Crush (AU, CC, Adult) [COMPLETE]

[nibbles2]

As promised, I'm back with a new part. I apologise for taking so long, I hadn't intended for it to be November before I updated but that's how it worked out. I want to thank you all for the wonderful feedback and bumps you've given me since this fic, I love reading all your thoughts and comments - keep it up.

chanks_girl

destinyc

Alien_friend

Rowedog

keepsmiling7

Spacegirl23

*Blondie*

xmag

Emz80m

Tequathisy

AlysLuv

Cocogurl

begonia9508

vilandragirl

sarammlover

RoswellianBamaFan

DaleStateShorty

confusedfool

April

Wench on a leash

Eva

Zoi

RhondaAnn

Alien614

pijeechinadoll

POM

girl afraid

MariaDeluca285

Drogyn

Earth2Mama

CrashandBurn8321

somewhere87

Roswellian117

maxandlizforever

and my beta Michelle in LA

and here we go...

Crush – 11

Six years later

Michael

A certain part of my job as a sheriff’s deputy, one that I don’t particularly relish, is having to break news to people. Usually it’s bad news. Sometimes it’s good news. Sometimes I think it’s one but it turns out to be the other.

Sitting in my truck outside the Deluca-Valenti house, I don’t know how my news is going to be taken. And I guess, sitting here wondering isn’t going to get me any closer to the answer. I climb out of the truck and make my way to the front door. The only car parked out front is Maria’s.

I can hear music playing so I knock on the front door and press the bell. After thirty seconds I knock again but there’s still no answer and no sign of movement within so I decide to go around the back and try the backdoor.

It’s only when I’m walking around the side of the house that I realize the music is playing outside and not from inside the house.

The sight that greets me in the backyard stops me in my tracks.

Maria Deluca, small shorts and tight top, contorting her body into a weird position. Need I say more?

When did she grow hot?

She doesn’t see me right away, and so I decide to enjoy the show. There’s no harm in looking.

Eventually, she turns around and spots me. She gives a startled yelp and clutches her chest.

“Sorry,” I say. “I knocked and there was no answer so…”

“It’s ok. You just gave me a fright.” Maria hits the off button on the CD player and faces me. Her face is flushed, her skin has a sheen of sweat and she’s panting slightly.

I clamp down quickly on the dirty thoughts threatening to invade my mind.

“Kyle is at work and Jim is gone baby shopping with Mom,” Maria informs me.

“They’re going to buy the baby?” I joke. That was so lame.

Maria rolls her eyes at me. “They’re gone to buy some things that the baby will need when he’s born.”

I grin, she’s cute when she’s annoyed. “So you thought that you’d take advantage of the empty house to put on a show for the local perverts?”

She looks around at the neighboring houses and then back at me. “The only pervert I see around here is you.”

Touché.

“It’s yoga,” she explains. “I like doing it outside. Is that ok with you?”

I blatantly ogle her. “Fine.”

She rolls her eyes again but I can see that she’s trying not to smile. “What do you want?” she asks in an annoyed tone.

I scratch the back of my neck. “Actually, I have something to tell you. It’s about Liz.”

“Oh.” She picks up a bottle of water and takes a drink. After a moment she turns back to me. “What about her?” Her tone is neutral and I can’t get a read on how she’s going to take my news.

“She’s coming home for the summer,” I say. I try to gauge Maria’s reaction but she doesn’t give me one, so I continue. “She’s been offered an internship at the Metachem Plant. Doing something in the lab there, I’m not exactly sure what.”

“Oh,” she says again. “When?”

“She’s flying into Albuquerque on Friday. Mom and Dad are driving up to collect her. They’re going to stay the night with Mom’s family there and come home on Saturday.”

Maria nods but says nothing. I don’t think it’s because she doesn’t care. I guess her lack of reaction is because she doesn’t really know what her feelings towards Liz are. I understand that.

“She always asks about you, whenever I’m talking to her,” I say to Maria. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to say but I kind of feel it should be said. I know they’ve barely spoken since Liz left Roswell, and I find that very sad. They were inseparable for so long.

“Thanks for letting me know,” Maria says at last. “I should get back to this before I cool down completely.”

“Ok. I’ll see you around.” I’m tempted to stay a little longer, catch the show, but I think I should go.

I have somebody else to talk to.

***

Max

“…And that concludes the tour of our offices. Welcome to the company, Tess.”

“Thank you Max,” she says with a bright smile. “This is so exciting. My first real job as a lawyer.” Then she laughs at herself. “That doesn’t make me sound very professional, does it?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I know the feeling — half the time I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. I’m terrified that a client is going to ask me a question and I’ll be exposed as a fraud.”

Tess smiles. “It’s good to know that there’s somebody else in the same boat as me.”

“We can start a support group,” I joke.

“Maybe we could have out first meeting tonight, after work. In a place where large amounts of alcohol can be consumed?” she suggests.

“Ms. Harding, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“Maxwell,” Michael greets as he walks through the office doors and joins us.

“Michael, this is Tess Harding. This is her first day here. Tess, this is Michael Guerin, local law enforcement officer and a good friend of mine.”

“Nice to meet you,” Tess smiles and shakes his hands. “It’s always good to have friends in the local police department.”

I shake my head. “Not really. He just laughs when I get a ticket and tells me it’s my own fault.”

Tess feigns disappointment. “Damn. Well, I should go and do some work I guess. Thanks for the tour, Max.”

Michael and I watch appreciatively as she walks away. “Hot,” Michael comments.

“Dibs,” I warn.

“Got a minute?” he asks seriously.

“Sure.” I lead him into an empty conference room and close the door. He takes a seat at the oval table. “Is everything OK?” I ask. He seems to be a little on edge.

Michael waits until I sit down. “I just wanted to let you know that Liz is coming back to Roswell. She has a job at Metachem for the summer so she’ll be around until September.”

That’s what I like about Michael. He doesn’t beat about the bush. “When does she get in?”

“She’ll be home on Saturday.”

I nod my head. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Sure.”

“It’s fine,” I assure him. “It was a long time ago and I’m over it. If she stays out of my way, I’ll stay out of hers. I’m not going to have it out with her or anything. It’s in the past and that’s where I want to keep it.” A thought strikes me. “Isabel might be a different story.”

Michael groans. “Shit, I never thought of Isabel. Is there any chance that marriage and impending motherhood has softened her anger?”

I look at him and we both laugh at the ridiculousness of that question.

“Liz wants to apologize to you, in person,” Michael tells me, sobering up.

I don’t really know if I want her apology. It’s not going to do me any good, and it’s just going to dredge up things that I’d prefer to remain buried and forgotten. What happened with Liz was the worst chapter of my life and I don’t want to have to open it up again just to give her closure, or whatever it is she wants.

“Tell her that an apology isn’t necessary. I don’t need or want one. I don’t want to talk about it with her, either. I just want to forget it ever happened.”

“Ok. I’ll tell her.”

Michael stands up to leave, I call him back. “Tell her that it doesn’t mean I’m over it or that it’s all forgiven because it isn’t. It’s in the past and that’s where I want it to say. If Liz wants to do anything for me, tell her that she can stay out of my way. I don’t want to see her.”

***

Maria

Well this sucks.

I’m a college graduate. I’m an adult. I’m supposed to be starting a fabulous chapter in my life.

Instead, I’m pulling back on my beloved green Crashdown uniform to start my first shift in three years. I really thought my days of serving alien-themed food to annoying tourists and hungry locals were behind me. But obviously not. My bank account is severely in the red and I need cash input, like, immediately.

I tie the silver alien head apron around my waist, make sure that I have an order pad and pen, and then make my way out into the diner.

Just to complete my déjà vu, Michael Parker is sitting in my section. He grins when he sees me.

“Have I travelled back in time?” he asks as I approach his table.

“I’m just here to make a little money until I get a real job,” I tell him.

“So you’re going to stick around Roswell? I thought you wanted out of here?”

I shrug my shoulders, trying not to appear like I’m sulking. All my friends are either in Las Cruces or somewhere else. A group of them went to San Francisco together to work for the summer. I had originally intended to go with them but it didn’t work out. “Mom will be having the baby soon, and I want to be here for that.”

“I see. And the reason you’re back working in the Crashdown? It’s to get to see me everyday isn’t it?” he asks with a smile that would have melted sixteen-year-old me.

Fortunately, twenty-two-year-old me is no longer a slave to my ridiculous, juvenile crush. “I needed a job and it was either here or the cheese factory. And I was under the impression that as you have your own place now, you wouldn’t be around.”

“That’s right, I have joined the ranks of homeowners,” he says proudly. “It’s just a block over from your house.”

“There goes the neighborhood.”

“Speaking of your new place,” a voice says from behind me and Isabel Ramirez materializes beside the table. “When are you having your housewarming party?” She kisses Michael on the cheek and slides into the booth opposite him.

“My what?” Michael asks. “No way, I just got everything the way I like it. I don’t want a bunch of people coming in and messing it up and ruining...” he trails off and he finally finishes almost inaudibly “…my carpets.”

Isabel and I look at each other incredulously before laughing at Michael who has turned a very interesting shade of pink.

“Shut up.”

“You’re so cute,” Isabel teases, and reaches across the table to pinch his cheeks. There was a time when I hated Isabel Evans and would have been so jealous of her for that. Now I’m not. And it’s not because she has a ring on her finger and a bun in her oven that have nothing to do with Michael. I might be stuck in the same green uniform I wore when I was sixteen but thank the sweet lord that I’m not still stuck on Michael. I take their order and leave to tend to the other tables around me.

A few minutes later, I carry their plates over just in time to hear Isabel exclaim in a furious voice. “You better warn her not to come anywhere near me Michael. I’m pregnant and hormonal and I’ve been waiting six years to give her a piece of my mind.”

It doesn’t take much to figure out that they’re talking about Liz. They don’t notice me. Both of them are leaning on the table, giving me no room to put the plates down. So I just stand there and listen.

“Isabel, can you just not, please?” Michael pleads. “Liz has barely come home in six years because she’s too ashamed to face everyone. She knows what she did was stupid and wrong and selfish. Nobody knows that more than her. She’s not expecting to be welcomed home with open arms but she’s coming anyway because she wants to fix things.” He seems to have noticed my presence because he addresses the last part to me.

“How can she fix things for Max?” Isabel scoffs. “God, she nearly ruined him.”

Michael sighs. “Ok, I don’t mean fix things. I mean, she wants to fix her relationships with Mom and Dad and Maria and me. She wanted to apologize to Max but he’s told me that he doesn’t want to see her, and I’ll pass along the message. It’s going to be hard for her to come back here after all this time. Don’t go out of your way to make it harder, please Isabel.”

It looks like Isabel is going to argue with Michael, but after a moment she nods. “Fine, I won’t hunt her down and confront her and if we run into each other I’ll just look the other way. But I’m warning you Michael, if she tries to talk to me or explain her actions to me or justify what she did, I won’t hold back. So if she doesn’t want that, then it would just be best for her to stay the hell away from me.”

“I’ll let her know,” Michael agrees.

“Ok then. I’m going to pee,” Isabel announces and pushes away from the table.

I’m about to go back to work when Michael catches me gently by the arm. “What about you?” he asks.

“What about me?”

“Should I tell Liz to stay away from you too?”

Liz was like a sister to me for so many years, she was the closest and best friend I’ll ever have. I have missed her every day for the last six years. No matter how upset or angry or whatever else I felt towards her, I always missed her. I don’t think we can ever get back what we had, not after all this time. But what we had was so important to me and such a huge loss when it ended that I have to at least try to salvage something from it.

So I shake my head in response to Michael’s question. “Tell her that I’ll see her.”

***

[nibbles2]

Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've written entire fics that I have gotten less feedback than that chapter. I love you all very much, you're so awesome.

maxandlizforever thank you for taking the time to read my fic and leave feedback.

Rowedog Alison, my little Rottweiler. Thanks.

RhondaAnn Even though it’s been six years, and everybody would like it to be water under the bridge, there’s a lot of feelings that have to be sorted out first.

Roswellian117 Debate is fun. Glad you joined in.

tabata Maria is over Michael. Or she’s over her juvenile crush anyway. Or so she says.

xmag Herculean is a good word.

chanks_girl The Tess triangle might not work out the way you think.

Begonia9508 I know, it’s crazy, Max is still upset at being tricked into committing statutory rape by somebody he trusted. Way to hold onto a grudge Max. I think, if you read the part, you’ll see that Max isn’t all that upset about it really. He wants to keep it in the past. He just doesn’t want to see Liz and dredge it all back up again. I have absolutely no idea where you got the idea that Roswell has become Chastity City from, because it hasn’t.

Drogyn I just want to clarify something because I didn’t make it clear in chapter ten. Liz and her parents decided together that she would spend the summer in Florida. It was Liz’s decision to go to boarding school because she couldn’t face going back to Roswell. She wasn’t banished, it was her decision to leave and she was free to come back at any time.

NotYourChick Liz’s actions really hurt people, in different ways and it’s hard for them to get past that.

AlysLuv Thank you.

Tamashii

I can see Max wanting to live his life as the incident never happened and that is more easy to do with Liz in another town or at least with her keeping her distance.

You’re so right. All Max wants to do is forget the whole incident, bury it and pretend it never happened. That was easy when Liz wasn’t around and now that she’s back, it’s bringing it all back.

MariaDeluca285 Thank you.

Alien_Friend Thanks. Just because Maria is willing to give her a second chance doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy.

Tequathisy I think you’re going to like the Michael and Maria story in this.

somewhere87 aw, I’m glad somebody liked Tess.

Eva So true, Liz’s absence from Roswell has meant they haven’t confronted the issues so they haven’t had the chance to heal.

Alien614 Thanks.

Earth2Mama I don’t think anybody expects Liz to explain herself to Isabel, not even Isabel. She was just warning Michael that she’s still pissed as hell about what Liz did to Max. Let me tell you, if somebody hurt one of my siblings the way Liz did, it would take six decades for me to calm down. And I’m Irish, so we don’t have Turkey Day.

April First things first, your avi is gorgeous. You make an interesting point about what the reaction would be if it had been Maria who had been in Liz’s boots. I think it would have been a very different kind of outcry. Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but a large part of the inspiration for this fic was that I wanted to write something where Liz was blatantly wrong to see the reaction. It’s been interesting. To say the least.

valentinebaby Welcome to Roswell fanatics. I’m so glad that you’ve decided to sign up and join in.

sarammlover Thank you.

keepsmiling7 Tess is an adult. She can go after Max is she wants.

Wench on a leash I have to say that I agreed with every single word you said. Word.

behrlyliz Thanks.

vilandragirl Proud? Shocked, awed, stunned, amazed, dumbfounded.

and of course Michelle in LA. Muah.

(I'm a little nervous about this.)

Crush – 12

Liz

Nothing has changed.

There are new houses, a new Wal-Mart, the Johnson’s have painted their store a hideous shade of green which I think is supposed to be alien-esque, and the school has a new library. But as we drive through Roswell, what strikes me most is how little has changed.

My mother keeps up a running commentary as my dad drives. Every time we pass the house or business of somebody I used to know she gives me a breakdown of all the births, deaths, marriages, divorces and other significant events that have happened to them in the last six years. I refrain from reminding her that she has spent the last six years writing all this down in long emails to me. I think she’s nervous.

I know the feeling. My own nerves have been increasing rapidly during the three hour journey from Albuquerque. I have an awful feeling that coming back here was a bad idea. I have been back for very brief weekend visits a couple of times over the years but I always during quiet times and I never ventured out of the Crashdown.

My dad turns down a street that I wasn’t expecting and isn’t on the route home, or didn’t used to be anyway. “Where are you going?” I ask.

“I thought we’d take the scenic route,” he says enigmatically.

My heart rate speeds up in alarm. I have images of him driving me to the Evans house to apologize to Max until I remember that Max lives on the other side of town and we’re pretty close to Maria’s house.

I’m not ready for this. I can’t see her yet. Not tonight. I’m not ready. “Dad, please can we just go home? I’m really tired.”

He just looks at me over his shoulder and smiles. A moment later he pulls up in front of a house that I don’t know. “Where are we?” I ask.

“This is Michael’s house,” my mother explains proudly.

I forget my fears for the moment and look out the window excitedly. “Wow.”

My parents climb out of the car and slowly I follow them, taking in everything.

Michael’s house has generated more emails from my mom than every other topic combined. From her horror when he decided to use the money left to him by Grandma Claudia to buy a ‘run down shack’ to her surprise and pride as he restored it, I’ve heard it all. I’ve been privy to every decision, every amusing story, every time something went wrong or a part wasn’t delivered. Yet somehow, none of it seemed real. Logically I knew that things would have changed while I was gone, but I always imagined things staying the same. Maybe it’s because I spent so much time thinking of the past.

The door opens and Michael steps out onto the porch. He hesitates for a moment before he hugs me awkwardly. I hug him back tightly and feel hot tears prick my eyes. I’ve only seen Michael a handful of times since I’ve been away. He came to my graduation from the Winneman Academy and he’s visited Boston a couple of times. But it’s been about fifteen months since the last time I saw him, and I’ve really missed him. We chat occasionally on the phone and he sends brief but funny emails whenever Mom reminds him to, but it’s not a patch on a flesh-and-blood hug. We release each other at the same time and step back to see how the other looks.

“You look great,” I tell him. This is probably a stupid thing to say about my older brother, but he looks really grown up.

He ushers us in and I’m given a tour of his house. I ooh and ah at everything my mother points out. I never thought I’d show so much enthusiasm over bathroom tiles. Michael thinks it’s so funny that he starts pointing out ridiculous things, like door knobs and light switches. My mother so obviously wants for everything to be okay between us that she’s praising everything and encouraging me to do the same. I’m so determined to make things right between us that I enthuse in a similar fashion even though I know Michael’s taking the piss.

We sound like a bunch of twi-hard idiots at a Robert Patterson love in.

Finally we come back to the kitchen where Michael offers us drinks. He only has Snapple and beer of course. We sit around the table and talk. I describe the scary turbulence I experienced on the flight from Boston, Mom talks about her sister’s new boyfriend, my dad weighs in with his opinion, and Michael tells us a funny story about arresting a drunk the day before. It’s a perfectly normal, slightly mundane conversation. I love it.

Before long though, my dad is looking at the time and standing up to leave. He wants to get back to the Crashdown and make sure everything’s ok there.

“Will you be over for dinner tomorrow?” my mom asks Michael as he walks us to the door.

“Uh…” he scratches the back of his neck. “I have that thing.”

My Mom’s eyes flick guiltily to me and then away. “Oh, of course,” my Mom exclaims. There’s an awkward silence for a moment. “Why don’t you come over for dinner during the week?”

“That sounds great,” Michael accepts.

I hang back as he hugs Mom and Dad goodbye. “I’ll be out in a second,” I tell them. I wait until they are walking down the path to the car. “What’s ‘the thing’?”

Michael scratches his eyebrow the way he always does when he’s uncomfortable. “Actually, I’m having some of the guys over for a barbeque here tomorrow afternoon. It’s a sort of house warming thing. I got coerced into it.”

“You should invite Mom and Dad. I won’t come tomorrow.”

