Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Roswell
Category: The Whole Roswell Gang
Rating: PG-13, and a little bit of R
Summary: These are the Journal's of Max, Liz, Maria, Michael, Isabel, Alex, Tess, & Kyle. There words, what happened in their lives, the saddness, & Heartbreaking times together and apart.
Author's Notes: I hope you all enjoy reading these as much as I did. Feedback is appreciated
CosmicAngel's--Complete Set of the Roswell Journal's
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, Hunter, Forum Moderators
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CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
-
CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Maxwell Evans' Journal (The Words of a King)
August 22nd 2000
It's been 99 days 2 hours and 43 minutes since I last saw Liz. I wonder what she's doing? Does she miss me? Does she regret walking away? It's now been 99 days 2 hours and 44 minutes...
Oct 9th 2000
Yesterday I held somebody’s dead skin in my hands. Geez, that was creepy. Maria gave me a book, "Top 100 ways for an alien to reclaim his human love". I think it's working! At the crashdown I told Liz I was coming for HER. That was tip 58 in the book. Tip 59... tell her that she makes you see her soul...hmmmm....
Dec 2nd 2000
I still have feelings for Liz. I know she says she slept with Kyle but I just don't believe it. It's something in her eyes. Why is she doing this to me? I know she wouldn't have warned me about the granolith unless she cared. How did she even know about it? Lonnie and Rath could still be on the loose. If I ever get my hands on them... I can't believe I allowed myself to be fooled by them. Nicholas is still around too. All these worries as a King and I have a stupid test tomorrow!
Jan 1st 2001
I thought I had Liz back but I must have been wrong. When I saw her with Kyle....I could have killed him. What right has he to take away the love of my life. I know that before I came into the picture that he and Liz were together but that gives him no right to sleep with her. But I just don't understand why Liz would sleep with him. She told me that she loved me. And I still think she does with the way she protects me and is always there for me. But I can't understand why she would sleep with Kyle if she loved me. There’s no sense in it all. I dunno. I love her still. I will always love her. I know I am destined to be with Tess and everything but no one can compare with Liz. Tess is nice and everything but she's not Liz. I wish she would get with Kyle so that Kyle will leave my Liz alone. I can forgive Liz I guess but I dunno I just can't believe that Liz would do that to me. I dunno. I just get this feeling that something wasn't right about that. Besides the fact that it was Liz and Kyle instead of Liz and me. Well I will figure something out....I hope.
March 21st 2001
The weirdest thing happened to me the other day. I took off to Las Vegas with the whole crew, but after an argument with Michael, I decided to come home. The thing was, as I was about to enter a cab, I turned and saw this couple who had just been married. All of a sudden I saw Liz and I in that position. I don't understand why I would see that unless it was meant to be. I love her, I don't care what she did. Why can't see just come back to me? Why can't I go back to her? Oh right, she slept with Kyle.....There seems to be something wrong with that entire situation. Something is up with it, but I don't know what. Maybe soon I will.
March 27th 2001
Man.. I've been so jealous of Michael lately. He has his own motorcycle. I wish I had my own motorcycle. Man.. I'd look so fine. I wonder if Liz would think I was fine. Nah.. she'd probably picture Kyle on the back or something. You know what’s weird I cant find my lucky horseshoe anywhere. Maybe I'm paranoid because I broke into Liz's house and stole her pillow. It just smells like her shampoo. Mmmm vanilla. Ok.. I've depressed myself now. Please help me Buddha.
Max
P.S. I wonder how Nasedo never noticed Congresswoman Whitaker was a skin. They did get the groove thing on quite a lot. That's always bugged me.
March 30th 2001
I feel so lonely now, that Liz doesn't want to be with me anymore. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her in her bedroom window in bed with Kyle. I thought my eyes where playing tricks on me but I guess they weren't. God, I just want her back. My heartache is driving me crazy. I just feel so helpless. It took everything to get her back and now she sleeps with Kyle. Please God help me!!!!!
April 5th 2001
I've been sitting home with a lot on my mind. These past few weeks have been hard on me and everyone else too. I don't understand what is going on because it appears that the present is not what it was suppose to be. Strange, I know, but anything is possible.
April 7th 2001
And away we go again. I was walking down the street the other day with Michael and I saw Liz on the other side. Her and Maria were looking in the shop window at clothes. I don't think she saw me though. It was so hard to see her and not to be able to go to her and whisper into her ear. It's just so horrible.
April 11th 2001
I can't believe it I am really gorgeous and good looking but why is she fooling round with Maria's cousin or whatever he is. He's been in Jail maybe that's what Liz wants a mysterious and dangerous guy. A real bad boy maybe I'll try to be one. I'll go out and buy some really gangster clothes and totally change my look. Maybe I'll ask Isabel seen as she's the Fashion expert. Write in here later.
April 20th 2001
I just made a big fat mistake! I kissed Tess. Now nothing can ever be the same again with Liz. I'm so mad at myself!!! I don't even like Tess as a person so I don't know why I even kissed her. I feel so guilty, but I can't tell Liz. She said it would break her if I told her that I was with Tess. But I'm not with Tess, I just kissed her. Arrrrrrghh!!!!
Max
Early April 21st 2001
I HATE Sean! I want to kill him so badly! I envy him with every single one of my cells. Why do I suddenly have an urge to kick the living crap out of him? This is why! I was walking down the streets of Roswell trying to clear my head (the day after the prom) and I look across the street to find him touching and kissing MY Liz! She was even smiling that breath taking and stunning smile of hers! She was giving him the smile that she only ever gave to me! I am the only one who is supposed to do that with her! I probably sound insane because things are
Late April 21st 2001
Just got back from prom tonight. The weirdest thing happened. I kissed Tess. I couldn't believe it. One minute I was depressing over Liz and I, an the next Tess and I were kissing. Afterwards I went and looked for Liz, but I couldn't find her. So I went down the Crashdown to see if I could find her, but she wasn't there. I really hope she didn't see what I think she might have. I didn't want to kiss her, but it was like something was making me. I like Tess and all but my heart belongs to Liz. I can't help it. I have a destiny to be with Tess, but I feel it should be with Liz. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I never saved Liz that day in the crashdown. The thing is I can't really imagine not saving her. Lately I don't feel like myself. I'm making decisions I don't want to make. I don't understand myself.
Early April 22nd 2001
Dear Log, I think it is finally over between Liz and I. I mean we danced once at the prom and she pretty much told me that she can't take the fact that Tess and I are destined to be together. So afterwards I went out in the hall to think. Tess came out to talk to me and we ended up kissing. I can't believe it. I don't even know how it happened. It's not like I wanted to because even now after it happened I know still that I have no feelings for Tess the way I do for Liz. So after we kissed I went and looked for Liz. I couldn't find her anywhere so then I went by the crashdown and she wasn't there either. I hope she didn't see Tess and I kiss. I wouldn't know how to explain it to her. I can't even explain it to myself. Yes, I have a destiny with Tess, but my heart belongs to Liz. I can't explain it, but it does. There has always been something about Liz that just pulls me to her. I can't explain that either. Maybe one day I can.
Early April 24th 2001
Dear Log, My responsibilities, as they are, make my life as it is miserable. It seems that, in order to make one person happy, I have to make someone else suffer. Nothing is clear as I wish it could be. Alex has died. I feel numb with loss, and with the knowledge that it is so easy to lose the ones I love. I went in the van to heal him; I opened the body bag, and I saw him. I closed my eyes as I placed my hand on his mangled chest. It was horrible. I could not even look at him. I could feel the energy go through my palm, but in my heart, I knew that there was no possibility of my being able to bring him back. As I left the van, I saw all of my friends... The look on their faces just killed me. Never in all of my lives, will I ever forget the pain on Isabel's face. I ran after her, but there was no comfort I was able to give. Liz came to my room, and I felt a light dawn, but her grief, that she hides, comes out as anger. She left me eating, with the knowledge that she knew Tess and I kissed.....I can't even react to that. She said that it's good that I've moved on.....but I haven't, and I never will. All I ever see, is Liz, even in Tess, and I can't ever let go. I saw the file that Valenti had written up on Alex. The evidence is convincing....I saw it in the file that it was more likely than anything that he was depressed...But we all saw him.....and he wasn't like that. The funeral was terrible. At the reception at his house, in his bedroom, Liz said some things that really was out of line, and I got so mad that I left along with Tess, Isabel, and Michael....For some reason I feel that everything is really starting to fall apart at the seams, and worse, I think we are all being separated by secrets and lies. Tess is there for me, more often than not, and I am compelled to go to her for release of all my burdens....but I know it wouldn't be fair. It's my responsibility....I will handle it, and one day, everything will be back to as I! t should be, whatever that is...
Max
April 28th 2001
Okay, being a leader sucks.... I know that's not a word I use often, but I feel it's appropriate now. This role sucks.
And I've been thinking, about the whole Alex thing, and....maybe if Liz is right, maybe I'm just afraid that I would be responsible for Alex's death. I've just got so much more on my shoulders right now, and this wasn't exactly the best time. Alex didn't deserve that, and I know, as my role as a leader, I shouldn't have let them get involved. That was one decision I screwed up on. But I didn't really know I was a leader then either. I've got to start making the right decision now. No more humans involved, no more helping.... even if that means no more Liz. God, I hate to say that, but she's right, and we both have to move on. Michael can still do what he wants with Maria. It's not like I can stop him. But even if he's dating her, they can't be in danger anymore, no more involving. I'm a leader, and I have to make the right decisions, starting! now.
Still.... being a leader sucks...
April 29th 2001
Dear Log, I have been having the worst dreams lately. I don't even understand them....I see mist, everything is cloudy, and images seem to go so fast in every direction that I cant slow them down to make any sense in them. I tried to dream walk Isabel, but she has shut me out. I know I will never be able to have her ability, but I have been able to contact her with concentration. Alex's death, I feel, has made her shut down. I can't bear to see her that way. It really concerns me that Is won't let me in, she has an iron grip on her mind, and I can't help her. I wish Alex never died. I wish I could go back in time, and stop all these terrible things from happening.
Max
May 2nd 2001
Okay, when did I become the one everyone hates? When did everything I know switch around? I mean here I am, and the only one I can get to agree with me is Tess. Isabel, what is she thinking??? Can't she see that leaving will kill us all? Is she forgetting who we really are? That college won't make everything go away? What if we need her? I know I sound like a big jerk, but I am making the right decision here. It's too risky for her to leave. And Liz- we did a full 360 turn. I feel like I don't even know her anymore. What went wrong? Where did we say the wrong things? Does she truly feel like this? The same words just keep repeating in my head: Is it really over? Funny Tess is the only here for me through this. And it's amazing I used to want nothing to do with her. But it still feels a little uncomfortable- kissing her, holding her...not the way Liz used to. Is Tess forcing me though? No, I can't think like that now. She's the only one I have left. But still, could she? ! And when do all these questions get answered?
May 8th 2001
I'm still in shock I think. I mean, it was only 1 night and now I'm going to be a father. I'm scared and proud all at the same time. Does this truly mean that Tess is my Destiny? If we can go home, will we? I mean, when it comes down to it, do I want to leave here to go there? I'm so confused. Deep in my heart, I know I still love Liz, but my responsibilities lie with Tess now. Liz, Maria, Kyle, Valenti, even Alex have had such a huge impact on our lives here. It will be hard it that's what we decide to do. All I know is that we must decide together. Here in this decoded mess of papers are all the answers we ever wanted. Part of me is filled with joy. The answers to our problems. The other part of me is wrecked with guilt, because Liz was right. I am responsible for Alex.
May 21st 2001
So much has happened today, going after Leanne, telling Liz everything. Going to the Granalith. Hearing Tess's betrayal. I don't know how I ever fell in love with her. I probably didn't. She probably brain warped me into thinking that I did. She's a betrayer, and I will never forget everything she's done to us all. Manipulating us to get what she wants, because of a DEAL that Naseado made forty years ago. My son is in danger. He wasn't in danger on Earth, he was in danger with Tess. How could've I never saw that? She really hated Liz, she wasn't the person I thought she was. I can hardly even think straight right now. But Liz was there at the rocks, she was the one who figured out that Tess was doing the brain warping. Once again, Liz saved us. How could I ever try to forget my love for her? She didn't ever sleep with Kyle, I knew it. I love Liz. I told her so at the rocks, as we saw Tess leave this planet. I will never forget, and I will never let Liz go again.
May 22nd 2001
I knew it! I knew she didn't sleep with Kyle. Deep down in my heart I didn't want to believe it. This is just a sign that we were meant to be together. How could I have been so stupid to have slept with Tess? How will I be able to live with the fact that the mother of my son is a murderer. What type of person do you have to be to kill an innocent person like that. I wonder now what Kivar will do since she didn't meet her end of the deal? She did not, nor will not deliver us to him. I will save my son, no matter what. All I can focus on now is Liz. Will she take me back? Will things be different between us because of Tess. Only time will tell.
Jun 1st 2001
Okay so Liz is playing on my mind! I cannot eat or sleep I feel sick when I think of Tess. I'm not going to let this ruined my life though, I mean Kyle hasn't left his house since we got back from the rock's. Isabel seems very worried, She also seems very angry inside and I'm worried about her. Michael and Maria are fine they have everything they want- Each other! I may go and see Liz and talk to her, It felt right when I kissed her and I do Love her. I just need time to get my thoughts together.
Jun 4th 2001
I yelled at Liz, What am I thinking?? Liz came over and she'd been talking to Michael who'd advised her to come and tell me how she felt. She came in and all I could think about was how much Tess had hurt her and us and I took it out on her!! I'm a idiot. I called Liz and told her to come over again. I haven't really talked to anyone just Michael and Isabel but Is worried about Kyle and is having fun with Maria. Liz is here and I don't know what to say!
Jun 4th 2001-Later
I still can't believe all that has happened. Every night, I toss and turn, thinking of Tess and the way she used us. How could she kill Alex? She ruined like months of my life with Liz. I've loved her since I laid eyes on her, and I always will, how could I ever think otherwise? Liz did put me through a lot of pain with the whole Kyle thing, but she only did it because she knew that my destiny was Tess. God, I can barely even write that. Its hard for me to even think about last year, and how close Liz and I were. I loved her so much, and I still do, but we've missed so much time together, and now that I slept with Tess, and have a son...I wonder if she will ever feel the way she used to about me. Who am I Kidding? It was me who ruined my relationship with Liz, not Tess. I know that it isn't ruined, she knows that I love her, and I will love her, till the end of the world. I need to fix it all, I'm going to go talk to her. I just, I just want to protect her, to comfort her, to love her. We will get back together, its inevitable. We are soul mates, there is no way I would've found her and end up losing her. She and I are meant to be, I know it, I've always known it.
Jun 5th 2001
Me and Liz may finally be in a place we were two years ago. A new friendship and a new beginning!!!! I hope we will come though with fate on our side! Tomorrow I’m going out with Michael to play basketball while the girls go shopping! I'm going to the beach with the others next week which will be fun and maybe meant some open wounds that have been made by Tess and Alex. Life has to go on and I’m going to live it the best I can! With My sister, My friends and the girl I love.
Jun 7th 2001
So tonight was fun Liz wasn't there but i think she has a fever or that's what Maria told me! We went over Maria's place and watched the Blair Witch project which scared the living crap out of Maria! She was hiding her face from the T.V all night, Michael was hugging her and saying we should turn it off but Maria said no. Michael has become a new man since he met Maria and I’m pleased. Michael put Maria to bed die to her falling asleep when we started watching sixth sense and Kyle went and put rock's in her room!!!! Michael didn't know and just as me and Isabel were leaving we heard a scream, Michael went running into Maria's room and Kyle started laughing. Maria beat the crap out of Kyle while Michael watched on with a slight smile. God for once it felt like were just normal teenagers having fun!
Jun 14th 2001
Liz and I are really getting along and I was so thankful that we got a chance to talk on our trip to the beach! Michael and Maria and Isabel and Kyle enjoyed themselves which we all needed. Me and Liz walked and talked for a long time and were finally not letting Tess ruined our lives. I am determined to find out if I have a son because i will find him and not let Tess raise him. I will find a way to get him if he exists.
Liz said she'll be behind me 100% which I’m happy about. I'm going to have a shower because i have sand in my hair.
Jun 16th 2001
WOW! Liz and I are actually back together. We talked for hours last night and we apologized for all those mean things we said to each other. I can't believe I could've lost her forever. Tess is going to pay for what she did to Alex. Liz is behind me on this, but I don't know what Liz will do when she finally sees Tess. Well, none of that matters now, what matters is that I have Liz and I actually know that we belong together. She is my True Destiny. I knew that ever since I saved her life, but will many things change because it was to Tess that I lost my virginity? Iiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!! to Tess. I can't believe it. I love Liz with all of my heart and we will never leave each other’s sides ever again.
Jun 22nd 2001
I had a great day today, Liz and I went out for dinner, it was really special and I felt the happiest I have for as long time. I know she is the one I love and I am beginning to stop feeling so hurt over Tess's betrayal. I am now focused on my relationship with Liz and I know, some day I will have my son. Liz would be a great mom. I wonder what it would be like now if we had got married, seeing as Tess has gone away anyway? Well I suppose I should just focus on the future, my future with Liz. Oh and Liz and I are going out with Michael and Maria tomorrow night. Lets hope this double date is not as disastrous as the last one.
Jun 25th 2001
My date with Liz was great. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. Infarct I have only just got home, her parents were out of town and I went back to her house. We had this great long talk and she said that if I ever found my son again she would support me all the way. She said she couldn't bare to lose me again and if it meant she had to be a mother to my son, then so be it. She is so great. I LOVE her.
Jun 29th 2001
Liz, Isabel, and all had a sleepover last night. Everyone knows that girls talk, about guys, about Michael, Kyle, and me. So when Isabel got home from Maria's this morning, I asked her what they talked about, and what Liz talked about. She wouldn't tell me. Maria won't tell me either. Liz and I are together now, but I still want to know what they said. I think Izzy just needs to have some fun with
Jul 1st 2001
I had a date with Liz last night. It was boring at first. We went to some fancy restaurant, because Isabel told me that it's what girls like. Apparently Liz is no ordinary girl, because she looked bored too. So I asked her if she wanted to go someplace else. We broke into a bowling alley. This is not like Liz, but she said that's where she wanted to go. We took off our shoes and slid on the bowling alley. It was actually fun. Then we went to her house and had food at the crashdown. We had to be quiet though, or her parents would've thought someone snuck in.
Jul 3rd 2001
I know how Liz knew how to break into the bowling alley. I overheard her telling Maria and Isabel at the Crashdown. Sean showed her how. Man I want to kick his ass for thinking he could date my Liz. And he seems to think he can still be with her as he was hitting on her at Maria's sleepover (I overheard that as well). Michael thinks I should go round and punch him, maybe I will, but Liz wouldn't like me doing that. I told Michael this and he said he would do it for me, which I would have accepted until he remembered that Sean was Maria's cousin and she would probably with-hold a few
Jul 5th 2001
Well, Well. Last night was a big surprise. The girls surprise attacked us. Liz nailed me with shaving foam and I tickled her! LOTS OF TIMES! I kissed her and she got shaving foam on her face. She looked funny! I didn't tell her that though!
Today we pop firecrackers. I'm going to get one that's personalized. Shh, It's a secret, I'm going to get one that says, + Liz you are my dream girl! + She'll love it. Gotta go, Max
Jul 12th 2001
Liz, Michael, Maria, Kyle, Isabel, and I have decided to go away for a week. My dad has noticed how stressed Isabel and I have looked recently and he decided to do something about it. He talked to Liz's parents, Kyle's dad and Maria's mum and they all agreed that we should have a holiday. They all noticed how refreshed we looked after coming back from the beach so they have rented us a log cabin in the mountains about four hours away from Roswell. We are going away for a whole week on our own, how exciting is that. Not that we haven't gone away on our own before, but this time we won't be running from or running after evil aliens. Plus, I get Liz to myself for a week. I can't wait. We go tomorrow and I have packed my bag already. I know I'll go and see Liz.
2HOURS LATER
I'm just back from Liz's she is really excited as well. I was helping her pack.
Jul 13th 2001
Liz and I wee kissing under the balcony, that our cabin has, and Kyle, Iz, Michael, and Maria, were on top of the balcony and the dumped a bucket of freezing cold water on us. So later, the rest of the gang was under the balcony looking at the ocean, and Liz and I were on the balcony, with another bucket of water, and we dumped it on them, and Liz and I +high-five+ each other. LOL. It was soooo funny. Ciao. I'm still wet, I never changed, after getting soaking wet.
It's been 99 days 2 hours and 43 minutes since I last saw Liz. I wonder what she's doing? Does she miss me? Does she regret walking away? It's now been 99 days 2 hours and 44 minutes...
Oct 9th 2000
Yesterday I held somebody’s dead skin in my hands. Geez, that was creepy. Maria gave me a book, "Top 100 ways for an alien to reclaim his human love". I think it's working! At the crashdown I told Liz I was coming for HER. That was tip 58 in the book. Tip 59... tell her that she makes you see her soul...hmmmm....
Dec 2nd 2000
I still have feelings for Liz. I know she says she slept with Kyle but I just don't believe it. It's something in her eyes. Why is she doing this to me? I know she wouldn't have warned me about the granolith unless she cared. How did she even know about it? Lonnie and Rath could still be on the loose. If I ever get my hands on them... I can't believe I allowed myself to be fooled by them. Nicholas is still around too. All these worries as a King and I have a stupid test tomorrow!
Jan 1st 2001
I thought I had Liz back but I must have been wrong. When I saw her with Kyle....I could have killed him. What right has he to take away the love of my life. I know that before I came into the picture that he and Liz were together but that gives him no right to sleep with her. But I just don't understand why Liz would sleep with him. She told me that she loved me. And I still think she does with the way she protects me and is always there for me. But I can't understand why she would sleep with Kyle if she loved me. There’s no sense in it all. I dunno. I love her still. I will always love her. I know I am destined to be with Tess and everything but no one can compare with Liz. Tess is nice and everything but she's not Liz. I wish she would get with Kyle so that Kyle will leave my Liz alone. I can forgive Liz I guess but I dunno I just can't believe that Liz would do that to me. I dunno. I just get this feeling that something wasn't right about that. Besides the fact that it was Liz and Kyle instead of Liz and me. Well I will figure something out....I hope.
March 21st 2001
The weirdest thing happened to me the other day. I took off to Las Vegas with the whole crew, but after an argument with Michael, I decided to come home. The thing was, as I was about to enter a cab, I turned and saw this couple who had just been married. All of a sudden I saw Liz and I in that position. I don't understand why I would see that unless it was meant to be. I love her, I don't care what she did. Why can't see just come back to me? Why can't I go back to her? Oh right, she slept with Kyle.....There seems to be something wrong with that entire situation. Something is up with it, but I don't know what. Maybe soon I will.
March 27th 2001
Man.. I've been so jealous of Michael lately. He has his own motorcycle. I wish I had my own motorcycle. Man.. I'd look so fine. I wonder if Liz would think I was fine. Nah.. she'd probably picture Kyle on the back or something. You know what’s weird I cant find my lucky horseshoe anywhere. Maybe I'm paranoid because I broke into Liz's house and stole her pillow. It just smells like her shampoo. Mmmm vanilla. Ok.. I've depressed myself now. Please help me Buddha.
Max
P.S. I wonder how Nasedo never noticed Congresswoman Whitaker was a skin. They did get the groove thing on quite a lot. That's always bugged me.
March 30th 2001
I feel so lonely now, that Liz doesn't want to be with me anymore. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her in her bedroom window in bed with Kyle. I thought my eyes where playing tricks on me but I guess they weren't. God, I just want her back. My heartache is driving me crazy. I just feel so helpless. It took everything to get her back and now she sleeps with Kyle. Please God help me!!!!!
April 5th 2001
I've been sitting home with a lot on my mind. These past few weeks have been hard on me and everyone else too. I don't understand what is going on because it appears that the present is not what it was suppose to be. Strange, I know, but anything is possible.
April 7th 2001
And away we go again. I was walking down the street the other day with Michael and I saw Liz on the other side. Her and Maria were looking in the shop window at clothes. I don't think she saw me though. It was so hard to see her and not to be able to go to her and whisper into her ear. It's just so horrible.
April 11th 2001
I can't believe it I am really gorgeous and good looking but why is she fooling round with Maria's cousin or whatever he is. He's been in Jail maybe that's what Liz wants a mysterious and dangerous guy. A real bad boy maybe I'll try to be one. I'll go out and buy some really gangster clothes and totally change my look. Maybe I'll ask Isabel seen as she's the Fashion expert. Write in here later.
April 20th 2001
I just made a big fat mistake! I kissed Tess. Now nothing can ever be the same again with Liz. I'm so mad at myself!!! I don't even like Tess as a person so I don't know why I even kissed her. I feel so guilty, but I can't tell Liz. She said it would break her if I told her that I was with Tess. But I'm not with Tess, I just kissed her. Arrrrrrghh!!!!
Max
Early April 21st 2001
I HATE Sean! I want to kill him so badly! I envy him with every single one of my cells. Why do I suddenly have an urge to kick the living crap out of him? This is why! I was walking down the streets of Roswell trying to clear my head (the day after the prom) and I look across the street to find him touching and kissing MY Liz! She was even smiling that breath taking and stunning smile of hers! She was giving him the smile that she only ever gave to me! I am the only one who is supposed to do that with her! I probably sound insane because things are
Late April 21st 2001
Just got back from prom tonight. The weirdest thing happened. I kissed Tess. I couldn't believe it. One minute I was depressing over Liz and I, an the next Tess and I were kissing. Afterwards I went and looked for Liz, but I couldn't find her. So I went down the Crashdown to see if I could find her, but she wasn't there. I really hope she didn't see what I think she might have. I didn't want to kiss her, but it was like something was making me. I like Tess and all but my heart belongs to Liz. I can't help it. I have a destiny to be with Tess, but I feel it should be with Liz. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I never saved Liz that day in the crashdown. The thing is I can't really imagine not saving her. Lately I don't feel like myself. I'm making decisions I don't want to make. I don't understand myself.
Early April 22nd 2001
Dear Log, I think it is finally over between Liz and I. I mean we danced once at the prom and she pretty much told me that she can't take the fact that Tess and I are destined to be together. So afterwards I went out in the hall to think. Tess came out to talk to me and we ended up kissing. I can't believe it. I don't even know how it happened. It's not like I wanted to because even now after it happened I know still that I have no feelings for Tess the way I do for Liz. So after we kissed I went and looked for Liz. I couldn't find her anywhere so then I went by the crashdown and she wasn't there either. I hope she didn't see Tess and I kiss. I wouldn't know how to explain it to her. I can't even explain it to myself. Yes, I have a destiny with Tess, but my heart belongs to Liz. I can't explain it, but it does. There has always been something about Liz that just pulls me to her. I can't explain that either. Maybe one day I can.
Early April 24th 2001
Dear Log, My responsibilities, as they are, make my life as it is miserable. It seems that, in order to make one person happy, I have to make someone else suffer. Nothing is clear as I wish it could be. Alex has died. I feel numb with loss, and with the knowledge that it is so easy to lose the ones I love. I went in the van to heal him; I opened the body bag, and I saw him. I closed my eyes as I placed my hand on his mangled chest. It was horrible. I could not even look at him. I could feel the energy go through my palm, but in my heart, I knew that there was no possibility of my being able to bring him back. As I left the van, I saw all of my friends... The look on their faces just killed me. Never in all of my lives, will I ever forget the pain on Isabel's face. I ran after her, but there was no comfort I was able to give. Liz came to my room, and I felt a light dawn, but her grief, that she hides, comes out as anger. She left me eating, with the knowledge that she knew Tess and I kissed.....I can't even react to that. She said that it's good that I've moved on.....but I haven't, and I never will. All I ever see, is Liz, even in Tess, and I can't ever let go. I saw the file that Valenti had written up on Alex. The evidence is convincing....I saw it in the file that it was more likely than anything that he was depressed...But we all saw him.....and he wasn't like that. The funeral was terrible. At the reception at his house, in his bedroom, Liz said some things that really was out of line, and I got so mad that I left along with Tess, Isabel, and Michael....For some reason I feel that everything is really starting to fall apart at the seams, and worse, I think we are all being separated by secrets and lies. Tess is there for me, more often than not, and I am compelled to go to her for release of all my burdens....but I know it wouldn't be fair. It's my responsibility....I will handle it, and one day, everything will be back to as I! t should be, whatever that is...
Max
April 28th 2001
Okay, being a leader sucks.... I know that's not a word I use often, but I feel it's appropriate now. This role sucks.
And I've been thinking, about the whole Alex thing, and....maybe if Liz is right, maybe I'm just afraid that I would be responsible for Alex's death. I've just got so much more on my shoulders right now, and this wasn't exactly the best time. Alex didn't deserve that, and I know, as my role as a leader, I shouldn't have let them get involved. That was one decision I screwed up on. But I didn't really know I was a leader then either. I've got to start making the right decision now. No more humans involved, no more helping.... even if that means no more Liz. God, I hate to say that, but she's right, and we both have to move on. Michael can still do what he wants with Maria. It's not like I can stop him. But even if he's dating her, they can't be in danger anymore, no more involving. I'm a leader, and I have to make the right decisions, starting! now.
Still.... being a leader sucks...
April 29th 2001
Dear Log, I have been having the worst dreams lately. I don't even understand them....I see mist, everything is cloudy, and images seem to go so fast in every direction that I cant slow them down to make any sense in them. I tried to dream walk Isabel, but she has shut me out. I know I will never be able to have her ability, but I have been able to contact her with concentration. Alex's death, I feel, has made her shut down. I can't bear to see her that way. It really concerns me that Is won't let me in, she has an iron grip on her mind, and I can't help her. I wish Alex never died. I wish I could go back in time, and stop all these terrible things from happening.
Max
May 2nd 2001
Okay, when did I become the one everyone hates? When did everything I know switch around? I mean here I am, and the only one I can get to agree with me is Tess. Isabel, what is she thinking??? Can't she see that leaving will kill us all? Is she forgetting who we really are? That college won't make everything go away? What if we need her? I know I sound like a big jerk, but I am making the right decision here. It's too risky for her to leave. And Liz- we did a full 360 turn. I feel like I don't even know her anymore. What went wrong? Where did we say the wrong things? Does she truly feel like this? The same words just keep repeating in my head: Is it really over? Funny Tess is the only here for me through this. And it's amazing I used to want nothing to do with her. But it still feels a little uncomfortable- kissing her, holding her...not the way Liz used to. Is Tess forcing me though? No, I can't think like that now. She's the only one I have left. But still, could she? ! And when do all these questions get answered?
May 8th 2001
I'm still in shock I think. I mean, it was only 1 night and now I'm going to be a father. I'm scared and proud all at the same time. Does this truly mean that Tess is my Destiny? If we can go home, will we? I mean, when it comes down to it, do I want to leave here to go there? I'm so confused. Deep in my heart, I know I still love Liz, but my responsibilities lie with Tess now. Liz, Maria, Kyle, Valenti, even Alex have had such a huge impact on our lives here. It will be hard it that's what we decide to do. All I know is that we must decide together. Here in this decoded mess of papers are all the answers we ever wanted. Part of me is filled with joy. The answers to our problems. The other part of me is wrecked with guilt, because Liz was right. I am responsible for Alex.
May 21st 2001
So much has happened today, going after Leanne, telling Liz everything. Going to the Granalith. Hearing Tess's betrayal. I don't know how I ever fell in love with her. I probably didn't. She probably brain warped me into thinking that I did. She's a betrayer, and I will never forget everything she's done to us all. Manipulating us to get what she wants, because of a DEAL that Naseado made forty years ago. My son is in danger. He wasn't in danger on Earth, he was in danger with Tess. How could've I never saw that? She really hated Liz, she wasn't the person I thought she was. I can hardly even think straight right now. But Liz was there at the rocks, she was the one who figured out that Tess was doing the brain warping. Once again, Liz saved us. How could I ever try to forget my love for her? She didn't ever sleep with Kyle, I knew it. I love Liz. I told her so at the rocks, as we saw Tess leave this planet. I will never forget, and I will never let Liz go again.
