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I Meant To Do That (1/1, Gazer, T) 13Mar07

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:30 pm
by LairaBehr4
Title: I Meant To Do That
Author: LairaBehr4
Category: Stargazer
Rating: Teen
Summary: Isabel looks back on her time with Alex
Disclaimer: The song ‘I Meant To Do That’ is sung by Paul Brandt. Roswell, the characters, the episodes, the themes, are owned by a bunch of people who aren’t me. However, if they’re willing to share, I’ll not say nay.

Many thanks as always to Sprayadhesive, my beta, who never let me forget about this, the first fanfic story I ever started. Took me almost a year – I hope it was worth it.

This gorgeous banner is by Lizard_queen - thank you!

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I Meant To Do That


A rose in a box,

Alex can’t believe it as Isabel smirks “Nice mask, Alex,” as she and Maria walk past him through the crowds of the Crash Festival.

Wrapped up in dreams,

Somehow he doesn’t imagine his response of “Nice cones” was quite the way to go.

A card that explains

Alex sees Isabel walking out of the mandatory career development meetings in Ms. Topolsky’s office.

How much your love means;

He asks her how the meeting went, but she walks right past him, not even looking at him.

Table for two,

Isabel follows Alex into his dreams and watches as he puts the finishing touches to a romantic dining room, complete with musicians and a candle-lit table.

Soft candle light,

Isabel gasps in surprise as she sees herself arrive. Her hair is down, her make-up is natural but perfect, her red dress with black trim hugs her curves, and the bathing light makes her glow.

The words ‘I love you’

As Dream Alex and Dream Isabel dance, he tells her the last words she ever expected to hear from any human boy.

Somewhere in the night.

“It’s too scary to show who you really are. You can show me.”

I meant to do that,

Alex can barely maintain control of his mind – let alone mouth or body – as Isabel approaches him with a smile and a very low-cut tank top.

Does that mean a thing?

Isabel unbuttons Alex’s top shirt button, and he’s certain that he’s died and gone to heaven.

If you wanted songs

At the old soap factory, Isabel repeats her action of unbuttoning Alex’s top shirt button, though his recovery time is much quicker this time around.

That I meant to sing

Alex follows as Isabel leads him to a more secluded part of the soap factory, so they can “talk.”

I’d give you the world

Alex’s smile stretches ear-to-ear as Isabel tells him what a great guy he is.

If you’d give mine back.

It fades as realization dawns; he realizes that Isabel wanted only to keep him from telling Topolsky or anyone else about what he did for Max at the hospital. He admonishes himself aloud as a fool and walks off.

What I didn’t do,

Later that night, Alex parts ways with Liz after being released from prison and learning the truth about Michael, Max Isabel. As he walks home, he ponders the enigma of Isabel Evans for about the millionth time, this time with a new understanding.

I meant to do that.

Alex listens – and does his own share of talking – as he learns more about the Pod Squad from Isabel, the two of them tucked into a booth of the Crashdown. He can hardly keep his eyes off of her.

Late in the night,

Alex and Isabel sit on a log in the woods, as he points out various constellations to her.

Nothing to say,

As the early morning light blends into midday, Alex leans over and kisses Isabel at her request. She maintains her Ice-Queen demeanor, and walks away as he calls after her that he’s available for further “experimentation” any time.

Maybe a call

Alex sits to eat lunch with Isabel. He tries to strike up conversation with her, but is interrupted by the arrival of a curly-haired blonde who seamlessly guides the conversation away from Alex altogether.

To talk anyway;

Alex faces the lifeless glow of a small camera strategically placed in the Harding household. He tries to keep from jumping up and down as Isabel sits in the chair next to him and rests her head on his shoulder as she dozes off.

A letter or two,

Alex tries to ask Isabel to go to the movies with him, but her blunt refusal isn’t nearly as devastating to his efforts as the arrival of a rugged handsome outsider, who captures Isabel’s complete attention.

Some words that rhyme,

Isabel’s face is almost unrecognizable as a genuine smile lights up her features at the sight of Alex stripping himself of his policeman’s costume.

To promise you love

The strip-tease comes to a crashing halt as Alex lays eyes on Mrs. Evans.

For now and all time.

Alex sits at the counter of the Crashdown with the latest CD that his band has put together. He’s made a copy for Maria, but he’s hoping to wait until just the right moment so that if Isabel shows any interest, he can give her the extra copy that he made.

