Hope you folks enjoy. Not sure if it completely fills the challenge, but this is what my muse came up with. I do recommend listening to the song, it does fit the emotional background of Max here. Liz as well.
Title- Monster
Author- PML
Disclaimer- Roswell is not mine. It is owned by Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, and Fox. This is for entertainment only and no infringement is intended.
Category- CC- ML
Rating- Mature
Summary- This is a response to Trulov’s challenge on the AU with Aliens board. Story must revolve around the song "Monster you Made Me" by Pop Evil http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G17bq3haGc. I naturally asked if she would mind if I CC’d it, with the usual twists I do to CC. It is set in season 2 and set during the Episode It’s too Late and It’s too Bad, starting right after Max has basically crushed all of Isabel’s hopes of leaving Roswell. The departure point from canon is slightly before that, as you will see in the story.
Hope you folks enjoy.
Max
I am a monster.
Once there was some doubt. Some hope that I was at the core the same as everyone else. But as fate would have it, that is not so.
Fucking Destiny.
I hate it. I hate all that it has brought into my life. All the problems it has caused with the life I would have liked to have lived. One that is so close to being impossible at this point I can almost ignore the pain.
Almost.
I stare at my lovely sister who came to love her Alex too late. Always it is too late for her. In this life and her last tragedy has dogged her heels. And her response is so often to flee.
This never ends well. Last time it got us all killed.
I simply can’t let her get out of my sphere of influence like I did on Antar. I can’t let another Khivar happen.
I know my sister often comes across as a haughty icy bitch, but in reality she loves much too deeply. Never sees the downside to her lovers and willing to help them in any way she can.
I understand this perfectly.
Why you ask?
Because I am the same. Damn it.
How did a bunch of emotional losers become the rulers of a planet anyway?
Oh, yeah. Monarchy. God save the King.
Sigh.
Have I ever mentioned that I am a closet Republican and would love to end the Monarchy on a moment’s notice if there was any hope the government would be one iota better than the one we have? No? Trust me it only gets worse.
Look at the damn fools now, fifty years plus of internecine conflict since I have been gone. I would blame it all on Khivar, but I know my people. He was a symptom, one that Vilandra had let get too close. And that time I let her. I let her have her way.
Because I loved her.
Would it have hurt as much last time? I don’t know. But I am trying so hard to learn from my mistakes this time. Trying to preserve my resources. She will calm down eventually and we will rebuild the bridge that covers the chasm between us.
I sense Liz long before I see her. Our Bond has not grown one Iota weaker over the past year. If anything I can feel the damn level of her love for me increase by the day. Like she threw me away as an act of sacrifice. And as I personally found out, that only makes the obsession grow.
Because you know what you have given up and you never forget it. The intensity of the wound never goes away, it just worries at you.
I watch her from the shadows, watching her changed poise. She is still just as small, but there is a wildness about her now. A sense of ruthless intensity that her classmates sense but don’t fully recognize. But where once she had to force her way through the crowd, they part for her now. They don’t want to get involved with her and subtly turn away.
For just a moment her gaze sweeps across me and I can feel the intensity myself. She has changed so very much form the sweet girl I once wistfully followed. I can only sigh in sorrow as I see how much the monster inside me has affected her.
Only fair I suppose.
She has marked me in her own way. I would not be who and what I am without her. I would hate her if I could.
I would.
But I simply love her too damn much. That much has never changed. And it has broken me.
I wish I knew how I have broken Liz. How we have gotten to this horrible point.
And I pray I don’t have to take sterner methods with her. Isabel hates me now, but she will get over it. But my relationship with Liz is much more tenuous at this point. I could lose her forever.
I contemplate what I had learned from Tess. Tess had made a major critical error.
Oh, killing Alex was only part of it. That was a mistake that was set up by her coconspiritors. When I catch Nicholas I will fry him. Lonnie and Rath won’t get off much easier. But I suppose if they swear to me I could use some extra firepower.
But Nicholas is dead. I just need to catch him.
I give Liz one last look before I leave. I should check on Tess again. See if she has recovered from the mindrape I had been forced to use on her.
Perhaps it is better for Liz if she isn’t around me. I am after all a monster.
