Part 11
Dean let the doctor look him over. Let him listen to his heart beating out a steady forty-two. Dr. Gilbert sat back. “You’re doing well. I’m surprised how well. I know that it doesn’t feel that way but given the condition you arrived in… delayed medical treatment… this is good.” He took a breath. “Do you have any concerns or questions?”
“Get me a new face by eight?”
“Maybe you should seek out therapy. Adjustment to the changes in your body must be difficult.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s a pity-date, anyway.” Dean shrugged.
“Functionality of the joints is good. Whatever regimen you’re on, it’s helping… physically you’re doing well but psychologically… you don’t seem to have a healthy outlook and that can be worse than physical disability.”
“Plenty of women loved sleeping with this face.” He turned his right side the doctor, then turned his left side. “How many do you think I’ll get with this?”
“You got one, right? Maybe one is all you need.”
--
Nervous, anxious and dreading the night, Dean took a slug of bourbon as he got dressed. He was backed into a corner. If he wore his uniform of late, he’d get singled out in a bar for a fight and that was just because he’d look like he was hiding. If he wore his old clothes, his face would be open for everyone to see. That in itself could cause a fight. He could leave now and stay gone until Carmen gave up. Staring at himself in the mirror, the bourbon must have kicked in because he thought he didn’t look too bad. Flipping up the collar of his jacket, he grabbed his keys. He almost left his glasses on the table but he’d need them if there was trouble and… the way his life was going, there was going to be trouble.
He’d just strapped a knife to his ankle when he heard the honk. When he leaned over to look out the window, Carmen’s Cobalt was parking next to the Impala. There was no way they were cruising bars in that thing. He jogged down the stairs and motioned her to get out of her car.
“What?” She opened the door and stood but kept the engine running.
“We’re not taking your car.” He walked over and held out his keys. “I’m going to give you the keys to my car.”
“Okay.” She quickly locked up her car and reached for his keys but he looked scared. “What?”
“I don’t let just anyone drive my car. You have to swear that you will be careful with her.”
“It’s a car, Dean.”
“This.” He gestured. “Is a fully restored and well-maintained 1967 Chevy Impala. This is the granddaddy of all badass cars. Every car since… is just a pussy mobile that wishes that it was my car.”
“You’re such a guy.” She ripped the keys out of his hand and moved around to the driver’s side. She slid into the seat and felt around for the lever to adjust the seat.
“I took it off.” Dean informed her as he made himself comfortable. “Do you need a phonebook?”
“Shut up.” She slid forward until she could reach the pedals. Turning on the car, it rumbled through her bones. “Wow.”
“This is what a real car feels like.” He grinned and patted the dashboard.
“Okay, so… where are we going?” She turned to him, hand poised over the gearshift.
“You’ve lived here all your life…” Dean sat back. “So… just drive to the cheapest, most disgusting hotel in town and we’ll start from there.”
“Why?” She frowned but set the car in motion, a little freaked by the lack of sensitivity in the gas pedal.
“Usually, when I hit a town, I go for the cheap rooms and then I don’t go far looking for a bar because I have to find my way back while under the influence.”
“How many places have you been?”
“It’s probably shorter to say which places I haven’t been to.”
“How many states?”
“Every state in the continental U.S. and probably a dozen times each… except Alaska. That was a onetime deal.”
She turned the car down a seedy part of town. “This is the Rourke Motel… otherwise known as…”
“The Roach Motel… yep, that looks like a place I would stay in.” Dean nodded to the window and had a look up and down the street. “Head west.”
“Is that left or right?” She glanced at him.
“Left. There’s a bar on that side of the road that looks like it’ll be good for a drink.” He pointed and took mild satisfaction that her face froze for an instant. “Ever been there?”
“No.” She shook her head and steered the Impala into a spot outside the bar her friends had often sneered at. Old men and no decent prospects. But she had brought potential with her.
“Having second thoughts?”
“Maybe,” she breathed out.
“We could go somewhere else.”
“No… we can go in.” She shut off the engine and slid back flush against the seat. “Why do you come to these kinds of places?”
“You think I learned those moves in the boy scouts?” Dean opened the door and didn’t wait for her while he made his way into the bar. By the time he’d reached the bar, he felt her body heat against his back. He pulled out some cash and slapped it down. “Two beers.”
“I think you enjoy scaring me.” Carmen took her beer and glanced around.
“You did kind of trick me into this.”
She almost said something but bit her tongue. She sipped her beer and slid up onto a stool. “It’s not so bad.”
“Normally, I come in and chat up the bartender for leads on a case. Then Sam does the research while I pound some beers, play darts or have a go on the pool table…”
“Or pick up some random girl?”
“Maybe.” His eyes fixated on her mouth as it puckered to take another sip. This was inevitable. He should have known it would happen from the moment he heard her voice in his hospital room. Any other woman in any other circumstance and he would have already been there and done that.
“I like this jacket.” Her hand slipped up the leather. “Very broken in.”
“Hand-me-down.” He shrugged and leaned on the bar. “Won it in a game of poker.”
“How is that a hand-me-down?”
“I was playing my dad.”
“You took his jacket?”
“He took my favorite gun the night before and he never gave it back.” He pulled off his beer. “What a dick, man.”
“You talk about your dad that way?”
“You never met my dad.”
“When did he pass?”
“Two years ago.” Dean took another long pull off his beer. “He died saving my life.”
“The heroics run in the family, then.”
“I don’t know about heroics…” He glanced across the bar and noticed the pool table freeing up. “You play?”
“I mostly poke myself with the stick and never get any balls into the holes.”
“I haven’t tried to play since… maybe we go over and we both suck.”
Dean spent the next twenty minutes adjusting for his vision and teaching Carmen how to do something other than stab whoever was standing behind her. It was as he was adjusting her shot when the first comment came from what would appear to be this particular bar’s peanut gallery. He ignored it and took his shot and missed. The call came again and Carmen wouldn’t meet his eyes, so Dean straightened and turned around. “Play you for her.”
“What?” Carmen shrieked.
Dean ignored her protest and focused on the son of a bitch who had ruined his good time. “You win, you take her home… I win… I get the contents of your wallet.”
“You’re on, Blinky.” Came the reply from the guy with two inches and about fifty pounds on Dean. “We’ll even go two out of three… just to be fair.”
Dean lost the first game and slammed a beer in disgust afterward. He drank two more while he squeaked by in the second game. The third game… he killed. “So… how much do I win?”
“You and her got a racket going?” He tossed the stick on the table.
“You a welsher?” Dean finished off his beer and had to duck just in time to miss getting decked and slammed into the wall. A flurry of fists and pool cues soon enveloped the entire bar. Carmen ducked a beer bottle as it soared through the air. She tried to keep an eye out for Dean but he had gotten lost in the brawl.
Gripping the keys in her hand, she made for the door. She had left her phone in the Impala. She nearly screamed when someone grabbed her around the waist. It was Dean. “Go. Go. Go. Go!”
She ran straight for the driver’s side as Dean leapt over the hood to the passenger side. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.”
“Just go.”
She set the car in motion and realized that he was smiling, laughing even. “You’re crazy.”
“I know.” He rubbed his chin, which was red and turning purple.
“Where do we go?”
“To a much quieter place as fast as possible.” Dean was still laughing when Carmen pulled the car into an empty lot near the park. She put it in park but didn’t shut off the engine. He reached over to touch her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I’m just… waiting for my heart rate to slow down.” She breathed out slowly. “That was crazy.”
“And who says I’m not.”
“I’m convinced you are completely insane.” She laughed suddenly, then she was sliding over the seat to capture his mouth. Clenching the folds of his jacket in her hands, as she pressed as close as she could manage. Dean pulled her across his lap and let her set what he figured would become a slow pace. But when her hands began searching out the hem of his shirt and flicking open the buttons on his jeans, he panicked for a moment. When he lifted his hands to her shoulders, her hands found his and pressed them to her breasts.
Dean groaned as her mouth dived down his throat. After that, there was only one thing he could do. “Hey Carmen… the back seat is a better place for this.”
--
Forty-one, his heart pumped out as it slowed. It had been a long time since his bare and sweaty ass had gotten stuck to the backseat. He had probably never spooned in the backseat, though. That was new and tricky. All he really wanted to do was bury his face in her hair and sleep for a month. Been a long time since he was in a bar fight. His jaw was sore and he probably had some bruised ribs. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and shifted slightly to direct her voice to him. “You know… I once swore to my friends that I would never be the kind of girl to give it up in the backseat of a car… You made a liar of me.”
“I can honestly say that this is the best time I have ever had in the backseat of this car.”
She laughed silently and turned her face back to kiss his lips. “Liar.”
“Nope. Not today.”
She rolled her eyes at him and when she tried to sit up, he trapped her body beneath his. “What?”
