an internal battle at the moment.
I take a deep breath in preparation of - hopefully - getting some much needed answers. I turn my gaze from Liz and to the doctor, all the while still holding her petite hand in mine.
“What happened?”
“We are not really sure, but she has been a patient here several times in the last few years. She would come in with scrapes and bruises, saying she fell but only within the last year has it become worse.”
“Worse?” What the hell is going on? This conversation is absolutely infuriating me… I want answers as to why she is laying here in a coma and I don’t know how much longer I can hold my composure.
“She came in with a broken arm and some broken ribs, she said it was her fault and she did it to herself.” Bullshit!
“Who did it then? Because I know damn well she didn’t; was it her boyfriend?”
“We don’t know, she usually comes in alone.” I nod. If it was that son of a bitch I’ll kill him! I will find his sorry ass and make him pay for this!
“Ah, Mr. Evans?” I look at the doctor whose facial expression has now changed to what appears to be grief stricken. Good Lord, what else is there?
“Yes?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“There’s something else.” Right now I need for him to cut the bullshit and get to the point already.
“What?” What else could there be?
“Liz was three months pregnant.” No! That can’t be! Can it? This keeps getting more and more confusing to me; I just need for her to wake up. Right now all I care about is that. So with great reluctance I continue my conversation with the doctor.
“Was?”
“Yes, due to the trauma she sustained she lost the baby, I’m sorry.” He looks me in the eye and then tells me he will give me some time alone with her. He turns remorsefully towards the door, and as he reaches up to grab the handle I call out to him. I have to ask this next question more so for her than myself. I really don’t know what caused her to lose the baby but I can only guess, not natural causes.
“Can she…I mean will she be able to have children in the future?”
“We don’t know, only time will tell.” I nod my head. I can’t find my voice right now.
“How long will she be like this?” I have to know even though I may not want or be prepared for the answer.
“Well, Mr. Evans…”
“Call me Max.”
“Right, well, Max it could be a couple of hours, days, or even weeks.” His eyes stray downwards, before they return back to my eyes,
“Unfortunately, she suffered major trauma to her head and I can’t tell you if she will ever wake up, I’m sorry.” I can’t even respond to that, to have to think that she won’t wake up, I can’t…I won’t. I simply nod at the doctor.
“Thank you for everything.” He leaves without another word.
I turn back to her. A baby? Nothing makes sense anymore. I know Liz never wanted children. Had that much change in a year? I know that she was probably happy about it after she got over the initial shock. That’s the way she would have approached it, but what I don’t understand is how? I know she was very careful to not make that error in judgment again. No one knows what happened that time except for Liz and I.
She will be devastated to say the least. I don’t know how she will pull herself out of this tragedy, all I know is that I will be here for her as I was before. I will not abandon her no matter how hard she pushes me away.
Why her of all people? She does not deserve this. Her life has been hard enough.
Why didn’t I know about this? The doctor said it was going on for a couple of years. She has been living in this hell for that entire time?
I wonder why no one else knows about it. I mean, I don’t live here anymore but everyone else…How could they have not known? Maria talks to her everyday doesn’t she? Well, the last I heard she did. So, I just don’t understand how this could have progressed so far without any warning.
I need to make a phone call because what I need right now is answers.
I lean in over Liz’s sleeping form. It’s easier for me to believe she’s sleeping and may wake up at any moment, than to think she’s in a coma and may never open her eyes again. Tears form at the brim of my eyes, I’m trying so hard to be strong.
“Liz, I hope you can hear me. I’m here now and I’ll never leave you again. I just wish you would have told me. Liz, please wake up, baby, please.” I begin to cry again. I can’t stand this; I haven’t seen her in almost a year. We didn’t end on good terms, mainly because I was pushing her for something she couldn’t give me or rather what she chose not to give to me.
But even in all the time we were friends, I had no indication whatsoever that she was going through this.
She had been dating Jordan since our junior year in high school. She seemed to really love him but if he’s the one that did this to her…I can’t even think about that right now. I left her in his hands.
I need answers and right now there is only one person who can give them to me.
I slowly extract my hand from Liz’s and kiss on the back her hand before placing it back at her side. I then gently brush a light kiss on her forehead.
“I’ll be right back.” I know she probably can’t here me but just in case.
***********************************
I walk out of the hospital to make a phone call. I open my cell phone and hastily dial the number. After four rings I hear a groggy voice at the end of it.
"Hello?"
“Did you know?” I feel my blood pressure rising, I know this will not be a friendly conversation but I’m trying really hard to keep my emotions at bay. It doesn’t work though.
"Max? What are you talking about? It’s like four in the morning."
“I’m asking you if you knew about Liz?”
"What about her?"
“Stop the bullshit, Maria. Did you know she was getting her ass beat everyday by that asshole?”
"Max..."
“TELL ME! DID YOU KNOW?!” Patience just flew out the window. I am furious at this point and I can’t control the anger that is ripping through my body right now.
"Yes…But I only just found out. She..."
“What? How could you let her to through that and not even tell me?”
"Max, she asked me to promise not to tell you, besides she left him about six months ago."
“Well, I don’t know about that, Maria.” I say sarcastically.
"Max, what are you talking about?" Boy, if she had taken the time she spent thinking of herself and her career, maybe she would have given a shit about Liz and her problems.
“She’s in a coma, Maria and she lost her baby because you're such a great friend, and you kept your fucking promise.”
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:13 am, edited 2 times in total.
Max hung the phone up on me right after he told me about Liz.
I don’t think it has really registered yet. I mean, yeah, I know that Jordan would hit her sometimes, but she said it wasn’t bad or anything. But a coma is serious, maybe I was wrong, although I’ll never know if it would have changed anything.
And she was pregnant? Oh God! What did I do? I feel like the worst person in the world. She was my friend and I let her go through that alone?
But I tried to help her, at least I know that much. I just knew that Max was going to blame me once he found out. It figures he can’t let go of the past, still blaming me for Michael’s breakdown after I left, I still don’t know the whole story but I know that Liz does, I never thought to ask her about it and I just hope that it’s not to late.
Regardless of how Max feels about me, she’s still important to me, even though I know I haven’t treated her that way. So, I’m going to the hospital despite the fact that I will have to confront Max and possibly Michael.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max
I manage to calm myself down for a few minutes, after that infuriating conversation with Maria, to call my parents. They are on their way over with Isabel.
I don’t know why Isabel is coming; to be honest, Liz is not her favorite person nor has she been for a long time. I guess she’s just concerned about me.
I need to see Liz again but it’s so hard to see her in that condition, so with great hesitation I re-enter the hospital and stop by the nurse’s station to advise them of the impending guests they would be seeing within minutes.
I enter her room again and sit in the chair beside her bed; for a moment I let myself hope that she would be awake when I opened the door, but I’m not that lucky. With a heavy heart I look at her face, even in her condition I still see the beauty that is there. Till this day I have yet to find another woman who exudes the beauty that she does, I don’t think I ever will.
Silence surrounds despite the fact that the noises filling the room come from her heart and breathing monitors. I still feel like I’m not really here, like this is not happening. It's funny because you always hear people describe a traumatic event and they all say the same thing, but being a bystander doesn’t even compare to the feelings that course through your veins when you are in the situation.
I really haven’t had time to think about the impact this has had on me or the fact that up until an hour ago Liz Parker was not a part of my life, despite the fact that she and I were friends for over ten years.
I turn and look at her, so serene but I wonder does she hear me when I talk to her? Does she not want me here? As much as I have said for the past year that I could go forever without hearing or seeing her again, I would give just about anything to hear her say something.
Even if it’s, "get out". I wonder, however, if after the initial shock passes whether or not I will feel the same way. I have buried my feelings for her so deep within in my heart and mind, shielding myself from the pain that she caused me. So, how can I sit here with her as if there is nothing between us? I suspect that it has a lot to do with the fact she cannot respond.
I need to redirect my attention elsewhere, like to Maria for instance.
Why the hell would Maria, her supposed best friend, allow such a horrible thing to happen? So help me God if she tells me she’s sorry, I will blow my last fuse and direct it right towards her.
Even though I try to change my focal point, right now, however, the one thing that rushes to the front of my mind is that when I look at her, it is not the Liz I knew; she’s not the young and vibrant girl that would make silly faces to get me to laugh when I was in a bad mood.
No, now she’s someone completely different, someone I don’t recognize, not by way of physical appearances, someone I barely even know. It’s funny how a tragedy can make you look back and reevaluate everything you ever did or said.
For instance, right now I am racking my brain to find any little detail I may have not picked up on that would have told me this was going on. Was she trying to tell me in some way but I wasn’t paying attention?
I mean, I know that her home life sucked but we never talked about it in depth; she kept that part of herself sheltered from me. I could have pushed harder, demanded that she tell me, if it meant it would help her.
I am completely baffled, however, because she stayed with Jordan seven or eight years. Granted, they did not date steadily, but when I moved to California for college and Liz would visit me, I know for a fact that they weren’t dating not until…
Knocking interrupts my thoughts and slowly the door opens to reveal a worried looking Isabel with our parents following closely behind.
“Max, what happened?” She says in a shaky voice just above a whisper, tears have begun to brim her eyes. Why is she so upset, not that I’m saying she has no heart, but Isabel crying for Liz? I draw my attention back to Isabel who takes one look at my solemn face and crosses the room swiftly and embraces me.
“He did this to her, Max? Why?” I can’t find my voice. I don’t want to think about the how and why anymore. All I know is that my heart is laying on that bed and I can’t lose her. I just can’t. I gently extract Isabel’s arms from around my shoulders and manage a quick glance towards my mother who is also crying.
My father is standing directly behind my mother with his hands gently atop her shoulders for support. My parents love Liz, they always have and I predict that they always will.