May 22nd 2001
I knew it! I knew she didn't sleep with Kyle. Deep down in my heart I didn't want to believe it. This is just a sign that we were meant to be together. How could I have been so stupid to have slept with Tess? How will I be able to live with the fact that the mother of my son is a murderer. What type of person do you have to be to kill an innocent person like that. I wonder now what Kivar will do since she didn't meet her end of the deal? She did not, nor will not deliver us to him. I will save my son, no matter what. All I can focus on now is Liz. Will she take me back? Will things be different between us because of Tess. Only time will tell.
Jun 1st 2001
Okay so Liz is playing on my mind! I cannot eat or sleep I feel sick when I think of Tess. I'm not going to let this ruined my life though, I mean Kyle hasn't left his house since we got back from the rock's. Isabel seems very worried, She also seems very angry inside and I'm worried about her. Michael and Maria are fine they have everything they want- Each other! I may go and see Liz and talk to her, It felt right when I kissed her and I do Love her. I just need time to get my thoughts together.
Jun 4th 2001
I yelled at Liz, What am I thinking?? Liz came over and she'd been talking to Michael who'd advised her to come and tell me how she felt. She came in and all I could think about was how much Tess had hurt her and us and I took it out on her!! I'm a idiot. I called Liz and told her to come over again. I haven't really talked to anyone just Michael and Isabel but Is worried about Kyle and is having fun with Maria. Liz is here and I don't know what to say!
Jun 4th 2001-Later
I still can't believe all that has happened. Every night, I toss and turn, thinking of Tess and the way she used us. How could she kill Alex? She ruined like months of my life with Liz. I've loved her since I laid eyes on her, and I always will, how could I ever think otherwise? Liz did put me through a lot of pain with the whole Kyle thing, but she only did it because she knew that my destiny was Tess. God, I can barely even write that. Its hard for me to even think about last year, and how close Liz and I were. I loved her so much, and I still do, but we've missed so much time together, and now that I slept with Tess, and have a son...I wonder if she will ever feel the way she used to about me. Who am I Kidding? It was me who ruined my relationship with Liz, not Tess. I know that it isn't ruined, she knows that I love her, and I will love her, till the end of the world. I need to fix it all, I'm going to go talk to her. I just, I just want to protect her, to comfort her, to love her. We will get back together, its inevitable. We are soul mates, there is no way I would've found her and end up losing her. She and I are meant to be, I know it, I've always known it.
Jun 5th 2001
Me and Liz may finally be in a place we were two years ago. A new friendship and a new beginning!!!! I hope we will come though with fate on our side! Tomorrow I’m going out with Michael to play basketball while the girls go shopping! I'm going to the beach with the others next week which will be fun and maybe meant some open wounds that have been made by Tess and Alex. Life has to go on and I’m going to live it the best I can! With My sister, My friends and the girl I love.
Jun 7th 2001
So tonight was fun Liz wasn't there but i think she has a fever or that's what Maria told me! We went over Maria's place and watched the Blair Witch project which scared the living crap out of Maria! She was hiding her face from the T.V all night, Michael was hugging her and saying we should turn it off but Maria said no. Michael has become a new man since he met Maria and I’m pleased. Michael put Maria to bed die to her falling asleep when we started watching sixth sense and Kyle went and put rock's in her room!!!! Michael didn't know and just as me and Isabel were leaving we heard a scream, Michael went running into Maria's room and Kyle started laughing. Maria beat the crap out of Kyle while Michael watched on with a slight smile. God for once it felt like were just normal teenagers having fun!
Jun 14th 2001
Liz and I are really getting along and I was so thankful that we got a chance to talk on our trip to the beach! Michael and Maria and Isabel and Kyle enjoyed themselves which we all needed. Me and Liz walked and talked for a long time and were finally not letting Tess ruined our lives. I am determined to find out if I have a son because i will find him and not let Tess raise him. I will find a way to get him if he exists.
Liz said she'll be behind me 100% which I’m happy about. I'm going to have a shower because i have sand in my hair.
Jun 16th 2001
WOW! Liz and I are actually back together. We talked for hours last night and we apologized for all those mean things we said to each other. I can't believe I could've lost her forever. Tess is going to pay for what she did to Alex. Liz is behind me on this, but I don't know what Liz will do when she finally sees Tess. Well, none of that matters now, what matters is that I have Liz and I actually know that we belong together. She is my True Destiny. I knew that ever since I saved her life, but will many things change because it was to Tess that I lost my virginity? Iiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!! to Tess. I can't believe it. I love Liz with all of my heart and we will never leave each other’s sides ever again.
Jun 22nd 2001
I had a great day today, Liz and I went out for dinner, it was really special and I felt the happiest I have for as long time. I know she is the one I love and I am beginning to stop feeling so hurt over Tess's betrayal. I am now focused on my relationship with Liz and I know, some day I will have my son. Liz would be a great mom. I wonder what it would be like now if we had got married, seeing as Tess has gone away anyway? Well I suppose I should just focus on the future, my future with Liz. Oh and Liz and I are going out with Michael and Maria tomorrow night. Lets hope this double date is not as disastrous as the last one.
Jun 25th 2001
My date with Liz was great. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. Infarct I have only just got home, her parents were out of town and I went back to her house. We had this great long talk and she said that if I ever found my son again she would support me all the way. She said she couldn't bare to lose me again and if it meant she had to be a mother to my son, then so be it. She is so great. I LOVE her.
Jun 29th 2001
Liz, Isabel, and all had a sleepover last night. Everyone knows that girls talk, about guys, about Michael, Kyle, and me. So when Isabel got home from Maria's this morning, I asked her what they talked about, and what Liz talked about. She wouldn't tell me. Maria won't tell me either. Liz and I are together now, but I still want to know what they said. I think Izzy just needs to have some fun with
Jul 1st 2001
I had a date with Liz last night. It was boring at first. We went to some fancy restaurant, because Isabel told me that it's what girls like. Apparently Liz is no ordinary girl, because she looked bored too. So I asked her if she wanted to go someplace else. We broke into a bowling alley. This is not like Liz, but she said that's where she wanted to go. We took off our shoes and slid on the bowling alley. It was actually fun. Then we went to her house and had food at the crashdown. We had to be quiet though, or her parents would've thought someone snuck in.
Jul 3rd 2001
I know how Liz knew how to break into the bowling alley. I overheard her telling Maria and Isabel at the Crashdown. Sean showed her how. Man I want to kick his ass for thinking he could date my Liz. And he seems to think he can still be with her as he was hitting on her at Maria's sleepover (I overheard that as well). Michael thinks I should go round and punch him, maybe I will, but Liz wouldn't like me doing that. I told Michael this and he said he would do it for me, which I would have accepted until he remembered that Sean was Maria's cousin and she would probably with-hold a few
Jul 5th 2001
Well, Well. Last night was a big surprise. The girls surprise attacked us. Liz nailed me with shaving foam and I tickled her! LOTS OF TIMES! I kissed her and she got shaving foam on her face. She looked funny! I didn't tell her that though!
Today we pop firecrackers. I'm going to get one that's personalized. Shh, It's a secret, I'm going to get one that says, + Liz you are my dream girl! + She'll love it. Gotta go, MaxJul 12th 2001
Liz, Michael, Maria, Kyle, Isabel, and I have decided to go away for a week. My dad has noticed how stressed Isabel and I have looked recently and he decided to do something about it. He talked to Liz's parents, Kyle's dad and Maria's mum and they all agreed that we should have a holiday. They all noticed how refreshed we looked after coming back from the beach so they have rented us a log cabin in the mountains about four hours away from Roswell. We are going away for a whole week on our own, how exciting is that. Not that we haven't gone away on our own before, but this time we won't be running from or running after evil aliens. Plus, I get Liz to myself for a week. I can't wait. We go tomorrow and I have packed my bag already. I know I'll go and see Liz.
2HOURS LATER
I'm just back from Liz's she is really excited as well. I was helping her pack.
Jul 13th 2001
Liz and I wee kissing under the balcony, that our cabin has, and Kyle, Iz, Michael, and Maria, were on top of the balcony and the dumped a bucket of freezing cold water on us. So later, the rest of the gang was under the balcony looking at the ocean, and Liz and I were on the balcony, with another bucket of water, and we dumped it on them, and Liz and I +high-five+ each other. LOL. It was soooo funny. Ciao. I'm still wet, I never changed, after getting soaking wet.
Last edited by CosmicAngel on Thu May 29, 2003 2:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Elizabeth Parker's Journal (The words of a Soulmate)
September 12th 2000
I'm Liz Parker, and my soul mate Max Evans has been destined for a very long time when he had a change of heart with the attraction to Tess he developed since we broke up on the day of his destiny and Tess thinks she was his new dream girl and I have not seen him since we broke up on that very day he was going to be destined. I knew I miss him a lot and I really want him back. We really want to reunite at all and why did he think that Tess was his young bride? I was supposed to be, not her. I think I should tell Tess to break up with him and we want to reunite so that I can replace Tess as his new young bride.
September 14th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I do really want to be Max's new young bride and I really would have been with him, not Tess. Whatever I told Kyle was that Tess became his first young bride, so that Kyle told Tess to get away from Max and she should get another destiny so that after that I became Max's new young bride and it really worked from just as it was from Kyle.
September 28th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I just don't believe I had to walk away from Max after I dumped him because of his destiny and Tess wouldn't let me win him back. What will I do if still don't get him back? I'll just have to find out and I would tell River Dog about Tess that took Max away from me, and he has answers.
October 1st 2000
Today has been strange. The pain from losing Max has become more obvious to the people around me. I was with Maria at the Crashdown this morning, and when she said something funny, I accidentally called her Max. She gave me her knowing look. I hate that look. When I left Max outside the pod chamber that day, the aching I felt was so terrible, I thought my life must have ended. In a way, I've been keeping the hurt inside. I feel like if I don't talk to anyone about it, I don't have to accept it. What can I do, though? It seems that Max was never meant to have a part in my life. Am I supposed to just move on? I can't. I can't move on. It still hurts too much. I'm afraid of seeing him, afraid of running into him at the grocery store or at school. He knows me too well. One glance at me, and he'll know what pain he's caused me. He'll know about the silent tears that wet my cheeks every night. He'll see the misery that's lurked inside since that fateful day. I can't let him see me like that. It would kill him.
Max...oh, Max...what am I going to do?
October 2nd 2000
I'm Liz Parker. It has been one year since I got shot on the day September 18th, 1999, and then this man I know was Max Evans, he was an alien from his home planet that he healed me and changed me before we became soul mates.
October 9th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. It had been 105 days since I had to run off after I had to leave Max on the day of his destiny and I had to leave for Florida for the summer when it happened. I really need some courage, and that would be a way to get him back.
October 22nd 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I knew that Max met me before Tess, that girl from his past who bugged me and she won't let me get him back. She gets on my nerves that I hate her so much. He had loved me since we were in 3rd grade. It was horrible that I miss him still and it had been 4 weeks since we broke up and there was no way I could get him back. If I could ask River Dog, he can tell me there is a way that I might try to get him back.
October 23rd 2000
Wow. Where have I been? I remember I saw Michael today and I think I saw Alex once but besides that everything is dark. What's happening to me? I miss my friends but I must keep up that cold exterior. No one must know that I hurt.
November 13th 2000
After I learned that Max was destined to be with Tess, I tried to pull away, but Max was so determined, he wouldn't let me go. He was so persuasive, I was beginning to think that perhaps Max and I could beat the odds and be together. That night when he serenaded me with his Mexican love song, I knew I could no longer hold back. After all, Max did say that we make our own destiny. I wouldn't have imagined that this one belief would actually mean the end all hopes for our relationship. The weight of the world is literally resting on my shoulders, and for once, I wish I could just be a high school girl in love. It is cruelly ironic that my hopes of a future with Max, who's faith in our love never wavered, were in the end taken away by the same boy who fuels them. I cannot imagine living without the hope of being with Max in the future, I can no longer just be Liz Parker, high school student. I have gone from being Liz Parker, regular high school student, to Liz Parker, girl in love with an alien and keeper of secrets, back to Liz Parker, high school student. But the "regular" is about as out of this world as Max's home planet. Max, Maria, Alex, Michael, and Isabelle are the reason for waking up in the morning. Their survival has been my reason for living, and now that I have to step away, I don't know who I am anymore. I have come too far and seen too much, and nothing that was once significant means anything. I have been thrust back into a life I once embraced, without the boy I love, without any hope of being with him, and with the terrifying uncertainty that lies ahead.
January 1st 2001
The weirdest thing happened today. Max came to my window. The weird thing is it was the future Max. I told you something weird happened today. Not that everyday is normal. Ever since that day Max saved me and made me live again nothing has been as it was before. Normal. Well future Max was hotter than ever. I knew Max would get cuter as he aged well future Max came to my window and told me I had to help him make Max (present one) to fall out of love with me. I almost choked. Make Max fall OUT of love with me. I know I want him to be happy and I walked away from him but I still love him. But future Max had a good reason in the future Max n I are together J that makes me happy to know. Well a few minutes before he arrived at my window he held Michael in his arms while Michael died L they were in a war and they had found out that without Tess they weren't so strong. Tess left because everyone was pushing her away. So because I love Max so much I tried to help him I talked to Tess telling her I wanted to help her and Max get together. Her and Max were talking and me and the future Max were watching Tess said something that mad Max get mad he got up and he saw me. He looked really mad but i guess he wasn't because he kissed me. It was so hard but I pushed him away. I went home and future Max was there telling me that that didn't work it just made me love him more. So I went to the Crashdown I talked to Maria but not about future Max about Michael she was so upset saying he looked so guilty she could never forgive him. It gave me an idea. But I had to talk to Kyle first. He agreed to my plan. He doesn't know why I am doing it. He thinks that Max must have really pissed me off. Like Max could ever make me even angry. Well the plan was to be in bed looking like we were.... well you know and when Max seen that he would fall OUT of love with me.L Future Max said it wouldn't work but he saw wrong. Max saw us and he left without saying anything. The look of hurt in his eyes. I'll never get that image out of my! mind. Kyle left future Max came out and told me how much that hurt him. L He had told me before that he and I had gotten married at age 19 I still think that was young but...now that I will never marry Max I think 19 would have been the perfect age to get married. Well I told future Max that I wanted my wedding dance. So we did. I danced and danced. I spun once, twice then he was gone. L I wrote a poem about it here it is:
Still Playing
In your arms is where I find myself to be.
We're dancing.
Dancing to the most romantic song known to me.
I find myself feeling happier than I've ever felt before.
Then I spin
coming back to you
I spin again
only now you're not there.
I find myself alone.
Without you.
The song still plays. Still romantic
but sad too.
This might just be my worst day yet. Losing Max by my own actions. Liz Parker
March 18th 2001
Dear Journal, I'm Liz Parker. And this weekend so far has been awful. I'm sitting here thinking about Max. He came into the Crash Down today with Tess. God, if Max is going to come into my work place with Tess at least don't call me over to take his order. I acted mutual and cool, but I couldn’t help noticing how much Tess was all over Max. It doesn't matter to me, because we all know who Max loves most, and it's me. I think maybe if I told Max about him coming from the future that maybe it would make him loosen off of Tess, and come more onto me. But what if I do tell him and he goes off to Tess even more? I'm so confused, I don't know what to think or do about this problem. I don't. Liz Parker.
March 20th 2001
Dear Journal, I can't believe Max refuses to take me back and he's still attracted to Tess. Now we can't reunite and it's not fair why we have to break up and be separated months ago. I'll just find my way to make him break up with Tess, and he will apologize to me about breaking up.
March 27th 2001
Dear Journal, The day is March 27th and I died a year and a half ago. I was so jealous when Michael and Maria got together. But then I got with Max and everything was ok. But.. we broke up.. and it got bad. I envy Maria so much now. I mean she has an alien boyfriend and is friends with Max. And then Michael.. he has his own motorcycle. I wish Max owned a motorcycle. Mmmm he'd look so fine. But I wouldn't be on the back of it.. oh no he'd probably put Kyle before me. I am so obsessed with Max, I cant get him out of my mind. Like.. last week I broke into his house and stole his lucky horseshoe from his wall. Obsession. Obsession. Obsession. Buddha help me!
P.S. What do you think Isabel saw when she kissed Alex? That's always bugged me.
March 31st 2001
Why did Tess have to come to Roswell? Sigh...I miss Max so much- I know journal what your thinking.
April 1st 2001
Happy April Fools Day! Well, at least that is what I feel like a...fool. Sometimes I wish I never met Max Evans. That I misjudged the simple values of being a small town girl, the merits of being normal .I thought Max and I had grown closer since Vegas but we haven't that miserable lie still stands between us. Yet, I know that even with all our problems I would never want to go back with not knowing. Alex, Maria, Kyle and I are apart of something amazing we know something that millions of people have pondered and either mocked or believed whole heartedly...So, where do I stand as of now I don't know... loss I guess...Even with all this at least I know that we all have a chance at survival...all of us, this time around.
April 6th 2001
My name is Liz Parker and I'm in love with an Alien who thinks I slept with my ex boyfriend. Which I didn't... I made him think that so he could go with another alien and I did that because my love came from the future to tell me that in the future our love killed two of my best friends who also happen to be aliens. COULD MY LIFE BE ANY WORSE???
April 7th 2001
Sigh........... Maria and I were walking around town the other day, looking in shop windows at the clothes that we could never afford, and in the glass I saw Max. I didn't turn around though, I know that he would hate that. He did see me, I'm sure of it, I saw his eyes look right at me, and then back to Michael. I wish he could still come up to me, were suppose to be friends. I still love him and I always will. I wish he could say the same for me.
April 8th 2001
Dear Journal, Today was one of the hardest days of my life, but i guess that's pretty hard to say because I have been saying that everyday since last October, when my world ended, when future Max came. God, I just want to tell Max the truth, about Kyle, why can't I just bring myself to do it? I Love him, I need him, I'm a wreck without him, and everyday I go on, and I just don't know how I make it trough the day without him. I must go on, but how?
-Liz Parker
April 11th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and I am on the outside an all American straight A student girl, but on the inside, I hold secrets deeper and darker then probably anyone in Roswell, any human that is. Today I saw Max with Tess today, He was happy with her, I mean he should be she's destiny. God, I just miss him so much though I cry each night alone on the balcony where he saw Kyle and I. I cry every time We Haven't Turned Around By Gomez comes on the radio, But I cry the most when I listen to I Shall Believe. Max doesn't know any of this, he thinks, god I don't even want to think of what he thinks of me. I feel like dying, and Sean isn't much of a comfort either, I mean yeah it's kind of nice to flirt and laugh once in awhile but it just hurts I don't know how to explain it all. I mean how am I supposed to live to go on. Every time I see him with her I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
-Liz Parker
April 22nd 2001
Dear Journal,
Lately I have been feeling worse than ever. There are so many things going on in my life right now....so many problems....unsolved problems....and so many hidden secrets that I have. Sometimes I find myself being swamped with overwhelming emotions. I know that things aren't what they seem to be with everyone right now. I find myself becoming even more independent and distant from Max, Maria, Alex, Michael, Isabel, Kyle, my parents, Tess, and the whole freaking town! The one person that has helped me not sink completely down the hole into depression is Sean. I am so grateful to have him! I don't know what I'd do if Sean wasn't around. When I saw Max and Tess kissing at the prom i knew that that would be the last time to let myself go through more misery with the pod squad. I want to be happy for a change. I refuse to let him and those ungrateful, selfish, uncaring aliens ruin my life and destroy my goals and dreams! I won't let them do this to me anymore! I am moving on! I am going to start focusing more on me for once and what I want. That’s ! what I'll do! After I ran out of school, after witnessing the gerbil kissing who I'd thought to be my soul mate, I went to Sean at the bowling alley and we went.
April 24th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and everyone thinks I'm crazy. Alex died yesterday and I know he didn't kill himself. Alex wouldn't do that. I know him better than anyone...he wouldn't do that. I tried to tell everyone that but they wouldn't believe me. No one believes me. Not even Max or Maria. I'm on my own now. There's no one for me to turn to now. My rock is gone. Some one took him from me, from us, and I'm going to find out who. Or what did. And they will pay. I have a promise to keep to my friend. I have many miles still to go...
April 24th 2001- Continued
Just when I think that I might get some semblance of a normal life, fate turns around and slaps me in my face....But to be honest, I have had a gut feeling that something was going to happen....Back at prom, I could just feel it. Oh why did I have to see Max and Tess kiss....and why did I feel that it was just foretelling the future....Nothing last forever. Pain. Pain lasts. Pain in giving up the love of my life, pain in seeing others happy, but most of all, pain in seeing my life fall apart by the seams. Alex is dead. Died in a car crash. And Max couldn't even heal him. Now everyone is telling me it was 'apparent suicide'. Alex dead, I can't even comprehend. It's like looking at your own gravestone, but you know you're alive. No. There is something wrong with that phrase....like 'we make our own destinies'. No. I can't think like that. I won't. There is something wrong with it. Everything is wrong. Why is it wrong? Nothing is making sense. In my confusion, and the turmoil of my life, I will find the truth. Come hell or high water, I will find it out! SUICIDE? It isn't even possible. I refuse to believe it. Every fiber of my body tells me there is something wrong with Alex's death.....Please, why do I always lose the ones I love? I can't think like that anymore. I refuse to. I will find out the truth, even if it KILLS me. I am coming up with some evidence, but nothing is helping clear the air...except...I am just getting this HUGE feeling that Alex's death is alien related....hmmmm. I feel like Alex is around me, just waiting for me to figure it all out, all the pieces to the puzzle....and I will, I swear on my life. But now, I can only hope that my life will be restored to rights.
April 24th 2001- Continued
I just write and write and keep hoping it won't be true but it comes down to this...
Dear Journal, It's April 24th and I am Liz Parker. I really don't know where to begin. So much has happened. I just can't even begin to believe, it must be a dream. However then I wake up and know that it is not. Alex is gone. I mean real gone. He died three nights ago in an automobile accident. The police and everyone else thinks he may have committed suicide. Maria and Kyle believe me. But I know better. I do believe he was murder. Whether or not if it was alien related I am unsure of, but if it was I will find out. I owe to my friend no matter what it costs. Max won't believe. I guess in a way you can say I was shocked. Max use to believe in me. I guessed all of that has changed. There really is nothing left to hold on to. But I'll tell you this much. I will not rest or sleep until I find out what really happened to Alex. I owe him at least that to find out what really happened. I have miles to go before I sleep and things to do before I rest.
April 28th 2001
I've been praying that everything will fall into place with Alex's death. It's all that I can think about. I am just so angry right now, I feel that everyone has turned from me. I have to find some kind of evidence to link that picture of Leanne with Alex. Who would cut off his head like that. My first thought was jealousy, and then, all I could think of was murder. I knew Alex for all my life, and he would NEVER kill himself. I went to the dump to check out Alex's car, it was almost by accident that I found that picture....or was it? I feel that the photograph is all I have to go on. I just have to think about this. I will find a way, don't I always?
Liz
April 29th 2001
I have a promise to keep and miles to go before i sleep. I miss Alex. I miss Max. I'm so upset. I have no one. I hate my life. I need Max, but Tess put herself in the way of us again. I think I'm going crazy because of Alex. I have a promise to keep and miles to go before I sleep.
Liz Parker
May 1st 2001
I just want to cry. Max is being so mean to me and everyone else. Its like he's a completely different person. That's not the person I fell in love with. I think he's hiding something from me about Tess. I hate her and him at the time being. But, then again, i don't hate him. I just hate the way he's treating everyone lately. He needs to learn to deal with his issues. I wonder what ever happened to that therapy that Isabel said he was taking. Knowing him, he probably dropped out of doing it because he's so stubborn. Well for now, my emotions are more confusing than ever. I wish that things would just get better NOW.
May 4th 2001
Oh god my life really is falling apart what am i going to do now i cant go back to max because he is now with Tess why oh why did my life have to be so complicated Alex I miss you so much but I will find out the truth even without any of my so called friends help
May 8th 2001
I can't believe it's happening. Max is falling out of love with me. The Max I knew would have never spoke to me the way he just did over at Valenti's. Tess actually spoke up for me too! Maybe she isn't all that bad of a person. That's more than I can say for Max. After all we've been through. One day he will know the truth. I gave up everything for him and Isabel, Michael and Tess.
Wonder how he'll react when Michael give him the translation and that it came from Alex all along.
May 16th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and my life is falling apart. I can't be with Max because of his destiny and I'm still torn apart by Alex’s death. I just don't know what to do any more! I know Tess and max are getting closer (That makes me sick) and I'm getting closer to Sean. But nothing or no one will ever take the place of Max! Maybe I should listen to the advice my grandmamma gave me
May 17th 2001
Dear Diary, I keep looking back at all the events that link up to today, from the very first moment Max and I connected. I have kept their secrets, and helped them, and yes, I told my best friends, because I knew that they could be trusted. Some things happen for a reason, and some, well, you don't expect them to happen at all. Like poor Brody for example, apparently he suffered electrical shock when he was trying out his virtual reality program. He opened up a part of his brain that humans don't actually used, and thus tapped into Larecks memories. That has to be really confusing, and then causing him to go berserk and hold Max, Maria, and Tess captive. Amy was there, and so was Sean. I wonder, if Tess 'erased' Amy's memory of what happened that night, then why didn't she just clear Sean's too? Well anyway, I managed to help him keep his mouth closed by agreeing to go out with him. Which is basically blackmail, but it's not entirely in the same context. I think! I'm getting used to sacrificing a lot these days. Maybe I'll get a break at college or something.
Liz
May 21st 2001
I suppose that every single day of your life you have to go through tests to grow to be the person you are capable of being. This past year has been nothing but tests, for all of us. I've learned so many things today, last night, the past few days, that I'm trying in vain to process them all correctly. Leanne is not Leanne, she's human. Alex is dead, killed by Tess. Although Kyle was unwittingly a part of her plan too. Tess has been brain warping her heart's content to the chosen few of Roswell, NM. She Pregnant. She's hopefully, at Antar now. Max knows that I never slept with Kyle, but it hurts that he slept with her. That's what I wanted though right? It's still hard to imagine that they were, or (are)? married none the less though. Max didn't leave to Antar, neither did Isabel, or Michael. It was their one chance to go in the granilith, and they didn't leave, they decided to stay with us. So now I have Max, Maria has Michael, and Isabel has the truth about Alex, and Kyle, well now he knows the truth about his 'sister'.
It has been said that we live for today, and tomorrow is a dream, today, I live for tomorrow, and pray that yesterday was just a dream.
Liz
May 22nd 2001
Max came by today. My heart still aches when I see him. He wanted to talk. He actually apologized to me for the whole Alex situation. We didn't really say a whole lot. We just looked into each other's eyes to say it all. I still love him. I can't help myself. Even after he told me about Tess. I was angry at first, but who can blame him. I pushed him to her.
What happens now? I mean Tess is gone. How will they ever get home? All I know is that Max still loves me, but will it be enough?
May 24th 2001
I'm Liz Parker. I'm so confused about everything, especially about what's going to happen between me and Max. I love him, and I know he loves me, but when he said he wished it could all be different I know that it could have been. I know that I could have prevented my heartache, and Alex's death, by not listening to the future Max, but if I hadn't it would have resulted in the end of the world anyway. I agree with Max, I just wish that things could be different, and everything to be back the way it was before Tess came to Roswell.
Liz
May 29th 2001
I really don’t know if I did the best thing in changing the future. Now Alex is dead, Tess escaped with Max’s son. And I gave up everything with Max, our marriage, our night together. Max changed me that day in the Crashdown . I felt so different . I see things in a different way and I can see things nobody, even Max, can see. I feel powerful.
Liz
May 30th 2001
I have always loved Max, even when I pretended I didn't care about him. I only pretended to sleep with Kyle to save the aliens. I wish I could change the past. If I could, I would have told Max about Future Max in Las Vegas. I wish I could actually marry Max. Maybe someday. Now, with Tess gone, maybe I can rebuild my friendship with Max and make up for all the lost time. Since we kissed that night, I have been remembering what it felt like to be with Max. I remember how warm & safe I felt in his arms. I wish that somehow I could get all of that back. Max told me that I was his destiny. If that's true, then we must end up together. I am so glad that Max didn't go home. I would have felt like I was missing a part of myself. We had so many great times. Max & I were so close a year ago. If only I knew how to tell him the way I feel about him. If only I knew he felt the same way about me...
June 1st 2001
I'm Liz Parker and I’m confused.
Maria decided we needed girly bonding so we went to the Mall, She thought it would take my mind off Max! Maria is such a good person who loves her friends but i really need to think about Max. Maybe I should go over there and see if Max is okay, H said he need's to figure things out and I don't blame him it's just that KISS! I believe Max is my soul mate and I guess if we are met to be together we will, But fate has a way of showing it's ugly head at the wrong time! I am envious of Michael and Maria but I am happy for them. It's about time they shared some happiness. I saw Kyle he look's in pretty bad shape, Tess is not worth the paper this is written on but what she did and the pain she has caused will never be forgotten!!!
Anyway my shift it's late and all that talking with Maria tired me out! Maybe for once I hope that fate will be on all of our sides.
June 4th 2001
I'm just trying to get my head sorted out. Ok, Max told me that he loved me, which I get, but I just don't know if its true. I mean, he did sleep with the mind-warping-bitch, and it hurts me that he did that. I know it was me who led him to it, but it still hurts. I can only imagine how he felt when he thought I slept with Kyle....I hate myself so much sometimes knowing what I put him through, and really, did it actually do any good? I can't see anything that it helped. Alex is dead. Was it my fault then? I changed the future...did that cause it? Oh god........Well, at least Max now knows that I didn't sleep with him, I just wish he knew the whole story. I want to tell him how much pain I was in when I did that. It hurt me too. I hope that it works out between us. I want to be with him so bad, I love him. I feel bad saying this, but its not just 'him' that I miss, its the way he made me feel. His arms protected me, through everything, and when we were waiting for the ship to take off at the pods, I felt so safe again. I've tried to stop loving him, I tried so hard, but I can't stop. He's my soul mate, forever.
June 4th 2001- Later
I have been crying on my bed since i got back from Max's! He told me to go and that he couldn't stand to see me!! Michael and I really talked for the first time today and it was nice!! Michael isn't all bad Maria is right and I’m happy for them. Liz Parker and Max Evans are not meant to be! Noooooo I don't mean that coz i know we are! Max will call and say sorry and we'll talk it through! I know he will.
Yes he called I’m going over there now!
June 5th 2001
Last night was great, Me and Max talked for about three hours straight about EVERYTHING! we cried, we kissed, we talked, we yelled! But the end result was us hugging. Max and I are going to start over and if things lead to us being together again then so be it! I called Maria and told her about it as soon as I got home, I think I interrupted something!! Maria said she was happy for me and I got a huge hug from her when we started our shift at the Crash Down! Michael gave me a hug ?!?!?!?!!? It was shocking, Maria told him to I think! Michaels funny ! Anyway were all going to the beach at the weekend, It's the first group outing in a while that doesn't involve running from aliens!! I'm looking forward to it!
June 6th 2001
Dear Diary, It is June 6th and I guess you must be wondering what is going on inside my head. Is there such a pain that you can't feel anymore? It grows throughout your entire body until you are a spectator of your own life. You see all your mistakes and though its your life, you are powerless to stop the pain because you are an observer instead of a participant. I just wish that the pain could be felt so I knew that I was still alive.
June 14th 2001
Hay I’m back from my fun filled trip with my friends and the love of my life Kyle - Only kidding Max!! Myself and Max had a good talk many infarct and i realize we will be together because its our fate. I'm behind Max's search 100% but the idea that I might have to see Tess again makes me sick and Maria will have to be held back as will myself and Isabel and Michael and Kyle!!! Maria says her and Michael are sooo in love and he is being the perfect girlfriend, Maria seems to get along well with Isabel which kind of made me jealous but i haven't been a good friend lately and that’s going to change! I mean that!
