The Mourning Compact (CC/ML, Adult) 1/1 - 04/04/10

[PML]

Title- The Mourning Compact

Disclaimer- Roswell is not mine and no infringement is intended.

Category- CC-M/L

Rating- Adult

Summary- This is a companion piece to A Kiss to Build a Dream On. It takes place not long after Kyle reaches the Evan’s apartment to confront Tess. (Chapter 20) That is the Thursday before Christmas. The man who would have died is now safe, at this point his fate is safe. Theses stories take their place.

Naturally it would be much easier to read if you have already read Kiss up to that point. But I will strive to make it accessible on its own.

Also this one directly follows A Forlorn Hope I highly suggest that you read that before this, as the events inside this story are entirely contingent upon it.

Hope you enjoy.

Liz-

Liz opened her eyes. There was the sound of male snoring, and the feel of another body all along her back. One muscled arm arcing over her body cupped one of her breasts, holding her close to him.

And there was a sense of the man behind her, a feeling of connection.

Max.

For a moment she was confused. And the memories began to come streaming back.
-------

The whole nightmare with Kyle. Her despair at realizing that the tiny dash of hope that she had been carrying with her is gone.

Because she hadn’t actually slept with Kyle. And the hope, the sneaky desire that another way to keep Tess in Roswell would be found, so that she could beg forgiveness. So that she could still have Max in the end.

That tiny sliver had kept her running, had kept her sane. Once it was gone she had felt as she had fallen apart. The realization that she had passes the event horizon and there was no going back.

She had destroyed herself. And it had felt so good. That had just made it so much worse. They had kept going. And the sex had been good.

Liz had hated herself for that. The pain and soreness had been okay, had been more than what she had deserved. But the pleasure….. The feeling of coming apart underneath him, realizing how wrong the whole situation was, realizing how mush this was going to cost each other…..

No she hadn’t expected the pleasure.

And then after. Talking with Kyle. Thinking about it all as Kyle had taken his shower…..

She could be content with Kyle. Not happy perhaps. But Future Max had been right, Kyle was becoming a great guy.

But not one that loved her. She had known that. It had still hurt. But she had known that.

He loved Kyle. And the wisdom, the beginnings of wisdom that she could see that had made the new Kyle into such a better man, had let him see the truth. That someday, someday if she could never reconnect with Max. Or he with Tess. Then maybe, maybe they could start again.

And he had been right. But she had not seen any possibility that Max could forgive her. Not now. Perhaps he could have forgiven the lies, but this? This betrayal? Never.

She was doomed. After Kyle left she had started to fall apart. It had begun then. The web work of green lines had started on her palms.

She had gone into the shower then. Hoping to scrub them away. But they only spread, covering her from head to toe. And it hurt. It hurt everywhere.

She tried to calm herself, because the calmer she felt, the more the lines retreated. But she hurt too much. The fact that Tess would get to have both Kyle and Max. The fact that it was all her fault.

She hated herself. Hated what she had become. And with each wave of emotion she could feel storms of green ravage her body, making her body feel the pain that wracked her soul.

A half hour later she had been spent. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. She had changed her sheets, but had been unwilling to dress.

She still felt to unclean. Was afraid to contaminate her clothes. She knew that would change at some point, that she would have to put on something to sleep. But for now, she remained in her bathrobe.

Her father knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Her voice was flat. No longer broken up, no longer stressed. She was beyond that. It had all burned away. All that was left was ashes.

Her father looked happy and walked in. “Have a nice shower, honey?”

Liz nodded.

Her father gave her peck on the forehead, “Well, since your mom isn’t going to be back until tomorrow, I thought I would have a quick game or two with my friends. Are you going to be all right here by yourself?”

“Poker?”

Her dad nodded, a bit of mischief in his eyes. “You won’t tell mom will you?”

“That you are going to be out late carousing with your friends? No, your secrets safe with me. But…..”

He chuckled, “But I owe you one.”

Liz forced herself to smile. Even now, even now that she was just a shell of herself, she still felt herself fall into the role of who she had been. Because, Liz Parker was really dead. Still breathing perhaps, but dead in all the ways that mattered.

Liz wasn’t sure who or what she was now, but it certainly wasn’t who she had been.

Her dad left, telling her to sleep tight.

She sat there for a short while and made her decision. She crept into her parents room. She found her father’s pistol.

