I hope you enjoy this part. It pulled at my heart strings just writing it, so I hope it does the same to you as you read it.
Chapter 11
“Eighty-nine bottles of beer on the wall,
eighty-nine bottles of beer,
and if one of those bottles should accidently fall,
there’ll be eighty-eight bottles of beer on the wall…” Max sung, lounging on his bed, with his hands behind his head. Shirtless. Damn.
I groaned as I covered my ears. He had started at ninety-nine and showed no signs of letting up. I knew what he was trying to do – he wanted me to show myself.
I hadn’t spoken to Max or Maria since we had left the hospital. I couldn’t process everything that I had discovered. Kyle had been cheating on me with my second-best girlfriend. I had thought we were really good friends, but I had to admit that Maria had warned me about her. At the time I had just put it down to jealousy, because I spent so much time with Serena at school, but now I began to wonder if Maria had actually picked up on something more. I guess I should have listened to her. If I had, I might be alive right now.
No – I couldn’t start thinking like that. I couldn’t start the ‘what if’s’. What was done, was done. I can’t change the past.
But what of the future?
What I knew for sure was that Kyle was the real reason for my death. He was too busy looking into Serena’s eyes to watch the road. But what was I supposed to do with that information? It wasn’t against the law to check your rearview mirror, just as it wasn’t against the law to walk across the road. Max had never been charged with causing my death and I doubt Kyle ever would either. Even if you could argue that Kyle caused my death by dangerous driving, or driving without due care, how would you prove it? It’s not like there was anyone who could confirm my story – the story of a ghost.
I had begun to think of myself that way. An angel conjures up thoughts of a completely altruistic entity who was there only to help other people - an entity with no past to hold onto. I had all of my memories now, and could honestly say that Max wasn’t my primary focus at the moment. I was like a ghost, wandering around trying to find closure. Lucky for me, Max wasn’t currently in a life threatening situation, as I would be failing miserably in my duties.
No, Max was fine for now. Well, if you could call that horrendous singing ‘fine’…
“Eighty-one bottles of beer on the wall…”
And don’t even get me started on what Jake had told me. He was in love with me? How is that even possible? Heaven is supposed to be devoid of lust, jealousy and desire. How was it possible that Jake could not only feel that way about me, but to the extent that he broke the rules to pair me up with the one person he thought I could never love?
But I think he had made a mistake. I think I had fallen for Max somewhere along the line. And now I knew the accident wasn’t his fault…
“Seventy-nine bottles of beer on the wall…”
But did that really matter? Okay, it would make my time with him more bearable, knowing that I didn’t have a reason to resent him anymore, but we could never be together – not completely. If I took human form again, the Council would definitely have me reassigned – that’s if they trusted me enough to send me back at all.
No, if I wanted to be with Max, I had to make do with haunting him, and never really being with him. It was better than the alternative of losing him forever.
“Seventy-six bottles of beer on the wall…”
“Can’t a girl just have a few moments of peace to think about things?” I complained – unable to take it any more. I said it without showing myself. I couldn’t be human… I couldn’t be human…
“You are here.” Max smiled.
“Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?” I asked curiously.
“I don’t know? Where do you go when I can’t see or hear you?” Max asked. I guess Maria hadn’t explained how this thing worked.
“Just because you can’t hear me or see me, doesn’t mean I’m not here.” I replied. “I’m always here.”
“Always?” Max looked a little astonished.
“Always.” I replied.
“Even when I have to pee?” Max asked, his eyebrow wriggling.
“I don’t follow you to the bathroom – I have some tact.” I smiled.
“That’s a relief.” Max smiled, and then his face grew serious. “How are you?”
“I’ve had a rough few days.” I admitted.
“It must have been hard… you know … seeing your friend like that. And not being able to spend time with your boyfriend after not seeing him for so long…” Max grew nervous.
“Spending time with Kyle is at the bottom of my list of things to do. It even comes after listening to you snore all night.” I smirked.
“I don’t snore.” Max argued, completely shocked at the suggestion.
“You do after you have been drinking heavily.” I replied honestly.
“How long have you been following me?” Max asked suddenly concerned.
“I’ve lost track. A few months maybe.” I shrugged, invisibly of course.
Max paled. He realised just how much of his past I had witnessed – things he wasn’t particularly proud of.
“I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.” Max sighed.
“If you hadn’t been like that, you wouldn’t have needed a guardian angel and we would have never met.” I pointed out.
“So, how many times have you had to save me so far?” Max asked curiously.
“Only a couple. Keeping you from getting yourself into trouble is tough work. And you’re not the easiest person to compel.” I replied.
“Are you calling me stubborn?” Max acted offended.
“If the shoe fits…” I smiled. I could banter with him all day. Banter? Flirt? Same thing.
“Back to talking about your ex. Are you saying that you don’t still love him then?” Max asked with bated breath.
I was silent for a moment. Did I love Kyle? No, definitely not. I couldn’t be with a cheater. Had I loved him when I died? I thought I had. He had treated me well – like a princess. He even told me that he would wait for me … until I was ready to take our relationship to that next level. I had thought he was sweet. I had thought that he loved me. Little did I know that he was more than willing to wait because there were others that were eager to provide him with what he needed.
I wondered how long their relationship had been going on? He had started acting weird around Serena soon after we started dating, and I had thought it was because he didn’t like her very much. I guess he just didn’t know how to act around the two of us – his girlfriend and his lover.
Why had he stayed with me if he wanted to be with her? The only reason I could see was because Serena had been dating Kyle’s best friend when we had met. Kyle wasn’t willing to break the male code and openly date his best-friend’s ex. So he dated me in public, and her in secret.
I was such a fool.
“Liz?” Max asked, concerned by my silence.
“Yes?” I replied, forgetting that he was waiting for me to respond.
“Yes, you don’t still love him or yes you do?” Max asked confused by the fact my answer seemed like a question.
“I don’t love him.” I replied.
“It’s okay if you do… you can tell me.” Max replied, not believing me.
“I don’t… I’ve discovered some things … never mind.” I waved it off dismissively, my voice breaking. I didn’t love him but I was hurt.
“Please Liz. Let me see you.” Max pleaded, sitting upright on his bed.
“W-why?” I stammered. I couldn’t be human…
“Because you sound like you need a hug.” Max smiled. “Let me comfort you.”
“I…” God he was right. I really needed someone to put their arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. It had been so long since my last embrace.
“Please?” Max whispered.
Throwing sanity out of the window, I took human form. My form. Liz.
Max jumped off the bed, took the one step that separated us, and immediately wrapped his strong, warm arms around me.
That was all it took for me to burst into tears. Crying over everything that I had lost, everything I now knew that I had never had, and for what I never will.
“Shhh…” Max soothed. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“It won’t.” I shook my head.
“Why not?” Max asked.
“Because I can’t have the one thing that I want.” I replied, stepping towards dangerous territory, but unable to resist the arms. Feeling the touch of another human being was an indescribable sensation for me – I had to have more, even if it meant losing everything.
Max dropped his arms and took a step away. I felt the loss of his touch immediate. I felt both lonely and alone. I almost shuddered from the sudden cold I felt in my heart.
“It’s my fault that was taken from you.” Max sighed, not meeting my eyes.
“What?” I asked confused.
“Your life. The one thing you want that you can’t have… I took that from you, and I know that you can never forgive me.” Max replied sadly.
“No. That’s not the thing I want. Sure, it would be nice to be still alive, but I’ve accepted that my life is over.” I explained.
“Then what is it that you want?” Max asked confused.
This was the moment where I could either turn back and play it safe, or admit my feelings and destine us both to a lifetime of heartache.
I played it safe too much in life – I wasn’t willing to do it in death.
“You.” I announced.
“Me?” Max couldn’t believe he had heard right. “You want me?”
“Yes.” I gave a small smile, trying to read his reaction.
“After what I did?” Max asked incredulously.
“It wasn’t your fault.” I replied.
“How can you say that?” Max countered.
“Because Kyle wasn’t watching the road. He was looking at my friend in the rearview mirror. Kyle could have braked in time but he wasn’t concentrating on driving. It was Kyle’s fault.” I explained.
“W-what?” Max stammered, and I could see the load he had been carrying start to lift from his shoulders.
“It wasn’t your fault Max. It wasn’t your fault.”
Max dropped down to sit on his bed, trying to understand what was going on. I knelt in front of him so our eyes were level.
“I didn’t kill you?” He confirmed, searching my eyes.
“No.” I smiled.
Max’s lips immediately found mine, and he kissed me with such intensity that I thought he would pass out from lack of oxygen. And myself for that matter.
I was breathing. Breathing even harder once the kiss ended. I was breathing.
I couldn’t be human…
I got to my feet and stepped away from Max. His hand reached for mine before I was out of reach, and he latched onto it.
“Don’t go.” Max pleaded. “We can be together now. Everything’s perfect.”
“No… it’s not.” I shook my head sadly. “It will never be.”
“Why not?” Max demanded, jumping to his feet and taking a step closer as I took another step back. “We can be together like this forever. I don’t know how it is possible, but look at you – you’re human.”
“I’m not supposed to. I’m breaking the rules by being with you here like this.” I acknowledged. I wondered how long it would take for the Council to act and come and take me away.
“So, we’ll break the rules.” Max smiled deviously.
“They’ll send me away.” I replied, and Max’s smile faltered.
“Where to?” He asked.
“Back to heaven probably. They may decide to assign me to someone else.” I explained.
“No. They can’t do that!” Max exclaimed.
“They can. I’ve already been warned once. They’ve given me one more chance and I’ve just blown it.” I sighed resignedly.
“Why did you? Why risk being sent away from me?” Max asked.
“Because one embrace from you was worth being alone for an eternity.” I gave a small smile.
Max reached out and pulled me back into his arms.
“Will you stay with me like this until they come for you?” Max asked.
“I shouldn’t. Not if there is some way I can talk them around before it’s too late.” I replied. “If I plead my case, they may let me stay and guard you if I promise to keep my distance.”
“I don’t want you to keep your distance from me.” Max admitted.
“It’s better than being parted forever.” I pointed out.
“It’s not fair…” Max sighed.
“Life generally isn’t. I’m living proof of that.” I sighed too.
“How long can you stay like this with me now?” Max asked, not wanting to let me out of his embrace.
“Not long.” I replied. I shouldn’t even be here now, but I was incapable of rational thought while I was in his arms.
“Will you lie with me for a while?” Max asked.
I nodded without speaking, but let me lead him to his bed. There we lay, wrapped up in each other’s arms and talking about everything we could think of while we still had the chance.
He told me all about his life before his parents died – before I met him. I told him about my life before I died – my friendship with Maria and Alex, my parents, my Grandma, working at the Crashdown.
Eventually we returned to more recent topics.
“So how did you only just realise that Kyle hadn’t been watching the road? Why didn’t you say something as soon as your memories returned? Why did you still blame me?” Max asked curiously, trying to piece things together.
“I didn’t realise it until he came into the hospital, and I saw it in his mind. Seeing you there made him relive the accident in his head and the moment when he turned his attention from the rearview mirror back to the road and seeing you standing there.” I explained.
Max pulled back from me.
“You can read minds?” Max exclaimed.
“Yes.” I admitted. I guess I had never really explained that part of my powers.
“You can read mine?” Max confirmed.
“Yes.” I acknowledged.
“You hear everything?” Max said aghast.
“Yes, unless I deliberately tune out.” I explained, starting to get worried. He was much more concerned about this than I had imagined he would be.
I guess spying on his thoughts was worse than spying on his body.
Max jumped off the bed and started pacing.
“So what am I thinking right now?” Max demanded.
I knew exactly what he was thinking, and new it was time for me to leave. I climbed off the bed and stood against the other side of the room.
“You feel v-violated. You’re outraged.” I stammered, the tears streaming down my face.
Max stopped pacing.
“You’re embarrassed. You can’t stand the thought that I know that you have pictured me naked.” I blushed.
Max blushed to.
“And you want me to leave.” I added, taking that as my queue to go.
“Liz?” Max called out to an empty room. “Liz?”
I didn’t answer him. Like I said before, it could never work between us. Maybe now he could see that for himself. Maybe it was a good thing that he reacted in this way. Maybe now he could make a life with someone ‘normal’ without yearning for a ghost he could never really be with – who he could have no privacy with.
It was better for him if I stayed silent.
It was better for him, but I was in hell.
The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) COMPLETE 29/8/11
Moderators: Anniepoo98, Rowedog, ISLANDGIRL5, Itzstacie, truelovepooh, FSU/MSW-94, Erina, Hunter, Forum Moderators
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch10 17/7/11
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch11 26/7/11
I really hope you forgive me for this part. I thought about rewriting it 100 times due to the fear of the likely feedback, but I couldn't do it.
I promise there will still be a happy ending...
Chapter 12
Max paced back and forth, trying to sort out what he was feeling. On the one hand he wanted me more than the air he breathed, but on the other hand he wanted space.
But he was never going to have it.
Even if I wasn’t physically there with him, he knew I would always be there. Invisible. Seeing everything. Hearing everything. Listening in on every thought.
And if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else sent here to replace me.
How was he supposed to deal with that? He could never have a real relationship with me, but he could never be with anyone else either – knowing that I was there watching.
Maybe it was better if the Council did send me away.
His thoughts, not mine.
Before I could gain a hold on myself, I let out a whimper at the thought of leaving him – and that he might actually want that. I didn’t want to go, no matter how right that might be.
“Liz?” Max stopped pacing, reaching out a hand searching the thin air. “I…” He dropped his hand and looked resigned. “I’m sorry.”
I then watched as he grabbed his jacket and his keys. I guess we were going out.
I didn’t want to go where we were headed, so I resisted the only way I could. I didn’t follow him, not until the 100ft limit was reached and I was physically pulled out of the window to the ground and behind Max’s car. As Max drove along the main street towards the bar, I felt the wind in my hair as I was pulled behind.
I felt like I was flying.
I had never flown before. I guess it was a misconception that angels had wings and flew everywhere. We generally didn’t need to – we could be anywhere we wanted to be with just a thought.
But I was flying now.
The car stopped and I would have slammed into the back of the car if I hadn’t been paying attention. Instead, I summersaulted through the air and landed perfectly on Max’s car bonnet.
I wished Max could have seen me stick a perfect landing.
Then sighed as reality hit me once more.
I jumped off the bonnet and begrudgingly followed Max into the bar, taking the empty stool next to him.
If only I could have a drink too… For the first time in my life, or death, I felt like I needed something to numb my senses.
That was exactly what Max was here for.
As usual the barman served Max without checking his ID. I wondered whether I could somehow force the Sherriff to come and perform a random check at this moment, forcing Max to leave and the bar to close. Unfortunately I didn’t think my powers extended quite that far.
“Don’t.” I begged Max as he raised the drink to his lips. He hesitated for a millisecond and then gulped it down.
I knew he had heard me but was choosing to ignore me.
I would ignore me too.
He was here to forget that I was here – seeing everything and listening to every thought.
I could compel him, but I didn’t think my powers were strong enough yet – I had spent too long human for the evening and I felt its drain.
Max quickly finished off the first drink and was already ordering his second. This was going to be a long night.
And just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, my worst fear strode into the bar. Did this girl have a tracker installed on Max or what?
“Hey Max.” Tess said, sidling up next to Max and awkwardly trying to sit on my lap – well, heading for the stool I had been occupying before I jumped out of the way. There was no way I was going to pass through her body – I didn’t know where it had been.
“Tess.” Max replied, not even looking at her.
Good start – he didn’t want her here any more than I did.
“Are you okay?” Tess asked, attempting to feign concern.
“Do I look okay?” Max retorted, finishing his second drink and attracting the barman’s attention for another.
“You look like you have something on your mind.” Tess observed, before asking the bartender to give her whatever Max was having.
“You could say that.” Max replied.
“Casper still haunting you?” Tess teased.
“Yes.” Max admitted.
Tess looked around Max.
“Right now? Where?” Tess asked.
“I don’t know, but she is always there.” Max replied strained.
The bar started filling up, and a man dressed in black leather took the seat on the other side of Max.
“What does she want?” Tess asked more quietly, now that they had company. I could see she was trying a different tact – believing him rather than teasing him.
“More than I can give her.” Max said, draining his third drink.
“I’m here if you want to tell me all about it.” Tess offered, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
My claws were out, but there was nothing I could do.
Max’s back straightened and he looked around.
“She doesn’t like you doing that.” Max said with a smile.
He could feel me! He could sense what I was feeling! OMG! He’s never been able to do that before.
“Then I guess she wouldn’t like me doing this…” Tess said, running her hand down Max’s thigh towards his groin.
“Tess…” Max warned, while I felt I was going to blow a gasket. I wanted her off of him – he was mine.
Yet I knew that wasn’t true. We couldn’t be together. Max didn’t want me. He could be with anyone he liked. But why did it have to be Tess? And why tonight – while he was still processing everything? When he hadn’t given us a chance to work things through? It was like a slap in the face.
‘Ser-… I mean Liz’. A voice interrupted my inner dialogue. It was Jake.
‘What do you want?’ I demanded, rolling my eyes.
‘Don’t roll your eyes at me like that.’ Jake groaned.
Jake was here? Where? I frantically looked around the room, and then noticed the man in the leather jacket next to Max turn slowly around on the stool to face me. He had a smirk on his face and was staring at me even though I was still invisible. The man had Jake’s eyes.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.
‘I need to talk to you.’ Jake replied.
‘This isn’t the best time.’ I sighed, glancing at Max and Tess. I was desperately trying to follow Max and Tess’ conversation which was now hushed.
‘I wanted to apologise. I can tell that you’re hurting and I know that this whole situation is my fault.’ Jake began. I almost thought he was sincere. Almost.
‘Save me your bullshit. Just tell me when the Council are coming for me.’ I replied. As much as I didn’t want to leave Max, I knew that I had broken the rules and was resigned to my fate. It was probably for the best.
‘They’re not coming. I didn’t tell them that you disobeyed their instructions not to take human form again.’ Jake explained.
‘Why not?’ I replied shocked. I thought he would have gone running to tell them as soon as I turned human after I was told not to. ‘I thought you would want to pull me off the assignment as soon as you possibly could.’
‘If I did, what would you do? Would you forgive me for assigning you to Max when I knew of your past? Would we still be friends? Could you see yourself ever loving me?’ Jake asked.
I thought about it. If Jake hadn’t done what he had, I would have never met Max.
‘I may be able to forgive you, but I could never love you.’ I replied honestly.
‘Well then, I think I’ll leave you here so the two of you can suffer together.’ Jake snarled.
I was taken aback. I knew Jake was jealous, but I didn’t realise he was that sadistic. How the hell had he made it into heaven?
‘I would rather ‘suffer’ here with Max than be anywhere else in heaven or on earth.’ I replied defiantly, even though I didn’t know exactly how hard that might be given the present developments. ‘Besides, Max and I will get through this.’
‘Maybe, but maybe there are some things that you just can’t get past.’ Jake smiled viciously.
“Come with me.” Tess said, catching my attention with her hand creeping higher up Max’s thigh.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Max replied, obvious beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. I had lost count as to how many he had drunk, but I was relieved that at least he had enough wits about him to turn Tess down. A few weeks ago that wouldn’t have been the case. It was Max’s MO – go to a bar, get drunk, get laid.
Exhaling, I returned my attention to Jake who was settling his bill with the barman, before brushing past Max and walking passed me out of the bar. When I looked back and Max, I saw him being led by Tess in the direction of the bathroom.
What had I missed? Max went from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ in less than thirty seconds.
I followed Max and Tess, trying to work out what I could possibly do to prevent what was about to go down in the men’s bathroom. I could see it in Max’s mind – there was no doubt what he was about to do – with Tess of all people.
“Max, please don’t do this.” I pleaded, but he ignored me as he ushered Tess inside the men’s room. I tried to compel him to stop, but my powers weren’t strong enough – it was like I was attempting to get through a brick wall.
I stood at the door and watched as Max lifted Tess onto the bench. He began kissing her as she pulled him towards her, her legs wrapped around his waist.
“Max…” I whimpered.
He didn’t even flinch.
“Don’t do this to me!” I cried, this time revealing myself standing in the doorway.
He turned to look at me and smiled cruelly before returning his full attention to Tess.
I slowly stepped backwards and let the door swing closed in front of me, disappearing back into my invisibility.
He was doing this to hurt me. He didn’t care about me. I meant less than nothing to him. I could see it all in his mind like an open book.
I stood in the hallway where the wall separated Max, Tess and I. I put my hand up against the wall and willed Max to stop. The tears were streaming down my face. I knew he must be able to feel my pain, but I could tell from the sounds through the wall that he wasn’t planning on stopping.
How could he do this to me – to us?
