Title: Finding the Way Home
Author: bel_1983
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing a few characters.
M/L-
Finding the way Home
Someone once told me that life is what you make it...well if that’s the case then I’m totally screwed. So I prefer to say that life is what you make of it. How you deal with the hand you’ve been dealt. How you make do with what you’ve got. How you make something big out of something small.
In some ways I’ve been lucky, and in other ways not so much. I never asked for a lot of things that happened in my life...but when does anyone ever ask? I’ve tried to live my life by my standards, not by anyone else’s. But you always find yourself trying to please others. I tried to live my life doing right by myself...but i always ended up doing what was right by others.
I have this bad habit you see...a habit of putting other people first. Ok so it’s not that much of a bad thing, but when taken advantage of, when trust is placed in the wrong hands...your life can be totally turned upside down.
One bad decision...one momentary lapse in judgement, and **boom** you can lose everything. I even lost myself for a while there. I just never thought it could happen to me you know? Maybe I was too naive, too trusting, maybe I wasn’t ready for everything that was going to be thrown my way. Maybe in the eyes of the world I was growing up to fast. There are so many maybes...so many questions...so many things that I wonder if I had done things differently maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now.
Maybe if I hadn’t have left, maybe if I had listened to my heart. I guess I will never know. because now it’s too late. It’s too late to go back in time and make things different. There’s always consequences in going back anyway, I learned that a very long time ago. Maybe if I learned sooner to always trust my heart, things would not have turned out the way they did.
All I’ve ever wanted is to be able to stop dwelling on the maybes, on the what ifs. But you don’t always get what you want do you? I know that better then most people. I know that things don’t always turn out the way you plan, or the way you want them to. I know that life has so many twists and turns, corners and bends, that no one can possibly know what to expect. But you still try don’t you? You still try to predict the future, you still try to make things turn out a certain way.
But things don’t always turn out how you would like. Often things can take a turn for the worse, and then continue down hill from there, and one day you hope and you prey, that you will be bale to conquer that hill again, but you never know. And you never know if you don’t try. So maybe you’re just setting yourself up for a fall over again. Like I said you never know if you don’t try.
So I’m giving it one last go. I’m trying to conquer the hill that so many times before has left me flat on my ass. And to do that I need to go back to the place where it all began.
A place that for me, holds all my dreams, and at the same time all my nightmares. My life started there, and ended there. This place succeeded in conquering me, and I haven’t been back there since. Instead I have just been existing. Moving between towns...searching. Searching for something that I don’t even know if it exists. Searching for hope, searching for a sign, searching for myself.
I always intended on coming back. I just didn’t think it would take me so long. I was consumed. With what...to this day i still don’t know. I left without a word, disappeared with a trace. They always thought I would come back, they believed it, and I gave them no reason not to. I told them I would come back, but a long time has passed since then. A lot of inner battles have been fought, and a lot of dreams have been lost along the way. Not just my dreams I’m sure.
But everyone’s. The world is a different place for me now. It no longer consumes every part of my being. The pain no longer eats away at my heart. And I see the world for what it is. A place to live, a place to be free, just a place to be.
For so long I have been a nomad. I left my home, i left my family, and I left my friends. Was that selfish of me? I still don’t know the answer to that. You’d think that after so much time, I would. I have been existing, barely living. And now that i have found what I was looking for, for so long I can go back. I can go back home. Go back to my wife, go back to my sister, go back to my friends and my parents.
I’ve lost count of the days. I’ve lost count of the months. Since I’ve been away, I’ve just lost count. I don’t even remember my age, I barely remember myself. But i had to leave. Otherwise it would have consumed me there, and it would have consumed her as well. And if that happened we might not have survived. So i left. I always had the intention to come back. It was my home after all. I used to check in, every once in a while, when i could anyway. And I know she was hurting...they all were. None of them understood. They will soon.
Or maybe it’s me that didn’t understand. It was always so black and white, so clear cut. Listen to your heart, and it will not steer you wrong. I’m afraid it may have steered me wrong. I could say that...if id’ listened to it. But I listened to my head. I listened to the voice that kept on calling for me. And i followed it. Only it was the wrong voice.
This was something i had to do, but now it is time for me to return. I wonder if anything’s changed. i wonder if she has changed. I wonder if they moved on, but she told me once I was the only one she could ever truly love, that everyone else would come second to me. Is it selfish of me to say, that I hope she hasn’t moved on? That I hope she has waited for me...
I don’t think she could forget me even if she wanted to...and that is not me just being cocky...we always had a connection. We saw into each others souls, it was like we were a part of each other that we could never get rid of. She still exists in me, i still remember her like it was yesterday when I walked away.
I remember how I kissed her as I walked out the door, just like any other day. I remember how she tried to convince me to stay, told me to chuck a sickie...like she knew something was going to change that day. I remember how we held onto each other for those extra couple of seconds. I remember how she watched me as I walked down the path, away from her, mouthing the words I love you. I remember how she screamed them back, like she was trying to make me remember...like I could ever forget.