My gaze catches my mother’s attention and she can thankfully see the silent plea in my eyes to help Isabel, because right now having her breakdown is wearing me thinner by the second. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it together and I would prefer if they were not in the room when that happens.
She slowly approaches Isabel and I, and then gently tugs on Isabel’s forearm to escort her out of the room. I silently mouth a "thank you," in my mother’s direction; she simply nods and reaches out to grab my hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
“We’re just going to wait outside honey, Alex and Michael are coming with the baby so.” I nod and look into her teary eyes, I know she is trying to be strong for me but one look and I begin to crumble. She quickly tugs Isabel in the direction of the door and they exit the room.
I know I’m not alone; my dad is still in the room. And right now, I might be a twenty-eight year old man but I need my father by my side more than ever. I don’t acknowledge him, I simply turn my gaze to look outside of Liz’s room window.
I can hear his quiet footsteps slowly approach me; I know he can tell I can’t hold on much longer. He stops right behind me and places a heavy hand on my shoulder, and I quickly turn into his embrace while the sobs quickly wrack my body.
“Max, I know this is hard for you, but you need to stay strong, son. When Liz wakes up she’s going to need all the help she can get.” I know he’s trying to get me to calm down, he’s only ever seen me like this twice in his life, and the irony in that is that both times had to do with Liz.
“I know, dad but how could I have not known? She was my best friend and I haven’t talked to her in a year - a year! Maybe things got worse and I wasn’t there to see it or to help her. I mean she lost her baby.” I sob openly again. I feel pressure on my heart as if it might burst if I don’t keep crying.
“Her baby? What do you mean, was she?” I pull out of the embrace and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and look directly into his eyes, then over his shoulder at her still form.
“Max, I’m so sorry it’s just a terrible situation, but there was nothing you could do for her.”
“Yes, I could have been there! I could have stayed her friend but I was so selfish and blind.” I can’t stand it anymore this is just too much for me right now. I can’t deal with all of these emotions that seem to be slamming into me and weakening my resistance.
Just then, Isabel peaks her head into the door and alerts me to the arrival of both Maria and Michael. Oh no, this is going to get a hell of a lot more difficult before it gets better.
Funny but with just one name my heart wrenching sobs subside and my blood begins to boil once again. I don’t think this is a good time for me to see her but I don’t have a much of a choice because I can’t hide out in here forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maria
After that phone call with Max, I know that trying to avoid a confrontation with him is inevitable. I know I fucked up. I went against my better judgment, I should have protected her better. But the problem is that realistically I couldn’t. I’m never around anymore.
I kept in touch with her when I moved to New York to pursue my singing career; I would talk to her at least twice a month. But after I got my contract I began speaking to her less and less. At this point in our friendship I speak to her about once every five or six months.
That’s how I knew that she and Jordan had broken up and that’s also when I found out that he hit her. But she never told me it was that bad. To be honest, the thing that completely threw me for a loop was the fact that she was pregnant.
I don’t even know how that is possible, according to what she told me it would be almost impossible in addition to the fact that they have not been together sexually in about a year.
I had at that point asked her why she was still with him. I thought that it was because she may still love him in her own twisted way. But her response was just, "It’s the way it has to be." At the time we had that conversation I was in the middle of working so I didn’t pay as much attention to that as I should have. I have now had time to fully understand her meaning and considering that Liz is the queen of self-deprivation, she has always been. The glass is always half empty for her. She was not a happy person by nature but there was always one thing, or rather person, that could bring out the Liz Parker waiting to live and experience all this world has to offer, and that person was…Max.
I am waiting in the lobby down the hall from Liz’s room. I saw Michael when I first arrived, to say I was shocked that he actually acknowledged the fact that I was in the room is an understatement. He and I haven’t spoken more than a word or two in a year, longer if you don’t count the annual birthdays at the Evans’.
I see from the corner of my eyes a figure slowly approaching me, it doesn’t take me more than a second to realize it’s Max.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max
I approach her slowly, trying to keep my composure as best as possible. My emotions are flying high and I really am not in the mood for an argument, but the second she turns to address me and speaks, my rage ignites once again.
“Max, we need to talk.”
“Maria, I don’t think that is such a good idea right now.” I say through clenched teeth, my back straight and tight, like I’m preparing for battle, and a fine sheen of perspiration is forming on my brows.
“Well to bad because I do.”
“Well Maria, not everything goes the way you want it to. And I’m not one of your fucking gophers, so don’t try that higher than mighty bullshit attitude with me.” My words are laced with sarcasm.
“Look Max, you don’t understand, I tried to help her but she didn’t want it.” She is not going to let this go. She wants to keep pushing me. I hope she’s prepared to handle all I’m going to throw at her.
“Oh really, help her is that what you call it now a days? Please enlighten me, how did you try, Maria? Because last time I checked you knew about this and told no one.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Don’t presume to tell me what is fair and not. Liz is laying in that room and may never wake up Maria, so please don’t act like you give a shit now!” My blood is boiling and I’m very surprised no one has approached us to quiet us down.
“I do care, Max!”
“The hell you do!”
“Listen, please, just for a minute.” Her pleading pulls at my heartstrings and I decide to give in….for now.
“Fine go ahead tell me your tale of woe.”
“You know Liz, Max better than anyone ever did and still does. But Liz has been in a bad place for almost a year. I tried to help her, I really did, but she wouldn’t listen, she was the same Liz Parker that moved to Roswell with her foster parents all those years ago.”
"Max, she was depressed all the time. She wanted to leave him, I know deep down she did, but she couldn’t.”
“Why didn’t she? I can’t understand why she stayed after everything he’s put her through?” I really don’t understand but Maria has my attention, maybe she has some insight I was never privy to.
“I can’t answer that, Max. I wish I could but when I asked her do you know what she told me?”
“What?”
“That it's easier to live with Jordan and her life than to be alone and without you. Her days and nights were filled with thoughts of you, what you were doing, who you were with.” I see what she’s trying to do, it's clever but not going to work.
“Maria, don’t try and lay a guilt trip on me. She had a choice, I gave that to her willingly and she chose him. Him! Not me! So I don’t think you know what the hell you are talking about.”
“Yes I do, Max.”
“Well, when did she tell you this then?”
“On your birthday, I had actually been in town and paid her a visit.” That was three months ago.
“I was staying at the apartment above the diner and she had asked me earlier if I wanted to go to this club she was headed to but I declined since I just arrived and was tired as hell. She got really drunk and someone dropped her off at the diner, I heard noises and decided to venture outside my window, that’s when Liz popped up over the ladder onto the balcony. She stumbled ungracefully onto one of the lounge chairs and that’s when she started telling me things about you and her.” Okay since when does Liz go to clubs in addition to the fact take rides from people she doesn’t know? Unfortunately I can only ask one question at a time besides that Maria probably doesn’t know anything more than she’s telling me.
“What kinds of things?” I thirst for answers.
“She said that you guys always did something special for both of your birthdays. That you would always celebrate with her alone because you knew how much she didn’t like crowds and people talking about her around town, so you would do something private together.”
“Yeah, we did.” I say in a hazed voice, because I’m remembering it all now. I’ve forgotten so much already. A big part of me longs to remember.
“See Max, I didn’t know that, I didn’t know anything about her. You Max, you know Liz better than she knows herself.”
“What are you talking about, Maria? You were her best friend, I mean you knew Liz longer than I have.” I've lost her now…it’s pretty easy to do when Maria talks. She has yet to learn how to form one complete thought. Instead she says whatever pops into her mind at the moment.
“No Max, you were Liz’s best friend. Liz and I talked about stupid shit; clothes, school, guys, that kind of stuff we only talked about serious things after you left and even then it was still limited conversation. She didn’t share everything with me, not enough for me to form a complete picture anyway. She always told me she lived vicariously through me and she didn’t want to burden me with her silly problems because she could handle them, at least that’s what she said.”
“Max didn’t you see what you were to her?” What did I tell you about her jumping from one topic to another, would it kill her once to stay on one subject? With a defeated sigh I answer her.
“No Maria, I meant nothing to her. We used each other and that was it, then she bailed when it got serious.”
“Bullshit!”
“Excuse me, but what the hell do you know about what Liz and I shared?” The nerve, she doesn’t know shit about us.
“Obviously a hell of a lot more than you, Max.”
“What does that mean.” She is so fucking lucky she’s a woman because if she were a guy…
“It means how come I knew about Liz’s depression, her attempts to commit suicide?” Okay, I feel like the wind has just been knocked out of my lungs with one quick kick in the gut. I stumble back a bit and the back of my knees meet the end of a chair and I fall back into it. I look up at Maria and see her concerned look peering into my eyes.
“Suicide, Maria?” I say with a slight tremble in my voice.
“Max there are a few things you don’t know and may not even believe about Liz, but yes before you came along Liz tried…twice, but she couldn’t go through with it.” More questions assault my mind and I try to grab onto a few of them before they fade.
“Why didn’t I know? How could I have not known that Maria? She always seemed happy, I know about her family life, I mean I knew her situation. Then she met his sorry ass, but she still didn’t seem that bad.” I’m trying to make sense of everything but it’s just not happening right now. I’m furious with the knowledge of all that Liz has been through, but she never thought to share it with me.
“Yeah Max, because once she met you, she could face anything knowing you would be there. But when you left a part of her died Max, the part that made her happy, truly happy.”
“But I gave her a choice, Maria, I would have taken her away. Kept her safe, loved her forever. She didn’t want it, she didn’t want me.” The tears slowly escape and fall down the sides of my face, this is so painful to rehash.
“No Max, that’s not true.”
“Why did she tell you?”
“No.”
“Well then Maria, I guess I really do know more than you.” I say in a defeated sigh leaning back against the chair.
“Max this isn’t a contest. I asked her why she stayed, why she didn’t go with you and do you know what she said?” I don’t even acknowledge the fact that she is speaking anymore, I can’t listen anymore, and this conversation along with the rest of my day has drained me. She continues to talk though.
