Rating: TEEN - ADULT(well, I think , if I can write it))
Disclaimer: Even if it would be a dream come true, I don't own anything from Roswell! And certainly not Jason "Hot" Behr!!
1rst author note:well this is my first attempt at writing a fic, so try to remember that when you read. Plus I'm not even English so I will certainly have some difficulties with the language and especially with the tenses and some expressions! Sorry about that! So , please, be indulgent with me!
This is a Post "Wipe out " fic! So here Alex never died and is certainly still in Sweden (well at least that's where he's supposed to be, no?), there is no Jessy, and thank God Max and "Gerbil" Tess never had sex! And I can promise you here and now that they WILL NEVER EVER HAVE! For those who didn't understand it yet I simply and completely HATE Tess, so don't count on me to write some Tess and Max interactions! NO WAY! Well at least not the way we have seen it in the show! So if you were hoping for it, go and chose another fic! Lol. Hey, what can I say, we are in the Dreamer Fanfictions board, and I'm definitely a true dreamer!(well in fact, most of the time in my dreams Tess has her ass kicked by both Maria and Liz! Maybe it will happen here too! Lol!)
Summary: Max still believes that Liz and Kyle slept together (can the boy be more stupid?? Oups, sorry), and is not yet ready to be friend again with her! Tess is trying to catch every opportunity to be closer to Max (and when I say closer, I mean really close like trying "to get into his pants") [for those who have been watching S2, we all know why]. Nicholas is not dead, so he will come back seeking revenge! Liz wants Max back but he doesn't want to hear about it,And then something happens that make Max realize he could lose Liz for good ,and change his mind! But as always in true-love stories, they will have to fight to be together!
Aaannnnd: I'm no exception, soooo...... feedbacks are really appreciated!
Ok I quit rambling! and here you go!
Enjoy!
Prologue
Journal entry:
August , 7th
Have you ever stop to wonder how your life could be completely different if you were not sometimes forced to make choices that you definitively know, are really not what you want to do? If you could always be selfish and only think about what is best for you, and don't have to wonder what is best for everyone else!
Sometimes I wish I could be that kind of person, that would make things so much easier! But no! I'm old good Liz Parker, always helpful Liz Parker, the one whose happiness has to come after everything else! Cos , you see, that's just me!
I know I have no right to complain, cos after all it was my choice, but now seeing Max always with Tess, and Tess always, ALL OVER Max, make me think about it twice! I've tried so hard, but I can't do it! I just can't stand the sight of those too together, even though I know it's supposed to be that way! Or at least it was!
When Future Max came to me, asking me to help him to set him up (well "Present Him") with Tess otherwise we 'll cause the end of the world, I thought it was the only thing to do , but now that he left me, and that I'm here all alone, I know that this has been the biggest mistake of my life! How can someone ask you to give up the love of your life? The one and only man you have ever loved and know will love forever? And how can you do it and not be miserable for the rest of your life?!
I have been thinking about it a lot lately, cos it has been a long time now since all this…stuff… happened, and I can help but think that maybe we could have done it differently and Max and I could be together again! Future Max told me that in 2014 our enemies , the Skins,came to Earth and that because of Tess' departure they weren't strong enough to win this war, so many people , including Mickael and Isabel died! But the truth is that all of this happened quite earlier, (a few months ago precisely), and since I gave up on Max, Tess was still there when the skins and Nicolas came, and for once in her life,-*can you see my ironic smile* she did something good, and just wiped them out! Well of course it might have helped that Courtney helped Mickael to destroy all their husks , but at least she" finished" the job! Can someone tell me why it's so hard just to admit that! Well, anyways, the conclusion of all my thinking is, if the skins have already been defeated, there should'nt be any reason for Max and me to not come back together, right!
Well but that's where the problem is, nothing "alien related" is keeping me anymore from going back to Max, except, Max! In fact all those months since all this happened he had hardly spoken to me! I know he's still hurt, since he still thinks that I slept with Kyle, but I thought after all this time he would have forgiven me! Not that he has anything to forgive me anyways but that, he doesn't know of course! He cannot even just look at me in the eyes, and I can seem to gather enough strength to go and tell him that all this was just a lie, and that I lied for a good reason, even though now this has no reason to be anymore. But this is just killing me! I miss him so much, I miss, his smile (he doesn't even smile now when he sees me!) I miss his soft touch, I miss his lips, his kisses and I miss.. I miss… Oh my God, I'm beginning to ramble just like Maria! Can I be more confused?
The question here is just: should I go and talk to Max and tell him all the truth, or should I just shut my mouth , let the things like they are, and see the love of my life with someone else!
Well I think it's time to be selfish! No?
OK Parker, you can do it, you can take your life back! Everything is back to normal now, so there is no reason to be apart anymore, no harm will be done! I just hope he still loves me! What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if.. if.. he ,oh my.. loves ….Tess, now.. argh, I'm feeling sick, I think I'm going to throw up!! No no NO, think positive! Time to come up with a plan! Max Evans here I come…. back! I have nothing to lose! That's it, I have nothing to lose!
Chapter 1
Max was lying in his bed dreaming of Liz! During the past few months, all his nights were quite the same, he would lie there, alone, watching the ceiling, and try to sleep,without succeding of course, until his body felt so exhausted that he would drift to sleep without even realizing it! And then the same dreams will haunt his nights.
He was in Liz bed room trying to talk to her, to make her understand that she was made for him just as he was made for her, but she kept pushing him away! He was begging her to listen to him and she was standing there watching him, with a cold expression in her eyes, as if all life had been taken away from them. And then she would always say the same words:
"Max, please, stop this, there is nothing to say, I told you…. it..it's over!"
"Liz, please, look at me…"
"God, Max, can you be more stubborn?, which part don't you understand in IT 'S OVER, I think it's pretty clear, no?"
"It would be if I was sure that's what you want but…"
"It…it's what I want " she said, more like a whisper.
"Yeah, sure, I can see it on your face….."
"Oh, Max , don't you have anything else to do, I.. I don't know…. go and find …someone else to… to…. hassle…go and find …. TESS! Yeah, Tess, I'm pretty sure she will be more than happy to see you!"
