The Boy Who Lived: An Alex Whitman Story (CC/M/CH6A) [WIP]

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erinkatie
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The Boy Who Lived: An Alex Whitman Story (CC/M/CH6A) [WIP]

Post by erinkatie »

Title: The Boy Who Lived: The Story of Alex Whitman, Killed by an Alien, Who is Granted a Second Chance by Some Higher Being With Some High Expectations a.k.a Whitman Gets Resurrected

Author: Erin Katie

Disclaimer: Yo, I don’t own anything about Roswell, I’m just using something’s, nothing’s mine okay?

Pairings/Couples/Category: No one real specific but I’ll say A/I/CC

Rating: Mature

Summary: Everything through S1 and S2 up until Alex’s death happens. This is a somewhat short story of the death of my beloved Alex. In my Roswell Heaven Alex doesn’t die and here I am giving him a second chance, though God or whoever gives it to him won’t make it easy, he/she has high expectations for our Alex.

Author’s Note: This is somewhat focused around Valentine’s Day and I'll update weekly. Enjoy!

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Thanks Evee for another banner.

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Thank you Anna-Liisa for the banner!


Chapter One: Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Alex Whitman sashayed down the long white hallway with confidence that screamed “I am stud, hear me roar!” He knew by the wild look in every girl’s eyes that he was “The Man” and he knew… he really was. For the first time in the computer geeky life of The Whitster he felt manly; he was certain that if any hot chick walked up to him and asked him to fix her cherry red Mercedes she got for her sweet sixteen, he would rip off his shirt to display his washboard chest to her and get to work while she swooned all over him. Alex Whitman was The Stud and everyone knew it.

He followed the hallway to it’s end and stood in front of a man who was clearly out of place in a school like Roswell High. “Bill Gates?” He asked confusedly.

“Hello Alex.”

“Yeah, uh, hi ya Mr. Gates. Um, how do you know my name?” Alex couldn't believe his eyes, Bill Gates here in Roswell, he was in a computer geeks wet dream.

“I know everyone’s name.” He sighed.

“Righhhht, how cryptic of you. No but seriously, what brings you to Roswell?” He thought Bill look somewhat out of it and smiled to himself when he thought of becoming so accquainted with Bill Gates to only refer to him as Bill. Alex sighed longingly.

“Aliens.”

“Aliens?” He asked somewhat speculatively and somewhat with fear for his “otherwordly” friends as he was snapped from his Bill reverie.

“Yes, aliens, Alex. Doesn’t everyone come to Roswell to see aliens?”

Alex laughed, “of course they do! Silly me. Do you want me to show you around?”

“I don’t really have time for that.” Bill Gates stated as he poked the bridge of his glasses to prevent them from sliding further down his nose.

“You came here, but you don’t have time to look for aliens?”

“Tell me Alex, do you know any aliens?”

He shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. Alex was seriously wondering why Bill Gates was in Roswell looking for aliens. “Um, no I don’t know any.”

Bill’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “do you believe in aliens?”

“Yeah, I mean sure, I guess, why not?”

“Well I hope you believe in aliens, Alex because one alien believed in you enough to kill you.”

“What!?!?!?!” Alex froze. What was this guy talking about? Bill Gates had officially lost his hard drive, Alex thought.

“Alex, I hate to break it you, but you’re dead and an alien killed you.” Once again Bill poked the bridge of his glasses nonchalantly as Alex dizzily passed out.



Chapter Two: Alex The Smooth

When Alex began to regain consciousness and saw the face of Bill Gates whirling around in a circle over him he had to shut his eyes to prevent himself from vomiting (whether from Bill’s face or the dizziness, he didn’t know).

“Are you still here?”

“Where would you like me to go, Alex?” Bill replied calmly.

“I don’t know! Why are you so calm? Why is your voice so soothing? What the HELL is BILL GATES doing in ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO?” Alex bellowed as he began to sit up and lay his head back against the cool wall of the now suspiciously abandoned hallway. “What the hell is going on?” He mumbled.

“I am calm, Alex, because there is no need to be emotional. My voice is soothing, Alex because you are distressed and you need to be soothed, Bill Gates is not really in Roswell, New Mexico and neither are you mentally, Alex. What is going on, is that you are dead, Alex.”

“Quit repeating my name.”