“That it was time to let you go and live the life you were meant to before she messed everything up.” I feel a crushing sensation wash over my entire body, I have the sudden urge to lunge straight out the window head first. I have to get out of here.
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:15 am, edited 3 times in total.
I left the hospital about an hour after my conversation with Maria. It’s like I have stepped into the Twilight Zone. Was I that blind that I didn’t see past my love for her to notice that she was so broken inside?
But then Maria tells me that Liz was happy with me. Why didn’t she come with me? Why couldn’t she love me back? I have more questions than before this all began and I honestly don’t know where to go from here.
I’m back in my hotel room, laying flat on my back staring at the ceiling. My mind is reeling, I really don’t need to deal with all of this on top of the fact that Dariana will be arriving in the morning for Damian’s birthday party tomorrow.
She and I have been dating for about seven months and I, but by no means are we a serious couple. At least to me anyway, she has her own views on what our relationship is. I honestly don’t know anymore, five minutes with Liz just brings everything that I have been running away from back full force.
Just being near her again, being able to touch her is almost too much for me. She’s not mine, never was or will be. I have closed that part of my life in hopes of never having to live through it again.
I don’t welcome these feelings that’s for sure. I mean, ask me a year and a half ago where I thought I would be in my life and my answer was simple. With Liz, my life was easy back then, but that was all a fucking lie.
Yes, she was my best friend and the first rule of being best friends is that you don’t fall for each other. In my case we didn’t fall for each other, I feel for her…hard.
I tried to avoid it for years, but I can’t deny from the first day I saw her there was just something about her that made me want to get to know her, be in her life anyway I could.
I mean, honestly from our first conversation, things between us escalated quickly, as friends. Everything else that transpired between us came much later on. Reflecting back on the very first encounter with her still brings a smile to my face.
***********************************
“Can I help you? Or are you going to just sit here and continue stalking me?” The petite brunette walking up to me crosses her arms over her chest in an exasperated sigh.
“No, I’m not stalking you, I just wondered when you would finally notice?” I smirk at the beauty standing before me.
“Well, I noticed so now you can stop watching me.” Her eyes flicker a little while she says it. The corners of her mouth curve ever so slightly. Have I piqued her interest? To be honest most girls are hanging all over me since the day I started school here, wanting me to go out with them but I always declined because of this beautiful creature standing before me.
“Hey don’t get all defensive, I was just kidding with you.” I say with great sincerity, I do not wanting her to be mad at me already.
“Ha ha very funny, you can go now.” Boy, talk about the cold shoulder. That’s okay, I’m always up for a challenge.
“No.”
“No?”
“No.” I say and mimic her stance by crossing my arms over my chest, a sign that I was not backing down just because she wanted me to.
“Why do you want me to leave? Do I bother you that much?” I ask her desperately waiting for the answer.
“Yes.” Ouch, definitely not expecting that answer
“Yes?” I raise my eyebrow and look at her in disbelief. Surely she’s not serious? I didn’t want to show weakness but I was not prepared for that response.
“Well no…I mean…Look, I have other customers to wait on and I don’t have time for this…”
I take a look around; the place is empty because it's nearly closing time. I look back to meet her gaze with a knowing smile.
“Other customers? Well, seeing as your so busy then, asking you for a refill would be too much right?
She just lets out a loud ‘huff ‘ and snatches my glass right out of my hands and storms off in the direction of the soda machine.
A few seconds later she heads back and slams the glass on the table…a little too hard because it breaks upon impact, splashing soda all over the both of us. I look up at her.
“So, I take it you really meant it before when you told me to leave.” She looks up from the table and into my eyes, and I swear I can feel my heart pounding in my throat. She is absolutely breathtaking.
Then she does the unexpected, she starts laughing so much that I have to blink a few times to be sure I’m not imagining it. I don’t let the opportunity pass me by and I join her laughter. Just hearing her mirth ignites pure excitement from within me, a feeling I have never experienced before.
I take that moment to also revel in the fact that it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her smile or laugh. It leaves me enthralled in her, probably a little too much because now she’s staring at me, the smile has fallen from her face.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“No, seriously what? Do I have soda in my hair?” She laughs again.
“Stop making me laugh, that’s what.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because why?” Boy she’s a stubborn one.
“I don’t do that often, that’s why.” She says looking away from me with a solemn look on her face.
“What laugh or smile?” I ask pretending as if I don’t already know that fact about her.
“Both.” She looks back at me under hooded lashes.
“Why?”
“If you lived the life I have then you wouldn’t smile either.” She looks sad, like it pains her to even mention it. Oh no, I’ve hit a sore spot. Good going Evans, make the girl laugh one minute and next cry, way to go!
“I’m sorry Liz, I didn’t mean to upset you.” I reach out my hand to touch her arm.
She looks away from me and plays with the rough edge of the table, and then looks back into my face.
“It’s okay, hey you made me laugh so we’re even.” She gives me a half smile and gently bites her lower lip. Sexy, did I mention she is sexy as hell?
“Look, I have to finish cleaning up so I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“Yeah we will, and maybe I can make you smile again, gorgeous.” I wink and get up from my position behind the booth, in my soaked pants and shirt and head out the door leaving her staring at my retreating form.
***********************************
From that point on we became friends. We had some good times together and at first I had no idea what went on with her family life, she kept that part of herself very closed off from everyone. Until one night during the summer before our junior year, she came to my bedroom window hysterical and shaking all over.
I couldn’t have imaged what happened to put her in such a state of disarray. Just thinking about that night still causes shivers down my spine. I was terrified seeing her like that…It was the first and only time I have seen that side of her.
It was about two in the morning and I was having a difficult time sleeping, tossing and turning. My body felt uneasy, unsettled and I had no idea why, but just then I heard a light tapping on my bedroom window.
***********************************
“Liz. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Max…Max, I…Can I come in?” I step back to allow her room to enter.
“Of course.” I help her through the window and I can feel she’s freezing, but it’s about 70 degrees outside. What the hell?
“Sit down and I’ll get you a blanket.” She takes a seat on my bed and just nods. I walk into the bathroom and open the linen closet to pull out a blanket to wrap around her.
I walk back into my bedroom and she’s still crying. I don’t know what to do for her, how to comfort her, or at the very least to get her to stop crying.
“Liz, what’s wrong? Tell me, please.” I take a hesitant seat beside her on the bed and wrap my arms around her.
“I’ll never leave you, Liz, never, and you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but if you need to, Liz I’ll be here.” She sniffles and I can hear her sharp intake of breath before she begins to speak.
“I know Max, it’s just that I don’t want to burden you with my stupid problems.”
“First of all, nothing about you could or would ever be stupid and secondly, anything that involves you is not a burden to me.” I reassuringly tell her. I want to help her. At this point I’m happy she came to me; I wonder why she didn’t go to Maria. I mean besides the fact that she lives a lot closer, she’s her best friend.
“I can’t go home, Max…I can’t not ever again.” She turns a tearful face towards me.
“Why Liz? Why can’t you?”
“Because they don’t want me Max, no one does, nobody cares about me. They see me as a check, not a person and I can’t stand it anymore.”
I knew she was adopted and lived with this set of foster parents for about two years, I never met them they’re usually away on business trips or so she tells me. I moved here the beginning of our freshman year in high school so the only things I know are what she tells me or what I hear in school. Not that I listen to gossip but I do have ears.
“Liz, I care about you and I want you, surely that counts; so does Maria, Michael, Isabel, and my parents Liz, they absolutely adore you, you know that right?” I ask her just to make sure she’s knows that we all genuinely care for her.
“Yeah Max, I know that. It’s just I get frustrated sometimes and I don’t know what to do with all the anger I have.”
“I know but you can talk to me when you need to, Liz…Even if it’s not about what’s bothering you.” I tilt her face so that she can see my sincerity.
“Anything Liz, I’ll be here no matter what.” I give her a smile and she returns one that seems to wrap around me like a warm blanket on a cold winters night.
“Thank you. Can I? Do you think it would be okay for me to stay here tonight?” She looks at me and her tears have subsided but they can easily be renewed. So without hesitation I tell her,
“Yes Liz, you can stay here tonight, any night you need to okay? You’ll always have someplace.”
***********************************
I don’t know, maybe I should have pried her for more information, maybe dig a little deeper, but I didn’t and I can’t go back and change the past.
I have so many things racing through my head, I can’t focus and tomorrow with Dariana’s arrival I will have to explain everything. Something I’m not so sure I’m prepared to do.
She doesn’t know about my life with Liz at all. She doesn’t know that it took me two years after I left Liz here in Roswell, to start dating again. What am I saying again? More like since I met Liz I never dated anyone, not even her.
No one talks about her anymore to me, especially after they found out what happened between her and I last year. Isabel cut her out of her life a long time ago; if she and Liz were standing alone in the same room, Isabel wouldn’t even acknowledge that fact that there was someone else in the room with her.
I don’t agree with that at all but Isabel is protective of me and when I finally admitted my feelings for Liz and she turned me down, Isabel didn’t even want to hear the excuses; she thinks I wasted too much of my life pinning for her all those years…but I didn’t…I still don’t.
How can I regret the best years of my life? Granted, Liz and I never dated we were just friends. No, that’s a lie we were on our way to much more than friends, then Jordan came into the picture. I still get pissed off when I think about it. It’s been years and it still irks my ass.
I wonder if I’ll ever get past it?
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
I stopped off at the hospital on my way to the airport to pick up Dariana.
I am feeling the pressure of what will happen when she gets here. We haven’t seen each other in two weeks; her job keeps her very busy.
She’s head of advertising for “La Vida Latina” magazine. That’s how I met up with her again and when we decided to start dating.
