Thank you Selena for the awesome Banner that you made for me.
Title: A Parent’s Betrayal
Author: mmcherron aka lissalou72
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Roswell just borrowing the names. The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.
The song I used in this fic is called Sand and Water and is By Beth Nielsen Chapman I just borrowed it.
Couple/Category: Alexia Parker – Evans. Max and Liz’s Daughter
Rating: TEEN
Summary: This is the First of my Sequels to the Fic called Too Little Too Late. Alexia Parker-Evans just turned 16 and her whole life turns upside down. What happens to her and why is she so angry?
If youhaven’t read the first part you might want to give it a try here is the link to Too Little Too Late:
viewtopic.php?t=9075
I wrote a tag part that is an Isabel POV you might want to try too. Here is the link to Lost Without You:
viewtopic.php?t=9318
A/N: I want to thank all of my Beta’s (vegas312, roswellianprincess 16) that did an awesome job Thank you smooches. Bdjamilah AKA Ms. Anonymous Thank you for taking the time and looking it over and giving me your advice about it and helping me. All you girl rock what would I do with out you.
Mary you crazy girl thank you for always being there for me and read parts of it and letting me know what you thought. Even though I know you are going to be mad at me…Smooches
Ok enough blabbing here is the fic and I hope you all like sorry about the long wait thank you all who told me I could do it.
Feedback is ways welcomed it let me know that you liked it and its exciting to know how you felt about it Thank you.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
All alone, I didn't like the feeling
All alone, I sat and cried
All alone, I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside
I’m sitting here listening to the angelic voice of my Auntie Maria singing. I can hear the pain in her voice. I can’t help it as a few more tears quickly escape from my eyes. I feel like I should have been able to stop her pain. I should have been able to do something.
All alone, I came into this world
All alone, I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
I can’t believe that I have to sit here watching everyone I love being ripped apart. I feel like I’m slowly losing control as I feel my hands start to tingle. I just want to leave and walk away. I feel like I’m suffocating slowly. There is just too much pain and I can’t do it. I tried to heal. What good are my powers if I can’t heal everyone I love when they’re in pain? I let my Auntie Maria down and myself. I’m not sure if I can be around anyone right now. I might just hurt them more….
I quickly close my eyes as I feel my tears burning to escape and as I hear the words that are being sung…..
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
I look up and I see Auntie looking at me with sorrow and I just can’t take it anymore. I have to get away. I just turned 16 years old. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and I can’t keep myself from feeling responsible for everything. I get up and walk out, past everyone, hoping to leave everything behind.
All alone, I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone, I raise this child
Flesh and bone, she's just
Bursting towards tomorrow
And her laughter fills my world
And wears your smile
I can hear everyone screaming my name as I start running away, away from the song, away from the pain that has brought everyone to this place, and that leaves everyone in so much pain. I just couldn’t be there watching them….Uncle Alex was enough and I still don’t think Mom and Auntie have healed from that one. And so soon we are back……
I run long and hard until I feel the burning in my legs and I fall. I can feel every nerve in my body burn as I scream with all my might, thinking just maybe someone would stop this burning. I pull off my jacket as I feel my energy build beyond what I’m use to controlling. I’m so alone. I’m scared that I just might be forced to feel and I just don’t want to feel all this pain. I feel that hot static as I see the green light beginning to take over my body…I begin to panic because I know that no one is supposed to know that I have powers…..
I silently look around for someone to help me but I know that I’m in this alone. Where are my Uncles? I need them…..Please…help….I look up into the sky hoping that no one sees this as I release this power that I have been holding on too…..The green energy shoots off me in a blast straight up into the sky.
“AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
All I can hear is my voice screaming and as I feel my savior right me behind me. I collapse on to the dirt crying….
Why did he leave me? What did I do? Why do I feel so alone? I feel my Uncle’s strong arms picking me up and holding me tight. I can’t stop crying knowing deep down that its never going to be the same.
“Nice electric show Alexie….sweetie if you were in that much pain you should have told one of us…. You know I could always show you the Buddha way.”
