Eyes of a Stranger (CC,A/I,MATURE) Ch 15A - AN 09/05 [WIP]

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Eyes of a Stranger (CC,A/I,MATURE) Ch 15A - AN 09/05 [WIP]

Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Jun 26, 2003 8:19 pm

Best Fan-art Cover

Round 4 - Best Lead Portrayal of Isabel

(To see original size, click banner. (It looks a hell of a lot better! Trust me.))

Title: Eyes of a Stranger

Author: Kay/Krazykitti/WinterNymph87/StarGazing101

Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell & its characters in any way or the songs that I may use in this story. I do own the character(s)/persona(s) that I create though.

Summary: A young adult by the name of Anna moves from Roswell, New Mexico to Augusta, Maine. Once after she moves, she attempts to start a new life and not think about her past, but it seems a few surprises are in store for her when an old friend comes in her midst. Post-Graduation.

Coupling: Gavin/Annabelle, Annabelle/Alex

Rating: MATURE

Note: In Cry Your Name, Alex did get into a car accident, but they never found his body. After some time of searching they declared him dead. In Four Aliens and a Baby, Tess did come back but she did not come back with a child. She mind-warped Max when they slept together in ITLITB and accidentally mind-warped her self too. One other note...Alex was born in '82 just because I want him older.

Dedicated to my awesome beta Keri, without whom it would have taken me longer to write this, you rock girl!

It was a cold, rainy night in the town of Augusta, Maine and the wind blew harshly as passengers from the bus got off at the depot. Among those passengers is Annabelle Davidson, a young woman with a cruel and unpleasant past. Holding her duffel above her head, she runs under the awning for cover as the raindrops fall harder from the callous clouds above. Out of breath, she puts her duffel down and takes out a navy blue windbreaker and puts it on, hoping that it will keep her warm in this fifty-degree weather. Strapping her duffel on her shoulder, she puts the hood of her windbreaker up and starts heading north of the station, sticking her thumb out praying to get a ride from a kind person willing to take her to a cheap motel so that she can sleep.

Walking along the muddy trail next to the road, keeping her head down so that no debris will fly in her eyes, she wishes that she were in a bed, in her pajamas, enjoying a bowl of soup. Her body shakes involuntarily as she continues her pace, the coldness passing through her clothing and eating away at her delicate skin.

As Annabelle treads beside the semi-busy road, citizens in their cars giving her icy glares and looks of ‘you do not belong here’ as they drive by, she continues to keep hope that someone will let their guard down and offer her a lift. Her body’s convulsing persists as her heat depletes, her windbreaker not helping very much to keep her temperature up. After voyaging for another twenty minutes, a miracle is granted to her and a kind young man gives her a ride, but not before she checks that he is not some sexual predator or a homicidal maniac. He drops her off at a nearby Motel Six and she thanks him graciously before he drives off. Once checked in to a small one-bedroom, she takes a hot shower, changes into a pair of long johns and sets herself next to the fireplace where she starts a roaring fire with her powers. Huddling her knees to her chest, her waist-length, auburn hair wrapping around her, she rocks herself back and forth, finally letting the tears that have been threatening to come since she got off the bus spill. She eventually goes to bed, the sobs still wracking her fragile figure and ends up crying herself to sleep, hoping that this decision will not cost her, her dignity.

The next morning she wakes to a somber day of rain and clouds and decides then and there that she’s not going to think about the past and live day by day, letting fate take its course through her life. Annabelle showers and dresses warmer, now knowing what weather to expect, and heads out to prolong her journey in this new place which will soon become home to her. Checking out of the motel, she walks a steady pace and finds herself now sitting at a bus stop, contemplating where to go next. To pass the time, Annabelle takes out a travel guide that she bought at a bookstore long before she ever left Roswell. The book looks as if it has been fingered through and read many times, the front cover hanging off its binding as she skims through familiar pages.

While on the bus, she continues to flip through the guide and see where she can go in this town to find a respectable job and apartment, making sure that the prices do not exceed her tight budget. After a long forty-five minute ride, she gets off at the nearest stop to her destination and treads the rest of the way, which is only about a twenty-minute walk from the stop. She tours town, looking left and right at the little shops and stores all around this beautiful city, gazing at the exquisite antique shops and art galleries, wishing she could stop to look but she needs to keep going. Finally finding Sixth Street, she sees the apartment complex that she was looking for, but they look more like miniature houses than crappy apartments.

As Anna tries to find her new apartment, she wonders why they are so cheap. She finally finds her new residence and turns the key in the lock, opens the door, and sees why they are so inexpensive…they are absolutely horrendous inside! Walking around the place, she sees that there are grimy dishes in the sink, a bathroom that is indescribable, and a less than cozy bedroom to sleep in. ‘Awful!’ she thinks to herself. Done looking around her scrubby apartment, she drops her duffel on the floor and plops herself on the couch, which surprisingly, is very comfortable. All Anna needs to do now is find an occupation, a decent paying one that does not require too much social interaction since she is not the most service-oriented person around.

The following day, Anna scavenges the town searching for a half-decent place to work, but unfortunately, there is only one shop hiring…”The Kiwi Express”. A small coffee shop in the center of the municipality that sells many different kinds of foreign and original drinks, espressos, and coffees but is also a small café. Though the title does it justice, on the inside, the shop is very decorated with colorful wallpaper and strange designer tables and chairs, perfect for such a crazy name. The main thing that bothered her was that her new boss kept giving her a look of disparagement, like he thought she was some kind of delinquent, but still…that didn’t stop him from looking down her top. ‘Men.’ the mockery pops in disapprovingly. Otherwise, all was fine apart from the fact that it is a socially interactive occupation of misery.

Prior to going to the supermarket once landing her ever-so-delightful job, she decides to sit down on a bench nearby to rest her aching feet after walking the city for four excruciating hours. Gazing across the street, she sees a beautiful park with little children of all different ages and sizes playing in the playground. Daydreaming the next few minutes away, she’s broken out of her daze by the hustle and bustle of traffic along the street. Getting up and stretching her tired-out body some, she continues to go buy the cleaning supplies she needs oh-so-desperately for that retched home of hers.

When done straightening out her apartment, subsequent to three extensive hours of sanitizing and scrubbing, Anna retreats to her room. With different constellations mapped out all over the small area with glow-in-the-dark stars, Anna observes her bedroom, feelings of security and relaxation coursing through her body. Sitting on her bed, or better yet, the two mattresses that lay upon her floor Indian style she goes through her duffel taking out clothing, a dilapidated notebook, money, photos, and other miscellaneous things, she spreads them out across the space surrounding her. Gazing at the pile of pictures, she sees a photograph of her parents and picks it up, staring at it longingly…thinking of home. The feeling of security leaves her, guilt taking its place and grief replacing her sense of repose. ‘Nothing worse than feeling guilty about something you thought was best for you’ she contemplates darkly as stray tears begin to shed down her cheeks. ‘But…a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do, no matter under what circumstances…even though that doesn’t mean it is easy. If they only knew…but if they did…they would imagine that I was running from my evils rather than finding a way to fix them, hoping to rid of them.’ After a few moments, Anna takes out a piece of paper and pen and begins to write:

Dear Mother and Father,

The circumstances we are under as of present are abnormal and heart wrenching, but hopefully it will become easier as time passes and things slow down. I am sorry to declare that I have gone from the group and am now settled somewhere on my own, where hardships will become tougher for myself but will help me cope with what has just gone down. I acknowledge that by now all of the adults are in the know of our quick disperse to new and different places to keep you guys’ safe and us, so that nothing awful will come to Roswell even if it already has.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to write this letter and if you do receive it and have heard from a ‘certain someone’, please do not inform him of me sending this to you. We got into yet another disagreement and right now…I really do not want to think of him or the hurtful words he said to me so angrily to my face. I don’t know what exactly happened between us, but I know that this rift will not get better before it becomes worse…especially since I so abruptly left…just leaving notes of goodbyes to everyone.

I have changed my whole identity and persona, along with my attitude too, unfortunately, I don’t know if it is for better or for worse. Just to let you know, I am doing well so far with a nice…clean apartment and a new job, which I start tomorrow…even if it isn’t the most glamorous occupation around. The ride here was a little rough and long, but it was worth it just to see the breath-taking beauty of this state, which I will not mention… for prudence of my own safety.

I wish things could be different, but…fate has a weird way of planning out life, particularly mine. With any luck, if things become a bit safer, I can maybe have you come visit me, but as long as you take a vow not to tell the group and also don’t speak of this to the other adults either…especially another ‘certain someone’. Plus, it would be safer for you to come up here than for me to come visit there obviously.

Well, I think the paper is beginning to become blurry due to my teardrops falling upon the words I am writing, so I better wrap this up and say adios and let go before I reveal my whereabouts…if only. I love you very much and wish I were at home watching embarrassing home movies of myself as a child with you saying, ‘how cute’ or ‘you look adorable’ and dad laughing. I really don’t want to go, but I have to unless I want to start a whole other page of reminiscing and rambling, this is goodbye.

Eternal love always,

Your daughter,

Isabel Amanda Evans a.k.a. Annabelle Davidson

She folds the letter in half and places it in a small, porcelain box, her body shaking uncontrollably due to her sobbing. Unsteadily, she picks up the photograph, gazing at it through blurry eyes…kissing each of her parents’ faces and placing it back upon the stack of pictures once again. As her tears subside, she continues to shuffle through old photographs, reminiscing the times before everything became hell and knew what evils were out there to get them, memories of innocence in her eyes. ‘Why does everything have to be so complicated?’ the one million dollar question drifts in the pool of thoughts that float buoyantly in her mind.

Later, after a couple of hours of organizing her bedroom and taking a hot, relaxing bath, she puts on her pajamas and turns down the sheets of her bed, sighing in sadness as she picks up the small alarm clock on her nightstand. ‘I have spent too much time reflecting on the past today’ she reprimands herself as she sits down on her bed and sets the alarm clock. Turning out the light, rotating over on her left side to sleep, she sinks into the coziness of her bed and wraps the comforter around her, slowly drifting into unconsciousness.

A funeral, people all around mourning the loss of a good friend, someone that they could always count on, someone that didn’t deserve to die at such a youthful age…Alex. Isabel watches on as her love is slowly anchored six feet under into cold, hard ground…even if his body is not really in there…he was proclaimed dead when they didn’t find his body after the accident.

We now see Isabel in Alex’s house, it looks like the Wake, but she’s the only one moving…everyone else is solid, almost as if someone pressed the pause button on a remote. Everything around her in black and white, except for her, but she sees a glimpse of color swatch by and walks after what she saw…only to find Alex right in front of her. He looks at her, his eyes sunken in and colorless, like everything else surrounding them and in silence, signals for her to follow him. Even though she’s frightened, she nods and takes the vacant hand that he’s holding out for her to grab. They walk through a door she doesn’t remember ever being in his house and sees an unexpected scene in front of her…the accident. Watching the car about to crash head-on into the semi, she gives him a pleading look, telling him she doesn’t want to see this, to see him die in this horrid accident. Struggling to let her hand out of his grip, he grabs her arm tightly to stop her from fidgeting, giving her a look of anger and sentiment, as if to plea for her to understand what happened that night.

She averts her eyes only to see a certain blonde before her and looks back behind her and sees Alex nod and point back towards Tess. She looks back, but instead of seeing a malevolent grin on her face, like that of an evil genius or villain…she sees a melancholy, weeping blonde, her lips forming the words ‘I’m so sorry’ as she collapses to the ground, but is hidden so that no one sees her there.

As the car is about to collide with the huge truck, the scene switches and Isabel is now behind Tess, listening to her sobs and pleas, Alex puts his arms around Isabel from behind and gives her a comforting squeeze, whispering in her ear to listen to Tess’ words.

Isabel screams as she wakes up from the odd dream, breathing heavily and silently weeping, she gets up and runs to the bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror, that’s when she looks at her arm. Her mind flashes back to when Alex grabbed her arm in the dream, her breath catches in her throat when she looks again and sees bruises forming where his hand laid. She then thinks back to Tess’ cries of sorry and realizes Tess never meant for any of this to happen, someone was controlling her the whole time…but who, and how do you have black and blue marks upon your arm after a dream? ‘It seems the ominous signs are all leading to the same thing…Tess isn’t the evil…something else is and it’s still out there…and it wants something, but what?’ her mind races, her heartbeat pounding in her head, the adrenaline rushing through her veins as she becomes dizzy and sits down on the lid of the toilet… beginning to hyperventilate and stomach doing flip-flops as her anxiety starts to get the best of her.

Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you, loving you
I won't let you pull me down

Hunting you, I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head

(Excerpt from "Haunted" by Evanescence)
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:42 pm, edited 64 times in total.