At that moment, her lower lip started to quiver and she was fighting with all her might to not let the tears that were already gathering in her eyes drop! She would die, rather to let him see how only saying this words was affecting her! The mere thought of Max going find Tess, rather than be with her was killing her inside, even though she thought she was alreday dead since the moment she had let Max go, but now standing here in front of him she was ready to do anything just to make him leave , even be mean with him if that was the only way!
Max, on the other side was losing all his patience! He would do anything for her, but not let her destroy what they had, what he was sure they could have again! No! Not this time! Not anymore!
"Why, Liz? Why are you doing this… you….."
"Max, listen…. "
"NO! You listen to me Liz! I don't give a damn about Tess! I don't even want to talk about her! She's nothing… nothing at all to me! I'm here with YOU! I'm here FOR YOU! And only you! Can't you see it Liz! "YOU ARE THE ONE!…. You...."
"No I'm not…."
"Yes, you are, and you can fight it all you want, you won't change what I feel for you! God Liz, I.LOVE.YOU!! You and only you! I love you so much Liz, it hurts… it hurts…. just… just to be here with you and not be able to hold you!
"Max, please, leave….. you have to leave!!NOW…. please!
"Why? Because you know it's true? Because you know you feel it too?"
"No, I…."
"Liz, please, stop lying to yourself, and stop lying to me! I know you, I know exactly how you feel! And you can't keep on denying it, for heaven's sake, Liz"
Yeah, Liz thought! How was she going to make him understand that she had no choice anymore! That she couldn't be with him anymore, even though the only thing she had in her mind, was to close this short distance between them, wrap her arms around him, and tell him just how much she loved him. Let his warmth protect her, and forget everything about the past, about this war, the skins, and most of all , about Tess, and his supposed destiny! But no, she couldn't do that anymore!No, could she? No, of course not! But what if…. No, no… So she did the only thing she could do, she followed her "plan".
"Well, if you love me so much" , she said,"why don't you do what I'm asking you! Why don't you do what I want!"
Max paused for a brief moment, wondering if she was being sincere, if that was what she really wanted, cause if this was the case, he knew he loved her enough to do what was best for her, even if it killed him in the process, but he finally decided against it! He was here for her, to win her back, and it was yet to soon to just give up! No, he knew her, he knew her soul, he had seen it, but above all, his heart wouldn't allow him to think this way, cos he couldn't love her so much, he couldn't have been miserable all these months without her, and not fight for her now!
"Ok Liz, look at me,… look me straight in the eyes, and tell me that you don't love me anymore, and I will leave you alone! If that's what you really want, I will leave you alone, and you won't hear again from me from this day on!"
He knew it was risky but he was pretty sure that she won't be able to look at him in the eyes and lie to him! Or at least he hoped so! Yeah, this will work, he thought, this has to work!
She started to answer him, she wanted nothing more than to be able to lie to him again and again, just to see him leave, but this was too much! She felt so exhausted, all this was just eaten her inside, destroying her a little more each and every day! She couldn't look at him and tell him the exact opposite of what she truly felt, she couldn't do it! So instead she just turned her back to him so he wouldn't see her cry, so he couldn't see the truth in her eyes! She LOVED him with all her heart, she loved him just as much as he loved her, if not more! She wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with her!
Max, stood there, watching her back, praying with all his might that she wouldn't just turn to him again , and tell him that what he dreaded the most in this world, or in any other world he thought, was true! That she didn't love him anymore!So he kept repeating again and again:
"Tell me… tell me Liz, do you really want me to leave! Is that what you… want? Don't …. don't.. you …." Oh god, he thought, why was this so hard"….. don't you… love… me….anymore?"
He stared at her , feeling sick just thinking that she could say yes ,waiting what seemed like an eternity to him,but just when he was losing hope, he heard it, something like a whisper, so low that he thought he had dreamt it, but no, he heard it:
"I….I….just can't…I can't do this anymore! I can't lie anymore" she said, while crying freely now. She didn't care anymore that he could see her like this, she was just too hurt, she needed him, she needed him so much!
He was behind her in an instant, wrapping her in his arms, like he had so wanted to do it since he arrived a few moments ago.
"Shhh, shhh, Liz , don't cry….don't cry, … I'm here…. Liz, I'm not going anywhere, if you don't want me to!I love you baby, I love you so much!"
With just that, she lost the battle, she turned in his arms, wrapping hers around his waist, clinging to him like he was her lifeline, or that he could disappear if she just let go of him!
But he was there , he was truly there for her, whispering love words to her ears, soothing all her fears, and his at the same time!
A moment later, she looked up into his eyes, and saw all the love he felt for her, JUST for her! And then she did it, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him! It was just a soft and tender kiss at first but, all those months of being apart from him, were too much to bear for her now, so she let all the passion she felt for this man , the one and only man that she loved and will without a doubt love all her life, pour in this kiss! Soon the room temperature was increasing, and all the world around them vanished: they were just the two of us, two people deeply and wholeheartedly in love and nothing else mattered! Max was there with her and she was more than ready to show him just how much he meant to her, just how much she loved him!
They finally came apart only to be able to breath in so much needed air! Max was trying to catch his breath, but looking at her red and lightly swollen lips, was too much for him. He wanted so much more, he wanted to kiss her senseless, to feel her skin under his hands, to caress her, he wanted… he wanted…
"Oh God Liz, I miss you so much…I…. I missed this so much!" was all he was able to say before his lips came crashing on hers again! This time he knew that nothing was going to stop him from being with her. Their lips touched gently once, then again and again, and then Max closed his hot lips over hers completely!Liz instinctively darted her tongue along his lips, asking for entrance which he was more than willing to grant! Their tongues dueled a moment , each one wanting to win this battle! Max and Liz were lost in their own world and none of them realize they were heading towards the bed until Liz felt the mattress underneath her! Max was above her, and Liz could only moan and hang on to him as he completely devoured her mouth with his own!
Max was in heaven : he was there with Liz and he was sure that that was the moment! The moment he had been waiting for years! He was going to make love to Liz! HIS Liz!
He was already making love to her mouth the way he wanted to make love to her body!
Liz could feel his arousal! They had only been kissing and he was already so hard! She could feel his manhood pulsating along her thighs, and the mere thought of what was going to happen was turning her completely on! She needed him so much, she wanted him so bad!