“Yes, Alex.”

The Whitster sighed deeply; he was confused to say the least. He needed to contact one of the gang and let them know there was a lunatic about in the form of Bill Gates, Computer Prodigy.

“You can’t leave, Alex.”

He jumped, what? Bill Gates could read minds? Wait. No, what a fool he was. This wasn’t Bill Gates: this was some sort of shape shifter. Yeah! That’s it he thought, a shape shifter who could read minds! Well Bill was no match for The Stud’s logic and cunning, he found him out and would foil his plan soon enough. ‘Just you wait my pretty’ he thought, though he wished he had quoted something more manly. Was ‘can you smell what The Rock is cookin’?’ appropriate, he wondered.

“Alex, there is no where to go. You can’t leave, Alex. You are-“

“Dead, yeah I know, BILL, you keep repeating that, BILL and still I don’t feel dead, BILL. How do you explain that one smart ass?”

“Because you haven’t accepted that you’re dead, Alex. Tell me, what is the last thing you remember?”

“Tell me, Mr. Microsoft, who would accept they are dead when Bill Gates is telling them so?”

“Would you like to see me in some other form?”

“Yeah – maybe a naked Gisele?” Bill began to lift his head as if summoning some higher power. Light began to glow behind him and surrounded him similar to pictures of Jesus. Alex craned his head to right and looked past Bill and found a person the size of a Hobbit.

“I’m not allowed to be naked, Alex.” Bill said looking down on him.

“Yeah, who says? I want to see a naked Gisele. Bill, why is Frodo Baggins standing behind you holding a light?”

“You can see him?”

“How can I not? There is A HOBBIT STANDING BEHIND YOU! What, God doesn’t have enough power for heavenly glow?” He said exasperatedly.

“God? Alex, you believe in God?”

“Oh hell! I am not having this discussion with Bill Gates while Frodo shines the heavenly glow upon us in the form of a 60 watt bulb.” Alex began to get up, Bill extended a hand to help him but he shooed it away, his dizziness no longer a problem. He wondered if he was going out of his mind. How could he be dead?

“How did I die?” He began to walk down the corridor while Bill and Frodo followed him. There were no more girls, no more feelings of confidence, what happened to ‘I am stud, hear me roar?’

“They were not here in the first place, Alex. That was a part of what humans consider heaven. What you were walking through was your heaven.”

He turned around angrily and Bill stopped abruptly causing Frodo, who was following him, to bump face first into Bill’s ass. If Alex weren’t so confused and angry he probably would have laughed himself into oblivion.

“You think that is what my heaven would be like? My heaven would be me alive sitting in a booth in the Crash making Isabelle laugh as Maria and Liz hung out while they worked.”

Bill looked surprised for the first time and stared at Alex contemplatively. He spoke seriously, all calm and soothing gone. “Tell me, Alex, would you not have her love you in heaven? Would you not want to be showered by her passion, her ardor, her amour?”

“Passion, ardor, amour? Who- WHO the HELL says that? You and Frodo have been reading way too many romance novels.”

But Bill did not deny nor confirm this he just stood there waiting for Alex to answer.

“Gees. Would I have those things? Yes. Yes, I would want her to shower me in whatever the heck you said but not if she didn’t want to and wait- doesn’t she have to be dead to do that?”

“And tell me, Alex, would you give up your lovely Isabelle to save your friends from impending doom?”

“Oh so now you’re Gandalf. I get it, Frodo following you, the One Ring, doom and gloom.”

“Alex.” He said patiently.

Alex thought about Maria and Liz: two faces he would never see again if what Bill Gates and his chump said was true. He thought about Maria’s voice and the world not hearing it, and Liz’s intelligence and the world not seeing it. The answer seemed obvious to The Stud.

“I suppose I would but what does it matter now if I’m really dead?”

“Alex, I have a proposition for you, and if you take it, and do it right, not only will your friends live but you may also.”

He eyed the shorter man and his little hobbit suspiciously, “what’s the catch?”

“All you have to do is figure out who killed you or well I suppose now who tried to kill you. Find that person, overtake them with the help of your friends and save the world.”

“Okay, sure Bill, no problem, Bill. Hey listen, I have an idea, why don’t you just tell me who tried to knock me out and save me the trouble.”