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Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Jul 03, 2003 7:49 pm

Thanks for all the feedback everyone, it's really appreciated!

Bre- The whole thing about why she left the group will be explained eventually...in a few chapters. Don't worry! :D

Chapter One

‘It’s hard getting used to a new town that disapproves of you’ Isabel’s thoughts drift as she serves customers at the café, her feet aching from busing tables for five hours. Finally able to take a break, Isabel goes into the back room and lies down on the couch thinking about everything that happened so far this week. ‘It has been one hell of a week and so far I’m no farther in gaining the peoples’ respect’ she reminisces back to when this one asshole tripped her earlier in the week. ‘Fucking ass, he’ll be having some bad dreams for the next week or two,’ looking at the large scrape on her knee from her hard collision with the sidewalk, remembering how he walked off laughing. That’s not the only incident though that happened in the past seven days, the first day she started her job they didn’t have a uniform in her size because of her tall stature, so as of now she’s wearing a uniform a tad bit too small, but of course her boss doesn’t mind. ‘Fucking pervert, if he lays one hand on me I will have no remorse for him when I kick his ass. I have a feeling the only reason he hired me was because I am eye candy for him to gaze at and this is why I hate being beautiful sometimes.’

“Hey Anna, I recommend you help us out here with the rush or I will be forced to sic Mr. Dumas on you and besides, you shouldn’t be taking a break anyway.” Nina’s high-pitched screeching interrupts her solitude as she was falling asleep on her quick break, Nina’s nose snootily raised in the air and amber eyes looking down on her as if she is lower class to her high bitchiness.

“Excuse me,” Isabel snaps maliciously meeting her cold stare, sitting up and crossing my legs in the process, “If I’m not mistaken, you have taken five breaks in the past two hours, and I haven’t bitched once. Now here I am,” she places her left hand across her chest while also putting her right hand on top to make the statement more suggestive, “taking my first rest in the five hours which I have worked, not even sitting down might I add, serving grouchy and ungrateful customers. So, how does that make me liable for not needing to take a break?”

Nina matches her nasty gaze and looks Anna straight into her hazel eyes, raising her nose higher in the air and flipping her short, dirty-blonde hair with her hand. “My…aren’t we bitchy today. Now you listen to me and you listen to me good,” Nina points to her giving her a disgusted look as she sees her up and down, “I’m not going to let some slut who has worked here for a week bitch at me about not being able to take a break, you have used your break wisely and it’s now time to get back to work.”

Isabel can feel the heat coming off her face as the anger builds up, but not wanting to get into yet another argument with one of her co-workers, she decides to let it go and stalks off through the swinging door. For the next three hours, Isabel serves unappreciative customers with bratty children until she is finally off her shift; she thanks God that she didn’t have to close tonight. Now walking out of the café, she begins to head home in hopes that she can find something to eat, her stomach has been growling for the past half hour, mad at her for not eating lunch earlier today. Not feeling up to whipping up a small meal for herself at home, she decides to stop at the Subway at the end of the street and order her self a sub for dinner.

After ordering her self a meal, consisting of a veggie delight sub, bag of sour cream and onion chips, and a sprite, she sits down to enjoy her dinner at a small table in the corner. Taking out a miniature bottle of Tabasco sauce out of her purse, she douses her sub and mixes it with her soda, making sure no one is looking to see what she’s doing. She takes a big bite of her sub and looks out the window next to her, comparing the qualities of this town to Roswell but holds back her thoughts, trying not to think of the place she used to call home.

Staring out again, she notices small raindrops hitting the pane of the window and mutters, “Damn it! Great, now I get to walk home in the rain, hopefully it doesn’t begin to pour before I make it home,” but at the end of her sentence she hears the clouds overhead rumble angrily and flicks of lightening light up downtown a couple of miles away.

Not finishing her dinner, Isabel wraps the remains of her sandwich in its paper and rolls down her small bag of chips, not very hungry anymore and places them in her purse. Getting up slowly and putting on her coat, she heads out of the tiny sub shop and begins to head home in this gloomy weather, not really watching where she’s going she bumps into an old woman and apologizes. The woman looks at her and leaves, muttering curses under her breath and Isabel continues walking, the rain beginning to soak her. ‘I hate this town’ her mind sputters out as she starts to cry, finally making it to her apartment complex, ‘Diamond Heights’ and punching in the code to open the gates. Running to her home and now inside, she leans against the door and breaks down, sliding down the back, she huddles her knees to her chest and bawls.

Wiping the tears from her eyes she stands up and heads for the shower, feeling numb, she lets the hot water scold her pale skin giving her first degree burns as she clears her mind of nothing. Having tried scrubbing the stench of failure off her skin, taking care of the burns she didn’t realize she gave herself due to the water, and getting into her pajamas, she sits down on her bed and takes out the letter she wrote to her parents out of the porcelain box. ‘Should I send it to them?’ she questions herself, re-reading the words she scribbled on the creased paper. ‘If I do it will just be connecting with my past though, not trying to cope and forget about it, but I can’t just forget the people that raised me and made me who I am today.’ Her confused thoughts run together, not knowing what to do about this situation she put herself into, she has no one to blame but herself. Unfortunately, she already blames herself for everything that has happened to her friends and family in the last three years that she has lived. ‘Misery follows me everywhere I go, taking down everyone that comes into contact with me, contagious in every form…I’m like a plague’ the tears form in her eyes once again, falling gently. ‘If I don’t stop crying, my eyes are going to run dry and I’ll have no more tears to cry’ she thinks to herself as she wipes them with the sleeve of her pajamas.

Not ready to go to bed yet, she lies down and stares up at the ceiling contemplating deeply about the strange dreams she has had for the past week and prays she doesn’t have another one tonight. She’s sick and tired of waking up every night and not being able to go back to sleep and because of the lack of sleep, she is very groggy and zombie-like in the mornings which makes her a very irritable person to talk to. Also it’s not just one kind of dream troubling her, it’s many and all of them seem to be giving her a different message. ‘There is not just one thing at stake here, there are many but how am I suppose to know how to differentiate between each one?’ her mind reels.

As her thoughts continue, something important pops in her view, saying it aloud, “But there is one common thing in all of them!” she exclaims and takes out her dream journal, having started it when her first dream came to her the night she moved in. She looks at the drawings she made of each revelation, ‘Michael’s not the only artist’ she drifts off-topic, but gets back on track and that’s when she notices that in each drawing…there’s the V, the royal seal. “Dammit, what does it all mean?” She questions angrily, staring at the sceneries of each picture seeing also that each dream takes place during nighttime or right after sunset. Those aren’t the only things in common though, she then finds something cryptic in each…a message hidden underneath, all the dreams have a word or sentence camouflaged by a piece of nature, just by looking at it…she knows it’s not even close to being complete. ‘This whole situation is basically giving me no choice, I have to actually go to sleep and have nightmares to receive some cryptic message that I have no idea what it’s about, great.’

Looking at her clock, she sees that it’s 11:26 and decides it’s time for her to go to bed if she’s going to be able to get up at 6 and be at work by the time it opens, which is at 7. Putting her journal away and getting under the covers, her eyelids slowly cover her eyes and she falls asleep.

Looking into a well, she sees liquefied shadows of different colors swirling together forming miscellaneous and unidentifiable shapes in the hazy water. Staring into the well frightened of what this all means, she picks a rock off of the ground and throws it in, the shadows disperse to the sides of the well, crawling up like spiders on a web. Isabel notices that the shadows do not touch the water they drift above it ‘afraid to get caught like a plastic bag in an updraft’. Watching the water calm…the shadows move down and begin to cast above it again moving around each other slowly forming odd shapes once again…but this time they aren’t shapes…they are letters. Isabel whispers them aloud as they form but notices once they have formed the letters they become words. Eventually it forms a sentence:

During a month of celebration and decoration watch for the rare blue moon that occurs and approach with caution for within its light is an unlikely enemy to come for the prophetic being that will soon exist with the mark of a royal seal.

The shadows then rise up and swirl around her, tickling her in the process and making her laugh, touching them she notices the colors change and they encircle her now with sliver, gold, and white light instead of dark mist. Looking up as the shades surrounding her retreat back to the well, she notices in the sky the royal seal of Antar, sparkling brightly and shining its light on her. ‘Isn’t Max suppose to be the one with the seal in his dreams, not me?’ she wonders to herself as she moves closer towards the constellation above her. Before she could step further toward the assemblage of stars though, the imagery around her abruptly changes and becomes dark and dreary.

“What in the hell?” she questions aloud and takes in the ghastly landscape surrounding her, seeing different shades of deep red and bruise purple in the sky covering the seal that was once there. A chill runs down her spine as she really sees what’s around her and notices that this place looks much like the Roswell Cemetery, ‘creepy’ is the only word that comes to mind. Walking along the familiar terrain, she sees an open grave with an empty coffin buried within the six-foot hole, looking closer though…she notices all the graves are open. “Either this is suppose to scare me or this is a very eerie way to express symbolism.” A weak attempt at dry humor to calm herself down as she carefully steps over tombs and gravestones of the unoccupied holes that inhabit the abandoned graveyard.

Seeing a light across the yard, she moves towards it, though it seems like it’s a million miles away…like it’s moving further from her with each stride she takes. Suddenly she stops, becoming stiff in the process and looks over her shoulder only to see a robed man with a knife twirling between his bony fingers, looking like a grim reaper just without the scythe. She begins to run a steady pace but trips in a pothole on the way and falls but speedily gets up…but it’s not enough…he’s got her right where he wants her and stops twirling the knife.

He takes his bony finger and starts to caress her chin, “My dear, there’s nothing to be afraid of…just this rusted knife that I’m holding.” He states cryptically, manically grinning at her and begins to cut a smooth line along her abdomen where blood begins to collect around the area he slices neatly and wipes the blood with the long sleeve of his robe.

Isabel jumps out of bed screaming turning on the light and looks at her stomach but doesn’t see anything except a dark mark where he began slicing open her belly. Breathing heavy and running her hand through her hair, she goes into her bathroom and splashes her face with cold water and heads back to her bed but refuses to go back to sleep, instead…she takes out the yellow notepad that she has been keeping track of her nightmares/dreams and starts to draw the reaper that was in her subconscious.

Once done with the drawing and contemplating the symbols presented in her dream, she turns towards her alarm clock and sees that it is 5:49, she hasn’t slept since she woken up. Deciding that she might as well continue to stay awake since she would have to get up in another ten minutes anyway, she grabs some clean clothes and heads for the shower.

“Annabelle, you’re late!” Anna’s boss reprimands her as Anna stumbles in through the Kiwi Express’ double glass doors looking disheveled and zombie-like, black crevices under her eyes, her uniform only halfway buttoned up, hair not even brushed, and holding her white sneakers under her arm.

“Sorry boss, it won’t happen again!” Isabel yells to him as she runs in the backroom to finish putting on her uniform and avoiding him so he doesn’t ask exactly why she was late though she doesn’t think he will ask since he got a nice eyeful of her body because of her rush to get here on time…even though she was still late.

“Have a rough night, Davidson?” Bennie comments as he makes an espresso at the machine behind the counter and chuckles at her embarrassing and not quite good-looking appearance into the café this morning, laughing harder as she flips him off from behind the window where she lays her head on the counter and starts banging it lightly against it. “Okay, stop that! Your just damaging valuable brain cells by doing that even though for every hour you do that you lose I think…hundred and fifty calories.” He laughs some more at her unhappy and tired look as she stops and comes in through the swinging door, putting her head down on his shoulder and he pats her on the back, smiling at him sardonically as she puts on an apron and begins to serve customers. He can’t help but to laugh some more as she smacks a guy across the face for pinching her ass after she turned around once taking his order and then Mr. Dumas then yells at him to stop laughing and get back to work before he fires him.

“Looks like I’m not the only one that is being a nuisance to Mr. Dumb-ass today.” Anna comments stepping behind the counter to get the pervert’s cinnamon roll and coffee he ordered along with his bitch slapping, thinking if she should spit in it or not. Looking around the café she sees different types of people come in and out, businessmen, women, children, college students, just a huge variety of people already and its only 7:30.

“Yeah well at least he didn’t threaten to fire you…but we all know why he will never fire you.” Bennie winks at her, nudging her with his elbow and shields himself with his forearms, trying to protect himself from getting slapped on the arm or chest by Anna then yelping in pain when she jabs him in his right shoulder also slapping him lightly on the face as if to bitch him. She smiles at him once again and puts on her façade once again and walks off to give the young man who groped her his breakfast, watching her carefully as she just acts as if nothing happened wondering how she does it.