The first time was my senior year in college. I was working at this advertising agency and she had just started interning there. At the time I was still hooked on Liz, so I didn’t pay her any mind, and when she asked me out, I declined.
Not that I wouldn’t go for her or anything like that, but I was still holding onto what might be with Liz.
It wasn’t until last year on, Liz’s birthday no less, that I met her at a local bar in San Francisco. She apparently had just moved to California from New York because the magazine she worked for had relocated.
To say that we hit it off the first day we met up again would be an understatement. I was drunk off my ass and we left the bar and headed straight to her house. I woke up the next morning and felt sick inside because she was the only other person I have ever slept with, and to be honest, almost immediately after the sickening feeling wore off, it felt good. Good because there were no strings attached, I didn’t love her, hell I didn’t even know if I liked her. But none of that mattered because it was just sex and it has been ever since.
Now yes, she is my girlfriend, but back then I was trying to forget about Liz and the heartache she caused me and left me with. She damaged me; ruined me for anyone else. With Dariana, I started to feel again and to experience some type of belonging.
Liz put me through a lot of shit and I’m just now starting to get some of the puzzle pieces, but the wrench in the plan is that Dariana knows nothing about Liz.
I never told her about Liz, that was a closed case. I didn’t need to share my past with her, especially since to me it meant so much but to Liz it meant nothing. All the begging got me nowhere. She went to him and no matter how hard I try and lie to myself it still hurts.
Now I will have no choice but to tell Dariana about Liz, because I can’t pretend she doesn’t affect me while being here.
What also doesn’t help the situation is that lately Dariana has been hounding me for my feelings about us. What part of, “there is no us in sex” doesn’t she get? She gets what she wants and I get what I want, seems fair to me.
I have never been in a relationship, so sue me if I have no concept of what that actually entails. But I won’t change who I am or push my feelings to the side for any woman, not ever again.
I don’t hate women in any way. They are beautiful creatures that have been put here to tempt, use, and manipulate us to get what they want and then toss us to the side when they’re done. So in essence, I use them like they use me.
It’s all one big game and everyone is involved. I’m just not afraid to confess about doing so.
I know that Dariana is going to be pissed off at me not telling her, but I don't believe that it is any of her business. Hell, I don’t even know why she’s even coming here. I told her I was flying in to see my family and to go to my nephew’s eighth birthday part. And that’s when she insisted on coming. The thought of it makes me groan aloud.
The only reason why I agreed to that was because it has been two weeks and a guy starts to get lonely.
I park the car and wait for her inside the airport. I notice that her plane has just landed and people are exiting into the main terminal. I can see her right away; she’s pretty hard to miss.
She’s about 5’8 with long, jet black hair, long slender legs, and her skin has a medium golden brown tone to it. She is beautiful; I can’t deny that, but she’s also not even my type. There really is only one reason for this, because she’s not Liz.
That’s what attracted me to her in the first place. I didn’t want a reminder of Liz; I wanted to push the traces of memories of her away into the far recesses of my mind.
I have tried with everything I am to put that part of my life behind me to put Liz behind me this past year. But then, just like that I see her in that hospital bed and my walls come crumbling down to my feet and my heart softens at the sight of her.
This past year I have only seen my family once in Roswell. The rest of the time they come to visit me. I was trying everything in my power to avoid seeing Liz, and my family understood this.
Seeing her face again makes me angry and upset, but the thing that frustrates me the most is my ability to bend at the very sight of her. After all this time, I would still do anything for her, but the only difference is now I know this and I can keep a safe distance with my feelings.
Dariana has finally approached me now and is standing directly in front of me with a big smile.
“Hey baby.” She kisses me deeply and I wrap my arms around her and push her firmly against my body.
“I missed you.”
“Me too.” I manage to push past my lips before I begin devouring her in the middle of the airport. My body responds and I know she can feel just how much I missed her.
We drive back to the hotel talking about her trip and work she's done. However the second I open the door to my hotel room, I throw her bags on the floor and quickly remove my shirt and pants.
I then attack her lips and neck, as I swiftly begin to remove her skirt and blouse. Then pulling my lips away from her neck, I remove the last of our clothing and lead her to the bed.
She lays back without a word; she wants me as much as I want her right now. I climb up on top of her, but pause to lean over to the nightstand and pull open the top drawer and remove a condom.
I quickly put it in place and plunge deep inside of her waiting body, over and over until she was screaming and I feel her release along with my own.
I roll over to kiss her cheek and then quickly get up to remove the condom, and deposit it in the waist basket by the bed.
“Where you going, babe?” She asks, her voice laced with hurt. She always asks that and every time I tell her the same thing.
“I’m going to take a shower.” I don’t know why she tortures herself, it’s not like we have sex and I lay in bed with her snuggling and shit. I never have and I never will. I knew her staying here was a bad idea. I like it when we’re back home. We fuck and then she goes home, works for me, why mess with a good thing?
I give her one last look over my shoulder before I enter the bathroom. She’s laying on the bed naked and what I feel surprises the shit out of me.
I really don’t believe this but I feel guilty. Not for what you think though, I feel like I just cheated on Liz. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I enter the bathroom, draw the shower curtain, and turn on the water. I check the temperature to be sure it’s to my liking and then I get in. I lean against the tile wall with my arms stretched out in front of me for balance. The water sprays over my head and down my back and shoulders. I reach down and turn the hot water knob just a little bit further; I am so stressed out right now. I usually take scorching hot showers right after a day at the office, it helps each the tension and also diverts my attention from the stress of the day. In the past my only stress was whether or not Liz was going to profess her undying love for me or if I would remain just a friend. Since I arrived back in Roswell, it hasn’t been working.
I look down at myself for a brief moment and I honestly feel disgusted. How could I have just done that with her? The moment she stepped off the plane I let my mind wander back to Liz, and that was my mistake. Then when Dariana was in front of me, I couldn’t help myself I needed to get lost for a little while before I had to face the real world.
I lean down once again only this time to grab the bar of soap and quickly lather my hands and begin to wash the remnants of Dariana off my body. I actually feel dirty, I mean I was in the next room having sex with my girlfriend all the while thinking about Liz and that has never happened before…ever.
You are probably wondering why I’m even with Dariana in the first place. Well, besides for obvious reasons, she fills a void inside of me that was left after Liz. I can’t love her; I can’t ever love anyone after the fiasco with Liz.
We had been through so much and I was so sure that in the end it would be her and I.
She had other plans but didn’t think to include me in them, or even give me an opportunity to save my utter embarrassment of divulging my heart and soul to her by telling me what she felt, or rather didn’t feel before I went to her.
See after I left Roswell for college, Liz would visit me or we would talk on the phone daily. I knew she was still with him, in a relationship as she liked to call it, and of course it bothered me, but I shared so many things with Liz throughout our eleven years of friendship that I felt secure in the fact that when she came to her senses she would realize she really did love me. The things we shared could not be overshadowed by anything or anyone.
Now don’t get me wrong, I always knew there was a chance that I could have been wrong, that she really didn’t love me like that after everything, but I was so sure. She never told me and I guess should have taken that as a sign. But back then I knew she had problems expressing her feelings but I know that she cared about me, that I do know without a doubt.
I mean she was with Jordan for years, and in all that time she never told me she loved him…In fact, I don’t think she even told him that she loved him. Now, I’m not so sure she really ever did.
I just know that from what I saw of their relationship, which was a lot more than I ever wanted to see or know for that matter. I never saw him treat her with anything less than respect, so how the hell did that turn into her laying in the hospital?
So, anyway after I graduated college I went to work full time for the advertising agency I had be working at for four years. I quickly made a name for myself and within a year I became a manager. I continued to work there until the end of the following year and after speaking with my father and Michael I decided to open my own agency.
It was a struggle at first but being as I was well known at that point, I quickly gained good stable clients. By the end of the second year I made my first million-dollar paycheck. I couldn’t have done it, of course, without the help of my father and Michael, who is my partner. We make a great team and he works hard as hell. Although, he does complain a lot but with Michael its all good-natured banter.
Michael is the brother I never had and right now I would probably be sitting on the phone with him but I know he’s dealing with his own issues right now, being that he saw Maria earlier than he was originally expecting.
He took their break up hard, mainly because he didn’t even get a say in it. One day she said its over and took off on a plane the next day to New York. He only sees her once a year at Damian’s birthday. Maria wasn’t always so selfish; I honestly don’t know what happened. Her career took off and it seemed as though she felt she was just better off alone or that there was something more waiting for her out there to discover.
That was four years ago, I know it still bothers him but unlike me he has managed to get past it. He has a great fiancé who he has been with for two years; they are planning to get married at the end of next year. I couldn’t be happier for him.
I just wonder when is it going to be my turn to be happy? I honestly feel like it will never happen; I’m beginning to just accept it more as time passes. My happiness ended the day Liz turned down my offer to move to California with me a year ago.
I’m not holding a grudge per say, but I don’t trust her with my feelings. If she wasn’t in a coma I would have still gone to see her but I wouldn’t have stayed. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about her anymore, you just don’t stop caring after a year or two, or ever for that matter. She will always be a big part of my life, heart and history, but that part of myself died that day.
She came to me while I was in town for Damian’s birthday; she had never missed one of his birthdays, not ever. This time she will and that saddens me deeply. She cares about him a lot despite the fact that his mother is Isabel. I think they tolerate each other just for Alex and Damian's sake; they both care about Liz so much.
Anyway, she came to me at the party because before I arrived I called her and talked to her about us, and where she saw us going as far as friendship and a relationship. She didn’t want to talk over the phone, which was understandable, because she was, after all, living with Jordan. I know she was very upset that day because she had found out that Jordan was cheating on her and had been for the past year year.
I took that as my opportunity to express to her how I felt and that I wanted her to come live with me, but mainly that I just wanted to be with her forever. Which were all of the things I was planning on telling her later that day, but she shot me down with some lame ass bullshit story.
