Jealousy and exes
Moderators: singerchic4, Forum Moderators
I wanted to bring this thread up again for new perspective.
Now, I'm the ex. My fiancee and I broke up in February, and since I've had a relationship with another guy that ended two weeks ago. I'm attempting to be friends with both exes. However, I still love the first one and he has a new girlfriend. And the second is still in love with me.
It's odd.
Now, the problem is, I know I'm too close to the first ex. I went to see him at work and told him how I feel. Four days later, he's having doubts about being with his gf, and doing things that might count as cheating.
What do I do? I don't want to tell his girlfriend because he'd hate me and she'd want to kill me more than she already does cuz I'm around at ALL. What does a person do in this situation? Stay quiet and away? Which is what I plan on.
And this is why exes cannot be friends.
It doesn't work when one is still attracted and/or loves the other. I told my ex, straight out, that I still love him, and that I miss him. He told me that he misses me sometimes too, and still loves me. While he has a girlfriend.
So...people really shouldn't trust SO's with their exes.
Now, I'm the ex. My fiancee and I broke up in February, and since I've had a relationship with another guy that ended two weeks ago. I'm attempting to be friends with both exes. However, I still love the first one and he has a new girlfriend. And the second is still in love with me.
It's odd.
Now, the problem is, I know I'm too close to the first ex. I went to see him at work and told him how I feel. Four days later, he's having doubts about being with his gf, and doing things that might count as cheating.
What do I do? I don't want to tell his girlfriend because he'd hate me and she'd want to kill me more than she already does cuz I'm around at ALL. What does a person do in this situation? Stay quiet and away? Which is what I plan on.
And this is why exes cannot be friends.
It doesn't work when one is still attracted and/or loves the other. I told my ex, straight out, that I still love him, and that I miss him. He told me that he misses me sometimes too, and still loves me. While he has a girlfriend.
So...people really shouldn't trust SO's with their exes.
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dreamerfrvrp3
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Lora, I have to say you put yourself in a pretty tough situation there. I think it really depends on how much you still love your first ex. If there are still mutual feelings between the both of you then maybe you should give it another try because you don't want to look back and wonder what happened. As for your ex I just want to say that if he doesn't have feelings for his current girlfriend then he needs to stop stringing her along. It's not fair to all of you actually. I really wouldn't advise going into the whole cheating territory it's not a good place to put yourself. Before you act on your feelings though you need to make clear to your first ex that if he wants to really be with you that he needs to break up with his girlfriend. Does that make sense? 
Anyways I hope that helped you! Good Luck! And as for the second ex make clear that you don't like him anymore and stay away. Unless he becomes one of those stalkerish ex-boyfriend where he has all those pictures of you on his wall then I would start worrying. 
Anyways I hope that helped you! Good Luck! And as for the second ex make clear that you don't like him anymore and stay away. Unless he becomes one of those stalkerish ex-boyfriend where he has all those pictures of you on his wall then I would start worrying. 
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Tears_of_Mercury
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Re: Jealousy and exes
I guess I'm kind of the opposite perspective of most of the girls here. I have three brothers, grew up getting picked for kickball in the same breath as all the boys, and consequently some of my closest friends are guys. The only time I ever made the mistake of falling for one he wasn't with anyone to my knowledge (it turned out that he'd conveniently "forgotten" over the course of a nine-month friendship to mention he had a gf he thought himself in love with), so while I acknowledge that a lot of "just friends" situations do escalate, I've never personally had to worry that much about it. Plus, I usually just naturally fall into the sister/"Buddy" role with any guys I get really close to.
However, I also remember what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence. The boy I was over the moon for broke up with me because his female best friend "suggested" that long distance might not work out. The fact that he didn't have any feelings for her and that we're now friends -- of the "talk for a few hours five times a year" variety -- is beside the point. The first time I met her, I pretty much knew that something was up... but I didn't worry too much about it. Afterward I started wondering if I had been naive and if there was really something to all those girls whose jealousy was supposedly unwarranted. Knowing how sucky it can be if your guy is too close to another girl makes me wonder what the "just friends" in the world can do for those of you whose SO's are confiding in us -- what stuff makes you uncomfortable? Is harmless flirting or hugging when you run into someone fine or a no-no? Does knowing that the guy is getting a female perspective make it okay if he's spilling private info about your relationship to us (stuff that we sometimes really don't want to know anyway) or is it still a betrayal of trust on both parts?
However, I also remember what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence. The boy I was over the moon for broke up with me because his female best friend "suggested" that long distance might not work out. The fact that he didn't have any feelings for her and that we're now friends -- of the "talk for a few hours five times a year" variety -- is beside the point. The first time I met her, I pretty much knew that something was up... but I didn't worry too much about it. Afterward I started wondering if I had been naive and if there was really something to all those girls whose jealousy was supposedly unwarranted. Knowing how sucky it can be if your guy is too close to another girl makes me wonder what the "just friends" in the world can do for those of you whose SO's are confiding in us -- what stuff makes you uncomfortable? Is harmless flirting or hugging when you run into someone fine or a no-no? Does knowing that the guy is getting a female perspective make it okay if he's spilling private info about your relationship to us (stuff that we sometimes really don't want to know anyway) or is it still a betrayal of trust on both parts?
Re: Jealousy and exes
"Something New," by dreamsatnight au no aliens has this as part of the story line. Liz has an ex who comes back to see her and she seems to go to him even though she says she is through. I was in a brief discussion because i firmly believe that once over always over. Through age i have passed the feelings of Roswelldude about possession. No one possess another. that is a strong reason for me to still believe that girls i knew long ago have no place in my life. there were always reasons we broke up. the reasons are still there. i have no desire to revive those reasons. there was no girl that i regretted that i lost. yes, i was hurt at the time but they moved on and i did the same.
Because all relationships have ups and downs i would think that an ex hanging around might magnify the downs and exploit this. couples have to work out their problems and except for abuse outsiders do not help. My first FanFic was about this but the lady was in abuse so when her ex came back he intentionally did take her back. I have to think about that for a while.
Now the question i am asking in reading the story "Something New," is would a guy want to invest heart and time in a girl who stills flees back to her old boyfriend even though she assured him that they are only friends?
A wise old man once said, "Resisting temptation is 90% lack of opportunity." by the way that is how he got to be an old man.
ken r
Because all relationships have ups and downs i would think that an ex hanging around might magnify the downs and exploit this. couples have to work out their problems and except for abuse outsiders do not help. My first FanFic was about this but the lady was in abuse so when her ex came back he intentionally did take her back. I have to think about that for a while.
Now the question i am asking in reading the story "Something New," is would a guy want to invest heart and time in a girl who stills flees back to her old boyfriend even though she assured him that they are only friends?
A wise old man once said, "Resisting temptation is 90% lack of opportunity." by the way that is how he got to be an old man.
ken r
Good teachers are born that way, not made. No! Good human beings, are born that way. Some of them become teachers.
Of course, life is not fair. You shouldn't expect it to be fair, but you should expect it to be ironic.
JKR 1981-2001
History is made of wars, recovering from wars and preparing for the next war.
JJR 1975-
Of course, life is not fair. You shouldn't expect it to be fair, but you should expect it to be ironic.
JKR 1981-2001
History is made of wars, recovering from wars and preparing for the next war.
JJR 1975-
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NotYourChick
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Re: Jealousy and exes
I think it all depends on what kind of past they had with that ex. Would I want my guy still talking to his ex? Hell no! Like the others have said what mine is mine. She was stupid enough to let him go. I on the other hand won't be.
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