Yay! Jumping forward in time! I loves it!
Who’s black now?
Lets start at 'fiery biscuits' and move forward from there shall we?
What the hell? I cannot, in any senario, imagine 'fiery biscuits' (?????????) being used as a psyudonym for breasts. EVER. Some how the 'its vaild because it was on t.v' reason just doesn't cut the mustard with me. Alex, NO! just don't.
It was on The Mighty Boosh. It was hilarious. Get it up ya. The Boosh is awesome.
I love that you said loser cruiser. Love. Love. Love.
I mean it was a full on snort!!!!!! It really hit the spot (humour wise). But then I took pause, and thought.......date rape isn't funny at all. no siree.
Yeah, I thought about cutting that line, but then I thought I’d qualify it with a ‘just kidding’ so that I wouldn’t be chased by an angry mob who had traded in their shitty pitchforks for axes. Speaking of pitchforks… my puppy tried to pounce on and bite my pitchfork when I was picking up horse poo in the paddock. And then she tried to take on all my horses. She’s not too bright…
I'D LOVE to take him for a ride................If that’s not over share
Not at all…
I really can't explain why his job makes me such a pervert. I just do not know why. Truthful.
Max the vegetable delivery man makes perverts of us all. I firmly believe in that statement.
You know, that job came to me because I needed a reason for Max to see Liz on a regular basis at the Crashdown. And then I considered how sexy he’d be… lifting all those crates and getting all sweaty and earthy… and I was glad that my brain seems to work in mysterious ways.
I don't want to get pushy or anything but its been four days. Four. I'm starting to get anxious.
Spoiled. You are so spoiled.
My sister is having a baby. A girl infact. I am going to get her to name her Sophie after your puppy.
Um… really… you can just have the part. There’s no need for branding a baby with a puppy’s name. Although…
the evil part of me kinda wants to offer you a new part every day until the finish of the fic if you can get your sister to call the baby, dangles or nubs, which were the names I wanted to call the puppy (Dad called her Sophie, he also wanted to call her Fergie after Princess Fergie, because she likes to lick our toes).
You didn't take the easy way out and make the first date perfect with Max and Liz having this wonderful conversation, comfortable in each others company.
No, I’ve done that with other stories and it feels kinda off. I think it suited them better to be awkward anyway, especially given their insecurities.
Never one to push, guilt trip, or threaten
I would just like to point out that both of you should post.
Great idea. Laira, your turn.
Ashley (who is completely innocent in all her doings and hopes to bring this to a quick resolution)
Yet, again: Snort. Umm, hello, you could update as well! I’m just saying, I put in all this effort for you and you hold out on me. Unfairness.
It's not puppy dog eyes, but I think it's better.
Sophie is insulted, but realises the truth of your statement.
Ok, you got me with the baby seal. You win! I cave! Everyone thank Tequathisy for making me give you this part.
'Torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.'
Torn by Letoya Luckett
I honestly don’t know how it happened. One day I was Plain Jane Lizzy, queen of the nerds and the next... BAM! I was Max Evans’ girlfriend and extraordinarily high up on the social ladder. Dizzyingly high actually. I even brought Maria and Alex up too, much to Maria’s consternation. She asserts that she was fine being amongst the faceless masses and never wished to be rid of her anonymity. Now she has popular jerks asking her out all the time, regardless of the fact that they know that she’s in a relationship. I now have people talking to me that I don’t know that name of, asking me all these borderline rude questions about my relationship with Max.
Not that any of this matters. The only thing that matters is that I finally have a relationship with the man of my dreams and the reality is even better than anything I could have imagined.
Speaking of, here comes my boyfriend now.
“Hey,” he breathes, gracing me with a brilliant grin before kissing me witless.
“Hey right back at ya,” I whisper playfully when we pull away, my hands resting upon his chest.
“Listen,” he begins, his hand meshed in my hair while his other hand rests in the small of my back. “I know I said that I’d take you out on Saturday, but Mom is insisting that I stay in that night.”
I bite my lip to stop from laughing at Max’s scowl. I love it when things happen that disrupt his plans of seeing me. Well, no I don’t... but he gets so pissed off at the reason behind his inability to see me. It’s nice to feel missed once in a while.
