Dare to Dream (Seq,DA-XO,UC,MATURE) AN (06/19/07)[WIP]
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 3:52 am
Title: "Dare to Dream"
Category: DA Xover, X-tremer, Post Departure
Rating: MATURE for now, will turn ADULT
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Roswell characters or the ones from Dark Angel, nor do I own the ideas behind the two shows, so don’t sue, I’ll cry.
Summary: Sequel to “Don’t Dream It’s Over” – Liz and Kyle are back in Roswell after leaving Florida in a rush. Now they have to deal with both what they’ve come back to and also what they left behind.
Author's Note: Well, I promised a sequel, and here it is. Thanks to everyone who didn’t kill me while I kept you waiting for this, I appreciate it very much, and a special thanks to Randi for being such a wonderful beta. I hope you guys like it. And I can promise you that you won’t have to wait 10 parts till Alec makes an appearance this time around.
Round Six - Runner-Up Best Crossover Fanfiction
Round Six - Runner-Up Best Lead Portrayal of Kyle Valenti
Round Five - Best Author of a Crossover
Round Four - Runner-Up Best Author of a Crossover
Round One - Best Author of a Crossover
Round One - Best all around Dark Angel Story (Don't Dream it's over)
Round One - Best Supporting Portrayal of a Character (Kyle Valenti)
Round Two - Story the Show should have followed
Round Two - Best Love Story
Round Two - Story that you need finished now
Round Two - Story that you just couldn't wait for an Update
Round Two - Best Lead Portrayal of a Character (Liz Parker)
Round Two - Best Evil Character
Round Two - Runner-up Best UC Writer
August 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and I have a question. Why do you never realize what you have until you’ve lost it? And how can you have everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve ever dreamed of right under your nose and not realize it?
I always used to laugh at people who talked about this one summer in their youth that changed them forever. Now I’ve had one of those summers myself and nothing is the same anymore. Even the most trivial things seem different somehow, in a way I couldn’t possibly describe. Or maybe it’s just me that has changed, and my perception of things.
I’ve been back in Roswell for two weeks now, and I can’t say they’ve been happy, or easy. Most of the fear and panic that drove me to leave Florida are gone, doubt and regret taking their place and gnawing at my soul. It’s hard, knowing that you made the biggest mistake of your life and not being able to take it back. So I made a decision. I decided I didn’t want to live the rest of my life asking myself what could have been had I reacted differently. If I hadn’t run. If I’d stayed. And so I decided to call Alec.
I spent an hour trying to map out what I was going to say. In the end all I had was an overflowing garbage can, and the conclusion that this was one of the situations you just couldn’t prepare for. It took me another hour to gather the courage to call him. My hands were shaking so bad that it took me three tries till I got the number right. I stopped breathing, stopped thinking, waiting for him to pick up. That’s when an impersonal, mechanical voice informed me that the number I dialed no longer existed. I called him two more times, convinced that I must have gotten the number wrong. I hadn’t.
Then I called the company he worked for, only to be told that he’d quit two weeks ago. Getting desperate, I tried Jondy’s number, but it was also disconnected. Finally I called my aunt, and she told me that she had seen neither Jondy nor Alec since I’d left, except for the day of my departure. Alec had come by, wanting to see me. According to Mandy he was shocked when she told him that I’d left, but that was all she could tell me. From Matt, my former boss, I found out that Jondy had quit and left the city. He doesn’t know where she went, but as far as he knows, Alec went with her.
Which means he is gone. He could be anywhere, and I have no way of finding him. Looks like I’ll be spending the rest of my life asking myself what could have been, had I reacted differently, after all. You would think that that would make me mad or upset, raging at the cruelness of fate. It doesn’t though. Not that it doesn’t hurt. It does. Like a bitch actually. So much that at times I find myself surprised by my ability to still breath. But I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I have no one but myself to blame for it after all.