Dean stared at her face. “I never dreamed of a woman before I met her and I never slept with a woman I dreamed about.”
“Are you still drunk?”
“Nope.” He had almost closed the distance again when they were startled by the tap on the window. “Damn it.”
“Could you step outside the vehicle, please?”
A beam of light blinded them both but Dean managed to find his shirt for Carmen before grabbing his boxers and opening the door. The cops didn’t want him to get dressed, just to get out when ordered. Holding the shorts over his crotch, Dean squinted into the flashlight. “What can I do for you, officer?”
“This is not an appropriate place for sexual exploits, sir. I’m going to have to take you and your lady friend in.”
“Oh, come on.” Dean scoffed.
“Andre…” Carmen had found her panties and pulled on Dean’s shirt. “We’re sorry… Things got out of hand but… do you really need to take us in?”
“Carmen?” The beam of light dropped as the cop choked on the name. “What are you doing out here?”
“It’s fairly obvious.” She leaned out the door, keeping her bare legs inside the car. “We won’t do it again. I’ll drive us straight home.”
“You stay there.” Andre pointed to the end of the car where Dean stood, ass to the wind. “What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t.” Carmen shrugged. “Look. We were having a night out. Acting like a couple of teenagers.”
“You’re with this guy?”
“Yeah.”
“Carmen, a car matching this description was seen fleeing from Johnny’s Juke Joint after a brawl.”
“It wasn’t us. We were here the whole time.”
“Your mom know about him?”
“Oh please. I don’t need her permission to go on a date and anyway… she loves him already. It’s not a big deal.”
“She likes this guy?” Andre snorted.
“Made him dinner.”
“Well, fuck.” Andre straightened, giving Carmen the opportunity to slide into her jeans. He walked around to face Dean, who had managed to get his shorts on without alerting Andre or his partner. “Look… I know there are like two of these cars in existence… so chances are pretty good that it was you who started that brawl. As a favor to Carmen… I’ll let you guys go but any witnesses come up with your description… and I’ll haul you in. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.” Dean nodded.
Andre started to go but he turned suddenly. “You take care of her or I take you out.”
“You got it.” Dean padded around to the passenger seat and slid in. Carmen handed him his jeans as she got into the driver’s seat. She waited until the cruiser was gone before starting the engine and setting it onto the road. “So… that was the ex?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Dated a cop… wow.”
“Well, we’re not going to jail in our underwear, now.”
“So… he was a strapping young man. Why didn’t it work out?” Dean watched her throat working. “Okay. Forget I asked.”
“No… he cheated on me,” she admitted. “This was… before I got the modeling gig. He came running back when I got back to town. It’s been most satisfying to keep shooting him down, now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“He used to have me convinced that he was the only one who thought I was beautiful and special… so when I met that agent in the bar… I was feeling spiteful and vindictive and so I agreed… imagine my surprise when I got the job and found out that other people thought I was beautiful, too.” She glanced at him. “I know. It’s sad. It’s like I didn’t know my own worth until someone pointed it out and shoved it in my face.”
“No… I get that, actually.” Dean averted his gaze. “About… 10 and a half months ago… everyone I knew was giving me the speech about how I’m not worthless and I should think more of my life.”
“You know… you’re the last person I would have thought had those issues.”
“I did spend a goodly amount of time avoiding you and your wiles… that wasn’t a clue?”
She stayed silent until long after she’d pulled the Impala next to the Cobalt. “So… you would have never made a move?”
“Probably not. Having too much fun feeling sorry for myself.”
“Why the change of heart?”
“Promised Ellen that I would try.” He stared straight ahead. “Enough Winchesters and Harvelles have broken their promises to her.”
“She talked sense into you?”
“She can be quite persuasive.” He laughed to himself. “The first time I met them… Jo had a shotgun to my back, she’d punched me in the nose and then when I called for Sam… Ellen had a pistol to the back of his head.”
“What’d you do to them?”
“Showed up at the bar without an invite, picked the lock on the front door and walked in like we owned the place.” He grinned. “We kind of deserved it. Once she knew who we were, she was smiles and rainbows.”
“Why?”
“She and my dad were like family once… that’s what she said. I’d never heard of her before… and I really wish I had.” He turned to look at her, wearing his shirt and her jeans and that flush across her skin from their previous activities, and took a breath. “Knowing now what I didn’t know growing up… I think Ellen would have been good for my dad… and he would have been better for us.”
“You think she would have been a good mom?”
“Hell, I don’t know and I know my dad wasn’t interested in other women after my mom died. Maybe if they had stayed friends… maybe I wouldn’t have broken Sam’s heart with some of the things I did…”
“Why did they stop talking?”
“The story I heard… comes from someone who wasn’t there who heard it from someone who wasn’t there. Dad and Ellen’s husband went on a hunt together and neither one had ever used a partner before… whatever happened… My dad lived and Ellen’s husband didn’t.”
“You think she forgave him?”
“I think she understood. It was probably wise for my dad not to go back after it happened but to never talk to her again or never see her again… maybe not a good idea. Given what we do for a living… Ellen knew the risks in Bill leaving for a hunt. She knew that on any given hunt… he might never come back and no one would know until she gave up waiting.”
“Is that how you grew up with your dad?”
“Pretty much except that even though I knew there was a chance he wouldn’t come home… I never believed it. I just… Always knew that he would come back. Like I knew it wasn’t an option for him not to come back. Sometimes he’d be gone longer than he said he would but he always came home.”
“It was just you and Sam?”
“Yeah. When we were younger, we’d stay with Pastor Jim. Once I hit… ten or eleven… Dad relied on me more because he could. I’d proven it to him.”
“That’s still young to be taking care of your brother. My mom did that to me. I was always taking care of the girls… until I hit about 15 or 16.”
“What happened?”
“My parents had gone out of town last minute. I had to stay home and watch the girls. I cried the whole weekend. I was supposed to get an award at school that Saturday… I was supposed to do a solo on my violin. That was for a grade. There was going to be a party afterward with a boy I liked. He ended up hooking up with one of my friends since I wasn’t there. I never even spoke up about it. When my report card came in, they were pissed at my grade in an elective because they knew I knew how to play. I was too scared to speak up. My teachers had to tell them that it was because I missed my performance. Mama and Daddy were really upset until they realized what day it had been.” She shrugged. “When they cut me loose, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I was too… timid to really go wild with my friends.”
“Having the space to go really wild isn’t always a good thing. It’s how you learn to start barroom brawls with a single sentence.” Dean raised his eyebrows. “Sam never went wild. He pushed the limits in defying my dad’s will. Me… I did everything he said. I’d toe the line but I never rushed across it.”
“You don’t think starting bar brawls is rushing the line?” She laughed.
“Dad got into quite a few of those himself. When I was 13 or 14… I started pulling him out of the bars… and got caught up in a few he’d started… it was a kind of… monkey see, monkey do thing.” He scoffed to himself. “Like I wasn’t a man until I could do everything Dad did.” He reached over and cut the engine. “C’mon. It’s late and it’s been a long while since I had a night this late.”
TBC
Long Time Part 18 SPN (MATURE, D/E, D/C) 11/16 COMPLETE
Moderators: ISLANDGIRL5, Forum Moderators
Part 12
Thirty. His phone rang. Thirty. Dean reached over and picked up his stupid pink phone with stupid little kittens on it. “Hello?”
“Hey man.”
“Sam?” Dean sat up and propped himself up against the headboard.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Getting my three squares in. Staying healthy and all.”
“You have…” Sam’s voice broke.
“I know.”
“Dean… I’m trying but we’re not finding anything worth trying.”
“I know, Sam. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“It’s not enough time. Come out with me.”
“I can’t.” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m not punching my ticket a moment before it’s due.”
“Okay.” Sam took a deep breath. “So… how’s the car?”
“Wish I could drive her.”
“You’re not holed up in that apartment, are you?”
“Nah.” Dean relaxed a little. “Went to the museum. Some traveling exhibit.”
“Really, you?”
“Never been to one… wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” He breathed out. “I kind of lucked out. You remember George Darrow?”
“The artist guy who sold his soul?”
“Yeah, his stuff was traveling around. They were making this huge fuss and they were talking about his work as if they knew him and knew what his life was like and… I was walking around in this room with all those paintings we’d seen at his place. The context was all wrong. I wanted to take them all down and hang them up the right way. I felt like I was the only person who knew how to look at them…”
“You probably are, Dean.”
“I went back and spent a whole day in that room with him… seriously. It was like he was in the room… There was this exhibit on Asian art and, dude… I could see the influences. Rakshasa… and tulpas… They were all there. These really ancient works and I just thought… ‘God, how long has man been fighting this war?’ and I nearly passed out. I didn’t… real glad I didn’t because the next exhibit was this… memoriam to heroes.”