She was shaking as she stared at it. Once more her body began to prick and spark. She remembered again that spear of solid fire that had roared into her chest last September, when her whole world had changed.

Maybe it would have been for the best if it had found its way to her heart. If it had just instantly killed her. If she had died before Max could save her.

Maybe she could fix that mistake. She picked up the gun, little flecks of green running along from her hands and encompassing it. And she could feel it. Feel the metal, feel all the tiny bits that made it. In a flash she understood exactly how it worked, how the mechanisms interlocked.

She held it to her forehead.

And she couldn’t do it. It was more than she couldn’t pull the trigger. Because if she stood her long enough, she knew that she could do it. If anything this whole adventure had taught her, it was that she was capable of much more ruthlessness than she had ever believed.

No. There was a part of her that wanted to live. That considered this whole thing melodramatic in the extreme.

And that part had disabled the bullet in the chamber. It was now a dud.

No. She would have to live with this. Live with this whole nightmare for the rest of her life. Because deep inside she wanted to live. To have a life. And if it came about that neither Kyle nor Max would have her, she knew that she would find someone else.

She shuddered slightly in the memory of that brief ecstasy. No she would have that again. It would never be as good, never be with Max. But it would happen.

She looked at the gun for a moment longer, the green filaments now barely visible. But they were still there. They were a part of the new her. Of who and what she was.

Ava had said that Max had changed her. That she was different. It was time to stop running from that. From what she now was. Still it hurt. It all hurt so very badly.

She removed the dud bullet and kept it, putting the gun back. She wouldn’t need it. Not now. But the bullet, it would remind her. Remind her that even in despair she still had the desire to live.

But the pain? How could she dull it? At least for the moment?

She would have to face it all too soon, but just for now. Surely there was a way.

She walked into the kitchen, rolling the dead bullet in her hand. And she saw the perfect thing. She’d never been into drinking herself, but she knew others. Kyle for one used to get plastered all the time.

She opened the bottle of whisky and took a sip. She coughed up a bit and kept coughing. It tasted awful.

This was going to be harder than she thought. But maybe, maybe it would give her a moments solace. Plus there was a hint of warmth in her stomach now.

She took another deep sip. And walked back into her room. Her dad would be less than happy about this. But he did owe her one.

If she did this right she wouldn’t even have to face school tomorrow. Dad would call out for her.

Yeah. That discussion wasn’t going to be fun.

She took another sip. And another. It wasn’t too bad after drinking a little more.

And then she entered her room. Images flooded her mind. All the memories. Of lying to Max, of pretending to sleep with Kyle, of actually really sleeping with him.

And she went berserk. The now nearly invisible tendrils moved from her and threw the bed across the room. They latched on various parts and rushed around destroying everything that hurt her. Blast after blast lashed her room as naked rage contorted her face.

She blinked a couple of minutes and looked at her room. She took another heavy slug of the whisky and moved outside and drank.

The pain didn’t really go away. But at some point sleep came.

-------

And so did Max.

Seeing him hurt her so badly. But she couldn’t hide the tiny thrill as he admired her body.

She wanted him. Still even now. Even knowing that she could never have him to keep. If he asked, even if he just used her for a cheap thrill.

She was ready. She let her robe fall open, let him see all of her.

And saw the need. Saw the desire.

And the pain. Always the pain. But this felt different.

Her sodden brain struggled but realized as he gazed at the devastation of her room. The pain in his eyes was different. Because he wasn’t thinking of his pain, but hers.

And just like that the love, the need for him to not hurt assailed her. Because she could feel it. She could feel all the pain he had caused her. Could see how much damage she had caused him.

From leaving him at the Pod Chamber…. He had needed her that summer. Liz realized that she owed Maria a world of thanks for Max not collapsing that summer. But even after Liz had run. Running as hard from herself as from him.

Because they never discussed it. They just pursued and ran . And longed for each other as if their feelings would carry their lack of communication. As if the bond that they had shared would be enough. Both unable to make the first step that would let them mend the wound or break them apart forever.

Enter Future Max, and the horrible, hideous lies she had told. She had not realized how deeply she had wounded him. And in ways she had not even foreseen.. Because their Bond had still been there. Shuttered perhaps, but very present.

