You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her father: -10
The Differences between men and women
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Sternbetrachter
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 2301
- Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2002 10:05 am
- Location: Austria
Here you go!
This simple picture shows you just how easy to understand us men are.And just how confusing you women are!
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/Pickover ... woman.html
This simple picture shows you just how easy to understand us men are.And just how confusing you women are!
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/Pickover ... woman.html
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Zanssoulmate08
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 220
- Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:30 pm
- Location: In my happy place, entertaining myself with shiny objects.
When a guy's horny, he'll say anything:
"Don't you know that... I'm always going to love you?"
See what I mean? This holds true for every teenage, and grown man I've ever met.
-Sarah
"Don't you know that... I'm always going to love you?"
See what I mean? This holds true for every teenage, and grown man I've ever met.
-Sarah
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom,
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him.
Go and tell your white knight that he’s handsome in hindsight,
But I don’t want the next best thing.
So I sing, I hold my head down, and I break these walls ’round me.
Can’t take no more of your fairytale love.
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KarenEvans
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 3635
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: Alex's room
That's a good one Sarah Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, "what’s for breakfast?"
Good girls never go after another girl’s man... Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties... Bad girls don’t wear any.
Good girls wax their floors... Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot... Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls make chicken for dinner... Bad girls make reservations
Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies... Bad girls know they could do better
Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss... Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.
Good girls believe they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls... Bad girls believe that they are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.
Good girls love Italian food... Bad girls love Italian waiters.
Good girls prefer the missionary position... Bad girls do too-when acting out a "virgin" fantasy.
Good girls save for a rainy day... Bad girls save for a Chanel suit.
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it... Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wear high heels to work... Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance... Bad girls think NO place is the wrong place.
Good girls have stocks... Bad girls have stockbrokers.
Good girls collect silk shirts... Bad girls collect chiffon teddies.
Good girls just say no... Bad girls just say when.
Good girls never do "it" on the first date... Bad girls wait to see what kind of car he’s driving.
Good girls read best-sellers... Bad girls sleep with their authors.
Good girls write condolence notes... Bad girls marry the widower.
Good girls never go after another girl’s man... Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties... Bad girls don’t wear any.
Good girls wax their floors... Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot... Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls make chicken for dinner... Bad girls make reservations
Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies... Bad girls know they could do better
Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss... Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.
Good girls believe they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls... Bad girls believe that they are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.
Good girls love Italian food... Bad girls love Italian waiters.
Good girls prefer the missionary position... Bad girls do too-when acting out a "virgin" fantasy.
Good girls save for a rainy day... Bad girls save for a Chanel suit.
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it... Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wear high heels to work... Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance... Bad girls think NO place is the wrong place.
Good girls have stocks... Bad girls have stockbrokers.
Good girls collect silk shirts... Bad girls collect chiffon teddies.
Good girls just say no... Bad girls just say when.
Good girls never do "it" on the first date... Bad girls wait to see what kind of car he’s driving.
Good girls read best-sellers... Bad girls sleep with their authors.
Good girls write condolence notes... Bad girls marry the widower.
The Rules
The FEMALE makes The Rules. The FEMALE always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows The Rules, she must immediately change The Rules.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is mistaken, it is a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE must never change his mind without the written consent of the FEMALE
The FEMALE has the right to be upset or angry at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.
If the FEMALE has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The MALE is expected to mind read constantly and act accordingly.
Any attempt to document The Rules could result in actual bodily harm.
The MALE who doesn't abide by The Rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone is a whimp.
The FEMALE makes The Rules. The FEMALE always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows The Rules, she must immediately change The Rules.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is mistaken, it is a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE must never change his mind without the written consent of the FEMALE
The FEMALE has the right to be upset or angry at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.
If the FEMALE has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The MALE is expected to mind read constantly and act accordingly.
Any attempt to document The Rules could result in actual bodily harm.
The MALE who doesn't abide by The Rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone is a whimp.
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Sternbetrachter
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 2301
- Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2002 10:05 am
- Location: Austria
Ok let's face it. Relationships are hell. Sure there's a lot of lovey-dovey, kissy-facey, and touchey-feely, going on. But what about the real nitty gritty? What's the story with the opposite sex? Bizarre, illogical, self-serving, self-absorbed, often deranged behavioral patterns of the opposite sex -- which is, of course, what attracted us in the first place. Consider these points:
Men will never understand women and women will never understand men. And that is the one thing that men and women will never understand.
Women are motivated when they are feeling loved, adored, and cherished. Men are motivated when they are feeling......a woman!
God forbid a man should put down the remote and communicate more!
How is a man supposed to understand a woman's cycle when he can't even understand a rinse cycle?
A man argues because he knows he is right, while a woman argues because she knows he is wrong.
Women Yatta Yatta
When a woman is stressed out, she talks - on and on, yatta, yatta, yatta. When a woman is not stressed out, she also talks on and on!
Generally speaking, a woman is...well..generally speaking.
Many men are under the misconception that a woman always has to have the last word. This is not true because a woman never gets to the last word.
Many people ask what do women talk about? But it is more accurate to ask what women do not talk about, and that answer is very clear: "tungsten arc welding." Women never talk about tungsten arc welding, though they talk about everything else. If they do talk about tungsten arc welding, however, it is how they feel about tungsten arc welding, and who are cute tungsten arc welders, but never about tungsten arc welding itself.Tools are mostly a man's field to talk about
How To Get A Man To Do What You Want
Women are under the illusion they don't have to ask men for anything - that if the man really loved her, he would automatically and instinctively know what she needed.
Right!
As if the dysfunctional drone even knew you were in the room, let alone knew what you were feeling. A woman has a better chance of finding a bathing suit off the rack that fits than finding a man who knows what she is going through.