I could hear Tess’ gasps through the wall, and I blocked out all the images and thoughts rolling around Max’s head. I didn’t need to see what they were doing, let alone how Max was feeling about it.
I had gleaned enough to know that Max was enjoying himself, while I felt like my world was falling apart.
They finished their business, and I could hear Max quickly zipping himself up and leaving the men’s room with Tess in tow. I watched as he ushered her through the bar with a hand on the small of her back. He didn’t so much as glance around to wonder where I was. It was as though I didn’t even exist to him anymore.
I refused to follow at first, but being dragged along the floor of a dirty bar was not a pleasant alternative, so eventually I reluctantly followed behind.
I watched as Max put Tess in her car, before climbing into his own intent on heading for home. I took my usual seat next to him rather than flying behind, even though I really wanted to try that again. I was too worried that I might be needed to get him home safely in his inebriated condition. It occurred to me for only a moment that perhaps I should stand back and let something bad happen to him. But no, I couldn’t fail in my duties, no matter how much my heart was breaking. Despite what he did, I still couldn’t bring myself to wish him physical harm.
Max made it home, and after turning off the ignition, he leant his head on the steering wheel.
“What the hell just happened?” Max asked to himself.
“You broke my heart.” I replied.
“Liz?” Max sat up looking towards the passenger seat. It was the first time he had acknowledged me since seeing me in the doorway, and the look on his face now was nothing like what I had seen then. He looked remorseful. He looked guilt-ridden. He looked like he was going to crumble. He looked like he felt as bad as I did.
But it was too little too late.
I didn’t reply, but stepped out of the car and waited for him to head inside. He eventually did, and ignoring his Uncle Steve in the living room, went straight to his room.
“Liz?” Max said, sitting on the end of his bed.
I didn’t say anything.
“I know how much I hurt you.” Max continued. “I can feel your grief rolling off you in waves. It’s killing me.”
I didn’t understand why Max could suddenly pick up on my emotions. He had never been able to do that before. The only thing I could blame it on – the only person – was Jake. He must have wanted Max to suffer the same way that I was.
I still couldn’t feel Max’s emotions. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to seeing his thoughts and feelings yet. I knew they would cut me to the core.
“I’m so sorry that I hurt you – I didn’t mean … I never intended…” He trailed off. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It was as if I didn’t have control over my own body… like… like I was being compelled.”
I momentarily held out hope that maybe Max had been compelled. Maybe Jake had done something to him in the bar. I wouldn’t put it passed him to make Max have sex with Tess to hurt me – to make me suffer more than I was already. Jake wanted to make sure there was never going to be anything between Max and I, and that I would be in hell living with the memory of Max and Tess forever.
If it was true, he had succeeded in destroying everything I had in this life.
But how could it be true? Only I, as Max’s assigned guardian, had the power to compel Max – and even then my powers were not always strong enough to force my will. It wasn’t possible for Jake to force Max to do anything he didn’t want to do.
Even if Max wasn’t completely to blame for what happened tonight, I couldn’t forget the cruel look on his face or the images that I had seen in Max’s head. Being compelled or not, I couldn’t help but think that a big part of him had wanted to hurt me.
“Yell and scream at me. Say something… anything.” Max pleaded. “I can’t stand the silence.”
I didn’t move a muscle. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“I’m so sorry.” Max whispered. “I wish I could take it all back.”
I wished he could too.
*
“Max. Hey!” Maria called out, catching up to Max in the hallway at school.
“Hey Maria.” Max sighed.
“Wow. You look like crap.” Maria pointed out.
One good thing about being an angel, and an invisible one at that – no one commented on how bad you looked after a rough night. I’m sure I would have looked one hundred times worse than Max.
“Thanks Maria.” Max sighed again.
“Just saying. What happened? Did you finally get to talk to Liz?” Maria asked.
“Yes.” Max replied simply.
“And does she forgive you?” Maria asked.
I immediately wondered how she knew about Max and Tess, and then I realised she was talking about the accident. She still thought I blamed Max for my death.
I wish we could go back to when it was that simple.
Max paled. He obviously had thought the same thing – that Maria was talking about him and Tess.
“You know, about the accident.” Maria prompted when Max didn’t answer at first.
“It was Kyle’s fault.” Max replied. “He wasn’t watching the road. He didn’t see me until it was too late.”
“Then why the hell is he walking around like you are the sole person to blame?” Maria asked.
“I guess he feels guilty and he’s taking it out on me.” Max shrugged.
“That’s not fair!” Maria exclaimed. “We have to do something – tell the Sherriff or something.”
“Just let it go Maria.” Max sighed.
“How can you say that?” Maria demanded. “He killed Liz.”
“This morning you thought I killed Liz, but you weren’t running off to the Sherriff.” Max pointed out.
“That’s because you didn’t mean to step out in front of the car. Kyle deliberately took his eyes off the road – he is culpable.” Maria argued.
“And how do you expect to be able to prove it? It’s his word against ours, actually no, it’s his word against Liz’s – someone who happens to be dead.” Max retorted.
Ouch. That stung.
“I see your point.” Maria agreed. “But surely we have to do something.”
“Just let it go. It’s over.” Max pleaded. “I want to move on.”
“With Liz?” Maria asked. “Now that she doesn’t blame you for her death, you guys can pick up from that kiss I witnessed at the cemetery. Pretty hot and heavy…” Maria wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Max thought back to that kiss, which prompted him to think of his kiss, and more, with Tess the night before.
“It’s not that simple.” Max replied.
“Sure it is. You like her, she likes you, she’s tied to you 24/7. What more is there? Apart from the whole incorporeal being issue.”
“It’s complicated.” Max repeated.
“Fine, whatever. Do you think I could talk to her at lunch again today? I miss her.” Maria asked.
‘No!’ I cried. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone, or as alone as I could possibly be in this scenario.
“I don’t think so.” Max finally answered Maria. “I get the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment.”
“You can tell?” Maria asked.
“Yes. I don’t know how, but I guess I started feeling her ‘energy’ or something last night. I can pick up on strong emotions coming from her.” Max explained.
“So she strongly doesn’t want to talk to me?” Maria clarified.
“Yes.” Max confirmed.
“What else have you been picking up?” Maria asked, as we all caught sight of Tess walking towards Max.
My emotions spiked 100% from disgruntlement to pure rage. I barely contained a growl.
“Nevermind. I think I felt that myself.” Maria smiled at Max. “I don’t know what you’ve done, but you are definitely not in Liz’s good books right now.”
Maria had always been able to sense my presence, it made sense that she could feel my emotions now that I was ready to implode.
“You’d better sort it out soon, because I miss my best friend. I won’t let whatever is going on between the two of you keep her from me.” Maria warned.
Tess came even closer and gave Max a wink.
“Or should I say … the three of you?” Maria raised her eyebrow before making a hasty exit.
“Hey Max.” Tess purred, giving Max a very long and inappropriate kiss considering we were standing just outside the administration office.
“Hi Tess.” Max replied after he stopped the kiss.
“I was wondering if you would like to come to my place after school today to work on our English assignment?” Tess asked, running a finger down Max’s chest.
“Uh… how about we meet at the library?” Max countered.
“Hmmm … into public places? I can get on board with that.” Tess smiled seductively. “I’ll see you there after last period.”
She walked away, or strutted would be more accurate, leaving Max to wonder how he was going to break off his relationship with her.
I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he didn’t want to be with Tess, or resentful that he had thrown away all that we had shared on a one night stand that didn’t mean anything to him.
Max sighed and walked up the steps towards the school entrance as the bell rang.
I sighed and followed him.
*
“So… are you sure you still want to do the Father Lawrence scene?” Tess asked, after Max and she were seated in the library.
“Look, before we get down to work, I just wanted to apologise for last night.” Max began. “I think I may have taken advantage of you.”
“You didn’t. I had fun Max. I was hoping for a repeat performance tonight.” Tess smiled seductively.
“I just… I don’t think it should have happened in the first place, and I definitely don’t think we should do it again.” Max replied honestly.
“W-why not?” Tess asked, completely thrown. She thought she had him hook, line and sinker.
“Because I’m dealing with a lot of personal issues and I think I just used you to escape from them. I don’t really know why I did it, but I do know that it was a mistake.” Max tried to explain.
“So you’re telling me, that you regret being with me.” Tess choked, and I almost thought I saw real tears welling in her eyes.
That didn’t make me sympathetic towards her though. Nice try love.
“I’m sorry Tess.” Max apologised. “I think you’re a great girl, but I’m not the guy for you.”
“You will pay for this Max.” Tess seethed, grabbing her books and standing up. “Nobody turns down Tess Harding.”
She strode away, and I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears – I wouldn’t want to be Max right now. But then again – it serves him right. Maybe all those months of using women and throwing them away would come back and haunt him.
I just wish I could stop myself from thinking that he didn’t entirely deserve it. I wanted to wish bad things for him, but I couldn’t when a large part of me was still so completely in love with him.
I must be insane.
Max pulled out his Shakespeare compendium and began flipping through the pages trying to find a scene to do for his English assignment. If he couldn’t do it in a pair with Tess, he sure as hell wasn’t going to turn up to the class without having anything prepared. He couldn’t afford to fail the class.
I lay on the table and stared at the ceiling. So this was my life now. Watch in silence, with a pain in my chest that made it hurt to breathe – that is, if I actually needed to. I wondered whether I should try and take myself off the assignment, for the sake of my sanity, and my heart.
I sat bolt upright when it occurred to me that I had no way of getting replaced as Max’s guardian. Jake was my only contact, and with him pulling the strings, I was stuck here for an eternity, well, until Max died anyway. What was the average human life span? Even if I turned human, none of the Council would know unless Jake felt like telling them. Yesterday that would have been a dream come true, but today it was not going to help anything – Max didn’t want me if I could read his mind, and I wasn’t sure I could ever be with Max after what he did.
Human or not, I was stuck in hell until Max died.
And I wouldn’t let that happen for a very long time.
I promise there will still be a happy ending...
Chapter 12
Max paced back and forth, trying to sort out what he was feeling. On the one hand he wanted me more than the air he breathed, but on the other hand he wanted space.
But he was never going to have it.
Even if I wasn’t physically there with him, he knew I would always be there. Invisible. Seeing everything. Hearing everything. Listening in on every thought.
And if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else sent here to replace me.
How was he supposed to deal with that? He could never have a real relationship with me, but he could never be with anyone else either – knowing that I was there watching.
Maybe it was better if the Council did send me away.
His thoughts, not mine.
Before I could gain a hold on myself, I let out a whimper at the thought of leaving him – and that he might actually want that. I didn’t want to go, no matter how right that might be.
“Liz?” Max stopped pacing, reaching out a hand searching the thin air. “I…” He dropped his hand and looked resigned. “I’m sorry.”
I then watched as he grabbed his jacket and his keys. I guess we were going out.
I didn’t want to go where we were headed, so I resisted the only way I could. I didn’t follow him, not until the 100ft limit was reached and I was physically pulled out of the window to the ground and behind Max’s car. As Max drove along the main street towards the bar, I felt the wind in my hair as I was pulled behind.
I felt like I was flying.
I had never flown before. I guess it was a misconception that angels had wings and flew everywhere. We generally didn’t need to – we could be anywhere we wanted to be with just a thought.
But I was flying now.
The car stopped and I would have slammed into the back of the car if I hadn’t been paying attention. Instead, I summersaulted through the air and landed perfectly on Max’s car bonnet.
I wished Max could have seen me stick a perfect landing.
Then sighed as reality hit me once more.
I jumped off the bonnet and begrudgingly followed Max into the bar, taking the empty stool next to him.
If only I could have a drink too… For the first time in my life, or death, I felt like I needed something to numb my senses.
That was exactly what Max was here for.
As usual the barman served Max without checking his ID. I wondered whether I could somehow force the Sherriff to come and perform a random check at this moment, forcing Max to leave and the bar to close. Unfortunately I didn’t think my powers extended quite that far.
“Don’t.” I begged Max as he raised the drink to his lips. He hesitated for a millisecond and then gulped it down.
I knew he had heard me but was choosing to ignore me.
I would ignore me too.
He was here to forget that I was here – seeing everything and listening to every thought.
I could compel him, but I didn’t think my powers were strong enough yet – I had spent too long human for the evening and I felt its drain.
Max quickly finished off the first drink and was already ordering his second. This was going to be a long night.
And just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, my worst fear strode into the bar. Did this girl have a tracker installed on Max or what?
“Hey Max.” Tess said, sidling up next to Max and awkwardly trying to sit on my lap – well, heading for the stool I had been occupying before I jumped out of the way. There was no way I was going to pass through her body – I didn’t know where it had been.
“Tess.” Max replied, not even looking at her.
Good start – he didn’t want her here any more than I did.
“Are you okay?” Tess asked, attempting to feign concern.
“Do I look okay?” Max retorted, finishing his second drink and attracting the barman’s attention for another.
“You look like you have something on your mind.” Tess observed, before asking the bartender to give her whatever Max was having.
“You could say that.” Max replied.
“Casper still haunting you?” Tess teased.
“Yes.” Max admitted.
Tess looked around Max.
“Right now? Where?” Tess asked.
“I don’t know, but she is always there.” Max replied strained.
The bar started filling up, and a man dressed in black leather took the seat on the other side of Max.
“What does she want?” Tess asked more quietly, now that they had company. I could see she was trying a different tact – believing him rather than teasing him.
“More than I can give her.” Max said, draining his third drink.
“I’m here if you want to tell me all about it.” Tess offered, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
My claws were out, but there was nothing I could do.
Max’s back straightened and he looked around.
“She doesn’t like you doing that.” Max said with a smile.
He could feel me! He could sense what I was feeling! OMG! He’s never been able to do that before.
“Then I guess she wouldn’t like me doing this…” Tess said, running her hand down Max’s thigh towards his groin.
“Tess…” Max warned, while I felt I was going to blow a gasket. I wanted her off of him – he was mine.
Yet I knew that wasn’t true. We couldn’t be together. Max didn’t want me. He could be with anyone he liked. But why did it have to be Tess? And why tonight – while he was still processing everything? When he hadn’t given us a chance to work things through? It was like a slap in the face.
‘Ser-… I mean Liz’. A voice interrupted my inner dialogue. It was Jake.
‘What do you want?’ I demanded, rolling my eyes.
‘Don’t roll your eyes at me like that.’ Jake groaned.
Jake was here? Where? I frantically looked around the room, and then noticed the man in the leather jacket next to Max turn slowly around on the stool to face me. He had a smirk on his face and was staring at me even though I was still invisible. The man had Jake’s eyes.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.
‘I need to talk to you.’ Jake replied.
‘This isn’t the best time.’ I sighed, glancing at Max and Tess. I was desperately trying to follow Max and Tess’ conversation which was now hushed.
‘I wanted to apologise. I can tell that you’re hurting and I know that this whole situation is my fault.’ Jake began. I almost thought he was sincere. Almost.
‘Save me your bullshit. Just tell me when the Council are coming for me.’ I replied. As much as I didn’t want to leave Max, I knew that I had broken the rules and was resigned to my fate. It was probably for the best.
‘They’re not coming. I didn’t tell them that you disobeyed their instructions not to take human form again.’ Jake explained.
‘Why not?’ I replied shocked. I thought he would have gone running to tell them as soon as I turned human after I was told not to. ‘I thought you would want to pull me off the assignment as soon as you possibly could.’
‘If I did, what would you do? Would you forgive me for assigning you to Max when I knew of your past? Would we still be friends? Could you see yourself ever loving me?’ Jake asked.
I thought about it. If Jake hadn’t done what he had, I would have never met Max.
‘I may be able to forgive you, but I could never love you.’ I replied honestly.
‘Well then, I think I’ll leave you here so the two of you can suffer together.’ Jake snarled.
I was taken aback. I knew Jake was jealous, but I didn’t realise he was that sadistic. How the hell had he made it into heaven?
‘I would rather ‘suffer’ here with Max than be anywhere else in heaven or on earth.’ I replied defiantly, even though I didn’t know exactly how hard that might be given the present developments. ‘Besides, Max and I will get through this.’
‘Maybe, but maybe there are some things that you just can’t get past.’ Jake smiled viciously.
“Come with me.” Tess said, catching my attention with her hand creeping higher up Max’s thigh.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Max replied, obvious beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. I had lost count as to how many he had drunk, but I was relieved that at least he had enough wits about him to turn Tess down. A few weeks ago that wouldn’t have been the case. It was Max’s MO – go to a bar, get drunk, get laid.
Exhaling, I returned my attention to Jake who was settling his bill with the barman, before brushing past Max and walking passed me out of the bar. When I looked back and Max, I saw him being led by Tess in the direction of the bathroom.
What had I missed? Max went from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ in less than thirty seconds.
I followed Max and Tess, trying to work out what I could possibly do to prevent what was about to go down in the men’s bathroom. I could see it in Max’s mind – there was no doubt what he was about to do – with Tess of all people.
“Max, please don’t do this.” I pleaded, but he ignored me as he ushered Tess inside the men’s room. I tried to compel him to stop, but my powers weren’t strong enough – it was like I was attempting to get through a brick wall.
I stood at the door and watched as Max lifted Tess onto the bench. He began kissing her as she pulled him towards her, her legs wrapped around his waist.
“Max…” I whimpered.
He didn’t even flinch.
“Don’t do this to me!” I cried, this time revealing myself standing in the doorway.
He turned to look at me and smiled cruelly before returning his full attention to Tess.
I slowly stepped backwards and let the door swing closed in front of me, disappearing back into my invisibility.
He was doing this to hurt me. He didn’t care about me. I meant less than nothing to him. I could see it all in his mind like an open book.
I stood in the hallway where the wall separated Max, Tess and I. I put my hand up against the wall and willed Max to stop. The tears were streaming down my face. I knew he must be able to feel my pain, but I could tell from the sounds through the wall that he wasn’t planning on stopping.
How could he do this to me – to us?
I could hear Tess’ gasps through the wall, and I blocked out all the images and thoughts rolling around Max’s head. I didn’t need to see what they were doing, let alone how Max was feeling about it.
I had gleaned enough to know that Max was enjoying himself, while I felt like my world was falling apart.
They finished their business, and I could hear Max quickly zipping himself up and leaving the men’s room with Tess in tow. I watched as he ushered her through the bar with a hand on the small of her back. He didn’t so much as glance around to wonder where I was. It was as though I didn’t even exist to him anymore.
I refused to follow at first, but being dragged along the floor of a dirty bar was not a pleasant alternative, so eventually I reluctantly followed behind.
I watched as Max put Tess in her car, before climbing into his own intent on heading for home. I took my usual seat next to him rather than flying behind, even though I really wanted to try that again. I was too worried that I might be needed to get him home safely in his inebriated condition. It occurred to me for only a moment that perhaps I should stand back and let something bad happen to him. But no, I couldn’t fail in my duties, no matter how much my heart was breaking. Despite what he did, I still couldn’t bring myself to wish him physical harm.
Max made it home, and after turning off the ignition, he leant his head on the steering wheel.
“What the hell just happened?” Max asked to himself.
“You broke my heart.” I replied.
“Liz?” Max sat up looking towards the passenger seat. It was the first time he had acknowledged me since seeing me in the doorway, and the look on his face now was nothing like what I had seen then. He looked remorseful. He looked guilt-ridden. He looked like he was going to crumble. He looked like he felt as bad as I did.
But it was too little too late.
I didn’t reply, but stepped out of the car and waited for him to head inside. He eventually did, and ignoring his Uncle Steve in the living room, went straight to his room.
“Liz?” Max said, sitting on the end of his bed.
I didn’t say anything.
“I know how much I hurt you.” Max continued. “I can feel your grief rolling off you in waves. It’s killing me.”
I didn’t understand why Max could suddenly pick up on my emotions. He had never been able to do that before. The only thing I could blame it on – the only person – was Jake. He must have wanted Max to suffer the same way that I was.
I still couldn’t feel Max’s emotions. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to seeing his thoughts and feelings yet. I knew they would cut me to the core.
“I’m so sorry that I hurt you – I didn’t mean … I never intended…” He trailed off. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It was as if I didn’t have control over my own body… like… like I was being compelled.”
I momentarily held out hope that maybe Max had been compelled. Maybe Jake had done something to him in the bar. I wouldn’t put it passed him to make Max have sex with Tess to hurt me – to make me suffer more than I was already. Jake wanted to make sure there was never going to be anything between Max and I, and that I would be in hell living with the memory of Max and Tess forever.
If it was true, he had succeeded in destroying everything I had in this life.
But how could it be true? Only I, as Max’s assigned guardian, had the power to compel Max – and even then my powers were not always strong enough to force my will. It wasn’t possible for Jake to force Max to do anything he didn’t want to do.