And he had felt the truth. Felt that she was lying. She would have done less damage to him if she had actually slept with Kyle, she realized. Because then it would not have distorted his belief in himself, his belief in his ability to read people or situations. It made him ever more unsure of who and what he was, right at a time when he needed the surety the most.

She had broken him as surely as she had broken herself.

And in his eyes, in his eyes she could see only remorse for what had happened to her.

She struggled to tell him, to tell him how she felt. To tell him that she loved him.

But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t.

So she told him all that she could. And prayed that amongst the ruins of Liz Parker he could read that even now she loved him,

And when they both shared each others thoughts and memories, it nearly broke both of them. To see, really see what they had done to each other. There were no guesses, no maybes. They knew the truth.

They had destroyed each other.

Max looked at her in severe pain, needing oblivion, temporary oblivion as much as she.

And he drank.

-----

Alcohol did not affect the hybrids like it did humans. At least not low level quantities. Max was immediately inebriate by just the single swig.

She could feel him could feel his thoughts. He reached out to heal her. To heal her wounds in her spirit.

He touched her temples again. And her mind changed. Became like his.

The pain was still there. But it was unimportant. The only thing important was each other.

She wrapped herself around him and kissed him as hard as she could. And he returned it. He carried her into her room and was about to set her on her bed when….

Destroyed. Completely destroyed.

Both of them just stared, she wrapped around him and tugging at the buttons of his jeans.

So they cleaned up her room. It would have taken a lot of time but both of them used powers to fix it. Max showed her how to do things, literally feeding her the memories of how he did it.

She was a fast learner.

Not long after both of them stared at the now mostly repaired room. And the bed.

The bed where Max had seen Kyle sleep with her. And the bed where Liz had lost her virginity hours before.

Not an option.

Nor was Max’s room. Too great a chance to get caught.

They needed a place, one that was significant to them. One that had happy memories.

So they went back outside to the now snow covered chaise lounge and made out. In between semi drunken kisses one or the other would come up with ideas.

Sex WAS going to happen. That was not in doubt. Where was.

Max refused to sleep with her on the pool table at Senor Chows. (She logged that away for another time.)
The Crashdown was a no go area too. Liz refused to be deflowered, well okay it was too late for that. But she refused to have her first time with Max be downstairs.

Now some other day, after they had reclaimed her bedroom perhaps….

They could feel their need for each other increase and their need to find a place.

When Liz suggested the old Radio Tower, he told her she was a genius. And they prepared to leave.

Only they were both undressed at the point. Both were ragged with need, but determined that they would not have sex there.

Well not intercourse any way. So they relieved the other manually. Both used the bathroom to clean up and got dressed.

Their need was lessened at that point. Both were still agonizingly determined that sex between them would happen. But the needed a little time to build themselves up.

So Liz raided first the refrigerator and then the pantry. And took food enough for a small army. In her mind Max was going to make love to her until her problems went away.

Which sounded good to Max. So both of them packed some extra clothes for Liz. Hard to say how long they would be gone after all.

And they drove out to the radio tower and the fun truly began.

--------

Liz opened the top of the structure that Max had built for them. She looked around with wonder at the still sparkling ice sculptures that both of them had made.

Had it all been a dream? Had it been like her Valentines Day? A sweet interlude that lead no where. Only.

She was standing naked in a snow covered field. And she wasn’t cold. She was manipulating the air around her body. And she knew it.

She reached out of the tent and took a hand full of snow. She looked at it and she could feel those tendrils reach out from her to the ice. And she Shaped it.

A moment later she stared at a white rose.

She, Liz Parker, smallest of small town girls had alien powers. Max had changed her. There was no hiding it.

She looked up at the now crystal clear sky, at the brilliant stars above. Stars from which her husband had come. And knew she had to make a choice. The choice she had been avoiding the whole time with Max this whole year.

Somehow she had gotten it into her head that it was possible for her to separate Max the person from Max the hybrid. But that was impossible. And if she truly wanted to be with him, she would have to accept that he was a seamless whole. That he was both.

She had understood that he had a place elsewhere. That what he was had a claim on him. And when they found out how ridiculously important he was, she had known she was not his equal. And she had run. Had run when he had desperately had needed her. Well now she had a new chance.

She could choose now where she stood. No longer could she say that she was totally unfit for him. In fact this thing she felt, it had been there for a time. It had been weak, but she had been denying it to herself. How many things would she be able to look back and truly say was not normal.