Their breathing and theirs moans were all they could hear in her quite bedroom!
Her parents were away for some convention, and she knew that nothing was going to disturb them! No! Tonight was the night! Max and her were going to make love! FINALLY!
Max was now trailing a kiss path along her throat,and Liz could do nothing but give in in the feeling! She was already so aroused! And she needed more! So much more! So for the first time since their kissing began , she spoke! Her words were so soft, Max could barely hear her!
"Max, please… I.. I.. want….."
"Tell me Liz …tell me, what do you want?
" I.. I… I want to feel you , I want to touch you , Max.. please, I.. I need to touch you.."
"Are you.. are you sure? Max said.
Liz was so turned on and so nervous she could only nod.
So gently, Max lifted his weight from above her and started to take off their clothes!
Now it was his turn to be speechless, the more of her skin he saw the more he thought he had died and gone to heaven! But boy, what a way to go! He would die a thousand deaths willingly if he just could make love to Liz and show her just how much he loved her , even only once!
She was so beautiful, and yet beautiful couldn't seem to do justice to her beauty! And she was his!
Finally finding her voice again, Liz said:
"I want to make love to you , I want you to be the one, the first! Please... Max!"
Max was more than willing to grant her wish, she was his first and he knew he was hers too! He also was sure they would be the one and only one for each other! No one would ever touch her the way he was or was going to touch her.
But then…..
"Tsss, Tsss, Tsss.. can you be more dense, Maxie Boy? "a voice behind them said.
Startled Max slightly lifted himself from above Liz and look to where the voice was coming.
"Do you really think that she has been waiting for you all this time?" the voice continued. "She already gave me what you want so much! Sorry Maxie Boy , you're too late"
Max couldn't believe his eyes, here just in front of him stood Kyle, Kyle Valenti, telling him that he…. he….he what??
"What the h…?"
"Oh yeah Maxie Boy, you heard me … but ask her if you think I'm lying" he said with a chuckle.
Max wanted nothing more than to stand up and remove this smirk from his face forever , but instead he just turned to Liz hoping she would tell him that nothing Kyle was saying was true. But what he saw nearly killed him there.
Liz was there, smiling a smile the size of the Gran canyon , laughing with all her might, and looking at Kyle with… with what .. love and …. lust in her eyes? No,no this was simply not possible!
"Oh!, sorry, Max, I thought you knew it!" she said between two laughs.
"Liz, tell me.. tell me it's not true! It can't be true!"
What was happening here? One moment he was here alone with Liz, ready to make love to her, to make her his forever, and the next instant, Kyle was in the same room than them, insinuating that she had already given him her most precious gift.... her virginity. And this laugh, this laugh.... Kyle was laughing at him like this was the funniest thing in the world.
"Boy, you really are stupid, aren't you?" Kyle said still laughing like crazy.
Max was fighting to not stand up , grab Kyle and kill him with his own hands right there and right then. But he didn't even have the chance to make a move in his direction that Liz was telling him to move from above her, and pointing to Kyle she said:
"Come here, baby, I need a REALman! "
Max couldn't believe his ears, but even before what this sentence meant began to register in his brain, he was standing where Kyle was a minute before, and Kyle was replacing him, in the bed….. with Liz.
Seconds later the room filled with her moans and with Kyle's laughs. All Max could see was Kyle kissing Liz, Kyle caressing Liz, Kyle moving above Liz,making love to Liz. All he could hear was Liz repeating again and again:
"Oh Kyle, this is soooo good!"
"Kyle, yes.. make love to me please"
"Yeeeeessssss, yeeeessss, oh yes, Kyle"
Or Kyle saying:
"yeeesss, Liz, oh… oh…. Yeah… Liiiiiiizz"
And then he heard it. A cry.
A cry so loud that he could have sworn , only something like a beast being killed, and suffering like hell, could have produced it.
But it was his cry, it was his voice….
"NOOOOOOooooooooooooo!"
Max woke up with a start, sweating and breathing in heavily, but it seemed he couldn't take enough air to breath properly and filled his lungs.
Reality was beginning to slowly sink in.
It was a dream.. only a dream he thought.
But then , he remembered everything…. And everything was not a dream!
One part wasn't real, the part where he was almost making love to Liz, where he was with her again, where he could love her, touch her, kiss her… But the "nightmare part" was real… HIS daily nightmare was VERY real.
Liz was no longer his, Liz had made love with Kyle. And the pain, this unbearable pain came back instantly, crashing back upon him, reminding him that now Liz COULD NEVER be his again, because.. HE… would never be able to forgive her. NEVER.
And with that a new day began.
Above the crashdown, Liz woke up, feeling a strength, and some kind of new happiness she hadn't felt in a long time.
Today was the beginning of a new life for her! A life where she could be with the one she loved above all on this Earth. She was going to go and see Max Evans and tell him the whole truth, tell him how she really felt, and just how much she loved him. And she would do everything it takes to show him just that! LIZ PARKER LOVED (S) MAX EVANS, and Liz Parker was ready to embrace the feeling without anymore reservations. She just hoped that it wasn't too late , that he was not with Tess now! No, no , he's not she thought, afterall Maria told her they were just friends just the other day! Yeah just friends! He certainly still loved her!
With that thought in mind she headed towards the bathroom to shower, a broad smile playing on her lips.
Little did she know that everything wasn't going to happen according to her hopes.
End Chapter one!
Chapter two
When she went out of the bathroom, Liz was ready to face the day, and most importantly to face Max. Or at least she thought she was.
She had to work the first shift on the morning , but she didn't care; Maria would also be there so this was a great opportunity to have her friend' s advice.
She had thought about calling Alex first, cause after all he was a guy, so maybe he could help her with this one; tell her what to say, what not to, tell her how to defend her case properly, but since he was in Sweden she decided against it, so she wouldn't be bothering him when he was miles away….. Well, maybe she would just call him later, if Maria's help wasn't enough …. after all, what are best friends for? she thought!
Anyways she needed to get ready, and go dowstairs soon , so she hurried up.
Once in the restaurant she looked around and saw that Maria was already there, putting down the chairs, so she walked in her direction and greeted her.
