Chapter 20
Despite it being the weekend and a holiday weekend to boot, Liz had stated her need to catch up on some homework, which left Maria at a loose end. Maria had been invited to join Nancy, Jeff and Tess to watch some sort of family-bonding type DVD but had declined. As far as Maria was concerned the less time that she voluntarily spent with Tess the better. The blond haired girl was always unfailingly polite but Maria was convinced that she had ice in her veins instead of blood. No one was that naturally composed all the time without having something to hide.
Family TV time was ditched by Maria in favour of a wander around the garden with her sketch book. By the time Maria had been walking in a straight line for more than ten minutes without reaching any sort of fence or boundary, she’d decided that describing the obviously extensive grounds as a garden was a bit of an understatement.
Enjoying the warmth of the afternoon Maria walked slowly in no particular direction until she came across a small group of trees and decided to sketch. Settling under one of the trees she looked back at the view before pulling out a charcoal pencil and flipping her sketch book to a blank page.
The softly rolling grass and flower borders would be a pleasant enough picture to draw to pass the time, but what Maria was more interested in was a small bundle of fallen, dried leave which were lying amongst the grass and tree roots. Trapped in their autumn colours, they had somehow survived the winter dried and rotted to the skeletal remains of the internal leaf structure in some cases. Putting pencil to paper, Maria’s hand made the charcoal scratch and flick across the paper as she concentrated on recreating the picture. With her plump bottom lip caught between her teeth in concentration, she didn’t notice the tousle haired boy sitting silent and watchful in the branches above her head.
A long time later Maria put the charcoal down and stretched out her cramped fingers, satisfied with her picture enough to call it finished, she put the sketch book down. Stretching out her back with her hands above her head, she let out a sigh of satisfaction and a small moan as she rolled her neck from side to side.
“You have a good eye,” said a bored voice from above her head. “The composition doesn’t suck.”
Scared witless, Maria shrieked and scrambled to her feet. Look up towards the source of the voice, she saw Michael sitting on a branch staring.
“Of course, it would have been better in water colour or oils. Charcoal is so monochrome – flat. You’ve not given it any life because of the lack of colour. The whole composition is about the faded life in the leaves against the new life of the grass. No?”
“What the hell are you doing up there!” Maria yelled.
Michael replied slowly, as though explaining something simple to a particularly slow-witted child, “I’m sitting in a tree.”
“No, really. You think!” Maria replied sharply. “I mean what are you playing at spying on me like that, have you been following me or something?”
Michael rolled his eyes at the suggestion. “You think rather a lot of yourself, don’t you? Stalking – really?”
Maria made an angry spluttering noise before managing to draw all of her outrage together to project the right attitude, and with her hands on her hips said, “This is private property you know.”
“I know.”
Michael grinned suddenly and reached down, swinging suddenly from the branch with both hands before dropping to his feet right in front of Maria. Invading her personal space quite deliberately, he leaned towards her and whispered right into her ear, “That would be why you are trespassing.”
“I’m staying with the family who live over there!” Maria snapped, pointing a finger in the direction from which she had walked. “I’m not the one who is trespassing.”
Virtually chest to chest at this point Maria could feel his breath against her face as he stared down at her with one eyebrow raised provocatively.
“Well, the Evans live over there.” Michael deliberately copied Maria’s pointing motion. Maria looked in the direction he was pointing and could just see the roof of a house through the trees.
“The Parker’s grounds end at those trees over there, so you are trespassing.” He smirked, pulled a pair of sun glasses out of his pocket and slipped them on before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking off with a casual wave goodbye.
Tree-hugging-art-critic-guy, as he would come to be known between Liz and Maria, had managed to do something that not many people ever achieved with Maria; he got the last word. Then the next last word and the next after that because it was difficult for even Maria to have a conversation with someone who never appeared in person to talk.
Yet ‘talk’ they did, for several weeks, because each time Maria returned to the tree she found a new picture addressed to her personally. Each time she told herself she wouldn’t go back, she did. Despite all of the scoff-filled words and the disinterested air she assumed when she showed each picture to Liz, she unexpectedly found herself leaving pictures in return. In that way their conversation of no-words began and the boy who was so mind-blowingly annoying in person touched Maria in a way no one else ever had through his beautiful art.
~~~~
The picnic was everything that Liz had hoped it could be; simple food, good company and an end to the unplanned formality that had sprung up between. Their afternoon had been filled with laughing conversation and gentle touches, but the cooler air of the approaching evening had brought a natural end to things.