Even if Max wasn’t completely to blame for what happened tonight, I couldn’t forget the cruel look on his face or the images that I had seen in Max’s head. Being compelled or not, I couldn’t help but think that a big part of him had wanted to hurt me.
“Yell and scream at me. Say something… anything.” Max pleaded. “I can’t stand the silence.”
I didn’t move a muscle. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“I’m so sorry.” Max whispered. “I wish I could take it all back.”
I wished he could too.
*
“Max. Hey!” Maria called out, catching up to Max in the hallway at school.
“Hey Maria.” Max sighed.
“Wow. You look like crap.” Maria pointed out.
One good thing about being an angel, and an invisible one at that – no one commented on how bad you looked after a rough night. I’m sure I would have looked one hundred times worse than Max.
“Thanks Maria.” Max sighed again.
“Just saying. What happened? Did you finally get to talk to Liz?” Maria asked.
“Yes.” Max replied simply.
“And does she forgive you?” Maria asked.
I immediately wondered how she knew about Max and Tess, and then I realised she was talking about the accident. She still thought I blamed Max for my death.
I wish we could go back to when it was that simple.
Max paled. He obviously had thought the same thing – that Maria was talking about him and Tess.
“You know, about the accident.” Maria prompted when Max didn’t answer at first.
“It was Kyle’s fault.” Max replied. “He wasn’t watching the road. He didn’t see me until it was too late.”
“Then why the hell is he walking around like you are the sole person to blame?” Maria asked.
“I guess he feels guilty and he’s taking it out on me.” Max shrugged.
“That’s not fair!” Maria exclaimed. “We have to do something – tell the Sherriff or something.”
“Just let it go Maria.” Max sighed.
“How can you say that?” Maria demanded. “He killed Liz.”
“This morning you thought I killed Liz, but you weren’t running off to the Sherriff.” Max pointed out.
“That’s because you didn’t mean to step out in front of the car. Kyle deliberately took his eyes off the road – he is culpable.” Maria argued.
“And how do you expect to be able to prove it? It’s his word against ours, actually no, it’s his word against Liz’s – someone who happens to be dead.” Max retorted.
Ouch. That stung.
“I see your point.” Maria agreed. “But surely we have to do something.”
“Just let it go. It’s over.” Max pleaded. “I want to move on.”
“With Liz?” Maria asked. “Now that she doesn’t blame you for her death, you guys can pick up from that kiss I witnessed at the cemetery. Pretty hot and heavy…” Maria wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Max thought back to that kiss, which prompted him to think of his kiss, and more, with Tess the night before.
“It’s not that simple.” Max replied.
“Sure it is. You like her, she likes you, she’s tied to you 24/7. What more is there? Apart from the whole incorporeal being issue.”
“It’s complicated.” Max repeated.
“Fine, whatever. Do you think I could talk to her at lunch again today? I miss her.” Maria asked.
‘No!’ I cried. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone, or as alone as I could possibly be in this scenario.
“I don’t think so.” Max finally answered Maria. “I get the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment.”
“You can tell?” Maria asked.
“Yes. I don’t know how, but I guess I started feeling her ‘energy’ or something last night. I can pick up on strong emotions coming from her.” Max explained.
“So she strongly doesn’t want to talk to me?” Maria clarified.
“Yes.” Max confirmed.
“What else have you been picking up?” Maria asked, as we all caught sight of Tess walking towards Max.
My emotions spiked 100% from disgruntlement to pure rage. I barely contained a growl.
“Nevermind. I think I felt that myself.” Maria smiled at Max. “I don’t know what you’ve done, but you are definitely not in Liz’s good books right now.”
Maria had always been able to sense my presence, it made sense that she could feel my emotions now that I was ready to implode.
“You’d better sort it out soon, because I miss my best friend. I won’t let whatever is going on between the two of you keep her from me.” Maria warned.
Tess came even closer and gave Max a wink.
“Or should I say … the three of you?” Maria raised her eyebrow before making a hasty exit.
“Hey Max.” Tess purred, giving Max a very long and inappropriate kiss considering we were standing just outside the administration office.
“Hi Tess.” Max replied after he stopped the kiss.
“I was wondering if you would like to come to my place after school today to work on our English assignment?” Tess asked, running a finger down Max’s chest.
“Uh… how about we meet at the library?” Max countered.
“Hmmm … into public places? I can get on board with that.” Tess smiled seductively. “I’ll see you there after last period.”
She walked away, or strutted would be more accurate, leaving Max to wonder how he was going to break off his relationship with her.
I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he didn’t want to be with Tess, or resentful that he had thrown away all that we had shared on a one night stand that didn’t mean anything to him.
Max sighed and walked up the steps towards the school entrance as the bell rang.
I sighed and followed him.
*
“So… are you sure you still want to do the Father Lawrence scene?” Tess asked, after Max and she were seated in the library.
“Look, before we get down to work, I just wanted to apologise for last night.” Max began. “I think I may have taken advantage of you.”
“You didn’t. I had fun Max. I was hoping for a repeat performance tonight.” Tess smiled seductively.
“I just… I don’t think it should have happened in the first place, and I definitely don’t think we should do it again.” Max replied honestly.
“W-why not?” Tess asked, completely thrown. She thought she had him hook, line and sinker.
“Because I’m dealing with a lot of personal issues and I think I just used you to escape from them. I don’t really know why I did it, but I do know that it was a mistake.” Max tried to explain.
“So you’re telling me, that you regret being with me.” Tess choked, and I almost thought I saw real tears welling in her eyes.
That didn’t make me sympathetic towards her though. Nice try love.
“I’m sorry Tess.” Max apologised. “I think you’re a great girl, but I’m not the guy for you.”
“You will pay for this Max.” Tess seethed, grabbing her books and standing up. “Nobody turns down Tess Harding.”
She strode away, and I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears – I wouldn’t want to be Max right now. But then again – it serves him right. Maybe all those months of using women and throwing them away would come back and haunt him.
I just wish I could stop myself from thinking that he didn’t entirely deserve it. I wanted to wish bad things for him, but I couldn’t when a large part of me was still so completely in love with him.
I must be insane.
Max pulled out his Shakespeare compendium and began flipping through the pages trying to find a scene to do for his English assignment. If he couldn’t do it in a pair with Tess, he sure as hell wasn’t going to turn up to the class without having anything prepared. He couldn’t afford to fail the class.
I lay on the table and stared at the ceiling. So this was my life now. Watch in silence, with a pain in my chest that made it hurt to breathe – that is, if I actually needed to. I wondered whether I should try and take myself off the assignment, for the sake of my sanity, and my heart.
I sat bolt upright when it occurred to me that I had no way of getting replaced as Max’s guardian. Jake was my only contact, and with him pulling the strings, I was stuck here for an eternity, well, until Max died anyway. What was the average human life span? Even if I turned human, none of the Council would know unless Jake felt like telling them. Yesterday that would have been a dream come true, but today it was not going to help anything – Max didn’t want me if I could read his mind, and I wasn’t sure I could ever be with Max after what he did.
Human or not, I was stuck in hell until Max died.
And I wouldn’t let that happen for a very long time.
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch12 30/7/11
Hi All. Thanks for all the great feedback. I had been worried for nothing!
I hope you enjoy this instalment!
Chapter 13
“And next up we have Max Evans and Tess Harding…” Max’s English teacher called. Half of the class had already presented their re-written Shakespeare pieces, and it was Max and Tess’ turn.
“Um … well … we don’t actually have something to present.” Tess explained to the teacher.
“And why not?” Mr Jones glared over the top of his glasses.
“Let’s just say we had creative differences.” Tess smiled, batting her eyelids and hoping her charm would let her off the hook.
“So you’re telling me that the two of you don’t have anything to present to the class today?” Mr Jones raised an eyebrow, getting ready to give each of them a fail grade.
“Actually Sir, I have something I would like to present.” Max piped up.
“By all means Mr Evans.” Mr Jones smiled, waving Max forward.
Tess swore under her breath, which to my amusement did not go unnoticed by the teacher.
“I didn’t use one of Shakespeare’s plays… Today I have chosen to present Shakespeare’s Sonnet Number Eighteen…” Max began, taking a breath.
I was in my usual place on the windowsill, looking out onto the school grounds, ignoring every other presentation before this one, but now I was at attention. The nervousness in Max’s voice indicated that this was more than just a school assignment.
“Shall I compare you to a summer’s day? You are far more lovely and more constant.” Okay, I got it. His thoughts were loud and clear. He was dedicating this poem to me.
“Harsh winds shake the delicate buds of May, and summer is far too short. At times the sun is too hot, or often goes behind the clouds.” Max thought of the short time we had together and then pain he had caused me, making me stop communicating with him. He felt alone in the dark without my presence to shine on him and brighten up his life.
“Everything beautiful will eventually lose its beauty, either by the experiences of life or by the passing of time. But your youth shall never fade…” Max faulted at that thought. Of course my beauty would never fade. I was already dead. I would never age.
“Nor will you lose the beauty that you possess; nor will death claim you for his own.” Again, already dead. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Because in my eternal verse you will live forever.” Max said, looking directly at me.
How was that possible? He couldn’t see me. He couldn’t know where I was in this room.
‘And in my heart.’ He added silently, giving me a small smile.
It wasn’t possible. He shouldn’t be able to see me. And yet somehow he knew exactly where I was now standing to attention.
“So long as people inhabit the earth, so long will this verse live on, you will be immortal.”
“Thank you Max.” Mr Jones said, indicating that Max should sit down. He slowly did, without taking his eyes off me. I quickly noted that Mr Jones had jotted down an ‘A’ grade for Max and a big fat ‘F’ for Tess. I would have been chuffed if I wasn’t so spun around.
Max could see me.
To avoid Max’s scrutiny, I ran from the room, as far as the 100 feet would allow. There I sat in the hallway, trying to stop my head from spinning. How was this happening?
Max evidently followed me out into the hallway and came to a sudden stop, not seeing me slouched on the ground in front of a row of lockers. I watched as he closed his eyes as though he was trying to sense me, and then opened them, looking right at me.
“How are you doing that?” I demanded. “How can you see me?”
“I can’t.” Max replied.
I stood up, and he followed me with his eyes until I was standing right in front of him.
“Really?” I replied, disbelieving.
I waved my hand in front of his face and he didn’t flinch, nor did his eyes follow my hand.
“I can’t see you.” Max replied. “But I can feel you – I can feel your emotions. They tell me where you are.”
The school bell rang and other students began to swarm around us. Max didn’t move, nor did he take his eyes off of me.
“We need to talk.” He said, not raising his voice above the din of lockers opening and shutting, and conversations.
“I can’t.” I replied, walking away into the crowd, forcing myself to suppress my emotions so Max couldn’t follow me.
*
“Liz.” Max sighed. We were now back in his bedroom, and we hadn’t spoken since I had left him in the hallway.
“Liz… can we talk? Please?” Max pleaded.
I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? Despite dedicating some little Shakespeare poem to me, and the fact that he was ‘in tune’ to me enough that he could feel my emotions, it didn’t change the fact that he hurt me so badly.
“I thought your grief was killing me… but now, not being able to feel you, it feels like I’m already dead…” Max moaned. “Please just give me the chance to explain.”
“What could you possibly say?” I whispered, remaining hidden and trying to suppress my emotions with every ounce of my being – I couldn’t have Max looking into my eyes – I wouldn’t be able to stay strong.
Max jumped to his feet, looking wildly around the room, trying to get a sense of where I was.
“That I’m so sorry. That I regret everything that I’ve done that has hurt you. That I would do anything to make it up to you.” Max began.
“I don’t think there’s anything that you can do.” I replied honestly. “The sight of the two of you … together … it’s the only thing I see when I look at you. How am I supposed to live with that?”
Max stopped looking around and his eyes fell on me again. I guess I wasn’t able to conceal my feelings any longer – not when I thought of Max with Tess together.
“What if you didn’t have to?” Max asked mysteriously.
“I don’t see how that’s possible.” I sighed.
“What if I set you free?” Max asked.
“W-what do you mean?” I asked cautiously. This didn’t sound good.
Max darted to his bathroom and grabbed a razor.
“Don’t!” I cried, realising now exactly what he had in mind.
“It’s the only way to make up for what I have done.” Max shook his head.
“This is crazy Max. Please don’t do this.” I pleaded.
“Maybe I’ll see you in the afterlife.” Max smiled wistfully before making the cut along his vein on his left arm. Max dropped the razor and looked down at the blood pouring out of his arm and onto the bathroom floor.
“No!” I cried, racing over to him and placing my hand over the cut, causing the blood to clot before Max lost too much.
“No!” It was Max’s turn to cry out, dropping to his knees and searching in desperation for the razor so he could make another cut.
I grabbed hold of his wrists and used all of my strength to restrain him. It helped that I was able to compel him to stop fighting against me. Eventually he stopped resisting and sat back against the wall with tears streaming down his face.
I chose that moment to reveal myself, and touched Max’s cheek to wipe the tears away. He looked up at me in a mixture of astonishment and sadness.
“Why?” Max croaked.
“Because I will not let you go out like that.” I replied.
“Why not? I deserve less. After what I did …” Max couldn’t look me in the eye.
“What you did broke my heart, but it isn’t punishable by death.” I finished for him.
“You could be free…” Max insisted.
“I would never be free knowing that I hadn’t been able to save you … or that I was the reason for your death.” I admitted.
“Why do you still care about what happens to me? You shouldn’t. I’m not worth it.” Max replied sorrowfully.
“Yes you are. You just make mistakes time and time again. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to let you make another one.”
“You are too generous. And I feel like there is nothing I can give you in return. How can I make things right between us?” Max pleaded. “I can’t live with myself when I feel your grief every minute of the day.”
“Maybe that will fade. Maybe I can look at you again without picturing you and her…”
Max’s pained face made me realise I didn’t need to finish that sentence – he could feel how I felt to think of him with her.
“I don’t know why I did it.” Max blurted, trying to explain his actions. “One minute I was wishing she was gone, and not touching me, and the next we were in the bathroom… I don’t even remember saying ‘yes’ to her advances. I was concentrating on you. I could feel you across the room. You were angry at Tess being there, but then you were angry at someone else. I didn’t think it was me, but it was someone close by…”
“Jake.” I sighed.
“Jake? Who’s Jake? That ex-boyfriend of yours … I mean Sera’s … I mean …” Max said confused.
“He was never my boyfriend. I just said that to explain our argument that you witnessed. He’s actually supposed to be my support person … my team leader I guess you could say.”
“And why were you angry at him?” Max asked.
“Because he was trying to get me to stop trying to be human – to stop being Sera. And because he admitted to assigning me to you purposefully so there was no chance I would fall in love with you, among other things.” I explained.
“Because he thought I was the sole person responsible for your death?” Max concluded.
“Yes, although he didn’t admit that he actually knew I was Liz at the time.” I replied.
“So what was he doing in the bar last night?” Max asked.
I thought about it for a moment. What had Jake really wanted? Did he really come there to try and win me over? Did he seriously think I could love him? Did he really think I would walk away from Max?
“He knew what you were going to do.” I realised. “He knew that you would sleep with Tess. He said ‘maybe there are some things that you just can’t get past’. He knew that you would do something unforgiveable. He wanted us both to suffer.”
He had compelled Max. I was sure of it.
A slow clap resounded from the other side of the room. Jake was sitting on the bathtub looking smug. I knew Max couldn’t see or hear him, but I could.
‘What did you do to Max in the bar?’ I demanded.
‘I didn’t do anything. It was all Max.’ Jake smiled innocently.
‘I don’t believe it. You did something to him. I don’t know how, but you compelled him.’ I accused.
‘You want to believe that. You want an excuse to forgive him.’ Jake countered.
“Liz? Are you okay?” Max asked, concerned that I was frowning across the room at an empty space.
‘I know it is true. Max said he felt he was compelled. He said that he couldn’t remember how it had happened. I didn’t think it was possible, but you did it didn’t you? You compelled him.’ I demanded an answer.
‘Maybe I did give him a bit of a nudge to follow that petite young thing into the bathroom, but after I left the bar, it was all Max. He wanted to screw her.' Jake smiled.
I flinched at the memory of the look on Max’s face. It was a look I’ll never forget.
“Liz?” Max asked in a panic, trying to get me to look at him but I shrugged away from his touch.
‘Enjoy the rest of your lives together.’ Jake said smugly.
‘Go to hell.’ I cursed, trying not to let him see me cry.
‘Been there, done that.’ Jake grinned, before disappearing from sight.
“Liz? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Max observed.
“Jake was here.” I replied, getting to my feet.
“Here? Why?” Max asked confused – he had not sensed Jake’s presence at all.
“To gloat. To tell me that he did compel you…” I began.
“So it wasn’t me? That’s why I couldn’t remember agreeing to follow Tess to the men’s room?” Max asked excitedly, seeing it as a ray of hope.
I paced the bathroom.
“He admitted to compelling you to follow Tess to the bathroom, but he said that was as far as he went. He said you were the one to follow through.” I stammered, willing the tears not to spill down my cheeks.
“Do you believe him?” Max asked.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore.” I replied honestly. “I want to blame him for everything, but I saw the look on your face when you were with her…”
“Wha-what kind of look?” Max hesitated to ask.
“Like you wanted to be with her … you wanted to be with her because you knew how much that would hurt me.” I replied.
“No! I would never want to hurt you.” Max promised, trying to grasp my arms but I slipped out of his touch.
“You wanted me gone. When I told you I could read your mind – you wanted me gone.” I was now bawling, as I dropped to my knees.
Max dropped down to the ground in front of me.
“And I regretted thinking that the instant that it entered my mind. I was confused and embarrassed. It’s not how I really feel.” Max promised.
“How do you feel?” I asked hesitantly.
“I’ve come to realise over the past 24 hours, that being so close to someone … that you know their every thought, or their every feeling … that is the most beautiful thing in the world.” Max replied.
“You mean that?” I asked with bated breath.
“Absolutely. But you already know that.” Max smiled, tapping his head.
And he did mean it. I could see his thoughts so clearly.
“Max? Are you home?” Max’s Uncle Steve called from the hallway.
I looked down and saw all of the blood drying on Max’s skin and clothes. I immediately stood up and turned the shower on.
Max understood what I was doing, and called out to his uncle that he was just taking a shower. We then heard the footsteps retreating down the hallway.
I pulled Max into the shower, fully clothed, and we both stood under the water. I felt the water on my skin and it brought tears to my eyes. It was such a beautiful feeling to have soft drops of rain kissing my skin after so long without being able to feel anything. And the warmth of the water… I could only compare that to the warmth of Max’s embrace that I had been privileged enough to experience once.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked.
“Nothing.” I smiled, letting the water run into my mouth and swallowing. “Nothing at all.”
Max washed some of the dried blood off his arm, but we both looked down to see the scar that remained. I lifted his arm to my lips and gently kissed along where the wound had been. When I had finished, the scar was gone. It was as though it had never happened.
Max looked at my face in gratitude, and tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear.
“I want to kiss you.” Max admitted, moving closer to me, so that the water from the shower was falling on both of our faces.
I didn’t say anything, but Max must have seen the conflict passing over my face. On the one hand I wanted him more than life itself, and on the other, I couldn’t stop picturing him kissing Tess.
Max moved even closer, and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead before embracing me. He wasn’t going to take things any further than that until I was ready for him to.
I started crying. Crying for how screwed up our lives were. Crying over the aftershock of Max’s attempted suicide only minutes before. Crying because I knew that we couldn’t stay like this for much longer.
“Shhh. It’s going to be okay.” Max soothed, rubbing my back.
“I want to believe you.” I sighed. “But I’m not there yet.”
“I’ll wait for you forever.” Max promised. “I’ll do whatever it takes to allow you to trust me again.”
I looked up into his eyes and saw that he genuinely meant it.
It was too much for me. Either I had to go, or I was going to kiss him.
The choice wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
I disappeared before his eyes, leaving him alone in the shower. His arms dropped, no longer able to feel them wrapped around my shoulders, and he leant forward on the tiles, thumping his fist into the wall. He let the water from the shower wash over him, aching because he hadn’t been able to make me stay.
Little did he know I was still standing there with him, feeling the exquisite touch of his body moving through mine.
And it was beautiful.
I hope you enjoy this instalment!
Chapter 13
“And next up we have Max Evans and Tess Harding…” Max’s English teacher called. Half of the class had already presented their re-written Shakespeare pieces, and it was Max and Tess’ turn.
“Um … well … we don’t actually have something to present.” Tess explained to the teacher.
“And why not?” Mr Jones glared over the top of his glasses.
“Let’s just say we had creative differences.” Tess smiled, batting her eyelids and hoping her charm would let her off the hook.
