roswell3053 wrote:I'm so extremely glad that you are back. I can't wait for you to update this story. It has been way to long.
You didn't have to wait long! Here ya go
I made the episode extra extra long to make up for the long hiatus.
Hello everyone! I am delightfully giddy to announce my return to my favorite soap opera of all time As the Orb Glows…which is now back from temporary, long term hiatus.
The last year has been crazy. Instead of writing a soap opera, I was living one. I guess that’s why I’ve been gone so long.
But something extraordinary happened this week that has spurred me back to writing and providing laughter therapy for my friends and others. This week San Diego took the biggest hit any wildfire could throw and my neighborhood where I have lived all of my life lost more than 500 homes. The firestorm raged right up to my front and back door. BUT because of the quick thinking and right-place, right-time firefighters my house was SPARED. The miracle firefighters that saved my home when so many others around me burned have shown me just how lucky I really am.
That is why I’m giving myself the chance to laugh and make other’s laugh. So I am dedicating this long, fun filled journey to them and all of the other firefighters that worked tirelessly to save our lives and our possessions.
(On a side note, if you get the chance to donate to the Red Cross, please do. This is the second HUGE firestorm our San Diego suburb has endured in 4 years. Unfortunately the families that supported those who lost their homes in Oct 03 are now the families who lost their houses in Oct 07. It is heartbreaking to see so much pain and loss in one place. We're all just thankful that almost everyone got out alive.)
Sorry for all the downers!! Now, let's take some uppers
I hope that you all enjoy what’s in store. I would suggest starting over from the beginning. I have revamped it and edited it. Plus, being that it’s a soap spoof some of the plot lines are a little out of this world
A special thanks to my wonderful beta for this part killjoy. Couldn’t do it without him! I've got spell checker but with my luck with spelling... the language setting is probably for Greek instead of English
Thank you again for reading!!!!!!
Previously on As the Orb Glows…
<i> AMY(purrs): "I need someone taken care of. Can you do that for me?"
AMY(crying hysterically): "My daughter's boyfriend, he got my baby pregnant!"
KYLE: "Oh, </i>give<i> it up, Tess, I'm GAY!" he screams. [Shocked, Tess inadvertently blocks his vision, and Kyle loses control of the car...] Look, it's not that I don't find you attractive…I'm just more interested in Max, that's all.
LIZ: Well, </i>that's <i> not an answer. We're through. [Tess and Kyle high-five each other]
Max pulls Liz to her and whispers, "Good job." as Liz pulls away and walks off towards the highway.
AMY : How long is it going to take for you to realize that we DeLuca women are </i>Fatal Attractions <i>Cal?
A voice in the hallway quips:
MICHAEL : Damn straight my man, they </i>will not be ignored Dan <i>!
Cal takes a seat at the kitchen table and pulls Amy with him. Michael comes walking in the kitchen door to see Amy sitting on Cal's lap eating off his plate.
MICHAEL : Nice, I think I'm blind...and it’s probably boiled bunny for breakfast again...blech!
Amy and Cal continue snuggling over Cal’s plate.
AMY : Oh honey Calikins, you’ve got a little bit of hare’s fur on your cheek...let me get that off for you. *kiss*
MICHAEL : OH dear Lord! DOUBLE BLECH! Where’s Maria?
AMY (still kissing Cal's cheek) : In the living room I think.
Michael leaves this yuckfest to find Maria...and preferably a new pair of eyes so he can gouge out the old ones with a fork.
Meanwhile, the yuckfest is conversing in low whispers.
CAL : Was that </i>him<i>?
AMY : Yep, tonight our plan must go in affect. And there will be no regrets.
LIZ : Oh my god...
Stunned, Max looks down at Liz.
MAX : It's another book...</i>
Welcome to the season premiere of the Daytime Emmy Award Winning smash hit—oh, who are we kidding?! We're just this close to getting cancelled. Sorry boss, I get paid to read not lie! Yea, yea, yea…tell it to my lawyer who signed the permanent all binding contract with the network over summer hiatus. So, regardless of how I feel about this chimp’s playground hell-hole YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME FOREVER…got it? Speaking of primates…on with the show! We meet up with Michael and his pregnant-with-an-alien-hybrid girlfriend sharing a touchingly loving moment…
FADE IN: DELUCA RESIDECE
Michael walks into the living room after leaving the parental love-fest in the kitchen. Maria is sitting on the couch.
MICHAEL: Hey, Prego, how's it going?
MARIA(SHOUTING): Prego?! Could you possibly be any more insensitive!
Michael gives her a blank look and raises his eyebrows.....as if to say duhh remember who you are talking too here.