June 21st 2001
Dear Journal, I've always been this small town girl, perfect with everything. Great grades, great friends, great parents. You could say that life was great. Then Max Evans saved me and risked everything. Michael, Isabel, and himself. Well You already know all that but I was pulled into this weird circle. It involved Isabel, Michael, and Max. Then I pulled Maria in. Then Alex. Then Kyle followed, as did his dad, the Sheriff. Alex is the one I regret pulling in. He's dead now. If I had shut my mouth and not told him anything, he wouldn't be dead now. He would be alive, breathing and cracking jokes. I miss you Alex! Please come back. I found out that Tess killed Alex. The blonde shit head. I gave her everything. I gave her Max. I saved the world and pushed Max towards her. She rewards me by killing my sweet Alex. My best friend, my brother. Nothing can bring Alex back because the granolith is gone for forever. that stupid blonde was sent back to her planet. One day though, Tess will be back, and when she is...she'll have to face me. I may look innocent but who says I am? Max wants me to help get his son back. Fat chance. I love Max but he slept with my enemy. He slept with someone who killed my best friend. I don't know if I can forgive him. Thank you Journal, for always listening to me, and for always being there for me. You remind me of Alex so can I call you that? From now on I will title you Alex....bye for now my friend, bye for now.
Liz
June 22nd 2001
I am so happy, it's as if Tess never came to Roswell, but I will never forget what she did to us all, especially Alex. Max is so sweet, but I know he is worried about his son. His son, not Tess's, she is not fit to be a mother. I f he finds his son, no WHEN he finds his son, I wonder if he will want me to be his mother. You know, I think I would, it would bind us together. Michael and Maria are getting on fine, we're going out with them tomorrow night. Oh my god, I can finally say we again, because Max and me are a pair forever. No matter what. Nothing can come between us anymore, I won't let it. Not even if Tess comes back. She would be stupid to come back, Max and Michael wouldn't have to do anything. Maria, Isabel and I would get revenge ourselves. Isabel for losing her Love (I know how that feels) and Maria and I for losing our best friend.
June 25th 2001
Max is so wonderful, I LOVE him so much. When I told him I would be his son's mother he cried. We had this massive heart to heart and I don't think I have ever felt so loved. I think Maria feels the same way about Michael.
June 29th 2001
Ok. I had a LOT of fun last night. Isabel and I slept over at Maria's house. It was TOTALLY fun. Izzy and Maria are like my best friends. We talked a lot, especially about Max, Michael, and Kyle. See, I wasn't that comfortable talking about Kyle, since I used to date him, but it was OK. I think Kyle ad Isabel should go for it. I mean I know Izzy fell in love with Alex, but she has to move on, and I think she's starting to get feelings for Kyle. I guess humans just aren't attracted to other humans, and aliens aren't attracted to other aliens. Weird, huh? See, you can think you're falling for one of your same species, when you really aren't. Ok, that comment was a little far-fetched. I'm starting to sound like Maria, no offense to her or anything. I like spending time with Max, I love him, but I also enjoy spending time with Maria and Isabel, cause I can giggle. When's the last time I've giggled anyway? Junior High? The other day, at the Crashdown, when Maria and I were on break, Izzy came up to us to talk. I got in a giggling fit, right when Max came in. It was embarrassing, but it was fun. LOL. Well I g2g. I have a date with Max in about an hour, and I have NO idea what to wear! Later.
~Liz
July 1st 2001
Max and I went to this boring expensive fancy restaurant on our date last night. Then he asked if I wanted to go someplace else. I said +the bowling alley+ he said +it's closed+ I said, +I know+ We slid on the bowling aisle. it was fun. And even though Sean was more of a trouble maker and I had fun with him, I had even more fun with Max. Maybe because I'm in love with Max. At Maria's sleepover, Sean kept hitting on me. I didn't like it at all. Maybe because I'm no longer single. I also recall Sean saying +I don't eat off another man' taco platter.+ that was obviously a lie. g2g. Maria, Izzy, and I are going on another girl's night out. The guys (Michael, Max, and Kyle) do stuff while us girls are out also.
July 3rd 2001
I'm going to Isabel's this weekend, her Mum and Dad are going to be away. I just heard that Max has invited Michael and Kyle over the same day so us girls should have a great laugh spying on them and playing tricks on them. I can't wait. Maybe we could all join up together after the jokes and then I could spend the night lying in Max's arms. That would be great. Well I've got to go. Isabel, Maria and I decide that if the boys we like are going to see us in our night clothes, we had better get something to knock them dead.
July 4th 2001
It's Fourth of July and I'm Liz Parker. Well, well. Last night was a BLAST! I nailed Max with shaving foam. Then he started tickling me. Oh, I had so much fun. We got to Izzy's earlier than the boys- as usual, they are so late. We put on our sleeping clothes and it was 8:00 p.m. We pretended to watch a video when the boys realized we were in Izzy's room. Max saw me and his jaw just dropped- literally. Hehe. We had fun though. However, I don't know if I imagined this or not, I saw Alex, watching over us. Maybe I'm just dreaming. I do that sometimes. But today we get to pop firecrackers!!! And drink Apple Cider. Sparkling Apple Cider. Gotta go, Maria and Izzy are here. We are going shopping- groceries.
Liz
July 9th 2001
I love spending time with my friends, although I wish Alex were there too. I don't want to get into the Tess/Alex thing, right now though, not when this has been the best summer of my life. Maxwell came over for a little while, he actually just left. (You know, the rooftop thing...?) It's hell tight, how we can just talk now. We don't bother bringing up Tess or Alex into anything. I was talking to Sean at the crashdown the other day, and it looked like Max was about to kill Sean. Looks like he's jealous. I need to Tell Maxwell that Sean is just my friend, well sort of. I don't like how Sean hits on me though. Isabel is sick, but Maria and I are going to a theme park tomorrow. We both love roller coasters, Maria likes them a little bit more though. There is one I refuse to go on, but somehow I get the feeling that I'll end up on it, knowing how persuasive that girl is. She should be a lawyer. I think she wants to sing though. Oh well. Lots of hugs and kisses,
~Elizabeth
July 11th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and lately I've been thinking about Alex so much. Every since that night in Izzy's room when I thought I saw him watching over us he's all I've been able to think about. I walked into my room yesterday and saw a picture of him Maria and me in one of my desk drawers and started to cry. I hate Tess for killing him. Well, I'm headed over to Maria's tonight for a girls night. Bye. Liz
July 12th 2001
I can't wait till tomorrow. Our parents are so cool to let us all go away for a week. A whole week with just my best friends, could it get any better than this. Max came over when I was packing, he had packed this morning. He said he would help, but he was more of a distraction. I suppose I'll just have to get up early tomorrow and pack. I am so excited. I just know I won't get any sleep. Maybe I'll call Max, his reassuring voice can always calm me down when I can't sleep.
July 13th 2001
I am soaking wet. LOL. It's actually pretty funny. I'll tell you why... see Max and I were kissing under the balcony, and we got soaking wet, because the rest of the gang was up on the balcony, and they dumped water on our heads. Don't worry we got back at them! LOL. Now everyone's wet. Well I'm going to go change before I get pneumonia.
Love, Liz Parker
July 19th 2001
Maria, Isabel, and I went to the mall today. I was getting something for Max when all of a sudden Isabel yanks on my arm and tells me to look in the window. And then I had a flash of Alex, Maria, and myself at the mall just messing around. I started to cry. But what she was really trying to show me was it looked like Alex was right there watching us shop. It freaked Maria out. After we got what we wanted we went back to Isabel and Max's house to tell the guys about how we keep seeing Alex every where we go. It was weird because Kyle said the same thing happened to him, but it was like a flash back of the time they had spent together. Well, I got to go.
Liz
July 20th 2001
Oh my!!! I can’t believe how much I LOVE MAX!!!! We had so much fun after the buckets of water!! We all sat and watched the water and then all of a sudden each of the guys grabbed all of us girls and carried us to the water and threw us in!! It was sooo much fun cause then we pulled them in and had water fights where you had to sit on the guys shoulders and try to knock the other girls off! I knocked over Izzy, she was on Kyle’s back!! and of course I was on my beautiful boyfriend MAX!!! After a while of playing in the water we saw something moving in the water and we all got scared until Michael said it was just a big turtle, we all laughed!! After that we told ghost stories and went to bed! but me and max didn’t, we stayed up ALL night and just looked at the stars and talked about EVERYTHING!! That was one of the most magical nights ever!!
Elizabeth Parker
July 26th 2000
OK. So, I'm really, really bored. Max and I got in a fight today. (don't worry, just a small, ridiculous one) See, Maria, Michael, Max, and I all double dated. 1st we saw this chick flick (Legally Blonde), then we watched this stupid guy movie, and I don't even know what it's CALLED. We had all agreed on a compromise. If we made them watch a chick flick, then the guys would make us watch their dumb movie. Anyway, I said, +that was the stupidest movie I've ever seen in my life!+ (after the guy movie) Max said +and Legally Blonde was GOOD?+ I said, +as a matter of fact it was, Reese Witherspoon is tight.+ and Maria joined in +yep. next time Just Liz and I are going to see the movie alone.+ +America's Sweethearts?+ I asked. She said +yeah+ then we started to walk away talking about it while we left Max and Michael standing their. I overhead Michael say +who need's 'me?+ and Max said +not me.+ Believe me, when it comes to style, they need us, they just don't know it yet. Someday when they're mature enough to understand, they'll realize that we were right, and they were WRONG! OK. I have to go pee. (yes, I'm acting like Maria lately, and Maria's acting like me!)
July 27th 2000
Today was ok... i guess. Max is still really upset about what happened with Tess and the whole baby thing. I don’t really think that he cared all that much for Tess. The only thing that made him love her was the fact that she was caring his son. I feel so bad for him but Isabel and Michael and everyone else keeps telling me that theirs nothing I can do but just give him space. You know... let him figure out what has going to do. I know that he really wants to raise his son and be a good father... cuz that just how Max is. But he honestly cant do that. I know that he knows what he did was right... he just cant see that right now. Hopefully soon he will be able to figure something out...
Liz Parker
I'm Liz Parker, and my soul mate Max Evans has been destined for a very long time when he had a change of heart with the attraction to Tess he developed since we broke up on the day of his destiny and Tess thinks she was his new dream girl and I have not seen him since we broke up on that very day he was going to be destined. I knew I miss him a lot and I really want him back. We really want to reunite at all and why did he think that Tess was his young bride? I was supposed to be, not her. I think I should tell Tess to break up with him and we want to reunite so that I can replace Tess as his new young bride.
September 14th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I do really want to be Max's new young bride and I really would have been with him, not Tess. Whatever I told Kyle was that Tess became his first young bride, so that Kyle told Tess to get away from Max and she should get another destiny so that after that I became Max's new young bride and it really worked from just as it was from Kyle.
September 28th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I just don't believe I had to walk away from Max after I dumped him because of his destiny and Tess wouldn't let me win him back. What will I do if still don't get him back? I'll just have to find out and I would tell River Dog about Tess that took Max away from me, and he has answers.
October 1st 2000
Today has been strange. The pain from losing Max has become more obvious to the people around me. I was with Maria at the Crashdown this morning, and when she said something funny, I accidentally called her Max. She gave me her knowing look. I hate that look. When I left Max outside the pod chamber that day, the aching I felt was so terrible, I thought my life must have ended. In a way, I've been keeping the hurt inside. I feel like if I don't talk to anyone about it, I don't have to accept it. What can I do, though? It seems that Max was never meant to have a part in my life. Am I supposed to just move on? I can't. I can't move on. It still hurts too much. I'm afraid of seeing him, afraid of running into him at the grocery store or at school. He knows me too well. One glance at me, and he'll know what pain he's caused me. He'll know about the silent tears that wet my cheeks every night. He'll see the misery that's lurked inside since that fateful day. I can't let him see me like that. It would kill him.
Max...oh, Max...what am I going to do?
October 2nd 2000
I'm Liz Parker. It has been one year since I got shot on the day September 18th, 1999, and then this man I know was Max Evans, he was an alien from his home planet that he healed me and changed me before we became soul mates.
October 9th 2000
I'm Liz Parker. It had been 105 days since I had to run off after I had to leave Max on the day of his destiny and I had to leave for Florida for the summer when it happened. I really need some courage, and that would be a way to get him back.
October 22nd 2000
I'm Liz Parker. I knew that Max met me before Tess, that girl from his past who bugged me and she won't let me get him back. She gets on my nerves that I hate her so much. He had loved me since we were in 3rd grade. It was horrible that I miss him still and it had been 4 weeks since we broke up and there was no way I could get him back. If I could ask River Dog, he can tell me there is a way that I might try to get him back.
October 23rd 2000
Wow. Where have I been? I remember I saw Michael today and I think I saw Alex once but besides that everything is dark. What's happening to me? I miss my friends but I must keep up that cold exterior. No one must know that I hurt.
November 13th 2000
After I learned that Max was destined to be with Tess, I tried to pull away, but Max was so determined, he wouldn't let me go. He was so persuasive, I was beginning to think that perhaps Max and I could beat the odds and be together. That night when he serenaded me with his Mexican love song, I knew I could no longer hold back. After all, Max did say that we make our own destiny. I wouldn't have imagined that this one belief would actually mean the end all hopes for our relationship. The weight of the world is literally resting on my shoulders, and for once, I wish I could just be a high school girl in love. It is cruelly ironic that my hopes of a future with Max, who's faith in our love never wavered, were in the end taken away by the same boy who fuels them. I cannot imagine living without the hope of being with Max in the future, I can no longer just be Liz Parker, high school student. I have gone from being Liz Parker, regular high school student, to Liz Parker, girl in love with an alien and keeper of secrets, back to Liz Parker, high school student. But the "regular" is about as out of this world as Max's home planet. Max, Maria, Alex, Michael, and Isabelle are the reason for waking up in the morning. Their survival has been my reason for living, and now that I have to step away, I don't know who I am anymore. I have come too far and seen too much, and nothing that was once significant means anything. I have been thrust back into a life I once embraced, without the boy I love, without any hope of being with him, and with the terrifying uncertainty that lies ahead.
January 1st 2001
The weirdest thing happened today. Max came to my window. The weird thing is it was the future Max. I told you something weird happened today. Not that everyday is normal. Ever since that day Max saved me and made me live again nothing has been as it was before. Normal. Well future Max was hotter than ever. I knew Max would get cuter as he aged well future Max came to my window and told me I had to help him make Max (present one) to fall out of love with me. I almost choked. Make Max fall OUT of love with me. I know I want him to be happy and I walked away from him but I still love him. But future Max had a good reason in the future Max n I are together J that makes me happy to know. Well a few minutes before he arrived at my window he held Michael in his arms while Michael died L they were in a war and they had found out that without Tess they weren't so strong. Tess left because everyone was pushing her away. So because I love Max so much I tried to help him I talked to Tess telling her I wanted to help her and Max get together. Her and Max were talking and me and the future Max were watching Tess said something that mad Max get mad he got up and he saw me. He looked really mad but i guess he wasn't because he kissed me. It was so hard but I pushed him away. I went home and future Max was there telling me that that didn't work it just made me love him more. So I went to the Crashdown I talked to Maria but not about future Max about Michael she was so upset saying he looked so guilty she could never forgive him. It gave me an idea. But I had to talk to Kyle first. He agreed to my plan. He doesn't know why I am doing it. He thinks that Max must have really pissed me off. Like Max could ever make me even angry. Well the plan was to be in bed looking like we were.... well you know and when Max seen that he would fall OUT of love with me.L Future Max said it wouldn't work but he saw wrong. Max saw us and he left without saying anything. The look of hurt in his eyes. I'll never get that image out of my! mind. Kyle left future Max came out and told me how much that hurt him. L He had told me before that he and I had gotten married at age 19 I still think that was young but...now that I will never marry Max I think 19 would have been the perfect age to get married. Well I told future Max that I wanted my wedding dance. So we did. I danced and danced. I spun once, twice then he was gone. L I wrote a poem about it here it is:
Still Playing
In your arms is where I find myself to be.
We're dancing.
Dancing to the most romantic song known to me.
I find myself feeling happier than I've ever felt before.
Then I spin
coming back to you
I spin again
only now you're not there.
I find myself alone.
Without you.
The song still plays. Still romantic
but sad too.
This might just be my worst day yet. Losing Max by my own actions. Liz Parker
March 18th 2001
Dear Journal, I'm Liz Parker. And this weekend so far has been awful. I'm sitting here thinking about Max. He came into the Crash Down today with Tess. God, if Max is going to come into my work place with Tess at least don't call me over to take his order. I acted mutual and cool, but I couldn’t help noticing how much Tess was all over Max. It doesn't matter to me, because we all know who Max loves most, and it's me. I think maybe if I told Max about him coming from the future that maybe it would make him loosen off of Tess, and come more onto me. But what if I do tell him and he goes off to Tess even more? I'm so confused, I don't know what to think or do about this problem. I don't. Liz Parker.
March 20th 2001
Dear Journal, I can't believe Max refuses to take me back and he's still attracted to Tess. Now we can't reunite and it's not fair why we have to break up and be separated months ago. I'll just find my way to make him break up with Tess, and he will apologize to me about breaking up.
March 27th 2001
Dear Journal, The day is March 27th and I died a year and a half ago. I was so jealous when Michael and Maria got together. But then I got with Max and everything was ok. But.. we broke up.. and it got bad. I envy Maria so much now. I mean she has an alien boyfriend and is friends with Max. And then Michael.. he has his own motorcycle. I wish Max owned a motorcycle. Mmmm he'd look so fine. But I wouldn't be on the back of it.. oh no he'd probably put Kyle before me. I am so obsessed with Max, I cant get him out of my mind. Like.. last week I broke into his house and stole his lucky horseshoe from his wall. Obsession. Obsession. Obsession. Buddha help me!
P.S. What do you think Isabel saw when she kissed Alex? That's always bugged me.
March 31st 2001
Why did Tess have to come to Roswell? Sigh...I miss Max so much- I know journal what your thinking.
April 1st 2001
Happy April Fools Day! Well, at least that is what I feel like a...fool. Sometimes I wish I never met Max Evans. That I misjudged the simple values of being a small town girl, the merits of being normal .I thought Max and I had grown closer since Vegas but we haven't that miserable lie still stands between us. Yet, I know that even with all our problems I would never want to go back with not knowing. Alex, Maria, Kyle and I are apart of something amazing we know something that millions of people have pondered and either mocked or believed whole heartedly...So, where do I stand as of now I don't know... loss I guess...Even with all this at least I know that we all have a chance at survival...all of us, this time around.
April 6th 2001
My name is Liz Parker and I'm in love with an Alien who thinks I slept with my ex boyfriend. Which I didn't... I made him think that so he could go with another alien and I did that because my love came from the future to tell me that in the future our love killed two of my best friends who also happen to be aliens. COULD MY LIFE BE ANY WORSE???
April 7th 2001
Sigh........... Maria and I were walking around town the other day, looking in shop windows at the clothes that we could never afford, and in the glass I saw Max. I didn't turn around though, I know that he would hate that. He did see me, I'm sure of it, I saw his eyes look right at me, and then back to Michael. I wish he could still come up to me, were suppose to be friends. I still love him and I always will. I wish he could say the same for me.
April 8th 2001
Dear Journal, Today was one of the hardest days of my life, but i guess that's pretty hard to say because I have been saying that everyday since last October, when my world ended, when future Max came. God, I just want to tell Max the truth, about Kyle, why can't I just bring myself to do it? I Love him, I need him, I'm a wreck without him, and everyday I go on, and I just don't know how I make it trough the day without him. I must go on, but how?
-Liz Parker
April 11th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and I am on the outside an all American straight A student girl, but on the inside, I hold secrets deeper and darker then probably anyone in Roswell, any human that is. Today I saw Max with Tess today, He was happy with her, I mean he should be she's destiny. God, I just miss him so much though I cry each night alone on the balcony where he saw Kyle and I. I cry every time We Haven't Turned Around By Gomez comes on the radio, But I cry the most when I listen to I Shall Believe. Max doesn't know any of this, he thinks, god I don't even want to think of what he thinks of me. I feel like dying, and Sean isn't much of a comfort either, I mean yeah it's kind of nice to flirt and laugh once in awhile but it just hurts I don't know how to explain it all. I mean how am I supposed to live to go on. Every time I see him with her I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
-Liz Parker
April 22nd 2001
Dear Journal,
Lately I have been feeling worse than ever. There are so many things going on in my life right now....so many problems....unsolved problems....and so many hidden secrets that I have. Sometimes I find myself being swamped with overwhelming emotions. I know that things aren't what they seem to be with everyone right now. I find myself becoming even more independent and distant from Max, Maria, Alex, Michael, Isabel, Kyle, my parents, Tess, and the whole freaking town! The one person that has helped me not sink completely down the hole into depression is Sean. I am so grateful to have him! I don't know what I'd do if Sean wasn't around. When I saw Max and Tess kissing at the prom i knew that that would be the last time to let myself go through more misery with the pod squad. I want to be happy for a change. I refuse to let him and those ungrateful, selfish, uncaring aliens ruin my life and destroy my goals and dreams! I won't let them do this to me anymore! I am moving on! I am going to start focusing more on me for once and what I want. That’s ! what I'll do! After I ran out of school, after witnessing the gerbil kissing who I'd thought to be my soul mate, I went to Sean at the bowling alley and we went.
April 24th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and everyone thinks I'm crazy. Alex died yesterday and I know he didn't kill himself. Alex wouldn't do that. I know him better than anyone...he wouldn't do that. I tried to tell everyone that but they wouldn't believe me. No one believes me. Not even Max or Maria. I'm on my own now. There's no one for me to turn to now. My rock is gone. Some one took him from me, from us, and I'm going to find out who. Or what did. And they will pay. I have a promise to keep to my friend. I have many miles still to go...
April 24th 2001- Continued
Just when I think that I might get some semblance of a normal life, fate turns around and slaps me in my face....But to be honest, I have had a gut feeling that something was going to happen....Back at prom, I could just feel it. Oh why did I have to see Max and Tess kiss....and why did I feel that it was just foretelling the future....Nothing last forever. Pain. Pain lasts. Pain in giving up the love of my life, pain in seeing others happy, but most of all, pain in seeing my life fall apart by the seams. Alex is dead. Died in a car crash. And Max couldn't even heal him. Now everyone is telling me it was 'apparent suicide'. Alex dead, I can't even comprehend. It's like looking at your own gravestone, but you know you're alive. No. There is something wrong with that phrase....like 'we make our own destinies'. No. I can't think like that. I won't. There is something wrong with it. Everything is wrong. Why is it wrong? Nothing is making sense. In my confusion, and the turmoil of my life, I will find the truth. Come hell or high water, I will find it out! SUICIDE? It isn't even possible. I refuse to believe it. Every fiber of my body tells me there is something wrong with Alex's death.....Please, why do I always lose the ones I love? I can't think like that anymore. I refuse to. I will find out the truth, even if it KILLS me. I am coming up with some evidence, but nothing is helping clear the air...except...I am just getting this HUGE feeling that Alex's death is alien related....hmmmm. I feel like Alex is around me, just waiting for me to figure it all out, all the pieces to the puzzle....and I will, I swear on my life. But now, I can only hope that my life will be restored to rights.
April 24th 2001- Continued
I just write and write and keep hoping it won't be true but it comes down to this...
Dear Journal, It's April 24th and I am Liz Parker. I really don't know where to begin. So much has happened. I just can't even begin to believe, it must be a dream. However then I wake up and know that it is not. Alex is gone. I mean real gone. He died three nights ago in an automobile accident. The police and everyone else thinks he may have committed suicide. Maria and Kyle believe me. But I know better. I do believe he was murder. Whether or not if it was alien related I am unsure of, but if it was I will find out. I owe to my friend no matter what it costs. Max won't believe. I guess in a way you can say I was shocked. Max use to believe in me. I guessed all of that has changed. There really is nothing left to hold on to. But I'll tell you this much. I will not rest or sleep until I find out what really happened to Alex. I owe him at least that to find out what really happened. I have miles to go before I sleep and things to do before I rest.
April 28th 2001
I've been praying that everything will fall into place with Alex's death. It's all that I can think about. I am just so angry right now, I feel that everyone has turned from me. I have to find some kind of evidence to link that picture of Leanne with Alex. Who would cut off his head like that. My first thought was jealousy, and then, all I could think of was murder. I knew Alex for all my life, and he would NEVER kill himself. I went to the dump to check out Alex's car, it was almost by accident that I found that picture....or was it? I feel that the photograph is all I have to go on. I just have to think about this. I will find a way, don't I always?
Liz
April 29th 2001
I have a promise to keep and miles to go before i sleep. I miss Alex. I miss Max. I'm so upset. I have no one. I hate my life. I need Max, but Tess put herself in the way of us again. I think I'm going crazy because of Alex. I have a promise to keep and miles to go before I sleep.
Liz Parker
May 1st 2001
I just want to cry. Max is being so mean to me and everyone else. Its like he's a completely different person. That's not the person I fell in love with. I think he's hiding something from me about Tess. I hate her and him at the time being. But, then again, i don't hate him. I just hate the way he's treating everyone lately. He needs to learn to deal with his issues. I wonder what ever happened to that therapy that Isabel said he was taking. Knowing him, he probably dropped out of doing it because he's so stubborn. Well for now, my emotions are more confusing than ever. I wish that things would just get better NOW.
May 4th 2001
Oh god my life really is falling apart what am i going to do now i cant go back to max because he is now with Tess why oh why did my life have to be so complicated Alex I miss you so much but I will find out the truth even without any of my so called friends help
May 8th 2001
I can't believe it's happening. Max is falling out of love with me. The Max I knew would have never spoke to me the way he just did over at Valenti's. Tess actually spoke up for me too! Maybe she isn't all that bad of a person. That's more than I can say for Max. After all we've been through. One day he will know the truth. I gave up everything for him and Isabel, Michael and Tess.
Wonder how he'll react when Michael give him the translation and that it came from Alex all along.
May 16th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and my life is falling apart. I can't be with Max because of his destiny and I'm still torn apart by Alex’s death. I just don't know what to do any more! I know Tess and max are getting closer (That makes me sick) and I'm getting closer to Sean. But nothing or no one will ever take the place of Max! Maybe I should listen to the advice my grandmamma gave me
May 17th 2001
Dear Diary, I keep looking back at all the events that link up to today, from the very first moment Max and I connected. I have kept their secrets, and helped them, and yes, I told my best friends, because I knew that they could be trusted. Some things happen for a reason, and some, well, you don't expect them to happen at all. Like poor Brody for example, apparently he suffered electrical shock when he was trying out his virtual reality program. He opened up a part of his brain that humans don't actually used, and thus tapped into Larecks memories. That has to be really confusing, and then causing him to go berserk and hold Max, Maria, and Tess captive. Amy was there, and so was Sean. I wonder, if Tess 'erased' Amy's memory of what happened that night, then why didn't she just clear Sean's too? Well anyway, I managed to help him keep his mouth closed by agreeing to go out with him. Which is basically blackmail, but it's not entirely in the same context. I think! I'm getting used to sacrificing a lot these days. Maybe I'll get a break at college or something.
Liz
May 21st 2001
I suppose that every single day of your life you have to go through tests to grow to be the person you are capable of being. This past year has been nothing but tests, for all of us. I've learned so many things today, last night, the past few days, that I'm trying in vain to process them all correctly. Leanne is not Leanne, she's human. Alex is dead, killed by Tess. Although Kyle was unwittingly a part of her plan too. Tess has been brain warping her heart's content to the chosen few of Roswell, NM. She Pregnant. She's hopefully, at Antar now. Max knows that I never slept with Kyle, but it hurts that he slept with her. That's what I wanted though right? It's still hard to imagine that they were, or (are)? married none the less though. Max didn't leave to Antar, neither did Isabel, or Michael. It was their one chance to go in the granilith, and they didn't leave, they decided to stay with us. So now I have Max, Maria has Michael, and Isabel has the truth about Alex, and Kyle, well now he knows the truth about his 'sister'.
It has been said that we live for today, and tomorrow is a dream, today, I live for tomorrow, and pray that yesterday was just a dream.
Liz
May 22nd 2001
Max came by today. My heart still aches when I see him. He wanted to talk. He actually apologized to me for the whole Alex situation. We didn't really say a whole lot. We just looked into each other's eyes to say it all. I still love him. I can't help myself. Even after he told me about Tess. I was angry at first, but who can blame him. I pushed him to her.
What happens now? I mean Tess is gone. How will they ever get home? All I know is that Max still loves me, but will it be enough?
May 24th 2001
I'm Liz Parker. I'm so confused about everything, especially about what's going to happen between me and Max. I love him, and I know he loves me, but when he said he wished it could all be different I know that it could have been. I know that I could have prevented my heartache, and Alex's death, by not listening to the future Max, but if I hadn't it would have resulted in the end of the world anyway. I agree with Max, I just wish that things could be different, and everything to be back the way it was before Tess came to Roswell.
Liz
May 29th 2001
I really don’t know if I did the best thing in changing the future. Now Alex is dead, Tess escaped with Max’s son. And I gave up everything with Max, our marriage, our night together. Max changed me that day in the Crashdown . I felt so different . I see things in a different way and I can see things nobody, even Max, can see. I feel powerful.
Liz
May 30th 2001
I have always loved Max, even when I pretended I didn't care about him. I only pretended to sleep with Kyle to save the aliens. I wish I could change the past. If I could, I would have told Max about Future Max in Las Vegas. I wish I could actually marry Max. Maybe someday. Now, with Tess gone, maybe I can rebuild my friendship with Max and make up for all the lost time. Since we kissed that night, I have been remembering what it felt like to be with Max. I remember how warm & safe I felt in his arms. I wish that somehow I could get all of that back. Max told me that I was his destiny. If that's true, then we must end up together. I am so glad that Max didn't go home. I would have felt like I was missing a part of myself. We had so many great times. Max & I were so close a year ago. If only I knew how to tell him the way I feel about him. If only I knew he felt the same way about me...
June 1st 2001
I'm Liz Parker and I’m confused.
Maria decided we needed girly bonding so we went to the Mall, She thought it would take my mind off Max! Maria is such a good person who loves her friends but i really need to think about Max. Maybe I should go over there and see if Max is okay, H said he need's to figure things out and I don't blame him it's just that KISS! I believe Max is my soul mate and I guess if we are met to be together we will, But fate has a way of showing it's ugly head at the wrong time! I am envious of Michael and Maria but I am happy for them. It's about time they shared some happiness. I saw Kyle he look's in pretty bad shape, Tess is not worth the paper this is written on but what she did and the pain she has caused will never be forgotten!!!
Anyway my shift it's late and all that talking with Maria tired me out! Maybe for once I hope that fate will be on all of our sides.
June 4th 2001
I'm just trying to get my head sorted out. Ok, Max told me that he loved me, which I get, but I just don't know if its true. I mean, he did sleep with the mind-warping-bitch, and it hurts me that he did that. I know it was me who led him to it, but it still hurts. I can only imagine how he felt when he thought I slept with Kyle....I hate myself so much sometimes knowing what I put him through, and really, did it actually do any good? I can't see anything that it helped. Alex is dead. Was it my fault then? I changed the future...did that cause it? Oh god........Well, at least Max now knows that I didn't sleep with him, I just wish he knew the whole story. I want to tell him how much pain I was in when I did that. It hurt me too. I hope that it works out between us. I want to be with him so bad, I love him. I feel bad saying this, but its not just 'him' that I miss, its the way he made me feel. His arms protected me, through everything, and when we were waiting for the ship to take off at the pods, I felt so safe again. I've tried to stop loving him, I tried so hard, but I can't stop. He's my soul mate, forever.
June 4th 2001- Later
I have been crying on my bed since i got back from Max's! He told me to go and that he couldn't stand to see me!! Michael and I really talked for the first time today and it was nice!! Michael isn't all bad Maria is right and I’m happy for them. Liz Parker and Max Evans are not meant to be! Noooooo I don't mean that coz i know we are! Max will call and say sorry and we'll talk it through! I know he will.
Yes he called I’m going over there now!
June 5th 2001
Last night was great, Me and Max talked for about three hours straight about EVERYTHING! we cried, we kissed, we talked, we yelled! But the end result was us hugging. Max and I are going to start over and if things lead to us being together again then so be it! I called Maria and told her about it as soon as I got home, I think I interrupted something!! Maria said she was happy for me and I got a huge hug from her when we started our shift at the Crash Down! Michael gave me a hug ?!?!?!?!!? It was shocking, Maria told him to I think! Michaels funny ! Anyway were all going to the beach at the weekend, It's the first group outing in a while that doesn't involve running from aliens!! I'm looking forward to it!