“So you’re telling me that the two of you don’t have anything to present to the class today?” Mr Jones raised an eyebrow, getting ready to give each of them a fail grade.
“Actually Sir, I have something I would like to present.” Max piped up.
“By all means Mr Evans.” Mr Jones smiled, waving Max forward.
Tess swore under her breath, which to my amusement did not go unnoticed by the teacher.
“I didn’t use one of Shakespeare’s plays… Today I have chosen to present Shakespeare’s Sonnet Number Eighteen…” Max began, taking a breath.
I was in my usual place on the windowsill, looking out onto the school grounds, ignoring every other presentation before this one, but now I was at attention. The nervousness in Max’s voice indicated that this was more than just a school assignment.
“Shall I compare you to a summer’s day? You are far more lovely and more constant.” Okay, I got it. His thoughts were loud and clear. He was dedicating this poem to me.
“Harsh winds shake the delicate buds of May, and summer is far too short. At times the sun is too hot, or often goes behind the clouds.” Max thought of the short time we had together and then pain he had caused me, making me stop communicating with him. He felt alone in the dark without my presence to shine on him and brighten up his life.
“Everything beautiful will eventually lose its beauty, either by the experiences of life or by the passing of time. But your youth shall never fade…” Max faulted at that thought. Of course my beauty would never fade. I was already dead. I would never age.
“Nor will you lose the beauty that you possess; nor will death claim you for his own.” Again, already dead. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Because in my eternal verse you will live forever.” Max said, looking directly at me.
How was that possible? He couldn’t see me. He couldn’t know where I was in this room.
‘And in my heart.’ He added silently, giving me a small smile.
It wasn’t possible. He shouldn’t be able to see me. And yet somehow he knew exactly where I was now standing to attention.
“So long as people inhabit the earth, so long will this verse live on, you will be immortal.”
“Thank you Max.” Mr Jones said, indicating that Max should sit down. He slowly did, without taking his eyes off me. I quickly noted that Mr Jones had jotted down an ‘A’ grade for Max and a big fat ‘F’ for Tess. I would have been chuffed if I wasn’t so spun around.
Max could see me.
To avoid Max’s scrutiny, I ran from the room, as far as the 100 feet would allow. There I sat in the hallway, trying to stop my head from spinning. How was this happening?
Max evidently followed me out into the hallway and came to a sudden stop, not seeing me slouched on the ground in front of a row of lockers. I watched as he closed his eyes as though he was trying to sense me, and then opened them, looking right at me.
“How are you doing that?” I demanded. “How can you see me?”
“I can’t.” Max replied.
I stood up, and he followed me with his eyes until I was standing right in front of him.
“Really?” I replied, disbelieving.
I waved my hand in front of his face and he didn’t flinch, nor did his eyes follow my hand.
“I can’t see you.” Max replied. “But I can feel you – I can feel your emotions. They tell me where you are.”
The school bell rang and other students began to swarm around us. Max didn’t move, nor did he take his eyes off of me.
“We need to talk.” He said, not raising his voice above the din of lockers opening and shutting, and conversations.
“I can’t.” I replied, walking away into the crowd, forcing myself to suppress my emotions so Max couldn’t follow me.
*
“Liz.” Max sighed. We were now back in his bedroom, and we hadn’t spoken since I had left him in the hallway.
“Liz… can we talk? Please?” Max pleaded.
I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? Despite dedicating some little Shakespeare poem to me, and the fact that he was ‘in tune’ to me enough that he could feel my emotions, it didn’t change the fact that he hurt me so badly.
“I thought your grief was killing me… but now, not being able to feel you, it feels like I’m already dead…” Max moaned. “Please just give me the chance to explain.”
“What could you possibly say?” I whispered, remaining hidden and trying to suppress my emotions with every ounce of my being – I couldn’t have Max looking into my eyes – I wouldn’t be able to stay strong.
Max jumped to his feet, looking wildly around the room, trying to get a sense of where I was.
“That I’m so sorry. That I regret everything that I’ve done that has hurt you. That I would do anything to make it up to you.” Max began.
“I don’t think there’s anything that you can do.” I replied honestly. “The sight of the two of you … together … it’s the only thing I see when I look at you. How am I supposed to live with that?”
Max stopped looking around and his eyes fell on me again. I guess I wasn’t able to conceal my feelings any longer – not when I thought of Max with Tess together.
“What if you didn’t have to?” Max asked mysteriously.
“I don’t see how that’s possible.” I sighed.
“What if I set you free?” Max asked.
“W-what do you mean?” I asked cautiously. This didn’t sound good.
Max darted to his bathroom and grabbed a razor.
“Don’t!” I cried, realising now exactly what he had in mind.
“It’s the only way to make up for what I have done.” Max shook his head.
“This is crazy Max. Please don’t do this.” I pleaded.
“Maybe I’ll see you in the afterlife.” Max smiled wistfully before making the cut along his vein on his left arm. Max dropped the razor and looked down at the blood pouring out of his arm and onto the bathroom floor.
“No!” I cried, racing over to him and placing my hand over the cut, causing the blood to clot before Max lost too much.
“No!” It was Max’s turn to cry out, dropping to his knees and searching in desperation for the razor so he could make another cut.
I grabbed hold of his wrists and used all of my strength to restrain him. It helped that I was able to compel him to stop fighting against me. Eventually he stopped resisting and sat back against the wall with tears streaming down his face.
I chose that moment to reveal myself, and touched Max’s cheek to wipe the tears away. He looked up at me in a mixture of astonishment and sadness.
“Why?” Max croaked.
“Because I will not let you go out like that.” I replied.
“Why not? I deserve less. After what I did …” Max couldn’t look me in the eye.
“What you did broke my heart, but it isn’t punishable by death.” I finished for him.
“You could be free…” Max insisted.
“I would never be free knowing that I hadn’t been able to save you … or that I was the reason for your death.” I admitted.
“Why do you still care about what happens to me? You shouldn’t. I’m not worth it.” Max replied sorrowfully.
“Yes you are. You just make mistakes time and time again. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to let you make another one.”
“You are too generous. And I feel like there is nothing I can give you in return. How can I make things right between us?” Max pleaded. “I can’t live with myself when I feel your grief every minute of the day.”
“Maybe that will fade. Maybe I can look at you again without picturing you and her…”
Max’s pained face made me realise I didn’t need to finish that sentence – he could feel how I felt to think of him with her.
“I don’t know why I did it.” Max blurted, trying to explain his actions. “One minute I was wishing she was gone, and not touching me, and the next we were in the bathroom… I don’t even remember saying ‘yes’ to her advances. I was concentrating on you. I could feel you across the room. You were angry at Tess being there, but then you were angry at someone else. I didn’t think it was me, but it was someone close by…”
“Jake.” I sighed.
“Jake? Who’s Jake? That ex-boyfriend of yours … I mean Sera’s … I mean …” Max said confused.
“He was never my boyfriend. I just said that to explain our argument that you witnessed. He’s actually supposed to be my support person … my team leader I guess you could say.”
“And why were you angry at him?” Max asked.
“Because he was trying to get me to stop trying to be human – to stop being Sera. And because he admitted to assigning me to you purposefully so there was no chance I would fall in love with you, among other things.” I explained.
“Because he thought I was the sole person responsible for your death?” Max concluded.
“Yes, although he didn’t admit that he actually knew I was Liz at the time.” I replied.
“So what was he doing in the bar last night?” Max asked.
I thought about it for a moment. What had Jake really wanted? Did he really come there to try and win me over? Did he seriously think I could love him? Did he really think I would walk away from Max?
“He knew what you were going to do.” I realised. “He knew that you would sleep with Tess. He said ‘maybe there are some things that you just can’t get past’. He knew that you would do something unforgiveable. He wanted us both to suffer.”
He had compelled Max. I was sure of it.
A slow clap resounded from the other side of the room. Jake was sitting on the bathtub looking smug. I knew Max couldn’t see or hear him, but I could.
‘What did you do to Max in the bar?’ I demanded.
‘I didn’t do anything. It was all Max.’ Jake smiled innocently.
‘I don’t believe it. You did something to him. I don’t know how, but you compelled him.’ I accused.
‘You want to believe that. You want an excuse to forgive him.’ Jake countered.
“Liz? Are you okay?” Max asked, concerned that I was frowning across the room at an empty space.
‘I know it is true. Max said he felt he was compelled. He said that he couldn’t remember how it had happened. I didn’t think it was possible, but you did it didn’t you? You compelled him.’ I demanded an answer.
‘Maybe I did give him a bit of a nudge to follow that petite young thing into the bathroom, but after I left the bar, it was all Max. He wanted to screw her.' Jake smiled.
I flinched at the memory of the look on Max’s face. It was a look I’ll never forget.
“Liz?” Max asked in a panic, trying to get me to look at him but I shrugged away from his touch.
‘Enjoy the rest of your lives together.’ Jake said smugly.
‘Go to hell.’ I cursed, trying not to let him see me cry.
‘Been there, done that.’ Jake grinned, before disappearing from sight.
“Liz? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Max observed.
“Jake was here.” I replied, getting to my feet.
“Here? Why?” Max asked confused – he had not sensed Jake’s presence at all.
“To gloat. To tell me that he did compel you…” I began.
“So it wasn’t me? That’s why I couldn’t remember agreeing to follow Tess to the men’s room?” Max asked excitedly, seeing it as a ray of hope.
I paced the bathroom.
“He admitted to compelling you to follow Tess to the bathroom, but he said that was as far as he went. He said you were the one to follow through.” I stammered, willing the tears not to spill down my cheeks.
“Do you believe him?” Max asked.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore.” I replied honestly. “I want to blame him for everything, but I saw the look on your face when you were with her…”
“Wha-what kind of look?” Max hesitated to ask.
“Like you wanted to be with her … you wanted to be with her because you knew how much that would hurt me.” I replied.
“No! I would never want to hurt you.” Max promised, trying to grasp my arms but I slipped out of his touch.
“You wanted me gone. When I told you I could read your mind – you wanted me gone.” I was now bawling, as I dropped to my knees.
Max dropped down to the ground in front of me.
“And I regretted thinking that the instant that it entered my mind. I was confused and embarrassed. It’s not how I really feel.” Max promised.
“How do you feel?” I asked hesitantly.
“I’ve come to realise over the past 24 hours, that being so close to someone … that you know their every thought, or their every feeling … that is the most beautiful thing in the world.” Max replied.
“You mean that?” I asked with bated breath.
“Absolutely. But you already know that.” Max smiled, tapping his head.
And he did mean it. I could see his thoughts so clearly.
“Max? Are you home?” Max’s Uncle Steve called from the hallway.
I looked down and saw all of the blood drying on Max’s skin and clothes. I immediately stood up and turned the shower on.
Max understood what I was doing, and called out to his uncle that he was just taking a shower. We then heard the footsteps retreating down the hallway.
I pulled Max into the shower, fully clothed, and we both stood under the water. I felt the water on my skin and it brought tears to my eyes. It was such a beautiful feeling to have soft drops of rain kissing my skin after so long without being able to feel anything. And the warmth of the water… I could only compare that to the warmth of Max’s embrace that I had been privileged enough to experience once.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked.
“Nothing.” I smiled, letting the water run into my mouth and swallowing. “Nothing at all.”
Max washed some of the dried blood off his arm, but we both looked down to see the scar that remained. I lifted his arm to my lips and gently kissed along where the wound had been. When I had finished, the scar was gone. It was as though it had never happened.
Max looked at my face in gratitude, and tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear.
“I want to kiss you.” Max admitted, moving closer to me, so that the water from the shower was falling on both of our faces.
I didn’t say anything, but Max must have seen the conflict passing over my face. On the one hand I wanted him more than life itself, and on the other, I couldn’t stop picturing him kissing Tess.
Max moved even closer, and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead before embracing me. He wasn’t going to take things any further than that until I was ready for him to.
I started crying. Crying for how screwed up our lives were. Crying over the aftershock of Max’s attempted suicide only minutes before. Crying because I knew that we couldn’t stay like this for much longer.
“Shhh. It’s going to be okay.” Max soothed, rubbing my back.
“I want to believe you.” I sighed. “But I’m not there yet.”
“I’ll wait for you forever.” Max promised. “I’ll do whatever it takes to allow you to trust me again.”
I looked up into his eyes and saw that he genuinely meant it.
It was too much for me. Either I had to go, or I was going to kiss him.
The choice wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
I disappeared before his eyes, leaving him alone in the shower. His arms dropped, no longer able to feel them wrapped around my shoulders, and he leant forward on the tiles, thumping his fist into the wall. He let the water from the shower wash over him, aching because he hadn’t been able to make me stay.
Little did he know I was still standing there with him, feeling the exquisite touch of his body moving through mine.
And it was beautiful.
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch13 11/8/11
Hi All. Here's the next bit. Enjoy!
Chapter 14
“So… what are you guys doing tonight?” Max asked Maria and Alex over lunch.
“Working at the Crashdown as usual.” Maria sighed. “Wanna come? I’ll give you free Saturn Rings.”
Max thought about how his last visit turned out.
“I don’t think that is the best idea.” Max groaned.
“Hmmm … good point.” Maria screwed up her face. “Why don’t you drop in just before closing? There shouldn’t be many other customers. If there’s any sign of Kyle I’ll sneak you in the back door.”
“I’ll be there.” Max smiled.
“Can I ask why the sudden interest in hanging out?” Maria asked curiously. Max hadn’t shown any interest to hang out outside of school since his last visit to the Crashdown.
“I thought Liz needed a night out with friends.” Max smiled.
And Maria and I beamed.
*
I stood outside the Crashdown and let the flood of memories overwhelm me. I spent so much of life inside those doors, either watching my parents run the Café, or working there myself when I was old enough. It was my stomping ground.
Yet now it felt like a distant memory. Max was my home now, not here.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t anxious to go inside.
“Thank you for doing this.” I said to Max as he walked towards the entrance.
“You’re more than welcome.” Max smiled, pushing the door open causing the familiar jingle of chimes to sound. The sound was music to my ears.
As promised, the café was almost completely devoid of customers, apart from an elderly married couple at a table by the window. I recognised them - they had been coming here for years. We found Maria was already wiping down the tables and clearing the counter.
“You’re here!” Maria exclaimed looking up. She was far more excited than appropriate if it was just Max in the Crashdown, but she was obviously pumped by the thought that I was there. “Come and take a seat at the counter. Cherry Coke?”
“Ah, sure.” Max smiled, obligingly sitting on one of the stools.
“Just give me a minute.” Maria announced, indicating that she needed to finalise the elderly couple’s account and close up.
“So… bring back memories?” Max whispered.
“You have no idea…” I replied.
It was so wonderful to be back. I remembered closing time when Maria and I were working together. As soon as the last client left, one of us would lock the door, while the other chose a song to crank up on the jukebox.
I heard the door jingle, and Maria turn the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’.
“Can you do me a favour? Can you select ‘C2’ on the jukebox?” I asked Max.
“Sure.” Max smiled.
“And crank it.” I added.
The music kicked in – ‘Sweet Caroline’ by Neil Diamond. An oldie, but my Dad used to play it all the time when he did the closing shift when I was growing up. It kind of became a tradition that Maria and I continued. The chorus had us singing at the top of our lungs 'Sweet Caroline, BA BA BA'.
Maria stopped on her way back to the counter and put a hand on her heart.
“I haven’t played this song since Liz died.” Maria sighed. “It just wasn’t the same without her.”
“You really miss her don’t you?” Max observed.
“So much it makes my heart break.” Maria whispered.
“I miss you too.” I announced, revealing myself standing behind her.
“Liz!” Maria squealed, throwing herself at me and almost bowling me over.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Max start to back away, indicating that he would give us space.
“No, Max. Stay.” I asked, giving him a small smile.
He smiled in return and retook his seat at the counter.
“Let me get you that Cherry Coke.” Maria said to Max, detaching herself from me, dragging me over to a stool next to Max and taking her place behind the counter.
I sat down, careful not to brush up against him. I nervously tucked my hands in my lap. After I had left Max alone in the shower the night before, we hadn’t spoken until now.
“Liz? Want one?” Maria asked, indicating to the Cherry Coke, and then looking at me quizzically. “Do angels even drink?”
“No. But angels pretending to be human might.” I smiled, taking a sip and letting the cool drink trickle down my throat. It was delicious. I sighed in contentment. It’s the first thing I have eaten or drunk since my death and it was heavenly.
“I love it when you make that sound.” Max whispered. “I like to think that you’re happy.”
“I am happy.” I replied.
Things weren’t perfect, but there was nowhere I else I wanted to be right now than with my best friend … and the love-of-my-life, or should that be the love-of-my-death?
“So how does this work? Are you real? Are you really human right now?” Maria asked.
“I don’t know how it works. I feel real, but I also don’t feel completely grounded. Maybe I’m halfway between heaven and Earth?”
“I’ll make sure you don’t float away.” Max smiled, taking one of my hands in his and squeezing. He didn’t let go.
“Maria – turn that off. I’ve told you not to play that song.” My father’s familiar voice boomed through the back door. Within seconds we were face to face as I had been too shocked to even contemplate disappearing before he saw me.
So he saw me and he was flabbergasted to say the least.
I’m sure this was wrong for hundreds of reasons, but I couldn’t move. This was my dad.
For some reason it hadn’t occurred to me that my parents still owned the café. I thought maybe they had left town after I died. Maybe I had just been so wrapped up in my own problems to even consider trying to see my parents again. What kind of daughter does that make me?
“Liz?” My father eventually spluttered.
“Dad.” I replied, getting to my feet nervously. What was he going to do? Run and hide believing me to be a ghost? Scream? Cry?
“How?” He gasped. “How is this possible? You died…”
“Yes… I did.” I agreed.
“But you’re here…” My father continued, his mind racing a million miles an hour.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Are you a ghost?” He came out and asked what he had been thinking.
“Not exactly…” I replied cautiously. “I’m an angel.”
“An … an angel?” My father repeated.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Can I touch you?” My father asked.
“Yes.” I said.
My father flew across the room and pulled me into an embrace.
“Nancy! NANCY!!” He called out at the top of his lungs. Within minutes my mother was threw the door.
“What’s wrong?” She asked breathlessly.
My father pulled out of our embrace to reveal me to my mother.
“Oh my…” My mother gasped.
She took my father’s place and pulled me into an even firmer embrace if that was even possible.
“How?” She gasped.
“It’s a long story.” I replied.
“We have all the time in the world.” My father countered.
So after a round of drinks and food, I had recounted to my parents, Maria and Max, how I came to be an angel and Max’s guardian. I was quick to explain that Max wasn’t the one responsible for my death.
This made my father very interested in Max. He began his twenty questions as to his upbringing, his parents, their death, and his plans for the future. I felt sorry for Max but he coped with the barrage well.
“So what happens now?” My father asked. “You’re back for good?”
“I’m here until Max dies, or they decide to send me back.” I explained.
“Why would they send you back?” My mother asked immediately.
“I’m sure being here with you right now is against the rules… If they found out …” I explained.
“Does that mean you can’t stay with us?” My father asked.
“I can’t leave Max’s side. Literally.” I explained.
“But you’ll come back and see us again?” My mother urged.
“As much as I can get away with.” I smiled.
I didn’t know what was going to happen now. Jake had said that he would leave me here to rot and not tell the Council what I was up to, but now that I was on the road back to being happy, would he decide to talk? Would the Council come for me? Was this going to be my last day on Earth? Everything was unknown.
“Are you okay?” Max asked as we drove back to his house. The farewell to my parents had been tearful, and I had begun to wonder if they were going to let me go at all.
“Mmmhmm.” I replied, not game to speak out loud in case my voice faulted.
“Sorry, I didn’t even think that we would run into your parents…” Max apologised for the lack of a heads up.
“It’s not your fault.” I replied. “It should have occurred to me.”
“But you’re okay with it?” Max asked again.
“Yes. It was good to see them again.” I replied honestly.
“We can go back whenever you like.” Max offered.
“Thank you Max. That’s sweet.” I smiled.
“It’s nothing. I just want to make you happy.” Max replied.
“I am happy.” I promised.
“I’m glad.” Max smiled.
“So I have another surprise for you.” Max began.
“We’re going to the movies?” I asked excitedly, reading Max’s mind.
“Well I guess there’s never going to be any surprising you.” Max sighed. “It’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Absolutely.” I smiled.
“We’ll meet Maria, Michael and Alex there tomorrow night. Any preferences? Action? Romance? Thriller?”
“Anything! I haven’t been to a movie for so long… Maria, Alex and I used to go all the time.” I remembered.
“I know… Maria told me.” Max admitted where he got the brilliant idea from. “Is there anything else you want to do? I know being around me, and moping around my bedroom for the last six months must have driven you crazy.”