As Liz waited patiently while Max put away the remains of their picnic into the back of the car, something popped into her mind. In all of her carefully thought out planning for this outing, this was the point she’d forgotten to prepare; their goodbye. As obvious as the fact perhaps should have been, it left her with an uneasy feeling.
Strong arms encircled her from behind and Liz jumped slightly as she was pulled back against the solid warmth of Max. She forced the tension out of her body and relaxed against him; trying to shake off her anxiety in favour of staying in the moment and the happiness of their afternoon together.
“Mmm,” Max murmured against the skin of her throat. “You smell wonderful and look lovely, if I haven’t told you already.”
“It’s Eternity...the perfume you’re smelling,” Liz blurted out and then blushed. “But I doubt you needed to know that.” She turned in his arms and burrowed against his chest with a smile.
Max chuckled, and Liz enjoyed the way the happy sound rumbled through his chest. She pulled back and looked at him, wanting to see the humour in his face as well as hear it.
Liz was overwhelmed with enormity of significance of this moment. It should have been a simple embrace between a new couple but for her it was so much more. She’d allowed herself out of her carefully constructed comfort zone with Max, so far outside, in fact, that she couldn’t quite remember where her previous boundaries might have existed. That realisation – of her unconscious willingness to allow such emotional vulnerability with this man – was as unsettling as it was reassuring. There was the potential for something huge between them; if she could only be brave enough to reach for it.
Frowning, Max read each shift of emotions through her suddenly dark eyes, seeing that what had started as a light moment of affection had effected Liz differently. Unsure, his hands loosed deliberately on her hips as he anticipated her withdrawal from the intimacy of their contact.
Over planning wasn’t a natural response for Liz, it was learnt. A coping mechanism to handle her emotionally chaotic childhood and honed with therapy, maturity and a need force herself to be able to have to ability to deal . Compartmentalise and move on had become her mantra to both good and bad effect, but she didn’t want to be that way with Max.
On the edge of an emotional cliff, she felt like she needed to make the decision to either step back or jump. When she felt the firm but gentle hold of Max’s hands soften, she knew he’d recognised that something in their moment together had shifted.
Caught between playing it safe and jumping, she decided to jump. Liz stretched up and wrapped her arms around his neck, meeting his lips with her own. He let her take control as she kissed his top and then bottom lip softly before pressing herself tighter against him in an unspoken request for connection. Max followed Liz’s body language and took over the kiss with gentle insistence and for a few blissful minutes Liz was able to late her brain stop working and just feel as the kiss quickly became deeper.
And she felt it. From the top of her head to the tips of her toes she felt it. Ever movement of tongue against tongue; hot, wet and greedy. The delicious noises he made against her mouth each time she pressed a bit closer, or tightened her fingers in the silky mess of his hair.
Liz let her hands drift down Max’s back, feeling the flex of his muscles through the material of his shirt, the tempo of the kiss accelerated until Max abandoned her mouth to explore the length of her neck. Then she was moving, her back bumping against the side of car cushioned by Max’s arm. Max bent slightly and their bodies were suddenly perfectly in line; hip to hip and chest to chest as he pressed her against the car with a rough, smothered groan.
Liz gasped when she felt his tongue retrace the path that his lips had taken, from ear to collar bone and back, travelling along the vulnerable slope of her neck. Unable to stand this level of sensation without moving, her back arched and she was hopelessly unable to smother the whimper that escaped her lips, or the way her body flexed to be in tighter contact with his as her hand clenched in his hair. His answering groan was a soft feral noise breathed against the skin of Liz’s neck.
Liz felt like she was going to burst out of her body. This was so much more than a goodbye kiss; it was hunger and submission and potential. So much sensation like molten warmth that exploded low in her stomach, and each little eruption was followed by another, larger burst of feeling that kept growing and growing in strength.
“Liz?” Max said suddenly, his voice sensually roughened but achingly gentle. There was something in his voice that made her hesitate in her exploration of his body, her wandering hands stilling and her mood shifted again.
Liz suddenly jumped away from Max as though she had been electrocuted, so quickly that that she was a good six feet away, standing with a trembling hand against her mouth before Max had a chance to organise his thoughts and respond.
“I’m sorry... I’m sorry!”
“Perhaps that got a bit out of hand,” Max said carefully.
“It’s not that.”
Sweetheart, then what is it?” He took a tentative stop towards her, and she stepped back in response with her hands up, palms flat.