I meant to do that

On Liz’s chilled balcony, Alex sets up his slides from his time in Sweden. Isabel is called away, but before she crawls back through the window, they lock eyes and share a moment. Somehow, even though she is on her way out, Alex feels that this moment will mark a change in their relationship.

Does that mean a thing?

Alex tries not to think about Isabel and that guy he saw her leaving the hotel with. He distracts himself by taking pictures of the group as they dance to Maria’s singing. Isabel sneaks up behind him. She doesn’t know why, but she feels compelled to follow her instincts and confide in him her deepest fear of being “the biggest freak on the planet.”

If you wanted songs

Alex responds the only way he knows how: honestly. “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s just not true. When you’re ready, you’ll find someone, and you’ll make him the happiest man ever.”

That I meant to sing

For the first time in almost a year, Isabel takes the first step. She asks him to dance.

I’d give you the world

Isabel drops as many obvious hints as she can think of; but for the first time, Alex isn’t willing to play the same “obsessed, pathetic and lovesick” role from before.

If you’d give mine back

Isabel can think of only one way to convince Alex that he’s the only one she wants to take her to the prom.

What I didn’t do

She shows up at his bedroom window and avails herself of his unflinching support and friendship, telling him a secret that she hasn’t told anybody else about yet. And then, she tries once more to tell him that if he asks, she won’t say no. Alex rewards her with the words she’s been desperate to hear: “Isabel Evans, go to the prom with me?”

I meant to do that.

Alex doesn’t know this, but Isabel’s already bought a dress. She searched for weeks to find one as similar as possible to the one she saw once in Alex’s dream. It’s not an exact match – there’s no black lace trim, no straps on this dress – but the cut of the neck is the same, and the red satin makes her skin glow. Alex always liked the way she looks in red.

Hold on to the love you gave

Alex stands behind her and holds her close during pictures at the Crashdown.

Until the end of time,

He holds her again as they pose for pictures after they arrive at the prom.

And love you more every day

He thinks that nothing could possibly feel better than walking around the room with Isabel’s arm in his. When they begin to dance, he knows he was wrong.

Until you know that I,

Isabel can’t remember feeling as safe, as cherished, as free as she does with Alex on the dance floor. From now on, she promises herself that she won’t take him for granted anymore.

I meant to do that

The last thing Isabel remembers is hearing Maria’s scream and watching Valenti walk into the café with a look on his face she’s never seen before.

Does that mean a thing?

She has no idea how she got here to the hospital parking lot, but she knows – she just knows – that in a moment, Max will come out of the back of the ambulance with Alex.

If you wanted songs

Alex’s smiling face looks at her from over her shoulder. She doesn’t think twice about throwing her arms around him and hugging her like she’ll never let go. He tells her it was a big misunderstanding – she wonders how the English language can contain such beautiful words. There’s never been as sweet a kiss as the one he gives her.

But the dream runs away as she opens her eyes and sees her mother standing over her.

That I meant to sing,

The days bleed into each other without distinction, and before she knows it, Isabel is standing in the green grass with her family and friends … with one noticeable exception. She thinks Maria’s voice has never sounded so melancholy.

I’d give you the world

She never knew it was possible to wake up crying.

If you’d give mine back.

Mr. Whitman calls her to say that her prom pictures have arrived. It takes her almost an hour before she can pull herself together enough to drive there. His parents tell her that they’ve taken a couple of copies for themselves, but that they want her to have the rest. They tell her how beautiful she looks. Isabel clutches the envelope as she bids them goodbye. The pictures sit under her bed for almost a month before she can look at them.

What I didn’t do,

Everywhere she goes, there seems to be a memory of Alex; at school, in her home, at the Crashdown, around town. Sometimes she finds it difficult just to walk from one classroom to another. She dreams of going someplace where she won’t be forced to think about Alex every time she turns a corner.

I meant to do that

On her last night on earth, there’s only one place Isabel wants to be. She recreates a scene she once saw in Alex’s dream at the one place that she knows Alex will be.

What I didn’t do,

For the last time, she hears Alex asking her to dance. And even though she knows she must look like a fool for dancing with nobody, she swears she can feel the ghost of his handprint holding her waist.

I meant to do that.





The End.