MARIA: Prego is a spaghetti sauce, it’s definitely not a term of endearment.
MICHAEL: Look, I'm sorry. It's just that you looked so cute sitting there, and that just kind of popped into my head when I saw you.
Maria's glare softens just a bit...
MARIA: Let's go out tonight.
MICHAEL : Why?
MARIA: I just feel like getting out of the house.
MICHAEL: I suppose we can. Where do you want to go?
Maria looking nervously towards the kitchen. She can see her mom and Cal still canoodling at the table.
MARIA: Bleeeech! He-B-G-B’s...Let’s go now. I'm really craving a Tabasco burger from the Crashdown.
MICHAEL(GRUMBLING): You and your cravings. I hope this isn't going to last the whole pregnancy.
Michael shakes his head.
MICHAEL: Next thing I know, you're gonna be sending me out for eggplant strudel or something.
MARIA: Ah, give it a rest space boy. [smiles]
Maria manages to get Michael out the front door ahead of her. She looks back, hoping no one has noticed them leaving.
: That beautiful Hallmark moment was brought to you by the makers of romance and hanky panky our sponsor Neptune Condoms! Because remember if you're going to get anal probed Neptune Condoms are the only way to go! Warning: Neptune Condoms are not to be used by members of the Royal Four, studies have shown that it is likely the royal sperm may be able to penetrate the lining of the condom—[off camera Michael yells “doh! I knew
I forgot something” and Maria smacks him upside the head]—Speaking of hanky-panky, I sense some brewing on the other side of town...
FADE IN: PARKER RESIDECE, LIZ’S BALCONY
Max and Liz are sitting side-by-side, paging through the open book on Max's lap.
MAX: I don't understand any of this.
LIZ(TEASING): I thought I gave you that alien hooked on phonics last Christmas didn't I? You should be able to read at the grade five levels by now.
MAX(DEADPANING): Ha, ha very funny.
Camera zooms to a close up to a page of the book. Images of Max and Liz together are clearly depicted.
MAX: Liz, we did it...We changed destiny. Victory high-five!
Liz and Max do a corny THE TODD high five.
VOICEOVER GUY: Oh! I just love Scrubs! The Todd is awesome. Awesome-Todd-appreciation-five, Bob!
SOUND TECHNICIAN(AKA BOB): Don’t make me try and verbally convey an eye roll off camera, dude.
VOICEOVER GUY: Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a damn, that’s right Bob Kleso.
MAX: I always knew you were meant for me. Let’s take this party inside shall we?
Max and Liz take a swan dive through the open window into her bedroom. They tuck and roll across the floor to the foot of the bed, springboard off the ground in tandem and leap onto the middle of the bed.
LIZ: Nicely done my friend. (then in mocking accusation) Hey! Have you been practicing without me
MAX : No! [blushing and shrugging] Okay, maybe a little.
Liz laughs in response, pushes him onto his back and pins him beneath her, tickling him relentlessly.
MAX : Okay, OKAY! [gasping for breath] Uncle! Uncle! I give!
He gently grabs her wrists to stop her movements. Instantly the mood turns heated when they realize that in her effort to pin him she ended up in his lap, straddling his hips.
They look into each others eyes and proceed to ‘cement’.
: Of course the all too convenient Tess-destiny-obligation-ending moment wouldn’t be complete without a few unwelcomed mood killers.
A shadowy figure walks in on Max and Liz. Liz screams as Max puts up his protective shield.
NASEDO: Hey, you can put down your shield. Max it's me, Nasedo.
MAX : What the hell? You’re dead. I held you in my arms.
NASEDO(HIS EYES GLAZING OVER AS HE STARTS FANASIZING TO HIMSELF) : Ah, yes you did...you held me so tightly with your warm, tender, muscular arms...I’ll never forget that moment.
MAX : Huh?
Nasedo visually shakes himself out of it.
NASEDO : That was one of Tess' mind warps. You see, I had to distract her into believing that I was on her side. But there's only one person that I am supposed to protect. The King—
LIZ : –has left the building. So, if you don’t mind Max was about to start laying some pipe into my concrete foundations. So I’d really like to get back to that if you don’t mind.
He stared and she blushed. Max had never seen her be so blunt, but he felt the same way, freedom was quite an aphrodisiac.
NASEDO : Unfortunately Elvis is no longer with us...he went back home, to the Tryian galaxy...one hell of a card player though, shame he won’t make next millennial intergalactic bridge tournament...but, I digress. The point is that I was referring to another King and it is him that I am sworn to protect.
MAX : I always suspected that there was something off about Elvis' disappearance.