“No it didn’t.” I lied, to which he raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe a little.”
“So let’s make a list … a list of things to do before you go.” Max announced.
“Kind of like a list of things people want to achieve before they die?” I asked.
“Yes – but you didn’t get the chance – you were taken so abruptly. Let’s not let that happen again.”
“I could be gone tomorrow.” I argued.
“Then what would you like to do tonight?” Max smiled, although I could feel his heart break at the thought that we might not have that long together.
He shut off the engine and we silently climbed out of his car and headed inside. I made sure to disappear while Max said goodnight to his uncle and headed upstairs. The last thing we needed was to have to start explaining my presence to Max’s uncle.
When Max walked into the bedroom, I was sitting on his bed.
“There is one thing…” I said hesitantly, not meeting Max’s eyes.
“Anything.” Max replied, shutting the door.
“I … I never … well … before I died … that is … I’m a …” I said not so succinctly.
“What is it? You can ask me anything.” Max coaxed.
I stood up so I was standing before Max.
“Make love to me.” I whispered.
“W-what?” Max stammered, completely blindsided.
“If this is my last night … I want to know how it feels … I want you to be my first and last.” I explained.
“But … after how much I hurt you …” Max couldn’t understand my sudden change of heart.
“Seeing my parents tonight … that was a big mistake. I really don’t see the Council overlooking it. They’re going to come for me, and I don’t want to leave you without … I don’t think we have the luxury of time. I want you - tonight.” I tried to explain how I had managed to go from ‘no’ to ‘go’ in less than a day.
“Are you sure?” Max asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and gently caressing my face.
“Positive.” I replied.
The gentle touch of his hand was followed by the feathery touch of his lips on mine, before the kiss became more urgent. He swept me up off my feet and gently carried me to his bed, laying me down gently before pulling away to remove his t-shirt. As he lay himself down next to me I ran my hands along his smooth muscular chest. I had admired him for so long, but it was beautiful to be able to touch his skin with more than my imagination.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Max whispered.
“I trust you.” I replied. And I did. Despite what had happened, despite everything, I knew in my heart that Max was gentle, and loving and would do anything for me.
“Are you listening to my thoughts?” Max asked curiously.
“I … no …” I replied. I had been too busy concentrating on all of the other sensations I was feeling to listen to Max’s thoughts.
Max slowly unbuttoned my shirt revealing my bare skin, only covered by a lacey bra. Thank goodness when I had conjured up being human, I had also managed to conjure up sexy lingerie.
“Are you reading my thoughts now?” Max asked.
I was. And in his eyes I was beautiful.
I pulled Max into a kiss and wrapped my body around his, so that almost all of our bodies were touching. It felt like we belonged together.
As I pulled away from the kiss, I asked breathlessly “Can you feel my emotions?”
Max paused for a moment before the tears began to well up in his eyes.
“I feel like my heart is going to burst … I can’t believe I am able to make you feel the way you do. The joy, the desire, the love… I never thought I would find any one who would feel so much love for me…” Max replied with a tear in his eye. “I don’t deserve it.”
“You must … I wouldn’t love you otherwise.” I reasoned.
‘I love you’. He replied in thought.
I replied with a ferocious kiss, flooding him with my mutual feelings.
*
“Morning…” Max smiled as my eyes fluttered open.
I felt disorientated for a moment. I hadn’t slept in such a long time. I hadn’t needed to as an angel. It was disconcerting – and took me a moment to remember where I was.
I was in Max’s bed. Completely undressed. We had made love last night, and had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. It had been beautiful – nothing like his quickies at the bar with all of those girls. Nothing like he was with Tess. He was patient, and gentle, and just absolutely wonderful.
But something wasn’t right…
I immediately shot up in bed. The Council hadn’t come for me. Or maybe they were waiting for me to return to my angel form? Whatever the reason, I was still here. Maybe Jake hadn’t told them? But why wouldn’t he? I was happy, and I’m sure he wouldn’t stand for that. No, after last night, it was only a matter of time.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked, concerned that I was regretting what had happened between us.
“I should go.” I blurted.
“You don’t regret…” Max asked hesitantly.
“No!” I replied hastily. “No I don’t.”
“But you’re scared.” Max noted.
“I don’t know what I was thinking… There’s no way they’ll let me stay with you now. I think I’ve just ruined everything…” I cried.
I had been so sure that Jake would blab to the Council that I had revealed myself to my parents, that I had been clutching to my last moments on Earth. But now, now I was absolutely certain that he would tell the Council what I had done – and there was not talking around it. I broke the rules. I couldn’t stay.
“If they come for you…will you get a chance to say goodbye?” Max gulped, realising that this may be the end.
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly.
“Then don’t go.” Max suggested. “Stay here with me until they have to drag you from my arms. I’ll fight to keep you here with me.”
“I know you would…” I smiled, before realising that I couldn’t read his mind to confirm that he truly meant it. His thoughts were going fuzzy.
“What are you thinking about right now?” I demanded.
“Don’t you know?” Max asked surprised.
“No … I can’t … It’s like I can’t tune into the right station – all I hear is fuzzy white noise.” I tried to explain.
My head was spinning. I felt ill. What was happening to me?
“Liz? What’s wrong?” Max asked in a panic. “You don’t look so good.”
“I …” I began, but disappeared before I could finish, leaving Max alone in an empty room.
“Liz!” Max called, feeling around the room for me. I was standing right in front of him but he couldn’t sense me. And I couldn’t read his mind or communicate with him. It was as though there was an invisible glass wall between us.
Maybe this was the beginning of the end? I was half expecting to see the full Council standing behind me when I turned around, but there was no one there. I was alone.
Eventually Max stopped pacing the room calling my name, and he got dressed. He then grabbed his keys and left the room. Unable to read his mind, I had no idea where we were going.
I had tried communicating with Max since I disappeared, but it was no use – it was like talking to a brick wall and I couldn’t get through to him. As far as he knew, I could have been gone for good.
The car pulled up to the Crashdown and Max raced inside, finding Maria busy taking a customer’s order. With a nod of his head he indicated that he needed to talk to her, and she signaled for him to wait in the back room. He went in there to wait, pacing the floor, much like he had just been doing in his room.
I didn’t. I used the time to look around. My locker was still there, completely untouched, like a shrine. Some hair ties… lip balm… a photo Kyle… a rose, now dried, that he had given me on our first date… one half of the ‘best friend’ necklace that I shared with Maria. With the exception of the necklace, nothing in that locker mattered to me now – I wondered why my parents had decided to keep it as I left it. It wasn’t me.
Or maybe it was? Maybe I’m just not the person I used to be.
I tried to pick up the necklace, but I couldn’t grasp it. I used all of my might to try and turn human again, but I didn’t have the strength. I even tried punching the locker to take out my frustration at being so trapped and helpless, but the locker door didn’t budge an inch.
Maybe this was going to happen all along? Jake had warned me that spending too much time human had consequences. I had spent all night in human form, and now I was neither human nor guardian – I couldn’t even protect a fly in this condition.
That had to be my main concern at this moment – what if something happened to Max and I wasn’t able to protect him?
‘My thoughts exactly.’ Jake’s voice boomed from across the room from where he was now reclining on the sofa. ‘It’s quite the predicament you’ve got here isn’t it? I told you that being human would backfire on you.’
‘What is happening to me?’ I demanded.
‘You spent to long in your little love nest, that’s what.’ Jake sneered. ‘Did you really think you could spend that much time human and not be completely drained?’
‘Will I get my powers back?’ I asked, while Jake was in the mood for sharing.
‘Eventually, but every time you turn human, your powers will drain faster, and take longer to return afterwards. Eventually you’ll be stuck in this no mans land forever – not human and incapable of being a guardian.’
I guess this is what he had tried to warn me about, although admittedly he hadn’t tried very hard. I should have been more careful. I should have listened to him. I should have put Max’s safety before my own selfish desires.
‘Speaking of which … while you are here, and powerless, there’s something I need to do.’ Jake grinned.
Getting up off the couch he walked towards Max and sucker punched him in the stomach. Max cried out in agony and hunched forward, clutching his stomach. Jake used the opportunity to bring his knee up under Max’s chin, causing him to fly backwards onto his back.
‘NO!!’ I cried, trying to pull Jake off as he proceeded to repeatedly kick Max in the ribs.
But I wasn’t strong enough. I was useless, and Max was defenceless against his unseen attacker.
‘Stop!’ I demanded. ‘I’ll give you anything! Just stop!’
Jake stopped kicking, and Max rolled over onto his side, clutching his ribs that were now surely broken. Maria had come into the room, drawn by the sound of Max’s cries, and was checking him over. I, on the other hand, was glaring at Jake, hoping by some miracle that looks could kill.
‘Let’s see… what could you have that I want?’ Jake tapped his cheekbone with his pointer finger as if he was deep in thought.
I knew he already knew the answer.
‘I want some of that delicious booty that Max partook in last night.’ Jake leered.
‘Never.’ I refused.
Jake kicked Max again in the ribs, causing him to cry out in pain.
“Max? What’s happening?” Maria cried, trying to help him but not sure what was wrong. All she could see was Max covered in blood in an empty room.
‘Please stop! Leave Max alone!’ I cried.
‘Not until you give me a little taste…’ Jake demanded.
I didn’t move. If I didn’t give him what he wanted, then he would hurt Max – who knows how far he would go. But if I gave in… it was the beginning of the end. Who knows what I would end up losing.
Jake moved forward towards me and put his hand on my lower back, pulling me towards him. He then forced his lips onto mine and tried to extract a kiss from me. I remained still and let him try, but there was no way I was going to respond to him. I wanted to kill him.
“Liz!” Max cried out.
Jake pulled away, and wiped his lips.
‘Looks like your powers are coming back.’ Jake smiled.
Max had felt my emotions. He knew I was still here.
Jake backed away.
‘This isn’t over.’ Jake warned, disappearing from view.
I immediately ran over to where Maria had Max propped up against the sofa on the floor.
I ran my hands over his ribs. My powers weren’t strong, but I was able to heal the breaks. There wasn’t anything I could do for the cuts and bruises, but hopefully that would come the stronger I became.
“Liz.” Max looked around searchingly. “I thought you had gone.”
‘Not yet.’ I replied in thought, trying to caress his face, but not able to make him feel it.
“Liz is here?” Maria asked Max, to which he shushed.
“Was Jake here?” Max asked me, understanding who his attacker must have been.
‘Yes. I’m sorry … I tried … I couldn’t protect you. I didn’t have the strength.’ I apologised.
“Who’s Jake?” Maria asked.
“Why not? What happened to you?” Max asked me urgently, trying to sit up more but cringing in pain.
‘Being human drained my powers. I couldn’t communicate to you, read your thoughts or stop Jake from hurting you.’ I explained. ‘I still don’t have all my strength back. I don’t know how long it will take…’
‘What did he do to you? I could feel your fury.’ Max thought, obviously not wanting to alert Maria to this part of the conversation.
‘I’d rather not talk about it.’ I dismissed his question.
‘Please.’ Max pleaded.
‘He forced himself on me.’ I admitted eventually.
“I’ll kill him!” Max replied furiously.
“Kill who?” Maria asked. I guess Max forgot to keep that thought to himself.
“Long story.” Max replied, trying to sit up properly.
“You’d better start talking mister.” Maria huffed. “Otherwise I won’t get you the icepack that you so desperately need to stop that bruise from coming up on your cheek.”
“Don’t you have to get back to work?” Max asked, trying to avoid the subject.
“Nope. I’m on a break.” Maria replied, getting to her feet and grabbing an icepack out of the freezer in the kitchen. She handed it to Max. “Start talking.”
Max explained to Maria what was happening with Jake and me losing my powers. I paced the room, trying to decide what I would do.
“So basically the more Liz spends human, the less she is able to do her cool angel things?” Maria summed it up.
“It seems that way.” Max sighed.
“So what is she going to do?” Maria asked.
Max didn’t reply, but raised his eyebrow at me questioningly. I guess he could really feel my emotions again, enough to pinpoint where I was standing in the room.
‘I’m not going to try to be human again.’ I replied, coming to a decision.
Max leant back against the sofa and looked deflated.
‘It’s the only way to protect you… or even continue to talk to you.’ I explained.
“I know.” Max nodded resignedly.
‘I can’t go through that again – watching you get hurt and being completely useless to help you.’ I continued.
“I know.” Max nodded again.
‘But I also can’t live without touching you again.’ I sighed, caressing his face, knowing this time he could feel it.
“I know.” Max smiled mournfully, reaching out to touch me but feeling nothing.
Chapter 14
“So… what are you guys doing tonight?” Max asked Maria and Alex over lunch.
“Working at the Crashdown as usual.” Maria sighed. “Wanna come? I’ll give you free Saturn Rings.”
Max thought about how his last visit turned out.
“I don’t think that is the best idea.” Max groaned.
“Hmmm … good point.” Maria screwed up her face. “Why don’t you drop in just before closing? There shouldn’t be many other customers. If there’s any sign of Kyle I’ll sneak you in the back door.”
“I’ll be there.” Max smiled.
“Can I ask why the sudden interest in hanging out?” Maria asked curiously. Max hadn’t shown any interest to hang out outside of school since his last visit to the Crashdown.
“I thought Liz needed a night out with friends.” Max smiled.
And Maria and I beamed.
*
I stood outside the Crashdown and let the flood of memories overwhelm me. I spent so much of life inside those doors, either watching my parents run the Café, or working there myself when I was old enough. It was my stomping ground.
Yet now it felt like a distant memory. Max was my home now, not here.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t anxious to go inside.
“Thank you for doing this.” I said to Max as he walked towards the entrance.
“You’re more than welcome.” Max smiled, pushing the door open causing the familiar jingle of chimes to sound. The sound was music to my ears.
As promised, the café was almost completely devoid of customers, apart from an elderly married couple at a table by the window. I recognised them - they had been coming here for years. We found Maria was already wiping down the tables and clearing the counter.
“You’re here!” Maria exclaimed looking up. She was far more excited than appropriate if it was just Max in the Crashdown, but she was obviously pumped by the thought that I was there. “Come and take a seat at the counter. Cherry Coke?”
“Ah, sure.” Max smiled, obligingly sitting on one of the stools.
“Just give me a minute.” Maria announced, indicating that she needed to finalise the elderly couple’s account and close up.
“So… bring back memories?” Max whispered.
“You have no idea…” I replied.
It was so wonderful to be back. I remembered closing time when Maria and I were working together. As soon as the last client left, one of us would lock the door, while the other chose a song to crank up on the jukebox.
I heard the door jingle, and Maria turn the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’.
“Can you do me a favour? Can you select ‘C2’ on the jukebox?” I asked Max.
“Sure.” Max smiled.
“And crank it.” I added.
The music kicked in – ‘Sweet Caroline’ by Neil Diamond. An oldie, but my Dad used to play it all the time when he did the closing shift when I was growing up. It kind of became a tradition that Maria and I continued. The chorus had us singing at the top of our lungs 'Sweet Caroline, BA BA BA'.
Maria stopped on her way back to the counter and put a hand on her heart.
“I haven’t played this song since Liz died.” Maria sighed. “It just wasn’t the same without her.”
“You really miss her don’t you?” Max observed.
“So much it makes my heart break.” Maria whispered.
“I miss you too.” I announced, revealing myself standing behind her.
“Liz!” Maria squealed, throwing herself at me and almost bowling me over.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Max start to back away, indicating that he would give us space.
“No, Max. Stay.” I asked, giving him a small smile.
He smiled in return and retook his seat at the counter.
“Let me get you that Cherry Coke.” Maria said to Max, detaching herself from me, dragging me over to a stool next to Max and taking her place behind the counter.
I sat down, careful not to brush up against him. I nervously tucked my hands in my lap. After I had left Max alone in the shower the night before, we hadn’t spoken until now.
“Liz? Want one?” Maria asked, indicating to the Cherry Coke, and then looking at me quizzically. “Do angels even drink?”
“No. But angels pretending to be human might.” I smiled, taking a sip and letting the cool drink trickle down my throat. It was delicious. I sighed in contentment. It’s the first thing I have eaten or drunk since my death and it was heavenly.
“I love it when you make that sound.” Max whispered. “I like to think that you’re happy.”
“I am happy.” I replied.
Things weren’t perfect, but there was nowhere I else I wanted to be right now than with my best friend … and the love-of-my-life, or should that be the love-of-my-death?
“So how does this work? Are you real? Are you really human right now?” Maria asked.
“I don’t know how it works. I feel real, but I also don’t feel completely grounded. Maybe I’m halfway between heaven and Earth?”
“I’ll make sure you don’t float away.” Max smiled, taking one of my hands in his and squeezing. He didn’t let go.
“Maria – turn that off. I’ve told you not to play that song.” My father’s familiar voice boomed through the back door. Within seconds we were face to face as I had been too shocked to even contemplate disappearing before he saw me.
So he saw me and he was flabbergasted to say the least.
I’m sure this was wrong for hundreds of reasons, but I couldn’t move. This was my dad.
For some reason it hadn’t occurred to me that my parents still owned the café. I thought maybe they had left town after I died. Maybe I had just been so wrapped up in my own problems to even consider trying to see my parents again. What kind of daughter does that make me?
“Liz?” My father eventually spluttered.
“Dad.” I replied, getting to my feet nervously. What was he going to do? Run and hide believing me to be a ghost? Scream? Cry?
“How?” He gasped. “How is this possible? You died…”
“Yes… I did.” I agreed.
“But you’re here…” My father continued, his mind racing a million miles an hour.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Are you a ghost?” He came out and asked what he had been thinking.
“Not exactly…” I replied cautiously. “I’m an angel.”
“An … an angel?” My father repeated.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Can I touch you?” My father asked.
“Yes.” I said.
My father flew across the room and pulled me into an embrace.
“Nancy! NANCY!!” He called out at the top of his lungs. Within minutes my mother was threw the door.
“What’s wrong?” She asked breathlessly.
My father pulled out of our embrace to reveal me to my mother.
“Oh my…” My mother gasped.
She took my father’s place and pulled me into an even firmer embrace if that was even possible.
“How?” She gasped.
“It’s a long story.” I replied.
“We have all the time in the world.” My father countered.
So after a round of drinks and food, I had recounted to my parents, Maria and Max, how I came to be an angel and Max’s guardian. I was quick to explain that Max wasn’t the one responsible for my death.
This made my father very interested in Max. He began his twenty questions as to his upbringing, his parents, their death, and his plans for the future. I felt sorry for Max but he coped with the barrage well.
“So what happens now?” My father asked. “You’re back for good?”
“I’m here until Max dies, or they decide to send me back.” I explained.
“Why would they send you back?” My mother asked immediately.
“I’m sure being here with you right now is against the rules… If they found out …” I explained.
“Does that mean you can’t stay with us?” My father asked.
“I can’t leave Max’s side. Literally.” I explained.
“But you’ll come back and see us again?” My mother urged.
“As much as I can get away with.” I smiled.
I didn’t know what was going to happen now. Jake had said that he would leave me here to rot and not tell the Council what I was up to, but now that I was on the road back to being happy, would he decide to talk? Would the Council come for me? Was this going to be my last day on Earth? Everything was unknown.
“Are you okay?” Max asked as we drove back to his house. The farewell to my parents had been tearful, and I had begun to wonder if they were going to let me go at all.
“Mmmhmm.” I replied, not game to speak out loud in case my voice faulted.
“Sorry, I didn’t even think that we would run into your parents…” Max apologised for the lack of a heads up.
“It’s not your fault.” I replied. “It should have occurred to me.”
“But you’re okay with it?” Max asked again.
“Yes. It was good to see them again.” I replied honestly.
“We can go back whenever you like.” Max offered.
“Thank you Max. That’s sweet.” I smiled.
“It’s nothing. I just want to make you happy.” Max replied.
“I am happy.” I promised.
“I’m glad.” Max smiled.
“So I have another surprise for you.” Max began.
“We’re going to the movies?” I asked excitedly, reading Max’s mind.
“Well I guess there’s never going to be any surprising you.” Max sighed. “It’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Absolutely.” I smiled.
“We’ll meet Maria, Michael and Alex there tomorrow night. Any preferences? Action? Romance? Thriller?”
“Anything! I haven’t been to a movie for so long… Maria, Alex and I used to go all the time.” I remembered.
“I know… Maria told me.” Max admitted where he got the brilliant idea from. “Is there anything else you want to do? I know being around me, and moping around my bedroom for the last six months must have driven you crazy.”
“No it didn’t.” I lied, to which he raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe a little.”
“So let’s make a list … a list of things to do before you go.” Max announced.
“Kind of like a list of things people want to achieve before they die?” I asked.