“I asked but they want to spend the day with you,” Michael sighs. “I didn’t mean to organize it the weekend you came. It’s just that Isabel has been pestering me to have one and she organized most of it. I’m working the next few Sundays. Max is coming and the Valentis too, and I told Kyle to bring Maria if she wanted to come.”

“Don’t worry, I understand.”

“I’m sorry, Liz,” he says and he does look like he means it. “Look, nobody’s going to kill you or burn you at a stake. It will just take a little time for people to get used to you being back, that’s all.”

I nod, “I know.” I turn to leave but he says my name and I pause.

“Max asked that you stay out of his way. He doesn’t want to talk to you yet. But I know Max, and eventually he’ll probably want to speak to you. Just give him his space until then and let him come to you.”

“Okay.”

“And steer clear of Isabel. She’s pregnant and using that as an excuse to be extra bitchy and annoying. She’d say something to you just because she can.”

“Okay.”

“Maria is working at the Crashdown for a while. You’ll probably see her there.”

That piece of news lifts my spirits. I’ve missed Maria so much. I need to regain some form or relationship with her. That’s as important to me as repairing the relationship with my family.

“It’s really great to see you again, Michael. And I love the house.” I hug him again.

“It’s good to have you home, Liz,” he tells me.

I climb into Dad’s car and we head home. We don’t talk on the way to the Crashdown. Our route takes us past Maria’s house. I lean my forehead against the window and watch the scenery pass by.

At the Crashdown, we enter through our private entrance. My dad has to go down to the restaurant straightaway and my Mom calls my aunt to let her know that we got back safely.

I carry one of my bags into my room, planning to have a shower.

My room is pretty much as I remembered. It’s had a fresh coat of paint and the posters I had on the walls have been removed. My dresser and my nightstand are bare. All my photographs and trinkets were sent to me when I was at school and what I’ve chosen to keep is in a box at a friend’s place in Boston. It’s my room and a stranger’s room at the same time.

I climb out onto the balcony.

The fairy lights, the candles and the furniture I used to have out here are gone but somebody has put out a brand new wooden deckchair and a small picnic table. My heart swells with love for my family. It’s a small gesture but it means so much to me.

I sit down and breathe in the warm, dry desert air and take in the starry sky above. I missed this too while I was away.

I hear voices in the alley below and peer out over the edge. It’s a couple of waitresses leaving at the end of their shift. I keep out of sight in case one of them is Maria, but I don’t recognize any of them and I reckon they’re probably high school students.

Relieved that I don’t have to face Maria, or anyone else just yet, I settle back into my chair.

It’s good to be back in Roswell, but it feels so weird too. There’s an unspoken awkwardness between my brother and me. I don’t know how my parents really feel about me. I’m ducking out of sight to avoid the girl who I once shared everything with. I’m dreading showing my face in front of people I’ve known all my life. The guy I spent half my life dreaming about doesn’t want to see me and his sister would happily kill me.

Roswell might not have changed a lot physically in the last six years, but for me, it may never be the same.

***

[nibbles2]

Wow.

A huge and massive thank you to everybody who left feedback or got involved in the ongoing conversation. You rock. I've decided that I'm not going to feedback your feedback as I'm just going to let the story speak for itself. You can interpret it whatever way you want. But if you have any questions or need a point clarified, just ask me here, or pm me and if it's not a spoiler, I'll answer for you.

chanks_girl

Earth2Mama

Sarammlover

Eva

Rowedog

Drogyn

April

Roswellian117

Keepsmiling7

RhondaAnn

Behrlyliz

Tequathisy

Alien_Friend

begonia9508

Kay_b

xmag

somewhere87

spacegirl23

Alien614

autumnfall3

valentinebaby

nitpick23

danyel14

Yasmania

behrluv32

notyourchick

big thanks to Michelle in LA for betaing this.

Crush 13

Max

“Nice place,” I say to Michael as I step through his front door.

Beside me, Isabel shoots an incredulous look in my direction. “How can you say that yet, you’ve only seen the foyer?”

Michael laughs, “I have a foyer? Cool.”

I laugh too. “Michael, you remember Tess.”

Tess hands Michael a case of beer she brought with her. “I know wine is customary, but from what Max told me, I figured you’d prefer this.”

“I like her already,” Michael announces. He shakes her hand and brings us all through to his kitchen. He pulls some cold bottle of beer from the fridge and hands them around.

Isabel helps herself to a Snapple. “I’m going to show Tess around,” she informs Michael, and they disappear before he can say anything.

He just shakes his head and starts loading the beer Tess brought into the fridge. “Sometimes it feels like this is her house and I’m just the tenant.”

“She’s just excited for you.”

“I know. Give me a hand with this.” He opens the fridge again and starts taking out the meat for the barbecue. There’s enough to feed a medium-sized town.

“How many people are coming to this?” I ask as I carry out two plates of steak.

“Uh… You, me, Kyle and Jesse. Couple of guys from work and their chicks. Isabel and what’s her name, Tess. Jim and Amy and maybe Maria. Your parents. And my parents might come too.”

I raise my eyebrow, surprised that his parents are only maybes for his housewarming party.

“Dad has to work at the restaurant and Mom will probably want to spend some time with Liz. I’ll have them all over for dinner during the week.”

Liz. I’d sort of forgotten that she was coming home. Or, I had chosen not to think about it. Wait, does that mean that he didn’t invite Liz, or his parents?

“Please don’t tell me that you didn’t invite your family because I was coming.”

Michael shakes his head. “It’s not because of you, Max. It would just be too weird and awkward for everybody, including Liz. My parents had dinner here last week anyway, so they’re cool.”

“I’m really sorry that you’re in the middle of all this,” I say to him.

“Jesus Christ, Maxwell,” he flings a couple of steaks on the grill. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing.”

The doorbell chimes inside the house and we hear Isabel shout that she’ll get it.

“Maybe you should take her aside and remind her that this is your house,” I say to break the tension.

Michael laughs. “Yeah.”

Moments later Isabel leads the Valentis outside. Jim and Kyle both have beers and Amy is holding a bottle of Snapple. It takes me a moment to recognize that the other person with them is Maria Deluca.

I do a quick mental calculation and realize that she must be twenty-two now. The same age as Liz is, of course. The same age she pretended to be six years ago.

“Michael, the place looks wonderful,” Amy exclaims. “I brought desserts; Isabel put them in the utility room.”

“Desserts, plural?” Michael asks. “Amy, I sincerely hope that you’ll be a frequent visitor here.”

She laughs at him. “We’re only a block away you know. You can always come over for dinner, anytime.”

“Damn it Amy, we’ll never get rid of him now,” Jim jokes.

“Amy, I’m going to show Maria around, would you like a tour?” Isabel asks.

She accepts Isabel’s offer eagerly and all three women disappear back into the house just as Tess comes out.

“The house is lovely and very manly, Michael,” she says to him as she joins us by the barbecue.

“Thank you Tess,” Michael smiles. When she’s not looking he gives me a nod of approval. I’m impressed; the Michael nod of approval doesn’t normally come that easily. Although I don’t think I need it, Tess is a work colleague and a new friend right now. Who knows if it will ever be more?

I introduce her to Kyle and Jim and then go to answer the door when the bell chimes again.

Before long, everybody has arrived, including Jeff and Nancy Parker. Michael, with Kyle and I as the lovely assistants, get busy grilling food while Isabel looks after drinks and assumes the role of hostess. Everybody seems to be having a good time and Michael, incredibly, is really enjoying himself. He’s come a long way from the anti-social kid I used to know.

Eventually, Michael hands me a plate for myself and I find a seat at a wooden table with Isabel, Jesse, Jim, Amy and Maria. Jim and Jesse and discussing a law case they’re both involved in while Isabel and Amy are exchanging pregnancy stories that seem to mostly involve bodily functions. Maria is listening to them in awed disgust. She turns to me in relief when I join the table.

We do the whole, “how are you, what are you doing?” thing. We share our mutual joy to be finished with college. I talk a little about working at my dad’s firm. She laments her own lack of a real job and her fear that she’ll be stuck waiting on tourists in the Crashdown for the rest of her life.

“Don’t be so worried about it,” I tell her. “You’re young, the whole world’s at your feet. When I was your age…” I trail off as we both remember what happened when I was her age. “I never got to thank you.”

“For what?” she asks, bewildered.

“If you hadn’t told Michael when you did, things could have been a lot worse than they were.”

She looks very uncomfortable. so I don’t say anymore about it. We lapse into silence for a minute and listen to Isabel and Amy talk knitting patterns.

“Are you going to talk to while she’s here?” Maria asks.

I sigh deeply. “I don’t know. When Michael told me she was going to be here for the summer, my initial reaction was that I didn’t want to see her, nevermind talk to her, or have anything to do with her.”

“But that’s changed?” she asks perceptively.

“She’s Michael’s sister. If I refuse to see Liz, then he’s always going to be put in the middle. Things like today will always be awkward. Somebody will always be made to feel excluded or awkward.” I look to where his parents and my parents are sitting together, sharing polite conversation. “Family is the most important thing in the world to Michael. I know he thinks of Iz and Kyle and me as his family just as much as the Parkers are. It wouldn’t be fair to him to have to ask him to keep two sides of his family separate. So I guess I’ll see Liz, for his sake, so that we can be civilized and he doesn’t have to choose between us.”

Maria mulls that over for a few minutes as I finish off my meal. “Do you think that you’ll go see her or just wait to bump into her?”

“I don’t really know. I’ve really just decided that I will talk to her. How do you think I should do it?”

She shrugs. “I have no idea. I’ve been wondering what I’m going to say to her for years and now that the day is come, I still have no clue… God, it shouldn’t be this weird to talk to somebody I’ve known my entire life.”

“Things aren’t good between you?” I ask in surprise. I never knew that. It’s hard to believe. When they were growing up, I don’t think I ever saw one without the other.

She shakes her head sadly. “No. We’ve hardly spoken since that night. She wrote a letter of apology and I wrote a letter to accept and then… nothing. I don’t know why but neither of us took the next step. So here we are, five and a half years later, virtual strangers.”

I never thought about the mess Liz left behind and now has to face. Her brother, her best friend, me. It can’t be easy to come back and face everybody, especially after all this time. I kind of admire her for that.

***

Maria

Talk about bizarre. In the space of an hour my Mom and Isabel Evans- Ramirez have become best friends. It started out with them talking about their pregnancies in that way that people who are strangers forced to sit and eat a barbecue meal together will grasp at some small thing they have in common. Now they have developed their own language and are planning their wedding outfits. (For when my unborn brother and Isabel’s unborn daughter get married.)

I leave them at it and wander inside to Michael’s kitchen in search of something to eat that isn’t meat. To my surprise he’s standing at the sink, rinsing dishes.

“Michael Guerin, domestic Goddess,” I laugh.

He grins bashfully and rolls his eyes. “I’m under strict instructions.”

“From Isabel? Man, you’re whipped.”

“I’m not whipped. But since she got pregnant she’s started the crying thing instead of being bitchy and it creeps me out.”

I laugh, but he’s being completely serious. “Have you any crackers or fruit?”

“Are you hungry?” Michael asks, looking a little offended. “There are a couple of burgers left that I can cook up for you.”

“Thanks, but actually I’m a vegetarian now. Usually at barbecues I just load up on salads… That’s the green leafy stuff that you get with food sometimes.”

“People eat that?” Michael grimaces with feigned disgust. “Well, I don’t have any of that here. But I can make you some pasta if you like.”

“It’s fine. Don’t go to any trouble, please.”

“If Isabel finds out that I didn’t feed you, she’ll cry again.”

I laugh. “Well, we can’t have that. Pasta sounds great, thanks.”

He fishes out a saucepan and puts on some water to boil and I take a seat at the island as he resumes the dishes. I sit in silence thinking about my conversation with Max.

“Is Liz starting her new job tomorrow?” I ask eventually.

Michael scrutinizes at me for a moment. “Yeah, I think she’s working nine to five.”

“How is she?”

He shrugs. “She’s okay, I guess. She’s not exactly Mary Sunshine at the moment.” He takes out a couple of different types of pasta sauce for me to choose. I pick one and he stirs it into the cooked pasta and serves it up to me.

I take a bite and nod in approval. “This is great, thanks.” He grins smugly and sets about washing the saucepan as I tuck into the meal.

“So, um, she didn’t come today?” I say to his back.

Michael sighs. “No, I sort of didn’t invite her. Just with everybody else coming it would have been weird and awkward for everybody. And besides…” he sighs again and turns around to give me his full attention. “I don’t know… I’m glad she’s back but I’m not going to suddenly drop all my friends just because Liz is in town. She’s the one who chose to stay away for so long.” He runs his hands through his hair and pins his gaze on me. “Am I horrible?”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so. I’m glad she’s back too and I want to be friends with her again but I’m not going to make the first move. That’s up to her.”

He nods in understanding.

“I’m on ‘til six tomorrow so I’ll probably see her then.” My voice sounds shaky. “I hate this.”

“The pasta?” Michael asks, but I think he’s just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“No, the pasta’s fine. I hate that I’m sitting here planning what I want to say to Liz. I hate that I’m nervous about seeing her. I hate that when your parents showed up I ducked into your games room in case she was with them. I hate that I haven’t spoken to my best friend in six years and that I don’t know how to talk to her anymore.” By now, I’m blubbering like an idiot. Michael hands me a piece of kitchen roll and I use it to wipe my eyes. “Sorry, I know crying girls creep you out.”

He opens his mouth to say something but Kyle and Tess barrel into the kitchen before he can say it. I lower my head and finish up my meal, hoping that Kyle doesn’t notice I’ve been crying.

I don’t think Kyle even notices that I’m there. “Dude, we need to use your foosball table. Tess has made a serious claim and I need to make a rebuttal.” He and Tess laugh like that’s the funniest thing in the world. Either I’m obtuse or that’s a private joke.

Michael gives them a weird look then jerks his thumb in the direction of the games room. “Have at it.” They rush off like two little kids leaving Michael and I watching them in bemusement.

I’m glad they came in and put an end to my Liz funk for a while. “I thought she was Max’s date,” I comment.

“Not really, she’s new in town and she’s working with Max at his dad’s firm. He brought her along so she could meet people.” He heaves a breath and glances out at Max who is now sitting alone, just watching everybody else. “I think Max was sizing her up.”

“What does that mean?”

“Max isn’t the type to ask a girl out before he’s had a chance to get to know her and see what she’s like. He likes Tess but it would be months before he made his move. Sometimes it works out for him because the girl is prepared to wait ‘cause Max is Mr. Wonderful but sometimes somebody else gets in there first.”

I think to myself that Max didn’t wait months to make his move on ‘Lucy’. He didn’t even wait hours. And that’s probably why he now really gets to know a girl before he asks her out.

And I’m back to thinking about Liz again.

“Finished?” Michael asks as I lay my fork down on the empty plate. I nod and he takes the plate away to put it in the dishwasher.

“Shouldn’t you be out there enjoying your party instead of being in here doing the dishes? I’m sure Isabel wouldn’t approve of you neglecting your guests,” I tease.

“Everybody seems to be having a good time. Don’t they?” Michael asks, genuinely concerned. I nod in assurance. “I don’t really like big gatherings like this. I would have preferred just a couple of guys and a few beers.”

“So then, why have a big barbecue?”

“Isabel cried,” he reminds me, and I laugh at his stricken expression. “She insisted that I had to do something to mark the occasion.”

“It’s nice to do something special, you can have the guys over for beer any night,” I point out.

“True,” he agrees. “Anyway, the house is officially warmed. Now I just have to christen it.” He’s looking right at me when he says it.

I have no idea how to interpret that remark. Is he joking? Is he being obnoxious? Is he flirting? With me?

Thankfully my mother comes bustling through the door at that exact moment.

“Maria, there you are. Sweetie, Isabel was just telling me that the school is looking for a new guidance counsellor. Apparently, Kathleen Topolsky has left her husband and shacked up with a doctor in Santa Fe. Isn’t that great?” She beckons me to follow her out, and then turns suddenly to our host. “Oh, Michael, Isabel asked me to tell you to get your butt outside and talk to your guests.”

His eyes meet mine and he grins but I look away quickly and go outside with my mom to talk to Isabel. The last thing I need is to get sucked back into my Michael crush.

***

[nibbles2]

Happy Christmas everybody,
hope you all have a wonderful time.
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CRUSH – 14

Liz

With all the worry and stressing and obsessing about returning to Roswell and facing my family and Maria and Max again, I almost forgot that I have a new job. Today was my first day. I’m really excited about it. I get to work in a proper lab and work on experiments. This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a child and it’s finally real. I’m officially a squint.

My first day was just awesome. I loved it. Even though I’m little more than a glorified gopher and I feel totally inadequate beside all the experienced and qualified scientists. I come alive when I’m in a lab.

When I leave work at the end of the day, I’m practically walking on air.

My dad is checking a delivery in the back room when I let myself in. He puts down his clipboard and gives me his full attention. “How was it?” he asks excitedly.

“It was so awesome,” I gush and launch into a detailed account of my day which my dad listens to attentively.

I’m up to about lunch time when the door from the restaurant opens and Maria pops her head inside the room. “Hey Mr. P. Did the bendy straws come in? There’s a couple of little kids…” She trails off when she realizes that I’m there too and for a moment she just looks at me with an unreadable expression. My dad starts to rummage through the delivery while Maria and I watch him studiously. It’s so awkward but I can’t leave because Maria is standing in the door way. Finally my dad pulls out a box and thrusts it at Maria. She mutters a “thanks” and rushes off.

“Why didn’t you say anything to her?” my dad asks once she’s out of hearing distance.

“There’s so much to say that I don’t know where or how to begin.”

My dad shakes his head. “Call me crazy, but I find that hello usually works well in situations like that.”

I nod.

“Are you coming upstairs? Your mom’s making that chicken thing you like. She’ll want to hear all about your day.”

I look at my watch. It’s almost six and I know Maria is finished work then. “I’ll come up in a minute; Maria is off soon and I want to… do better.”

“Ok,” he says. He pats my shoulder as he passes me. I go into the locker room and sit down to wait for Maria to come in.

As I wait, I try to work out what I’m going to say to her. What are the right words to mend the damage of the last six years? Maria is the best friend I’ve ever had or will have. She’s the other part of me and I hate not being able to talk to her like we used to. I hate not knowing what’s going on in her life. I miss her so much. I have to fix this chasm between us. I caused it and it’s up to me to fix it. Somehow.

The door opens and Maria comes in. She jumps a little when she sees me.

“Hi,” I blurt out immediately.

She comes into the room fully and lets the door close behind her. “Hi,” she says back.

I clear my throat. Crap, why didn’t I ask dad what to say after hello?

Realizing that I’m not going to say anything, Maria goes to her locker and begins to change. She lets her hair down from the bun it was in and runs her brush through it.

“I like your hair like that,” I say, then cringe at how lame that was.

“Thanks.”

“So, you’re in Roswell for the summer too?” I ask.

Maria nods as she shrugs on a clean t-shirt. “Yeah. I thought I could save up some money by living at home. Plus mom is pregnant so I want to be here for her.”

I seize on that little opening with two hands. “I forgot about that. You most be so excited to be a big sister.”