Isabel can feel Bennie’s eyes burning into her back as she serves consumers their fuel for the morning, but she doesn’t mind. Bennie’s the only person she likes that works in this café and he’s nice to her and didn’t judge her the first time she walked in here, he’s also cute and has an awesome personality but she’s doesn’t see her and him like that…besides, he doesn’t pitch for her team anyway. She knows she shouldn’t be thinking about other guys but it keeps her mind off of the past and Jesse, but the thing about it is…she doesn’t miss him like she thought she would.
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Chapter 2

Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:48 pm

Chapter Two

“Why do we always end up getting ditched and end up having to close ourselves on the most horrible nights of the week?” Isabel exasperates to her co-worker as they wipe down counters and sweep the dirt-ridden floor, moving quick so that they can both go home and lie down in their comfy beds, wanting so badly to get off their sore feet and sleep in late the following morning.

“Well think about it this way, we do it now and then in the winter when it snows we’ll ditch them so that they have to wade through the snow storms when they’re done with closing.” Bennie smirks at Anna as he finishes cleaning the coffee maker, heading towards the back room to hang his apron on the rack behind the door, coming back in to see Anna sitting down in one of the booths, half-asleep. “Hey sleepy head wake up!” He shakes her awake and in response she groans loudly as he takes a hand in helping her up out of the booth, putting his arm around her shoulder as she complains about long work hours, short breaks, and a pervert for a boss, he turns out the lights and closes the café as they begin to walk home together in the rain, but at least they have an umbrella to share.

“Thanks for walking with me, I really appreciate it and the company too.” She states, yawning after almost tripping in a crack in the sidewalk but catches her self before she has yet another brutal fall. Looking at Bennie, she notices that he has a weird expression on his face, like he wants to ask her something. “Something you want to ask me Bennie?” She nudges his shoulder to get his attention, watching vigilantly as his serious expression becomes calmer and more relaxed.

“Uh no it’s nothing…well nothing of importance anyway plus you probably don’t even want it brought up otherwise.” He rambles on seeing her amused expression, almost like giving him permission to ask. “Well…I was wondering why you have been falling asleep so often on the job? I mean are you not sleeping well or something because earlier today I almost saw you face plant into someone’s very hot, steaming coffee.” He questions embarrassed that he asked her such a prying question that may be a personal problem or maybe something that she may not want to answer at all. He watches as her amused look drops and become serious, seeing her face squint in deep contemplation, wishing he never asked or even thought about in the first place but notices her face turn blank as if she doesn’t have an reply to his curiosity.

“Well, it’s a little personal but…” She thinks for a moment trying to come up with an excuse for the nightmares that have been afflicting her for over a week. “I have a sleeping disorder and I won’t go into detail but I have some major problems getting to sleep at night that it affects what I do in waking life a lot of the time.” She confesses feeling awful that she just lied to the one person she counts as a friend but knows that there is some truth to her little fib. Watching him nod she smiles to him and mentions that it’s nothing for him to be worried about and they continue walking ‘til they make it to the gated community that is her apartment complex. Hugging him affectionately, she thanks him; typing in the code of her complex and getting in behind the gates, Isabel waves goodbye to Bennie and speedily walks toward her home, hoping not to be soaked by the time she steps inside.

Now inside and drinking a hot cup of cocoa with a fleece blanket wrapped around her, she watches the fire spark and crackle in the fireplace as she goes through her notes that she took about her dreams. As she fingers through them she then finds a page that has nothing to do with them at all but instead has doodles and the name ‘Alex’ written all over the paper.

“I guess I didn’t realize what all I was writing down or thinking about, even though I don’t remember even thinking about him last night.” She reads all she wrote down little hearts and stars around his and her name, the love that she still feels for him coming off her in waves as she stares longingly at his name. For about the thousandth time in the week that she has lived in Augusta, she cries, cries for her parents, her lost love, the dreams that plague, and the man that she thought she loved but doesn’t even miss, all the emotions coming out in her tears. Wiping them away she retreats to her bedroom and takes out the pictures she brought along with her and looks through them once again. Heading back into the living room, she picks up the phone and dials, “Bennie, I know it’s late but I really need someone to talk to right now.” She hangs up the receiver and waits for Bennie to get there. Even though she’s not going to tell him her secret she decides that she should tell him more than what he already knows about her…which is basically nothing but she feels she can trust him and thinks it’s about time she had a friend that knew as much about her as Alex or Kyle did. ‘So far in my life…all my best friends have been guys’ she laughs to herself as the funny thought comes to mind wondering why it is that she can get along with the male population more than her own gender besides her beauty.

After about ten minutes she hears a knock at her door and answers it to see that Bennie is at the door with a pillow and a grocery bag with two things of ice cream. She graciously thanks him, gets two spoons from her kitchen and they sit down on the couch, put more wood in the fire, and begin as Bennie puts it, ‘her cleansing of self’, luckily, they both have a day off tomorrow.

“So sweetie, what is it that you want to talk about because it must be important if you had the nerve to call me at midnight for me to get my ass over here.” He states taking a spoonful of chocolate ice cream into his mouth and giving her a look. Seeing her laugh at his comment, her knees huddled under her and a blanket wrapped around her, her auburn hair flowing at her sides…’Bennie, stop having heterosexual thoughts about your friend!’ he reprimands himself ‘you have a boyfriend!’.

“Well I guess I have been thinking about your question from earlier about my lack of sleep…and I...I guess I wanted to add a little more to that explanation of mine.”

“Anna you really don’t have to add to your explanation, it satisfied my thirst of curiosity just fine!” He talks with his hands as he speaks watching her lips form an amusing grin as if knowing he wished to know more but doesn’t want to pry into her personal life which is why he felt guilty in the first place for asking.

“No, I need to tell you the truth as to why I haven’t slept well because I lied to you about the sleeping disorder before and I’m sorry but…I’m just not the most trusting person but once you asked why, that’s when I knew I could trust you because…most people don’t observe and ask how I’m really feeling very often.” She speedily says taking no breaths in between her long run-on sentence, looking at Bennie then looking down ashamed that she didn’t trust him in the first place. ‘I guess this is what it is like to discover your human side’ she thinks to herself, relieved that she just realized how important it is to have a trusting friend.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth and I must say that I’m a little bit appalled at the fact that you lied to me but now that I know you think of me as a friend and someone that you trust it cancels out the fact that you fibbed about your disorder.” He smiles at her, knowing that she trusts him and counts him as a friend, that makes him happy and he can see that she’s relieved that he wasn’t mad at her.

“Thank you for not being mad at me and I can tell that you are the kind of person who doesn’t accuse someone of a crime before finding them guilty.” She states happily and hugs him and gives him one of her genuine smiles and decides it’s time to tell him about the true reason she almost face planted into that coffee mug this morning. “Okay, well I’m just going to cut to the point…I haven’t been sleeping well because I have been having these nightmares that have been plaguing me for the past week or two and I must admit…they’re pretty disturbing. The other night I was so disturbed and perplexed that I stayed up the rest of the night from about 2:30 ‘til my alarm went off writing down what happened and what weird symbols were in them.” She stops for a sec and watches his reaction and he tells her to go on but if she didn’t want to, not to go into detail. “Well the question of it is, what are the dreams trying to tell me? I got one message and now I feel really guilty because of it and I feel like I’m being haunted by these stupid dreams but I don’t think I can get rid of them until I resolve what they are attempting to get through to me, if you catch my drift.”

“That’s interesting and very odd and I can see why that would cause your lack of sleep but if you don’t mind me asking, why do you feel guilty about dreams that you can’t control?”

“Oh that…uh…I’ll explain it but I don’t know if you’ll understand what I’m about to say. Anyway, I had this friend whom I was very close to, involved you could say, and a little over a year ago…he died.” Isabel puts her hand up to keep Bennie from saying sorry and continues, “but he didn’t actually just die…he was murdered and a friend…well an acquaintance of mine figured out that a good friend of mine was involved in his murder and she left too, right after we all figured it out. About a few months ago, she came back and we didn’t really give her a chance to explain herself, you’ll see why that’s important in a sec, and she killed herself for reasons unbeknownst to us but I’ve just recently realized through my dreams that she was innocent all along. So now I feel guilty for not giving her a chance to explain herself as to why she was involved in his murder.” Isabel puts her head down in shame and feels Bennie put a comforting hand on her shoulder and nod, giving her a look of understanding.

“Basically you’re saying that after one little piece of evidence pointed to this friend of yours, you just assumed she had to do with this friend’s murder but didn’t actually prove her guilty before asking her reasons as to why she was involved and letting her prove her innocence.” He says in a statement rather than a question.

“Exactly and now I feel as if I was one of the reasons she killed herself, but I think I can redeem myself if I find out the true reasons why she was involved and I think someone was controlling her.”

“Just from your dreams you can determine this? Wow, that’s quite a gift you got, there’s more behind that gorgeous exterior of yours besides brains and logic.” He says dumbfounded, not really knowing what else to say.

“Yes and well I don’t count it as a gift, it’s more of a curse but in this case…I think I can make an exception for it if I can make a true verdict as to what happened to my…boyfriend.” She finally says the word that she knew Bennie was expecting her to say and he nods and smirks at her, giving her his full attention and support.

“Well…I really don’t know what to say because I’ve never been in your kind of situation but I can give you a good luck so that you figure out what you need to so that you can sleep peacefully once again. Like you wouldn’t let me say before, I’m sorry about your friends and the suffering and mourning you had to go through because of their sudden deaths, that’s a lot to go through and so far I haven’t had to go through what you have gone through. If you don’t mind me asking, is this your first time on your own without your parents around?”

She looks at him knowing full well that he wants to come out of the depression of the conversation they are having and smiles, “Yeah…well sort of…. I mean I have been on my own but they were still near, but this is the first time I’ve actually not been near them at all…like I’m at least 3000 miles away from them and I have to admit this has been pretty hard on me. I miss them terribly and I wrote a letter to them but I haven’t sent it…I don’t know if I can it’s…it’s complicated. I also must confess that I’m still trying to cope with Alex’s death and the fact that I think about him 24/7 and that he is almost in every one of my dreams each night doesn’t help.”

“Well…uh…the only advice I can give you about that hon’ is…you just need to find a way to cope. Find a hobby that will keep your mind off of him and the dreams at that but don’t let it go too far until you’re not thinking about Alex at all, it’s not good just to forget about him but from the look on your face…there’s something else.” Bennie states noticing the look that passes her face and leaves as quickly as it came, believing that she’s not telling him something.

“Bennie…what would you think of me if I told you that I think that Alex could be alive?”

Have you forgotten all I know
and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand

(Excerpt from "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence)
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Chapter 3

Post by StarGazing101 » Wed Jul 23, 2003 10:12 pm

Banner added in first post!

Chapter Three

Lost in a dying world I reach for something more
I have grown so weary of this lie I live

His green eyes reflect his confusion as the words come off her lips and wonders if she has gone off the deep but decides against asking her that and responds, “Well before I make a judgment on your odd remark, first explain this theory of yours to me.”

She sits up straighter, excited that he wants to hear and begins to explain, “Well ever since Alex has ‘supposedly’ been dead, I’ve had him in my dreams each night…but it seems he doesn’t want to go away. I know it’s partly because I don’t want to let him go…but I don’t think he can go. I think that maybe he’s trying to tell me something and he seems so real to me…as if he never left me so I’m thinking that maybe he got out of the car and wandered off before the cops and paramedics got on the scene. Secondly…I know this may sound really strange and I can’t really explain this next part to you so don’t ask questions…anyway, I think I’m connected to him, meaning I can feel him. When he’s in my dreams, there is always this weird euphoric feeling when he’s around and like when he holds me in them…I wake up with his scent on me. I know I sound crazy but please don’t dismiss me but I truly believe that he is out there somewhere, not knowing where he belongs or maybe who he is and that’s probably the reason he hasn’t come back or if not that, he knew they probably declared him dead and didn’t want to put the town into shock if he just came back from the dead.” She sees Bennie’s look become a little bewildered and turn back to calm, but his eyes still look perplexed, ‘he has a question to ask me’.

Bennie stands up and begins to pace the room, needing to get up and move around, trying to get his mind off the situation at hand. He then sits back down, a little closer to her than before and looks her straight in the eye, “Anna, your theory really interests me but…are you sure that it’s just not you, not that I’m trying to put it away but it seems a little farfetched. Now the other comment I have is…I know you told me not to ask but…when you mean connected…do you mean emotional, physical, or mental…and what was he to you like what did he mean to you? I’m sorry if that’s a personal subject but for me to understand this I need to know.”

