Washing it Away (CC,M/L,TEEN) 1/1 - 4/14/12

Finished Canon/Conventional Couple Fics. These stories pick up from events in the show. All complete stories from the main Canon/CC board will eventually be moved here.

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Kasey
Enthusiastic Roswellian
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Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:30 pm

Washing it Away (CC,M/L,TEEN) 1/1 - 4/14/12

Post by Kasey »

Title: Washing it Away

Author: Kasey

Pairing: M/L

Rating: TEEN

Disclainer: I don't own Roswell or the charaters. I borrowed some dialogue from Destiny, and Leaving Normal.

Authors Note:
Hey first fic...

Summery:
This is a one part story that I couldn't get out of my mind. There's not a lot of explanation for why Max and Liz are were they are, and you don't need to know. It's post Departure, they're not together and haven't talked in months. The story begins with the two of them running from some threat--use your imagination, FBI, Skins, w/e. The point of the story isn't the threat, but what finally is said between Max and Liz.



The rain was coming down in sheets, and Liz felt like she was swimming. She felt like she should be doing the breast stroke instead of running. But, she was running, pushing branches out of the way as she kept close to Max.

He turned around quickly, and they collided. Chest met chest, and Liz looked up at him startled.

“What?” She was embarrassed how out of breath she was, and she bent over at her knees taking in oxygen as the rain fell.

“We need to…we need a place to hide.” He responded, and he was, Liz noted, decidedly not out of breath.

“We’re in the forest. Where did you have in mind?” Her tone was clipped, and she pushed soaked hair out of the way to look around.

Max was quiet for an instance, before grabbing her arm for a moment as he took a right. “There’s a cave this way. I remember, I used to camp here with my Dad.”

The two broke out into a sprint again, and Liz wondered for a brief second if it was possible to outrun the rain. They came up to a small entrance minutes later, and the two ducked inside. Her hair plastered to her face, her shirt soaked, Liz was reminded of another time they ducked into a hiding place and were soaking wet. Whether I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, it’s you. I want to be with you, Liz. I love you. Judging from the steadfast way he refused to look at her, Liz was sure Max was remembering as well.

It had flashed through his mind briefly, but Max refused to meet Liz’s gaze for a different reason. When they finally stopped, and entered the cave, Max had turned to look at her. Her cheeks flushed, her clothes were stuck to her…she looked beautiful. In that achingly beautiful way that only she could look to him. So he decided not to look.

“How far back does it go?” Liz asked, following him into the darkness.

“A little back…I think we’ll be safe here for now.”

I think we’re safe here for now. They don’t have the runaway we got.

“We should—we’re probably going to have to stay the night.”

Liz didn’t respond, but she jerked her head in a nod. Looking down, she surveyed the scratches that littered her bare arms. They hadn’t bothered her as she ran, but now she was acutely aware of their sting.

Not meeting her gaze, but watching her out of the corner of his eye, Max spoke. “Do you want me to heal them? Or…dry your clothes?”

She shook her head.

Of course not, Max. He thought. That would mean touching her…

“You should save your energy.” She told him.

He should listen to her, but he pressed the issue. “They’re scratches, Liz. I can handle a few scratches.”

She shook her head again. “I’m fine.” Whether I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is the same. It’s you. I want to be with you, Liz. I love you.

He should leave it alone…but something about the darkness of the cave. Something about the first time the two of them had been alone in months. It made him want to air out their ghosts. Looking at her—raindrops hanging on beautiful brown eyelashes, hands rubbing her arms—he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to yell at her, he wanted to cry and tell her how sorry he was, he wanted to hear how sorry she was, he wanted to…

“Why can’t I heal them?” He asked, his voice gruffer than he intended. “You don’t want me touching you?”

Startled eyes flashed towards him, and Liz considered lying. But, why should she lie? He didn’t spare her feelings after Alex died. Stepping back away from him deliberately, she kept his gaze.

“That’s right.” She finally said.

He laughed bitterly, and shook his head. “I remember when you never wanted me to stop.” He was trying to incite her, and he knew it. He knew exactly what she would say to that comment; he knewwhat she would bring up. But, he wanted her to. He wanted her to scream at him, and he wanted to scream back.

His remark shocked her for a moment before she felt the slow uncurling of anger in her stomach. He was trying to bait her, and she wouldn’t take it. Surveying him for a moment, she said nothing and moved past him.

He watched her as she moved away, before continuing. “I remember when you couldn’t be in a room with me without me touching you in some way. I remember sleeping with every part of your body touching mine. And it was never enough for you.”

The last part finally got a reaction, and she whirled around. “But it was for you, right? Unless touching me was going to lead to some orb, it was for you. I wasn’t the girl you couldn’t stop touching, was I?”

He was steeling himself for when she brought up Tess, and even that couldn’t prepare him for the raw pain in her voice as she responded. He wasn’t sure if the gloss of water on her eyes was tears or rain. But he brought this on himself because he wanted this fight…he wanted pain to meet pain. And yet, he knew however he responded here would be wrong. He wanted to tell her that her that no, she was the girl he couldn’t stop loving. He wanted to tell her that if he ever had any control over touching her, he wouldn’t have run over to her that day in the Crashdown. He wanted to tell her so much, and yet…this was the place for ghosts. And he was going to bring them up.