Bill stared at him and he knew that was not going to happen, he let out an exasperated sigh and ran his hand through his hair. “Okay. But, seriously, what’s the catch? Do I have to sell you my soul or something?”

“Sell me your soul? That’s only in movies, besides, I’m not the devil. But the catch is simple: you have to give up Isabelle; you can’t be with her, even if she loves you.

“You said the catch was SIMPLE, Bill… you need a dictionary.”

“Do this Alex and save yourself and your friends. Decline and you will be seeing them all very shortly.”

Alex stared at the man with some wonder, “who ARE you, really?”

Bill snapped his fingers and Frodo shined the light on him and with one more snap of his fingers Bill Gates was no longer Bill Gates but he was now a little green man, with pointy ears, brown robes, holding a light saber.

“God, am I. Yes or no, Alex, now?”

He was dumbfounded and with a stupid nod of his head in the affirmative, Alex felt his body jerk uncontrollably and pain began to tear through him. As he heard distant voices calling out, cold paddles touch his chest and then a horrible electric surge that charred his every vein, Alex’s last thought before a dark oblivion was ‘is Yoda really that short?’
Last edited by erinkatie on Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:06 pm, edited 13 times in total.
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erinkatie
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Post by erinkatie »

Chapter Three: Awake, Good Sir!

Alex Whitman walked down the hallway with a confidence so overwhelming girls fainted around him. Not only had five different girls asked him out, eleven others had almost dragged him to the Eraser Room. The poor girls never knew what hit them when he told him that he was a one-woman man and they each had to wait their turn. That unfortunately sent Danielle and Tracey into tears because they had wanted to share The Stud with each other, and did he mention at the same time? As Val dragged him towards the door someone stopped them by grabbing Alex’s other hand.

“Isabelle?”

“It’s my turn.” She said icily. This comment sent Val into a terrible rage.

“No, no, no, Evans. I waited my turn. He comes with me.”

“I don’t think so, Val. Sir Stud is mine.” They tugged on his arms hard and Alex was at a loss.

For a short time in his youth one would be surprised to learn that Whitman was not always a stud. Nay, in fact he was quite the opposite, Alex Whitman was once (gasp!)… a geek: a full-fledged, magic playing, computer programming, snort when you laugh, one hundred percent prepubescent boy-flesh of a geek. A shocker, who knew? During his short reign over geek-dom Alex pinned for the Ice Queen herself, Isabelle Evans, but she would not give him the time of day. Yet now, here, in these very halls of Roswell High, notorious Alien Capital of the world Isabelle Evans (the Ice Queen herself) was fighting over him with another girl for some time in the Eraser Room. He smiled to himself smugly… Alex Whitman was truly The Stud. Get in line, take notes, but just remember: no one would ever be a better Stud than the Whitster.

“Ladies, ladies…” he cooed and they slowly released their vice grip-like hold on his arms, “now I don’t you beautiful… women to hurt yourself over me. No, that would be too much on my poor, poor heart.” Alex used the arm Isabelle was still loosely holding to dramatically pat his aching heart, which effectively brought her closer to him. “Isabelle, my dear, Miss Valerie was here before you.” Isabelle began to protest but he shushed her with his finger. “But since I know you only have a free period now and Val has once next I think we can make arrangements to accommodate both of your schedules.”

Isabelle’s icy exterior melted and he looked at him with concern, “but Alex, how ever will you get to your classes?”

Alex laughed and shook his head at her innocence, ‘so the Ice Queen melts at last! Welcome to the equator Miss Evans, things are going to heat up!’ he thought and he smirked at her.

“Oh my sweet, sweet Isabelle darling… the teachers don’t care if I’m there or not. I’m a genius remember? I don’t need to go to class.” Then he brought his head slowly towards her and a glint of mischief flashed in his eyes as he looked down at her lips. “Besides,” he whispered, “I could probably teach them.” He let his breath caress her lips and watched as her eyes began to close in expectation, he wrapped his arms around her as she began to swoon and then he laid his lips upon her…



“Mmmm, Isabelle… yeah…. Ugh… mmmm, call me The Stud baby, say my name… o yeah…”

“Alex?”

“Oooo, god! That’s it Isabelle, yeah the tip… that’s how you get it.”

“Alex!” He felt someone shake him hard and he groaned, whether it was from the pleasure Isabelle was giving him in the Eraser Room or from the pain that began to crawl throughout his body.

