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Chapter Forty Two
Dean had heard more than his fair share of screams throughout his life but in his line of work that was to be expected. People scared for their lives or just out of their mind facing a fear or nightmare right in front of their eyes. He'd gotten so used to hearing them that he wasn't really fazed by them by the time he was really hunting on his own. Sometimes they fueled his determination that saving people was his job, his responsibility and sometimes it just made him feel like he actually had a purpose in this screwed up world that he seemed to barely be a part of.
The screams he'd been hearing recently though, those weighed so heavily on his soul. The screams that have been waking him up at night have played into his own nightmares and struck fear in him every time they ripped through the night. A fear that plagued him since he first realized he loved her, a fear that had twisted deep into his bones even after he told himself he could never lose her but the blood curdling screams made it seem like he was on the brink of just that every time.
The piercing scream that woke him tonight was no different. He was over the paralyzing fear it sometimes caused and was trying to calm her, trying to get through the nightmare that held her in a vice like grip to things unseen. Sometimes when he'd successfully bring her up from her nightmare, she'd quietly cry into his chest until she was able to fall back to sleep. What terrified him the most were the times she would sit silently staring straight into the darkness. He just prayed that tonight wouldn't be one of those times.
He held her tightly to his chest softly brushing her hair as he slowly rocked her. "It's okay. We're both safe." He felt her shutter in his arms, her deep breaths against his chest.
There was no point in talking about it or asking her if she wanted to. He already knew what they were about, what they always seemed to be or involve. In the visions she got from Cas he had gone to hell and in her nightmares she was reliving those memories, sometimes she was there with him and sometimes she was him. She had pulled him into her nightmares a few times without even realizing it and those nights seemed to be the hardest to break her from the dream. The first night, Michael or Max had called Isabel and she had intervened which he had no doubt gave her nightmares of her own.
He knew the best way to calm her down was to tell her they were both okay sometimes even having to talk to her about everything they had done that day or the day before just to get her thinking about better memories, more recent and real memories to push away the blood soaked images that haunted her and tried to tear her apart. He felt her concentration on his heartbeat and the feel of his warm arms, reminding herself that it wasn’t real. He worried about how long she had been having the nightmares but tried not to think about it or let it seep through to her. She still had a small filter on the connection so that when her mind went on overdrive he wouldn’t have a ton of images crashing in on him and he was hoping between that and her concentration she wouldn’t notice his scattered thoughts just the soothing calm he was sending.
"I can't keep doing this.. I can't. It's too much. I'm terrified what this could do to the baby." He felt her warm breath against his chest.
He kissed the top of her head, "we'll talk to cas in the morning and see what he can do, see if maybe there's something you can do."
He felt her shake her head in confirmation and just continued to hold her tight as he laid them slowly back down on the bed. “It’s okay.” He heard the click of the radio turning on and soft music came from the speakers. He didn’t mind whatever she played, as long as it could calm her fears and help her get back to sleep.
He lay quietly in the dark listening to her breathing, waiting for it to even out. After thirty minutes had passed, her music still played and her breathing had evened out but he knew she wasn’t asleep. Her brain was still too active. He whispered into her hair, “do you want to talk to cas tonight?”
She lifted her head from of his chest and tilted it towards his face, “I think so. I just can’t get back to sleep tonight.”
“Yea and I know you’re exhausted.”
Liz closed her eyes and placed her head against his chest again. He felt her lips move as she prayed to her own personal angel. The thought alone sounded so odd but he couldn’t really doubt him anymore. He saw some of the memories from Liz that were once.. or were his in another universe. Like that didn’t sound completely crazy on its own. The supernatural life of Dean Winchester. Ridiculous.
“Liz.”
They both turned their heads to the voice that came from the other side of their room.
“We need your help. Hopefully you can help.”
He walked over to the bed as Liz sat up, straightening her tank top. “What is it?”
Liz’s voice came out shaky. “The visions.. from the other timeline. I can’t get them to stop.”
Cas watched her confused so Dean clarified. “She’s been having nightmares for two weeks of my.. of the other Dean’s time in Hell. Can you do something to push the memories back or better yet get rid of them?”
He frowned, “I’m sorry that’s not something I can do. But you can suppress them, your strong enough mentally.”
Liz shook her head, “don’t you think I’ve tried that? I can’t. It doesn’t work.”
“Yes, you can. Humans don’t remember all of their memories all of the time. They’re filed away, some easily recalled and others become hazy overtime and some are completely forgotten. What you need to do is visualize putting those memories away. Maybe even with your ability you can lock them away until you’re ready to deal with them.”
“I’ve never done anything like that before.”
Cas placed his hand on her arm and closed his eyes. “Close your eyes.”
Liz did as she was told and Dean followed suit. After a few seconds of not feeling anything Liz opened her eyes, “I don’t feel.. oh wow.”