“You told me to stop, Liz.” He didn’t have to say what he meant. Or which time he was referring to. Leaving him at the cave, climbing up a ladder and seeing her in bed with Kyle, hearing he suffocated her at prom…they all blended together.

“No, you told me to stop, Max. You told me lives depended on it.” And she didn’t have to say what she meant.

Their eyes met for a moment, as their last private discussion flashed into Max’s mind. In a span of five minutes, she told him why she had done what she did in October. And then she left, not to talk to him again in weeks.

“That wasn’t me.”

She broke his gaze, and shook her head. He noticed, this time, that when she rubbed her arms, blood was spreading over them. Not a lot, but still…He moved towards her, to still her wrists.

“Let me make it better.” He said, and instantly she jerked from his grip.

“You never make it better, Max. You just hurt me more.” Now that he started down this road, Liz was ready for the fight.

His eyes narrowed. “Aren’t you lucky,” He responded sarcastically, “that you’re so good, and I’m so bad? That I alone ruined us, that I alone betrayed us? You’re the broken hearted, and I’m the villain. Right, Liz?”

“That’s right.” She hissed at him. “I didn’t sleep with the person who killed your best friend. I didn’t shut you out when you needed me the most, I didn’t turn my back—“

“Didn’t you?” He shouted back. “You ran away to another state after I had been tortured. What do you think that summer was like for me? You saw, you felt what they did to me. I needed you then, and you did shut me out. Because of a stupid message in a cave.”

She was quiet for a moment, before responding. “You had Michael and Isabel. You had Tess.”

He flashed back to a conversation he had with Isabel when Liz’s grandmother was dying. She has Maria. And Kyle. Isabel had shot him a look, reminding him that he was the person Liz needed the most.

And he turned from her in that moment, having opened a wound so raw that he never really looked at it until now. Gazing at the wall of the cave, and watching the little bit of light that came from outside flicker across it, he debated how far to let her into his pain. All the way in, he decided. If this was the last conversation they would have, he would tell her everything.

“I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Isabel would come in, and she didn’t know what to say to me. No one wanted to talk about it with me, they didn’t know how. It wouldn’t have mattered if they did, because I didn’t want to talk about it with them.”

He turned to look at her. Her gaze was guarded, but she was silent. “I needed you, Liz. I needed you to tell me that he was evil, I needed you to tell me that he was wrong about what I was. I needed you to tell me that it didn’t matter what I was , that you loved me. In the middle of the night, it felt like…” he took a breath, “it felt like I had deserved it. It felt like Pierce was right, and that I was a monster. And I needed you there to tell me that I wasn’t.”

Her brows crumpled together, as she regarded him. “You’re not.” She finally said, her voice breaking.

He moved towards her, but she backed away holding a hand up. “It doesn’t change…I also needed you. I needed you to believe me about Alex, and you weren’t there for me. You were with her. And, I..I can’t stop picturing you and her in my head. I can’t stop thinking about the details, about you waking up with her and you planning for a baby with her. You loving her.”

He shook his head, but she continued. “What was it like, Max?” She didn’t look at him when she asked it. “What was it like to have sex with an alien? I never did get to find out.”

Max was silent as he looked at her. He wanted to wait until she met his gaze, but she refused. “It was like having sex with someone you’re not in love with, Liz. That’s what it felt like. Everything was wrong about it. And when I woke up, I hoped it had been a nightmare. I was waking up next to someone,“ Max watched Liz’s head bow more at that statement, “and I had never felt more alone in my entire life.”

She still refused to look at him, responding, “Why then?” so quietly that Max barely heard it.

“It felt like everyone was leaving. You. Isabel. She was just there. She was always there. And I thought…I thought that if you could give it away like it meant nothing, so could I.”

Liz bitterly laughed, and shook her head. Her palm rubbed away a tear on her face, inadvertently smearing blood on her cheek. “Yeah, but I didn’t do that.”

“I know. But I thought you had. It still hurt all the same, Liz.” Hurt didn’t begin to describe it. It hurt so hard, for so long until he was numb. He wished he was still numb, but looking at her…he just wanted to wipe away the blood and the tears.

“I know.” She whispered, and she met his eyes then. “That’s all we do, is hurt each other. Look at us. We’re not soulmates.”

At that, he jerked her forward catching her gasp of surprise in his mouth. His hands moved up to cradle her face, and he poured everything he had in that kiss. It was hard, and it was soft. It was fast, and then he slowed down. After months of fasting, Max felt like he was given food. Flash after flash bombarded them, and her hands clutched his wet shirt.

She broke the kiss first, turning her head to ignore his gaze.

“Liz,” He said. “If seeing and feeling your soul when we kiss doesn’t make us soulmates, then I don’t know what does.”