Ironically, however, men like to feel needed - like they're her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, most turn out to be needy, like her nightmare from The Shining. Therefore, it is important that a woman ask a man directly for what she wants, not indirectly. He is not a mind reader.
For god sakes he doesn't even read a map, how's he going to read a mind?
The Right And Wrong Way to Ask A Man
How you ask a man to do something makes all the difference. Women think that a subtle nuance or slight turn of phrase will have no effect whatsoever on the resolve of their mucho-macho muscular moron. It does! Which is why you should always use "would you" and "will you" instead of "could you" and "can you". For example:
Do say: would you take out the garbage?
Do not say: could you get off your fat ass and do something around here? What am I, your f***ing maid?
Do say: would you like to have a menage-a- trois with our next door neighbor Betty?
Do not say: could you learn how to perform oral sex on me so I don't have to have a lesbian affair with our next-door-neighbor, Betty.
Do say: would you like to go out to a nice dinner Saturday night?
Do not say: could you please take me to any restaurant that doesn't have the words "burger", "king", or "happy meal" in their advertising.
Do say: would you mind watching the kids while I take a night off with my girlfriends?
Do not say: could you, just for one night, watch the kids you helped spawn-that I never get a break from-ever! I haven't seen my friends in so long we wear name tags to identify ourselves.
Do say: would you take me to a movie this week?
Do not say: could you prove to me you're not velcroed to the couch and actually have the motor skills to take me to a motion picture? Something without Pamela Anderson in it.
Men will never understand women and women will never understand men. And that is the one thing that men and women will never understand.
Women are motivated when they are feeling loved, adored, and cherished. Men are motivated when they are feeling......a woman!
God forbid a man should put down the remote and communicate more!
How is a man supposed to understand a woman's cycle when he can't even understand a rinse cycle?
A man argues because he knows he is right, while a woman argues because she knows he is wrong.
Women Yatta Yatta
When a woman is stressed out, she talks - on and on, yatta, yatta, yatta. When a woman is not stressed out, she also talks on and on!
Generally speaking, a woman is...well..generally speaking.
Many men are under the misconception that a woman always has to have the last word. This is not true because a woman never gets to the last word.
Many people ask what do women talk about? But it is more accurate to ask what women do not talk about, and that answer is very clear: "tungsten arc welding." Women never talk about tungsten arc welding, though they talk about everything else. If they do talk about tungsten arc welding, however, it is how they feel about tungsten arc welding, and who are cute tungsten arc welders, but never about tungsten arc welding itself.Tools are mostly a man's field to talk about
How To Get A Man To Do What You Want
Women are under the illusion they don't have to ask men for anything - that if the man really loved her, he would automatically and instinctively know what she needed.
Right!
As if the dysfunctional drone even knew you were in the room, let alone knew what you were feeling. A woman has a better chance of finding a bathing suit off the rack that fits than finding a man who knows what she is going through.
Ironically, however, men like to feel needed - like they're her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, most turn out to be needy, like her nightmare from The Shining. Therefore, it is important that a woman ask a man directly for what she wants, not indirectly. He is not a mind reader.
For god sakes he doesn't even read a map, how's he going to read a mind?
The Right And Wrong Way to Ask A Man
How you ask a man to do something makes all the difference. Women think that a subtle nuance or slight turn of phrase will have no effect whatsoever on the resolve of their mucho-macho muscular moron. It does! Which is why you should always use "would you" and "will you" instead of "could you" and "can you". For example:
Do say: would you take out the garbage?
Do not say: could you get off your fat ass and do something around here? What am I, your f***ing maid?
Do say: would you like to have a menage-a- trois with our next door neighbor Betty?
Do not say: could you learn how to perform oral sex on me so I don't have to have a lesbian affair with our next-door-neighbor, Betty.
Do say: would you like to go out to a nice dinner Saturday night?
Do not say: could you please take me to any restaurant that doesn't have the words "burger", "king", or "happy meal" in their advertising.
Do say: would you mind watching the kids while I take a night off with my girlfriends?
Do not say: could you, just for one night, watch the kids you helped spawn-that I never get a break from-ever! I haven't seen my friends in so long we wear name tags to identify ourselves.
Do say: would you take me to a movie this week?
Do not say: could you prove to me you're not velcroed to the couch and actually have the motor skills to take me to a motion picture? Something without Pamela Anderson in it.
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Sternbetrachter
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 2301
- Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2002 10:05 am
- Location: Austria
Ok one of my most favorite commercials,which happens to be a Valentine one,shows the perfect example on the differences between men and women.
THE WOMAN
It starts out with a her going through a Hallmark type story.She's walking up and down the card section,pulling out many of them and reading them.You see her shake her head and say stuff like "no that one's just not right." and she's off too the next card,spending hours to find the right card for her man.
THE MAN
He's in a service station,he throws a six pack of Budlight beer on the counter.The man behind the counter goes "Will there be anything else?"
The man looks over at a display that's sitting by the register that holds two type of cards.The guy grabs one,throws it down on the counter (without reading it) and says "Yeah I'll take this to."
Perfect and true guy card shopping.
THE WOMAN
It starts out with a her going through a Hallmark type story.She's walking up and down the card section,pulling out many of them and reading them.You see her shake her head and say stuff like "no that one's just not right." and she's off too the next card,spending hours to find the right card for her man.
THE MAN
He's in a service station,he throws a six pack of Budlight beer on the counter.The man behind the counter goes "Will there be anything else?"
The man looks over at a display that's sitting by the register that holds two type of cards.The guy grabs one,throws it down on the counter (without reading it) and says "Yeah I'll take this to."
Perfect and true guy card shopping.