June 6th 2001
Dear Diary, It is June 6th and I guess you must be wondering what is going on inside my head. Is there such a pain that you can't feel anymore? It grows throughout your entire body until you are a spectator of your own life. You see all your mistakes and though its your life, you are powerless to stop the pain because you are an observer instead of a participant. I just wish that the pain could be felt so I knew that I was still alive.
June 14th 2001
Hay I’m back from my fun filled trip with my friends and the love of my life Kyle - Only kidding Max!! Myself and Max had a good talk many infarct and i realize we will be together because its our fate. I'm behind Max's search 100% but the idea that I might have to see Tess again makes me sick and Maria will have to be held back as will myself and Isabel and Michael and Kyle!!! Maria says her and Michael are sooo in love and he is being the perfect girlfriend, Maria seems to get along well with Isabel which kind of made me jealous but i haven't been a good friend lately and that’s going to change! I mean that!
June 21st 2001
Dear Journal, I've always been this small town girl, perfect with everything. Great grades, great friends, great parents. You could say that life was great. Then Max Evans saved me and risked everything. Michael, Isabel, and himself. Well You already know all that but I was pulled into this weird circle. It involved Isabel, Michael, and Max. Then I pulled Maria in. Then Alex. Then Kyle followed, as did his dad, the Sheriff. Alex is the one I regret pulling in. He's dead now. If I had shut my mouth and not told him anything, he wouldn't be dead now. He would be alive, breathing and cracking jokes. I miss you Alex! Please come back. I found out that Tess killed Alex. The blonde shit head. I gave her everything. I gave her Max. I saved the world and pushed Max towards her. She rewards me by killing my sweet Alex. My best friend, my brother. Nothing can bring Alex back because the granolith is gone for forever. that stupid blonde was sent back to her planet. One day though, Tess will be back, and when she is...she'll have to face me. I may look innocent but who says I am? Max wants me to help get his son back. Fat chance. I love Max but he slept with my enemy. He slept with someone who killed my best friend. I don't know if I can forgive him. Thank you Journal, for always listening to me, and for always being there for me. You remind me of Alex so can I call you that? From now on I will title you Alex....bye for now my friend, bye for now.
Liz
June 22nd 2001
I am so happy, it's as if Tess never came to Roswell, but I will never forget what she did to us all, especially Alex. Max is so sweet, but I know he is worried about his son. His son, not Tess's, she is not fit to be a mother. I f he finds his son, no WHEN he finds his son, I wonder if he will want me to be his mother. You know, I think I would, it would bind us together. Michael and Maria are getting on fine, we're going out with them tomorrow night. Oh my god, I can finally say we again, because Max and me are a pair forever. No matter what. Nothing can come between us anymore, I won't let it. Not even if Tess comes back. She would be stupid to come back, Max and Michael wouldn't have to do anything. Maria, Isabel and I would get revenge ourselves. Isabel for losing her Love (I know how that feels) and Maria and I for losing our best friend.
June 25th 2001
Max is so wonderful, I LOVE him so much. When I told him I would be his son's mother he cried. We had this massive heart to heart and I don't think I have ever felt so loved. I think Maria feels the same way about Michael.
June 29th 2001
Ok. I had a LOT of fun last night. Isabel and I slept over at Maria's house. It was TOTALLY fun. Izzy and Maria are like my best friends. We talked a lot, especially about Max, Michael, and Kyle. See, I wasn't that comfortable talking about Kyle, since I used to date him, but it was OK. I think Kyle ad Isabel should go for it. I mean I know Izzy fell in love with Alex, but she has to move on, and I think she's starting to get feelings for Kyle. I guess humans just aren't attracted to other humans, and aliens aren't attracted to other aliens. Weird, huh? See, you can think you're falling for one of your same species, when you really aren't. Ok, that comment was a little far-fetched. I'm starting to sound like Maria, no offense to her or anything. I like spending time with Max, I love him, but I also enjoy spending time with Maria and Isabel, cause I can giggle. When's the last time I've giggled anyway? Junior High? The other day, at the Crashdown, when Maria and I were on break, Izzy came up to us to talk. I got in a giggling fit, right when Max came in. It was embarrassing, but it was fun. LOL. Well I g2g. I have a date with Max in about an hour, and I have NO idea what to wear! Later.
~Liz
July 1st 2001
Max and I went to this boring expensive fancy restaurant on our date last night. Then he asked if I wanted to go someplace else. I said +the bowling alley+ he said +it's closed+ I said, +I know+ We slid on the bowling aisle. it was fun. And even though Sean was more of a trouble maker and I had fun with him, I had even more fun with Max. Maybe because I'm in love with Max. At Maria's sleepover, Sean kept hitting on me. I didn't like it at all. Maybe because I'm no longer single. I also recall Sean saying +I don't eat off another man' taco platter.+ that was obviously a lie. g2g. Maria, Izzy, and I are going on another girl's night out. The guys (Michael, Max, and Kyle) do stuff while us girls are out also.
July 3rd 2001
I'm going to Isabel's this weekend, her Mum and Dad are going to be away. I just heard that Max has invited Michael and Kyle over the same day so us girls should have a great laugh spying on them and playing tricks on them. I can't wait. Maybe we could all join up together after the jokes and then I could spend the night lying in Max's arms. That would be great. Well I've got to go. Isabel, Maria and I decide that if the boys we like are going to see us in our night clothes, we had better get something to knock them dead.
July 4th 2001
It's Fourth of July and I'm Liz Parker. Well, well. Last night was a BLAST! I nailed Max with shaving foam. Then he started tickling me. Oh, I had so much fun. We got to Izzy's earlier than the boys- as usual, they are so late. We put on our sleeping clothes and it was 8:00 p.m. We pretended to watch a video when the boys realized we were in Izzy's room. Max saw me and his jaw just dropped- literally. Hehe. We had fun though. However, I don't know if I imagined this or not, I saw Alex, watching over us. Maybe I'm just dreaming. I do that sometimes. But today we get to pop firecrackers!!! And drink Apple Cider. Sparkling Apple Cider. Gotta go, Maria and Izzy are here. We are going shopping- groceries.
Liz
July 9th 2001
I love spending time with my friends, although I wish Alex were there too. I don't want to get into the Tess/Alex thing, right now though, not when this has been the best summer of my life. Maxwell came over for a little while, he actually just left. (You know, the rooftop thing...?) It's hell tight, how we can just talk now. We don't bother bringing up Tess or Alex into anything. I was talking to Sean at the crashdown the other day, and it looked like Max was about to kill Sean. Looks like he's jealous. I need to Tell Maxwell that Sean is just my friend, well sort of. I don't like how Sean hits on me though. Isabel is sick, but Maria and I are going to a theme park tomorrow. We both love roller coasters, Maria likes them a little bit more though. There is one I refuse to go on, but somehow I get the feeling that I'll end up on it, knowing how persuasive that girl is. She should be a lawyer. I think she wants to sing though. Oh well. Lots of hugs and kisses,
~Elizabeth
July 11th 2001
I'm Liz Parker and lately I've been thinking about Alex so much. Every since that night in Izzy's room when I thought I saw him watching over us he's all I've been able to think about. I walked into my room yesterday and saw a picture of him Maria and me in one of my desk drawers and started to cry. I hate Tess for killing him. Well, I'm headed over to Maria's tonight for a girls night. Bye. Liz
July 12th 2001
I can't wait till tomorrow. Our parents are so cool to let us all go away for a week. A whole week with just my best friends, could it get any better than this. Max came over when I was packing, he had packed this morning. He said he would help, but he was more of a distraction. I suppose I'll just have to get up early tomorrow and pack. I am so excited. I just know I won't get any sleep. Maybe I'll call Max, his reassuring voice can always calm me down when I can't sleep.
July 13th 2001
I am soaking wet. LOL. It's actually pretty funny. I'll tell you why... see Max and I were kissing under the balcony, and we got soaking wet, because the rest of the gang was up on the balcony, and they dumped water on our heads. Don't worry we got back at them! LOL. Now everyone's wet. Well I'm going to go change before I get pneumonia.
Love, Liz Parker
July 19th 2001
Maria, Isabel, and I went to the mall today. I was getting something for Max when all of a sudden Isabel yanks on my arm and tells me to look in the window. And then I had a flash of Alex, Maria, and myself at the mall just messing around. I started to cry. But what she was really trying to show me was it looked like Alex was right there watching us shop. It freaked Maria out. After we got what we wanted we went back to Isabel and Max's house to tell the guys about how we keep seeing Alex every where we go. It was weird because Kyle said the same thing happened to him, but it was like a flash back of the time they had spent together. Well, I got to go.
Liz
July 20th 2001
Oh my!!! I can’t believe how much I LOVE MAX!!!! We had so much fun after the buckets of water!! We all sat and watched the water and then all of a sudden each of the guys grabbed all of us girls and carried us to the water and threw us in!! It was sooo much fun cause then we pulled them in and had water fights where you had to sit on the guys shoulders and try to knock the other girls off! I knocked over Izzy, she was on Kyle’s back!! and of course I was on my beautiful boyfriend MAX!!! After a while of playing in the water we saw something moving in the water and we all got scared until Michael said it was just a big turtle, we all laughed!! After that we told ghost stories and went to bed! but me and max didn’t, we stayed up ALL night and just looked at the stars and talked about EVERYTHING!! That was one of the most magical nights ever!!
Elizabeth Parker
July 26th 2000
OK. So, I'm really, really bored. Max and I got in a fight today. (don't worry, just a small, ridiculous one) See, Maria, Michael, Max, and I all double dated. 1st we saw this chick flick (Legally Blonde), then we watched this stupid guy movie, and I don't even know what it's CALLED. We had all agreed on a compromise. If we made them watch a chick flick, then the guys would make us watch their dumb movie. Anyway, I said, +that was the stupidest movie I've ever seen in my life!+ (after the guy movie) Max said +and Legally Blonde was GOOD?+ I said, +as a matter of fact it was, Reese Witherspoon is tight.+ and Maria joined in +yep. next time Just Liz and I are going to see the movie alone.+ +America's Sweethearts?+ I asked. She said +yeah+ then we started to walk away talking about it while we left Max and Michael standing their. I overhead Michael say +who need's 'me?+ and Max said +not me.+ Believe me, when it comes to style, they need us, they just don't know it yet. Someday when they're mature enough to understand, they'll realize that we were right, and they were WRONG! OK. I have to go pee. (yes, I'm acting like Maria lately, and Maria's acting like me!)
July 27th 2000
Today was ok... i guess. Max is still really upset about what happened with Tess and the whole baby thing. I don’t really think that he cared all that much for Tess. The only thing that made him love her was the fact that she was caring his son. I feel so bad for him but Isabel and Michael and everyone else keeps telling me that theirs nothing I can do but just give him space. You know... let him figure out what has going to do. I know that he really wants to raise his son and be a good father... cuz that just how Max is. But he honestly cant do that. I know that he knows what he did was right... he just cant see that right now. Hopefully soon he will be able to figure something out...
Liz Parker
Last edited by CosmicAngel on Thu May 29, 2003 2:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
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CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Maria DeLuca's Journal (Words From the Bestfriend)
August 22nd 2000
Three months! Three months and that bonehead hasn't even bothered to call. I can't believe this! That destiny was just a convenient excuse for him to bail! I'm going to eat some pie now.
September 20th 2000
Saw Michael today. He's wearing his hair different. Can we say Partridge Family? Obviously he is in shock over our break up & forgot to buy his usual 40lbs on gel in bulk!
November 15th 2000
Courtney's dead. Should I feel bad? On one hand she stopped Nicholas from finding out where the Granolith was (how could bonehead have told her?) but on the other she is out of Michael's life. Free boyfriend or dead alien? Free boyfriend or dead alien? I think I'll have to get back to you on that one!
December 2nd 2000
Look, I have a MAJOR problem. Brody is so into me and I kind of like it. You know, a guy paying attention- doing the little things for me. It's not like Michael ever cared to find out what makes me happy. But the problem is while I like Brody I love Michael. ARGH! Just like him to stand in the way. I'm telling you it's all his fault. Everything since I met him has been his fault. But I can't help it...I love him.
January 5th 2000
Dear Secret Keeper: Today Michael gave me a bumper. That was sweet of him. I really needed one. But he also got me earrings! Pearl. Real pearl. He must really love me. Like I really love him. Sometimes though I think about Brody. You know being together. I LOVE Michael but it doesn't seem like its going to work. Brody gives me the attention that I deserve and he likes me I can tell. With Michael one day you think he loves you the next is like you don't even exist with him. I wish Michael would be like Liz's Max. Sometimes I could just flip on Michael other times I could kiss him and kiss him. He has his moments. Liz and Max has their bad ones too though not often but they're in it now. Rumor has it that Liz slept with Kyle I don't believe it though. I mean why would she. She loves Max. But maybe it has something to do with the rumor. I dunno. Poor Liz. I hope they work things out. I don't like to see Liz so sad and depressed.
Maria
February 8th 2001
This has been like the most wild trip! Michael & I really bonded. He can't resist me. It's only a matter of time before Space boy is mine again- heart (or whatever's sitting in for that organ), body and soul. I wonder what he thinks our status is now. Maybe I'll ask him...
March 18th 2001
Alex and I went to see Get Over It last night. It was ok. The Felix guy was good but something about him bugged me. Alex didn't seem to notice but the actor just seemed so familiar! Well, got to jet! I'll try update you more tomorrow on my life...
March 19th 2001
I haven't had a lot of time to write but I found out that the rumors about Liz and Kyle sleeping together are a lie. Liz told me the whole story and it's so crazy. What I mean is a Max from the future came to Liz and told her to make present day Max fall out of love with herself, and the only thing that would make Max fall out of love with herself is if he saw her and Kyle in bed together.
P.S-> I wonder what Michael is doing right now, and I hope Liz and max get back together soon I just can't stand to see so many people unhappy
March 27th 2001
Let me tell you.. Michael has been looking mighty fine on that motorcycle of his lately. I think Max is jealous of it. Notice Max ran out and bought an all leather outfit.. but has no motorcycle. Hmmm. Max doesn't need one though because he'd probably put Kyle on the back.. and that would hurt Liz. Speaking of Liz.. I think she stole Max's horseshoe. Now that’s what you call diehard obsession. She's just been sucked into the alien abyss. Oh Buddha help her.
Maria
P.S. Why did is Tess walking down the street with all Michael's food??
April 1st 2001
My English teacher gave me an assignment to write a poem about my desires. So far I have -
Oh Mikey G,
where for art thee
Yeah well, it needs some work!!
Maria xxxx
April 14th 2001
Oh yeah to any outsiders I'm just your average girl. Has some boyfriend problems, Hangs out with her friends and so on but no! My boyfriend happens to be an alien destined to be with someone else! Oh Joy of all joy! Life is wonderful! The thing is I know that one day he'll probably jump on a spaceship and whizz home to his home planet. Then where will I be? Sigh...
Maria xxx
April 24th 2001
WHYYYYYY?????!!!!!!! I can't even breath....I feel like a part of me has just died. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe it. It really can't be. Alex wouldn't be depressed to go crazy and kill himself in a car accident. He was a bit quirky, but never stupid. Especially when he and Isabel were hooking up....finally. I just don't get it....I can't stop crying...like there is no relief. I beginning to think Liz is right....she is doing terrible...maybe worse than I am, her whole world is falling apart.... Why?! Why Alex? Why not some person who I don't know and care for so much? Michael has been with me 24/7...he must really love me... I think that my mom is warming up to him a lot. GOD ALEX!!!! Please, call me and tell me this is all some sick joke, and laugh when you say that you got us pretty good, because I SWEAR, I just can't believe this is true. I just can't. These past few days are completely surreal....Please let it be some terrible dream....I beg of anyone...Alex, God, if you're really there, please tell me it really isn't true. please.
Maria
April 26th 2001
It must really be true. Alex is gone. GOD i wish it wasn't true. WHY????? Alex and Izzy were just starting to hook-up again. I still know Alex didn't kill himself. What stupid person would think that. And Tess she acts like it's no big deal. God I just wish it weren't true, I wish he was sitting next to me telling me all about Izzy. But Michael has been here for me. Liz seems to think that Alex was MURDERED, I would think that before I thought that Alex would kill himself.
Always
Maria
April 27th 2001
I looked at myself in the mirror today and saw a big empty void. I feel all alone. I mean everyone is trying to help me out and everything but...I just don't know. Liz. Liz has gone insane. I mean she went to the dump and searched through Alex's car! She keeps rambling on about how Alex was murdered. I don't know what's happened to her. I think she's snapped. It's all just to much for her. Yeah, that's probably it.
Maria
May 24th 2001
I can't believe all that's happened! Tess was the one who killed Alex! (I never liked her anyway!) And to think Liz was right all along! I knew something was up with that girl! Anyways, me and Michael did it! We actually did it! It was so romantic and sweet, and beforehand he brought up the fact of the flashes. And that when Liz and Max kissed Liz would get flashes, then he told me that he didn't let me have the flashes before because he was afraid of showing his true self to me. Then (get this) he held my hands and showed me flashes from his abusive childhood, and at the end there was me! He showed me how much he cares for me, and it was so sweet! Afterwards, he told me he had to leave with Tess, Max, and Isabel and that he had no choice. I was so heartbroken, but I understood. It was before they were going to leave that Liz found out Tess killed Amex, and we went to the pod chamber and told them just in time. Tess ended up leaving and everyone else! e stayed behind. Michael is turning out to be such a sweet guy, and I can't wait to share the rest of my life with him. Maria
June 1st 2001
Well Finally life maybe may be going back to normal!! What am i saying NORMAL Never ever is life in Roswell going to be normal. I love Michael, I rarely used to say that out loud but for the past few day's those three word's have rolled of my tongue like they were meant to be said! Mom knows something is off with the whole Michael situation, Maybe she knows about me and Michael sleeping together! God she can't I’m so paranoid. Michael and me made love again it was better second time around i hope it keep's getting better!! Michael also told me he loved me again (Yay) It's so weird how one sudden change of events can shape your life. Me and Liz went to the Mall today to clear Liz's mind of Max for a few hours, I might get her some lavender oil form Mom's store. Michael's going to be here in five minutes for dinner with my Mom! It's weird I’m kind of nervous, even though they have been getting on really well lately! God they could turn out like one of those couples on Jerry Springer
June 4th 2001
Wow, first of all so much has happened in the past two days that I don't know where to start. First, I should probably start with my dinner with mom and Michael. Not so great...let me just tip you off with SHE KNOWS! The fact that Michael and I did it? Yup she knows. I don't know how she did it, she has like these super X-ray de-virginizer eyes or something. She pulled me into the kitchen after dinner and was like telling me that there was something different between Michael and I and that we seemed closer. She asked me if we had sex and I told her no and she played off that but she knows. The day after I told Michael about it we started making out heavy duty and he told me he wanted to slow down. What’s that about? I don't quite know how i feel about that just yet. I'm still processing. I told Liz about it and in her sympathetic best friend way she told me it maybe was for the best. I dunno it just kind of made me feel rejected. My goal is to talk to Michael about it since ! we are so close right now. I pray it stays this way.
XOXO
Maria
June 4th 2001-Later
Okay so Michael called me twice and I was out with Kyle and Isabel trying to put a smile on Kyle’s Face and now he thinks he's pissed me off!! Mom said Michael cannot stay on the couch unless i get a lock on my door, Uggggh what's her problem!! Dinner was bad but she and Michael get along and I can make my own decisions. God I called Michael and reassured him and told him I loved him yada yada yada!!! He's coming over as Mom is on a date again with Jim and she took some overnight stuff ugggh the thought is disgusting!!! But anyway I’m going to cook myself and Michael a nice meal and then watch the scobby marathon on TV (yay) Then i plan to make love to my boyfriend! Which seems the best part. Isabel and myself are getting on better I mean we looked after mom's shop yesterday and it was a blast! Liz went to see Max GOD bad mistake! Liz should give him time! Ohhhhh Michael's here looking his usual badly groomed self but he's mine and I love him!
June 5th 2001
Liz and max, Max and Liz, God those two have way too many issues unlike my-self and Michael who are in love and have no issues except my Mom!! I was told to go away this afternoon because Mom needed to talk with Michael!! I can't believe her sincerely. So My-self and Michael were sitting at the park today having are 'alone time' and I came up with an idea of us all going on a trip to the beach, everyone loved it even Kyle who had ventured out into the big bad world and found haven and the Crash Down. He ordered the salad, I I mean come on he's jock isn't a burger his ideal meal. I'm worried about Kyle! As is who is taking me and Liz shopping for bathing suites tomorrow and Michael said I have to wear a one-piece because he doesn't want guys looking at me in that way, What's wrong with him??? Ahhh He's jealous, Like every other male who is in love.
June 7th 2001
What's with Liz, One minute she was okay and the next it was like Liz was crying in the back room at work today. I can't seem to figure out why, I want to help her but she won't open up she's like Michael when I first met him. I mean this is a overnight thing. She didn't come shopping with myself and Isabel for bathing suites. Isabel and myself had a great time even though I was a little worried. Michael's over he's watching T.V with Kyle in the den, Mom and Jim are out AGAIN!!! So me and Michael are babysitting Kyle (LoL) I'm sitting in the kitchen cooking pizza and I’m bored!! I'll call Liz and see if she wants to come over and grab a video on the way, Actually I’ll give Max and Is a call as well we can make a night of it!!!
June 14th 2001
WOW I have had a blast I’m sorry i haven't wrote sooner but i haven't been at home see we went to the beach on Sunday we drove to the Beach (Well it's kind of a man made beach on the lake) But anyway it was sooo fun but we decided to sleep on the beach and we did for two night and during the day we'd just laze on the beach swimming and eating ice cream and hotdogs from the venda. Me and Michael wrapped ourselves in a blanket and just looked up at the stars it was like we were in some teeny movie or something. I called Mom who was surprisingly cool as was the other parents. They just said as long as we all stick together and call if were in trouble. I mean it was soo cool. Max and Liz spent a lot of time going on walks and Kyle spent most of the time trying to impress these girls with his BOD!!! ugggh and Isabel spent most her time trying to get a tan while me and Michael just spent the three days and two nights messing around and talking and being together. At night we all gathered round the fire that Michael made and talked about everything.!!! I love Michael to death and I always will
June 23rd 2001
Well this should be interesting, allow me to explain... Today Michael was over and we had a little bit of a fight. I thought that it would be a great idea to go on a double date with Max and Liz. You know maybe to get those two lovebirds dating again. But Michael said that he didn't understand why we should go with them, all they ever do is act all uncomfortable around each other and try to act all polite. He didn't want to put up with them all night. Well then I told him that if he didn't I would withhold sex for a week. Then he freaked! Instead of immediately saying that he would respond to my every wish, he told me that I didn't own him! Can you believe that? He said that! He then continued by saying that if he was going to be in a sexual relationship with me, there was no way that I could use sex as a bargaining tool. Ok, yes he has a point there, but you see he's a guy! Sure he's an alien, but a MALE alien. I don't care who you are, no guy says +If you want to be in a sexual relationship with me you have to do blah blah blah+. I swear it's craziness! Anyway, I said that i was sorry but that he really should go with us, if he wanted to be a kind boyfriend. He immediately said yes, but then he left in a huff. If I remember correctly the last double date Michael and I were on was a disaster! I hate to think that now that he truly loves me and wants me, something could go wrong tomorrow but maybe it will. I don't understand this sudden sensitivity that’s popping up in my Space boy. Maybe Khivar is already here? Oh no I don't like that idea. NOBODY, be them alien or human tells my boyfriend what to do! Well, except me of course me, but that's different! Love ya lots, even though you're just paper!
Maria
June 25th 2001
I really thought Michael was going to be difficult on our date, but we had so much fun. This is what double dates is all about. Liz looked really happy, almost as if Tess had never come into our lives. I'm going to Michael's tomorrow. I know what he thinks we'll be doing, but he has got it wrong, we are going shopping.
July 1st 2001
More girl's nights out for Iz, Liz, and me. I love Michael, and I'm neglecting him. I plan on spending more making-out/sexual evenings with him. I hope he loves me too.
July 2nd 2001
Sorry I haven't written. I managed to drag Michael out to the mall so we could shop. I bought TONS of new clothes, and Michael gave me his input on them, so I know what he likes. The problem is.... a lot of them are low cut. What do you expect from a guy alien? Even though he still has those guy instincts, I sill love him. Got to go.
Sincerely,
Sweet, loveable Maria
July 3rd 2001
I can't wait for Isabel's sleepover, Michael is going to flip when he see's what I have to wear. We are going to pretend to say bad things about them when we know they are listening and everything. We will have pillows at the ready for pillow fights and shaving foam hidden away for the surprise attack. With her parents away, we are going to have a blast. Even the all serious Max won't put a damper on the fun as he has let loose now he is back with Liz.
July 12th 2001
A whole week with Michael. It's a dream come true and it will be so romantic up in the mountains, with no mother's to disturb us. Sean wanted to come, but Mum wouldn't let him. She said it was just for us as we had had a hard year, if only she knew. Plus, I think she is happy Max and Liz are back together and she hates it when Sean tries to mess them up with his nasty inuedos.I can't wait till tomorrow. I am packed and ready to go. Maybe I'll call Liz and we can be excited together.
I tried Liz's, it was busy, No doubt she is talking to Max.
July 13th 2001
We dumped water on Max and Liz under the balcony when the were kissing. And now, I'm soaking wet, because those dim bulbs got back at us. LOL. Oh well. You know what? I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with Michael. Because... I'm TOTALLY in love with him. I think he feels almost exactly the same way about m. I'm still so happy, that Michael let down loose to let me see him, his thoughts, his feelings, and his memories!
Love,
Michael.... I mean... Maria.
Love,
Maria
^There, that's it.
July 24th 2001
Michael's taking me to see the latest chick flicks. You know.... Legally Blonde, Princess Diaries (ok, I want to see it) and America's Sweethearts. I don't really like Julia Roberts, but Catherine Zeta- Jones, is really pretty. Julia Roberts isn't that bad, but everyone's always gushing about how beautiful she is, I don't think she's that pretty. I mean-- she's not ugly or anything. Anyway, Liz has found a very BIG sense of humor. She's always joking, and making weird comments and everything. Today she was like to me and Iz-- +Do I look more beautiful than I did yesterday+ and I was about to answer when she said +At 1st I thought, definitely, BIG improvement, but then I thought-- wait, I look the same as I did yesterday. So I can't be more beautiful, if I look exactly the same. So I'm thinking-- maybe I was just as beautiful yesterday as I am today, but I just didn't have the self-esteem to NOTICE it.+ Iz and I both cracked up. And Isabel snapped at Liz the other day, because Izzy was in a bad mood tat day. So Liz was like, +Isabel you're mean today. Not happy. Mean people just aren't happy. They're just not! Like me. I'm happy Liz. Liz Parker seems like a happy name.... don't you think?+ Whatever!
Love,
Happy, Happy, Maria!
Three months! Three months and that bonehead hasn't even bothered to call. I can't believe this! That destiny was just a convenient excuse for him to bail! I'm going to eat some pie now.
September 20th 2000
Saw Michael today. He's wearing his hair different. Can we say Partridge Family? Obviously he is in shock over our break up & forgot to buy his usual 40lbs on gel in bulk!
November 15th 2000
Courtney's dead. Should I feel bad? On one hand she stopped Nicholas from finding out where the Granolith was (how could bonehead have told her?) but on the other she is out of Michael's life. Free boyfriend or dead alien? Free boyfriend or dead alien? I think I'll have to get back to you on that one!
December 2nd 2000
Look, I have a MAJOR problem. Brody is so into me and I kind of like it. You know, a guy paying attention- doing the little things for me. It's not like Michael ever cared to find out what makes me happy. But the problem is while I like Brody I love Michael. ARGH! Just like him to stand in the way. I'm telling you it's all his fault. Everything since I met him has been his fault. But I can't help it...I love him.
January 5th 2000
Dear Secret Keeper: Today Michael gave me a bumper. That was sweet of him. I really needed one. But he also got me earrings! Pearl. Real pearl. He must really love me. Like I really love him. Sometimes though I think about Brody. You know being together. I LOVE Michael but it doesn't seem like its going to work. Brody gives me the attention that I deserve and he likes me I can tell. With Michael one day you think he loves you the next is like you don't even exist with him. I wish Michael would be like Liz's Max. Sometimes I could just flip on Michael other times I could kiss him and kiss him. He has his moments. Liz and Max has their bad ones too though not often but they're in it now. Rumor has it that Liz slept with Kyle I don't believe it though. I mean why would she. She loves Max. But maybe it has something to do with the rumor. I dunno. Poor Liz. I hope they work things out. I don't like to see Liz so sad and depressed.
Maria
February 8th 2001
This has been like the most wild trip! Michael & I really bonded. He can't resist me. It's only a matter of time before Space boy is mine again- heart (or whatever's sitting in for that organ), body and soul. I wonder what he thinks our status is now. Maybe I'll ask him...
March 18th 2001
Alex and I went to see Get Over It last night. It was ok. The Felix guy was good but something about him bugged me. Alex didn't seem to notice but the actor just seemed so familiar! Well, got to jet! I'll try update you more tomorrow on my life...
March 19th 2001
I haven't had a lot of time to write but I found out that the rumors about Liz and Kyle sleeping together are a lie. Liz told me the whole story and it's so crazy. What I mean is a Max from the future came to Liz and told her to make present day Max fall out of love with herself, and the only thing that would make Max fall out of love with herself is if he saw her and Kyle in bed together.
P.S-> I wonder what Michael is doing right now, and I hope Liz and max get back together soon I just can't stand to see so many people unhappy
March 27th 2001
Let me tell you.. Michael has been looking mighty fine on that motorcycle of his lately. I think Max is jealous of it. Notice Max ran out and bought an all leather outfit.. but has no motorcycle. Hmmm. Max doesn't need one though because he'd probably put Kyle on the back.. and that would hurt Liz. Speaking of Liz.. I think she stole Max's horseshoe. Now that’s what you call diehard obsession. She's just been sucked into the alien abyss. Oh Buddha help her.
Maria
P.S. Why did is Tess walking down the street with all Michael's food??
April 1st 2001
My English teacher gave me an assignment to write a poem about my desires. So far I have -
Oh Mikey G,
where for art thee
Yeah well, it needs some work!!
Maria xxxx
April 14th 2001
Oh yeah to any outsiders I'm just your average girl. Has some boyfriend problems, Hangs out with her friends and so on but no! My boyfriend happens to be an alien destined to be with someone else! Oh Joy of all joy! Life is wonderful! The thing is I know that one day he'll probably jump on a spaceship and whizz home to his home planet. Then where will I be? Sigh...
Maria xxx
April 24th 2001
WHYYYYYY?????!!!!!!! I can't even breath....I feel like a part of me has just died. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe it. It really can't be. Alex wouldn't be depressed to go crazy and kill himself in a car accident. He was a bit quirky, but never stupid. Especially when he and Isabel were hooking up....finally. I just don't get it....I can't stop crying...like there is no relief. I beginning to think Liz is right....she is doing terrible...maybe worse than I am, her whole world is falling apart.... Why?! Why Alex? Why not some person who I don't know and care for so much? Michael has been with me 24/7...he must really love me... I think that my mom is warming up to him a lot. GOD ALEX!!!! Please, call me and tell me this is all some sick joke, and laugh when you say that you got us pretty good, because I SWEAR, I just can't believe this is true. I just can't. These past few days are completely surreal....Please let it be some terrible dream....I beg of anyone...Alex, God, if you're really there, please tell me it really isn't true. please.
Maria
April 26th 2001
It must really be true. Alex is gone. GOD i wish it wasn't true. WHY????? Alex and Izzy were just starting to hook-up again. I still know Alex didn't kill himself. What stupid person would think that. And Tess she acts like it's no big deal. God I just wish it weren't true, I wish he was sitting next to me telling me all about Izzy. But Michael has been here for me. Liz seems to think that Alex was MURDERED, I would think that before I thought that Alex would kill himself.