“You got flashes from Tess.” She responded quietly. “I got flashes from Naseado.”

“No,” he corrected. “Tess planted images in my head when we kissed, and Naseado did the same to you. They weren’t flashes. I couldn’t…I couldn’t feel what she felt towards me like I did just now. Liz, I kiss you, and I feel love. Even after all the pain.”

“Well, I don’t feel that.” She wasn’t looking at him, but he grabbed her again and kissed her fully. This time she broke the kiss quicker, moving away from him. But not quickly enough, and he saw. He felt.

“Yes, you do,” Max responded.

“Max, just…” She was crying, “just stop. Just leave me alone.”

“Because this is so much better? It’s so much better when we’re apart?”

She was looking around, as if searching for an exit. She can’t run, he realized. He had learned…the hard way, that Liz fled when she felt like…and here. Tonight. She couldn’t flee. And that emboldened him.

“Why is it so easy for you to listen to anyone else who tells you we shouldn’t be together? Tess. Naseado. A hologram of my Mom. A time traveler. And why is it so hard for you to listen to me when I tell you I choose you, I want to be with you.

“Because they were right!” She shouted.”You didn’t choose me! You went to her. You. broke. my. heart!”

"You broke mine" Max shouted back. Brown eyes met brown eyes, and battled for whose held more shadows.

He took a breath, and then shook his head. “I did choose you, Liz. I choose you over and over. I choose you in the cave. I choose you during that entire summer. When you came back, I choose you. Every day, I choose you. For months. You didn’t choose us. You didn’t choose me. You walked away first. You left. I kept choosing you, and you kept saying no. Even after I thought you and Kyle…I was still choosing you.”

“Until you didn’t.”

“No, I messed up. I’m not perfect, Liz. Isn’t that what you told me—not to put you on a pedestal? Isn’t that what you are doing to me? After months of you telling me exactly how much you didn’t want to be with me, after you telling me that you wanted your children to have normal lives, after seeing you with Kyle, after hearing that I suffocated you… I lost my way. But, I never chose her. She was just there when I was at my lowest.”

He ran his hands down her arms, absently healing as he went. She didn’t notice. “Liz, I’ve been in love with you since I was six. When we leave this cave, I’m still going to be in love with you. It doesn’t go away. I know…for awhile, I wished it would. But—“

“But, ‘you’re the one, Liz? The only one? I could never be with someone else?’” Her voice mocked him, the smear of blood on her cheek taunting him with the mess he caused.

He was silent for a moment, growing angry again. “What were you trying to accomplish with that time travelling version of me when you set me up to see you and Kyle? I thought you wanted me with her. Your plan worked, Liz. Systematically, you tried different approaches and found the one that worked. You should be happy, I know you like when your experiments are successful.”

She almost slapped him, but jerked from his embrace instead. “The experiment was successful?” Her voice vibrated through the cave. “I thought you being with her meant people wouldn’t die. But Alex did. She was supposed to be the missing link, but she was working with your enemies. So you were with her for nothing. I gave up everything for nothing. The experiment was successful? I was the experiment! You time travelled to figure out how to alter my life so the world wouldn’t end—and for what? She was a traitor, and you just traded Michael and Isabel’s life for Alex’s!”

“I’m not him!” He shouted back. “If you came to me when he was here, we could have figured something else out! You took the decision out of my hands, you made it without me. Every time someone asks you to give me up, you’re more than willing to do it!”

She laughed bitterly. “Because I’ve given you up? I wish I could! Every day, I wish I didn’t know you. It wouldn’t hurt as much. You should have left me die on that floor, Max. Because this is killing me anyway.” Tears mingled with the blood on her cheek, but didn’t wash it away.

And there it was. Her remark cut him to the core, but he knew the pain she felt because he felt it. He wanted their ghosts laid out between them, and these were the consequences. He should stop. But he didn’t.

“You should have left me with Pierce.” He responded, his voice breaking. “Because this torture is worse.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but he didn’t let her. This time he grabbed her, and didn’t stop kissing. And this time she didn’t stop him. He opened his mouth, and tongue met tongue. It was raw, but it felt like there was nothing left to say. They both just wanted to feel…something.

“I love you,” He whispered, breaking their kiss to run his lips across her neck. She shivered, and he took her mouth again. Her hands, which were clutching at his shirt, moved underneath and he leaned into her more fully and broke the kiss again.

“I love you,” He said, gripping her face with his hands. He kissed her again. “I love you.”

Liz couldn’t stop. She chased his lips with hers. She wanted to, but all she kept doing was clutching at him to bring him closer. She just wanted to feel him, all of him, and her hands pushed his jacket off his shoulders. He took the hint, and shrugged it off to the ground. She could feel his heart beating, and every time he whispered that he loved her, she could feel it. From him. And she wanted to be wrapped in that love, so she tugged his shirt up. And he didn’t question her.

Later, they were silent. She lay with her head on his chest, and his arm was wrapped around her. Without saying anything, he finally rubbed the blood off her cheek.

And she whispered, “I love you.”
Last edited by Kasey on Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
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