I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this

She shifts her gaze away from him not wanting to make eye contact with him anymore and stands up like he did and begins to pace the floor and stops in front of the mantle piece and takes a deep breath. “Alex…was beyond words can express, he meant everything to me.” She whispers barely audible and the tears begin to stream down her melancholy face. “Well to start from the beginning, I’m not the most open person around and…I wasn’t exactly very friendly to Alex when we first met. I used to shun him, like he was the plague…because I was afraid…afraid of my feelings, afraid of letting him in to the vulnerable person that was me. People always thought I wasn’t interested in him because I was such a bitch to him but in reality…I was head over heels in love with him. The thing I wasn’t expecting though, was him to see right through my icy façade and not give up on me, so I pushed away even more. We never even went out on a real date but we were always there for each other and then when he came back from his trip…he was so different from what I remember. He learned to say no to me, wasn’t so beguiled by me anymore but I knew from the gleam in his eyes that it was taking every bit of will power for him not to be the love-sick puppy he used to be. We went to Prom together as just friends…but ended the night with a heated session of passionate love making, our first time.” Isabel says, blushing from embarrassment and Bennie’s lips form a huge grin.

“Well, that definitely tells me where the connection comes from and this also convinces me of your theory and I am here to help!” Bennie stands up and gives her an affectionate hug. He lets go of his embrace and can see the tears still running down her cheeks but knows they’re not for sadness anymore, but for happiness. “Anna, if you don’t mind me asking…who were you with, not guy wise, before you came here and why did you leave them, not that I’m not happy you left them or I wouldn’t have met you.”

I've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all I have created

Isabel thinks for a moment before she answers, “Uh…well…the thing about that is, “ she thinks for a few minutes more, not knowing how to describe what she’s going to tell him, “lets just say I was on my last nerve and someone crossed it. You see, before I came here I was with a group of friends and my brother, we were leaving home and basically traveling anywhere we could…don’t ask about that. Anyway, things have been a little tense between my brother and I; unfortunately we never really worked things out. It has always been his word over mine and I was sick of it, he pulled my last nerve and he really hurt my feelings. I know it was selfish of me but I just needed to get out of there, I have always been with someone or with a group but it was time for me to become independent and discover myself since I barely even know myself let alone my emotions.” She takes a deep breath knowing full well she’s going to have explain the argument her and Max had in detail rather then half truth and half lie. “Here’s what happened…”

In the middle of nowhere, the group stands by a Motel Six, staring at the van, which is smoking from the engine because it has overheated. Isabel looks bored and runs her hands through her short hair and watches her friends, all looking disgruntled and tired and suggests that maybe Kyle should fix it in the morning and they should get a good night sleep. Most everyone agrees and decides that they all need a good night sleep without them all being cramped together in the van and a little space from each other, especially Max and Isabel since things seem to be tense between them but no one really knows what. Later that night we see Isabel outside the Motel Six in deep thought when Max comes out of their motel room.

“Hey sis, thinking ‘bout anything important?” Max asks smiling and leaning against the wall, watching her curiously as she shuffles her feet in the dirt and doesn’t answer him right away, not knowing how to respond to her actions, “I know you miss him.” He states off topic but knows that maybe they both need to get out what they are really feeling as of now and try to get rid of the rift between them.

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everybody can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not

Isabel gives him the ‘why did you have to bring that up’ look and turns back around, not wanting to look him straight in the eye. “Max, I know that we have had quite a bit of sibling rivalry in the past two years but one little talk isn’t going to help that, letting out our “true” feelings isn’t going to fix this. You have no idea how I’m feeling right now or what I’m feeling so don’t bother about asking me.” She states coldly knowing full well that she sounds like a bitch but the whole reason why she came out here in the first place was because she wanted to be alone.

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out

“Well sorry.” Max stresses the ‘o’ as he says it as if to say ‘stop acting like such a bitch and let’s get this over with’. “You know, I thought that maybe if we talked we could improve this silent argument that has been going on between us but I guess you don’t want to help with it even though if we continue this it’s going to make this whole experience even worse for us and especially for our friends!” Max reprimands his sister going into ‘control mode’.

Isabel can feel the anger begin to boil and she turns on him, “Well I’m sorry if I’m sounding like such a bitch but right now I just want to be alone to sulk in my own solitude if you can understand that! Like I stated before, talking isn’t going to help this and you know it! I’m sick of you and this entire game of ‘lets not get killed by our enemies’, I’m not blaming this on you but I am on my last nerve right now and you are very close to pulling it!”

“I know that you are mad, sad, and angry but don’t take it out on me. I know I have nothing to do with it. You are just mad because you had to leave Jesse even though we all know that you and him are better off without each other!” Max yells at her but regrets saying what he said, ‘shit’ he thinks to himself.

“You know what Max, maybe you’re right, maybe I am better off without him but that still doesn’t make it easy! God, none of you understand what I am going through or what I have gone through this past year…well Kyle’s sort of an exception but he doesn’t even know the full story and I’ll admit I made a mistake! My mistake was marrying Jesse and don’t even gloat about it because you were right but if you really knew me you would know why I did it but it’s not like anyone takes the time to ask me anymore. I don’t even get a chance to tell my ideas or what we should do whenever we have our alien meetings because you are too busy preaching about how we should stay low but look where it has got us! We are in the middle of nowhere with a broken down piece of shit van with not even a hundred dollars in our pockets, we might as well all be dead!”

“No, I know why you married him and why you did what you did, it’s because you can’t stand to be alone and if you really loved Alex you wouldn’t have whored yourself with all those older men like you did!” Max clamps his hand over his mouth after he says it, knowing that he just crossed the line with his sister.

I can't feel
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
don’t turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

The tears begin to form in her eyes and her breath becomes a little ragged, like she just got the wind knocked out of her, “Don’t you dare bring Alex into this! You have no idea what it has been like without him and you know what, I used to imagine that he was always with me that he was alive. I would talk to him in public but he wasn’t really there! I have had people call me crazy right in my face and I cried myself to sleep almost every night because of him, of course I hid it from Jesse because I was in denial over his death and that’s why I married Jesse, because a figment of my imagination told me to move on and that figment forgave me but I NEVER forgave myself! Of course, he never would have called me a WHORE!”

“What the hell is going on out here?” Michael yells opening the door, having listened to the whole conversation from inside, but would have heard it anyway due to their yelling, Maria and the rest of the gang behind him.

Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now

Isabel looks at them with crying eyes and brings her hand up and slaps Max across the face, “I’m never talking to you again! I don’t care if we are on this trip together or if we have the same friends but I am not speaking another word to you because the Max that I thought I knew would have never have said that I didn’t love Alex or would have claimed me a whore.” She runs inside, pushing past Michael and them and locks herself in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

“Max, what the hell did you say to her?” His wife asks him, bringing her hand up to touch the red hand imprint that his sister just gave him.

“…I locked myself in the bathroom until I knew everyone was asleep. At about three in that morning I came out and packed a small duffel of stuff, only a few outfits, essentials, and cherished belongings and left, leaving only notes of goodbye and a nasty note to my brother. I knew it would have happened eventually but I didn’t think it would have gotten that bad between us.” Isabel finishes, close to tears just thinking about it and sees the look on Bennie’s face, almost like he understands.

“I understand where you’re coming from, the same thing happened between my family and I when I ‘came out of the closet’, my dad didn’t take it very well. The only advice I can give you is…just make sure you resolve it in your lifetime before it’s too late. My mother took it well and so did my siblings but my father threw me out of the house, we haven’t talked for seven years, we can’t even be in the same room without getting into an argument.” Bennie puts his head down and runs his hand through his already ruffled hair, “He wasn’t the only one that didn’t take it well though, my cousin, my best bud, he abandoned me after and said he just couldn’t be friends with me, he may be five years older but we have always been the best of friends and the way that I chose to live frightened him so, he went all macho on me and said ‘stay away from me’. Total homophobe.”

“I’m sorry that happened between you and your family and I can’t believe your cousin would just shun you like that. Hopefully, if I ever do go back home, my brother will be there and we can resolve this but the time he picked to talk things out was bad timing for me but I think before I can resolve everything with my brother…. I need to find myself first and know at least how I feel about everything. I’m just so confused right now that I feel like I’m a broken jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and if I don’t find those missing pieces or resolve them…I’m never gonna be whole.” Isabel feels herself beginning to break down but holds it back, she may trust Bennie enough to reveal a few intimate facts but to be raw and weak right in front of him would be totally against her own resolve.

“I have one thing to comment on before we go to sleep,” Bennie states as Anna stands up and he begins to get comfy on the couch, “I know you and your brother have things to work out but the people you really shouldn’t lose contact with is your parents, keep them close…because you never know when you’re going to need their help.” Bennie yawns and says goodnight as she retreats to her room.

Isabel takes out the letter she wrote to her parents and wonders if she should send it or not, the words that Bennie said repeating over and over in her mind like a broken record player. ‘Should I send it?’ her mind questions. After contemplating the decision some, she puts the letter away and decides to do something about it in the morning. Lying down, she turns out her light and stares at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, thinking about all that her and her best friend just talked about. Reflecting about her past and future, his name pops into her mind once again, ‘Jesse’. She sits up angrily and puts her hands against her temples, shaking her head back and forth not wanting to think about him or how she made the mistake of marrying a rebound while she was in denial over Alex. She takes her hands away from her head and sees that she’s trembling violently and lays down in a fetal position in the middle of her bed, silent tears treading down her cheeks like a waterfall.

Everyone feels so far away from me
Happy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this, All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away

Tension is building inside steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me

‘I never loved him, he was just a rebound in all the pain that consumed my every waking moment, the feelings that wouldn’t let themselves out because I wouldn’t let them, the angst in my life between all the alien shit and trying to keep my father from totally exposing us. He’s safe now and doesn’t have to worry about a thing now, he’s better off without me and I’m better off without him…everything works out in weird ways but leaving him behind is something I’m never going to regret. Besides, I bet he didn’t love me…I mean why would a twenty-six-year old lawyer want a nineteen-year old, young woman who doesn’t even know what she wants in life? We’re better off without each other and now that he’s out of my life, I will force myself not to be consumed by my past but to find a future within the lost memories and find the lost love of my life, whom I know is out there somewhere.’

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away

The next morning Isabel wakes up and heads for the kitchen, her stomach growling since she didn’t eat dinner last night. She looks over on the couch to find the blankets folded and a note on the mantle:

Hey Anna,

Sorry I had to leave early this morning and you looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you. My boyfriend called me and since he had to work he wanted to have an early breakfast, which I couldn’t refuse ;), consider what I said and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.


Isabel folds up the note and places it back on the stack of blankets and pillows and smiles. She runs to her bedroom and grabs a piece of paper and an envelope and begins to write on the envelope. Putting on her shoes, she jogs to the front of her apartment complex and places the letter in the mailbox and grins happily.

“Write back soon mom.”

(Excerpts from “Away From Me” by Evanescence, “Faint” by Linkin Park, and “From the Inside” also by Linkin Park)
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Chapter Four

Post by StarGazing101 » Tue Aug 05, 2003 8:48 pm

Chapter Four

(Two Weeks Later)

Isabel softly sings to herself as she wipes down the counters of The Kiwi Express, watching Bennie lip-synch to ‘Hey Mickey!’ by Toni Basil, using the broom as his microphone. She laughs to herself and continues to clean, wishing she had something better to do right now, ‘I wonder if my parents got my letter?’ the thought pops in her mind.

“I’m so glad to be home, it was so chilly in Cambridge!” Diane states taking off her coat after her and her husband arrive home from his business trip in Connecticut, where it had been raining and in the fifties-sixties the whole time they were there. She places her coat on the rack behind the door and watches as a confused _expression crosses Phillip’s face as he ruffles through the accumulation of mail that arrived in the past two weeks while they were gone. “What is it Phillip?” She asks her dazed husband as she sits down on the couch next to him, squeezing his shoulders affectionately.

“Who’s Annabelle Davidson?” He questions looking at the envelope curiously. Their address scrawled on the front with no return address, just a name in the left hand corner.

Sitting for a sec, “Then how about we open it and find out?” Diane states the obvious, grabbing the envelope out of his hands and ripping the letter with her nail.

“So, Anna, what are ya doing tonight?” Bennie asks after his comedic performance of ‘Hey Mickey!’ taking a stool next to his good friend.

“Probably going home and do nothing or maybe watch a few shows on the tube and go to bed, I don’t know.” She looks at the bright blue clock on the wall seeing that it’s 10:30 and sighs, not really ready to go home yet. “Why do you ask?”

“Well I was wondering if you’d like to join my boyfriend, Chris, and I at the club tonight? I mean, you seem stressed and all we seem to be doing is working, so I just thought that maybe we both need a break…plus I want you to meet Chris.” Bennie takes off his apron and lays it on the counter, watching her in deep thought of the subject.

