Somewhere, Anywhere (M&M, CC/UC, AU, Adult) COMPLETE, 07/23/17

[keepsmiling7]

Lots has happened.
At least Max is happy coaching basketball.
Maria is still in love with Michael and I expect something will come forward soon.......
Are you serious......twins for Tess and Kyle??
Thanks,
Carolyn

[sarammlover]

Oooh Liz's feelings for Max are becoming more and more apparent. I think she is selfishly pushing Maria to recognize her feelings for Michael and not Max....Max seems quite at ease with Liz. I really feel Max has turned a new leaf and I think this Max is a good one. I just wish Michael would start to get over the past with Max. He needs to move forward. See you next weekend~

[April]

Carolyn:

Maria is still in love with Michael and I expect something will come forward soon.......

It does seem inevitable, doesn't it? Well, in this part, you'll see those feelings start to hit a little bit harder.

Are you serious......twins for Tess and Kyle??

Yep!


Sara:

Oooh Liz's feelings for Max are becoming more and more apparent. I think she is selfishly pushing Maria to recognize her feelings for Michael and not Max....

Yeah, Liz definitely still has feelings for Max. On the one hand, she cares about him and doesn't want him to get hurt. But on the other hand, if Maria were to still have feelings for Michael . . . well, obviously, that would benefit Liz, because it would open up the door to the possibility of her and Max being a romantic couple again someday.

Max seems quite at ease with Liz. I really feel Max has turned a new leaf and I think this Max is a good one.

He's very at ease with her. They have a great co-parenting relationship when it comes to their daughter, and more than that, they actually are friends.

I just wish Michael would start to get over the past with Max. He needs to move forward.

Yes, there is certainly something to be said for moving on from the past. But I don't know if Michael will ever be able to do that with Max. He looks at him and sees the guy who kidnapped Dylan, the guy who he fought with on the bridge, the guy who abandoned Maria and left her and Dylan to fend for themselves for years. He looks at Max and just feels so much anger.



Thanks for reading and leaving feedback!








Part 49








Max was happy to be having a mild winter. With his job, he’d freeze his ass off if it got too cold. This January so far had been chilly, but not flat-out cold. Every day he brought a thermos full of hot chocolate, though, just in case the temperature plummeted and he needed to warm up.

“Want some?” he asked Alan, holding out his thermos while they sat down on a huge stack of plywood for their break.

“Nah, I’m good,” Alan said. “So have you talked to Liz?”

Max took a sip and nodded. “Yep.”

Alan shook his head. “Not good, right? I don’t know what the problem was. I thought I brought my A game.”

“She just said she didn’t feel a spark,” Max told him.

“Dammit,” Alan swore. “I didn’t, either, you know? And I really wanted to, ‘cause the girl’s gorgeous.”

“Yeah, she is,” Max agreed. At this point, he really didn’t know who Liz was going to end up with. Maybe Alex was still a possibility. If not Alex . . . Max wasn’t sure he could see anyone else being a stepfather to his daughter. He wanted the guy Liz ended up with to be a really good guy, someone who deserved her.

“Between her and Maria . . . I’ll tell you . . .” Alan chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it, but you sure do have some beautiful women in your life.”

“It’s called impregnation. That’s how I do it,” Max joked.

“Well, that’s pretty drastic. Holy shit,” Alan swore, pointing forward. “Is that another one?”

Max shielded his eyes against the sun and caught sight of Isabel, strolling through their active construction site in high heels, leggings, and a dress. It didn’t matter whether the other workers were hammering, lifting, or even operating the buzz saw. They all stopped what they were doing when she walked past, and she got more than her fair share of cat calls.

“That’s my sister,” he told Alan, passing him his thermos as he stood up and wiped off his jeans.

“Dude, hook me up,” Alan urged.

Max walked forward, grabbing Isabel’s arm. He pulled her off towards the edge of the site and demanded, “What’re you doin’ here?”

“Oh, nothing,” she replied. “Just on my way to class. I drove by and saw you sitting here, working hard at hardly working.”

“I’m on break.”

“If that’s your story.”

“Is there something you need?”

She shrugged. “Not really. Just wanted to say hi.”

“Uh-huh.” He didn’t believe it. “Why are you really here?”

She sighed, giving in to tell him. “Alright, you got me,” she acknowledged. “I didn’t just wanna say hi. I also wanted to see how you’re doing in the wake of . . . everything.”

“Everything?” he echoed.

“You know . . . sedate-gate.”

“Sedate-gate?” What the hell was that.

“Yeah. I heard Maria was, like, drugged and sexually assaulted.”

Where the hell had she heard that? This was college. Rumors were only supposed to spin out of control in high school. “No, she wasn’t.”

“Oh.” Isabel frowned momentarily. “I mean, good. I’m so glad.”

“Who told you that?”

“Friend of a friend,” she explained. “Jesse knows a guy who knows that TA who got suspended.”

“Well, the guy doesn’t have his story straight,” Max informed her. “She wasn’t drugged. He came on to her, and she had to fend him off.”

“Is it true that Michael got suspended, too?” she questioned eagerly, as if she was just dying to know all the gossip.

“Yeah, but that got lifted.”

“So everything’s back to normal then.”

“Yeah.” Back to normal. Just the way he liked it.

“Hmm.” She looked at him skeptically. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird that Maria’s ex-boyfriend is still so protective of her?”

“No.” He honestly didn’t. Maybe he had at first, but now that he knew the backstory, knew what Maria had dealt with in the past and what Michael had helped her get through . . . he didn’t question it now.

“Well, I do,” Isabel said. “Just don’t get too complacent, Max. The second you start feeling like you and Maria are indestructible, she and Michael will fall into bed together.”

“Isabel, you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Don’t I, though?” she countered. “Wasn’t I once the third wheel in the Michael and Maria Love Saga of Doom?”

He didn’t want to hear this, especially from someone as screwed up as her. “Goodbye, Isabel,” he said, heading back on site.

“I’m just saying!” she called after him. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

He rolled his eyes. Typical Isabel, so desperate to be included, even at the expense of sounding like a bitch.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael lost his January work schedule, so he wasn’t sure whether or not he was supposed to be down at the Vidorra front desk that afternoon or not. He went, though, just because Maria was on duty. It wasn’t like working with her was such a huge chore.

They didn’t have much to do, though, so he brought out his laptop. Normally he would have either Skyped his mom or Tina or watched a little porn. But he couldn’t do either one of those things with Maria around, so he logged in to his university account and checked his grades instead.

He wasn’t particularly thrilled with what he saw. C’s, mostly. He was still trying to get caught up. Music Appreciation was bad, though. Right now, he was failing the class, because the only grade entered was that damn paper.

“Essay grades are in,” he told Maria.

“Yeah, I saw that this morning,” she said, lifting her feet up as she spun her chair around. “I actually did pretty good.”

“Wish I could say the same,” he muttered, unaccustomed to this. Failing an assignment? He hadn’t done that since . . . well, high school.

She stopped spinning, scooting towards him, swaying from side to side a bit as if she were dizzy. “Why? What’d you get?” she asked.

Reluctantly, he angled his computer so she could see for herself. A fucking sixty-eight percent.

“Oh.” She frowned. “I thought you had Sarah look through it, though.”

“I did.”

Her frown intensified. “Then why is it so low?”

“ ‘cause it was late.” He exited out of the online gradebook, pissed but not infuriated.

“But you were suspended,” she pointed out.

“Exactly.”

“But it was because of something Billy did.”

“But I still hit the guy. I got suspended. So it’s late.”

“That doesn’t seem fair,” she complained. “Your grade shouldn’t go down just because you were looking out for me.”

“It’s fine.” Even though he wasn’t used to it . . . it was worth it. It was all worth it in the end. He didn’t want her feeling guilty for something he’d chosen to do.

Inevitably, she did, though, because she said, “I feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad. It’s fine. It’s still early in the semester. I’ll get my grade up.”

“But what about your precious GPA?”

He shrugged. So Sarah would probably pull ahead of him this year. He could live with that. “As long as I keep a 3.5, I’m fine. They’re not gonna get rid of my scholarships or anything.”

“Well . . . okay,” she said. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. It’s fine.” He closed his whole computer and leaned back in his chair, hands linked together behind his head as he yawned.

“I just wish there was some way I could make it up to you,” she said.

He raised an eyebrow and gave her a suggestive look.

“Don’t even go there,” she warned.

“What? I didn’t go there. You went there.”

“Oh, whatever.”

He grinned, reiterating, “I didn’t go anywhere,” teasingly, even though, yeah, his mind had definitely gone somewhere. Just for a little bit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Maria pulled Max into the bedroom by his shirt collar, not bothering to disguise what she wanted to do. They hadn’t slept together since the whole ordeal with Billy had gone down, and she didn’t want Max thinking she was fragile because of it.

“Are you sure you want to?” he asked her, placing his hands on her hips.

“Yeah.” There was nothing holding her back, so unless there was something holding him back . . . what was the hold up?

“I just . . . if you need a little more time . . .” he offered considerately.

“Max.” She smiled at him reassuringly. “You don’t have to be afraid to touch me.” She wasn’t going to let this be something that damaged her for life. The memory of Billy Darden would not stick with her the way the memory of James Winston had.

Slowly, hesitantly, he pulled her closer, leaning down to press his mouth against hers. She kissed him deeply right from the start, trying to wordlessly communicate her desire. She was a sexual person, and she wanted this.

Clothes came off quickly, and before she knew it, they were in bed, under the covers, him on top of her. She spread her legs apart as he settled in between them, and soon after, she felt him enter into her. As if any and all of his uncertainty were now gone, he started to move his hips right away. He lowered his face to rest against the side of her neck, kissing and sucking on her skin as he rocked within her.

This felt good. Max had learned not to go too fast, and her pleasure was certainly a higher priority to him now than it had been back in high school.

She let out a moan that must have sounded more like a whimper, because his whole body immediately stilled, and he lifted his head up. And when he did . . .

Her eyes got wide as she looked up at him. Because it wasn’t him she was seeing. It was . . . Michael. Just Michael.

Oh my god, she thought frantically, trying to get the image of him out of her mind. Oh my god.

“You okay?” Max asked her.

She blinked a few times, effectively dissolving Michael’s face, and all she saw was Max again. Her son’s father. Her boyfriend. The man she would probably marry someday.

Not Michael.

“I’m fine,” she assured him, trying to smile.

He smiled back at her, kissing her on the lips one more time before he started to roll his hips forward some more. He again lowered his head to bury against her neck, and then he continued on, unaware that anything was wrong.

It was so wrong, though, and Maria knew it. All she could think about was Michael. Her mind was often plenty preoccupied with him these days, and she was only human, so sometimes her mind relapsed into sex territory. But remembering what it had been like to be in bed with him while she was in bed with Max made her feel filthy and ashamed.