In a way this is a new start. Not the kind I ever wanted, but sometimes you have to take what you can get. School starts again tomorrow, meaning I will have to face Max, Isabel and Michael again. It will be hard, starting my last year of high school without Alex, but at least I have Kyle by my side, and Maria. Once I got back we had a long, long talk about everything that had happened ever since I left to go to Florida more than a year ago. After all, that’s when we started to drift apart. We were brutally honest with each other, left out nothing, and both of us ended up crying and apologizing and crying some more. But now the air is cleared, and we’re friends again. It will take some time till everything is as it used to be between us, the trust isn’t completely restored yet, but we’re getting there. And for me, for now, that’s enough.
My calmness surprises me, as does my composure. I’m not really sure how I can be this way, why I don’t break down, because God knows I would have reason to. Maybe it’s true what they say and what doesn’t kill you really makes you stronger. Or maybe it’s just the calm before the storm. It hasn’t quite sunken in after all. It just seems so ridiculous, absolutely impossible, that I might actually never see Alec again. How could what we shared just be over? How could I have lost him?
But what I’m most inclined to believe is that I’m so calm because a part of me simply refuses to consider that possibility. The part that doesn’t think that it’s actually over. Isn’t true love supposed to conquer all? We may be apart for now, but somehow, some day, I’m sure we’ll meet again.
Liz screwed on the cap of her pen, closed her journal and put it away. She sat back on her bed for a moment, taking the time to glance around her room. It was good being home again, despite everything. She’d missed her room, her knick knack, her things. She’d missed waking up to the faint sounds of the restaurant below her. She’d even missed the impossible ways her father tended to wake her up on the weekends, even when she could sleep in. But somehow…somehow it just wasn’t the same anymore.
Sighing she got up to make her way to the kitchen with the intention of getting a glass of milk, maybe an apple, before she headed over to Kyle’s new apartment. Not long after coming back to Roswell he’d decided to move out of his dad’s house. Staying in the room where Tess had lived and Alex had died had not been an option, and spending another year sleeping on the couch wasn’t exactly appealing either. He’d saved a nice chunk of money over the summer, so that along with what he would make at his new job as a mechanic would easily cover his living expenses without cutting into his college funds. He’d found a small apartment in the same building Michael lived in and finally moved in the day before, so Liz was going over to help him put away his stuff and to do a bit of decorating. She had better control over her powers, not to mention better taste, so she’d be quite useful with that.
Reaching the kitchen she poured herself a glass of milk, gulped it down and grabbed an apple to eat on the way to Kyle’s. She was washing it when her mother came into the room. “Hi sweetie,” she said smiling. “I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you’d be over at Kyle’s apartment by now.”
“I’m just on my way out,” Liz replied drying the apple.
“So, how are you?” Nancy asked casually, leaning against the kitchen counter.
Liz paused, then managed a smile. “I’m fine. Um, I’ll be back for dinner.”
“Okay. Have fun, sweetie,” her mother told her.
Liz smiled again, then left the kitchen suppressing a sigh. She knew that her mother was worried about her. She could hardly blame her. After some coaxing she’d given in and told her mother what was troubling her, admitting that she and Alec had been more than friends for quite some time during the summer and that things had suddenly become serious, causing Liz to panic and leave Florida without even saying good-bye to him.
When Nancy had asked her what had caused her to panic, Liz had hesitated, not sure what to tell her mother since she couldn’t really tell her the truth. But she hadn’t wanted to lie to her either. In the end she’d opted for at least part of the truth, telling her mother about what had happened with Max. How he’d turned his back on her when Alex had died only to go to Tess and how she’d ended up pregnant. She’d left out everything alien-related, of course. She could hardly tell her mother that.