“She said ‘Oh Max, ever since you started dating Liz, I never see you. I just want one night were we’re all at home together. You and Isabel have such conflicting schedules.’ Why couldn’t she get Isabel to take one night off during the week? Why’s it always me who has to bend to her?”
“I really don’t feel I’m qualified enough to understand your family dynamics,” I reply somewhat bemusedly. Max loves his sister, but I swear, some days he could merrily cut her up with a chainsaw, whistling as he worked.
“They see me all the time. I don’t know what they’re complaining about.”
Whew, Max is grumpy. I guess I’d better play the guilt card to calm him down. “Max, I don’t want to cause any trouble between you and your family. I mean, what with school and sport and dating me, I’m sure that finding time to spend with your family is really hard. I don’t want you to feel like you have to spend every moment of every day with me.”
Max’s scowl remains. “I know I’m being cranky and unreasonable, but I was really looking forward to Saturday and now... it’s like being told that you’re going to the Caribbean for a holiday and then being told that you can’t go and have to go to Clovis instead. I could go to Clovis any old time. The time I spend in the Caribbean is priceless.”
My heart goes all a flutter at his slightly twisted analogy. “You see me more than you see your family, Max,” I remind him.
“And yet, I still miss you all the time,” he muses, drawing a smile from me.
“Hey Liz, Max.”
I turn to the voice and grin. “Kyle Valenti, they let you out of your cage today?”
Kyle grins at me. “Only on Fridays.”
Kyle’s grin fades as he catches sight of Max’s face. I glance up and notice his forbidding expression and roll my eyes. I elbow him discretely and he forces out a grunted greeting. “Hey Kyle.”
“So where’s Tess?” I ask politely.
“Yeah, where is Tess
?” Max asks pointedly, nearly drawing a gasp from me.
Kyle ignores Max’s blatantly rude question and sends me a woeful look. “She ditched me for her friends. Apparently they desperately need to discuss prom or some shit like that. It’s like months away.”
“Prom? Already?” I feel a mixture of amusement at their girlyness and worry that perhaps I’m not preparing soon enough.
“Apparently.” Kyle gives an exaggerated eye roll that sets me off giggling.
“That’s great,” says Max bluntly, interrupting our conversation. “Liz, we have to be somewhere.”
Max tugs at my elbow, but I snatch my arm back, appalled at how rude he’s being. “No we don’t.”
Max opens his mouth to rebut this, but Kyle jumps in first with a frustrated groan. “Evans, I’m only going to say this one more time, okay? I. AM. NOT. HOT. FOR. LIZ. She’s your girlfriend and you don’t have any competition for her from me.”
Way to be blunt Kyle, he’s certainly silenced Max. “We went out twice before we both decided that we were better as friends. It was a mutual decision, and that means that neither of us have feelings that stray beyond friendship for each other. Right Liz?”
Kyle looks to me for back up, which I give readily. “Absolutely right, Kyle.”
“Anyway, I’ll let you two to it.” Kyle shakes his head in disbelief as he walks off, muttering as he goes. “You’d think he’d let it go...”
I turn to Max, my eyebrow cocked, arms crossed in front of me, foot tapping. I am so not impressed right now.
“Liz...” I shake my head at his pleading. I am not going to be swayed from being extremely pissed at him.
“Explain yourself. And believe me,” I narrow my eyes at him. “It had better be good.”
“I just... don’t like that you two are all...” Max makes some sort of weird flailing hand gesture that leaves me mystified.
“All what?” I ask, needing clarification.
Max slumps, hating the fact that he has to explain himself. “All... friendly.”
I throw my hands up in the air frustrated by his stupid macho bullshit. “I just don’t get how you can possibly feel threatened by him.”
“Well, he’s... your ex boyfriend.” He explains as if that makes everything ok. It certainly doesn’t.
“Two dates does not make him my boyfriend. We went out twice, but there was no spark, so we decided to stay friends. I- I don’t know what else I can do to reassure you that I don’t want him! I don’t understand this petty jealousy.”
“How could I not be threatened by him, Liz? You liked him enough to go out with him twice. He’s funny, a good athlete, a good guy and you get along with him well. And he knows who his dad is.” Max mutters the last bit and my anger quickly dissipates as his vulnerability shines through.