“OOO” he moaned as the hand came upon his shoulder rougher.

“ALEX!!!” Someone screamed in his ear and he flinched. It sounded an awfully like Maria but why would Maria be in the Eraser Room with him and Isabelle.

“ALLLLLLLLEXANDER CHARLES WHITMAN YOU WAKE UP THIS INSTANCE.”

He opened his eyes and instead of finding himself standing up looking down at Isabelle, he woke up and stared into Maria De Luca’s livid eyes… ‘what the hell?’ he thought...

“Mmmmmmmmmmmaa Maaarrreeeeeeeeaaa?” He slurred.

“Finally! Do you know you almost died? Do you know that? No, probably not because you were laying here in warm comfortable bed having wet dreams about Ice Princess. God, what were you thinking Alex? Oh, god, don’t answer that I don’t want the details of your fantastical excursions with our resident Royalty. Jesus… I mean… God, are you-“

“MARIA! Would you leave him alone!” Someone shouted.

“Yeah just shut up! Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard…” That must be Michael he thought. Alex’s head was spinning and he felt like he had been crushed in a similar fashion of the witches in Salem, MA.

He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes trying to regain consciousness but when he fully had he wasn’t sure it was such a good idea and contemplated going back to sleep… to Isabelle and then everything came crashing back into his mind. Bill Gates, the crash, a tree, Sweden, prom, Frodo, Isabelle, his deal with God, a lamp, the Eraser Room… and he wondered if everything he had dreamed about was real. Right now he wasn’t so sure he knew reality from fantasy or just plain warped dreams. How the hell did he go from the Eraser Room to Roswell General? What the hell? Maybe he should go back to sleep but that would not be allowed to happen.

“Alex, please tell us what happened.” It was Liz now, at his side and it was hard to really see her eyes, not necessarily because of Alex’s blurry vision but more so because her eye lids were so swollen, from what he assumed were tears.

“I- there was- she-“ but he couldn’t finish. He truly didn’t know what happened.

“Tell them you fell asleep at the wheel. The late night before due to prom must have got to you and you were on your way to the Crash and you think you fell asleep because you were so tired.”

He turned his head to the unfamiliar voice that no one seemed to notice…

“Gisele?” He asked.

She just stood there smirking at him. “You know… they can’t see me. If they think you are talking to an imaginary person they will probably commit you. But I’m here Alex and that’s the story you will give them.” With that Gisele disappeared in a white light and Frodo Baggins was standing there awkwardly with a lamp. He gave Alex a shy embarrassed look as thought he forgot to disappear on cue and then was gone also. Alex shook his head.

“Alex, did you just say Gisele?” Liz looked at him concerned so he thought fast.

“No I said jizzle… you know Snoop Dawg talk… for rizzle, yo shizzle!” He finished lamely but that only earned him more concerned stares as he smiled sheepishly at his friends.
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Dean: Hey, you know what? There's a ton of lore on unicorns too, in fact,
I hear they ride on silver moonbeams and shoot rainbows outta their ass.

Harold Krick: I know this may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

“Don’t feel guilty, guilt is a wicked ghost.”

Ben: Evie, you're in the middle of nowhere!
Evie: Then I'll cling to the edge of somewhere!!!
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erinkatie
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Post by erinkatie »

Feed Back: That's for reading this... it's really fun to write!!
Stargazer's Delight wrote::lol: Poor guy getting woken at the wrong moment :lol:
now i know what you mean about resurrecting that boy and showing everyone a good time :wink: :lol:

it keeps getting funnier, think i'll get wasted and read again :wink:
great update,I need more please :D
I think next time I'll get wasted and just write a chapter and see how you like it. It can be an experiment... you can read it sober and then drunk and tell me which is better. :)

Sternbetrachter wrote:I have to agree with Nathan - poor Alex, waking up at the worst moments of time :lol:
Yes, but he wouldn't be Alex if it hadn't of happened. Plus it's just to fun to embarass him! ;)

chanks_girl wrote:great update.

poor Alex couldn't finish his wet dream. nice little candy bickering and of cours Maria's rambling.

giselle bündchen as GOD. super!!!!!!!!!!

funny story, hope you'll please us soon with a new update.
Thanks for reading!!! And here's an update like I promised.