But she couldn’t stop. Once the memories started, they just flooded her. Overpowering. Michael’s hands on her waist, lips whispering dirty things in her ear. Michael’s sweat-soaked body sliding against hers, hips thrusting hard, adamantly. Her own strangled cry when he touched her and kissed her and made her cum over and over again.

She came with Max, too, and she wasn’t sure whether it was because of what he was doing to her, or because of what she was picturing. All she knew was that thinking of Michael made this feel even better than it usually did. And that knowledge made her feel even worse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Maria couldn’t even look at Michael when he walked into class the next day. After last night, it just felt perverted.

“Hey,” he said as he plopped down in his seat.

“Hey.” She realized now that she should have had her phone out, or iPod, or something to make her look occupied. Right now, she felt wicked conspicuous just staring down at her lap.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Fine,” she answered too quickly. She felt him staring at her curiously, and when she cast a quick glance over at him, his whole face was wrinkled in confusion. “What?” she said innocently.

“You’re acting weird.”

I know. She grunted. “You’re acting weird.”

He grinned. “Great comeback.”

“Shut up.” She laughed, easing up a little. This is fine, she assured herself. This was no different than any other class with him. So what if her mind had ventured into X-rated reminiscence last night? It wasn’t the first time, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. There was nothing wrong with inappropriate thoughts as long as you didn’t act on them.

Thankfully, class began shortly after Michael showed up, and the topic of conversation today was actually fairly engrossing. Since they were studying the 1960s, it was almost inevitable that they devote some time solely to the Beatles. Their professor seemed quite enthused about it, the most enthused Maria had seen him in the wake of the whole Billy fiasco.

“Describe the Beatles to me in one word,” the professor instructed. Hands went up, and he started calling on people. Answers ranged from influential to iconic, and Maria volunteered classic as her description of choice. One particular student actually had the audacity to say overrated, which garnered a shocked gasp from everyone else in the room, except for the professor, who assured him, “That’s your opinion, and that’s fine.”

Their discussion then shifted into an attempt to classify that Beatles genre of music. While the consensus seemed to be that classic rock was the most accurate way to describe them, one know-it-all girl in the front row pointed out that the genre couldn’t apply to them when they made their debut back in the sixties, because they had only been emerging back then. The professor thanked her for pointing that out and used that as a segue for a bit of lecture.

“Is it fair to say that the Beatles always were a part of pop music?” he asked the class. “Now I know pop has a stigma—these days we tend to think of the Miley Cyruses and Lady Gagas of the world—but in its purest form, it’s a derivative of mid-century rock and roll. It’s an eclectic genre meant to encompass popular music, music that appeals to a mass audience rather than a particular sub-culture. And I doubt anyone in here would deny that the Beatles were indeed massive.”

The discussion continued on, and Maria even contributed something to it. In her opinion, the early day Beatles were more identifiable as pop music, though they certainly fit in with where rock music was at during the time. But once the acid trips really started influencing their music, they had more of a rock sound, almost a psychedelic one. She liked either style.

“The purpose of this discussion,” the professor said, “is to set you up for next week. I’ll tell you what: This wasn’t in my original lesson plans, but I woke up this morning, and just thought . . . hey, let’s do it. Next week, we’re gonna have sort of an open mic night, except during the day. I wanna invite any and all musicians and singers in this class to come up here and show us their talent.”

Maria sat up straighter, intrigued. This was her whole basis for taking the class, because she wanted to hear music, not just study it.

“I would like whatever songs you sing to be identifiable within the pop genre. Now it can be the Beatles, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be something that’s morphed into classic rock over time, or it can be something extremely recent. It doesn’t matter to me as long as it would be considered popular. My hope is that we’ll hear a wide variety of songs from throughout the past six decades, and we’ll be able to more wholly embrace the idea of how pop music has transformed over time.”

Maria smiled excitedly, and out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Michael smiling at her, too.

When class got over and they walked out into the hall, he wasted no time asking, “So you’re gonna sing somethin’, right?”

She sighed reluctantly. “I don’t know.”

“Are you kidding? You have to. Show ‘em how it’s done.”

“But I haven’t sung in front of anyone for a really long time,” she protested.

“All the more reason to do this then.”

She wasn’t as certain as he was, though. It just seemed to her that, whenever she did anything that was self-indulgent, she ended up paying the price for it. But then again, this wasn’t a road trip that would require her to hit the road and leave Dylan behind. This was one song during one session of one class. What harm could it possibly do?

“I’ll think about it,” she decided.

“Don’t think about it; just do it,” he urged.

“What is that, like your motto for life?”

He shrugged. “Why not?”

Yeah, she thought, smiling up at him, various melodies to numerous songs already drifting through her head. Why not?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After yet another Saturday devoted to a lackluster basketball tournament, Maria felt like she needed to blow off some steam. Dylan was spending the night at Luke’s house, so she and Max could go out. Or stay in. Or go to Michael and Sarah’s place, because she’d received a text that morning from Sarah inviting them over. Apparently, as fate would have it, Tess and Kyle were expecting twins, and she and Michael were throwing a sort of congratulatory party for them.

Max let Maria decide what to do, and while she pretended to think about it for a few hours, her mind was pretty much made up from the moment she received the text. They were going to Michael’s place.

“This is gonna be fun, right?” she said as they walked into Vidorra. She waved at the girl behind the front desk, a sophomore named Caitlyn whom she’d worked with a few times.

“Should be,” Max said. “Who’s all gonna be there?”

She stopped at the elevator and pressed the up button. “Well, Tess and Kyle, obviously. I mean, it’s a party for them. And I’m sure Liz got invited, too. And some of their other friends, like Steve and Cheryl. Probably Monk and Fly.”

“Monk and Fly?” he echoed, giving her a funny look as the elevator doors opened. “What kind of names are these?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve met them before. They’re nice guys.” They got on the elevator, and she pressed the button for the third floor as the doors shut. “You know what I decided?” she said as they rode up. “Tonight, I’m gonna figure out once and for all why Tess dislikes me so much.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah. Because Sarah invites us to stuff all the time, and whenever Tess is there, I feel like I’m walking around on eggshells.” Quite frankly, she was tired of it. Whatever the animosity was between her and Tess, she just wanted them both to get past it.

“That’s how I feel around Michael,” Max admitted, stepping off the elevator when the doors reopened. “But I know that’ll never change.”

“No, it won’t,” Maria agreed as she walked with him down the hall. “But seriously, I don’t get Tess, though. I know she wasn’t my biggest fan because of how I broke up Michael and Isabel, but that was years ago. Haven’t we both grown up and matured since then?” She growled in frustration, shaking her head. “I swear . . . I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.”

“You do that,” Max urged. “You’re a regular detective.”

“Yeah, we’ll see.” She wasn’t going to put a damper on this get-together by any means, but she was going to confront Tess about their issues. Because maybe if they worked their issues out, maybe Max and Michael would possibly do the same. A girl could dream, right?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael took two bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade out of the refrigerator, a regular one for himself and a black cherry for Kyle. He quickly yanked off the caps with a bottle opener and happily declared, “Mike’s Hard Lemonade is the only lemonade,” as he took a drink.

“Damn straight,” Kyle agreed, taking a drink as well. “Mmm, look who’s here.” He motioned to the front door, and Michael turned around to see Maria and Max coming in. As if his apartment wasn’t crowded enough already right now. There was room for Maria, sure. But there wasn’t room for Max.

“I don’t know why the hell Sarah invited him,” he grumbled. This was supposed to be a party for Tess and Kyle. It wasn’t like Max was friends with either one of them.

“You’ve gotten used to hanging out with Maria, though, huh?” Kyle remarked.

“Yeah.” He took a big gulp of his drink and set the bottle down on the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I’ll never get used to Max.” He glared at the guy, hoping he’d look over and see that glare.

“You know, it kinda seemed like he had your back during the whole Billy thing, though,” Kyle pointed out.

Michael shot his friend a horrified look. “Oh, no. No. Don’t tell me you’ve hopped on the We-Love-Max train. Don’t tell me you’ve sipped the Kool-Aid.” There were enough people doing that already.

“No way, man,” Kyle quickly assured him. “I was there the night he took Dylan. I’ll never forget how that all went down.”

“So you hate Max then?”

Kyle sighed. “Put it this way: I hate him if you hate him. Alright?”

“Good.” Because he did.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So you’re Monk and you’re . . . Flea?” Max asked unsurely.

“No, Fly. Flea’s fitting, though, ‘cause I scratch my balls a lot.” He held out his hand and said, “Nice to meet you, chico.”

“Oh, uh . . .” Instead of shaking his hand, Max wisely gave him a fist-bump instead. “You, too.”

Maria watched the exchange, laughing a little, and then she left Max to mingle with the guys in the living room. Steve was there, too, and he was normal, so at least Max would have someone to talk to.

With it being such a small, almost studio style apartment, the girls weren’t far away. Tess was halfway sitting, halfway lying on the bed, and Sarah was sitting beside her. Cheryl and Liz were both standing near them, and they were all chattering together. Effortlessly. Maria wasn’t even really sure how to barge in without . . . well, barging.

“Hey,” she said as she approached the group.

“Oh, hey, Maria!” Sarah exclaimed, getting up. She hugged her, like she usually did, and said, “I’m so glad you came.” And she actually did sound glad. That was the thing with Sarah: She was always genuine. Nothing she said ever came off as phony.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Maria said, trying to sound equally as genuine. The truth was, as strange as it was to be hanging out in Michael’s apartment with Michael himself and Michael’s girlfriend, she actually was grateful to be included. She’d never really had friends before, except for Liz. But Sarah clearly wanted her to be a part of this group. For whatever reason. She didn’t feel as if she were adding a whole lot to it.

“Congratulations, Tess,” she said, making sure to note the reason why they were all there in the first place. “Twins. That’s . . . a really big deal.”

Tess made a face and snapped, “Yeah, I already know how big I am, thanks.”

“Oh, no, I mean big as in, like, life-changing.”

“Oh.” Tess rolled her eyes regardless. “Whatever.”

And it begins, Maria thought.

Obviously trying to diffuse the tension, Cheryl cleared her throat and piped up, “So, Maria, Liz mentioned that your son played well in his basketball game today.”

“Yeah. He scored, uh . . . nine points. I think.” Max would know, but she’d sort of lost track on account of the game feeling incredibly slow during the second half.

“That’s awesome. Good for him,” Sarah chimed. She leaned to the side, peering around Maria, and said, “Uh-oh, looks like my food assortment’s running low. I gotta take care of that.”

“I’ll help you,” Chery volunteered, adding, “Excuse me,” and she and Sarah stepped around Maria and Liz.

It seemed to dawn on Tess that she was left alone with Maria and Liz, because she said, “Wait. Wait for me,” and got up and followed them as quickly as she could in her ever-widening condition.

Liz sat down on the bed, stirring her drink with her straw. Maria wasn’t sure what it was, but it looked fruity, so it was probably more for the girls.

“Sit,” Liz said, patting the bed.