“I don’t know. I mean, this isn’t some kind of swinger club or rave is it, because I’m not really into that kind of thing.” She watches him break out into laughter and blushes at the thought.

“No! It’s a place where all people are welcome whether straight or ‘out of the closet’; it’s right on the other side of town and doesn’t take too long to get there. I could drop you off at your apartment, you can get changed, and Chris and I will pick you up and we’ll be on our way to The Black Iguana.”

“Okay, but what time should I be ready and also, why is it called The Black Iguana?” She asks distantly from the back of the café, changing into her street clothing.

“It’s called The Black Iguana because it has Iguanas and different animals camouflaged on the walls outside and on the back drops of the stage. The reason for the black is because they have a lot of black and florescent lights inside that make everyone look really cool when they’re dancing and quite sexy might I add.” Bennie raises his eyebrows some and winks at her.

Isabel laughs at his gesture and grabs her purse, deciding that a night a fun is definitely not a bad thing and it will probably help her keep her mind off of unpleasant things, like her dreams.

After reading the letter about a million times, Diane can’t stop crying. After hearing from Max about how Isabel had just up and gone, she had been worried about her baby girl if she was alright or not but after getting a letter from her, she thanks God that she’s safe and sound and is doing well on her own. She watches as Phillip reads the letter once again and can see the happiness in his face but from the wrinkles on his forehead can see the masked worry behind it.

“God,” he breathes, “I can’t believe this.” He puts his hand on his chin as if contemplating something and puts the letter down on the table. “I’m glad she’s okay but why didn’t Max mention to us that he and Isabel had an argument? I mean, we would have been worried either way but to worry us more by say she just spontaneously got angry at him and left is just unbelievable.” He gets up and heads to the kitchen, getting a cup of tea for himself and Diane. Even though it’s only 7:48, he’s tired, but it’s probably due to jet lag and the huge altitude change.

“You know how Max is, even though we’re in on this whole secret of theirs now still doesn’t mean that they are going to keep us informed on every little detail of their lives. In my opinion,” she takes the cup of tea from him and leans into him, “I think that maybe Max didn’t mention it to us because it really does have something to do with him. I mean, you’ve seen how he and Isabel have been these past years, they’ve been arguing more and they didn’t spend as much time with each other as they used to and it just got worse when Alex died.”

“Yeah I know, and I know my investigating didn’t help it either but, Isabel’s always been closer to us than he has-“

She interrupts him, “Isabel’s always needed that security and Max has always been distant but like I said it just got worse over the years. Ever since we first adopted our daughter she has been kind of clingy, she needs that security, to know that someone is there for her to fall on. Like when she got married so fast after Alex’s death. We knew that it was wrong but she just needed that feeling that she had someone and I think with Max trying to keep his distance it prevented Isabel from really getting closer to us and she went for someone that she didn’t know at all, someone new, fresh, to dig her claws in. You could see it in her eyes, she didn’t love him but Jesse was there for her, and with him knowing absolutely nothing about her, he didn’t know what he was getting into so it made him more of a candidate to be her next victim. Usually, she didn’t run to someone so fast but because of the love and devotion she felt for Alex and had just realized it made her run to someone faster than she usually would have. Remember how long she cried for him the night after he died? God, how could I forget! Comforting her every night for 2 months was awful, to see her so torn apart broke my heart but there was nothing I could do about it. She never got over it so she pushed it to the back of her mind, put on the smile, and let it flow.”

Phillip had listened to her all the way through and agreed with her on every point, not knowing what to say after her sensible rambling, “Good point. So, what should we do about the letter then?”

“At first I was a little worried that she didn’t give us an address but since she included it in the letter itself, we should write back as soon as we can. I would love to take a plane and go hug my daughter to death but,” she sees the look on her husband’s face, “I know we can’t though. We’ll write back and maybe one day we’ll be able to see her.” Diane states hurtfully, but willing, hoping that she’ll soon be able to go visit since it’s too dangerous for her to come back.

Isabel checks herself in the mirror and frowns at her appearance and thinks for a moment, ‘Even though I don’t want to use my powers, but why let them go to waste? Who knows when I’m going to need so…some recreational use wouldn’t be wrong…but helpful! Plus this outfit needs some major spicing up if I’m to a club where there will be tons of…hopefully gorgeous, young men.’ She takes her hand and swipes it over the bland, pink, strapless top she was wearing and turns it into a tight, dark red tube top with silver stars on it, showing a little cleavage. She does her bottoms and turns her denim jean skirt into a black jean mini skirt, which goes barely halfway down her thighs. She frowns again and looks at herself curiously, ‘I’m missing something…aha!’ she then runs her hands over her black boots and lengthens them to stop below her knee, ‘there we go, now to the hair.’

Chris honks the horn of his black jag as they make it to Anna’s apartments. “So, what is she like?” He asks his boyfriend.

“Oh she’s great, a little on the reclusive side but an awesome friend and is quite funny to-“ He stops mid-sentence, seeing Anna walking towards the car. “Wow!” He breathes, ‘this is one of those times where I wish I wasn’t gay!’

“Hey guys!” She states getting in the beautiful black jag. “What? Do I look bad?” She says checking herself in Chris’s rearview mirror.

“No, you look fucking gorgeous! You are definitely going to be ‘the heartbreaker’ tonight! Oh, this is my boyfriend Chris, Chris this is Anna!” Bennie states excitedly, turning back around as they drive off towards Main Street.

Chris turns his head around quickly and nods, keeping his eyes on the road, trying not to look down her top. ‘Hey, I may be gay but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy looking down a girl’s top once in a while.’ He thinks to himself.

Isabel laughs at Chris’s shirt and notes what both he and Bennie are wearing. Still laughing, she notices that Chris and Bennie are very good shoppers and knows that Bennie knows his designers well, him wearing a baby yellow shirt, white & black go-go boots, and a pair of leather pants. ‘He has got to be the first guy I know that voluntarily wears leather pants and Chris has got to buy his shirts online to find something like that’ shaking her head heartily at Chris’s lime green shirt that says ‘Sex Machine’ in bold letters across the front and on the back ‘Exclusive membership only if you want a piece of this.’ in smaller letters. Finishing his outfit with a pair of tight jeans, sneakers, and with the gelled, messy-looking hairstyle.

After about a 10-minute ride, they get out of the car and get in line out front. She sees that Bennie wasn’t lying about it having Iguanas camouflaging the front and stares at the craftsman ship of the painting and also makes sure her ID says she’s legal, if you know what I mean.

“So, Anna, you ready to dance the night away?” Bennie asks taking his ID out of his wallet.

“Oh, definitely! Tonight is going to be a night of fun and no worries.”

“And alcohol. You can’t forget the alcohol!” Chris interjects.

“You didn’t mention to me that there would be alcohol.” She looks pointedly at her friend, ‘Damn it! Should I tell them I’m allergic or say I don’t like it…or should I just go with the flow and forget about the consequences? This is supposed to be my night and of course it’s ruined by the mention of alcohol. Great! There’s going to be a bunch of drunk fools trying to grope me tonight!’ her thoughts yell out.

“Sorry ‘bout that, I didn’t know if you drank or not or don’t mind being around some drunks. Chris and I don’t usually drink a lot, maybe a few Heineken’s and shot or two of Vodka and that’s it…usually…?” Bennie states looking down at the ground unsure of what she would think of him, he looks back up to see her smiling.

‘Well, looks like it’s time to start lying through my teeth…sort of’ “I don’t mind a few drinks it’s just that I don’t want a bunch of drunks groping me, because it has happened before and I really don’t like it.”

“We’ll protect you if any guys try to grope you. Besides, I don’t think they’ll be able to grab your breasts if they can’t even sit on a stool, they’re so drunk.” Chris states patting her on the back and squeezing her shoulder.

‘These guys are definitely my best friends!’ She smiles at the thought.

In the club after a 15-minute wait in line, she looks around to see tons of people her age and older dancing, drinking, and just having tons of fun. ‘You know what, screw everything tonight, I’m going to enjoy myself!’

“So, what do you think?” Bennie hollers over the blasting music, him and Chris shouldered together, Chris’s arm around Bennie’s waist.

‘Now that’s a different sight to see’ “It’s loud but I think I’ll be enjoying myself to-…night.” She stops mid-sentence and slurs the rest out, a very cute guy catching her eye.

Bennie and Chris look at where she’s looking and see that she’s staring at some guy whose dancing with another chick.

“Is that Frost over there?” Chris whispers to Bennie.

“I think it is. How does he do it? Any girl that comes in this club catches him and they drool and stare, at least Anna does it with dignity.”

Chris laughs at his comment, “Hey Anna! Who ya staring at?” He smiles.

“Him over there, the guy that’s dancing with that slut over there.” She states, already jealous but can’t help it and notices the guy look over there at her and smile, pushing the bimbo away. “Oh my God! He’s coming over here! Do I look okay?” She asks panicked, taking out her compact mirror, making sure her hair and make-up looks okay.

Chris shakes his head, “Hon’ you look fine! Don’t ask us that again or we’ll be forced to knock some sense into that pretty little head of yours.”

“Thank you.” She states somewhat sardonically.

“Hey.” The guy comes up to her.

“H-h-hi!” She stutters, ‘nice going Iz.’

“Hey Gavin!” Bennie yells to him, seeing Anna’s bewildered look as if to say, ‘you know him?’

“Hey Bennie, hey Chris. Why don’t you introduce me to your friend here?” The words come out smoothly, smirking at her.

“Gavin, this is Annabelle Davidson, she’s new in town. Anna, this is Gavin Frost, player of the year.” Bennie introduces him and sees Anna laugh at his title.

‘I am not ‘player of the year’; I just like to hit on the ladies. Speaking of hitting on the ladies, would you like to dance Anna? If you don’t mind dirty dancing that is.” He states snidely.

‘I would dirty dance with you any day’ her hormones scream, making sure that didn’t actually come out of her mouth, “I’d love to and no I don’t mind.” She says letting his hand take hers and lead her to the dance floor.

Baby, baby we can do all that we want
We're getting’ nasty, nasty, we're getting freaky deaky
Baby, baby we can do more than just talk
Cause I can hear ya hear ya, and I can see ya see ya
Baby, baby we can do all that we want
We're getting nasty, nasty, we're getting freaky deaky…

Digital, digital get down just you and me
(You may be) Twenty thousand miles away but I can see ya
And baby, baby you can see me
Digital, digital get down just what we need
We can get together naturally
(We can) We can get together on the digital screen

As the song begins, Isabel sways with him, moving with his movements sexily. His deep blue eyes watching hers with hunger, wanting her more and more the longer the song goes on.

Every time I'm sittin’ home alone girl
I can't wait to get you on the phone girl
So pick it up babe
I can see everything you do
Bouncin’ me from satellite to satellite
I love the things you do for me so late at night
So turn me on yeah
It's like I'm right there next to you yeah

Can we get connected
I need some love and affection baby
I'll call you on the phone
I hope that I get through
If you're in the mood and I'm not home
Here's what you do: leave a message
You know the kind (you know the kind I like)I like to get back to

I lose my mind just when you're speaking
I see you on the screen, I get to freaking
So get down babe
And I'll get down for you (I'll get down for you)
I get so excited when I'm watching girl
I can't wait to see you touch your body girl
It's just me and you
So we can do what we gotta do (yeah)

Can we get connected
I need some love and affection baby
I'll call you on the phone
I hope that I get through
If you're in the mood and I'm not home
Here's what you do: leave a message
You know the kind (you know the kind I like)I like to get back to

They grind each other slowly with each beat and as the song continues they get more into it. ‘God! I can’t believe I’m grinding with some guy that I just met! God, what would Alex think? Isabel stop! He’d be happy you’re having fun.’

Digital, digital get down just you and me
(You may be) Twenty thousand miles away but I can see ya
And baby, baby you can see me
Digital, digital get down just what we need
We can get together naturally
(We can) We can get together on the digital screen

Digital, digital get down (get down)
Just what we need...

When the song is done, Gavin breathes out, “You’re quite the dancer aren’t you?” ‘Damn! She’s good! How do Bennie and Chris always meet the really hot chicks?’

“Yeah, I guess I am.” She whispers softly, flattered by his comment.

“Wanna get somethin’ to drink?”

“Sure.” She lets him lead her to the counter and they sit down, cooling down some from the vigorous workout they just had. She looks over at the dance floor and sees Bennie and Chris dancing wildly and laughs. “God, those two are so funny!”

“Aren’t they? What would you like? Alcohol or non-alcoholic beverage?”

“What are you getting?”