: Ha! Told ya Bob! You owe me $20! Pay up!
SINGERCHIC4: Hey, VOG! Give it a rest for a minute will ya? We’re getting to some juicy stuff here.
Max, Nasedo, and Liz look up.
LIZ: Thanks Lindz!
MAX(BACK TO NASEDO) : No really, what do you need to protect me from? What do you want from us? To take me back to Antar and Kivar? So he can do what? Kill me!
NAESDO: The only person you need protecting from is Tess…and Kivar…aaaand well, just about a million female fans of yours out there who all want to jump your bones and have hot alien sex with you. Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn't bring you back to Antar to be killed. I'd only bring you back to rule our world again. But that's not why I'm here.
Nasedo takes a deep breath and sits down on the chair next to him.
NASEDO: Now that Tess believes me dead it’s the right time to reveal some important facts to you all. Isabel isn't the one who betrayed you. It wasn't her who fell in love with Kivar.
MAX: Well, that’s a relief! Now maybe she’ll get off my back a bit about this leaving Roswell business...If it wasn’t Vilandra then who was it?
LIZ(LAUGHING) : Ooo! Don’t tell me, Kivar took a swing for the other team and had the hots for Rath instead?
NASEDO: Unfortunately, no... He went after someone a little more dangerously close to Zan.
LIZ(JOKING) : Like his hairdresser? A person tells them everything, even their deepest darkest secrets like fantasies with steamy twin firefighters who wear nothing but those yellow pants with the suspenders that go over their very muscular chest and shoulders.......
Liz is blushing and looking guilty.
LIZ: I mean, hypothetically speaking anyway...of course!
Nasedo chose to ignore that uncomfortable statement.
NASEDO: Max, your own wife betrayed you and your family. She wanted to rule your world.
MAX: See, I just knew Tess had an ulterior motive for trying to break us up.
NASEDO: That book you have, it shows who is really supposed to be by your side. And from the look of things...
He cocked an eyebrow.
NASEDO: I can see it's already starting.
LIZ : What's starting?
NASEDO: The prophecy.
He starts jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store.
NASEDO: Max and You are the true King and Queen of Antar.
LIZ(IN VALLEY GIRL SPEAK) : No way! So, like, I’m like an alien too? That is SO farout...out of this world...like, get it? Ha!
NASEDO: Like, WAY! You’re like so green around the gills, you go girlfriend!
SINGERCHIC4(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE) : Yesh, I know that this is a spoof and all, but I think that was the moment that I sank to a new low...
NASEDO: See Liz, you were a princess, so was Tess/Ava. On Antar I happened to study Midwifery-
MAX(STUDDERING) : —mid whatery?
LIZ: Duh, he was a mid wife.
Max still looked puzzled.
LIZ: Ya know, like Dell on ‘Private Practice’?
MAX : Ooooh, okay! Got it...I do love that show
Max looks directly at the camera and winks. :
MAX: Tune in Wednesday nights, 9 o’clock on ABC.
Liz agreed looking at the camera as well.
LIZ: I do too, I never miss a week.
That’s 8 PM central for you folks in the Midwest.
NASEDO: Eh, wonderful...now that the geography lesson is over can we get back on subject?
Nasedo snapped his fingers to turn the attention back on him.
NASEDO: Liz, I delivered you myself and the next year I delivered Tess. The same woman carried you both. Tess is your sister.
SOUND TECHNICIAN (aka Bob) : Duum, duum, duuuuuuuuum! (what can I say? the sound machine isn’t working today so I improvised!)
MAX : “What?! Sisters?!” [Max jumped to his feet] “Surely you can’t be serious?!”
NASEDO : Of course I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley!
: What the hell?!
[The sound of rustling papers can be heard as VOICEOVER GUY tries to find the current page of today's script]
: Who the hell is hiring the writers for this monkey show?! That's not even an original line!
NASEDO(looking at the camera and shrugging): Hey, it’s one of the classics…
Turning back to Liz and Max.
NASEDO: Anyway, you see Liz during the time of your birth families on your world were only allowed to have one daughter. Something about the families only having the hock for one wedding...or something like that. When a family had more than one girl, she was taken away at birth and was given over to the state. The majority of the time the girls were adopted out to families who couldn't bare children. Others lived on the castle grounds to become maidens for the future knights. Tess became more than that. She had a craving to rule the world. And when Max's and Isabel's parents couldn't find a fitted wife for Max on Antar, Tess was brought to Antar to ‘do the job’…for lack of a better term.