“You enjoyed the museum?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay… so what about this memoriam?”
“There were some 9/11 displays. Desert Storm and Vietnam, you know. If you squinted, you could see Dad in them… just… cause… Anyway… there were replicas of like ancient battles. There’s this one with some saint and a dragon…”
“St. George and the Dragon.”
“Yeah and I was like… I could have run that thing over in the car. It wasn’t even near approaching big.”
“It’s a metaphor.”
“But what if it wasn’t. What if St. George and the rest of the 14 helpers really did do battle with devils and demons and dragons… We’re walking in the footsteps of saints, Sam… and I threw away my chance to walk through the pearly gates. I don’t regret what I did… but… in 30 days… I make the trip the other way and I’ve gotten a taste of what that feels like.” Dean sniffed suddenly, feeling cold. He pulled the sheets up his chest to ward off the sudden chill. “I spent two days in the museum and it wasn’t enough. The old me would have never gone in… but the me I am now… went back alone to take my time… To take it all in.”
“Who did you go with before?” Sam listened to the silence and smiled. “It was a girl, wasn’t it?”
“What if it was?”
“Some nurse, then?”
“Maybe.”
“Some really hot nurse?”
“Fine. It was Carmen. Are you happy?” Dean bit out and lowered his voice when he heard her moving around in the bathroom.
“Dude… I don’t care as long as you’re some measure of happy because… I can’t remember the last time when you were.”
“Oh God… have you any idea how much we sound like a couple of girls?”
Sam laughed at that. He was wondering when Dean would notice that. Carmen walked in pulling her top over her head. “Dean, did I wake you?”
“Nah, phone rang.” He waved it at her.
“Okay. Get some sleep. I’ll be back before you wake up. Feel free to eat my food or… fix my leaky sink or anything you want.” She dropped a kiss on his lips. “But sleep?”
“Yeah. It’s Sam.” He gestured with the phone again.
“Tell him I said ‘hi’. I gotta go.”
Dean waited a beat after Carmen left the room. “Shut up.”
“You’re sleeping over at her place now?”
“I said shut up.”
“When did that even happen? Last time I was there, you needed Ellen shoving you in the back to even kiss her.”
“That was twenty days ago, Sam. A lot can change in twenty days.”
“Apparently.”
“I’m having normal conversations, Sam. I’m not even lying that much. Do you know what we did Friday night?”
“What?”
“We went bowling with Jenny and her kids.” Dean laughed to himself. “Bowling. I had fun even though I completely sucked at it. Tonight, I had dinner with her family. Her mom loves me… it’s kind of freaking me out.”
“What’s next? A picnic and a drive in the Impala with the windows down?”
“Um…” he had to clear his throat. “We did that yesterday.”
Sam laughed long and hard at that. It felt good. “Whose idea was that?”
“Hers… but I dragged her to Jenny’s… and I got her caught up in a bar fight about a week ago… so… I owed her.”
“Wait… I thought you couldn’t see to drive…”
“I let her drive.”
“Dude.”
“Then she took me to a lot and let me try it without killing anyone. I’m still not ready to get behind the wheel.”
“It’s been an exciting twenty days, then.”
“Yeah…” He swallowed down a lump. “I started having the dreams, Sam… seeing Hellhounds in the corner of my eyes.”
“You want me to come?”
“No… Just… promise that you’ll wait a day.”
“I said I would.”
“I know that if you come now, you won’t leave… and I can’t whore myself for enough food to feed us both.”
“You mooching off your new girlfriend? Not cool.”
“She offers and I’m handy.”
“You’re a ho.”
“Shut up.” Dean scoffed and sank into the bed.
“You’re a kept man, Dean Winchester.” Sam sobered. “Have you told her?”
“No… I can’t.”
“Tell her something… don’t let her be the one to find your body… I’m still working on it but… do her that favor.”
TBC
Thirty. His phone rang. Thirty. Dean reached over and picked up his stupid pink phone with stupid little kittens on it. “Hello?”
“Hey man.”
“Sam?” Dean sat up and propped himself up against the headboard.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Getting my three squares in. Staying healthy and all.”
“You have…” Sam’s voice broke.
“I know.”
“Dean… I’m trying but we’re not finding anything worth trying.”
“I know, Sam. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“It’s not enough time. Come out with me.”
“I can’t.” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m not punching my ticket a moment before it’s due.”
“Okay.” Sam took a deep breath. “So… how’s the car?”
“Wish I could drive her.”
“You’re not holed up in that apartment, are you?”
“Nah.” Dean relaxed a little. “Went to the museum. Some traveling exhibit.”
“Really, you?”
“Never been to one… wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” He breathed out. “I kind of lucked out. You remember George Darrow?”
“The artist guy who sold his soul?”
“Yeah, his stuff was traveling around. They were making this huge fuss and they were talking about his work as if they knew him and knew what his life was like and… I was walking around in this room with all those paintings we’d seen at his place. The context was all wrong. I wanted to take them all down and hang them up the right way. I felt like I was the only person who knew how to look at them…”
“You probably are, Dean.”
“I went back and spent a whole day in that room with him… seriously. It was like he was in the room… There was this exhibit on Asian art and, dude… I could see the influences. Rakshasa… and tulpas… They were all there. These really ancient works and I just thought… ‘God, how long has man been fighting this war?’ and I nearly passed out. I didn’t… real glad I didn’t because the next exhibit was this… memoriam to heroes.”
“You enjoyed the museum?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay… so what about this memoriam?”
“There were some 9/11 displays. Desert Storm and Vietnam, you know. If you squinted, you could see Dad in them… just… cause… Anyway… there were replicas of like ancient battles. There’s this one with some saint and a dragon…”
“St. George and the Dragon.”
“Yeah and I was like… I could have run that thing over in the car. It wasn’t even near approaching big.”
“It’s a metaphor.”
“But what if it wasn’t. What if St. George and the rest of the 14 helpers really did do battle with devils and demons and dragons… We’re walking in the footsteps of saints, Sam… and I threw away my chance to walk through the pearly gates. I don’t regret what I did… but… in 30 days… I make the trip the other way and I’ve gotten a taste of what that feels like.” Dean sniffed suddenly, feeling cold. He pulled the sheets up his chest to ward off the sudden chill. “I spent two days in the museum and it wasn’t enough. The old me would have never gone in… but the me I am now… went back alone to take my time… To take it all in.”
“Who did you go with before?” Sam listened to the silence and smiled. “It was a girl, wasn’t it?”
“What if it was?”
“Some nurse, then?”
“Maybe.”
“Some really hot nurse?”
“Fine. It was Carmen. Are you happy?” Dean bit out and lowered his voice when he heard her moving around in the bathroom.
“Dude… I don’t care as long as you’re some measure of happy because… I can’t remember the last time when you were.”
“Oh God… have you any idea how much we sound like a couple of girls?”
Sam laughed at that. He was wondering when Dean would notice that. Carmen walked in pulling her top over her head. “Dean, did I wake you?”
“Nah, phone rang.” He waved it at her.
“Okay. Get some sleep. I’ll be back before you wake up. Feel free to eat my food or… fix my leaky sink or anything you want.” She dropped a kiss on his lips. “But sleep?”
“Yeah. It’s Sam.” He gestured with the phone again.
“Tell him I said ‘hi’. I gotta go.”
Dean waited a beat after Carmen left the room. “Shut up.”
“You’re sleeping over at her place now?”
“I said shut up.”
“When did that even happen? Last time I was there, you needed Ellen shoving you in the back to even kiss her.”
“That was twenty days ago, Sam. A lot can change in twenty days.”
“Apparently.”
“I’m having normal conversations, Sam. I’m not even lying that much. Do you know what we did Friday night?”
“What?”
“We went bowling with Jenny and her kids.” Dean laughed to himself. “Bowling. I had fun even though I completely sucked at it. Tonight, I had dinner with her family. Her mom loves me… it’s kind of freaking me out.”
“What’s next? A picnic and a drive in the Impala with the windows down?”
“Um…” he had to clear his throat. “We did that yesterday.”
Sam laughed long and hard at that. It felt good. “Whose idea was that?”
“Hers… but I dragged her to Jenny’s… and I got her caught up in a bar fight about a week ago… so… I owed her.”
“Wait… I thought you couldn’t see to drive…”
“I let her drive.”
“Dude.”
“Then she took me to a lot and let me try it without killing anyone. I’m still not ready to get behind the wheel.”
“It’s been an exciting twenty days, then.”
“Yeah…” He swallowed down a lump. “I started having the dreams, Sam… seeing Hellhounds in the corner of my eyes.”
“You want me to come?”
“No… Just… promise that you’ll wait a day.”