Flamehair
Allie Xie

--------- Thanks for reading!

KaraGail wrote:Why do I hear the Heroes tag line when I read this? But instead of "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" I hear "Find the killer, Save the World" :lol:

Not thrilled that Alex will have to give up Isabel, but hopefully there will be some type of loophole :wink:
Hopefully there will be... did I have gazer insurance...? I don't think I said that... or wait maybe I heavily implied it and almost said it. ;) We'll shall see little one, we shall indeed...


HERE'S THE NEXT PART!


Chapter Four: Batman And His Ingenious Sidekicks

It really was a beautiful day in Roswell, New Mexico, well for the rest of the world maybe, but for Alex Whitman he was just satisfied it wasn’t raining as he hobbled out of Roswell General. One broken wrist, a sprained ankle, which wouldn’t have been too bad if the rest of his leg wasn’t broken as well and six of his ribs and his nose were also broken to make matters worse. A lovely purple and green bruise (which Maria said complemented his eyes) made it’s home around his left eye right underneath a two and a half inch cut which still had stitches in it. Due to his concussion he found himself blacking out and fainting at various moments; when he tried to pee or when he was getting his stitches or right when he was just about to take a sip of his beloved orange soda. All in all, it really was a beautiful day in Roswell, New Mexico and all Alex wanted to do was go home and look at his guitar (since he could not play it due to his white cast with little green alien heads).


Two weeks after the accident Alex was released. Released into a world that thought he fell asleep at the wheel. A world that knew he had wet dreams about Isabelle Evans (he would never forget her mortifying blush and the glares from Michael when he had first awoken), a world that thought he suddenly picked up “Snoop Dawg talk” and a morbid fascination with Gisele and Lord of the Rings.


Here… in the “real” world he was no longer The Stud, no he was Alexander Charles Whitman whose aura screamed “I am mouse, hear me squeak”.


What boggled Alex the most was how the hell Gisele/Yoda/Bill and Frodo expected him to find his killer and save the world when the simple task of standing was an issue. He would have to have Max over sooner or later, at least once a week to start slowly but surely healing his wounds but until then he needed a plan. So Alex decided he had to call in some reinforcements. Someone whose prowess, intelligence, stealth reflexes, and mastermind computer genius matched his own, or at least came close to that. Someone with a little fire power and he knew just who to call. An hour, two large pizzas and various cans of soda later Alex sat with his unknowing partners in crime.


Michael Geurin and Kyle Valenti. Okay, Alex admitted they weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed but right now he just couldn’t handle the other tools right now. He was still uncomfortable around Tess and Isabelle seemed to fawn over him (which killed Alex since that was the part of the bargain he had to stay away from, even though his heart and lower anatomy disagreed. What surprised him the most was that even after the wet dream and her blush, Isabelle seemed to always stand a little closer, brush her hand up his arm a little more erotically and speak more sensually to him as if she knew a secret about him. Though he readily agreed this could be a figment of his imagination and those two sphere shaped parts of his lower body which daily turned a darker shade of blue). Liz and Maria just cried about almost loosing him and then would do a 180 and yell at him for not making a move on Isabelle, and Max, well his silent brooding was too much for anyone these days. So the two obvious choices were Mikey G. and K Val.


Their very own end of the world, may justice and good defeat evil epic movie where Alex starred as Batman, Michael was Robin and Kyle was… was… was Catwoman? He’d probably look good in leather anyways, right?


“So Alex, tell why on this fine day would you call us over to have pizza? Just feeling friendly? Lonely?”


“Actually I asked you guys to come over and give me hand, you know, like a hand… with this cast it makes it hard to hold, and I can’t ask my dad-“


“What the HELL, Whitman?”


Alex laughed at Michael’s angry outburst and Kyle’s shocked face. “I don’t need anyone to hold it for me, chill out Robin. I need your help.”


“Right… with what? And it better not be anything like that.”


“Protection.”


"Like a condom?" Kyle asked.


“Protection? Why? What happened? Where’s Maria? Alex? Alex, what happened? Is she okay?”


“God, Guerin, you are whipped and your not even hitting that.”


“Shut up Valenti, when was the last time you touched anyone besides yourself and the Kleenex box!”


“Hey! That was one time and I-“


“Guys! SHUT UP!”