I slump a little in sadness, all the fight draining out of me. I step in closer to him and wrap my arms around him. “Max... I don’t care about your past or where you came from. None of that matters to me. I’ve known about it since we started dating. Why on earth do you think I would want to be with another guy, just because of that?”
Max looks away from me, staring resolutely at the lockers. “You should be with someone who isn’t tainted.”
“Is that what you think you are?” I whisper, my heart clenching in my chest. “Max, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Who you are isn’t determined by where you’ve come from. I love you, not the circumstances in which you were born.”
My appeal seems to work, because his eyes snap to mine. “You love me?”
My eyes widen as I review what I’ve just said in my head. Oh shit, I did just tell him that! Oh fuck! I guess because I’ve had these feelings for so long that telling him just seemed natural.
“I- I...” Now would be a great time for a natural disaster. Bring on an earthquake! Flood! Fire! Anything would be preferable to this. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and get it over with. “Yeah. I do.”
Max stares at me in shock for a moment, seemingly not knowing what to say in response. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back.” Oh God, here it comes. I can feel myself beginning to ramble. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. “I mean, I don’t expect you to feel that way about me, it’s just that I can’t kinda help the way I feel. There’s absolutely no pressure or anything, just don’t- urmph!”
My rambling is thankfully cut off short by Max’s ferocious and possessive kiss. Dear God this boy is a great kisser. His hot hands burn through the thin material of my shirt as they skim over my back, clutching me closer to him as he ravages my mouth.
He pulls away just as my lungs start to protest, leaving his forehead pressed against mine. “I have loved you for so long,” he pants, a hand caressing my cheek.
“You have?” I squeak, my mouth dropping open in what I’m sure is a suave and attractive look.
“Yes. I just never thought that you’d ever feel that way about me,” is the whispered response.
“For a smart guy you sure are stupid,” I giggle, my head in the clouds and my heart soaring even higher.
“So are you going to be nicer to Kyle?” I query, getting back to the real reason we began this whole messy debacle.
“Maybe,” he prevaricates. “I think I need some more persuasion.”
I laugh and kiss him again. How freaking great is this?
How wonderful, they’ve decided to give us partners for today’s History class. I work better alone. Always have, always will. I give a hopeful glance over to Maria who crosses her fingers for luck back at me. C’mon, give me Maria. Or even Isabel. Or at the very least, someone who isn’t a total dick. I hold my breath in anticipation as she reads out my name.
“Elizabeth Parker with Travis Cunes.”
Note to Universe: I hate you.
Why, oh, why do the Gods despise me so? Great job Mrs Hinkleberger, putting the straight A student with the slacker so that the work gets done and you don’t have to discipline anyone, knowing full well that the geek will be doing all the work. Lazy bitch.
I reluctantly move my stuff over to Travis’ table as he seems pretty sedentary and reluctant to move. Lazy mofo...
I take a seat and pull out my pen, flicking my page open and preparing to do the entirety of today’s class work, just so long as he doesn’t talk to me, I’ll see it as a fair trade. I’m certain that he doesn’t like me. He’s made that much clear whenever Max isn’t around. Nothing huge, just little jibes here and there, but enough that my patience has worn thin to the point of snapping.
He leans back in his chair, his arms crossed with a lazy, self indulgent smile as he watches me work. I wince when his voice breaks the silence between us. “You know Parker, I’m glad we’re partners, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
I instantly tense. Nothing good can come of this conversation. Nothing.
“You and Max have been dating for what? A month now?”
I silently incline my head, wishing that the silence from before would keep up. I really, really miss the non-communication we were sharing before.
“Wow, Parker your pussy must be fuckin’ gold for you to have him whipped for that long. I gotta hand it to you, first Valenti, now Evans, you’re really moving up into higher places. Though I gotta ask, just what is so good about it to have men like them stoop to pick up a girl like you? Maybe I should just have a crack at your crack and find out myself.”
My mouth drops open with appalled horror as my brain slowly registers what he said. “Excuse me?