That she hadn’t been normal for some time. And that she never would be again.

But she could pretend. She could go back to her life. Could force him to be what she wanted him to be. What he in many ways wished he was.

But Max Evans had never been normal. His destiny had always lurked out there waiting for him. And Liz knew that at some level it would slowly kill him to not at least try to help his people. To somehow provide for the people he once lead.

Did she want to be part of that? Or did she want to just try to pretend to be who she had been. To be the perfect Liz Parker.

She looked back into the darkened tent and with a slight ball of light at her finger tips looked at Max. He was beautiful. But was it enough to give up her dreams?

He would have to give up his as well. But his dreams had always been seen as never happening. Hers had been fairly solid. It would cost her more.

But it would be worth it.

Not that she would be Queen. She didn’t know if that would actually happen. It could be that he would be forced to accept Tess as his Queen for political reasons. But Liz would be there. Max’s children would be solely from her body.

And Tess would have to content herself with Kyle, because Max would never have another.

Nor would she. She was Bonded to Max now. As she should have been so very long ago. It should have been here. She could feel it.

Before Tess had even arrived. But something had stopped them. Something had always been working against them.

And it wasn’t fate. Their destinies were their own.

No something was deliberately working against them. Something or someone.

Working against them. She blinked. She had chosen. It had been that simple. She could no longer hold herself back. It all involved her. As she had thought it had all along.

Ava’s comments on the King recovering his fallen bride. Yes. It had said nothing about the old queen.

Well she wasn’t about to let her life be dictated to her by some ancient prophecy. She would live her life. But she would not hold herself back now. And she would accept that Max was what he was. He couldn’t be just human. Couldn’t be just normal.

He wasn’t normal. Well, neither was she anymore. And that was fine.

She spent a few minutes reviewing her memories. Something seemed off. Wrong.

Altered.

She shook her head and closed the tent flap and straddled Max. Because there was another thing that needed to be done.

It was ironic really, that this would be the day that she slept with Kyle and then Max. She counted the days. Yes.

She would be at the height of her fertility right about now.

Both Max and Kyle had used a condom, so the chance was there but it was low.

There was one task every monarch had to face. One that Zan must not have succeeded at. To provide an heir.

She was willing. It would destroy her old dreams. But that was okay. That was the old Liz Parker. And she had died.

With one hand she caressed herself, not that she needed much to get ready for Max. Just thinking of him did most of the work.

The other hand caressed Max. How much stimulation did it take to wake him up? That was her current game.

Max swiftly woke up. “Liz?”

“We need to talk.”

Max sighed. “Yes. Where do we stand for one thing.” His eyes were watching as she moved the light across her body. His hands reached for hers. “Liz. We can’t do this again. Not now. I only brought one condom.”

“I know.” She moved one hand from his and stroked his stiffening dick. “Although you do seem to be rising to the occasion.”

“Well I guess a little play time is in order.”

Liz maintained her position and asked after a round of kisses and caresses. “Do you love me Max?”

He just stared up at her with those beautiful brown eyes. “Yes.”

“And we are going to work to make this work? Both of us? I mean we seriously screwed each other up last time.”

“I will if you will. You know that. It, it will be hard.”

“Yes it is.”

Max shook his head. “That was what I wanted to talk about before. Where do we stand? When we go back, do we go back to where we were? Or are we together? Or what exactly.”

“Together if you will have me. Although, God just seeing Kyle or Tess.”

Max’s jaw hardened when Kyle’s name came up, he looked away slightly at Tess’s. “We could run away.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“What!”

Liz placed her hands on his chest rubbing gently. She found his hands on her to be a little more distracting but she kept it up, with the occasional moan.

Max had picked up a trick. He used his healing gift to increase her stimulation. The effect left little trails of light behind.

She focused a little, the extra work was hard, considering the focus she needed to talk to him. Because she had a plan. And needed him to go along with it. But soon little trails of light followed her touch.

Liz continued, a little slower. “I think we should take the Winter Break to solidify us. To make us truly one.”

“Oh, yeah your father is going to accept that.”

“We’ll have Tess warp him. Your parents too. I am sure we can think of something.”

“Why would Tess help us?”

“Something’s wrong with Kyle. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it if we hadn’t….” Liz’s jaws snapped shut. “I sorry Max. I am sorry that I put us all through that.”