She hesitates for a moment, like she’s going to say something. But she seems to change her mind and smiles. “Yeah, it’s really exciting.”

“Do you know what she’s having?”

“It’s a boy,” Maria laughs. “Mom has already arranged for him to marry Isabel Ramirez’s daughter.”

I laugh too, thrilled that we’re having an actual conversation. “They’ll make a cute couple.”

“Yeah.” Maria’s dressed and ready to leave. She pulls her car keys from her purse. I expect her to go but she hangs back. “How was your first day?”

“It was so cool. I love it,” I enthuse.

“Great.” She twirls her keys around her finger. “Well, I should go. Mom will have dinner ready.”

“Yeah, me too.” I stand up and follow her out of the locker room. “So, uh, maybe we could meet up sometime for coffee? Or shopping? Or…” I trail off as I realize how desperate I sound.

Maria gives me a small smile. “Sure.”

She leaves and I go upstairs to my parents with a smile on my face. It might not have been the most riveting conversation ever, but it was a start.

***

Max

I have made a decision.

It was painful and overdue but I’ve come to a conclusion. My thirty year old army jeep has run its course. Not only do I take my own life into my hands any time I drive it, but it’s not exactly appropriate for a lawyer. It’s time that I got myself a grown-up car.

And so on Wednesday evening, after work, I meet Kyle so we can go look at cars. Originally Michael was supposed to come too. Kyle, who has a deep-seated distrust of used car salesmen, had the idea that if I showed up with a cop and a mechanic that I was less likely to be ripped off. Unfortunately Michael is having dinner with his family tonight so we’ll have to hope that a mechanic and a lawyer can be just as intimidating.

“Thanks for doing this,” I say to Kyle as we wait for the salesman to finish up with another customer.

“No problem, I wasn’t doing anything else tonight anyway.”

I cast a sideways glance at him. “I thought you might be taking Tess out.”

Kyle averts his gaze and kicks the ground uncomfortably. “No, why would you think that?”

“You seemed to hit it off with her on Sunday.”

He shakes his head. “We were just hanging out, playing a little foosball.”

“You really liked her.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

“Yeah, but Max, she was your date. I would never make a move on your date.”

“She’s new in town and I brought her along so she could meet new people. It wasn’t a date.”

“Michael said you called dibs.”

I sigh. “I did, but I hereby retract dibs. You like her, she likes you. Give her a call, ask her out. You have my blessing.”

He shakes his head vigorously. “No way man. I don’t do that to friends.”

“Kyle, listen to me, it’s fine. She’s a great girl, she really is. But she’s just not my type. We’re friends but there was no….” I search for the right word. “There was no spark between us. But it was definitely there between the two of you. Call her.”

“Are you sure?” He’s trying to act cool, but I can tell Kyle is very eager.

I laugh at him and hand him a piece of paper with Tess’s number on it. “Yes.”

“I love you, man,” Kyle jokes as he pockets Tess’s number.

Finally the salesman is free and he approaches us. “Good evening gentlemen, I’m Buddy. What can I do for you today?”

“We’re looking for a car suitable for a lawyer,” Kyle announces to the sales man. He makes a show of looking around. “Hey, where’s Deputy Guerin? I thought he was coming with us tonight.”

Buddy rolls his eyes and deadpans. “Message received, he’s a lawyer, you’re a mechanic and your friend is a cop. I'll be on my best behavior.”

Kyle shrugs, unabashed.

“Ready to look at some cars?” Buddy asks.

We follow him out to the lot and spend an hour examining very nice, bland, boring cars. Kyle finds a few that he thinks are great but they don’t do anything for me.

I’m not a car person. I just don’t get excited about them the way Kyle or even Michael does. Shopping for cars is about as exciting as shopping for jeans. I just don’t care. If it drives, then I’m happy. Apart from my jeep, and possibly the Batmobile, I’ve never seen the point in getting worked up over an engine with wheels.

Kyle talks me into taking one for a test drive. He spends most of the journey telling me why the car is so great, it has low mileage and great specs and lots of other wonderful things apparently. All I know is that it drives well and the seat is comfortable.

When we arrive back at the lot, I park beside a wreck. It’s an old Chevelle, in even worse condition than my jeep. “Now, that, I like,” I say to Kyle.

He shakes his head and begins to list all the reasons why it would be a bad, bad choice. The only one that really matters to me is that the cost of making it roadworthy again is way too prohibitive.

“I don’t have to make a decision right away, I’ll keep looking.”

“What is wrong with you?” Kyle asks. “First you pass on the hottest girl to ever set foot in Roswell and now you’re turning your nose up at this car? You’re not going to get anything better than this, trust me.”

He’s teasing me but his words stick with me and after he drives me home, I’m still thinking about them.

Tess is a really lovely girl, and as Kyle pointed out, she is incredibly hot. But, I just wasn’t feeling anything with her. Kyle and everybody else will draw their own conclusions as to why I didn’t ask Tess out. I’m pretty sure they’ll blame Liz. According to Isabel, I have trust issues ever since ‘Lucy’.

And they’re not completely wrong. It has been very hard for me to let myself relax around girls since then.

But the truth is, the reason that I didn’t ask Tess out and the reason I didn’t ask a lot of other girls out is actually the same reason that I didn’t want to buy that car that Kyle was so excited about.

There was no spark there. It was just a car and Tess is just a girl.

Actually, maybe this is Liz’s fault. Because just like the only time I’ve ever got excited about a car was my jeep, the last time I felt that spark with a girl was with Liz Parker.

***

[nibbles2]

It never fails to amaze me how awesome you all are with your feedback. Keep it coming.

Hopefully I'll be updated Max Evans sucks dot com and The Frog Prince over the weekend and I'll maybe even have a gold diggers update next week.

Chanks_girl A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Liz and Maria took their first step. And Liz is about to take another one.

Keepsmiling7 Coming up….

Roswellian117 Thank you.

Drogyn Just to clear it up, Max isn’t in love with Liz and he never was. They dated for a week and haven’t seen each other in six years. I think his feelings towards her are complicated.

Sarammlover Nobody wants to see Liz grovel. (Well, Isabel maybe). She has a lot to do to mend the mistakes of the past, but grovelling isn’t going to get her anywhere.

RhondaAnn Now that the ice is broken, the thaw will set in pretty fast. It might not be all plain sailing but their making progress.

valentinebaby If Liz had only waited… she could have gotten everything she wanted without all the drama.

Earth2Mama Not in love with Liz (or Lucy) but remember on the show when Liz told Max she’d wrote it all down so that in years to come she’d know what it’s supposed to feel like? It’s sort of the same for Max. He had that magical, special moment when everything clicks. He knows what it’s supposed to feel like and the only person he’s ever felt that with is Lucy/Liz. It doesn’t mean that he still has feelings for her. It just means that he hasn’t felt the same way about anybody else since.

Alien_Friend Yeah, Max was burned by the spark.

Cocogurl Max has issues, and they prevent him from moving on in the way he’d like. Liz’s return will force him to confront them.

Danyel14 I’m glad you like Kyle. I don’t really do funny so, it’s a big thrill for me when people say he’s funny.

Tequathisy Yeah, Jeff and Nancy are great. They’re mostly behind the scenes and I won’t be getting into the dynamics of their relationship with Liz. But I can tell you that they love Liz and are overjoyed to have her back in Roswell and will support her all the way.

begonia9508 Glad you liked the tree!

nitpick23 I tried to avoid stereotyping my characters as I find that dull and predictable. Not all guys are interested in cars and Max happens to be one of those guys. That doesn’t mean he has a vagina.

Alien614 Thank you.

destinyc So true. It’s a tall order, but we’ve all seen how Liz stops at nothing to get what she wants and she really wants to be redeemed.

POM Anticipate no more, enjoy!

Kay_b I still wonder if I’ll be able to pull off a dreamer ending. Fingers crossed.

behrluv32 True.

April Now that the first awkward conversation is over, they’ll be able to take bigger steps and faster progress.

NotYourChick Thanks for reading.

and as always, thanks to Michelle in LA for betaing.



CRUSH – 15

Liz

Friday and my working week is done. All in all, it’s been a good week for me, better that I expected.

I still love my new job. Things are going well with my parents, living at home again after being away for so long is going surprisingly well. Michael came over for dinner on Wednesday night and it was fun. I’ve seen Maria a few times and we’re slowly getting to a place that is less awkward and uncomfortable.

Nobody has stoned me or called me nasty names. There was one evening I went down to the Crashdown to say hi to Maria and I was aware of a group of local teenage boys whispering about me. But that’s been about the worst of it and even that was ok because Maria threw them a dirty look and brought me into the back room. I’d happily endure any number of evil teenagers to have Maria do the protective friend thing again.

As of yet, I haven’t seen Max. I did see his mother in the supermarket one day but I ducked into another aisle and I don’t think she saw me. Seeing her, even at the other end of the breakfast cereal aisle was horrible. I felt sick as the shame of what I had done to her son hit me again in full force.

This is what it is like for me all the time. I might be doing something, anything, and then bam, I remember what I did and the shame comes flooding back, as horrible and sickening as it was six years ago. I can’t stand scented candles because they remind me of Maria too much. I think of Maria and all I can think of is the way I attacked her and the hurt look on her face as Michael ushered her out of our apartment.

Motor bikes, ice hockey, hair gel, all remind me of Michael. I think of Michael and I remember how angry he was at me. I remember how I betrayed him.

I kiss a guy and my mind immediately flashes back to Max; wonderful, sweet, sexy Max. Not that I have been kissing a whole lot of guys.

Mostly I try not to think of Max. The guilt and shame is crippling. I live in dread of running into him, even though I really do want to apologize to him. I just know that it’s going to be the most torturous moment of my life.

In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to get my relationship with my parents back on a normal footing. Although they were pretty great in the aftermath of the whole fiasco, there is still a gulf between us, exacerbated by the time I’ve been away. But here’s the thing about living under your parents’ roof as an adult, you totally regress to being a child again. Or they regress to treating you like a child again. I’ve been living in Boston for years without any problems, cooking for myself, doing my own laundry, buying my own groceries, paying my own bills. My mom however seems to have forgotten these pertinent facts, and treats me like a teenager. And actually, it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would although I’m pretty sure it will wear thin very shortly.

The main thing is that my parents seem really happy to have me at home again. They’re even happier when I offer to close up the Crashdown for them Friday evening so that they can go out for dinner and a movie. They don’t get a lot of time to go out with each other, so this is a treat for them.

I run downstairs for a few minutes to make sure everything is going ok, and time it to coincide with the end of Maria’s shift. She emerges from the locker room wearing a really pretty dress and with her make-up done.

“You look great, are you going out?” I ask.

Maria nods. “It’s Mom and Jim’s anniversary so we’re taking them to dinner in that new place on Grosvenor Street tonight.”

“You and Kyle? That’s nice.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t eaten all day, so I’m starving now.” She glances at her watch and groans. “We’re not meeting there for another hour. I’m never going to make it.”

“We could grab a milkshake together or something, to tide you over,” I suggest nervously.

Maria nods. “Good idea.”

We take a seat in an empty booth and order milkshakes. I don’t think either of us really wants the milkshakes but we’re sitting down together for the first time in six years so I don’t care.

“How’s your Mom? I haven’t seen her since I got back.” I ask.

Maria smiles fondly. “She’s great. Hormonal, unpredictable and getting larger by the second, but yeah, she’s great. Actually, Jim put his foot down and insisted that she take it easy from now on, so tomorrow’s her last full day of working. She’s just going to do the books from now on. So she’ll be at home most of the time if you want to call in and say hi.”

“I will,” I say with a smile. “I can’t imagine that your mom is thrilled about being stuck at home doing nothing. It’s not Amy Deluca’s style.”

“No, it’s not,” Maria agrees. “But she has several projects lined up. She’s going to make the guest room into a nursery and she’s redoing the living room and she’s knitting, like, an entire wardrobe for JJ.”

“JJ?”

Maria laughs. “The baby is going to be called James after his father and grandfather and great-grandfather. Mom doesn’t want him to be called Jim or Jimmy so we picked JJ for James Junior.”

“That’s cute,” I coo. “What about Jamie?”

“That was my suggestion but it was vetoed on the grounds that it’s,” she raises her hands and makes air quotes “a girl’s name.”

“I think it’s a gender-neutral name.”

“Gender-neutral, listen to Miss Harvard,” Maria teases.

I laugh. “Yes, as a representative of Harvard University, one must converse with paramount verbosity at all times.”

Maria tosses her hair nonchalantly. “Like, whatever dude.”

We both laugh and it makes me want to tear up with happiness. For a moment, it feels so normal and like old times.

“So, what’s Harvard like?” Maria asks, genuinely excited.

“It’s great, I love it,” I enthuse. “I mean, it’s incredibly tough. Really, really tough. But I love it.”

“Tough in what way?”

“It’s just so competitive. I honestly think that some of the people in my class would happily stab the rest of us if they thought it would help them. The standards are so high and it’s so intense, all the time.”

“I’m sure that they’re all just jealous of you,” Maria reassures me.

I am so touched by her confidence in me, but I shake my head in denial. “Not really. I was a big fish in a small pond in Roswell and in Winaman, too, but at Harvard, I am distinctly average. Some of my classmates are geniuses, like literally genius. Some of them already have degrees in other fields. Some of them have won really prestigious scholarships and awards. I work my ass off just to keep up with them and I’m about somewhere in the middle.”

Maria looks unhappy at that revelation. “It sounds horrible.”

“It’s not, I really like it,” I smile. “Although… working in the lab here has been an eye-opener. It’s not nearly as competitive as the labs at school. Everybody works together as part of a team, and nobody’s trying to outshine the others. I would definitely prefer to work somewhere like Metachem than the lab in Harvard.”

“Wow,” Maria is surprised to hear me say that. I can understand. I’ve been dreaming about working in the Harvard lab since I was ten.

“Yeah. So what about you? Have you any plans for the future?”

“Well, I have an interview at the High School in two weeks’ time.”

“Really? You’re planning on staying in Roswell?” I ask, shocked. Maria has always talked about getting out of Roswell as much as I talked about getting into Harvard.

She shrugs. “A job’s a job. If I get it, if, then it would be good experience. I could save up some money by living in Roswell and I’d get to be around for Mom and JJ. But it’s just an interview; I’m probably not going to get it.”

“Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,” I say. “And if nothing else, you’ll have the experience of an interview.”

“Exactly, can’t have enough of that,” Maria laughs. She checks her watch and finishes her milkshake. “I should go or I’ll be late for dinner. “I’ll see you around.”

After she leaves, I stick around in the booth for a little longer and finish up my milkshake. I’m feeling pretty happy right now; Maria and I just have a real conversation.

There’s still a lot that’s unsaid between us, but it’s a start.

It gets busy in the Crash for a while, so I help out. After it calms down, I decide to run to the video store down the street to get a DVD for later.

After deliberating for a few minutes, I decide to go for a classic and rent To Kill a Mockingbird, pay for my rental, turn away from the counter and literally run smack bang into Max Evans.

***

Max

We both stand, staring stupidly at each other for a minute, caught too unawares to react.

A lady pushes me from behind, irritated that I’m blocking her way to the counter. I step aside and apologize to her and she rewards me with a scowl.

The brief interruption has shaken Liz and me out of our stupor. She looks incredibly uncomfortable and skirts around me to leave. I leave the DVD I was returning onto the counter and hurry out of the store after her.

“Liz, wait,” I call after her retreating figure.

She turns around, looking surprised that I have chased her outside. I walk up to where she’s waiting. “I was just wondering if we could have a quick word.”

“Of course. Max, I’m so sorry-”

I quickly hold up my hands to cut short her apology. I know she’s sorry. I got the letters she sent. “Look Liz, what happened, happened. It’s too late for apologizing now.” My tone is kind of harsh and abrupt and Liz flinches.

She opens her mouth, to apologize for apologizing I think, but she catches herself and closes it again. She shuffles her feet awkwardly, and waits for me to explain why I’ve called her back.

I take a deep breath and try to speak in a calmer manner this time. “You and I are going to have to learn to be in the same room as each other. Michael is my best friend and your brother and it’s not fair to him to have to choose between his friends and his family. I don’t want to put him in the position he was in last Sunday.”

“Me neither,” Liz says in a small voice.

“Good. That doesn’t mean that I want to be friends,” I clarify. “I just want us to be civil with each other so there’s no awkwardness. I don’t want you to keep apologizing every time you see me. Ok?”

She nods. “Ok.” She’s not even able to look at me any more and I suddenly feel very sorry for her.

“Ok,” I repeat. “Well, that’s all I wanted to say.”

I know Liz wants to say something; actually I think she’s fighting the urge to burst out into apologies but she doesn’t say anything; she just waits for my signal so that she can leave.

I jiggle my keys. “Well, I have to go. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she squeaks and then practically runs away.

I climb into my jeep and drive to Isabel and Jesse’s house. I have some paint samples Mom got in Hondo today which Isabel is waiting impatiently for.

Jesse had a meeting in Albuquerque today and isn’t home yet and, as Isabel is pregnant and therefore unable to breathe in paint fumes, I am enlisted to brush the different samples onto the wall of what’s going to be the nursery.

Isabel has decided to paint it yellow, so now she has to decide which shade. We consider the options and both agree we like the ‘Butter’ shade best.

“But you should wait to see it in daylight before deciding,” I suggest.

“You’re right,” Isabel agrees.

Satisfied with her decision, we take a seat in the living room and settle down for a chat. Mostly this involves me listening as she discusses all the latest developments of her pregnancy, all of which of course I have heard from Mom already. Sometimes I think Isabel is the first woman to ever get pregnant.

“I saw Liz today,” I blurt out during a lull in the conversation.

Immediately, Isabel’s happy smile vanishes.

“Yeah, I was returning a DVD for mom and she was there,” I explain. “We talked.”

“Really? What did she say her name was this time?” Isabel spits.

“Isabel,” I sigh tiredly. I scoot across the couch so that I’m closer to her and take her hand. “I know that you’re angry at her on my behalf because you love me. I’m so lucky to have a sister like you. You have supported me and stood by me my whole life and I love you for it. You are the best sister a guy could ask for. But you’ve got to let this go.”

“What?” she gasps, stunned at my request.

“Liz was a kid and she’s really sorry for what she did.” I hold up my hand to stall Isabel’s protests. “I’m not excusing her or condoning what she did. It was wrong, but I’m over it.”

“You could have gone to jail,” Isabel reminds me pointlessly. “It was more than wrong, it was selfish and evil and I will never forgive her for that. Never.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive her,” I say, trying to appease. “I’m just asking you to let it go. Not for her sake, Iz, but for mine and Michael’s.”

“Yours?”

“Yeah, mine. I want to be able to forget the whole thing ever happened but I can’t if other people don’t do the same. If you’re always angry at her and ready to kill her, it’s always going to remind me of what she did.”

“Ok.”

“It’s not fair on Michael either,” I continue. “You know how important family is to him. She’s his sister and he needs to be able to have a proper relationship with her, but he’s never going to be able to have that if he’s worried about how we’re going to react. He’s always going to be caught in the middle and it’s not fair to him.”

“Ok.”