"Hey Maria" she said
Maria turned around and seeing it was Liz she smiled:
"Hey, girlfriend! How are you today? Feeling better than when I left you yesterday night, huh?"
Wow, the girl is already in talking mode, Liz thought. I say two word s and she's already saying three complete sentences.
"Yeah….much better", she just said trying to hide her growing smile. "In fact….I've been thinking a lot since then ……"she trailed off.
"About what?" Maria immediately inquired. "Mind to share with a friend? "
"No…..I…well….I…." why was this difficult? She needed Maria's help no?…
"Yeees?… she continued….."Go on girl! I'm all ears!!"
Maria couldn't suppress a smile. Liz was really a case sometimes.
"…..about…….okay….about, Max ….and I….and…..and the situation. I've been thinking that …maybe it's time for me to tell him the truth… the whole truth… Nothing has happened since..well… you know……the skins and all that…so……"
Liz couldn't even finish her sentence that Maria was already jumping and shouting.
"Thank God Almighty. Everything comes to him who waits. Yes ..Yes!!…. I was wondering when you were going to realize it is the only thing to do."
"Yeah…Yeah…. I know, but it's not so easy! I…..don't know where to start! ….. What I'm..going to tell Max…. or..well…. I'm not even sure I'm not going to chicken out before I start. I think I need a plan…..your help…..well…. you see " Liz was getting more and more nervous now. Maybe this was not a good idea after all.
"….Plan??…. Help???…. Liz, think about it !!! All you need here is honesty! Let your heart speak for you! You have been lying for too long now Liz! If you want Max to come back , or at least be able to be friend again with him to begin with , you just need to be honest! That's all. At least you can try and if that doesn't do it, we'll just find something else!Ok? Don't make things more complicated than they already are!"
Maria might be a little bit crazy sometimes, but maybe she was right about that. She had been lying for a long time now, and it had only made things worse! Maybe it was time to be just that: honest. She could do that right. So much for an almost sleepless night, huh?
Now she just needed to prepare her speech, so she wouldn't panic once in front of Max.
By noon the restaurant was really busy so Liz didn't even realize that Max had arrived until Maria told her.
" Romeo, table 4" She said grinning.
Wow, with just one sentence Liz's heart rate increased twice. But when she turned in the direction where Max was supposed to be she felt her chest wringed. Actually, Max was there but he wasn't alone. Tess was there too, and they seemed to be… pretty close.
She knew Max might have been working at the UFO center, but Tess?…..she had no reason to be there with him,… apart from the obvious of course……..Maybe Maria was wrong and they WERE together after all. Pushing that thought back in a corner of her mind she tried to smile.
"Hm, Maria..I…know…I know that…… I'm supposed to attend to them. But could you do it for me. Please?"
"Liz ! You know I love you, right!? But …How are you supposed to speak with him if you can't even do your job when he is here?."
"I know Maria; Believe me I know. But please ….I ….just don't want to deal with…them .. right now. Please Maria. "
"Fine, Fine, chica but you owe me!" she accepted finally, with a smile.
" But if she leaves or whatever, YOU go and talk to him. Okaay?!"
"Yeah. If …. he's alone, I….will go and see him. Well I'd try."
She knew it was stupid, and even more now since she decided she needed to have a serious conversation with Max to clear things out, but she didn't want to face Tess. She knew she was an important part of Max's life now, and that she, herself, had played a part in that, but she couldn't help it: after all this time she still didn't trust Tess completely and she didn't want to deal with her right now! No, she needed to be as calm as possible before her confrontation with Max.
When Maria went to the kitchen with her order, Mickael couldn't help but ask:
"Hey, I thought, this table was in Liz's section! How come…."
"Max" was all Maria needed to say for him to understand, but Mickael being Mickael, he said:
"Okay…..You know this isn't really professional, she shouldn't let….."
"Let what Mickael?" Maria cut him off .." Do I have to remind you two words? YOUR—BUTT, …..huh? …so watch it spaceboy! "
Mickael raised his arms in a defensive manner before adding:
" Fine, fine, I was just saying… " but when he saw the look on Maria's face, he couldn't go on…."..nothing…nothing at all. But …..one day you will have to explain me that point! Okay girl?!"
Maria just blew him a kiss, took Tess and Max's orders and went back to serve them.
" Here goes your orders. 2 Orbits rings, Galaxy subs, an asteroid Salad. I will come back with your drink! Enjoy your meal. "
After twenty minutes of ignoring Max, Liz finally came by his table and greeted him.
"Hi..Max!" she said with a shy smile.
She knew it wasn't supposed to be easy,but she couldn't helped feeling disappointed when he just said her name, nodded slightly, and went on with his meal and his conversation with Tess.
They might not be in 'real friends' terms lately, but if she wanted everything to change she had to make the first move, right?!! And after all; this has been almost a dayly routine, for the past few months. Max would come, sit there and more or less ignore her, so! Nothing new, right! Except her present state of mind, perhaps! Now she wanted him back !
Maria was busy attending tables, so she didn't really pay any attention to Liz or Max, but when she was leaving some customers whose table was near Max's she heard Tess calling Liz.
" Liz!!, I thought you would be our waitress today!" she said with a fake sweet voice.
Maria couldn't believe it! The girl had some nerve. She just hoped Liz wouldn't lose her temper, and cause a scene in front of Max. She really didn't need that right now…… She would have to watch the girl.
Liz was trying her best to act as if she hadn't heard her, but she couldn't pretend any longer when she heard again.
"Liz?!"
Liz turned around and with her most perfect smile, she said:
"Yeah…Tess…what can I do for you!"
"Oh nothing much….Liz….In fact….I just wanted to tell you that Kyle will be back tomorrow morning…. You know…..basketball camp's over. I thought you'd like to know!"
'Bitch!' Maria thought. Tess:1-Liz:0.
She was ready to go and have a little girl-girl conversation with Tess, when she heard Liz's reply:
"And why should I care! You're the one who's living with him, right! So you should be more concerned, no?"
Maria was smiling now! Yeah, that's my girlfriend! Deuce!… but when she heard Tess speaking again she froze:
"Why, I thought you were….. you know…a couple or something!" she said smiling and feigning innocence.