I remember waving, and looking at her one last time before I turned my back and continued on down the path, and then I remember hearing her voice one last time. Yelling at me that she would have dinner on the table at 6:00pm and she had something important to tell me. I remember feeling so proud, because I knew she got her dream job.
I remember how her hair was billowing in the wind that day. I remember the clothes she was wearing. I remember her pink painted toe nails. She always looked so young and innocent. I remember her smell, her unique scent, that was hers and hers alone. And I remember her wedding ring, catching the light of the sun as she waved, as it glistened at me.
I remember everything about her, and I remember the tear that traced its way down my cheek as I turned away that last time. I remember the promise I made to myself that i would be back.
And now...now it is time to face up to my mistakes to face up to my past...because now I am leaving Antar, and I am coming home...coming home to Roswell, New Mexico.
.....................................
As I walk through the dark streets, I wonder how everyone is going to react. Most importantly i wonder how she is going to act. I have been fighting a battle on Antar for an amount of time that still eludes me. I wonder what the date is, I wonder what the time is. It is so quiet, so lonely, and all of a sudden I feel so empty. I wonder if they have left, if they still even live in Roswell. I mean I have no idea how long I was gone. I think It was couple of years, two at the most, but I can’t be sure.
I left to find my son. My son I had with Tess. The biggest mistake and my biggest lapse in judgement. Maybe it was my second biggest lapse in judgement, because I know now I made another one when I left Roswell.
Because it was all a lie. It was all a mistake. I never slept with her, I never had a baby with her. It was a plan to get us back to Antar. She killed Alex and her first attempt failed. But then I felt him, he called out to me. He needed me. And I tried to ignore it. I tried to concentrate on my life with Liz. I proposed, we married. We were happy, and then the visions started. Visions of my son. I never told Liz, i couldn’t bare to hurt her again. Which I did anyway, by leaving.
I always think that maybe if I told her she would have known. She always knew. But i didn’t. Another wrong decision on my part.
As i walk past the Crashdown, I notice how run down it looks. I keep on walking, my footsteps and my breathing the only sounds breaking the silence. As I approach the house where Liz and I lived, the silence becomes even more eerie. I hear a noise from inside, and I am shocked when the door knob turns without any resistance. As I walk into the house the first thing I notice is the dust residing on a picture of me and Liz. And as I walk further into the house the silence becomes all to apparent. I walk with my hand raised, prepared for anything.
Fear shoots through my body, as and overwhelming sense of loneliness surrounds me. I then jump to attention as I realise it isn’t mine. I call out through the silence and wait for patiently for an answer that doesn’t come.
I walk to the bedroom that I shared with Liz before I left so abruptly. I am again met with silence. I notice the perfectly made bed, and in the middle I notice a rumpled letter. As i walk over, the loneliness consumes me even more. And as I open the letter and begin to read, the loneliness turns to joy, then to fear, then to pain and then to heartbreak. And as I read, I realise I am feeling as the writer of this letter was. I realise the loneliness that I knew was not mine, but the last emotion, lingering in the silence, waiting for something to sweep it away...Something that never came.
Tears come to my eyes as I begin to read...
My Dearest Max,
You walked away without a word, but with a smile and a wave. Somehow I knew that you were walking away from me, and somehow I knew there was nothing I could do. I despised you for a long time after that, but then I realised, the pain I was going through after your departure was nothing compared to the joy i felt every day I was with you. I came to realise that it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. And for me it was even more precious, because it was you.
You were a king, I was a small town girl, the odds were stacked against us...just like Romeo and Juliet. I told you once that i wanted normal...I never wanted normal. I mean what’s so great about normal anyway.
I waited that night for you to come home, even though somewhere deep within me I knew you weren’t...I **knew** I had to let you go. You had a duty to fulfil, you had a son to find. If only you knew about your daughter...
......................................
Daddy,
I love you, and even though I don’t know you, I can feel you. I know you never knew about me, if you did mum tells me you would have stayed. She’s told me all about you. how you saved her life, time and time again she says. I think I understand why you had to leave, but it has been hard. there were times when I hated you. I hated you for leaving mum, for leaving us.
But then mum would tell me a story. A story about a boy who sacrificed absolutely everything for the girl he loved, so when it came time for her to sacrifice, how could she not? Mum talks about you every day, she wants me to remember you. She needs me to know you...and I think it helps her. She looks at me, and she sees you. She says I have your eyes. And she tells me how she thanks god every day that I don't have your ears. your smiling now aren’t you. She told me you would smile at that. She tells me how I have your smile too. And it’s true. I’ve seen photo’s.
Mum told me that you would be so proud of me. I have powers like you...the gift of healing actually. I want to be a doctor. I want to save people every day, and if I can’t use my powers, then I will do it the human way.
I just wanted you to know daddy, that I love you. With all my heart and all my soul...and please don’t cry like I know you will. Just know that no one blames you...**I** don’t blame you. Mum just says that’s just the kind of man you are. And she says I’m like you...so you must be something pretty special...you smiled again then didn’t you.