“Sorry, I just need a second. I need you to just wait there, please.” Liz dragged a hand through her hair and let out a breath that she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry. I’m freaking out, but I just need to say this, and you seem to find my mad-woman, filter less rants, amusing... or something, so I’m just going to go for it.
All the doubts and soul searching from earlier were suddenly tumbling around inside of Liz, so loudly that she was finding it difficult to organise her thoughts, but she knew she needed to explain.
“I’m not good at this.” Liz indicated the space between her and Max with quick back and forth flick of her finger. “I’m not good at letting people in. I have three close friends in the world who I’ve known all my life and one of them I dated. The couple of people that I’ve dated besides him were...”
Utterly fucked up in one case, and nothing less the awkward in the other. Breathe Liz, just breathe
“...less than successful. So what I’m trying to say is, I don’t have much practise at dating and I’m even worse at letting people close. I’ve never been good finding the right balance.
“Look at us. I go from being kissed senseless to polite lunches, back to being kissed senseless. We have no balance because I have no idea how to do this, and I’m messing it up, over and over again. I mean, I’m spoiling the moment now, right?”
“Liz, you’re–“
“I am. You don’t need to be nice about. I am.” Liz took another big breath to try to calm down but tears suddenly shined in her eyes as clear evidence of how upset she felt.
“I have this huge need to try and explain why I’m this way but no idea how to –“ Her breathe hitched on a half sob. “– because I don’t really understand why myself. Hence this crazy, rant because I am so scared.”
Liz risked a quick look at Max, looking for reassurance. He seemed frozen in place, his previously open expression closed and carefully controlled. Panicking, she stepped back further from him, ready to flee. “Oh God. You must think I’m insane.”
Max took a step towards her again, arms outstretched, reaching for her but something kept her feet glued to the ground and the distance between them remained.
“I don’t think that at all.”
“Let me just get the rest of this out, then you can really make up your mind.” Liz grimaced tearfully and a rolled her eyes. She wasn’t convinced. Despite the sincerity in his voice, Max’s carefully controlled face didn’t give her the confidence that she would have needed to approach him for comfort.
Agitated, she ploughed on with her monologue. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before, and I want to find the right balance with you so badly and I don’t know how, and it’s terrifying to feel this much so quickly and to not know how to act, or feel, or speak without spoiling it and my first instinct is to run...if I’m honest.”
She was talking so fast now the words almost merged together she was so upset. Max was unsure whether he should hug her or shake her until she found her equilibrium again.
“I don’t want to be like that with you, I want to let you in and I don’t know how, exactly, but I’m really, really trying. Sometimes I’ll mess up, and sometimes I’ll over think things...because I’m a planner to the point of OCD as Maria would put it. If over planning was a martial art, I’d be a Ninja! And that’s going to be annoying to you at some point, and sometimes I doubt my own decisions, like now, and I also–“
Strong hands cupped her cheeks, stopping her ranting mid word and holding her captive with a touch as soft as silk on skin.
“I don’t find your filter free monologues funny; I find them adorable because they are unique to you. I also don’t make a habit of letting a lot of people close, in fact my siblings are my best friends, but I haven’t dated either of them. I have, however, dated, a lot and doubt that I know how to have a relationship any better than you. We can work that out together. With three law degrees between us, I’m sure we’ll muddle through, yes?”
Liz made a noise which was something between a sob and a hiccupped giggle and Max smiled gently. She found herself inching closer to him by degrees.
“And there will always be a space in my life for a planning Ninja. There is nothing that you have said or done that has or will change my mind about wanting to get closer to you” Max’s fingers stroked Liz’s cheeks, and she let herself lean into the contact and be comforted.
“Okay?” he asked softly.
Resolve settled inside of Liz and she nodded silently to herself. Her decision was made; she was going to move towards this. Jumping straight into this thing with Max and to see where she might land.
“Okay.” She brought her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly feeling an overwhelming sense of relief to be close to him again.
“I am such an emotional fuck-up sometimes,” she mutter against the skin of Max’s neck before making a embarrassed little sigh. “And the swearing, that’s so not me usually. I’m such an idiot sometimes.”
“Hey, if you are, then that makes two of us,” Max said laughing, as he pulled her tighter against him and leaned his chin against the top of her head.
“So what now?” Liz asked, realising for the first time that it was starting to get dark.
“I don’t know. I thought, with your mad Ninja skills, you’d have had this part of the evening all mapped out?” Max teased.