LIZ : So I'm related to TESS?! But she slept her way to the top? Well, to say that the later doesn’t surprise me one bit is the understatement of the century. [she sighed]
Max leaned over and rubbed Liz's shoulders for support.....he would have liked to have been rubbing a less appropriate part of her anatomy....but that's another part of the story we'll get to later.*wink wink*
LIZ : What about our parents? Why didn’t anyone know who I am? What happened to me in my past life?
NASEDO: Your father was the ruler of Zmszq. The second planet to the left of our world. Your father died shortly after Tess was taken and then your mother was thrown out of the kingdom when he died. They refused to have a female leader, so they took over.
Liz reacts in shock, so Nasedo explains further.
NASEDO: A very chauvinistic society, if you couldn’t already tell...kind of a back water country. Okay this story gets long, so please sit tight.
Liz and Max kick off their shoes, lean back in the bed and as Nasedo said ‘got comfortable’…which in light of their currently horny state meant Max hovering on top of Liz with his hand inching under her blouse while she clawed at his back.
NASEDO: (gulping) Not THAT comfortable!!!
MAX: OH! Sorry, our mistake. [chuckling, but settled into a more appropriate comfortable position]
NASEDO: Your mother was banished from her world and she fled with you to Antar and went into hiding. She gave you up to a woman named Sisilie to protect you from the new king of Zmszq. You were only about 2 years old so it was pretty easy to hide you. When you turned 16 you became a servant girl on the castle grounds. At the time you became good friends with a girl who knew about your past. Her name was Serena. When she told you about your past and what has happened to your family, you fled the castle grounds. The land just outside the castle wall was made of red sand that went into the blue ocean. You sat on the shore to watch the sun set to see the water turn to sparkling purple. Max stumbled upon you sitting under a tree on his evening horse ride and a conversation started. You told him about your past and he fell for you. Kivar at the time was third command, Michael his second. Kivar had hid in that tree above and overheard your conversation with Max. So Kivar thought he'd win Tess over by telling her about your rendezvous. Just like that she betrayed Max for betraying her love for him. But than Kivar betrayed Tess and than took over the throne...so I guess you can say that in the end there was a just a whole lot of betraying going on. So anyway the rulers of the other planets teamed up with Kivar to kick Max, Isabel, and Michael off the planet. They couldn't run to any of the other planets in their galaxy. They had to go farther.
MAX: But how did Tess get into the spacecraft with us?
NASEDO: She heard Kivar talking to his second at command that after he'd become King that Tess was to be assassinated. So he'd have no past of you, and he could dictate Antar with a fresh start.
LIZ: And what about me? I know I was born to human parents, not hatched.
NASEDO: I was always very fond of your mother and when she went into hiding she asked me to look out for you. When I had found out that you’d fallen for Max and as a result had died, I arranged for the transport of your essence to earth while the others were still in the pods. This was much later than the crash 50 years ago and I was already on earth when I got the word of your fate. At that point our technology had advanced far enough that we had found a way to protect you in the womb of a female human, instead of a pod. Having studied midwifery I figured out a way to do the whole thing without your parents even realizing what had happened. I tried to get the timing just right so that your birth would occur at the right time to be the same age as the others. This arrangement seemed to work best for everyone because it also kept you hidden from our enemies and from Tess too.
The three of them sat in silence as this news settled around them.
: I think that’s enough revelations for the time being. Let’s check in at the Crash with our favorites pregos’...sorry Maria.
FADE IN: CRASHDOWN RESTAURNT
Michael and Maria walk in the entrance. Maria makes a beeline for the booth farthest from the door. She slides into the seat facing the door. Michael gives her a confused look.
MICHAEL: Why do you want to sit all the way back here in the dark?
MARIA: I don't want anyone to see me. It'd ruin my rep if anyone found out I was pregnant.
MICHAEL: Your rep? You have a rep?
MARIA: Yeah, my rep! Now sit down and let's order something!
MICHAEL: I hope this is just the hormones talking. Otherwise, you're getting stranger by the day.
MARIA: I'm getting strange? Look who's talking- Mr. Second-in-Command. Mr. Out-of-this-world.
MICHAEL(HISSING) : OK, OK. Just drop it, will you?
What do you want to eat?
MARIA: Oh, just get me a burger and some fries. I have to go to the bathroom.
As Maria gets up from the table, she notices a shadowy figure outside the window. Panicked as her maternal instincts have started to kick in, she grabs Michael's arm and drags him yelping from the table.
[Menacing, dramatic music starts playing loudly in the background.]
MICHAEL(YELPS) : Hey! Now what?
Michael yelps as she is now pulling him by the ear.
MICHAEL: And where the hell is that music coming from?