“Everclear. If you’ve never had it, careful, it gets ya smashed right on the spot…most of the time, especially if you have a low tolerance for alcohol.” He informs her, looking…more like staring into her hazel eyes, ‘God she’s beautiful.’

‘Should I or should I not?’ “Make that two.” ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this after all the warnings from Max and Michael but…they don’t know about everything that I’ve done and besides…they’re not here.’

(2-½ hours later)

Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty... you ain't here to party!

Ladies move, gentlemen move
somebody ring the alarm
a fire on the roof
Ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)
I said ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)
Ring the alarm (And I'm throwin elbows)

A very smashed Isabel and Gavin dancing together on the floor drunkenly with two very drunken gay guys. As they dance together, Isabel hears an interesting song come on overhead and leads Gavin out to the middle of the floor. “Lets dance baby!” She slurs, leaving Bennie and Chris to make-out.

Ooh, I'm overdue
Gimme some room, I'm comin' through
Paid my dues, I'm in the mood
Me and my girls gonna shake the room
DJ's spinnin (show your hands)
And let's get dirrty (that's my jam)
I need that ... to get me off
Sweatin' till my clothes come off

It's explosive, speakers are thumpin'
Still jumpin', 6 in the morning
Table dancin', glasses are crashin'
No question, time for some action!

Temperature's up (Can you feel it?)
'Bout to erupt (so get)
Gonna get my girls
Get your boys
Gonna make some noise...

Gavin and Isabel bump ‘n’ grind on the dance floor, their chests not even an inch apart, getting very naughty.

Gonna get rowdy
Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat drippin' over my body
Dancin' gettin' just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

Ahh, heat is up
So ladies, fellas, drop your cups
Body's hot from front to back
Move your ass, I like that

Tight hip huggers (low fo' sho')
Shake a little somethin' (On the floor)
I need that ... to get me off
Sweatin' till my clothes come off

Pretty soon, Isabel and Gavin are sweating, the club’s heat from being overcrowded and their own body heat firing them up. Isabel can feel Gavin’s hand on her ass but she’s so drunk she doesn’t even notice.

Let's get open, cause a commotion
We're still goin', 8 in the morning
There's no stoppin', we keep it poppin'
Hard rockin', everyone's talkin'

Be all you got (give it to me)
Just hit the spot
Gonna get my girls
Get your boys
Gonna make some noise...

Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat drippin' over my body
Dancin' gettin' just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

Here it comes
It's the one you been waitin' on
Get up, get it up
Yo, that's what's up
Givin' just what you want to the maximum
Uh oh
Here we go

You can tell when the music starts to drop
That's when we take it to the parking lot
And I betcha somebody's gonna call the cops
Uh oh's, here we go's
Ohh... yeahh...

As the song begins to end, we see them kissing passionately and stop, their foreheads touching, out of breath.

“Lets go somewhere else.” He states drunkenly.

“That’s fine with me, take me anywhere you’d like.” Not realizing what she just said, she leaves with him back to his apartment.

Gonna get rowdy
Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat drippin' over my body
Dancin' gettin' just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

Gonna get rowdy
Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat drippin' over my body
Dancin' gettin' just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

Wanna get rowdy
Let's get a little unruly
Wanna get dressed in a hurry
Let's get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Let's get a little unruly
Wanna get dressed in a hurry
Let's get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

Gavin lays Isabel on his bed and looks at her with his hungry eyes and watches him take off his shirt.

Not being able to take the sexual tension between them any longer, “Oh God, take me now!” She grabs him and pulls him down on top of her.

And now I see what I really am,
a thief a whore, and a liar.
I run to you,
Call out your name,
I see you there, father away.

(Most of “Digital Getdown” by N’Sync, the song “Dirrty” by Christina Aguilera, and an excerpt from “Farther Away” by Evanescence)
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Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Aug 21, 2003 9:45 pm

Posting this in two parts. Chapter 5B should be up this weekend. (Latest Thursday)

Chapter Five A

Constantly ignoring,
the pain consuming me,
but this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again

Isabel squints her eyes as the morning sun gleams in through the window and brings her hand up to visor her eyes, but feels something unexpected on her. She looks around her abdomen, seeing an arm draped around her and looks next to her to see a peacefully sleeping Gavin Frost holding her in his strong arms, lightly snoring.

She holds back a scream as she removes his arm from around her and stands up from the bed, feeling a draft of cold air around her, staring down to see her naked body; a gruesome shiver runs through her, ‘No, I didn’t…I couldn’t have…oh my God’, her mind races a million miles an hour, not quite registering what’s going on. She looks about the room, seeing clothes strewn all over the tiny place, her bra over the lamp, his shirt hung over the chair by his computer…she jumps when she sees his boxers next to her feet.

Moving quickly, she grabs her things and shakily puts them on, having a little trouble with coordination due to getting plastered last night, ‘Oh my god…I left Bennie and Chris behind!’ the thought comes to mind. Finally done dressing herself, she looks back from the door and sees the serene look on his face and whispers, “I’m sorry Gavin that we went into territory that was never meant to be tread,” the tears run down her face like a broken faucet, “I’m sorry…”

As she walks down the street, her head pounding, the hangover beginning to take effect, she sobs, covering her hand over her mouth and her body shaking violently. Her cries wrack her body and make the unwashed mascara run down her cheeks, her clothes wrinkled and hair disheveled…she resembles a streetwalker.

People stare at her and whisper incoherent things to each other as she walks, she looks at her surroundings only to see more people making comments to each other, and begins to walk faster, but it doesn’t help, soon she’s running. Pushing past the citizens on the sidewalk, hearing derogatory marks of ‘watch where you’re going’ and ‘watch out’ as she passes them.

She cuts through the park, running as fast as she can not wanting to hear the awful things people are thinking aloud but doesn’t see the branch on the sidewalk and trips, falling hard on the cement.

A middle-aged man helps her up, “Are you okay?” he asks, his hand on her arm, helping her dust off with the other.

“I’m fine!” She states nastily and jerks her arm out of his grip and continues to run through Jensen Park, being careful not to fall this time. She can feel a warm substance coursing down her shin but doesn’t stop to look and continues her journey home, to the comfort of her bed where she can wallow in her own self-pity.

Finally making it to her apartment, she unlocks the door quickly, runs inside, and heads straight for the shower. Undressing herself in no time flat, she gets in the shower and begins to scrub her body raw of the horrible acts that her and Gavin did the night before, but at the same time is getting flashes of the sexual activity that went on between them. The sex, the moans, the cries of pleasure pounding in her ears and the pictures going through her memory like a slide show, their sweating bodies moving in accord with each other, heads thrown back, forbidden desires followed in physical bliss…

Her resolve breaks and she slides down the shower doors, “What God-forsaken thought made me sleep with him? Why did I do it? What the fuck was I thinking sleeping with a perfect stranger without even getting to know them first? God! How could I have been so stupid! I’m a fucking whore to do something this dirty, this…Damn it!” She screams at herself, letting the hot water scold her pale body slowly giving her 2nd degree burns, turning her skin from white to a light pink.

Getting out of the shower, she dries herself off and dresses in a pair of loose pajamas since she actually did burn herself with the searing water in the shower. She feels the nausea begin to plague her stomach, making it rumble irritably and slowly feels it hitting her gag reflex, not giving her much time to make it to the bathroom…unfortunately, she doesn’t.

Bennie and Chris knock on her apartment door hoping to get an answer from Anna, hoping she’s okay and that Gavin didn’t take advantage of her or something. Looking at each other, they turn the knob to find that the door’s unlock, which Bennie knows is unusual because Anna is obsessive about keeping the door locked at all times, ‘something’s not right’ he thinks to himself. They split up to look for her in her small apartment, knowing that there’s something wrong with the air in the apartment.

“Bennie, I found her!” Chris yells to his boyfriend and watches him speed in. Bennie sees the site before him and covers his nose from the awful smell of vomit and sees Chris stroking Anna’s long hair, as she sobs in a fetal position in the middle of her bed. He sits next to her, looking around the room and sees why it smells, ‘She must have had a really rough night…’ he thinks to himself. He lips to Chris to comfort her and see what’s wrong and decides to clean up her room a little, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to come’ his guilt beginning to get the best of him, feeling horrible that something happened that shouldn’t have last night to his good friend, the bad vibes coming off her in waves.

“Hon’, you okay? Tell Uncle Chris what’s wrong.” Chris continues to stroke her hair, trying to be a good friend and not pry into her business but still wants to know what is wrong. Why she’s laying in a fetal position in the middle of her bed, crying about something, ‘I swear, if that Frost took advantage of her…I will kick his fucking ass!’

Isabel sits up some and lies back down, putting her head in Chris’s lap and takes his hand in hers, squeezing it gently as if to say ‘I’ll be okay, I just need a friend right now’. Being the good friend Bennie is, he cleans up her room and the mess she made earlier, not really caring how disgusting it is and looks at her and gives her a compassionate smile. She lips to him ‘thank you’ and closes her eyes, the tears threatening to spill again but decides not to hold them back and the room once again fills with her cries. As she sobs, she begins to tell them of the events that occurred the night before, how she shouldn’t have gotten drunk because she has an extremely low tolerance for alcohol and the dirty deed she and Gavin did, explaining that it was all her fault and that he didn’t take advantage of her in her intoxicated state.

“Anna, it’s not your fault. Things like this happen all the time. You were both drunk and hormonal and both needed a little loving, so you went for each other. Of course, there are going to be regrets but as long as you get past them, you will be just fine and can get on with your everyday life.” Bennie states to her and sits down next to her again as she sits up from lying down on Chris’s lap. He smiles at her and pats her leg kindly; he places his hand on her cheek, “Repeat after me, you will be okay.”

“I will be okay.” She repeats and smiles, tears glistening in her eyes and hugs Bennie, not letting go for a while.

“Sweetie, I can’t breathe.” Bennie says out of breath but happy that she’s going to be okay but still feels guilty.

“Oh! Sorry.” She apologizes and hugs Chris. “Thank you guys. I couldn’t have asked for better friends but I have one question, are hangovers always this bad?” Isabel lies down, placing her arm over her eyes, looking tired and sick.

Bennie and Chris laugh, “Dependent on the person but they usually are.” They answer simultaneously and stand up.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive my shift tonight-“

“Oh! I forgot you had to work tonight!” Bennie gasps, placing his hand over his mouth looking at her apologetically. ‘Nice going Ben! Getting her plastered the night before she has to work!’

Gavin slowly opens his eyes, the morning sunlight blinding and looks next to him and notices the indentation on the pillow, as if someone had slept there during the night. Reaching over and touching the imprint, softly caressing it, he can’t help but wonder if something else happened the night before but his memory’s fuzzy due to the massive amount of alcohol he had last night.

Unsteadily he gets up on his feet and stretches, feeling a very cold draft graze over him and he looks down noticing that he’s as naked as the day he was born.

He does a double take and has a very confused look crossing his features, “What the hell happened last night!” Finally glancing around his room, he notices his clothes strewn everywhere and a few bottles of Absolut Vodka and Bacardi Silver lying on the floor either half-empty or totally dry. Not only are there empty bottles and his clothes about the room, he then sees a silver bracelet hanging from one of his bed posts, ‘Oh damn…who the hell did I fuck last night?’ he attempts to remember but his mind is translucent of anything that happened the night before, ‘Also, I have never drank this much to get this smashed before…well smashed enough to not remember the current events of previous nights?’

(Excerpt from 'October' by Evanescence)
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Chapter 5B

Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:12 pm

Sorry, it's short. Next part will be longer!

Chapter Five B

Isabel serves ungrateful customers in the café, somewhat disgruntled due to the massive headache pounding against her temples and her stomach growling irritably, ‘why can’t Bennie be here?’ she thinks to herself, desperately wanting a friend right now. As she serves, she squelches in pain because of the wound that she got on her right knee from running home from his place earlier today.

She serves them sluggishly, not really wanting to be there, hearing remarks of ‘hurry up’ and ‘where’s my order?’ but doesn’t really care either way. As she continues to serve a mean patron, she hears the bell over the door to the café ring and looks ahead towards the wooden double doors and gasps, ‘Oh no, what is he doing here?’ her mind screams. Forgetting about the person she was helping, she makes a beeline for the back room and almost crashes into Nina on the way in, getting an evil look from her.

“Watch where you’re going Anna!” Nina bitches to her.

Isabel ignores her and looks out the small window, watching Gavin sit down at a booth and finger through a menu, ‘Don’t panic Iz…’ she mantras, trying to calm her intuitive mind down a bit. Deciding to overcome her fear, she gets back out in the café and begins to serve again, knowing full well that if her boss doesn’t see her working she may be fired, ‘Okay Iz…breathe…you can do this…’

“Hello and welcome to The Kiwi Express, what kind of coffee would you like today?” She states quickly without stuttering, pretending that nothing is wrong.