Liz pulled back from him, smacking him gently against the chest in rebuke. “I didn’t spew that fact out, so you could tease me for the rest of my days.”
Max caught Liz by the hips and tugged her back against him and she went willing, tucking herself against his chest with a happy smile. “Hmm, for the rest of your days, huh? That sounds great to me.”
“I know you’re probably tired, jetlag and all, but I’m selfish enough to want to spend more time with you tonight.” She looked up trying to read his expression. “Only if you want to?”
“It’s only selfish if it’s a one-sided desire,” Max murmured, dropping a kiss on her cheek then hand, before leading her back towards the car.
Max started the engine and Liz enjoyed the blast of warm air from the heater as Max drove them out of the parking lot and merged into traffic.
“Are you sure shouldn’t be elsewhere?” Max teased.
“Let me see. Maria had a hot date with a DVD and some Ben & Jerry’s, trust me she doesn’t share willingly. Alex is away on business. Mom and Dad are at a charity benefit thing, which clashed with some sort of other charity benefit thing that Tess’s company was running, so they are attending not one, but two charity evenings. So, in conclusion, my wildly overactive social life leaves me with you as my only option.” This was a slight lie, since she had been invited to both charity evening events, via her parents.
“I happen to have been invited to the same charity evenings, and would willingly put on a tux just for you.” Max grinned.
Liz pretended to consider the offer, while admitting to herself that the thought of Max in a tux was very appealing, even if the stiff politeness and social toadying of such an event wasn’t really what she’d had in mind for them tonight.
“No thank you.”
“Sure?”
“Very sure.”
“Phew, for a minute I thought you were going to take me up on that offer.”
“Why offer then?”
“Because as much as I would love to see you dressed up like a princess and dance with you in a formal ballroom somewhere, tonight I just want it to be you and me. We can do that another time.”
Without meaning to, Liz smiled with delight at his reply, and Max was enchanted with the happiness on her face, and leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her mouth as they waited for some traffic lights to change.
“How about you let me cook tonight?”
“Depends, do I have to do the dishes.”
Max whispered conspiratorially, “Shh, don’t tell anyone, but I have one of those new fangled dishwasher things, so that won’t be an issue. Or you could enjoy my mad takeout ordering skills. We’ll eat out of the cartons, it’s a win-win. No dishes.” The car was filled with Liz’s laughter.
“I like to see you happy,” Max said, reaching out and holding onto her hand as they drove.
“Well that works well, because I’m feeling very happy right now.”
Expecting Max to head for one of Boston’s many affluent residential areas, Liz was surprised when he drove through the Financial District to Avery Street, eventually pulling up outside a hotel.
“I thought we were going to get something to eat at your apartment. I don’t mind, it’s just I’m not sure that I’m dressed for the Ritz Carlton. And this is where Tess’s charity thing is running, isn’t it?”
Liz looked down at her dress, sandals and wrap which had been so perfect for work and their outing, but it was hardly black-tie suitable.
“And how would you know that this is the venue for Tess’s event unless you’d been invited?” Max asked with a very straight face.
“Okay, busted. I was invited but I didn’t want to have to rush off from the picnic to get changed. My parents attend so many of these things. I just wanted to spend time with you.”
“Likewise.” He grinned.
“Okay, so why are we here?”
“This is where I live,” Max said, his expression innocent as he held Liz’s door open for her and waited for her to get out of the car.
“Really?”
“Yes, really,” Max replied patiently as he handed the car keys over to the valet parking attendant. “How else do you think Tess was able to get the venue at such short notice? I have connections.”
Liz wasn’t buying it. Not because she believed that he couldn’t afford such a place, more because it just didn’t seem very ‘Max’. “You live at the Ritz Carlton?”
Watching Max lips twitch in contained amusement, Liz was convinced he was teasing her, even more so when he suddenly laughed.
“Max, come on.”
“Tenacious, aren’t you?” He dropped a kiss onto Liz’s forehead, smiling. “Okay, hotel, no, apartments, yes. To be completely accurate, I rent at the Ritz Carlton.” Max put a hand against the small of her back and encouraged her towards the entrance, nodding hello to the concierge as he was welcomed by name.
Through the ornate glass doors of the ballroom entrance, on the far side of the lobby, cool blue eyes stared as the couple walking into the building and crossed to the elevators. They continued to stare long after the doors had closed behind them with a quiet swish. Stared, schemed and seethed.