Oh, this is weird, Maria thought, reluctantly plopping her butt down. This was the bed where Michael and Sarah slept every night. And did other things.

“Glad you came,” Liz said.

“Yeah.” Despite Tess’s attitude, it did look like the night could be a pretty fun one. The music was going and the drinks were flowing, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Even Max was laughing now at something Steve said. Maybe he’d end up making a few new friends tonight.

“So . . .” Maria said, pausing dramatically. “When do I officially lose you as my best friend?”

“What?” Liz made a face. “What’re you talking about?”

“You and Sarah just get along so well together.”

“Well, she’s easy to get along with,” Liz responded simply. “You’re my best friend, though, Maria. You and Alex.”

“I know. I’m just sort of envious,” she admitted. “You fit in so well with all of them.”

Liz laughed lightly. “Which is ironic, because I used to be such a wallflower in high school. You fit in, though, Maria.”

Maria shook her head. “Not like you do.”

“Sarah likes you. Cheryl . . . maybe doesn’t know you so well yet, but I’m sure she’ll like you.”

“And Tess?”

“Okay, well, between you and me, Tess is kinda bitchy under normal circumstances, so when she’s pregnant . . . watch out.”

Maria could definitely agree with that.

Once they were all sufficiently buzzed, a game of charades started up, and the teams were split along gender lines. The boys were absolutely pathetic, and it seemed like they were cheating. How else could the game have even been close at the end? Kyle was supposed to be the captain of the boys team, so when it was time for the last clue, he got up to give it. Sarah showed him a card, and he nodded confidently, holding up two fingers.

“Two words,” Steve said.

Kyle made an obvious motion with his arm, as if he were throwing a football downfield.

“Football,” Michael blurted.

Kyle nodded and motioned exaggeratedly between the two of them.

“Bromance,” Michael guessed, and then he just kept on guessing. “Bro-date. Bro-down. Bro-hug. Bros for life.”

“Find a new theme, man,” Kyle told him.

“Oh, he talked!” Sarah exclaimed. “We win! Girls wins!”

“Yeah!” Cheryl and Liz exclaimed.

“Woo!” Tess’s voice rang out. She threw her hands in the air, and her shirt, which clearly wasn’t a maternity shirt, rose up very high on her stomach. Fly’s eyes almost bulged out of his head when he saw that.

Kyle gave Michael an exasperated look. “Football player.”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael said, “that makes more sense.”

Maria smiled at his cluelessness. Honestly, Football Bromance sounded like a great name for a comedy or something.

“Oh, my brownies are done,” Sarah announced when the oven timer rang out. She darted into the kitchen, put her obviously often-used oven mitt on, and took the pan out of the oven. The delicious aroma wafted through the air immediately, of course. “Once they cool off a bit, dig right in, okay?” she urged.

“Yeah, her brownies are really good,” Michael said. “They’re not ‘special brownies,’ though. Sorry to disappoint . . . anyone.” He cast a pointed glance at Max.

“Oh, don’t worry, chico,” Fly said. “I had some special brownies before I came here.”

“So did I,” Monk declared.

“Really, Monk?” Michael sounded surprised, which Maria personally didn’t understand, because Monk’s voice had always made him seem like a big stoner to her.

“Yeah,” he said. “I used nutmeg.”

“No, no, those aren’t the special brownies we’re talkin’ about,” Michael told him.

Sensing that the boys could distract themselves with this conversation for a while, Maria turned to Tess and took the initiative to ask, “Hey, Tess, could I talk to you?”

Tess didn’t look too enthused. But a minute later, she was following Maria into the bathroom anyway, the one place in that apartment where they could actually carry on a conversation in private.

“Congratulations again, by the way,” Maria told her, figuring it might not hurt to try to kill her with kindness.

“Okay, Maria, you can just save it, alright?” Tess snapped. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Hear what? I’m just trying to be nice.” She didn’t understand what was so bad about that. “I don’t get it, Tess. What do you have against me?”

Tess sighed. “You really wanna know?”

“Yes.”

Tess nodded. “Okay. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with Isabel. Sure, you and Michael propelled her downward spiral, but you didn’t mean to. And ultimately, she has no one to blame but herself for all the bad choices she’s made.”

“So . . . what is it then?” If not Isabel, then what else was there? “Do you just not like me or something?”

“I don’t like what you did.”

“What I did?” Wasn’t this not about Isabel, though?

“You just left,” Tess said accusingly. “You just left Michael. The way I see it, that’s the coward’s way out.”

Maria absorbed that as best she could. So it was about him then. She’d heard this all before from a very angry eighth grade girl. “I wasn’t . . . I wasn’t trying to be cowardly,” she explained. “I was just trying to do what I thought was best for him.”

“And it probably was,” Tess acknowledged. “Because look at him now: He’s got school and Sarah. And Sarah’s my best friend, so I’m glad they’re together.”

“Then why are you still mad at me?” If they could both agree that Michael’s life was better this way than it would have been if he’d stayed with her, what conflict was there?

“Put yourself in my shoes, Maria. My fiancé was paralyzed. His entire life changed in an instant, and so did mine. Every vision we had of our future together . . . it just fell apart. He fell apart.” Her eyes started to shine a little with tears, but she kept them pushed down. “And I could’ve just given up on him and left him, but I didn’t; I stuck with him. Even though I had to give up cheerleading, graduate a semester early, put off college . . . I did all of that. For him. And I’m not saying I’ve been perfect, because I know I haven’t been, but . . . the one thing I have been is here.”

Maria wasn’t about to dispute that Tess had sacrificed a lot for Kyle, and as someone who had become a mother when she was fifteen, she could relate to that. But still . . . it just felt judgmental. “So . . . you don’t like my decision to leave Michael?” she clarified. “That’s it?”

“It’s not really that I don’t like it,” Tess said. “It’s that I don’t respect it.”

And the hits just keep on coming, Maria thought. There was really no way she could get mad—it was kind of hard (and also not very wise) to get mad at a pregnant woman. But hearing that wasn’t easy. At all. It never would be.

“Sorry,” Tess said, but she didn’t really seem all that apologetic as she left the bathroom.

Maria took a deep breath and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. This was fine. At least she’d gotten some answers. But still, it wasn’t easy knowing that people didn’t respect you. Sure, some people did, but others like Tess and Tina probably never would. And that was frustrating.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After charades, everyone had kind of scattered to do their own thing. Liz, Sarah, and Cheryl were all swapping recipes, and Max, Steve, and Kyle were having some conversation about fatherhood that Michael couldn’t really take part in that. So that left him with Monk and Fly as company, which normally wasn’t so bad, except that when Tess came out of the bathroom, they couldn’t really hold his interest. She joined the girls in the kitchen, and Maria came out a moment later. She looked . . . kind of upset, actually, and she didn’t say anything to anyone as she slipped out the door. No one seemed to notice her leave, either. But Michael noticed. He noticed, and he wondered what was wrong.

“Yo, Mike, you listenin’?” Fly asked.

“What? No.” Whatever story his friend was telling was probably either made up or one Michael had already heard a thousand times.

Fly scratched his head, looking confused when he asked, “What was—what was I sayin’ again?”

“Obviously something really important,” Michael mumbled sarcastically as he got up. “I’ll be back.” He made his way to the door, figuring no one would notice him leave if they hadn’t noticed Maria do the same. And no one did as he walked right out.

She was standing out in the hallway, looking out the large glass windows. Even though she didn’t even glance back over her shoulder, she seemed to know it was him right away. “This is a beautiful view,” she said.

“Yeah, not bad,” he agreed. The whole Vidorra complex was set up in a square shape with a courtyard down in the middle. There were sidewalks, benches, and outdoor lamps at night, so it really did look like a well-maintained park down there.

He ambled up beside her, looking down at the view for a few seconds before turning his back on the window so he could just face her instead. “What’re you doin’ out here?” he asked her.

“Nothing.”

“You look sad.” When she looked like this, he worried about her.

“Tess and I had a not-so-pleasant conversation,” she told him.

“About what?”

“About why she doesn’t like me.”

He rolled his eyes. Great. Yeah, that sounded like the perfect conversation for what was supposed to be a fun party.

“Turns out, she doesn’t respect me and thinks I was a coward to leave you,” Maria revealed.

He groaned. “Didn’t we already go through this with Tina?”

“Yeah. But apparently Tess feels the same way, so . . .” She shrugged. “Fun times, huh?”

“Look . . .” He understood why she was upset, but at the same time, he didn’t want her to dwell on it. He moved in a little closer to her and said, “Tess is practically like a sister to me these days, but if you ask me, she’s kinda bein’ a hypocrite. Awhile back, she got so fed up with Kyle, she left. Went home to Roswell.”

Maria’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. But I went and got her the next day, brought her back.”

“Huh.”

“I mean, she had every right to leave. Kyle was bein’ an ass.”

“Kyle?” She seemed even more surprised about that.

“Yeah, you haven’t seen the ass side of him.” Thankfully Michael hadn’t had to see it for a couple of months now. It wouldn’t bother him if that side of him was dead and buried.

“Well, she has still stuck with him, though,” Maria acknowledged, “through a lot. And now it seems like they’re doing so much better.”

“Well, they’re still a work in progress. But then again, most relationships are.”

Her eyes met his, and a small smile finally graced her lips. “Are you and Sarah a work in progress?” she asked. “Or are you rock solid?”

“Hmm . . . what do you think?”

“I think you’re rock solid. Don’t you?”

I should, he thought. There was no reason why he shouldn’t think that. But his words betrayed him. “I don’t know . . .”

She tilted her head to the side, suddenly looking very . . . confused.

The door to the apartment swung open seconds later, and Kyle poked his head out. “Oh, hey,” he said. “Uh . . .” He hesitated as he looked at the two of them standing there. “I think you’re outta the hard lemonade.”

Michael took a step away from Maria and replied, “No, there’s more in the back of the fridge.”

Kyle nodded, still hesitating, as if he wanted to say something. Or ask something. But then he went back inside and closed the door.

“You should probably go back in there,” Maria advised him.

Actually, he felt fine out here. “He’ll find it.”

“Michael.” She looked right at him and repeated herself. “You should go.”

But that’s the problem, he thought. I don’t want to. He knew she was right, though, so he headed back inside, hoping she wouldn’t stay out there by herself for too long.








TBC . . .

-April

[keepsmiling7]

Max has no say in who Liz winds up with. I know that man will be his daughter's father, but he still doesn't have a say.
And Max and Isabel are still at odds.....will that ever change??
Poor Maria is getting more or more confused........or is it things are beginning to be come clearer?
Sure will hate to see Sarah get hurt when things all explode. She's been a good member of the group and has tried so hard.
Thanks,
Carolyn

[sarammlover]

Wow...so Tess thinks the way a 14 year old thinks? Or wait, how old is Tina? Anyway, seems a little silly and I think Tess needs to get over it. But Maria imagining Michael when she is having sex wtih Max? BAD! Michael getting C's? BAD! Always drama with this group!!!