Always
Maria
April 27th 2001
I looked at myself in the mirror today and saw a big empty void. I feel all alone. I mean everyone is trying to help me out and everything but...I just don't know. Liz. Liz has gone insane. I mean she went to the dump and searched through Alex's car! She keeps rambling on about how Alex was murdered. I don't know what's happened to her. I think she's snapped. It's all just to much for her. Yeah, that's probably it.
Maria
May 24th 2001
I can't believe all that's happened! Tess was the one who killed Alex! (I never liked her anyway!) And to think Liz was right all along! I knew something was up with that girl! Anyways, me and Michael did it! We actually did it! It was so romantic and sweet, and beforehand he brought up the fact of the flashes. And that when Liz and Max kissed Liz would get flashes, then he told me that he didn't let me have the flashes before because he was afraid of showing his true self to me. Then (get this) he held my hands and showed me flashes from his abusive childhood, and at the end there was me! He showed me how much he cares for me, and it was so sweet! Afterwards, he told me he had to leave with Tess, Max, and Isabel and that he had no choice. I was so heartbroken, but I understood. It was before they were going to leave that Liz found out Tess killed Amex, and we went to the pod chamber and told them just in time. Tess ended up leaving and everyone else! e stayed behind. Michael is turning out to be such a sweet guy, and I can't wait to share the rest of my life with him. Maria
June 1st 2001
Well Finally life maybe may be going back to normal!! What am i saying NORMAL Never ever is life in Roswell going to be normal. I love Michael, I rarely used to say that out loud but for the past few day's those three word's have rolled of my tongue like they were meant to be said! Mom knows something is off with the whole Michael situation, Maybe she knows about me and Michael sleeping together! God she can't I’m so paranoid. Michael and me made love again it was better second time around i hope it keep's getting better!! Michael also told me he loved me again (Yay) It's so weird how one sudden change of events can shape your life. Me and Liz went to the Mall today to clear Liz's mind of Max for a few hours, I might get her some lavender oil form Mom's store. Michael's going to be here in five minutes for dinner with my Mom! It's weird I’m kind of nervous, even though they have been getting on really well lately! God they could turn out like one of those couples on Jerry Springer
June 4th 2001
Wow, first of all so much has happened in the past two days that I don't know where to start. First, I should probably start with my dinner with mom and Michael. Not so great...let me just tip you off with SHE KNOWS! The fact that Michael and I did it? Yup she knows. I don't know how she did it, she has like these super X-ray de-virginizer eyes or something. She pulled me into the kitchen after dinner and was like telling me that there was something different between Michael and I and that we seemed closer. She asked me if we had sex and I told her no and she played off that but she knows. The day after I told Michael about it we started making out heavy duty and he told me he wanted to slow down. What’s that about? I don't quite know how i feel about that just yet. I'm still processing. I told Liz about it and in her sympathetic best friend way she told me it maybe was for the best. I dunno it just kind of made me feel rejected. My goal is to talk to Michael about it since ! we are so close right now. I pray it stays this way.
XOXO
Maria
June 4th 2001-Later
Okay so Michael called me twice and I was out with Kyle and Isabel trying to put a smile on Kyle’s Face and now he thinks he's pissed me off!! Mom said Michael cannot stay on the couch unless i get a lock on my door, Uggggh what's her problem!! Dinner was bad but she and Michael get along and I can make my own decisions. God I called Michael and reassured him and told him I loved him yada yada yada!!! He's coming over as Mom is on a date again with Jim and she took some overnight stuff ugggh the thought is disgusting!!! But anyway I’m going to cook myself and Michael a nice meal and then watch the scobby marathon on TV (yay) Then i plan to make love to my boyfriend! Which seems the best part. Isabel and myself are getting on better I mean we looked after mom's shop yesterday and it was a blast! Liz went to see Max GOD bad mistake! Liz should give him time! Ohhhhh Michael's here looking his usual badly groomed self but he's mine and I love him!
June 5th 2001
Liz and max, Max and Liz, God those two have way too many issues unlike my-self and Michael who are in love and have no issues except my Mom!! I was told to go away this afternoon because Mom needed to talk with Michael!! I can't believe her sincerely. So My-self and Michael were sitting at the park today having are 'alone time' and I came up with an idea of us all going on a trip to the beach, everyone loved it even Kyle who had ventured out into the big bad world and found haven and the Crash Down. He ordered the salad, I I mean come on he's jock isn't a burger his ideal meal. I'm worried about Kyle! As is who is taking me and Liz shopping for bathing suites tomorrow and Michael said I have to wear a one-piece because he doesn't want guys looking at me in that way, What's wrong with him??? Ahhh He's jealous, Like every other male who is in love.
June 7th 2001
What's with Liz, One minute she was okay and the next it was like Liz was crying in the back room at work today. I can't seem to figure out why, I want to help her but she won't open up she's like Michael when I first met him. I mean this is a overnight thing. She didn't come shopping with myself and Isabel for bathing suites. Isabel and myself had a great time even though I was a little worried. Michael's over he's watching T.V with Kyle in the den, Mom and Jim are out AGAIN!!! So me and Michael are babysitting Kyle (LoL) I'm sitting in the kitchen cooking pizza and I’m bored!! I'll call Liz and see if she wants to come over and grab a video on the way, Actually I’ll give Max and Is a call as well we can make a night of it!!!
June 14th 2001
WOW I have had a blast I’m sorry i haven't wrote sooner but i haven't been at home see we went to the beach on Sunday we drove to the Beach (Well it's kind of a man made beach on the lake) But anyway it was sooo fun but we decided to sleep on the beach and we did for two night and during the day we'd just laze on the beach swimming and eating ice cream and hotdogs from the venda. Me and Michael wrapped ourselves in a blanket and just looked up at the stars it was like we were in some teeny movie or something. I called Mom who was surprisingly cool as was the other parents. They just said as long as we all stick together and call if were in trouble. I mean it was soo cool. Max and Liz spent a lot of time going on walks and Kyle spent most of the time trying to impress these girls with his BOD!!! ugggh and Isabel spent most her time trying to get a tan while me and Michael just spent the three days and two nights messing around and talking and being together. At night we all gathered round the fire that Michael made and talked about everything.!!! I love Michael to death and I always will
June 23rd 2001
Well this should be interesting, allow me to explain... Today Michael was over and we had a little bit of a fight. I thought that it would be a great idea to go on a double date with Max and Liz. You know maybe to get those two lovebirds dating again. But Michael said that he didn't understand why we should go with them, all they ever do is act all uncomfortable around each other and try to act all polite. He didn't want to put up with them all night. Well then I told him that if he didn't I would withhold sex for a week. Then he freaked! Instead of immediately saying that he would respond to my every wish, he told me that I didn't own him! Can you believe that? He said that! He then continued by saying that if he was going to be in a sexual relationship with me, there was no way that I could use sex as a bargaining tool. Ok, yes he has a point there, but you see he's a guy! Sure he's an alien, but a MALE alien. I don't care who you are, no guy says +If you want to be in a sexual relationship with me you have to do blah blah blah+. I swear it's craziness! Anyway, I said that i was sorry but that he really should go with us, if he wanted to be a kind boyfriend. He immediately said yes, but then he left in a huff. If I remember correctly the last double date Michael and I were on was a disaster! I hate to think that now that he truly loves me and wants me, something could go wrong tomorrow but maybe it will. I don't understand this sudden sensitivity that’s popping up in my Space boy. Maybe Khivar is already here? Oh no I don't like that idea. NOBODY, be them alien or human tells my boyfriend what to do! Well, except me of course me, but that's different! Love ya lots, even though you're just paper!
Maria
June 25th 2001
I really thought Michael was going to be difficult on our date, but we had so much fun. This is what double dates is all about. Liz looked really happy, almost as if Tess had never come into our lives. I'm going to Michael's tomorrow. I know what he thinks we'll be doing, but he has got it wrong, we are going shopping.
July 1st 2001
More girl's nights out for Iz, Liz, and me. I love Michael, and I'm neglecting him. I plan on spending more making-out/sexual evenings with him. I hope he loves me too.
July 2nd 2001
Sorry I haven't written. I managed to drag Michael out to the mall so we could shop. I bought TONS of new clothes, and Michael gave me his input on them, so I know what he likes. The problem is.... a lot of them are low cut. What do you expect from a guy alien? Even though he still has those guy instincts, I sill love him. Got to go.
Sincerely,
Sweet, loveable Maria
July 3rd 2001
I can't wait for Isabel's sleepover, Michael is going to flip when he see's what I have to wear. We are going to pretend to say bad things about them when we know they are listening and everything. We will have pillows at the ready for pillow fights and shaving foam hidden away for the surprise attack. With her parents away, we are going to have a blast. Even the all serious Max won't put a damper on the fun as he has let loose now he is back with Liz.
July 12th 2001
A whole week with Michael. It's a dream come true and it will be so romantic up in the mountains, with no mother's to disturb us. Sean wanted to come, but Mum wouldn't let him. She said it was just for us as we had had a hard year, if only she knew. Plus, I think she is happy Max and Liz are back together and she hates it when Sean tries to mess them up with his nasty inuedos.I can't wait till tomorrow. I am packed and ready to go. Maybe I'll call Liz and we can be excited together.
I tried Liz's, it was busy, No doubt she is talking to Max.
July 13th 2001
We dumped water on Max and Liz under the balcony when the were kissing. And now, I'm soaking wet, because those dim bulbs got back at us. LOL. Oh well. You know what? I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with Michael. Because... I'm TOTALLY in love with him. I think he feels almost exactly the same way about m. I'm still so happy, that Michael let down loose to let me see him, his thoughts, his feelings, and his memories!
Love,
Michael.... I mean... Maria.
Love,
Maria
^There, that's it.
July 24th 2001
Michael's taking me to see the latest chick flicks. You know.... Legally Blonde, Princess Diaries (ok, I want to see it) and America's Sweethearts. I don't really like Julia Roberts, but Catherine Zeta- Jones, is really pretty. Julia Roberts isn't that bad, but everyone's always gushing about how beautiful she is, I don't think she's that pretty. I mean-- she's not ugly or anything. Anyway, Liz has found a very BIG sense of humor. She's always joking, and making weird comments and everything. Today she was like to me and Iz-- +Do I look more beautiful than I did yesterday+ and I was about to answer when she said +At 1st I thought, definitely, BIG improvement, but then I thought-- wait, I look the same as I did yesterday. So I can't be more beautiful, if I look exactly the same. So I'm thinking-- maybe I was just as beautiful yesterday as I am today, but I just didn't have the self-esteem to NOTICE it.+ Iz and I both cracked up. And Isabel snapped at Liz the other day, because Izzy was in a bad mood tat day. So Liz was like, +Isabel you're mean today. Not happy. Mean people just aren't happy. They're just not! Like me. I'm happy Liz. Liz Parker seems like a happy name.... don't you think?+ Whatever!
Love,
Happy, Happy, Maria!
-
CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Michael Geruin's Journal (The Second-in-Command)
September 20th 2000
Nothing much happening. Got a few phone numbers over the summer but threw them out. Been hanging around with Tess. Saw Maria today. She looked dazed and confused. I guess she's still missing me. I forgot to buy gel again.
November 13th 2000
Only Maria knows about Courtney's belief that I must lead if we are to survive. I don't think I want that much responsibility. I mean, I do whatever I want anyway, even if Max doesn't agree. Courtney sacrificed herself for us today. I wish she had made it to the granoleth. She was on our side, an ally, and she's gone now. It is just the four of us, and the other four from the crash... Where are they?
January 5th 2001
Michael's Life Day by Day I've been feeling bad ever since Maria found me in _______'s room. Yeah I looked guilty. But that's because that's how she made me feel. Well I thought maybe that I would make it up to her this Christmas. But I don't want to do anything to make her think we'd be together always. And when it does come time I don't want her hurting. Well Isabel told me to get Maria something practical. Something that Maria would never buy for herself. So I got her a bumper. It's practical. Maria would never buy it for herself. So I thought it was perfect. I mean she needed one. The one she has is hanging on by a thread. Obviously that wasn't what Isabel had in mind. But I thought that Maria would like it. Which she did. But just not as a gift. Well luckily Isabel saved my ass. She had left a present for Maria saying it was from me. It was earrings. Pearl earrings. REAL PEARL. I owe that girl. A life saver. But a costly one. It was worth it though. The look on Maria's face. It was worth it. Max though, he did the most heroic thing any guy could. He saved many of children’s' lives. Cured them from cancer. A disease with no cure. I wish I could heal too. Max seemed happier today then he has in this past week. I dunno what happened but I think it has something to do with the rumors going around school. I don't know exactly what but something to do with Liz and Kyle. Whatever it is I am sure it's not good.
Michael
February 8th 2001
I recently found my human donor's granddaughter. She's a little on the nuts side but I don't mind. No worse than listening to Maria go on & on about our relationship status for hours on end. Anyway, Laurie would be like my niece if we went by human terms. Her riches weirdo aunt and uncle are my sister and brother. They paid me 50,000 to get lost. No problem there except I don't trust them. I think they're up to no good. I promised Laurie I wouldn't leave her so Maria & I spent the night in the Jetta. Maria's still asleep. She looks kind of sexy...her mouth open just a little and her shirt hanging off of her shoulder. She's probably dreaming about the status of our relationship. Oh well...
March 25th 2001
Well, I think I have a serious problem...I cant stop thinking about Maria. I've noticed the way Brody looks at her and it's driving me nuts! Maria is beautiful and smart, and she makes me go crazy, but I cant let myself love her. -Michael
P.s. I still don't think Liz slept with Kyle, she wouldn't do it.
March 27th 2001
I think Max is jealous of me lately. I know he loves my motorcycle. I bet he thinks he'd look fine on it.. not as fine I as do though. Maxwell would probably put Kyle on the back. I'd never let that happen.. that spot is reserved for Maria. I think Liz envy that Maria has a spot on my motorcycle. Anyway.. something really weird happened today. Tess came over and was digging through my fridge.. and I went to use the bathroom. Next thing I know I come back and the fridge is empty. All that left was a note that read "Must Feed Kyle!." Oh well.. I bet Maria is thinking about me right now on my motorcycle. Ah.. can you blame the woman? Michael
March 31st 2001
What is wrong with me? Why won't Maria get out of my head??? So much for the stone wall
April 12th 2001
What is wrong with this town! They really need to stock up on gel. I've been driving round to every store in town and all are out of gel and have been for 6 months. My hair is now used to looking scruffy. I think I could look much better but Maria seems to like it. Man that girl is crazy for me! I'm crazy for her but I'm not going to show that cos I'm a Man! (no I'm not I'm and Alien but you know what I mean). Sometimes Max is really annoying I just want to throw him against the wall with my alien power! ugghh!
April 22nd 2001
I know that I’m a butt-head sometimes, but I don't think that people understand me the way that I want them to. I’m only mean sometimes because I don't really know how to express myself like a normal person. maybe its because I’m not a normal person. also, I just can't stand Maria sometimes. I mean...she's just like me in a lot of ways and I already spend enough time with myself. maybe that’s why I always push her away.
April 24th 2001
Alex died three days ago. A few of us were at the Crash Down and then we all heard Maria scream. That's when Valenti came in from the back, and told us he died in a car crash. Maria is just going terrible. She doesn't even look the same. They were really close too. And I pretty much liked him, he was decent, as humans go. I stayed over with Maria and her mom at the De Luca's and tried to comfort them the best way I could. I'm not sure it was very much....but I guess it was, because Amy said that she really like me, and that I was always welcome at their house. It was probably the rum speaking. But she seemed pretty sincere. Maria sang at the funeral. I was a pallbearer. I think Liz is going crazy because she is saying stuff that is messed up. Evidence is evidence. Anyway, she really pissed Max off, and then Tess, Is, and me left. I don't know, but there are strange vibes going on around here....Max doesn't seem like himself most of the time. I am going to start paying more attention, and see what happens. No matter what, we still have to protect ourselves....I'm not going to let anything happen to us, because we can't risk anything.
Michael
April 29th 2001
I went out today to get some food, I saw Liz. She really seems racked up. Maxwell was with Tess all evening last night, those two are getting really cozy. I do not like that Sean guy. I feel bad for Maria that he's swimming in her gene pool. Is doesn’t even look like herself anymore. I think she took this the hardest of all. I have this feeling that we are all breaking up, and standing behind our own lines. Humans v. Aliens. I don't want to break the friendships with everyone, it's a comfortable group, and it's hard enough to trust new people, I don't think we can afford to break the trust and friendships of the people in our group. Maxwell was right, the humans are important, but I won't say anything to any of them about this, just trying to keep up to date about what I'm seeing.
Michael
May 8th 2001
I can't believe it. Liz was right. I just thought she was upset over Alex. I really didn't believe she was on to something. I was wrong. We all were. All my life, I've been searching for the answers to all of our questions. We finally have them. The question is, do I want them? How can I leave her. I just found her. Now I know why Max acted the way he did with Liz. He was in love with her, the same way I am with Maria.
May 20th 2001
Oh man... Maria is going to hate me. But I mean, what can I do... it's my destiny to go back to Antar. Trust me, it makes me feel horrible, but there's nothing I can do...
May 22nd 2001
I just gave Maria that pep talk about how I was going to give her now, even if I couldn't promise her later- I didn't know later would come so soon. I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave Maria, and I couldn't go when I finally realized that this is where home really is. Last night, Maria came over, and I had this dinner all planned out, and candles all over the place. We sat down and I wanted to tell her that we had to leave, in a couple of hours but I couldn't. So instead, I let her see the me that I never let her see before. I opened up as soon as her hands joined mine. She saw that she was the center of my universe. I love her. A couple hours later, as we were laying in each other’s arms, I told her. She didn't leave, or get mad, she just...understood. And then, that morning when we had to leave, I couldn't.
I couldn't leave. When I opened up the cave to get out, Maria was there. And Liz, and Kyle. Can you believe that Tess killed Alex? So then we told Max everything. She brain warped him. Infact, I wouldn't be surprised if she brain warped us all one way or the other. She better watch out if we ever see her again. But Tess went into the Granolith, our only way back to Antar, and left. So now, were stuck here, until the proverbial little spaceship comes to pick us up. Well, I don't have a problem with that.
June 1st 2001
So I haven't seen Maria in about four hour's she went to the Mall with Liz, It's stupid and dumb yet I miss her! Maria is the first person I’ve ever you know loved and it's kind of strange but I like it! Maria is the center of my life she is my world and she saw that! She saw me, We have done the deed a couple of times and it feel's better every time we hold each other after. Maria say's she loves me all the time and every time she say's that my heart does something. I tell her I love her, I mean it feel's right me saying that. I just feel I want it to be like this forever, She keep's saying You stayed for me, And I just say your the only thing I need and I sure as hell wasn't going to lose you! Max and Liz I don't know what the hell is going on there and at the moment I really don't care at the moment, All I care about is Maria. I've got to go or Maria will be mad see I’m meeting her for dinner.
June 4th 2001
I think I pissed off Maria. Not that I meant to or anything I guess I just have this way of doing it. Somehow Maria thinks her mom is sure we did the deed and something about that scares me. Things are going so good now and if Ms. Deluca starts even suspecting anything bad about me I think it will ruin this bit of normality that I have with Maria. I didn't think I should loose that right now so when we were on the verge of doing it again I told her I couldn't do it. She just said looked at me hurt like and said she had to go. She hasn't returned my two phone calls so all that's left in the air for now. I talked to Maxwell aka the caveman today. He's been huddled at home not talking much after the Tess Departure. He's a confused man right now. Maybe that's that case for everyone in Roswell right now.
June 4th 2001-Later
Maria said she wasn't avoiding me and I hadn't pissed her off! Whatever, Anyway I’m going over there in a couple of minutes coz Ms DeLuca is out! I guess we'll get the good stuff done first Then eat some pizza and watch evil dead 2 (Cool) So I went to the Crash Down today and spent time with Liz! This was kind of weird but you know she's okay and we had a good talk about Max and Maria. Liz said that she loves Max and wants him to know it well doesn't everyone know it? Kyle is annoying me now I just want to punch him and say get over it- Okay maybe that was a little harsh but I do pity the guy and think he need's to forget about Tess, Maria will take care of her if she comes back, Have you seen those nails.
I think I’m looking pretty groomed tonight Maria will love it.
June 5th 2001
So Last night was damn good, Maria cooked me this meal which was a little burnt but when she wasn't looking I waved my hand over it!! We watched scobby doo as well which was kind of funny and then just as myself and Maria were making out Liz called, and Maria said she couldn't have sex with me after hearing about Max for the past 20 min's, What’s with that! Anyway we just -(unfinished scribble- other words used quotes and form didn't get it all)
June 6th 2001
Oh god sorry I was in the middle of writing this and this cop turned up at the door! The cop just wanted to know if I’d seen the landlord lately god that scared me! Anyway what was I saying?? Oh yeah my night with Maria was cool! We snuggled as Maria put it. So I came up with the idea of going to the beach!!!!! So were heading over there at the weekend. Kyle came to the CrashDown today, About time the dude left his house! Now all we got to do is get Maxwell out and about.
June 14th 2001
I wonder why Maria wants to be with me!!! She’s so amazing and gentle and kind and I love her and it just shocks me that she ever would feel the same but she does!!! She told me that she used to look at the stars and think yeah so what but now she looks and is amazed and says that they are wonderful as I came from up there. We had a cool time at the beach I threw Maria off the dock and Kyle and me cracked up when she yelled at us for messing up the hair. Kyle and me did hang out while the girls got there tans and Max and Liz were on one of there lovely dovey walks. He’s cool he tried to impress these girls but they were laughing at him!!! I had to talk to Ms DeLuca about us staying there and she just said have fun which shocked me, Anyway got to go.
June 23rd 2001
So we get back from that wonderful trip and Maria and I have been doing great, that is until today. Sure I love her like crazy, sure she's my world, but she did something that upset me today. We were at her house, no Amy, LOTS of kissing, making out, groping, you know the usual, when she brings something up. She said that we should go on a double date with Max and Liz. My first reaction is +um are you crazy?+ to which she replied +um NO, they need to go out on a date again+. Ok, sure that's logical, but there is no way that I will spend an evening with Maria looking all gorgeous, and made up, as she would be on a date, with anyone but ME. This is because 1. I won't be able to not pull her into an alley and start making out with her right then and there. 2. I don't want her paying more attention to Liz, than me. I know it's stupid, I know I'm horrible, but I can't help it. So to cover it up I made up something about how I don't want to be around Max and Liz all night because they aren't any fun. Well I almost can't believe Maria bought it because Max is my best friend, all we do is hang out really all the time. Or at least when I'm not worshiping Maria. So then she said that she would withhold sex for a week! That's NOT fair! I've made love to her and she dares to hold it against me? Well we yelled, but i eventually agreed to go, just so I could get out of there. Well don't think I'll be her dreamy boy toy, Dr. Love tomorrow! I am NOT going to go on this date happily, in fact I'll make it hell!!!!! Oh yes this will be interesting.
June 25th 2001
Ok, so I went on that double date, I had it all planned that it would be horrible, but Maria looked so happy I couldn't be mean. In the end we had a really good time, we laughed and joked and Max was the most fun he has been in ages. I hate to say it, but Liz is actually good for him. Anyway, Maria's coming over tomorrow, I wonder what we'll do!
July 1st 2001
I was curious if Maria loved me or not, because she lately has been spending time with Liz and Iz, rather than me. So I snuck into her room and read today's entry in HER diary, and apparently she loves mw, and plans to spend more time it me! YES! I love her too!
July 2nd 2001
So I haven't written in a while. Let me update you. Remember how I told you that Maria would be coming over on the 26th? Well she did. But thee was a slight problem... we went shopping! It was the WORST! Even though I got to help her choose what clothes she would be wearing for a while, shopping will always be the girl's thing. (girl human, girl alien... either one.) She does have nice clothes now, though, if i do say so myself. But she made me carry her bags, while she ran from shop to shop. and I'm telling you.... those bags were heavy! Well got to go. Next time Maria comes over, I make the plans of what we do.
July 3rd 2001
Maria is so great, she keeps wearing all those clothes I chose, I am so great at that. I can't wait to go to Max's tomorrow. Maria will be there and it should be a laugh. I would prefer it if it was just the two of us, but I have to let her have her own space.
July 12th 2001
OK, so we are all going on this great trip up to the mountains that Max's dad has organized. A whole week with Maria without her mum to interrupt us. It'll be heaven. I know Maxwell is feeling the same way about being with Liz. He has tried so hard to make things right between them after the whole Tess thing. I had a chat with Liz the other day and she told me that she has nothing to forgive him for, what a girl. She said she is ready to take their relationship to the next level whenever he is. I don't think she can wait any longer. Anyway, Maria's mum has warned me about not doing anything with Maria on the camping trip, if only she knew what we had done already. She would flip.
July 13th 2001
Today was funny. Kyle, Iz, Maria, and me, dumped water on Max and Liz from the balcony, when they were kissing. Then they got back at us. So I'm a little wet... ok, I'm very wet. Maria and I are going to spend some more time together this evening.
July 24th 2001
OK. So I haven't written in a while. This whole diary thing is a girl thing. I'm writing down my thoughts and feelings. If anyone sees this, my life is over. I have a stone wall reputation, and I want to keep it! All of the gang keeps a diary. No one knows that I keep one. They better not find out either. That's why this is hidden really good. And why am I writing today? I don't know why. I shouldn't be writing in this anymore! Ya know? But I really got to say 1 thing......... I am so in love with Maria, but theirs one problem... she wants me to take her to see all these stupid chick flicks:
Legally Blonde
America's Sweethearts
Princess Diaries...
you get the picture. Why can't she go with Liz or Iz, or wait till it comes out on video? well g2g.
Michael
Nothing much happening. Got a few phone numbers over the summer but threw them out. Been hanging around with Tess. Saw Maria today. She looked dazed and confused. I guess she's still missing me. I forgot to buy gel again.
November 13th 2000
Only Maria knows about Courtney's belief that I must lead if we are to survive. I don't think I want that much responsibility. I mean, I do whatever I want anyway, even if Max doesn't agree. Courtney sacrificed herself for us today. I wish she had made it to the granoleth. She was on our side, an ally, and she's gone now. It is just the four of us, and the other four from the crash... Where are they?
January 5th 2001
Michael's Life Day by Day I've been feeling bad ever since Maria found me in _______'s room. Yeah I looked guilty. But that's because that's how she made me feel. Well I thought maybe that I would make it up to her this Christmas. But I don't want to do anything to make her think we'd be together always. And when it does come time I don't want her hurting. Well Isabel told me to get Maria something practical. Something that Maria would never buy for herself. So I got her a bumper. It's practical. Maria would never buy it for herself. So I thought it was perfect. I mean she needed one. The one she has is hanging on by a thread. Obviously that wasn't what Isabel had in mind. But I thought that Maria would like it. Which she did. But just not as a gift. Well luckily Isabel saved my ass. She had left a present for Maria saying it was from me. It was earrings. Pearl earrings. REAL PEARL. I owe that girl. A life saver. But a costly one. It was worth it though. The look on Maria's face. It was worth it. Max though, he did the most heroic thing any guy could. He saved many of children’s' lives. Cured them from cancer. A disease with no cure. I wish I could heal too. Max seemed happier today then he has in this past week. I dunno what happened but I think it has something to do with the rumors going around school. I don't know exactly what but something to do with Liz and Kyle. Whatever it is I am sure it's not good.
Michael
February 8th 2001
I recently found my human donor's granddaughter. She's a little on the nuts side but I don't mind. No worse than listening to Maria go on & on about our relationship status for hours on end. Anyway, Laurie would be like my niece if we went by human terms. Her riches weirdo aunt and uncle are my sister and brother. They paid me 50,000 to get lost. No problem there except I don't trust them. I think they're up to no good. I promised Laurie I wouldn't leave her so Maria & I spent the night in the Jetta. Maria's still asleep. She looks kind of sexy...her mouth open just a little and her shirt hanging off of her shoulder. She's probably dreaming about the status of our relationship. Oh well...
March 25th 2001
Well, I think I have a serious problem...I cant stop thinking about Maria. I've noticed the way Brody looks at her and it's driving me nuts! Maria is beautiful and smart, and she makes me go crazy, but I cant let myself love her. -Michael
P.s. I still don't think Liz slept with Kyle, she wouldn't do it.
March 27th 2001
I think Max is jealous of me lately. I know he loves my motorcycle. I bet he thinks he'd look fine on it.. not as fine I as do though. Maxwell would probably put Kyle on the back. I'd never let that happen.. that spot is reserved for Maria. I think Liz envy that Maria has a spot on my motorcycle. Anyway.. something really weird happened today. Tess came over and was digging through my fridge.. and I went to use the bathroom. Next thing I know I come back and the fridge is empty. All that left was a note that read "Must Feed Kyle!." Oh well.. I bet Maria is thinking about me right now on my motorcycle. Ah.. can you blame the woman? Michael
March 31st 2001
What is wrong with me? Why won't Maria get out of my head??? So much for the stone wall
April 12th 2001
What is wrong with this town! They really need to stock up on gel. I've been driving round to every store in town and all are out of gel and have been for 6 months. My hair is now used to looking scruffy. I think I could look much better but Maria seems to like it. Man that girl is crazy for me! I'm crazy for her but I'm not going to show that cos I'm a Man! (no I'm not I'm and Alien but you know what I mean). Sometimes Max is really annoying I just want to throw him against the wall with my alien power! ugghh!
April 22nd 2001
I know that I’m a butt-head sometimes, but I don't think that people understand me the way that I want them to. I’m only mean sometimes because I don't really know how to express myself like a normal person. maybe its because I’m not a normal person. also, I just can't stand Maria sometimes. I mean...she's just like me in a lot of ways and I already spend enough time with myself. maybe that’s why I always push her away.
April 24th 2001
Alex died three days ago. A few of us were at the Crash Down and then we all heard Maria scream. That's when Valenti came in from the back, and told us he died in a car crash. Maria is just going terrible. She doesn't even look the same. They were really close too. And I pretty much liked him, he was decent, as humans go. I stayed over with Maria and her mom at the De Luca's and tried to comfort them the best way I could. I'm not sure it was very much....but I guess it was, because Amy said that she really like me, and that I was always welcome at their house. It was probably the rum speaking. But she seemed pretty sincere. Maria sang at the funeral. I was a pallbearer. I think Liz is going crazy because she is saying stuff that is messed up. Evidence is evidence. Anyway, she really pissed Max off, and then Tess, Is, and me left. I don't know, but there are strange vibes going on around here....Max doesn't seem like himself most of the time. I am going to start paying more attention, and see what happens. No matter what, we still have to protect ourselves....I'm not going to let anything happen to us, because we can't risk anything.
Michael
April 29th 2001
I went out today to get some food, I saw Liz. She really seems racked up. Maxwell was with Tess all evening last night, those two are getting really cozy. I do not like that Sean guy. I feel bad for Maria that he's swimming in her gene pool. Is doesn’t even look like herself anymore. I think she took this the hardest of all. I have this feeling that we are all breaking up, and standing behind our own lines. Humans v. Aliens. I don't want to break the friendships with everyone, it's a comfortable group, and it's hard enough to trust new people, I don't think we can afford to break the trust and friendships of the people in our group. Maxwell was right, the humans are important, but I won't say anything to any of them about this, just trying to keep up to date about what I'm seeing.
Michael
May 8th 2001
I can't believe it. Liz was right. I just thought she was upset over Alex. I really didn't believe she was on to something. I was wrong. We all were. All my life, I've been searching for the answers to all of our questions. We finally have them. The question is, do I want them? How can I leave her. I just found her. Now I know why Max acted the way he did with Liz. He was in love with her, the same way I am with Maria.
May 20th 2001
Oh man... Maria is going to hate me. But I mean, what can I do... it's my destiny to go back to Antar. Trust me, it makes me feel horrible, but there's nothing I can do...
May 22nd 2001
I just gave Maria that pep talk about how I was going to give her now, even if I couldn't promise her later- I didn't know later would come so soon. I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave Maria, and I couldn't go when I finally realized that this is where home really is. Last night, Maria came over, and I had this dinner all planned out, and candles all over the place. We sat down and I wanted to tell her that we had to leave, in a couple of hours but I couldn't. So instead, I let her see the me that I never let her see before. I opened up as soon as her hands joined mine. She saw that she was the center of my universe. I love her. A couple hours later, as we were laying in each other’s arms, I told her. She didn't leave, or get mad, she just...understood. And then, that morning when we had to leave, I couldn't.