“Michael everything is fine. Maria is fine but if you want to call her or check her tracking device to be sure, go right ahead.”


“You think you’re funny Whitman?”


“I think he’s funny.”


“Valenti!” Michael warned.


“Guys, would you please stop. Now I am serious. I need your help. Will you help me?”


“It depends on what you need.”


“I need you to help me find out who tried to kill me.”


“What?” Before this day if you asked him, Alex would say Kyle and Michael had nothing in common, but now he would have to retract that statement. When surprised Michael and Kyle are both rendered speechless. ‘Maybe we should do that more often,’ Alex thought.


"I thought you said you fell asleep at the wheel?"


"I did say that, yes."


"So, if you feel asleep at the wheel, how did someone try to kill you? You want us to go after your eyes?"


"Yes Kyle, my eyes killed me. Jesus! You really ARE Catwoman!"


"Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?"


"I think what Whitman is trying to tell you, bone head, is that you're as dumb as a woman."


"I'm gunna tell Maria!"


"You really are a woman, Valenti."


"GUYS!" screamed Alex.


"Fine, Alex, tell us, why do you think someone tried to kill you?"


"Well... see, um, that's where it gets complicated. I guess I'll just say it... straight out... just get it out there, put it in front of you an-"


"Whitman, you're really trying my patience."


"Okay, okay... Bill Gates and Frodo Baggins told me."


Michael and Kyle gave him blank stares and then Kyle, classily burst out into a fit of giggles, Michael punched him in the arm.


"Bill Gates? Frodo Baggins? Alex are you feeling ok?"


"Michael, I'm serious... they weren't REALLY Bill and Frodo."


"Right so now you're on a first named basis with them. If they weren't who they were, then who were they really?"


"Huh?" grunted Kyle.


"Bill Gates is God. God told me an alien tried to kill me and that I needed to find out who it was before it's too late or the end of the world will come."


Once again they just looked at him wide mouthed and fish eyed.
Last edited by erinkatie on Tue Mar 13, 2007 10:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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erinkatie
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Chapter Five

Post by erinkatie »

Thank you everyone for reading! I hope you enjoy this Chapter! I had a good time writing it!


***************


Chapter Five: The Plan of Plans Ever Made in The Whole History of The Whole Universe



“So let’s say we’re going along with this insanity and we believe you. Why don’t we just go to El Presidente and do the whole “what are we going to do now, Max?” thing and he can whip out his magic wand and make everything all better.”

Michael snickered. “So Kyle, does Max often whip out his “magic wand” for you and make everything better?”

“Shut it, Guerin.”

“We can’t go to Max.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause right now he’s as useless as a bag of bricks.”

“How so?”

“’Cause of the whole Liz/Tess drama.”

“Right… how does that guy do that? I mean he isn’t even that good looking.”

Michael snickered again. “So you think about how pretty Evans is?”

“I’m going to whop you one.”

“Does Max ‘whop you one’?”

Kyle started to get up but Alex quickly interrupted.

“Come on you two. Stop.”

“Okay…” Michael said, “I’m up for this ridiculous proposition of yours, anything to get myself away from Maria for a little bit. After the whole accident she hasn’t shut up about the dangers of riding a motorcycle.”

“Yeah, I’ve got nothing better to do either.”

“Well it’s nice to know you guys believe me.”

“Whatever.” They said in unison. Alex cocked an eyebrow. Michael shook his head.

“You gay or something, Kyle?”

“Excuse me?”

“Guys!”

“Fine, fine. Where to we start?”

“Well, I suppose we could start in Sweden.”

“What do you remember about it?”

“See, that’s the funny thing.” Alex rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t remember anything.”

“So you got like amnesia?” Kyle asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I guess.”

“You guess?” Michael looked skeptical.

“Yeah, when I think about it, everything’s blank.”

“You only have memories up until you left for Sweden?”

“No. I remember prom and the day of the accident but I don’t remember how I got in the car or the accident.”

“Okay. So we start with Sweden. You know we may have to enlist Liz’s help.” Kyle said.

“No, no. The girls have to stay out of this. It might be too dangerous.”

“I agree.”

“Psh, that’s cause if it were legal you would tie Maria to a ball and chain and never let her leave the house.”

“Please Kyle, Michael wouldn’t do that to her.”