“I said I would.”
“I know that if you come now, you won’t leave… and I can’t whore myself for enough food to feed us both.”
“You mooching off your new girlfriend? Not cool.”
“She offers and I’m handy.”
“You’re a ho.”
“Shut up.” Dean scoffed and sank into the bed.
“You’re a kept man, Dean Winchester.” Sam sobered. “Have you told her?”
“No… I can’t.”
“Tell her something… don’t let her be the one to find your body… I’m still working on it but… do her that favor.”
TBC
Page 13
Sunrise. Dean took in every ray and changing color of the sky. Carmen leaned against his chest, her hands resting on his bent knees. “I love sunrise.”
“I’ve never seen one over Lawrence.” He clasped his hands over her belly to keep her from sliding off the car.
“I think they’re beautiful but I rarely get to enjoy them when I see them.” She sighed and braced her feet on the edge of the blanket. “Heading home at six in the morning, just trying to stay awake long enough to make the drive.”
“Yeah… I’ve done that… just glad the sun came up at all… didn’t really take the time to enjoy it.” Twenty-five, spoke the blinking of his eyes. A little over three weeks and he was having too good a time to go anywhere.
“What’s it gonna take?” She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “To get you to hang up your hat and get a stationary job?”
“Sweetheart, you don’t know how close I am.” He grinned at her.
“Rudy’s friend knows a guy. He could use an experienced mechanic. He’ll pay well if you work well.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
“What’s the longest you ever stayed in one place?”
“This is it, Carmen.” He admitted. “Once… I stayed in one place for two weeks and it was not job related.”
“What happened?”
“Told her what I did for a living and she freaked. By the time she… was ready to acknowledge that I wasn’t crazy… we had another week together and then she cut me loose. Three weeks over three years’ time.”
“Two weeks is not a long time, Dean.”
“And 70 days is?” He shrugged. “70 for me, anyway. You were drooling over my fine physique while I was still in a coma.”
“Shut up, you egomaniac.” She stroked circles on his thighs for several long moments. “How do you know it was 70 days?”
“Been keeping count of the days for a while.”
“Why?”
“Nothing better to do.”
“Nothing?” She sat up and turned her face to him.
“Well, not nothing…” He ran his hands up her ribs. “Am I invited to Mama’s for dinner this Sunday?”
She poked him in the ribs. “You’re such a funny guy.” She rolled over and pinned him to the windshield. “You’ve got her wrapped around your finger. She keeps asking me when I’m going to seduce you into the family.” He let out a chuckle and pulled her down against him. She blushed suddenly. “I mean… Not that… I am so not trying to scare you off…”
His throat threatened to close up on him but he forced down a lump. “If it means anything to you… I have strong feelings that you’re the last woman for me.”
“Really?” She arched an eyebrow, biting her lip. “Why do you think that?”
“Just a feeling.”
“What if I dump you tomorrow?”
“You would do that? Give up all this?” He motioned to his body. “Where else are you going to find this body with this face? I have low-self-esteem issues. You have me at your beck and call. I can be your willing slave… if you know the buttons to push.” Then he patted the car. “I also let you drive this sweet, sweet ride.”“I think I was lost the day I laid eyes on you.”
TBC
Sunrise. Dean took in every ray and changing color of the sky. Carmen leaned against his chest, her hands resting on his bent knees. “I love sunrise.”
“I’ve never seen one over Lawrence.” He clasped his hands over her belly to keep her from sliding off the car.
“I think they’re beautiful but I rarely get to enjoy them when I see them.” She sighed and braced her feet on the edge of the blanket. “Heading home at six in the morning, just trying to stay awake long enough to make the drive.”
“Yeah… I’ve done that… just glad the sun came up at all… didn’t really take the time to enjoy it.” Twenty-five, spoke the blinking of his eyes. A little over three weeks and he was having too good a time to go anywhere.
“What’s it gonna take?” She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “To get you to hang up your hat and get a stationary job?”
“Sweetheart, you don’t know how close I am.” He grinned at her.
“Rudy’s friend knows a guy. He could use an experienced mechanic. He’ll pay well if you work well.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
“What’s the longest you ever stayed in one place?”
“This is it, Carmen.” He admitted. “Once… I stayed in one place for two weeks and it was not job related.”
“What happened?”
“Told her what I did for a living and she freaked. By the time she… was ready to acknowledge that I wasn’t crazy… we had another week together and then she cut me loose. Three weeks over three years’ time.”
“Two weeks is not a long time, Dean.”
“And 70 days is?” He shrugged. “70 for me, anyway. You were drooling over my fine physique while I was still in a coma.”
“Shut up, you egomaniac.” She stroked circles on his thighs for several long moments. “How do you know it was 70 days?”
“Been keeping count of the days for a while.”
“Why?”
“Nothing better to do.”
“Nothing?” She sat up and turned her face to him.
“Well, not nothing…” He ran his hands up her ribs. “Am I invited to Mama’s for dinner this Sunday?”
She poked him in the ribs. “You’re such a funny guy.” She rolled over and pinned him to the windshield. “You’ve got her wrapped around your finger. She keeps asking me when I’m going to seduce you into the family.” He let out a chuckle and pulled her down against him. She blushed suddenly. “I mean… Not that… I am so not trying to scare you off…”
His throat threatened to close up on him but he forced down a lump. “If it means anything to you… I have strong feelings that you’re the last woman for me.”
“Really?” She arched an eyebrow, biting her lip. “Why do you think that?”
“Just a feeling.”
“What if I dump you tomorrow?”
“You would do that? Give up all this?” He motioned to his body. “Where else are you going to find this body with this face? I have low-self-esteem issues. You have me at your beck and call. I can be your willing slave… if you know the buttons to push.” Then he patted the car. “I also let you drive this sweet, sweet ride.”“I think I was lost the day I laid eyes on you.”
TBC
Part 14
Twenty. Twenty. His heart pounded out the beat as he poured salt in thick lines over the window sills and doorways. What else had Darrow used? It had seemed to work for him. Goofer dust. Cats-eye shells. He wondered where he could get any of that. He swore he heard the howling but it was way too early. “I get twenty more days, damn it.”
Setting the holy water within reach, he picked up the phone and dialed. He got a groggy response. “What?”
“Sammy. How’s it going?”
“Dean?”
“Yeah, man. So… Ellen strip down for you, yet?”
“Dude, what the hell? It’s three in the morning.”
“I know. She kisses like a fiend you know… you should go for it.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Nah. Perfectly sober.” He cleared his throat as he cocked his shotgun.
“Dean…” He swallowed down a lump. “Are you okay?”
“Sure. I’m fine. Just looking for some conversation.”
“Okay… um… well… Ellen let me cop a feel.”
“You get stitches?”
“How’d you know?”
Dean laughed and actually began to calm down. “Never mind.”
“She’s nuts, man… but you know… I wouldn’t have her any other way.”
“She’s okay, though?”
“Yeah. She curses your name every other day but… so do I.” He inhaled a deep breath. “How’s Carmen?”
“You know… it’s going. Starting to feel guilty… especially since… yeah.”
“Since what?”
“Nothing.”
“What’d you do?”
“Look… she’s freaking perfect. She’s got issues, obviously, but she’s hot and she likes me and… she’s on my ass to get a job and settle down and… I want to. Sam… I want to do and be everything that she wants and I can’t find a way to tell her that I can’t.”
“I know, Dean.”
“Sam… I’ve never… not even about… and I haven’t even really told her what I do, much less what I’ve done.” He wiped a tear from his face. “How do I tell her that without breaking her heart? I don’t want to be the one to do that but… I will… won’t I?”
--
Carmen rubbed at the circles under his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He set the bag on the desk. “Look… I wandered into this Greek place at lunch and I figured you’d want to try it.”
“You bought me lunch?” She smiled up at him. “You are so sweet.”
“You cook for me all the time.” He shrugged.
“Where’d you get the money?” She nibbled on a triangle of pita bread, hopping up on the desk to rest her feet while it was slow. “Sam feel sorry for you and send you some cash?”
Dean lowered his eyes. “Hustled some pool last night.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “Is that where you were?”
“Drifters. No big deal. I didn’t get my ass kicked if that’s what you were wondering.”
“You need to be careful.” She dragged him to her by his belt loops. “So… Rudy’s friend says… any day you want…”
“There’s… some stuff that I want to get in order before I get a legitimate job, Carmen.” Dean fudged as he weighed his words carefully. “Some stuff that I want to tell you about but not right now…”
“What kind of stuff?”
“If he asks… I can start in two weeks.” He shrugged carefully. “I can pitch in for a day or two in the meantime but I can’t commit for two weeks.”
“Okay. I’ll pass word along.” She took his face in her hands. “Dean, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Mama still wants me over?”