Back in the kitchen Nancy stood, still looking at the spot Liz had been standing at a few moments before. She hated seeing Liz like this and she wished with all her heart that things had gone differently between her and Alec. She could hardly blame her daughter for being afraid of falling in love again and having difficulties trusting someone after what had happened with Max, but she still wished Liz hadn’t run. She was going to regret this for a long time, maybe even the rest of her life, making it even harder for her to heal and get over the pain inflicted on her heart by Max.
Nancy had wanted to go over to the Evans’ and strangle the boy for hurting her baby, but instead she’d stayed calm while Liz had poured her heart out to her, trying to help the best that she could. Then she’d mortified Liz by asking if there was any chance of her being pregnant and had been very relieved by Liz’s shocked and adamant refusal. At least one thing she didn’t have to worry about.
But something was up. The air of gloom hanging around Liz had seemed thicker just now, the sadness in her eyes deeper. Nancy had no idea what it could be, but something must have happened since this morning. She sighed. She’d ask Liz about it when she came home.
“Do you think I should put this here or above the bed?” Kyle asked Liz, holding up a poster of a very sparsely dressed playmate.
Liz glanced up from where she was spread out on on the bed. “Depends. If it’s important to you to actually see the poster when you’re, let’s say lying on the bed, I would put it over there.” She smiled at him.
Kyle narrowed his eyes. “I don’t even want to know what you’re insinuating.” Then he went over to the bed to hang it up there.
Liz chuckled as she glanced around. The apartment was beginning to look really nice. It had been beyond gross at first, but a little alien mojo had dealt with the grim and the dirt, making it presentable. Some more alien mojo, and Liz’s considerably better taste had done the rest. Kyle had been very adamant about not having anything even remotely girly in the apartment, and so Liz had done the living area and kitchen in warm yellow, orange and red tones and the bedroom in a soft grass green. The bathroom was white and blue, Liz hadn’t changed that. It was easy to explain the color of the walls changing, but the bathroom tiles were a different story. The only became cleaner, and shinier.
There wasn’t really much left to be done, Liz mused. Kyle still needed some lamps and curtains – Liz would put her foot down on that one – and an overthrow for the beat-up couch Jim had found in the attic would probably be a good idea too. But otherwise, Kyle was all set.
“I called Alec,” Liz suddenly said out of nowhere.
Kyle dropped the box he’d been carrying into his bedroom. “You what?”
“I called Alec,” Liz repeated. She held Kyle’s gaze, but her eyes were strangely blank. Emotionless almost.
“You talked to Alec?” Kyle sunk down onto the bed. He couldn’t believe what Liz was saying, or that she was so calm.
Liz shook her head. “No. I called him. I didn’t talk to him. The number doesn’t exist anymore and he quit his job, left town. He’s gone.”
Kyle just stared at her. “Gone? He left?”
Liz nodded, suddenly not feeling calm any more. She pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. She would not cry. She would not.
“I’m so sorry,” Kyle mumbled as he moved over to her. He gathered her in his arms and pulled her close as the first tears began to fall. “So sorry.” And then he held her as the storm broke loose.
By the time Liz left Kyle’s apartment it was almost dark. Kyle had offered to drive her, but Liz preferred to walk. The fresh air would do her good, and hopefully make the signs of crying disappear from her face. She didn’t want to worry her mother, and she didn’t want to answer any of her questions. Not tonight. She was so tired. She just wanted to go home and sleep, forget the whole mess for a few blessed hours.
She was walking down main street, taken aback by how quiet it was. It had never been quiet in Florida. You could always hear the people at the beach or in the numerous shore cafés, the seemingly never-ending traffic and all the other city noises. And even in the dead of the night, there was always the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. Here, there was nothing. And it wasn’t even late yet.
Liz took a deep breath. She missed the smell of the ocean, the sound of it. It was just too quite here. It was driving her crazy. Strange, how something she’d found completely normal all her life could annoy her all of a sudden.
She had almost reached the café when she stopped dead in her tracks, suddenly finding herself staring into a pair of very familiar eyes that were fixed on her.
“Liz,” was all he said.