Here I go again on my Liz rant, I really need to stop this. The water has now run cold snapping me back to reality. I wish I could just go somewhere and be alone with my thoughts. However, that can’t happen, because then I would have to answer Dariana’s questions and today I’m just not prepared to do that.
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
Stepping out of the shower, I quickly towel dry my hair and wrap the towel around my waist. I walk over to the mirror and swipe the moisture off with the back of my hand. I notice with disgust that I could really use a shave. There is no time like the present because I know I won’t have time in the morning to do so.
You know, I’m used to dealing with stress, its part of my job after all. I usually let it roll off my back, I don’t usually have time to get caught up in it for very long, but my emotions are running high.
I have Dariana asleep in the next room and my mind keeps wandering back to Liz laying in the hospital bed alone. I wish I could go see her, but if I leave now Dariana will suspect something and we are already on shaky ground as is.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow, she has already met my parents twice before, when they were visiting me but it was very brief. This time, however, she will be at their house for hours and I know what’s coming after that. The same damn conversation we have been having for the past two weeks.
She wants me to commit to her and I won’t. I will never again put myself out there to be hurt; I did it once. I put everything on the line for her; my whole heart and it was thrown to the side without a second thought.
I tried for years to make Liz see that she needed to be with me, but for years she would deny me. At first, I thought it was because she was scared but then one night, the night of our senior prom things between us changed. That was the night I knew I belonged with her, nothing has ever felt so perfect, so right in my entire life. No one could nor has anyone ever compared with the feel of being with her. Having my arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, the feel of her soft body against mine, the sound of my name on her lips. No…No one could ever take her place.
And because of that I decided that the only thing I could do was to try and forget her. So when Dariana and I met up again, I made the decision to move on, not fall in love, but just move on.
When I try to think about Dariana and I becoming something more, I stop myself because I realize that maybe I could love again, maybe I could be happy but then I realize that if it wasn’t Liz, I wouldn’t be truly be happy with her. I would, in some way, always compare her to Liz. Which wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
I think that sometimes when you are lucky enough to find love at a young age it changes you, it embeds itself so deep into your soul. It lies dormant waiting to be fulfilled by that one person. And if you should end up not with them, you could be happy but you will never know what it’s like to have your soul and the soul of another touch and become one.
That’s what I feel…felt about Liz. She hurt me and I’m sure in some ways so did I, but that was her choice. I even stooped so low as to get on my knees and beg her to come with me. But in the end my attempts proved futile. She didn’t love me and there is no hope left for her and I.
But I can’t deny that seeing her again, even in the condition she is in, evokes all of the dead and buried feeling I have been harboring from the past year.
Everyday is a struggle, every kiss, every touch, every breath are all struggles for me. Sometimes I get so angry and feel like I could explode, but I've had Michael to calm me down. He knows exactly what I am feeling and without his help I don’t think I would be where I am now emotionally.
If I’m honest with myself, I am still angry and hurt, I feel betrayed by my blind trust and faith in her. I was a stupid fool; I set myself up for the ultimate failure. I have grown from that point though and I have control, more control over my feelings, at least I thought I did.
As I said, I will openly admit that I use Dariana to help fill the void but that’s all I have to give. She wants more and that’s why we have been arguing these past two weeks on the phone about it.
I honestly don’t know why we have that discussion; she knows I’m not in it for the long haul. Hell, I've never even told her I love her. I know I’m an ass but that was our agreement from the beginning. I never once led her on by false pretenses.
Now, she is going to visit my parents in their home and my mom is going to jump all over that one. I can see it now; she’ll probably pull out the baby pictures.
I love my mother, don’t get me wrong, but she likes to meddle in my private life too much for my taste. She is constantly telling me I need to settle down and that if I’m not serious about continuing a “relationship” with Dariana, then I should just break up with her. My argument rebuttal is a simple one; if I break up with Dariana I will only replace her with someone else with the same intentions. I’m not going to change just because she wants me to.
In addition to the fact that if Dariana didn’t want to be with me or disliked our situation so much she could easily break it off with me, but she doesn’t so that has to say something right there doesn’t it? She wouldn’t stick around for seven months if it bothered her that much now would it?
I quickly dry off my face and splash some after-shave, wincing at the sting. I then turn and reach for the doorknob, and switch off the light before I step back into the bedroom.
I pad quietly over to the bed and pull the towel from around my waist and slip under the covers, , and lay on my back. I really hate it when she sleeps next to me. Couldn’t she have gotten her own room?
She rolls over and throws one of her legs over my waist. I quickly roll over to my side and she has snuggled against my back.
“Max.” I quickly reach my arm across my chest and gently push her over. Harsh, I know.
First of all, we don’t sleep together, we go out, we have sex and she goes home. Secondly, I cannot stand it when she calls my name in that breathy voice. It’s like I’m fucking her or something, which by the way when we do, she does not call my name. I established that rule early on. Wonder why?
Liz, that’s right. I can’t help it, in the beginning I was trying to forget her and that was something that reminded me of her. So, I put at stop to that at once.
I roll back over to my original position on my back. Once I hear that she has settled back asleep my final thoughts before drifting off to sleep are, “Thank God she leaves in two days, because they are going to be the longest two of my life.”
***********************************
Maria
I can’t sleep tonight and I know the reasons why. Liz and Michael. God, I haven’t seen or talked to him since last year, and even then it was a simple, “Hey.”
On top of the fact that the annual birthday celebration is emotional enough for me to get through, it will be even harder to get through because Liz won’t be there. She usually keeps me occupied and away from Michael. I usually always end up convincing myself to talk to him but she’s there to stop me. Last year however for her was the hardest, that’s the day Max and her had the biggest fight of their lives which ended their friendship.
She is always there; she wouldn’t miss that for the world. This time she will miss it. I’m sure that Isabel and Alex have explained to Damian what happened to Liz, but he’s going to be eight and it’s hard enough for an adult to understand, so I can only imagine what he must be feeling.
He loves Liz and she loves him back with her whole heart. She absolutely adores him; she would spend all her extra time with him. She babysat for him every chance she had. She absolutely loves children and I can only hope that she will get to have them in the future, since her previous attempt didn’t turn out so good. Isabel explained to me that because Liz was so far along and apparently sustained a lot of internal damage, the doctors can’t really determine if everything will heal properly until she actually tries to conceive.
She has suffered so much in life, when will she ever get a break?
I know Max doesn’t believe me when I say I tried to be there for her, tried to help her. She didn’t want it; she didn’t think she deserved any less than what she received.
Her foster parents were hard on her. They wanted her to be someone she wasn’t…Their dead daughter. Apparently, from what Liz told me, the couple had lost their child in a drunk driving accident at seventeen and they never really got over it.
When Liz was born, she was an abandoned baby and was immediately placed in the states custody. She was moved from foster home to foster home, I think something happened during those early years, but she wouldn’t discuss it any further with me.
So, when the Clarks came into Liz’s life and adopted her, she said that she really liked them. They treated her well but when high school started they changed, they started pushing her to be someone she wasn’t. Liz was smart as hell but she never applied herself, she did what she needed to do to pass but never anything above that. She has so much potential but she doesn’t see it.
Its funny now that I think about it, her adopted last name is Clark, but her birth name is Parker. So when I met her, I met her as Liz Clark. She knew her real last name, Parker, I don’t know how but she knew. So when we started high school, she asked that no one refer to her Clark but as Parker, she said she was Clark only by adoption and it wasn’t her choice.
Parker, however was her choice to use, so when she turned eighteen she had her last name legally changed back to Parker, with the help of Mr. Evans, since he is after all an attorney. She felt like even though she didn’t know who her birth parents were it was the only thing she had to make her feel some sense of belonging.
That was always Liz’s problem she felt like she didn’t belong anywhere. Like no one could really truly cared for her, and a person in that state is not easy to help. Their mind is set on an idea, a belief and once the mind is convinced the heart cannot follow.
She told me about Jordan hitting her when we talked on the phone some months ago, I happened to call at the most inopportune moment and she broke down. I told her to leave him to go stay at the Evans', that they would help her, and since I was on the road all the time and unable to help her personally, that would be the best solution for her. I knew they would help if they only knew. I even tried to convince her to call Max and tell him, I knew without a doubt he would be on a plane immediately, regardless of what happened between them. But she refused and made me promise her never to tell him and that she was working on leaving Jordan.
At the very least I told her to call the cops to have his sorry ass arrested but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t do that, her mind was set on the fact that things happen to her for a reason, she is a firm believer in destiny.
I know for a fact that the hitting didn’t start until after Max left for college. I don’t know if Jordan was scared or if he found out something that just set him off. I know Liz called Max all the time; maybe he was jealous, maybe he thought they were more than friends? I don’t really think that’s possible since Liz had the choice to leave with Max but chose to say in Roswell with Jordan.
I know that Liz loved Max, she never admitted it but she had to love him. He would do anything for her, all she had to do was ask. I never saw such pure love before in my life as the love Max had for Liz.
I know he still cares about her and will always love her, but she really hurt him and I don’t think he can ever forgive her for that. He trusted her as a friend to be honest with him and her feelings. However, in the end she waited too long to reveal her feelings, which I still believe to this day, were a lie.
Max was Liz’s life, he would make her laugh and smile and spent almost every waking moment with him. I still think something happened between them during our junior year, right before she started dating Jordan, but to this day the only people who know if anything happened are Max and Liz.
I understand where Max’s anger stems from, hell I should because I did it to Michael…I broke his heart.
We had been dating for four years and I thought I wanted to marry him and be with him forever, but the pursuit of my career came first; it always has. I can’t take it back though, and to be honest, Michael seems happier than when he was with me. So I guess my leaving did some good, at least for him.