“You know she does. She’s making something special for you and she insists that I’m there for the preparation because… get this… she’s revealing a recipe.”
--
Dean groaned as he took a bite. “It’s too bad you’re off the market.”
“Well, I do have an eligible daughter.” Mama winked at Carmen, who rolled her eyes. “He’s so polite, Maria.”
“Mom,” Carmen warned.
“I’m sorry?” Dean looked from Carmen to her mother.
“What? He doesn’t know your full name?” She tsked her daughter. “Mary Carmen Porter… but maybe she doesn’t hold onto the last name very long.”
“Mom!”
“Ignore them.” Daddy waved his fork at them. “This is forever. Back and forth. Mary is a family name. Mary Isela, Mary Adriana. Mary Carmen.” He pointed to all his daughters in turn.
“Huh.” Dean sipped his beer. “Mary was my mother’s name.”
Carmen blinked at him. “Really?”
“Was?” Mama questioned as she glared at one of her sons-in-law for making a face at the turn of conversation.
“She passed away when I was young,” Dean answered truthfully.
“Oh? I’m so sorry.”
“Dean’s actually from Lawrence, Mama. He moved after his mom passed away.” Carmen rushed in to keep Dean from having to answer too many painful questions.
“Winchester, huh? I don’t know any, personally.” Daddy shook his head.
“I don’t know that I had any family left here when we moved,” Dean agreed.
“Damien says that he could use you a couple days this week. Light stuff. Oil changes and brakes. Inspections are up next week and people will be filing in.” Rudy cleared his throat.
“I’ll… uh… give you my number… you can pass it on. I’ll be available.” Dean nodded his thanks. “I appreciate it, man.”
“No problem. Carmen’s a ball buster so… I’ll get her off your back.”
“Shut up, Rudy.” Isela rolled her eyes at her husband.
“What? She ran off Andre and she was all primed to marry him too.”
“Rudy!” all four women yelled at him.
“I don’t think Andre was ever really in the picture.” Dean cleared his throat.
“Dean’s right… and if you’re done scaring Dean… I think he’d like to finish his dinner.” Carmen shook her head. “Everything has to be such drama.” She looked up to find Dean laughing silently at her. “Shut up, your family is so much more dramatic than mine.”
“Have you met his family, already?” Mama bit back a smile as she winked at her daughters.
“Yes… and I met them before we started…”
“Started what, Carmen?” Daniel cleared his throat, creating laughter around the table.
“Are you done?” Carmen crossed her arms and glared across the table.
“I’m playing with you,” Daniel tried to apologize but Carmen was pissed. “Oh, come on.”
“Dean is having a good time. You should too,” Mama pointed out.
“Come on. You met Ellen, Carmen… that was… well it was worse than this.” Dean tried to calm her down.
“You and Ellen… I’m not touching that with a ten-foot-pole.” Carmen shook her head. “I don’t think that qualifies as family, exactly.”
“Oh come on…” Dean tried but just shook his head. “I was trying to make her laugh.”
“Uh-huh. Plenty of laughing and touching.”
“She was grieving… and touching what??”
“This is better than the stories.” Isela nudged her younger sister.
“Shut up.” Carmen glared at them.
“Ellen was a friend of my dad’s,” Dean explained to Carmen’s parents. “Seven months ago, her daughter passed away. I helped her get through Jo’s birthday. Carmen was there, serving up your molé casserole until she sobered up.”
“That’s so sweet.” Mama patted his hand.
“Yeah, it was,” Carmen admitted.
“When exactly did you two start dating?” Nani asked as she rose to collect empty plates.
“About a month ago?” Carmen looked to Dean, who nodded. He knew the exact number of days and that was 28.
“When’s the wedding?” Daniel asked.
“Shut up,” the Porters’ daughters all told him.
--
Carmen lightly traced the border on the left side of Dean’s chest. The scars were less angry. “Sorry about all the marriage talk. Hope you aren’t scared away.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been through scarier.” He caught her arm and just held it against his chest. His heart still pumping out a steady fourteen for another three hours.
“So… what were you talking about at the hospital today?”
“It’s nothing really but… I haven’t been a good person.” He started, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I’ve… done things in my life that I’m not proud of but at the time were necessary in order to keep on living, to keep on working.”
“I’m sure we all feel that way, Dean.”
“But… I didn’t used to really believe in God… you know? I vehemently denied the existence of Angels but then I saw something.”
“What did you see?”
“I stopped a girl from being raped and murdered. I pursued her attack but I couldn’t keep up and when… this truck screeched to a halt. A pipe fell off the back, fell on its end… bounced and… plowed right through the guy’s windshield… killing him instantly.” He took a breath. “I’ve seen a lot of evil things done in the name of perpetuating evil. It was the first time I ever saw something bad happen to a bad person before he committed true evil.”
“You think it was divine intervention?”
“Maybe.”
“Dean…” she whispered and slipped her arms around his body.
“I’ve killed people, Carmen. In the name of saving my brother and my father… I’m not a murderer. Doesn’t that mean I’m going to hell, though? Killing another person?”
“Maybe you’ve done way more good.” She tried to calm him down but he was shifting around nervously. “Are you okay?”
“Some contracts look good when you sign them. You can understand all the terms and still not be ready for the consequences.”
“Yeah… I know that.” She arched an eyebrow at him.
“I need you to know that while I don’t feel like I’m a bad person… there are countless things I’ve done that other people won’t find so harmless.” Dean sat up and waited until she had absorbed what he’d said and didn’t try to comfort him. “Ten years ago… it was just another one night stand. I’ve never hidden that from you. What I haven’t said yet is that…”
“You have a child.”
“Yeah. He’s nearly nine and I’ve never been there for him because, excepting the last year, I didn’t know about his existence. I haven’t provided for him in the meantime.”
“Is that what you were talking about? Getting your things in order before working for Rudy’s friend?”
“One of the things.” He stared at her dresser and took a deep breath.
“What are you saying?”
Dean took a shuddering breath. He could feel the breath of the Hellhound down his neck. “If anything… I really want you to be the person who remembers the good things about me… instead of the bad.”
“Dean, you’re scaring me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you but it’s not fair to tell you the good bits and not the bad bits because you tell me everything… and I whitewash the truth so that you don’t run screaming for the hills. I’m doing it now… because I don’t want you to hate me for who I am.” He took another shuddering breath, aware that tears were slipping down his eyelashes. “That dream of you that I had… my life wasn’t like that. I was just a mechanic and a lousy brother and a screw up for a son and for some reason you loved me… and I’m still trying to figure out why.”
--
Thirteen. Dean dragged his ass up the stairs and into the apartment. He didn’t even bother threatening to shoot whoever was sitting at his kitchen table. It was Sam, anyway. “I couldn’t tell her, Sam. I started to. I meant to but I can’t tell her that. I think it would hurt less for her to find out… after.”
“Okay. That’s your decision, man.” Sam nodded. “You okay, though?”
“I told you not to come back.” Dean sniffed and sank into the other chair.
“I’m not going to be a hundred miles away, Dean. I won’t be here when it happens but I’ll be nearby.”
“Where’s Ellen?”
“Sent her and Bobby on a hunt. They’re gonna stay out of the way and pick me up when I call them.”
“Okay.”
“So what did you tell her?” Sam poured Dean a cup of coffee from the pot he’d set on the table.
“About Ben. About that I’ve killed people… and that I wanted to tell her everything but I wanted her to like who I am tomorrow. She said she’d call me.” Dean put the Hello Kitty! phone on the table. “We’ll see.” He took a deep breath, took a sip of coffee and looked to the night sky that was starting to turn pink with the coming dawn. “Why did I have to find her now, Sam? Why did I have to find her at all?”
TBC
Twenty. Twenty. His heart pounded out the beat as he poured salt in thick lines over the window sills and doorways. What else had Darrow used? It had seemed to work for him. Goofer dust. Cats-eye shells. He wondered where he could get any of that. He swore he heard the howling but it was way too early. “I get twenty more days, damn it.”
Setting the holy water within reach, he picked up the phone and dialed. He got a groggy response. “What?”
“Sammy. How’s it going?”
“Dean?”
“Yeah, man. So… Ellen strip down for you, yet?”
“Dude, what the hell? It’s three in the morning.”
“I know. She kisses like a fiend you know… you should go for it.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Nah. Perfectly sober.” He cleared his throat as he cocked his shotgun.
“Dean…” He swallowed down a lump. “Are you okay?”
“Sure. I’m fine. Just looking for some conversation.”
“Okay… um… well… Ellen let me cop a feel.”
“You get stitches?”
“How’d you know?”
Dean laughed and actually began to calm down. “Never mind.”
“She’s nuts, man… but you know… I wouldn’t have her any other way.”