When Liz opened her eyes she found herself in a library. She thought it looked familiar as she looked around and then it clicked. The Roswell public library. “Why are we in Roswell?” She looked to her side and saw Dean wearing only his boxers that he wore that night to bed then saw Cas standing behind him. She briefly thought how odd Dean looked in such a setting with only his boxers on and a t- shirt and jeans materialized on him. Her brow scrunched together.
“We’re not in Roswell Liz. This is your mind. Well, your version of your mind.”
Dean looked at Cas, “I’m sorry what?”
“I brought you into your head to see if I could help you file them away. All your memories are here, we just have to find the ones we need to put away further if possible.”
Liz continued to look around and noticed the titles and then the sections. Instead of normal library sections there were names and places. She pulled a book from the shelf closest to her and read the title, “The Three Musketeers”. She opened the book to the first page where she saw an old picture of herself, Alex with a black eye, and Maria. “I remember this.” The picture suddenly came to life and she watched her younger self cleaning the blood from around Alex’s eye, checking that the cut wasn’t anything more than superficial while Maria was yelling at the two disappearing figures. Liz glanced up from the book to see Cas looking at the picture in motion. “This was the beginning.” She smiled, “those two boys were picking on Alex and when I came over to stop them they started in on me and Alex pushed them away from me. We barely knew each other. The taller of the two boys hit Alex right before Maria came over and busted his nose.” She chuckled softly, “she told them the next time they tried messing with us they wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom without the nurses’ help.”
Cas looked up from the memory in the book, “That’s not what she said.”
Liz smiled, “I was censoring for you.”
“That’s not necessary.”
She laughed, “yes, you spent years with Dean and Sam why should I censor anything?” She noticed Dean wasn’t next to her anymore. “Speaking of Dean..” She scanned the room and saw Dean walking towards the left corner, “Where are you going?”
Dean glanced back at her with a smirk but didn’t say anything. She looked up towards the names of the sections he was heading towards, seeing two that he would definitely be interested in.
Dean. Fantasies.
She rolled her eyes, “damnit Dean, focus!”
He continued walking, “I am!”
Before she could say anything else she heard Cas call her name from the right side of the room. She closed the book in her hands and returned it carefully to its place on the shelf then turned and walked towards him. She caught up with him standing in front of a section she didn’t recognize.
“This is new. Correct?”
She nodded at his question and scanned the book titles. Some confused her but she tried focusing on looking for the one that she needed. Hell. It stood out among the others around it because of its size and deep red color. She grabbed it and almost dropped it because of the weight. “Now what?”
Cas turned and started towards the front, “now we find a lockbox.”
She followed him towards the front of the library where he went into what looked like the owner or librarian’s office. She went into the room and saw the safe in the corner. “What library has a safe?”
Cas shrugged, “apparently yours.”
She opened the safe and saw a few things already in there but she wasn’t going to stir up any dust. Not in there. She placed the book carefully inside and shut the door. “So, that’s it?”
“Should be. If not you could try something else.”
She nodded then looked around, “okay so are you getting us out of here?”
“You can. Just wake up. Like your dreamwalking ability. How do you exit?”
She raised an eyebrow then focused on what he said. It would be helpful if she could do this without him. She closed her eyes and focused on waking up. She thought about the room, the bed, Dean next to her with his arms still holding her. She opened her eyes and heard Dean’s groan.
“I was just getting to the good stuff.”
She rolled her eyes and looked towards Cas who was exactly where he stood before she closed her eyes. “Thank you.”
He smiled, “let’s hope that works.”
Liz’s eyes snapped open, “wait I’ve been meaning to ask you.. Do you know how far along I am? The baby.. I can’t just go to a doctor to find out..”
Cas nodded, “Six weeks, give or take a couple of days. I don’t know how you will progress though.”
Liz’s brow furrowed, “Wait.. four weeks before his deal was up? We weren’t..” Her eyes fell to the bed as she tried counting the weeks.
Cas clarified, “You were both at Bobby’s. Apparently, you weren’t as careful as you normally are because you had just fought or because you were in dean’s car. I’m not exactly sure which.”
Dean leaned up, “wait.. Cas how do you..”
Cas tilted his head and then something seemed to dawn on him. “It would not have been the first time I had witnessed that act Dean but no, I did not witness yours. I was watching over Liz until you both became.. heated.”
Dean laid back down, “wow. Just.. wow.”
Liz blushed as she gave Cas a small smile. “Thanks Cas.”
The angel nodded then disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.
Liz laid down with a yawn and Dean pulled her to him then rested his hand on her stomach. She settled into him as another yawn broke, “goodnight.”
“So, we’re just going to ignore that right?” She nodded and he kissed the top of her head, “yea, me too. Sweet dreams love.”