“Jeff and Nancy have never blamed me for what happened. I had sex with their underage daughter and they never treated me like it was my fault. I hate that they have to feel ashamed every time they see me.”

“Ok, Max, I get it,” Isabel interrupts loudly. “I will never forgive her and I will never forget what she did, but I will be polite and cordial to her and I won’t make things uncomfortable for you, or Michael or her parents.”

“Thanks.”

“But Max, I smell bullshit,” Isabel informs me. “You are not over it. You haven’t had a real relationship with a girl since Liz. You are such a wonderful guy; you’re handsome and smart and sweet and thoughtful. I know that girls throw themselves at you. But because of what she did, you’re still too afraid to trust anybody or get too close.”

I shake my head. “It’s not because of what she did. I might be more cautious than I was before and take my time getting close to girls now, but that’s not because of what she did. It’s because of her.”

Isabel looks confused and I can’t really blame her, it confuses me too.

I take a deep breath and confess something that I have never admitted to anybody else before. “Lucy Smith was my perfect woman, Isabel. She was everything I look for in a girl. The reason that I haven’t been in a serious relationship since then is because no other girl I have met has measured up to her.”

Isabel is aghast at that. She grabs my head and looks at me sternly. “Max, you know that Lucy wasn’t real. It was Liz Parker, pretending to be somebody else, somebody who isn’t real. It was all fake. She was pretending to be somebody she’s not so that she could trick you. You do know that right? Please tell me you don’t think that Liz Parker is your perfect woman.”

Fortunately, Jesse arrives home right then and I’m saved from having to answer Isabel. She probably thinks that it was rhetorical anyway.

The truth is that I’m not so sure.

Yes, Liz was lying and pretending to be somebody that she wasn't. I know Lucy Smith wasn’t real. But I understand now what Liz was trying to explain to me at the gas station, six years ago.

Lucy Smith’s personality was all Liz. That wasn’t fake. She lied about her name and her age and where she went to school. But the girl that I spent hours talking to, the girl who made me laugh, the girl I knew I could have fallen in love with; she was real.

Isabel’s right, I’m not over her.

***

[nibbles2]

Earth2Mama I don’t think I’d blame Isabel’s hormones for her reaction. It’s her anger towards Liz that caused her reaction. Liz hurt Max and almost destroyed his life and for Isabel, there is no forgiving that. She has no interest in Liz moving past her mistake, Liz can rot for all she cares. Her concern is with Max. She knows that he’s not over Liz/Lucy and she’s not going to let him make what she sees as another mistake.

Alien_Friend I agree, they’d have to be very brave to chance a relationship with each other again.

valentinebaby There’s a lot of conversations to come. There’s a big one in this chapter and there’s another in the next one. Liz and Max will talk it out before the end of the fic.

Roswellian117 Yeah, I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for Isabel to relax the hate.

Drogyn Now that she’s taken her first step with Maria, things will move faster.

RhondaAnn I certainly never meant to imply that Maria feels insecure about her life compared to Roswell. She’s just at that stage where she’s left college and hasn’t got a job yet and she’s uncertain about what the best path to take is.

keepsmiling7 By being civil, they’re making life easier for everybody, not just themselves.

Cocogurl I think it might prove to be a lot easier for Max to forgive Liz than is will be for Isabel. But you never know.

Rowedog I love the Maria/Liz friendship too. I hate fics where they’re not friends, so it’ll be a big focus of this fic.

Alien614 Thank you.

Tequathisy Yeah, I wanted their first meeting to be brief and almost underwhelming. The big one is still to come

Emz80m Thanks

nitpick23 I think that Max was so throw by bumping into Liz like that, when he really wasn’t expecting it that he just didn’t notice how she looked. He really didn’t have time to think or process what was happening.

Begonia9508 Thank you.

AlysLuv Thanks

kay_b Well it will take a lot more than Liz getting over her guilt and shame. Max might still have feelings but he also feels hurt and betrayed. Plus there’s Isabel…

behrluv32 Thank you.

sarammlover Thank you.

April I love that you think Liz and Maria’s friendship is the heart of the fic because that’s what I feel too.

Thanks to my beta Michelle in LA


Crush – 16

Maria

“This is for you.”

I already know that I’m going to regret this but, with a forced smile on my face, I accept the piece of paper the Crashdown customer hands to me. He tries to grab my hand as I take it but I was expecting it and manage to extricate myself from his grasp.

The piece of paper turns out to be a page from a Pinecrest Motel notepad with a room number and a phone number scrawled on it. And wrapped up in the note is a condom.

“It’s ribbed, for your pleasure,” he leers.

I hold the condom gingerly by the corner and toss it on to the table. “Not if you were the last man on Earth.”

“Sweetheart,” he begins, reaching around me to grab my ass. I push him away angrily and he reaches again. This time, I’m yanked out of his reach before he can make contact.

“Maria, you can finish up now, if you want,” Jeff Parker tells me, his steely gaze fixed on the grabby jerk. “I’ll see this customer out.”

I smile gratefully at him and leave the restaurant. After I change into my own clothes and clock out; I go to find Mr. Parker to say thanks.

He’s chatting to Liz when I step into the office. “Are you ok?” he asks.

“Yeah, nothing I can’t handle - I worked in a student bar for two years, Mr. Parker; but thanks for stepping in.”

“No problem,” he smiles.

“What happened?” Liz asks in concern.

“Grabby customer,” I say and she nods in understanding. “Well, I’m off. See you tomorrow.” I wave at Mr. Parker as I leave. Liz follows me out of his office.

“Are you not working today?” I ask.

“No, I have the day off.”

“Oh, I thought you did nine to five.” I make a snap decision. “I’m going shopping now; I have to get something to wear to my interview next week. You want to come?”

“Yes!” she exclaims. She blushes faintly at her own eagerness which I pretend not to notice. “I’ll just get my purse.”

Twenty minutes later, we’re browsing through a store in the mall. We exchange work stories and I fill her in on old friends from school and just chat about anything in general.

After trying on a few outfits, I purchase a respectable suit and blouse and then we go for a coffee.

“So, what’s it like being back?” I ask.

Liz takes a deep breath. “It’s good. Really good. I love being home again with my parents. My job is going well. And it is so, so, so good to see you again and get to hang out with you. I missed you so much, Maria.” She seizes my hand and tears splash from her eyes. The words come tumbling out, like she’s been holding them back for so long and just isn’t able to contain them anymore. “You are the best friend that I ever had and I’m so, so sorry for everything; for the way I acted, for not listening to you, for hitting you, for refusing to talk to you. If I could go back and change things, I would. I’m so sorry, Maria.”

I brush away the tears that are falling from my own eyes and squeeze her hand. “I know, Liz.”

She continues, unable to stop herself. “The thing I regret the most, and I have a lot of regrets, is letting our friendship fall by the wayside. I should never have let that happen, never.”

“Then why did you?” I cry.

“I… just…I,” she shakes her head and tries to regain control of her emotions.

I can see she’s having difficulty, so I squeeze her hand gently and give her a small smile.

She seems to draw strength from that. “Maria, the whole Max thing; it feels like it was somebody else. Like, aliens abducted me. I think back on it and I cannot fathom how I could have been so stupid and selfish and crazy. I mean, I was totally crazy. And when I think of it, all I feel is this sickening, horrible guilt. It’s almost paralytic. God, I made Max commit statutory rape. I attacked you. I let my parents down so badly. I put Michael in the most difficult position. Who does that? It’s not me! But it was, I did that. I was so horrible and… I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror for months after. I literally couldn’t face myself. There was no way that I could face you and everybody else that I hurt. I just couldn’t… My aunt persuaded me to go to a therapist; she thought it would help me to talk to somebody. That’s when I wrote all those apology letters. But I couldn’t take the next step, I just wasn’t able to. I was supposed to come home that September but I had a panic attack at the airport. They wouldn’t let me board the plane. That’s why my parents let me go to boarding school. I told myself I’d come home at Christmas, but I still wasn’t ready. Then spring break, then summer.”

She breaks off and sobs quietly. I press a couple of napkins into her hand and she wipes her face. Before I can say anything, she continues.

“The hardest thing I did was come home for thanksgiving, freshman year in college. I knew you were home too and I wanted so badly to go and see you but I totally chickened out. I thought you’d hate me. God knows you had every right to. So I told myself that I’d see you the next time I was home. And then, I don’t know, time passed and then suddenly it was six years. I’m still ashamed but the desire to come home and make things right was greater than the desire to stay away.”

I take her hand in mine. “Liz, you were a kid. Yeah, it was crazy and selfish but you can’t let it control your life. I know you’re sorry and you would change it if you could. You have to forgive yourself.”

She shakes her head in denial. “I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for it.”

“It wasn’t all your fault, Liz. It was my idea to get fake ID’s-”

“I was happy to go along with it, Maria,” Liz interjects. “I wanted to go to the club just as much as you did. I was the one who persuaded Alex to make them for us. I was the one who tricked Max into thinking I was twenty-two. That was all me. I’m responsible for my own actions. You didn’t make me do anything.”

She looks so broken down that I can’t help but slide into the seat beside her and wrap my arm around her shoulder. We lean our heads against each other and stay that way for a few minutes. When Liz regains her composure, we pull apart, but I remain on her side of the table.

“If it means anything to you, I don’t hold any of that Max stuff against you Liz. I told you in that letter and I meant it.”

“It means a lot to me,” Liz says with a watery smile.

“And I’m really sorry too,” I say. “I never intended for it to go down the way it did. I honestly thought Michael would handle it himself, I never imagined that he’d go to your parents. I was just so worried about what could happen if I didn’t stop you. I should have found another way.”

Liz shakes her head emphatically. “You did the right thing and Michael did the right thing. I couldn’t see that at the time, but I know it now.”

“Oh, Lizzie,” I say and rub her arm. I debate telling her what I want to tell her. On the one hand, the only way to clear the air is through honesty. On the other hand, I don’t want to make her feel any more guilty than she already does. And in the light of what she’s told me, I’m not sure that I’m right to hold on to my anger anyway.

So I pick my words carefully. “Liz, I’m over what happened with Max and that whole thing. I know I’ve been kind of standoffish since you got back but it’s not because of all that.” I pause, to figure out how much to tell her. “I spent a week trying to apologize to you after I told Michael but you never even answered the phone. You left for Florida and never said goodbye. You wrote me one letter and I wrote back. I waited for so long for a second letter. You came home and I waited for you to come and see me. But you never did. You were my best friend in the world and you completely shut me out. That hurt me a thousand times more than when you hit me.” I hold up my hand to stall her apologies. “I understand now, why you stayed away and it helps to know that it wasn’t because you didn’t care.”

Liz looks horrified at the suggestion. “Of course I cared, Maria, I love you. I’m so sorry. I was so focused on my own stuff and I guess I thought that everybody hated me for what I did to Max and you that I never thought about how you’d feel with me gone. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Liz,” I smile. “We’re okay. I’m really glad we talked and cleared the air. It’s such a shame it took us so long.”

“I’m sorry,” Liz says again.

I laugh. “You know when you say a word over and over again, it eventually loses all meaning? Is sorry starting to sound really weird to you, too?”

“A little. Sorry.” Liz giggles. “Jesus, it’s all I can seem to say.”

I laugh too, and our laughter brings the heavy discussion to an end.

***

Michael

When Jim Valenti found out that his wife was pregnant, he lined all us deputies up and issued us with new orders. From that day on we were to consider ourselves Amy Valenti’s footmen and butlers. If we saw her carrying anything heavy, we were to offer to carry it for her; that kind of thing. I guess because of Amy’s age, he was pretty worried about her. I don’t really mind, Amy’s cool. And she’s an awesome cook.

So when I spot Amy’s car parked on the corner of my street and a figure bent over the wheel, my heart drops. I park my truck in my driveway and run back to where the Jetta is parked.

My relief that it’s Maria and not Amy in the car is temporary. Maria is in floods of tears in the driver’s seat. I put aside my natural fear of crying women and tap on the window.

She jumps in surprise and looks horrified that she’s been caught. I open the door and sit into the passenger seat. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she insists, trying desperately to get her tears under control. “It’s nothing. I just don’t want to go home like this.”

“Why are you like this?”

Maria hiccups and wipes her face. “It’s nothing. I had a talk with Liz, and I’m just a little emotional right now. It’s fine, Michael, honestly.”

I’d believe her if she wasn’t still crying. So I climb out of the car, go around to the driver’s side and open the door. I take her elbow and pull her gently from the car. “Come on, we’ll go to my place. You can cry it out there.”

She allows me to lead her down the street and into my house. I leave her crying on the couch as I hunt down a box of tissues that Isabel bought me. I eventually find them in the guest bathroom and bring them downstairs to Maria.

Her crying jag seems to be winding down as I join her on the couch. She accepts the tissues and blows her nose loudly. She sniffs and sighs for a few more minutes as I wait patiently.

“Thanks,” she says eventually, giving me an embarrassed smile.

“You’re welcome,” I tell her. “So… What happened with Liz?”

“We had a heart-to-heart and worked things out.”

“Oh.” This is why I don’t like it when women cry, I have no idea what’s going on with them. I was sure that Maria was upset and that’s why she was crying, they seemed like upset tears to me. But if she and Liz made up, why is she upset? “So, everything’s okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” she smiles weakly.

“It’s just that, it seemed like things weren’t okay.”

Maria sighs and plays with the tissue in her hand. “It’s complicated.”

“Okay.”

Maria turns to face me and tucks her feet under her body. “I’ve been holding on to something for six years, ever since Liz left. I’ve been nursing this hurt, you know, waiting for her to come back so I could tell her how I feel. Then today she told me how she felt and I couldn’t tell her how I felt because it seemed wrong somehow to feel that way now after hearing what she had to say. But I still feel those things and I don’t know what to do about it now.”

I blink slowly, totally confused.

She laughs at my expression, but it’s a hollow laugh.

“When Liz left without saying goodbye and then didn’t try to get in touch again, it really hurt me. It hurt me more than what she said to me that night or when she hit me. It reminded me of my dad. He did the same thing. He left without saying goodbye and then never got in touch again... Well, apart from the whole birthday present fiasco… you remember that?”

I nod in remembrance. “Yeah, this is becoming something of a habit. I might even have some ice-cream in the freezer.”

“I’m okay, thanks.” She laughs again, it sounds a little more real this time. Then her expression grows sad again. “I tracked him down.”

“Your dad?”

Maria nods. “My freshman year. He lives in Houston. He’s married again and has two daughters. I have two little sisters. I didn’t get to meet them but I saw them playing outside his house. They’re so cute. Anyway, I talked to my dad and he didn’t want anything to do with me. I was a mistake he made when he was a kid and his wife and kids were his real family. He didn’t want them to know anything about me.”

“That’s shit,” I commiserate.

“Yeah.” She wipes two stray tears away. “I keep thinking about those two girls. I’ve always wanted a little sister. It would have been really cool to have had the chance to meet them.” She shakes her head ruefully. “It was stupid to think that he’d want to know me, he hasn’t been in touch since I was six years old. I should have expected it but when I saw that he had daughters, I thought maybe, he might want to get to know me, too.”

I shake my head. “It’s not stupid, Maria. I love my parents, but I’ve always wondered about my birth parents. Even now I have stupid daydreams about them coming back for me. I think it’s natural for anybody who has been rejected by a parent.”

“I know,” Maria sighs. “I wish I’d stuck to daydreams.”

“So your issues with Liz have to do with the way she left and never got in touch with you and not with what she did before she left?”

Maria nods.

“But you feel that you can’t talk to Liz about it?”

She shrugs. “No, not yet anyway. Maybe in the future, I can tell her. But I realized today that she didn’t mean to hurt me like that. My dad made a decision to walk away and have nothing to do with me and for the last few years I thought Liz had done the same. I know now that wasn’t the case. I know she wanted to come back but she was afraid. It’s a huge difference. And Liz has enough to deal with at the moment. We made a massive step today, so when the time is right, I’ll talk to her about my dad and all that.”

“That sounds sensible.”

“Sensible is my middle name,” Maria jokes. “Can I use your bathroom? I want to wash up.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Maria makes her way upstairs and I go into the kitchen to get a start on dinner. I’m chopping vegetables when she comes back down. Her eyes are still red and puffy but she looks better, more cheerful. Even with blotchy cheeks and red eyes, she’s still a knock out.

She pauses in the doorway and gives me a strange look. “Are you having vegetables?” she asks with mock surprise.

“I thought I’d give them a try,” I joke. “I’m doing a stir fry, if you’d like to stay for dinner.”

“I’d love to, but I told mom I’d be home. She’s big into having us all together for meals lately. Kyle’s coming too. We’re going to make him eat vegetarian lasagna!” Her eyes twinkle in amusement.

“So I should expect him to come knocking on my door in a couple of hours begging for real food?”

“Oooh, you should offer him vegetable stir-fry. That would totally freak him out.”

I laugh at the thought of Kyle’s reaction if I offered him vegetable anything. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Thanks for listening and letting me cry. Again.”

“No problem,” I shrug uncomfortably. I really don’t like when things get goopy. She gives me a look, like she’s thinking of something else. I clench the knife and pray that she’s not about to bring up the time she caught me crying.

Thankfully, if she does remember, she doesn’t say anything about it, instead she stands up. “Well, I should get going.”

But instead of leaving, she walks to where I’m standing, throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. Normally I don’t do the whole hugging thing, but as she doesn’t really give me much of a choice, I awkwardly wrap my arms around her slender body and squeeze gently.

She pulls away and smiles. “Thanks, Michael.”

After she’s gone, I have this unsettled feeling that I can’t pinpoint. I go back to chopping the vegetables but a thought strikes me; I grab my phone and dial Liz’s cell.

She answers on the second ring, sounding chipper. “Hello, Michael.”

“Hey, Liz,” I scratch the back of my head, wishing that I’d at least considered what to say before dialing. “Hey. So… I was just wondering how you’re doing?”

“I’m awesome. Maria and I talked this afternoon and it was great.”

“So things are okay between you two?” I ask.

“Yeah. I mean it’s still not perfect but it’s so, so much better than it was before.”

“Cool. I’m glad.”

“Yeah… so, what you doing?”

“I’m making dinner. I’m being very healthy and grown up and I’m making a vegetable stir-fry.”

Liz blows a raspberry down the phone. “Ha ha. Mom’s frying chicken. It smells great. Hang on… she wants to know if you want to come over for dinner.”

I look down at the pile of vegetables on the chopping board. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

***

[nibbles2]

Thank you all.

Earth2Mama

Valentinebaby

RhondaAnn

Alien_Friend

April

Rowedog

Jull_ana welcome back!

Alien614

keepsmiling7

tequathisy

xmag

begonia9508

sarammlover

Cocogurl

Roswellian117

And as always, my beta Michelle in LA


Crush – 17

Liz

“Michael and I will do the washing up,” I declare as we finish up dinner.

“Suck-up!” Michael says with a glare. He turns to mom. “You know she’s only doing this because she wants you to buy her a pony.”

Mom tousles his hair as she passes him on her way into the living room. “If she keeps this up, she’ll get one.”

Michael rises to his feet with an exaggerated sigh of forbearance and follows me into the kitchen.