[April]

Carolyn:

Max has no say in who Liz winds up with. I know that man will be his daughter's father, but he still doesn't have a say.

He really doesn't.

And Max and Isabel are still at odds.....will that ever change??

Considering I love writing a complex sibling relationship between these two, probably not.

Poor Maria is getting more or more confused........or is it things are beginning to be come clearer?

Hmm, combination of the two, I'd say.

Sure will hate to see Sarah get hurt when things all explode. She's been a good member of the group and has tried so hard.

Sarah's a damn good person. I like her, too.


Sara:

Wow...so Tess thinks the way a 14 year old thinks? Or wait, how old is Tina? Anyway, seems a little silly and I think Tess needs to get over it.

Yep, Tina would be around 14 years old. So yes, Tess and Tina have their opinions about Maria in common. Tess has never been Maria's biggest fan, and it doesn't seem like anything's going to change that right now.

But Maria imagining Michael when she is having sex wtih Max? BAD! Michael getting C's? BAD! Always drama with this group!!!

Always drama indeed. Both those things are extremely bad in extremely different ways.


Thanks for reading and leaving feedback!

Lyrics in this part are to---ugh, brace yourself---"Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, but I'm linking you to a particularly beautiful cover by Jasmine Thompson here.








Part 50








The next morning, a knock on the door woke Michael, and he groaned. Whoever was out there had stopped by way too early, because he felt like he’d only been asleep for a couple of hours. And he probably only had been. The party last night had gone pretty late, with Tess and Kyle not leaving until after 3:00 a.m.

The knocking continued, though, despite his desire to just block it out, and when he opened his eyes, he came face to face with the big red numbers on the bedside alarm clock. Yeah, he’d only been asleep for four hours. This sucked.

He forced himself up and out of bed, because he heard the shower running, so that meant Sarah was up and probably getting ready for work today, unable to hear the knocking. He trudged to the door and opened it to find Kyle on the other side, dressed in an Under Armour t-shirt and gym shorts.

“Let’s go for a run,” his friend suggested eagerly.

Even though Michael could barely drag his ass out of his apartment, he accompanied his friend to the empty football field so they could run on the surrounding track. He didn’t really feel like running at all, but the fact that Kyle did was a good thing. It was almost like old times, with Kyle encouraging him to work out and not the other way around. Except Kyle couldn’t run the way he used to. At best, he could manage a light jog.

“Almost there,” Michael said as he ran backwards towards their imaginary finish line. Kyle’s steps were heavy and labored at this point, and he was practically panting for air, but he had the determination to finish. “Good job,” Michael told him.

Kyle clasped his hands behind his heads, breathing heavily. “Damn,” he swore. “That kicked my ass.”

“But you made it,” Michael pointed out, not even slightly winded. That pace had been equivalent to that of a speed walk. But since he was still tired, he didn’t mind.

Kyle shook his head, almost as though he were embarrassed with himself. “You could probably run a mile in the time it takes me to jog one lap. Ridiculous.”

“Hey, a couple months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to do this,” Michael reminded him. He picked up Kyle’s water bottle from the edge of the track and handed it over to him. “Give yourself some credit.”

“I guess.” Kyle squirted an ample amount of water on his face, then took a drink. He groaned as he took a seat on the field, and Michael sat down beside him. Being out here made him realize just how much he was looking forward to next year’s football season with the Bulldogs. All indications were that people still wanted him to coach. Even if he wasn’t working at the school anymore, he was confident that they’d let him do it. They wanted him back.

“I miss it out here,” Kyle said longingly.

“Yeah,” Michael agreed. He knew it wasn’t the coaching aspect of the game that Kyle was missing, though. He missed being out there as a player, as a quarterback. And Michael did, too. He’d given up this game to help his best friend through a tough time. And at least now it finally seemed like that help was paying off.

“I know I’ll never be the way I used to be,” Kyle acknowledged, “but I’m gonna get back in shape again. Get rid of this.” He poked his stomach, which wasn’t looking very big anymore. “Bring back these.” He pointed to his upper arms, which hadn’t lost all of their muscle but still weren’t as jacked as they’d been in high school.

“I’m sure Tess will appreciate that,” Michael remarked.

“I hope so.”

“Hey, and hopefully she’ll get her hot body back after your kids roll out.” Even though Tess annoyed him sometimes, there was no denying that she had a sick little body. It would be a shame if all that went to waste. “She’s gonna be fuckin’ massive when this is all said and done.”

“Yeah,” Kyle agreed. “I don’t know, I’m kinda into it, though. I think she’s lookin’ pretty good.”

“Huh. So in other words, it’s turnin’ you on to see her knocked up?”

“Yeah. ‘cause I’m the one who did it.” Kyle smiled proudly and laughed a bit. “I don’t know, I think it must be primal. You’ll understand someday.”

“Yep,” Michael mumbled. “Someday.” He wasn’t about to feel sorry for himself, though, not when it was obvious that Kyle’s spirits were high, so he asked, “Wanna do another lap?” and started to get up.

“Uh, I think I’m still recuperating from the last one,” Kyle said. “You go ahead, though.”

Michael sat back down. “Nah, I’m good.” Working out had always been more of Kyle’s thing. Really, the only reason why Michael ever did it at all was because of him.

Kyle took another drink out of his water bottle and held it out for Michael, but Michael shook his head to decline. He hadn’t even broken a sweat yet, and at this rate, he probably wouldn’t.

“Hey, so, uh, thanks again for throwin’ me and Tess that party last night,” Kyle said. “It was fun.”

“It was fun,” Michael agreed. Even Max’s presence hadn’t been enough to ruin it.

“Tess said she and Maria had a—a conversation,” Kyle went on. “Did you hear about that?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Maria tell you?”

“Yep.” He didn’t really want to dive into it, though, because he was sort of pissed at Tess for making Maria feel like crap. “That’s what we were talkin’ about out in the hall.”

“Oh.” Kyle nodded, but much to Michael’s surprise, instead of asking if he agreed with what Tess had said, he breezed right over that and inquired, “How long were you out there?” instead.

“Not long.” It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. “Why?”

Kyle shrugged. “No reason.”

Michael stared at him skeptically. There must have been a reason, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked.

Finally, Kyle relented to saying a little more. “It’s just . . . I don’t know. You guys looked pretty . . . comfortable together.”

Michael frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I just felt like I was interrupting when I walked out there.”

What was there to interrupt? They’d been talking. That was all. “You didn’t interrupt anything.”

“No, I know. It’s not like high school. I’m not gonna walk up on you guys makin’ out in the woods again.”

Even though it was probably meant to be a joke, Michael couldn’t really find it in himself to laugh. “Yeah, that was a long time ago.”

“Right.” Kyle paused for just a moment, but clearly there was still something bothering him. “Besides, you’ve got Sarah now, and she’s really good for you and everybody loves her, so . . .”

“What the hell are you gettin’ at?” Michael snapped, growing impatient now.

“Nothing. Just forget I said anything.”

“No, I wanna know.”

Kyle sighed heavily, reluctantly, like he didn’t want to go any further. “Okay, to tell you the truth, last night, walkin’ out into that hallway . . . it kind of reminded me of when I caught you guys together in the woods.”

Michael made a face. “Why? It’s not like I had my hands on her or anything.” Sure, he’d been standing a little close, but they hadn’t been doing anything wrong.

“It was more of a vibe than anything else.”

A vibe? Michael considered it. Was there a vibe? Crap. He knew there was. There always had been. But that vibe was going to exist no matter what. There was nothing either of them could do about it.

“Look, I know that you and Maria are friends now,” Kyle went on, “but . . . are you sure that’s all you are?”

“I’m sure,” Michael answered quickly. For the past four months, he’d made sure not to cross that line. And it wasn’t like it had never been tempting.

“ ‘cause I assume you’re still attracted to her,” Kyle said. “And obviously you still care about her, ‘cause you almost got kicked out of college for her. And it just seems like you guys have been together a lot lately. At school, work, parties . . .”

“Well, Sarah just keeps inviting her to stuff.”

Kyle gave him a knowing look. “But you don’t really mind, right? I mean, I can tell. You like spending time with her.”

He shifted nervously. “Yeah, sure I do.” It was no secret that Max was the only one he hated being around.

“It’s just obvious to me that Sarah trusts you a lot to let you spend so much time with Maria again. And I wanna make sure you don’t . . .”

“What, cheat on her?” Michael barked. “I’d never do that.” Sarah wasn’t Isabel; she meant way too much to him.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Kyle said, “not physically, at least. But I don’t think that’s the only way to cheat.”

“What the hell, man?” he groaned, starting to get pissed that they were even having this conversation. “Where’s this comin’ from?”

“Alright, I’m just gonna come right out and say it: Are you still in love with her?”

That question . . . that question hit Michael like a ten ton truck. He hadn’t expected it, and he didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t . . .” What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? If he said yes, then he was an ass. If he said no, then he was still an ass. And also lying. “I don’t think that ever really goes away,” he mumbled, “no matter how much time passes.” It would have been simpler if it did.

“So . . . you still love her?” Kyle asked for clarification.

Michael sighed. “Think about it, alright? If Tess broke up with you and went off and started up this whole family with someone else, you’d still love her, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“See? She’s just that person to you.” There. Done. Explained. Michael didn’t want to say any more about it.

But Kyle wouldn’t let it go. “And Maria’s that person to you?” he asked. “What about Sarah?”

Michael’s stomach felt like it was twisting itself into knots. He wasn’t trying to make it sound like he was settling for Sarah, because that wasn’t what he was doing at all. She was one of the most amazing people he had ever met. “I love Sarah,” he said. “She makes me happy. I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend.”

Kyle obviously knew there was more to it than that, though, so he urged, “But?”

“But . . .” He lowered his head, hesitant to state what had to be obvious at this point. He stared down at the ground and confessed, “Maria DeLuca is the love of my life.” Then he swallowed the lump in his throat and quietly added, “She always will be.”

Kyle didn’t say anything, and Michael couldn’t find it in himself to look at him. He thought that he might see . . . judgment, maybe? Disapproval? Disappointment? Maybe even concern.

But there it was. He’d said it, owned up, and he couldn’t take it back now. It was the truth, and it was something he’d known for years, long before he’d ever known Sarah. It wasn’t something he had tried to hide from himself or lie to himself about, but rather something he’d just tried to ignore. But now he couldn’t ignore it, because he’d admitted it. And admitting it out loud, even just to Kyle, made him feel horrible. And confused.

And worried.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On Tuesday, Michael took a risk by bringing Jake with him to Music Appreciation. He cleared it with the professor, with the school, and of course with Jake’s parents, and everyone seemed to think it was worth a shot. Nothing in the traditional classroom was helping him, and even the SPED department was having a hard time getting through. Bringing him onto a college campus was a Hail Mary, of sorts, but Michael had high hopes for it. The only class that engaged Jake was music, so why not squeeze more music into his day?