I feel my eye lids getting heavy as I listen to his heart beat trying to remember the happier times. I can’t believe that she left me just like he has. What am I supposed to do now? I feel more alone now then I ever had. I must be really bad for everyone to want to leave me……..
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
All alone, I came into this world
All alone, I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
2 Days Before
You would think that today I should be jumping for joy right? Turning sixteen should be every girl’s dream? Not mine. I over heard some disturbing news that just about ripped out my heart and the belief of a parent’s love.
I use to think the world of my Dad. Even though I never met him I had always thought that he was out saving the world. What a big laugh. If I hadn’t over heard Auntie Maria and Uncle Michael fighting, I bet that I would have still thought that and had never been the wiser.
I know that they never meant for me to over hear them and were pretty shocked to see me run up to them and ask if that was the truth. Why had everyone lied to me? How could they make me think that my dad was fighting to save our world when he was off with some bitch that he got pregnant? What about me?
Wasn’t my mom the love of his life? That’s what everybody has told me. Was that a lie too? Did they not want me to feel hatred to the man that helped make me? I’m beginning to wonder what else they have been lying to me about. I hate everyone and everything now. This totally makes sense now. I must have been a mistake and he didn’t want me. What is so wrong with me? Was I that bad? I must have been a big disappointment for him.
I think I can understand now why they made me believe that my dad was a saint because knowing the truth was way worse. I feel bad for my mom. She still believes that he loves her.
But you know what? I understand now better then I have in a long time. My mom’s dreams never made sense to me. She has been pulling me into her dreams for years now and I think it’s because of an empty feeling that she has. She still loves my cheating bastard of a father. I can feel her sadness. Her pain and heart break.
My mom is a broken lady. She almost never smiles now. I can hear her crying at night. I use to think it was something else. She would never tell me what was bothering her but I have a feeling I know now. I have to wonder why my dad left my mom. She loved me and made me believe that dad was off trying to better the world for me.
She would tell me all these wonderful stories about their love. Was it a lie? What happened? Why did dad sleep with the only person that my family has hate for? Tess…….
She killed my mom’s best friend. Alex…..I have so many pictures of him, even home movies of him, my mom, and Aunt Maria. I have to go over to Alex and talk to him. I always talk to Uncle Alex when I have a problem. I have a connection with him I guess even though I know that it’s only his grave and tombstone that I’m really talking too. Still I believe that he hears me. I know that’s crazy but I feel it. I’m just so confused.
As I slowly walk to see him, I start to feel the world crumbling right before me. I just yelled at my Aunt and Uncle and called them a bunch of mean things. I can’t face my mom right now because I know that something is happening to her and I can’t stop it. Maybe I’d just make it worse for her. I don’t know. I’m not to sure what I know anymore.
I only know of one thing for sure, and that’s that I have powers and that I’m a bit different from everyone else. I’m like Uncle Michael. I’m part Alien Hybrid as funny as it sounds but there are Aliens among us. I have a secret and so does the rest of my family. You see we all have powers in some way. Uncle Michael can blast things and he’s my Father’s second in command. Aunt Maria can feel stuff when they are off a bit and she is great at seeing someone’s aura. Uncle Kyle can blast a bit and see the inner peace. My mom can project herself and see the future as well as being able to form a shield and lately she’s been pulling me into her dreams although I haven’t told her that she has. Then, there is me. You see I’m the real big question because I can do all of those and more. Scary, if you really think about it. I have to practice with Uncle Michael all the time because I can’t control my powers yet and they are very strong and powerful.
I have a secret that I haven’t told anyone because I’m scared of it. I found out recently that I can mind warp and that one power scares me the most. I know that’s how Uncle Alex was killed so I’ve never told anyone but him and I know that he won’t tell. I was scared and I needed him. I had to tell him I was sorry because somehow I was ashamed that I got that power. Maybe that is why everyone has secrets. I didn’t want this power because then everyone would hate me like they hated her.