Well mums telling me to finish up. But please remember that i love you, and always...always, follow your heart. Things aren’t always as they seem.
With all the love in the world, and in my heart...
Max Katie Evans
PS don’t worry dad everyone calls me Katie. But I’m partial to the name Max. Maxie’s my nickname. It is a name that can go wither way. Mum wanted your memory to live on...I hope I do it justice.
..............................................
Max,
I know it must be hard, but please don’t beat yourself up. I know you would have loved her with every part of your being. And she knows you...she really does, everyone has made sure of that.
I know your probably wondering what the year is...it’s 2014 Max...at least that is when I am writing this. And I need you to know that I love you, but i won’t be here when you return...because I know you will return...It’s happening again, we didn’t fix things before. But it doesn’t matter. We both got to love, and in the end that is all it comes down to. Love.
And ours was the purest and truest love, and it will forever exceed all dimensions. It will exceed time and space. And do you want to know why Max...
Because it was us.
So remember I love you with all my heart, I will always love you and until we see each other again I will continue on loving you. in every lifetime, in every dimension. With all my heart, for all my years.
It will always be you Max.
Love Liz Evans. Your forever until the end. And love has no end, so I will just be your forever.
.........................................
And in the silence of the night a painful cry can be heard all through out Roswell. But it would not last forever, because nothing is ever as it seems...
.............................................
Roswell, New Mexico... 2001
“I Liz Parker take Max Evans to....”
“Liz...I need your help...”
“Who are you...you’re not Max, you, you are some shape shifter. Whata re you doing here. Don’t come near me...I mean it, I told you not to come near me...”
“Liz...its’ me Max...”
“Prove it...”
“ok. In ten seconds I will appear at your balcony serenading you with some spanish love song that I spent weeks learning...”
Max appears at her balcony singing his song. Behind him there is no trace of a band...
“Wait, a minute it’s different...”
“What, what are you talking about...the band, where’s the band...”
.....................................
and as the Liz before him begins to fade away, and the music begins to fade out, a whisper can be heard...
“nothing is ever as it seems max. You did it...”
“What? I did what?”
“You changed it Max, you changed it...”
Liz Evans appears in front of him, beside her stands an eight year old daughter, a spitting replica of Max...
“You changed it Max...”
“But how?”
“The mariachi band, that were with you the first time. It was Nicholas, and it was Tess only you didn’t know...I didn’t know. Somehow you changed it...”
“Daddy...?”
“God Liz she’s beautiful...just like you...where are we anyway?”
“Where in the most perfect place on earth Max, a place where we can be together for eternity. I told you our love transcended space and time, all you had to do was believe it...”
Isabel, Alex, Michael, Maria, Kyle and all the families start taking shape around Max...”
“We’re safe here Max. We’re in heaven, and we’re here because you believed. you made it happen. We stuffed up last time Max...It was our love that saved us before, and it will be their love that saves them...”
“I still don’t understand...”
“You don’t need to understand Max. Just look at them...just look at how happy they are together...you gave them that chance...we all did. It was what you needed to see Max...they needed to change it for themselves...and just that one little thing, the absence of the band, is enough to change a whole line...it is enough to save the world...because they did it differently themselves...there will be no consequences, there will be no battle, because we will be together, and we will have the greatest weapon in the world...Love...”
“So what happens now Elizabeth Evans...”
“We live Max...we live...”
...................................................................
Claudia closes the fairytale.
“Now that is a love story.”
And as she gazes up at the stars, and watches as a shooting star flies into the night, she echoes a thanks to her descendents. A thanks for a love that lasted a life time and beyond, and a love that saved the world.
“Cwaudia...wead it gain pwease, putty pwease...”
“It’s ok little Lizzie...it will still be here in the morning...”
“Pwease Cwad...”
“Maxwell. Your mum will get angry if I keep the two of you up any longer, especially because she doesn’t believe in fairy tales, and she’s probably wondering who you’re even talking to...”
“But i want vem to wiv..”
“yeah Cwadia Lizzie wants them to wiv...”
“they do Lizzie baby they do, and you’re lucky you both have very special names. You are both very special, and all you have to do to make their love last and to keep them living is to tell their story...Ok honeybears...”
“we pwomise Cwadia. we pwomis wiv all our hearts...”
“you’re both going to be just fine...”
....................................
and as Claudia Parker fades into nothingness, and Liz Parker sleeps peacefully in her bed, right next to her good friend Max Evans. Another Liz and another Max from another time...smile because this time they know its’ right...
The Gods gave them another chance...a chance that was brought about because of a love that just won’t die, in no mater which time line, which dimension...a chance that has no chance of failing...because they will both be getting ‘normal...’
THE END................
Ok tell me what you think...it was just something that kind of came to me as i wrote it. And sometimes I have no idea where things come from, so i kind of just went with it...
So please, please, please let me know what you think...
Finding the Way Home - AU M/L TEEN [COMPLETE]
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