Liz was now avoiding Tess and Max's gaze, she really DIDN'T need that! How was she supposed to speak with Max about all that happened with Kyle, if Tess was insinuating that they were together,….. still now. Max hadn't say a word yet but it was obvious by the way he was playing with his fork, that he didn't want to be there or hear that kind of dialogue between her and Tess. She needed to clear some points here, otherwise, nothing would happened like she'd planned on. Gathering some strength she said:
"Look Tess, I don't know where this is coming from, or what your point is supposed to be here, but Kyle and I are just friends! Nothing else! So I'm glad to know he will be back soon, but that's all." She couldn't be more explicit, right!
Well that what she thought until Tess continued.
"Yeah, sure...but…"
Before she could go on, Liz was more than surprised to really hear now Max's voice for the first time since he arrived.
"Tess!" He said firmly so that she couldn't miss the warning in his voice! He didn't want to hear more about this "Kyle and Liz's relationship" and he didn't really like this little game Tess was playing. He knew she didn't like Liz,but it wasn't a good reason to embarass her like that. Nevertheless, when his gaze met Liz's, his voice softened. He had to keep in mind that he had no reason to defend her now,…not anymore, ....and he didn't want to give her this impression.
"Hmm, I…I….have to use the …bathroom! I will be back,…. and we can leave then, ok!" he said quickly, more than happy to be able to leave both girls.
"Yeah, I'm waiting here" Tess replied as quickly. Maybe she had gone too far this time, but the look on Liz's face when she had first questioned her, was priceless, so it was worth it. And it was an easy way to remind Max that Liz wasn't the little innocent girl, she wanted people to think she was.
And the winner is??!!! …..Max Evans…..Maria was still watching attentively this little war between Liz and Tess when she saw Max was moving and heading to the bathroom!
Time to use a little bit of Deluca's magic, she thought!
She intercepted Max before he could reach the bathroom door and told him:
"Look, Max… I…..I wouldn't go in there if I was you, unless you want to be all….. wet! ..We have been having some little problems with the flush lately. You should rather use the one in Liz's apartment, I'm sure the Parkers won't mind."
"Oh?…. Sure, thank you Maria!"
"You're welcome" she said, and once he disappeared behind the backdoors of the restaurant, she went and grabbed Liz 's arm and led her to the back.
"Maria…..what are you doing?"
"Shhhh! Listen to me! Max is in the bathroom right now and…."
"I know Maria ..what…"
"No, listen….in your apartment,….the bathroom in YOUR apartment …."
"But how….." Liz said incredulously.
"..don't have time to explain. Now, ….you want to have this little conversation we were talking about?.... here is your first opportunity! Go on girl….it's now or never! Take your break, I cover for you…. Go ..Go!!" she finished while pushing Liz through the door.
Liz couldn't believe it! Maria had it all set up,…. and now she couldn't go back, right!
She hesitated during a few brief minutes and then decided this was her chance and she had to take it.. So she followed him upstairs , and waited till he came out of the bathroom.
"Max? "
"What?" he said rather dryly, still thinking about what Tess said implyed..
"Hum, can ....we talk? I….I mean could we go somewhere a moment ….and talk?….My room?"
"Liz.."
"Please Max …I.. I need to talk to you!"
"We haven't talked for months, why now, what can't wait now?"
"Max .. it.. it's really important.. I.."
"Liz, I don't really see what we should talk about?"
"Well, what about….you….. and me? She said softly and avoiding his eyes.
"There is no 'You AND Me'!"he said , then added " not anymore" more for himself than Liz, but she heard it all the same.
"I know,…. and I know it's all my fault, but if you….."
"If what Liz?"
She had only been talking for what, 2 minutes or so, but Max was already losing patience; he didn't want to think about the past anymore and most of all he didn't want to talk about it WITH her, from all the people! It was enough to relive it almost each and every night, he didn't need this now!
"…if… you just let me explain….."
"Explain what, huh?"
"God Max, you aren't going to make it easy, no?" she replied more harshly than she intended to. But the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she regretted them immediatly. If she wanted this to work, she would have to be really patient and careful.
"Why should I?"
"Max,….." she began more softly " about what you ….saw,… what you think…"
"There is nothing to explain, not anymore Liz. I gave you many opportunities to defend yourself when "what I saw" as you call it, happened, and the truth is, that "what I saw" can not be explained!" he said, emphasizing the last words.
"That's where you're wrong Max , I…..I can explain Max,…. I want to!"
"So, why didn't you do it back then?!" he said while going back downstairs. Liz just followed him and went on.
"Max, I couldn't … it..it's.. complicated.. it's .."
"God Liz, everything is always …complicated with you!……. I loved you. I loved you ….and I trusted you. I…. would have done anything for you,…anything…. even give up an entire race for you,…… MY race,…..I was ready to do so, and you know it, and… you.. you….betrayed me,..YOU… destroyed all the faith I had in you.. …YOU slept with Kyle, Liz.. and I can't see how you can explain that!"
Liz was now fighting to hold her tears! Oh God it hurt so much to see him like that, to hear his words, it was going to be really difficult to make him listen to her! He seemed to hate her so much, but she couldn't let him leave like this , she had to tell him the truth.
"Max….I….. I know you have no reason to believe me now, but please, if I told you that…."
"Maaax??"
This time her sentence was cut short again but it was not by Max. This sultry voice could only belong to one person. Not now, please …..but Liz turned and there she was. TESS.
She ignored Liz and giving Max what Liz thought was certainly supposed to be a sexy smile she continued.
"Max, it's time WE leave! No?" she said insisting on the "we" as if to remind Liz they were a "we" now, or could be.
"I'm coming" Max said but without leaving his eyes from Liz.
With that Tess turned and headed towards the front doors of the Crashdown, more than pleased with what she heard before they acknowledged her presence. This day was proceeding really well. And it wasn't over yet she smiled.
Liz could only plead with her eyes for Max to not leave yet! She had so much to tell him, TOO much; he…he COULDN'T leave yet, not without knowing the whole truth. She whispered his name, but Max cut her off before she could even start her speech.
"Hm, Look Liz …, I….I..have to go, Tess is…Tess is waiting for me…it's… it's late..it's too late." He said, and without waiting for her to say anything else, he was gone.