I finally see my uncles all known spot. I have made it. I come out here so often I put a beanbag and rolled up blankets there because we are always here it seems. I thought that this long walk would help me sort out everything that has to be said and what questions I want to ask everyone. How is it that one day everything is normal and the next it’s not? Well, for us nothing is normal but I never knew this much pain before. I’m scared and every nerve in my body is starting to hurt. I can feel my emotions start to take control and that is when I have problems with my powers.
I make myself comfortable on the bean bag and cover myself with a blanket. I have finally made it here and now I can’t stop crying. I feel so damaged in knowing that my dad went off with the killer because he had gotten her pregnant. But what about me? Did he hate me so much that he chose her? I’m not sure I can forgive anyone for this pain that I’m feeling. Alone and damaged, unloved from the dad that I thought so highly of. It was like a slap in the face knowing that he is with my half brother and not me. Maybe he just didn’t want a daughter that has the mind warping ability? But I just found out that I had it and I didn’t mean to get it too. I don’t want to be a killer and I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I bet that is why he left. He knew that he couldn’t love someone like me and he is punishing me and my mom. I hate knowing what I know right now and I wish I could go back and never have heard my aunt and uncle because this is too much for me to handle right now. I feel too lost with no one to talk to. That is why I’m here with Uncle Alex telling him everything. I haven’t stopped crying since I sat down. My eyes are burning and my heart feels like it’s on fire. Maybe, this is what it feels like to have your heart broken? Why does it have to hurt so bad knowing that you were never wanted? I made my dad leave my mom… turning him to the one person that hurt her more than life itself. I hope one day I can heal her pain. I know that it’s slowly destroying my mom. I can see it in her eyes.
She is giving up on life. She is crying and sad all the time and her dreams are getting darker. Some nights I’m even scared to sleep because I don’t want to see her in that place that she goes to. Lately, Tess has been in them and they are terrifying. I told Auntie Maria that Mom is having nightmares again hoping that maybe she could get mom out of her funk that she has been in.
Tess is always killing someone in my mom’s dreams, then she sees dad. I can see the pain in my mom’s eyes as she runs up and hugs him. Why would she still love him if she always has pain in her heart? I can feel it through our connection that mom and I have. Funny huh, to still have that connection, but I love it there. We have learned to control it, but mom can’t hold up the blocks at night while she is sleeping and that is why I see and feel these things.
I’m getting scared for her because I feel her giving up hope that dad is ever coming back. I could care less if I ever see the asshole, but I know that my mom is still in love with him, deeply in love.
I know that my dad holds the half of my mom’s soul. That is something I think that is Antarian. That is where my dad is from and same as my Uncle Michael. I have an Auntie Isabel too that I have never met. She went to Antar with dad and that psycho evil bitch as Auntie Maria would call her.
I think when you love someone as much as my parents once did, when they bond, it’s a life time thing. I think that is why I see them together in their dreams. I know that they have a strong connection. I can feel it even to this day. I know mom has a strong one but it’s only one sided and that is why I think she is in so much pain. Because even though dad is too far away for mom to feel anything, the connection is still there.
I should have had a connection with him. I don’t care if I ever use it. I use to think of my dad as a hero. Now I can’t stand to even be named after him. I didn’t know I could have this much hatred for my father, but he was the one that left not me. I was here and he was up there in the stars playing house with the family that he chose. I wasn’t good enough, and maybe he didn’t want a half bred because that is what I am. I’m not pure blood like his baby with Tess is. Maybe that is why he didn’t want me.
My mom wasn’t always so sad and heartbroken or at least I’ve never seen her this bad.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I slowly try to open my eyes. My head is pounding. I feel like I got hit on the head. I can hear my Aunt Maria talking to my Uncle Kyle. I wish I was away. Because right here right now I know that my life has changed. My mom died of a broken heart and I’m left all alone.
I have no one anymore. Both of my parents have left me here to live life without love. My mom gave up and she left me. How can I want to go on after she’s gone?
The night that she died I was at the cemetery talking to Alex and I saw her. I saw her walking to me but she looked like a ghost. I could see the trees right through her.
I knew something wasn’t right. She walked right up to me and told me it was time. I didn’t get it. I didn’t know that she meant that it was time for her to leave me. She told me that things happen in life for a reason. That I shouldn’t be mad at anyone because she wasn’t mad at anyone, she had me to be proud of.