I begin filling the sink with hot water. “Incidentally, I went on a pony ride during spring break. You know my old roommate Frances? Her family breeds horses. Anyway, she took me riding. Trust me; I definitely do not want a pony.”

“You didn’t like it?” Michael asks.

“No. It’s horrible. It’s uncomfortable and smelly, and I hurt for a month afterwards.”

Michael laughs. “I guess I it’s a good thing that you’re weren’t able to convince Mom and Dad that your balcony was the perfect place to keep a pony.”

“I never said that,” I protest in outrage.

“Sure you did. She was going to live on the balcony and eat donuts and you were going to call her Sparkles,” he says with a really high-pitched girly voice.

“Shut up!” I giggle and throw a handful of suds at Michael.

“Watch the hair,” he warns as he picks up a towel to dry. “Anna and I went on a pony trek when we were in Texas last year. I thought it was fun.”

“Oh. How is Anna?” I ask. I never got to meet his ex-girlfriend. She was supposed to come to Boston with him at one stage but they broke up before that happened.

He shrugs. “She’s okay, I guess. I don’t really see a lot of her.”

“Are you seeing a lot of anybody?”

Michael laughs at my awkwardly worded question. “Nope.”

“Interested in anybody?”

“No; what about you?”

This time, it’s my turn to laugh. “God no, I have enough to be dealing with right now. I’m focusing on rebuilding my relationships with you guys and Maria.”

Michael clears his throat. “I, uh, actually, I saw Maria this evening. After she’d talked to you. She was… emotional.”

“Oh,” I say quietly. Knowing Michael, ‘emotional’ means she was crying. I was elated after my conversation with Maria. It was such a cathartic moment for me. A huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally see real progress.

“Are you okay?” Michael asks, gently.

“Yeah… I thought it went really well, but if she was upset...”

“Crap, I’m fucking this up,” he mutters. “I just meant that it sounded like your conversation was pretty heavy and emotional.”

“It was,” I confirm.

“Maria’s fine. You know what she’s like. She’s emotional, that’s all. She just needed to let it out, or whatever. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay, too.”

I nod. “I’m fine. Is that why you called me? To check up on me?”

“I guess.”

I feel really touched by that. He can be so sweet sometimes. “Aw, Michael, thank you!” I exclaim.

He shifts uncomfortably. “Whatever.”

I can’t help laughing at him. He is such a guy when it comes to the emotional stuff. To fluster him even more, I throw my arms around him and hug him. He pats my shoulder uncomfortably then pushes me away. “C’mon, let’s get this done. I want to get home in time to watch the game.”

I turn back to the sink and resume the washing up. “I saw Max too. I ran into him at the video store on Friday.”

“Oh,” Michael looks surprised at that revelation. “How did that go?”

“Actually, it was ok. In a completely mortifying and humiliating kind of way. Max said he didn’t want an apology but that he wanted us to be able to be civil with each other so that you wouldn’t be caught in the middle.” I sneak a glance at Michael, he’s totally focused on drying a spot on the plate he’s holding. “So, we’re going to be civil. It’s probably going to be really uncomfortable and weird for a while but I think it would be okay for us to be in the same room with each other.”

Michael nods his head slowly. “Cool… I’m glad.”

“Max is a really incredible person,” I comment. “I mean, if I was him, I don’t think I could stand to be in the same state as me. Obviously, you mean a lot to him if he’s able to be so magnanimous towards me.”

I force myself to face Michael and look him in the eye. He looks really uncomfortable again. “I’m so sorry Michael, for what I did.”

“I know, Liz.”

I shake my head, my vision suddenly blurry with tears. “He’s your best friend and I know how important he is to you and I almost destroyed that. I didn’t consider how it would affect you; I didn’t even care how it would affect you. You’re my big brother and I love you and I should never have done that to you. I’m so, so sorry, Michael. I’m so sorry.”

By now I’m sobbing and I’m not even sure if the last part of my speech was comprehensible. I can’t believe I’m doing this twice in one day. Stupid periods. Michael pulls me into a hug, holding me tight and rubbing his hands up and down my back as he waits for me to calm down.

Eventually, I get myself under control but I stay leaning against his strong frame.

“We’ve been through this already Liz and we’re cool,” he says against my hair. He sighs too and gently extracts himself from my vise-grip hug. “Look Liz, you fucked up big time, and I didn’t handle it as well as I should have. We’d both change things if we could. But the past is the past and you don’t get to do it over again. Concentrate on the future now.”

I nod. “That’s why I came back. I have to deal with the past first so that I can move on.”

“I think that takes guts Liz,” he tells me. I give him a small smile and he pats my back. “Now, back to work, I don’t want to miss the game.”

***

Max

“And that’s game to Valenti, again! Suck it, losers,” Kyle gloats as he sinks another basket. He does a lap of honor around the court as Michael and I collapse onto the bench and grab a bottle of water.

Once a week, Michael, Kyle and I try to get together to play ball. Sometimes Jesse joins us, but not a lot lately. According to Michael, it’s because Isabel has Jesse ‘on a very short lease since he ‘knocked her up’. I obviously don’t agree with that… but he’s not wrong. So we’ve developed a version of one-on-one-on-one. Kyle usually wins, he may be shorter than both Michael and me, but he’s naturally athletic and a better player than either of us.

But we can score points of another kind.

“You know we only let you win so you wouldn’t cry,” I joke.

He eyes me suspiciously. “Huh?”

I turn to Michael. “Poor Kyle, he was in tears last night. He was watching Titanic with Tess, and ended up sobbing his little heart out.”

Michael laughs and Kyle turns red. “Shut up, Evans. I can’t believe she told you that.”

“Poor little guy,” Michael mocks.

Kyle flips us the finger which only makes us laugh harder. He throws us a dirty look and goes back onto the court to take shots.

“Liz said you talked to her,” Michael says suddenly.

“Yeah,” I confirm. I’m not sure why I didn’t mention it to Michael myself. I guess it’s a weird subject for me to talk to him about. Plus, following my epiphany at Isabel’s, my head’s been in a weird place as I try to figure out my feelings. Isabel is right, and I’m dumb to be hanging onto feelings I had for a non-existent girl I met six years ago. I need to finally let it go and move on.

“Thanks, man,” Michael says, jarring me out of my thoughts. For a moment, I’m not sure what he’s thanking me for. The fact that he’s even bringing this up shows me how much it’s been on Michael’s mind too. He sounds relieved. Whatever other people think, I’m glad that I made that effort with Liz, for his sake.

Kyle comes back to us, bouncing the ball. “Anybody for a game of Horse?”

I shake my head. Michael groans and stands up and holds out his hands for the ball. “Did you at least get a pity lay?” I hear him ask Kyle as they move towards the hoops.

They start playing and I slip back into my thoughts about Liz and Lucy and girls in general.

The funny thing is that I tend to still think of Liz and Lucy as different people. In my mind, Liz Parker is still a twelve-year-old girl who used to follow me and Michael around. I remember the last time I saw her, the day before I left for college when I called up to the Parker’s apartment to say goodbye to them all before I left. When I said goodbye to her, she was upset and hugged me and even gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

I knew she had a crush on me. It was kind of hard to miss, really. I thought it was kind of amusing, if I ever thought about it. But she wasn’t somebody I paid a lot of attention to. And even now when I think of Liz Parker, I think of her that day in the apartment, trying not to cry as I said goodbye.

Lucy is somebody else. She was a smart, beautiful, sexy adult. She was a million miles away from the geeky twelve-year-old I knew. She’s the one who lied to me and broke my heart.

Even though I know they are one and the same, in my mind, I separate them into two different people. And now there’s a third girl. She’s neither the little kid I used to give piggy back rides to, nor the woman I had sex with in my mother’s car.

I don’t know how to feel for her. I felt sorry for her that night, at the video store. She looked so broken and even smaller than I remembered. When I think about it, I admire her for coming back and facing everybody again. I’m glad she’s back too, for Michael’s sake and her parents’ too. They have never once blamed me for what happened or made me feel uncomfortable in their presence. I mean, I felt incredibly uncomfortable and awkward around them for a long time and still do even now, but they’ve never ever done anything to make me feel that way. It’s been all my own shame and guilt.

I’m not sure why it is exactly that I haven’t been able to have a relationship since then. It’s not like I think every girl I meet is going to turn out to be a minor. I know they’re not. In all the years at college, with girls that I knew were the same age as me, I never pursued a relationship. I would wait months before asking a girl out and then end the relationship with her within a month.

Tess is kind of the perfect example. She’s smart, beautiful, the same age as I am, has a lot of the same interests as me and we hit it off right away. I know that as I straight guy, I should have been interested. I wasn’t exactly uninterested. But…

I think I was waiting for the spark. It hit me like I thunderbolt when I met ‘Lucy’. I think that’s why I waited so long before asking out the other girls, too. I was waiting to be hit by that same feeling. Because I know how you’re supposed to feel when you meet somebody special. I felt it six years ago with her.

So what’s wrong with me? Why haven’t I felt it since? Maybe it doesn’t really exist. Maybe I imagined it. Maybe I didn’t really feel it at all and it’s just something I created to explain my own stupidity. Maybe I’m never going to feel it again and I’ve been wasting my life and lots of opportunities with some really great girls because I’ve been waiting for a mythical spark.

I’ve got to stop wasting time. I’ve got to start living my life.

Decision made, I stand up and join the two guys on the court. “What’s happening?” I ask.

“Michael’s a whore,” Kyle laughs. We watch Michael throw the ball and make a shot.

“Kyle’s a ho,” Michael counters.

I laugh at them as my gaze drifts to the tennis court next door to where two young women are playing a game. Michael turns around to say something to me, and sees where I’m looking.

He spots the two girls and gives a shout of greeting before walking over to the fence dividing the courts. The two girls join him and they chat for a few minutes. He turns around then and waves for us to join them.

Kyle jogs over and with some reluctance, I follow.

“Hi Kyle, hi Max,” they both say in a friendly manner.

“You guys remember, Jenny?” Michael asks. It takes me a second to place her as his ex-girlfriend’s younger sister. “And Olivia Newman.”

I do a double take at that name and stare at the woman in question. Olivia Newman was the girl I took to prom… and then back to a motel room afterwards. “Wow, hi,” I exclaim.

She laughs. “Hi, Max. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you since summer after graduation. What have you been doing since?”

“Med School and then, I spent the last two years in South America with Doctors without borders,” she says.

“Don’t get her started,” Jenny interjects. “Once she starts talking about the slums of Brazil she’ll never stop. This girl knows how to lay on a guilt trip.”

Olivia blushes and I remember why I liked her so much back in high school. I’m not saying that I’m being hit by any lightening bolts but… I’m interested. And this time, I’m not going to let the opportunity pass me by. “Actually, I’d love to hear about it,” I tell Olivia. “Maybe we could meet up sometime and catch up.”

She smiles. “That would be really great.”

***

[nibbles2]

Begonia9508 I don’t really know what you mean. He doesn’t refuse to see that Liz is a woman with feminine assets. He’s seen them already.

Rowedog My deepest apologies to Tia, Cibby and the rest.

chanks_girl I love Michael too. He’s not perfect but he’s really trying.

April The Liz Max knew was pre-teen, dorky, had puppy fat and wasn’t somebody he paid a lot of attention to except that she was his friend’s little sister and she sometimes stalked him. He was eighteen when he left so Liz wasn’t on his radar. Lucy, was “twenty-two”, hot, sexy and all grown up. So it was an easy mistake for him to make.

xmag Well making a decision to get back out there is part of the ‘natural evolution’ so.. yeah.

Eva Hope the hubby didn’t see that.

RhondaAnn Thank you.

keepsmiling7 At this stage the only people who think that there’s any chance of Max and Liz ending up together are us so it’s natural for him to date other girls.

Alien_Friend Yep, Michael is totally crushing on Maria he just doesn’t realise it yet.

AlysLuv Well, Max is thinking

Roswellian117 Yeah, the old wounds are slowly being healed.

valentinebaby Thanks.

Sarammluver Clearing the air with Michael was a huge relief for Liz.

Alien614 It’s be a while before he’s hit with that particular lightening bolt. Again.

Earth2Mama Max has been in dating limbo for a long time now and strangely it’s been the return of Liz that’s given him the impetus he needed to get back in the game.

Jull_ana I’m glad that Liz is back in your good books. It makes me very happy.

Cocogurl Aw, thank you.

nwinchester Thanks for reading.

Drogyn Thanks

OmegaRam1 I’m afraid that you may have to wait a while before I can do as you say.

dreambeliever Yes, Liz was sixteen and also, Harvard bound – she was intelligent enough and old enough to comprehend the full implications of statutory rape. Maria managed it.

spacegirl23 welcome back. There’s another M&M semi-development in this chapter.

I’d completely forgotten all about this part until it landed in my inbox today, so big thanks to Michelle in LA for the reminder.


Crush – 18

Liz

I need alcohol. Want 2 meet 4 a drink tonight? Cow Patty’s @ 8?

I was kind of nervous about meeting Maria again after Michael told me she had been ‘emotional’ after our talk but when I arrive at Cow Patty’s to meet her, she gives me a big smile and a wave.

She’s chatting on the phone as I walk over to her. “Liz is here now, we’ll see you soon. Bye.”

Immediately, butterflies start to flutter in my stomach. Who was she talking to? Who are we meeting? Although I’ve been back for a few weeks now, I’ve been keeping a pretty low profile. Tonight is my first public outing. Apart from my family, Maria and my work colleagues, I haven’t been around other people.

“Hey,” Maria greets me warmly. “You remember Tina Greigo? She’s in town for a few days to visit her folks. She’s going to meet us here in a little while.”

“Cool,” I smile. I follow her inside and she instructs me to find a table while she gets our drinks. I find the most secluded table I can and take a seat, thinking about Tina.

Maria and I were pretty much joined at the hip since birth, but we did have other friends. Some of them were mutual, like Alex Whitman, and some were more Maria’s or mine. Tina Greigo used to be my friend. She and Maria were friendly with each other but only because of me. If I wasn’t around they would struggle to find anything to talk about. If Tina was having a party or wanted to get together to do something, she’d invite me and then tell me I could bring Maria along if I wanted. They would never have called each other on the phone or arranged to have drinks together.

I’ve often wondered who Maria hung out with after I left. Who does she consider her best friend now? Who is she close to? What about when she went to college? What are her new friends like? Is there room in her life for me again? It’s almost like seeing an old boyfriend out with a new date. I don’t know if I can handle seeing her being best friends with somebody who isn’t me. Is Tina that person?

When I left Roswell, Tina was one of the few people to get in touch with me. She emailed regularly for about eight months. I never responded and eventually she stopped trying. I haven’t really given her much thought over the past six years. Although I am happy at the thought of seeing her again, I’m nervous too, because I can’t imagine how she’ll react to me.

“Here we go,” Maria says cheerfully as she places my rum and coke in front of me. “So, how’s things?”

“Great. We’re pretty busy at work at the moment. Actually, I have to be in at work at six tomorrow, so I probably won’t stay late.”

We chat casually about work for a few minutes before I broach the subject of Tina.

“She goes to Las Cruces too,” Maria explains. “It’s funny, I didn’t see her at all during Freshman year but then in sophomore year she started dating my friend Jill so we started hanging out together more.”

“Jill? Tina’s gay?” I ask.

“Oh!” Maria laughs as she realizes that what’s old news for her is startling new information for me. “Yeah, she came out after graduation. I think you’ll like Jill, she’s studying… something science-y too.” Then Maria pauses and considers something. “I’m sorry Liz, I should have checked with you before arranging to meet Tina and Jill. Are you ok with this?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assure her. “I’m just a little nervous. Tina sent me a lot of emails after I left and I never replied to her.”

Maria shakes her head dismissively. “She’s really excited to see you so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Turns out, Maria is right. Tina seems really happy to see me again and there’s no awkwardness between us at all. Her girlfriend Jill is lovely and really interested in what I’m studying at school and my job at MetaChem. We spend about an hour chatting and laughing and having a really good time.

As we talk, Cow Patty’s fills up. A band plays in the room next door, all the tables and booths are occupied and the noise level increases dramatically. In the middle of Tina telling a story about the time she caused a minor explosion in the science lab in junior high, I look up and straight into the eyes of Max Evans.

He looks away from me quickly and I avert my gaze back to Tina and do my best to quash the prickle of shame slowly seeping over me. Maria reaches under the table and gives my leg a gentle squeeze of support. I think she was probably aware of his presence before I was and was waiting for me to notice. I smile at her to show I’m fine and when Tina reaches the punch line of her story I laugh loudly.

Through the corner of my eyes, I steal another look at Max. He’s hanging out by the pool tables with Michael and Kyle. There are four girls with them; a blonde girl glued to Kyle by her tongue, I guess that must be Tess. Michael is chatting to two dark haired girls, one of whom I think is his ex girlfriend Anna and possibly her sister. And the fourth girl I recognize as Max’s prom date, Olivia. She’s gone from pretty girl next door to stunning and sophisticated. While Michael, Kyle and the three other girls play pool and joke around, Max and Olivia seem to be having a pretty deep conversation. It’s almost like they’re in their own little world.

Although I try to put Max out of my mind and have fun, knowing he’s there has put a dampener on things. I really am trying to let go of the guilt but it’s hard. I hope that by being here, I’m not cramping Max’s evening or making him uncomfortable.

After about an hour, Tina and Jill stand up to leave. Tina’s brother is a DJ and he’s doing a set in the club formerly known as Karma. They invite us along but Maria and I both decline.

“This was fun,” Tina says to me. “I should be back in August again, let’s get together and do something then.”

“That would be great,” I agree. Maria and Jill are looking at something on Jill’s phone so I take the opportunity to have a private word with Tina. “I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for leaving Roswell and not answering any of your emails. It really wasn’t personal. I was just… I just couldn’t face anybody.”

“It’s ok,” she smiles. “I understood, it’s not the same thing, but I know a little of what it’s like to have to come back here and feel everybody’s looking at you and judging you. It’s hard and it takes guts but it does get easier. What I learned is that not as many people cared about it as I imagined they would so don’t be afraid to show your face and meet up with old friends.”

“Thanks, Tina.”

She hugs me warmly and they say goodbye to Maria and me.

After they leave, Maria turns to me. “Do you have to go now too, or do you want to stay for another drink?”

Before I can answer, my mind is made up for me as a rum and coke is placed on the table in front of me. Michael grins at me and hands Maria a beer.

Maria and I look at each other. “We’ll have one more,” we giggle simultaneously.

Michael sits on the stool recently vacated by Jill and takes a sip of his own beer. I cast a quick glance back towards the pool tables. A bunch of guys I don’t know are playing on them now. Kyle and his girlfriend have vanished but Max and Olivia have moved to a smaller table and are still talking. They’re sitting quite close to each other and it looks pretty intimate. Guess I’m not cramping Max.

“This is really weird,” Michael says, drawing my attention back to the table.

“What is?” I frown.

“Sitting here with the two of you, drinking alcohol,” Michael elaborates. “I remember bringing you juice in sippy cups to your play pen.”

“You do not,” Maria states vehemently.

“I do,” Michael insists. “Liz only drank apple juice and you drank some weird purple concoction of your mother’s. It tasted vile but you loved it. You drank gallons of the stuff. Your pee used to be purple.”

