A Forlorn Hope (CC/ML - Mature) 1/1 - 04/01/10

[PML]

Title- A Forlorn Hope-

Disclaimer- Roswell is not mine and no infringement is intended.

Category- CC-M/L

Rating- Mature

Summary- This is a companion piece to A Kiss to Build a Dream On. It takes place not long after Kyle reaches the Evan’s apartment to confront Tess. (Chapter 20) That is the Thursday before Christmas. The man who would have died is now safe, at this point his fate is safe. Theses stories take their place.

Naturally it would be much easier to read if you have already read Kiss up to that point. But I will strive to make it accessible on its own. Just understand that Liz is in a very bad place, and Tess is influencing people in her immediate area unconsciously. Inducing emotional rollercoaster rides that will drive much of the rest of the story.

Hope you enjoy.

Max-

Max had spent the evening trying to forget Liz Parker. Basically doing what he had done for the last few months. Striving for the pointless activity of trying to divine what was going on in her head.

She was lying. He was still sure of it. She simply didn’t act like she had actually slept with Kyle. Isabel had actually dream walked her once on his persistent demands, and her words were ’Boring’.”

But why was she still pushing him away so hard. He had thought that they were on the way back to friendship at least.

He had given up ever having her tell him the truth. She would adamantly say that she had slept with Kyle no matter how unbelievable that whole scene was.

For the millionth time, the vision of the two of them in bed together. Liz’s soft laugh at some jest of Kyle’s. It was etched on his mind to the point that he no longer heard his music as it paraded through his mind.

So why did his love feel as strong. Why did he feel that she loved him the same or if anything more than she ever had? Why had that love been so strong that she had been able to reach all the way across the country to save him in New York.

He turned over. Why couldn’t he forget her? Why couldn’t he just move on? Maria had even offered to set up dates for him with some of her other girl friends.

She hadn’t really sounded serious about that. But she had offered.

The truth was he knew he could get a date any time with quite a few of the girls of West Roswell. Even some of Isabel’s snooty friends had hit on him.

But he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t. A pair of warm dark eyes would swim back into his mind. A soul and love he had thought so sure, so deeply his he had never thought it would depart. That Liz Parker would ever turn away from him.

He had to face it, she had. She had as soon as she learned of his Destiny, from the moment he had let Michael hold him back he had lost her.

From the moment he had said, ‘it was just the four of them.’ From the moment he had excluded her.

He cursed himself again. He hadn’t meant it. Not like that.

And she was gone. Gone that whole summer. And she had been different. Pushing away at him, trying to keep herself out of the whole mess.

But always there if she needed him. That was the problem. She was always there if he needed her. But she wouldn’t let him be there for her. Wouldn’t let him be a real part of her life. Pushing him to his Destiny, towards his past and past wife.

And he had tried. He had gone to New York to meet with the leaders of the planets his past self had ruled. But it had felt wrong. The whole episode felt wrong. Tess by his side, loyal to the end. But wrong.

Wrong to be without Isabel or Michael. To be without Liz. Because she had been there in his thoughts.

As he had been in hers. She had somehow reached inside of her, past the secret terror that seemed to fill her. He had talked to Isabel about the whole scene. Liz had not been happy or willing.

His love had been frightened, been terrified. Unsure that she could have any part in his world.

His powers frightened her. Not the part of him being alien, not even his alien enemies. She could wrap her mind around it. Could understand it and fit it to her rational world. But his powers…. They were magic. They worked by principals that she did not understand and was not sure she ever could.

Oh, it was not the same fear that Maria had. Liz was not directly afraid that one of the hybrids would misuse the powers that they had against her. That they would harm or kill her. No, it was some deep inset fear of being involved with them.

She wasn’t afraid of him having powers, she was afraid of the powers themselves. A contradiction if ever there was one. If anything that was growing in intensity.

Strange. He wished he could talk to her like he used to. But for some reason being around him seemed to pain her almost worse than it pained him.

Also strange.