“She’s okay, though?”
“Yeah. She curses your name every other day but… so do I.” He inhaled a deep breath. “How’s Carmen?”
“You know… it’s going. Starting to feel guilty… especially since… yeah.”
“Since what?”
“Nothing.”
“What’d you do?”
“Look… she’s freaking perfect. She’s got issues, obviously, but she’s hot and she likes me and… she’s on my ass to get a job and settle down and… I want to. Sam… I want to do and be everything that she wants and I can’t find a way to tell her that I can’t.”
“I know, Dean.”
“Sam… I’ve never… not even about… and I haven’t even really told her what I do, much less what I’ve done.” He wiped a tear from his face. “How do I tell her that without breaking her heart? I don’t want to be the one to do that but… I will… won’t I?”
--
Carmen rubbed at the circles under his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He set the bag on the desk. “Look… I wandered into this Greek place at lunch and I figured you’d want to try it.”
“You bought me lunch?” She smiled up at him. “You are so sweet.”
“You cook for me all the time.” He shrugged.
“Where’d you get the money?” She nibbled on a triangle of pita bread, hopping up on the desk to rest her feet while it was slow. “Sam feel sorry for you and send you some cash?”
Dean lowered his eyes. “Hustled some pool last night.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “Is that where you were?”
“Drifters. No big deal. I didn’t get my ass kicked if that’s what you were wondering.”
“You need to be careful.” She dragged him to her by his belt loops. “So… Rudy’s friend says… any day you want…”
“There’s… some stuff that I want to get in order before I get a legitimate job, Carmen.” Dean fudged as he weighed his words carefully. “Some stuff that I want to tell you about but not right now…”
“What kind of stuff?”
“If he asks… I can start in two weeks.” He shrugged carefully. “I can pitch in for a day or two in the meantime but I can’t commit for two weeks.”
“Okay. I’ll pass word along.” She took his face in her hands. “Dean, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Mama still wants me over?”
“You know she does. She’s making something special for you and she insists that I’m there for the preparation because… get this… she’s revealing a recipe.”
--
Dean groaned as he took a bite. “It’s too bad you’re off the market.”
“Well, I do have an eligible daughter.” Mama winked at Carmen, who rolled her eyes. “He’s so polite, Maria.”
“Mom,” Carmen warned.
“I’m sorry?” Dean looked from Carmen to her mother.
“What? He doesn’t know your full name?” She tsked her daughter. “Mary Carmen Porter… but maybe she doesn’t hold onto the last name very long.”
“Mom!”
“Ignore them.” Daddy waved his fork at them. “This is forever. Back and forth. Mary is a family name. Mary Isela, Mary Adriana. Mary Carmen.” He pointed to all his daughters in turn.
“Huh.” Dean sipped his beer. “Mary was my mother’s name.”
Carmen blinked at him. “Really?”
“Was?” Mama questioned as she glared at one of her sons-in-law for making a face at the turn of conversation.
“She passed away when I was young,” Dean answered truthfully.
“Oh? I’m so sorry.”
“Dean’s actually from Lawrence, Mama. He moved after his mom passed away.” Carmen rushed in to keep Dean from having to answer too many painful questions.
“Winchester, huh? I don’t know any, personally.” Daddy shook his head.
“I don’t know that I had any family left here when we moved,” Dean agreed.
“Damien says that he could use you a couple days this week. Light stuff. Oil changes and brakes. Inspections are up next week and people will be filing in.” Rudy cleared his throat.
“I’ll… uh… give you my number… you can pass it on. I’ll be available.” Dean nodded his thanks. “I appreciate it, man.”
“No problem. Carmen’s a ball buster so… I’ll get her off your back.”
“Shut up, Rudy.” Isela rolled her eyes at her husband.
“What? She ran off Andre and she was all primed to marry him too.”
“Rudy!” all four women yelled at him.
“I don’t think Andre was ever really in the picture.” Dean cleared his throat.
“Dean’s right… and if you’re done scaring Dean… I think he’d like to finish his dinner.” Carmen shook her head. “Everything has to be such drama.” She looked up to find Dean laughing silently at her. “Shut up, your family is so much more dramatic than mine.”
“Have you met his family, already?” Mama bit back a smile as she winked at her daughters.
“Yes… and I met them before we started…”
“Started what, Carmen?” Daniel cleared his throat, creating laughter around the table.
“Are you done?” Carmen crossed her arms and glared across the table.
“I’m playing with you,” Daniel tried to apologize but Carmen was pissed. “Oh, come on.”
“Dean is having a good time. You should too,” Mama pointed out.
“Come on. You met Ellen, Carmen… that was… well it was worse than this.” Dean tried to calm her down.
“You and Ellen… I’m not touching that with a ten-foot-pole.” Carmen shook her head. “I don’t think that qualifies as family, exactly.”
“Oh come on…” Dean tried but just shook his head. “I was trying to make her laugh.”
“Uh-huh. Plenty of laughing and touching.”
“She was grieving… and touching what??”
“This is better than the stories.” Isela nudged her younger sister.
“Shut up.” Carmen glared at them.
“Ellen was a friend of my dad’s,” Dean explained to Carmen’s parents. “Seven months ago, her daughter passed away. I helped her get through Jo’s birthday. Carmen was there, serving up your molé casserole until she sobered up.”
“That’s so sweet.” Mama patted his hand.
“Yeah, it was,” Carmen admitted.
“When exactly did you two start dating?” Nani asked as she rose to collect empty plates.
“About a month ago?” Carmen looked to Dean, who nodded. He knew the exact number of days and that was 28.
“When’s the wedding?” Daniel asked.
“Shut up,” the Porters’ daughters all told him.
--
Carmen lightly traced the border on the left side of Dean’s chest. The scars were less angry. “Sorry about all the marriage talk. Hope you aren’t scared away.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been through scarier.” He caught her arm and just held it against his chest. His heart still pumping out a steady fourteen for another three hours.
“So… what were you talking about at the hospital today?”
“It’s nothing really but… I haven’t been a good person.” He started, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I’ve… done things in my life that I’m not proud of but at the time were necessary in order to keep on living, to keep on working.”
“I’m sure we all feel that way, Dean.”
“But… I didn’t used to really believe in God… you know? I vehemently denied the existence of Angels but then I saw something.”
“What did you see?”
“I stopped a girl from being raped and murdered. I pursued her attack but I couldn’t keep up and when… this truck screeched to a halt. A pipe fell off the back, fell on its end… bounced and… plowed right through the guy’s windshield… killing him instantly.” He took a breath. “I’ve seen a lot of evil things done in the name of perpetuating evil. It was the first time I ever saw something bad happen to a bad person before he committed true evil.”
“You think it was divine intervention?”
“Maybe.”
“Dean…” she whispered and slipped her arms around his body.
“I’ve killed people, Carmen. In the name of saving my brother and my father… I’m not a murderer. Doesn’t that mean I’m going to hell, though? Killing another person?”
“Maybe you’ve done way more good.” She tried to calm him down but he was shifting around nervously. “Are you okay?”
“Some contracts look good when you sign them. You can understand all the terms and still not be ready for the consequences.”
“Yeah… I know that.” She arched an eyebrow at him.
“I need you to know that while I don’t feel like I’m a bad person… there are countless things I’ve done that other people won’t find so harmless.” Dean sat up and waited until she had absorbed what he’d said and didn’t try to comfort him. “Ten years ago… it was just another one night stand. I’ve never hidden that from you. What I haven’t said yet is that…”
“You have a child.”
“Yeah. He’s nearly nine and I’ve never been there for him because, excepting the last year, I didn’t know about his existence. I haven’t provided for him in the meantime.”
“Is that what you were talking about? Getting your things in order before working for Rudy’s friend?”
“One of the things.” He stared at her dresser and took a deep breath.
“What are you saying?”
Dean took a shuddering breath. He could feel the breath of the Hellhound down his neck. “If anything… I really want you to be the person who remembers the good things about me… instead of the bad.”
“Dean, you’re scaring me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you but it’s not fair to tell you the good bits and not the bad bits because you tell me everything… and I whitewash the truth so that you don’t run screaming for the hills. I’m doing it now… because I don’t want you to hate me for who I am.” He took another shuddering breath, aware that tears were slipping down his eyelashes. “That dream of you that I had… my life wasn’t like that. I was just a mechanic and a lousy brother and a screw up for a son and for some reason you loved me… and I’m still trying to figure out why.”
--
Thirteen. Dean dragged his ass up the stairs and into the apartment. He didn’t even bother threatening to shoot whoever was sitting at his kitchen table. It was Sam, anyway. “I couldn’t tell her, Sam. I started to. I meant to but I can’t tell her that. I think it would hurt less for her to find out… after.”