Maria blushes bright red. “You’re such a liar.”

“When was this?” I ask, not quite believing Michael.

“When I first came to live at home,” Michael answers. He smiles fondly. “The playpen used to be in the back room of the Crashdown and whenever Mom and Amy were working they’d put the two of you in there and you’d spend the whole day there. You would babble away all day to each other and I swear you understood each other perfectly. Whenever you got a new toy, Liz would always examine it first to try and figure out what it was. Dad used to say even then, that you were going to be a scientist.”

I had heard that before, many times, from dad but I don’t know if Michael really remembers or he’s just repeating what dad said to sound more believable.

Michael laughs. “Of course, Maria would get impatient because she wanted to play with the new toy, and you’d have a big fight and end up biting each other and pulling each other’s hair. One time Liz even drew blood.”

“You’re making this up,” I protest.

“No, I’m not,” Michael laughs. He takes Maria’s hand in his and pulls it across the table so I can see it. With his finger he traces a thin white line between her thumb and index finger. “See, that’s where you bit her. There was blood everywhere; I seriously thought Amy was going to have a heart attack.”

Michael looks up into Maria’s eyes. He’s still holding her hand and because of the way she’s being forced to lean across the table, their faces are really close. For a moment, a heated look passes between them. Then Michael leans back and grins. “I’d never seen purple blood before.”

Maria gasps and then smacks him hard on his arm. “You jerk.” She’s laughing but I can tell she’s flustered. They both are, but they’re hiding it well.

Michael rubs his arm. “Ok, your blood was normal. But the pee thing is true; I could always tell which diaper was yours. Ask your mom about it!”

Maria shakes her head and takes a drink of her beer. “Is Kyle gone?” she asks, changing the subject.

“Yeah, Tess was ‘feeling tired’ so he took her home early,” Michael answers.

“Where does Kyle live now?” I ask. They both look at me then, as if suddenly remembering that I’m even there.

“He still lives at his old house,” Maria tells me. “He’s buying it off Jim.”

“Cool. Hey, was that Anna you were talking to earlier?”

“Yeah, I meant to introduce you to her but I forgot,” Michael shrugs. “They’re gone to that club, whatever it’s called now. Are you guys going to go there tonight?”

I shake my head and suppress a yawn. “Nah, I have another early morning start so I’ll probably go home soon.”

“Yeah, I think I will too, I’m pretty tired,” Maria adds.

Michael looks at his watch. “That’s probably a good idea, I’m working tomorrow too. Do you two need a ride?”

We both accept his offer and finish off our drinks.

On our way out, we pass by Max’s table and Michael stops. “Max, I’m going to go home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Sure, goodnight Michael,” Max smiles. He spots me and Maria behind Michael and nods in our general direction. “Hi.”

I lift my hand and wave lamely. “Hi.”

I stand there like an idiot wanting this to be over but somehow unable to move away. Maria grabs my arm and tugs on it. “Goodnight,” she calls to Max and Olivia, and then pulls me away.

As I stumble behind her through the door, I look at Max one last time. He’s already back in conversation with Olivia, their heads bowed close together.

***

Max

“Can I ask you something?” Olivia asks.

“Sure, ask me anything.”

I’m walking her home from Cow Patty’s. It’s a beautiful, warm night and we’re strolling leisurely. What should have been a ten minute walk has already taken us twenty minutes and we’re lingering as much as we can.

It’s been a long time since I felt this relaxed and open with a girl and was able to enjoy her company this way. Maybe it’s because Olivia and I are old friends. Maybe it’s because I have closure with Liz. Maybe it’s because I’ve made the decision to move on. Maybe it’s because we have that connection I’ve been looking for all this time.

She takes a deep breath. “It’s kind of personal so if you don’t want to talk about it, just tell me to mind my own business.”

“Ok,” I say with a smile. I can feel a quiver in my stomach and I brace myself, because I have an inkling of what she’s going to ask.

“It’s just that, well, I’ve heard rumors about you and… Michael’s sister. Some of them weren’t very nice and I didn’t for one second believe them, but then Anna said something this evening when she saw Liz? - Is that her name? - when she saw her in Cow Patty’s.” She trails off, and shrugs her shoulder. “I’m not sure what I’m asking actually.”

I stiffen and stop walking. Anna dated Michael for eighteen months and we spent a lot of time in each other’s company and although she and I were never particularly close, I thought we were friends. I don’t want her to have a bad opinion of me and I especially don’t want her sharing her bad opinion of me with other people. “What did Anna say?”

Olivia bites her lip anxiously, sensing that I’m a little hurt. “Oh, she just said that you might be upset because Liz was there and that I wasn’t to take it personally if you were distracted or wanted to leave early.”

The tension in my body dissipates. I’ve got to stop thinking the worst of people. I always imagine that when they hear the story people will think that I’m a rapist or some kind of pervert who preys on young girls, yet nobody has ever actually reacted that way.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Olivia apologizes.

“It’s ok,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m glad you asked me because most other people just talk about it behind my back or ask one of my friends.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

I’m silent for a minute as I try to sort out my thoughts. Then looking at my feet, I begin. “Six years ago, I came back to Roswell for the summer. I hadn’t been back a lot since graduation, and I wanted to spend time with my family and the guys. Anyway, I met a girl in the bookstore one day. She looked vaguely familiar and she told me that she’d been in my class at school. She knew things about me and she looked the same age as me so I took her at face value. We had… it only lasted a week so I don’t even know what to call it. But I fell pretty hard for her in that week. I’ve never been in love but I think that was the closest I got. And then I found out she wasn’t twenty two, she was Michael’s sixteen-year-old little sister.”

I risk a glance at Olivia.

She shakes her head. “Wow, that was pretty rotten.”

“Yeah, it was,” I agree.

“You blamed yourself, didn’t you?” she says knowingly.

I grin bashfully. “Of course.”

“Do you still?”

“Dunno,” I shrug. “I think that I’ll always feel guilty about it because I really should have recognized her. But no, I think I’ve accepted now that it wasn’t my fault.”

Olivia smiles, “Good. Because you’re a good person, Max.”

“Thank you.”

“I remember her,” she muses as we walk on again. “She and her friend used to follow us and Michael and spy on us. I used to think it was cute, they way she crushed on you.”

“Yeah,” I laugh. They thought they were being covert and subtle but Michael and I always knew when Liz and Maria were following us.

“It’s hard to imagine that sweet little girl growing up to be that kind of person,” Olivia continues.

“I don’t really think she is that kind of person. I think it was just a moment of madness for her,” I think of Liz’s mortification every time I see her. “She’s certainly not that type of person anymore. She’s paid her dues.”

“There’s not a lot of guys who would be so forgiving,” Olivia says with admiration. “You really are a wonderful guy, Max, and you always were.”

I blush and laugh with embarrassment. “Thanks. You’re pretty great too.”

“Even though I bored you silly talking about myself all night?” she laughs.

“I wasn’t bored at all. It was fascinating and I loved hearing all about it,” I assure her. “I had a great time.”

“I had a really great time tonight too, Max,” Olivia smiles. “It was really great catching up with you again.”

She stops walking again and I realize it’s because we’ve reached her house. Disappointment washes over me, I don’t want tonight to be over yet. “I’d really like to see you again.” I want to roll my eyes at my own lameness.

“Like a date?” she smiles hopefully.

I return her smile. “Like a date.”

“I’d love that.”

“Dinner and a movie sometime next week?”

She nods. “That would be great. I’m picking up some shifts at the hospital next week and I don’t know my schedule yet. I’ll give you a call when I get it and we can arrange a time then.”

“Perfect,” I grin. We shuffle awkwardly for a second and laugh at ourselves. “Well, goodnight, Olivia.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

Grow up, Max; you’re twenty-eight years old. You’re not in junior high anymore.

I lean forward and kiss her cheek. To my surprise, she blushes and then smiles.

I wait until she’s inside before I turn in the direction of home, a smile on my lips.

There were sparks.

***

[nibbles2]

I suck. I know this. I wish I could offer a better excuse for the lack of updates other than my own laziness. Unfortunately, I don't have one.

chanks_girl Thanks. They’re all making progress now that Liz has returned and faced her demons.

April I love Maria and Liz’s friendship so for me, it was actually the most important relationship to salvage.

Earth2Mama Yeah, Michael isn’t as stupid as he looks. He knew what he was doing when he took the girls down memory lane.

valentinebaby Olivia isn’t the first girl that Max has been out with since Liz. He’s dated before, but was never comfortable enough to open up or let them close. Olivia is different.

RhonaAnn Well, Michael lives one street over from Maria so he dropped her off last. But nothing happened.

dreambeliever I think it’s more that Liz refused to consider the consequences of her actions when she was younger.

Roswellian117 Thank you very much.

Alien_Friend Yeah, I’d die if a guy I liked told the purple pee story about me. Poor Maria.

Tequathisy Thank you.

Alien614 Thanks

sarammlover No, Max and Liz have a long way to go before they end up with each other.

nwinchester The Liz and Maria friendship is very important to me so you’ll see lots more of them together. There’s even some in this part.

keepsmiling7 Thank you.

AlysLuv I can assure you that Liz won’t be pining for Max.

Rowedog Yep, Max is in a much healthier place than he was before Liz came back.

Cocogurl Olivia is nice, but I’m not expecting many people to like her. That’s fine with me. I think that readers are smart enough to realise that expecting Max and Liz to never date anybody else but each other is dumb and makes no sense.

xmag Thanks.

NotYourChick Thank you.

Jull_Ana The purple pee story is, sadly, just an invention of mine. I’m so glad that so many people liked it.

destinyc I know there’s not a whole lot of Olivia loving, but think of it this way – she’s a necessary step towards the eventual Max and Liz reunion.

Wench on a Leash Thanks for the feedback.

nitpick23 It’s not Liz that’s holding them back. Michael doesn’t realise that he has feelings for Maria yet. He’s slow like that. The age thing will be an issue later. Maria is trying her best not to have feelings for Michael again. Plus, the purple pee thing too.

SweetieB Thanks fro reading.

Bri+Jason2830 Thanks for reading, even if you don’t approve of how I’m writing my fic.

Thumbelina Glad you liked it.

Tinkerbell_love_Roswell I have Thumbelina and Tinkerbell reading my fic? Awesome. Liz is finally moving on and getting over the self-loathing. That’s the reason she came back to Roswell. She’s going to continue to progress and one day she’ll feel good about herself again. And then she’ll be ready to date.

And of course, thanks to Michelle in LA for being my beta.

Crush – 19

Liz

Growing up, Amy Deluca was like a second mother to me. Or, maybe a better description is that she was like a cool, young aunt; the one who taught us how to put on make-up and answered our questions about boys and sex.

She’s one of the people on my ‘people I owe apologies to list’.

Amy sent me an invitation to her wedding which I tossed because it came at a time when I couldn’t even conceive coming back to Roswell. I never even sent her a card to congratulate her on her marriage. I know my mom signed my name on the gift she gave Amy and Jim, but I owed Amy more than that.

Maria has mentioned more than once that Amy would love to see me, so I’ve decided that today is today. Maria has her interview at the school so I thought I’d swing by after she’s gone, hang out with Amy for a while, and be there when Maria got home.

It’s only while I’m in the car on the way there that I realize I’m going to arrive empty-handed. The only thing I have in my car is a chicken casserole my mom asked me to drop off at Michaels. Spotting a flower shop, I pull over and hurry inside. It’s not the most brilliantly original idea ever, but I do know that Amy loves flowers.

I pick out the flowers I like and a pretty vase, and the florist sets about arranging them for me. As I’m waiting for him to finish up, I pace slowly around the store. By some stroke of luck or momentary psychic ability, I glance out the window just in time to see Isabel Evans and Kyle Valenti approaching the store.

Oh shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

There’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I’m going to come face to face with Isabel Evans. Michael has assured me that she won’t say anything to me, as long as I stay away from her. So I stand by the counter, waiting for the world’s slowest flower arranger and I don’t even turn around when the bell chimes. I just hope that staying as quiet as I can counts as ‘staying away from her’.

Kyle and Isabel are laughing as they enter. The florist welcomes them warmly and by name. They must be regulars.

“Hi Seth,” Isabel replies cheerfully. Thankfully she doesn’t approach the counter, and I can hear the click of her heels on the tiles as she walks around the store.

I feel like Lot’s wife, but I unlike her, I manage to resist the urge to look behind me.

“Where are you meeting Max?” Isabel asks.

For a second, I think she’s talking to me and I jump but Kyle speaks up. “I’m meeting him at his apartment. I figured that I could drop you off on my way. Will you be finished by then?”

Isabel laughs. “Yes, this is my last stop, I promise. Hey, you should get something for Tess.”

“Why?” Kyle asks.

“Girls like getting flowers for no reason.”

Kyle mulls it over for a moment. “Ok, what should I get?”

“You can never go wrong with a single red rose,” the florist helpfully suggests. He finally finishes up with my flowers and I hand him my debit card.

Isabel murmurs her approval of the florist’s suggestion and next thing I know, Kyle approaches the desk carrying a single, long-stemmed rose.

He nods politely at me as he waits for me to complete my transaction. I don’t think he’s actually realized who I am yet. I swallow nervously. “Hi Kyle.”

Kyle looks at me, startled. Recognition dawns on his face. He stares at me silently for a minute, and his expression transforms from shock to unfriendly. Then he picks up the rose and walks away wordlessly.

My heart sinks. I hadn’t expected Kyle to react that way.

I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall and grab my card and the flowers from the florist. I turn around to leave and, of course, Isabel is staring right at me. The look she gives me is the coldest expression I have ever seen. Beside her, Kyle turns his back on me.

I duck my head and scurry out of the store.

It’s not like Isabel’s reaction was expected and maybe I was naïve to expect Kyle to welcome me back with open arms, after all Max and Michael are his best friends. But meeting them has really thrown me off my stride. I guess because everything else was going so well with everybody else.

I sit in my car, feeling numb. After a while, Isabel and Kyle emerge from the flower shop and I hunker down so that they don’t spot me. Isabel is carrying a gorgeous, and probably expensive, bouquet of flowers. Yet she’s waving them around frantically as she talks. By the expression on her face, I think it’s a safe guess to say that I’m the topic of her rant. Kyle is nodding in agreement with her.

Thankfully they don’t see me and they just walk on past me and get into Kyle’s car. I wait until they drive off before I start up my own car and head for Maria’s house. My hands are shaking on the wheel and I’m so nervous about facing Amy but I push past those fears. I’m not going to let one bad reaction stop me from doing the right thing.

Fortunately, Amy Deluca welcomes me like a prodigal daughter and practically squeezes the life out of me. Her large pregnancy bump prevents her from getting a good grip on me though, so I survive.

Finally she releases me and drags me inside the house.

“Wow, it smells great in here,” I comment as we walk into the kitchen. Another thing that I missed in my time away from Roswell was Amy’s baking. I’ve been filling up at the Crashdown of course, but my mouth literally waters at the sight of the feast of goodies spread around Amy’s kitchen. “Wow, looks like you’re planning on feeding the five thousand.”

She laughs and lowers herself onto a stool where she was icing cupcakes before I knocked on the door. “It’s for the party we’re having this the weekend. Will you be coming?”

“I…uh,…” Maria had already texted me about the party but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to come to it.

“We only decided to do it last night so it’s all very last minute.” Amy says. “It’s just a fourth of July, baby shower thing. Nothing too fancy.”

I’m guessing that Kyle will be here for that, and Maria mentioned that Isabel and Amy had become good friends lately so she’ll probably be here too, and I’d rather avoid them. On the other hand, I don’t want to say no to Amy. So I give her the most non-committal answer I can. “I’d love to. I’m not sure of my work schedule, but if I’m free I’ll definitely come.”

“Great. It’s on Sunday. And tell your parents too, I’m going to call people later but Liz, I swear that being pregnant has melted my brain. I forget everything. I made a whole batch of Men in blackberry pies yesterday and forgot the sugar and I had to throw them all out.”

“Did you remember the sugar today?” I ask.

She crinkles her nose. “I think so.”

I grin. “Maybe I should do a taste test. To make sure.”

Amy laughs, totally seeing through my clever ruse. “You’re ever so kind, Liz. If you wouldn’t mind, please sample my cupcakes.”

I sample Amy’s baking, she decorates the cupcakes and we catch up. Amy doesn’t say anything about why I left and there’s none of the awkwardness that I usually experience when I’m doing the catch up thing with other people.

After about an hour and about, oh, ten cupcakes, Maria arrives home.

“How was it?” Amy pounces excitedly.

Maria sighs and snags a cupcake. “It went really well, but I don’t think I have a chance of getting the job.”

“Don’t say that,” Amy pleads. I can tell it would mean the world to her for Maria to get a job in Roswell that would allow her to stay here.

“I’m sorry Mom, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. I was talking to another woman who was there for an interview as well and she has seventeen years experience.”

“So? That just means she’s old and out of touch,” Amy pouts.

Maria looks at me, silently asking for help.

“Well, it’s over now. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Do you know when you’ll hear?”

“Sometime next week.” Maria looks around the kitchen, eyeing up all the baked goods.

“Try the chocolate and orange ones,” I suggest. “They are divine.”

Maria squeals in delight and jumps up.

“Liz,” Amy protests. “You weren’t supposed to tell her they’re there. She’ll eat them all.”

“You’ll just have to make more then,” Maria grins as she takes her seat again. She slides one across the table to me and wolfs down one of her own.

I glance at the one she’s given me. I really shouldn’t because I’ve already had ten. But, what the hell?

Amy sighs in an exaggerated fashion. “That’s the last time I let you sample my baking, Liz Parker.”

I don’t respond as my mouth is full of delicious cupcake. Maria goes on the hunt for something else to sample, jumping out of the way of the wooden spoon that Amy attempts to swat her with.

“There will be nothing left for the party if you two keep this up,” Amy laughs. “Maria, would you be a sweetheart and go over to Michael’s? He has a few of my Tupperware containers and I’ll need them tonight.” I guess she’s decided she needs to get rid of us.

“I’ll go with you,” I offer. “I have a casserole for him from Mom.”

“Sure, just let me go change out of this suit.”

Maria disappears in the direction of her bedroom.

“She missed you so much, Liz,” Amy says quietly. “You were like a sister to her and it devastated her to lose you.”

I'd been waiting for her to say something and now I can’t bring myself to meet her eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Amy stands up and gives me a hug. “I know. I’m really glad that you’re back, Liz.”

“Thanks.”

Maria rejoins us a few minutes later dressed in shorts and a tank top. “Man it’s so good to be out of that suit. It was so hot, it felt like I was having hot flashes. Ready?”

“Yeah.” I say goodbye to Amy and then I go outside to my car to retrieve the casserole.

We decide to walk to Michael’s place. It gives me a chance to tell Maria about running into Isabel and Kyle. She’s surprised by both their reactions.

“I seriously thought Isabel was going to kill you with her bare hands when she ran into you. She definitely would have a year ago. Maybe it’s a good thing that you didn’t come back until now,” Maria jokes. “As for Kyle, I don’t know what his problem is.”