Max growled “I need to have talk with that guy.”

“I think he is the key to Tess. The key to keep her here and not leave.”

Max rubbed his forehead.

Liz pouted. She had liked where that hand had been trending.

Max smiled up at her and moved the hand back to her breast. “All I can think is that there was something strange about that whole Future Me debacle. I mean I don’t even remember doing that Mariachi thing.”

“That is why we need the time away Max. Something is trying to keep us apart. Something that keeps getting in the way.”

“So how long do we need? Would Winter Break really be long enough, Liz?”

“Yes, because I plan on binding us together forever. But I need to know that you will stay with me. That I can trust you forever.”

“Liz, I love you. We have seen each others souls. I would marry you, but we need to wait until we’re at least eighteen.”

“I know. But there is another way.” She needed to be fast. His dick had been hard for a while. And she had been ready. But Max might get all noble on her. Because this plan would cost them. It would cost her more, but she was willing to pay the price.

So she lifted herself up and with one and slid him in her. She then contentedly let her muscles accustom themselves as he sank deeper into her.

He just lay there stunned as she slowly lowered himself back onto his legs. In between a moan he said, “Liz. We don’t have protection. This isn’t safe.”

Liz’s smile was seraphic. There was nothing between them now. All she felt was just him. She rocked experimentally.

And moaned. It felt so good. He felt so good inside of her. She opened her eyes and looked down on his worried face.

He could have moved her, but he trusted her. And hopefully he would trust her plan. She shifted slightly on his lap. Each movement brought another sigh. Why couldn’t they just live like this forever?

She slowly rocked against him. It was hard to focus on her plan. Hard to focus on anything but the delicious sensations.

“A child, Max. An heir. An unbreakable tie.” And she moved against him.

“Liz? But now? We should wait.” He tried half heartedly to slow her, to stop her movements.

But the pleasure, she could feel both sides now. He didn’t really want her to stop. Not really. But he was worried. She could feel that too.

Too slow. They were going too slow. So she sped up the pace. Talking was no longer and option. Serious discussion anyway. Cries of “Yes” and the occasional cuss word to not deep philosophy make.

So it was later, when they were sated. Long after his warm seed had spilled into her. That they were able to continue their conversation. They lay facing each other.

“Liz, why? Why would you risk it?”

“I’m not risking it. I want it.”

“But college, your dreams……”

She touched his cheek. “An heir and a spare. That was what our history teacher said. The first law of a monarchy. Protect the succession. That is what you four were about I think. Protecting its future. And I want you more than anything. If I wait, they will try to separate us. But, if I do my duty, do our duty…. They should leave us alone.”

“Liz?”

“This is why we need to run. So that I can make sure. I am at my most fertile right now. We have several days, lets say this whole week just to be safe, to play with. And then the chances fall and we have to wait another month. Give them another chance to push us apart.”

Max just stared at her.

Liz began to cry, “And Max, I have lived that life. Lived it in my heart, what life would be like without you. I would rather suffer now than suffer forever.”

She could tell by his expression that she knew she was right. They might still have to fight after she was pregnant. But then if asked, if pushed, he could say that he was doing his duty.

That he had accepted his Destiny. He just had a different plan for how it would work.

And the price for this would be high. She would be a pregnant in high school That would entail major challenges for her. For them.

But she knew that if they had this time, if they made this decision…. It would happen. It would be very hard. Very hard.

But she could feel that the alternative would be worse. A lifetime apart.

Explaining this to her parents was going to be hell though. And she had thought drinking or wrecking her room was going to cause problems.

“Okay.” He said softly. He held her close.

She held him back. “We just need to go back. Get you some more clothes.”

“I’ll need to talk to Isabel. She should at least know.”

Liz nodded against his shoulder. “And Maria. We need to help Maria before we go. Surely she’s awake by now.”

“Yes. Liz… Together with you by my side I think I could do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yes.”

“So, are you ready for another try?”

“Another try?”

“You know, the more we have sex. Each time you ejaculate releases all those extra sperm. Its has to increase the odds.” She nibbled at his ear.

“Just give me a minute, okay? Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sore?”

“Nah, you will just heal me again.”

Max chuckled and flipped her onto her back. She smiled up at him.

She was Liz Parker, and she was happy.