“Yes – but you didn’t get the chance – you were taken so abruptly. Let’s not let that happen again.”
“I could be gone tomorrow.” I argued.
“Then what would you like to do tonight?” Max smiled, although I could feel his heart break at the thought that we might not have that long together.
He shut off the engine and we silently climbed out of his car and headed inside. I made sure to disappear while Max said goodnight to his uncle and headed upstairs. The last thing we needed was to have to start explaining my presence to Max’s uncle.
When Max walked into the bedroom, I was sitting on his bed.
“There is one thing…” I said hesitantly, not meeting Max’s eyes.
“Anything.” Max replied, shutting the door.
“I … I never … well … before I died … that is … I’m a …” I said not so succinctly.
“What is it? You can ask me anything.” Max coaxed.
I stood up so I was standing before Max.
“Make love to me.” I whispered.
“W-what?” Max stammered, completely blindsided.
“If this is my last night … I want to know how it feels … I want you to be my first and last.” I explained.
“But … after how much I hurt you …” Max couldn’t understand my sudden change of heart.
“Seeing my parents tonight … that was a big mistake. I really don’t see the Council overlooking it. They’re going to come for me, and I don’t want to leave you without … I don’t think we have the luxury of time. I want you - tonight.” I tried to explain how I had managed to go from ‘no’ to ‘go’ in less than a day.
“Are you sure?” Max asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and gently caressing my face.
“Positive.” I replied.
The gentle touch of his hand was followed by the feathery touch of his lips on mine, before the kiss became more urgent. He swept me up off my feet and gently carried me to his bed, laying me down gently before pulling away to remove his t-shirt. As he lay himself down next to me I ran my hands along his smooth muscular chest. I had admired him for so long, but it was beautiful to be able to touch his skin with more than my imagination.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Max whispered.
“I trust you.” I replied. And I did. Despite what had happened, despite everything, I knew in my heart that Max was gentle, and loving and would do anything for me.
“Are you listening to my thoughts?” Max asked curiously.
“I … no …” I replied. I had been too busy concentrating on all of the other sensations I was feeling to listen to Max’s thoughts.
Max slowly unbuttoned my shirt revealing my bare skin, only covered by a lacey bra. Thank goodness when I had conjured up being human, I had also managed to conjure up sexy lingerie.
“Are you reading my thoughts now?” Max asked.
I was. And in his eyes I was beautiful.
I pulled Max into a kiss and wrapped my body around his, so that almost all of our bodies were touching. It felt like we belonged together.
As I pulled away from the kiss, I asked breathlessly “Can you feel my emotions?”
Max paused for a moment before the tears began to well up in his eyes.
“I feel like my heart is going to burst … I can’t believe I am able to make you feel the way you do. The joy, the desire, the love… I never thought I would find any one who would feel so much love for me…” Max replied with a tear in his eye. “I don’t deserve it.”
“You must … I wouldn’t love you otherwise.” I reasoned.
‘I love you’. He replied in thought.
I replied with a ferocious kiss, flooding him with my mutual feelings.
*
“Morning…” Max smiled as my eyes fluttered open.
I felt disorientated for a moment. I hadn’t slept in such a long time. I hadn’t needed to as an angel. It was disconcerting – and took me a moment to remember where I was.
I was in Max’s bed. Completely undressed. We had made love last night, and had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. It had been beautiful – nothing like his quickies at the bar with all of those girls. Nothing like he was with Tess. He was patient, and gentle, and just absolutely wonderful.
But something wasn’t right…
I immediately shot up in bed. The Council hadn’t come for me. Or maybe they were waiting for me to return to my angel form? Whatever the reason, I was still here. Maybe Jake hadn’t told them? But why wouldn’t he? I was happy, and I’m sure he wouldn’t stand for that. No, after last night, it was only a matter of time.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked, concerned that I was regretting what had happened between us.
“I should go.” I blurted.
“You don’t regret…” Max asked hesitantly.
“No!” I replied hastily. “No I don’t.”
“But you’re scared.” Max noted.
“I don’t know what I was thinking… There’s no way they’ll let me stay with you now. I think I’ve just ruined everything…” I cried.
I had been so sure that Jake would blab to the Council that I had revealed myself to my parents, that I had been clutching to my last moments on Earth. But now, now I was absolutely certain that he would tell the Council what I had done – and there was not talking around it. I broke the rules. I couldn’t stay.
“If they come for you…will you get a chance to say goodbye?” Max gulped, realising that this may be the end.
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly.
“Then don’t go.” Max suggested. “Stay here with me until they have to drag you from my arms. I’ll fight to keep you here with me.”
“I know you would…” I smiled, before realising that I couldn’t read his mind to confirm that he truly meant it. His thoughts were going fuzzy.
“What are you thinking about right now?” I demanded.
“Don’t you know?” Max asked surprised.
“No … I can’t … It’s like I can’t tune into the right station – all I hear is fuzzy white noise.” I tried to explain.
My head was spinning. I felt ill. What was happening to me?
“Liz? What’s wrong?” Max asked in a panic. “You don’t look so good.”
“I …” I began, but disappeared before I could finish, leaving Max alone in an empty room.
“Liz!” Max called, feeling around the room for me. I was standing right in front of him but he couldn’t sense me. And I couldn’t read his mind or communicate with him. It was as though there was an invisible glass wall between us.
Maybe this was the beginning of the end? I was half expecting to see the full Council standing behind me when I turned around, but there was no one there. I was alone.
Eventually Max stopped pacing the room calling my name, and he got dressed. He then grabbed his keys and left the room. Unable to read his mind, I had no idea where we were going.
I had tried communicating with Max since I disappeared, but it was no use – it was like talking to a brick wall and I couldn’t get through to him. As far as he knew, I could have been gone for good.
The car pulled up to the Crashdown and Max raced inside, finding Maria busy taking a customer’s order. With a nod of his head he indicated that he needed to talk to her, and she signaled for him to wait in the back room. He went in there to wait, pacing the floor, much like he had just been doing in his room.
I didn’t. I used the time to look around. My locker was still there, completely untouched, like a shrine. Some hair ties… lip balm… a photo Kyle… a rose, now dried, that he had given me on our first date… one half of the ‘best friend’ necklace that I shared with Maria. With the exception of the necklace, nothing in that locker mattered to me now – I wondered why my parents had decided to keep it as I left it. It wasn’t me.
Or maybe it was? Maybe I’m just not the person I used to be.
I tried to pick up the necklace, but I couldn’t grasp it. I used all of my might to try and turn human again, but I didn’t have the strength. I even tried punching the locker to take out my frustration at being so trapped and helpless, but the locker door didn’t budge an inch.
Maybe this was going to happen all along? Jake had warned me that spending too much time human had consequences. I had spent all night in human form, and now I was neither human nor guardian – I couldn’t even protect a fly in this condition.
That had to be my main concern at this moment – what if something happened to Max and I wasn’t able to protect him?
‘My thoughts exactly.’ Jake’s voice boomed from across the room from where he was now reclining on the sofa. ‘It’s quite the predicament you’ve got here isn’t it? I told you that being human would backfire on you.’
‘What is happening to me?’ I demanded.
‘You spent to long in your little love nest, that’s what.’ Jake sneered. ‘Did you really think you could spend that much time human and not be completely drained?’
‘Will I get my powers back?’ I asked, while Jake was in the mood for sharing.
‘Eventually, but every time you turn human, your powers will drain faster, and take longer to return afterwards. Eventually you’ll be stuck in this no mans land forever – not human and incapable of being a guardian.’
I guess this is what he had tried to warn me about, although admittedly he hadn’t tried very hard. I should have been more careful. I should have listened to him. I should have put Max’s safety before my own selfish desires.
‘Speaking of which … while you are here, and powerless, there’s something I need to do.’ Jake grinned.
Getting up off the couch he walked towards Max and sucker punched him in the stomach. Max cried out in agony and hunched forward, clutching his stomach. Jake used the opportunity to bring his knee up under Max’s chin, causing him to fly backwards onto his back.
‘NO!!’ I cried, trying to pull Jake off as he proceeded to repeatedly kick Max in the ribs.
But I wasn’t strong enough. I was useless, and Max was defenceless against his unseen attacker.
‘Stop!’ I demanded. ‘I’ll give you anything! Just stop!’
Jake stopped kicking, and Max rolled over onto his side, clutching his ribs that were now surely broken. Maria had come into the room, drawn by the sound of Max’s cries, and was checking him over. I, on the other hand, was glaring at Jake, hoping by some miracle that looks could kill.
‘Let’s see… what could you have that I want?’ Jake tapped his cheekbone with his pointer finger as if he was deep in thought.
I knew he already knew the answer.
‘I want some of that delicious booty that Max partook in last night.’ Jake leered.
‘Never.’ I refused.
Jake kicked Max again in the ribs, causing him to cry out in pain.
“Max? What’s happening?” Maria cried, trying to help him but not sure what was wrong. All she could see was Max covered in blood in an empty room.
‘Please stop! Leave Max alone!’ I cried.
‘Not until you give me a little taste…’ Jake demanded.
I didn’t move. If I didn’t give him what he wanted, then he would hurt Max – who knows how far he would go. But if I gave in… it was the beginning of the end. Who knows what I would end up losing.
Jake moved forward towards me and put his hand on my lower back, pulling me towards him. He then forced his lips onto mine and tried to extract a kiss from me. I remained still and let him try, but there was no way I was going to respond to him. I wanted to kill him.
“Liz!” Max cried out.
Jake pulled away, and wiped his lips.
‘Looks like your powers are coming back.’ Jake smiled.
Max had felt my emotions. He knew I was still here.
Jake backed away.
‘This isn’t over.’ Jake warned, disappearing from view.
I immediately ran over to where Maria had Max propped up against the sofa on the floor.
I ran my hands over his ribs. My powers weren’t strong, but I was able to heal the breaks. There wasn’t anything I could do for the cuts and bruises, but hopefully that would come the stronger I became.
“Liz.” Max looked around searchingly. “I thought you had gone.”
‘Not yet.’ I replied in thought, trying to caress his face, but not able to make him feel it.
“Liz is here?” Maria asked Max, to which he shushed.
“Was Jake here?” Max asked me, understanding who his attacker must have been.
‘Yes. I’m sorry … I tried … I couldn’t protect you. I didn’t have the strength.’ I apologised.
“Who’s Jake?” Maria asked.
“Why not? What happened to you?” Max asked me urgently, trying to sit up more but cringing in pain.
‘Being human drained my powers. I couldn’t communicate to you, read your thoughts or stop Jake from hurting you.’ I explained. ‘I still don’t have all my strength back. I don’t know how long it will take…’
‘What did he do to you? I could feel your fury.’ Max thought, obviously not wanting to alert Maria to this part of the conversation.
‘I’d rather not talk about it.’ I dismissed his question.
‘Please.’ Max pleaded.
‘He forced himself on me.’ I admitted eventually.
“I’ll kill him!” Max replied furiously.
“Kill who?” Maria asked. I guess Max forgot to keep that thought to himself.
“Long story.” Max replied, trying to sit up properly.
“You’d better start talking mister.” Maria huffed. “Otherwise I won’t get you the icepack that you so desperately need to stop that bruise from coming up on your cheek.”
“Don’t you have to get back to work?” Max asked, trying to avoid the subject.
“Nope. I’m on a break.” Maria replied, getting to her feet and grabbing an icepack out of the freezer in the kitchen. She handed it to Max. “Start talking.”
Max explained to Maria what was happening with Jake and me losing my powers. I paced the room, trying to decide what I would do.
“So basically the more Liz spends human, the less she is able to do her cool angel things?” Maria summed it up.
“It seems that way.” Max sighed.
“So what is she going to do?” Maria asked.
Max didn’t reply, but raised his eyebrow at me questioningly. I guess he could really feel my emotions again, enough to pinpoint where I was standing in the room.
‘I’m not going to try to be human again.’ I replied, coming to a decision.
Max leant back against the sofa and looked deflated.
‘It’s the only way to protect you… or even continue to talk to you.’ I explained.
“I know.” Max nodded resignedly.
‘I can’t go through that again – watching you get hurt and being completely useless to help you.’ I continued.
“I know.” Max nodded again.
‘But I also can’t live without touching you again.’ I sighed, caressing his face, knowing this time he could feel it.
“I know.” Max smiled mournfully, reaching out to touch me but feeling nothing.
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch14 18/8/11
So... I wasn't going to post today, but I've always been a sucker for a good cliff-hanger 
The good news is that the next part is already half written so you won't have to wait long for the final chapter (or is that the bad news?...)
Chapter 15
“So, what are we seeing tonight?” Alex asked, joining Max at the counter, waiting for Maria’s shift at the Crashdown to finish so we could all go to the movies. Max and I decided we would go ahead with the plan, despite the fact that neither of us really felt like we were good company right now. It had been a long day, barely speaking and not sure what the future holds.
“A comedy. To take our mind off things.” Maria replied.
“What things?” Alex asked innocently.
“That, my friend, is a very, very long story that I’m not going to bore you with.” Maria replied, making a sideways look at Max.
At that moment, my dad walked into the Crashdown. For a moment I wanted to jump into his arms, but after my promise not to go human again, I realised I couldn’t. This sucked.
“Max? Maria? Can I speak to you for a minute?” My father asked solemnly.
“I’ll just check out the new music on the jukebox.” Alex excused himself.
“What is it?” Maria asked.
“Is Liz here?” My father asked in a hushed tone so none of the customers would hear.
“Yes.” Max replied. “She can hear you.”
I stepped forward so I was standing next to Max.
“I need to tell her… I’m sorry to say… her friend, Serena, died this afternoon. Kyle’s mum just phoned with the news.” My father stammered.
“Oh.” Max replied, looking at me, having pinpointed my exact whereabouts by the sudden range of emotions coursing through my body.
“Is Liz okay?” My father asked Max.
“Um… yeah, she’s okay.” Max replied summarising the guilt, anger and despondency that were washing over me in intervals.
“Okay… well… her mother and I are here if she needs to talk.” My father replied, before walking away.
“Do you still think we should go to the movies?” Maria asked. “Does Liz need some time alone?”
Max thought about it for a moment.
“No. Like you said before, seeing a comedy is just what she needs right now … to take her mind of things.”
And they were both right – the movie was just what I needed. Sitting in the darkened theatre with Max, and my two best friends, made me feel like I was almost normal again.
Almost.
Max sat with his arm resting in the arm of the chair and I placed my hand in his. Although we couldn’t feel each other’s touch, it felt nice to think we were that close.
I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about, too wrapped up in the sensations of being with Max as though we were on a date, and listening to Maria, Alex, and even on the odd occasion, Michael, laughing at what was happening on the big screen.
Max didn’t laugh along with them – he was too worried about me. I tried to transmit the feeling that I was okay, but I don’t think he was fooled.
He knew me too well by now.
Yes I was sad about Serena’s death – she had been my second-best-friend after all, well, I had thought she was. It was devastating knowing that someone close to me had lost their life so young. But… I guess I couldn’t really be too sad over it when I knew what it was like to die. It was not devastating to the one who died – it was the beginning of a new life.
And if she made the same choice as me, it could be the beginning of a new adventure. One that could change her ‘life’ in ways that are incomprehensible at the time.
No, I wasn’t sad for Serena – I was angry at Kyle. How was it that he could take two lives and still be walking the streets of this town as if he owned it?
I had a lot of time to think about how I could make Kyle pay for what he had done – the length of a feature film in fact. And Max was leaving me alone with my thoughts by trying not to interrupt me with his. I could tell he really wanted to talk to me to discuss how I was really feeling, but he was holding back, sensing that I needed time alone in my head.
‘Thank you.’ I said eventually, using a teensy bit of power to give his hand a squeeze. I knew it would use up some precious energy that I may need, but it was worth it – just to feel Max squeeze my hand in return.
‘You’re welcome.’ Max thought in reply.
Once the movie had finished, we waited outside the theatre in the lobby while Maria used the ‘little girls room’.
Alex, Michael and Max were making small talk and I was busying my mind by checking out the ‘coming soon’ posters.
‘Enjoy the movie?’ Jake asked, appearing beside a poster of ‘Breaking Dawn’ trying to emulate Robert Pattinson – at which he was failing miserably.
‘Ouch.’ Jake feigned offence by my thoughts.
‘Just calling it as I see it.’ I retorted. ‘What the hell do you want now?’
‘Just checking in… that’s my job.’ Jake replied.
‘How you manage to stay in that ‘job’ is a wonder to me.’
‘I can be charming.’ Jake smiled.
‘You can also be a deceitful, lying, selfish son-of-a-bitch.’ I corrected.
‘That too.’ Jake smiled smugly. ‘How was your date?’
‘It wasn’t a date. It was a night out with friends.’ I replied quickly, hoping that if I could convince him, he would leave Max alone tonight.
‘That would explain why your boy is leaving with Blondie over there…’ Jake nodded in the direction of where Max was leaving the theatre with Tess.
What the hell did I just miss?
I tried not to panic, or think about what happened the last time I watched Max walk off alone with Tess. No, Max wouldn’t do that to me again.
I turned to look at Jake – knowing that I would see a smirk on his face, but he was already gone.
I didn’t lose any more time before bolting out of the theatre and after Max, just ahead of the 100ft pull that would have had me following behind anyway. I saw Max as he rounded the corner and stepped into the alley beside the theatre. I followed them into the alley just in time to see Max confront Tess.
“What do you want Tess?” Max asked, with a very short tone of voice.
“I need to talk to you.” Tess replied.
“Yes, you said that. What is it that’s so important that it couldn’t wait for school on Monday?” Max asked.
“I’m pregnant.” Tess replied without hesitation.
My eyes narrowed. Besides the fact that no one could possibly know so soon after sex that they were pregnant, I could read her mind – she definitely didn’t think she was.
‘She’s lying.’ I told Max.
“What do you really want?” Max asked, showing no sign that he believed her for a minute.
“To get back at you for the way you treated me – and this seemed like a good way to do it.” Tess shrugged, not caring that she had been caught out in a lie.
“By pretending you are pregnant when you know that you’re not. I think you could have come up with something a bit more effective.” Max retorted, a little too smugly.
“Oh, I did.” Tess replied with a smile, and stepping aside to reveal Kyle and his friends stepping out of the shadows.
“What do you want?” Max asked Kyle, as Tess walked out of the alley.
It was plain for everyone to see – Kyle had revenge on his mind. He’d obviously organised for Tess to get Max alone so that he could jump him.
“She’s dead.” Kyle stated, his eyes bloodshot. “You killed my girlfriend.”
“Which one? Liz or Serena?” Max asked, showing Kyle that he knew about his secret relationship.
“You want to get smart with me when I’m the one holding the knife?” Kyle tried to regain control.
“Why are you after me when you are the one responsible for her death?” Max asked.
Kyle looked guilt ridden momentarily, before regaining his composure.
Max chose to continue while he had a captive audience.
“You killed her because you couldn’t keep your eyes on the road.”
Kyle faulted and his friends looked around nervously – this was obviously news to them. They had signed up to help Kyle take revenge on the person responsible for the accident, and it wasn’t clear now that Max was the one responsible.
“I… you don’t know what you are talking about.” Kyle tried to deny.
“Really? I had it from a good source who was there.” Max said smugly.
I was getting concerned that Max was making Kyle too unstable, causing him do something rash with that knife in his hand. But Max was hoping it would cause Kyle to back down.
“I’m the only one who was there who is still alive.” Kyle replied.
“Convenient.” Max jeered. “But I didn’t say I had heard it from someone still living. You remember seeing Liz’s ghost right?”
Kyle’s friends looked between themselves. It seemed they remembered Kyle’s outburst at the football field that night after seeing ‘Liz’. They’d all thought he had taken some sort of hallucinogen.
“She knows what you did – all of it – and with her best friend too.” Max mocked.
Kyle started to panic, holding up his knife and started walking towards Max with the look of vengeance in his eyes.
‘Back down now, please.’ I begged Max.
“You want to add someone else to your kill score?” Max ignored me, but his voice didn’t have the same potency. “You’re up to two already right?”
Max was scared, but he was still sure that if he got under Kyle’s skin enough, he would back down.
“It wasn’t me, it was you – you walked out in front of my car. It was your fault and you’re the one who is going to pay.” Kyle threatened.
“Don’t threaten someone who has nothing to lose. Don’t threaten someone who is happy to die.” Max regained his confidence.
It had suddenly occurred to Max that if Kyle was determined to take his revenge, then it would bring Max and I together sooner. It hadn’t occurred to me that Max still had thoughts of wanting to die.
‘No!’ I shouted at Max, but he refused to look at me or answer me.
“Why would you want to die?” Kyle hesitated, not expecting a willing victim.