“Um…yeah, I’ll have a cup of Orange Coffee and two cinnamon rolls to go with it.” He looks at her as she takes his order and just stares into her beautiful hazel eyes, “Have we met before?” He asks, suddenly feeling a familiar surge run over his body.

She looks at him as if he’s crazy, ‘what in the…oh my God…he doesn’t remember!’ “Um…no. I don’t think we have met; I’m new in town. The name’s Anna.” She states calmly shaking his hand, somewhat relieved that he doesn’t remember what happened between them the night before.

“Yeah, I can see from your name tag.” He says somewhat disappointed…’why do I feel drawn to her?’

After getting Hell’s Angel’s order, she heads back to the break room and lets out the breath she was holding. “Okay…he doesn’t remember…thank God!” She praises to herself and abruptly gets a perplexed look on her face and sits up from where she was laying, ‘but wait a minute…is that a good or a bad thing?’

She continues to contemplate to herself and soon begins to fall asleep and within the next few minutes is in a deep slumber…

We see Isabel walking along a beach, sand squishing between her toes and her hands upon her hips, but the look on her face isn’t a happy one but a very serious look. She continues to tread the beach and soon we see the beach floor transgress into glass becoming clear and sparkly but soon begin to smear a dark red. Isabel kneels down and grazes the glass with her fingertips but finds that it is underneath that it is crimson, not on top. Looking closer she gasps, it isn’t red-colored water…it’s blood. Taking her eyes from looking through the glass, she jumps when she sees a small child about the age of two, three meters across from her. Standing up, she watches the little girl twirl on the glass, her yellow and pink-flowered dress spinning with her but stops abruptly when she notices Isabel. She smiles and puts her arms out to Isabel, wanting Isabel to come pick her up.

Isabel stares at her and begins to walk towards her, but as she walks the little girl begins to become farther away and everything begins to blur and become dark.

“Hold Me,” the tiny voice whispers in Isabel’s ear.

Now she’s running towards her but as soon as she gets within the range of a meter, the glass begins to break and Isabel falls through…her eyes now seeing red…

Isabel gasps as she wakes up from the haunting dream, her breathing ragged and her body convulsing, she can feel her heartbeat in her ears.

In Roswell, we see Diane writing:

Dear “Annabelle”,

We were ecstatic when we got your letter from you and we also apologize that it took us so long to get back to you. Your father and I were on a business trip in Connecticut at the time your letter came…two weeks ago.

So how have you been? So far everything here seems to be quiet, which I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad thing but for now it’s a good thing. Us parents have been talking and we did hear from your brother and he said that everything was going fine with them, still on the road looking for someplace safe…I’m glad you found someplace safe. You have no idea how worried I was about you when your brother told me a couple of weeks ago that you had left them after quite an uproar between you and him. Speaking of which, what exactly happened? I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but Max didn’t give any details as to why.

We miss you terribly though! When we opened this letter and saw that it from you, I just wanted to get on a plane (if I knew where you were) and see you. It’s not the same around here without you guys here terrorizing our lives. ;) . I would love to write more but I have housework to do and need to finish unpacking my things. Also, I really don’t understand how I’m supposed to send this back since you didn’t give us return address and just said to put it in the same envelope I hope this gets there. You’ll have to explain to me how that works. Anyway, we love you very much and wish you were here. Write back when you can.


Your mother and father

P.S. We love you very much and if you ever get down, don’t give up!
Last edited by StarGazing101 on Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Chapter 6

Post by StarGazing101 » Thu Sep 11, 2003 8:31 am

Chapter Six

Isabel comes home that night in not a very good mood, having had an awful day at work and such, she takes off her coat and lays it on the back of the couch and plops her self-down, exhausted both mentally and physically. She contemplates quickly about the dream she had, had at work earlier and stops when she gets to the part where she falls through the glass and into the blood. ‘What does it mean?’ she questions, ‘Why would I see a child in my dreams? The thought repeats like a broken record player.

To take her mind off the dream, she thinks about Hell’s Angel…a.k.a. Gavin Frost. ‘I guess we were so wasted last night…he didn’t remember what happened between us. So…why can’t I just forget about him?’

“Because you slept with him, duh!” Isabel states aloud, lightly smacking herself in the head. Sitting there for a few more moments, she finally stands up and heads for her bedroom.

Lying down on her bed, she continues to think about her one-night stand partner, her mind hangs on the subject, not wanting to let go for reasons unbeknownst to her. Finally not being able to take the pressure upon her heart any longer, she decides to go for the one thing she vowed she wouldn’t do…dream walk Gavin but unfortunately…she doesn’t have a picture. ‘If I can dream walk someone with a photograph…could I do it without a photograph or without them being drugged?’ Finally saying fuck it, she makes the decision to attempt to dream walk him without a visual reference. Creating a picture of him in her conscious, she brings it with her as she slips into sub-consciousness, beginning her endeavor.

Darkness is all she sees as she enters unknown territory, feeling somewhat ashamed at the fact she’s entering someone’s private property, invading their personal space. She’s surprised that it was this easy to get in but doesn’t know yet if she made it or not since it is totally black. Isabel walks blindly through his mind and wonders if she reached all the way in or not but then notices something familiar within his psyche…The Black Iguana.

She walks in past the crowded entrance and finds him…dancing with her dream self…both very drunk and dancing very dirtily with each other. ‘Wait a second, if this really did happen…how come the alcohol didn’t react the same way it did with Max and Michael?’ the question scours into her brain.

She watches vigilantly as her dream self and Gavin dance, the euphoric atmosphere and club scene making it even dirtier than it looks. She looks in horror as she watches him grab her ass but puts it down to she was so drunk…her reflexes weren’t working or she would have just up and slapped him. ‘Note to self: Never get drunk.’ The music continues to blast and she listens to the conversation they had refreshing her memory since the only thing she remembers is the sex, ‘don’t know if I should count that as fortunate or unfortunate.’ she raises her perfect eyebrow in curiosity at the prospect before her and gasps.

“Lets go somewhere else.” He states drunkenly.

“That’s fine with me, take me anywhere you’d like.”

‘Oh my god…’ She knew she had provoked the sex but she didn’t realize she had provoked the whole entire thing!

Isabel stands in shock amongst the young crowd and lets the tears fall knowing full well what came next and walks out of the club. She walks along the street but is soon transported to Gavin’s room where the sinful act is, as of now, taking place. She covers her ears and closes her eyes not wanting to be reminded of it and tries her best to block it out. Opening her eyes though, the scene disappears and she is welcomed with a forest type place, something that looks much like Frazier Woods. She follows the dirt path and begins to hear voices, as she gets closer to some bushes out ahead. Once behind them she sees a younger version of herself next to…Alex! ‘What in the hell? How does Gavin have this in his memory or…am I somehow tapping into my own subconscious and bringing this flashback about?’

She watches the conversation she had so long ago and lets the tears slide down her cheeks as the pain in her heart increases. ‘How could I just shun him like that? Why in the hell did I say that?’ she states almost forgetting she’s in Gavin’s psyche.

She turns around in hopes that she will soon leave his mind but ends up colliding with some invisible force. Rubbing her forehead, she then notices a wall has embroidered itself within his mind and on the other side is she and Gavin’s display of drunken love. ‘And I thought my dreams were confusing!’ She turns around once again but instead of seeing what she thought she was going to see, she is welcomed by two very bright halogen headlights. She jumps out of the way of the car and watches as it crashes through the embroidered glass wall but as soon as she gets up…she is thrown out of his dream.

“Oh my god!” She screams waking up from the disturbing nightmare that was Gavin’s subconscious. She tries her best to calm herself down but instead is welcomed with a rush of nausea and is now heading for the bathroom.

Isabel lies down in bed after puking for the past hour and a half and holds her stomach in slight pain. ‘Okay, [once again] what the hell? My hangover is gone so why am I still vomiting? Is it from the rush of emotions from the dream or is it something other than what I’m thinking.’ she questions, scared to actually know the answer.

You don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?

(Back at Gavin’s Apartment)

Gavin gets home from work; mentally exhausted because of the migraine he has had all day. Plus, there has been a certain red head with a gorgeous body on his mind…Anna. ‘Why is she so familiar to me? I mean, I just met her.’ His thoughts are soon interrupted when he hears someone knocking on the door.

“Coming.” He says as he jogs to the door only to find Bennie at the door. “Hey Bennie, what’s up,” Gavin states letting him in.

“Nothing much Gabe, just thought I’d stop by and see if you weren’t too hung over.” They both laugh at his comment and sit down.

“Not too hung over but I do have an awful migraine and I can’t even remotely remember what the hell I did last night…”

“Wait! You don’t remember a single thing you did last night?” Bennie questions in shock, ‘oh shit, that means he doesn’t remember what he and Anna did…’

“No I don’t! The only thing I remember is going to the club and then it’s blank but…I think I may have…fucked some girl last night. I found this on my bed post this morning.” Gavin says taking a silver-charmed bracelet out of his pocket and handing it to Bennie to look at.

Bennie stares at it, knowing full well that it’s Anna’s but doesn’t say anything at first. “You sure this wasn’t from one of the many dates you had about a week ago or something?” Bennie pretending he doesn’t know a thing, hoping he doesn’t look guilty since he’s not the best actor in the world.

“No, none of the girls I dated have had a bracelet like that, I just don’t know!” He states frustrated, running his hands through his already ruffled hair.

“Well, how about I take it for now and let you sleep on it, okay?”

“Okay. I think that if I stare at it any longer my brain is going to explode. I’ll sleep on it and hopefully be able to conjure up something!”

I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you

(Excerpts from ‘Taking Over Me’ by Evanescence)
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Chapter Seven

Post by StarGazing101 » Wed Sep 17, 2003 6:38 pm

Chapter Seven

(One Week Later)

Looking tired and disheveled, Anna mutters profanities to herself as she serves customers at the café. Among her customers are Bennie Sanchez and Chris Landenberg discussing things, in a corner booth, to each other as they wait for their friend to end her shift so that they can talk to her.

“So, how do you think she’s going to take what we have got to say to her?” Bennie asks Chris, leisurely stirring his cappuccino.

Chris thinks for a moment and responds, “Well A. she will be shocked by what we have to say to her, B. will be bawling her eyes out, or C. she’ll kick our asses and call us crazy but knowing her, it will probably be B…hopefully. Since all she seems to be doing lately is crying.” He finishes, sipping his coffee afterwards.

“I don’t know. I mean…if she is pregnant, she may want to kick our asses anyway, depending oh how she is feeling and by the looks of it…she’s not very happy at the moment.” Bennie looks over to Anna, seeing her picking up pieces of a plate that she dropped.

“I think she is pregnant, there’s no if about it! Lets see,” he begins to name off things with his fingers, “she has been irritable, extremely emotional, and look at her physical appearance: not really caring how she looks, fatigued, and look at her midriff area…she looks a little plump if you ask me.” Chris states defiantly. “Plus, all she has been doing lately is eating, sleeping, and vomiting. What other evidence do you need?”

Bennie listens to his partner ramble on about his theories and notices that Anna has just headed for the back…meaning she has just finished her shift. “Come on! She just headed to the break room.” Bennie grabs Chris by the arm and leads.

Anna leans against her locker half awake; one hand holding her up and the other is scratching her abdomen. She feels someone shake her and turns around, her vision a little blurry because of fatigue but clears quickly only to meet the handsome faces of Bennie and Chris. “Hey guys.” She states meekly, letting them lead her to the small couch at the other side of the room. “What’s up?” She yawns.

Bennie watches as Chris sits across from him and Anna, crossing his legs in the process. “Um, nothing much but we have been wanting to talk to you…about something.” Bennie says unsurely, looking down uncomfortable then back up to see her confused look.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong?” She asks hoping she hadn’t done anything to offend them in anyway or another.

“Oh no hon’! You didn’t do anything wrong, we just want to talk about the way you’ve been behaving lately.” Chris comforts, getting to the point quick and easy.

“What do you mean ‘by my behavior’?” her attitude changes suddenly, her demeanor becoming defensive.

“Just let us explain.” Bennie clears his throat, beginning to act professionally, “In the past week’s events, it seems your attitude and physical appearance has dropped tremendously into something other than we are used to.” Bennie notices her staring at him oddly but continues. “You have been…a little irrational, a teeny bit emotional,” He makes a hand gesture to the last one ‘that’s an understatement’, “and very fatigued. Also…you have been having, um, uh…hormonal overloads which cause erratic behavior…”

“In other words, mood swings.” Chris sums up.