But I don’t do things at random. Tess had betrayed us. Had even planned on betraying her conspirators. Tricky bitch.
I massage my aching head at the stop light. The afternoon sun is so very bright.
Almost summer. Only this time I won’t be saved by Maria. She is much too much a wreck. Tess is a traitor. And Liz.
Liz is my only help of salvation.
And let’s be honest. I probably am hers.
Look at her current crusade mentality. What will she do if she actually does find out the truth? That Tess had been trying to fix him when she overloaded his brain?
Or wills she follow the crumbs that are being placed for her to find. So that we can ‘recover’ the translation of the Destiny Book. So that we can follow Nicholas’s plan and go back to Antar.
They even have a scapegoat. Poor Jennifer Coleman. If they pushed us enough, between the need to leave and the need to keep our friends safe….
We could have easily killed her if we had followed the crumbs. And our friends would have been safe in the long run so it would even had seemed like we had gotten the killer.
So close. And it should have worked. But Tess screwed up big time.
I exit the Jeep and walk into the Valenti’s.
A tearful Kyle still only half dressed from this morning’s disaster greets me. “So is it my turn now? Am I do for the vegetable treatment?”
“No change? She is still sleeping?” I walk into Tess’s bedroom.
Tess is still wearing the outfit she had planned for our before school breakfast. Before she offered an early chance to work on my alien memories.
Pity for her she was successful.
I look down on the woman who had in a previous life been my love. Tiny bits of it are still there. I still care for her. But not like Liz. Liz is a fire that consumes me.
I use my powers to check on her progress. She will indeed wake up at some point. And the compulsions I put in her mind will activate once she does. It is one of the reasons I need Kyle here.
Because she loves Kyle. Oh, it’s not yet a deathless passion. More of an interest mixed in with a growing attraction. But Kyle loves her more. And with her powers she can sense it. Sense it and desire those feelings soaring through her.
It made the part of her plan to cover his passion for her with a sense of sibling protectiveness so very hard for her.
It hadn’t stopped her, the woman still had dreams of Antar in her. Dreams of glory and power.
Those dreams are over. When she wakes she will be a new person. One with new constraints and new needs. That old Tess is mostly dead.
And I killed her this morning.
See I told you. I am indeed a monster.
But I am doing this all for a reason. We are not all going to die like last time. This time we will live full lives. Or long ones anyway. I am done losing people.
Even if they all hate me.
Kyle asks softly, “Is she going to be okay?”
I glance at the man who by irony has been my rival. I calmly reply, “Kyle when she wakes up she will be better than she ever has been before. She will have a few things to discuss with you. So please, if you truly care for her, stay at home and take care of her.”
Kyle nods tersely.
I get up and leave. I still have a lot to do today. I haven’t yet decided if I am going to tackle the whole Michael and Maria debacle yet today or tomorrow. I might be lucky and Michael will actually be there for his girlfriend. But I know my friend. It isn’t that he wants to hurt her; the poor fool simply had not been raised right.
His help more than mine will be needed if we are to keep her stable.
No. I need to relax. Get myself back into the zone and ready for tomorrow. Or maybe if I am feeling masochistic I will visit the Crashdown and check up on Liz.
She is still the center of my world.
I am such a fool.
I certainly do not expect to see her waiting on a fence post on the outskirts of town. This is the farthest point the local bus will take you. So I can understand how she got here.
I just don’t know why. I know she doesn’t want me to annoy her. So I just make sure she doesn’t see me as I pull up.
She is simply so beautiful. I long to run my hands through her her hair. To smell her perfume, taste her lips one more time, feel as her heart begins to race in our embrace. I want it so badly.
And I could simply take it. I could and make it so she never knew. Or more to the point I could make it so she wanted it. Make it so she loved me so simply that I could do whatever I wished to her.
It would be so very easy. I am the King after all. And by the foolish actions of a traitorous follower I have come into the fullness of my powers.
I could take Liz. But it would not make me any better. It would not cure me of my despair. Relieve me of any burden that I carry.
It would only make things worse. It would cement the fact that I am truly monstrous. That Pierce had been right in trying to stop me.
And more than almost anything I fear, I fear that. Only Liz’s death would hurt me worse I think.