She said that I should never hold it against my dad. He never knew the truth. I asked her why she was here and how did she know that I knew about the secret. My mom looked up at me and said that I could never hide secrets from her because she knew it all. She smiled at me and told me that our connection is always there and she knows when I need her. What she told me after was beyond me.
She told me it was time for her to go, that the pain was too much. I never knew it was this hard for her. I begged her to stop talking like that. I needed her, I wanted her to fight, I told her to hang on I was coming home.
But, I knew somewhere deep down that I wasn’t going to make it. I ran as fast as my legs would take me home. I could slowly feel the connection that I have with my mom left me. I was losing everything that I loved and cared about.
I knew that my dad was at fault for everything. By the time I made it to my house I felt nothing. I couldn’t feel my mom anymore. I was screaming in the house trying to find my mom. I knew she was there.
I found her in the room. She was still breathing but she wasn’t there. I tried to heal her. I was telling her to let me do it. Don’t leave me. But she just didn’t want to fight anymore.
I finally connected with her. But, I never knew this would be the last time I ever did. I could still feel her if I really think hard about it. It was my final attempt to save her. But this was her goodbye to me.
I remember what I did when I finally saw where she was. This was the same place I always see her in her dreams. This is the exact place where I see my dad and mom at all the time.
She told me that it was time to see the real truth about everything. I had to remember. What I saw broke me into a thousand different pieces. I couldn’t understand why she was showing me this. I needed her to fight not show me the death of my Uncle Alex.
My mom told me that with the knowledge comes pain. She was trying to protect me from the pain and heartache of the truth. Tess fooled them all. Mom told me that she wanted her place in my dad’s heart. She knew that it might not have been the best time but she had one special night with him which made me.
I didn’t understand what exactly she was trying to tell me? Did she not want me to have my own feelings? How could I love him after he left me? He should have known. I was apart of him and he should have felt me.
“Mom, please fight this. Let me heal you. I can’t live without you here.” I couldn’t believe that I had to beg my mom to fight this. I wanted her to be with me. I was so scared to be alone.
“Alexia, sweetie it’s my time. I can’t keep living like this. My heart doesn’t want to go on. I’m broken here. There is no way to heal me. Only your father could heal what is broken here.” I watched her point to her heart.
“Please, you can’t just give up” I looked at her with tears in my eyes knowing that she is right, I can’t fix that. I may be able to heal but there are certain things you just can’t heal.
“How am I supposed to let you die? You are asking me too much mom.”
“I’m not asking sweetie, my body can’t live anymore. My soul can’t be like this. Its incomplete, it has been ever since he left.”
“What am I going to do? What if I need you? What if I have a question? I’m only 16 mom, remember? Today is my birthday and you are supposed to have that surprise party at Auntie Maria’s.”
“Baby, remember that today was the happiest day of my life 16 years ago. I would never give up what I had with you. If you need anything I will always be here in your heart. But I just don’t have it in me anymore.”
“Mom, What if he never comes back? What if I don’t want to see him?”
“You have to understand that there are things that we can’t control. Mom and daddy did things to each other thinking that we were in the right. I have to show you something that mommy never talked about because this is where all the hurt started. Maybe if I show you this you would understand better.” She grabbed the sides of my faced and whispered
“You have to believe and keep a clear and open mind.”
I see a man that looks like my father but he is dressed all in leather and has long hair. I don’t remember seeing any pictures of him like that. I can’t believe what I hear him say to my mom…..
He is telling my mom to help him fall out of love with her because of what happened to the world. I see the pain in her eyes as they form a plan.
When the first plan fails I see the next one and it just about rips my heart in two. I can feel the pain in both of my parents. How could my mom endure that kind of pain?
Seeing my mom in bed with Uncle Kyle is way too much. But, I know it’s all a set up. But what my moms feels is an emptiness that is beyond describing. I don’t know how she did it.