“Because then Liz and I can be together for eternity.” Max smiled at the thought. “I love her you know… in ways you never could.”
“Liz is dead. She’s gone.” Kyle retorted. “You’re delusional.”
“And you’re not? You’re telling me that you didn’t see her that night by the bleachers?” Max replied.
“She wasn’t there. That wasn’t real.” Kyle retorted.
“Are you sure about that?” Max said, trying to make Kyle question himself.
“I’ll kill you!” Kyle snapped.
“And you will go to hell where you belong.” Max added. “There may be no way to prove that you weren’t watching the road that night, but there are plenty of witnesses to you killing me here now.”
Maybe Max wasn’t suicidal after all. He had a point. There were witnesses here. If Kyle killed Max, he would go to jail. I knew Kyle well enough to know that he wouldn’t survive a minute locked away. He knew it too.
I relaxed. Kyle wasn’t stupid enough to do anything now.
But I was wrong.
Kyle suddenly lunged at Max, taking him, and everyone else, by surprise. Including me.
If I had been on my guard, I could have stopped him, I could have made him change his mind. But I had let my guard down, and there were only moments before the blade would pierce Max’s skin.
I did the only thing that I could think of. I took human form, and put myself between the blade and Max.
I felt the blade enter my body, tearing the skin and puncturing my spleen. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life – even more than when I died the first time. This time it wasn’t instant.
To my surprise, human blood began to pool on my shirt and run through my fingers where I was clutching my abdomen.
I heard Max scream my name as though he was off somewhere in the distance, or underwater. I did vaguely register that he, or someone, was lowering me to the ground. I looked up at Kyle who was looking down at me in shock – like he had seen a ghost.
“How could you?” I spluttered.
“Liz?” Kyle asked in bewildered surprise, letting the knife drop to the ground.
“You killed me … twice.” I looked into his eyes. “And you cheated on me with my best friend? How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me.”
“I…” Kyle didn’t know what to say – he was in too much shock.
“You will burn in hell for all eternity.” I threatened ominously, looking down at my wound, where the blood was now beginning to pool on the ground next to me.
Kyle looked panicked and started backing away.
“Liz? Liz!” Max called, clutching me.
I watched as Kyle and his friends fled the alley, leaving Max and I alone momentarily before Maria, Michael and Alex rounded the corner.
“What did Kyle want?” Maria asked, before seeing me on the ground. “Liz?! Michael, call 911!”
Michael obligingly did, but I wasn’t sure what they were going to achieve. I was already dead.
“You shouldn’t have…” Max began. “You shouldn’t have saved me like that.”
“It’s my job.” I smiled.
“But what’s going to happen now?” Max asked. “Are you dying again? Can that even happen?”
“I don’t know.” I replied. There was no precedent for this – an angel being killed while pretending to by human.
“What can I do?” Max asked desperately.
“Promise me you will live… If this turns out to be the end for me… promise me you’ll live your life and not do anything stupid.” I stressed.
“I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you.” Max cried.
“I’ll wait for eternity for us to be together again. We’ll have all the time in the world one day. But not yet. I need to know that I did my job … that I succeeded in protecting you and keeping you safe. I want you to live your life. I want you to be happy. Will you promise me?”
Max hesitated for a moment.
“I promise.” He swore reluctantly, but I knew that he meant it.
I smiled.
“Can you promise me something in return?” Max asked.
I nodded.
“If you are in heaven looking down on me… if there’s a way … can you give me a sign that you are there and you are happy?”
“What kind of sign?” I asked, so he could be on the lookout for me.
“I’ve always loved the snow.” Max smiled.
“Snow in Roswell?” I smiled at the thought.
“At least I would know it was really you, and not some freak weather pattern.” Max smiled too.
“I promise.” I vowed before I started to choke on my own blood.
“I love you.” Max cried, pulling me closer to him with tears running down his face, as we could both hear the sound of an ambulance in the distance. But it was too late.
“I … love … you … too.” I said, touching his cheek gently. I broke eye contact from him for a moment to give Maria a small smile, moments before the world disappeared and everything went black.
The good news is that the next part is already half written so you won't have to wait long for the final chapter (or is that the bad news?...)
Chapter 15
“So, what are we seeing tonight?” Alex asked, joining Max at the counter, waiting for Maria’s shift at the Crashdown to finish so we could all go to the movies. Max and I decided we would go ahead with the plan, despite the fact that neither of us really felt like we were good company right now. It had been a long day, barely speaking and not sure what the future holds.
“A comedy. To take our mind off things.” Maria replied.
“What things?” Alex asked innocently.
“That, my friend, is a very, very long story that I’m not going to bore you with.” Maria replied, making a sideways look at Max.
At that moment, my dad walked into the Crashdown. For a moment I wanted to jump into his arms, but after my promise not to go human again, I realised I couldn’t. This sucked.
“Max? Maria? Can I speak to you for a minute?” My father asked solemnly.
“I’ll just check out the new music on the jukebox.” Alex excused himself.
“What is it?” Maria asked.
“Is Liz here?” My father asked in a hushed tone so none of the customers would hear.
“Yes.” Max replied. “She can hear you.”
I stepped forward so I was standing next to Max.
“I need to tell her… I’m sorry to say… her friend, Serena, died this afternoon. Kyle’s mum just phoned with the news.” My father stammered.
“Oh.” Max replied, looking at me, having pinpointed my exact whereabouts by the sudden range of emotions coursing through my body.
“Is Liz okay?” My father asked Max.
“Um… yeah, she’s okay.” Max replied summarising the guilt, anger and despondency that were washing over me in intervals.
“Okay… well… her mother and I are here if she needs to talk.” My father replied, before walking away.
“Do you still think we should go to the movies?” Maria asked. “Does Liz need some time alone?”
Max thought about it for a moment.
“No. Like you said before, seeing a comedy is just what she needs right now … to take her mind of things.”
And they were both right – the movie was just what I needed. Sitting in the darkened theatre with Max, and my two best friends, made me feel like I was almost normal again.
Almost.
Max sat with his arm resting in the arm of the chair and I placed my hand in his. Although we couldn’t feel each other’s touch, it felt nice to think we were that close.
I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about, too wrapped up in the sensations of being with Max as though we were on a date, and listening to Maria, Alex, and even on the odd occasion, Michael, laughing at what was happening on the big screen.
Max didn’t laugh along with them – he was too worried about me. I tried to transmit the feeling that I was okay, but I don’t think he was fooled.
He knew me too well by now.
Yes I was sad about Serena’s death – she had been my second-best-friend after all, well, I had thought she was. It was devastating knowing that someone close to me had lost their life so young. But… I guess I couldn’t really be too sad over it when I knew what it was like to die. It was not devastating to the one who died – it was the beginning of a new life.
And if she made the same choice as me, it could be the beginning of a new adventure. One that could change her ‘life’ in ways that are incomprehensible at the time.
No, I wasn’t sad for Serena – I was angry at Kyle. How was it that he could take two lives and still be walking the streets of this town as if he owned it?
I had a lot of time to think about how I could make Kyle pay for what he had done – the length of a feature film in fact. And Max was leaving me alone with my thoughts by trying not to interrupt me with his. I could tell he really wanted to talk to me to discuss how I was really feeling, but he was holding back, sensing that I needed time alone in my head.
‘Thank you.’ I said eventually, using a teensy bit of power to give his hand a squeeze. I knew it would use up some precious energy that I may need, but it was worth it – just to feel Max squeeze my hand in return.
‘You’re welcome.’ Max thought in reply.
Once the movie had finished, we waited outside the theatre in the lobby while Maria used the ‘little girls room’.
Alex, Michael and Max were making small talk and I was busying my mind by checking out the ‘coming soon’ posters.
‘Enjoy the movie?’ Jake asked, appearing beside a poster of ‘Breaking Dawn’ trying to emulate Robert Pattinson – at which he was failing miserably.
‘Ouch.’ Jake feigned offence by my thoughts.
‘Just calling it as I see it.’ I retorted. ‘What the hell do you want now?’
‘Just checking in… that’s my job.’ Jake replied.
‘How you manage to stay in that ‘job’ is a wonder to me.’
‘I can be charming.’ Jake smiled.
‘You can also be a deceitful, lying, selfish son-of-a-bitch.’ I corrected.
‘That too.’ Jake smiled smugly. ‘How was your date?’
‘It wasn’t a date. It was a night out with friends.’ I replied quickly, hoping that if I could convince him, he would leave Max alone tonight.
‘That would explain why your boy is leaving with Blondie over there…’ Jake nodded in the direction of where Max was leaving the theatre with Tess.
What the hell did I just miss?
I tried not to panic, or think about what happened the last time I watched Max walk off alone with Tess. No, Max wouldn’t do that to me again.
I turned to look at Jake – knowing that I would see a smirk on his face, but he was already gone.
I didn’t lose any more time before bolting out of the theatre and after Max, just ahead of the 100ft pull that would have had me following behind anyway. I saw Max as he rounded the corner and stepped into the alley beside the theatre. I followed them into the alley just in time to see Max confront Tess.
“What do you want Tess?” Max asked, with a very short tone of voice.
“I need to talk to you.” Tess replied.
“Yes, you said that. What is it that’s so important that it couldn’t wait for school on Monday?” Max asked.
“I’m pregnant.” Tess replied without hesitation.
My eyes narrowed. Besides the fact that no one could possibly know so soon after sex that they were pregnant, I could read her mind – she definitely didn’t think she was.
‘She’s lying.’ I told Max.
“What do you really want?” Max asked, showing no sign that he believed her for a minute.
“To get back at you for the way you treated me – and this seemed like a good way to do it.” Tess shrugged, not caring that she had been caught out in a lie.
“By pretending you are pregnant when you know that you’re not. I think you could have come up with something a bit more effective.” Max retorted, a little too smugly.
“Oh, I did.” Tess replied with a smile, and stepping aside to reveal Kyle and his friends stepping out of the shadows.
“What do you want?” Max asked Kyle, as Tess walked out of the alley.
It was plain for everyone to see – Kyle had revenge on his mind. He’d obviously organised for Tess to get Max alone so that he could jump him.
“She’s dead.” Kyle stated, his eyes bloodshot. “You killed my girlfriend.”
“Which one? Liz or Serena?” Max asked, showing Kyle that he knew about his secret relationship.
“You want to get smart with me when I’m the one holding the knife?” Kyle tried to regain control.
“Why are you after me when you are the one responsible for her death?” Max asked.
Kyle looked guilt ridden momentarily, before regaining his composure.
Max chose to continue while he had a captive audience.
“You killed her because you couldn’t keep your eyes on the road.”
Kyle faulted and his friends looked around nervously – this was obviously news to them. They had signed up to help Kyle take revenge on the person responsible for the accident, and it wasn’t clear now that Max was the one responsible.
“I… you don’t know what you are talking about.” Kyle tried to deny.
“Really? I had it from a good source who was there.” Max said smugly.
I was getting concerned that Max was making Kyle too unstable, causing him do something rash with that knife in his hand. But Max was hoping it would cause Kyle to back down.
“I’m the only one who was there who is still alive.” Kyle replied.
“Convenient.” Max jeered. “But I didn’t say I had heard it from someone still living. You remember seeing Liz’s ghost right?”
Kyle’s friends looked between themselves. It seemed they remembered Kyle’s outburst at the football field that night after seeing ‘Liz’. They’d all thought he had taken some sort of hallucinogen.
“She knows what you did – all of it – and with her best friend too.” Max mocked.
Kyle started to panic, holding up his knife and started walking towards Max with the look of vengeance in his eyes.
‘Back down now, please.’ I begged Max.
“You want to add someone else to your kill score?” Max ignored me, but his voice didn’t have the same potency. “You’re up to two already right?”
Max was scared, but he was still sure that if he got under Kyle’s skin enough, he would back down.
“It wasn’t me, it was you – you walked out in front of my car. It was your fault and you’re the one who is going to pay.” Kyle threatened.
“Don’t threaten someone who has nothing to lose. Don’t threaten someone who is happy to die.” Max regained his confidence.
It had suddenly occurred to Max that if Kyle was determined to take his revenge, then it would bring Max and I together sooner. It hadn’t occurred to me that Max still had thoughts of wanting to die.
‘No!’ I shouted at Max, but he refused to look at me or answer me.
“Why would you want to die?” Kyle hesitated, not expecting a willing victim.
“Because then Liz and I can be together for eternity.” Max smiled at the thought. “I love her you know… in ways you never could.”
“Liz is dead. She’s gone.” Kyle retorted. “You’re delusional.”
“And you’re not? You’re telling me that you didn’t see her that night by the bleachers?” Max replied.
“She wasn’t there. That wasn’t real.” Kyle retorted.
“Are you sure about that?” Max said, trying to make Kyle question himself.
“I’ll kill you!” Kyle snapped.
“And you will go to hell where you belong.” Max added. “There may be no way to prove that you weren’t watching the road that night, but there are plenty of witnesses to you killing me here now.”
Maybe Max wasn’t suicidal after all. He had a point. There were witnesses here. If Kyle killed Max, he would go to jail. I knew Kyle well enough to know that he wouldn’t survive a minute locked away. He knew it too.
I relaxed. Kyle wasn’t stupid enough to do anything now.
But I was wrong.
Kyle suddenly lunged at Max, taking him, and everyone else, by surprise. Including me.
If I had been on my guard, I could have stopped him, I could have made him change his mind. But I had let my guard down, and there were only moments before the blade would pierce Max’s skin.
I did the only thing that I could think of. I took human form, and put myself between the blade and Max.
I felt the blade enter my body, tearing the skin and puncturing my spleen. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life – even more than when I died the first time. This time it wasn’t instant.
To my surprise, human blood began to pool on my shirt and run through my fingers where I was clutching my abdomen.
I heard Max scream my name as though he was off somewhere in the distance, or underwater. I did vaguely register that he, or someone, was lowering me to the ground. I looked up at Kyle who was looking down at me in shock – like he had seen a ghost.
“How could you?” I spluttered.
“Liz?” Kyle asked in bewildered surprise, letting the knife drop to the ground.
“You killed me … twice.” I looked into his eyes. “And you cheated on me with my best friend? How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me.”
“I…” Kyle didn’t know what to say – he was in too much shock.
“You will burn in hell for all eternity.” I threatened ominously, looking down at my wound, where the blood was now beginning to pool on the ground next to me.
Kyle looked panicked and started backing away.
“Liz? Liz!” Max called, clutching me.
I watched as Kyle and his friends fled the alley, leaving Max and I alone momentarily before Maria, Michael and Alex rounded the corner.
“What did Kyle want?” Maria asked, before seeing me on the ground. “Liz?! Michael, call 911!”
Michael obligingly did, but I wasn’t sure what they were going to achieve. I was already dead.
“You shouldn’t have…” Max began. “You shouldn’t have saved me like that.”
“It’s my job.” I smiled.
“But what’s going to happen now?” Max asked. “Are you dying again? Can that even happen?”
“I don’t know.” I replied. There was no precedent for this – an angel being killed while pretending to by human.
“What can I do?” Max asked desperately.
“Promise me you will live… If this turns out to be the end for me… promise me you’ll live your life and not do anything stupid.” I stressed.
“I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you.” Max cried.
“I’ll wait for eternity for us to be together again. We’ll have all the time in the world one day. But not yet. I need to know that I did my job … that I succeeded in protecting you and keeping you safe. I want you to live your life. I want you to be happy. Will you promise me?”
Max hesitated for a moment.
“I promise.” He swore reluctantly, but I knew that he meant it.
I smiled.
“Can you promise me something in return?” Max asked.
I nodded.
“If you are in heaven looking down on me… if there’s a way … can you give me a sign that you are there and you are happy?”
“What kind of sign?” I asked, so he could be on the lookout for me.
“I’ve always loved the snow.” Max smiled.
“Snow in Roswell?” I smiled at the thought.
“At least I would know it was really you, and not some freak weather pattern.” Max smiled too.
“I promise.” I vowed before I started to choke on my own blood.
“I love you.” Max cried, pulling me closer to him with tears running down his face, as we could both hear the sound of an ambulance in the distance. But it was too late.
“I … love … you … too.” I said, touching his cheek gently. I broke eye contact from him for a moment to give Maria a small smile, moments before the world disappeared and everything went black.
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
Re: The Guardian (AU, M/L, TEEN) Ch15 26/8/11
As promised, here is the final chapter. Thank you for coming on this journey with me. 
I'm not sure when I'll be back with another fic. For the first time in years I'm completely out of ideas!
Chapter 16
I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room. I wasn’t scared – it was somewhere I had been before during my guardian training. I looked down and saw my bloodstained clothes, but underneath my skin was completely healed, as if nothing had happened, as if I hadn’t died – again.
I thought I was alone until I felt a presence of another in the room. I spun around to see a beautiful woman standing before me. It was not someone I had seen before in life, or death, but she was still familiar.
“Liz. It’s nice to finally meet you.” The woman smiled a smile that reached her eyes. I automatically felt safe with her.
“Uh … thank you?” I replied, not sure exactly what to say. What did she mean ‘finally’?
“Can I begin by saying that the Council is very happy with your work.” She continued to smile.
“Happy? I broke every rule in the book. I’m sure Jake said…”
“You needn’t worry about Jake any longer. He has been dealt with tonight.” She replied dismissively.
I felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders.
Max was safe.
Safe from Kyle and safe from Jake.
“We’re sorry that he wasn’t taken care of sooner. Somehow he managed to slip under the radar.” She explained.
“He was evil.” I added, in case they hadn’t completely figured that out for themselves.
“He wasn’t when he first arrived… Something happened while he was here… they got to him.”
“Who’s they?” I asked.
“Demons. We’re still trying to work out how.” She replied.
“And why him?” I asked.
“He wasn’t the only one.” She answered vaguely, not willing to explain any further.
It was the only answer I would get, but I was satisfied. At least Jake was no longer going to be able to hurt anyone anymore.
“Max…” I breathed. Max was safe.
“Max is fine. Missing you, but otherwise fine.” The woman was still smiling. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t reprimanding me for getting involved with Max, or for revealing myself to him, Maria, or my parents…
“I was the one who asked for you to be assigned to Max.” The woman announced, as though she was reading my thoughts and knew she needed to explain.
“But I thought Jake…” Jake had told me that he had allocated me to Max so that I wouldn’t fall in love with someone other than his own evil self.
“It was Jake’s idea, but the Council wouldn’t have gone for it. I begged them to.” She explained.
“Why?” I asked confused.
“Because I knew you would be good for him.”
“Why did you…?” care. Then it dawned on me. “… Because you’re Max’s mother.”
I could see the resemblance now.
“Yes, I am.” Max’s mother smiled. “You can call me Diane.”
“He misses you.” I stated.
“And I miss him … with every beat of my heart.”
And I believed it. Yet somehow she wasn’t sad. Like everyone I had met in heaven, she was … happy.
I was happy when I first got here too, despite being torn from my family and friends so young. It was as though I could see that my life on Earth was only a waiting room for something more. But after having met Max, and experiencing a love more powerful than I ever thought imaginable, I longed to be wherever Max was. I felt empty without him.
“What happened to me? Was I really human again? Did I die – again?” I asked. All the questions that Jake had refused to answer, properly anyway, were bubbling up to the surface. What was I now? Was I still a guardian? Can an angel really die? Or had I really been human?
“Jake should have explained everything to you during your training, but I see that he didn’t.” Max’s mother said apologetically. “Angels can take human form, when they see it as being necessary, although if it is done incorrectly, it takes a lot of energy.”
“Which is why I couldn’t keep it up for long, and why I was so powerless for so long afterwards.” I added.
“Yes. But if done correctly, you could pass as human forever – even retaining your powers. You would be surprised to discover how many angels there are walking the Earth.” Diane continued.
“I could have passed as human… but was I actually human?” I asked confused.
“Yes.”
“So when I was stabbed… I really died.” I clarified.
“Yes.” Diane nodded. “Unfortunately that is the risk of taking human form.”
“But if I was already dead… How is Max going to explain that to the police? I had a identical twin that no one ever knew about?” I asked confused.
“Unfortunately that got a bit messy, and the authorities are still bewildered. We tried to fix it by making sure your coffin was empty when your previous body was exhumed.”
“You said ‘still’. They are ‘still’ bewildered? How long have I been gone for?” It felt like only moments ago that I died.
“A week. It took you a while to detach yourself from the body.” Diane explained, before adding. “Your parents and Max gave you a beautiful funeral.”
“So what happens now?” I asked.
“That’s up to you.” Diane replied.
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“Under normal circumstances you would choose to be reassigned, or choose to stay here.” Diane began to explain - ‘here’ being heaven.
“But I can’t choose to return to being Max’s guardian?” I asked, disappointed.