A cab pulls up and Liz begins to put her luggage in it. This is not an acceptable scenario.
I leave the Jeep and walk up to Liz. “What do you think you are doing?”
“What needs to be done Max. Alex’s killer won’t find himself.”
If only she knew! “So you are just going to drive off to follow some random lead?” I hope it’s not one of the bread crumbs Nicholas and the others have prepared. That would make things tricky. Particularly if they realize I have turned Tess.
This could get dangerous for Liz very quickly. I scan the driver of the cab. Good. Not a Skin. Addressing the cab driver, “I am sorry, but the lady will be coming with me. Here is a hundred dollars for your trouble. Will you mind putting the luggage in the Jeep for me.”
The cab driver’s eyes are glazed as he takes the hundred and begins to put the luggage in the Jeep.
Liz’s jaw drops. “What do you think you are doing Max! I am not coming with you.”
I can only sigh. “Yes you will. Your investigation is officially closed.”
Liz glares at me and struggles to remove her luggage from the Jeep. “I don’t know what delusions you are currently under, but while you can give orders to Isabel, you are not MY king. And I won’t stop until I know who killed Alex.”
“Will you come with me if I tell you who the killer is?”
“And you promise they will be brought to justice!”
I can see she doesn’t trust me. Probably thinks I have some trick up my sleeve.
Well that is only fair. I do.
So I shut my eyes for a moment and concentrate on the Bond we share. And I connect us. I can feel her shake slightly as she senses it. I open my eyes and face her, “You will do what I tell you Liz. I don’t want to command you like this. But I fear this is the only way we will ever get this done and done right.”
So the cab driver leaves and Liz gets into the Jeep stiffly. I can feel her resist me with all her being. I am proud at how strong she is. But then she has always been strong as long as it did not affect her emotionally.
Sadly she’s as much a basket case as I am in this regard. She runs and I bury it. Neither option really works. Maybe we could grow past our childish insecurities if we worked together.
Or at least learn to cope better.
Liz glares at me. “Where are you taking me?”
“We need to talk.”
“We were talking before you abducted me. And I don’t know what you have done to me, but I want you to stop it. I want you to let me out and just get the hell away from me. I hate you Max Evans! You are a fucking monster and I want nothing to do with you or your alien crew.”
She is crying. And she means it I am sure. Sort of. Because I can still feel that ridiculous pull from her.
I quietly say, “I am what you made me into Liz. Are you happy?”
Liz sputters for a few moments as she thinks of what to say. I take the opportunity to drive us to a diner I know on the outskirts of town. I am hungry and I can feel from my Bond to Liz that she hasn’t had a proper meal in much too long.
Burning herself out. But why? I need to know.
Liz still hasn’t come up with a statement while we have been driving. She is simply focused straight ahead. Assessing her options probably. She can be quite resourceful.
It’s one of the many things I love about her.
I order a large amount of food. As I said I am hungry and while Liz might not like this grease laden stuff, it’s better than nothing. She needs to eat.
I find a table far enough that we can have a personal conversation. “So go ahead and eat.”
“Why Max. Why did you stop me?”
“Do you want the truth? It is the same reason I do most things. Because I love you.” I put a bit of Tabasco sauce on one of the burgers. “Go ahead and eat. I will command you to do it if you force me.”
Liz nods thoughtfully, “Did Tess teach you this?”
“By accident I think. So, we will eat and then I have some questions for you as I am sure you do for me.”
Liz shook her head, “All I want to know is who killed Alex.”
I shake a finger at her while eating a couple of fries. When I am finished I say, “I give you some information, you give me some of yours. Totally honest and open.”
Liz takes a bite of a hamburger and tilts her head back to think. She nods slowly.
She probably still thinks she can lie to me. That I won’t force her to be honest.
She is wrong.
So we eat in silence. Neither of us really willing to talk to the other. But I know that I feel better with her sitting there across from me.
Despite our different origins we are made for each other. Of course so is matter and anti-matter. There is nothing saying we won’t destroy each other. But the connection and mutual attraction are there.
And always will be.
So I tell her who killed Alex. Her reaction is about what I expect.