He stood in the back of the room with his nervous little buddy, praying that there wouldn’t be another meltdown. There had already been a few. In the car, in the parking lot, on the front steps of the building. But now that he was in the room, surrounded by all these musicians who were strumming the strings of their guitars or warming up their vocal chords, he seemed much more at ease, mostly because he was just captivated by what they were doing.

“You alright, Jake?” Michael asked him.

Jake looked up at him with wide eyes, whimpered a bit, and then kept looking around.

“Yeah, you’re alright.” When Michael glanced towards the door, his gaze locked onto Maria as she walked in. She looked . . . beautiful. Definitely like a performer. Her hair was loosely swept off to one side in a ponytail, and she was wearing one of those long, flowy skirts and a short-sleeved white top that showed off about an inch of skin of her upper abdomen. Just enough to make him want to see more.

Don’t stare, he told himself, but all he could think about was what he’d said to Kyle about her over the weekend.

She had this excited smile on her face as she weaved through all the other musicians and came towards him. “Hey,” she said. “Well, look who you brought along.”

“Yeah, I thought he might enjoy it.” He held out his hand for a low high-five, and Jake hesitantly tapped it. “Hopefully he keeps his cool.” Trying to teach him to do that very simple social thing was like trying to teach a dog a new trick. It was just something he’d have to learn, even though it came naturally to most everyone else his age.

“Seems like he’s doing pretty well so far,” Maria remarked.

“Yeah, as long as he hears music, he’s fine.” Michael squatted down in front of the little boy and said, “Hey, Jake, do you remember Dylan? This is his mom. This is Maria.” He literally had to grab Jake by the shoulders—gently, of course—and turn him around to see Maria.

“Hi, Jake,” she said, waving at him.

Instead of waving back, he just turned back around to Michael. He didn’t look at Michael, though. His eyes were glued on a guy who was tuning his guitar, as if that were the most interesting thing in the world.

Michael stood up again and moved closer to Maria. But not too close. “So what’re you gonna sing?” he asked her.

“A pop song,” she replied.

“Oh, hey, that really narrows it down.”

“A very popular pop song.”

“Yeah? Where’s your guitar?”

“I didn’t have time to learn it on guitar, so see that guy up there?” She pointed to the front of the classroom, where a chubby Asian guy was setting up his keyboard. “He’s gonna play it while I sing.”

Once again, he tried to get some info out of her. “And you’re singing what exactly?”

She smirked. “You’re just gonna have to wait and see. You’ll hate it, though.”

“Yeah, right. I could never hate anything you sing.”

“No, not my singing, just the song,” she clarified. “Hell, I hate the song half the time.”

“Then why are you singing it?”

She cringed. “Because the other half of the time, I love it.”

He chuckled, already forming a theory. It had to be Britney Spears, because he remembered walking in on Maria watching some old Britney music videos on Youtube one time. She’d shut the computer so fast, almost faster than a little boy getting caught watching porn.

“Alright, everyone, let’s go ahead and be seated,” the professor announced suddenly. “I hope everyone’s as excited as I am to hear some great music today.”

I’m excited, Michael thought, but he didn’t really give a rat’s ass about any of the other musicians in that room. He just wanted to hear Maria.

“Come with me, Jake,” he said, holding out his hand. Jake tried to give him a low high-five again, so Michael scooped up his hand and led him to their seats. He made sure Jake was sitting in between him and Maria, just so he couldn’t get up and run off.

As the music stopped and the professor started talking, Jake started to become agitated. His little whimpers started to increase in both volume and frequency, and Michael feared a full-out scream session was about to start. “You’re fine,” he assured Jake repeatedly. “You’re okay.”

Jake didn’t seem to think he was okay, though. His arms and legs were starting to move, which wasn’t a good sign.

Oh, crap, Michael thought. What if this was a mistake? If Jake ended up having a meltdown, he’d have to get him out of there and drive him back to the school. And then he’d end up missing Maria’s performance.

“Hey, Jake?” Maria whispered. She managed to get his attention, and Michael watched intently as she lightly drummed her hands against her legs, creating a faint but still audible sound. A beat, a rhythm. Jake was immediately entranced by it, and a few seconds later, he was hitting his own legs, too, trying to replicate that same beat.

“Good job,” Maria told him, and he actually almost smiled. Almost.

Michael breathed an inward sigh of relief and stared at Maria in awe. Genius, he thought. Just like that, she’d been able to reach Jake in a way he’d failed to for four weeks now. But it seemed to be working. As long as Jake was making ‘music’ with his hands, he wasn’t panicking.

Once the music started, Jake didn’t need any coping mechanism. He was able to just sit and listen, and he actually really seemed to be enjoying himself. Michael took a few pictures on his phone and sent them to Vanessa, knowing she’d be thrilled to see how well he was doing.

It was weird, but sitting there with Jake and Maria . . . it brought Michael back. Even though Jake wasn’t Dylan, even though they were two completely different little boys, it reminded him of what it used to feel like when it was just the three of them. He wondered if Maria was feeling it, too, but he’d never know. Because he’d never ask.

In all reality, the songs and singers bored him while he waited for Maria to go. She was the only one he cared about seeing. The other singers were fine. No one was particularly bad or off-key. They just weren’t anything special. And Maria was special. He was sure of that.

Finally, it was her turn, and as she got up, she said, “Wish me luck.” But he just smiled at her, because she didn’t need luck. She had talent.

“Um, okay,” the Asian guy said as he sat down behind his keyboard. “I can’t sing a note to save my life, but I’ve been playing piano since I was three, and I really wanted to share that with all of you. Maria here was nice enough to agree to do this song with me. So . . . enjoy.”

Oh, I will, Michael thought. He cast one more quick glance at Jake, just to make sure he was still doing okay, because while Maria was singing . . . he knew he wouldn’t be able to look away.

His heart started to pound in anticipation as Maria sat down on a stool next to the keyboard and the pianist started to play. Michael didn’t recognize the song at first, not until Maria started singing.

“We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny.”

She was right. He hated the song. But he already loved her version of it. With just her voice and the piano playing, it was . . . transcendent. He didn’t feel like he was in a classroom surrounded by other people anymore. He felt like it was just the two of them up in his bedroom, and she was singing just for him. And maybe she was. Maybe there was no one else in there for her, either.

“Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you.”

She didn’t look up a whole lot when she sang, didn’t make a lot of eye contact. She looked very thoughtful and introspective as she sang the lyrics, and he wondered if it was because it was hitting home for her. It sure as hell was for him. Especially when she finally did lift her eyes. They went straight to his, past everyone else in the classroom, all the way to the back of the room where he sat motionless, entranced.

“I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me.”

He knew he shouldn’t be there. There was really no legitimate reason for him to be taking that class, as much as he’d tried to convince himself there was. In his heart, he knew the only reason he was sitting there listening to her sing this song right now was because there was nowhere else in the world he would have rather been.

That was a problem.

“I put you high up in the sky
And now you’re not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now we’re ashes on the ground.”

This always happened. Whenever she sang, he just let it saturate him. She had this talent that was utterly captivating, and most of the time, he doubted she really even understood how good she was. Because she was full of self-doubt, and she always had been. But in that moment, he didn’t doubt anything about her. Not one thing.

“Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you.”

He had more than just a pounding heart now. He felt something in his gut, twisting and turning, making its presence known. It was that same feeling he’d had when he’d seen her on campus for the first time and walked out into the middle of traffic just because he was so mesmerized by her. He was mesmerized right now, too, just as he’d expected to be. Even if he’d wanted to look away, he wouldn’t have been able to.

“I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me.”

As he listened to her, watched her, he wondered how he had ever managed to go without this. To go years without it. Had he ever really been content without moments like these? Or had something always been missing? What if the past two and half years of his life had been one gigantic lie? Because nothing in that whole time had felt as real or as powerful as this.

This was a big problem.

“I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me.”

The applause started up, but Michael couldn’t even manage to do that. All he could do was sit and stare at her some more. She smiled and mouthed ‘thank you’ to the other students, and when she looked at him again, that smile fell. It wasn’t that she looked sad or unhappy, though. She just . . . she just looked. Right at him. And he did the same to her. Inside, in his overpowering heart and messed up mind, he had the same reaction now that he’d had when he’d heard her sing for the first time.

Oh my god.

It wasn’t like something had sparked inside, though. No. Something had never gone out to begin with. So now it just burned a little hotter.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Insomnia struck Michael that night, and it struck hard.

He lay on his back in the darkness, unable to shut his mind off. It was racing. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw Maria, saw her mouth moving as she sang the words of that song today. Or he heard her. He couldn’t shut it off.

It didn’t help that he was remembering the past, too, and it was all mixing into one. Mostly he was remembering what it had felt like in their last moment together. Or what he’d thought was their last moment at the time. Watching her leave and being powerless to stop it was one of the worst memories of his life, second only to one. He remembered all the desperate, heartbroken things he’d said to try to get her to stay, and how none of them had worked.

“I love you. You know I love you.”

Did she know that even now? Was she lying awake tonight, too, thinking back on the same thing he was? Mind racing . . .

“I don’t wanna lose you. I still wanna be with you.”

What if he still wanted that, even now?

“I don’t even know who I am without you.”

Was he still that same person who had stood on the street and watched her drive away? Sure, he had a job and good grades now, but had anything inside him really changed? Maybe not. Maybe he was still the same pathetic loser who hadn’t been able to convince her to stay. Maybe his life had never really gone anywhere because he was still stuck back there in Roswell, waiting for her.

“You’re the love of my life, and I’m not just gonna let you go!”

What if letting her go had been a mistake? He could have had years of listening to her sing or seeing her smile. Or laugh.

“We’re supposed to be together.”

Feeling guilty, he looked over at Sarah, lying next to him, her naked back exposed by the blankets. He couldn’t see her well in the darkness, but he could feel her. Right there. Always there. And always warm. And understanding. Probably way too understanding for her own good.

He wanted to be able to say that she was the love of his life. He wanted to get lost gazing at her the way he had with Maria today. He wanted her to be the reason why he couldn’t get to sleep tonight. But she just wasn’t. And that wasn’t her fault.

Fuck, he thought, furious with himself for feeling this way. Why couldn’t he just . . . stop?

This wasn’t good.








TBC . . .

-April

[keepsmiling7]

So Michael finally admitted his feelings to Kyle.......
I say it is too late to turn back now, but I hate this for Sarah.
Thanks,
Carolyn

[sarammlover]

one word....SCREWED! But at least he was honest with himself and Kyle and admitted it outloud. And GO KYLE!! Working hard to get back in shape. Good for him! So proud of him!

[April]

Carolyn:

I say it is too late to turn back now, but I hate this for Sarah.

Me, too.


Sara:

one word....SCREWED!

Yeah . . .

And GO KYLE!! Working hard to get back in shape. Good for him! So proud of him!

Seems like Kyle's getting his life together just as Michael's is starting to fall apart.



Thanks for reading and leaving feedback! This part is a bit of a doozy.