“I hurt his two best friends. And his stepsister. I think he has every right to be mad at me.”

Maria snorts. “I love Kyle. Most of the time he’s awesome. But sometimes, he’s nothing more than Isabel’s bitch. He went through this whole phase of being in love with her a while back. He’s over it now but I guess old habits are hard to break. Don’t worry about him; I’ll have a word with him.”

“Please don’t,” I plead. “He’ll get over it whenever he wants to and I don’t really care what he thinks. You and my family and Max are the people that matter most to me, after that, I really don’t care what other people think of me.”

That’s mostly bravado on my part. Of course it matters to me what other people think of me normally, but at that moment I really don’t care what Kyle or anybody else in Roswell thinks of me. Things with Maria, Michael and my parents are great. I’ve cleared the air with Max. I’ve reconnected with people like Amy and Tina. They’re the people that I care about. Nobody else matters to me.

“Michael must have company,” Maria comments, pointing out an unfamiliar car in Michael’s drive. We knock on his door. There’s no answer, but hearing laughter coming from the back yard, we head around the side of the house.

Michael’s sitting at a table on his patio drinking a beer. Kyle is standing by the table in the middle of a story. There’s the blonde girl I saw Kyle with at the bar on the railing that runs around the patio and Max is sitting opposite Michael, laughing heartily with his arm casually thrown over the back of seat occupied by Olivia Newman.

Awesome

Max

“Ready?” Kyle asks.

I swallow and nod once.

He presses a button and slowly the winch raises my jeep onto the back of the tow truck.

I’ve had Bob for thirteen years. I’ve travelled thousands of miles in him, taken him all over the country, slept in him, had some wonderful times in him and today, I have to say goodbye to him. It’s a little gut-wrenching. I just pray to God that I don’t cry or something because Kyle would never let me live that down.

Kyle comes to stand nearby and claps a hand on my shoulder. “It’s ok, Max. He’s going to live on a farm with lots of other little jeeps to play with. He’ll be happy there.”

“Piss off, Kyle,” I say, giving him a shove.

He laughs and goes back to the tow-truck to secure the jeep. When he’s done, we climb inside and he drives to the car dealership. The reason I’m catching a ride with Kyle and not taking the jeep for one final drive myself, is that when I got up this morning, the jeep refused to start. I guess it’s a good thing I had already decided to get my new car today, but I feel kind of sad that I don’t get one last ride with Bob.

“Hey, we’re having a ‘baby shower’ slash ‘fourth of July party’ slash ‘Dad got a new grill and wants to try it out’ party for Amy and Dad on Sunday. It’s nothing fancy, just a barbeque and lots of Amy’s desserts. Wanna come?”

As if I'd turn down an offer of Amy Deluca’s baking! "I’ll be there.”

“Cool.” He gives me a sly look. “Bring Olivia if you want. She’s more than welcome.”

I shrug nonchalantly, but I can’t help the grin spreading across my face. “I’ll see if she’s free.”

“Tess is very excited that you have a girlfriend. She’s planning double dates and couples weekends already,” Kyle laughs.

“Whoa, hold on. She’s not my girlfriend yet, we haven’t even been out on a date.” But, here’s hoping.

Kyle laughs. “I did point that out to Tess but it’s like talking to the wall sometimes. I think she’s desperate for girlfriends actually. She doesn’t really know any girls here apart from the people at the office and there’s nobody there her age. She liked Olivia, so she’s excited that she might get to hang out with an actual girl.”

“What about Isabel?” I ask. Kyle and Isabel have developed a weird sort of friendship. They’ve become pretty close in the last few years. Kyle has been single during that time so I wonder how Isabel is handling having to share her best friend with another girl.

Kyle shrugs. “They liked each other but they’ve nothing in common. Isabel is married and pregnant and I think Tess wants friends who aren’t as tied down.”

“So, Isabel approves of Tess?”

“Yeah. Now, I just need to introduce her to Amy. And Maria.” Kyle shakes his head ruefully. “Man, what the hell happened to me? I spent my whole life in a woman-free existence and now I’m surrounded by women.”

I laugh as he pulls the truck into the car dealership.

My new car is waiting on the forecourt. It looks so shiny, sleek and new compared to the recently departed Bob. I climb out of the cab of Kyle’s truck. He lowers his window to talk to me. “Do you want time to say goodbye?”

“Just go,” I tell him. “I’ll see you at Michael’s.”

He honks the horn at me and drives off towards the scrap yard. I watch until he rounds the corner, out of sight and push down on the swell of emotion I feel as Bob is taken away. I clear my throat and go to find Buddy so that I can complete the transaction and get out of here.

It doesn’t take long and very soon, I’m driving my car out of the dealership. It really is a great car; and Kyle’s trick of bringing a mechanic, a lawyer and a Sheriff’s deputy along to pick out the car definitely helped get me a good deal but I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed as I drive it out onto the road and around Roswell. This is the type of car my Mom would drive.

I decide to stop by Olivia’s on the way. She’s just getting home from work and after a quick change, she jumps into the car beside me and I head to Michael’s place.

Kyle is there by the time we arrive and he and Michael are out front, waiting for us. We stand around for a while, doing the man thing of discussing the engine and the tires and top speed and whatnot.

“Max, it’s gorgeous. I love the color,” Olivia coos after a while.

“Yeah, very pretty,” Michael smirks.

I flip him the bird.

He just grins back at me. “Alright, I have beers on ice. Anybody want one?”

Stupid question.

We make our way around to the back of the house and take a seat on the deck. Michael brings out beers, Tess arrives a few minutes later and soon we’re just hanging out and chatting.

“We should call Jesse and Isabel to come over,” Kyle suggests.

Michael groans. “No Isabel. I’ve had enough of her today.”

“What happened,” I laugh.

“She actually called me over to her house this morning because she wanted me to go deal with a woman on her street who hangs her clothes out on a line. Apparently it’s against the rules of the neighborhood association. She runs that thing like the Third Reich.”

Sadly, Michael is not exaggerating. Isabel runs her neighborhood association like it’s a fascist state and she’s the head of state. It’s hilarious. Hilarious for us anyway, because we don’t live on her street.

Olivia laughs. “Is she still like that?”

“She’s worse,” Michael, Kyle and I say at the same time, then laugh.

“Oh God!” Olivia shudders.

“I’m sure she’s not that bad,” Tess chides.

“She is,” Kyle nods.

Tess laughs, outraged. “She’s one of your best friends, Kyle. How can you compare her to the Nazis?”

“Technically, I’m not the one who compared her to Nazis. That was Michael,” Kyle points out. Tess rolls her eyes. “But I happen to agree with him.”

“Tell her the story of the dog,” I encourage Kyle. I turn to Olivia. “This is a good one.”

Kyle rises to his feet, to tell the story of Isabel and the dog. I’ve heard him tell this story about a dozen times now, and each time, it makes me laugh harder. He has a way of telling Isabel stories that cracks me up.

“Ok, so, Isabel and Jesse had just moved into their new house. It had taken them months and months to get it just right. Finally everything was perfect, right down to the color of the flowers in the window boxes.”

Just remembering the ordeal of the window boxes makes me laugh. Olivia, not in on that particular jokes, gives me a weird look. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer before letting my arm drop down on the seatback behind her. Sometimes, you have a perfect moment. One that sticks with you always. This is one of those moments, sitting in the pleasant sunshine with close friends, just hanging out and having fun.

It never lasts.

Kyle stops talking, his gaze riveted to something just behind us. I turn around to see what caught his attention.

It’s Liz and Maria.

Liz looks like she wants the ground to swallow her up. She’s clinging to the dish in her hands like a drowning person holds a life buoy.

“Hi,” Maria says with an awkward wave. It breaks the awkward silence. We all echo her greeting. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Michael stands up and goes over to them. “Is that food?” he asks as he slips his arm around Liz’s shoulder.

She nods but doesn’t hand the dish over. Michael puts his other arm around Maria’s shoulder and leads them both over towards the table we’re all gathered around.

“Do you two know Tess and Olivia?” Michael asks.

“Hi Maria.” Tess gives Liz a bright smile and sticks out her hand for Liz to shake. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

Liz swallows nervously and shakes Tess’ hand. “You too.” She turns to Olivia and gives her a small, nervous smile. “I remember you from a few years ago, when you used to come into the Crashdown.”

Olivia seems to size Liz up for a moment before smiling back at her. “I remember you, too. And Maria of course. Wow, the last time I saw you both, you were little girls.”

Maria says something in reply to Olivia, but I don’t catch it. My attention is on Kyle, standing behind Michael and the girls. He hasn’t said a word since they made their appearance and his face looks like thunder. He puts down his beer and jerks his head at Tess, to indicate that he wants to leave. She looks surprised.

“I’m going to take off,” he announces suddenly. “Catch you later, guys. Maria, tell Amy that I’ll come look at the Jetta tomorrow. Olivia, nice to see you again.” He says nothing to Liz. “Tess, you coming?”

Tess slides off the railing she’s sitting on, looking confused. “I guess. Liz, it was nice to meet you. Bye, guys.”

Kyle practically drags her out of the yard.

Michael shakes his head, then takes the dish from the Liz’s hand. “I’ll put this in the fridge. Beer?”

“Please,” Maria accepts.

“I’ll just have a soda. Whatever you have,” Liz adds.

Olivia squeezes my hand gently, to get my attention. I look her way and realize, that she wants to see how I’m doing and if I want to go. I grin at her to show her I’m fine.

Maria takes a seat opposite us and pulls Liz down beside her. “So, Olivia, you look fantastic. I guess South America agrees with you.”

“Thanks, yeah, I loved it there.”

“Where were you based?” Liz asks in a small voice.

“Rio, most of the time. I also did a couple of months in Peru and I travelled extensively while I was there.”

Michael comes back out with a beer for Maria and a glass of coke for Liz. “How was your interview?” he asks as he sits down.

“It was fine,” Maria shrugs. “But, I’m not holding out much hope that I’ll actually land the job.”

“What was the interview for?” I ask.

“Guidance counselor, at West Roswell.” She takes a sip of her beer and then turns to Michael suddenly. “Oh, by the way, I have something for you.”

Michael looks excited. Until Maria reaches behind him and clips him soundly on the back of the head. It’s so unexpected that I snort beer out through my nose.

“Ow,” Michael grouses, rubbing his head. “What the hell was that for?”

“That was for telling me my pee was purple. I asked my mother and she confirmed that you’re a big, fat liar.”

“I’m not fat.”

“Purple pee?” Olivia asks.

“Michael told Maria that she used to drink a purple juice that made her pee purple,” Liz explains.

“My mother tells a different story,” Maria says, glaring at Michael. Then she turns to me and narrows her eyes. “And you had a part to play in it too, Mr. Evans.”

Suddenly I remember what she’s talking about and I start laughing.

“What happened?” Liz asks, she’s laughing too.

“Apparently, these two were doing experiments with our diapers. And when they got caught, they tried to blame it on us. We were babies!” Maria explains, clearly outraged at the idea of Michael and I trying to blame her for it.

“What were you doing?” Olivia asks.

“It was all in the name of science.” I shake my head in amusement. “You know in diaper adverts where they compare the absorption of the diapers by pouring liquid onto them? Well we reenacted that. Using that weird purple drink that Amy always gave Maria.”

“We used up like two entire packs trying to get it to work and then we were afraid that we’d get into trouble so we threw them all out in the thrash,” Michael continues. “But I guess Amy found them and when she asked us why they were all purple, we tried to convince her it was because of the stuff she gave Maria to drink.”

“We were nine,” I add. To explain away our stupidity.

“We were three!” Maria gasps in mock outrage, but she’s laughing so it kind of ruins the effect.

“It was for a school project and we got an A for it,” Michael injects, sounding absurdly proud of it. “My first and only A for science. Grandma Claudia told me it was a very original idea. I have it upstairs somewhere.”

“You kept it?” Liz giggles.

“Hell yeah, I got an A for it,” Michael answers.

“I want to see that,” I tell him.

“I’ll dig it out for you.”

“Hey,” Olivia exclaims suddenly. “Your grandmother was an archaeologist wasn’t she? I remember you saying that once.” When Michael nods, she continues. “I read a book a while ago by Claudia Parker a while back. Was that her?”

Michael shrugs and turns to Liz.

“Possibly,” Liz answers. “What was the book?”

“I don’t remember the title. But I’ve been reading a lot on indigenous American cultures and architecture.”

Liz nods. “It was probably Grandma Claudia’s. She was an expert on Native American architecture.”

“That’s so cool,” Olivia gushes. “I got really interested in the whole subject when I was in South America. I trekked to Machu Pichu and Choquequirao and they just blew me away.”

“Wow,” Liz is impressed. Her earlier reticence is forgotten now. “I’ve put some of the money Grandma Claudia left me aside and I’m going to go to Machu Pichu when I graduate. I’ve always wanted to go, ever since she showed me her slides when I was a little girl.”

“You definitely have to go. It’s amazing.”

They launch into a conversation about Machu Pichu and archaeology. After a few minutes, Maria and Michael excuse themselves to go look for Tupperware or something.

I stay outside with the two girls. They’re both pretty knowledgeable on the subject and the conversation is almost too intellectual for me, but I enjoy listening to them talk.

It strikes me then, how similar they are. They’re both incredibly intelligent and when they talk about a subject that interests them, like this, they get so animated. That was one of the things that attracted me to ‘Lucy’ six years ago.

While Liz is explaining something to Olivia, I take the chance to study her. She’s more alive and more confident than I’ve seen her since she came back to Roswell. She’s exactly how I remember Lucy actually, but with less make up. Seeing her like this, watching her eyes light up and her hands gesturing frantically as she makes her point, it reminds me how easy it was to fall for her six years ago.

I wonder if what happened, hadn’t happened, could I have fallen for this Liz?

***

[nibbles2]

Here we go, another update by the world's suckiest updater. Enjoy!

keepsmiling7 One day we'll find out if he could fall for her. But that's a while away yet.

Alien_Friend No, there's no missing detail. It's just Isabel and Kyle care about Max and Michael and they're finding it harder to let go of that than Max and Michael.

Roswellian11 Kyle is his own man, despite what Maria said. He's angry at Liz and doesn't want to speak to her. It had nothing to do with Isabel.

dreambeliever I'm glad that you like Olivia. She's a nice person. I think she has to be because what would it say about Max if he fell for a bitch?

Earth2Mama Liz did a really shitty thing to two Kyle's best friends and he doesn't like her because of that. He simply didn't want to sit there and make things even more awkward for everybody because he knows it's important to Max, Michael and Maria that they repair their relationships with Liz. So he left.

somewhere87 LOL. It really was Tubberwear this time.

Alien614 Thank you.

RhondaAnn Thanks.

Rowedog Well, Kyle was following his own anger rather than Isabel's. Maria was angry when she made the comment about Kyle being Isabel's bitch, and she was wrong. Kyle and Isabel have to come to terms with Liz too, ideally they should follow Max's lead but, they're people and people aren't perfect.

valentinebaby Liz isn't going to say anything. She thinks that everybody should be treating her that way. I think that Isabel will forgive her before Liz forgives herself.

Cocogurl I'm proud of Liz too. She fucked up majorly in the past, but I think her actions now are more reflective of her true personality. She's brave and determined and I don't think that I could do what she's doing now. I'd be way too chicken.

begonia9508 I don't think that Kyle is under any compulsion to be nice to Liz just because Max is.

xmag Yep, it's definitely hard for Liz.

Kay_b In an ideal world, Kyle should have been nicer. But he doesn't like Liz because of what she did and has no desire to play nice just to make her feel better.

tequathisy I think you'll enjoy chapter twenty-one.

niwnchester Yeah, once Kyle sees that Max is really ok with Liz we'll jump on board.

Alysluv I'd love to know why you think Max needs to grow a pair, I think he's pretty damn awesome.

April I suppose Max, Maria and Michael want to move on from what happened so they're motivated to make nice with Liz. While Isabel and Kyle weren't affected directly by what happened so they're ok with hanging on to their anger.

Eva It's not really surprising that Liz and Olivia get along so well, they're very alike.

Sarammlover For Kyle, it was more about what she did to Max and Michael, than what she did to Maria although that is another reason he dislikes Liz.

tabata thank you

lino84 Somebody's demanding.

twilight Thank you

Sundae No, Kyle has lived in Roswell all his life. He was in Dallas for a weekend when Liz first bumped into Max six years earlier.

And of course,my beta, Michelle in LA , thanks.


Crush 20

Liz
 
I’ve changed my mind about going to the Valenti-Deluca party about twenty times already today. Last night, Maria sent me a text to let me know that Kyle has invited Isabel and Max, and that Jim has invited Philip and Diane Evans. Ask me what four people I’d most like to avoid in the world, and it would be those four people.
 
Both Maria and Michael have assured me that Isabel won’t say anything to me, and I know that Max’s parents are too classy to make a public scene in somebody else’s home. I’ve already spent time with Max and I know that he would be fine, but still I dread the thought of facing them. Not to mention that there’s going to be dozens of other people there who’ll know what happened, or some other version of the story and I can’t bear the thought of them watching to see what happens when I come face to face with Max.
 
On the other hand, I feel like I owe Amy because I didn’t go to her wedding, and I definitely owe Maria.
 
If I go then, at least I’ve faced everybody and I can stop dreading it. All the reunions that I was terrified and stressing about have gone pretty well. I spent a whole hour with Max and his girlfriend talking about archeology and history and traveling without any tension and only minor awkwardness.
 
Plus, Michael’s house is only a block away so if it is really horrible, I can slip away and hang at his place until my parents are ready to leave.
 
With my decision made for the twenty-first time, I dress in shorts and a frilly blouse thingy and march into the kitchen before I change my mind again.
 
“We’re ready to go now, are you coming?” my mom asks.
 
“Do you think I should?”
 
“Yes,” she says firmly.
 
I nod. “Ok, yeah, I’ll go. Let’s go.”
 
She smiles at me. “You look lovely.”
 
I follow her and dad out to the car and spend the ten minute drive to Maria’s house nervously wondering whether I’ve made the right choice or not. The street outside the Deluca’s is lined with cars, so dad parks in Michael’s and we walk from there.
 
We can hear the sound of music and laughter all the way down the block, and by the sounds of it, there’s a big crowd there. I'm starting to feel a little less nervous about today when my mother suddenly places her hand on my arm, like she’s gently comforting me. We're on the sidewalk, right outside Maria's house. I turn to see what she’s up to and spot Philip and Diane Evans approaching from the other direction. My heart actually stops beating and I feel the blood drain from my face. My old familiar friend, guilt, comes rushing back like a tsunami wave and I feel like I might be physically sick. My mom squeezes my arm gently as my dad greets the Evanses.
 
Diane smiles a big friendly smile in my dad’s direction. “Hello Jeff, Nancy, and…oh…” Her smile loses the friendliness and seems frozen in place. She doesn’t quite know how to react.
 
“I’m just going to go find Maria,” I tell my mom in a quiet voice and then I literally run inside. Maybe I should have nodded at them or said something, but my only thought was to get away from them.
 
I bypass the living room and the kitchen where there’s about a dozen people milling around and head straight for Maria’s bedroom. Thankfully, it’s empty and I can take a few minutes to compose myself. So I sit on the bed, lower my head between my knees and take slow, deep breaths until the feelings of nausea pass.
 