He rolls his eyes at me. “Don’t worry Parker, I’m not going to try something with you. I like girls with a little more...” he cups his two palms in front of his chest. “Oomph.” He flicks a disparaging gaze at my bust. “You don’t exactly do it for me. I mean, let’s face it; flat, plain and as boring as my grandmother’s tales about the good ol’ days. But take a look at Max, he’s a star athlete. A good looking, all American boy who’s wound up with a less than quality girlfriend because she’s entranced him with her magic vagina.”
I gape at him open mouthed and he leans in a little closer, a patronizing smirk stamped across his face. “Let me break this down for you; Max... hero. You... zero. So know this, you slutty harpy, I’m onto you. And one day soon, Max will find another girl who’s hotter and just as good as copping dick as you appear to be and you will be dumped back into the social circles you belong in, you get me?”
He pats me on the head and gestures to the whiteboard. “Now be a good geek and do my work for me.”
I sit in my seat, stunned for a moment, tears threatening to break through, until anger quickly flushes over my entire body. I stand up in my seat and Mrs Hinkleberger flicks a look over the top of her glasses at me.
“Is there a problem, Liz?”
“Yes.” I state firmly, trying not to show any of the turmoil that’s raging inside of me. “I refuse to work with him.”
“It’s non-negotiable, Liz. So, why don’t you take a seat and resume-”
I think it’s the firmness of my tone that has her taking a second glance at me. Her eyes rake over my form taking in the stiffness of my shoulders, the angry stance and the welling tears in my eyes and concedes defeat. She sighs and then shoots an angered glance at Travis’s smirk. I get the feeling she hates him as well.
“Very well. Liz, you can go with Maria. Move there quickly and quietly. Mark, up the front with Travis.”
I silently praise the lord and take a seat next to Maria, my shoulders hurting from the tension running inherent through me. I’ve never been so insulted in my life and I’ve never wanted to cry so badly before.
“Hun, are you alright?” the sympathy in Maria’s voice cause the first tear to well over and roll down my cheek. I shake my head and hold up my hand at her in a silent plea when she goes to speak, knowing that if I talk about it I’ll burst into tears.
She lets me remain silent the entire class until the bell rings. She then takes my hand and drags me in the opposite direction of my next class out into the carpark. She unlocks the jetta, stuffs me in it and peels out of the school.
“This is cutting class,” I state unemotionally, not really caring either way.
“I don’t care. I want to know what that asshole, cum bucket said to you that got you so upset.” Maria sounds more upset than I am. She pulls off the highway down a dirt road and parks the car, turning to me expectantly a look of sympathetic pain and anger across her face.
And suddenly, the dam breaks within me. I start to sob. Loud, wrenching sobs that come from deep within your abdomen. I manage to get my story out between shuddering gasps and Maria’s face takes on an almost comical mixture of both shock and fury.
“That ass licking, mouth breathing, shit eating...” she struggles for another insult that can correctly capture her anger. “vagina face! How dare he?” I go to speak, but she cuts me off. “No! How fucking dare
he? He is so fucking lucky I didn’t hear him saying it, or he’d be on his way to the hospital right now to get my footprint removed from his balls!”
I don’t doubt that she’d have done it too. She once gave a kid a black eye in the middle of shop class for daring to call Alex a wussy little bitch.
“Thanks, Maria.” I give her a weak, watery smile and her frown transforms into a look of sympathy and concern.
She strokes my hair with one hand. “You poor thing, I’m amazed you managed to keep your composure throughout that entire class. I’d have either been arrested for assault or wailed in the corner, my arms around my knees, rocking myself.”
I let out a snort at the image and a look of pleased wonder comes across her face. “And see? You laughed! You’re such a trooper.”
I rub my hands across my face and go to speak but I’m cut off by the buzz of my cell phone. I glance at the screen and see that I’ve received a message from Max. I stare at it for a bit, wondering how I’m going to explain my absence to him. I mean, I don’t want to be one of those girls that runs to her boyfriend each time she has a problem, but surely this is warranted? I also don’t want to cause any trouble, there’s a big game of football coming up and Travis and Max are on the same team and I’d hate to be Yoko Ono and break up the team and make them lose because two of their players weren’t cooperating. West Roswell will never forgive me if I cause their team to lose out on their potential championship.