Liz wanted nothing more than to run after him, but she didn't miss the doble meaning of his last words! He thought it was too late,….. too late for them. He wasn't going to give her another chance. And it hurt, it hurt so bad she couldn't even breath properly.
She couldn't either tell what hurt her the more: the fact that he didn't let her explain, …..or the fact he was leaving with Tess. But anyways it hurt like hell.
Just when she was about to completely break down, Maria was by her side.
"Hey chica, I saw Loverboy leaving, and he seemed…" she said before seeing Liz's face.
"OH GOD! Liz, what happened chica?" Liz's lips were quivering, and her eyes were full of tears ready to fall, so she took her in her arms, but that was all it took for Liz to lose it. She couldn't hold on anymore. And she cried,she cried all the tears she could, as if this could make all her pain, all her sorrow go away.
Maria tried her best to calm her down but Liz just didn't seem to stop, so she stayed there hugging her, and trying to soothe her with comforting words.Second later, they were both on the couch, Liz lying down on Maria's lap and Maria massaging Liz's scalp,in an attempt to calm her sooner.
After a long moment Liz's sobs and tears seemed to subside, so Maria spoke.
"Come on girlfriend, tell me.. tell me what happened? It can't be that bad?!"
"Oh, Maria, you …didn't see his face, …you…you didn't hear him! He hates me, Maria, he hates me so much!" Liz said while sitting up.
"Are you kidding??…….. Liz, we're talking about Max "I've been head over heels in love with Liz Parker since 3rd grade" Evans here. He couldn't hate you even if he tried! And I don't see him trying? " she said smiling, trying to comfort her best friend!
She knew Max had really been hurt, and badly,by the whole "sleeping mess" as she called it, but she knew the guy, and even if they hadn't spoken a lot during the last months due to the situation, she was sure he couldn't be feeling that way! She wasn't even sure if he knew the word "hate", or how to spell it!
Well, thinking about that twice….. maybe he DID hate someone she thought!…… Kyle! …..Boy, if looks could kill, she was sure Max had already killed Kyle a thousand times. But he definitely didn't hate Liz. She had caught him staring at Liz when he thought noone was looking, and what she had seen in his eyes, was many things,-- pain, sadness, questions, most of all hurt,-- but certainly not hatred. If only Liz could see it, as she saw it. But she wasn't being the most objective person lately.
"Maria, he....he… doesn't love me anymore, and the way he looked at me…"
"Heh, wait, wait"….Maria cut her off…"how can you say that? You can't be so sure! I don't see Max telling you "Look Liz, save the speech, I don't love you anymore" "she said in her most male and fake Max's voice, trying to light the mood.
Liz seemed to think about it so she replied with hesitation.
"No…..no…..,he ….didn't say it as clearly as that, but…… "
"But what Liz??"
"..but.. he said he LOVED me, not that he LOVES me, Maria…. but that he-LOVED- me!" she said rather sure of herself!
But Maria didn't want to see it this way.
"Aaaaannnnd????? "She said , opening wide eyes, as to emphasize her point."Come on Liz,….. what were you expecting? He wasn't going to tell you "oh yeah Liz you hurt me but I still love you baby! Please go on"…. I think it will take more than your pretty smile and your puppy dog eyes to make him come back! But you knew that when you decided to go and tell him the truth! Right? You knew it wasn't going to be easy! You want him back!" she paused "Fight for him girl, fight him, fight Tess, and fight whoever tells you it' isn't worth it! IT IS WORTH IT! You hear me! And remember your grandma's words " if it isn't complicated, he probably isn't a soul mate". Remember when you told me she told you to follow your heart, wherever it takes you?….. So, go for it!……….. Go for Max…….. I know it will be quite difficult, but you know what they say "where there is life, there is hope", and I think you are still pretty much alive if you ask me! So go on girl!"
Maria truly knew how to raise somebody's spirits but Liz wasn't convinced yet so she asked:
"How,…how I'm supposed to do that when he doesn't even want to hear what I have to say!"
"Ok girl! …..Hear me out…I'm- not- Maria" know it all" Deluca, so …..all I can do is help you find a way to have him listen to you! We have to find something special!Maybe we will need a plan here after all! But when we find it, Maxwell Phillip Evans won't know what hits him! But….. right now girl,…it's time to go back to work, or…… your father's going to kill us both, and we won't be able to come with a plan!"
Liz look at her watch and realized then that her break was already over since five minutes now!…. Maria was right, she needed to find something original to win Max back, and certainly not give up on the first occasion , or the first pitfall on her way. So she repeated the words she had spoken to herself this morning when she was so sure everything was going to be all right….. "think positive,… THINK PO-SI-TI-VE" ……and with that she went back to work. She would have time to think about what to do, once her shift ended.
After taking Tess back to her home, Max was again alone. So he went and played basketball on the old school court. He needed something to keep his mind busy and not think about his conversation with Liz. But that was almost impossible. Ever since she asked him if they could talk, he hadn't thought about anything else. She said she could explain what he saw, he kept repeating himself. But how could she? Even if he had tried so many times, to believe there was a good reason for her to be in bed… with Kyle,.. AND naked, ….other than the obvious, he couldn't come up with a good one. He had asked her back then to tell him what was that all about,and each and every time he had heard the same thing. He had asked her more than once if she had slept with Kyle, and everytime she had admitted it. So what could be different now? Nothing, right?, he thought! He knew he should have listened to her, let her tell him what she wanted to, but he just couldn't : after all these months, he was still too hurt. He had tried to forget what happened this fateful night,….. the night he lost Liz forever,….. he had tried to forgive her, but that just seemed impossible for him. He loved her so much till then, ….heck.. who was he kidding, he still loved her so much, and that's why it still hurt so bad. It may be true what they say after all: it's often those you love the more , the ones you have the more difficulties to forgive, when it should be just the opposite. Definitely, he thought bitterly.
He was still deep in thought when he heard a familiar voice.
"Playing with Invisible Man, huh? Very impressive!"
"Mickael"
"What's up man? You seem rather far away from here! I called you twice and you didn't hear me!"
"Yeah,…. sorry."
"So…?"
"So what….?"