Once through the swinging door she speaks but doesn’t slow her stride.
MARIA: On second thought, let's just go. I've changed my mind. No one can do a Crashdown burger like you. Let's go back to your place and you can make me one there.
She replies as she drags him through the kitchen and out the back door of the Crashdown.
Outside the Crashdown, Alex peeks through the window. He had seen Maria and Michael bolt out the back door.
ALEX: I wonder what that’s all about?
He sneaks round the back in time to catch Michael and Maria emerging from the alley. Maria screams and Michael is ready to fight.
ALEX: Whoooa guys hold it! It's just me, Alex...
MARIA: Alex! You scared the crap out of me!
Maria yells as she hits him.
MARIA: Was that you out front just now? What are you doing here?
ALEX: Izzy wanted a snack, so I offered to get her favorite from the Crashdown. Why are you sneaking out the back?
MICHAEL: I think it has to do with the hormones... She's been acting crazy all day.
MARIA: Thanks Bonehead!!
ALEX(CONFUSED) : Hormones?
MARIA: I wasn't ready to tell the world yet!
Maria has steam irrupting out of both ears and is smacking Michael hard on the shoulder.
ALEX(EVEN MORE CONFUSED) : Tell what?
MICHAEL: Maria's knocked up.
This time he braces for the impact.
MARIA: Michael! Didn’t I just say—
She smacks him upside the head this time.
ALEX: —Hey! That's great! Isn’t it?
MARIA: Yeah, I guess. Except mom’s pissed. She was screaming something about those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it... Look, I'm hungry. Can we discuss this some other time?
MICHAEL(RUBBING THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND SHOLDER) : We were heading back to my place. You want to come along?
ALEX: Nah. I'd better get back to Izzy. She's probably wondering what happened to her... um, snack (to himself)more like leather chew toy...
MICHAEL: Alright, catch you later.
ALEX: Yeah, later.
Alex turns back down the alley to head back inside. Just out in sight of the sidewalk, he sees Cal walk past the alley entrance heading for the restaurant.
ALEX: Hey guys, wasn't that..? [he turns back around]
Maria and Michael are gone.
ALEX: Huh, wonder what spooked them?
FADE IN: KYLE’S TAILGATE IN THE DESERT
Tess and Kyle are celebrating the Max & Liz ‘breakup’ with beer and laugher.
TESS: Did you see how mad Liz was?
Tess laughs giddily. Tess and Kyle clink their beer bottles together in a silent toast.
KYLE(SMILING) : Classic...
Glancing over at a beaming Tess, Kyle suddenly finds himself very attracted to her. He moves in to kiss her...
TESS(SHOCKED): I thought you were gay!
KYLE: Make that ‘Bi’...
Kyle says as he attacks her.
: Back in Liz's room...
NASEDO(WINKING) : Well, I'll let you two get back to it.
MAX: Thanks, I guess?
He waits for Nasedo’s exit but instead he just stands there expectantly.
MAX: Could you, umm...leave now?
NASEDO: Oh, right...of course!
Nasedo walks out into the hall and closes the door behind him.
LIZ: I can't believe he just said that. That's jus-just weird for someone to encourage us to have- have- you know-
LIZ: Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. Oh, my god. I'm not going to be a virgin anymore! I'm so going to have to tell Maria about this.
MAX: Um, you’re, kind of killing the mood.
Liz whispers than giggles.
LIZ: Oh, sorry... I won't tell Maria the whole losing the virginity thing, just the prophecy thing.
At this point Max is getting very impatient.
MAX: Liz, would you just shut up and kiss me already!
LIZ: Oh, yeah, we're back on that, cementi-n-g—
Max lunges in and cuts her off with a long passionate kiss and sheds his shirt.
LIZ: Oh yeeah, I like that.
Enter Maria The Interrupter...
MARIA: Oh, my God...Liz! I was just on my way back from Michael's and...
Liz looks at the camera.
LIZ: Uh, dejavu anyone?
MAX(WARNING) : NOT this
Liz bites her lower lip.
LIZ: Um, Maria could you...
MARIA: AB-solute-ly. Say no more...
Maria says as she checks out Max's beautiful abs from beneath her lashes.
Liz raises her eyebrows and gives Maria a look.
MARIA: OK, ok. I'm going! Just don't do anything I wouldn't do.
MAX & LIZ: Right, of course. Nothing you wouldn’t do.
Max and Liz say as they turn back to focus on each other.
Hey, she is knocked-up, isn’t she?!
--ENDING CREDITS START TO ROLL--
Thank you guys for reading. I hope it was worth the wait!
Feedback very much appreciated.