Part 51








Michael felt like a corpse when he went to the elementary school the next day, which was bad because his day was going to be a full one. He’d barely managed to stay awake during his classes that morning, and now he was supposed to spend a few hours with Jake before heading back to campus to work a three-hour shift at Vidorra. Although, he was scheduled to work with Maria, so . . . time would fly.

He trudged to the classroom Jake was supposed to be in, but he wasn’t there, so the next logical stop was the resource room. But he wasn’t in there, either, so he popped into the office, and the secretary told him Jake had stayed home sick today.

So I came by for nothing, he thought, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Since he had nothing to do, he stepped into Vanessa’s office and offered himself up for assistance. “Need any help?”

“Oh, hi, Michael,” she said. “Don’t know what to do with yourself when Jake’s absent, huh?”

“Yeah, I can actually hear myself think.” He sat down in the chair across her desk and yawned.

“You don’t look like you feel up to helping with anything,” she noted.

“Yeah, I couldn’t get to sleep last night.” That was his own damn fault, though. Tonight, if he had the same issue, he was going to do the smart thing and just knock himself out with some Tylenol PM.

“Well, yesterday went well, huh?” she said, typing out an email while she spoke with him. “Jake’s parents were pretty happy about it.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna bring him back tomorrow and Friday. If he’s not still sick.”

“Hopefully he’s not. That’s a good experience for him.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Having Jake in class would be good for him, too, because it would give him someone to focus on. Someone else to focus on. “You know what I realized yesterday? He doesn’t even need to be hearing actual music to keep calm. He just needs to hear some kind of rhythm, you know? Like a pencil tapping or his hand hitting his lap.”

Vanessa sighed. “Both things we try to discourage in a normal classroom.”

“Yeah, but he’s not a normal kid. I mean, right now, my only options are to take him out of the room or give him an iPod. And if I give him the iPod, the other kids start feelin’ like that’s not fair, and that makes them dislike him even more.”

Vanessa stopped composing her email and looked up at him thoughtfully. “Hmm.”

“So maybe if I can teach him how do the tapping and stuff quietly, without distracting everyone else . . . then maybe he might actually be able to stay in there. I mean, he’s not gonna be payin’ attention, but at least he wouldn’t have to leave and the other kids wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Right,” Vanessa agreed. “He’d get that social inclusion experience, which is really our ultimate goal with him.”

“And he’s in the back of the room, so if he’s quiet enough, I don’t think it’d be a problem.”

“It’d be a coping mechanism for him,” she said. “I like it. It’s worth a shot. Good thinking, Michael.”

He couldn’t really give himself a mental pat on the back, though, not when he hadn’t really been the one to discover this technique with him. “Actually, it wasn’t even really my idea,” he admitted.

“No?”

“No, he started freakin’ out a little bit yesterday, but before it escalated, Maria just started tappin’ out a beat with him, and it worked.” He smiled, impressed. Maria would definitely make a good teacher someday. She knew how to work with kids.

“Maria?” Vanessa echoed curiously. “As in Dylan’s mom?”

What, should he not have said that? “Yeah.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You were with her?”

Oh, shit. This probably sounded a lot shadier than it actually was. “Well, she’s taking the class.”

Vanessa nodded slowly. “I see.”

Michael shifted uncomfortably, wishing he hadn’t said anything. He should have just taken credit for the idea, made himself look better and smarter than he really was.

“You’re still maintaining a professional boundary with her, right?” she questioned.

He didn’t want to lie to her, but at the same time, he didn’t expect her to understand that things between him and Maria could never really be professional. “Yeah,” he lied. “We’re . . . professional.”

She nodded again, but that skeptical look wasn’t quite gone from her eyes. “Good,” she said. “That’s good.”

No, Michael thought, it’s not.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Sarah emerged from the bathroom that evening, she had on some fancy lingerie, teal and black-colored. It was all silky and lacy, and it made her curves look even curvier. Michael sat back on the couch and just took in the sight, because it was quite a sight to see. He definitely didn’t lack for beautiful women in his life.

Playfully, she swayed towards him, singing some little made-up tune where she only used ‘do’ as a word, but she could barely even keep a straight face as she tried to be seductive and ended up dissolving into laughter instead. “I can’t do it,” she said. “I can’t be sexy.”

“Oh, sure you can.” She looked very sexy in that miniscule little get-up. That was undeniable.

“Do you like?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips, striking a pose.

“Of course.” He was pretty sure he’d given that bra and panties set to her for Christmas, so of course he liked.

“You know I only wear this stuff for you, right?”

“I know.” She did a lot for him, spoiled him rotten half the time. He didn’t deserve it.

She closed the distance between them, put one knee down on the couch, and then swung the other one over so she was straddling his lap. Like a stripper, but a classy one. One who wasn’t afraid to move in extra close so she could drape her arms over his shoulders and kiss him. His body certainly reacted just as it always did when she pressed her hips in close to his; but even though he knew he wouldn’t have a problem getting hard, he wasn’t sure sex was such a good idea tonight.

“Michael, touch me,” she whimpered.

“Oh, sorry.” He hadn’t even realized he wasn’t already doing that, so he smoothed his hands up the sides of her legs and around to cup and squeeze her ass. Still, she must have sensed that something wasn’t quite normal, though, because she asked, “Are you not into it?”

He gave her a look. “Are you kidding? Look at you. Of course I’m into it.”

“But you don’t seem into it.”

He sighed. Dammit. Physically, his body was responding to all of this just fine. But he was distracted, just like he’d been all day today. And yesterday. And the stuff that was distracting him was just . . . wrong.

“I’m just tired,” he told her, and hell, that wasn’t really a lie. He’d barely moved from that couch since he’d gotten home, and that had been almost two hours ago.

“Are you too tired for sex?” she inquired.

“Hmm, maybe.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Really?”

He sighed again. No, not really. He was a guy, so he could pretty much always have sex no matter what. No matter what else was on his mind. “No, I can—I can do it,” he assured her.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were being sarcastic.”

Because I wasn’t, he thought. He really did need to just get in that bed and try to get some rest. Maybe he would feel better tomorrow.

But she wanted tonight. She wanted him. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want her. It was just . . .

. . . he had to focus. On her. The whole time.

Sarah got up and held out her hand. “Come on,” she said.

He took her hand and got to his feet, trying to disguise his discomfort with all of this as he let her lead him towards their bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Knowing she had a limited amount of time to finish decorating the cake in front of her, Liz worked frantically to reshape the outline of flowers around the edges of her creation. She should have finished decorating this before leaving work last night, but she’d been eager to get off her feet and get home. Now she had a customer coming in to pick it up in half an hour, and in her eyes, it still looked like crap.

“Why isn’t this looking right?” she whined, taking a step back from it. Like an artist examining her work, she tilted her head to the side and squinted her eyes, trying to decide whether or not she was making it better or making it worse by continuing to work on it. Maybe it was best to just let it be.

“Looks fine to me,” a familiar male voice said.

She looked up and bit back a groan when she saw her ex-boyfriend sauntering towards the counter. “Sean. What’re you doing here?”

He shrugged. “Just thought I’d stop in and see how you’re doing.”

She put the clear plastic lid over the cake and slid it back underneath the counter. “I’m surprised you’re not too busy screwing Alex’s wife.”

“Ex-wife,” he corrected.

“They’re not even divorced yet.”

“They’re in the process.”

“Yeah, because of you.” She grunted in disdain. “You know what? I can’t even stand here and talk to you right now. I’m too disgusted by what you did.”

He frowned. “That’s kinda harsh.”

“Well, you slept with a married woman, Sean. What did you expect?”

“I didn’t know she was married at first,” he insisted.

“Really? Was the wedding ring on her finger not a big enough clue?” She grunted again and shook her head, not in the mood to hear his excuses. “I’m just really disappointed in you. I thought you were a better guy than that.” Sure, Sean had always been immature and irresponsible, but he’d never been . . . bad.

“You know, Liz, I’m really surprised,” Sean said. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

“Me?” She actually felt offended that he would even say that. “Okay, that was totally different. When I hooked up with Michael, he wasn’t married; he was dating a girl he didn’t even like half the time. I mean, I know I was still wrong to do it, but you and Leanna . . . that’s a whole different level of wrong.”

“I’m not talking about what you did in high school, Liz.”

She flapped her arms against her sides, outright annoyed now. “Well, then I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about or why you think I would ever understand why you hooked up with Leanna.”

“Oh, come on, Liz.” He leaned against the counter, almost grinning at her. “We both know you’d hook up with Max in a heartbeat.”

“Max?” she echoed, as if his name barely even crossed her mind. “What?” She tried to smile and laugh it off, but she was rattled. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“You would, if he offered.”

“No.” Sure, sometimes she woke up from steamy dreams and tried really hard to fall back asleep so she could continue them, but . . . that wasn’t real, and she was okay with it not being real. “We’re close, yeah, but it’s not like that.”

“Sure it is. That’s why you broke up with me,” he stated factually. “Because I’m not him.”

As much as she could have kept lying, she supposed there was no real point. Sean did know her, and she had constantly compared him to Max when they’d been dating, often right to his face. “So you thought I would give you a free pass on cheating because I still have a thing for Max?” She managed a laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Whatever, Liz. I won’t say anything.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled back on out of her bakery, and she was glad to see him go. Because the conversation they’d just had . . . it alarmed her.

All day, she struggled to forget about what he’d said. In her heart, she knew it wasn’t true. She had way too much respect for herself and for Max and Maria to ever jeopardize their relationship. But she did have those urges, and she did have to resist them. She thought she’d done a good job of keeping them a secret, but if Sean knew . . . then what if it was only a matter of time until everyone else knew, too?

Alex came by that evening, and although he didn’t say why, Liz knew he was probably just lonely. She made him dinner, and they sat in the living room and ate, and afterward he played with Scarlet a lot. She loved playing with Uncle Alex almost as much as she did with her dad. Eventually, she started yawning, though, and he took that as his cue to leave.

“Alright, it’s gettin’ late,” he said. “I’d better go. Thanks for dinner, though, and lettin’ me stop by.”

“Yeah.” She’d been a bit dazed, lost in thought all night, and knew she probably hadn’t been the best company. She didn’t even get up off the couch as he headed for the door. But the second he opened it, something inside her just jolted, and she shot to her feet. “Wait, Alex.” She literally stepped over Scarlet and made her way towards him. She stared up at him for several long seconds, and as unsure as she felt about asking him the question on the tip of her tongue, she started in anyway. “Do you think maybe . . .” That was all she got out, though, before she became tongue-tied.

“Maybe what?” he prompted.

“Well, maybe we . . .” She thought about Max, pictured him in her mind, and that familiar feeling of longing swirled in the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t a good feeling, because it was never . . . satiated.

Alex stared at her curiously, expectantly, almost as if he were about to laugh.

“We—we should go out sometime,” she stuttered, feeling like that same nerd from high school who hadn’t even known how to talk to a boy.