I couldn't leave. When I opened up the cave to get out, Maria was there. And Liz, and Kyle. Can you believe that Tess killed Alex? So then we told Max everything. She brain warped him. Infact, I wouldn't be surprised if she brain warped us all one way or the other. She better watch out if we ever see her again. But Tess went into the Granolith, our only way back to Antar, and left. So now, were stuck here, until the proverbial little spaceship comes to pick us up. Well, I don't have a problem with that.
June 1st 2001
So I haven't seen Maria in about four hour's she went to the Mall with Liz, It's stupid and dumb yet I miss her! Maria is the first person I’ve ever you know loved and it's kind of strange but I like it! Maria is the center of my life she is my world and she saw that! She saw me, We have done the deed a couple of times and it feel's better every time we hold each other after. Maria say's she loves me all the time and every time she say's that my heart does something. I tell her I love her, I mean it feel's right me saying that. I just feel I want it to be like this forever, She keep's saying You stayed for me, And I just say your the only thing I need and I sure as hell wasn't going to lose you! Max and Liz I don't know what the hell is going on there and at the moment I really don't care at the moment, All I care about is Maria. I've got to go or Maria will be mad see I’m meeting her for dinner.
June 4th 2001
I think I pissed off Maria. Not that I meant to or anything I guess I just have this way of doing it. Somehow Maria thinks her mom is sure we did the deed and something about that scares me. Things are going so good now and if Ms. Deluca starts even suspecting anything bad about me I think it will ruin this bit of normality that I have with Maria. I didn't think I should loose that right now so when we were on the verge of doing it again I told her I couldn't do it. She just said looked at me hurt like and said she had to go. She hasn't returned my two phone calls so all that's left in the air for now. I talked to Maxwell aka the caveman today. He's been huddled at home not talking much after the Tess Departure. He's a confused man right now. Maybe that's that case for everyone in Roswell right now.
June 4th 2001-Later
Maria said she wasn't avoiding me and I hadn't pissed her off! Whatever, Anyway I’m going over there in a couple of minutes coz Ms DeLuca is out! I guess we'll get the good stuff done first
Then eat some pizza and watch evil dead 2 (Cool) So I went to the Crash Down today and spent time with Liz! This was kind of weird but you know she's okay and we had a good talk about Max and Maria. Liz said that she loves Max and wants him to know it well doesn't everyone know it? Kyle is annoying me now I just want to punch him and say get over it- Okay maybe that was a little harsh but I do pity the guy and think he need's to forget about Tess, Maria will take care of her if she comes back, Have you seen those nails.I think I’m looking pretty groomed tonight Maria will love it.
June 5th 2001
So Last night was damn good, Maria cooked me this meal which was a little burnt but when she wasn't looking I waved my hand over it!! We watched scobby doo as well which was kind of funny and then just as myself and Maria were making out Liz called, and Maria said she couldn't have sex with me after hearing about Max for the past 20 min's, What’s with that! Anyway we just -(unfinished scribble- other words used quotes and form didn't get it all)
June 6th 2001
Oh god sorry I was in the middle of writing this and this cop turned up at the door! The cop just wanted to know if I’d seen the landlord lately god that scared me! Anyway what was I saying?? Oh yeah my night with Maria was cool! We snuggled as Maria put it. So I came up with the idea of going to the beach!!!!! So were heading over there at the weekend. Kyle came to the CrashDown today, About time the dude left his house! Now all we got to do is get Maxwell out and about.
June 14th 2001
I wonder why Maria wants to be with me!!! She’s so amazing and gentle and kind and I love her and it just shocks me that she ever would feel the same but she does!!! She told me that she used to look at the stars and think yeah so what but now she looks and is amazed and says that they are wonderful as I came from up there. We had a cool time at the beach I threw Maria off the dock and Kyle and me cracked up when she yelled at us for messing up the hair. Kyle and me did hang out while the girls got there tans and Max and Liz were on one of there lovely dovey walks. He’s cool he tried to impress these girls but they were laughing at him!!! I had to talk to Ms DeLuca about us staying there and she just said have fun which shocked me, Anyway got to go.
June 23rd 2001
So we get back from that wonderful trip and Maria and I have been doing great, that is until today. Sure I love her like crazy, sure she's my world, but she did something that upset me today. We were at her house, no Amy, LOTS of kissing, making out, groping, you know the usual, when she brings something up. She said that we should go on a double date with Max and Liz. My first reaction is +um are you crazy?+ to which she replied +um NO, they need to go out on a date again+. Ok, sure that's logical, but there is no way that I will spend an evening with Maria looking all gorgeous, and made up, as she would be on a date, with anyone but ME. This is because 1. I won't be able to not pull her into an alley and start making out with her right then and there. 2. I don't want her paying more attention to Liz, than me. I know it's stupid, I know I'm horrible, but I can't help it. So to cover it up I made up something about how I don't want to be around Max and Liz all night because they aren't any fun. Well I almost can't believe Maria bought it because Max is my best friend, all we do is hang out really all the time. Or at least when I'm not worshiping Maria. So then she said that she would withhold sex for a week! That's NOT fair! I've made love to her and she dares to hold it against me? Well we yelled, but i eventually agreed to go, just so I could get out of there. Well don't think I'll be her dreamy boy toy, Dr. Love tomorrow! I am NOT going to go on this date happily, in fact I'll make it hell!!!!! Oh yes this will be interesting.
June 25th 2001
Ok, so I went on that double date, I had it all planned that it would be horrible, but Maria looked so happy I couldn't be mean. In the end we had a really good time, we laughed and joked and Max was the most fun he has been in ages. I hate to say it, but Liz is actually good for him. Anyway, Maria's coming over tomorrow, I wonder what we'll do!
July 1st 2001
I was curious if Maria loved me or not, because she lately has been spending time with Liz and Iz, rather than me. So I snuck into her room and read today's entry in HER diary, and apparently she loves mw, and plans to spend more time it me! YES! I love her too!
July 2nd 2001
So I haven't written in a while. Let me update you. Remember how I told you that Maria would be coming over on the 26th? Well she did. But thee was a slight problem... we went shopping! It was the WORST! Even though I got to help her choose what clothes she would be wearing for a while, shopping will always be the girl's thing. (girl human, girl alien... either one.) She does have nice clothes now, though, if i do say so myself. But she made me carry her bags, while she ran from shop to shop. and I'm telling you.... those bags were heavy! Well got to go. Next time Maria comes over, I make the plans of what we do.
July 3rd 2001
Maria is so great, she keeps wearing all those clothes I chose, I am so great at that. I can't wait to go to Max's tomorrow. Maria will be there and it should be a laugh. I would prefer it if it was just the two of us, but I have to let her have her own space.
July 12th 2001
OK, so we are all going on this great trip up to the mountains that Max's dad has organized. A whole week with Maria without her mum to interrupt us. It'll be heaven. I know Maxwell is feeling the same way about being with Liz. He has tried so hard to make things right between them after the whole Tess thing. I had a chat with Liz the other day and she told me that she has nothing to forgive him for, what a girl. She said she is ready to take their relationship to the next level whenever he is. I don't think she can wait any longer. Anyway, Maria's mum has warned me about not doing anything with Maria on the camping trip, if only she knew what we had done already. She would flip.
July 13th 2001
Today was funny. Kyle, Iz, Maria, and me, dumped water on Max and Liz from the balcony, when they were kissing. Then they got back at us. So I'm a little wet... ok, I'm very wet. Maria and I are going to spend some more time together this evening.
July 24th 2001
OK. So I haven't written in a while. This whole diary thing is a girl thing. I'm writing down my thoughts and feelings. If anyone sees this, my life is over. I have a stone wall reputation, and I want to keep it! All of the gang keeps a diary. No one knows that I keep one. They better not find out either. That's why this is hidden really good. And why am I writing today? I don't know why. I shouldn't be writing in this anymore! Ya know? But I really got to say 1 thing......... I am so in love with Maria, but theirs one problem... she wants me to take her to see all these stupid chick flicks:
Legally Blonde
America's Sweethearts
Princess Diaries...
you get the picture. Why can't she go with Liz or Iz, or wait till it comes out on video? well g2g.
Michael
-
CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Isabel Evans (The Ice Princess)
September 25th 2000
Oh diary...so many things are going through this pretty head of mine. Alex? or Michael? How can I be betrothed/ destined to be with Michael when I've felt like his sister for so long? If Max is the leader why can't he just say that I can be with whoever I want and he can be with whoever he wants. Shouldn't it be about how we feel not about our "destiny" I mean I'm Isabel, I can save our planet and still have a nice relationship with Alex! And poor Maria and Liz, they stuck by us through everything and we're just going to say "bye" because our "mother" said so...I think not, I may be an alien, but I was born on earth and teenagers are known to rebel against their parents...so when on earth, do as the earthlings would do...REBEL!!
November 15th 2000
I should've told Max about the Vilandra Project. Why must the same lines keep pounding through my head? "You were even more beautiful than you are now." What the hell did that mean? I'm Isabel Evans, the hottest girl at West Roswell. Maybe I need a new hair style. Should I get a new wardrobe? I'm so depressed. I think I'll go shopping!
P.S. Did I really have secret meetings with that twerp, Nicholas, as Vilandra? Yes, I need to shop!
January 5th 2001
Today was horrible I haven't seen Alex in the longest time. Sometimes I sneak into his dreams to see if he still thinks of me. I am happy to say that he does. Even though he isn't popular I think he and I should become an item like Max and Liz. Well like they were. Poor Max. I don't know what happened to him that day he went to Liz's house to win her over but he has been moody. Very depressed. I feel so sorry for him. And Liz she looks like she has lost the love of her life. With the way those two are acting I think one of them screwed up. But every time I bring it up with Max he just ignores me and changes the subject. There's a rumor that Liz slept with Kyle Valenti but I know that that's impossible. The only one Liz wants to be with is Max. Its a silly rumor. But I heard Max say that there is truth to every rumor. That can't be for this one though ....could it?
March 13th 2001
Wow, this is harder to admit than I thought...I think I made a mistake letting Alex go. When I was dancing with him in Vegas- it was like my world was righted. I'm really messed up. I don't know what I was thinking...trying to sleep with some guy I didn't even know. But there he was...Alex...waiting for me to wise up. What if it's too late? What if he's finally said good-bye?
March 14th 2001
My world is spinning out of control and the only thing I'm almost positive about is that I love Alex.
March 15th 2001
Tess, Maria and I went shopping today. I managed to keep my big mouth shut and not ask what Alex was up to. I'm becoming so obsessed! What's wrong with me? Well...at least I did find the cutest shoes so it wasn't a total bust!
March 25th 2001
I never used to have a diary before I met Liz. I wonder what I would be like if Alex had never known the truth... if Liz hadn't told him. Will it matter in the end? If Alex never found out, then would I be with Michael, once i found out about my destiny? Will history repeat itself? Will I end up betraying everyone? Arrrg! I have to stop asking myself about that! I am not Volandra! Or am I? I am so confused... I feel like i am spinning and I just can't stop. Is this how I felt before I went to kavar? At first i sort of wanted to follow my destiny, to be with Michael... even though he felt like a brother to me, in my dreams it just felt right. That was before i really knew Alex, before i realized that i loved him. I do love him, I have to stand up and follow my own destiny, make my own destiny. but how, how can i do that? Liz left Max, Michael and Maria are always having problems. what would happen if i went to Alex and then somehow Max, Michael, and Tess told me that i had to follow my destiny, the one that was prearranged for me. No, i could never hurt Alex like that... but what about max and Michael... I love them, they are my family. well? answer me! where are you now, when i need you, mother!? were are you... how could you leave us, leave me! i want answers! you have to tell me what to do, before i make the wrong choice.
always, Isabel
March 31st 2001
My life is spinning out of control. Does Alex still love me? Because I certainly love him...why can't everything just go right??? That’s the story of my life...sigh...
Isabel
April 24th 2001
It can't be true, I keep telling myself that it isn't. I just realized how much I loved him. I finally found someone I could be totally happy with, and not keep secrets.... Alex was everything I secretly longed for. Why did he have to die....If I hadn't called him, if I hadn't talked to him and tried to get him to be with me tonight, he wouldn't have gotten into the car, and died in the accident. IT'S NOT FAIR. I just wanted to love him forever. I am crying, as I write this passage, my tears fall over my words, and everything just blurs.....Max couldn't heal him, and bring him back to me.....I feel as if I have just died....I was so happy, and I know he was too. What I would just give, for one moment, just one more kiss, one more day, to say everything that I didn't. I'll dream walk. I will see him there. But it's not the same. It will never go back to the way it was. We were going to be so happy. I can't stay here, everything I had a future for is dead....I am going to leave....graduate early, and forget everything...I'll be okay...someday. Alex, I will forever love you.
Isabel
April 29th 2001
Okay..... it's not my fault, it's not my fault! Wait, yes it is..... Alex died because of me. What did I do? I know I should be over this, but I just can't, I just can't.... I can't let go of the past. Every time I see his face in my dreams, every time I FEEL like I'm kissing him then, it's all just some lie that is hurting me more then helping me.... And Liz- how can she say these things? I'm feeling the weight on my shoulders enough, with Alex's death, and the Kivar thing.... I'll tell Liz it wasn't a suicide. I'll tell her who killed Alex... me! But now it's just us 4 now, the way it should have been. I should've made it stay that way, and this would've have never happened to Alex... it will always be my fault, always....
Isabel
May 6th 2001
I can't sleep because when I sleep all I think about will be Alex. All I can ever think about is him. Why? What did he ever do that made him deserve this? Why did I let him go without telling him I love him. My mom says that soon, the grief will stop. The grief will never stop, I'll never stop being sad for Alex. People are saying to me I need to get on with my life but how can I get on with my life without him?
May 8th 2001
You know, Max can be such a jerk at times. I have much worse words to call him, but I won't repeat then for the sake of him being my brother. It wouldn't kill anyone to let me go to San Francisco. You would think I was asking the world from him. I know that if he tells mom and dad I'm doing drugs, I'd have to get a drug test, which would expose us all. But how would he get proof that I cheated on every one of my tests? With his powers? He has just gone so low. No wonder everyone hates him now. I can't even speak to him right now. Why did he have to be the leader? Things would go so much easier if Michael were...
May 22nd 2001
Tonight, I sit on my bed, and I look around in my room, and I can never imagine leaving this home. Isn't it funny how we made such a big deal of our 'home' being out there, and couldn't wait to leave earth. We almost left this morning in the granilith. Michael was the one to say that he didn't want to go. I looked at Max. I didn't want to leave either. It turns out that we didn't leave. Except Tess. She's gone, with Max's child. I say Max's child, and not hers, because after what she did to us....She doesn't deserve to be called anyone's mother. She's not even human, or Antarian, or whatever is out there. How could she ever do such a cold hearted, EVIL thing? She killed a person! Alex! And then she walks around like she's in mourning, looking sympathetic?! I just wish I could get my hands on her. Look of all the pain that she has caused us. Why did we never see it? Brain warping? She made Kyle unwillingly, okay, virtually, unknowingly be a part of the murder. How does someone get away with that. I swear, if I ever see Tess Harding again, here, or on some distant planet, she will regret the day she crossed us.
June 1st 2001
Kyle, Kyle, Kyle I spend the day with him trying to coax him out to the Crackdown. He's hurting maybe the most at the moment! Tess was like his sister and what she did to him, She made him carry Alex's body- Hay I couldn't write before the thought of Alex's dead body up-set me. Kyle will always have the pain in his heart of Tess and Alex, I was looking at our prom picture before all of us standing there happy. Tess was a fake and she fooled us for all this time GOD I hate her and if i ever see her again I will hurt her! Maria and I were talking yesterday, She is a great girl and maybe i was wrong about her being all high strung and I actually listened to her and she speaks the truth. Maria and me are going to go run her mom's shop tomorrow (Why) But Maria asked and maybe it would be good for our friendship. Kyle need's to try and carry on I just got a call from him asking if i could come over and watch WWF With him as Jim is out with Amy. I guess I’d better go over and I wouldn't mind some company.
June 4th 2001
Okay I've decided that I need to focus on myself for a while! Kyle has sort of been taking up my time!! Me and Maria looked after her mothers shop yesterday, She does balb on but Maria is cool and isn't that bad, She did go into a little too much detail about her and space boy - As Maria calls him- Love life. We took Kyle to the Mall today and Kyle has taste (Maybe he's gay. Max said he got really angry with Liz god get over it max. I love Max he's my brother but he shouldn't treat Liz like that! Great Liz is here again, Is she trying to cause herself pain.
June 5th 2001
So today I had the day to my-self and it was kind of lonely! Maria called and i offered to take her and Liz shopping! I mean we are going to the beach and we need bathing suites!
Oh god my aunt sally's here I better go!
June 25th 2001
Sorry I haven't wrote for so long, my life has just been so busy. We went to the beach and stayed there for 3 days. Max and Liz are back together and life is going to normal, except Alex is not here. I have got much closer to Kyle, we both seem to be going through some stuff. I think we could be great friends.
June 29th 2001
I had sleepover with Liz and Maria at Maria's house, last night. Sean kept coming in and interrupting, he is SO annoying, that freak. He's always trying to hit on Liz. Liz is already going out with my brother. OK, it's kind of annoying, one o my best friends going out with my brother. But she fell in love with my brother before she became my friend, so it's kind of fair. She also asks me questions about Max. Like +does max ever talk about me?+ and I say +only all the time.+ I miss Alex, but hanging with Kyle is fun. I despise Tess, for lying to me. Pretending she was on our side, pretending she was our friend. Liz never liked Tess, but she never tough of Tess as a killer.
July 7th 2001
Sorry, I haven't spent time writing in this journal. With all the sleepovers and shopping sprees it's been hectic! Liz and Maria are coming over tonight! The guys are over too so we plan on spying! hehe. Oooh, got to buy new night clothes. See ya~
Izzy
July 11th 2001
Yesterday I got this really cute baby blue night shirt it's a tank top and has Angel written on it which is out lined in silver. And the bottoms flare out just a little bit, not to much. Liz, Maria, and I had so much fun spying on the guys last night. We got caught once thanks to Liz and Maria. Max got a little up set that we were spying so we stopped but only for a little while. Tonight I'm going to spend having a movie marathon with the whole gang except Alex. Speaking of Alex I miss him so much. Well, someone just rang the door bell so I got to go. Bye
Izzy
July 12th 2001
Mum and Dad are so cool. I don't think I could wish fro better parents. I don't care if I never get back to my home planet. This trip is going to be a blast. Just me and my friends for a whole week. If only Alex was here, it would make it even better. Anyway, I have got all my clothes sorted, Max said I am bringing too many, but Maria, Liz and I discussed it and too many clothes is better than not enough.
July 20th 2001
Today we had so much fun. Michael, and Max's jaws hit the ground when they saw Me, Liz, and Maria in are new swimsuits, mine is red Liz's in a baby blue and Maria's is a green. We all got bikini's. It was so funny. I thought it was cute how Max and Michael stayed right beside Liz and Maria like bodyguards. When we were finally able to ditch the guys we got a lot of phone numbers. Liz, and Maria said they were going to throw there's away. I'm keeping mine, looks like I might just have some more fun on this trip then I thought. Well, I have to get up early so I got to go.
Isabel
July 26th 2001
Tomorrow, Liz and Maria, and me, are going to the mall, and buying really fancy expensive gowns, then we're going to get our hair done, then we're going ALL the way to NEW YORK CITY! Then we'll stay overnight in fancy hotel. And the next evening go to a show. And believe it or not, we'll get up REALLY early, to get their in time on the plane. This'll be fun. It's a surprise though. they don't know about it yet. Only me, my parents, Liz's parents, and Maria's mom know. I think I'll go in the morning to Liz's, get her mom to wake her up, and Liz will go downstairs, Liz's mom will signal me to go upstairs and pack Liz's things, I'll run into the car, and by the time that's all done, Liz will be dressed, and I'll tell her to come with me to the car. The same will go for Maria, only, Liz will be blindfolded so she doesn't suspect anything. I've got it all figure out.
July 27th 2001
I had a lot of fun today with Michael Max Liz and Maria. I know how hard they are trying to make me feel like everything will be ok. But there are days when I feel like nothing will be the same. I really miss Alex. I really do so much. So much in fact it hurts me to even say his name. Oh how I hate that little Tess for what she did to him!!! If I had to choose between finding a way home and keeping the one that I truly loved and still love very much... I would differently pick keeping Alex. I didn’t even care so much about getting home. Over the years I have found out that this... Earth... is my home. I have a lot of friends here. I have caring loving parents. And Alex. Or at least I did have Alex... Well there’s really nothing else left to say. I guess I'll go and visit Alex's grave now.
Isabel Evans
July 28th 2001
Ok I need to stop doing this to my self. Going to a beloved ones grave once in a while is fine. But not mostly every night. There’s something wrong isn't there? I mean I am not the only one who lost Alex. Maria and Liz cared for him just as much as I do. Don’t they? I mean staring at that stupid head stone night after night won't bring Alex Whitman back. All it will do is bring me to face pain again over and over. But if I stop weeping will I forget about him? Or how great and wonderful he really was. He seemed to brighten a gloomy time. Part of me wants to forget this, all the pain I am feeling now. Then the other part says even though you have the pain you still have the memories with him. I have come to realize there will always be a part of me and everyone that will always suffer the loss of him. Maybe I'll visit him, maybe I won't. But I do know he wouldn't want me. .us to moan over his loss. Ya well you tell yourself that. Because I can't stop...
August 21st 2001
I tried, I really tried, but I can't stop going to it. That stone which has the proof that there was someone who actually knew me. I have to admit it, when I dream walked Alex that first time, he was right. Not a lot of people get to see my interior. But he knew me, somehow he saw it. That's when I became scared. I was scared because someone knew me, and I loved that person. I hadn't been to his grave in a while. I hadn't even tried to talk to him. But when I went there with Liz (Maria couldn't get off work) I found a paper behind the stone. It had a name on it. I don't know why, but I decided to keep it. Then we were all at the Crash down, Kyle and I were at the counter, and he saw it. When I showed him the paper he told me it was the person who invented orange soda. Alex loves orange soda! Then I felt his presence, I didn't know where, but I knew he was there. That was when I realized it: Alex isn't dead. He's very much alive. Just somewhere else. Who knows? Maybe he has an unlimited supply of orange soda up there!
I have to go, Liz asked me to give her a manicure.
August 22nd 2001
Well its true...I cant stop. I went to see him every night this past week. Why am I doing this to myself? Isabel Evans going to someone's, actually the one person I loved and trusted, grave to remember everything they had. Its killing me apart inside that I just can't move on with my life...but I cant. I know everyone misses him but they have moved on. Liz has Max, Maria as Michael...But who do I have? I feel lost in this world without him. I keep having these dreams of Alex and me dancing and him telling me everything will be alright. Maybe everything will be...but that will never let my heart forget what I had and will always want.
Oh diary...so many things are going through this pretty head of mine. Alex? or Michael? How can I be betrothed/ destined to be with Michael when I've felt like his sister for so long? If Max is the leader why can't he just say that I can be with whoever I want and he can be with whoever he wants. Shouldn't it be about how we feel not about our "destiny" I mean I'm Isabel, I can save our planet and still have a nice relationship with Alex! And poor Maria and Liz, they stuck by us through everything and we're just going to say "bye" because our "mother" said so...I think not, I may be an alien, but I was born on earth and teenagers are known to rebel against their parents...so when on earth, do as the earthlings would do...REBEL!!
November 15th 2000
I should've told Max about the Vilandra Project. Why must the same lines keep pounding through my head? "You were even more beautiful than you are now." What the hell did that mean? I'm Isabel Evans, the hottest girl at West Roswell. Maybe I need a new hair style. Should I get a new wardrobe? I'm so depressed. I think I'll go shopping!
P.S. Did I really have secret meetings with that twerp, Nicholas, as Vilandra? Yes, I need to shop!
January 5th 2001
Today was horrible I haven't seen Alex in the longest time. Sometimes I sneak into his dreams to see if he still thinks of me. I am happy to say that he does. Even though he isn't popular I think he and I should become an item like Max and Liz. Well like they were. Poor Max. I don't know what happened to him that day he went to Liz's house to win her over but he has been moody. Very depressed. I feel so sorry for him. And Liz she looks like she has lost the love of her life. With the way those two are acting I think one of them screwed up. But every time I bring it up with Max he just ignores me and changes the subject. There's a rumor that Liz slept with Kyle Valenti but I know that that's impossible. The only one Liz wants to be with is Max. Its a silly rumor. But I heard Max say that there is truth to every rumor. That can't be for this one though ....could it?
March 13th 2001
Wow, this is harder to admit than I thought...I think I made a mistake letting Alex go. When I was dancing with him in Vegas- it was like my world was righted. I'm really messed up. I don't know what I was thinking...trying to sleep with some guy I didn't even know. But there he was...Alex...waiting for me to wise up. What if it's too late? What if he's finally said good-bye?
March 14th 2001
My world is spinning out of control and the only thing I'm almost positive about is that I love Alex.
March 15th 2001
Tess, Maria and I went shopping today. I managed to keep my big mouth shut and not ask what Alex was up to. I'm becoming so obsessed! What's wrong with me? Well...at least I did find the cutest shoes so it wasn't a total bust!
March 25th 2001
I never used to have a diary before I met Liz. I wonder what I would be like if Alex had never known the truth... if Liz hadn't told him. Will it matter in the end? If Alex never found out, then would I be with Michael, once i found out about my destiny? Will history repeat itself? Will I end up betraying everyone? Arrrg! I have to stop asking myself about that! I am not Volandra! Or am I? I am so confused... I feel like i am spinning and I just can't stop. Is this how I felt before I went to kavar? At first i sort of wanted to follow my destiny, to be with Michael... even though he felt like a brother to me, in my dreams it just felt right. That was before i really knew Alex, before i realized that i loved him. I do love him, I have to stand up and follow my own destiny, make my own destiny. but how, how can i do that? Liz left Max, Michael and Maria are always having problems. what would happen if i went to Alex and then somehow Max, Michael, and Tess told me that i had to follow my destiny, the one that was prearranged for me. No, i could never hurt Alex like that... but what about max and Michael... I love them, they are my family. well? answer me! where are you now, when i need you, mother!? were are you... how could you leave us, leave me! i want answers! you have to tell me what to do, before i make the wrong choice.
always, Isabel
March 31st 2001
My life is spinning out of control. Does Alex still love me? Because I certainly love him...why can't everything just go right??? That’s the story of my life...sigh...
Isabel
April 24th 2001
It can't be true, I keep telling myself that it isn't. I just realized how much I loved him. I finally found someone I could be totally happy with, and not keep secrets.... Alex was everything I secretly longed for. Why did he have to die....If I hadn't called him, if I hadn't talked to him and tried to get him to be with me tonight, he wouldn't have gotten into the car, and died in the accident. IT'S NOT FAIR. I just wanted to love him forever. I am crying, as I write this passage, my tears fall over my words, and everything just blurs.....Max couldn't heal him, and bring him back to me.....I feel as if I have just died....I was so happy, and I know he was too. What I would just give, for one moment, just one more kiss, one more day, to say everything that I didn't. I'll dream walk. I will see him there. But it's not the same. It will never go back to the way it was. We were going to be so happy. I can't stay here, everything I had a future for is dead....I am going to leave....graduate early, and forget everything...I'll be okay...someday. Alex, I will forever love you.
Isabel
April 29th 2001
Okay..... it's not my fault, it's not my fault! Wait, yes it is..... Alex died because of me. What did I do? I know I should be over this, but I just can't, I just can't.... I can't let go of the past. Every time I see his face in my dreams, every time I FEEL like I'm kissing him then, it's all just some lie that is hurting me more then helping me.... And Liz- how can she say these things? I'm feeling the weight on my shoulders enough, with Alex's death, and the Kivar thing.... I'll tell Liz it wasn't a suicide. I'll tell her who killed Alex... me! But now it's just us 4 now, the way it should have been. I should've made it stay that way, and this would've have never happened to Alex... it will always be my fault, always....
Isabel
May 6th 2001
I can't sleep because when I sleep all I think about will be Alex. All I can ever think about is him. Why? What did he ever do that made him deserve this? Why did I let him go without telling him I love him. My mom says that soon, the grief will stop. The grief will never stop, I'll never stop being sad for Alex. People are saying to me I need to get on with my life but how can I get on with my life without him?
May 8th 2001
You know, Max can be such a jerk at times. I have much worse words to call him, but I won't repeat then for the sake of him being my brother. It wouldn't kill anyone to let me go to San Francisco. You would think I was asking the world from him. I know that if he tells mom and dad I'm doing drugs, I'd have to get a drug test, which would expose us all. But how would he get proof that I cheated on every one of my tests? With his powers? He has just gone so low. No wonder everyone hates him now. I can't even speak to him right now. Why did he have to be the leader? Things would go so much easier if Michael were...
May 22nd 2001
Tonight, I sit on my bed, and I look around in my room, and I can never imagine leaving this home. Isn't it funny how we made such a big deal of our 'home' being out there, and couldn't wait to leave earth. We almost left this morning in the granilith. Michael was the one to say that he didn't want to go. I looked at Max. I didn't want to leave either. It turns out that we didn't leave. Except Tess. She's gone, with Max's child. I say Max's child, and not hers, because after what she did to us....She doesn't deserve to be called anyone's mother. She's not even human, or Antarian, or whatever is out there. How could she ever do such a cold hearted, EVIL thing? She killed a person! Alex! And then she walks around like she's in mourning, looking sympathetic?! I just wish I could get my hands on her. Look of all the pain that she has caused us. Why did we never see it? Brain warping? She made Kyle unwillingly, okay, virtually, unknowingly be a part of the murder. How does someone get away with that. I swear, if I ever see Tess Harding again, here, or on some distant planet, she will regret the day she crossed us.
June 1st 2001
Kyle, Kyle, Kyle I spend the day with him trying to coax him out to the Crackdown. He's hurting maybe the most at the moment! Tess was like his sister and what she did to him, She made him carry Alex's body- Hay I couldn't write before the thought of Alex's dead body up-set me. Kyle will always have the pain in his heart of Tess and Alex, I was looking at our prom picture before all of us standing there happy. Tess was a fake and she fooled us for all this time GOD I hate her and if i ever see her again I will hurt her! Maria and I were talking yesterday, She is a great girl and maybe i was wrong about her being all high strung and I actually listened to her and she speaks the truth. Maria and me are going to go run her mom's shop tomorrow (Why) But Maria asked and maybe it would be good for our friendship. Kyle need's to try and carry on I just got a call from him asking if i could come over and watch WWF With him as Jim is out with Amy. I guess I’d better go over and I wouldn't mind some company.
June 4th 2001
Okay I've decided that I need to focus on myself for a while! Kyle has sort of been taking up my time!! Me and Maria looked after her mothers shop yesterday, She does balb on but Maria is cool and isn't that bad, She did go into a little too much detail about her and space boy - As Maria calls him- Love life. We took Kyle to the Mall today and Kyle has taste (Maybe he's gay. Max said he got really angry with Liz god get over it max. I love Max he's my brother but he shouldn't treat Liz like that! Great Liz is here again, Is she trying to cause herself pain.
June 5th 2001
So today I had the day to my-self and it was kind of lonely! Maria called and i offered to take her and Liz shopping! I mean we are going to the beach and we need bathing suites!
Oh god my aunt sally's here I better go!
June 25th 2001
Sorry I haven't wrote for so long, my life has just been so busy. We went to the beach and stayed there for 3 days. Max and Liz are back together and life is going to normal, except Alex is not here. I have got much closer to Kyle, we both seem to be going through some stuff. I think we could be great friends.
June 29th 2001
I had sleepover with Liz and Maria at Maria's house, last night. Sean kept coming in and interrupting, he is SO annoying, that freak. He's always trying to hit on Liz. Liz is already going out with my brother. OK, it's kind of annoying, one o my best friends going out with my brother. But she fell in love with my brother before she became my friend, so it's kind of fair. She also asks me questions about Max. Like +does max ever talk about me?+ and I say +only all the time.+ I miss Alex, but hanging with Kyle is fun. I despise Tess, for lying to me. Pretending she was on our side, pretending she was our friend. Liz never liked Tess, but she never tough of Tess as a killer.