"What is it this time?" Mickael asked him, waiting for a sincere answer. But apparently Max wasn't in a very cooperative mood .
"What are you talking about?"
OK , now he's playing dumb he thought. Nevermind.
"What's bothering you?"
"Nothing, it's…" Max was certainly ready to lie so Mickael cut him off
"…..Liz?"
Max, feeling trapped now, just answered casually:
"No….it's.. I don't know…..it's complicated.
"Heard that a lot today!"Mickael smiled.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing! ………….Isn't that what Liz told you?"
"So….you heard us?!" Max didn't like where all this was leading but after a brief pause he continued. "I thought you didn't know what was happening?"
"Yes….but…. I know when to mind my own business!" Mickael said with a chuckle.
"Yeah, sure,… and I can surely fly if I want." Max replied using the same tone.
"I resent that, really I do!" he said still playfully and taking his hand to his chest.
When he saw that, Max only smiled, so he went on.
"Okay…. I work at the Crashdown, remember?"
"So why ask?" Max continued "you know what the problem is!"
"Heh, I'm not one to force people to talk if they don't want to!"
"Huh? "was all Max could say! Mickael? Not force issues? Yeah! he thought! But after a moment he smiled again. Mickael was "strange" sometimes but he was a good friend. And obviously he wasn't going to give up.
"So?"
"Nothing much….. she says she can explain……"
"About?" Mickael inquired.
"About.. her…. and Kyle….. in her bed…"
"But you didn't listen, right!"
"Why should I?"
"Well if you don't know, who I am to?" Man, do I have to ask everything before he realizes where I'm heading, Mickael wondered. And Max was known to be the wiser,…. pffff!
"Mickael…It's…"
"…...complicated, I know" he cut him off. again Time to make a point!
"Ok, Max, one question;…. Do you love her?"
Now Max was so surprised all he could do was stutter:
"Wh..What? What ..th….this has to do with all that?"
Unsettled, huh?…… great, that's just what I needed, Mickael thought with a devilish grin! He will never know what hits him.
"Why don't you answer? It's a simple question, no?"
"No !"
"No, you don't love her?" This was getting easier! By now Mickael couldn't suppress the smile on his lips.
"No..I…I…don't have to…… answer…. that" he stammered again.
"Do you want her? " Man, if looks could kill, he had just died.
Max was crazy by now! What was that? Some kind of sadistic game or what? He couldn't even form a complete sentence.
"WHhh…Whhat?"
But instead of repeating what he said, Mickael just stood there a large grin on his face.
"A...Are you crazy, or what? "he continued nevertheless.
"Heh! ….Which question do you want to answer?"
So that was it!
"None" Max stated firmly. But Mickael wasn't going to stop just there.
"Okay man! Here's the deal: if you score first,… YOU… can ask me whatever question you want, and.. I… just drop the subject,but…if I score first, you answer my question,…. you chose which one? Is that okay?"
Max seemed to ponder a moment and then just said:
"This is….this is ridiculous!"
"Come on, Max, it's not so difficult, no?? Be a man!"
Sensing that Mickael wouldn't leave him alone until he got what he wanted he finally answered:
"Fine…. Deal. But just one point!
Mickael was more than happy with this so he just moved , and taking the ball from Max's hands he began playing. This was going to be a piece of cake. At least that what he thought , but Max didn't see it that way, so after nearly 15 minutes, no one had scored yet.
Not being known for his patience, Mickael finally decided there were other ways to win this game, so he just used his powers and the ball went directly through the basket.
"Heh" Max yelled" You cheated, you used your powers".
Mickael was now fighting to not laugh, and not upset his friend more than he already was.
"So what? "he asked raising his arms ." I never said it was forbidden, …and you didn't either, so…"
Max could only smile at that. Yeah, he should have asked for the rules before playing. After all it was Mickael's idea. He chuckled and said:
"You realize that you can be really annoying, right? You really need to grow!"
"Yeah,….. I will think about that! Now where were we? …Oh yes… Which one? " he insisted.
"You are not going to give up, huh?"
"Nope."
Again Mickael waited for Max's answer. Boy, had he waited and been patient today, he thought. But when Max's answer came, he didn't really understand it, because "yes" was all he said. So he asked again.
"So,…are you going to answer , ….or do we have to stay here all day and night?"
"I just did it" Max answered matter-of-factly, confusing Mickael even more.
"What?"
"Fine,fine….. yes…….. I do love her! Satisfied? …..But that doesn't change a thing."
"Well, I think it does". This time it was Max who was confused, so he just stared at Mickael who finally went on.
"Well, man,…. I know it could appear rather strange, and… most definitely since this is coming from me,… but ….I think you should give her another chance. Heh!….. Don't look at me like that! …..I admit that, at first, when you saved her life, …..and exposed us at the same time;I went….. ballistic,……. and was rather against Liz, but she turned out to be exactly what you were sure she was…… and a….. great friend also. She has proved, more than once, that you were right when you trusted her with our secret. So I think,…. and that the point here, …..that if she tells you she can explain what she did,…. you should listen to her. She deserved at least that, don't you think? We both know that you still love her, no?…. Man I can't even remember a time when you didn't talk about her, or the way you felt about her, and you have been mourning over her for the past ..what....4 months?? So…. Think that…. maybe this is another chance for you,…. for both of you ,…..to go back on …where things between you were left. " he paused a brief moment and then continued again. "If Maria can forgive me for all I put her through, you surely can do it with Liz,… you just…. have to find the strength to do so. And since you still love her…" This time he let the words hung in the air, hoping they would sink in.
But Max still hesitated.
"I….I don't know, Mickael, what if…."
"Aaannd….I haven't finished yet.. Speaking of Maria,…. lately she had been repeating that we should all thanks Liz, cos she saved our butts more than once, and you the first, instead of giving her the silent treatment. So maybe,…. there is more about that than we know?"
"Yeah, and that would be?" Max asked now, even more interested than before.
But Mickael just shrugged his shoulders and said:
"Man, I didn't say I knew it all! She just said that. If you want to know more, go and ask her.I don't want to deal with "Hurricane Deluca"! Or ….ask Liz directly!….But anyways …..at least promise me that you will think about it!…. I am not telling you to decide everything , or what you want to do or not do tonight or in the following minutes, …just…..think about it, Okay!?"