Tomorrow I have to see him again; I won’t lie, it does hurt to see him and not be with him. I haven’t been with anyone since I left, I didn’t have time and I wasn’t looking. I don’t know if I was ever good girlfriend material. Michael and I fought, we fought badly but regardless of everything I did love him and care about him, but I wasn’t ready to settle down. There was so much more I wanted to do and see. I felt like if I stayed in Roswell with him I would get married, have kids, and live a boring life.
Of course I was young, Michael along with Max moved from Roswell to California and Michael is doing very well for himself, from what I heard and read.
I wonder if he has fallen in love through the years? Does he have someone that loves him as deeply as he is capable of loving them back? I could stay up all night with these types of questions and I have for quite some time, but tomorrow is a big and eventful day so I guess I should try to get some rest.
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
I woke up early this morning, got dressed, and left Dariana a note with directions to my parent’s house. I’m heading to the hospital to see Liz. I go there everyday with the hope that she’ll open her eyes.
No matter how torn my feelings are about her right now, I still need her to be okay. I know it sounds weird because my emotions vary from love to hate within seconds of themselves, but it’s hard and I’m trying to fight back all my feelings but they are taking their toll.
It’s weird, though, because as much as I want her to wake up a part of me wants her to remain peaceful, worry free and most importantly, where I can be with her and not lose myself in her. In her words, her smile, her eyes. I know it’s bad to think like that, down right selfish, but I can’t help it, it’s how I feel.
Because I know if she wakes up I won’t be able to be with her like I am now. I sit by her bedside for hours talking to her about the old times we shared. This is the time with Liz I missed out on this past year. Even though she can’t answer me it feels good to just talk to her, to see her.
It only took me a minute to fall in love with her but almost twelve years trying to get over her and suppress my feelings for her.
I finally arrive at the hospital and I am head straight for her room. I reach my hand out to open her door, but a voice stops me.
“You must really care about her.”
“Excuse me?” I turn around to address the person speaking to me. I see that it is Liz’s nurse sitting behind her station outside of the door. She talks to me everyday I come here to see Liz, she’s very nice and friendly so I don’t feel violated by her question. She’s just a very caring and intuitive woman.
“Well, I was just saying that you must really care about her a lot.”
“Why do you say that?” She doesn’t know me, how can she form that conclusion without knowing anything?
“Because you have been here everyday and you sit with her and talk to her, sometimes without eating anything all day. That’s how I know. I mean, besides you have been her only visitor for the past two days.” Only visitor? I will have to address that later.
“Yeah, well, she is a friend of mine and I just want her to wake up.” I say in a strangled voice. She slowly rises from behind her desk.
“Well, with you by her side, I’m sure she can do anything.” She smiles, turns on her heels, and disappears down the corridor.
Huh? I wonder what that was all about?
I turn back to Liz’s door and open it slowly. My heart sinks a little bit further; her eyes are still closed. I walk across the room and slump down into the plastic chair beside her bed. A strong sense of hostility creeps up inside me and I force it back down.
There is no answer to the how and why, not without Liz telling me. It is the most frustrating thing to want answers to questions that only one person can give me. One person that can relieve all the stress and tension that builds up inside of me. And that person can’t, she can’t…And she may never. The thought of never is too much for me. I am hanging on by a thin thread that will snap at any moment if pulled ever so slightly. I have to leave her; I think that’s why I’m so stressed out.
Today is Damian’s birthday, I love my nephew to death but I have to get to my parents house, sit there and pretend to be happy even though I feel like I’m slowly dying inside.
Then I have to face my mom. I love her, she helps me so much, but she doesn’t understand like my dad does.
It’s weird because usually your mother is the understanding one when it comes to your problems, don’t get me wrong, Mom has always been there for me regardless if she agrees with me or not. But my dad really came through on the Liz situation and I am eternally grateful.
My dad knows everything about my life and I mean everything. He doesn’t try to change my mind, he only tells me the consequences that I might not foresee, but usually he listens and when I ask he gives me his honest opinion and advice. When we don’t see eye-to-eye we don’t argue, he simply understands that it’s my opinion and it doesn’t have to be his.
My mom, on the other hand, feels like I’m wasting my life and that I should be settling down. Yeah, I’d like that too but that’s not happening. Did I forget to mention my mom really likes Dariana? See where my anxiety has sprung from?
While both my parents love Liz, they can’t understand where her feelings were when it came to me. They, however, would never turn their backs on her especially if she came to them, that’s why I know they definitely were unaware of what was happening to Liz.
I only have a little while longer with her, so I need to divert my attention back to Liz.
I slowly trace her fingers and hand with my mine. Her hands are getting dry. I know she used lotion at least four times a day and I loved that because her hands were always so soft…I forgot about that up until this moment.
I slowly rise from my chair and cross the room to peak my head out the door and grab the attention of one of the nurses. I politely ask for some hand lotion to which they oblige me. I take my seat back beside her.
I gently squeeze the lotion into the palm of my left hand then with my right hand, I lift her hand then begin gently massaging the lotion onto her hands.
I look up at her face, her bruises are beginning to heal but I see that her hair is all disheveled. So, I reach my hand out to look into the nightstand beside her bed, just then the nurse comes in with a tray in her hands.
“Oh I…um ,I was just looking for a brush.” I say, like I’ve been caught doing something wrong. She giggles then smiles at me.
“That’s okay, look, I’ll go get you a brush but how about you eat a little something first?” I then realize the tray carrying toast and coffee was for me and not another patient she was off to visit.
I smile at her sheepishly and reach out to grab the tray from her hands; she then turns and leaves the room. I really am hungry, I think that only thing I have had in the past two days has been a half a sandwich and about seven cans of soda. So I decided to eat.
By the time the nurse returns I am just finishing the last of my coffee.
“Here you go. Oh, and I had one of these lying around.” I look up and saw her holding the brush in here left hand and a can of soda in the other.
I smile graciously at her. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. Okay, well, I have other patients to tend to and I know this one is in good hands so I’ll let you be.” She winks and crosses the room to leave.
As soon as the nurse exits the room, I bring my attention back to Liz. I pick up the brush the nurse placed on the nightstand beside me. I begin to gently brush through her hair as best as possible, trying not to jar her as much. I am able to smooth out her hair better than it was.
God, it is still so soft and silky. It still slides between my fingers like a curtain of the thinnest satin you could imagine. I can’t believe I forgot that. I guess all that hard work of trying to rid my consciousness of her paid off. So why do I feel sad?
Oh shit! What time is it? I look at my watch and it’s already twelve. I have to be at my parent’s house in a half hour. I hope I make it there before Dariana does or I’ll have hear it from Isabel and my mom.
TBC…Let me know what you think! Thanks!
A/N See you...hmmm...I'd say Thursday at this point! I will probably be posting three times a week once I Want You Back is completed, which won't be much longer!
I pull up to my parents house and I see that Dariana is already waiting for me in her rental car. Damn! Now I’ll have to explain.
I don’t even get a chance to take the keys out of the ignition before she storms up to my window. I turn the car back on and lower the window.
“Hey babe.” I say lamely. She is pissed, I know this because she crosses her arms then uncrosses them, and then places on hand on her hip while she waves the other; she is waving in the air like a crazy person.
“Where the fuck were you? I have been here for almost a half hour!”
“Well, I had some stuff to do this morning.”
“Stuff? What was more important than meeting me here on time?”
“Well, I had to go visit someone and it took longer than I expected.” She is just not going to let this argument drop. I usually call her when I’m going to be late, but this time I forgot.
“Someone…Who? Who did you need to see? Because as far as I know everyone you know here is supposed to be in that house.” She points towards the white house with gray shutters.
“Yeah, well, there is someone else you don’t know about and she can’t be here.” Okay wrong move Evans, she did not need to know that it was another girl. She is so jealous; if she even catches another girl looking in my general direction she bites the girl's head off. I know she is enraged at this point because she starts yelling mixing her Spanish and English languages.
“She? Quien es? Su otra novia? ¡Digame!”
“No! She’s not my other girlfriend! Look it doesn’t matter who she is.”
"Seguro, usted siempre dice eso. ¡Mentiroso!"
“Dari, I’m not lying to you.” I sigh heavily, she irritates me so much.
“First of all, would you just choose a language, English preferably? Because following you is just to much for me right now and I have enough to think about.”
“¡Pendejo!” Now she has pissed me off.
“You know what Dariana, get the fuck in the car because we need to talk now!”
“No, not until you tell me who you went to see, besides we are already late for the party.”
“I don’t care right now, just get in so we can talk, because I will not go to my nephew's party pissed off!” She reluctantly puts her hands down and walks around the car to get in.
“Thank you.”
"No me importa."
***********************************
We drive to the park that is about five blocks from my parents house. When I got out of the car Dariana stayed, but she joined me shortly to sit under a tall tree.
“So Max what do you want to talk about? Maybe the fact that you were with another girl and showed up late to meet me?” She says sarcastically.
“Dariana please, I’m not going to make excuses for anything so get over it. What I want to tell you is who she is and also the fact that after I tell you, I don’t plan on elaborating any further about it with you.”
“Why the fuck tell me then? Max, you don’t share shit with me, you want to sleep with me but you won’t commit to me, and to be honest I find myself wondering why I stick around!”
“Me too.” Did I say that out loud?
“Excuse me? What did you just say?” No sense in lying to her now.
“I said, I don’t understand why you stick around, I’m never going to give you what you’re looking for.” It’s the truth; I really don’t know why she stays with me. Maybe I’ll find out now.
“Well Max, I care about you a lot and I know that deep down somewhere there is this part of you that can love but you choose not to.”
“Maybe there is but we are not going to talk about it.”
“Why not, Max? You owe me that much.”
“Dari, please.” I sigh heavily. This is not the time for us to talk about this, why can’t she see it? Probably because she doesn’t know what the hell is going on. And she’s right; I don’t share anything with her.
“Fine Max, I will drop it for right now.”