But even as I run through all those reasons in my head, I’m aware that I’m shying away from the real reason behind my reluctance to tell Max. I’m afraid that he’ll listen to what Travis told me... and see some truth in it. I don’t want to lose Max. I can’t. But I don’t know how I can’t tell him either.
“Is that Max?” I nod. “What are you going to tell him?”
“Nothing?” Maria repeats my answer incredulously, her mouth hanging open. “Nothing? Are you insane? You have to tell him!”
I repeat all the reasons that I’ve already gone through, minus the last one, knowing that Maria will harp on about me being too insecure. I can’t help it. It’s the way I was made.
“That is such a cop out,” Maria bites out bluntly. “You’re just afraid that he’ll agree with what Travis said, even though it’s totally stupid and completely untrue.”
“I hate that you know me so well,” I sigh. Why does she have such great powers of perception? Mine seem to be away on vacation or just never there to begin with.
“You have to tell him,” repeats Maria determinedly, trying to catch my gaze which is trained firmly in my lap.
“I know,” I mutter softly. I just wish that I didn’t have to.
I wait impatiently in my seat, trying to catch sight of Liz coming through the doorway into our class. I always get a little antsy before she shows up, I just like seeing her. The warning bell rings and I stare at the door, mentally willing her to hurry up, it isn’t like her to be late and I’d hate for her to have a tardy. The final bell rings and Liz still isn’t here. It’s not like Liz to be late. And I know she was here this morning, We made out in front of her locker. Maybe she’s gotten sick. Maybe something’s desperately wrong with her.
My mind racing with all sorts of improbable theories, each one worse than the next, I dig out my cell phone. Sitting my text book up on its end, pretending to read it that way, I start desperately texting her behind the shield of my text book to find out. I quickly send her a message and then tune in to the mutterings that I can hear around me. My attention snaps to the lab table behind me when I hear Liz’s name.
“She asked to move tables?” asks Sally to her partner Alice.
“More like demanded. But fair enough, I wouldn’t want to work with Travis either. Especially not after what he said to her.” She lets out a low whistle. “Way harsh.”
“What’d he say?” enquired Alice, her voice more tinged with excited anticipation for the juicy gossip than with concern for Liz. My brow furrows, what could Travis possibly have said to Liz? How could anyone say anything at all harsh to Liz?
“The basic gist was that he accused her of sleeping her way up into higher social circles. He congratulated her on fucking Kyle and Max and asked if she had a magic vagina because he could see no other reason that two guys like them would stoop to dating her.”
“Oh my God!” exclaims Sally as my blood boils in my veins. My pencil snaps in my tight grasp, going unnoticed by the two behind me, who seem to be too entranced by what they’re saying to notice their volume level.
“I know! But... it gets worse!”
“Yes!” Alice pauses for dramatic effect, while I wait, getting angrier with each passing second. “He then said something about how he thought she was physically unattractive and boring and then
he said that once Max found someone of his standard who was as good at ‘copping dick’ - in his words – then she’d be dumped like yesterday’s garbage.”
“I can’t believe it!” Neither can I, Sally. Neither can I. “Max would never do something like that, he’s too nice.”
“Shh! He’ll hear you,” reprimands Alice, casting a furtive glance at me to weigh up whether I can hear her or not, in which Sally follows suit.
I have to school myself to un-tense somewhat and pretend to be taking notes from the board with my broken pencil. They somehow fall for this. Idiots.
“So, then to top it all off, he pats her on the head and tells her to do all the work for their joint classwork.”
Sally lets out a shocked gasp. “He is such an asshole!” A dead asshole. I am going to fucking rip his head off. How dare he talk to my girlfriend that way? How dare he? Liz is such a superior person, she’s kind, gentle, smart, funny, beautiful... if anyone isn’t up to standard in our relationship, it’s me.
Alice continues and I’m diverted from my murderous rage to listen in again. “She was, like, nearly crying, but then she stood up and demanded to be moved. So she sat next to Maria who, like, dragged her out to the car park as soon as the bell rang. Not that I can blame her, poor thing... you could so tell she was trying not to cry the entire class.”
“Oh my God... that is so horrible!” She makes a clicking sound with her tongue. “Poor Liz. I wonder what Max is going to do once he finds out?”
I’ll tell you what I’m going to do Sally. I am going to kill Travis Cunes.