“Ah, you know me, Liz. I’m more of a low-key guy,” he said. “You and Maria should do something.”

“No, I mean, we should go . . . out,” she clarified, her insides twisting as she hesitantly added, “like on a date.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot upward in shock. “What?”

Oh god, oh god, she thought, panicked. What am I doing? “Yeah, why not, right?” She tried to smile casually, encouragingly, but it felt forced. “It’d be fun. We obviously know each other so well and get along. We could just . . .” She trailed off, wishing she hadn’t suggested this. Her emotions were too up in the air right now.

“Yeah, I, uh . . . I don’t know.” He laughed nervously.

“Right.” This was so awkward. So, so awkward. “Oh god, um . . .” She hid her face behind her hands for a few seconds, shaking her head. “You know what? Just forget I even said anything. This was stupid.”

“No, it’s not that I’m . . .” He was having just as hard of a time forming sentences as she was. “I mean, I think you’re attractive.”

She cringed, even though it was a compliment. “This is just too weird.” They’d been friends for so long now. There was nothing to gain by jeopardizing that. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I should just go,” he said quickly. “I’ll see you.”

“Bye.” She waved lamely, and he practically shot out the door. Shoulders slumping, she closed it and leaned back against it, sinking to the floor. She knew she shouldn’t have done that, and she regretted it already.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Oh my god, it was so embarrassing, Maria,” Liz groaned, raking her fingers through her hair. “Crash and burn.”

Maria set a heavily cream cheesed bagel down in front of her and sat down beside her. “I’m really surprised you made your move. What happened to, ‘No, I don’t feel that way about him’?”

“Well, I don’t,” Liz confessed. “Not yet.”

“Then why’d you ask him out?”

“Because . . .” Because I can’t ask your boyfriend out, she thought bitterly. Alex was the only other guy she felt at all close to. “I started thinking about it, and I realized we do have a really good friendship, so maybe we do owe it to ourselves to explore it and find out if there’s anything else there.”

“Hmm. Well, you know where I stand: I think you guys would be adorable together.”

Liz couldn’t help but wonder . . . did she only think that because she was the one with Max? Was there perhaps some part of her that wanted Alex to be a viable romantic option just so there was no competition for Max? No, probably not. Maria probably didn’t think of her as competition at all, because there was no competition. Max had made it pretty clear which girl he had decided to be most devoted to.

“I’m just worried I ruined our whole friendship now,” Liz lamented. “It’s gonna be so awkward.”

“It’ll be fine,” Maria assured her.

She shook her head doubtfully. “I don’t know. It was bad, Maria, really bad. He just took off. Like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.”

Maria smiled, and then she let out a few laughs. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I know it’s not funny.”

“No, please, let’s laugh about it, because if we don’t laugh, I’m gonna cry.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s not that bad.”

Liz sighed heavily, thinking through her limited options. “Maybe I should just give up on dating altogether,” she pondered.

“Or at least give up on dating guys.” Maria smirked.

“Hey, there we go. Lesbo Liz. That’s the solution,” she joked. “Oh, that’d be so much easier.”

Maria shrugged. “I don’t know. I think love’s complicated no matter what.”

“Yeah,” Liz agreed, but that was part of the problem, part of a problem both her best friends were completely unaware of. When she thought of what was complicated for her . . . Max was the only person who came to mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael was disappointed to be sitting by himself on Thursday as the second open mic day was about to start, but he was relieved when Maria finally showed up. She came in the door right as the professor was saying, “Alright, let’s go ahead and get started then,” and she made it to her seat just as the first performer was stepping up front.

“Cuttin’ it kinda close today, aren’t you?” he remarked, glad to have her there. Jake still wasn’t feeling well, so it was another day for just the two of them.

“Liz stopped by this morning,” she told him quietly. “We lost track of time talking.”

“About what?” Selfishly, he would have loved it if they’d been talking about him.

“Girl stuff,” she replied.

He made a face. “That just makes me think of, like, makeup and tampons.”

“Yeah, that’s what we talked about for half an hour. Tampons.”

“Seriously?”

“No.” She laughed a little and shook her head, apparently amused by him.

They fell quiet as the girl up front started to sing. She had a very seventies, hippie vibe to her. She had long blonde hair like a hippie, wore loose-flowing clothes, accompanied her own singing with a ukulele. Michael didn’t recognize the song, and he didn’t really care for it. She didn’t have his attention, because Maria did. He watched her watch the singer, and when she commented, “She’s good,” he felt compelled to assure her, “You’re better.”

After class was over, even though he had some things to pick up at the Student Union, Michael walked with Maria in the opposite direction instead. They talked the whole way, mostly about pointless things, and when she got to her car, she looked reluctant to stop there. But she did. “Well . . .” she said, “here we are.”

He took a few more steps, teasingly asking, “What’re you doin’?”

She shrugged. “Going home.”

No, he thought. Don’t do that. “Come with me.”

She gave him a confused look.

Motioning with his head to the Vidorra complex, he urged, “Come on.” And that was all it took for her to follow him.

When he opened the door to his apartment, his dog practically mauled him. “Hey, Shango,” he said, bending down to pet him in the doorway. “Hey.” He went inside, and Shango scampered after him, but then, as if on second thought, he doubled back and started sniffing at Maria’s feet and legs instead.

“God,” Maria said, shutting the door, “how much are you feeding him?”

“A lot,” Michael acknowledged. “He’s a growing boy.”

“Definitely growing,” Maria agreed.

“He’s healthy.” Michael tossed his backpack on the couch and bent down so his dog could run into his arms. “Isn’t that right, Shango Jango?”

Shango pawed and licked at him wildly. Like most dogs, he was just happy to see his master come home. It was like the best, most exciting part of his day.

“I can’t believe Brody lets you have a dog,” Maria remarked. “You’ve got it made here.”

“Vidorra,” he said, standing up. “The good life.” He was well aware how lucky he had it, and how he should be careful not to screw it up. But even so . . .

He eyed her up and down, appreciating the way her jeans fit. It made his own feel . . . a little bit tighter.

“So why am I here?” she asked, setting her purse down on the floor.

Because I want you to be here, he thought. I want you. It was an unnerving thought, but he kept trying to act . . . normal. As normal as any of their interactions could be. “I got something for you,” he told her. He walked around the dividing wall that separated his bed from the rest of the apartment and opened up his nightstand drawer. Pushed all the way to the back was a long, rectangular box he’d stashed there two nights ago, hoping Sarah wouldn’t find it.

Maria stepped up behind him, obviously curious. “What do you mean you have something?” she asked.

He closed the drawer and stood up, holding out the box. “Happy birthday.”

Her mouth dropped open into an appreciative smile, and her eyes glimmered as she looked at the box presented to her. “I didn’t think you’d remember,” she said, taking it from him.

“Of course I remember.” Her birthday was a hard day for him to even imagine forgetting. “This is the day we had our first kiss.”

That happy look on her face shifted immediately into a nostalgic one, and he knew that, for at least a second or two, she was right back where he was in the Crashdown café. Just the two of them, his mouth on hers. Even though it shouldn’t have been.

“Open it,” he urged her.

“Michael, you didn’t have to get me anything.” She seemed like she might give it right back to him at first, but then she lifted the lid of the box to reveal the necklace inside. It was a sterling silver chain with a music symbol on it, the treble clef sign. He’d ordered it online for her a few weeks back.

“Oh, wow, it’s so pretty,” she said, lifting it up to get a closer look. When her eyes came up to meet his, he saw tears there, happy and grateful ones. “I love it,” she told him, her voice a whisper. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t the most expensive necklace of all time, but he just knew it was her. It was the kind of thing she’d wear all the time. And maybe whenever she looked down at it or noticed it dangling against her chest, she’d feel inspired to sing or something.

“Put it on,” he said. “Here.” He took the box from her and carefully lifted the necklace out of it.

“Oh. Okay. Um . . .” Hesitating for just a moment, she turned around and lifted her hair up off the back of her neck.

He moved in close behind her, unhooked the chain, and put it around her neck. Even though it was an easy hook, even for his big hands, he pretended to fumble around with it for a moment, just so it took a little longer. Eventually, he hooked it back together, though, and took the smallest of steps back. “There.” His job was done.

Slowly, she turned back around, tilting her head down to get a view of it. “How’s it look?” she asked him.

Beautiful, he wanted to say. Stunning. Breathtaking. Something cheesy or along those lines. But that was too much, so he had to tone it down. “It looks nice,” he said. But that just wasn’t enough.

Apparently it was enough for her, though, because she smiled up at him again, and though it was just a soft, small smile, it shone brighter than that necklace did.

Fuck, he thought. I’m in deep shit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That night, Max surprised Maria by taking her out to dinner. She’d totally just expected a quiet night in, but he’d come home early from work and told her to get dressed up, because Liz had agreed to watch Dylan for the night while they went out.

They went to YellowBrix and immediately regretted not booking a reservation, because it was unusually crowded. They had to wait . . . and wait. And wait some more. Finally, Max got up to ask the guy behind the front podium what the hold up was. When he returned, he told Maria, “About ten more minutes.”

She nodded, her stomach growling with anticipation. “We should have made a reservation.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, sitting down beside her again. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” She didn’t mean to make him feel bad about that. Just getting to go out on a date at all was nice.

“Oh, well,” he said. “I don’t mind waiting.”

“The wait will be worth it,” she agreed. This place had really good food.

“That’s right.” He lifted her hand up off her lap and squeezed it gently. He looked like he was about to say something more when loud voices rose up from inside. Seconds later, two semi-familiar figures came stumbling out, assisted by the restaurant staff. Maria recognized Isabel’s friends, Courtney and . . . whatever that guy’s name was. The one who helped make the pornos.

“I don’t even get why they’re kicking us out,” Courtney was complaining, her words all blending together. “We’re not even that drunk.”

The porno guy held his hand to his stomach and pushed past her, groaning, “I feel like I’m gonna puke.” He ran out onto the street, hunched over, and let it all out.

Maria made a face and turned away, because that was totally not what she wanted to see right before eating her own meal. “Classy,” she commented sarcastically.

“Do you think that’s what we acted like when we used to get high all the time?” Max asked her.

She frowned, mumbling, “I don’t like to think about that.” And she knew he didn’t, either. But yes, they’d probably made fools of themselves on more than one occasion and repulsed everyone around them the same way that Courtney and her boyfriend were repulsing them.

The ten minute wait turned out to be a five minute one, and once they were seated, then it was a ten minute wait for anyone to even approach their table and take their drinks order. The food took about forty-five minutes to come, but when it finally did, it was good. Max had some kind of chicken dish, and Maria had opted for lasagna.

“Is that good?” Max asked her as they ate.

“Yeah, it’s really good.” There was a lot of it, though, so she was probably going to have to take some home in a box. Leftovers were always a blessing in her kitchen. “Do you think they’d give us more rolls?”