“Okay. That’s your decision, man.” Sam nodded. “You okay, though?”
“I told you not to come back.” Dean sniffed and sank into the other chair.
“I’m not going to be a hundred miles away, Dean. I won’t be here when it happens but I’ll be nearby.”
“Where’s Ellen?”
“Sent her and Bobby on a hunt. They’re gonna stay out of the way and pick me up when I call them.”
“Okay.”
“So what did you tell her?” Sam poured Dean a cup of coffee from the pot he’d set on the table.
“About Ben. About that I’ve killed people… and that I wanted to tell her everything but I wanted her to like who I am tomorrow. She said she’d call me.” Dean put the Hello Kitty! phone on the table. “We’ll see.” He took a deep breath, took a sip of coffee and looked to the night sky that was starting to turn pink with the coming dawn. “Why did I have to find her now, Sam? Why did I have to find her at all?”
TBC
Part 15
Dean was letting a pan fill with oil from an abused car when he felt the hands slip around his waist. He should have heard her walking up but he was tired and focused on getting as many of these lube jobs out of the way as possible. When he turned in her arms, her hands shot to his face. “Dean, what’s wrong? You look awful.”
He’d meant the kiss to be a thank you but once he’d started, he couldn’t stop until she pulled away first. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder. Dean held on tight. Twelve, his heart beat out against hers. “I get off in an hour.”
“Okay. I’m gonna go do some shopping… I’ll swing around and pick you up,” she murmured into his neck.
“Sam’s in town. He gave me a ride… I’ll tell him not to pick me up.”
“Okay.”
Dean watched her go and he was able to do everything he needed to do with singular focus. He got the cars done. He got paid and he got a soda while he waited for Carmen to pick him up. The ride was silent, even though they shared his soda. Dean helped her wash vegetables and put things together for dinner. When all they had to do was wait for timers and boiling, she turned to him. “You look better than you did earlier… I hate to think it was me that had you looking so bad.”
“I’ve had a lot of close calls and this last one… was too close, even though it took me a while to realize it. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Then don’t.”
TBC
Dean was letting a pan fill with oil from an abused car when he felt the hands slip around his waist. He should have heard her walking up but he was tired and focused on getting as many of these lube jobs out of the way as possible. When he turned in her arms, her hands shot to his face. “Dean, what’s wrong? You look awful.”
He’d meant the kiss to be a thank you but once he’d started, he couldn’t stop until she pulled away first. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder. Dean held on tight. Twelve, his heart beat out against hers. “I get off in an hour.”
“Okay. I’m gonna go do some shopping… I’ll swing around and pick you up,” she murmured into his neck.
“Sam’s in town. He gave me a ride… I’ll tell him not to pick me up.”
“Okay.”
Dean watched her go and he was able to do everything he needed to do with singular focus. He got the cars done. He got paid and he got a soda while he waited for Carmen to pick him up. The ride was silent, even though they shared his soda. Dean helped her wash vegetables and put things together for dinner. When all they had to do was wait for timers and boiling, she turned to him. “You look better than you did earlier… I hate to think it was me that had you looking so bad.”
“I’ve had a lot of close calls and this last one… was too close, even though it took me a while to realize it. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Then don’t.”
TBC
Part 16
Dean woke in a cold sweat, the howling still in his ears. Five. Five. Five. Went the pounding in his chest. It was close enough to dawn that he could get away with rising and showering. Sam would be over in an hour for breakfast. He’d need to wake Carmen so she wouldn’t panic about getting things ready.
Dean watched Carmen fill Sam in on the dinners at her parents’ house. About Dean’s singular ability to get a gutter ball every time he was paired with a grown up against Sari and Ritchie. Sam regaled them with tales of Ellen’s brash ways with ‘clients’ and her sudden interest in crocheting.
Sam tried to keep a straight face. “It was almost knitting. She wields those needles like… but when she saw that a crochet needle had a hook on it…”
“Because it does more damage.” Dean shook his head.
“So… I heard you took my brother to a museum.” Sam turned to Carmen. “I’ve been trying to do that since we were kids.”
“I didn’t even have to twist his arm,” she teased Dean. “Though… I still don’t get the fascination with George Darrow. He’s contemporary.”
“He’s been painting for over ten years… he just didn’t get discovered until after he died,” Dean argued back. “He’s…”
“He’s got a story.” Sam filled in.
“You know about this guy, too?” Carmen sat back in her seat.
“Met him once.”
“Really?” She sipped her coffee. “So, maybe you know what happened to him.”
Dean took over the conversation. “He sold his sold to a devil for talent. He wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last. He was given ten years from the day he sold it. He finished his last painting before the hellhounds came for him. They ripped him to shreds and dragged his soul to hell for more of the same.”
“Dean.” Sam shook his head.
“What? It’s the story. You sell your soul and you go to hell. Those are the rules. He knew what he had done and he accepted it. He just wanted to finish that last damn painting before his bill came due. Everyone has to accept the consequences of their actions.”
“His paintings were all without hope,” Carmen commented with a frown. “Maybe there’s something to the story.”
TBC
Dean woke in a cold sweat, the howling still in his ears. Five. Five. Five. Went the pounding in his chest. It was close enough to dawn that he could get away with rising and showering. Sam would be over in an hour for breakfast. He’d need to wake Carmen so she wouldn’t panic about getting things ready.
Dean watched Carmen fill Sam in on the dinners at her parents’ house. About Dean’s singular ability to get a gutter ball every time he was paired with a grown up against Sari and Ritchie. Sam regaled them with tales of Ellen’s brash ways with ‘clients’ and her sudden interest in crocheting.
Sam tried to keep a straight face. “It was almost knitting. She wields those needles like… but when she saw that a crochet needle had a hook on it…”
“Because it does more damage.” Dean shook his head.
“So… I heard you took my brother to a museum.” Sam turned to Carmen. “I’ve been trying to do that since we were kids.”
“I didn’t even have to twist his arm,” she teased Dean. “Though… I still don’t get the fascination with George Darrow. He’s contemporary.”
“He’s been painting for over ten years… he just didn’t get discovered until after he died,” Dean argued back. “He’s…”
“He’s got a story.” Sam filled in.
“You know about this guy, too?” Carmen sat back in her seat.
“Met him once.”
“Really?” She sipped her coffee. “So, maybe you know what happened to him.”
Dean took over the conversation. “He sold his sold to a devil for talent. He wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last. He was given ten years from the day he sold it. He finished his last painting before the hellhounds came for him. They ripped him to shreds and dragged his soul to hell for more of the same.”
“Dean.” Sam shook his head.
“What? It’s the story. You sell your soul and you go to hell. Those are the rules. He knew what he had done and he accepted it. He just wanted to finish that last damn painting before his bill came due. Everyone has to accept the consequences of their actions.”
“His paintings were all without hope,” Carmen commented with a frown. “Maybe there’s something to the story.”
TBC
Part 17
Dean’s heart pounded. He’d asked her not to come. Had asked her to stay away. She’d shown up at nine and refused to leave… so he’d tired her out. Basking in the smell of her skin, the taste of it. Had almost wanted to keep his glasses on so he could see her for who she was the whole while. She hadn’t asked about the lines of salt and dirt on every entrance to the room. One. His heart told him. One. He scribbled out the instructions as well as he was able. He could hear them. They were coming.
Carmen slept on as he finished his letter and shoved it into an envelope. He wrote Sam on the outside and prayed that Sam would stay away until late into the next day… or come before Carmen woke up. Just anything to spare her what he should have told her about. Carefully, he took off his necklace and put it around her neck. She didn’t move.
Dean stared at her for five minutes before stepping over his salt and goofer dust lines. He could hear the growling. He made it all the way down the steps. He stared at his car for a good long while. He just wished they’d come and get it over with already. He lifted the garage door and sat in his chair. All they had to do was come for him. Dean wiped the tears from his face and took his glasses off.The garage door lowered with a growl. Dean didn’t see anything but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. A shadow leapt and darkened as it knocked him out of his chair and pinned him to the ground. It snarled at him but didn’t rip him to shreds. Its breath stank as it bared its teeth and dripped saliva all over him. Its filthy claws bit into his flesh, blood welling around each like an overflowing dam. Then he heard the footsteps walking around his head. “Thought I’d come to collect you myself, Dean. I’ve been waiting for you.”
TBC
Dean’s heart pounded. He’d asked her not to come. Had asked her to stay away. She’d shown up at nine and refused to leave… so he’d tired her out. Basking in the smell of her skin, the taste of it. Had almost wanted to keep his glasses on so he could see her for who she was the whole while. She hadn’t asked about the lines of salt and dirt on every entrance to the room. One. His heart told him. One. He scribbled out the instructions as well as he was able. He could hear them. They were coming.