“Alex is right. I’d keep her in the back yard.”

“Hey!”

“What?”

“Okay, okay we need a plan of operations. We need to get into the Main Office at school and get our hands on the files for the abroad program. I’ll have to go through all of my stuff from Sweden and see if anything sparks some kind of memory.”

“Kyle and I will break into the school tomorrow night.”

“Hey! I’m not doing that. Why can't Alex do it?”

“Yeah brainiac, Alex is going to stealthily break into the school with his crutches and broken body. And even IF he weren’t screwed up, he couldn’t go anyways. He’s not smooth at all. He would probably trip in the hallway and get us caught.”

“Hey! I can be smooth.”

“No, no Whitman. Guerin’s right. You need someone smooth and light footed like myself.”

“I never said you were smooth nor light footed. You couldn’t even break your way into Parker’s pants when she gave you the chance.”

“Because I respect women!”

“No because you’re not smooth and there’s also the fact that you’re gay for her soul mate.”

“Guerin… I’m gonna pop you in your-“

“Guys! Please!”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too but he started it.”

“Kyle, you woman!”

“SERIOUSLY!”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”



So after a few more arguments and planning Michael and Kyle left a very exhausted Alex in his living room. He laid his head against the back of the couch and closed his sleepy eyes. They were going to break into the school tomorrow, Michael was going to scan whatever files he could and hopefully they would find something. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for, hell, he wasn’t even sure if he even believed God or Bill or Gisele but this was better than admitting he was practically certifiable. If they didn’t find anything then Michael and Kyle would definitely agree he went off the deep end.

He began to drift off when his doorbell rang. He struggled to get up but after a few minutes he was successfully hobbling to the front door. He opened it and inwardly groaned.

“Isabelle! Hey! What can I do for you?” He thought it would be Michael or Kyle forgetting something and now he wished it was one of their ugly faces at his door instead of his angel. She smiled brightly at him.

“Alex! You can’t do anything for me silly! I’m here for you, for anything you need!” She breezed past him, carrying something that smelled delicious.

“What have you got there?”

“You should be sitting down and resting! Now go to the couch and I’ll take this into the kitchen and fix you something.” She was gone before he could protest. His mouth and the front door still hung open. He had just devoured eight slices of pizza with “the boys” how was he supposed to fit anything else into his stomach? He heard her rustling about in the kitchen so he shut the door and did what he was told. He took a seat back on the couch and waited.

Isabelle came out with a plate of what looked to be fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and orange soda. He wished the cookies were more appealing because at that moment he wanted to eat something else instead. ‘Did she come over here to kill me?’ he wondered.

“So, how are you feeling today?” She sat down next to him and placed the drink and cookies on the coffee table in front of them. There was a six-foot couch and plenty of room so why did she have to practically sit on top of him.

“I’m feeling okaaay.” Oh God! Did his voice just crack? Yep, yep. ‘God must really hate me!’ he thought. But unfortunately a little prepubescent slip could not deter Isabelle in what seemed like to Alex a blatant seduction. She leaned in closer to him and placed a hand on his thigh.

“Was that Kyle and Michael leaving a few minutes ago?” Her hand crept further up his thigh. ‘Her hand is creeping further up my thigh. Her hand is closing in on my robinhood… wait, Robinhood? Oh God. I just referred to my penis as Robinhood, but her hand is creeping further up my thigh right?’

Alex nodded.

“What were they doing here?” ‘Planning a way to find out who tried to kill me.’

“I don’t remember…” Isabelle leaned in closer and whispered in his ear, her lips barely brushing his lope.

“Oh really.” Her hand slide further up his thigh and Alex knew he was loosing control of the situation fast.

“I can’t get an erection.” He blurted out. ‘Wait…. WHAT?!?!’ he thought. He could have said anything, anything. ‘The weather sure is nice today or how about them Red Sox?’ but no, oh no, he had to go and say ‘I can’t get an erection!’ What the hell was he thinking?

Nonetheless the statement had it’s desired effect, Isabelle withdrew her hand and her body from his.

“I’m sorry?”

“My… uh- the medicine I’m taking prevents me from getting a – uhm an erection. You know the forks hard to lift… if you catch my meaning.” He could tell from her body language that she definitely caught his meaning.

“I think I should go.”