“Probably.” Max looked around for their waiter, but he was nowhere to be seen. “I’ll ask him when he comes by again,” he said. “But in the meantime, I think I should give you your present.” He took his jacket off the back of his chair and reached into the inside pocket. “Here you go,” he said, sliding an envelope across the table. It was the size of a regular card, but it bulged a little bit in the middle, so she could tell that there was some kind of gift in there.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Well, you should open it and find out,” he suggested.

“Okay.” She wiped her hands on her napkin and picked up the card, using her fingernail to slice open the envelope. When she opened up the card, a necklace dropped out onto her hand.

“I hope you don’t mind more jewelry,” he said. “At least I didn’t steal this from you.”

She normally would have taken a moment to read the card, because it looked like one of those super romantic ones, and he’d written a note for her instead of just signing his and Dylan’s names. But the necklace was so shiny and so sparkly that she couldn’t help but focus on it. “Max, this looks really expensive,” she remarked, moving it around in her hand. It was an oval-shaped diamond about the size of a deformed quarter, and it was surrounded by smaller diamonds.

“I splurged a little,” he admitted. “You’re worth it.”

Pretty sure I’m not, she thought. Hopefully he hadn’t spent too much money. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “Thank you.”

“Do you love it?”

“Of course.” It was a gorgeous necklace. Any girl would love it and probably want to wear it all the time.

“I think it’d look great with the dress you have on,” he hinted.

Automatically, her hand went up to touch the necklace she was already wearing. The one Michael had given her earlier that day. The treble clef. “You’re right,” she said. “It would.” She actually loved the necklace she had on, because even though it didn’t have diamonds and surely hadn’t cost as much as this one . . . it was just as beautiful.

It actually sort of hurt to take it off, but she did, and she put Max’s gift on instead. It felt much heavier, but he was right. It did look nice. “There we go,” she said.

“That looks great,” he said. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve either one of these presents.

He spun to the side when their waiter reappeared, and his arm shot up to get his attention. “Oh, excuse me,” he called. “Waiter?”

Maria stared down at the treble clef necklace sadly, because as nice as this new necklace was . . . it wasn’t the one she wanted to wear.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The end of the week meant parent/teacher conferences for the students of Pound. For some of the rowdier second and third graders, it was a day to dread, but for most of the kids, especially the younger ones, it was nothing they needed to worry about. They didn’t even know what was going on.

Vanessa suggested to Michael that he be at the school to meet with Jake’s parents and discuss the progress he was or wasn’t seeing. They sat in one of the conference rooms with Vanessa herself, and with the other classroom aides who had been trying to give Jake his much-needed assistance throughout the day. Jake himself wasn’t there, of course, because he was still sick. But his parents actually seemed encouraged that he kept trying to walk out the front door of their house every single day. They took that as a sign that he wanted to go to school or, at the very least, knew that he was supposed to be there.

As they were leaving, Jake’s mother pulled Michael aside and thanked him for bringing him to Music Appreciation the other day. He assured her that it was no big deal, and then she hugged him and thanked him for all that he was doing for her son. Jake’s father gave him a handshake and reminded him just to call if there were ever any issues that got out of his control.

And with that, his job at conferences was done. Vanessa headed back out to the commons to mingle with the rest of the students, and the rest of the aides had other students they needed to visit with parents about. But since Jake was Michael’s only case, he could leave.

He was on his way out when he heard the familiar sound of Dylan’s laugh. His eyes shot to the far side of the commons and saw that Dylan was indeed there, sitting across from his kindergarten teacher with Maria on one side of him and Max on the other. His teacher was smiling at him and saying something that he apparently thought was hilarious, because he couldn’t stop laughing. Max and Maria were laughing, too.

Michael stood back and watched, wondering what was being said. All good things, probably. Dylan was a good student. Outgoing, eager, smart, and hard-working. Every teacher’s dream student. For now, at least. Hopefully that wouldn’t change.

If things had gone differently . . . he knew he could have been sitting at that table. He knew he could have been the father who was oh so proud of his son. He would have been, if they’d have made it to Alabama. He would have adopted that little boy, and he would have married that little boy’s mom. And they would have been his family, not Max’s.

His gaze drifted from Dylan to Maria, and he felt . . . fixated. On the smallest things. Like the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, or the way her nose wrinkled up when she smiled at Dylan and laughed some more. As stupid as it was, he was hoping to see her wearing the necklace he’d given her yesterday, but she wasn’t. In fact, she wasn’t wearing any necklace at all.

She wasn’t wearing a ring, either, which was a relief. Because with it having been her birthday yesterday, he’d just been slightly concerned that Max might pop the question. And it scared him that she might have said yes.

He wanted her to look over and see him, but she didn’t. No, she was too busy paying attention to exactly what she was supposed to pay attention to, her son’s conference. So there was really no reason for him to linger there anymore.

Lowering his head, he left the family to their conference and slipped away, unnoticed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael felt like a mess when he got home that evening. Sarah was at work, so there was no one to pull him out of his funk. Seeing Maria, Max, and Dylan together like that had really rattled something inside of him. It was a rare thing for him to see all three of them together, and he didn’t like it. It just felt . . . wrong. Like it wasn’t supposed to end up that way.

He headed straight to the top drawer of his dresser when he walked in the door and dug around for the particular roll of socks where he’d stashed that engagement ring. Even though he knew it was a bad idea to do so, he took it out and stared at it for what seemed like a long time. In fact, he lost track of time. Five minutes? Ten minutes? He had no idea how much time passed, because he couldn’t even think about it. All he could think about when he had that ring in his hand was the girl who had once worn it.

“Maria DeLuca is the love of my life.”

He heard himself saying those words over and over again, and it was like they were just getting louder and louder all the time, demanding to be heard.

The small diamond sparkled as he twirled it around between his fingers. It hadn’t dulled one bit since the night he’d given it to her. Surely if she put it on, it would look exactly the same. It would fit just as perfectly. Like it had been there all along.

“Maria DeLuca is the love of my life.”

He knew he should put it away, or better yet, throw it out a window. Let it land outside in the parking lot and get run over by someone’s car. But then again . . . he was pretty sure he’d let himself get hit by a car just to prevent that from happening. Just like he’d gotten hit by a car because he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her the first time he saw her on campus.

“Maria DeLuca is the love of my life.”

This wasn’t normal. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

It couldn’t have been worse timing for the door to open up and for Sarah to come inside, but she did. Dumbfounded, Michael dropped the ring like an idiot and quickly bent down to pick it up, but it was too late to shove it into that sock again and put it back into hiding. She noticed it.

“Hey,” she said, eyeing him curiously. It was almost as if she were trying to look just at his face, but her eyes kept dropping down to his hand instead. She even squinted as if she wanted to make sure she was seeing it right.

“You’re home early,” he said, closing his fist around the ring. Maybe, if he was lucky, she wouldn’t ask about it.

“Not really,” she said.

He glanced over to the bedside clock. It was just a little after 8:00, right when she’d been set to return home. A lot more time had passed than he’d even realized. He must have stared at that ring for twenty fucking minutes. Pathetic.

She toed off her shoes and shuffled towards him, her scrubs dragging on the floor. “What is that?” she asked him.

“What?” he played dumb.

“In your hand.”

Shit. He really should have tossed it out a window.

“It’s, uh . . .” How was he supposed to explain this? She’d been pretty damn understanding about a lot of things this semester, like him being in class with Maria, and working with her, and coaching Dylan’s football team. Hell, she’d even been supportive of it. But how could any girl understand or support him standing there with an old engagement ring, all lost in thought and wrapped up in fantasy?

Slowly, he unfolded his hand, letting her see for herself the small diamond that lay in his palm.

She gasped, holding one hand to her chest. She didn’t say anything, though, as if she were trying not to assume that it was that kind of ring. But it was that ring. It just wasn’t hers.

Oh god. This was bad. This was worse than bad. He didn’t know what to do. Part of him thought it was best to just come clean, let her in on everything that had been on his mind lately, tell her about all the feelings inside that were making him question everything he’d experienced with her for the past two and a half years. But that would break her heart. And he didn’t want to do that.

“What is that, Michael?” she finally asked, her voice softer than it usually was, her expression more uncertain.

Don’t lie to her, his mind screamed. She deserves better than that.

But even so . . . his words betrayed him.

“It’s for you,” he blurted out, and he immediately hated himself for it.

“For me?” she squeaked.

No. No, don’t do this. “Yeah.”

She gazed up at him with such hopefulness in her eyes, smiling. “Michael . . .”

It felt like his heart was getting squeezed when she said his name like that.

“Is that what I think it is?”

It was exactly what she thought it was. “Yeah.” And at the same time . . . it was nothing like that.

“Oh my god,” she breathed out in amazement. “Are you . . .” She trailed off, as though she were too shocked to even form words.

What am I doing? he wondered, panicked as he held the ring between this thumb and index finger. This was so wrong on so many levels. But he couldn’t stop.

Before he knew it, he was lowering his right knee to the floor, still holding the ring in his hand.

“Oh . . . my god,” she said again, her eyes widening in anticipation.

You can’t do this, he told himself. But even knowing that . . . he just kept going. “Sarah Vivian Nguyen . . .”

“I’m in scrubs,” she cut in suddenly. “You’re proposing, and I’m in scrubs.”

“You look good in scrubs,” he assured her.

“Thanks.”

Normally, he would have cracked a smile and laughed a little, but not this time. Not right now. He couldn’t. “Sarah Nguyen,” he repeated, his heart banging against his chest. He had nothing planned out to say, and it was too late to back out now, so he just went ahead and asked the obvious question. “Will you marry me?”

Immediately, tears shot to her eyes, and this huge smile came onto her face. Tearfully, she nodded and gave him his answer. “Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” She held out her hand, fingers shaking, and cried as he slid the ring onto her finger. It was a little too tight. One size too small, perhaps.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “It’s not--”

“No, I love it,” she said, applying a little pressure to get it to slide on the rest of the way. “I love you.” She got down onto the floor with him and kissed him excitedly, throwing her arms around him. “Oh my god,” she gasped, hugging him tightly. Her whole body was shaking with emotion. Happiness mixed with surprise. “I love you, Michael,” she said. “I love you so much.”

He rubbed her back and held her in close, echoing the sentiment. “I love you, too.” And he really did. That wasn’t in question.

“I can’t believe you did this,” she exclaimed, pulling back to smile at him. “We’re gonna get married!”

Married. His mind wrestled around with the word. Married.

She squealed with excitement and kissed him again. He’d never seen her so happy as she was right now. When she hugged him again and buried her face against the side of neck, he wished he could match that level of happiness. But he just couldn’t. As he sat there on the floor with her, holding her, he just felt . . . stunned.

What did I just do?








TBC . . .

-April

[keepsmiling7]

OMG......what else could happen??
Maria got two necklaces for her birthday.......
Sarah was proposed to.........or was she really? Michael couldn't have been more unsure of that action.
And to top it off, Sean knows Liz wants only Max.
This one big mess, and how is it ever going to turn out?
Thanks,
Carolyn