I see the way dad treats her after everything that happened. A piece of mom had died every time she saw Dad with Tess. But, Mom promised that she wouldn’t tell a soul. She told a bit of the truth to Auntie Maria after Uncle Alex died but the damage was set in.
Mom was slowly fading and ever since then she had a broken soul. I never knew that. How could I, when she hid this?
“You see honey, I never wanted you to see or feel any of this. I have been waiting for everything and all this pain to stop. You have to let me be at peace. I can’t do this sweetie. But you see this place I set up here? I can always be with your dad.” I looked around and saw all the happy memories in this only room that my mom was in. I feel my mom’s fingers running through my hair.
My mom is the strongest person I know. I knew I always wanted to be like her and seeing into her now scares me because what if I find love like that? What if it’s my destiny to be alone? I still haven’t even found the love of my life. I wouldn’t want to be broken like that.
“Mom what is my destiny?”
“I don’t know sweetie but you have the world at your finger tips. You have to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t second guess yourself Lexi. You are powerful and you don’t have to hide. Even if you are scared that you might hurt others, you are smarter than that. You should tell Uncle Michael about your new power and the doubts you have. Don’t shut out your family.”
“Mom, I’m scared of letting everyone down. This power is what killed Uncle Alex. I don’t want a power like that. I want to be normal. Not like this.” I can feel the tears running down my face as I look at her begging to just hold me. I can’t do this. I feel like everything is going nutty. Like I’m in one of the Twilight Zone Movies and I can’t get out.
“Honey its time for me to leave. But, I have a black box in the closet that has my journal in it. If your Father comes back give it to him. It will have everything about you and what has happen since he left that one morning. Remember that I love you more then anything in the world. You have to trust yourself and your Auntie and your Uncles…..Ok?”
I could feel her leave as I cried myself to sleep holding her; making promises to myself hoping that I wouldn’t let her down. I couldn’t let her go. That is how my Auntie found me a few hours later. I never knew what pain was until they woke me up to check my mom.
It was like they knew it all along. They knew that mom didn’t have much time left. My auntie took me to her house and I have never been back there. I can’t bring myself to go into my mom’s house much less the room she died in. I think apart of me stayed with her that night. At least I had a better understanding of what happened to her and why she felt the way she did.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I roll over looking at the clock and I notice that it has been 8 hours since my mother’s funeral and I feel like I have been hit by a truck a few times. My eyes hurt and I feel numb not sure of what to do next.
I start to feel the tears in my eyes as I wonder what is next? How am I supposed to go to school? Where am I to live? What if my Auntie and Uncle don’t want me? My throat starts to hurt as I start to cry harder. I hear the door open and my auntie runs and jumps in bed with me. She wraps her arms around me and start to smooth my hair.
“Lexi, you are not alone in this. You are a special girl and I will never leave you. You can count on that one ok? If you feel like you have to hit something I can get your Uncle Mike it always helps me.” I can’t help but to laugh at that because she is right I always see her doing that. I just don’t want her to feel like she has to be with me.
I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to be with me because I still feel a bit off. Like there has to be a reason why I’m alone now? If I was a special person that everyone was going to love and cherish then why did my parents feel like they could leave me?
“Why?” I couldn’t think of anything else to ask. But I wanted the answer. I wanted to know the truth on her side. I couldn’t stand another person to leave me.
“I don’t know, but I know that your mom was close to giving up because she asked me to watch over you if anything happened. She was saying that it was too hard and that she was getting dreams that told her it was all right. That everything was going to be alright, to let go….”
I look up at her and start to cry. I know now that this was never meant to be. I know that when Mom messed with the timeline everything went crazy and there was a price to pay and that was her happiness. I really don’t think that Future Max really knew what would happen but I know now that he was desperate.
I know that I have the knowledge now of both worlds and that is scary. I have to tell someone of my new power because mom was right on that one. I can’t hide my true self and I’m not a bad person. I will learn to control it and never use it unless I have too.
“Auntie I have a secret that I have to tell you and Uncle. I was scared to tell you earlier and I’m sorry. I will tell you and you can tell him later. I have a new power and its mind warping. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you before but I was scared. That power is the one that hurt and killed Uncle Alex but mom told me that I should tell you and that Uncle Michael would help me. I’m so sorry.”