He remembered how broken Liz had been at the hospital over Maria. How she thought it was her fault.

At least she had let him hold her for a little while. He had felt her melt into his arms for just a moment. For just a split second he could pretend that the last seven months had never happened. That they were still inseparable.

That the only destiny he had been sure of was her.

He sat up in his bed and turned off the music. He felt… jumpy for some reason.

Memories of the good times, the all to short good times with Liz, shuffled through his mind. Again and again the time he had spent with her that wonderful day when they had found the Communicator.

What would have happened if they had given in? If Liz hadn’t heard that beeping noise coming from near the tower?

And he knew. She would be his. He would have claimed her and she him. Forever.

Tess had not been a factor then. And the tiny gaps, the tiny loopholes she had infiltrated….. Yes, they stemmed from that day.

‘I should have made love to her then….’ Max thought. Visions of her flashed through his mind. Visions of her day dream in the shower. Memories of all the flashes, of all the personal memories…..

His heart was beating very fast. He needed her.

Did it matter that she claimed to have slept with Kyle? She didn’t act like it. They had never gone on another date, never done anything else. Just that one time.

A sham. It had all been a sham. Just another tactic to push him away.

But why? Why did she feel the need to put them both through such pain?

Max needed to know. He had to know. Right now, why she thought she could choose for him? Why she thought she knew better than he who he should spend his life with.

Max quickly dressed and grabbed his keys. He quietly walked toward the front door. It wasn’t too terribly late, but tomorrow was a school day. They would want to know what he was up to, and well, he just needed to see Liz.

Even if she yelled at him. Even if she tried to push him away. He just needed to be near her.

But that wasn’t going to happen. Not tonight. He could feel it. There was something in the air. Something magical.

He closed his eyes and let his memories of her wash over him again. The good memories.

He didn’t care. He didn’t care that she had slept with Kyle. That she had tried to shatter his heart. It was just one more ploy to push him away.

And she would tell him why. Tonight, this wonderful and magical night. He would know.

It was possible he could lose her forever. That he would learn something that would prove, even to him, that they truly could never be.

But he would know. He would connect with her, make her see him, allow her to see what she had done to him. And in turn he would know.

He walked to his Jeep.

The first flake of snow began to fall…..

---------

Max stared up at Liz’s balcony. There was a little light flickering up there, but the lights were all out.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Liz?” He called in a stage whisper.

There was no answer. She was probably asleep.

The manic energy that had filled him back at home had slowly faded. He still wanted to know, wanted to see her. But the desperate need had faded back to its usual constant clarion call.

He should go.

But something kept him there. If just for a moment. He did something he hadn’t tried since that horrible night in early November.

He opened himself up to her. To the bond that he had unintentionally formed between them between his healing of her and showing her that he was safe.

How he had always relished that feeling!

But after he had seen her with Kyle, after that horrible sense of betrayal….. He had shut it down. Even at the most desperate of times he had only allowed himself a tiny taste of solace. A tiny touch of her flame.

But he had driven here. In the snow.

Who could believe it was snowing this heavily in Roswell? It was already starting to stick on the streets. The whole town seemed strange and quiet as it was buried under a thin blanket of white.

He opened himself up. And felt a sudden surge of utter terror. For the emotions he felt boiling along that bond….. It was horrible. Self loathing of a degree he could never believe would come from someone so wonderful.

He did not hesitate as he climbed up the wall. He didn’t even use the fire escape. It would take too much time and make too much noise.

He needed to be up there now. She was dying inside from all the pain.

He hauled himself up the roof and stared.

Liz was laying on one of her chaise lounge chairs, bathrobe open enough for him to see a valley between her sweet breasts. On her lap was an open bottle of Whiskey.

It was half empty.

Her window was open. He was going to put her to bed. And tomorrow, well tomorrow he would have another chance.

He moved toward her and her eyes flicked open.

And something unexpected happened.

Everyone of her candles on her roof burst into flame. Not just tiny candle like tongues of flame but six to seven inch spears of flame.