“Yeah. I think you should too…” He shook his head. What the hell? ‘I think you should too’? He was an idiot. God was going to pay for this.

Isabelle left his house quickly with an “enjoy the cookies” remark. Alex let his head fall back against the couch but this time his eyes drifted close for another reason. Frustration. He struggled for a few minutes as he picked himself up off the couch he grabbed his cookies and orange soda and struggled into his room to take care of his hard on.

“I’m going to kill Gisele.” He muttered.
Last edited by erinkatie on Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image

Dean: Hey, you know what? There's a ton of lore on unicorns too, in fact,
I hear they ride on silver moonbeams and shoot rainbows outta their ass.

Harold Krick: I know this may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

“Don’t feel guilty, guilt is a wicked ghost.”

Ben: Evie, you're in the middle of nowhere!
Evie: Then I'll cling to the edge of somewhere!!!
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erinkatie
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Post by erinkatie »

Chapter Six: The Most Amazingly Executed Plan of All Plans, Well… It Would Have Been Anyways


“Listen Isabelle, it’s not you it’s me. I can’t be a one-woman guy, you know? My near death experience has shown me you gotta live life in the fast lane… live it to the fullest. I just can’t be tied down right now…”

Silence.

“Hey, if it’ll make you feel better take comfort in the fact that you’re a good looking girl, you’ll find someone else… someday… maybe… and if not, there’s always a nunnery.”

More silence.

“I mean… my life is dangerous. There are aliens trying to kill me- hey, now, sh! I know what you’re thinking. ‘But Alex’” he says in the highest pitched voice he can muster, “‘I’m an alien, I understand danger!’ No. No, Iz, you couldn’t possible understand REAL danger, that’s something only a man could truly comprehend. Don’t worry your pretty head about anything. You and me… we don’t belong together. I’m sorry, hon.”

The silence continues.

“I really appreciate your friendship and I just couldn’t live with myself if we took this risk and we lost this special PLATONIC bond between us. You understand right?”

Silence is still continuing.

“Aw, thanks hon, you’re a really great girl. There’s more fish in the sea and they may find it in the deepest crevices of their hearts to love you wholly, regardless of the fact that you’re a different species. They may be able to look past that huge non-human thing. Now you take care, give me a call sometime and we’ll grab lunch or something, I’ll see you later.”

Alex stared at himself in the mirror. ‘Chyeah’, he thought, ‘like that speech is really gunna work. She’d probably knee me in the balls.’ (If he gave her that “speech” the world would probably concur he deserved it.)

It was less than an hour until the go time on ‘Operation Stealthy Good Looking Guerin and Ms. Sorta Gay Lightfoot Valenti Steal Some Shit From The School’ (Michael thought of the name, obviously) and Alex was in the bathroom preparing. For two hours he tried thinking of different ways of “letting Isabelle down easily” but so far, no luck.

He was almost positive after the whole “I can’t get an erection” talk she would be long gone. But no, she had called him last night… and this morning and this afternoon and three hours, forty-seven minutes and ten- no, eleven and counting seconds ago. Of course she had been her now regularly flirty self, even going so far as saying ‘the medicine will wear off sooner or later’.

She practically said in that no nonsense Christmas Nazi way of hers that she would be making another attempt on his manhood… she could pop out of some hidden corner and make a grab for him when he was least expecting and then he would be a goner, get a boner, the world would end and everyone would die. He walked around every corner cautiously.

What a terrible predicament.

Especially because she seemed to have the ability to arouse him with the slightest words and somehow over the phone, knew she was doing it too… and she CONTINUED doing it!

A terrible predicament indeed.

Sigh.

Poor Alex.

He was definitely in his self-pitying mood and for good reason. Alex Whitman was sure he was going to die by the hands of an alien regardless of the outcome of this whole fiasco. He prayed it would be in pleasure. He couldn’t take any more pain (and his nether regions agreed whole-scrotumly!).




TO BE CONTINUED
Image

Dean: Hey, you know what? There's a ton of lore on unicorns too, in fact,
I hear they ride on silver moonbeams and shoot rainbows outta their ass.

Harold Krick: I know this may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

“Don’t feel guilty, guilt is a wicked ghost.”

Ben: Evie, you're in the middle of nowhere!
Evie: Then I'll cling to the edge of somewhere!!!
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