“Thank you.” I lift her hand and kiss the back of it before standing up and leaning against the tree stump.
“Her name is Liz and she used to be my best friend. She…She was beaten up badly by her ex-boyfriend.” I hear her gasp, she stands up and places her hand on my shoulder and I continue. Surprisingly instead of finding the gesture unwelcome it’s quite comforting. She usually knows what to say and do to make me feel better, I don’t know how or why she just does.
“Now she’s in a coma. And I…I don’t know if she will ever wake up, and I’m just not handling all of this very well right now.”
“Oh Max, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” I turn to her and see the sincerity in her eyes and my last shred of control diminishes and I turn into her embrace. Tears are threatening to fall from my eyes, but I manage to hold them back for now. She holds me tightly and for just a moment I remember what it’s like to feel safe in someone else’s arms. I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I’m now grateful that Dariana is here with me.
“Max, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I…I don’t know, Dari. I just don’t talk about her anymore, I try not to think about her, but that’s impossible now. I've gone to see her at the hospital everyday since I found out.”
“I don’t understand, if she was your best friend why don’t you talk about her? I mean did you guys have a fight or something?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why Max? Why am I not good enough for you to share this with? I want to help you but you won’t let me in. You like spending time with me right?” I simply nod into her shoulder.
“We do have fun and we have been together for seven months, but you have yet to share anything with me. I give so much of myself to you but you give me nothing in return and it’s just not fair Max. Don’t my feelings mean anything to you?” I pull out of her embrace and turn my back to her. I know I hurt her with my actions and my serious emotional withdrawal from her, but it’s too hard to trust myself to feel something for anyone else. I mean she shares her dreams and aspirations. She has taught me a new language, new customs that I didn’t even know existed, and she has also shared deeper things with me about her parents, their separation and the death of her mother. I don’t think I’ve ever really taken the opportunity to really see what she has brought to my life but I’ve taken it all for granted, she doesn’t deserve that.
“Yes, they mean something to me. I hurt when you hurt, Dari but you don’t understand where I’m coming from. I have been hurt in the past, not too long ago, I should add. I laid my heart out and it was stepped on and tossed to the side without a second thought. I almost didn’t survive the first time and I know I won’t be able to handle it a second time.”
“Was it…her…Liz?”
“Yes, it was.”
“What happened?”
“I can’t talk about it right now, so please just drop it.” I pleadingly ask her.
“Okay Max, it’s your choice but I’ll be here for you when you’re ready.”
“Why?” I just still don’t understand after I haven’t told her everything how she would still want to be here for me. What have I done that deserves that kind of loyalty?
"What do you mean?”
“I mean, why would you still want to be here for me when I don’t do anything that earns me the right to have you do that?”
“Because Max, I think we have something. I don’t know call my crazy but it’s not just sex and I know it’s not. You like to say it is but I know better.”
“What do you mean?” I think I have made it perfectly clear that I’m only with her for sex. At least I thought I did. Didn’t I?
“If it was, Max you would have dumped me to the side long ago.” I’m so confused, I’m barely processing what she is saying. This conversation is too heavy for me right now.
“If you wanted meaningless sex you could have any girl you wanted. However, you put up with my bullshit and arguments. Do you know why you do that, Max?”
“No, I have no idea why.” I have no fight left in me right now.
“Because deep down you do care about me. So, all I’m asking is that you think about it and just let me in Max. Let me be there for you the way you are for me, I just want to be with you.” I know everything she’s saying is true. There has to be a reason why I put up with her shit sometimes, maybe I’ve been hiding out for so long that I didn’t realize what I may have found in Dariana. I won’t say love because it’s not that, I don’t know if it ever could be, but I know it is something. Then she tells me that I’ve been there for her? When? Was I not paying attention at all? So I ask her.
“Max you were there for me on the anniversary of my mothers death, you went to the church with me and sat with me all night, and you held me when I couldn’t stop from crying, but that’s not the only time Max. I know you think you shut me out completely but you…the real you in there fighting to come out.” I’m speechless I had no idea.
“Okay Dari, I will think about it but not right now. We need to head over to my parents' house because we are really late now.”
“Thank you, Max.”
“For what?”
“For being you.” She is not going to make my decisions easy is she? She knows how to be a sweetheart when it really counts. So, I just smile and wrap my arm around her shoulder, and lead her to the car.
TBC…
Translations:
She? Quien es? Su otra novia? ¡Digame!” = Who is it? Your other girlfriend? Tell me!
"Seguro, usted siempre dice eso. ¡Mentiroso!" = Of course you always tell me that. Liar!
“¡Pendejo!” Now she has pissed me off. = Well most of you should know this one = Asshole!
“Thank you.”
"No me importa." - loose translation = I don’t care / whatever
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
I wonder where the hell Max is with Dariana? They are a half hour late, the party starts in about twenty minutes, and he was supposed to help Alex and Michael set up. My mom wanted me to call Max on his cell phone but I know better. He probably just got held up at the hospital with Liz.
I feel really bad because I haven’t gone to see her since the first night. I know it’s inconsiderate and I really should go, but I just can’t bring myself to see her that way. It must be really hard on Max but it's not for me; my relationship with Liz was more on the non-existent side until recently.
When Max and Liz were friends in the beginning I have to say that I really liked her. She was sweet and polite and very nice. She kept to herself at first but once Max started to bring her around the house more and more I got to know her better.
I could tell she had problems - just by the way she acted; she was so timid about some situations and just things we as a group would discuss. I wouldn’t dare ask her about it because Max already forewarned us that she is very emotional and that she didn’t like to share her feelings, because she was very insecure. So we all would keep things light as far as conversations and the things we would do together.
I would always invite her to go shopping with me if she was over our house, but she always declined. One time, however, she actually accepted, that’s when I got just a glimpse of what Max was always talking about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey Liz, I’m going to the store to look for prom dresses would you like to go with me?”
“Um…Well, Isabel, I’m waiting for Max and I…I want to be here when he gets home from work, so I think I’ll just stay here.”
“Liz, you know you can call Max at work and tell him you’ll be a little late. Besides we will probably be back before he even gets home. I would really like for you to come with me, but if you…”
“O-Okay Isabel, I’ll go. Bedsides I don’t have anything else to do.” She gives me a small smile.
“Good. Let’s get going then.” I smile brightly back at her. I don’t want her to be nervous around me. In fact this would be the first time we were alone together without Max.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can remember it now, she barely even spoke to me on the way to the mall. I tried to make light conversation but that didn’t work.
I can see though how Max fell in love with her. Besides the fact that she was absolutely beautiful, she was so timid and shy, but once in awhile when she would actually speak to you she said the funniest things. You just had to look at her and think she was the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen.
I would often joke with Max when he would tell me what he and Liz would do sometimes, and I would say, "Max, she doesn’t even talk how could you have that great of a time with the girl?" He, of course, would give me the evil eye but tell me that she is a chatterbox when they are alone.
She obviously trusted Max, I think more than anyone else in the world, even Jordan.
That day at the mall though was the first of only a few times I actually got to spend with Liz alone and I am glad now that I had that time with her. She did open up to me a little and I got to see first hand what some of her insecurities were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey Liz let’s go in here they have some nice dresses.”
“Sure.” Wow, she sounds so enthused. I’m beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea.
“So Liz, is Jordan excited about prom?” I ask her while I begin browsing the racks.
“No. He’s not.” Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought.
“Oh, well are you?”
“No, because I’m not going.” She said with a disappointed look on her face. She turned her back and proceeds to continue browsing through some of the dresses.
“What! Why aren’t you going? I mean it’s your senior prom, you won’t have another one.”
“I know…It’s just that Jordan doesn’t want to go. He thinks it’s stupid so we’re not going.” She isn’t facing me but I can hear the hurt in her voice. Every girl wants and dreams about her senior prom, so I know she’s upset about it.
“Liz, I don’t want to interfere or stick my nose where it doesn’t belong but I think you should go anyway, it would be a shame for you to miss it.”
“It’s okay Isabel, I know you mean well, but I can’t go alone. What would that look like?”
“Liz you won’t be alone, Alex and I will be there, Michael and Maria, Max and…”
“His date.” She cut me off with a very short answer and by the tone of it, she’s not at all happy about Max’s date for the prom. I don’t even know who’s he’s taking yet; she must know something I don’t. I’m not going to push her on this, so I let it drop.
“Well it’s your decision, so anyway what do you think about this one?” I say to her pulling out a black dress. She turns to face me and looks at the dress and does this…face…she crinkles her nose she just makes you want to smile, and says,
“No, I don’t like that one at all. Ugh! It’s awful, who made that dress and why?” I have to laugh at her comment; I just didn’t expect that kind of reaction from her.
“ Although you would look great in anything you tried on Isabel, that color would do nothing for you.” She says giving me a smile and begins to browse the dress rack in front of her.
“Thanks Liz.”
“Anytime.” I attempt to find another dress in the store and after about ten minutes, I find this red dress and bring it over to Liz, for her approval.
“Hey Liz, what about this one?” I hold the dress up to show her.
“I think that’s the one, Isabel. You will look so good it in.” Okay we are having actual conversation here. I decide to press my luck.
“Liz?”
“Yeah?”
“How about you try a dress on? You know just for fun, so I don’t have to go into the dressing room alone.” She contemplates it and shrugs her shoulders.
“Okay, but what should I try on?” I search the racks nearest me and see this satin champagne colored, A-line dress with spaghetti straps. It looked great on the hanger and I’m sure it will look great on her. She has a perfect figure.
“How about this one?” She looks at it, she doesn’t seemed too thrilled, okay maybe I made a bad decision. I attempt to return it back to the rack when her voice stops me.
“No, don’t put it back. I want to try it on.” She walks over to me and plucks it out of my hands and walks towards the dressing room. This girl is just full of surprises isn’t she?