July 7th 2001
Sorry, I haven't spent time writing in this journal. With all the sleepovers and shopping sprees it's been hectic! Liz and Maria are coming over tonight! The guys are over too so we plan on spying! hehe. Oooh, got to buy new night clothes. See ya~
Izzy
July 11th 2001
Yesterday I got this really cute baby blue night shirt it's a tank top and has Angel written on it which is out lined in silver. And the bottoms flare out just a little bit, not to much. Liz, Maria, and I had so much fun spying on the guys last night. We got caught once thanks to Liz and Maria. Max got a little up set that we were spying so we stopped but only for a little while. Tonight I'm going to spend having a movie marathon with the whole gang except Alex. Speaking of Alex I miss him so much. Well, someone just rang the door bell so I got to go. Bye
Izzy
July 12th 2001
Mum and Dad are so cool. I don't think I could wish fro better parents. I don't care if I never get back to my home planet. This trip is going to be a blast. Just me and my friends for a whole week. If only Alex was here, it would make it even better. Anyway, I have got all my clothes sorted, Max said I am bringing too many, but Maria, Liz and I discussed it and too many clothes is better than not enough.
July 20th 2001
Today we had so much fun. Michael, and Max's jaws hit the ground when they saw Me, Liz, and Maria in are new swimsuits, mine is red Liz's in a baby blue and Maria's is a green. We all got bikini's. It was so funny. I thought it was cute how Max and Michael stayed right beside Liz and Maria like bodyguards. When we were finally able to ditch the guys we got a lot of phone numbers. Liz, and Maria said they were going to throw there's away. I'm keeping mine, looks like I might just have some more fun on this trip then I thought. Well, I have to get up early so I got to go.
Isabel
July 26th 2001
Tomorrow, Liz and Maria, and me, are going to the mall, and buying really fancy expensive gowns, then we're going to get our hair done, then we're going ALL the way to NEW YORK CITY! Then we'll stay overnight in fancy hotel. And the next evening go to a show. And believe it or not, we'll get up REALLY early, to get their in time on the plane. This'll be fun. It's a surprise though. they don't know about it yet. Only me, my parents, Liz's parents, and Maria's mom know. I think I'll go in the morning to Liz's, get her mom to wake her up, and Liz will go downstairs, Liz's mom will signal me to go upstairs and pack Liz's things, I'll run into the car, and by the time that's all done, Liz will be dressed, and I'll tell her to come with me to the car. The same will go for Maria, only, Liz will be blindfolded so she doesn't suspect anything. I've got it all figure out.
July 27th 2001
I had a lot of fun today with Michael Max Liz and Maria. I know how hard they are trying to make me feel like everything will be ok. But there are days when I feel like nothing will be the same. I really miss Alex. I really do so much. So much in fact it hurts me to even say his name. Oh how I hate that little Tess for what she did to him!!! If I had to choose between finding a way home and keeping the one that I truly loved and still love very much... I would differently pick keeping Alex. I didn’t even care so much about getting home. Over the years I have found out that this... Earth... is my home. I have a lot of friends here. I have caring loving parents. And Alex. Or at least I did have Alex... Well there’s really nothing else left to say. I guess I'll go and visit Alex's grave now.
Isabel Evans
July 28th 2001
Ok I need to stop doing this to my self. Going to a beloved ones grave once in a while is fine. But not mostly every night. There’s something wrong isn't there? I mean I am not the only one who lost Alex. Maria and Liz cared for him just as much as I do. Don’t they? I mean staring at that stupid head stone night after night won't bring Alex Whitman back. All it will do is bring me to face pain again over and over. But if I stop weeping will I forget about him? Or how great and wonderful he really was. He seemed to brighten a gloomy time. Part of me wants to forget this, all the pain I am feeling now. Then the other part says even though you have the pain you still have the memories with him. I have come to realize there will always be a part of me and everyone that will always suffer the loss of him. Maybe I'll visit him, maybe I won't. But I do know he wouldn't want me. .us to moan over his loss. Ya well you tell yourself that. Because I can't stop...
August 21st 2001
I tried, I really tried, but I can't stop going to it. That stone which has the proof that there was someone who actually knew me. I have to admit it, when I dream walked Alex that first time, he was right. Not a lot of people get to see my interior. But he knew me, somehow he saw it. That's when I became scared. I was scared because someone knew me, and I loved that person. I hadn't been to his grave in a while. I hadn't even tried to talk to him. But when I went there with Liz (Maria couldn't get off work) I found a paper behind the stone. It had a name on it. I don't know why, but I decided to keep it. Then we were all at the Crash down, Kyle and I were at the counter, and he saw it. When I showed him the paper he told me it was the person who invented orange soda. Alex loves orange soda! Then I felt his presence, I didn't know where, but I knew he was there. That was when I realized it: Alex isn't dead. He's very much alive. Just somewhere else. Who knows? Maybe he has an unlimited supply of orange soda up there!
I have to go, Liz asked me to give her a manicure.
August 22nd 2001
Well its true...I cant stop. I went to see him every night this past week. Why am I doing this to myself? Isabel Evans going to someone's, actually the one person I loved and trusted, grave to remember everything they had. Its killing me apart inside that I just can't move on with my life...but I cant. I know everyone misses him but they have moved on. Liz has Max, Maria as Michael...But who do I have? I feel lost in this world without him. I keep having these dreams of Alex and me dancing and him telling me everything will be alright. Maybe everything will be...but that will never let my heart forget what I had and will always want.
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CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Alex Charles Whitman (Words from His Life and Afterlife)
October 22nd 2000
I just don't believe that Izzy has to save her home planet because of her destiny with Michael and does she miss me? I hope so she really does miss me.
October 23rd 2000
Today was kind of rough. First I was dying of thirsty and all I wanted to do is surrender to the Orange Soda Gods, but was that happening? Heck no! The machine ate my freak in' money. So, next I had gym. No orange soda and gym. I dress out and totally forget that I still had that damn thong on! I'll forever be known among the jocks as Thong Man Whitman. Ok, that brings me up to Dodge ball. Here's a sport I can handle or at least I thought so...until Isabel walked by and I was knocked out literally. I came to about 5 minutes later with half of the gym laughing it up. UGH, it was rough.
November 15th 2000
I had the weirdest experience at the Crash down a few days ago. I was there & my food was nice and warm. The next minute I felt lightheaded and my food was hard as a rock & had more bites taken out of it than I had ate. To top it all off Valenti came in and gave me a heart to heart. If I didn't know better I would think that all the humans disappeared only to be saved by Tess and Maria. Hmmmmm.... nah! Must've been food poisoning!
January 5th 2001
I saw Isabel today. Not as any other person would though. She dream walked again. I made sure that I was there waiting for her. I know that she likes me and that she wants something with me but she just won't give us a try. What if one day I get over her and I am dreaming about some other girl and she dream walks. That would be the worst. Though it will probably never happen since she is the pretties girl I've ever know. I wonder what is going on with Liz and Maria. I haven't talked to them in the longest time. But I've been hearing rumors that Liz and Kyle slept together. But I know that couldn't even be a possibility. Liz loves Max and she would never even WANT to sleep with Kyle. Maria and Michael well they are too much. They're a couple on day then the next they are biting off each others throats. Izzy and me will never be like that. Probably cause we will never get together. But I still have hope. Max is always saying to Liz "We make our own destiny" well that can apply to me too. I am going to make my destiny. My destiny will be with Izzy. I just hope that Maria and Liz make their own destiny with Max and Michael in it. If they can. If I can. This is a mess humans and aliens its weird. Who would have thought that me, Liz, and Maria would fall in love will aliens. Certainly not us. I will keep you posted.
Alex
January 8th 2001
I just got back from Sweden. I bet the Swedish girls are still missing the Alex love. It was amazing...I mean yeah, the country was beautiful but the girls...they really dug me. It was so weird when I got back. Roswell was almost foreign to me. Isabel Evans? I think I'm finally over her.
March 14th 2001
Ok, so I had a slight relapse after the Las Vegas trip. I mean, I stood there & tried to act all cool when Isabel was HANGING ON ANOTHER GUY but come on...let's face it, the girl IS the love of my life. Just holding her in my arms...it brought back the old Alex's dreams of dating her. So, what did I do after Las Vegas? I've wrote 15 love songs dedicated to her. The Whits (even though IT'S MY BAND) are threatening to kick me out but it's like I have no control over myself. I've got to get her out of my mind!! I WILL get her out of my mind... Well, got to go...I've ran out of sheet music...
April 8th 2001
I just read some past entries and I said I was over Isabel. How wrong could one guy be? I light up every time she’s near. Just thinking about her makes me
April 12th 2001
Prom is coming up. I thought about asking Isabel for old times sake. Nothing like a date...completely like an update. Just me, her and the stars...or I mean, just us like friends under the stars. You know, nothing that would imply the old Alex is back and looking to kiss her feet again. Plus there's what's her name in Sweden...Lisa...Laura...Leanne! Yeah, can't start being a player.
Speaking of Sweden...it all just seems like a dream now. Even the Olsen’s are kind of fuzzy.
Greetings from the Great Beyond
April 24th 2001
Ok, I didn't exactly plan to die. Yeah, I heard the whole Valenti version. Suicide. Alex Charles Whitman kills himself after finally landing girl of his dreams. Let's be realistic, shall we? I'd never have killed myself. Maybe I didn't have the most confidence in the world...let's say I wasn't Michael in that department BUT I never thought about suicide even when I was at my lowest point so suicide now? When Isabel finally loves me...no. So what happened? I don't know and it's really frustrating. I remember Maria & Liz being over and then leaving but after that it's a blur. Yeah, I read the report over Max's shoulder. I ran into a truck going 70mph. Why the hell did I leave? don't remember that at all. I'm kind of glad cause it sounds like I was really messed up if Max didn't want to touch my body. Not very nice of him to say though.
Where am I? Here. Where is here? I don't know cause I don't seem dead. I mean my logical mind says that I am. Hell, I read the report...I was at the funeral...I've been with the group and my parents as they grieved...but am I really dead? I don't feel dead. I can still see everyone & touch them & talk to Isabel. They know on some level I'm there. Isabel and Liz more than the others. I'm going to have to walk with Liz as she tries to find out what happened. I need to know myself. Speaking of Liz, I'm proud of her. I knew I was lucky to have her and Maria as friends. God, I just wish I could tell them that. Poor Maria looks devastated. Even gone I feel guilty about that. And Isabel...I couldn't resist letting her dream walk me. Just because my physical body is gone doesn't mean I stopped existing. I let her believe it was a dream...I know she needs to move on but I had to be with her. It'll be an eternity before we'll be together again if I'm truly dead. When I felt her tears and kissed her lips I felt real. I realized it was going to tear me apart if I kept it up as well as her. I'm learning quickly. I'm not limited to being a shadow by their side. Within a secret file on my former web site I'm leaving these entries. Hopefully someday when Isabel is stronger and the memory of me isn't so painful she'll find these entries and know I was with them all along and will continue to be.
May 3rd 2001
This is the first chance I've had to update the situation. I've been keeping tabs on everybody as much as I can but sometimes my mind wanders and I'll end up somewhere else. Like once I was thinking of France and how I'd never get to go and bam! There I was sitting in the middle of the Seine. Even though I couldn't drowned I was still a little freaked out. So, I have to keep my mind focused. As Liz searches I'm remembering more. Just bits and pieces but it's enough to know she's on the right track. The rest of the group has disappointed me...leaving her to fend for herself. I can understand Maria and Michael since Maria is a basket case and Michael's involved with that but what about Max? I decided to check him out and ended up somewhere I never want to end up again. Max rubbing Tess's feet. There are just something’s that shouldn't been seen and that's one of them. But nice to know Max isn't too broken up over my death.
I'm glad Isabel is staying firm about college. I just wish she knew I was on her side...
May 20th 2001
Go Liz, and Maria, and Michael... she finally found out what I was doing when I was supposed to be in Sweden. But what about my killer? Or why I killed myself? It's kind of weird being up here in the Great Above and still not knowing what truly happened to me.
May 24th 2001
It all makes sense now as to how I died! Today I decided to follow Liz and Max around while they looked for clues about how I died, and tried to identify who Leanne is. I was there when I saw Liz and Max discussing their relationship problems. Why don't those two just get over it already! Well, I guess with Tess 's child and all it may be kind of difficult-anyway back to my to the mystery of my death. It turns out that Leanne was not an alien, she was human (maybe someone set her up) and she was innocent. In the end, it turns out that Tess killed me. I would've never known if it wasn't for Liz's noticing the odd hand tapping thing, or Kyle's memory finally kicking in. As it turns out, Tess mind warped me for two whole months, making me think that I was in Sweden, when in reality I was in Las Cruces decoding that alien book for her. Then when I realized what was going on and confronted her she tried to mind warp me again. I guess my brain couldn't handle it, there was nothing left to mind warp and as a result of me refusing to allow her into my mind I fell over in an exhausted heap, dead. When Tess had realized what she did, she mind warped Kyle into believing that he was throwing her duffle bag into the car, when really it was me. Then she made the whole car accident look like a suicide. Now that I've finally realized what happened to me I'm so proud of Liz and Kyle, and of Isabel too. I hope that she doesn't blame herself for being an alien or for my passing into the Great Beyond.
Alex
June 6th 2001
Well, I'm keeping an eye on them. I think they sense on some level I'm still here. I talk to Izzy sometimes. But I make sure she won't remember. Subconsciously she probably does. Who knows? I've been doing a little supernatural sight-seeing. Plus I've been helping some famous bands-like Life house write some songs LOL. Anyways, back to watching the gang.
June 29th 2001
I visited Isabel in her dream last night. She was at Maria's. They were giggling and gossiping all night. Those crazy kids. I miss them. I'm glad I got to hear them laugh. I watch over them all the time. And this is one of the few times they've smiled. I'm happy for max and Liz getting back together. Back to Izzy's dream. I told her to move on. She needs to. She can't spend her whole life thinking about me. In ways, we're still together, because I died, and we never broke up. In other ways, we're over, because I'm dead, and she's a free human. Besides, there are some hot angel chickies up here anyway. I still love Iz though, and she's hotter than any of these angels!
July 1st 2001
Watching over the gang. I wish I could just visit at least the girls, like every night. But I have things to do up here, but we won't get into that. And if any of the humans read these entries, then they'll probably freak out. That's why I lock it. When Liz found a locked file, it was my diary. Well see ya.
July 7th 2001
Hmm, watching over the gang, I overheard the guys and gals are going to be in the same house during the same night. ooh, this should be good. I wonder what the girls will do. Ooh, must jet, I have a couple assignments to do.
Beloved Alex
July 13th 2001
OK. I just love watching the gang. They are sooo funny. Today they dumped water on Max and Liz, then Max and Liz got back at them. Man! You should've seen their faces. And you know why I’m in such a good mood up here? Because they still have Orange Soda up here!!!!!! Isn't that great! I mean, why would I be resting in peace, if the didn't have orange soda? I mean... go figure. well I've got to go. See, I get orange soda for free up here. which is even better. Apparently..... there is no such thing as the orange soda god. But that's ok. No one has to worry about li'l ol' me though. As long as I've got my OS, and get to watch Izzy having fun, I'm fantastic.
July 22nd 2001
Note to self: Always double check room numbers! I almost saw much more of Kyle than I wanted to see when I morphed in on him changing after going to the beach. If I was able to turn a more ghostly white I definitely.. would have then. Gotta go. The angels and I are up against Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Elvis Presley and a few others in a game of (thumbs up) dodge ball. Elvis always cheats.
July 27th 2001
So, the game was great! I actually managed to beat that cheating, lying, not-very-good-singer, worse king than Max ever could be (Elvis)! I was very proud of myself as I was the best player there, if I do say so myself. I got the privilege of speaking to God today. As we were talking (he didn't say much of inters- he doesn’t talk much) I happened to notice the records lying open in the desk. It was in the V's section and I noticed Valenti's name- he is OLD!!! I'm surprised he hasn’t died of heart attack or stroke from the whole 'alien' stuff he went though. Well, gotta jet, it's time for Isabel to take a shower- he he.
Alex
August 16th 2001
Sometimes I wish I could really talk to Isabel. I mean I love where I'm at, don't get me wrong. Where else could you have unlimited supply of orange soda, my friend? There's just so much I'd like to tell her. Things that I know now that I didn't know before. I always thought Isabel was beautiful inside and out but now I know. When I see the gang I see every part of them. Their hopes, fears, love, concerns...I see who they are. Maria glows. I mean literally she glows. Especially around Michael... even when they are fighting:) And Liz...there's like this steady hum around her. It's like this sweet and sad song. Isabel...she just pulsates. It comes right out of her soul. I just wish I could tell her how much energy she has and how no one can stop that. She seems so lost. It's hard sometimes being on the outside looking in. We aren't sad here but there's still a part of me that misses them. It's not a sadness but an absent part. Something you know won't be filled for a very long time. I've been talking to Saint Peter lately. He thinks I might be eligible for the Angel-Assistance program. He looked over my life- pitifully small book until you get to the pod squad years and he believes my life was selfless enough to help out the gangs guardian angels. Obviously a human can't be an angel but this is the next best thing. I can kind of help out. It'll be like being a part of them again. It beats this ghost gig I have to do when visiting earth. I'll keep you updated.
August 20th 2001
Oh my god, oh my god! (excuse the phrase, god.) I, many moments earlier, bumped into someone I always wanted to meet! The inventor of orange soda! I got his autograph, but I dropped it on a cloud, and it fell through, all the way to earth. I don't even remember his name. But I love orange soda. you know what though? I was hanging at my grave, hoping Izzy would come, and she did! She brought Liz too. (Maria couldn't come, I guess) anyway, I couldn't talk to them, cause they couldn't see me. That made me sort of sad. I mean I was already sad about the orange soda autograph, you know? I was so sad, I went back to my cloudy home, and watched Gilmore Girl reruns. Man that show is good. It's funny. (reruns I taped, by the way) don't worry about me. I get orange soda, TV, a spa, a swimming pool, pizza, and SOOOOO much more up here. My dead friend, Skippy, was teaching me how to fly today. Tomorrow I'm teaching him how to d that thing with my arms, where I cross my arms, and put them over my head. He's short and skinny though, so I'm not sure he'll be able to do it. I g2g. Skippy and I are throwing a party for God today!
I just don't believe that Izzy has to save her home planet because of her destiny with Michael and does she miss me? I hope so she really does miss me.
October 23rd 2000
Today was kind of rough. First I was dying of thirsty and all I wanted to do is surrender to the Orange Soda Gods, but was that happening? Heck no! The machine ate my freak in' money. So, next I had gym. No orange soda and gym. I dress out and totally forget that I still had that damn thong on! I'll forever be known among the jocks as Thong Man Whitman. Ok, that brings me up to Dodge ball. Here's a sport I can handle or at least I thought so...until Isabel walked by and I was knocked out literally. I came to about 5 minutes later with half of the gym laughing it up. UGH, it was rough.
November 15th 2000
I had the weirdest experience at the Crash down a few days ago. I was there & my food was nice and warm. The next minute I felt lightheaded and my food was hard as a rock & had more bites taken out of it than I had ate. To top it all off Valenti came in and gave me a heart to heart. If I didn't know better I would think that all the humans disappeared only to be saved by Tess and Maria. Hmmmmm.... nah! Must've been food poisoning!
January 5th 2001
I saw Isabel today. Not as any other person would though. She dream walked again. I made sure that I was there waiting for her. I know that she likes me and that she wants something with me but she just won't give us a try. What if one day I get over her and I am dreaming about some other girl and she dream walks. That would be the worst. Though it will probably never happen since she is the pretties girl I've ever know. I wonder what is going on with Liz and Maria. I haven't talked to them in the longest time. But I've been hearing rumors that Liz and Kyle slept together. But I know that couldn't even be a possibility. Liz loves Max and she would never even WANT to sleep with Kyle. Maria and Michael well they are too much. They're a couple on day then the next they are biting off each others throats. Izzy and me will never be like that. Probably cause we will never get together. But I still have hope. Max is always saying to Liz "We make our own destiny" well that can apply to me too. I am going to make my destiny. My destiny will be with Izzy. I just hope that Maria and Liz make their own destiny with Max and Michael in it. If they can. If I can. This is a mess humans and aliens its weird. Who would have thought that me, Liz, and Maria would fall in love will aliens. Certainly not us. I will keep you posted.
Alex
January 8th 2001
I just got back from Sweden. I bet the Swedish girls are still missing the Alex love. It was amazing...I mean yeah, the country was beautiful but the girls...they really dug me. It was so weird when I got back. Roswell was almost foreign to me. Isabel Evans? I think I'm finally over her.
March 14th 2001
Ok, so I had a slight relapse after the Las Vegas trip. I mean, I stood there & tried to act all cool when Isabel was HANGING ON ANOTHER GUY but come on...let's face it, the girl IS the love of my life. Just holding her in my arms...it brought back the old Alex's dreams of dating her. So, what did I do after Las Vegas? I've wrote 15 love songs dedicated to her. The Whits (even though IT'S MY BAND) are threatening to kick me out but it's like I have no control over myself. I've got to get her out of my mind!! I WILL get her out of my mind... Well, got to go...I've ran out of sheet music...
April 8th 2001
I just read some past entries and I said I was over Isabel. How wrong could one guy be? I light up every time she’s near. Just thinking about her makes me
April 12th 2001
Prom is coming up. I thought about asking Isabel for old times sake. Nothing like a date...completely like an update. Just me, her and the stars...or I mean, just us like friends under the stars. You know, nothing that would imply the old Alex is back and looking to kiss her feet again. Plus there's what's her name in Sweden...Lisa...Laura...Leanne! Yeah, can't start being a player.
Speaking of Sweden...it all just seems like a dream now. Even the Olsen’s are kind of fuzzy.
Greetings from the Great Beyond
April 24th 2001
Ok, I didn't exactly plan to die. Yeah, I heard the whole Valenti version. Suicide. Alex Charles Whitman kills himself after finally landing girl of his dreams. Let's be realistic, shall we? I'd never have killed myself. Maybe I didn't have the most confidence in the world...let's say I wasn't Michael in that department BUT I never thought about suicide even when I was at my lowest point so suicide now? When Isabel finally loves me...no. So what happened? I don't know and it's really frustrating. I remember Maria & Liz being over and then leaving but after that it's a blur. Yeah, I read the report over Max's shoulder. I ran into a truck going 70mph. Why the hell did I leave? don't remember that at all. I'm kind of glad cause it sounds like I was really messed up if Max didn't want to touch my body. Not very nice of him to say though.
Where am I? Here. Where is here? I don't know cause I don't seem dead. I mean my logical mind says that I am. Hell, I read the report...I was at the funeral...I've been with the group and my parents as they grieved...but am I really dead? I don't feel dead. I can still see everyone & touch them & talk to Isabel. They know on some level I'm there. Isabel and Liz more than the others. I'm going to have to walk with Liz as she tries to find out what happened. I need to know myself. Speaking of Liz, I'm proud of her. I knew I was lucky to have her and Maria as friends. God, I just wish I could tell them that. Poor Maria looks devastated. Even gone I feel guilty about that. And Isabel...I couldn't resist letting her dream walk me. Just because my physical body is gone doesn't mean I stopped existing. I let her believe it was a dream...I know she needs to move on but I had to be with her. It'll be an eternity before we'll be together again if I'm truly dead. When I felt her tears and kissed her lips I felt real. I realized it was going to tear me apart if I kept it up as well as her. I'm learning quickly. I'm not limited to being a shadow by their side. Within a secret file on my former web site I'm leaving these entries. Hopefully someday when Isabel is stronger and the memory of me isn't so painful she'll find these entries and know I was with them all along and will continue to be.
May 3rd 2001
This is the first chance I've had to update the situation. I've been keeping tabs on everybody as much as I can but sometimes my mind wanders and I'll end up somewhere else. Like once I was thinking of France and how I'd never get to go and bam! There I was sitting in the middle of the Seine. Even though I couldn't drowned I was still a little freaked out. So, I have to keep my mind focused. As Liz searches I'm remembering more. Just bits and pieces but it's enough to know she's on the right track. The rest of the group has disappointed me...leaving her to fend for herself. I can understand Maria and Michael since Maria is a basket case and Michael's involved with that but what about Max? I decided to check him out and ended up somewhere I never want to end up again. Max rubbing Tess's feet. There are just something’s that shouldn't been seen and that's one of them. But nice to know Max isn't too broken up over my death.
I'm glad Isabel is staying firm about college. I just wish she knew I was on her side...
May 20th 2001
Go Liz, and Maria, and Michael... she finally found out what I was doing when I was supposed to be in Sweden. But what about my killer? Or why I killed myself? It's kind of weird being up here in the Great Above and still not knowing what truly happened to me.
May 24th 2001
It all makes sense now as to how I died! Today I decided to follow Liz and Max around while they looked for clues about how I died, and tried to identify who Leanne is. I was there when I saw Liz and Max discussing their relationship problems. Why don't those two just get over it already! Well, I guess with Tess 's child and all it may be kind of difficult-anyway back to my to the mystery of my death. It turns out that Leanne was not an alien, she was human (maybe someone set her up) and she was innocent. In the end, it turns out that Tess killed me. I would've never known if it wasn't for Liz's noticing the odd hand tapping thing, or Kyle's memory finally kicking in. As it turns out, Tess mind warped me for two whole months, making me think that I was in Sweden, when in reality I was in Las Cruces decoding that alien book for her. Then when I realized what was going on and confronted her she tried to mind warp me again. I guess my brain couldn't handle it, there was nothing left to mind warp and as a result of me refusing to allow her into my mind I fell over in an exhausted heap, dead. When Tess had realized what she did, she mind warped Kyle into believing that he was throwing her duffle bag into the car, when really it was me. Then she made the whole car accident look like a suicide. Now that I've finally realized what happened to me I'm so proud of Liz and Kyle, and of Isabel too. I hope that she doesn't blame herself for being an alien or for my passing into the Great Beyond.
Alex
June 6th 2001
Well, I'm keeping an eye on them. I think they sense on some level I'm still here. I talk to Izzy sometimes. But I make sure she won't remember. Subconsciously she probably does. Who knows? I've been doing a little supernatural sight-seeing. Plus I've been helping some famous bands-like Life house write some songs LOL. Anyways, back to watching the gang.
June 29th 2001
I visited Isabel in her dream last night. She was at Maria's. They were giggling and gossiping all night. Those crazy kids. I miss them. I'm glad I got to hear them laugh. I watch over them all the time. And this is one of the few times they've smiled. I'm happy for max and Liz getting back together. Back to Izzy's dream. I told her to move on. She needs to. She can't spend her whole life thinking about me. In ways, we're still together, because I died, and we never broke up. In other ways, we're over, because I'm dead, and she's a free human. Besides, there are some hot angel chickies up here anyway. I still love Iz though, and she's hotter than any of these angels!
July 1st 2001
Watching over the gang. I wish I could just visit at least the girls, like every night. But I have things to do up here, but we won't get into that. And if any of the humans read these entries, then they'll probably freak out. That's why I lock it. When Liz found a locked file, it was my diary. Well see ya.
July 7th 2001
Hmm, watching over the gang, I overheard the guys and gals are going to be in the same house during the same night. ooh, this should be good. I wonder what the girls will do. Ooh, must jet, I have a couple assignments to do.
Beloved Alex
July 13th 2001
OK. I just love watching the gang. They are sooo funny. Today they dumped water on Max and Liz, then Max and Liz got back at them. Man! You should've seen their faces. And you know why I’m in such a good mood up here? Because they still have Orange Soda up here!!!!!! Isn't that great! I mean, why would I be resting in peace, if the didn't have orange soda? I mean... go figure. well I've got to go. See, I get orange soda for free up here. which is even better. Apparently..... there is no such thing as the orange soda god. But that's ok. No one has to worry about li'l ol' me though. As long as I've got my OS, and get to watch Izzy having fun, I'm fantastic.
July 22nd 2001
Note to self: Always double check room numbers! I almost saw much more of Kyle than I wanted to see when I morphed in on him changing after going to the beach. If I was able to turn a more ghostly white I definitely.. would have then. Gotta go. The angels and I are up against Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Elvis Presley and a few others in a game of (thumbs up) dodge ball. Elvis always cheats.
July 27th 2001
So, the game was great! I actually managed to beat that cheating, lying, not-very-good-singer, worse king than Max ever could be (Elvis)! I was very proud of myself as I was the best player there, if I do say so myself. I got the privilege of speaking to God today. As we were talking (he didn't say much of inters- he doesn’t talk much) I happened to notice the records lying open in the desk. It was in the V's section and I noticed Valenti's name- he is OLD!!! I'm surprised he hasn’t died of heart attack or stroke from the whole 'alien' stuff he went though. Well, gotta jet, it's time for Isabel to take a shower- he he.
Alex
August 16th 2001
Sometimes I wish I could really talk to Isabel. I mean I love where I'm at, don't get me wrong. Where else could you have unlimited supply of orange soda, my friend? There's just so much I'd like to tell her. Things that I know now that I didn't know before. I always thought Isabel was beautiful inside and out but now I know. When I see the gang I see every part of them. Their hopes, fears, love, concerns...I see who they are. Maria glows. I mean literally she glows. Especially around Michael... even when they are fighting:) And Liz...there's like this steady hum around her. It's like this sweet and sad song. Isabel...she just pulsates. It comes right out of her soul. I just wish I could tell her how much energy she has and how no one can stop that. She seems so lost. It's hard sometimes being on the outside looking in. We aren't sad here but there's still a part of me that misses them. It's not a sadness but an absent part. Something you know won't be filled for a very long time. I've been talking to Saint Peter lately. He thinks I might be eligible for the Angel-Assistance program. He looked over my life- pitifully small book until you get to the pod squad years and he believes my life was selfless enough to help out the gangs guardian angels. Obviously a human can't be an angel but this is the next best thing. I can kind of help out. It'll be like being a part of them again. It beats this ghost gig I have to do when visiting earth. I'll keep you updated.
August 20th 2001
Oh my god, oh my god! (excuse the phrase, god.) I, many moments earlier, bumped into someone I always wanted to meet! The inventor of orange soda! I got his autograph, but I dropped it on a cloud, and it fell through, all the way to earth. I don't even remember his name. But I love orange soda. you know what though? I was hanging at my grave, hoping Izzy would come, and she did! She brought Liz too. (Maria couldn't come, I guess) anyway, I couldn't talk to them, cause they couldn't see me. That made me sort of sad. I mean I was already sad about the orange soda autograph, you know? I was so sad, I went back to my cloudy home, and watched Gilmore Girl reruns. Man that show is good. It's funny. (reruns I taped, by the way) don't worry about me. I get orange soda, TV, a spa, a swimming pool, pizza, and SOOOOO much more up here. My dead friend, Skippy, was teaching me how to fly today. Tomorrow I'm teaching him how to d that thing with my arms, where I cross my arms, and put them over my head. He's short and skinny though, so I'm not sure he'll be able to do it. I g2g. Skippy and I are throwing a party for God today!
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CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Tess Harding's Journal (Secrets & Schemes From a Traitor
September 10th , 2000
Dear Diary,
Still no interest from Max. Maybe I should play the same game and find a human for myself.. Hmm Kyle's looking better everyday. I would ask Isabel, but she's just as confused with her own destiny.
September 26th , 2000
Dear Diary,
Why is everyone ignoring this whole destiny thing? I'm just wasting my breath when I talk about this...I mean it's not like I'm making this up, it's all written down in this book from our home planet...even their mother told them. Oh well, I guess I'll have to win Max the ole' fashion "human" way...it shouldn't be too hard. Wish me luck...