Carmen slept on as he finished his letter and shoved it into an envelope. He wrote Sam on the outside and prayed that Sam would stay away until late into the next day… or come before Carmen woke up. Just anything to spare her what he should have told her about. Carefully, he took off his necklace and put it around her neck. She didn’t move.
Dean stared at her for five minutes before stepping over his salt and goofer dust lines. He could hear the growling. He made it all the way down the steps. He stared at his car for a good long while. He just wished they’d come and get it over with already. He lifted the garage door and sat in his chair. All they had to do was come for him. Dean wiped the tears from his face and took his glasses off.The garage door lowered with a growl. Dean didn’t see anything but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. A shadow leapt and darkened as it knocked him out of his chair and pinned him to the ground. It snarled at him but didn’t rip him to shreds. Its breath stank as it bared its teeth and dripped saliva all over him. Its filthy claws bit into his flesh, blood welling around each like an overflowing dam. Then he heard the footsteps walking around his head. “Thought I’d come to collect you myself, Dean. I’ve been waiting for you.”
TBC
Part 18
Sam rushed into the barricade and leapt over the tape. He could see Carmen sitting on the stairs with a blanket wrapped over her shoulders. “Hey… what’s going on?”
“Sam…” She burst into fresh tears.
“Who is this?” The cop inspected the newcomer. “You can’t come in here, this is a crime scene.”
“He’s Dean’s brother,” Carmen forced the words out. “Sam… you know he’s been acting weird for days. He didn’t want me to come over last night.”
“Carmen?” Sam knelt in front of her.
“He must have got up in the night. You know how he does? Checking doors and windows. I guess he heard something outside. I heard… I heard him scream. I grabbed his shotgun… I don’t know why he went outside without it. He’s always got a gun or a knife… I was too late. Something ran out of the garage.” She took a breath. “That’s where I found him. He was… bleeding… all over… Sam… Dean’s dead.”
“Can I see him?” Sam asked the cop.
“They’re about to put him in the wagon.” The cop nodded to the garage.
Sam let the cop lead the way to the stretcher laid low in the garage. Dean’s body. No longer Dean. Just a vessel where Dean used to live. The medic pulled apart the black folds and there he was. Looked like he was sleeping, except for the gaping wounds on his neck and chest. If not for the puddles of Dean’s life on the floor. If not for the crying nurse just around the corner. If not for the tears filling Sam’s eyes.
The coroner approached. “It looks like what the girl said. A wild dog. It’s consistent and we have animal control patrolling the area.”
Sam nodded and had to force his brain to work. “When do I need to… do the…”
“I’ll give you a call when I’m done with my work.” She patted his arm. “Just be sure to give your number to the officers.”
He watched as they zipped up the bag and lifted the stretcher into the ambulance. No need for lights. He returned to Carmen’s side and just sat until the cop cars and rubberneckers had started to drift away. “You actually heard the attack?”
“Yeah.” Carmen leaned her face against the building.
“And you actually saw it take off?”
“I think I did.” She furrowed her brow as if she wasn’t completely sure.
Sam noticed her twirling something between her fingers. Reaching over, he recognized it before he got a good look at it. “When did he give you this?”
“Um…” She frowned and tried to lubricate her throat. “Last night, I think… I don’t know… I just… noticed that I was wearing it.” She sobbed suddenly. “You know… he told me that I’m the last woman he… and I just thought he was putting me on…”
“I’m going to run up and lock the place up. I’ll drive you home in a minute.”
“Okay but… um… could you drop me at my parents, instead?”
“Yeah.” Sam nodded and took his time climbing the steps. Reading every mark and brand that Dean had affixed to his home in the past few weeks. He stepped over the salt and goofer dust. On the table was an envelope with his name on it.
‘Sammy,
Tonight’s the night. I tried to keep her out of it but she loves me and I love that about her. I do love her and I tried. So, you get my weapons and whatever you can’t use, you pass on to Bobby and Ellen. Let Sari have the phone. She really liked it. Carmen gets the iPod and the Impala. I know I said I was giving it to Ellen but Carmen has learned to appreciate it and she drives her right. Help her figure out what to do with my shit. I gave her my amulet. I didn’t know what else to do. I had to make sure that nothing was going to get her when it came for me.
Sam, tell her what I couldn’t say. You’ll know when to stop. I always kind of sucked at that stuff. Tell Ellen that- just tell her. She’ll understand. Tell Bobby that I know now what I’m worth. Tell Ben when he’s old enough. He needs to know more about me than what his mom will tell him.
I love you, little brother. I’d do it all again but maybe I’d negotiate differently. Don’t blame yourself or else I’ll crawl out of Hell and haunt your ass. Go straight to Heaven, Sammy. Be the one Winchester to make it there the first time. Mom’s in the Ether, Dad took the roundabout way to Heaven and I’m in Hell. So make sure the rest of your life counts. Do what you want to do cause it’s gonna be a long time for you in the world.
Dean Winchester.’
THE END
Sam rushed into the barricade and leapt over the tape. He could see Carmen sitting on the stairs with a blanket wrapped over her shoulders. “Hey… what’s going on?”
“Sam…” She burst into fresh tears.
“Who is this?” The cop inspected the newcomer. “You can’t come in here, this is a crime scene.”
“He’s Dean’s brother,” Carmen forced the words out. “Sam… you know he’s been acting weird for days. He didn’t want me to come over last night.”
“Carmen?” Sam knelt in front of her.
“He must have got up in the night. You know how he does? Checking doors and windows. I guess he heard something outside. I heard… I heard him scream. I grabbed his shotgun… I don’t know why he went outside without it. He’s always got a gun or a knife… I was too late. Something ran out of the garage.” She took a breath. “That’s where I found him. He was… bleeding… all over… Sam… Dean’s dead.”
“Can I see him?” Sam asked the cop.
“They’re about to put him in the wagon.” The cop nodded to the garage.
Sam let the cop lead the way to the stretcher laid low in the garage. Dean’s body. No longer Dean. Just a vessel where Dean used to live. The medic pulled apart the black folds and there he was. Looked like he was sleeping, except for the gaping wounds on his neck and chest. If not for the puddles of Dean’s life on the floor. If not for the crying nurse just around the corner. If not for the tears filling Sam’s eyes.
The coroner approached. “It looks like what the girl said. A wild dog. It’s consistent and we have animal control patrolling the area.”
Sam nodded and had to force his brain to work. “When do I need to… do the…”
“I’ll give you a call when I’m done with my work.” She patted his arm. “Just be sure to give your number to the officers.”
He watched as they zipped up the bag and lifted the stretcher into the ambulance. No need for lights. He returned to Carmen’s side and just sat until the cop cars and rubberneckers had started to drift away. “You actually heard the attack?”
“Yeah.” Carmen leaned her face against the building.
“And you actually saw it take off?”
“I think I did.” She furrowed her brow as if she wasn’t completely sure.
Sam noticed her twirling something between her fingers. Reaching over, he recognized it before he got a good look at it. “When did he give you this?”
“Um…” She frowned and tried to lubricate her throat. “Last night, I think… I don’t know… I just… noticed that I was wearing it.” She sobbed suddenly. “You know… he told me that I’m the last woman he… and I just thought he was putting me on…”
“I’m going to run up and lock the place up. I’ll drive you home in a minute.”
“Okay but… um… could you drop me at my parents, instead?”
“Yeah.” Sam nodded and took his time climbing the steps. Reading every mark and brand that Dean had affixed to his home in the past few weeks. He stepped over the salt and goofer dust. On the table was an envelope with his name on it.
‘Sammy,
Tonight’s the night. I tried to keep her out of it but she loves me and I love that about her. I do love her and I tried. So, you get my weapons and whatever you can’t use, you pass on to Bobby and Ellen. Let Sari have the phone. She really liked it. Carmen gets the iPod and the Impala. I know I said I was giving it to Ellen but Carmen has learned to appreciate it and she drives her right. Help her figure out what to do with my shit. I gave her my amulet. I didn’t know what else to do. I had to make sure that nothing was going to get her when it came for me.
Sam, tell her what I couldn’t say. You’ll know when to stop. I always kind of sucked at that stuff. Tell Ellen that- just tell her. She’ll understand. Tell Bobby that I know now what I’m worth. Tell Ben when he’s old enough. He needs to know more about me than what his mom will tell him.
I love you, little brother. I’d do it all again but maybe I’d negotiate differently. Don’t blame yourself or else I’ll crawl out of Hell and haunt your ass. Go straight to Heaven, Sammy. Be the one Winchester to make it there the first time. Mom’s in the Ether, Dad took the roundabout way to Heaven and I’m in Hell. So make sure the rest of your life counts. Do what you want to do cause it’s gonna be a long time for you in the world.
Dean Winchester.’
THE END