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- Dream Weaver
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TITLE: Whispers of Goodbye
AUTHOR: Dream Weaver
GENRE: Smallville, Lana POV
DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to Smallville or it's characters. This just came about after watching the Season 7 Fianle.
Summary: I was not happy with the part Lana played in this episode. I felt we should have gotten more. Here is my idea of what we didn't see and what could have happened.
Author's Notes: BE WARNED! This contains spoilers to Season 7 SV Season Finale. Lana Dialogue is taken from the episode. This is only a one part fic. Hope I do the character justice...she needs some .
Here is the part of the show this is based on for those that might need a fresher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyLmIOwZDVM&feature=related
Whispers of Goodbye
She sat motionless, staring out the window. Dusk fell onto the Earth along with the tears of utter pain and heart wrenching loneliness as she forced herself to follow through with her plan. It wasn’t going to be easy, no leaving him had never been easy, but she knew that the only solace she could find now was in knowing that she would no longer stand in the way of the true greatness that would be in store for him. She could no longer be the weight that kept him from following his true destiny.
Only hours ago she had signed herself out of the sanitarium after awaking from the nightmare that she had been trapped in for what seemed like years. It was pure hell, not being able to speak, see, move or live….imprisoned inside her own body, aware of everything that was happening around her. Knowing how many times he had been inches from her, yet she had no way to hold him, caress his face or place kisses upon his soft, tender lips killed her slowly. So much time had been lost between them and that only pained her more, knowing that they would never be that close again.
Strangely though, in this time of madness, she was able to see the truth in everything that was changing around her and realization hit her like a ton of bricks as the hold on her mind broke her free from the chains that that monster had placed on it. The darkness that held her mind in a way opened her awareness of what she had to do.
She understood now what she had been too blinded by him and their love to see before and she refused to be the one that destroyed the world for her selfish needs. She knew the only way for him to see what she and Chloe saw everyday was to say goodbye. It would hurt him, yes, but for the greater good she could sacrifice her love for the world. And as for her heart, she could live with knowing that her sacrifice would be for the benefit of mankind.
She had asked for the video camera from the nurse. The nurse had found it odd for the young girl to make such a request but was able to oblige her. At first, she could only cry uncontrollably in front of it as she begged her lips to speak the words that took her almost an hour to write. But as she read them one by one, she knew that these lies she had concocted on the paper would only kill her to utter and only destroy him in the process.
She didn’t hate him…that was far from the truth. With everything she was and would always be, he would be the love of her life; the one that completed her very soul. He was the bright spot in her very existence and had been there for her through everything she had done and put him through, always there loving her in spite of herself and her short comings.
She was not afraid or fearful for her life. She would have gladly given up her life to save him. After all, he had saved her so many times and in so many ways that it would be heartless of her not to sacrifice herself for him. But it was wrong of her to be the only focus in his life when so many needed saving in the world.
She wasn’t out of love with him. There was nothing she would have denied him. She loved him with every beat of her breaking heart and every breath she took and every breath she had taken for five years now. There would never be another one to fill her up like he did. But in allowing that love to overshadow his destiny, he was loosing the bigger picture and it would hurt her more to allow the greatness that could be get destroyed because she couldn’t step aside and finally let him go.
So instead of the lies, she swallowed back the tears and spoke the truth into the camera.
“I was going to wait..um..to talk to you in person. But I knew that if I looked into your eyes, I’d never be able to say it.”
She knew it would have killed her if she had waited to see him in person. This was the truth. Hell most likely she would have broken down, threw herself into his loving embrace and never let him go.
“We thought that we were meant to be together Clark…but the truth is we were fooling ourselves. I need you…but the world needs you more and as long as I’m in your life I’m holding you back.”
She knew in her mind, even though her heart was breaking that he needed to see this truth. That in sacrificing their love they were doing the world a greater justice. And she hoped that he could understand why she had decided to choose this path, without him.
Inside she was dying, choking to hold back the tears as much as she could.
“Please don’t come after me. I love you Clark…more than you will ever know.”
And with her final Goodbye the walls caved in as she clicked off the camera. She sat on the bed, catching her breath and willing her tears to stop. She prayed silently that she could do this and that someday he would forgive her. With a shattered heart, she removed the disk before gently putting her final kiss to him on it, placing it in the casing.
She then quickly dressed, tears cascading down her face the entire time. Once she had pulled herself together she stood to leave, but not before turning to pull a single rose out of the last bouquet that he had brought to her. She took a moment to brush the soft petals with her finger tips. This would be the last bouquet that she would ever receive from him. She swallowed hard, fighting to stay strong, continuing to tell herself that this was the right thing to do.
She turned towards the exit of the room but not before noticing that on the chair by the door her favorite blanket was draped across the back. She had loved spending cool afternoons curled up on the window seat with a favorite book, cup of tea and this blanket. He had remembered the comfort it brought her and had brought it from the farm. She lifted it up to her face and sobbed as his scent and the scent of the only place she ever called home hit her nose. She turned on wobbling legs, forcing herself to walk out the door.
She left instructions with the nurse on duty to give the disk to him. The tears fell hard as she signed herself out with shaking hands. She tucked the blanket under her arm, the only thing left of him she would be taking with her. She thanked the staff for all the kindness they had bestowed upon her before walking out into the late afternoon sunlight.
The sun was almost blinding, after months of nothing but the darkness but her eyes adjusted quickly to the surroundings. She took just a moment to enjoy the feel of the warmth of the sun on her body and smiled faintly as the gentle breeze kissed the side of her face. Even through the sadness she couldn’t deny the happiness in her heart for finally being awake and back in the land of the living. She hailed a cab and made her way towards Isis.
She entered quickly once she found the office empty and hastily opened the secret compartment in the floor, containing the travel bag, cash and passport information she had hidden there many months ago. She never thought she’d have to escape yet again with her fake identity, not after finally having found her home, but in her heart she knew this sacrifice would be for him and she would do anything for the man that she loved.
Slipping away as quietly as she had came, using great care to cover her tracks, she found her way to the airport, booking a one way trip on the first flight leaving Kansas. It didn’t matter where it was heading, she only knew she needed to get away as fast as the plane could carry her and before anyone had a change to stop her, or rather against her wishes he came looking for her. Within fifteen minutes she was seated and ready to depart yet again on a new journey in her life.
The captain announces their flight plan as the plane begins its movement away from the hanger and onto the runway and as the final tears for her loss fall from her eyes, the plane ascends to the sky. She watches Kansas, Smallville and Clark disappear under the blanket of the evening sky. Turning away from the window she wipes the remaining tears off her cheek before sitting back against the seat.
Many will see this as her means for escape, thinking that she was afraid for her life, afraid for her sanity. Many will believe that she is running away from his secret and what knowing him would do to her. But what they don’t know is that she is doing this FOR him. As long as she is there, in her heart she knows without a shadow of a doubt that she will hold him back from something greater. That in loving her, he will deny his true self and true purpose to save mankind.
But for Lana Lang, everyday will be spent missing him, loving him and holding him close to her heart. He was and will always be the love of her life. For there will never be another in the world to hold a candle to him and the love that the two of them shared. She knows that the world will love him even more that she ever could and for that reason she will live for him and that purpose. With one final glance back, to the life she is leaving behind she whispers, hoping that somehow he can hear her and will grow to understand and forgive her someday, “Goodbye for now, my Love. I’ll never forget you.”