Her right hand glowed fitfully as she pointed it at him.

“Oh, it’s just you.” Liz said, voice slightly slurred.

The candles subsided to their normal radiance. She lifted up the bottle and took a healthy swig. She looked blearily around. “Is it just me or is it snowing?”

“Liz, don’t you think you should be in your room? I mean aren’t you cold?”

Liz just shrugged.

Max was aware that the robe wasn’t actually tied together. It had just been pulled tight around her. Her shrug hadn’t completely opened it. But it let him see enough that he doubted she was wearing anything underneath it.

He could feel his body respond. He turned his head.

Liz laughed bitterly. “Yeah, you wouldn’t want me now anyway. Ruined. I am ruined.”

“Liz, please, don’t you think you would feel more comfortable in your own bed?”

Rage flashed across the bond, rage and despair and guilt. Her voice was thick with emotion, “I will never. I mean never sleep in that bed again. Not after tonight. Not after, not after what happened tonight.” She then laughed happily, “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“Liz…. Liz what is wrong?”

“I fucked Kyle tonight.”

The Christmas lights on her patio burst into brilliance before failing with a series of pops. Max just stared eyes wide open. What was going on.

He hadn’t done that.

Ava had claimed he had changed Liz. Exactly how MUCH had he changed her?

Liz continued on as if nothing had happened. “He didn’t want it. And I didn’t want it. But somehow we did it anyway. So there. Now you will never want me. And now you can go live with your wife and have cute little blonde babies.”

“Liz, I never wanted anyone but you. Never. Besides I don’t believe you.”

Liz looked up at him, took another swig of whiskey. “Believe it Max. It happened. It felt like rape, but it happened. Is it possible for two people to rape each other?”

“Kyle raped you?” Max didn’t like the jock. Never had probably never would. But, there were things he would never imagine him doing. Raping anyone, let alone Liz was chief among them.

Liz shook her head. “It just felt forced. I mean he really didn’t want it. He loves Tess apparently. More than he wants me. God that hurts. Its stupid but it hurts. Not only does that blonde bitch get you, she even gets to keep Kyle. Why can’t I ever have what I want?” Her voice was whiny near the end.

Max just shook his head. He walked over to Liz’s window to at least get a blanket for her. He moved the curtains aside and stopped.

The room was for lack of a better word, destroyed. The bed in particular had taken a beating. Even the headboard was cracked in several places. He felt a warmth at his back., pressing into him.

“Told you.”

“What happened here?” He was careful to look only at her eyes, even as he was dying to just glance down at least once.

Liz’s robe was open in the front. His turning around had moved it entirely off her left side.

He couldn’t help it. He looked. She looked radiant. His eyes flashed back up to her eyes.

She smirked at him bitterly. “Sorry, already taken. They guy who did the taking doesn’t want me. No one does. Not any more.”

Max said quietly. “I want you. I always have and I always will.” He closed his eyes. “It hurts. But I, I love you Liz. I always will. Why don’t you love yourself?”

Her eyes were challenging as she took another small sip. “Why don’t you use your hocus pocus and take a look?”

Max reached up and ruffled her hair. She looked at him with such pitying eyes.

And he saw it all. The whole dizzying whirlwind of this last year. Fifteen months. It had taken fifteen months to destroy the girl he loved.

The bond had gone both ways.

She had seen everything as well. She was now sobbing and holding him tightly. He could feel her breasts press into him, feel her warmth all along his body.

And his was reacting. It shouldn’t. Not now. Not with the girl he had let be destroyed because he loved her.

Besides she had been traumatized enough.

But he couldn’t leave her. He didn’t think he could ever leave her. Not now.

Their bond was wide open. And it was an abyss of pain and sorrow. Of guilt and missed opportunities.

Somehow he needed to dull the pain.

So he did the only thing he could think of. The only thing that Liz had thought of short of suicide.

He took a swig of the Whiskey.

And everything changed.