I follow her into the dressing room where she’s already undressing in her booth, so I take the one next to hers to try my dress on.
“Okay, I’m done.” She says to me I see her standing in her booth.
“Liz, why don’t you go stand at the big mirror at the right over there; you’ll get a better view.”
“Okay.” She says to me in a small voice. I’m finally done squeezing my ass into this dress, and if I do say so myself it looks damn good! I walk out to join her at the mirror. I slowly approach her from behind and I can see her face in the mirror, she looks sad. I decide not to address that but instead get a better look at her.
“Turn around so I can see how good you look.” She turns around slowly. Wow! Is all I can say, she is strikingly beautiful, and she has no idea.
“Wow! Liz, you look amazing that dress looks amazing on you. You are so beautiful.”
“No, I’m not. You’re just saying that.” I wonder what did I do wrong here?
“Liz, I’m not lying to you; I wouldn’t lie to you. You look really pretty in it, it’s perfect for you.”
“You…You really think so?” She asks me while looking down shyly.
“Yes! Are you crazy? You have perfect skin, hair and an amazingly perfect body. I would kill to look like you.” I can she her cheeks turning pink, she is embarrassed.
“Thanks Isabel, that really means a lot coming from you. I mean you are like every guys fantasy.” I am taken aback by her comment. I mean I know I’m attractive but she obviously doesn’t see how guys look at her in school.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit of an overstatement?”
“No, because it’s true. Any guy would kill to date you, hell they would kill just for you to say hello to them.”
“Liz, guys look at you the same way, you just don’t see it.”
“Isabel you’re wrong they look at me like that cause they think I’m some sort of freak who’s going to have a nervous breakdown or something.” Boy Maria wasn’t lying when she said Liz was the queen of self-deprivation.
“Liz,” Damn my cell phone is ringing, I run back into my dressing room to answer it. It’s Max wondering if I know where Liz is. Boy keeps major tabs on her doesn’t he?
“Liz, that was Max, he got off early and he’s home. So, I guess we should get going.”
“Oh okay, I’ll just go get dressed. Are you going to get the dress Isabel? I know I didn’t get to tell you but I think it looks great on you.”
“Thanks Liz, and yeah I’m going to buy it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m glad she ended up going to the prom regardless of how Jordan felt. God, every time I say his name or think about him, I get so mad. How could he do that to her? To his baby? I just don’t understand and I know where Max’s frustrations stem from; he wants answers and no one can give them to him.
Well, I guess I could give him some…But I’m not ready to tell him just yet. He’s going to be so angry with me and I don’t want it to ruin Damian’s birthday, but I know I can’t keep my secret for much longer.
TBC…
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
The party is going to start in about ten minutes and I hope that Max gets here on time. If not only for Damian’s sake but for mine as well. Right now I’m sitting in the living room with Angela and Maria. Can it possibly get any worse for me?
This is the first year Angela has been able to make it down here; last year she was closing on a property and she couldn’t get away. Besides that, Liz usually distracted Maria for me, kept her occupied so we didn’t have to be in the same room as one another alone for very long.
I’m not hung up on Maria anymore, but I can’t say that seeing her doesn’t affect me. The girl ripped my heart out and left. She told me she was sorry, what a fucking joke. We dated for four years, she had to of expected that I was going to ask her to marry me eventually.
I mean I was the classic "I’ll never fall in love” type of but when I met Maria all logic went straight out the window. She was everything I ever wanted, but didn't know. She captured my heart from day one; a lot like Liz had done to Max.
Yes, she was confusing as hell to talk to most of the time, but I loved that about her. With Maria there was never a dull moment. She had me eating out of the palm of her hands, I would do anything that girl asked me, even if it was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
For instance, one day in high school this new guy arrived and she was so convinced that he was a transvestite. I have to laugh, even now, when I look back on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Michael, just go in there real quick and take a peek and then come out and tell me.” Is this girl crazy?
“Maria, I can’t just go into the men’s room and stare at him while he’s taking a leak.”
“Yes you can, Michael, just you know do a quick look from the corner of your eyes.” She is crazy, what am I talking about.
“Maria, if he is a she then won’t she use a stall? And if that’s the case, then I won’t be able to tell anyway. This is just stupid. What does it matter anyway?”
“Michael, it matters to me okay? I have to report back this information.” Okay, did she suddenly join a newscast that I don’t know about?
“Maria, who the hell cares? Look, just let it be.”
“Michael I’m asking you to please do this, I just want to know for myself. I’ve never seen one up close.” This girl has lived in Roswell for too long, obviously she needs to watch more cable television.
“Fine, Maria, I’ll go in there, but if he’s in the stall then I guess you’ll never know.”
“Michael.” Oh no! Here we go with the whining. She knows I have no willpower.
“Please, Michael.”
“Please, what Maria? I am not snooping on someone in the stall. I will sneak a peak at the urinal but not the stall, that’s just too much Maria.” She’s giving me this pouty look and I sigh heavily, knowing I’m about to do something I’m going to regret.
“Fine! Okay, I’ll go in there but so help me God Maria, if I get caught…”
“Yeah! Okay get going now.” Does she not hear me? She totally disregarded what I just said and is now pushing me into the men’s room.
I can’t believe I’m going to do this. I get in there and he’s at the urinal… I guess that answers the question. But what if he’s faking? What am I saying? Maria has me thinking all crazy now!
Oh, what the hell. I have to go anyway. I step up the stall right beside him and quickly glance over. I can’t see a damn thing, so I lean over just a bit more. Shit! Snagged, he’s definitely a guy and I’m going to kick Maria’s ass. He’s giving me this disgusted look right now I am totally mortified.
I finish up and head back to out to Maria.
“Well, did you see?”
“Yeah, Maria I saw.”
“Well aren’t you going to tell me?”
“No! Now lets go.”
“No! What do you mean, Michael?”
“I mean, no I’m not telling you.” Just then he walks out of the men’s room and gives me the same disgusted face as before. Maria turns and looks at me, she figured it out and just starts laughing. I turn around and start to walk away but not before I tell her,
“There is no amount of make-up sex that will make this all better, not for a long time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy, I was a sucker then. That’s why I enjoy my relationship with Angela; she is calmer and would never ask me to do such ridiculous things. I enjoy the time we spend together, just doing normal, regular couple things. Like going out to dinner and a movie, without talking through the entire thing or having her complain about the meal from start to finish.
Yeah, I have to say I enjoy my life better now. I can’t wait to marry her.
“Hey guys, we finally made it.” Oh well, looks like Max and Dariana have finally arrived, thank God! I make my way into the foyer to greet them.
“Hey Maxwell, thought I was going to have to send out a search party for you.” I slap him on the back.
“Ha ha, Mikey, very funny.” He knows how much I can’t stand it when people call me Mikey. We finish our hellos just in time when Mom comes over to us.
“Hello everyone, Dariana, so good to see you.”
“You too, Mrs. Evans.”
“Oh no, please call me Diane, I thought I already told you about that.” I love my mom, she may not be my biological mother but she is the other mother I’ve ever known, she is the sweetest woman and has the biggest heart in the world.
“Okay everyone, let’s go into the back yard, everyone else is already there waiting.”
“We’ll be right there, Mom. Dariana, why don’t you and Angela head back there, Michael and I will be right out.” Okay, something’s up.
“Okay honey but don’t be long, Damian’s is dying to see you already.”
“Got it, we’ll only be a few minutes, promise.” She nods and leads the girls with her.
“What’s going on, Maxwell?”
“Michael, we need to talk and I know we can’t do it now but I maybe later after the party or something.” He looks a little, I don’t know, panicked would be the best way to describe it. I don’t usually see this face on him so that will have to be my best guess right now.
“You okay man?”
“No, I’m not, I feel like I’m losing control and I don’t know how long I can keep it together.”
“Is it Liz?” We haven’t had time to talk at all. I mean, we were at the hospital together but he was so focused on Liz at the time and then the next day Dariana came to town, and Angela came to town this morning. So, we both have been quite busy, I know he needs me though.
“Yes and it's Dariana, I just feel like everything I have been trying to convince myself of for the last year has been a big lie. I don’t know how I feel anymore. There are just so many emotions running through me and I can’t grab just one and focus on it.”
“Okay Max, look just calm down, try to focus on the party and afterwards I promise we will go somewhere and talk. Can you hold out until then?”
“I don’t have a choice do I?” He gives me a pleading look but I of course have to agree.
“No you don’t, now get your ass out there before your nephew thinks you don’t want to see him.”
“Thanks, Michael.”
“Anytime, Max you know that.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maria
It was a hell of a lot easier dealing with Michael last year. For one, I had Liz to distract me and the other reason was Angela wasn’t here. I knew that her and Michael were engaged but seeing them together is definitely putting a damper on my mood.
I don’t even have time to date anyone. I will admit that I do miss Michael. He was such a big part of my life for so long. I often wonder where I would be if I stayed with him.
Years ago I never would have pictured Michael as a businessman. Hell I always used to tease Michael about the fact that he would live under the Evan’s roof until he was fifty. The Evan’s adopted Michael when he was fifteen, after his foster father took off without a word. It all turned out for the better in the long run.
Michael and Max were always like brothers so it makes sense that when Max decided to start his own advertising agency that he would bring Michael along. Funny thing is it turns out Michael found his niche. They are both very rich and very successful, and they did it together.
I regret that I left Michael all those years ago, everyday in fact. I try to convince myself that I’m over him, that I am better off without him and he without me. That, of course, would be a complete lie. I miss him, but I’m too late. He’s in love with Angela and at the end of next year she will be his wife, not me.
I guess it’s true what they say, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” I definitely learned from my mistakes with Michael.
Well, Michael and Max have just joined the party. Looks like its time for me to put on a happy face and act like I’m not dying inside.
I just can’t wait for this day to be over.
TBC...
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