“No. Not in this case.” Diane replied.
I had accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see Max again until he came to join me in heaven, but I couldn’t pretend that my heart didn’t feel broken. I had been holding out hope… but that was gone now.
But then it dawned on me.
“You suggested these aren’t normal circumstances…” I observed.
“The Council understands that you were put in an awkward position… And that was my fault. I shouldn’t have intervened… but I knew … I knew you could help Max turn his life around. And he did … he did!” Diane looked like she was going to cry with happiness. “And everything that happened with Jake... and to have it go on for so long… We’re sorry that you had to go through that.”
“Go on…” I prompted, too nervous to speak.
“What if I told you that you could be human again?” Diane asked.
“Human? Seriously?” I exclaimed. “How is that possible? How can the Council even do that?”
“Not the Council… Think higher.” Diane nodded upwards.
“You mean…God?” I guessed.
“You gave your life to save another…” Diane explained.
“And I would do it again.” I promised.
“You won’t have to.” Diane promised in return.
“Max will have a new guardian assigned?” I asked, trying to think of all the implications of accepting the offer of returning as a human, and not as an angel. Would he be safe without me looking out for him?
“No. He doesn’t need one anymore.” Diane replied.
“Why not?” I asked confused.
“Because he’ll have you.” Diane smiled, pulling me into an embrace.
*
I watched him for a while, sitting on the grass in front of the gravestone. He was picking at the grass and distractedly pulling the blades to pieces as he tried to hold back tears. I hated seeing him so sad, but it also made my heart melt that I meant so much to him.
It had been two weeks since my ‘death’ and he had spent every afternoon after school since my funeral sitting by my gravestone.
I slowly walked towards Max, until I was standing at the gravestone next to him. I gently laid flowers on the grave and bowed my head as though I was trying to talk to the person below. After a few minutes, I looked up to see Max watching me.
“Hi.” I said.
“Hi.” He replied.
It made me smile to think he didn’t recognise me, and was just being polite to the stranger visiting her dead relative.
It was one of the conditions of returning to Earth. My appearance and DNA had to change so that there would be no more confusion when I died, or when I needed blood tests. I was a new person. The only thing that remained the same were my eyes, and they were currently covered by some designer sunglasses. My hair was reddish-blonde and I had a face full of freckles. I was taller than Liz, but only a little.
“I haven’t seen you here before.” Max started a friendly conversation.
“That’s because I haven’t been here for a while.” I replied smiling, reveling in the fact that he still looked good, despite the bags under his eyes. “Do you come here often?”
Geez that sounded like a bad pick up line.
“Lately. It’s a long story.” Max replied, not wanting to go into it.
I wasn’t going to make it that easy.
“Liz Parker…” I read off the gravestone. “1995-2011. Beloved daughter.” I noted that the ground was freshly dug.
Max nodded.
“A friend?” I asked.
“Something like that.” Max replied vaguely.
This was going to be much harder than I thought, but it made me smile to think that Max was too wrapped up in his grief for me to be attracted and chatty to this pretty girl doing her best to draw him into conversation.
“Ahh… girlfriend.” I nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks.” Max smiled slightly.
He then decided that he should participate a little more in the conversation.
“What about you?” Max asked, nodding to the gravestone next to mine. “Relative of yours?”
I looked at the gravestone properly for the first time. It read ‘Thomas John Walter 1895 – 1956. War hero.’
“Ummm … would you believe that I just randomly place flowers on unvisited grave sites?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Max laughed, for the first time in weeks.
“Yes, actually I would.” Max smiled.
I took that smile as an invitation to take a seat next to him.
“So… how did Liz die?” I asked, more seriously now, hoping that I wasn’t suddenly overstepping the boundaries of our new acquaintance.
“Oh, well, it’s a really long story.” Max replied.
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.” I replied honestly.
“Well … Liz was stabbed.” Max explained.
“I’m sorry. But … you know that’s not a very long story.” I pointed out.
“Okay, that’s not the whole story.” Max smiled at being caught out.
“Who stabbed her?” I asked.
“Her ex-boyfriend.”
“Why?”
“She was trying to protect me. He had it in for me.” Max continued.
“Why?” I asked, hoping I didn’t come across as an annoying four-year old who had to know the reason behind everything in their world.
“Because he blamed me for … uh … a car accident that happened.” Max omitted some of the details.
“What happened to him? Was he caught?” I asked, anxious to know that Kyle had finally paid for what had happened.
“Yes. There were witnesses, and his fingerprints were on the knife. He’s locked up and awaiting his hearing. The prosecutors say the case is pretty straight forward so he should be going away for a long time.” Max sighed in relief.
So did I.
“Thank God for that.” I said.
Kyle had finally paid for the lives he had hurt. I’m glad that I was able to do something with my afterlife to make that happen.
“How are Liz’s parents?” I asked.
“They’re devastated. It’s like they’ve lost her all over again.” Max sighed.
“Again?” I asked, wondering how much I could push Max to tell me.
“Liz was gone for about six months. She only just came back to them before … before she died.”
I nodded.
“And how are you d-doing?” I asked, my voice choking a little at the thought of what my parents must be going through again.
“Taking it day by day.” Max exhaled. “Hoping that one day I’ll get a sign to let me know that she’s up there in heaven looking down on me. Maybe then I’ll be able to start living again.”
“You really loved her didn’t you?” I asked, using past tense deliberately.
“I still do.” Max corrected. “With all of my heart and soul. And I’m counting down the days until I can be with her again.”
“I’m sure she is too.” I smiled, resisting the urge to kiss him.
Max smiled at the thought.
“Can you do something for me?” I asked, knowing that here I was, a complete stranger, asking him to trust me.
“What?” Max asked, obviously thinking the same.
“Lie down and look up at the beautiful blue sky.” I requested
Max looked at me strangely, but obeyed. I did the same. The sun was shining down on us, caressing our skin. I smiled at the thought that it was shining on us deliberately.
“Now what?” He asked hesitantly, but with a smile in his voice as he was enjoying the sunshine too.
“Just wait.” I urged.
We lay there looking at the bright blue sky, dotted with a few fluffy white clouds.
Then the first few flakes began to float down and land on our faces.
Max turned his palm upwards towards the sky and caught a few snowflakes in his hand. The smile on his face was like his mother’s – it reached his eyes.
“It’s snowing…” Max said incredulously.
I rolled over onto my side and slid my sunglasses to the top of my head, revealing my eyes.
“I promised you a sign.” I smiled.
Max’s face whipped over towards me and he could now see that I had Liz’s eyes.
“L-Liz?” Max choked.
“Miss me?” I smiled.
“H-how…?” Max stammered, cupping my face in his hand while he scrutinised it.
“It’s a long story…” I replied, using his line from earlier.
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.” Max smiled, stealing my reply.
“We’ve been given a second chance.” I explained.
“Liz … That’s not a very long story.” Max smiled more.
“Well … we have the rest of our lives to tell it.” I replied.
“Really?” Max gasped disbelievingly.
I nodded, seeing the joy on his face.
Max pulled my face towards his and our lips met. Our first kiss, in this lifetime anyway. It was slow, and soft, and beautiful.
“Are you human or are you an angel?” Max asked, after we had both pulled away.
“I’m human. 100 per cent.” I smiled.
“So you can’t read my thoughts?” Max asked hesitantly.
“No. Not at all.” I replied, wondering if I should be worried that I couldn’t.
“I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. I kind of got used to the idea of knowing you could always hear what I was thinking. It must be strange for you not to be able to know everything.” Max smiled.
“As long as our future involves you and me together forever, I don’t need to know anything else.” I smiled.
Max pulled me into another kiss, more urgent than the first. This time when he pulled away, he had another question for me.
“If you’re human, then how are you making it snow?” Max asked, looking up to see the sky above us begin to clear.
“I had a little help.” I smiled.
Max raised his eyebrow.
“You’re mother is so beautiful.” I added.
“You met my mother?” Max asked incredulously.
“She was the real reason I was assigned as your guardian.” I explained. “And she is so very, very proud of you.”
Max looked like a huge weight had been taken off of his shoulders.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Max eventually said. “In my wildest dreams I never thought it could end like this.”
“This is no where near the end Max Evans.” I smiled, taking his hand in mine and squeezing. “This is only the beginning.”
I'm not sure when I'll be back with another fic. For the first time in years I'm completely out of ideas!
Chapter 16
I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room. I wasn’t scared – it was somewhere I had been before during my guardian training. I looked down and saw my bloodstained clothes, but underneath my skin was completely healed, as if nothing had happened, as if I hadn’t died – again.
I thought I was alone until I felt a presence of another in the room. I spun around to see a beautiful woman standing before me. It was not someone I had seen before in life, or death, but she was still familiar.
“Liz. It’s nice to finally meet you.” The woman smiled a smile that reached her eyes. I automatically felt safe with her.
“Uh … thank you?” I replied, not sure exactly what to say. What did she mean ‘finally’?
“Can I begin by saying that the Council is very happy with your work.” She continued to smile.
“Happy? I broke every rule in the book. I’m sure Jake said…”
“You needn’t worry about Jake any longer. He has been dealt with tonight.” She replied dismissively.
I felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders.
Max was safe.
Safe from Kyle and safe from Jake.
“We’re sorry that he wasn’t taken care of sooner. Somehow he managed to slip under the radar.” She explained.
“He was evil.” I added, in case they hadn’t completely figured that out for themselves.
“He wasn’t when he first arrived… Something happened while he was here… they got to him.”
“Who’s they?” I asked.
“Demons. We’re still trying to work out how.” She replied.
“And why him?” I asked.
“He wasn’t the only one.” She answered vaguely, not willing to explain any further.
It was the only answer I would get, but I was satisfied. At least Jake was no longer going to be able to hurt anyone anymore.
“Max…” I breathed. Max was safe.
“Max is fine. Missing you, but otherwise fine.” The woman was still smiling. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t reprimanding me for getting involved with Max, or for revealing myself to him, Maria, or my parents…
“I was the one who asked for you to be assigned to Max.” The woman announced, as though she was reading my thoughts and knew she needed to explain.
“But I thought Jake…” Jake had told me that he had allocated me to Max so that I wouldn’t fall in love with someone other than his own evil self.
“It was Jake’s idea, but the Council wouldn’t have gone for it. I begged them to.” She explained.
“Why?” I asked confused.
“Because I knew you would be good for him.”
“Why did you…?” care. Then it dawned on me. “… Because you’re Max’s mother.”
I could see the resemblance now.
“Yes, I am.” Max’s mother smiled. “You can call me Diane.”
“He misses you.” I stated.
“And I miss him … with every beat of my heart.”
And I believed it. Yet somehow she wasn’t sad. Like everyone I had met in heaven, she was … happy.
I was happy when I first got here too, despite being torn from my family and friends so young. It was as though I could see that my life on Earth was only a waiting room for something more. But after having met Max, and experiencing a love more powerful than I ever thought imaginable, I longed to be wherever Max was. I felt empty without him.
“What happened to me? Was I really human again? Did I die – again?” I asked. All the questions that Jake had refused to answer, properly anyway, were bubbling up to the surface. What was I now? Was I still a guardian? Can an angel really die? Or had I really been human?
“Jake should have explained everything to you during your training, but I see that he didn’t.” Max’s mother said apologetically. “Angels can take human form, when they see it as being necessary, although if it is done incorrectly, it takes a lot of energy.”
“Which is why I couldn’t keep it up for long, and why I was so powerless for so long afterwards.” I added.
“Yes. But if done correctly, you could pass as human forever – even retaining your powers. You would be surprised to discover how many angels there are walking the Earth.” Diane continued.
“I could have passed as human… but was I actually human?” I asked confused.
“Yes.”
“So when I was stabbed… I really died.” I clarified.
“Yes.” Diane nodded. “Unfortunately that is the risk of taking human form.”
“But if I was already dead… How is Max going to explain that to the police? I had a identical twin that no one ever knew about?” I asked confused.
“Unfortunately that got a bit messy, and the authorities are still bewildered. We tried to fix it by making sure your coffin was empty when your previous body was exhumed.”
“You said ‘still’. They are ‘still’ bewildered? How long have I been gone for?” It felt like only moments ago that I died.
“A week. It took you a while to detach yourself from the body.” Diane explained, before adding. “Your parents and Max gave you a beautiful funeral.”
“So what happens now?” I asked.
“That’s up to you.” Diane replied.
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“Under normal circumstances you would choose to be reassigned, or choose to stay here.” Diane began to explain - ‘here’ being heaven.
“But I can’t choose to return to being Max’s guardian?” I asked, disappointed.
“No. Not in this case.” Diane replied.
I had accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see Max again until he came to join me in heaven, but I couldn’t pretend that my heart didn’t feel broken. I had been holding out hope… but that was gone now.
But then it dawned on me.
“You suggested these aren’t normal circumstances…” I observed.
“The Council understands that you were put in an awkward position… And that was my fault. I shouldn’t have intervened… but I knew … I knew you could help Max turn his life around. And he did … he did!” Diane looked like she was going to cry with happiness. “And everything that happened with Jake... and to have it go on for so long… We’re sorry that you had to go through that.”
“Go on…” I prompted, too nervous to speak.
“What if I told you that you could be human again?” Diane asked.
“Human? Seriously?” I exclaimed. “How is that possible? How can the Council even do that?”
“Not the Council… Think higher.” Diane nodded upwards.
“You mean…God?” I guessed.
“You gave your life to save another…” Diane explained.
“And I would do it again.” I promised.
“You won’t have to.” Diane promised in return.
“Max will have a new guardian assigned?” I asked, trying to think of all the implications of accepting the offer of returning as a human, and not as an angel. Would he be safe without me looking out for him?
“No. He doesn’t need one anymore.” Diane replied.
“Why not?” I asked confused.
“Because he’ll have you.” Diane smiled, pulling me into an embrace.
*
I watched him for a while, sitting on the grass in front of the gravestone. He was picking at the grass and distractedly pulling the blades to pieces as he tried to hold back tears. I hated seeing him so sad, but it also made my heart melt that I meant so much to him.
It had been two weeks since my ‘death’ and he had spent every afternoon after school since my funeral sitting by my gravestone.
I slowly walked towards Max, until I was standing at the gravestone next to him. I gently laid flowers on the grave and bowed my head as though I was trying to talk to the person below. After a few minutes, I looked up to see Max watching me.
“Hi.” I said.
“Hi.” He replied.
It made me smile to think he didn’t recognise me, and was just being polite to the stranger visiting her dead relative.
It was one of the conditions of returning to Earth. My appearance and DNA had to change so that there would be no more confusion when I died, or when I needed blood tests. I was a new person. The only thing that remained the same were my eyes, and they were currently covered by some designer sunglasses. My hair was reddish-blonde and I had a face full of freckles. I was taller than Liz, but only a little.
“I haven’t seen you here before.” Max started a friendly conversation.
“That’s because I haven’t been here for a while.” I replied smiling, reveling in the fact that he still looked good, despite the bags under his eyes. “Do you come here often?”
Geez that sounded like a bad pick up line.
“Lately. It’s a long story.” Max replied, not wanting to go into it.
I wasn’t going to make it that easy.
“Liz Parker…” I read off the gravestone. “1995-2011. Beloved daughter.” I noted that the ground was freshly dug.
Max nodded.
“A friend?” I asked.
“Something like that.” Max replied vaguely.
This was going to be much harder than I thought, but it made me smile to think that Max was too wrapped up in his grief for me to be attracted and chatty to this pretty girl doing her best to draw him into conversation.
“Ahh… girlfriend.” I nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks.” Max smiled slightly.
He then decided that he should participate a little more in the conversation.
“What about you?” Max asked, nodding to the gravestone next to mine. “Relative of yours?”
I looked at the gravestone properly for the first time. It read ‘Thomas John Walter 1895 – 1956. War hero.’
“Ummm … would you believe that I just randomly place flowers on unvisited grave sites?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Max laughed, for the first time in weeks.
“Yes, actually I would.” Max smiled.
I took that smile as an invitation to take a seat next to him.
“So… how did Liz die?” I asked, more seriously now, hoping that I wasn’t suddenly overstepping the boundaries of our new acquaintance.
“Oh, well, it’s a really long story.” Max replied.
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.” I replied honestly.
“Well … Liz was stabbed.” Max explained.
“I’m sorry. But … you know that’s not a very long story.” I pointed out.
“Okay, that’s not the whole story.” Max smiled at being caught out.
“Who stabbed her?” I asked.
“Her ex-boyfriend.”
“Why?”
“She was trying to protect me. He had it in for me.” Max continued.
“Why?” I asked, hoping I didn’t come across as an annoying four-year old who had to know the reason behind everything in their world.
“Because he blamed me for … uh … a car accident that happened.” Max omitted some of the details.
“What happened to him? Was he caught?” I asked, anxious to know that Kyle had finally paid for what had happened.
“Yes. There were witnesses, and his fingerprints were on the knife. He’s locked up and awaiting his hearing. The prosecutors say the case is pretty straight forward so he should be going away for a long time.” Max sighed in relief.
So did I.
“Thank God for that.” I said.
Kyle had finally paid for the lives he had hurt. I’m glad that I was able to do something with my afterlife to make that happen.
“How are Liz’s parents?” I asked.
“They’re devastated. It’s like they’ve lost her all over again.” Max sighed.
“Again?” I asked, wondering how much I could push Max to tell me.
“Liz was gone for about six months. She only just came back to them before … before she died.”
I nodded.
“And how are you d-doing?” I asked, my voice choking a little at the thought of what my parents must be going through again.
“Taking it day by day.” Max exhaled. “Hoping that one day I’ll get a sign to let me know that she’s up there in heaven looking down on me. Maybe then I’ll be able to start living again.”
“You really loved her didn’t you?” I asked, using past tense deliberately.
“I still do.” Max corrected. “With all of my heart and soul. And I’m counting down the days until I can be with her again.”
“I’m sure she is too.” I smiled, resisting the urge to kiss him.
Max smiled at the thought.
“Can you do something for me?” I asked, knowing that here I was, a complete stranger, asking him to trust me.
“What?” Max asked, obviously thinking the same.
“Lie down and look up at the beautiful blue sky.” I requested
Max looked at me strangely, but obeyed. I did the same. The sun was shining down on us, caressing our skin. I smiled at the thought that it was shining on us deliberately.
“Now what?” He asked hesitantly, but with a smile in his voice as he was enjoying the sunshine too.
“Just wait.” I urged.
We lay there looking at the bright blue sky, dotted with a few fluffy white clouds.
Then the first few flakes began to float down and land on our faces.
Max turned his palm upwards towards the sky and caught a few snowflakes in his hand. The smile on his face was like his mother’s – it reached his eyes.
“It’s snowing…” Max said incredulously.
I rolled over onto my side and slid my sunglasses to the top of my head, revealing my eyes.
“I promised you a sign.” I smiled.
Max’s face whipped over towards me and he could now see that I had Liz’s eyes.
“L-Liz?” Max choked.
“Miss me?” I smiled.
“H-how…?” Max stammered, cupping my face in his hand while he scrutinised it.
“It’s a long story…” I replied, using his line from earlier.
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.” Max smiled, stealing my reply.
“We’ve been given a second chance.” I explained.
“Liz … That’s not a very long story.” Max smiled more.
“Well … we have the rest of our lives to tell it.” I replied.
“Really?” Max gasped disbelievingly.
I nodded, seeing the joy on his face.
Max pulled my face towards his and our lips met. Our first kiss, in this lifetime anyway. It was slow, and soft, and beautiful.
“Are you human or are you an angel?” Max asked, after we had both pulled away.
“I’m human. 100 per cent.” I smiled.
“So you can’t read my thoughts?” Max asked hesitantly.
“No. Not at all.” I replied, wondering if I should be worried that I couldn’t.
“I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. I kind of got used to the idea of knowing you could always hear what I was thinking. It must be strange for you not to be able to know everything.” Max smiled.
“As long as our future involves you and me together forever, I don’t need to know anything else.” I smiled.
Max pulled me into another kiss, more urgent than the first. This time when he pulled away, he had another question for me.
“If you’re human, then how are you making it snow?” Max asked, looking up to see the sky above us begin to clear.
“I had a little help.” I smiled.
Max raised his eyebrow.
“You’re mother is so beautiful.” I added.
“You met my mother?” Max asked incredulously.
“She was the real reason I was assigned as your guardian.” I explained. “And she is so very, very proud of you.”
Max looked like a huge weight had been taken off of his shoulders.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Max eventually said. “In my wildest dreams I never thought it could end like this.”
“This is no where near the end Max Evans.” I smiled, taking his hand in mine and squeezing. “This is only the beginning.”
"Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode
We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves..."
Paramore - Decode