“Lexi, you have to know that we love you anyway no matter what power you have or will get. We can always work through this but you have to promise me that you will never keep secrets again.” I felt so relived after I talked to my Auntie because I felt that things just might start to look up.
“Please don’t leave me tonight; I don’t wait to be alone.”
“I will be here now go to sleep”
I felt my eyes getting heavy as I tried to fight off sleeping. I didn’t want to dream because there I would know the truth again and I wasn’t ready for that. I wanted to be happy and I wanted no dreams.
Early in the morning I heard someone banging on the door. I couldn’t figure out where Auntie and Uncle were at so I jumped out of bed to answer the door.
I open the door and I see these amber eyes and the face that I have been told to be my dad. But I see he has brought more then just himself. I look over to the left of him and see this beautiful tall blond and next to her I see a tall man that look a lot like my Uncle Alex but there is no way that its true because I know he is dead. Next to him I see a tall boy with brownish hair and these amazing eyes.
Then I remember that this must be the boy that my father much rather be with and I start to feel myself lose it. I look at them with pure hatred.
“What are you doing here?” I can’t believe that he has the nerve to show up now after everything. And with him. What? He had to rub it in my face that I wasn’t good enough as a daughter that he had to bring his son?
I hear my Auntie coming in from the back and then I see her run up to the door and we stood there for a few seconds trying to figure out what to do next.
I look at my Auntie and walk into the kitchen. I so could not deal with them right now. I can feel myself start to tingle and I needed to get my powers in check because I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
I walk back out there and I see my Auntie hugging the guy that looks like Uncle Alex. I find out that The Tall Blonde is Auntie Isabel.
I still won’t look at my dad. I can’t I don’t want to. He is the reason that my mother is dead. Then, I hear him asking where my mom is and without a second thought, I put my hand up and blast him and that boy behind him into the back wall.
I turn around and scream at him never to mention her name because she is dead because of him.
I look over at my Aunt and take off running…I can’t be there it’s too hard to look at the man I’m supposed to call dad. He makes me sick. Where is his precious Tess now? What she didn’t want to show her face? I find myself running in the direction of the Cemetery. I always find comfort there and I know exactly where I will be…..
Right between my Uncle Alex and my Mom. We buried them next to each other because we knew that they would keep each other happy.
I sit on the beanbag chair and just started to cry because I never asked to be here in the middle of this whole thing and yet I’m here and my mom just died and the only one that could have saved her is a whole few days too late and I’m not sure if I want to forgive him…..
I close my eyes and I try to get my emotions back into control and I can feel myself starting to get pulled into a dream world……..
~Dream Plain~
I look around and I saw these great big white and gold gates. I never seen anything like it before. I walk up to them and they open up and I can hear my mom voice talking to someone. I couldn’t recognize the voice and as I round the gate I saw her.
She looked like an angel almost. She was in this white and gold dress and it was flowing in the wind. I was surprised to see her. I couldn’t believe that I was seeing her like this. I wasn’t sure what they were doing.
I know that they didn’t see me but I could see them and hear them too. But what I don’t understand is why? Why could I hear them? And why couldn’t they see me?
I heard my mom talking to that guy. I think my mom was angry with him.
She told him that it wasn’t fair that this happened the way it did. Something about a lost love being greater then all which made no sense at all.
I hear her tell him that she should have been able to help and they had no right to do this to her and her family. I wish I could hear everything because this was really weird.
I look over at my mom and I see her start to cry. I hear her say that she wasn’t sure that I’m strong enough to forgive him. That they should have let her stay longer to just see him one last time.
I look over at them and I see him tell her that only time will tell but this was written before I was even born. I heard him tell her that this is what happens when we are not true to ourselves……
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I can hear someone calling me as I feel myself being pulled out of the dream.
I open my eyes and I see these amber eyes staring back at me but I see pain in them as he grabs me and starts to cry…..
Please help me be strong, I think as I feel tears start to run down my face……
End