Once I’m sure that I’m not going to be sick or faint, I straighten up.
 
Oh, this was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. I should never have come today. I knew they were going to be here. I shouldn’t have come. Now it’s going to be horribly awkward for everybody. It’s just dredging up painful memories for them. My parents are going to feel responsible for what I did. The Evaness are going to remember how I almost ruined their son’s life. It will remind Max and Michael and Maria of what I did. Amy and Jim will feel it too and it will ruin their party. And everybody else is going to be talking about it. I should never have come today.
 
In fact, I should never have come back to Roswell at all.
 
There’s no way that I can face up to anybody now. I’m just going to go back to Michael’s house and wait there until my parents are done.
 
Except, I can’t even work up the courage to leave the sanctuary of Maria’s bedroom in case I run into somebody in the hallway. Instead, I pace around the small room, remembering how we used to spend hours hanging out in here talking about Max and Michael and what it would be like when we were all married. Doing each other's hair. I pierced Maria’s ear here once. And then fainted for the first time in my life. I used to stash make-up and clothes here because my parents wouldn’t allow me to have them. This is where we told each other our secrets and our problems.

Maria has a poster board on one wall and it's covered in photographs, postcards, concert tickets and all kinds of little mementos of things that mean something to her. Once upon a time, I used to feature heavily on that wall. Today it takes me a full minute before I locate a picture of myself, buried under photographs of Maria with people I don't recognize. It's about ten years old.

Looking at this board reminds me how much of Maria's life I've missed out on, and all the things I don't know about her. Like who is the hot guy who has his arm around her in all the pictures? And when did she get that tattoo on her back? And how drunk was she to wear that pink playboy bunny outfit in public?

Ok, so facing the Evaness and everybody else is going to be horrible, but Maria's out there and I have so much to make up to her. The only way my picture is going back up on the poster board is by being in her life again. So I have to go out there and face everybody.
 
Of course, that's easier said than done, and while I'm standing there trying to work up the courage to leave the room and go find Maria the bedroom door opens and Isabel Ramirez bursts in. Her face is white and she’s covering her mouth with her hand.
 
Isabel looks around the room desperately and her eyes land on me. We both stand in shock, staring at each other.
 
She’s the first to move. “Bathroom?” she says, her voice muffled by her hand.
 
“Next door,” I tell her.
 
“Somebody’s in there.”
 
“Oh... well then, Maria’s is through there,” I point in the direction of Maria’s little en suite bathroom and Isabel runs. I think she just about makes the toilet before she throws up.
 
Amy hurries in a second later looking worried but she smiles when she sees me. “Oh Liz, there you are. Maria and Michael are in the kitchen looking for you.”
 
Leaving Amy to look after Isabel, I dart out of the room and almost collide with a man who’s coming out of the bathroom. I sidestep around him and duck into the kitchen.
 
Maria and Michael are standing at the sink with worried expressions on their faces. Maria smiles when she spots me. “Liz! There you are. We were wondering…” she trails off and stares at me. “Are you ok?”
 
“Yeah, I’m fine. I ran into Max’s parents and I freaked out a little so I went to hide in your room for a while and then Isabel burst in looking for the bathroom.” I realize that I’m shaking. I need to get a grip. “I’m fine,” I say, a little breezier this time.
 
“Did Isabel say something to you?” Maria asks.
 
I shake my head. “She just asked for the bathroom.” I blow out a breath and feel kind of silly. I feel like I ran a mile or something. How could seeing Isabel have caused a physical reaction?
 
“Are you going to stay?” Maria asks. She looks so hopeful that there’s no way I can say no to her even though my overriding desire right now is to escape.  
 
“Yeah, I’m staying. You need a hand?”
 
Maria nods. “Yeah, I’m just going to make margaritas, and then I’ll need a waitress.”
 
“Three years waiting experience, right here,” I say and give her a salute, forcing myself to appear cheerful and happy.
 
Michael pushes away from the dresser he’s leaning against. “Cool. Well, I haven’t eaten in almost an hour so I’m going to go get food.”
 
“I'll come find you,” Maria singsongs, waving the jug she's holding in his direction.

He grins at her and shakes his head. “There's no way.”

Maria waits until he’s outside before turning back to me. She lowers her voice. “Are you really ok?”
 
I nod. “I guess. It was just that seeing his parents made me feel like such shit again.”
 
“Oh, Liz,” she cried sympathetically and hugs me. “You’re not shit, you know that, right?”
 
I nod, even though I don’t really agree. Maria seems kind of satisfied with that answer so she pulls away and starts making the margaritas.
 
“What was that about?” I ask Maria, waving in the direction of the door Michael just left through.
 
“He doesn't want to try a margarita, because 'they're girl drinks',” she says, making airquotes. “But I'm going to make him have one. And you.”

“You won't have to make me. I love margaritas,” I laugh.
 
“Cool.” Maria hands me a large pitcher of lemonade. “You can take the lemonade and I’ll pour the margaritas.”
 
I follow her to the door where we bump into Isabel and Amy.
 
“I can’t explain it. Yesterday I could eat cheese, one bite today and bluergh,” Isabel is saying, using her hands to demonstrate projectile vomiting. Maria and I exchange disgusted looks.
 
Amy pats her arm. “I was the same. One day I was craving dairy and then a day later even the smell of it made me sick.”
 
I try to blend into the wall so that Isabel doesn’t notice me.
 
“Can I get you something to drink, Isabel?” Maria asks politely. “We’ve got soda, fruit juice, water, lemonade.” She holds up the jug she’s carrying and jokes. “Margaritas?”
 
Isabel smiles. “God, I’d love a margarita.” She laughs, but I think she's half serious. “But actually, lemonade sounds perfect.”
 
Maria slides her eyes to me. “Uh, Liz, can you…”
 
“Sure.” So much for not attracting Isabel’s attention. I hurry back into the kitchen, grab a glass and pour a drink for Isabel.
 
When I hand it to her, she keeps her eyes trained on my hand before raising them to some point over my left shoulder. “Thank you.” She says in a tight voice.
 
“No problem,” I squeak.
 
“Ok,” Maria says brightly. “We have tables to serve. Follow me, Liz.”
 
I follow her out into the back yard which is crammed with people. Jim and Kyle are manning the barbeque and my stomach rumbles hungrily at the smell. There’s a long trestle table, groaning under the weight of the food on top. I skim the crowd and spot my parents at one table. They’re laughing and chatting to some friends of theirs, so at least I didn’t ruin today for them. The Evaness are nearby and they too look like they’re having a good time.
 
Max, Olivia, Michael, Jesse and Tess are sitting at another table. Max has his arm thrown on the back of Olivia’s chair and he’s leaning in to listen to her say something. He grins and my heart does that fluttery thing it always does when he smiles. He is so beautiful. I look at him and I remember why I acted so insane. I force my eyes away and follow Maria.

Maria and I play waitress for almost an hour. By the time we’re finished the Deluca-Valenti yard is full to capacity with friends and neighbors. I’m surprised at how many people I know there and even more surprised at how friendly everybody is to me. Almost everybody has a kind word for and mentions that they’re pleased to see me again. They all want to know about Harvard and Boston and what my plans for the future are.
 
Once or twice I get the impression that people are talking about me as I maneuver around the cramped tables but nobody says anything negative to me nor asks me about why I left. The only person who isn’t friendly at all is Mary Gregson, but she’s a pious old biddy who thinks that because she is about a hundred she can preach to the rest of us. Apparently she doesn’t like the spaghetti straps of my top. I just give her my most pleasant smile, pour her drink and leave.
 
At one stage, I’m actually pouring lemonade for Diane Evans before I even realize that it's her. She’s engrossed in a conversation with three other women and barely looks up. When she does, her smile freezes for a moment before she thanks me and goes back to the conversation.
 
I avoid the table where Isabel and Max are sitting with Jesse, Olivia, Michael and Tess and leave that in Maria’s capable hands.
 
The hour passes quickly and before I know it, Amy is taking the lemonade from my hands and ushering me towards the food. I make my way to the barbeque which Jim and Kyle have been manning all afternoon.
 
Jim smiles as I approach. “Hey Liz, good to see you.”
 
“You too, Jim. And congratulations on your marriage.”
 
“Thank you,” he grins. “Well, it’s not often that I get to take your order. What’ll you have?”
 
“A burger, please.”
 
He turns to Kyle. “One burger for Miss Parker, please.”
 
Kyle glances up at me. “Got a plate?” His tone isn’t exactly warm, but it’s not cold either. It’s tepid. I can live with tepid.
 
I hand my plate up to him and he gets a burger ready for me and hands it back. “Enjoy.”
 
“Thanks.”
 
I leave the Valentis and go to join Maria at the buffet table where she’s loading up on salads. She was watching from the corner of her eye.
 
“Everything ok?” she asks.
 
“Everything’s great,” I assure her.
 
Maria looks around for a seat. There’s not a whole lot of options. There’s a seat beside Mary Gregson, unsurprisingly. And there’s an empty seat at the table where Isabel, Max and their gang is sitting.
 
“Think you can handle Max and her Majesty?” Maria asks.
 
“I’ll go sit…” I jerk my head in Mary Gregson’s direction.
 
“No way,” Maria says as she snags my arm. “You’ll just end up leaving Roswell again if you have to sit beside her. I just got you back. Come on.”
 
She half-pulls me over to the table and smiles brightly at the occupants there. “Hey guys, got room for two more?”
 
Isabel doesn’t look thrilled at the idea but she makes no objection and everybody else immediately tries to squeeze closer together to make room. I sit beside Michael who has been hogging what appears to be a two-person chair and Maria sits to my left, beside Tess.
 
As soon as Maria’s sitting down, Tess grabs her arm. “Am I dressed appropriately?”

“What? Yeah, of course you are. You look great,” Maria assures her, sounding surprised at Tess's question.

“I'm not showing too much boob?”

Maria's gaze falls on Tess's cleavage. She shakes her head. “It's fine.”

That satisfies Tess for a second and then another fear grips her. “Oh my God, I brought wine and I've had like, three beers already. Your mom is going to think I'm an alcoholic. Oh my God, she's going to hate me and tell Kyle to dump me.”

“What?” Maria stares at Tess for a beat and then whips around to look at Michael with narrowed eyes. “What did you say to her?”

Michael holds up his hands, affronted. “I didn't say anything. It was Kyle. He's been winding her up all day.”

Maria looks to Max for confirmation. He grins and nods at her. She sighs and turns her attention back to Tess. “A good rule of thumb is to not believe anything that these guys say.”

“Hey,” Michael objects but Maria ignores him.

“My mom high-fived Kyle when she met you for the first time,” Maria smiles. “They don't have that kind of relationship where he needs her approval to date a girl, and my Mom isn't like that anyway.”

“Besides, Amy Deluca is a sweetheart,” I chime in. After the way I treated Maria, Amy had every right to slam the door in my face, yet she welcomed me like the prodigal daughter. Come to think of it, I'm a little surprised at how nice she has been to me. Kyle might have been kidding with Tess, but Amy has a reputation.

“I'm sure that she's always been really nice to all your boyfriends,” Michael pipes up with a shit eating grin.

Maria shoots him a 'shut up or I'll kill you' look. He just winks at her.

“What?” Tess asks. She looks worried again.

Maria blows out a sigh. “I've never actually brought a guy home to meet my mom. But the two situations don't compare.”

“Why not?”

“Because my boyfriends are male,” Maria states. “And apart from Jim and a select few, Mom has a very low opinion of men. But she likes you. And anyway, Kyle is a grown man and Mom has no say in his life.”

“Anyway,” Max speaks up. “If there's a woman in Kyle's life that you need to be worried about impressing, it's Isabel, and she likes you already.” He looks down the table to where Isabel is currently sucking face with Jesse.

Tess relaxes into her seat, then a thought strikes her and she sits upright again. “I'm going to kill Kyle Valenti.”

“Atta girl,” Maria grins. “Chop off his man parts.”

“Oh, I like the sound of this,” Isabel states cheerfully as she pulls away from her husband. “Whose man parts are we chopping off?”

“Kyle's,” everybody chorus at once.

Isabel nods. “Cool.”

Everybody goes back to eating and the conversation halts for a moment. Then Michael puts his burger down and glares at Maria. “Wait, this was all Kyle's fault so why do you automatically blame for me for everything.”

“Because it's usually your fault,” I laugh. Everybody else except Tess offers him a variation of that answer at the same time, leading to a gale of laughter.

“It is not always me,” Michael objects. “I'm a cop, for fuck's sake.”

Nobody's buying it.

“I don't know how I got this reputation,” Michael pouts. “Seriously, I never did anything illegal.”

“Didn't you steal Principal McClure's car once?” Max reminds him.

“No. I borrowed it. And I brought it back.”

“And left a pair of panties in the back seat,” Olivia laughs.

“Ha, Isabel left those there,” Michael jumps in.

“Jesus,” Jesse sighs.

“Wait, what?” Tess exclaims. She waves her fork between Isabel and Michael. “Did you two... date?”

Jesse groans.

Isabel rolls her eyes. “Yes. Senior year in high school. My only explanation is that I was insane.”

Max chokes on his burger, Olivia pats him on the back but she's turning red trying not to laugh. Even Jesse is trying not to laugh. Isabel was notorious during her last year at high school. There's a woman who works in the Crashdown who was in school with Isabel and she still hides whens she sees Isabel coming.

“Yes, Isabel, you were definitely insane,” Michael says in complete seriousness.

“I can't see it,” Tess states with a shake of her head. “Why did you break up?”

“Because Isabel wanted me to get a hair cut.”

Tess laughs, like she think he's joking but then realizes Michael's telling the truth. “Wow. Seriously?”

“Yeah. He broke up with me two days before prom because I asked him to get a hair cut,” Isabel confirms. “He had a mullet.”

“It wasn't a mullet,” Michael protests.

“It was a mullet, Michael,” Isabel states loudly. It sounds like they've had this conversation before, and there's no real heat in it. They're just enjoying the argument.

Michael shakes his head vigorously. “It wasn't a mullet.”

“Let's open it up for discussion,” Isabel declares.

“Mullet,” Olivia says at once.

“Not a mullet,” Max grins and winks at Olivia. She smiles back and he kisses her lips. My stomach churns.

“It was a mullet,” Maria says. “Even I thought it looked stupid.”

Michael's mouth falls open and he stares at Maria in shock. Max howls with laughter.

Amy comes over to the table. “Maria, can you help me with desserts?”

Maria stands up and I follow, there's no way I'm staying at that table without her. We go inside and Maria and Amy begin pulling desserts and cakes from all kinds of nooks and crannies. My mouth waters. Amy has been very busy.

“Do you think we have enough?” Maria deadpans.

“I don't know, Michael is out there,” I joke.

Amy takes a tray outside, and Maria hangs back. “Are you ok?”

“I'm fine,” I assure her.

“You were pretty quiet.”

I shrug. “Baby steps. I got through a meal with Isabel and neither of us puked, so that's progress.”

“You weren't too uncomfortable, were you?” she asks. Her face is full of concern, it almost makes me want to cry. I never thought that Maria and I could recapture our friendship like this.

I hug her. She seems surprised, but hugs me back. “I'm fine,” I tell her, and it's the truth.

“Ok.” Maria smiles at me. “Well, let's get out there.”

I pick up two platters and follow her outside. Once all the desserts are laid out on the table, there's almost a free-for-all as everybody vies for what they want. I can understand the rush, I'd get physical for one of Amy’s desserts too. Luckily, I had the advantage of filling my plate in the kitchen before we brought them all out.

I go back to the table. Max and Olivia are already there. I feel incredibly awkward being alone with them.

Olivia takes a bite of cheesecake and sighs. “This is amazing.”

“If I could bake like this, I would be so fat,” I say.

“Me too,” Olivia nods. “Actually, I think I'm going to get more of this before it's gone.” She jumps up and wades back into the melee at the buffet table.

Max and I exchange awkward glances, neither of us looking each other in the eye. I want to thank him for being so magnanimous but I don't think he'd like it, so I remain silent and hope that some how he knows how grateful I am.

The others come back to the table one by one, their plates piled high with desserts. Kyle comes back with Tess and takes the seat Maria had been sitting in. When Maria comes back, she squeezes in beside Michael and me. Conversation starts flowing again and everybody is having a great time.

The afternoon passes quickly and pleasantly. Neither Kyle nor Isabel say anything directly to me, but they don't make a point of excluding me either. Somehow, Maria manages to convince Michael to drink a margarita. I sit back in my seat and try to remain quiet, just soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying the day.

As dusk sets in, most people have gone. There's a handful of Jim and Amy’s friends, including my parents, gathered around one table. Jesse, Max, and Michael are standing around the grill as Kyle tries to clean it. Max and Michael are both drunk. Tess and Olivia are picking through the remains of the desserts and polishing off a bottle of wine. Isabel has gone to lie down. Somebody has put on music. It's country, but the good kind of country.

Maria and I are tidying up.

“Did you enjoy yourself today?” Maria asks me. She's gathering up the trash.

I nod. “I did, actually. I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable but it was fine. It was cool to catch up with everybody again, and I love hanging out with you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Maria smiles.

“I'm going to take these inside,” I say, lifting up a stack of dishes.

“Ok.”

I go inside the house. The dishwasher is humming with a full load so I fill the sink with hot sudsy water and start washing up.

Standing at the sink gives me the perfect view of the yard outside, the kitchen window frames the scene perfectly. For six years, I drove myself crazy imagining what was going on in Roswell without me. I'd get emails from mom telling me about what they'd be doing and it would make me feel so lonely for everyone and everything that I'd left behind. Ever since I came back to Roswell, that feeling of loneliness has been diminishing and today, I really felt that I belong here again.

Outside, the song changes and Tess and Olivia squeal with excitement and start to dance. They pull the trash bag out of Maria's hands and the three of them start dancing around. After a minute, Maria dances over to Michael and pulls him out onto the grass and he goes without argument.

I've never seen Michael dance while he's sober. He just doesn't dance. But sometimes, when he's drunk enough, the rhythm gets him and he starts dancing. It has to be, hands down, the funniest sight I've ever seen. He's a terrible, terrible dancer.

Max and Kyle whip out their phones and start filming Michael. He doesn't notice because he's too busy trying to imitate Maria's movements.

I'm laughing away to myself when I hear movement behind me. I turn around as Isabel steps into the kitchen.

“Michael's dancing,” I laugh.

She walks over to the sink and looks out. She shakes her head and laughs.

After a moment, she sobers up and turns her gaze to me. My smile fades.

“I hope you don't think that because we all had a nice time today that everything is forgiven and forgotten,” she says.

“No, of course not.”

“You almost destroyed Max, you know. Not to mention what it did to my parents. Michael was devastated. That's four of the five people I care most about in the world.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Max may be acting like he's fine, but he's not. He still has issues because of you. Eventually, he's going to want to talk to you about them. When that happens, you better be careful what you say to him. If you do or say anything that sets him back, I'll make your life hell. Understand?”

“Yes,” I mumble.

She stares at me for another long moment, then turns and goes back outside.

***