“Uh yeah and no offense,” Bennie puts his hands up as if to surrender and puts his hands on his washboard abs, “you have gained a little weight around the middle.” Bennie sees her face become cross and is now afraid. ‘Oh, please don’t hurt me!’ he prays to himself.

Anna just sits there; not saying anything for the moment being but finally speaks up, “So basically…you’re calling me a fat bitch?”

“No! No! We’re trying to say…we think…that…uh…you’re…pregnant.” They stumble out together and whisper the last word as if it’s a bad omen or something.

Anna sits slack-jawed in utter shock, “You think I’m pregnant!?” She explodes at them.

Bennie and Chris squeal like chipmunks in terror and her outburst.

Chris calms himself some but his voice still somewhat high, “We-we-well yes. Also here, “ he hands her a small paper bag and throws himself at Bennie, so he doesn’t have to be close to her when she opens the bag.

She looks inside to find a pregnancy test. She smiles at first as if she was going to laugh but the smile soon drops and she looks crossly at the two of them. “You know what,” she states pointing to both of them and standing up, “I don’t care if you have been observing me, analyzing my behavior or whatever! Lately I have just been feeling depressed and angry so I eat a little more for security and I have not gained weight! Also the vomiting is probably from me being very emotional lately or I have the flu or something but other than that…I don’t see how you guys got your fucking theory but get rid of it! I am not pregnant so fuck off! Now get out so I can change!!!”

They both squeal once again and run out of the back room as Anna throws her shoe at them, not wanting to put up with a pissed off Anna any longer. They stop once they are a few blocks from the café and look at each other knowingly, “She’s in denial!”

(Back @ Bennie and Chris’s Apartment)

“Her reaction said it all!” Chris states. “I mean if you calculate it right, she had about four mood swings in the twenty minutes that we talked to her.”

“I agree but I just think she is scared. I know she has had a rough time adjusting and if she is pregnant, do you know how hard of a time she’ll have coping with that? I don’t want to know! Also, who’s the father? It sure as hell can’t be Gavin, it’s way too soon.” Bennie reasons and watches as his boyfriend thinks, wondering what’s going in Chris’s mind.

“Then it has got to be a past lover she had that we don’t know about. There are things about Anna that we don’t know about, stuff that she probably doesn’t even want us to know. But unfortunately, we’re going to be finding out some things that we may not even want to know.” Chris stops for a moment and lets out a sigh, “Bennie, did you giver her, her charm bracelet that you got from Gavin last week?”


“You forgot!? You’ve had that thing for a week! She’s going to kill you!” Chris reprimands him, shocked that he hadn’t given it to her yet. ‘He’s in for it.’

(The Kiwi Express)

As Anna walks out of the back room, disgruntled and angry, she hears a familiar voice from behind her.

“Hey Anna.”

She turns around and her look softens when she turns to see Gavin. “Oh, hey.” She says tucking her hair behind her ear.

He reaches across the table to say for her to sit down and she take a seat across from him, yawning in the process and sighing wearily.

“So what have you been up to?” He asks smiling at her, staring into her gorgeous hazel eyes.

“Working and yelling at Bennie and Chris.” She states and lightly laughs.

“Why were you yelling them?” Gavin asks in amusement. He notices that she has dark bags under her eyes as if she hasn’t slept in days and wonders if she’s okay but decides not to ask.

“They just have this odd theory about me that was, in my opinion, impossible but…I just don’t know what’s possible or impossible anymore. It’s nothing really though. What about you? What have you been up to Mr. Frost?” She asks with fake professionalism.

“Do you really want to hear about my nonexistent life?” She nods. “Okay, well, I had a class this morning from 9-11 and it was really boring but if I want to pass I have to keep up. Then I went to the store because my apartment is barren of any food and tonight I have another class from 5:30 to 8 which really blows because I’m very tired but I just think about it this way, at least I didn’t have to work today.” He rolls his eyes to specify that it’s nothing big but is surprised that she is actually interested.

“Where to you go to school at and where do you work?” She asks, totally interested in what he does. ‘I don’t even know if I’m going to school this fall so I might as well get a taste of it from someone who is getting an education right now.’

“As of now I’m finishing up at Augusta Community College or ACC then this fall I’m transferring my credits from there to the University. This is my junior year coming up so I get to be an upperclassman now, once again. Right now I’m working at Best Buy and have for the past year, I’m hoping to get promoted this year or get a better job. Well enough about my boring life, what about you, you planning on going to the University this fall?” He asks wanting to get to know her a little better.

“Um…well as of now, I don’t know. Depends on what happens with me this summer but I’m hoping maybe one class if I can afford it or getting some scholarships or something. I just don’t want to give up my education but last year I had a really bad year and I didn’t even make it to half my classes so I need to make up for some of those credits which really sucks. Plus I’m on a tight budget already, being on my own and all, the whole reason why I take double shifts here all the time.” Anna states somewhat angrily but in more a melancholy way than anything.

“Interesting. Yeah, I noticed that you and Bennie are here all the time when I come in. Sometimes it seems that you two are the only two employees here!” Gavin exasperates.

Anna laughs at him and responds, “Yeah, I know it does. Well, I need to get going.” She states standing up but Gavin grabs her hand.

“Before you go, I was wondering…um…” He stumbles on his sentence ‘just say it!’ “I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me on Friday night?” He says nervously, praying that she’ll say yes.

“Oh uh…” Not knowing what to say, “I don’t know. I would love to go out with you but…right now…um…I don’t think I could be as committed to you as I’d like to be. Maybe some other time.” She stutters out and walks quickly out of the café.

‘Damn it!’ Gavin thinks to himself. ‘I wonder if it was her that made her say no or her mood? Maybe I should ask her again when she’s not so fatigued…’

(Anna’s Apartment)

Anna rests on her couch at home, having just turned down Gavin’s offer, seemingly not able to get him off her mind. ‘Why did I turn him down? Oh, yeah, because I came up with the lame excuse that I couldn’t handle a relationship right now!’ She’s interrupted out of her thoughts when she hears someone knocking, ‘and now this.’ she thinks irritably.

“Hey Bennie.” She greets, still a little angry with him about earlier.

“Hey.” He says coming in. He turns around after she closes the door, “here.” He says giving her, her bracelet.

“Oh my God! Where did you find this?” She states excitedly, clasping the bracelet on her petite wrist, staring at the charms.

“Well, don’t yell at me but, I got it from Gavin a week ago.” He bites his lip nervously.

For no known reason Anna bursts out at Bennie just for having her bracelet but is surprised when Bennie explodes at her.

“Okay Anna! For your information, I got it from him and didn’t say anything about you being the one that owned it or the one that slept with him that night so back off! I know you’ve had a bad day but you don’t need to take it out on me! I mean you go from being semi-friendly to a fucking bitch like that!” He states snapping his finger. “I’m sorry that I came by and gave you back your bracelet but yet it was a nice gesture for me to do then to have you worry over it for another week! No, thank you Bennie or thank you from getting it from Gavin for me! Well, you’re welcome!” He slams the door as he walks out.

Isabel stands there in shock as the tears begin to slide down her cheeks, “Oh God, what have I done?” Soon she feels the nausea hit her once again and she’s making a beeline for the bathroom.

Once done, she stands in her room with only her undergarments on and looks at herself in the mirror. She turns from right to left and stands sideways, running her hands over the slight pooch in her stomach. She thinks back to all the outbursts she has had today and the waves of nausea she has had in the past week and wonders, ‘could I be?’ Staring at the pregnancy test on her bed.

What did ya think? Feedback is greatly appreciated!
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Chapter 8

Post by StarGazing101 » Sat Oct 04, 2003 8:57 pm

Chapter Eight

Staring at herself a while longer in her mirror, she soon heads for the bed sitting down in the process. Sighing loudly and full of sorrow, she picks up the tiny box and twirls it in her slender fingers. She doesn’t know what to do with it. She’s too scared to take it knowing that if she is pregnant, her fragile heart may break and she will be in a heap of tears and Bennie and Chris won’t be there to mop her up. If she doesn’t get over her fear though, it may bring up more problems than she needs like less time to prepare for the unsure bundle that could be growing within her.

Placing the box on the bed, she moves her hands to her abdomen and slides them slowly upward and downward. Her head down and eyes beginning to well with tears, Isabel’s resolve breaks due to the terror of having to take a three-minute test that could…change her life forever.

‘What is a girl supposed to do when this kind of situation arises? You see it in movies and books but you can never actually feel it in the words expressed as you would if you are experiencing it yourself. Why am I one of those people?’ her mind questions knowing that things like this occur each and every day. ‘I’ve been scared before…but nothing on this large of a scale.’

There on the floor the box lies staring at her, wanting to be opened and taken but she can’t bring herself to do it. Her whole body feels numb and the trough in her mind dry of any logic but a comforting thought moistens the barren landscape:

“Acceptance is the first step to fear, without it…you may never move past it.”

Words from a wise young man whom she wishes could be next to her holding her hand but…couldn’t make it.

“Alex is right. I need to accept this trying situation because I’m just making it harder on myself.” Almost as if someone flipped her ‘ON’ switch, she grabs the pregnancy test and journeys towards the door down the hallway. Unfortunately, it feels like light-years away, her legs moving mechanically but her mind eggs her on to ‘keep going’.

Making it to the small restroom, she switches the light on and sits on the porcelain toilet seat pumping her legs up and down in utter nervousness. Shakily she tears open the pink gradient box and reads the instructions carefully, not wanting to make a mistake knowing that next time she would not have the courage to go through this again.

Isabel sits in the empty tub, feeling sheltered by the stocky walls her knees huddled to her chest and biting her lower lip. ‘God, if I am…what am I supposed to do? I’m nineteen, still in my youth. How am I going to bring a baby into my stressful yet futile life? Also what about my alien side, is this going to be like a normal young human mother pregnancy or something out of a low-budget, badly directed sci-fi flick?’ The questions she doesn’t want to acknowledge leak through. Her whole body wracks with silent sobs and her breath catches in her throat when the timer goes off, ‘Oh God…’

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit’s well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this
will make sense when I get better

Bennie and Chris sit in their apartment, comfortably watching movies and eating popcorn when the ring of the phone interrupts them.

“Don’t answer it, it’s probably Anna wanting to bitch at me some more.” Bennie states nonchalantly, still angry about earlier.

“You know, you’re going to have to talk to her eventually about this whole thing.” Chris gets off the couch and heads for the kitchen to get a soda.

The answering machine soon picks up the unanswered call and begins to record the sobs of a young woman.

“I know…(hiccup) that you…(hiccup) guys are angry with me but…(hiccup) I thought you should know th-(hiccup)-at…I failed the test…(hiccup).” Click.

“Oh God.” Bennie says turning off the movie and looking to Chris as he listens to the end of Anna’s message.

“Wait, doesn’t that mean the test was negative?” Chris asks his partner obviously confused.

“No you moron, sometimes when an unwanted slash unplanned pregnancy occurs, women use the term failed to indicate their test was positive. I don’t know why, that’s just how women think of it.” Bennie shakes his head at Chris’s stupidity and grabs his car keys.

Isabel sits in shock, still staring at the white stick in her trembling hands. ‘Blue. A light blue line, light blue like ice, ice as in ice princess, ice princess as in forever doomed to be in misery…what am I going to do?’ she throws the stick in anger across the bathroom and puts her head in her hands and sobs.

They finally make it to her apartment and notice the door is unlocked but she knew they were coming in the first place, so they walk in. Bennie searches the back end of her apartment while Chris searches the front. Bennie soon finds her in her room, looking solemn and staring at herself in the mirror in only her underwear and bra and covers his eyes.

“It’s okay Bennie. I don’t care.” Her voice raspy and stoic, she doesn’t move at all…just stares, her hands placed on her lower abdomen.

Chris makes it to the room and goes next to Bennie, “Honey, are you okay?” He asks comfortingly.

‘They aren’t seeing what I’m seeing.’ she thinks to herself. Isabel continues to stare but she doesn’t see her exterior that she has made for herself, she sees a tiny little girl, the little girl from her dreams to be exact. The little girl looks like a mini version of Isabel and her landscape is that of the dream but she doesn’t look happy. She looks scared. Soon, Isabel realizes that the dream she had in the café the other day was foretelling how she would feel, the insecurity of being alone and having to deal. This child represents her innocence and her thoughts of feeling like a scared child in a world where she has no idea what’s going on…

I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul’s on the other side
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter
Shards of me,
too sharp to put back together
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her,
and I bleed,
I bleed,
and I breathe,
I breathe no more

(Excerpts from ‘Breathe No More’ by Evanescence)
Anything for my girl.