November 8th, 2000
Dear Diary,
i went to NY with Max, Lonnie & Rath. We went to the summit...and guess what? Nicholas is still alive! Brody's...the man who runs the UFO museum, body is being used by some one from our system of planets. Khivar- I guess the person on the throne of our planet NOW- offered peace, and a ride HOME. For our granelith. Max & I left to think for a while. He decided not to. Lonnie( short for Vilandra) & Rath were angry at us. We were walking away to where we were staying, and Lonnie tried to kill MAX!! There was a painters balcony hanging. She used her powers to make it fall. But Max was in a trance. He started to walk across the street as if he saw something. But Rath had just put a hand over my mouth so I couldn't tell him about the falling balcony thing. Then they pulled me somewhere. I guess to the summit. They tried to get into my mind to find the granilith. Like Courtney said Nicholas could. I fought back. I don't know how. I just did. Max Found me. I was just sitting there. I told him what i just told you. Then I said i wanted to go home. And we did. I can't imagine any more bad things happening to us. It just seems like this is as far as it can go....you know?
January 5th , 2001
Love is but a cruel thing. It can make you or break you. That’s what I found when I found Max. He was so in love with Liz that he didn't want to know his destiny. His destiny with me. He pushed me away. Knowing the truth but denying it. Max and I are destined for each other but maybe not right now. I mean he is in love with Liz. You can't change love. And the other destined aren't fulfilling their destiny. Like Michael and Isabel they are to be together. But Michael is with Liz's friend Maria. Isabel well she isn't with anybody but when she's with Alex you can tell she is in love. Oh if only I hadn't known the truth then maybe I could fall in love. Maybe with Kyle he is a sweet one. Well even if I don't love him I am sure he would be a nice first. I wonder if Max would mind if I wasn't a virgin on our wedding day if we do have one that is. Well if Max and I never fulfill our destiny its not the end of the world. Is it?
March 12th , 2001
Is Buddha boy ever going to trim my lamp? What is he waiting for? A formal invitation?!
March 15th , 2001
Went out with Isabel & Maria today. We did lunch then headed over to Broffman's. I picked Kyle up a pair of boxers as a joke but he didn't take it too well. He shoved them in his pocket and walked away. I don't get him.
March 27th , 2001
Kyle is driving me bonkers!! He won't sit still for one meal like a normal family! All I ask is that he puts up the porn and shuts off the TV long enough for a decent meal together. He acts as if he'd actually rather have TV dinners!! Can I help it if I'm worried about all the weight he's losing?? *sigh* I even stole from Michael to feed my Kyle. Why can't he see I'm doing everything in my alien power to make myself useful? Nasedo help me!
Tess
March 30th , 2001
Where are you Buddha boy....Sigh.....Could I be more obvious with my flirting? Some people....
April 5th , 2001
I'm starting to get confused. Who do I like more? Max or Kyle? I mean-Kyle’s more funny and makes me feel a part more. But Max...Max is my true destiny...supposedly...My whole life Nesedo told me that I was destined to be betrothed to Max. But when I actually meet him he's totally in love with Liz. And the annoying thing is I actually quite like Liz. Max was so in love with. He may still be. But I'm not so sure now that Liz slept with Kyle. WHY DID THEY DO THAT ANYWAYS?? Damn Humans...they're so strange...
April 12th , 2001
I'm lying in bed thinking about all these guys human and aliens in my life. I know that I'm supposed to be with Max but he just can't let go of Liz. We have been close lately because Liz has suddenly just let go of him and there's a rumor Liz slept with Kyle. That brings me on to Buddha boy he is kind of nice but he's too into his mumbo jumbo Buddha talk always trying to cleanse his mind. Maybe I'll just shut him up by sleeping with him that'll really wipe that Buddha talk off his mouth at least for a while. see what happens but I don't know . If he says any more of that I might just do it.
April 12th , 2001
Step one of my plan to win over Kyle's body and heart- Oysters.
April 19th , 2001
Wow! How fast one goes from oysters to Max! I've just decided that I can't hold on to Kyle. He's human and it's just not going to work out. No, I belong to Max and I'm just going to have to make Max see it too!
April 20th , 2001
Oh my God! I finally got to Max, just like I planned. I'm so bad!! hehehe. I don't even like Max as a person, but now I can finally get my revenge on Liz for sleeping with my brother/lover, no I mean Kyle.
never mind , I shouldn't have told anybody that, whatever!
Tess Harding
April 24th , 2001
I can't believe it. It's already starting. One of the humans has died. All's I want is to go home. I mean home...home. There is nothing here on this planet for me. All I have is my destiny. I think Max and I are finally getting closer. Prom night reminds of that first time we met back on Antar. I have so little memories, but I am fighting to get them all back. Max and I are destined to be together, however, I can't help but wonder what he still feels for Liz. There is something about her, I am not quit sure yet what it is but she is different than the other humans. I fear the worst when I think about it. It's not possible. She can't be her or some kind of relationship. She would of known if it was her or one of her family members, but she totally treats herself as if she is human. Maybe I am just over reacting. Maybe she is just another human that Max's human emotions fell for. Well get back soon I have to continue the plan. I have to. Or there is no hope in returning home.
April 27th 2001
Well, I have to give credit to her. I never expected Liz to go crazy like she did.... Now it looks like she's hell bent on figuring out why Alex died. Like I have time for this. Here I am, stuck on planet earth, trying to get back home to my planet, and I still have to get dinner on the table and STILL study for my biology test. Oh, and on top of that, I'm going to have to keep my eye on Liz. I just have a bad feeling about that girl.... I really do. I just have the worst premonitions about her whenever I think about it. Just keep strong Tess, and then everything will go perfectly, just like planned. I'll be home soon enough. Well, at least Max is starting to realize that it's ME he loves......so it's not all bad.
Tess
May 2nd , 2001
Oh my gosh.... did me and Max do what I think we did? Or is this some dream? I gave myself to him, and nothing has felt more right. And I was able to put his pain away just for a few moments. He FINALLY loves me, he does!
Tess
May 3rd , 2001
Little does max know that what we did will now bond us for a while. I am glad he has given up on the notion of Liz and him so now he will focus all of his attention on me after all we are destined to be together
May 6th , 2001
He is mine! Finally destiny is here, and we are together! He finally realizes that he loves me not Liz! Liz has gone crazy, and I am here for him, he loves me!!! And we will go home soon and everything will be perfect! Destiny has come, and it tastes sweet....
Love, Tess
May 17th , 2001
Dear Diary,
There is so much I want to say, and not enough pages in you to write them all down. This baby is not surviving in the atmosphere. Max remembered he loved me. From Antar. He crawled into my bedroom window, and told me he remembered. If Brody remembered, than Max had to of remembered. I don't know what is blocking Max so much from knowing his true memories. It's just taking so much effort to have him open up to see what's true. I am so worried for this child. I want to go home. It's what will solve all of our problems. Going home. It's so simple. Well, I guess I didn't really have that much to say after all. Later!
Tess
May 21st , 2001
Dear Diary,
This is the last day on Earth. This is the last day I'll ever write on this book again. It's the last day I'll ever have to put up with that bitch. The baby is certainly a means to an end. We'll return home. Max, Isabel and Michael will die. I don't really want to see that happen no more than I wanted to kill Alex or hurt Kyle BUT if it means my child will rule Antar then it will have to be. I'll collect on all that Kivar promised Nasedo. My son & I will reunite Antar under false pretenses but that will all end once my child is grown. He'll overthrow Kivar- I know it. It's sad that Max won't live to see it but he never would understand. He's too human. At least in those final moments I'll get to see him realize what happened and that I took him away from Liz. I've waited a long time....Tess Note from Kyle: I don't know why I'm keeping this. Maybe I should just throw it away or give it to Max but no matter how much I despise Tess for using me- for using my dad...I still can't just throw it out. I keep hoping I'll find a redeeming side of Tess in here. Maybe I'm dreaming.
This diary has been shelved for now.
Dear Diary,
Still no interest from Max. Maybe I should play the same game and find a human for myself.. Hmm Kyle's looking better everyday. I would ask Isabel, but she's just as confused with her own destiny.
September 26th , 2000
Dear Diary,
Why is everyone ignoring this whole destiny thing? I'm just wasting my breath when I talk about this...I mean it's not like I'm making this up, it's all written down in this book from our home planet...even their mother told them. Oh well, I guess I'll have to win Max the ole' fashion "human" way...it shouldn't be too hard. Wish me luck...
November 8th, 2000
Dear Diary,
i went to NY with Max, Lonnie & Rath. We went to the summit...and guess what? Nicholas is still alive! Brody's...the man who runs the UFO museum, body is being used by some one from our system of planets. Khivar- I guess the person on the throne of our planet NOW- offered peace, and a ride HOME. For our granelith. Max & I left to think for a while. He decided not to. Lonnie( short for Vilandra) & Rath were angry at us. We were walking away to where we were staying, and Lonnie tried to kill MAX!! There was a painters balcony hanging. She used her powers to make it fall. But Max was in a trance. He started to walk across the street as if he saw something. But Rath had just put a hand over my mouth so I couldn't tell him about the falling balcony thing. Then they pulled me somewhere. I guess to the summit. They tried to get into my mind to find the granilith. Like Courtney said Nicholas could. I fought back. I don't know how. I just did. Max Found me. I was just sitting there. I told him what i just told you. Then I said i wanted to go home. And we did. I can't imagine any more bad things happening to us. It just seems like this is as far as it can go....you know?
January 5th , 2001
Love is but a cruel thing. It can make you or break you. That’s what I found when I found Max. He was so in love with Liz that he didn't want to know his destiny. His destiny with me. He pushed me away. Knowing the truth but denying it. Max and I are destined for each other but maybe not right now. I mean he is in love with Liz. You can't change love. And the other destined aren't fulfilling their destiny. Like Michael and Isabel they are to be together. But Michael is with Liz's friend Maria. Isabel well she isn't with anybody but when she's with Alex you can tell she is in love. Oh if only I hadn't known the truth then maybe I could fall in love. Maybe with Kyle he is a sweet one. Well even if I don't love him I am sure he would be a nice first. I wonder if Max would mind if I wasn't a virgin on our wedding day if we do have one that is. Well if Max and I never fulfill our destiny its not the end of the world. Is it?
March 12th , 2001
Is Buddha boy ever going to trim my lamp? What is he waiting for? A formal invitation?!
March 15th , 2001
Went out with Isabel & Maria today. We did lunch then headed over to Broffman's. I picked Kyle up a pair of boxers as a joke but he didn't take it too well. He shoved them in his pocket and walked away. I don't get him.
March 27th , 2001
Kyle is driving me bonkers!! He won't sit still for one meal like a normal family! All I ask is that he puts up the porn and shuts off the TV long enough for a decent meal together. He acts as if he'd actually rather have TV dinners!! Can I help it if I'm worried about all the weight he's losing?? *sigh* I even stole from Michael to feed my Kyle. Why can't he see I'm doing everything in my alien power to make myself useful? Nasedo help me!
Tess
March 30th , 2001
Where are you Buddha boy....Sigh.....Could I be more obvious with my flirting? Some people....
April 5th , 2001
I'm starting to get confused. Who do I like more? Max or Kyle? I mean-Kyle’s more funny and makes me feel a part more. But Max...Max is my true destiny...supposedly...My whole life Nesedo told me that I was destined to be betrothed to Max. But when I actually meet him he's totally in love with Liz. And the annoying thing is I actually quite like Liz. Max was so in love with. He may still be. But I'm not so sure now that Liz slept with Kyle. WHY DID THEY DO THAT ANYWAYS?? Damn Humans...they're so strange...
April 12th , 2001
I'm lying in bed thinking about all these guys human and aliens in my life. I know that I'm supposed to be with Max but he just can't let go of Liz. We have been close lately because Liz has suddenly just let go of him and there's a rumor Liz slept with Kyle. That brings me on to Buddha boy he is kind of nice but he's too into his mumbo jumbo Buddha talk always trying to cleanse his mind. Maybe I'll just shut him up by sleeping with him that'll really wipe that Buddha talk off his mouth at least for a while. see what happens but I don't know . If he says any more of that I might just do it.
April 12th , 2001
Step one of my plan to win over Kyle's body and heart- Oysters.
April 19th , 2001
Wow! How fast one goes from oysters to Max! I've just decided that I can't hold on to Kyle. He's human and it's just not going to work out. No, I belong to Max and I'm just going to have to make Max see it too!
April 20th , 2001
Oh my God! I finally got to Max, just like I planned. I'm so bad!! hehehe. I don't even like Max as a person, but now I can finally get my revenge on Liz for sleeping with my brother/lover, no I mean Kyle.
never mind , I shouldn't have told anybody that, whatever!
Tess Harding
April 24th , 2001
I can't believe it. It's already starting. One of the humans has died. All's I want is to go home. I mean home...home. There is nothing here on this planet for me. All I have is my destiny. I think Max and I are finally getting closer. Prom night reminds of that first time we met back on Antar. I have so little memories, but I am fighting to get them all back. Max and I are destined to be together, however, I can't help but wonder what he still feels for Liz. There is something about her, I am not quit sure yet what it is but she is different than the other humans. I fear the worst when I think about it. It's not possible. She can't be her or some kind of relationship. She would of known if it was her or one of her family members, but she totally treats herself as if she is human. Maybe I am just over reacting. Maybe she is just another human that Max's human emotions fell for. Well get back soon I have to continue the plan. I have to. Or there is no hope in returning home.
April 27th 2001
Well, I have to give credit to her. I never expected Liz to go crazy like she did.... Now it looks like she's hell bent on figuring out why Alex died. Like I have time for this. Here I am, stuck on planet earth, trying to get back home to my planet, and I still have to get dinner on the table and STILL study for my biology test. Oh, and on top of that, I'm going to have to keep my eye on Liz. I just have a bad feeling about that girl.... I really do. I just have the worst premonitions about her whenever I think about it. Just keep strong Tess, and then everything will go perfectly, just like planned. I'll be home soon enough. Well, at least Max is starting to realize that it's ME he loves......so it's not all bad.
Tess
May 2nd , 2001
Oh my gosh.... did me and Max do what I think we did? Or is this some dream? I gave myself to him, and nothing has felt more right. And I was able to put his pain away just for a few moments. He FINALLY loves me, he does!
Tess
May 3rd , 2001
Little does max know that what we did will now bond us for a while. I am glad he has given up on the notion of Liz and him so now he will focus all of his attention on me after all we are destined to be together
May 6th , 2001
He is mine! Finally destiny is here, and we are together! He finally realizes that he loves me not Liz! Liz has gone crazy, and I am here for him, he loves me!!! And we will go home soon and everything will be perfect! Destiny has come, and it tastes sweet....
Love, Tess
May 17th , 2001
Dear Diary,
There is so much I want to say, and not enough pages in you to write them all down. This baby is not surviving in the atmosphere. Max remembered he loved me. From Antar. He crawled into my bedroom window, and told me he remembered. If Brody remembered, than Max had to of remembered. I don't know what is blocking Max so much from knowing his true memories. It's just taking so much effort to have him open up to see what's true. I am so worried for this child. I want to go home. It's what will solve all of our problems. Going home. It's so simple. Well, I guess I didn't really have that much to say after all. Later!
Tess
May 21st , 2001
Dear Diary,
This is the last day on Earth. This is the last day I'll ever write on this book again. It's the last day I'll ever have to put up with that bitch. The baby is certainly a means to an end. We'll return home. Max, Isabel and Michael will die. I don't really want to see that happen no more than I wanted to kill Alex or hurt Kyle BUT if it means my child will rule Antar then it will have to be. I'll collect on all that Kivar promised Nasedo. My son & I will reunite Antar under false pretenses but that will all end once my child is grown. He'll overthrow Kivar- I know it. It's sad that Max won't live to see it but he never would understand. He's too human. At least in those final moments I'll get to see him realize what happened and that I took him away from Liz. I've waited a long time....Tess Note from Kyle: I don't know why I'm keeping this. Maybe I should just throw it away or give it to Max but no matter how much I despise Tess for using me- for using my dad...I still can't just throw it out. I keep hoping I'll find a redeeming side of Tess in here. Maybe I'm dreaming.
This diary has been shelved for now.
-
CosmicAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:27 am
- Location: Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell
Kyle Valenti's Journal (Words from the Buddhaboy himself)
August 22nd 2000
Today I looked at a bunch of pictures. I'm having a bit of memory loss. It's like I haven't seen anybody for ages. What the heck's going on? And how did Max heal me? And why is the room spinning?? Man, I don't feel too good. Did Max do something to me?! Never mind. I think I might be drunk.
Dec 2nd 2000
I'm not really good at writing stuff down. If I had a room...but Tess has taken it over. My clothes, my music, the girl even controls what we watch! Don't get me started about the time I wish I could get back watching Dawson's Creek. Oh and the lectures! Yesterday it was an hour long thing about washing clothes in hot water & shrinking them. Uh, hello. Apparently, Miss Harding should do her own wash unless she wants me to keep shrinking those shirts. Not that I'm doing it on purpose. No...well yeah, I am but what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Dec 5th 2000
today was fine I saw Liz today working at the crash down watching max again and again. I feel bad for since she doesn’t have any body there for her. And her and max are in love with each other. I know it I could see it just like I saw it last year. he’s the reason that she's in love with him he save her and did something so that Liz could forget about me and go have fun with him. oh well that was last year. now this is this year. I started to like tess she looks good when she's mad me and her was going to kiss but Liz had to knock on the door to talk to tess its always about girls boys, maybe dad is right maybe I do need to get out of the house some more to get a girl to go on a date with her. or maybe I ask tess to go on a date with me maybe she will say yes or maybe she will say NO! cuz she likes max what is up with max he wants to know the truth of what happen between me and Liz nothing happen between me and her well I got to go diary bye
Jan 5th 2001
It's been a couple of days since Liz asked me to help her. Rumors have been flying around ever since. I wonder what Max did to make Liz want to hurt him like that. I could tell Liz didn't really want to hurt him. So why did she do it. I can't figure it out. It felt strange being with her again. We've never slept together or anything but you know just her being with me. It was just different. I like Liz and everything. But I moved on. I'm thinking more and more about Tess. Yeah she can be annoying. Taking over what my dad and I watch on TV. She's got me watching Dawson's Creek for heaven's sake. The bad thing about is I actually like the show. But she's got her good points . Like cooking. it's not so bad having her around. It's kindda nice having a woman...slash alien around the house. Makes home more like...home.
March 27th 2001
Tess is driving me insane!! I've already gained 10 pounds with all of the cooking she's been doing. At first I thought it was all good.. home cooked meals.. left-over always there. I mean it sure beat the traditional T.V. dinners Dad would get. But now its like.. she expects Dad and me to sit down at a table and eat with her like a "normal" family. I've missed 5 games in the past few weeks because she makes me turn off the TV! I mean.. what the heck is her definition of normal anyway?!?! SHES AN ALIEN AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! Ugh.. Buddha help me!
March 31st 2001
Oh who am I kidding? I love Tess...I think
April 12th 2001
I have got too much stress on my shoulders. I must meditate ..cleanse my mind and soothe the body... Tess acts strange around me I think she wants something to happen between us and I am getting nervous every time I'm around her my hands begin to sweat. The other day we were at the dinner table and she was giving me these looks over the table and I think dad noticed as well. I'm really getting worried over him as well with him losing his job and him really having low self esteem. Please Buddha help my Dad to center his thoughts to you.ummmm....ummm...
April 12th 2001
Oh, btw, Tess made this killer pie last night. For an alien she sure does like to cook. She says she's trying oysters next...maybe even a chocolate cake. Something keeps nagging at me about the oysters. What are they supposed to do? Um...oh yeah, I think it was help with eye sight. That's weird. Maybe it wasn't eye sight...
April 24th 2001
I couldn't believe it. Everything was going halfway decent, and then, Alex dies. When my dad told us all, I could just feel everyone screaming. I still can't believe it. Max couldn't bring him back to life. He must of been really bad off. And you know what really sucks is that we were just starting to be good friends. If he could have saved Alex, then Alex would've been changed....with powers. Like Liz and me. I wonder what Buddha would think of trying to up my powers? My dad is taking Alex's death really hard, I think it's because he really knew him. Everyone is upset....although Tess doesn't seem as hurt as everyone else. Yeah, and she spends a lot of time with Max I don't get that cuz he love's Liz right? But hey, Tess makes a mean roast. She's really into this cooking/family time thing. Well, it's not too bad anyway....Man, I hope everything gets back to normal...whatever that is, anyway, I don't know. Later,
Kyle
April 27th 2001
Hey, Well I was just thinking about everything and I decided to write it down instead. Maybe then I can make heads or tails of it. Okay. Well the whole thing with Alex. I agree with Liz. It all seems a little strange. Alex was so happy. I don't think he would kill himself. I think Liz has caught on to something that no one else seems to see. Or doesn't want to see. What if an alien did kill Alex? Whose next? Maybe Liz? Maria? ME? When will it end? Or more like with who? I can't believe the aliens walked out on us like that. They turned their backs on Liz. I never thought I'd see the day Max would do that. What a bunch of creeps! They only see what they want to see. Only hear what they want to hear. Believe what they want to believe. It really is them vs. us now. I wish we could just go back in time and make everything alright. but that's crazy. you can't time travel.
Kyle
May 20th 2001
It's me Buddha- your Buddha jock Kyle. I haven't talked to anyone in the Pod Squad or friends of them in a long time, and I just wanted to say one thing:
Where'd everyone go?
June 1st 2001
I'm not usual in for writing in journals I mean I am a jock but maybe it's better I write it! Isabel left and I’m alone! Dad is out with Amy, He's pretty angry and up-set me and him cried the other day. Amy just knows that Tess left! Amy has been supporting Dad which he needs. Maria called me before, She seemed her perky self but she was nice and said her and Michael are coming over later after there Family meal or something. Maria is to nice sometimes.
I called Isabel to come over. I just feel like I’m alone and Maria said before as did Isabel if you ever feel like that just pick up the phone and call. Oh there's the door bell!
June 4th 2001
Maria and Isabel took me to the Mall today, How fun that wasn’t! Well they did try and make me feel better and they did put a smile on my face a couple of times and Maria brought me some dumb oil burner which she said would relax me! It has been burning for about half hour and yeah it is kind of relaxing!!!! I'm going to go to bed Dad is out with Amy DeLuca ugggh that is digusting! Its gross really and I Know Maria agrees isn't there a action group against that kind of thing????????
June 5th 2001
I'm starving, I went out today as Isabel said she'd tell everyone about Mr. Teddy, My bedtime pal! Not that I’m ashamed of it or anything!?!?!?! So the beach on Saturday, How fun! Maybe I shouldn't go - But I’ll have an angry Maria to deal with if I don't.
Go I’m hungry, I had this salad at the Crash Down because there's a new waitress at the Crash Down and she got my order muddled up and I didn't have the heart to say it's wrong. Maria gave me such a look when she saw me eating it!!! Liz and Max are together I think, I don't know I’ve been in hiding to long. Anyway I’m going to head to the Maccy D's outta town as I’m still starving!
June 14th 2001
Dad spent the whole time we were at the beach with Amy DeLuca no wonder they were so cool about us staying there. God it makes me sick everyone’s getting it even my dad ewwww. Isabel hasn't god anyone I suppose but God why did I even go there that’s like uggh she’s my friend. She did look damn good in her bathing suite even as did Maria. Liz wore a t-shirt nearly all the time ! Not that I would want to see that (Been there done that) Michael's eyes sure didn't wonder onto these fly girls I was hitting on he stayed firmly with Maria! That guy must be in love.
June 25th 2001
Isabel and I have become really close. She knows what I am going through as she was fairly close to Tess at the beginning, plus we both enjoyed playing tricks on Max. Max and Liz are back together, they are all gooey eyed again. It is really annoying. So annoying that Liz spilt soda all down my front when she was serving me, apparently staring into Max's eyes is more important than doing you job properly. Michael and Maria have so done the business, you can see it in their eyes. Everyone is in love, except for me. Isabel and I could be an item, but neither of us is looking for love just yet, we feel too betrayed at the moment. Watch this space is all I can say.
July 12th 2001
I know I didn't want to at first, but I am glad I joined the Pod Squad's group. I have never had friends like this before. Our trip is going to be fantastic. No parents, no evil aliens, just us bonding again. I know Isabel still misses Alex and in a way I miss Tess, but this holiday might be just what we need to push us together. Especially as we will be with two other couples so obviously in love.
Today I looked at a bunch of pictures. I'm having a bit of memory loss. It's like I haven't seen anybody for ages. What the heck's going on? And how did Max heal me? And why is the room spinning?? Man, I don't feel too good. Did Max do something to me?! Never mind. I think I might be drunk.
Dec 2nd 2000
I'm not really good at writing stuff down. If I had a room...but Tess has taken it over. My clothes, my music, the girl even controls what we watch! Don't get me started about the time I wish I could get back watching Dawson's Creek. Oh and the lectures! Yesterday it was an hour long thing about washing clothes in hot water & shrinking them. Uh, hello. Apparently, Miss Harding should do her own wash unless she wants me to keep shrinking those shirts. Not that I'm doing it on purpose. No...well yeah, I am but what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Dec 5th 2000
today was fine I saw Liz today working at the crash down watching max again and again. I feel bad for since she doesn’t have any body there for her. And her and max are in love with each other. I know it I could see it just like I saw it last year. he’s the reason that she's in love with him he save her and did something so that Liz could forget about me and go have fun with him. oh well that was last year. now this is this year. I started to like tess she looks good when she's mad me and her was going to kiss but Liz had to knock on the door to talk to tess its always about girls boys, maybe dad is right maybe I do need to get out of the house some more to get a girl to go on a date with her. or maybe I ask tess to go on a date with me maybe she will say yes or maybe she will say NO! cuz she likes max what is up with max he wants to know the truth of what happen between me and Liz nothing happen between me and her well I got to go diary bye
Jan 5th 2001
It's been a couple of days since Liz asked me to help her. Rumors have been flying around ever since. I wonder what Max did to make Liz want to hurt him like that. I could tell Liz didn't really want to hurt him. So why did she do it. I can't figure it out. It felt strange being with her again. We've never slept together or anything but you know just her being with me. It was just different. I like Liz and everything. But I moved on. I'm thinking more and more about Tess. Yeah she can be annoying. Taking over what my dad and I watch on TV. She's got me watching Dawson's Creek for heaven's sake. The bad thing about is I actually like the show. But she's got her good points . Like cooking. it's not so bad having her around. It's kindda nice having a woman...slash alien around the house. Makes home more like...home.
March 27th 2001
Tess is driving me insane!! I've already gained 10 pounds with all of the cooking she's been doing. At first I thought it was all good.. home cooked meals.. left-over always there. I mean it sure beat the traditional T.V. dinners Dad would get. But now its like.. she expects Dad and me to sit down at a table and eat with her like a "normal" family. I've missed 5 games in the past few weeks because she makes me turn off the TV! I mean.. what the heck is her definition of normal anyway?!?! SHES AN ALIEN AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! Ugh.. Buddha help me!
March 31st 2001
Oh who am I kidding? I love Tess...I think
April 12th 2001
I have got too much stress on my shoulders. I must meditate ..cleanse my mind and soothe the body... Tess acts strange around me I think she wants something to happen between us and I am getting nervous every time I'm around her my hands begin to sweat. The other day we were at the dinner table and she was giving me these looks over the table and I think dad noticed as well. I'm really getting worried over him as well with him losing his job and him really having low self esteem. Please Buddha help my Dad to center his thoughts to you.ummmm....ummm...
April 12th 2001
Oh, btw, Tess made this killer pie last night. For an alien she sure does like to cook. She says she's trying oysters next...maybe even a chocolate cake. Something keeps nagging at me about the oysters. What are they supposed to do? Um...oh yeah, I think it was help with eye sight. That's weird. Maybe it wasn't eye sight...
April 24th 2001
I couldn't believe it. Everything was going halfway decent, and then, Alex dies. When my dad told us all, I could just feel everyone screaming. I still can't believe it. Max couldn't bring him back to life. He must of been really bad off. And you know what really sucks is that we were just starting to be good friends. If he could have saved Alex, then Alex would've been changed....with powers. Like Liz and me. I wonder what Buddha would think of trying to up my powers? My dad is taking Alex's death really hard, I think it's because he really knew him. Everyone is upset....although Tess doesn't seem as hurt as everyone else. Yeah, and she spends a lot of time with Max I don't get that cuz he love's Liz right? But hey, Tess makes a mean roast. She's really into this cooking/family time thing. Well, it's not too bad anyway....Man, I hope everything gets back to normal...whatever that is, anyway, I don't know. Later,
Kyle
April 27th 2001
Hey, Well I was just thinking about everything and I decided to write it down instead. Maybe then I can make heads or tails of it. Okay. Well the whole thing with Alex. I agree with Liz. It all seems a little strange. Alex was so happy. I don't think he would kill himself. I think Liz has caught on to something that no one else seems to see. Or doesn't want to see. What if an alien did kill Alex? Whose next? Maybe Liz? Maria? ME? When will it end? Or more like with who? I can't believe the aliens walked out on us like that. They turned their backs on Liz. I never thought I'd see the day Max would do that. What a bunch of creeps! They only see what they want to see. Only hear what they want to hear. Believe what they want to believe. It really is them vs. us now. I wish we could just go back in time and make everything alright. but that's crazy. you can't time travel.
Kyle
May 20th 2001
It's me Buddha- your Buddha jock Kyle. I haven't talked to anyone in the Pod Squad or friends of them in a long time, and I just wanted to say one thing:
Where'd everyone go?
June 1st 2001
I'm not usual in for writing in journals I mean I am a jock but maybe it's better I write it! Isabel left and I’m alone! Dad is out with Amy, He's pretty angry and up-set me and him cried the other day. Amy just knows that Tess left! Amy has been supporting Dad which he needs. Maria called me before, She seemed her perky self but she was nice and said her and Michael are coming over later after there Family meal or something. Maria is to nice sometimes.
I called Isabel to come over. I just feel like I’m alone and Maria said before as did Isabel if you ever feel like that just pick up the phone and call. Oh there's the door bell!
June 4th 2001
Maria and Isabel took me to the Mall today, How fun that wasn’t! Well they did try and make me feel better and they did put a smile on my face a couple of times and Maria brought me some dumb oil burner which she said would relax me! It has been burning for about half hour and yeah it is kind of relaxing!!!! I'm going to go to bed Dad is out with Amy DeLuca ugggh that is digusting! Its gross really and I Know Maria agrees isn't there a action group against that kind of thing????????
June 5th 2001
I'm starving, I went out today as Isabel said she'd tell everyone about Mr. Teddy, My bedtime pal! Not that I’m ashamed of it or anything!?!?!?! So the beach on Saturday, How fun! Maybe I shouldn't go - But I’ll have an angry Maria to deal with if I don't.
Go I’m hungry, I had this salad at the Crash Down because there's a new waitress at the Crash Down and she got my order muddled up and I didn't have the heart to say it's wrong. Maria gave me such a look when she saw me eating it!!! Liz and Max are together I think, I don't know I’ve been in hiding to long. Anyway I’m going to head to the Maccy D's outta town as I’m still starving!
June 14th 2001
Dad spent the whole time we were at the beach with Amy DeLuca no wonder they were so cool about us staying there. God it makes me sick everyone’s getting it even my dad ewwww. Isabel hasn't god anyone I suppose but God why did I even go there that’s like uggh she’s my friend. She did look damn good in her bathing suite even as did Maria. Liz wore a t-shirt nearly all the time ! Not that I would want to see that (Been there done that) Michael's eyes sure didn't wonder onto these fly girls I was hitting on he stayed firmly with Maria! That guy must be in love.
June 25th 2001
Isabel and I have become really close. She knows what I am going through as she was fairly close to Tess at the beginning, plus we both enjoyed playing tricks on Max. Max and Liz are back together, they are all gooey eyed again. It is really annoying. So annoying that Liz spilt soda all down my front when she was serving me, apparently staring into Max's eyes is more important than doing you job properly. Michael and Maria have so done the business, you can see it in their eyes. Everyone is in love, except for me. Isabel and I could be an item, but neither of us is looking for love just yet, we feel too betrayed at the moment. Watch this space is all I can say.
July 12th 2001
I know I didn't want to at first, but I am glad I joined the Pod Squad's group. I have never had friends like this before. Our trip is going to be fantastic. No parents, no evil aliens, just us bonding again. I know Isabel still misses Alex and in a way I miss Tess, but this holiday might be just what we need to push us together. Especially as we will be with two other couples so obviously in love.