Max didn't say anything during a couple of minutes and finally obliged to Mickael demand.
"I….I will!…. Promised!……Now….. can we go back to the game?!"
"Nope!"
"No? "
"No! ….Now …you…. come with me,….Superman,…. all this 'girl talk' made me thirsty….. God, I don't know how Maria can speak so much!!" Mickael finished, and burst into laughter, soon followed by Max . And with that, they both headed to the Evans's house.
Later that night, Liz was walking in her room, trying to come with a new way to deal with the situation. Maria had suggested to maybe write Max a letter, where she could express all her feelings and tell him what really happened with Kyle, Future Max and everything. But Liz thought it was all too crazy and complicated and the only way to do that was to do it face to face with Max! But how do you force someone to listen to you when he doesn't want to? Good question, huh?!
So she was there racking her brain for the best solution. Something special and original as Maria had said. Yeah, easier said than done. Max could be as stubborn as herself when he decided to. This better be really good, she thought nervously. Okay girl….think….and think fast, she said more to herself than anyone else….you know him well enough to find something that will touch him enough to, at least, accept to listen to you again.
After ten "long" minutes, she let herself fall on her bed with a thud and a little desesperate and frustrated cry. She came with NO-THING at all. She reached then for her radio on her nightstand, switch it on , so that music could fill her room. Maybe this would help, she thought.
Over and over I look in your eyes
You are all I desire
You have captured me.
I want to hold you, I want to be close to you
I never want to let you go
I wish that this night would never end
I need to know
Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share, this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I have this kiss forever, forever
Over and over I've dreamed of this night
Now you're her by my side
You are next to me
I want to hold you and touch you and taste you
And make you want no one but me
I wish that this kiss could never end
Oh baby please
Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share, this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I have this kiss forever, forever
I don't want any night to go by
Without you by my side
I just want all my days
Spent being next to you
Lived for just loving you
And baby, by the way
Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share, this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I have this kiss forever, forever
When the song ended, she heard the radio presenter annouced the request:
"…this one was for Brian , from Janet who lives in Hondo, and who loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him…… Boy she's got it bad,huh….. Now, you, dear listeners, call us, 555-8219, and dedicate the most beautiful songs to those you love. Here we are,…. waiting for you. And we go on with….."
While another song started playing on the radio, Liz thought about it.
Maybe she could find a song which would be strong enough to make Max understand how much she was sorry for all that happened, and make him reconsider their relationship. She just hoped he would be listening….Yeah….he would.. . She remembered he used to do it often before going to sleep. That's how he found out where she was with her "blind date" and came and saw her. So maybe… if fate was on her side……After all Maria also suggested she could serenade Max,…. just as he did it with her, …and this idea couldn't be worse, no??!
Chapter two, cont.
Across town, Max was just going out from the shower he so much needed after his game with Mickael. Well the truth was he talked with, or rather to him, more than he played, but Max felt exhausted nonetheless, and the shower helped him feel better and relax a bit.God, he didn't know Mickael could talk that much! It must be a "Maria side effect" he thought, smiling at the memory.
As usually, he turned on the radio to relax even more before going to sleep. After closing his eyes, he let the music fill his ears, just as a new song started.
It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may, I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile onyour face let me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best…when you say nothing at all.
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)
Try as they may they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine.
Max was immediatly caught by the song. He used to think that way about Liz. Used to think they could understand each other without saying a word. Just by looking into her eyes, he could tell if something was wrong or not, see what she wanted to express even before she could put it into words and now…..Now he wasn't even able to talk to her, nor just listen to her.Just being near her was too painful for him. … So why continue with that torture? ….and keep going to the Crashdown where he knew she would be? he thought…… Even him knew the answer…he couldn't be near her without suffering a living hell, …but he couldn't be too far away from her either. ..She had this power over him. ..: though he couldn't forgive her or have a normal conversation with her without remembering seeing her with another man, he needed her,….needed to see her…..he needed her just as much as he needed the air to breath.
The smile on your face let me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best…when you say nothing at all.
The smile onyour face let me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best…when you say nothing at all.
He was still deeply lost in these thoughts when he heard the DJ present the next song:
"Boys and girls, the next song will be from Elizabeth from Roswell , to Zan; with this special request: she's sorry for what happened , she wants him to listen to the lyrics , and maybe then call her so they could try to work things out. Hey Zan, if you're listening….. I don't know what this Elizabeth did to you , but she seems really sorry..and quite desesperate,….. so maybe you can do something! Okay?? Well, meanwhile, here goes, R. Kelly's "If I could turn back the hands of time"…… Enjooooooy."
If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time
How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I'd be singing this song someday
And now I'm sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door.
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you would be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you would be mine
Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh why Why should one have to go on suffering
When everyday I plead come back to me
And you had enough love for both of us
But I, I did you wrong, I admit I did
But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone
Max was speechless….could it be….? No..it couldn't be..Liz, his Liz, dedicating him a song, no? ! But on second thoughts, …..how many Elizabeths were there in Roswell?…. Okay.. maybe a few. ……..But how many Zan, huh?? He wasn't even sure it could be a "human" name. He didn't know anyone who was called Zan,….. besides himself,…… even if it was in his....previous life. And ….that was just …...just like Liz. ..Passing that kind of message on to him so he would be the only one to understand it.. ( well; maybe him, and the few who knew about his life as Zan! he thought)
Almost sure that this song was for him….was from LIZ…. he listened attentively to those lyrics.
I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do you wrong (If I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands
There'll be nothing I wouln't do for you (If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you (If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you
If I could turn back the hands
(If I could turn back) That would be my will
(If I could turn back) Darlin' I'm begging you take me by the hands
If I could turn back the hands
I'm going down yes I am (If I could turn back)
Down on my bended knee, yeah (If I could turn back)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
If I could turn back the hands
……In fact I will be posting 2 parts today (well depends on your feedbacks! 
) and I'm already working on the new part 6 so I hope it won't take me so long to post next time. 
--, Angelus 84, Cyrus, thank U all so much for your feedbacks, I already said that -- in fact I say it all the time but it's soo true!! 
hope you're still around there and reading this. Tell me what U think ok! 