I watch as her face leeches of all color. As she begins to shake in a mix of guilt and anger. “TESS! It was Tess?” Then she bursts into angry tears. “You will make sure she faces justice, right? You will avenge Alex, right?”
“I have already dealt with Tess. If you wish after we are done, together we can crush the conspiracy that was involved with his death. Or we can go our separate ways. It is your choice.”
“I want to help bring them to justice! I want….”
“Revenge, Liz. That is what you want. And I can’t promise that to you. I will do what I must for the betterment of all of my people.” He waved his hands slightly, “Which may someday include all of Antar, but today merely my friends and family.” I smile at her and say, “Now it is your turn. Why have you continued the charade that you and Kyle slept with each other. Why do you keep pushing me away? I need to know if I am to ever move on.”
Liz opened her mouth and then closed it. She stared at him defiantly.
So he reluctantly commanded her to tell him everything.
And she did.
--
Liz POV
I can’t stop from shaking. This whole incident has shaken me to the core.
Part of it is the new Max. He frightens me. And yet his closeness makes me feel safe.
I am totally confused at the moment as my world has changed entirely around me. I want him. Badly.
Maybe future Max had not been too far off with the October date of their first time.
But the dynamics are all wrong. They didn’t really know each other anymore.
Hah! They had been in a deep level Connection ferreting out all the secrets they had kept from each other. No, that wasn’t it.
And yet…. It oddly was. I know Max in a way I know no one else. I knew the depths of his soul and all the travails he had. I can feel the part that was Zan course through him, alive and awake now.
And yet he is still just Max. Still the man I love.
The Jeep pulls up to the Crashdown. I can feel his eyes on me. I know that he can sense my tension. Probably believes I am afraid of him.
Which is true. He is so very powerful now. And that frightens me.
I look over at him and once more allow myself to stare into those beautiful brown eyes. And I can see him there, staring back at me. But now I can see past the wall of calm he had presented for so long. I can see the chaos and anger lurking there. The despair and angst.
He’s not hiding from me right now.
And I can sense that he can see me too. That the shutters I had built to hide behind are gone, at least for now.
Max says quietly, “So here we are. Where we go from here, depends on you. Can you forgive me?”
Liz says quietly, “Can you forgive me?”
Max nods slowly, “It will take time, but yes. You have hurt me, more perhaps than you know. Made me vulnerable to my enemies.” Max closed his eyes, “But I can’t let you go. Not because of a mistake like that.”
“I can’t let go either.”
“I know. That is what made it all so hard. I could always feel it. But if you wish I could take it away from you. I could leave your life and make it normal. I know there are days when I would kill for the opportunity.” Max looks away.
I shake my head and grasp Max’s hand, “No. Part of me would always be looking for you. I would never be satisfied, not if you simply papered over my love for you.”
Max looks over and smiles softly at her, “That is merely one of your options. I don’t particularly care for that one either.”
I am loath to ask, but I have to know. “Why Max. Why did you share today with me? Why just today?”
Max nodded, “Because it had the answers you needed. You could see what I have become. What I have done today…. It needed to be done. But I am not proud of it. Isabel will hate me for a while and Tess… well Tess will be different now.”
I have to look away. I had pushed Max so hard at Tess for so long. Had placed my hopes on her being the savior of the world. And yet Alex is dead. And Tess and Max will never have a relationship like Future Max asked.
She had failed.
So why did she feel happy about that fact?
Liz sighed and said, “I simply don’t know Max. Our relationship is so messed up. There are so many things we have done to hurt the other.”
“But can you forgive me, Liz? I need to know. Because….” He gave a long sigh, “I can see my future in front of me. I can see myself doing things that need to be done, or things I believe need to be done. But I am a monster Liz. I need someone willing and able to stand up to me.”
“Max…. You aren’t a monster. You are who you are. And I think I can forgive you. In time. But, more than that….”
Max gave her a quick kiss and smiled, “That is all I ask.”
I got out of the Jeep and watched as Max left. I had a lot to think about.
So many options.
Hmm, maybe if I drew a pie chart or made some plans…. The future was going to be interesting. Better to be prepared.
Who knew, maybe even love.
Monster (CC ML/ Teen) 1/1 - 01/14/2012
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