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Rating: Adult for the prologue, the rest is mature
Summary: Liz was raped when she was 15. Now she's 21 years old and she's struggling with college life. She has no contact with any men except Michael, her best friend Maria's boyfriend, but what will happen when she meets Max Evans? Will she ever trust or love again? Or will the secrets she harbor stop her from feeling.
Disclaimer: nothings mine
AN: This story is fully written in german and I'm now translating it into english. We (me and my beta) already have 6 translated and edited parts. we hope for weekly updates and later on more often hopefully.
one more thing, evelynn and sweetbrowneyes inspired me to this style.
Big thanks to my wonderful beta Dreamerlaure!!
She's helping me out with this fic, and with my english this is a big help. I Can’t Love You
Prologue
She heard the steps behind her get faster. Panting she went around a corner and started to run. She was sweating as she ran because she was scared, because she still heard her follower. If she hadn’t stayed so long at Maria’s this wouldn’t be happening now. New York wasn’t the safest city to stay outside in after midnight, and for a young girl, it was even worse. Liz didn’t hear or see anything behind her as she went further into the alley, but she still ran.
Then somebody grabbed her arms and pushed her to the ground. You couldn’t see her tears because it was raining. “No,” she whimpered and she tried to crawl away.
He pressed her arms down onto the ground. He had an easy play at her. She had been walking alone in an alley, and she was a small, weak girl. “How old are you?”
She didn’t answer at first, and she only wept more. Then “please…please let me go…” she plead as she tried to free her arms.
He held her wrists tighter and demanded an answer.
“Fifteen,” she whispered and closed her eyes.
The man smiled. This girl was just fifteen. At the beginning of the day she never thought this would happen. Fifteen; it was his lucky day.
He pressed his weight on Liz and when he did she could smell him. He smelled of sweat and cigarette smoke.
“Please, let me free. Please, let me go, please…”
She only wanted to go home.
The man pushed his hand under her skirt and stroked her roughly. Liz tried to press her legs together and she tried to scratch him but it was impossible. She even tried to cry out but he covered her mouth shut and beat her once in the face.
“Be quiet, and it’ll be fast. If you cry, I have to hurt you.” He opened his belt and pushed his jeans down.
“No…no…please not,” she plead, and her cries turned him on. He kissed her roughly and massaged her breast. His hands were rough and Liz closed her eyes and tried to block out the pain.
“Soon it’ll be over,” he whispered in her ear. He opened her blouse and kissed the newly freed skin. Liz couldn’t defend herself any more and he penetrated into her with a fast move.
“No!” she cried when she felt the pain going through her body.
“It’s your first time!” he shouted like a crazy man and he urged himself in and out of her.
“Please, stop…please,” Liz cried, but her pleas wasn’t heard. She was fifteen, beautiful and still a virgin, and he couldn’t stop. His thrusts got faster and his touches rougher. Liz could feel the pain in her abdomen, in her breasts and in her arms. The wet and cold ground pressed into her back and scratched wounds into her skin.
“Now…now…,” he shouted and collapsed onto her. He kissed her one more time and got up. Then he pulled his trousers back on and tightened his belt. Liz didn’t move to get up. She only cried more.
“You women are only used for this.”
He kicked her one last time and then he went away.
“Why didn’t anyone help me…”
Chapter 1
Why don’t they leave me in peace?
No, Maria. No, Michael.
I don’t want to go out.
“Maria, get out.”
I hate it.
My best friend is so stubborn.
“Call me if something happens.”
They treat me like I’m a child.
I’m 21.
It was six years ago.
Six years ago.
Didn’t you hear?
It’s over.
But why am I dreaming every night of that night?
There’s a knock on the door.
Who’s this?
I hate the dorm. You can never be alone.
“Hi,” the dark haired guy says when I open the door a split.
“What do you want?”
I’m unfriendly I know, but only to all men.
To every man, except Michael.
“I’m looking for Michael; do you know where he is?”
Do I look like a babysitter?
“He went out, with Maria.”
“You know him well, don’t you?” he asks me.
Oh please, hopefully Michael didn’t tried to find a boyfriend for me.
“Yes, he’s the boyfriend of my best friend.”
“You share a bathroom, don’t you?“
I already said, I hate this dorm.
You have to share a bathroom with someone.
I share with Maria and lately, this also means I share with Michael too.
“Yes.”
I don’t do small talk with men.
Only with Michael.
“Could I go through your room into his?”
He smiles. I don’t.
No.
He didn’t expect this answer and he stares.
“But…”
“I said no,” I say and I close the door.
I jump on my bed.
He knocks again.
I don’t move.
“I just want to go into his room,” he says desperately.
“Who are you?”
I don’t open the door.
“I’m Michael’s brother.”
“What’s your name?”
“Max Evans.” That’s right.
“Where was Michael born?”
“New York.”
New York. New York.
I push the thoughts away.
“Why is he living in Seattle?”
My last question.
“Are you a freak or what?”
It doesn’t annoy me. Maybe I am a freak.
“Maria moved a few years ago and he went with her.“
Yes, Maria and I moved a few years ago.
I open the door.
He looks at me like I’m strange.
I also open the bathroom.
He takes his bag and enters it.
“Thanks,” he says with a small smile.
The rooms aren’t very big.
Maria won’t want to sleep in a bed with Max.
And Michael doesn’t have a second mattress.
“Should I sleep in Michael’s room?” he asks.
“Ask Maria when she gets here.”
“What’s your name?”
He’s now standing in Michael’s room.
“Liz,” I answer unwillingly.
Why did I answer?
”Good night, Liz,” he says calmly.
Wasn’t I a freak before?
“Night.”
I close my door.
On impulse I do not lock the door.
Maria will come back later.
I can’t lock it or she would wake me.
And he is Michael’s brother.
He would never do anything to me.
Never.
Her class mates and teachers don’t know about her past. 